mymistakewriting

[mymistakewriting]

so this is just a little thought that I've been discussing with some friends on discord that I just feel the need to put to actual words instead of my incomprehensible screaming that my brain's been doing.

Said thought pertains to the exchange during the interrupted first date. You know, the little "guess you can never have too much closet space" "ain't that the truth. Right, Evan?" after Buck panicked and sent himself careening right back into the closet and absolutely dragged Tommy along with him.

Let me make this clear, as I apparently have to do on all of my 911 posts: do not take this as me bashing on a character. I adore all of the characters mentioned in this post.

First: no, Tommy shouldn't have said that. If Eddie was even slightly less oblivious? That comment would've been enough to out Buck. That wasn't fair. Was it a good, snippy, dry-wit comeback to something that made him uncomfortable? Yes. But it wasn't fair. None of that situation was.

Second: Buck shouldn't have spoken for himself AND Tommy. I understand he was panicking. That first date was a damn good representation of a first date after you've started discovering you're probably not as straight as you always thought. But to go out with someone who is so clearly comfortable in his skin now and then immediately shut that closet door right back on them? Yeah, that was kind of a low blow, too. You could see Tommy shut right back down as he picked up his beer before he made his comment. You just know that Buck's panic-response of "hot chicks!" just reminded him of Sal DeLuca and how he always felt when he was trying to figure himself out only for his best friend and work partner to be one of the ones making the shitty ass gay jokes in a very negative light.

Neither of them were in the wrong for how they reacted to a stressful situation that scared them or made them uncomfortable. But neither of them were right either.

And I appreciate that Tommy drew the line in the sand that he did and waited until Buck reached out. I appreciate that there was actual communication there once they both weren't feeling raw and stupid about it all - because Buck has never had a relationship with open communication. So the fact that all of that awkwardness gave way to someone trying to meet him halfway, to being willing to explain his side of it and accept that Buck had panicked and was sorry for that behavior turning out the way it did? It's so important.

#kieran talks #911 #911 season 7 spoilers #evan buckley #tommy kinard #not writing #not rp #I have a lot of thoughts about these two but THIS is the scene I keep thinking about #there's so many small details about these two that I need to talk about #I'm just thrilled that Buck has someone who's willing to show him a little bit of grace when he missteps

[mymistakewriting]

Hi guys, I'm here with another update.

First and foremost, I'm still running on the 'I'm a day behind on when I get to watch new 911 episodes' thing. Friday's are my watch days. That said, any thoughts or posts I share regarding season 7 will be tagged "911 season 7 spoilers" OR "911 season 7 thoughts" just so filtering is easy.

Second, I still have posts in the works. Some of them are taking a while because I plan to cite my sources since some people take my opinions as an open invite to start fights on my posts. Others I just haven't transferred here from my physical notebooks yet. I'm still open to asks and the like, though.

And third, which comes as a heads up because it will be affecting my ability to post frequently for a week or two: I'm changing jobs. I finally reached my limit with my current (to be former as of 4 pm est tomorrow) job and the mental and physical toll it was taking on me. I do starting paperwork for my new job tomorrow afternoon. My hope is that a job that isn't forcing me to do the work of 5 people and thus leaving me a shell of a person on my days off will allow me to be more creative and get writing and headcanons posts out quicker in the future.

I appreciate the patience for those of you who are excited for my posts.

#kieran talks #not writing #not rp #real life is kicking my ass rn #but i hope to be back around more soon

[mymistakewriting]

Reblog if you write fic and people can inbox you random-ass questions about your stories, itemized number lists be damned.

#reblog #yes I know that I havent posted shit in a while #im hoarding my fics until theyre all done okay #but this goes for any of my content #if you wanna chat about my posts legit just hit me up #my ask box is always open #not writing #not rp #writing related

[mymistakewriting]

Hi hey hello this is just a post I'm making because I'm still at work and thus don't have the time to go through actual rp finder blogs just yet (not for a couple of hours at least).

