#+ I'm so so tired and can't be bothered

[themothcriminal]

I'm a man of my word

#no transitions we die like men #+ I'm so so tired and can't be bothered #jerma #jerma985 #jerma edit #jerma fancam

[artistlara]

Redrawn whiteboard doodles

#FINALLY DONE WITH THIS BATCH... goodness gracious that was Tedious #specifically with the coloring but. I think I did okay still HRJEHFJDHF #Gf's hands look bigger than I intended but I can't be bothered to fix it nor redraw it HDJDHSJDH #I didn't color the sweater in the last pic too bc FUCK COLORING I'm so tired na 😭 let me be #anatomy looks weird too in the last one... idk why but pico looks gnc/butch and that was completely unintentional #wtv. I might redraw that again at some point (not on whiteboard #anyway. enjoy the doodles 🫶 #🍵lara does art #🍡doodles #friday night funkin #friday night funkin' #fnf #fnf fanart #fnf pico #fnf senpai #fnf garcello #fnf girlfriend #fnf boyfriend #fnf bf #fnf gf #fnf lara #fnf oc #oc x canon #self insert x canon #whiteboard

[hermit-frog]

(...) his black hair parted in the middle and curling about his ears, so that he looked now in his dreamy, fevered state like one of those lithe androgynous creatures of a Botticelli painting.

#Interview with the Vampire #iwtv #armand #assad zaman #iwtvedit #tvedit #*gif #Vampterview #this is a test. was trying to see if it would work and how it would look. not too bad. could've been worse #i'm too tired and sick of it to finish. the quality is bad anyway so why bother #thank you Assad for already looking like a painting #can't wait for the HD (sickos-haha-yes.jpg) #have another set in process and one idea I want to try. unfortunately no time😭 #p.s. I've been obsessed with nimbus/halos since I was a kid. it has no religious meaning to me. just looks pretty #idk how they are going to adapt his religious journey. just wanted to clarify

[dirtytransmasc]

Are yyou team green or black? And why?

team green, though I'm not in support of every green character (namely Otto though my opinion of him is complicated. I also have opinions on Aegon and his characterization that makes it even more complicated)

[I have only read bits and pieces of the book, so my opinion is based almost solely on the show. keep this in mind]

I'm team green for 3 big reasons. they're more complex, thought not perfect by any means, more morally "right", and are simply more my vibe when it comes to characters. now this is very simplified and not at all nuanced, so stick with me for a minute.

Firstly, they're more complex. the greens have very deep, detailed, and nuanced lives and stories that lead to them being very complex characters that can't be put into a box. Alicent was a child bride who had lost her mother young became a mother young and suffered at the hands of power and men all her life. her children were affected by this and the world they were forced to grow up in throughout their lives. even individually her kids are drastically different; aegon the child who was forced into a life he did not want and suffered due to his father neglect and mother pain. Helaena who was never understood and grew up treated like an oddity. Aemond who was never seen to his full potential, always ignored or looked over, angry throughout his life. each of them has strengths and weaknesses, flaws and benefits, they're imperfect but never completely horrid. they're also never simplified (not entirely, even when the plot and writers seek to simplify them) to the point that they put on a moral pedestal or made straight evil (i'd even argue that the attempts of the writer to oversimplify them as evil and in the wrong makes them 10x more fascinating). I find TB characters tended to miss the mark on that, always put in the moral light, not even allowed a moment to reflect on their actions, lives, or positions in any nuanced or meaningful way, so they always just feel dull. they're also out on a moral highground that they can never be budged from, which makes them harder to like and honestly, really boring. they get away with everything instead of being emotionally and morally nuanced.

