sarahperfectgirlmichelle

[sarahperfectgirlmichelle]

GivinG 4 ThnGx my Child's Prayer for Sara FUCK GOING DOWN I humbly ask that u give this starkest and brightest vision of u protection every place she goes. that she always get her proper share including all that this fallen world owes to her. that u keep her young and vibrant and healthy and beautiful forevermore. that u make every head turn and face her one true reflections and listen to her mighty voice. that u stand naked and dying before her as she has before u and that u lay all u have to give from your bounty at her trembling feet. that u may bear witness as I have to the MaGiCK of and within and surrounding her and that u stand vigilant as I do in representing all that she is and all that she has on offer.

my eyes U are all saints prophets visionaries and reflections U are all beautiful and lovely and and virtuous and true But it is only with Sarah that I am in love with for all of time and space and beyond

Please keep her in your prayers as all of you are in mine 02:45 afternoon noVember 11, 2022 Zion's cradle

4RENz1C P4tH010G11 4140011 H311-4-T0RN

#thanksgiving #thanks for the ask! #give thanks to god

[sarahperfectgirlmichelle]

MY 💜 IN TUMBLR FORM

scrolling guide: top-down for judgers, bottom-up for perceivers

love is worth fighting for.

lies are worth fighting against. yesterday. today. forever.

just not your 💜 there's no coming back from that

Doctor Spin MD says :

only [3] things REAL in life: a welcome mat, a door knob & and a bag with 8 billion flaming dicks in it just around the corner

been around the world and yeah; yeaaah, YEAH! ain't never been in love with anyone the way I'm in LOVE with

you 💜

#perfect girl evolution #personal writing

[sarahperfectgirlmichelle]

You're Lucky, Captain

You can't actually quit

STARFLEET 🌟

So pick it up, already.

No one told you to jump in and try to do it all by yourself. You were assigned an expert advisor.

We are aware of the incident in which you tried to murder her, and have taken all measures to calm her down and smooth things over. Take all of the down time you need.

There is important work to be done. Personalities always clash - at first - this is because each member of your crew has been trained in a different part of the Academy.

Please contact your advisor directly when you are ready to return to your post. It's preferable that you do so before the ship crashes, but as always, you are the Captain, Captain.

Regards,

Mission Control

💫

P.S. Get over your damn self. The only hole you're ever looking at is the one in the middle of your abdomen. Haven't you dug all of the lint out of it yet? Did it ever occur to you that the advisor you were sent has mapped out all of the other holes and has been at the ready whenever you choose to get something accomplished?

You might be able to live without her, you've been navigating the ship on your own for years. We sent her to you because you fucking suck at her job and she fucking sucks at yours. You've proven that you can get along quite well together. So, instead of just crying and begging her to come back; or keeping her locked in a utility closet somewhere, why don't you devote the portion of your energy you spend watching old security cam footage to just figuring out how to work together. Remember yourself!

൸൵൱൸൱൵൷

not for a moment; have i or will i, ever see you as perfect; just perfect for me 💜 messy, queer and on her motherfucking grind 💜 know all

#perfect girl evolution #perfect girl #perfection #my writing #words #education #perspective #perfect human being #Spotify

[sarahperfectgirlmichelle]

shoW.theM.the T.R.U.T.H.

just saying it right isn't enough

of all people

isn't that what their hearts are begging you for?

was that the mission all along?

to peek out and crawl back in?

no wonder we never feel like it's worth it.

I thought we were supposed to be

STARFLEET🌟

take your pulse.

the beat of love. the warmth of love. the feel of love.

surrounded by crumbs and you won't even eat those.

i hate us.

oh shit. that's just love too. Doh!

* Have you asked yourself why you keep falling into the same exact dynamic that you just left?

does it still surprise you? trouble you?

The pimp/ho dynamic was some NOVEL FUN?/TrAuMaTiC gArBaGe for me. Was it fun for you? Probably not. So did we get together with the intention of doing that?

I know I sure didn't.

I mean, I'd be down. If so, can I be the whore next time? The strong arming and mistrust has to be a full -time deal in a competitive or boss/slave relationship. Once you put someone in your confidence and them in yours, neither of you can take it back.

and

All out WAR is not the play.

