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2023, sagarin niyo na lahat ng pagod at sakit. Para hindi ko na madala sa 2024, if that is even possible. HAHA

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Tried two of the drinks at Starbucks that I have been dying to try: Pumpkin Spice Latté and Gingerbread Latté! Bucket list, double-checked! ✅✅

Sorry. This might seem like a "small" matter but it is a big one to me. Before, I've only been watching through Youtube videos when chic youtubers start their day with Starbucks and the abovementioned flavors are what they always order when it's Halloween or Christmas szn. I am grateful that Starbucks came to our city plus, I can now afford to try them out. 🥺🫶

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Weekend well spent ! 💛 Can't post this on my socmed bc there's just so many 🧿🧿🧿 posting these here instead. to maintain my anonymous identity, i shall be consistently post without me face. creating a dump or sumthin might be a better idea 🙈

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Nananadya talaga tong librong 'to.

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Ang timely naman nung last sentence. Iyak malala na naman.

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I'm back here again and you know what that means.

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Birthday ko ngayon pero hindi ko feel? Is it because of the age or something else? I just feel sad. Siguro I will write something of what happened last weekend that conceivably contributed to this downcast feeling. May mga naggreet na pero nefi-feel ko na parang forced na lang. Mainis ako. Wag na lang maggreet mas okay pa yun.

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Gusto ko lang maging honest kayo sa akin. Pero bakit ganun :)

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Eto na yung nakakainis sa pamilyang to. Ipupush ka na ipupursue goals mo, gagawin mo. Pero in the middle of it, hindi ko man lang maramdaman yung support. Oo, financially kaso sapilitan pa. Magrereklamo muna bago magbigay. Pera ko naman sana yung gagamitin. Naiintindihan ko na ang hirap magbudget pero naka-ilang ulit na akong nagsabi in advance na magtabi para sa akin. Kaso wala. Kakareview ko lang through online, nagalit kasi bakit daw ang tagal. Kailangan pa kasing isarado ung door nila (since sa lola ko ako natutulog). Katatapos lang at 8:30pm ung review class tapos I decided na bumaba para kumain ng mango float tsaka magpahinga ng kaunti bago magchange ng damit eh anong nakuha? Imbes kamustahin ko kung okay lang ano napala ko? Pangaral na naman. Walang katapusang pangaral... Yawyaw... Reklamo. Nakakainis. Sarap magpakamatay. Ginagawa ko man sana lahat to para sa kanila. Alin ba dun yung di nila maintindihan?

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Nette on Sundays

Here goes my attempt in living an ✨aesthetic✨ life. Lol. Today was well-spent. Went to a very nice café. Their food was 10/10. Would most likely visit there again! Here are the food we ordered:

•Spicy Desconstructed Longganisa with Garlic Rice and Egg: 9/10

•Beef Kulma: 10/10 (BK is my comfort food and I'm not usually picky and I eat whatever version there is but THIS. This set the bar.)

•Iced Caramel Popcorn: 9/10 (not a perf score. I like its sweetness but there's just too much ice)

•Iced Caramel Macchiato: 10/10 (because of the experience! You get to mix the coffee caramel with the milk! And it's that good!)

After eating our brunch, we went to the grocery to grab something that my mom asked me to buy. After buying, we fetched my mom and my sister so we can go together for our Sunday Ritual at The Fort Pilar Shrine. We then ate at Jollibee for our early dinner (for my sister but it's only merienda for the 3 of us). We went home to my Boyf's place then we had our dinner at McDo. Their spaghetti was surprisingly good. I might be ordering one partnered with their mushroom pepper steak. These two, I think, might be the perfect combo.

It was a very relaxing Sunday. I really liked how our day went. I guess, I deserve this since, preparation days are coming for the exam. I've only got 2 months left and there are still a lot of books to read. It's just too overwhelming. When I started reading a bit of it, I was lost. There were a lot of terms that were alien to me. I still had to search them up. I am anxious because of the short time to gather and equip myself for d-day. I hope I can make it and get through it. In His will.

