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illyrian-lover-flower · 4 months

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In Defence of Elain Archeron

Or, a discussion of the potential reasons why Elain hasn't rejected her mate bond with Lucien, even if she might want to.

Please do not screenshot and share this post without permission.

Disclaimer: The following text consists of reasons that could - potentially - explain why Elain, who has not shown any interest in Lucien, has not yet rejected her bond with him. I make no claims that any of these will turn out to be canon.

TW for mention of canon kidnapping, murder and other mature events/themes.

One of the major issues that people have with Elain Archeron is that, after almost two years, she has made no moves - of which we're aware - to either “get to know” her Cauldron-gifted mate, Lucien Vanserra, or to reject her bond with him.

Setting aside the very problematic notion that anyone, male or female, ever owes anyone else their time and/or consideration for romance, I thought I would attempt to list the potential reasons why Elain may have - so far - appeared to ignore her bond with Lucien.

Elain and Lucien discovered they were mates at the end of ACOMAF, during what was likely the most traumatic point of her life, and the books since ACOWAR, which admittedly left the relationship between the two of them up in the air - I personally already preferred Elriel at that stage, but El*cien could still have happened without too much effort, and I would have enjoyed it, as I like both characters - have shown no positive progress between them, only what most would consider negative, and people are wondering why Elain hasn’t rejected their bond, after almost two years.

Edit, because I realised that I never explicitly stated this: I personally believe that Elain’s lack of interest in her bond with Lucien, and Lucien himself is, in itself, a rejection. She should not need to do more than not give consent to any sort of relationship with Lucien to "reject" him, or their bond. The following discussion is based upon their "in-world" situation, as faeries with a mating bond that could potentially require more than just not pursuing a relationship to consider one rejected.

We haven’t yet had Elain’s book

The first, easiest and most obvious answer is that SJM wants to tell this story from Elain’s POV - or, potentially, Lucien. We are yet to see a book that features Elain’s POV, and we only got a few pages of Lucien’s POV, courtesy of Feyre and her daemati powers, towards the beginning of ACOWAR (chapter 24). Since then, nothing.

Besides the fact that Elain was in no shape to make a decision about her bond with Lucien at that time - in addition to recovering from the trauma of being kidnapped, forcibly turned into a faerie, and being abandoned by the man she loved, who supposedly loved her, for events over which she had no control, she spent a lot of her time lost in visions that we later found out were prophetic - I would expect anyone to take a step back and decide for themselves what such a significant bond would mean, both to and for them.

It is the smart and responsible thing to do, otherwise she, or even Lucien, could end up like Rhys' mother, who resented his father, even though they were mates. If that means two years of an immortal lifespan spent contemplating whether she wants to let him get to know her, then so be it.

I sighed, absently rubbing my still-flat stomach. "Let's focus on helping one sister before we start on the other." "Agreed," Rhys drawled. - ACOSF, Feyre’s bonus chapter

And if none of the above makes sense to you, it simply hasn't happened yet because it would be such a momentous occasion - SJM hasn’t written a mating bond rejection before - that I cannot fathom why we would expect to see it from anyone other than the two people involved. My money is on Elain learning that she can Unmake the bond in ACOTAR 5, and doing so from her POV, then we will get Lucien’s POV either as a bonus chapter in ACOTAR 5, or as a flashback in ACOTAR 6, if he shares that with Vassa.

Elain knows she can reject the bond, but she is afraid of hurting Lucien

Women today are still taught, often subconsciously, to centre men - and how they might respond to a situation - from a young age; for example, dress codes at schools that unfairly target the female students, so that they're not a distraction. As we get older, we also tend to automatically consider a man’s potential response in how we would refuse an advance, in terms of both our personal safety and not wanting to cause emotional harm - I have done this more than once, and so have many of my friends… and we live in "safe" areas. Please understand that I am not suggesting that Lucien (or the majority of men) would be violent towards Elain (or any woman), or see her as property; he has fairly consistently respected her space for almost two years now.

However, Elain is frequently described as sweet and kind - she was the first sister to openly state and apologise for her part in Feyre’s neglect growing up, without prompting or design; she was raised in a society that is more patriarchal than our own current western world, and by a mother who conditioned her to be a pawn on the marriage market, to boot. I would put money on the Archeron sisters all having some sort of internalised response similar to women that live in the western world today - and I am using the western world, because that is where the author lives, and what I personally know - which would mean that Elain, who doesn't like causing people pain, could feasibly know that the bond can be rejected, but is stalling because she doesn't want to hurt Lucien, either physically or emotionally, and so doesn’t know how to proceed.

Now, obviously an ignored bond would be causing some base-level of pain, at least emotionally, but Elain is between a rock and a hard place, and I could see her not knowing how to proceed. She probably remembers the devastation that Graysen made her feel, and is reluctant to pass that on, even though we know she'd never be cruel about it.

I glowered at Rhys. "You think Elain’s boring?" "I think she's kind, and I'll take kindness over nastiness any day. But I also think we haven't yet seen all she has to offer." - ACOSF, Feyre’s bonus chapter

Elain knows she can reject the bond, but she is worried about her safety

Following on from the second point, that Elain doesn’t want to reject the bond because it could hurt Lucien, either emotionally or physically, I posit a twist on the same idea; Elain is concerned about her safety, due to the backwards and sexist nature of the Autumn Court.

“Not free rein—not in my lands. It has been illegal in our territory for a long, long time for males to do that. Even before I was born. Other courts, no. On the continent, there are territories that believe the females literally belong to their mate. But not here. Elain would have our full protection if she rejects the bond. But it will still be a bond, however weakened, that will trail her for the rest of her existence.” - ACOWAR, chapter 24

I clenched my teeth. “If you were her lover, why didn’t you stop it?” The wrong thing to say. Utterly wrong, by the dark fury that rippled across Helion’s face. “Beron is a High Lord, and she is his wife, mother of his brood. She chose to stay. Chose. And with the protocols and rules, Lady, you will find that most situations like the one you were in do not end well for those who interfere.” - ACOWAR, chapter 47

Once again, I highly doubt this is due to Lucien himself, but his father, Beron, is terrible - look at what he did to Lucien’s first love, Jesminda - and he knows that Elain is Lucien’s mate. We know that Rhys told Feyre that Elain would be protected, and that no bond would be forced on her, which could be hinting that it is something Beron may consider, either out of shame that his (as far as he knows) son could be rejected by his mate, or as a power play over the Night Court/the rest of Prythian.

