haebxtna

[haebxtna]

#;portraits #P; sunshine #2020 Haebitna

[haebxtna]

Everything is superficial

#P; sunshine

[haebxtna]

end of the year

i have been wanting to do one of these things for years by now; i think the last time i posted one was two or three years ago and i couldn’t bring myself to do another one in the years that have passed by because i have met such incredibly wonderful, thoughtful and kind writers over the nearly four years i’ve been stuck on this hellhole and where would i start? but i’ve figured it’s about time to give back a little of all the support and encouragement i’ve received from so many of you and what better time than to the end of the year?

(when literally everyone on this site thinks they need to do one of these as well? LMAO)

with no further ado, i want to thank everyone for all their hard work; for the amazing muses and interactions that bless my dashboard, for all the fun i have been having while reading through your threads and the wonderful ideas i have been able to share and seen shared among the community. you are what makes this place, in the most literal sense.

i wish everyone a happy new year in advance, as i will be out of state throughout the next few days. even if you aren’t included on this list, i hope you’ll have an enjoyable time and that we’ll be able to write together soon! for all those of you who have made it on the devil’s hitlist, please enjoy your new year’s celebrations and i send you the best of wishes.

i’ll see you in 2019. ♡

Keep reading

#;keeps #screams 3 months have passed since this and I'm just.... ;w; #thank you for remembering #you lovely person you!

[haebxtna]

Jiwoo doesn't even know it's Kissing Day when he kissed Haebitna that one time. It was a simple kiss on her hair, during a hug he hadn't know he trusted himself to give her. But it had been... warm, all the same. -[ HAPPY KISSING DAY, DEAR! I HOPE EVERYTHING IS WELL ON YOUR SIDE!

       Does anyoneknows how it feels to feel… everything? How emotions linger, how itphantoms a person, how it can be magnified and how it is too difficult to control?.Happiness may be one thing, but only one among the number of emotions aperson can feel.

      Mostly for her, itis pain, sorrow and grief.

      Haebitnathought it was only those. For the past months, life has become a total blur;days are as dark as her nights and colder than she had ever felt, even if it issummer. The warmth inside her has been doused, and it is just… winter all overagain.

      ( The same winter she had lost everything. )

      But not thisday. Not when she could still feel his arms around her even when she’s back inher house. Not when she could still feel the soft lips that planted a soft kisson her head, on her hair, as though each strand could feel its warmth.

      It has beenso long since she felt it again.

      The warmth.

      And Jiwoo.

      And it lingers.

      ( Let it linger. Let it stay. Please stay.)

#;ourstory #;JiwooWilson #[Bitter Coffee & Sunshine Smile] ; JiHae #[ SCREAMING. the first thing I saw in my blog is this oh wow. #I am okay and I hope you are too! #THANK YOU for always remembering Jihae !! #<3

[haebxtna]

somecrazylads:

There’s something seriously wrong with the way the messages are coming through. The device is fine and the grammar is there. It’s fine and neat and it’s Haebitna’s number, and Jiwoo isn’t paranoid enough yet to believe someone would steal Haebitna’s phone to talk to him and pretend to be here.

But there’s something so… not Haebitna about the way the texts sound when he reads them. Her voice in hs head refuses to pronounce them. They feel wrong to imagine coing out of her mouth, past cherry lips with a smile plastered on them. Adorning her face as her yes speak them along with her voice.

These words create an image in his head of Haebitna he doens’t want to imagine. An image where she isn’t smiling. And that’s not how she should be. He should be the one hiding in mid-darkness, not her.

Her words should explain it. But he doesn’t understand. He just doesn’t. He never did, maybe he never will. Maybe he’ll never understand her, never understand the machinations of her mind, the workings of her heart, maybe he’s not meant to. But he wants to.. Wants to help lift the sad tone in vowen into the letters she typed.

His fingers are shaking.

His work all but forgotten.

|To:  🌞Bitna| -. bitna

What does one say?

Among all the screaming in the void of his mind, those dark corners, will he be able to make out the raw and rough voice of his heart?

This is probably the moment he’s the most honest to her. And why? because lying would make her turn into him.

|To:  🌞Bitna| -. ive never stopped feeling haebitna -. i never have -. i fucking wish i did

|To:  🌞Bitna| -. but i haven’t -. and it’s probably better that way -. i couldn’t be here for you right now otherwise

He’s gone? Just like that? Oh fathers. The bane of his existence. His jaw hurts as he clenches it, his brows furrow in anger as he tries to push away the familiarity of the pain n his chest. is he really going to do this?

|To:  🌞Bitna| -. maybe -. i can try to help you find him -. i have some resources… -. i don’t know if i can help you with your brother tho -. i probably shouldnt be the one talking to him

       He doesn’t stop feeling. It’s there. The pain is there. The pain has always been there and it is now that Haebitna realizes how strong Jiwoo has been. Because he can stop caring despite feeling everything.

