sircharleschewbacca

[sircharleschewbacca]

Poets have their desks and pockets filled with poems, artists with sketches, and mine are filled with equations, calculus and books.

After all, we, scientists and you, romantics, aren't so different.

[sircharleschewbacca]

✨Chaotic STEM Academia✨

~ Always needing to write down interesting bits of research papers or uni lesson pages but never having the patience to maintain a whole new notebook for it; consequently, you’ve got delightful facts from like four unrelated subjects scribbled in the margins of notebooks and textbooks and on post-it notes and napkins and The Cat (flipping through your notebooks and textbooks is always a wild ride)

~ Notes for a single subject are either spread out over five different notebooks and several loose sheets (Not In Binders, I repeat, Not In Binders) or you’ve got the whole year’s coursework down in one very thicc notebook, there is no in between (organisation is not your strong suit bestie, it’s okay)

~ Hyperfixating on questions and topics (you have no concept of Leave It And Move On) the ensuing chaos of research and rabbit holes and stack exchange questions and reddit threads from 10 years ago mean that you usually know way more than you need to about certain things (but knowledge is never wasted, you tell yourself, after closing your laptop at 3 am on a Tuesday morning)

~ Ink spots in places ink spots are not usually found (elbows, knees, feet) after a study session (you have no memory of how they got there and now it’s gonna take forever to scrub them out, but that is the price you pay for getting things done)

~ Forgetting to bring things to class (notebooks, stationery, devices, the works) but luckily your backpack houses a second dimension of pure chaos (the second zip) from whence you can summon a very worn-looking pencil from three years ago in a pinch (once the second dimension stationery runs out, you really need to get your shit together and pack for lessons)

~ Taking pride in your rough work- scribbled equations and calculations and sketched diagrams covering pages delight you; there’s something solid and real about them, proof that you’ve done things and learned things. You flip through your rough notebook after you’ve used up the last bit of space in it, and take heart in the fact that you’re different from the person at the beginning of the book 

~ The education system fills you with despair sometimes, in all of its rigidity, in all of its focus on only a few exams. You want to learn for the sake of learning, you want to pursue every single one of your myriad interests, but eventually realise it’s not practical. Some day, you tell yourself.

[sircharleschewbacca]

5 years of grad school have taught me intelligence means very little in scientists you mostly just need to be obsessive and slightly deranged

[sircharleschewbacca]

How does one defeat self-sabotage?

Dear you,

For the purpose of this letter, join me in thinking of yourself as two parts - the self and the ego. The self is everything you are, and everything you want to be. It is your hopes, dreams, and amibitions. It is the part of you that learns from your mistakes, takes the higher road, and the part of you who knows that life is short, so you might as well live it. Your self’s greatest wish for you is that you will get to live the life you want to live. The self is okay with the toil and turmoil it might take to get you there; the self can see the reward is worth the journey.

The ego, on the other hand, consists of only three things: survival instinct, pride and fear. The ego is important: it keeps you from walking into traffic, and warns you with a “funny feeling” when something is wrong. But the ego often gets hyperactive. It is over sensitive and frail. It is the part of you that gets offened or insecure when someone gives you “a look”, and keeps you up at night replaying conversations in your head, pointing out every awkward pause or imperfect word choice. The ego is terified of you making mistakes or putting your work out there to be criticised. It is the part of you who gets hurt, embarrassed and humiliated. Your ego bruises like a peach. Its highest and most sincere wish for you is that you will be completely comfortable at every point in time, and never experience any negative emotions.

Self-sabotage is exactly that. It is your ego running up to tackle your self, wrestle it to the ground and hinder it from putting you in a position to get hurt. It is your ego convincing you that your work will never be good enough, so don’t put it out there - it might get ridiculed. It is your ego suggesting that you drop this diet and rather go buy a doughnut - convincing you that your willpower probably give in sooner or later anyway, so you might as well give in now instead of disappoining yourself later.

Your ego makes you binge-watch Netflix three days before a deadline, giving you ample opportunity to say, “No, the grade wasn’t super good, but to be fair - I wrote it in a rush the night before.” It gives you excuses, it gives you outs, it gives you ways not to feel bad about yourself for not being perfect. After all, you didn’t do your best, so the judgment is never of you at your best.

Realize this: When you self-sabotage, it comes from a place of love. It is you trying to protect yourself from the discomfort of having to put work in, the disappointment of not succeeding, and the terror of being shamed or mocked for your efforts. It comes from a place of protection, but it is built upon a massive misunderstanding, the misunderstanding that it is dangerous to be uncomfortable. The truth is: you will be okay.