I'm sure anyone who's been following me a while (or just casually scrolled through my content or glanced at my tags in some posts) knows by now that I roleplay. And I'm always on the hunt for new writing partners, for anyone who's curious.

Which brings me to the reason for this post: I'm currently looking for writing partners for the 911 & Lone Star fandoms. I have a list of characters and ships that I'll write for (including crossover ships), and I don't mind Canon base or aus. My only requests is that it's past tense, 3rd person writing style and that we write over on discord (though if anyone is interested in me starting a side blog specific to rp, just let me know).

If interest just shoot me a dm on here OR add me on discord (ameenjouee).

#not writing #kieran talks #911 #911 lone star #rp #roleplay ad

[mymistakewriting]

Hi this is not a content post, but it is a content update post! I'm currently at work as I write this so ignore any misspellings or grammatical errors please and thank you.

For anyone who is unaware, I've had a 911 bingo card for the last few months. I have been hoarding planning and writing so I can mass post when I finish everything thanks to my schedule being so inconsistent and miserable (10 hour service shifts are Hell)

That said none of my stuff is going to make deadline for the bingo event, as deadline is this month. I will still post them, however. Please be patient with me.

As today is one of my long shifts, I figured I'd open up my Asks for discussion and requests. Headcanons, opinions about characters or events or ships (platonic, familial, romantic, they're all fair game). I've got a few hours until the dinner rush as I post this.

#kieran talks #writing update #not rp #911 #911 lone star #asks are open #im bored though #this is just me needing a distraction #i am working on stuff i promise im just slow

[mymistakewriting]

Diaz Family Dynamics

This comes with the standard warnings of 'hey if you think I'm bashing this character, I'm not' and 'if you don't like my content, you don't have to interact with it because I ain't fighting with people over opinions'. With a single exception. I am absolutely bashing Helena and Ramon Diaz. They're terrible parents and even worse people. my asks are open for questions or conversations!

I also have other thoughts about Eddie, including things involving him and Shannon, and more things about him and his sisters, his traumas, etc. However, I think this post is a little too heavy to share all of those. If you're interested in any of them, let me know. I'll do a separate post for them later regardless, but I'd love to see what people are interested in hearing about.

Trigger warnings: PTSD, talk of child neglect & abuse. It's Eddie Diaz and his family, that's it's own warning.

Let's get the hard stuff out of the way first, shall we? As someone who's been in shoes similar to Eddie and Maddie as oldest sibling who's had to step up and be a parent to their younger siblings, there is no situation where a child is raising another child and it's not because the actual parents are neglectful at best and abusive at worst. The Diaz parents are both. And it's exactly the way you'd think. Helena is shown to be verbally and emotionally abusive to Eddie in the flashbacks we're given during Eddie Begins. She sits back and watches her son, who's a newly single father and still healing from injuries he gained in a war that he ran to in part because of his parents struggle with multiple jobs at once, doctors appointments for himself AND his son, and did nothing to help. Instead, she used the fact that he was struggling as an excuse to ask for custody of Christopher. And considering Eddie grew up with that same style of abuse, that he shielded his sisters from receiving it, too? Yeah, I hope she burns in Hell for it.

And Ramon. Oh, Ramon. He's equally shitty to Eddie when it comes to verbal abuse. He abandoned the family (for work, yes, but what decent father looks at their 10 year old son and tells them it's time to 'man up'?). And no one has a fight style scrappy enough for genuine street fighting, the way Eddie's got, unless it was learned originally in self defense and then refined later on with actual lessons. I'd put money on Ramon having laid hands on Eddie a time or two before he got big enough to fight back. I've seen it, I grew up with kids who have that exact fighting style and that's what it was from. And the way he never turns his back on his father when they do interact? It's a survivor's skill that you learn the hard way.