secondly, they're more morally "right". I will never say that any of the greens are perfect, they are far from it (with the exception of Helaena and her kids, who have done literally nothing to anyone, but I digress). what I will say, 9/10 times there is some level of reasoning that has some level of reasoning. Alicent always tries to do whats best for everyone, all throughout the series she tried to do best by the court, the king, her children, the realm, and Rhaenyra. did she always succeed? no, but she always tried and her mistakes were almost always honest. I will say she held resentment towards Rhaenya, but honestly, I can't blame her. Rhaenyra's lies and behavior hurt Alicent over and over again so for her to be angry is expected.when it came to succession, Alicent backed Rhaenyra until it was made clear she and Daemon would be a threat to her children's lives and even than she held mercy for Rhaenyra. Aegon's drinking can be blamed on the abuse and neglect he suffered at Viserys, Otto, and Alicent's (though the abuse and neglect from his mother is insanely different and nuanced. she perpetuated her pain onto him because she couldn't heal herself. so I hesitate to call it abuse, cause its so much more complicated than that) hands. though nothing will justify his rape of Dyana, I personally think it was a bad add in on the writers part, and leave it at that. Aemonds rage after years of being ignored doesn't entirely justify what he did to luke, but he had reason for his cruelty after years of Luke (and jace tbh) being cruel just because they could. TB characters tend to do terrible things in response to either A. nothing B. their own terrible things. Daemon kills who he wants when he feels like it, even for stating facts. Rhaneyra will lie and hurt those around her to protect her bastard children. both of them conspire to protect themselves and allow themselves to be wed, really just cause. while there are times they have their reasons, its a lot less of the time, and typically the backing to their actions, is they were trying to unbury themselves from within their own graves. (to preface, I don't care about rhaenyra sleeping around, it doesn't bother me, but its the fact that she will hurt everyone around her to protect her lies, allowing a child to be maimed and people to be murdered)

thirdly, they're my vibe. I like morally complex character, who are, to be frank, pathetic. I like characters with complex trauma's and issues, who aren't perfect people but its not entirely their fault. I would much rather watch a whole show about alicent, a child bride who tries so hard to be a good wife, queen, and mother while not prepared for any such role. Aegon who is a boy with severe mommy and daddy issues, a drinking problem, a flawed past, and constantly wet eyes. Helaena an ignored girl who has suffered for no better reason then her family. and Aemond, a boy who was tormented, bullied, maimed, and made stronger by it at the cost of his compassion and emotional stability - over a nepo baby who was coddled by her father, her murderous husband with a knack for unneeded violence, and her similarly coddled children (the show boiled them down to this, in my opinion). one is simply more up my alley than the other. I want character that need to be dissected, who have suffered, who hurt me to look at.

also, team black created almost all of their own problems. seeing as the main source of contention had to do with Rhaenyra's kids being bastards, which was Rhaenyra's problem, which she caused, and kept digging and digging that grave (faking Laenors death just so she could marry daemon, turning the blame on aemond when luke maimed him furthering the divide amongst the house, trying to wed Helaena to Jace putting her in danger, trying to take the driftmark throne and killing Vaemond for a claim her sons did not have, etc,) till viserys's death, earns her a lot less pity from me. at the end of the day, her being a woman was only a needle in a haystack worth of problems she caused herself that hurt her claim. if she had just strived to create to connection with ancient and her kids, and didn't make herself look like a threat to everyone who lessened her claim (which alicents kids would be the first people to be taken out) alicent would have backed like she had all season and there would have been no war, maybe conflict, but no war.

theres also the effect of the fans on my opinion. I have faced more cruelty, terrible media analysis, and outright ableism/misogny/(blood and sexual based) purist ideology/etc. from the TB fans then I have ever witness by TG fans. TB fans have ruined almost all of the TB characters for me in more ways than I can count, so I will say I am very biased.

thats why I'm team green. as a whole they are simply more appealing, their stories are more interesting, demand more attention to detail and emotional understanding, and from my point of view were the "right" side to be on in the war (the war was wrong on both sides, but my chips lie in the favour of the greens).

