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honest2goodness · 1 year

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Not All Counselors Are Good For You

I’ve been the client to several counselors and the intern to several more. I have sat on the couch, hugged the pillow, and been asked, “How does that make you feel?” I have also been the person to guide the sessions – to listen carefully, dig into someone's psyche, and ask "Where would you like to go from here?”

More interestingly, I have observed what counselors are like behind the scenes. Spoiler alert, they are human and flawed – works in progress like everyone else… some more so than others.

The honest to goodness truth: There are many hoops a counselor must jump through to be licensed, but in reality, being healed themselves isn’t one of them.

One of many reasons people are attracted to the field of counseling is that they once needed it. For a counselor, having life experience – of struggle and pain – is a powerful tool: it provides a deeper level of understanding. However, if a counselor has not healed from their experiences, their ability to facilitate someone else’s healing is weakened.

When you go to the doctor, you expect them to at the very least not be intoxicated, right? Well, basically, unhealthy counselors are like intoxicated doctors who will vomit as soon as they see your blood. Once, I had a counselor say to me, “Oh, don’t cry, you’re going to make me cry.”

If a counselor hasn’t looked within themselves – taken stock of their cuts, bruises, scars, and broken bones – they might squirm in their seat when you tell them something you’re ashamed of, argue with you about your beliefs because they feel the need to defend their own, be unable to listen when you are pouring your heart out, and scold you like you’re their child.

Naturally, counselors have blind spots when assessing their own mental health. It seems there are always new things to learn, grow from, and adapt to; we and our worlds are ever changing. “Healing” never truly ends. Nonetheless, some professionals are more self-aware, honest, and motivated to work on themselves – to pick up a mirror and see what's hidden. While they may be scared of what they'll find, they are strong enough to keep going.

Seeking services from a licensed professional is like choosing to eat something FDA approved: in theory, it assures a certain level of quality; in practice, many without substance – without nutritional value – are licensed.

If you are a client, or will ever be a client, I want you to know: (1) not all counselors are healthy, (2) not all healthy counselors can offer what you specifically need, (3) there are some counselors that simply aren’t a fit for your personality, meaning it’s okay for you not to like a counselor regardless of their relevant knowledge and expertise, and lastly, (4) it's possible to outgrow your counselor… for a myriad of reasons.

Like working out at the gym, therapy is difficult, and if you're doing it right, there will be days your mind and heart are sore. Over time, you should see growth in yourself – change in the way you feel, think, and behave.

If your wounds aren't being addressed, if you feel you haven't been gaining new skills, or if you aren't learning anything, talk to your counselor about it. If they respond negatively, consider trying a different counselor. Ultimately, you are responsible for your mental health, and counseling costs too much money for it not to be helping.

I highly believe in the value of therapy, which is why I've decided to talk about it honestly. If you have any questions about counseling, feel free to contact me!

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