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patataaash · 1 year
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I wish you know how this world is so much better because you are in it. I wish you know how much light you give to people because of your existence. I wish you know that you are not empty handed, that you are lovable just the way you are. I wish you know that you don’t need to prove yourself to anyone. I wish you know that the right people will always see your worth. I wish you know how truly beautiful you are. I wish you know that you are enough. I wish you know that you don’t need to put so much effort to be seen. Your mere presence is already outstanding. I wish you know that your flaws and imperfections are part of you that makes you more human and beautiful. I wish you know that there will be people who will always choose you, and you don’t need to find them because they will just come to you. I wish you would love yourself more, value yourself more, see your self-worth more, take care of yourself more, and that you will allow yourself be seen by you more. And I wish you know that you won’t need anyone to breath or do anything, because the moment you do what you do, you can already conquer the world.
There are a lot of things I wish that you know, I wish that you see, I wish that you feel. You are more than who you think you are and so much more. You have limitless capacities that you are yet to discover. Be patient and be gentle with yourself. Be your own best friend. Be at peace with yourself. Stop chasing after people that are not meant to stay. The people that are meant for you will love you more during your sad days than your happy days, they will love you more for your imperfections than your perfections, they will love you more when you’re crying than when you’re laughing, they will love you more when you’re messed up than when your on top, and they will love you ever more even when you decide to turn your back on them than when you first met them. You don’t need to put an effort to be loved by people, because the right ones will always love you regardless of anything you do or have. Allow yourself to be seen, be vulnerable. That way you’ll know who your people are. Don’t be afraid to be hurt. Those who don’t allow themselves to be hurt never truly love. Allow yourself to experience life. And life is full of love and hurt, laughs and cries, turmoil and peace, frustrations and hope, failures and successes, life and death. Only then will you truly comprehend the beauty of life, and what it means to truly live and love and be loved.
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patataaash · 2 years
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Maybe
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Here I am again, afraid, terrified, numb, confuse. Maybe I'm not meant to be loved. Maybe I'm not meant to be close to anyone. Maybe I'm meant to be alone. Maybe I'm meant to be only love from afar. Maybe I'm meant to totally heal from all my wounds first, by myself. I am again afraid to open up myself to someone, because once they get to see how ugly it is inside of me, not only do I hurt them, I also start to hurt myself again. And I'm terrified of what I can do to myself becuse of the pain and the hate that I have in myself. I'm scared that I might reach a certain point again in my life, that I struggle to see the light, and that I might get tired of trying and getting up again. I want to heal, but at the same time I dont want to heal, i just want to disappear from this world. I just want the easy way out. No more process of healing and going back to certain things that hurt me. Nothing anymore.
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patataaash · 2 years
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AIR
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I wish there are words to describe what I feel every time I'm hurting. I wish there are words to say whenever I feel this pain. I wish I could share it with the people I love so they could understand. And I wish also to understand myself. Sometimes it's just too hard to gasp for air to breathe. I wish it is something logical that I can explain. I wish it isn't this complicated. I'm very very sorry to all the people I've hurt just because I'm also hurting.
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patataaash · 2 years
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No one loves me as much as I love myself.
But no one also hates me as much as I hate myself.
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patataaash · 2 years
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Everytime people say that they adore my independence, I just smile at them like I’ve heard it a hundred times. But at the back of my mind, there’s always this long pause—thinking of how sad it is that people adore me for my independence not knowing it was a defense I’ve come up with for my trauma of abandonment. You know, when you’ve been through a lot and no one was there for you, when people are used to you being the one needed rather than you needing someone, they tend to make you believe that you can handle everything on your own. And soon enough, even when you still don’t believe it, you learn to just accept it and live with it. When you have no one you learn to completely rely on yourself. You learn to build this extreme independence and master the life of not needing anyone. And since that’s the case for me, I always find it hard to consider their words as compliment.