Aside from the fact that Elain is Lucien’s mate, she is also a Seer in her own right; she is Cauldron-Made, and likely has additional powers, if Amren is to be believed. Elain would be sought out by many Courts and Kingdoms if they knew of her, and if Beron thought he could stake a claim to such an asset, I am sure he would take her with little thought to her own wishes, or even Lucien’s. If Beron is working for Koschei, and either Koschei or he got wind of Elain’s abilities, then Elain could be in big trouble.

And do not forget that Nesta herself—and Elain, with whatever powers she has—is here. Feyre is here. All three sisters blessed by fate and gifted with powers to match your own. - ACOSF, chapter 42

Elain knows she can reject the bond, but she is worried about political backlash

Similar to the above situation, in which Elain fears for her own safety, I can see her also stalling in rejecting her bond with Lucien because she is worried about the safety of others; she has always loved her sisters, and has come to love the Inner Circle, and the Night Court in general and, despite her reservations towards Lucien, I highly doubt she wants to see him harmed. She certainly wouldn't want Azriel to get hurt, especially on her account.

Rhys growled, "Allow me to make one thing very clear. You are to stay away from her." "You can't order me to do that." "Oh, I can, and I will. If Lucien finds out you're pursuing her, he has every right to defend their bond as he sees fit. Including invoking the Blood Duel." "That's an Autumn Court tradition." The battle to the death was so brutal that it was only enacted in rare cases. Despite being an outsider, Azriel had wanted to invoke it when he'd found Mor all those years ago. Had been ready to challenge both Beron and Eris to Blood Duels and kill them both. Only Mor's right to claim their heads in vengeance had kept him from doing so. "Lucien, as Beron's son, has the right to demand it of you." "I'll defeat him with little effort." Pure arrogance laced every word, but it was true. "I know." Rhys's eyes flickered. "And your doing so will rip apart any fragile peace and alliances we have, not only with the Autumn Court, but also with the Spring Court and Jurian and Vassa." Rhys bared his teeth. "So you will leave Elain alone. If you need to fuck someone, go to a pleasure hall and pay for it, but stay away from her." Azriel snarled softly. - ACOSF, Azriel’s bonus chapter

As Rhys said in Azriel’s bonus chapter from ACOSF, if a relationship between Elain and Azriel was ever discovered, Lucien - not Azriel - could call a Blood Duel, which is still a valid custom in the Autumn Court. This would put both Azriel and Lucien at risk of injury or death, as well as disrupting the tentative alliance between (most of) the Courts of Prythian.

I personally don't think that Lucien would call Azriel out for a Blood Duel unprompted, it would most likely be due to Beron's machinations, or Beron himself. Furthermore, Lucien is better-known throughout Prythian than anyone from the Night Court; again, I doubt he would do this, but with his personal and political connections, he could do some real damage to the Night Court's reputation.

Elain is observant - the Cauldron saw fit to make her a Seer, and her two best friends are spies, after all - so I would be very surprised if she was unaware of what was going on around her.

Elain almost certainly knows the importance of political accord across Prythian, especially given the upcoming conflict with Koschei and/or the Autumn Court under Beron’s rule. Given she likely put herself on the marriage market, as a human, to both provide a safe place for her and Nesta, and contribute to the war effort against the faeries who were set on invading the Human Realm, this savviness tracks. Elain deciding to act in the way that is perceived as best for her Court/family would not be out of character for her.

Elain knows she can reject the bond, but has Seen a reason not to do so… yet

Elain is a Seer - who likely has other powers - and, though we have heard her speak a few of her prophecies out loud, I am almost certain that she has Seen more than she has let on, at least to us.

Mor let out a snort that made the Illyrians stiffen. But she shifted, revealing Elain behind her. Elain was just blinking, wide-eyed, at the camp. The army. Devlon let out a grunt at the sight of her. But Elain wrapped her own blue cloak around herself, averting her eyes from all of those towering, muscled warriors, the army camp bustling toward the horizon … She was a rose bloom in a mud field. Filled with galloping horses. - ACOWAR, chapter 51

I have a feeling that any time Elain blinks, or tilts her head, it could be signifying her having had a vision - this is discussed further in this fantastic post. The scene above, in which she blinks at Windhaven, and averts her eyes from the warriors, is likely foreshadowing what the Cauldron did the the Illyrian army, during the battle with Hybern, or potentially something that has not yet come to pass. What has she Seen, or what does she know/suspect, that could be behind her choice to ignore her bond with Lucien? Given we know she doesn’t like causing anyone pain, it must be something huge.

Does the Night Court need Lucien himself in some manner going forward?

Is it vital that the Night Court maintains its ties to Lucien, and therefore Queen Vassa, the firebird captive of Koschei (and Lucien’s suspected love interest)?

Will the bond between Lucien and Elain play a significant role in the near future, by one of them sensing the other in danger? Many suspect that Azriel felt something when Elain was kidnapped by the Cauldron, and then magically contained by the King of Hybern… but did Lucien also feel the bond go quiet and, if so, does it work both ways?

If Vassa and Lucien’s story is going to be based on Swan Lake, will Lucien’s declaration of love - to break Vassa’s curse - come in the form of a mate bond that has to be freshly Made?

These are just a few ideas; there are many plot-driven points that could explain why Elain has not rejected her bond with Lucien… yet.

Elain knows she does not have to accept the bond, but doesn’t know that it has to be officially declined

None of us actually knows what is involved with rejecting a mating bond, just that a mate bond can be declined, but not broken - and that the fae involved, especially the male, might still feel a reduced pull.

Elain is an astute person who has embraced her new, fae life in the Night Court, but it is very possible that, while she is aware that she does not have to accept her bond with Lucien, she is unaware that it has to be rejected in an official capacity. We, the readers, don’t even know whether this is the case.

Despite what we have seen so far in the ACOTAR series, mate bonds are supposedly rare; I would assume that rejected mate bonds are rarer still, even though there are canon reports of accepted mate bonds going sour - for example, Rhys’ parents. I wonder how many people would actually know what is involved? The priestesses, maybe, as they are involved in mating ceremonies, but I doubt that ‘how to reject an unwanted mating bond’ is common knowledge, or regular tea time conversation.