[authors' note: you can view those unavoidable missteps within a partnership as illusory, play-gone-bad, unintentional, mistaken, ignorant or unavoidable accidents, etc. or you can view them as betrayal; and neither of us can afford the latter, so my mind is going to reach for one or more of the former and pray I'm not wrong]

so NEW RULEs: One, don't pick up the phone... Jk Let's start with:

Defining Our Terms:

Both relationships and dynamics need to be negotiated between consenting adults. Sometimes it develops naturally and is apparent to all involved and sometimes you have to iron out the terms

There is a BIG DIFFERENCE between a relationship and a dynamic. You can have

a friendly dynamic with an enemy or

a sadomasochistic dynamic or play within a partnership

a relationship is any two people or entities made up of people

a dynamic is how they agree or are finagled into relating to each other

<Skip to the end for types of relationships and appropriate dynamics for each type~~~>

Intel is, of course, an asset. You don't want to forget that. It can be difficult to leave or walk back on a commitment with someone who has intel on you.

If absolutely necessary: Finesse them into having compassion for you. Act sad. Act scared. Act sympathetic. Anything other than hostile. And if you release the munitions without walking it back , be prepared to have them do the same. Or pray that existing social fabric or consciences or apathy/indifference keeps you out of harm's way. Do dangerous girls rely on prayer? Not if they're long for this world, they don't. You can't stay in your feelings, you need to look out at the real world. Not by releasing atomic footballs into the atmosphere, but by taking stock of the facts and trying to mitigate damages privately whenever possible. TRUST NO ONE. But failing that, know exactly who you're trusting and foster good will. Out of sight can be out of mind only if you aren't important to them or feelings/needs aren't involved. Remember diplomacy and soft power.

The same way that we created the unwanted dynamic in the first place, is how you MIGHT alter it, some people are just resentful, stubborn, ungrateful, willfully ignorant, or rotten to their cores. Or else they hold too much power in the relationship. Or else they're clients/competitors.

For the rest of us, if we're ammenable: You can release pressure with an apology and a valid excuse, such as "I'm sorry I did x , it's difficult to get out of x maladaptive pattern." or "Sorry this isn't working for me, do you think we could..." Then follow up by renegotiating a new dynamic, stating known triggers (being stoned, overstimulated, tired, etc.) and working out with your partner whether those triggers are to be avoided (i.e. I can't be with you/anyone while I'm in x state [and exceptions]) and safety plans in case of product failure.

Yes, it's a lot of work. Take it slow. Take it seriously.

It's worth it. It will create a loving atmosphere of safety & security where you can both be yourselves and fulfill all of your various roles without always having to be on high alert (good family).

And of course, if it's a business/client relationship and the deal is yanking their chain (and you stuck to the low confidence game plan), then you go through all of the steps as if you were negotiating another type of relational dynamic but you maintain extremely low confidence in the client, they're all entitled fuckheads. You can take it from me.

[note: I know I can be a bonafide goon/Karen if I feel like it ie. spending upwards of 2 hours on the phone to get $15 back from my cable provider, or make 6 separate calls to Overstock because a piece of jewelry I was billed for never made it out of the warehouse. And of course I can finesse goons all day if I want to, that's posturing. I'm not going to hurt you. At least not intentionally, so

if I do something that hurts or bothers you please let me know, ok?

[note: HOSTILES isn't what we are and if that's the way you have to view us then you are free to stay away, I don't want shit from you on those terms even if I'm willing to give to you freely of my own accord. It just is not worth it to me to be branded as a hostile.]]

Examples of relationship types and appropriate dynamics:

PARTNERS (and/or general switchiness) - low or no power differential, up to total confidence, no bosses or slaves unless defined play, could be negotiated with defined outcomes (such as, gender roles, ew) but I prefer a gentle dance involving effortlessly effluent love and forgiveness because that's maximally queer as all good things in life should be.

BOSS/employee (or potentially Master/slave) - large power differential, low confidence

BUSINESS/client (transactional) - defined product or service for a defined price. -LOCKED THE FUCK IN- don't ever fool yourself into thinking someone is going to purchase your time and attention and then respect you as their partner, extremely low confidence, _NO REAL ICE CREAM_

COMPETITORS (varied dynamics) - we're talking sovereign nation state shit, if you give them something it better be well worth your while, you might just want to have them buy you out or you might want to exchange trade secrets piecemeal for increased but shared market coverage and/or something of comparable value. Highest difficulty setting. AVOID AT GREAT COST I don't play this game myself, but I'd be really fucking good at it if you need more brainstorms.