      Haebitna cannot.

      It’s there. It’s just there, gnawing at every corner of her skin. It’s cold and her tears won’t thaw it out.

      And tears aren’t enough to let it out.

 📨 : Mr.애매모호

How is it better? To never stop feeling?

📨 : Mr.애매모호

Because it hurts. It hurts too much and I just want it to stop.

📨 : Mr.애매모호

But it doesn’t.

      It doesn’t because there is too much that she had been left in the dark. Seeing the light, the real light, has never been this blinding.      

      Because it’s more than her father being missing.

      Or the fact that her mother couldn’t care more about it.

      Or the fact that her brother has been too cautious with every of his word towards her.

      Did they think she was that stupid not to notice the change?

        Maybe she is.

 📨 : Mr.애매모호

Will they be able find him? He’s not even in Korea. I have no idea where he went. Nothing.

        Her fingers stop pressing down on the screen as she realizes her quivers has gone worse. It is now merely trembling but her body is shaking. Tears and sweat cascade down her pale face and it’s a good thing Jiwoo doesn’t see. It’s better that he doesn’t see the sun’s light being doused by the dark.

      Because it is not the Haebitna that he knows. It is not the Haebitna that she knows either.

 📨 : Mr.애매모호

I’m afraid, Jiwoo. I’m really afraid.

        She’s afraid for her father. And afraid of the truth behind all of these.

      Afraid of what she is becoming.

      There’s a loud voice inside her that screams: Jiwoo, help me.

#;ourstory #somecrazylads #;JiwooWilson #[Bitter Coffee & Sunshine Smile] ; JiHae #This was supposed to be posted last week but I got consumed by the dark again (aka LIFE) #but here you go. A vulnerable Hae for you u.u #ALSO I hope you're all well. i miss writing and talking with you!!

[haebxtna]

Go Joowon. actor. OC/KRP.

#;boost #Follow this bb!!!!

[haebxtna]

✿

send me a symbolfor… || always accepting | @trbled-at-the-root​

✿  five times my muse almost texted yours, and the one time theydid.

      Doubts had always nestled in her heart –it was supposed to be ousted when she was slowly regaining her confidence bybuilding herself and yet how it easy it is to plunge back to where she hadstarted, hesitations and self-mistrusts her old friends.

      It’s about time she meets them again.

One.

      It is a difficult task to prove herselfthat getting the bulky string instrument out of its case (which remaineduntouched for a long time) wasn’t brought about by longing but by trying tosteer herself back to her track. Music. It was once her world, right? He wasonce her world.

      Haebitna convinces herself that sheneeds to learn, again, holding thebig guitar around her small hands. Her fingers fiddled on the strings, and yetno matter how hard she tries to remember any chord, she can’t. She couldn’t.

      Maybe a little help?

📨 : Dean선배님

 Hey, can you remember how to play theguitar? Even just a chord? I really want to learn how to –      

…delete delete… 

      Sheonly remembers how her father played it for her.

      Maybe she won’t be able to learn itagain. Not this time. Not when she could not think of the instrument withoutthe memories of her dad.

      Not when her inspiration has died.

Two.

      In the midst of a crowd, a voice arises.It is a sound so distinct, a voice smooth and full of soul. She’s heard of it,she knows it. A lot of people admire it.

      Haebitna does too.

      But more than the voice is the passionthat she admires most.

      Andmaybe the success that he had with it.

        Her hand fished her phone mindlessly.Fingers fiddling on the screen. Tap taptap.

📨 : Dean선배님

I wonder how can you pull out youremotions and let it resound too profoundly. Your voice, your song hits so hardI just…

      [ Message not sent. ]

      In the midst of crowd, she lost herself.In the midst of emotions, she lost herself.

 Three.

      A pursuit to bring her back on track hasbrought her feet inside this dimly lit room filled with neons and liquors and aband on the stage. A bar is not something she’s been for a lot of times, atleast not like this. The ambience feels different than the usual concerts orshows the other has performed in. This feels more intimate.

      No rowdy crowd. Only people lulled inthe initial kick of the liquor in their system and the soulful voice echoing inthat small space.

      And Haebitna is situated at the farback, a glass of mango juice on one hand, her phone on the other.

📨 : Dean선배님

Sunbaenim, I actually came tonight. I’msorry I had not been able to before.

        Her phone finds its way on the tablewhen the music starts once more. The screen is left idle until it shuts off.

      Haebitna takes a sip of her drink andthe music.

      Hewouldn’t notice anyway.

 Four.