Elain knows she can reject the bond, but is (or was) undecided

I don't personally want to see this, because it saddens me to think that Elain would value herself so little, but I could see that years of conditioning by her mother, and society in general, would have Elain thinking that she should give Lucien a chance, even if she isn’t interested.

Elain only stared at the steaming kettle as she set it on the stone counter. “He brought you a present.” Those doe-brown eyes turned toward me. Sharper than I’d ever seen them. “And that entitles him to my time, my affections?” “No.” I blinked. “But he is a good male.” Despite our harsh words. Despite this Band of Exiles bullshit. “He cares for you.” “He doesn’t know me.” “You don’t give him the chance to even try to do so.” Her mouth tightened, the only sign of anger in her graceful countenance. “I don’t want a mate. I don’t want a male.” She wanted a human man. - ACOFAS, chapter 18

While we know that Elain very clearly stated her opinion in ACOFAS, that she did not owe Lucien her time, she wouldn’t be the first woman (or female, in this case) to publicly state a strong opinion against a patriarchal norm, yet continue to struggle with it in private.

As I mentioned earlier, Elain (and Lucien) are fae, with functionally immortal life spans - what is two years to them, for Elain to take the time to both know her own mind in the context of her past conditioning to become a “lady wife,” her new life as a High Fae, and her feelings for Graysen, Azriel and Lucien, and then make her decision?

Mating bonds are for life; an immortal life! Elain is neither “stringing Lucien along,” or “cheating on Lucien with Azriel,” as some of her detractors like to say; besides the fact that SHE IS NOT PROPERTY, so owes no loyalty to Lucien or their - currently unaccepted - bond, she could simply be taking the time to know her own mind. I will not fault her for that.

Elain doesn’t know the bond can be rejected

The last option, and the one that I, personally, am least interested in seeing, is that Elain has no idea that she can decline her bond with Lucien in any way, shape or form. We saw Rhys comforting Feyre with the knowledge that Elain would be given protection in the Night Court, but we have not seen anyone pass that information on to Elain herself.

Does Elain even know that she doesn't have to accept Lucien? All we know that she knows is that the King of Hybern was unable to sever Feyre and Rhys' mate bond.

In normal circumstances, I wouldn’t see this as the obvious reason as to why Elain hasn't responded to her mating bond with Lucien, as she has shown herself to be observant, proactive and wise - but she is not in "normal circumstances." So, is it a plausible basis for her having made no move to formally reject her bond with Lucien? Yes, very much so. I will also remind you that, while Elain has so far only ignored her bond with Lucien, and only given Lucien the attention she needs to, to be polite, those actions in and of themselves are a rejection, even if they are not specifically what needs to happen in the form of a mating bond, or whatever may be between them.

We cannot expect Elain to know everything about a society into which she was thrown against her wishes; she has come such a long way in under two years, with making friends and learning at least some of their customs (see: her discussion with Feyre about winter solstice in ACOFAS), but maybe she hasn't been quite ready to tackle the idea of a mating bond that she doesn't want.

I don't personally believe that it is infantilising Elain to consider the fact that Feyre and Rhys may have withheld information from her - they're currently doing the exact same thing to Lucien, after all. If anything, Feyre and Rhys would be removing her agency by choosing not to give her the information she needs to make informed decisions about her life (if this is indeed what has happened).

***

Whatever Elain decides to do with regards to her mating bond with Lucien, I'm sure there is a reason as to why she has not yet made her decision, and that we'll learn about it in her book. If that reason turns out to be as simple as "she wasn't ready to deal with it yet," then so be it; she deserves all the time she needs to process her change, and everything that entails.

I do hope, if it turns out that she doesn't yet know about the possibility of officially rejecting the bond - if that is indeed an option - that she requests/seeks out this information herself; it would show growth on her part, which is what we'd expect to see in her book. I can see her frustration at not being able to begin a relationship with Azriel (for the aforementioned political reasons) as being part of the impetus she needs for this.

If you can think of any other reasons why Elain might be waiting to decline - or accept - the El*cien bond, please add them in the comments!

Edit 23.05.21: to clarify my personal bias in what I want to see, versus what could actually happen.

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illyrian-lover-flower · 4 months

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Eleventh seed: Black seas of memories

A thunderstorm of screaming worries echoed through her, as each met her fretting heart with the searing force of a thousand suns. She could not recall a time in which she felt like this – caged and burned in her tight skin- as those worries, grew at the speed of spreading bacteria. It was pure torture to stand by and wait for her beloved friend in the blazing sun.

Agony filled her guts at the uncertainty this situation harboured, and grew as her heart seemed to feast on the black void of anguish with greedy bites as it soaked each passing minute up, like a sponge water. Fersia always knew that waiting was one of the tasks she despised the most of all, but this, right here, was pure torture as she tried to distract herself. Round for round did she spare with the searing coldness of her fear as she made stab for stab for stab. But the coldness never seemed to vanish. The doubt that something far worse could have happened to her sweet Goldenrod, under the burning eye of their Mother, lingered like a sleepy cat in the back of her mind and merely reminded the warrior of its existence with the gentlest of strokes with its plushie tail.

But she was not allowed to have such doubts, such worries, as she was to fully trust the female which sat on the darkest of thrones in the middle of a sea of nightmares, while she shone with the dangerous gleam of searing fire down on those which were to even whisper a wish at her. Fersia had to trust Kasedja. Yet her guts could not help as to twist and knot, like a kneaded dough, as the desperate cry of knowledge, of what happened to the seer, drummed with the force of a war drum through her.

It was pain, it was torture – something she had all been through already before- yet it felt different. No searing pain of a knife, sword or arrowhead piercing through her tan skin like a needle through fabric, picked at her peel. A sheet of sweat all that cloaked her, but her soul -oh dark and cruel as it might be- was slowly getting chocked by the harsh hand of fear, as it settled heavy as a stone down on her.

Do not let it get the best of you!

Think rational!

Would have hissed her mother at her. Stern and with the face of a stone, would she have stood by the training ring and examined her every movement, as she would have known that her thoughts were distracted and leading her somewhere else, far beyond the lines of her body. But that was all in the past, reminded Fersia herself with gritted teeth as she sliced the air with one furious swing of her training sword.

