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missfhayemous · 2 years

Video

UP hahhaah

October 8 2012

it was the most unforgettable birthday i ever have in my whole life that guy who is playing is my all time crush :D he is kuya isaiah :D a violin major and serve as our concert master in our college :D (my course is music btw)

my friends ambushed him and asked him to play a birthday song as a gift for me

what was my reaction? total messed up!!!!

i really can’t believe it in my own two eyes when i saw my ipod and he was the one in it!!!!! i do 2 summer-salts just to express my happiness LOL JK JK :D

my friends are the best this guy is quite an aloof one but they manage to pursuade him kudos for them!

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missfhayemous · 3 years

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This is no longer about anyone anymore, i am simply writing this in hopes na may babalikan ako incase..ang saya lang basahin dahil 3yrs ago pa ung entry ko, nagaaral pa ako.. and look at me now.. 2yrs ng graduate pero still struggling to find myself. I am currently writing in hopes na sana by this time na matapos ko tong sulat na to sana naman by this time sumaya naman ako 😅 I don't know if this is a desperate cry? Pero hindi ko alam kung saan ko ilalagay ung sarili ko dahil I am confused, traumatized and lost. After the 2 guys that I wrote here, unfortunately I met 2 selfish guys, met them before pandemic and broke me during the pandemic, the experience scarce me, it scarce me to the point that I am getting sacred and tired. My trust issues are over the roof and I start questioning myself di pa rin ba? Wala pa rin ba? But honestly I am really really sacred as of the moment, dahil dalawang beses akong na-attach and the result is waaay toooo much for me to handle, I am almost become a 3rd party, I even looked stupid for chasing for someone, I even got to a point na hinihiling ko na sila kay Lord na I am okay basta ibalik lang sila sa akin.. but Lord is kind enough na hindi ibigay.. pero masakit.. dahil ayun nga I am stock with the past experience, now when I am meeting someone I get scared, I cant help to compare them to those guys, kahit na sinasabi nmn ng gut ko na okay siya, pero I cant seem to trust.. I am so toxic for myself, ano ba gagawin ko? Ayoko ng huminge, ayoko ng humiling, Lord doesnt spoil his daughter and sons, he provides the best. Pero when? Pero di naman ako nagmamadali, I am just scared because I might have the tendency to pull away, and I am currently scared that at some point aalis din siya/sila, dahil I am tired..tired of meeting new people ang hirap magpakilala ulit, and ngayon I am still confused kung saan papunta pero di ko rin minamadali, I am not asking for more than anything pero sana kung kupal to plss show me, pagbalaan niyo naman ako.. dahil ung deretsong blow sa akin masakit.. sana sa sunod na entry ko dito I am finally happy..sana i finally found myself... I will try to be better, to be the one who deserves my love..

Fhaye

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missfhayemous · 5 years

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Leave it Blank no.2 (november 25 2018)