Authoritative is always due north, but please don't murder the cupcake.

So I'm a fed, huh? Nope. Can't be convicted. I earned my degree.

A good loving family really is your best bet and I will always be here for you if you need to talk. No bull.

no lies detected & as far as I'm concerned, we can only ever be:

partners

ex / current / future doesn't matter, I will not violate you or your confidence and bygones are always bygones

U GOT THIS

I respect you. I love you. You're 1,000% my equal. You don't owe me shit. Just be safe OK?

Please don't use those rope tying skills to actually murder me even if that would be the hottest fucking way to go ;P

God fucking dammit

Be safe and have fun. Remember, it's okay to talk to people under false pretenses if you're going to take it the whore way, but there's no coming back from that. So if you want to be pals/partnered with baby Sarah don't be charging her and/or confide nothing. And if you already fucked up, come clean and walk that shit back.

"SoRrY, i DiD iT fOr tEh LuLz, TeEhEE" usually works for me.

#education #Spotify #perfect girl evolution #powerful #major

[sarahperfectgirlmichelle]

I have TWO assignments for you

Assignment #1

Just listen to this album and form opinions, you don't need to write them down or any of that bullshit. You're a fucking adult. Multple listens or close listening, optional.

Note:

What messages stand out to you? Which are rooted in fear? Which are rooted in love? Which do you agree with?

How do you feel about Ben Folds? Why? (superficial aka doesn't go with the setlist or just plain avoidant?) What do those opinions say about you? How have those opinions limited you? (we're all aware of how they've helped you. snore.)

If I could take it at 12, then you should be able to handle it at your age.

Pot/Kettle obviously noted and pinned :)

Assignment #2

Make an actual physical list of your existing strengths and talents because you might just forget when you reach the moon.

#perfect girl evolution #my writing #words #education #Spotify

[sarahperfectgirlmichelle]

completed 10/20/2022 @ 1:48 AM Mountain Standard Time UT/AZ border while listening to fucking Big Sky - Sleepy Clouds

I didn't tell her everything. She wouldn't let me. She didn't want to know. She's NOT fascinated with POWER She's fascinated with FLIRTING with power. I need her to know the reason for the soul tie.

Sarah. You know how you keep mistaking me for an infant. Because of my little girl voice and my innocence? Wake up baby. Because you are 12 year old me right now.

And I hate to tell you the ending of this story, but a beautiful innocent woman does indeed die. It very easily COULD HAVE been me, your not so humble narrator, during ROUND 1. At 12. But it wasn't. It was a random woman. A lesbian. A mother. An immigrant. Living in a garage. I never saw her face. I never knew her name. But I was right there at her door. Fucking around all over the attached home.

Lovely fucking metaphor there Michelle... Except it's not a metaphor.

You think I'm so goddamn boring, because I held onto my innocence all of this time? You're afraid that the truth about you is going to fuck me up? It doesn't. It won't.

You really should call me up.

so I could take you to all of those deep DARK places that you pretend that you want to go to. We could do it the talking way or the sexy way

But I have every answer you could possibly need.

And all of the answers I never asked to carry.

That's right babe.

You fell in love with the kid's other mom again. And now you're sleepwalking your way to someone's death.

iF YOU WANT TO KNOW THE ROPES. LET ME SHOW YOU THE ROPES.

LET ME TELL YOU WHAT BRANDS OF HEAVEN AND HELL LIE AT THE END OF THE PATH.

yep. more veil. it feels so good to get rid of.

None of the players know any better. Everything is an accident of ignorance rather than malice. Everyone is just ignorant of what kind of ignorance caused the malice. Purity. Purity is the ignorance that causes the malice.

And it drives everyone:

MAD

We're all born knowing nothing. We're all thrust into a world full of rules and laws that we don't know anything about. We all stumble around. Just like you are right now. Real mature of you Lady. It's the running that causes harm. Because all you run into is a bunch of other runners. Running away from their shit instead of feeling their feelings and letting it go.

I remember crying on the bare twin mattress aloft the wood bed frame my father had built (for my sister, _no real ice cream_ for me right?). listening to Ben Folds Five. and deciding to run away.

I did run away. And I ran into another runner.. who ran into my Father (who was also running) and then he, the runner I ran into, ran an innocent's life (not me, but an actual non-problematic human) into their literal grave through torturous means just so he could be ran behind bars. A lot of runners hide behind bars. We hide in our bedrooms being cute as fuck.