#THESE ARE ALL MY OPINIONS IF YOU DONT LIKE IT IGNORE THIS POST. MY ACCOUNT. MY EXISTENCE AS A WHOLE. #BETTER YET. IF YOU REALLY DONT LIKE MY OPINION. BLOCK ME. #I dont want drama. so dont bother me if you disagree #and to clarify discourse and conversation (even if we disagree) =/= arguing. name calling. harassment #if you can be constructive and respectful even while disagreeing your fine to stay #(the fact I have to clarify this in this fandom is embarrassing...) #defintly could have gone more in depth and better explained some things #but I'm tired and know if I don't answer this now I won't ever cause I'm a chronic procrastinator #so this is the best y'all are getting #the pity I have for all of them compared to any of the TB fans is honest to god my entire reasoning #but so many people don't understand them at all so I can't just say that #and I say this as someone who on my first watch was swayed by the intentional moral framing to hate the Greens and support the Blacks #with my whole chest. but I've grown and reflected and rewatched the show and realized I was wrong. #so I've been on both sides of the argument #I know what I'm taking about #pro team green #pro alicent hightower #I'm damn near anti TB/Rhaenyra #but I say lukewarm feelings on them to be more accurate #alicent hightower #aegon ii targaryen #aegon targaryen #aemond targaryen #helaena targaryen #rhaenyra targaryen #daemon targeryan #luke velaryon #jace velaryon #not tagging TB I like my life and sanity #they're so mean all the time and in the last week I've been harassed by them multiple times

[verdiesque]

Man fuck my international friends fr

#im sorry this is gonna be long and angry and emotional #and if anyone takes it personally just chalk it up to my 2am breakdown #but like im so tired. #whenever something happens somewhere i'm supposed to know and care and have a correct opinion #especially the uni groupchat just loooooooves discussing politics #(and they're all liking my instagram stories i guess yeah they're good at that) #but as soon as theres a political crisis is in my country? radio silence. #ok the country is small and unimportant but ppl who allegedly care about me could bother to at least ask how i'm dealing with it. #only one person did it and he's literally on holiday lol #international solidarity blabla but i guess asking for a fucking shred of sympathy or expression of support is too much #i don't fucking care and i'll be damned if i ever express support for any kind of movement in the west again. #anyway whew. my apologies to everyone who read that #i tried to register for free counselling at uni but all slots were taken up #so i'm dumping it all here #bc i feel so fucking alone and isolated #like it's not a surprise that nobody gives a flying fuck about me but i thought this is just basic courtesy lmao #but nooo i have to bring it up for those people to just nod and go yeah that's so bad anyway. #like. fucking hell mate #logging off again sorry i can't deal with this shit rn #once again sorry idk where else to dump this all my other social media is way too respectable #(and i have irl people on there soooo)

[cerise-on-top]

Sorry for being annoying on main again, but does anyone have any tips on how to regain your writing spark? Writing feels like a chore more so than anything else these days, and it feels like those short breaks aren't cutting it anymore. But I'd feel guilty if I took another break, I just took one last week, after all. Has anyone been in the same boat? Does anyone have any idea regarding what I could do?

#cherry chats #I'll get to the other requests in my inbox don't worry #but I genuinely have to force myself to write anything at all these days #however I feel guilty when I'm not writing either #I'm so tired of it all. I'm actually pretty close to deleting this blog #but then I'd lose everything I've accomplished so far. which really isn't much but it's better than nothing #being a writer is so frustrating and tiring. it feels like people just take you for granted #I'm grateful to have such nice followers but still. I'm tired #and it genuinely feels as though my writing isn't as good as it usd to be either but I can't be bothered to care about that either #I remember when this used to be a fun hobby. I was looking forward to receiving requests #nowadays I'm happiest when I don't receive any for just one night #so yeah. does anyone have an idea on what I could do? I don't wanna give up writing either

[lucyvaleheart]

.