It was all in the past! Scolded Fersia the nostalgic feeling in her chest, which brought her sadness and a heavy lump into her throat. Fling for fling slicing into the skin of her invisible enemy. Each strike of air painted red and blurry as she imagined it again – as she imagined him again! Her thoughts began to rise and twist and churn, alongside with her sword, as she was a volcano finally spitting out the black crust of dried lava that sealed her hate and anger away into the depths of her brooding heart. But now, as she saw him so clearly before her, could this black crust no longer withhold the thoughts, the anger, the searing heat inside her, bubbling over like a fountain. This monster! This cruel creature which –

Just as Fersia wanted to part his head from his body again, with a final wrathful swing that harboured all the hate she felt for this male - did she feel the solid resistance of a blade against the tainted steel. Leaving her bones rattling inside her - as her blade came knifes edge to knifes edge with a resilient mirror of a storm filled sky- like a summer storm at the hinges of doors and windows of the little huts, as they were to keep their resistance against the strong force. As pure and weak they might have seemed, solely a means to an end, did they withstand their ground.

And so did the female, which stared wide eyed, with fear meandering through those brown irises, like a trail of water through the dry grounds of the desert, into the depths of her own forest green eyes. Shock laced through those dark streaks of green inside her orbs, like shadows through the trees as the sun slowly tried to chase them away from those oh, so gentle woods.

“Elain!” was all that Fersia could call out, as their blades still kissed the sharp edges of each other, and the mere blink of an eye seemed to be too much. But this blink of an eye was needed, as Fersia slowly saw the world again. Red fleeing from her vision like the shadows from the sun and soon, did she see it – the colour, the sharpness, the reality of this world. It was all in her imagination.

Fersia blinked ever the slowest at those giant orbs, as everything around her settled back into her view. Looking into the fearful face of her sweet Goldenrod- not into the vision of a male, whose smug smirk reeked of beer and garlic, as he shooed away the remains of her blood on his unwashed face. Making the warrior female want to spill the contents of her breakfast all over him. Pure and utter shock waved through Fersias body like a mist of smoke, as it poisoned her senses and made her go still. Made her realize what was about to happen. Her blade, dull and old as these grounds, stood grey, almost black, against the light surface of grey in Elain’s hands, as Fersia did not dare to make a move.

Steady and strong, in such a conversant way, did Elain hold the magnificent blade of Fate-Seeker against her. No fear shaking through her as she displayed it all so broadly in her face, but her body was rigid as a stone. A force of its own against Fersias strike of utter furry.

“Elain…” breathed her voice into the empty space between their forms. “Fersia…” answered Elain merely back. One word alone, shaking as if a thunderstorm had chased through her delicate body.

And then as Fersia heard -saw- of her friend, the lovely face of hers ashen, yet unharmed, did she let her sword fall. Warmed and slippery pulled the hilt slowly away from her hand and collided with the training ground beneath them – her own body wrapping around the form of the seer. Mindful of the delicate dagger pointed at her.

The Illyrian cried out, as her nostrils flowed over with the smell of lavender. Those forest eyes of hers, hiding a sea of salt away in the crook of her neck. “Goldenrod! You are alright!” “Of course, I am.” Was all she whispered back as her lithe hands wrapped carefully around her leather clad body. The dagger, beautifully crafted, was slowly dropped to Elains side and the seer breathed in, cradling her friends smell into her lungs like a lifeline.

It was ok. She was ok, yet she seemed very tense. Her shoulders were drawn in and the ash tone did not want to leave Elains normally golden skin.

“How was it? Did she hurt you? Did she threaten you?” worry laced Fersias voice. It was weird normally she could hide worry and fear without a problem. In fact, it were barely emotions that got a hold of her.

“It was ok. I am ok it’s just a few scratches, but please let’s just go home.” “Alright.”

She couldn’t really believe her friend as a heavy veil of sadness and anger weighed her oh so pretty eyes down, but Fersia did not speak of these worries as they took tentative steps through the village. All the houses blurring together as her gaze was fixed on the lithe seer. Her body seemed taunt as a bowstring, her gaze fixed on the muddy path and her smile, like a beautiful flower, has withered. A mere thin line pressing together. Something was very wrong.

The last time she saw her Goldenrod frown so deep in thought was the night before her seer jumped off, the reason for that was still an unknown case to the mighty female and normally she would have pried and given her all to find out about her motive, but she was bewitched by this golden female.

But this time, as bewitched as she was, she wanted to give her all to find out what happened in the Home of Nightmares. After all, this time was her Mother involved and she knew that danger was a too light hearted word for this female.

She was worse.

“Fersia? Are you alright?” apparently Elain wasn’t the only one caught in a web of thoughts, but other than Fersia did she realize that they reached the hut.

“Yes. I am alright. “ was all she could say as she put her weapons next to the small door and headed with large strides for the fireplace, folding her wings carefully behind her back after lowered her knees on the ground . While she was bussing herself to put log after log into the gaping mouth, hurried Elain around in the small kitchen to put a simple soup together. Silence laced the air, clogging both of their lunges.

And while it bothered the winged female, felt the high fea save in the silence. Azriel had once sat hour for hour with her in silence. Sometimes it seemed to clog the space between them too, so many unsaid things hanging between them, and just like ivy will they ever hang between them – never solving their silence as each leaf was an unanswered question.

The Shadowsinger… Elain wondered how he was doing, if he even heard from her passing or if he was still stuck on a mission to explore the continent and gather information on Koschei. Her visions did not provide an answer to that issue.

“Goldenrod?” “Yes?” “I know you told me that it was fine, but …” Fersia scratched her neck as she and her golden friend sat on the too small couch, sipping the carrot soup away “I was wondering what happened.” After all, I still see the red scratches, was all she added in her mind.

A sigh escaped those rosy lips. “Look Fersia, I told you it was alright. We of course did not sit around a coffee table sipping tea away like old friends, it was a rather …” she rung for the right word as her brows knitted together “… heated argumentation, but we got around. I can stay here.”

She smiled sheepishly at her friend “Looks like you are not getting rid of me any time soon.” Fersias forest eyes lit up “I hope so.” And so, silence ensued them again. This time like a cosy blanket weighing them down for a good nights rest.

It was utter bliss when their heads hit the mattress. Golden locks and a deep brown river of hair melding together as soon as midnight hit, but while the Illyrian slept soundly, could the seer not close her eyes. Afraid to see similar nightmares to what she witnessed before, blood of the killed ones and her own turning cold at the mere thought.