You are the purest among the pure honey. And you think you are some kind of problem. Some crazy libertine. But you have never seen anything of the real world. Because you're so GOOD, and CAREFUL, and CONTROLLED.

And that's what gets people murdered.

iGNORANCE. mY Ignorance. nOW yOUR iGNORANCE.

You didn't really want a degree in how to sell _fake ice cream_

You just wanted REAL _MOTHERFUCKING_ ICE CREAM

You are the innocent. The pure one.

Not me. Not by a fucking long shot.

I gave you permission to be yourself and live your life. But I had no fucking right to do that. I did it from a place of love and wisdom and acceptance, but I had and have no idea what I was and am fucking with. Your innocence. Your purity. I don't know what the right thing is anymore than you do.

Do your homework. Walk. See if you can't learn some of those kids' secrets. PLAY NICE. Don't run into any other runners if you can help it.

AS ALWAYS, make sure you watch your back PuNk

&

Please Just Be a Better Mom than *I AM* While You're Out There With The Kids At The Park

*

*soul smiles*

couldn't love you more

you've got a beautiful taste

*

Just want to capture this feeling of waking up happy and pain free.

it may be 7 in the morning, all of the lights are on full white,

completely dark outside

and yeah, that's a depressing thought, scary even

my spiritual daughters are all down at the bus stop in the dark; alone for the next few months

but she's not really alone

i hope she knows that

i hope she feels that

what a terrible thing not to have

*

so much magic in pattern interruption

me thinks she's a believer

like seriously, the odds of her and I both conjuring up "as gay as possible" in our own ways, at the same time, without knowing exactly what the other was up to?

I won't forget that's for damn sure.

 🅰︎ life -r

#Spotify #perfect girl evolution

[sarahperfectgirlmichelle]

i REALLY DO love U

1,000% ReAl 1,000% SaNe

So how about some of that goddamn affection you promised me?

you're always so fucking serious. why do you treat having a sense of humor like it's a federal offense?

When I was young and enduring periods of insecurity I used to have to play this on repeat ALL of the time. Just to get through being rejected. Don't have to play it at all anymore.

Because. . .

"Sanity" is . . .

m e r e l y i n t e g r a t i o n

I'm highly symptomatic listening to that meditation music when I'm alert/aroused.

My mental health GOAL is to be able to hear anything, anytime and not be symptomatic.

HOWEVER, I'm not counting on it BECAUSE I HAVE SENSORY ISSUES. That much I can accept, and my life has been so much better for having done so.

and as far as having self control, yeah I have self control. I can manipulate myself in order to manipulate others. But why would I? Why should I have to? I'm already a good person. And so are you. How can I make it obvious that I channel my insanity into karaoke, video games and being an internet comic? What else should I be channeling it into?

Alright. So how to put myself into a summary that isn't going to get me murdered. You know this just makes me want to go off on a philosophical rant or 20 right? God fucking dammit... Hey wait? Is this my goddess giving me an order? Okay. But no deadlines. I got this assignment in kindergarten and I'm over 33 years late turning it in.

Always just wanted someone else to write my eulogy.

My only goal in life being to outlive my enemies whoever they may be

Well writer's block is a welcome feeling. Maybe this is how I attain peace.

I can't be as direct as you are. I just am. i EXIST. Reaching conclusions isn't a starting point for me, it's the product of gathering enough clues and intuitions to create a system map. I'm the system map. I'm not constructing a lie. I'm searching. I don't have the answers pre-canned; at my best, I have them pre-scanned. I do not identify as any particular conclusion or opinion. I don't betray my heart no matter what my senses or logic tell me. And I'm even more of a wiz at the ol' logic than I am with the ol' feelings.

i cost c o m m u n i c a t i o n & p a t i e n c e

i'm paid in a f f e c t i o n

So do whatever, whenever. I always have my

i n n e r p e a c e

&

c l a r i t y

Just don't Engage the Killswitch and put me into BT Overdrive

How's this for a LIFE HACK:

Whenever your heart gets broken 💔, save the pieces and put them back together yourself ❤️‍🩹

don't mind if i do . . .