Also? All of Eddie's doubts about him being a good dad? His worries that he's fucking Christopher up when he's given everything he's got for his son? Those come from his parents, too. He's always tried to make sure he wasn't like either of his parents, but those doubts don't leave very easily when you've spent your whole life not knowing anything else. Helena definitely drilled it in the entire time after Eddie came home from overseas that what he was doing for Christopher's sake wasn't enough. That he wasn't a good enough parent.

I'm also entirely sure that Eddie's lack of skill in cooking stems in part from his childhood. He was the oldest sibling of three, and he was helping raise his sisters. He probably tried to learn to cook by the time he was 12 for their sake but was told no by his mother. They're a Southern family, do you know how much time some boys are allowed to spend in the kitchen when there's daughters around to learn to cook instead? Sure isn't enough to learn anything. And I 100% believe Helena just refused to teach him. He learned how to cook eggs when he was 12, but no one ever taught him anything else until after he moved to LA, where Pepa and Isabel stepped in and tried to teach him. But it's harder to learn to cook in your late 20s when you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders already than it would be when you're a kid. It's just an unfortunate fact that some aspects of toxic masculinity like that are furthered by the mothers here in the American South. Sometimes.

Additionally, Eddie's never considered that he could be anything other than straight (I think he's bisexual but demiromantic, but that's just a headcanon). Again. Welcome to the South. He grew up Catholic. No way in Hell that Ramon didn't threaten to 'beat the gay out of him' the first time he was overheard jokingly flirting with a friend in high school. More families are like that down here than I want to admit. My own included. Just look how quickly Eddie's communication style changes when he realizes something sounds flirty. All those times he's jokingly said something to Buck and then went too serious directly after for no discernible reason? Bet you anything it's that.

He didn't leave despite hating staying with his parents after Shannon left not because he couldn't (Pepa or Isabel would've let them stay until he got a place, I'm sure that's what happened anyway because he packed them up and left on a dime anyway) because he had to make sure his sisters were out of his parents' home first. He'd rather suffer than leave them unprotected from it all.

All three Diaz siblings went no contact eventually. Then Eddie switched to limited contact because he thought Christopher deserved to know his living grandparents after Shannon's death. The only time they all show up is when it's required (like at Ramon's retirement party).

And final comment involving the Diaz parents: Eddie never wanted to marry Shannon. Another unfortunate tradition here in the South that still happens (less frequently, but happens): sometimes the parents force a marriage in the case of an unplanned pregnancy. We've had several in my family. Eddie loved Shannon, yes. But he never would have married her on his own. His parents forced it as soon as they found out Shannon was pregnant. It's part of why their marriage was so toxic, I think.

#kieran talks #911 #eddie diaz #not writing #tw: mentions of abuse #tw: ptsd #helena and ramon diaz can suffer imo #them and the buckley parents deserve pain and nothing else #those are my thoughts and no one can convince me otherwise #also ignore any misspellings or bad grammar its 3 am for me as I post this

[mymistakewriting]

upcoming posts and updates:

first, hi, I haven't seen the season premiere of season 7 of 911 yet, please don't spoil me. I have tags filtered. I'm watching it tomorrow after work, I swear. Be patient with me, I'm relying on Hulu, I don't have cable.

second: here is what I have upcoming for posts, please feel free to add to this list if you'd like!

a post discussing Marjan in season 4 episodes 8 & 9 and the inspiration being Gabby Petito's case. That's one that will get posted eventually but that I'm really going to dedicate some time to because I really didn't follow the case as it happened. My partner did make the comment of it seeming similar, though, so I'll do my research and get to this one once I feel like I can discuss it without making light of a real life tragedy.

Family dynamics post for the Diaz family, as well as a bunch of thoughts and headcanons about Eddie and his family. This one comes with the following warnings: I'm not a fan of Helena and Ramon Diaz, and Shannon's on thin ice but she wasn't the only toxic one in their relationship. I cover it all, I promise, I have half of it already typed out.

Another post about Chimney. This one is going to mostly focus on work and personal relationships. If you didn't like my last post about Chimney, you probably won't like the second one because I'll be delving into some of the thoughts I expressed earlier.