#cafe #coffee #personal

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Siguro whenever I feel anxious, open ko na lang 'tong account na 'to and just write whatever I feel. I have been jittery and I have been trembling kahit na hindi naman ako anxious at the moment. Baka siguro stored emotions siya na hindi nailalabas 'no?

#mema #personal

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“Had my silence really been a silence,or a loud voice that is mute?”

Clarice Lispector, The Passion According to G.H.

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It feels nice to be active here again, acting all vulnerable and complacent because no one here is going to judge you. It's just you and your thoughts in words, in junction with an endless waterfall of mixed emotions. It's just good to be back writing again. I kind of missed my other account. There were a lot of spilled inks there. I guess, I'll try to get back in the game.

#spilled ink #thoughts #mema #personal

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I posted something on public that is work-related. It was just about the re-location of where we will be rendering our services. At first, I just posted the flyer in my story. But, I was influenced by how lacking the information found there. So, I then decided and took the initiative to post a status with the complete information in order to guide our members (of course, I first asked permission from our marketing team if I can post it and let her proofread it if ever my info are correct). I posted it 11 hours ago but there was something in me that doubted for a sec if I should post it or not. Here are the thoughts that emerged before me:

First and foremost, I was not one of the those who will be transferring to the new location. So I thought, "Para saan pa?" but a thought countered this, "Ay, okay lang 'yan. Kasama ka naman sa company." The latter may have won but the former still bugged me.

Second, what would the "Marketing Team" think of me? "Pabida"? Of course, it was supposed to be their job to inform. They have more rights to do it but I came in first. I stole the spotlight. But, "Why would I think that?" I asked. They should be thankful tho. I have given them the favor. Since, they are so busy with the moving procedures, at least someone managed to lessen their cargoes, right?

Third, I am not even a permanent employee. Why would I? Maybe my fellow contractual employees would think what the Marketing did. They would tag me as "pabida."

It's just really incomprehensible that tagging me as pabida when I just took the leap of faith and made the initiative to post it just so. I wanted to announce to my circle of friends on FB of what is about to happen. I intend no harm but pure intentions of PSA.

Later this afternoon, our Area Head came barging in to the office calling my nickname. "Nette!" she shouted. What first came to mind that maybe, she will scold me for posting without advise. I prepared for my doom that time BUT, it wasn't my doom after all. Press releases per protocol should be announced by the Headquarters but, can we afford to wait for them? No. This was reiterated by our Area Head. She said (non-verbatim), "I wanted to post it but my Team told me that someone has already posted one with the complete details. They told me it was 'Nette' but initially, I didn't know who it was but when they said Nette was from the Accounting Department, I knew who it is." It kinda made me feel bad but happy na rin because I am not that known so, I guess keeping it lowkey worked. Anyway, to continue she said, "I will be seeking your permission to share this has because I was about to post but I find your post complete and informative already." I don't how to feel about that, actually. I wanted to be happy but the people around me in my department does not seem that supportive. Even if it was a compliment but all I got was stares as if I did the most wrongful thing. I tried to smile, laugh it all out and said, "Sure, Ma'am. It's for everybody's info naman din." It did not ease my anxiety. It just made it worse.

Someone from work chatted me, "Nette, kamusta? Ano feeling maging famous?" If only this --> ??? would become a face reaction, that will be my face reaction to his message. I mean, I did not intend to become famous. I only intend to inform. I really don't know if that was a tease or a compliment. I don't know anymore. Do I seem like a joke to everybody?

Also, I saw a tweet from one of my co-workers as well. Her tweet went, "Kahit ilang aviso pa yan, bobo pa rin mga tao. Hindi sila nakakaintindi." All I can say, that is why we are here. That is why we will continuously announce until the actual day comes or even days after. Grabe naman. These are the reasons why I don't usually favor to be participative in this kind of stuffs. I am always the one who gets misunderstood. I hate this. So I replied to her tweet, "Check. Hahaha." Though pissed, the sadness felt stronger.