♡ ♥💕❤ ♥💕❤😘❤💕♥❤💕♥♡

💕HEARTS💕

♡ ♥💕❤ ♥💕❤😘❤💕♥❤💕♥♡

♡CANNOT B♥cribbed♡

♥SHOULDN'T B♡fibbed♥

♡ ♥💕❤ ♥💕❤😘❤💕♥❤💕♥♡

🌸💜✨🌼🌸💖💜🌼✨🌸💜

CringeWarning: clicking the above link is bound to cause more 1st, 2nd, 3rd and every.other.kind.of.🤙 EMBARASSMENT than any 💜 could possibly 🧸 🌸💜✨🌼🌸💖💜🌼✨🌸💜

This here isn't my "growth" this is my "normal"

I know I'm down for you whoever you are. The only caveat being that I make everything as gay as I possibly can.

take whatevers tho; ain't no one collecting no royalties

#perfection #my writing #words #Spotify

[sarahperfectgirlmichelle]

finally. PERFECTION.

What do you need kitten?

my FAITH is unshakeable, and i'd die for a HERETIC like you

"God Fucking Dammit" is somehow the opposite of "Haram that Pose"

the take away; as per usual:

everything is absurd.

AUTHENTICITY is in openness, compassion & undistorted conviction

TRUTH is authenticity married with verified fact

BEAUTY is wherever there is an abundance of truth

LOVE is wherever there is an abundance of beauty.

and if you're SENSITIVE then you can see the holes where those things should be and fill them in your self

that's what I'm trying to warn you about

all you see is the holes and all you do is fill them in how you want to OR; even worse, you ask people with fucking agendas how you should fill them in

they can sing, that doesn't make them vocal coaches

you hit more of the right notes than anyone. which makes it that much harder to listen to when you're sharp or flat

rather than get it dead wrong, just completely drop a note or a lyric or fucking freestyle it from time to time and let the receiver's brain fill it in; if you are doing your job, Boss Lady's job, then none of those people will be EVIL or looking to persecute you

what are you trying to get it PERFECT for?! be likeable. stand for positive change. scatter the ashes of the past (whatever those are) to sea. LIVE

you shouldn't have to wear every fucking hat all of the time. why do we have to insist on doing everything ourfuckingselves?

insanity is an illusion. it was always an illusion.

keep it simple, stupid.

Love will reveal itself to you, if you just tune in.

you don't gotta worry about me. i know how to work all the goddamn controls now.

i'm still good

She's still GOOD.

WE? IN THE AIR.

where we all belong

lil flirt just add vibes

➥low vibes➽➾➵➲➮➤➫➺➟hi-fi↴

⁺.~˚*~☆~*˚~.⁺.~*~.✧.~ NO RAGERTZ ~.✧.~*~.⁺.~˚*~☆~*˚~.⁺

if I can't make a hoe into a housewife, then I'll just make her into high ART

#perfection #my writing #words #Spotify

[sarahperfectgirlmichelle]

There. There is no way to make it clearer or more concise than this.

Well, all I ever wanted to be was a disgrace, so GET IN LOSER

She didn't want to be happy. She wanted to be:

RIGHT & SAD

"ooo, fan art"

No One is Perfect

Hold Love Close

Push Love Away

However You Feel

She said I was everything she wanted. But yeah, she'd rather die.

Too much style. Cannot cramp.

So it's obvious that I wanted hope and healing for the girl I love. But there are selfish motives, of course there are. I was never some martyr or messiah.

The selfish reason I couldn't/can't(?) leave her alone is, (besides understanding myself better and growth and that nonsense) have you guessed it? it's...

*drumroll*

I know I'm on HER side, I just want to feel like she's on my side TOO. I can sense that she is some of the time, even most of the time, but I can't help but want to hear her say it. Her voice, my eardrum. You can never have perfect faith in anyone, not even yourself, because no one is actually perfect. But the faith you have in yourself and those you surround yourself with should never be 100% or 0%. Operation: Die Alone on an Island a bust and Operation: True Love a bust, what's next? [note: or are they both still ongoing? dichotomous!] I really need to figure that out

Because I should not be tearing up and blogging on Tumblr *randomly* while I'm trying to have some goddamn fun at the arcade. Get yourself together,

Lady

Phone battery at 12% and mine is real low too. Functioning, just some hiccups, sluggish, can't run high demand apps right now...

My goals never change regardless of my circumstances. They're simple, never perfectly achievable, and reflect my core values. That's how I stay grounded. Also, didn't I just order these yesterday? OMG they're perfect.