#sigh. another vent post.... #almost getting tired of making these but. I'm just.... I just don't really have much else I can do without botherin people #uh pretty big trigger warning for this one BTW #don't read on if you're low on spoons and whatnot. genuinely it's fine and I will be fine I always am #but like. yknow. when shit sucks it fucking sucks #anyway. uh. I just can't stand the idea that I might be bothering someone #so at least this way my stupid cries for help have a possibility of getting me some without making any specific #person feel obligated. yknow? maybe you see the post maybe you don't #Maybe you don't read all the way maybe you do. either way you can choose if you have the spoons to reach out #without feeling guilty either way. I hope. #.......i kind of want to fucking kill myself again #.....it used to be a much rarer thought. and I used to be much less struck by intense loneliness and longing like this #but I just feel so fucking needy. so desperate for attention and love and it hurts so much if I don't get it #and like. it's realistically nobody's fault but my own yknow... i need to ask for it more. i know that. i just suck at it #and then I can't ask. so I don't get attention. and in turn I feel neglected. secondary. like I'm not anyone's primary focus #and it just fucking hurts so much and it's just my own damn fault and I don't know how to fix it. #......i do. I need therapy I need meds or something. that's the answer here really #picked out a psychiatrist. need to call and make an appointment. but adhd and executive function and anxiety (that last one I need meds for) #mean it's very hard to both remember and then actually perform the task of calling the fucjing Dr #......believe me I'm trying.....like fuck I'm trying so hard.... and I started bawling having seen sparkles and ms robot girl reblog that #post from me about letting prev know you're proud of them. bawled when quinn called me cutie last night. bawled when #ginny said they wished they were here.... fuck me I do too I want to be the focus of someone's attention so so so so badly #fuck #...............it's redundant to say at this point a second time but. goddess above its a little scary how much I wanna kill myself #........sigh #....anyway. please do not feel obligated to respond to this in any way. do what you got the spoons for. #thank you for even reading all of this shit if you've gotten this far. i love you deeply and with all my heart. I'll be fine I promise #won't act on it no matter how strong the feeling is. just.....hurts in the meantime. but I'll be ok. I promise #................fuck. im going back to bed

[sga-owns-my-soul]

as someone who has been misdiagnosed at best and fully ignored and not believed at worst about my health issues, it's really frustrating when people tell me i don't really have something unless a doctor has diagnosed me. doctors don't believe i have any issues to begin with, why are they supposed to be trusted over me?? like i get they have degrees but idiots get degrees literally all the time. idk it's just really frustrating when i tell people i have food sensitives and they don't believe me unless i can procure an allergy test. i tell people i have chronic pain and unless a doctor told me that, it doesn't count. i'm not allowed to identify as autistic until a doctor tells me i can. like i get looking something up once isn't the same as a medical degree but idk can we maybe just. stop pretending doctors are the only ones capable of telling what's wrong with someone? can we maybe trust that sometimes people do actually know what's going on with their body and their health?

#and there's also the whole thing about like #insane amount of ableism in health care #i can keep a full time job so clearly i don't have any health issues #my anxiety isn't debilitating bc i can deal with it most days (ignoring the days i can't breathe and i get severe chest pain) #my back pain doesn't prevent me from moving so it's not real (ignoring the times it does stop me from moving bc it's so bad) #i can still sometimes eat food and i'm not Eating Wrong so i don't actually have digestive issues #like i'm just. i'm so tired #i don't even bother going to doctors anymore #bc it just gives me anxiety and stress and they never help #i've seen so many and they all just brush me off #i just. i'm so sick of this #can we stop needing access to a whole history of medical records to believe people have health issues #can we just. not be assholes #please #im so tired #chronic illness #not stargate

[lemonhemlock]

it's so frustrating dealing with a friend that seems set on finding imaginary slights against their person and seethes in silence waiting for you to figure out what you did 'wrong' this time 🤦‍♀️