A post about Maddie! I do have thoughts about her.

A post about Iris and the situation surrounding her disappearance. And Iris in general because I do have some thoughts and opinions, but let's face it, her disappearance is where the Big Feelings get involved.

As always, I'm open to questions and requests, just let me know! This post is mostly just to keep me on track.

#kieran talks #not writing #not rp #911 lone star #911

[mymistakewriting]

Dynamic Conversations - Bobby & Owen

Once again prompted by @happilylovingchaos , this is a dynamic that I do have some thoughts on despite the fact that they've never met. However, just because these two haven't met doesn't mean I don't have plenty to say about the two of them.

First and foremost, as usual, please don't take anything I say in this post as me bashing on a character. I have complicated opinions on the characters, yes, but I've formed those thoughts and opinions based off watching and rewatching and taking notes. If you don't agree with my thoughts, great! You don't have to interact with my posts if you plan to try to pick a fight over it. And finally, equally important: this post comes with content warnings. Please head them and tread carefully. Your mental health matters far more to me than my content being consumed.

Trigger Warnings: mentions of addiction, child neglect. Basically, if anything Bobby or Owen has ever said or done sits with you weird, maybe skip this post.

First, the question posed to me: if they were to meet, how would they handle the differences in how they identify and resolve crisis situations? The short answer? I think they'd split the response up so that they handle it easier with as little conflict as possible. It's shown several times that Owen works well as a pair with another Captain thanks to the divide the 126 has with there being a Fire Captain and a Paramedic Captain. And Bobby already lets his team make calls that go against his orders if they can back up their reasoning after the emergency is handled. They'd make a damn good team on any emergency call thanks to that, especially if it was a interstate emergency.

And now for the rest of my thoughts about these two.

First of all, just based on timeline alone? There's every chance that Bobby met and acted as a support for TK when Gwyn put him on a plane and sent him to LA for rehab back in 2017. Bobby was already in LA (he lost his family in 2014), and he's definitely the kind of person (confirmed in-show) to volunteer at rehabs and outpatient care as a mentor, as someone who's been there and can offer insight as to what recovery might look like instead of all of it being on nurses and doctors who haven't personally experienced recovery from alcohol or drugs.

Second, I think Bobby followed up with Owen over a call after the wildfires because his three gremlins came back with stories to share. Of course he's going to want to know what happened and he would definitely call Austin's fire department to get patched through to Owen for that. Especially when one of the firefighters he sent was Buck.

Third, and this is going to be the one that I think people will fight me on: Owen's the better captain, Bobby's the better father. And I can explain EXACTLY why I think that.

Owen and Bobby have similar Captaincy styles where they step back and let their teams take the reigns sometimes based off who has more experience with certain calls - except Bobby doesn't do that with all of his team, he still isolates Buck because "he's not ready" even on calls that Buck's knowledge base would work well on. Buck runs a single emergency call, and it's only because him and Ravi are the only two still standing. Owen doesn't hold his son back the same way, encouraging him to not only switch from firefighter under his care to paramedic under Tommy's care, but lets him make calls on the field that Bobby would never have allowed Buck to make (the minefield call in Lone Star? Yeah, that's the one I'm talking about here.)

Bobby, despite not being Buck's actual father, still treats him like his kid. He fusses, they spend time together outside of work, they talk about things unrelated to work or anything professional. Bobby's by his side every time he's in a hospital bed. Plus if May or Harry are in trouble? Papa bear Bobby mode activates. Those are his kids and he'd do anything and everything to protect them. Owen..... well, Owen tries. But between "I'm going to be a dad" said to his own son, abandoning TK for his job when TK was 7, and all of the times he's put him in danger? Y eah, Bobby's the better dad. Sorry. I love Owen, but he's a terrible father. Great father-in-law, though.