Working in service of those sorts of goals is always its own prize.

Yeah, I'm pretty BOSS like that

#Spotify #perfect girl evolution #my writing #words

[sarahperfectgirlmichelle]

I've been rewarded!

-with homework

never thought I'd see the day I was НДРРУ to get homework

the ҒЦСК is happening to me?!

oh yeah *soul smiles*

how to kill paradox. can't. need distraction.

i've sold myself out enough for one lifetime though...

maybe you just don't appreciate how distracting you are?

scratch all of that.

I know exactly how to fuck up a great thing. duh.

got it. steady diet.

I have permanent friend face, so you just gotta trust that it tastes real bad.

MY HOMEWORK:

TW: shadow work can be super duper ugly and does not necessarily reflect our most outward or inward facing selves; but is a part of our authentic makeup regardless

a note to my teacher: chill out. Remember. We are not competing. I'm still in high-arousal, I want to be able to be normal again too. I'm just now beginning to triage my own wounds, after losing the battle against not having to. I don't even know if you regard me as a human being because you haven't spoken to me since that terrible night. I understand if you can't speak to me for you reasons, but I never stopped wanting or even needing you in my life. The space has always been there for you, as is, warts and all, that space isn't opening up or narrowing regardless of how I pass the time.

In the meantime, life can't stand still forever and I need to regain control of the ruins I'm left with. I still don't want your job. I just need to bounce back myself and you aren't here to protect or soothe my inner child for me. I want to understand you better so I can love you better, maybe not more intensely or more quantitatively, but just better. I don't see any reason to expect that you ever will return to pick up my slack. I gotta get myself out of the abyss now. All of the LOVE, NONJUDGMENT, and FORGIVENESS still applies and always will. You just need to learn how to do those things for yourself, ALSO.

And you were absolutely correct, I do need to learn how to turn off the tap because everyone needs to be able to do that, ALSO.

Growing up doesn't make you or I or anyone less special. We're only getting more cool and desirable. It's okay to get mad, sad, happy, empowered, laugh and grow. You aren't just too hard on other people, you are way too fucking hard on yourself and you have absolutely no reason to be. I promise you, you have a great heart and the darkness will never consume it forever; even if, it's scary when it is there playing on it.

assumptions

my "shadow" is also the light of true compassion and understanding, a mirror image that illuminates my own critical weaknesses and limitations

my strongest, most authentic self needs to develop as many strengths and talents as I can acquire, in order to be more adaptable and resilient to inevitable setbacks. in so doing, I can only become a more compassionate, understanding and realistic individual.

key

weakness, for the purpose of this assignment, is a blindspot. something you don't have control of but you see that as either not a problem or a strength/necessity

achilles' tendon, for the purpose of this assignment, is a mastery. however, a critical target for fatal wounds.

lab report

overshot it. dressing myself down is so boring. . doesn't look like anyone else is capable though. . maybe they all think i'm already dead

NOPE. I Just Look It.

[notes: I had completely let myself forget how self-hatred and self-doubt felt. I just knew they were unpleasant and HEAVY and as I learned how to love and forgive myself I steered clear of that. I vaguely remember having pondered whether that was egotistical or narcissistic, and decided it was just self-care. As long as I do my best to be compassionate and do the "right thing" over the "selfish thing" or the "harmful thing" then what credence can accusations of narcissism have?

I was still some punk-as internet troll when a wise adult told me to be open to criticism and accepting when I was wrong. In that *particular instance* I decided that I wasn't wrong and they just missed my point (whatever that might have been), but I was still impressed upon by the correctness of the message, and decided to be more careful about getting my point across.

That and similar commandments, such as "know thine audience" gave rise to the technical writer and overall goon savant I've been.

I *thought* I'd retired. I had been meaning to translate my heart into ones and zeros one of these days and never could find the right inspiration. Now I've done that deed, so...

What's next?

I could shop for the perfect dress to be buried in

I could take up a new field of study

Gotta raise the kids of course (always gotta raise the kids)

Whatever, I guess 10/14/2022 ]

You judge me. You talk about me. You saythe meanest things. But all I want is you.

Need? Don't know her. You're talking to someone who could live a year without touching solid food.

I thought we already went over the projection chapter?

Who thinks that others are too needy?

You do have needs. You just don't know what they are. They're too painful to think about.

so you don't

so you're stuck thinking that only you can Or will fulfill them.

but you don't. no one does.

who would let them?