      She sees him in the middle of the night.No. Watches him from the screen. Sleeplessnight always leads her to streaming something online, or watching videos leadsto her sleepless nights. Tonight, it was the former.

      It is in this kind of night that hadkept her wondering, how is it to stand on stage? How is it to hold thatmicrophone without the quivers? How is it to be someone like him who seem tohave all that it takes?

      Howto become a Dean?

      She closes the video, taps on the envelopeicon, then taps on the keyboard.

📨 : Dean선배님

Whoah. You look so cool. Well. Youreally are cool. There aren’t many people who could have that same passion insinging as yours, more so find the courage to pursue it. And be successful init. But you.. wow… just.. really.. wow.

      It takes just a few seconds before she islulled into dreamland – plugs on both ears, and message left unsent. 

     Howto be like you?

 Five.

     An acquaintance becomes a best friend.

     At least, that is what she had grown torealize as she dangles the shot glass in between fingers, shaking the contentsas though admiring the liquid and its wonders. It makes you think of things,see things, and do things you haven’t or couldn’t. 

     A kick of courage, perhaps. It is probably the reason why the occasional drinking had progressed to regular sessions.

     More than just a kick, it is a great chunk ofcourage that had brought her to sing her heart out in that red tent, with theowner as the sole audience to her small show. Haebitna doesn’t sound drunk, orat least her voice issn’t. In fact, she sounds beautiful, too beautiful thatshe wonders if it is only a figment of her imagination or an auditory hallucinationcaused by the alcohol in her system.

     Theold woman behind the counter doesn’t mind though. She enjoyed cleaning her tentstall with Haebitna’s voice as her own radio.

     Courage is also the fuel for her to skimthrough her contacts and make a call. Knowingly or unknowingly.

      ….ring ring ring….

     ….ringring ring….

     …ringring ring…

        He does not answer.

      But she doesn’t stop there.

        With her humming in the background, shetypes and types and types.

📨 : Dean선배님

Sunbaenim!! Sunbaenim!!!!    

📨 : Dean선배님

Ahh. You’re really cool, you know? It’slike there’s another you whenever the mic is on your hand and you start tosing. Like, being possessed with a singing god or something.

📨 : Dean선배님

I listened to your song last night!!! It’s awesome!! Like… really really awesome! The song’s stuck in my head and I’ve been singing it the wholetime now. Even ahjumma here is humming to the tune already!

📨 : Dean선배님

Really.. awesome..

📨 : Dean선배님

I want to sing too. I want to sing again.

       I want to sing just like you do.

#;ourstory #trbled-at-the-root #;Dean #[ I still owe you a reply but I just had to write this one first. Thank you for sending in! ] #this has gotten too long too so yeah. ;;

[haebxtna]

APPEARANCE HEADCANONS !

Tagged by @stilledsouls ( thank you bb! )

Tagging @luxinexitium​ ; @obciidian​ ; @somecrazylads​ (jiwoo) ; @consilian​ (hyemi) ; @antipsychx​ ; @spected​ ; @trbled-at-the-root​ ; @sbvrbia

BODY

long legs. short legs. average legs. slender thighs. thick thighs. muscular thighs. skinny arms. soft arms. muscular arms. toned stomach. flat stomach. flabby stomach. soft stomach. six pack. beer belly. lean frame. slender frame. muscular frame. voluptuous frame. petite frame. lanky frame. short nails. long nails. manicured nails. dirty nails. flat ass. toned ass. bubble butt. thick ass. small waist. thick waist. narrow hips. average hips. wide hips. big feet. average feet. small feet. slender feet. calloused feet. calloused hands. soft hands. big hands. average hands. small hands. long fingers. short fingers. average fingers. broad shoulders. underweight. average weight. overweight. ideal weight.

HEIGHT

shorter than 140 cm. 141 cm to 150 cm. 151 cm to 160 cm. 161 cm to 170 cm. 171 cm to 180 cm. 181 cm to 190 cm. 191 cm to 2m. taller than 2 m.

SKIN

pale. fair. rosy. olive. dark. tanned. blotchy. smooth. acne. dry. greasy. freckled. scarred. cool undertones. neutral undertones. warm undertones.

EYES

small. large. average. grey. brown. black. blue. red. pink. purple. green. gold. hazel. heterochromatic. doe - eyed. almond. close - set. wide -set. squinty. monolid. double eyelids.hooded eyelids. heavy eyelids. upturned. downturned.

HAIR

thin. thick. fine. normal. greasy. dry. soft. shiny. curly. frizzy. wild. unruly. straight. smooth. wavy. floppy. cropped. pixie cut. short. shoulder length. back length. waist length. floor length. buzz cut. bald. jaw length. mohawk. white. platinum blonde. golden blonde. dirty blonde. ombre. light brown. mouse brown. chestnut brown. golden brown. chocolate brown.dark brown. jet black. ginger. auburn. unnatural colour. streaked. thin eyebrows. average eyebrows. thick eyebrows.