Ang nakakatawa sa first blank note, it is full of love, acceptance and happiness.. everything is soooo light, just like your normal day na alam mo lang na special kasi dahil doon sa unang tao na nakapaloob doon. The first person is all about everything you want for but you can't have it, kasi he will never look at you the way you look at him, pero alam mo yun, alam mo na hindi niya kayang iparamdam ung gusto mong maramdaman galing sa kanya kaya you have no choice just to let it be, be happy for him and be thankful at least you know how it felt to give love without expecting anything in return. Now after 8 years you feel that you are ready, you accepted everything and now you start to let other people enter your life, ang nasa isip ko pa nun, it is time to feel something new, the walls that I am building starts to collapse one by one, because of this certain person na dumating bigla sa akin, old person na siya from the past, pero hindi ko siya pinansin gaano kasi nga i am so occupied with blank no.1, and nung nagparamdam at bumalik siya I entertained him, because the first thing na pumasok sa isip ko before at ang first sign na hininge ko kay lord, kung sino man ang unang magttry pumasok sa buhay ko, I will entertain him, I will start dating and opening my heart to this person, kasi natatakot ako baka maging stock ako sa past at mamiss ko ung mga taong darating sa buhay ko, honestly I am afraid of being alone, hindi naman sa naghahanap ako ng love life dahil sa lonely ako, pero I want to feel special, I want to feel the love na maeexperience mo sa opposite sex, seriously just thinking about it, it gives me butterflies in my stomach, I am already 24 years old nung time na yun, yung isa kong friend kinasal na, yung isa naman may boyfriend, haha lagi na lang ba akong 3rd wheel? somehow iniisip ko di ko pa ba time? di ko pa ba deserve? like "LORD naman, anuna" so yun nga balik tayo saknya, dumating siya sa buhay ko, unexpected.. he was soooo sweeet, at yung mga bagay na sana maexperience ko sa 1st person naexperience ko naman sa kanya... that very moment I do feel special, dahil tinetext niya ako, I mean chinachat niya ako, kinakamusta niya ako, alam mo yung mga simple text na "kumain ka na ba sparks?" "goodnight na sparks!" "ikaw talaga sparks kung saan saan ka nakatingin" sa totoo lang masaya ako, iba sa feeling yung alam mong may nag ke-care sayo, yung may dahilan ka para pumasok, yung alam mong pag pumasok ka may nagaantay sayo, sa tuwing matutulog ka may tatawag sayo para kamustahin kung nakauwi ka na ba...yung may maghahatid sayo pauwi it is something so new to me... kaya siguro sa sobrang bago sa akin I got carried away and got overwhelmed.. because of him, nakaranas akong makaramdam ng matinding selos, tsaka ung pakiramdam na paano kung mawawala siya? paano kung magsasawa siya? tsaka gaano ba ako kagusto ng taong na to? sa totoo lang first time kong makita ung sarili ko na at last may karelasyon na ako, siguro eto na..siya na siguro ung first boyfriend ko... pero gawd damn itttt... may plot twist pala si lord... ung masayang feelings na naransan ko, yung mga sweet messages tsaka acts na naranasan ko sa kanya, unti unti... unti unting nawala, first time kong maranasan ang tag lamig, haha ung biglang panlalamig ng trato sayo, yung dating mutual feelings, bakit parang ako na lang? parang ako na lang ung humahabol,, natatandaan ko ikaw ung unang pumasok sa buhay ko, ngayon nung pinapasok kita, bigla ka na lang umalis, ung alis na walang paalam, ang nkakatawa nung pinapasok kita bakit parang ako yung di nakalabas? ang daya lang, yung may gusto na ako sayo, iniwan mo naman ako sa ere.. hayup na yan.... ang sakit nun, para akong tanga, first time kong mafeel na magmukhang tanga, ilang advice ang hinigian ko nung mga oras na yun baka kasi tinetest mo lang ako tinitingnan mo kung gaano ako kaloyal sayo, pero pota pasensya ko pala ang matetest... nung unti unti ka ng nawawala, nakikita na kitang kasama na ng iba, yung masaya ka ng kasama yung iba, I feel cheated, pero so wrong dapat di ko yun mafeel kasi walang tayo, pero kasi pinaramdam mo na there's something special between us kaya nag assume ako... tapos nalaman ko sa kaibigan ko na nakainuman mo na iba pala talaga yung gusto mo, so ano ako? guinea pig mo? hindi mo daw alam kung ang feeling ng nainlove so ano? pinasakay mo lang ako? muntik na akong mahulog sayo brad, buti nga di lumalalim,,, dahil seryoso theres something special sayo, mabait ka gentleman, may sense of humor at musician ka rin.. pero mukhang sumpa sa akin ang mga musicians, nakakainis.. nakakainis ka... ikaw ang unang nagpaiyak sa akin na may halong sakit, yung may halong bigat sa dibdib, pero sabi nila sa buhay daw may makikilala kang 3 tao sa buhay mo, ung isa ung magpapasaya sayo pero hindi kayo ung pangalawa ung sasaktan ka at yung pangatlo ung nakalaan sayo, ako ewan ko kung gaano pa ba kadami ung papasok sa buhay at gagaguhin ako, pero I am not afraid to try again...