#this is the fifth time since october i've invited her somewhere to catch up and she said no #always with some excuse #which. sure. i can't verify #maybe the 8th time in the last year she refused for some reason or another #but there's only so many times you can give someone the benefit of the doubt #when she never initiates anything and just waits for us to ask her out #and if you don't happen to do that within the secret interval of time she is available and which she never discloses #she registers it as a slight #i'm so tired of these stupid mind games how old are you/?? #also she is SO hard to get hold of. never answers anything on any messaging app for days on end including the weekends #even if the proposal is time sensitive #girl you are NOT that busy bffr #i remember we invited her to see barbieheimer and she did not freaking answer on time. as usual. #and we had to get tickets without her bc the time slots quickly sold out #and ofc she was pissed at us bc she's can't be bothered to reply 🤦‍♀️ #she always is pissed even when it's clearly her fault #when she clearly sees the message bc she DOES check the apps whaddyaknow #and the one time we did manage to see each other she had the gall to propose that we go out more often!!! #and then never initiates anything and refuses everything #ik if i were to recount this to a third person they would tell me she already checked out of this friendship #it's so stupid #having to walk on these eggshells #bc we didn't even have a falling out she's just finding pretexts to become offended #that was been her modus operandi since the freaking pandemic #good lord the stories i have #lemonposting #anyway i'm bummed out now

[queerofthedagger]

Imma make a proper fic post once all three chapters are up on Saturday but chapter 1 of my tarot fest fic is up, featuring me once again being unwell about Ygraine and making it everyone's problem, Arthur grappling with the destiny reveal, and my classic brand of magic reveals + angst with a happy ending 👀

#bbcm #merthur #i can't be bothered to make 3 separate posts for each chapter when Imma post daily anyway #I meant to post it in one go but i'm so miserably sick i can't be fucked to do this rn joysob sooo chaptered it is #mona's writing #(it's all written and edited it's just the beta-edits + posting but god i am very tired and whiny)

[freckleslikestars]

genuinely do not get the point of replying to someone's gifset with 'I hate these characters. I stopped watching after they were introduced.' sorry you feel that way, but I don't actually give a shit. now get off my fucking post.

#do people just...not remember the phrase 'if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all?' because like... #now I just feel like shit. #and like...its happened three or four times in the past couple of months. where people will leave a reply on one of my gifsets that's not #negative towards the gifset itself its negative about the character or the episode or the series or the actor #and it's like...well okay you're allowed to not like it but that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to like it yknow? but also I worked hard on i #and whilst you're not directly being negative about the work I put in #you are saying its less valid because it's characters that you don't like #it's also always been hidden blogs #which means that I get the email notification of the reply but I can't actually go to the blog itself and block them to stop it happening #I try not to let it get to me but honestly I'm really fucking tired of the userbase of this site right now #it's the constant stream of 'we've got to reblog gifmakers and artists otherwise they'll stop posting' posts being reblogged and then #gifsets that have a reblog to like ratio of 1:4 #and it's been getting bad for the past five years or so #but now its getting to a point where it does really fucking bother me #because what the fuck is the fucking point #and like...I get it. I'm not great at reblogging every single gifset I see. Not everything I like is something I'm interested in. #but there comes a point where you start thinking... where are all these people that like this gifset but not enough to reblog it coming fro

[bibiana112]

fuck waiting until friday to get my cardio appointment actually

#that's fucking it tomorrow is exactly a month since I've had this I'm going to the fucking hospital #I didn't know heart attacks aren't all sudden and sometimes have weeks of ongoing signs beforehand fuck that #I can't eat I'm too busy crying not entirely out of physical pain but also I never felt so lightheaded while crying this little #I hate my parents I hate how they believe family is the most important thing in the world but if I'm scared I'm just supposed to deal with #it on my own because they'll never bother to understand me I hate that I'm alone if my roomie was already back #she'd have helped me go the first night I felt something wrong #why do I always have to do everything I'm so tired #i love alexythymia i love so much neglect growing up that I can't understand my needs physical or emocional and just have to endure it #I love you dead is the new alive that started playing on the other room rn really comforting #delete later

[daz4i]

it's incredibly hard not to despair over all of this ngl

#i've been doing really bad in the last 2ish weeks #almost as if i'm having pms symptoms kinda #but usually they go away after a few days. certainly not stick for over a week #this is like how it was before i was on t. without the bleeding ig #(physical stuff also stand bc i feel so extra tired and my whole body hurts constantly) #and all the shit going on in real life isn't helping. both on a global scale and in my personal life #i don't want to exist genuinely i can't be left with my thoughts for even a second or i start spiraling #i don't want to sleep or take a break i want to just. stop. stop thinking. stop existing. i want to die bc it feels like the only choice #but ig i gotta wake up at 7 am and drive for an hour and walk up the hill again instead #and then be active until 6 pm. i'm already exhausted just thinking abt all this ngl #i wanna die i can't do this shit anymore i should've died 13 years ago. why even bother trying to live #vent #negative // #suicide // #ask to tag #sorry. sorry

[skrunksthatwunk]

found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?