TATTOOS / PIERCINGS

full sleeve. thigh tattoo. shin tattoo. calves tattoo. wrist tattoo. upper back tattoo. lower back tattoo. hip tattoo. hand / finger tattoo. foot tattoo. neck tattoo. face tattoo. chest tattoo. side tattoo. one tattoo. a few here and there. multiple. no tattoo. monroe piercing. nose piercing. septum. nipple piercing. genital piercing. industrial piercings. earlobe piercing(s). prince albert piercing. apadravya piercing. eyebrow piercing. tongue piercing. lip piercing. tragus piercing. angel bites. labret. gauges. navel piercing. inverse navel piercing. cheek piercing. smiley. nape piercings. no piercings.

COSMETICS

light eyeliner. heavy eyeliner. cat eyes. mascara. fake eyelashes. matte lipstick. regular lipstick. lipgloss. chapstick. red lips. pink lips. dark lips. bronzer. highlighter. eyeshadow. neutral eyeshadow. smokey eyes. colourful eyeshadow. blush. lipliner. light contouring. heavy contouring. powder. matte foundation. satin foundation. dewy foundation. concealer. wears make up regularly. wears it from time to time. never wears make up.

SCENT

floral. fruity. perfumes. aftershave. cocoa. moisturizer. natural soap. shampoo. cigarettes. leather. sweat. food. incense. marijuana. cologne. whiskey. wine. fried food. blood. fire.metal. rain. grass. ocean. autumn leaves. baked bread. smoke. campfire. lavender. trees. musk. rose. gingerbread. peppermint. oak. honey. lemon. vanilla. coffee. cake. hyde.

CLOTHES

masculine. feminine. androgynous. jeans. tight pants. overknee socks. tights. leggings. yoga pants. miniskirt. loose skirt. formfitting dress. cardigans. flannel. blouse. button up shirt. graphic shirt. sports shirt. sweatpants. tank top. cut off shirt. designer. high street. online stores. thrift. lingerie. maxidress. sundress. suit and tie. cocktail dress. highslit dress. loose clothing. tight clothing. jean shorts. sweater. sweater vest. khaki pants. hoodie. harem pants. basketball shorts. boxers. boxer briefs. briefs. thong. hotpants. hipster panties. bra. sports bra. crop top. corset. leotard. polka dots. stripes. glitter. silk. lace. satin. leather. velvet. chemise. patterns. florals. neon colours. pastels. neutral colors. black. dark colours. faux fur. fur.

SHOES

sneakers. slip-ons. flats. slippers. sandals. high heels. kitten heels. ankle boots. combat boots. boots. knee-high boots. platforms. stripper heels. bare feet. loafers.

#;layers

[haebxtna]

♫ or ☁ ( whichever you have more inspiration for ^^ )

send me asymbol for… || always accepting | @stilledsouls​

♫  fivetimes my muse swears it’s not a date, and the one time it maybe is.

One.

       A soft tapof her hands over the other’s shoulder is a mere greeting that she had grown todo every time she’d see him with his back facing him. There’s always anexcitement shimmering in her bright eyes as she anticipates that moment hefaces upon getting his attention, that moment he’d look at her and that momenthe’d reciprocate the smile that she always gifts him. He does, faintly, aslittle as he could. Haebitna doesn’t mind though. She liked the fact that hecan smile, or the fact that she can make someone smile.

       His violincase hangs over the other shoulder, swaying along as the he turned towards her.The sun sits beautifully above them, the fluff of clouds wasn’t able to softenits brightness. It’s summer, a very warm summer to be exact.

       Everyoneenjoys a nice little stroll along the park in daytime. Everyone around themdoes.

       “Where do weplan to go today?”

       Vocalpractice. Of course. Like they always do. Right?

Two.

       The leavesare raining all over. It is a sight to behold – a beauty in a downfall. Theearthly tones of the season are so vibrant that it felt beautiful all over.Everything was beautiful in her eyes. Every single thing.

       She looks atthe violin, laying on top of dried leaves. A piece of varnished wood thatstands out from the wrinkled big pieces of leaves that served as their blanketfrom the grass and the ground. Her eyes follow to the wooden neck, where a hand issoft curled around. It then travels to the body that laid parallel to theinstrument. Eyes closed. Chest rising in falling gently and steadily. Calm, she’ddescribe it. Everything is so calm and mellow and she inhaled the crisp scentof the dried leaves and the fleeting sense of peace.

       There’ssomething compelling with the way he played his music. But there is more to thestillness that he always finds after.

