palevirgin

[palevirgin]

Disabled people deserve a safe future.

#disability #txt

[palevirgin]

if you personally think that accusing strangers of faking their conditions helps “real” disabled people then you are so, so, so fucking wrong and i want you to know that you are an ableist and that the disabled community almost universally hates you!

yes this includes leaving notes on the cars of strangers who look “too healthy” to be in the disabled spots. we hate you!

yes this includes yelling at strangers who walk out of disabled spots. we hate you!

yes this includes yelling at strangers who use their legs while in a wheelchair. we hate you!

yes this includes accusing a wheelchair user of faking because you saw them walking the other day. we hate you!

yes this includes trying to “disprove” disabled strangers on the internet. we hate you!

yes this includes telling someone they are too young to be disabled or use a mobility aid. we hate you!

yes this includes telling someone that someone else has it worse and that they should suck it up. we hate you!

yes this includes telling someone that they must be lying about their symptoms. we hate you!

yes this includes telling a stranger they should save mobility aids for people who “really” need them. we hate you!

yes this includes telling strangers that they are wasting disability resources. we hate you!

yes this includes telling someone they do not act disabled enough. we hate you!

yes this includes telling someone that they are too happy/good looking/etc to be disabled. we hate you!

(: hope that clears some things up!

#disability #txt

[palevirgin]

When your dad tries to guilt trip you into visiting him: “well I guess I’ll just spend the weekend all by myself...”

You say “glad to know we’re on the same page.” Slowly, he will have to adapt to just outright telling you what he thinks instead of playing mind games.

When your friend tries to hint that they’re mad at you without saying anything: “Oh, I’m fine, clearly you don’t need to worry about me,”

You say: “I’m glad you’re doing well. Call me if you want to talk, though!” Soon enough, they will accept that they can’t be passive aggressive with you.

When your boyfriend says: “All your friends are great, I really love *insert male friend* especially.”

You say: “I’m so glad you like my friends! I should invite them back soon.” He needs to understand that if he has a problem with your friends, he needs to just voice his concerns instead of being sarcastic and accusatory.

As someone who has lived through several toxic relationships and has an abusive father, I think one of the most important manipulation tools a toxic person has is excessive subtext and hidden meanings in their conversation. It hides all of the actual fighting from the eyes of onlookers while still hurting you, which is scary and makes you feel like you’re making it all up. Don’t put up with this bs. Make them stop hiding.

Make. Them. Say. What. They. Mean.

#this is very good advice actually #txt

[palevirgin]

Lily?

i don’t go by this alias anymore but yes, it’s me! is there anything i can do for you, anon? 

#anon #asks #.m

[palevirgin]

i think a lot of us are lowkey traumatized by the amount of porn we were exposed to as children and it's a very weird place to be in because generations before ours weren't in a situation where so easily you were unwillingly exposed to pornography. and now if you point out children should not have access to porn you're a prude because we are trying desperately to convince ourselves it was okay and it didn't affect us in a negative way but it did. it did and it's our responsibility to stop this from happening to younger generations

#txt

[palevirgin]

me meeting someone’s parents for the first time: Sooo… Which one of you was the one who traumatised the kids and which one stood by and let it happen? :)

#oh boy #txt

[palevirgin]

absence of a diagnosis does not guarantee the absence of an illness

#txt

[palevirgin]

Abled People: You need to learn how to take care of yourself! No one is going to be around to care for you forever

Also Abled People: What do you mean you need to lie down to recharge your energy? That sounds fake! What do you mean you need to be away from people for a while? That’s totally not how it works! What do you mean taking care of yourself doesn’t look exactly how I personally imagined it would?

#haha #/sarcasm #txt #disability

[palevirgin]

just a reminder:

kids and teens are allowed to be angry without having that anger dismissed as a “tantrum” or “hormones”. they’re allowed to be angry with adults, including their parents and teachers, without being dismissed as “disrespectful”.

they’re allowed to be sad without being dismissed as being “moody” or “whiny”. they’re allowed to feel resentment without being dismissed as “ungrateful”. they’re allowed to be uncomfortable without being dismissed as “oversensitive”.

they’re allowed to feel restless without being dismissed as “badly behaved”. they’re allowed to feel lonely without being dismissed as “attention-seeking”. they’re allowed to be tired without being dismissed as “lazy”.

young people’s emotions are valid, despite the fact that our language has an entire vocabulary designed to make them feel otherwise.