Over all, I think Bobby and Owen would have a great dynamic if they interacted. They'd work well together in a crisis, they'd probably get in trouble together outside of one similar to how Bobby and Michael got in trouble together. But they only work because they have that difference to them - one being a better leader and one being a better nurturer. It's not necessarily a bad thing that they have that difference considering the team set ups are wildly different and work with their individual styles.

any further questions are welcome!

#kieran talks #911 #911 lone star #bobby nash #owen strand #tw: addiction #not writing #I love bobby and owen okay #I just have some opinions about them #and some of those opinions aren't flattering it's fine #as a reminder if you don't like my thoughts you don't have to read them #I'm just here to have fun and share opinions

[mymistakewriting]

Howard 'Chimney' Han headcanons & thoughts

Let me start this post out with a heads up because I'm sure something I say here is going to upset someone. I've seen how divided some of this fandom is on Chimney. NOTHING I SAY HERE SHOULD BE TAKEN AS ME BASHING A CHARACTER. I have several opinions on Chimney. My opinions and feelings on Chimney are VERY complicated and I'll do my best to explain them all.

And now, let me begin with the question posed to me by @happilylovingchaos

Heritage: Because he lost his mother so young and he stayed in the United States instead of returning with his father back to South Korea after her passing, his exposure to his heritage was limited (and rather tainted) despite another family taking him in. Because of this, I'm very sure his feelings towards his heritage is complicated - he's proud of where he comes from, he'll happily answer questions or discuss it if people want to hear it.

I do fully believe he intends to make sure Jee-Yun is aware of and connected with that portion of her heritage, he does still hold it close even if he doesn't feel as connected with it himself. Additionally, I think he uses the language pretty fluidly, kind of like how Eddie occasionally slips in a Spanish word, Chimney slips in a Korean word or phrase when he thinks it matches what he wants to say more. That said, I don't think it's something he uses often.

Other: For all that the show frames Chimney as the funny guy who takes nothing seriously, ESPECIALLY when paired against Hen, I don't think he is. He's not the comic relief, he's not the guy that's always joking around. And I see that misconception a lot in the fandom as well. He definitely uses humor as a coping mechanism, don't get me wrong, but he's usually the one balancing Hen's more wild ideas. He acts as her balance - her savior complex versus his need to stay well within the bounds he's been given because he knows and has seen what can happen if he oversteps those bounds for even a moment. Better read as her savior complex versus his survivor's guilt.

He's not fit to be a full time captain. He did passably well as interim captain in the show, however he has the tendency to focus on the wrong things and he tends to freeze when he's under pressure and asked to make the calls. If he worked on that, he'd make an amazing captain. Personally, I think he should be paramedic in charge for a-shift at some point. He'd thrive in that position. However, to do so would mean he would have to take a step back from the rescue (firefighter) portion of his job to focus more on the medical side and I just can't see him doing that.

He does owe Buck an apology for punching him during the situation with Maddie. But not because it was uncalled for. Yes, he shouldn't have hit Buck because frankly, I'm half sure at the time Buck didn't know where the hell Maddie was, it was just another time that she'd up and ran away like she always did when he was little. However, in the situation? I understand why he did. He shouldn't apologize because oh he hurt Buck and Buck's everyone's favorite - he should apologize because it was a moment of high emotion and they both should have communicated better. He isn't a terrible person for reacting as a worried partner who wasn't being told the truth. It was just a shitty situation. For everyone.

This one is just fun. He's the reason Buck trained Ravi the way he did. Chimney certainly didn't give Buck an easy time during his probationary year, and Buck took that to heart. He's tough enough to handle the job because of how Chimney helped train him in his mind, so of course he paid it forward. I'm pretty sure Chimney got a laugh out of the stories when Hen told him.

Chimney handles being the partner of a domestic abuse victim beautifully. He knows that sometimes, things are going to happen that trigger a memory or reaction that don't make a whole lot of sense. The fact that he's been shown to roll with the punches and let Maddie make the calls on how fast they do something? Beautiful. I adore their relationship SOLELY for Chimney's side of it and how considerate he is of the fact that he hasn't been there, he doesn't understand everything she's been through. But he still tries to make sure she knows she's safe and loved and valued. He is exactly the kind of partner she needed after what she lived through with Doug.