       Minutes passand his eyes twitch.

      She realizesshe might have been staring for too long.

Three.

       Curiosityalways finds its way to be quenched. It’s human nature – a craving for knowingsomething unknown. To quench the thirst for fascination. Curiosity is when shehad found out his skill – and finding out how he uses it (or expresses it)albeit unconventionally. Curiosity is how she had found that there is somethingdeeper in him that he’d always try his best to hide, and yet express at thesame time.

       There are nomusic sheets, nor the instrument that had always been in their company. Nothingbut him, a curious her, and a notebook scribbled in words too profound for herunderstanding.

      He himself is too profound, too mysterious. And perhaps, it is what initiates the curiosityto flow over.

      She iscurious of him, more than she thought she is.

      “Can youread this for me?”

      He would. Ofcourse he would. Would he let her read what’s inside his mind though?

      A blankstare is what she received as he realizes how she had invaded his sacred place.Not his locker, not his table. But hisnotebook. His self.

      [ Aren’t you a bit too curious, Haebitna? ]

      What are youdoing here anyway?

      Practice.

Four.

       The eerinessof the white walls never fails to frighten her at times, but it is probably dueto the fact that: a. she’s been inside the hospital, even just for some time,that she had grown used to it, b. she’s been inside this hospital, specificallythis area, for a lot of times and more than she could’ve thought she’d been,and c. she’s been inside the hospital with this man donned in white, anddespite the fact that he is in such color of dressing that terrifies her, it isHanbyul and she had grown used to it.

       It was justlike when she was a student, she herself donned a white scrub suit that wasn’thers, worn a disposable mask, and had a stethoscope which served as propsaround her neck. She’s following him, acting like an intern even though therewas no other conscious people inside the room except him and her.

       She watcheshim from the head of the bed. From one almost-lifeless body to another, hetended them with the care they needed. And when he was done, it was whenHaebitna had her full attention on him.

       The door islocked, the violin case is emptied, and Haebitna is captured once more.

       There is nonoise of the ventilators or heart monitors. Only of the music he played.

       Soft andslow until it ascends with his emotions.

       Just like the way she had caught him before.

Five.

       A dim mass of clouds hovers above the sky.

       There is a news of a midsummer rain, andpeople seem to have been warned as each one has an umbrella, ready to open itup once the sky starts to cry. Each one. But not her.

       Definitely not Hanbyul too.

      And even everyone was equipped, no one wouldhave wanted to get drenched, so people are moving in a fast pace, trying toget to their homes as early as they can. These people are almost runninginstead of walking, but there are the only two who took leisure in paradingthe gloomy streets.

       It seems like either they were not informed ofthe incoming rain shower, or they just don’t care at all.

       Perhaps, it’s the latter.

       Because when it started to pour, despite how peopleare full of frustrations and are upset of getting wet, even when they have theirshields of their own, there are these two who are laughing together as theytry to find a place to shelter them. They are laughing, and oh boy, they werelaughing too hard that they kept missing one roof over the other and justrunning along with the rain drenching both of them. They ran until they got tired,and went to the nearest place they could shelter themselves.

       “Wanna grab some cup of warm tea?”

       He says.

       Haebitna realizes they were out for no reason atall. She isn’t here for practice. He left his violin at home. They are just…walking.

      “Sure.”

      And having tea together.

      Perhaps?

#;drabbles #stilledsouls #;yoohanbyul #;ourstory #under the cut because it has gotten too long #I intended on doing both but then it got long. XD #also #i tried to make it sound platonic ?? #May be AU if it doesn't fit? idk ;w; #I hope you like it tho u.u

[haebxtna]

#;shine #might actually be a Haebitna concept #who knows? #also #happy birthday Hae!

[haebxtna]

MEET THE MUSE

► Name ➔ Haebitna Yoo ► Are you single ➔ Yes ► Are you happy ➔  No ► Are you angry? ➔ Is angry a term I could use right now? It’s more than that. ► Are your parents still married ➔ No. And they won’t be able get back together. Ever.

NINE FACTS

► Birth Place ➔  Jeonju ► Hair Color ➔ I dyed it blonde. ► Eye Color ➔ Brown ► Birthday ➔ In a few days ► Mood ➔ Not in the mood ► Gender ➔ Female. What do you think I am? ► Summer or winter ➔ Summer. I now hate winter. ► Morning or afternoon ➔ Morning

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

► Are you in love ➔ How do you even tell? ► Do you believe in love at first sight ➔ Maybe ► Who ended your last relationship ➔ ... ► Have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔ Let’s not talk about it. ► Are you afraid of commitments ➔ No. As long as I am ready, then I wouldn’t be.  ► Have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ Can Ggomo be considered? ► Have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ I don’t know. ► Have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ You know, maybe that’s it. Maybe they did not broke my heart. Maybe it was my fault after all..

