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I can’t remember for the life of me if I ever introduced myself on blog but I go by Nico.

it’s been a while, haven’t been keeping up with socials or with most things lately, to be entirely fair every time I get a tumblr notification it’s another spam account following me, lol, but I want to try to keep up with this better and see if my account goes anywhere

it’s just difficult when you forget things constantly, and a serious medical emergency happened last Wednesday, which kind of threw the system for a loop; there is somebody possibly new now from that, though, so I think we’re at twenty “headmates”/alters now

#did system #actually did #dissociative system #did alter #mental health

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not entirely sure what to put here, been weirdly blurry most of the night, but I want to introduce myself on this blog too

Name: Nico

Nicknames: NC

Pronouns: he/it

Role: emotional protector and trauma holder

Color: orange

Traits: I don’t like seeing things, I derealize and depersonalize a lot, prefer hanging out in dark relatively calm and quiet spaces. i think of myself as slightly taller and thinner than I am, and walking by mirrors is weirdly distressing for me

Songs on my playlist: pineapple soda, monster by starset, hours by again&again, silly how I feel by unlike pluto

Favorite games: idk

Favorite animal: my cat Patches who looks ridiculous

Favorite food: so far, this specific make it yourself crème brule boba

How often do you front?: I feel like I rarely come around, but according to the way I track switches i’m tied on average for second most frequent fronter, in total time; it just seems like for me I go days to weeks without being around at all and then am extremely present for a while on and off

that’s about all I can think to add right now, but hopefully I’ll remember to post things here from time to time

#did system #introduction #did alter #did osdd

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Today has been somewhat hectic, a strange amount of some of the less ‘frequent’ fronters switching, and some family drama. Regardless; I’m the one that wanted to start a ‘blog’ so it’s best I do a template-introduction like Cody has, too.

Name: Caerwyn

Nicknames: Wyn, Gawain

Pronouns: It/Its

Role: Archivist

Color: White

Traits: Nonhuman, I find myself very analytical and logical, detached from my emotions, though disturbed by viewing my own body. I enjoy psychoanalysis, and generally learning and sharing new information.

Songs on my playlist: All eyes on me (Bo Burnham), Crawling (Unlike Pluto), Icarus (Bastille)

Favorite games: I don’t know, logic puzzles and social deduction-based games

Favorite animal: Undecided

Favorite food: I haven’t been around much for meals

How often do you front?: Very infrequently, I’d like to be around more often, I rarely get to talk to external people given I tend to front after “overthinking” at six in the morning.

#did system #did alter #mental health #did osdd

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i’m not really knowledgeable in pride flags, but I was wondering the other day “is a system genderfluid?” and found that “systemfluid” is a term; I found the flag for it and in my opinion it’s somewhat pointless, it’s the genderfluid flag but all green because green is the mental health awareness colour

but mental health is a large term, not specific to systems, so I was wondering if there was another easy way to make the “systemfluid” flag make more sense, so I wondered what genderfluid was inverted (initially I thought the current flag for it was that, and found I was wrong), and went from there

white black and orange are present in the widely used system flag, so I changed the weird mustard yellow (inverse bottom) to an orange that matches the system flag, and I desaturated one of the inverse green stripes and made it a cooler colour just out of aesthetic preference, while also reverting the black and white to where they belong in the normal genderfluid flag (they got inverted too, obviously)

i dunno, I think this would be a cool flag for systems who have fluid gender changes between alters, but aren’t comfortable calling themselves “genderfluid” on account of not being *one* individual with a fluid gender, but multiple alters who have varied gender identities

-I can’t tell if this is Oliver or Rook right now but I’m proud of my mediocre work

#did system #systemfluid #system pride #genderfluid #pride flag #did osdd #traumagenic system

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I periodically forget I even made a tumblr, and furthermore I don’t want to come across as “fake” or attention-grabby; I just like sharing personal experiences, knowledge, and actively talking about things that people try to ‘hide,’ like mental health struggles. It’s something that needs to be more acceptable to openly display. So!

I have made it so questions can be asked (anonymously if wanted), and will invite anybody who happens across this post to ask questions about my (limited) experience with DID, or about my alters, or how my system “operates,” etc. As long as nothing is blatantly offensive, or intentionally hurtful, I’m a relatively open book.

#did system #mental health #mentalheathawareness #questions #did alter

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Another update, since it’s been a while

The headmate previously only called “red” has given himself a name, finally. Until the other week, he never really fronted for more than thirty minutes or so at a time, and always only during extremely heightened emotional states, so he didn’t have the opportunity to sit down and try to calmly self-identify. He calls himself Eri, after looking for names and finding it meant “my guardian” or something along those lines.