#kieran talks #911 #chimney han #911 chimney #tw: mentions of abuse #I still have thoughts about him but none of the rest want to be put to words so a part 2 will happen eventually.

[mymistakewriting]

alright yeah, I can definitely cover those!! I will say, I have a lot of thoughts about Chimney anyway, so his will likely come in the form of a whole, full length headcanons post with a mix of other stuff tossed in as well, not just the focus on how he feels about his heritage!

coming tomorrow after I'm off work: headcanons!

I'm also planning to do more character study style posts for the 911 & Lone Star fandoms, so if anyone wants to see a post on a specific character, dynamic, or event / subject, please just let me know.

#kieran talks #911 lone star #911 #reblog #I'll get to working on typing everything out shortly!

[mymistakewriting]

coming tomorrow after I'm off work: headcanons!

I'm also planning to do more character study style posts for the 911 & Lone Star fandoms, so if anyone wants to see a post on a specific character, dynamic, or event / subject, please just let me know.

#kieran talks #not rp #911 lone star #911

[mymistakewriting]

hi i wanted to say i love your posts and i hope you're doing well and are staying happy and healthy, both physically and mentally.

hi, I'm so sorry this took me a month to respond to! I really appreciate your message, work has just kept me super busy lately. But I'm doing well! I hope you are too

#kieran talks #not writing #not rp #Asks #anon ask

[mymistakewriting]

hi, taking a break from my usual (scattered) content on here for a quick PSA because I've spent all day trying to figure out a nice way of saying this and honestly there isn't one.

I do not care what fandom it is or why you interact with my content, but I need you to be fully aware that I'm curious and I do check out the blogs of people who follow me or who pop up in my notifications regularly. I like the chance to make friends on here as much as anyone.

HOWEVER clearly there's been a memo that was missed on basic common sense and decency? So I'll edit my official 'before you follow' style introduction post sometime over the coming weekend when I've had time to formulate what I want to say into some kind of professionalism. For now, you can have a standard post full of exactly the energy I want to put out to people who do this shit:

my blog and the fandom spaces I write in are not friendly places for people who romanticize serial killers and school shooters.

I personally think you have to be pretty fucking sick in the head to look at mass destruction like that, at literal crimes against humanity and decide that holding the perpetrators up like heroes or something attractive is okay. It's not.

Any blog that interacts with my content that upholds values that allow them to decide that's okay will be blocked and reported.

My regular content will return at some point either tomorrow or Saturday.

#kieran talks #not writing #not rp #serious #not my usual style of post but god #apologies for the uncomfortable post everyone #the person this is about will certainly never see it bc reported and blocked but ??? #I have spent all day wildly uncomfortable because of this shit #upcoming posts will be a lot more lighthearted I promise

[mymistakewriting]

Carlos Reyes & the concept of trauma

This is a shorter one, written on my phone while I wait for my hair to dry so I can go to bed.

Trigger / content warnings: discussion of grief, mentions of passive suicidal ideation, poor handling of mental health???

First things first, let me make this SUPER clear so we're all going forward on this being on the same page: all of the trauma designed for Carlos within the confines of JUST the show? None of it is really his trauma. He doesn't react to his own life being in danger. He doesn't react to traumatic stimuli. He reacts to his loved ones being in danger or injured. To traumatize Carlos, they've only ever harmed another character he shared a connection with.

This man certainly has a few issues. He displays signs of OCD. His communication skills and sleep patterns and responses to environmental stressors STINK of PTSD. But it's all wrapped up in a neat little bow of control issues, something that's often joked about on the show (how often has someone called him a control freak? Yeah. Yeah, those are his trauma responses, baby)

Similarly, he's not often shown with the traditional overactive fight or flight - he wants everything controlled and in specified boxes so that he can handle unforseen stressors outside of his controlled environment easier. But he does freeze a lot.