The pictures repeated itself before her inner eye as she gazed at the trees outside, swaying to the strong gusts of wind and just as a strong blow howled through the small cottage creaked the door open.

Worry shot up her spine, panic lacing her every thought as she was drawn back to the night Hybern took her and Nesta away, but it was too silent, maybe the door wasn’t closed properly, maybe it was not even the door at all but a window creaking under the force of the coldness from outside. Just as she was about to turn away hugged a heady smell her nose, letting her mind slowly drift away as the last thing she saw before passing into a slumber were those deep red eyes of the female she so despised.

She tried to growl, but it was clogged away in her chest and her final attempt was useless.

“Now you are mine.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Hello everyone

it has been such a crazy ride of a year that I can't even bring into words how happy I am that it will be over soon, but I first want to thank everyone who remembered this story and kept it alive while I was away.

I am just slowly getting back into writing and I also will have to go into my former notes about this story, but I am excited for the journey and until then we see each other again.

Now have some of my new found family offer you the same comfort as they offered me

#elriel #elain #the chosen forest keeper #elain archeron #acotar #pro elain #my work #my story #oc characters

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illyrian-lover-flower · 4 months

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Someone said Elain has to get Az a repellent for all the gingers hes shipped with and I’m dying….

Az with Gwynriel, Brycriel and Azris shippers AND Rhys:

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illyrian-lover-flower · 4 months

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Sub Azriel, dom Elain 🤭

🎨: ruisfree

Commissioned by me

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illyrian-lover-flower · 4 months

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Something I absolutely don't understand in ACOSF, why everyone of the IC or people in Velaris blindly believe Nesta killed the King of Hybern. I get it, she tore his head off, but can't she at least give her little sis some credit?! Without her she wouldn't even be alive anymore! But then again Nesta fully believes herself when it comes to Hybern!

I don't understand why no one in the book clarifies that!

#Elain the kingslayer #Elain

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illyrian-lover-flower · 5 months

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Elriel by nice_wingspan on insta 🗣️🖤✨

https://www.instagram.com/p/C0j17_spuGJ/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

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illyrian-lover-flower · 5 months

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Elain & Azriel in Whispering Moonlight

For What Bloomed in the Darkgarden 🌙

His shadows trailed around her skirts, through the ends of her curls. The darker he grew, the lighter she became. As if the contrast was essential. As if, in sharing together what each they lacked, they became infinite.

It was ruined hearts and broken, jagged pieces of soul made flesh.

It was him.

It was her.

It was choice.

And Elain and Azriel were burning with it, two lost, dying stars, blazing through the great night sky.

Seeing this story come to life in such a timeless, evocative way has left me forever changed, and I'm so happy to share this stunning piece with you all.

🎨 By the brilliance of winterofherdiscontent on Instagram, commissioned by myself, @bloomingdarkgarden

🚫 Do Not Repost

💙 Likes and Shares Appreciated

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illyrian-lover-flower · 5 months

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Hello everyone

I just want to apologize real quick. I was going over some of the old comments from 'The chosen forest keeper' and I was so incredibly happy to read them and tell you all about the story.

But sadly I lost track of time a bit and I realized that it have been over 2 years now since I last posted a chapter. I know instead of apologizing again I should just update a chapter 😅😉, but unfortunately I have been stuck in a writing block for the last years and couldn't find any motivation to write.

My crippling ADHD and possible Autism didn't make that any easier for me. I was so incredibly motivated to write 'The chosen forest keeper' at the beginning, but I soon started to realize how big of a project this will be until I am at the most exciting parts of the story and so I let loose of the story.

I don't have my laptop with me right now and still a lot to do with school but I want to write again. For you guys and for me.

So I have the goal to post the next chapter eather before or on Christmas or a bit before new year's eve.

It is time to wake this story up again ❤️ and I want you all to be there.

But before I now start organizing how to get my laptop back, I want to say Thank you especially to @elriellover @duneska @tanaquilpriscilla and @the-laughing-bubble

I love you guys so much and reading your comments and your excitement about this story really motivates me again.

Thank you to all who have been waiting and thank you for your understanding.

I love you all ❤️

Taglist :

@tanaquilpriscilla

@generousfanfan

@hail-doodles

@courtofjurdan

@classywastelandpirate

@heirofthrnightcourt004

@autophobiaxx

@galenamineralsbismuth

@swankii-art-teacher

#elriel #illyrian lover flower #authors note #i love you #authors #back again #update #everyone is really nice #i'm back #The chosen forest keeper #my story

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illyrian-lover-flower · 7 months

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Azriel

in a nutshell with everyone:

Cassian: here is some beef jerky. Enjoy. You are the only one whose guts I am willing to hold in my hands.

Mor: ehhh

Feyre: sorry you hit that tree. You ought to be more careful.

Rhys: no

Amren: I have no problem murdering you at any point

Nesta: still unsure about you. Quit blowing my bro in the dining room. I eat there. And one more word against my babygirl...and we'll have some serious disagreements

Lucien: be glad I haven't murdered you yet. Accidentally of course.

Gwyn: Prize? Hahaha. What prize? You aren't gonna pass anyway. Now go and keep cutting that ribbon.

Emerie: You are in the Blood Rite? That's sad.

Eris: be glad I haven't murdered you yet.

Lustful priestesses: general avoidance

Elain: My wings are shredded and bleeding? I haven't noticed, sweetheart, since you are nestled so nicely in my arms....Let me help you with these potatoes, it's a heavy platter...You need to defend yourself, darling? Here is my most prized possession. Also, here are some shadows. Also, I will die before anything bad befalls you....You give the cutest gifts and I am finally laughing for the first time in 300 years...Sitting with you in the garden is my favourite thing ever....Yeah I am pushing my High Lady out of the way to get to you first and wish you a 'Happy Solstice'...I will break Cassian's arm if he dares to eat before you are at the table...if you are ever tired, you are welcome to sit on my face and relax for as long as you want to...

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illyrian-lover-flower · 9 months

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༉‧₊˚🕯️🖤❀༉‧₊˚.

“𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒌𝒆𝒅 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒐𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒖𝒑𝒐𝒏 𝒂 𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎, 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒊𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒐 𝒇𝒂𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒂𝒓 𝒂 𝒈𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒎. 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒆, 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒗𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒅𝒐𝒎 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒎. 𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝒊𝒇 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒍𝒍 𝒅𝒐, 𝒚𝒐𝒖’𝒍𝒍 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒂𝒕 𝒐𝒏𝒄𝒆, 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒊𝒅 𝒐𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒖𝒑𝒐𝒏 𝒂 𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎.”

༉‧₊˚🕯️🖤❀༉‧₊˚.

✮♱✮ art by hanna.digiart

✮♱✮ commissioned by me

༉‧₊˚🕯️🖤❀༉‧₊˚.

I hope you’re all doing very well today!!! I’m so very excited to share this absolutely beautiful and magnificent masterpiece done by the amazing and wonderfully talented hanna.digiart. I’ve loved Sleeping Beauty ever since I was a child, and the theory that Elriel could be a Sleeping Beauty retelling just makes my heart race with excitement so I’ve been dying to commission this!! I was also inspired by pandoras_book and her breathtaking Sleeping Beauty Elriel pieces!! So I hope you guys are as in love with this piece as I am, and once again show support to the insanely awesome hanna.digiart for bringing my ideas to life in ways I couldn’t even imagine! This piece was also very inspired by my lovely friend, @elriell sleeping beauty Elriel commissions!! If you haven’t already, you MUST check hers out they’re absolutely perfect!!!

Sleeping Beauty Elriel Theory

༉‧₊˚🕯️🖤❀༉‧₊˚.

✮♱✮ characters are Elain Archeron and Azriel from A Court of Thorns and Roses

༉‧₊˚🕯️🖤❀༉‧₊˚.

✮♱✮ likes, saves, and shares are always appreciated!

✮♱✮ no reposts allowed.

༉‧₊˚🕯️🖤❀༉‧₊˚.

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illyrian-lover-flower · 10 months

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~ 𝐴 𝑏𝑟𝑖𝑑𝑔𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑤𝑒𝑒𝑛 𝑠𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑠 ~

❞𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐬𝐡𝐞’𝐝 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐲 𝐜𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐀𝐳𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐥, 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐞𝐭❞.

➵ Art by amazing @/tsuki696 on twitter 💜

➵ Commisioned by me 🙈

Surprise! For this prompt I don't have just one art, I have two! The idea for this piece was born from the theory that Elain and Azriel are carranam. I know this is something only mentioned in Throne of Glass, but I love the concept and the possibility of its appearance in acotar. I love the idea that Elain and Az's powers are compatible and they can help each other when needed, like when Elain stabbed Hybern, mysteriously stepping out of a shadow...

In this featured scene Elain, is trying to have a vision while Azriel helps her so that her power is amplified. Yet, at the same time, he is giving her peace and tranquility by being by her side. Honestly I love this-- it gives me a lot of peace. I hope you enjoy it! 💖

➵ Characters Elain Archeron and Azriel belong to @therealsjmaas

➵ Please 𝐃𝐎𝐍'𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓

➵ Likes and shares are appreciated.

➵ Be respectful.

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illyrian-lover-flower · 10 months

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“𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐄𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧—𝐄𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐢𝐭, 𝐭𝐨𝐨. 𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐬𝐡𝐞’𝐝 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐲 𝐜𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐀𝐳𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐥, 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐞𝐭.”

Art by @llumetrii

Commissioned by me

I am OBSESSED with this com 😭 Kate did such a wonderful job with it! Also Anwar and Senka are so fucking cute 🤣♥️ love them so much! If the pomegranate seems random I promise it’s not, this is inspired by the one shot for the #acotardæmon AU, the chapter should be out between Friday or Saturday🥰

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illyrian-lover-flower · 10 months

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"What if the Cauldron was wrong?"

This was one of my entries for the @elrielmonth this year 🩷. A hypothetical noncanon dust jacket for ACOTAR6 (spin off 2), which I named as A Court of Gilded Bonds!

This is a retelling of the Sleeping Beauty tale in where Azriel is the one in danger and they are in a forbidden love but she has to get him back 💘🗡️🥀

You have easter eggs in the whole artwork, like Koschei's castle, sleepy Az, connections with the cauldron (bonds), gold ring (not iron), hidden seer eye, fawn ears, etc.

🥀 characters belongs to Sarah J. Maas

🥀 pose ref by Satine Zillah and Rachel Bradley (paid packs)

🥀 art by me. credits if you repost and do not crop the watermark!

Please be kind 🩷, if you support another ship it is okay, but I support them 🥰

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illyrian-lover-flower · 10 months

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you're not replaceable either | elriel

part two to my Elriel week 2023 piece (this might make little sense unless you read part one)

Summary: Az discovers Elain sleepwalking, and notices more about her than he did the night she found him outside the townhouse. A very emotional (post ACOSF) conversation ensues. I love angst! (I personally hope their book is full of angst and mutual pining for like the first third of it) Word Count: 2.9k

Warnings: Weight loss due to depression/not eating, skipping meals. Author's Note: Basically all I think about is how the first post ACOSF conversation will go between these two in Elain's book so that's where this was born! I bounce back and forth between who will start the conversation/who will say I love you first. I mostly think Az will have to initiate the conversation first because Elain will be so hurt from the rejection. In my Elriel week piece, Elain does most of the talking, but this is what I imagine Az might say. Enjoy! <3

She calls for you, his shadow whispers, curling around his ear as he struggles to focus on the papers in front of him. It seems he hasn't been able to focus on anything since returning home and seeing Elain days ago.

Sleep walking, it continues, she is restless. It doesn't have to elaborate, of course he knows who it speaks of. Elain. He tries to ignore it, the tugging feeling in his gut telling him to go.

She is calling for you, it repeats, asleep in the ivy.

"Asleep in the ivy? Outside?" Azriel asks out loud. It must mean the ivy sprawling the side of the River Manor. She's been staying there to prepare for Starfall festivities. It adorns the siding of the house and cascades into a bed below.

She wanders when she dreams.

"Has this happened before?" he asks his shadow.

Yes, she always wakes up alone and confused.

Gods, it's cold tonight. He can't possibly let her stay there. If he were to be caught by Rhys then he'd have that as a cover at least.

Azriel stands from his desk at the House of Wind quickly and rushes to the door. He's in the sky in seconds, flying as fast as he can towards Rhys and Feyre's home.

When he lands, it's quiet. He makes his way towards the ivy silently, so he doesn't wake the sleeping beauty in front of him.

He goes still when he hears it.