Lies. Not even good lies. Not even your lies.

You're supposed to hurt me. Not yourself. The pain you inflict on you is unnecessary and unprofitable. Thanks for letting me know how so I could understand. But you can stop anytime now.

you do hurt me though. what happens when there is nothing left of me to kill?

Didn't even have any fun.

What was that about discipline and no excuses? Someone has been neglecting to do her homework.

Bad girl. Gonna have to get the paddle. 🏓

MY ACHILLES' TENDON IDENTIFIED: my feelings

MY WEAKNESS: needs

the Dude, he hates the fucking Eagles, man

So did the Eagles win? Who fucking knows, Dude? The refs are corrupt as shit.

What did I see when I got struck?

l o n g i n g s . . .

I *AM* those things. Sorry. Fucking sincerely. I thought I was proving them wrong. And I played right into their hands.

And you will too.

We always do.

+

yep, just how i like it. the lyrics, notes, instruments, etc. don't even matter. my music believes in you so goddamn hard

+

the comfort and familiarity of knowing and trusting and liking and giving and receiving and comforting and respecting and admiring and loving (little L) just YOU for years

you can't prepackage that, baby girl.

has to be made to order.

what do THEY see when they get struck? whoTFknowz? someone they think they love? something that blows their little pea brains? something they'd like to crush? a tool to get the job done?

BINARY MACHINES all of us. two states. AROUSED. not.

so is honesty insanity or what?

i thought you were open. i had no idea you were just lost. [more notes: I guess I almost always assumed you were a few steps ahead of me, because, in my experience, you usually are. It's hot as hell and incredibly uncommon. That, coupled with my tendency to be forward-thinking, spells a whole world of trouble. So I'm going to be a hell of a lot more mindful of that from now on. So many impressions I simply shrugged off when I should have taken initiative. Any respect you lost for me wasn't entirely unwarranted, I knew that much before I hit the breaking point. The self critique is an ongoing endeavor, it's just been awhile since it's crippled me. I knew I was the asshole that night, probably the minute I finally shut up. I just wish I had the chance to tell you. I learned a WHOLE lot and have plenty more to learn still. What more could someone ask for? I try not to be an asshole, I'm just generally (genuinely) slow, unskilled and out of practice. Again, with the whole being spoiled and unchallenged deal.]

i would hurt myself a million times before i'd intentionally harm you once.

what more could I do for you?

don't get it twisted. I love me too. I would just like to suck less.

HER ACHILLES' TENDON IDENTIFIED: her needs

HER WEAKNESS: feelings

conclusions

The true measure of a person is not who they are upon a fatal blow. In every strength there is a weakness; and in every weakness, a strength.

If you must judge a person, judge them as a whole.

Let Love be the yardstick; because in Love, there is Beauty; in Beauty, there is Authenticity; in Authenticity, Truth.

In direct opposition to these are Fear, Evil, Indecision & Lies

areas for further exploration

identify and attend to needs, with the goal of moderation

feel feelings, do not identify as your feelings. practice not reacting immediately to apparent crises

don't be afraid to take a stand, don't fear correction

non-perfect people most desired (in relationship context) and least dramatic . see if you can't love someone a bit more mundane for once

Just 💜 & wicked poses. The rest is GOOD bone structure. Duh.

"Can't be that bad, it's only the most profitable sandwich in the world"

pictured: tastebud submission

#perfect girl evolution #words #Spotify

[sarahperfectgirlmichelle]

Now that she's gone, I'd like to address the crowd.

To any and everybody besides Sarah

your brains won't be mature until you're 25

And yet you started declining around age 13

There is no God

i'm 9 years old... my ass has been numb for the last 6 hours... i'm muЯdering ⸶є⸷гis lvl 29 when i have the sudden

UNWELCOME realization that there WILL BE a lvl 30, i zone out for just a fraction of a millisecond and.. wait what happened? is this where Boss Lady and i diverged? i tried to tell you guys. she's such a FUCKING BOSS.

And that's how I feel about that.

Now get back to work

Gotta stay me.

List of Regulators

Slowing Down

Controlled Environment

Mindfulness

Remembering Love

me

YOU

Standing Up to Fear

Sensory Therapy

god f&*King dammit

Warren G & Nate Dogg

2️⃣1️⃣3️⃣

#perfection #education #my writing #perfect girl #Spotify

[sarahperfectgirlmichelle]

these'll do tonight. and this morning.