Anyway, charge to experience na lang. Nakakawala ng kumpyansa sa sarili. My confidence, which I have been building lately, crumbled down and here I am, about to pick the pieces up and try to get back up again. I am both discouraged and embarrassed of what I have done. This will be that last. I will no longer get myself involved in this type of things anymore if this is what I get. Sometimes when you do what is right, it will still feel wrong.

p.s. sorry for the typos and grammatical errors. As of writing, I am THAT sleepy. My eyes are trying to shut. This serves as one of my writing exercises just so I can exercise my brain.

#mema #personal #work

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I guess I missed reading that much that I willingly traded a long and good night sleep just to finish off chapters to feed my intrigued self.

#personal #mema

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Inggit na inggit naman ako sa mga nakapunta ng SoKor for FOLLOW concert ng Seventeen. :((

#seventeen #follow tour

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Post-graduate studies

I took the GSAT (Graduate Studies Admission Studies) last June 11, this year. The exam should be taken before you will be admitted to the program, however, I took it late due to a change in decision. I initially wanted to pursue LLB (Law School) but I think the stars didn't align for me at that time. It pushed me to take the MPA course instead. It was a last-minute decision at that time because I got discouraged with their process. I took the exam not so long ago and made a contract with myself that I should at least garner a 70% rating. If I could achieve that rating, then maybe, I could also pass the Comprehensive Exam that is also coming by the end of September, this year as well. So, I took the GSATs with no prior preparations but, instead chose to read a self-help book that would somehow help improve my vocabulary skills. Surprisingly to say, it worked really well. Most of the given words in the exam was also the type of words that was used in the book that I was reading prior to the exam. Thankfully, I had the initiative to look up for the words and its meaning, in hopes that those words will be the words that will come up in the test.

I was, not even close, to being confident as I was taking the exam. There were a lot of unforeseen circumstances before I went to the testing center. I did not feel my parents' support although they did bid me good luck. My boyfriend and I fought badly. Basically, I was not in my best condition that day to the point that I wanted to back out. I wanted to surrender. 99% wanted to but that 1% refused to do so. I just prayed that no matter what will happen, it is what is. It is His plan, nevertheless. If I won't pass nor reach the percentile ranking mark for the program, then, maybe this year is not that year for me to take the Comprehensive Exam. I was near to the acceptance stage.

Yesterday, June 21, a message came across my Messenger account. It said that the result of the GSAT already came out and we can now claim our results. Of course, my stomach was filled with butterflies and I was so close to puking. My hands went cold, my heartbeat doubled its beating. "This is it," I said. At around 4pm, I decided to go to that university where I took the exam (which was just near to where I was working, just walking distance, thank Heavens!). I slowly walked myself to the testing center and just said, "It's Your will, Lord. If I pass, thank You. If I fail, thank You still."

I waited for the attendant and gave my test permit. The result of my co-worker (we took the exam together) was handed in first then he handed mine. My hands were shaking and I just hoped for the best. I peeked for my result and viola! A 94.29% rating before my eyes!!! I was screaming internally, I just wanted to jump. You must be wondering why I am this elated. The exam was THAT difficult. After the exam, I was THAT drained. I couldn't believe that I passed because I doubted my answers. As i was answering each item, I was uncertain. I never had an answer which I was confident of. The last part of the exam which was Math, we were only given 35 minutes to solve and answer the problems and the choices were not even close to what I solved! I just shaded whatever because time was running out. So excuse me if I am this jumpy and I had to share this experience because it is something I could not gatekeep. I wanted to share this for me to look back on in the near future; for me to push through on goals which I am afraid of and face every challenges head on. Fear is what keeps us to move forward. It only takes a slight push to start moving.

Hoping for a good result as well this coming September. Hoping and praying I can finally attain that MPA title this year. I am manifesting this and I am blocking every evil eye/mouth that will try to destroy and jinx me. In His name.

#personal #mema #mpa #graduate studies #experience #exam #studyblr