SIX CHOICES

► Love or lust ➔ Love ► Lemonade or iced tea ➔ Lemonade ► Cats or Dogs ➔ Ggomo ► A few best friends or many regular friends ➔ A few who would stay. ► Wild night out or romantic night in ➔ Night in ► Day or night ➔ Day. Always.

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS

► Been caught sneaking out ➔ Yes ► Fallen down/up the stairs ➔ I was clumsy that time ► Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ Didn’t think it hurts so much until now. ► Wanted to disappear ➔ Honestly? Yes.

FIVE PREFERENCES

► Smile or eyes ➔ Eyes ► Fat or skinny ➔ Any ► Shorter or Taller ➔ Taller ► Intelligence or Attraction ➔ Both ► Hook-up or Relationship ➔ Why would you choose something temporary and full of uncertainties?

FAMILY

► Do you and your family get along  ➔ Can we skip this? ► Would you say you have a “messed up life” ➔ I guess you could say that. ► Have you ever ran away from home ➔ There’s no home to run away from anymore. ► Have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ No

FRIENDS

► Do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔ No ► Do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔ They’re not friends if they aren’t. ► Who is your best friend ➔ Terry. ► Who knows everything about you ➔ My dad, but he’s gone.

Tagged by: @somecrazylads (I got to explore the current Haebitna so thank you for this!) Tagging: @antipsychx ; @destructiveurgxs ; @luxinexitium ; @spected ; @pullstrings ; @obciidian ; @lonelyeternities ; @stilledsouls ; @consilian 

#;layers

[haebxtna]

antipsychx:

shoulders slump at the sight of a smile, relief immediately washing over him. he takes it in, the corner of his lips twitching, his own grin widening unconsciously simply at the sight of hers. familiar in all its brightness despite its tendency to flicker right before his eyes.

( a hallucination? impossible.

colors are vague, but she will never be. )

terry only blames its tendency to dim on the location of where it presents itself. however, it stands out among the lackluster hues of the ward, and it’s enough for terry to feel a semblance of home in the way her hands bring warmth to his own. there had only been suffering through cold mornings and dark nights, surrounded by heavily sedated bodies loitering the grounds.

human is too loose a term in a place like this.

his hold on her hand is weaker in comparison, squeezing fingers bringing a jolt of pain to an open wrist forcefully stitched back into place. he listens, blinking a few times in an attempt to keep himself awake and attentive - overpower the medication. her voice is a soothing melody, a lullaby in a place where the hopeful lilts from doctors and nurses are fake enough to tear through.

( you’ll be fine, they say.

he’s never getting better. )

the mention of new york does the job, head craning slightly to peer at his best friend’s face as she speaks. “i miss new york,” he admits, voice a barely audible whisper. growing up in the hustle and bustle of the city, no matter the area, still gives him a much-desired sense of thrill. adrenaline is what his depressive, unquiet mind craves for.

adrenaline and freedom.

“i want to do so many things,” he starts, voice cracking halfway through. terry clears his throat, tries again, “with you.” a sigh escapes him, head hanging low. dark tresses frame the sides of his face, dazed sight attempting to focus on the sterilized floor, lines in-between each tile an ugly off-white blur. “ifi get out.” he feels out of breath, wishes haebitna has the patience to listen despite his words coming out sporadically between pale, chapped lips. it’s when, he reminds himself. notif.

“what should we do? when i get out.”

              I miss it here..

       - is what her mind thought of as he mentions New York. To Terry, it could have been his own escape. To Haebitna, it is the one she’s escaping from. Such contradiction perhaps has its middle ground.

       Perhaps wherever it may be as long as they are with each other. 

       Perhaps they could run away with their hands interlocked – like the carefree moment they had near Han River while getting intoxicated. Perhaps they can run away from the dark as long as they had each other. Perhaps.

       “We should go there in the future.” A suggestion simply escapes from her lips. Not in the near future, but it’s always a good thing to have something to look forward to. Haebitna hopes it would be, for Terry at the very least.

       And she listens to him, with her ears and her eyes on him, focusing. She sees the way he took more time looking at the floor than her, the way he hides so much of his face, and the way he struggles with every phrase. She’s patient, always patient, and will always be patient for him – especially that there’s a hint of enthusiasm in his words. It’s a good sign.

       “We will do anything, everything.” Once you get out of here. When you get out of here.

       Her eyes seeks for his, leans a bit closer, finding the warmth beneath his cold skin.

       “Want to go back to Han River?” 

         We’ll scream and shout and let it all out. We’ll laugh and cry until all tears run dry.          And maybe - just maybe - after that, everything will be fine.