-Ali
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And that's why I'm so grateful for the very few people in my life who can see that I also need someone who I can lean on to. You will forever hold a special place in my heart 💕
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patataaash · 2 years
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I guess it's one of my toxic traits, isolating myself from everyone or anything that hurts me. I guess I'm used to being so lonely that I always go back to my comfort zone of loneliness. Because that way I won't have to think of anything or anyone but myself. And I'd just try to dettached myself from the people I've been so attached to, so I won't have to overthink if they truly care or love me. I think it's one of my toxic traits to pull myself away from the people that I love so dearly, because I'm too afraid to get my heart so hurt again. Maybe I'm only capable of loving people from afar, where I would just secretly admire them, secretly miss and love them, secretly support and pray for them. I'm really sorry
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patataaash · 2 years
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“You are beautiful because you let yourself feel, and that is a brave thing indeed.”
— Shinji Moon
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patataaash · 2 years
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Sorry
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At war with myself
Silent cries for help
O canst thou hear
A whisper that's so clear?
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patataaash · 2 years
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“It’s okay if I’m not your favorite chapter you have written, but I hope you sometimes smile when you flip back to the pages I was still apart of.”
— Unknown
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patataaash · 2 years
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I wish
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I'm not okay, but it's alright. I'm getting used to this feeling. I have been battling with myself behind closed doors— so much that I can't even speak about it to anyone. Maybe I'm just afraid that people might never understand me. Maybe I'm afraid about what they would say if they see me falling down to my knees and being vulnerable. I don't want everyone to think that I am weak, and that they can take advantage of me. Maybe, I never really trusted anyone's intention. I just think that people would just probably ask about what I feel, but they never really care about it. And maybe, all this heaviness that I feel in my chest won't just go away even if I talk about it to someone, so I am bound to fight my battles alone bacause no one can ever help me except for myself.
But I admit, sometimes, I wish I have someone I can lean on when I'm vulnerable. I wish I have someone I can run to whenever I feel like everything is falling apart— someone who will just listen to me and will constantly remind me that my feelings are important.
— Shiori X
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patataaash · 2 years
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I saw this on facebook today, and it is exactly what I needed today 💙
Too often, we expect people to have the same capacity to give and share as us. We expect them to perceive the world in the same way and hold the same values. And, just as the second noble truth of Buddhism suggests, when life doesn't match our expectations, we suffer.⁣
There'll be times when people let you down. You might expect a sales assistant to be more helpful or your parents to feel sorry for you. When things don't go the way you want them to, you might feel disappointed and hurt. We’re always expecting the world to adjust to us and meet our needs. However, we can never control other people's actions – only our own. How people act is merely a manifestation of their inner world.⁣⁣
Our expectations can direct us towards changes we need to make within – for example, a craving for somebody's presence might reveal a void that's shouting for your own love, care and attention.⁣⁣
It's impractical to drop all of our expectations because they often help us protect our energy. Therefore, I suggest you:⁣⁣
1. Realize that expectations can hinder inner peace⁣⁣
2. Discover how they might help you on your inner healing journey⁣⁣
3. Identify if you need to make shifts in your relationships.⁣⁣
Reducing expectations and not taking things personally are liberating acts. One way I try to do this is to assume the best in others – by encouraging compassion, you can break the connection to the outcome you craved. For example, if someone doesn't hold the door open for you, you can reframe your thinking by telling yourself there's a good reason for it; perhaps they're going through a tough time, or they simply forgot because they're in a rush to get to somewhere important.⁣⁣
As morbid as this sounds, if a loved one disappoints me, I tell myself that it could be the last time I ever see or speak to them. This inspires gratitude and allows me to enjoy their presence, rather than focusing on what expectations of mine they're not fulfilling. Also, remember that no one's perfect, including yourself. People don't always get it right.⁣
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patataaash · 2 years
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"I never feel bad for the extra love I gave. For the times when I went above and beyond for others, for the times when I still looked at the best in the people who couldn't even see the good in me. But I'm not gonna lie, sometimes, when I watch the rain and loneliness catches up on me, I find myself hoping for that extra love to find their way back to me. I don't care how long or what form it takes. Be it in this life or the next, in one way or another.