#txt

[palevirgin]

when you’re dissociating and someone asks you a question

#hm. #png

[palevirgin]

“But she hadn’t been able to take root. She’d remembered the wrong things, and forgotten too much. She’d remembered how to kill and how to hate, and she’d forgotten how to grow.”

— Naomi Novik, Uprooted

#quotes

[palevirgin]

#resources

[palevirgin]

hey before you call something wheelchair accessible just go ahead and invite a wheelchair user or two over because I almost guarantee you that an able-bodied person is not capable of guessing what is accessible without having ever used a wheelchair solo before

some but not all cool things nobody ever thinks of:

put hand sanitizer or a sink in the accessible bathroom stall, or alcohol wipes outside of it. people who cannot use their legs have to use unwashed hands to roll to the sink, and people who can use their legs are afraid to walk out of stalls because they get harassed and even assaulted.

enough space for wheelchair in doorway…AND ARMS. HOW DO YOU THINK THE WHEELCHAIR MOVES! if I cannot roll through it without scraping my arms it is not accessible

brick paths suck the end

gravel paths suck. make it smooth

a ramp is not accessible if it is too steep. not every wheelchair user is ripped enough or capable of using muscles enough to propel themselves up a steep angle safely. some wheelchair users have heart issues. you want heart attacks? this is how you get them

perfect 90 degree turns suck and are often impossible to turn through

some wheelchairs have foot rests. account for them

wheelchair accessible means wheelchair accessible while alone. if you expect someone to have to be helped out to use your facility, that is not acceptable or accessible

yeah

#txt #accessibility

[palevirgin]

““I think I wait for people to hurt me,” she said quietly, “and when they do I feel a certain smugness at being right. And, after that, I just feel pain.”

— Sue Zhao

#quotes

[palevirgin]

Women who don’t defend their daughters just to appease their husbands are traitors

#:'-) #txt

[palevirgin]

you know those “your illness doesn’t define you” types really just don’t get how deeply any disability affects almost every aspect of your life. 

it’s your ability to work, to socialize, to take care of yourself, to feed yourself, to take care of your hygiene, even to think clearly. 

the people in your life get fed up of you or think you’re exaggerating or being dramatic. you see your doctors and your caretakers more than your friends. hell, you lose a lot of friends along the journey. your life revolves around your medication intake. some people don’t know how to help you without infantalizing you. 

even on your good days it can be hard and there’s a constant reminder that it’s not going to last. 

i don’t really have a conclusion here or anything. it’s just that “your illness doesn’t define you” is a very nice platitude but it’s almost never true. 

#this is very well-put thank you op #disability #txt

[palevirgin]

trauma doesn’t often feel like trauma is ‘supposed’ to feel. it feels like indifferent detachment, watching from outside yourself because nothing can hurt you there. it feels normal, just how people interact, so why are you making a big deal about it?  it feels like a joke – just how kids play, just how adults tease, just how some relationships work.

you wake from nightmares five years later and still wonder if you made it all up.

trauma can look like bad behaviour. like the stubborn refusal to get better, to stop self-destructing. trauma is putting yourself in harm’s way because you don’t really mean it, or because it’s funny, or because you just want to feel something, or because you just want to stop feeling. it’s wanting to destroy and reassemble yourself into another person entirely, so your real life can begin. because this isn’t real. because really bad things don’t happen to people like you.

trauma is the constant feeling of being an impostor. it’s the drive to survive twinned with the impulse to make yourself more sick in more ways. to hurt yourself to prove how bad you feel, or to punish yourself for exaggerating. you want people to believe what you’ve been through, to tell you your feelings are real, that your memories really happened. but when people do take you seriously, you play it off as a joke, apologize for bringing the mood down.

you go on and on about how it wasn’t that bad. you seek permission to still love the ones who hurt you, because it’s the people closest to us who can hurt us most deeply.

you can feel like the people who hurt you are the only ones who really knew you. in low self esteem, you can mistake cruelty for honesty.

there will always be people who have been through worse. that doesn’t make what happened to you okay.

there will always be people who don’t believe you. that doesn’t mean you are lying.

at some point, you have to take yourself seriously. you have to make a life you can stand to live. it’s the only way to survive.

#trauma #txt