di ko makakalimutan ung iyak ko nung mga panahon na yun, tapos nagmessage ka pa, na pinalala mo pa ung sitwasyon, na-off ako... sana kung sinabi mo lang habang maaga na may iba ka ng nagugustuhan maiintindihan ko naman, hahayaan kita, pero sana di ka nanahimik, para kahit papaano alam ko kung saan ko ilalagay yung sarili ko, ang hirap mangapa sa mga bagay na di ko alam sa pa ba pupuntahan? baka siguro kung ginawa mo yun baka okay pa ako sayo..pero hindi e di lang feelings ko ung nasaktan, pati pride ko... pakiramdam ko pinahiya mo ako...pero ano pa man nagpapasalamat ako dahil kahit papaano ginawa mo akong matatag.. sa totoo lang ayaw kitang makita, pati ung babae, pero wala akong magagwa napaka liit ng industriya natin..

sayo ko nagawa ung forgiveness, napatawad na kita MARKO RAQUIZA pero ayoko na ibalik yung dati, tama na yung isang beses, ewan ko pinakita mo sa akin kung ano ka, at sa tingin ko yun ung tipo na ayaw kong makasama pa sa mga future things and endeavor ko, tama na ung isang beses natuto ako sayo... masakit ung ginawa mo, hindi ko naman kayang humiling ng karma galing sa taas para sayo, kaya naman ung naisip ko na pambayad atraso mo, magbalik na lang tayo sa square one, at please tama na...sa tingin ko di kita deserve.. pero i wish you the happiness.. makakahanap ka ng taong makakaintindi sayo...

Ako nga pala yung taong sinayang mo...

salamat sa saglit.. salamat sa sakit...

fhaye chavez simbron

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missfhayemous · 6 years

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leave it blank (written on july 11 2017)

My Love Will and testament

To the guy whom I liked for 6 years and I've been inloved with for almost 2 years. To sum it all up I've always pinned my eyes on you for almost 8 weird years, and I barely don't have any idea if it will just keep on going on, I can't totally tell if these 8 years is the total end of my "liking" of you because honestly? Till now I can't deny that you still have that effect on me, but thankfully unlike before I became more comfortable with you being around, before I was literally freaking out whenever I see you, that I really find it funny and embarassing. I think I just really made my way to be friends with you, when before it never crosses my mind that I will be able to talk, play, have fun and you teaching me the violin. Before it was just enough just to see you practicing on stairs and on hallways, it was also enough for me to just to see you passing infront of me. Before it was just a cute freshmen crush, like a normal teenage girl who finds everyone likeable, and I did hope that it just stayed that way, but BOY I was so wrong, things got more complicated when my friend start dating your brother. My friends knew that I have a crush on you and your brother together with my friend made a conspiracy to tease me over you, in which during those time you are seeing someone that you like, which I think is fine also (no jealousy appear during your "seeing someone" days). But hell broke loose when my friend start spreading my feelings about you, just like a wildfire it spread throughout every person and I just stayed in my place being a weird person and voluntarily told them "yep i like that guy" and BOY I think I just made my life a bit harder, as the teasing grows longer? my feelings just got bigger and bigger and unfortunately I end up liking you for 8 years. It was a fun 8 years, and deym I even saw you liking someone, I even saw your effort in doing sweet things over the girl that you like, in which I really find it adorable! every girl would get swoon by those moves and I am giving you credit for that, I even saw few of your moody swings, in my observation? I really find you short tempered, you always got easily pissed, in which can be totally be seen in your face if you don't find the situation into your liking, your a little bit a passive descision maker, you make desicions without thinking carefully the next step, sometimes you can easily be dragged down, once something came up you just easily gave up and be aloof, But aside from those things, you're a really kind person, a hardworking and very independent, you always follow what you think is right, you think of people fairly, your sense of humor is beyond the top and the way you care to the welfare of others is totally the best personality you have. I hope you won't get scared if incase you were able to read this, I am not stalking, uhmm maybe a little bit? (haha) but I was just really observing you, really believe me (haha)

sometimes I do wonder, what if you never really know how I feel? or what if I never liked you in the first place? will the awkwardness disappear? or are we much closer than as of now? well if happens that way? I think mid way, I will still start developing feelings over