         It’s their escape, isn’t it?

#antipsychx #;terryyoon #ahhhhhh i miss writing them!!! #finally!! #And I am sorry for how rusty my writing has become u.u #anyway #take your time with your reply!! #i miss terry oh my god u.u

[haebxtna]

luxinexitium:

“i hope so, too,” kyungsoo answers after some time, momentarily lost to the lofty fantasies he so rarely allows himself to indulge in. (it is dangerous to dream.) he pictures himself beneath the lush canopies of the amazon or by the tumultuous riverbeds of borneo, documenting in hurried scrawls shorthand notes on the sheen of a pheasant’s feathers or a tanager’s seasonal calls. part of him thinks he could map out every square inch of this earth and he would still crave more, yearning indefinitely for yet more discoveries. these outlandish dreams, however, are no more than just that. and as his fingers tangle once more between the laces of his shoes, he crawls back into reality’s blinding stage lights, knees sore and his heart even more so.

“yeah, it’s a really cool show. if y’sit in the first few rows, you’ll probably get wet, but the trainers might also pick you to feed the dolphins. but i mean, it’s still cool just to watch.” on his first day here, he had been so eager to familiarise himself with the zoo grounds that he’d visited as many exhibits as he could. his first trip to the dolphin show would always be his favourite, sweetened with salt water and summertime laughter. it was the first time he’d seen such creatures in person, let alone so close, and if even the marrow in his bones hadn’t been so drawn to winged animals, he might have found another joy in caring for the aquatic ones. (needless to say, he’s almost always the first to volunteer when the aquarium staff need an extra hand.)

at the mention of her name, unfailingly, sally whistles with pride and plumes her feathers. as intelligent as the cockatiel is, it’s a wonder she hasn’t led a pavillion-wide revolt against the zookeepers. (hopefully she’ll never so much as entertain the idea.) extending a finger for sally to hop onto, kyungsoo nods and confirms, “yeah, that’ll work. the show should be done once my shift’s over, so i’ll meet you there. hopefully no one else will try to steal your shoes.” laughing softly, he guides sally to take up perch on his shoulder and stands with a smile still on his face. “i hope he’s there, too. i’ve never really been around much to tell when he comes and goes, so hopefully he’ll be there to hear our, uh, concerns.”

       If she hadn’t been in a rush and had brought things with her, then she would’ve been situated in the front rows, mingling with the adorable creatures as they dance merrily in front of the audience. She had nothing but herself and her clothes on, and as much as she wanted to touch the dolphins that she adored so much, Haebitna just settled few rows behind the front. But that does not mean she did not enjoy as much as the other did. Kyungsoo was right – she did enjoy just watching from afar. Her squeals and giggles can match those from the little kids who got chosen to feed the dolphins. And just seeing these dolphins dancing in water was enough joy.

       It’s worth the hour of wait. And honestly speaking, she did not notice the hour passed by until the show ends and a tap on her shoulder got her attention from the dolphins saying goodbye to the audience as they swim back. And there was Kyungsoo, the beads of sweat in his face tells her of how he was in a rush to get to the place on time. Her big smile welcomes him back, standing up from her seat. “The show was amazing! Next time, I’ll try to volunteer myself to feed the dolphins. They’re so adorable!”

       There is a grumbling inside of her that seems to resonate a bit too loud – the angry growling of her stomach reminded her of how she had abandoned eating early this morning. Haebitna masks the sound with her chuckle. “Maybe you want to grab something as we head back home?” She’s got some spare bills on her pocket, maybe they could get something. “My treat. Let’s go?” Excitement suddenly looms in as she taps both of her hands on the other’s back, letting him lead the way. “We could get something for Soondae too, so that we wouldn’t come off as intruding.”

       “Let’s not get soondae though. I know it would be a good pun but sadly, I do not eat them.”

#;ourstory #luxinexitium #;dokyungsoo #this is long overdue I am sorry but thank you so much for your patience!! #I fastforwarded a little I hope you don't mind #and I hope this is okay. pls bear with my writing. I am trying to slowly get myself back on track u.u #also I hope all is well on your end!!

[haebxtna]

🌺SEND THIS TO 10 OTHER BLOGGERS YOU THINK ARE WONDERFUL. KEEP THE GAME GOING🌺

Well hi there equally wonderful human being! I am notsure if I deserve this thing seeing as how I always pop in and out of this worldvery abruptly. But thank you!!!

#;misc #obciidian #well look at me post and msg ppl then pops out and reply after 2 or more weeks yas that's me #:)

[haebxtna]

send me a symbol for...

#;prompts #something to help me write again #yes pls #anyone?

[haebxtna]

✿ (if it isn't too late to send one u.u)

Symbol meme ( accepting but will be slow )✿  five times my muse almost texted yours, and the one time they did.