Just rain on me."
— jmp
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patataaash · 2 years
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An open letter to those who have become very close to my heart.
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I am truly sorry for the times where I am suddenly not available. Where I hide and distance myself from everyone for a day or more. I am sincerely sorry for my absence. I hope you won't think that I don't want you or I don't want to talk to you anymore. I hope you'll understand that at times like this, I just want to spend time for myself. As much as I can give all the love, time and attention that I can give to you, and as much as I can go an extra mile for you, I would also like to give as much of those to myself. I'd like to feel that same love and attention from myself. I'd love to appreciate myself, to reassure myself that I am okay, to give care for myself, to focus to none other but myself. To have all the time to appreciate me, just breathing, living and trying. So, when the time comes that you'll need me, I can be there to give as much again. 🤍
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patataaash · 3 years
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Drowning
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Why does it feel like I can't trust anyone any more? Why does it feel like the world is pressing me harder than before? Why does it feel like I am only trying to survive each day? Why am I feeling so tired all over again? Why do I find myself again crying every night? Why don't I know the reason why I'm hurting this time? Why do I feel so lonely like I have no one to run to? Why won't any one hear my cry for help?
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patataaash · 3 years
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Some days, I still miss you 🌻🌅
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"Not gonna lie, some days I still miss you. But it’s no longer the kind of longing that pricks my bones neither cracks my eyes. Because these days I’m doing fine. I’ve learned that our strongest emotion could outpass the pain. That’s why maybe when I think of you I no longer crumble like I used to. I guess I’ve finally come to terms with myself that I’m not going to the same corner again waiting for you to make up your mind. I don’t want to feel so little by begging you to stay. I don’t want to settle in “maybes” and “second-guesses” because if I do I’ll turn into this broken soul I always feared to be. I’m scared I’ll become a stranger in my own skin.
So even though it took a toll on me, I walked away. I guess dragging myself back to my world was the hardest thing to do especially when my heart doesn’t want to. But I did it anyway because I know I don’t want to live a lifetime in the rain. That although I lack so many things in myself, I know I still deserve the kind of love that doesn’t cut me through."
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patataaash · 3 years
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And the only way to receive what's meant to be is to let go of what once was...⁠
We are taught all our lives to hold on. Most of the time it's out of fear. Fear of loss. Fear of the future. Fear of the unknown. But when you hold onto things that are no longer for you, you prevent the things that are actually supposed to show up from arriving. You stop yourself from receiving the gifts of life and traveling the path you were always meant to take.⁠
The things in the past are gone. Their time came and went. They’ve drifted off into the ether. You can’t go back and change them. You can’t redo them. Those moments cannot be touched. All there is left is a memory. So embracing that reality is the key to looking forward. ⁠
It's not about denial. It's about acknowledgement. It's not about hating the past (no matter what has happened). It's about understanding and healing.⁠
And then you are left with what's happening right now...this moment...and what you do in this moment determines the story that exists in the future. ⁠
It’s hard to let go. I know. It’s one of the greatest lessons I keep learning over and over again. But when you do, there’s so much room for possibility. You are free to create. Free to be. Free to choose.⁠ Free to write the story in any way you see fit. ⁠
The most important part of all of this is that you can’t let the pains of the past prevent you from getting back out there in the world and trying your best again. You’re going to get hurt form time to time. It’s inevitable. That's part of living. But refusing to play at all because you’re scared delivers the greatest pain of all - regret. ⁠
You have to be willing to lose...in order to win. In everything. You only learn and grow when you put your heart on the line. It’s not the end of the world if you lose. It’s just a moment in time. Get back out there and try again. Give it your all. Learn from the past and move forward with a deeper wisdom. ⁠
I can do this.
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patataaash · 3 years
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It's okay if you forget about me.
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Zombieland 2009
To you 🌻,
I hope you are happy without me.
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