Tuesday, 11 July 2017

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Tuesday, 11 July 2017

you (haha) -gawd i hope i am not making a cringy letter, bec right now while i am writing this? whoever person who reads this will totally get a cringe reading this, (haha) this is sooo cheesy-

hey! I am not giving you a mandatory move to date me, I just wanna tell you few of my feelings that I wasn't able to tell you in person, I think there is no such girl in the world is able to tell this kind of stuff to the person she likes, writing this letter is much more of a convinient guess (haha)

I think I am also writing this because I also have the urge to tell sorry for everything, sorry because I did "like" you probably you've reached a point where you get uncomfortable because of me, especially when the teasing is going overboard, from my friends from our mutual friends then it come to a point wherein your family is also part of the teasing galore... I am really sorry if during those times it embarass you.

But as the sorry goes on, I also wanted to say THANK YOU! you know what really amazes me? is you being a good sport! you just go on with the flow, dude i can't even do what you can do! even though you know that I have a crush on you, you never ever ignore me (haha) and you just go on with the jokes... a hundred clap on that (haha) usually guys would start ignoring the person that they don't like, and they would just easily get pissed when he is being teased....

and also thank you for allowing me to become your student, Honestly?! I am super shyyy and I am more scared of you than my professor, you're hell of a teacher (haha) very strict... that i am quite not used to, buuuut...your a great teacher, I can easily understand what you wanted of me to do.... I hope you won't stop teaching, I think the music industry needs someone like you..if ever i bare a child, please be prepared, you're going to be their teacher (haha)

and this last part? would be my confession (pls do keep this a secret)

to the guy whom I liked for 8 years? you're my first love, I don't know how? and I don't know why? I guess there is no reason why you just love someone, it just suddenly happen, weirdly.. (haha) but I guess things just don't work out with your first love (haha) first love are a bit like your trial period in knowing the feelings of being happy, sad and broken, it is like a prep experience unto something wider and something vague....

I hope you too can find the thing that will make you happy, wether it can be someone or it can be something..I've been always rooting on you, and I am always happy to help you, I hope you're not thinking that I am looking you down , I just wanted to help you and sometimes I just act recklessly without thinking the feelings of others (if there are times that i make you feel like that, i am an overthinker so yeah ..haha)

you will always have that special place in my heart, you're my first love, and because I do love you, I will support the things that you wanted, please don't think of my feelings

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Tuesday, 11 July 2017

as a hindrance to your new love (overthinker again haha) I PROMISE! I AM GOOD AT ACCEPTING THINGS .. that's what I did when I found out your were dating someone.. everything is always fine with me..I am a cool person... haha and I respect every move you do...

if ever you did read this, in I don't know possible way, please don't get awkward on me.. and let us stay as friends...friends who help each other.. I will be by your side ... remember that..

(while writing this, I was hoping and not hoping you will read this, but I am also looking forward on reading this again, especially if the time comes that we both got in our separate ways and me getting over you, I can't wait to read this as a passing memory..."

to end this, because there are words that I can't tell personally, so I wanted you to read this..

Isaiah Lipana... the guy whom I like for 8 years.. "I Have Loved You...." -Fhaye

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missfhayemous · 7 years

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Getting The Better View

my name is joecefe, and mostly people just call me by my nickname fhaye.. pretty much, i am optimistic and a carefree person, i love hanging around friends and family and i like the word "relax" and "take ur time" the most.

