stolenaesthetics

[stolenaesthetics]

I'm 21 now. Been through a lot of shit since this. Got diagnoses, meds and rounds of therapy but im still at my lowest. Repeated uni a couple times and on my last chance. It gets better but by fuck does it also get a whole lot worse.

Still here somehow. Vibing, surviving but not quite thriving.

// Its been a while since ive used this and im really happy to say im no where near that low i used to be. I dont feel so alone anymore i have more people i trust and rely on. The person that caused me so much blight is completley out of my life.

Im 18 now, a legal adult although ive been forced to grow up many years ago..

Sure theres things i wish i could change. Wish i could have figured things out sooner but would i be me if i had?

Im still struggling. The closer i get to ending this chapter ready for the next step in life the more suffocated i feel. As if theres something here trapping me trying to dig its claws in and not let me move on. I have so much i need to do and ive been procrastinating to the point of recklessness. Im really gonna give it a go from now on, im terrified of success sure but im even more terrified of failure. Im glad though, that im dealing with a different more active problems. Something that i can fix and work on and not just suffer through wondering why. This time i know why, how and what i just need to act..//

[stolenaesthetics]

// Its been a while since ive used this and im really happy to say im no where near that low i used to be. I dont feel so alone anymore i have more people i trust and rely on. The person that caused me so much blight is completley out of my life.

Im 18 now, a legal adult although ive been forced to grow up many years ago..

Sure theres things i wish i could change. Wish i could have figured things out sooner but would i be me if i had?

Im still struggling. The closer i get to ending this chapter ready for the next step in life the more suffocated i feel. As if theres something here trapping me trying to dig its claws in and not let me move on. I have so much i need to do and ive been procrastinating to the point of recklessness. Im really gonna give it a go from now on, im terrified of success sure but im even more terrified of failure. Im glad though, that im dealing with a different more active problems. Something that i can fix and work on and not just suffer through wondering why. This time i know why, how and what i just need to act..//

#neon #neon lights #neon signs #aesthetics #neonsigns #pretty #thought dump #holly came back for a while #then and now #hollys random rambles #im getting better #im getting there

[stolenaesthetics]

// im so fucking mad i just finished writing a humongous vent about a really shitty time for me this time last year that i was so ready to put down and put here because i needed to and my phone died. It had the post just sitting there ready for me to tap into and when i did. Bam. Back to my dash with the post gone. Maybe its the universe telling me i shouldnt write about it yet.. //

#hollys random rambles #thought dump #of course its another neon sign #because yes im still trash like that #neon lights #neon signs #some sort of aesthetic #im still mad #im sorry to my 11 followers who get to witness my dumb ass antics

[stolenaesthetics]

// I feel like im kinda stuck. This time last year is when a lot of things turned to shit and i had a lot to deal with but it all changed me and i was learning how to cope with those situations. But now a year on its like idk nothing is happening which is good but i dont feel like im living. Its just im going through the motions but im not doing anything significant i want to but im no able to reach the points i want to till i hit 18 but at the same time i dont wanna waste my last teenage years looking to grow up. I dont miss the shit that happened by no means fuck it almost destroyed me if i wernt so mentally strong but i miss having the purpose like i didnt have time to get caught up on the little things as i did before and again now. Its a habit i wanna break but im not sure as to how. Sorry for the really long ramble but then again you decided to follow my whiney ass//

#loads of buts in there #thought dump #endless rambles #neon #neon signs #neon lights #hollys random rambles

[stolenaesthetics]

//lightening the overall theme to lighten up my mood//

#this blog is like a little diary i use every now and then #i kinda love it #neon #neon lights #neon signs #aesthetics #i know i know #cream aesthetic

[stolenaesthetics]

//ill keep quiet with the bullshit for now//

#but maybe not in the tags #okay story time #ya girl got fat like im 2 stone over weight #so im like in a nice wee pit of self loathing #and i know i can fix it easily #but i cant maintain the motiviation #if anyone fancies sending me encouragment #i would not object #neon #neon lights #neon signs #low quality neon is the best quality neon

[stolenaesthetics]

// this account is like porn with too much plot. Photos with too many thoughts. My daddy always said the soul of the body is at the back of your brain where it meets the spine cuz thats where all your memories and stuff are and its what connects your mind to the body..//

#its why i think like holding the back of someones neck is romantic #not in like a fucking chokehold #i mean like just resting it there and feeling the back of their hair #i sound like a freak #but i hope you get what i mean #neon #blue neon #neon lights #neom signs #aesthetics #hollys random rambles

[stolenaesthetics]

// So someone i used to know is trying to crawl back into my life and like idk i dont want all the shit i dealt with over the past 8 months to have been for nothing. But they havent changed and i have. I think ill let then stay a ghost of my past.//

#i didnt realise these were part of a collection #a little advice dont let your past be your future #i promise youre worth more than that #neon #neon lights #thoughts #quotes #hollys random rambles

[stolenaesthetics]

// Your bitch is better now gotta love sleep //

#sleep solves everything #danm the pill makes me emotional #oooh something neon #neon #neon lights #pretty #quotes #hollys random rambles

[stolenaesthetics]

// its just gone midnight and im crying in bed trying to keep quiet so my mother doesnt hear my sobs. Why might you ask. Well im lonely as fuck like so fucking lonely. Must i only find happiness in other people? Why cant i find it in myself? Why cant someone just be there for me to fall back on just this once? Oh well i have no idea who ever is watching over me really needs to step up their game because im getting more and more lost as each day goes by. How long till i lose my spark all together. I used to have such a fiery passionate personality but that flame is slowly burning out and i dont know if i have the strength to relight it.//

#midnight ramblings #lonely thoughts #anyone out there? #can you be there for me? #is this me or is the pill throwing my emotions whacky #lets hope its the latter #still gotta appreciate the neon tho #neon signs #pretty #neon #hollys random rambles

[stolenaesthetics]

// tbh im afraid of staying alone. But not in the physical sense of no one being with me but actually being alone in myself. The thing that scares me most is losing me in my head with all my thoughts and feelings that give me individuality. I dont even know how you would lose that ordinarily however it scares me just as much as heights or being murdered//

#fears #irrational fears #weird thoughts #neon #neon lights #neon will light up my darkest of thoughts #what is it about glowing words that makes me feel something #whats your biggest fear? #hollys random rambles

[stolenaesthetics]

// just realised that i fucked up and put stuff meant for my kpop account on this one. Well at least you know that about me now… //

#hollys random not quite a ramble

[stolenaesthetics]

// this is all i want. Is that too much to ask for??//

#neon #neon lights #love quotes #love me #am i really that hard to love? #hollys random not quite ramble

[stolenaesthetics]

// more low quality is the best quality//

#black and white #neon #neon lights #aethetics #its getting lonely out here

[stolenaesthetics]

// ill find you one day //

#neon #more neon #neon lights #love #quotes

[stolenaesthetics]

#neon #neon lights #pretty lights #aesthetics #i dont know what else to hashtag

[stolenaesthetics]

//Black and white neon is still neon//

#neon #neon lights #neonsigns #someMoreQuotes #aesthetic