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bury my bones, tonight

when the moon gleams high above in the sky

the radiant beams dressing the desolate neighborhood in melancholy,

the symphony of my midnight agony has died down, i have got nothing left to give

the ache has been incessant but comforting

the blood inside my veins, ever effervescent

perhaps, you should let your fingers slip out of mine,

i do not wish to wait

for life to grow gradually bitter with resentment,

i don't wish to see my bones shatter and crumble while i beg my God to let me live one last moment, take one last breath

bury my bones, tonight

while i am clothed in elegant grace, dreamy acceptance, while i am young and beautiful

let me go, while i can stroll on my own feet

let us not waste youthful moments negotiating with fate, let us close our eyes in wistful farewell

and let us part with a holy innocence

i promise, i shall long for you

- anushka

#poetry #poetscommunity #writers and poets #aesthetic #art #flowers #intimacy #anatomy

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made of extremities

moderation is a concept unfamiliar to me

how do you stop feeling like the world is being crushed on your shoulders because you were told that you are unworthy

the bleeding cacophony of extremities resonate in my ears everytime i take a breath

i grieve loss like a lover grieves the death of their love, like the sky is falling apart and the stars have stopped twinkling up above

i do not cry, no, i tear apart the stitches in my heart, thread by thread, till the blood bubbles up in my throat in a mess of unadulterated agony

i do not simply grieve, i mercilessly destroy everything that remains to live inside me

i break the glass houses, i crush the petals of hope within my palms and i ravage all that lies in my path

the courseness of your fingers on my skin

i don't reminisce your presence, no,

i remember you until that is all that consumes me, wholly, and every time i breathe

the absence of you chokes me, till i lay in the dark and the ache in my heart is all that reminds me that i am alive, still

- anushka

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you are one of those rare people with a compassionate soul, someone who loves with their heart in hand and with all.

#Spotify

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weeping kisses

your eyes were glossy when you looked at me

the tear drops lined up, you tried to suppress

like silver rain falling quietly but incessantly

your lips quivered and i could feel your fingers

underneath my shirt, so cold against my skin

the night sky was breathtakingly silent,

as if one single noise would shatter us, whatever we had left of the broken mess

your mouth was on mine and i could feel the tears running down your cheeks,

your lips were warm, welcoming, comforting

but your heart was so cold in there, frozen

your fingers moved up and down my spine

a chill ran through my skin, you felt unfamiliar

your breath hitched and a sob escaped your lips, do you know how you make me come undone?

and then you held my face in your hands,

so softly with such tenderness, such love

i couldn't help but ask,

'why are you crying, my love?'

-anushka

#poetry #poetscommunity #writers and poets #aesthetic #anatomy #art #skin on skin #intimacy

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I love it when literature touches me, when it reaches my bones. It doesn't matter if it's in a pleasurable way or a horrifying way, either way it's satisfying.

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i am that person

who always stays quiet on the sidelines

i never ask someone if they love me

cause i don't want them to be guilty

in case they really don't

i will never ask you to choose between someone else and me,

you don't have to choose me

i am the person who you remember

when you're sad, lonely or bored

i will never ask you anything in return

i will always listen quietly and try to help

i will take your sorrows and make them mine

so you might breathe a little lighter

you will never deem me important

as long as i absorb all your pain, selflessly

and endlessly over and over again

but one day when i run out of space

and i refuse to accept any more of your misery

and i start asking for your love instead

i know you will let go of me, you will push me away cause i help you no more

but you shall miss me and thats my promise

you will miss every word of mine

and you will miss me all the damn time

you will crave for my comfort and you will wish to have me and my silence back

but you'll remember that you've let me go

and thus you shall have my love no more

- anushka

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birthdays

it's almost that time of the year again

the one i dread so deeply every night

when people who never cared will wish me happiness and success

and i wonder, ' did you know i was unhappy all this while?'

if you didn't then you don't know me enough

but if you did why didn't you care?

my palms feel all clammy and sweaty

and i hold my phone in my hand hoping that someone will wish me sincerely

the clock strikes twelve and my texts are flooded

they all wish me the same thing over and over again

nobody asks if i am okay, no they don't offer to visit, they say they're busy when i invite them

an hour flashes by, my inbox is now empty and stays that way throughout the day

i wait anxiously for the day to end already for i can only endure so much loneliness

its almost close to 12 am now

i look at the texts one last time before switching the phone off

my birthday's gone

i cry.