"getting the better view" is the thread title and what i mean is, getting the better view of the so called hooman "fhaye". YEP! you read it right, getting a better view of me. why am I writing anyway? well i don't know (lol) probably this is just out of boredom and more probably I just wanted to say some thoughts that I am having in the back of my mind, do you ever experience that sometimes we all need an outlet to say what we want and what we meant? well I just wanted to be understood in a most "critically" simplest way (lol). As for me there are just words that are better be written and read than said and done.

sometimes I think some people just misunderstand me, some might have judged me, and there might be some who over-reads me. people being people tends to analyze you from head to foot, and just before knowing you better, they've already make an image of you in their minds(scary right? lol) and even before you try to explain its quite too late to talk.

what we see in our facade is not always the same on the inside,

I think if keeping your thoughts and hiding what you feel is a course? I would probably end up with honors. I am good at keeping my feelings and thoughts, I am a happy person YES.. But I also have my ups and downs. But when depression usually kicks in, I end up keeping it within me and pretend i am having a good day, when i am actually having the other way around. I've assessed myself and took few questionaries online and some of the results? leads to having a "moderate anxiety" i wouldn't have even known it, if not with my cousin who's been keeping an eye on me.(but i think i still need to consult legal advice if i do have anxieties)

I sometimes just wanted to be left alone, and my most relaxed time is if i am being with myself and doing a lot of thinking,I am an over-thinker, I admit (and i think one of the reasons why i am writing this is because i am overthinking right now) I always think that somebody might have been telling stories about me behind my back, it doesn't matter if it is good or bad but i still think there are gossips circulating about me. in a relationships(family,friends), I always try to read their eyes and their facial expression, usually? I examine them, I wanted to know if i am being too much, if i am being nosy, because what matters to me the most is their impressions. on a daily basis, I do my normal routine, and when the day ends? I always lay on my bed and evaluate everything that happened to me that day, sometimes my evaluation turns out nice, but most of the time? my evaluation always end up with regrets and why's and what's....why did i do that? what did i say that? etc., etc.,

I am a LOUD person YES, I joke all the time, I LAUGH all the time, but what others don't know? I am an awkward and shy little lass. it takes me a lot of time to adjust and feel comfortable(since my most relax time is being left alone), I might have been projecting that i am a ticklish person, but right behind my back, I am trying to read your personality and moods because i don't want to disappoint or irritate anybody.

I am a TALKATIVE person YES, I always love talking and i love to listen to other person too! but most of the time? I am shy, i usually don't know how to put up words, in some moments I tend to talk first without even thinking , my heart pounds when i am alone with someone (most especially with the opposite gender) it will take me some time before my brain cells sends signals to my body that i should relax and stop over analyzing stuff.

I am a CAREFREE, FUN and CONFIDENT person YES, but most of the time? my insecurities hits me and everything will just start deteriorating, from a 100 % to at least - 1% i am game with everything! believe it or not, when someone told me to open a bottle of beer using a teeth, I can just do it with a snap! (lol) i can do much but with just a little audience, and to think thats what people doesn't know about me, they think i can perform on crowds but once i am on that spotlight? i start to quiver in fear and i start to overthink people's judgement, but as far as I can, I at least try to overcome it.

I wanted to understand everybody and i also wanted to be understood, if there are such time that i am acting a little weird and a little distant, it doesn't mean that I don't want you... believe me, i am just having a tough time. I know I'am not the only one who's verging in this type of road, there are lots of people who's anxieties are much more worse than me.

i am trying to open up new things for me, i am trying to overcome my fears and i am trying to try things that i haven't tried before... once there was a person who made an impact to me, he might have been telling it to everyone but it was different when i heard it, it actually hits me and made me realize yep... that's me... he told me "you know what's wrong? you are afraid of committing mistakes"(non verbatim) and at that very moment i did start to ponder, YES all this time i am always afraid of myself, afraid of committing mistakes, afraid that once i made a mistake i can never go back and correct it.. and to think of it i was wrong ... it was a bad habit of mine .. we all go by the saying that "nobody's perfect" but without realizing we still try to be "perfect" we strive to not to commit "mistakes" we are afraid of critics and opinions, we are afraid of other people's judgement, we are afraid to take it as a checkpoint, a checkpoint where you can go back and re do everything...