He would genuinely rather be the one in danger than be the one on the sidelines. It's shown time and again. And it's also shown just how hard grief hits him when he can't save someone he cares about.

Where I think the passive suicidal behavior comes in lies specifically in how willing he is to put himself at risk for anyone and everyone. He does not care if he lives, as long as his loved ones survive it. Prime example, in neon letters: hostage situation. He didn't care that he was in danger. He only started acting out when TK showed up and was at risk. His loved ones will ALWAYS come first.

At the point he's at in his life, I don't think it's anything more than devotion being taken too far off instinct. I'll do another post some other day where I discuss all the other shit I think about him, though.

As always, Asks and dms are open if you wanna chat about anything!

#not writing #not rp #kieran talks #911 lone star #carlos reyes

[mymistakewriting]

This is just an update.

I'm still working on my dedicated piece, it's just harder to write something like this than I expected.

I'd hoped to have it written, edited to hell and back and posted by the one-year anniversary but... that's happened and gone now (it was the 13th). And since my self imposed deadline was blown, I'm going to take some time and reassess to see if I can approach it a different way. Not to mention, it's having one hell of an impact on my own mental health trying to write it without spiraling about the loss that inspired it.

I'm not sure when I'll get it out. But I am still working on it and a few other projects.

Look after yourselves.

#kieran talks #not writing #not rp #writing update

[mymistakewriting]

So I'm current sick but that means that my partner and I finally sat down and streamed Across the Spider-Verse and I just feel like I need to discuss things about Miguel O'Hara. Obviously, my asks are open if anyone has specific questions bc I missed something (hi, I'd like to remind you guys that this is sick brain Kieran writing this post)

I love that they showed both parts of Neuva York - and that you could easily differentiate them based off color and style similar to how they set it in his comics run.

Costume? Spot on, that's exactly his 90's comics suit, straight down to the retractable cape! 10/10, I was worried they'd screw a part of it up, if I was totally honest.

Personality? Yeah, Miguel really is that prickly, that scared of getting close to people and then losing them. He has plenty of experience to go off to make it make sense even without getting into the fact that he is canonically a child abuse survivor.

Lyla was fucked up, though - her design was nowhere near what it should have been and I know that sounds like nitpicking but there was lore behind why he designed her the way he did in the comics. She was designed after Marilyn Monroe because at the time, his partner (later ex-girlfriend) LOVED Marilyn and it was a way to keep a tie to her. Her personality and how much she gave Miguel problems was accurate, though. That's the only thing they got right about Lyla.

And now for small details: they kept that Miguel would have a small lisp because of his fangs!! They kept his reluctance to work with a team because letting people get close was a good way to make sure they didn't see their next birthday. They kept that his webs come from the top of his wrists, not the bottom, and that he hardly ever relies on them. They kept him switching between Spanish and English when he's annoyed. They kept that he DOES NOT HAVE A SPIDER-SENSE and thus is easier to outsmart in a fight because of it if you just think

However, Miguel never did buy into the "great powers, great responsibilities" thing. He never wanted to be a hero, genuinely. He never would have been the one running a society like that, I'm sorry. He doesn't do teams, he only rarely works with other people. He is the last call when multiversal shit is going down in the comics, for fuck's sake.

#kieran talks #not writing #not rp #miguel ohara #miguel o'hara #spiderman 2099 #spiderman atsv #atsv miguel

[mymistakewriting]

Okay so this has been sitting in my google documents gathering dust for like a month and a half now. It's my first fill for my current Bad Things Happen bingo card. The space it fills was "Panic Attack".

As a general heads up, the following trigger warnings apply to this writing piece: Panic attacks, PTSD. It's written about Eddie Diaz, that man is his own warning.

For what felt like his entire life, Eddie had claimed to have a pretty good understanding of what panic looked like. 

