swagst0rm

[swagst0rm]

I haven’t posted abt barem in a while so here’s my updates on how I feel abt him!:

man tiddies man tiddies man tiddies man tiddies man tiddies man tiddies man tiddies man tiddies man tiddies man tiddies man tiddies man tiddies 🤤🤤🤤

#I didn’t forget abt him!!! #YUM #man boobs :3 #barem bridge #barem #csm thoughts #csm

[swagst0rm]

PEEPAW IS TRENDING

#mads mikkelsen #OUR HUBBY IS JUST THAT AMAZING

[swagst0rm]

MY MOM SHIPS HANNIGRAM IM CRYING IM SO PROUD

WATCHING EP 13 IN SEASON 2 OF HANNIBAL

WHAT IN THE NAME OF DOOMED YAOI AM I WATCHING

#hannigram #hannibal #will graham

[swagst0rm]

WATCHING EP 13 IN SEASON 2 OF HANNIBAL

WHAT IN THE NAME OF DOOMED YAOI AM I WATCHING

#hannibal #will graham #hannigram #doomed yaoi #😔

[swagst0rm]

omg hi daddy ur back

CAN WE TAKE A MOMENT TO REALIZE THAT HE TAKES FUCKING BATHS THO— NOT SHOWERS, NO. BATHS. THERE IS SOMETHING SO FUNNY ABOUT THAT TO ME AND I IMAGINE HIM WITH RUBBER DUCKS AND BUBBLES 🥺🥺🥺

#look at that waist tho… #csm 163 #katana man #csm #chainsaw man

[swagst0rm]

my feminine need to wake up and look like Tony Dalton one day and wake up the next and look like Rhea Seehorn 😔

#I wanna come out as genderfluid but idk if I rlly wanna #guys I’m struggling #I WANNA CHANGE MY GENDER IDENTITY BUT LIKE IDFK TO WHAT #tony dalton #rhea seehorn #WTF do I tag this as #gender questioning #crying sobbing #anyways are yall excited for csm 163? #I hope barem returns #I wanna finish Hannibal this week too so #okay I’m bored and ranting I’m gonna go insane #bye

[swagst0rm]

oh my gyat guys uhm- ERM- UHHHUUU… 😳

#the hair… #the waist… #the ass… #the VEST?! #EXCUSE ME ITS SO TIGHT HIS SHOULDERS I WANNA EAT HIM UP LIKE A GOOGLY MOOGLY #mads mikkelsen #actually obsessed

[swagst0rm]

started watching Hannibal and OH MY GOD GUYS WHY DID I NEVER KNOW HE EXISTED

#mads mikkelsen #hannibal #added to the dilf list #will is also rlly fucking hot

[swagst0rm]

really fucking random post but Im in a discord server and I started having a panic attack and this random person and I just talked abt what was on my mind and they helped me calm down and istg im crying harder now because they were so nice omg

#idk

[swagst0rm]

MEOWWWWWWWWWWWWW 😩😩😩

#I’m actually shaking #like my body is trembling because I’ve been staring at images of him for too long #tony dalton #lalo salamanca #<- #CAN YALL TELL ME WHAT OTHER MOVIES AND SHOWS HES IN BESIDES BCS PLEASE IM DESPERATE AND HORNY 🙏🙏🙏

[swagst0rm]

YO MY TWO OBESSIONS RN— Makima and vox are actually kinda alike but vox is more of a pissbaby. I’d compare vox more to barem or miri tbh but STILL THIS IS COOL AS SHIT???

train ride

#vox #makima #hazbin hotel #csm

[swagst0rm]

why is he so fine in tight shirts, like he’s already sexy but DAYUM with that outline-

#tony dalton #lalo salamanca #I need to watch the other films he’s in #better caul saul ain’t enough

[swagst0rm]

HE IDOLIZES QUANXI IF THAT DOESN’T MAKE HIM MORE ADORABLE IDK WHAT DOES

#how does he shower though #csm 162 #nail fiend #csm #chainsaw man

[swagst0rm]

me with my long ass hair that makes me shed like a fucking dog

#it gets all over my back on all of my shirts is this normal #idk #long hair post idfk #long hair

[swagst0rm]

very different series huh?

well very similar characters

both are psychopaths with no moral compass who are fixated on ONE SINGULAR GOAL that drives them to become:

A. Leaders of some massive illegal organization.

B. Arsonists.

C. Bloodied disgusting dying messes.

Oh and they both blame their problems on a younger person who literally did nothing to them.

and then they both become hysterical at one point fueled by pure bloodshed, so nonchalant and smug before the world throws them a fat middle finger.

(also they have the fattest boobs that I would suck dry of all that old man tiddy juice.)

#i will give these two the sloppiest gloppiest most stomach churning toe clenching head #barem #barem bridge #lalo #lalo salamanca #csm #chainsaw man #bcs #better call saul

[swagst0rm]

he would have a knife to your throat while he’s balls deep

#I love him omg #he’s so sexy I CANT handle him #lalo salamanca #lalo #bcs #better call saul

[swagst0rm]

😭

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

#this is the best thing I’ve seen all day omfg #FORK BURRITO 🤩