He’s still pretty uncommon to front, but he came out for around an hour, then two hours at one time the other week. He’s been voicing more of a desire to cooperate with the system and have better self-control over his kind of explosive anger, which is nice. We worry he’s still unpleasant to talk to when he isn’t under stress (he is extremely distrusting, verbally aggressive, impulsive, and anti-social, when he feels socially or literally threatened) because he’s very blunt and dry, but he seems fine with being perceived that way.

He’s an odd headmate to have because we still can’t tell exactly what his “role” is. He’s a very accusatory and defensive protector, with anger issues, we guess? The host never feels comfortable being or expressing anger so he sort of started repressing it years ago, and our guess is that Eri holds onto it for him. He’s very much trying to help us, though he and the main protector Cody usually disagree over how to help. We’re hoping to find ways to help him vent his aggression healthily, and also to get those two to cooperate a bit better!

#did system #did alter #did osdd #protector #mental health #mental illness

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Been dealing with a whole lot lately, but it’s weird because instead of getting less stable and more dysfunctional we’ve been feeling a lot more grounded. A lot less switching, it almost feels like the host has been alone the whole week. It seems like when someone close to us has issues, our own fall to the sidelines for a while; even if the situation gets worse, we’re a lot more able to take care of ourself without the help of others, and a lot more able to be there to support other people. It’s weird, I would’ve thought it’d be the opposite.

#did system #did osdd #stress #mental health

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oh boy, does anybody else have issues with falling asleep not as host alter? been awake for about an hour now, and still feeling too blurred to tell who’s really at front, besides Cody feeling heavily nearby.

furthermore, we’re wondering today if having nightmares in the third person, following someone who does not look like we actually physically look, is because of the DID; or is that normal for dreams? curious

-blurred, Cody, possibly Wyn

#did system #did alter #nightmare #dissociation

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Currently feeling heavy blur, but I’ve been fronting for a couple hours tonight and everyone’s been asleep for some time now, I don’t see a reason why not to introduce myself here, now

I call myself Cody, I most fit the system role of the protector. I’m male, he/him only. I have a really hard time identifying sarcasm and humor; We’re neurodivergent, I seem to have the most struggle with it from what I can tell. I consider myself slightly more mature, and slightly taller than the physical body. My associated colour is green, (since we’ve always used color as a way to express our “mental states,” before being aware of what DID entirely is, and that we have had it for years.)

I front the most often second to the host, Oliver, and have a much easier time discussing our conditions than he does. I’m eager to learn more about ourselves, how we can better communicate, without a headspace (we cannot make mental images), and how to help ourselves function as a member of society, as we have still yet to become self-sufficient. I’m also just hoping to speak my mind, and learn more through other system’s experiences here.

Before I forget: We refer to ourselves collectively- or our system name- as “Veritas”, Latin for the truth. We were uncomfortable with our usernames on various platforms just being Oliver’s name, and eventually saw other people having clever collective names, and came up with ours based off of three years of high school Latin, and, shamefully, it’s also somewhat inspired by a single episode of Doctor Who. It’s in-line with our general life goals of searching for the truth, learning as much as possible, and aspiring to be a generally honest person.

About me, specifically:

Name: Cody

Nicknames: blackbird

Pronouns: he/him

Role: protector

Colour: green

Traits: confident, calm, logical, methodical, introverted, emotionally distant, cooperative, ‘problem solver,’ introspective

Songs on my playlist: Whatever It Takes - Imagine Dragons, Cave In - Owl City, Achilles Come Down - Gang of Youths, Runaway - Vorsa, Surface Pressure - Jessica Darrow, “Gabriel” - Alec Benjamin

Favourite games: currently probably Crimesight or Skyrim

Favourite animal: crow

Favourite food: I don’t know, honestly I don’t much enjoy eating

Anyway, that’s all I can really think of to say right now, hopefully this doesn’t come across as too odd or annoying to anyone

#did system #did osdd #did protector #mental health #did alter #introduction

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Finally made a Tumblr, though I probably would’ve fit in a lot more here six years ago, my personality has changed drastically the past few years

Honestly not sure why I’ve made this account, much like my other social media I’m likely going to forget about this, or never post anything of relevance, but I just wanted to give it a try I suppose.

Yes, I am a diagnosed DID system; No, I don’t fully understand it myself. I’d like to use this space for my parts to express opinions and speak openly without worry of embarrassment or shame, since it’s a platform nobody I know uses.

#introduction #did system #new tumblr #transgender