#poetry #poetscommunity #writers and poets #art #birthday #sad poem

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22 days of womanhood

maa, is this what being a woman is?

the room has been suffocated with the smell of blood, endless, unstopping, incessant

my soul has been drained, the days pass in a blur of tears and pure agony, both as wicked as the devil

maa, tell me the pain gets better, that this is not forever

i lay in the dark, cocooned in warm sheets,

sedated with pain pills, they make me anxious

my head feels heavy, my body numb,

my fingers tremble and my hair falls out

blood terrifies me and yet i see myself bleed

every day, every minute i feel it draining

i lay there helplessly, tell myself it would just be one more day

somewhere on the 18th day i lost sensation of pain, all i could see was bloody sheets

the smell choked me, threatened to never go away,

maa, why did the doctor say there is no cure to my condition?

is being a woman a disease for me? or worse

is this my punishment?

- anushka

#poetscommunity #poetry #writers and poets #womanhood #tw periods #pain and agony #menstruation

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[ID: A page of a play. It reads as follows, "Theseus: Stop. Give me your hand. I am your friend. / Herakles: I fear to stain your clothes with blood. / Theseus: Stain them, I don't care." End text.]

Herakles - Euripides (Tr. Anne Carson)

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"I've read so many books, I've lived so many lives, I've dreamt so many dreams and I've lost so many loves."

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painted glass bottles

i have a shelf full of them, endless and ongoing

shimmering under the fluorescent lights

the armchair drowns me in as i sink down

i see an isle full of empty wine bottles,

an isle full of inhuman misery enclosed in rapidly beating hearts and ribcages made of gold

the drink has been spilled into the existence of my being, like a sedative it captures my veins

the wine red mingles into the blood red

i do not know or wish to differentiate, to filter

i think self destruction is an addiction,

happiness is its withdrawal, it suffocates me

i collapse into my despair, my heart grows old

the effervescent dread grows like a grape vine through my arteries,

it bubbles up like sea foam and soap

no matter how hard i try to get rid of it

i am unable to wipe myself clean off it

they say human misery comes and goes

like snowy white waves that come to retreat again,

but this despair of mine is like the monster in my closet, it came one day and decided to never leave

- anushka

#miserable at best #aesthetic #poetscommunity #art #poetry #writers and poets #despair #tw self destruction #red wine

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Confide in me, and watch how I turn your every sorrow into incandescent poetry.

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praying to my lover

she lies on the bed, her slender limbs

sprawled across the silky sheets, her skin bare

the night grows darker, her face glows lighter

she is my salvation, my morning prayer

the one i whisper in sleepy consciousness

her chest gleams under the moonlight

flawless skin stretched across in such elegance

her eyelids flutter in the dark, her lips parted

i can see the gold highlights

against her cheekbones, across her eyes

the glitter paints her in such godlike beauty

i am only a worshipper, i only pray and praise

her beauty is not mine to taint, not mine to touch, not mine to corrupt

her lips move, she's calling to me, my lover

but i cannot hear her velvety rich voice,

she is a distant dream, a hallucination i cannot afford to live in, a reward i don't deserve

so i stare at her, admire her existence

and i remember the line i had read, one lover whispering to the other,

'my sweet villain, my darling god'

-anushka

#lovers #poetry #poetscommunity #aesthetic #anatomy #flowers #prayer #sinstold

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the world spins when i close my eyes. my head is too heavy. i feel unloved and empty inside. i want to cry tonight

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mirrors of melancholy

and then one day i ran out of blue and red and pink to paint my face with. my face bare and uncovered stared right back at me through the mirrors. how do you hide your flaws when you have no foundation left? how do you sharpen your eyes when you have no liner left?

i stood and stared at the naked me, eyes roaming all over the brown earth stretching over my skin and icy cold eyes. i saw the collarbone prominent and bare bordering the not so perfect curve of my neck. it wasn't beautiful. i hated it in fact. how do you highlight your cheekbones when you have no golden fairy dust left?

i hated how the brown blended into my bones with such smoothness that i almost felt camouflaged in the dark. i hated how my brown eyes were everything but warm when they should've been sweet like honey. people tell you that the chocolate skin makes you exotic and then write stories about women with milky white skin and blue eyes.

they tell you the brown makes you beautiful and then smile and say how you'd look so much prettier if you were just a bit fairer. they'll tell you that they love themselves a chocolate dessert after dinner and then proceed to lay in bed and write poems about women with rosy cheeks and icy white skin and green eyes. they tell you that brown is beautiful and then proceed to apply a foundation a shade lighter.

how do you get rid of the colour you were anointed in? do you scrub it off furiously everyday while praying you were more beautiful or do you worship the brown like the earth and let it sink into your soul? do you sharpen your eyes and paint your lips and rub away at your face to make your cheekbones look brighter, to make your eyes look warmer and to make your lips look tempting?

or do you wipe away the red and blue and gold and pink from your face? do you stare at yourself in the mirror and feel an earthly magic in the brown of your skin or do you feel a melancholy in watching the unholy, dark brown of your skin? do you ever see yourself in the mirror?

-anushka

#aesthetic #brown skin #writers and poets #self concept #self image #art #colour