"Azriel," she breathes.

He's frozen in place. That's all she says, just his name. Slipping from her lips as she exhales in her sleep.

"Azriel," she whispers again, snapping him back into the moment.

He walks the rest of the way to her, bending at his knees. He looks at her for a moment, wanting to savor the image of her sleeping in her garden for a little while longer. Azriel grabs Elain's arms and drapes them over his shoulders as he braces under her back. He slides his other arm beneath her knees and stands.

Her breathing remains steady, unflinching, as he carefully walks her towards the house.

Azriel chokes on disgust with himself as he notes that she is lighter than the last time he had the privilege of carrying her. He noticed the dark circles under her eyes on the night she found him outside the townhouse, but not the way her bones feel more pronounced as he holds her against him. All of the progress she made lost. This is because of him.

“Azriel?” Elain mutters. Azriel stops and looks down at her. Still fast asleep.

“Yes darling?"

“I’m dreaming aren’t I?”

He hesitates. Should he say no? Should he wake her and tell her the truth?

You are to stay away from her, Rhys's words echo in his mind. He exhales his breath and closes his eyes, steeling himself against his wishes and continues walking.

“Yes Elain, just a dream.”

“Good, I can do this in my dreams.”

He almost missed it, the quiet words that slipped from her lips. He stops in confusion, just in time to feel Elain's arms tighten around his neck to lift herself to his level. Azriel is frozen in shock as Elain presses her lips to his. Azriel stands utterly still, eyes wide in disbelief as Elain kisses him.

It's a soft thing, barely there, as if she's scared he would not reciprocate. Her lips just barely brush against his, not enough for him to taste her exactly the way he'd always wanted to but enough for him to feel the plushness he always imagined they'd hold, for the blood to drain from his brain and his breath to be knocked from his lungs.

He should stop it of course. It's unfair to her. It's not the first kiss from him that she deserves. Not to mention his High Lord's order.

But it is happening. It's the first kiss they're having. Right now. So he closes his eyes, abandons his inhibitions, and kisses her back. He holds her tighter to him and deepens the kiss with his own lips, moving along hers until they open and she inhales a breath before returning to his waiting mouth.

He will never be the same. He is forever changed. This can't be all they ever are. He will do whatever it takes.

Elain pulls away with a sigh and drops back into Azriel's hold, still sleeping. Azriel can't believe a lot about the last few minutes, but of the most surprising details is that she hasn't woken up. She won't remember this tomorrow.

She sleeps deeply when she finally finds sleep, his shadow whispers.

Azriel cringes at the thought of her lying awake, unable to find peace. It upsets him worse to think he is probably the cause. He shouldn't have accepted that kiss. He doesn't deserve it.

Elain is quiet as he carries her inside and up the staircase, floating on silent steps through the house to the room he knows is hers. Azriel turns to push the door open with his back and lays Elain in the sheets that she left earlier in the night, still sweet with her jasmine scent. It overwhelms him.

Azriel draws his arms out from underneath her, noting the way her eyebrows knit together as they lose their physical connection. He feels the same disappointment.

"I must fix this," he whispers, vowing to himself as he gazes upon her too thin sleeping form.

Azriel watches her breath rise and fall for one more second before turning from her bed and leaving the room.

Elain woke the next morning with an unexplained crick in her neck and a few leaves in her hair that confused her. But what confused her most was the lingering scent of cedar on her skin. She could have sworn her lips tingled from activity but decided she must have just had an interesting dream. But she can’t shake the feeling that something fundamental changed about her last night.

She bathed and dressed as she normally did. Judging by the sun, she was still up before the rest of the house even though it was later than she usually slept these days.

She was just finishing the braid in her hair as she walked towards the kitchen when she spotted him. She froze, considered turning around, but it was too late, he'd already seen her.

Elain stills in the doorway to the kitchen, unsure how to speak to him. They hadn't seen each other since their unexpected meeting days ago. She thought that might be all she saw of him for months again. She wasn't even sure that he was still in Velaris.

Azriel looks up to see Elain and he's immediately reminded of the way her lips felt against his last night. He hadn't slept a second since then. He paced around outside for hours before coming to pace around inside, then finally making his way to the kitchen and making himself a cup of tea while Elain slept upstairs. But one thing all of the pacing helped him decide was certain. He couldn't stay away from her. Even if she doesn't wish to be with him when she is awake, he had to see her get better at the very least. Rhys can damn him if he wishes.

She is wearing a dress that hasn't fit her since her first months in Prythian, when she was despondent, a shell of the female he came to know. How he hates that dress.

He wants feels her lips again. He wants to put his hands on her delicate face and kiss her with the truth dancing on his tongue. He wants to feed her until she regains the fullness she once had on her limbs, until her hips become rounded again and her collarbones less profound. Then burn that dress because she'll never need it again.

“Hello,” Azriel greets her calmly, showing remarkable restraint.

“Hello,” she answers, “you are still here.”

It's surprise he's still there that he picks up on in her tone, not dismay or vexation as he would have previously expected.

She doesn't remember, a shadow whispers into his ear.

“Yes,” he replies politely, “for the celebrations. Rhys insisted I stay home for Starfall. Feyre says she has missed me.”

“Yes,” Elain responds, attempting to reply the best she could as she struggles to find her breath. She did not expect to be alone again with him so soon after the townhouse. “Your absence is always so noticeable.”

Something aches in Azriel's chest at the words. He always assumes his absence is never felt. He can't imagine her missing him after the way he left her on Solstice and abandonment since. He is not sure how to respond, letting silence falls between them.

“Are you well?” Elain asks him, and he says a silent thank you for saving the conversation with such a gracious question.

“Yes,” he lies. Azriel notices they have not looked away from each other since she appeared in the doorway.

“Apart from not sleeping?”

Azriel chuckles, “How can you tell?”

Elain offers him a small smile as she gestures to her eyes, telling him she sees the darkness under his.

“Ah yes, how could I forget how observant you are?” Azriel muses.

Elain’s smile falls and Azriel realizes it was the wrong thing to say - pointing out how long he’s been away. How they’ve grown apart. Why they’ve grown apart.

“Am I in your way?” he hurries to ask, changing the subject when he notices that she has yet to enter the kitchen.

“No, of course not,” she answers. Still such a gentleman, Elain thinks to herself as ahe cautiously enters the kitchen and begins her morning routine.