You need to make your ego understand this. Tell it: “Listen, I am grateful for the way you always do such a good job of protecting me, but right now I want you to go take a little nap. I am going to finish this task, and I’m going to send the result out into the world, and I am fully aware that I might not get the result I am hoping for. But that’s okay. I want to be uncomfortable right now, and I am in charge so you have to listen. I will have to be uncomfortable to get the job I want/become healthier/become better at my art/get the grades I want, and this is more important to me than comfort right now. If things actually get dangerous, I will allow you to wake up again and come help me, but right now you deserve a rest. Sleep well.” You might have to tell it this several times for every task. It might be hard for it to listen. But with practice, your ego will go rest and you will be free to listen to the self and start claiming the life you want to live. It will not be easy, and there is no guarantee of success, fame, fortune or even satisfaction. Just the promise that to get it, you have to try, and your self will thank you for it. You will thank you for it. The internet tells me procrastination is the most common form of self-sabotage, so I will share with you a motto that has changed my life: done is better than perfect. Get your stuff done, complete your list, cross out your tasks and start the next. Don’t let yourself believe that it has to be 100% before you can let it go, or, even worse, don’t let yourself put a task off because you can’t do it perfectly right now, or you’ll be better suited for it tomorrow. Get your stuff done. You owe it to your self. Earnestly yours, Emma.

[sircharleschewbacca]

I’ve spent the day creating my Dark Academia templates for Notion and they look so good 🥺 I still need to finish some things but I’m really happy with the results 🕯🖤

Link to the video with the template: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjJtX4uHqig&t=14s

[sircharleschewbacca]

[sircharleschewbacca]

trying to keep up with classes while studying for my physiology final exam

#vet med #vet student #veterinary medicine #studyblr #studyquill #college #science academia #stem #stem academia #dark academia #vet notes #vetblr

[sircharleschewbacca]

I kind of love that there is a disease of cows called “mad cow disease” and also one called “bovine bonkers” and they just have absolutely nothing to do with one another. One is a scary prion brain melter and the other is boring old nitrogen toxicity. Just two separate instances of a cow acting so absolutely bananas that someone watching felt they needed to include that description in the name of the disease. Love it

[sircharleschewbacca]

some of my favourite microscope images I’ve taken

please don’t repost without credit

[sircharleschewbacca]

25.05.21 | Get yourself a cup of chamomile tea and just start already

[sircharleschewbacca]

7 am — epidemiology: experimental studies.

#vet med #vet student #veterinary medicine #studyblr #studyquill #epidemiology #college #stem #science academia #stem academia #dark academia

[sircharleschewbacca]

if youre having a bad day (or not):

did you drink enough water today?

did you eat enough today?

did you take your medicine(s) today?

in case no one told you recently,

you are beautiful (or handsome). your flaws do not define you nor do they actually make you less attractive or good; they make you human, and if there's one thing people love most about their loved ones, it is their imperfections that make them somehow more perfect.

you are enough, more than enough. you are valid and you deserve love, yes even if you did something bad or feel like a burden.

you are amazing, no arguing with me.

if you feel that no one else loves you, then know that i do. no, i dont know you but if people can hate for no reason then i can love.

i am here.

if you need someone to talk to, i can be that someone. if you want to rant, need a stranger's perspective, a shoulder to lean on, or an ear to simply listen;

i am proud of you.

these have been very hard times and you are still here, reading this. that means you're alive and you've made it through so much! and you can make it through more! even if you can't get out of bed, can't work or be productive, can't take care of yourself, i am proud of you for waking up and facing another day because the world will never know how much that means.

kittens! puppies!

if you need help with school

if you're dealing with abuse

self-care

[sircharleschewbacca]

[sircharleschewbacca]

“After thirty years of intensive research, we can now answer many of the questions posed earlier. The recycle rate of a human being is around sixteen hours. After sixteen hours of being awake, the brain begins to fail. Humans need more than seven hours of sleep each night to maintain cognitive performance. After ten days of just seven hours of sleep, the brain is as dysfunctional as it would be after going without sleep for twenty-four hours. Three full nights of recovery sleep (i.e., more nights than a weekend) are insufficient to restore performance back to normal levels after a week of short sleeping. Finally, the human mind cannot accurately sense how sleep-deprived it is when sleep-deprived.”

— Matthew Walker PhD, Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams (via themedicalstate)

[sircharleschewbacca]

so metropolitan museum of art has a register of books they’ve published that are out of print and that you can download for free! they’re mostly books on art, archeology, architecture, fashion and history and i just think that’s super useful and interesting so i wanted to share! you can find all of the books available here!

[sircharleschewbacca]

a summary of my time at the clinic

#vet med #vet student #veterinary medicine #vetblr #vet clinic #gore #blood #science academia #stemblr #stem academia

[sircharleschewbacca]

Unorganized thoughts; equations written all over a whiteboard; black coffee; determination; cigarette breaks; messy hair; curiosity; not wanting to start and then not wanting to finish; double checking almost every calculation; old wooden desks; having anxiety attacks thinking about the meaning of life; not sharing most of your thoughts with anyone; frustration; appreciating the little things; re-reading the practise questions in hope for a new perspective; notebooks full of chaotic notes; dreams about discovering something new;