Panic had always been loud - yelling, messy words, too-fast, too-shallow breaths. It was dramatic and eye-catching. 

And with that understanding, it just became a universal truth that Edmundo Diaz did not panic. Ever. 

Besides, even if he wanted to, he didn’t have the time for it. As a kid, he had to help around the house, had to grow up fast and fill in for his dad while he was at work. 

And then Christopher was born, and while he was overwhelmed - because what 19 year old wouldn’t be overwhelmed to have a son that they’d not planned for? - he didn’t panic. Because even if he wanted to, Shannon needed him to be steady, to be her rock. 

And then, with no time to find his footing, he was shipped out on deployment. 

The first time anyone ever challenged his understanding of panic, it was Shannon and her quiet anger and barbed words as they argued about him signing on for another tour right as he got home. 

They needed the money, he’d said, and he’d seen the way her face twisted first in anger, then resignation as she fired back about her needing her partner to raise their son more than they needed money. 

But then Christopher started crying and the moment was gone along with that small glimpse of a more subtle panic. 

It kept him awake that night, turning it all over in his mind. 

That second tour tested him. Their helo being shot down had sent him working to a frenzy - the white-hot pain of being shot didn’t even register until he had everyone off the downed aircraft. 

He’d lost the guy he’d been working to save, but he’d expected that. He’d already barely been clinging to life as it was, there was no way he was going to survive the crash. 

But everyone else survived, and he was determined that they were all going home. 

He’d cried himself sick and breathless on the back of being awarded a medal that he didn’t deserve, didn’t want. He’d done what anyone else would have if they’d been able to. 

Leaving the army after that was a no brainer. He couldn’t bring himself to sign back up after the crash. Especially when he had a family waiting on him at home, a son that had already had so many firsts while he was overseas. 

He couldn’t miss any more. He couldn’t keep failing the people he loved so much. 

Shannon leaving had blindsided him. He understood - hell, he’d let his fear and doubts push him to run to another country, to a situation that could have killed him. But that didn’t keep the worry at bay as he tried to adjust, to learn everything he’d missed out on. 

He hadn’t even recovered from that damned crash. He didn’t know what to do, so he just shoved everything that wasn’t raising Christopher into a box in the darkest corner of his mind to never be seen again. 

He didn’t panic. He didn’t have the support system that would allow for that. Chris needed him there and calm. So that’s what he’d be. 

His parents trying to convince him to let them take Chris, though? That definitely broke him out of his stupor. And not in a good way. 

His lungs burned with the strain of it, chest tight and head a mess in his efforts to not snap at his parents. 

He knew their intentions were good. They were worried. 

But he was fine and more than capable of raising Chris on his own. 

And moving to another state following that conversation was a logical step - they needed a fresh start away from the ghosts of having Shannon around, anyway. He wasn’t running. 

He wasn’t, he swore. 

By the time he joined the 118, he felt like he was well and truly settled in LA - and finally doing more than just treading water, just surviving.

It was progress, and while it didn’t take all of the weight off of his shoulders, it certainly made it easier for him to breathe. 

And with the adrenaline of a job well done setting his entire system alight and the bright glow in the aftermath of an explosion, he smiled, open and honest and content for the first time in years. 

The next couple of months were a blur in the best sense of the word. 

He was busy, but not three jobs to make ends meet busy like he’d been back in El Paso. And even better, Buck picked some of the crushing weight off of his shoulders by introducing him to Carla. 

He hadn’t realized how hard he’d had to fight for every breath until that fight wasn’t necessary anymore. 

He wasn’t sure what it was that had prompted Buck to do this for him, but whatever it was? Eddie was sure he was going to be thanking any universal presence in his life for years to come that it had happened, that Buck had stepped into one of the hardest moments in his life currently without being asked just because he’d seen Eddie struggling. Like it was that easy. Like it was just an everyday occurrence to save someone from drowning before they even realized that that was a real risk. 

#911 #eddie diaz #bad things happen bingo #writing #ki writes