I probably might have been talking to much (LOL)

so i am going to end this super long over view of myself, I am not writing this to make my readers feel pity on me or be distant but to educate them that not all happy persons are always happy we've got difficult times, I just wanted them to understand me and at least bear with my flaws, right now i am starting to accept what i am today, i am embracing these flaws of mine, acceptance and courage is my key for now because as what tyrion says from the series game of thrones "once you've accepted your flaws no one can use it against you"

and to those people who're dealing the same phase with me, fighting with your own monsters is not as easy as counting 1 2 3.. but once you have your family and friends that you can talk with, i know we can get by..and we can survive.. never be afraid on the cracked mirror in front of you, that is still you and you can still reflect light, you're still standing and the best part of it? you still keep on fighting..

-F

#anxieties #overview #acceptance

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missfhayemous · 8 years

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jacket (fhaye single)

-composed by my music friends…. check it out

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missfhayemous · 8 years

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way back, I was a huge fan of the singing twin The Veronicas, and i really really like this song of theirs...I used to like someone before but too bad he liked someone that everything i’m not..so yeah he is an arse, haha! but so much for talks i finally got over on him anyway :D

#theveronicas #cover #songcover #singing #ukelele #acoustic #music #entertainment #youtube #fun

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missfhayemous · 8 years

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this post says everything

Where does your hope lie?

Political leaders are not saviors.

Look, I’ll be the first to say that well intentioned politicians can do absolutely wonderful things for the world around us, but it’s always in the year leading up to the presidential election that I’m reminded of just how misplaced our hope often is. I find myself exhausted by the emotionally fueled political hysteria, stepping back in disbelief. We can’t possibly be banking all of our hope on a single human being, can we? Yet some really do; or they very much act like it. I don’t know where you’re at with this, but I want to remind you not to look to the man or woman up on that debate stage as some key to utopia. If you do, you’re in for severe disappointment. We humans crave hope. We need it as badly as the air we breathe, I sincerely believe that; but it’s misguided to think any one politician or policy can truly be a consistent and concrete source of it.

I believe the only constant and unfailing source of hope is God. I know that from doing life with and without involving Jesus, and comparing my results. The outcome of some election has never and will never make or break my world. It isn’t the big picture. That’s what I know to be true. You may not believe that or agree with me, that is your free will. If that’s the case, at least look to something bigger—love, kindness and being the change that you want to see.

Yes, vote for who you feel will do the most good for the country; absolutely. But political leaders are not saviors. The sooner we really understand this, the less hysterical this all becomes, and the sooner we can discuss our differing opinions peacefully and compassionately, planted firmly on a foundation that doesn’t crumble when things don’t go our political way.

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missfhayemous · 8 years

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This is the master post of Magic Knight Rayearth Scenario Collection Extra Comics+

Keep reading

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missfhayemous · 8 years

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My Top 10 Anime Series I’d Like to See Redone

1. Magic Knight Rayearth I was so frustrated when I gave this the 3-episode test. I just felt like there was so much more to the plot than the terrible 90s style showed. I’d really like to see this done with decent animation.

2. InuYasha I don’t feel like the original was lacking anything, but I still would like to see it done with modern style. The comparison would be interesting.

3. Rune Soldier Louie Again, this was a fantastic anime. The reason I’d like to see this redone is so that it would get more attention that it deserves.

4. Chrno Crusade Another good series. I feel like it could really benefit from a remake just to see the graphics redone.

5. Chobits This was a cute series, but I think it could have been better. It was a bit awkward and choppy, which a remake could fix.

6. Mermaid Forest This was another one that was a bit frustrating to watch, because I felt that the story could have been portrayed better.

7. Cowboy Bebop Don’t get me wrong, guys. Good series. I just think it would be interesting to see a modern version done.

8. Wolf’s Rain The show was pretty good, but it felt a little strained. I think a remake would do the story a bit more justice. Plus, the ending could really stand to be thought out some more.

9. Berserk Not really a problem with this series again, but I’d like to see how modern graphics would look on it.

10. Zombie Loan I liked this series, but I thought it sucked that it was cut short before the series was played out. I’d like a remake to see where it was going.

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missfhayemous · 8 years

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