#i didnt really get to process it bc i found out when i was hanging w a friend but. im processing it now #sigh.. i dont know. i dont know. #at the end of the day he is and has always been someone else's cat. i can't control what she does with him #no matter what i think of it. she can always take him away. but every time it happens im just. im tired yknow? #it's worth it to me to have him around. i love him dearly and i want him to be in a home where he's actually cared for (which i have done my #best to provide) but he's just. not mine. and every time it happens i back up and think man. im such a sucker. #i don't think people manipulate me often. not in an ongoing way i mean. i don't think ppl see me as valuable enough to most of the time. #but damn. she really found my weak spots didn't she. free petcare courtesy of one chump who can't live without animals around. sigh #he deserves stability but he deserves love more. this weird shared custody thing is better for him i think. and frankly i also love him. #im not the priority here but my feelings are like. there. him being taken away without even telling me first hurts. i'd like to be able to #say goodbye to him. im not saying he has to stay or this has to go on but couldn't they just.. consider my feelings a bit more? #just bc you're fine with dropping your cat off somewhere for weeks not knowing when you'll see him again and not visiting doesn't mean i am #and i kind of feel like my roommate is part of this. after all it's not like his owner can just break into our room and take him #and if im always out when they do it there's a chance roomie's just shipping him off whenever she gets sick of him. #she's done it before. even after she agreed so vehemently with me about never wanting him to go back to such treatment and stuff early on. #she's been spraying him for little reason lately too. and i mean i get being a little more cautious with some things bc her neck's broken #but she's really fixated on how much he smells and bites and stuff and talks about how if i wasn't around she'd consider eating him #and then other times she's like that's my pookie. i don't get it. like yeah i tell rascal to fuck off sometimes bc he hurts me but it's not #like a hateful thing. i dont resent him for it i'm just annoyed sometimes bc he's maiming me a little. he's my baby. how could i loathe him? #so it makes me think that roomie might be blaming his transfers on his owner bc she doesn't want me to judge her #and like. this is her room too. it's not her fault she's more bothered by the smell than me. if she doesn't want to be bitten and clawed all #the time i can sympathize. i don't wanna force her to house him. but i wish she'd just be honest with me i guess #like. what if his owner decides to give him away without telling me? i'd take him in in a heartbeat. even though i know it's a bad idea. #but i'm worried he'll fall out of my reach completely. and at the very least I'd like to be able to say goodbye first. that's all.

[theghostofashton]

not to overreact on main but.......why do white people go to actual effort to engage in microaggression like i am genuinely so.

#this man is just flat out calling me by my last name no title in front of it nothing #he did it in his first email and that was whatever he may not have known but when i replied i signed off w my first name #he used it once #and now we're back to just addressing me by my last name and like......idk i hate it #it is genuinely easier to use my first name to use the name i signed off with why are you not #and this is why posts about how we need to be kinder bc white people are 'trying' regarding our names just bother me bc it's like #it is so often laziness #so often people not giving a shit and not bothering to check #i can tell when it's laziness and i can tell when someone's genuinely trying #i would never get on someone for genuinely trying #but if you demonstrate being able to address me correctly and then.....stop doing that #what am i supposed to think lol #this happens so often i'm just tired. why am i supposed to suck it up when you can't get my damn 4 letter name right #delete later #sorry. it's been a Week lol

[coccolithophore]

my anxiety has been so out of control also for like 4 months i probably need to look into switching my meds but healthcare sucks so bad i swear

#maybe my therapist can help me ;o; #i need help i'm so tired lately i can't be bothered to take care of myself and it's Showing #kiwi.txt