I.

14thFebruary.

Hanbyul hasgrown weary. The flowers he doesn’t mind too much.But thechocolates and obnoxious dining promotions for two? That wastoo much for someone who took comfort in solitude; Someonewho just craved for peace on his rare day off.

[ 9:14 AM ]Why are you people all so… sentimental?My Wednesday is ruined.

Hebackspaces both sentences. The whole Koreanpopulation seemed to be hanging out today.Maybehaebitna was too. It was probablyenough that his day was ruined; He didn’thave to ruin it for her too.

II.

[ 3:27 AM ]I should have gotten a fire extinguisher. Do you have a fire extinguisher?                  Maybe I can borrow it sometime.

Curiousexperiments gone wrong in the dead of the night. He’sexcited to share his findings, but then he notices the time.Ah…everyone else is usually doing something dull… They’re allsleeping. Haebitna too. Probably.

III.

[ 5:00PM ] Thisvisiting pastor is either a drunk or a fake.                   He quoted Guinness as the first bookof the bible. God help us all.

He’s aboutto send the merry little text when a new patient is rolled in. Why are so manypeople slipping into comas? But he doesn’tcomplain; not when their plight is what keeps him employed. And hesupposes sleeping forever is fine. It’s what people seem to like anyway. And by the timehe’s done setting up, the text is long forgotten.

IV.

[ 2:45 PM ]Do you like bees? I think they’re making a hive near my place. Want to see?

He’swatching them with a gaze of admiration, the faintest smile etched onto hislips.Then henotices people making detours to avoid the blooming hive and its residents.“― I shouldcall someone to remove it, what if the bees sting me?” Hanbyullistens and frowns, deletes his text and keeps his phone. No pointasking when he knows the hive won’t be there in a couple of days.

V.

Heremembers the first time it had happened. It wascompletely spontaneous, and he had no escape.She hadwaited for him in the garden, and he remembers thinkingThat theflowers around her paled in comparison to the smile upon her face.

Heremembers the comfortable silence that filled the lapses in their conversations;the soulfulvoice that echoed through the studio as she sang to his tune.They wereboth vulnerable, exposed, and so utterly human. Hanbyulminds lots of things, but he doesn’t mind experiencing that again.

[ 8:31 AM ]The weather’s beautiful so I’m out today. Brought my violin along.        ��          Let me knowif you want to practice. I’ll come.

– Message sent.

⟣ ― written for @haebxtna

#;keeps #stilledsouls #;yoohanbyul #this is cute! thank you! #and no worries #take your time with the thread :)

[haebxtna]

      i’m feeling quite affectionate today so… here’s this following expression of gratitude towards a few people who i hold dear (in no particular order) :

@leviaraelle  :  my sweet friend – i love you so much that it’s hard to articulate. you’re so kind and sweet and always here to listen to my endless rambles. whether it’s writing with you or just talking about anything – i really enjoy having you near. i hope we’ll continue being friends for as long as possible.

@pcrturbtion  :  honestly, you’ve made your mark in my heart. i’ve known you for years now and you still didn’t get tired of me which surprises me greatly but moreover, i am absolutely in love with you and i want to keep you by my side forever and ever till the end of times.  

@anvmone  :  i am so glad that i wrote with you because we’ve developed amazing plots and ships together which i honestly wouldn’t want to write with anyone else but you. i love how dedicated and sweet you are towards me, and i just want you to know i love you a lot.

@haebxtna  :  we may not speak as often as we used to but i just want you to know i always think about you and care for you. i hope you remember not to stress so much and take good care of yourself. i miss you dearly, and i hope to see you writing again soon because i truly miss writing with you. i love you.

@crvstalsnw  :  thank you for being a part of my writing experience for so long now. i’ve developed incredible plots with you and an even more astounding friendship with someone as smart and as loving as you. i’m glad we’re friends, because you’re one of the best people i’ve met around here. i wholeheartedly love you.

@vanreos  :  i don’t remember how we started talking but i’m glad that i had the courage to initiate an interaction because i’ve gained a supportive, loving, and loyal friend. you’re always here to listen and i hope you know that i am, too. i will always be here for you, and always love you, because you’re incredibly dear to me.

@manticxre  :  thank you for always listening to the nonsense i have in mind, hyping me about our muses and plots, as well as giving me incredible joy writing with you. i’m glad you’ve yet to ditch me since i’m quite pestering and exasperating but i truly do enjoy talking to you, so i hope you’ll be able to continue enduring my silly self. 

#;keeps #y u make me weep??? #I miss writing with you too!!! I will soon!! we need to have our babies interact again!! #but srsly thank you and I appreciate your concern! #I love you too!!!