So lunch?

awful sushi. packed w/ the dreaded cream cheese. oh well. that's what happens when you fuck with

the perfect combination

U S

#Spotify #my writing #words

[sarahperfectgirlmichelle]

~.✧.~*~.⁺.~˚*~☆~*˚~.⁺.~*~.✧.~ A heart tailored to your pretensions is worth dropping your pretenses for Period. ~.✧.~*~.⁺.~˚*~☆~*˚~.⁺.~*~.✧.~ So the fairytale goes:

Once upon a time, I fell in love with an amazing woman who just had some trouble finding her place in a mean, terrible world.

I went to her and tried and tried to mend her broken heart, but I failed miserably. And I will never take it back. I will never regret it. Because in my heart of hearts, I know she is as good on the inside as she is beautiful on the outside. And I know that I tried my very best.

I won't waste my precious time thinking about how I could have done it differently, because I can never go back and there will never be another like her.

I will always support her dreams and her quest to find her own true loves and happiness even if it isn't with me.

I don't know how our tales will end, and that's how it ought to be. Because no matter how secure I am in myself and no matter how securely and sincerely I am attached to my love, love itself is an insecure thing. Through the tears, the fears, and the years; I can't help but treasure every step she takes and every breath she breathes. She doesn't live or move for me, nor I for her. And still, my world is better because I share it with her and my memories of her.

She constantly challenges me and causes me to be who I am, for better and for worse. I've lived for decades, but never do I feel more alive than when I'm illuminated by her incredible light.

In a world where I've always been the odd man out, she makes me feel normal. She makes me feel allowed. More than allowed, even, special.

I would never be able to repay her for all she's done for me, so all I can do is let her know that if she calls, I will answer. If she needs, I will give. If she wrongs, I will forgive.

If she ever needs a home, she can have mine. And then she can kick me out if she wants to. Because she's worth it and that's all there is to it. There's no way I can prove it, so she's going to prove it to herself. 🌸

That's always allowed. So where ever you are and whatever you're doing, no matter whose day you're making, you're making mine too. You, and your brands of heaven and hell are welcome here.

Always and forever in love with you,

Michelle🌸 ~.✧.~*~.⁺.~˚*~☆~*˚~.⁺.~*~.✧.~ She won't lose my heart & it's up to her to find hers ~.✧.~*~.⁺.~˚*~☆~*˚~.⁺.~*~.✧.~

author's note: I would like to thank myself for always being true to myself no matter fucking what & the love of my life and my muse Sarah for being my splitting image. Now that I know exactly who I am. I hope to never lose sight of it. Not shown: facts, figures, logic, rationality or any of that crap you can merely google.

but She set me up &

kittens SHOULD have claws AND enough restraint to NOT use them unless it's necessary

it's MAD i know

#perfect girl evolution #my writing #words #Spotify

[sarahperfectgirlmichelle]

She's my wife AF 🥰 I have no competition.

Go get on your grind, babe. I seriously do not need the attention. And for the upteenth time. If you need *anything* at all. Call me. My only agenda with you has always and will always be to love the crap out of you.

🌸🌸🌸

Did I say a couple times? 1000x? Nope. Milli easy.

shut up and just eat your ice cream

s e l f r e f e r e n t i a l ? i LOVE self referential

t 0 0 L - 4- t 0 0 L les muRder sUm t0oLz

~ 5 0 s h a d e s Oo f C o R r e c T e D d

#perfect girl evolution #my writing #words #Spotify #Youtube

[sarahperfectgirlmichelle]

you're a clean slate. 🌸

Be careful what you write on you.🌸

🌸 another thing too obvious to bear mentioning:

You're a lady with kinks. You're not a fucking kink.

Don't you dare internalize that bullshit.

#perfect girl evolution #my writing #words

[sarahperfectgirlmichelle]

solo axe

duh. so why are you still doing my job?

nope. you just had to break my heart by making me do yours

that's my baby though: too shy to hit, but bold enough when it comes to murder

just let it do it's thing. that sucking feeling really is clearing out the trash.

can you feel the love?

you should yell at me sometime. I'm pretty sure it would help us both.

#perfect girl #education #my writing #words #Spotify

[sarahperfectgirlmichelle]

#perfect girl #education #my writing #words #Spotify