Silence falls between them again as she fills the tea kettle with water to heat and gathers ingredients for the breakfast she is making for the family.

“I have missed being here as well,” Azriel breaks the silence. “Missed seeing Nyx grow and everyone’s laughter.” He pauses, unsure if he should continue. Fuck it. She needs to know, he thinks. “I have missed you.”

Elain turns from where she's working to face him, bracing her arms on the countertop behind her to keep her upright.

“You have?” utter surprise lines her features. This is far more words than she expected to be hearing from him upon his return. And far different words than she was expecting as well.

“You are surprised?” Azriel questions her from his seat, head tilted slightly in confusion. Of course he missed her, does she think his feelings have changed?

“Well…” she exhales her breath, “yes.”

“Why are you surprised, Elain?” Az asks gently, setting his papers aside and scooting his seat out, readying himself to stand at any moment.

“I thought…" Elain struggles, "because you said that… that it was a mistake,” she chokes out, her head dipping as her eyes fall to the ground in front of her.

Azriel would have rather been stabbed in the chest. Would have rather the wound in his abdomen that she healed just a few nights ago be ripped back open. It would have hurt less than hearing those words fall from her lips, as if she’s thought of them every day since like he has. Confirming his worst fear that the words he regrets the most have haunted her.

Azriel stands and takes a step closer to her. He knew this would come eventually, he just hadn’t been prepared for it to be today. He tries to dull the warmth in his chest as he realizes she did not take a step away from him.

“Elain no…” he begins. “I should never have said that,” he shakes his head, trying to meet her eyes. He cranes his neck to the side to see if she’ll look at him. “Your company is never a mistake.”

Her head remains dropped towards the floor, her gaze fallen, as if she doesn't believe him.

“I thought,” she whispers, “that you wouldn’t want to see me. Wouldn’t want to be near me after I came on to you so strongly and put you in such a position. I'm sorry for how I misunderstood you and made you uncomfortable. I was so selfish.” A tear slips from her eye and Azriel's heart breaks.

“No Elain, please listen,” he carefully approaches her, tilting her chin with his thumb and forefinger to meet his gaze. “The fault is all mine. It pains me to think you’ve felt this way when you did absolutely nothing wrong.” He can't believe these are the things she's been telling herself.

“You’ve been away because I’m still here. Your family has had to suffer not seeing you because of me.”

Is that what she believes? he thinks. However correct in a sense, it is not in the way she thinks.

“No," Azriel whispers, shaking his head in disbelief. He gently grabs her too thin wrists and internally winces at the size of them. He moves his hands down until they are cradling her own. She's trembling. Touching her at all is a risk. He's not sure he'll be able to stop. He didn't think himself capable of the restraint he is demonstrating right now. He wishes he could kiss every tear that falls from her eyes away. He wishes he could kiss her until she forgets about anything other than how devoted he is to her. "I can't explain fully, but it was an unrelated mission, I swear it. Believe me.”

She silently nods, dropping her eyes from his once again.

“I would have gone somewhere else if it meant you’d come home.”

“You belong here, Elain."

Her eyes lift back to his at his words.

“As do you, Azriel."

There is a silent pause as they stare at each other, unsure how much of what they have kept guarded that they should reveal to one another. Azriel has always had a silent way of getting her to open up. She has missed that.

“I thought about it," Elain states shyly, closing her eyes.

“About what?”

“Going somewhere else.”

“And where would you go?”

“Wherever he wanted.”

“He?” Azriel questions, fighting the panic rising from his gut. Elain opens her eyes.

“Lucien. If I accepted the bond.”

Azriel stares in silence, his eyes dancing from one of hers to the other. No, no, no. He can’t believe what he’s hearing. Did he push her to that? Did he make her feel like that was her only choice?

Did she stun him into silence? Elain wonders. She can’t believe how much conversation they’ve exchanged in just a few minutes. It’s as if he saves all of the words he doesn’t speak to others just for her. She longs to hear more. She longs to feel his hands in places other than holding hers. She wants more.

“I know everyone wishes me to.”

“No, Elain. not everyone.”

Something scares her about the tone with which he said that. She is not sure how to respond. Will he say that he does not wish her to?

“You should only accept it if it’s what you truly want for yourself. Not for anybody else. Not for what anyone expects of you.”

“It isn’t…. what I want. It will never be,” Elain firmly states. How many people does she have to convince?

Azriel lets out a long winded exhale.

“And he will live. Lucien is a reasonable male. I believe he will remain our ally even after," Azriel assures her.

Elain turns her head away from him, as if looking at him for too long hurts. Azriel understands that pain. But she nods. Maybe she believes him.

Maybe he can stay long enough to make her believe him.

“I am glad you are home,” she whispers. “Will you stay?”

“I hope so. At least for a while. There's something I need to do.”

Elain nods, not knowing that making sure she is okay is the thing that Azriel needs to do. She gently removes her hands from his grasp and Azriel realizes he was holding them all that time. He takes that as his sign to return to his seat.

Elain resumes her work on the breakfast hash for the household and they return to comfortable silence. Azriel pretends to review his papers while he secretly watches her move about the kitchen. Elain leaves their family's breakfast in a warming dish and places homemade scones by the kettle full of coffee before grabbing her own cup of tea and attempting to leave before Azriel notices that she didn't eat.

“Elain?” he calls after her.

“Yes?” she answers, turning to catch his hazel stare.

“Just a few nights ago, you screamed at me for treating myself as expendable.”

She stares blankly, unsure of where he is going with this.

“You must care for yourself as well as you care for the others. For all of us. You are not replaceable either, dear Elain.”

Her eyes widen with surprise, searching his for an explanation to his words.

“I am quite observant too,” he says.

I see you, his eyes seem to tell her. They may not notice, but I do.

She should feel embarrassed shouldn't she? To be so transparent. To have someone look at her and see it all, all of the secrets that she thought she'd been keeping so well.

But she is not embarrassed at all. She feels something awakening in her again that she thought she would never feel again.

Should she ask him? she wonders. He seems to be reaching out his hand. He seems to be enjoying her company again. Perhaps all is not lost.

“Would.." she begins, trying to find her voice again after being seen so thoroughly by him. "Would you like me to show you the gardens?” she asks.

"I would," Azriel smiles, standing from his seat once again and waiting for her to lead them out the door.

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