#+ other things (at Extreme cost.)

[icewindandboringhorror]

... why he sit like this

#in this position his face is extremely 'cartoon cat' shaped.. like the perfectly round cheeks and little #rounded bump of a snout.. big round eyes. etc. stretched over the arm of a chair like a weirdo #cats #It's still Hot Evil Summer time and I have so much to do so am just aimlessly hopping between various projects but not actually #getting anything done. as usual. Also so so so so tired. I almost fell asleep in the middle of the floor like 3 times today lol #Trying to finish some costume photos and also another poll adventure thing. plus I do really want to do a sculpture sometime #I haven't finished one in a while. Hopefully my tiredness is nothing bad. #Maybe I'm anemic again so that's making me tired. Or maybe it's just a Listless phase. not that I'm ever really THAT productive considering #all of the health problems and etc. always holding me back. but still. I'm not usually 'sleep or just stare at a wall literally all day' ty #e unproductive.. at least not for multiple days in a row so. hmm... Sometimes especially in the summer though I will have periods of time #that are listless like that. I am under low level phyiscal stress for months at a time due to summer heat so I guess it makes sense #that would eventually take a toll. I just have SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO DO!!!!! AAUUGhhh #I also came up with a new idea for a game that is so so cool and I wish I could make it but I have to finish the other one first lol #which I will NEVER do. if I spend all day just sleepy unfocused barely able to do anything #I also really need to sell some clothes and sculptures because I'll probably have to buy a new computer soon so I need money. (plus still #recovering the costs of having to euthanize my other cat.. wehh) There's nothing clearly wrong with it right now but it's getting gradually #slower and there's more weird glitches happening randomly and idk.. just weird things that make me think 'hmm... bad.. possibly.' #ANYWAY... I just have so much to do that I both REALLY want or need to do - so it's perpetually frustrating that I just can't for whatever #reason like. Time is always mving forward. every day I waste is a wasted day. The year is already almost half over. I havent finished #any of the projects I wanted to .. and there's only more and more things to do each day. It's overwhelming and stinky #and thats not even considering having to do all of my tasks also with the background noise of economic inequality. everything increasingly #going into an even scarier political direction. active climate change crisis. pandemic that still exists and is insane to act otherwise. et #etc. HOW am I supposed to solo make two whole games . write 3 book series. finish sculptures. do costumes. make outfits. game videos. make #stable network of social connections. do my little side crafts. take care of myself and cats. pay rent. manage health issues. keep a routin #.try to make some sort of money. go to doctors appointments. handle regular maintenance like cleaning and cooking and self care #and buying new plates when old ones break or etc. make sure to do other things like backup my computer data regularly. do shopping lists. #take care of plants. pursue like 6 different academic interests. do the other side side projects I have for fun (like music or carving avoc #ado pits). eat in a healthy way thats okay for my Special Health Issue diet. exercise so i don't die early. etc. etc. etc. AND all while it #82F in my apartment all the time and I have tiny income and also need to move to another country/climate somehow??? lol...... #ANYWAY.. ..very frustrated today over my chronic Tired Sleepy.. time for Cat Photos - which cure all of life's ailments lol

[coolnonsenseworld]

i might be too late for ur pins preorders but discovering u have a polish store made me so happy bc wow shipping that maybe wont be twice the price of what im ordering?? sign me up i cant wait for your next shop update

It would be so much easier if I had a shop that takes different kind of currencies, but these cost like a leg and a rib 🤣 Also I am so happy to hear about an interest in that store! 😭💖

Got you a slav Keith

#As a side note #I usually send things through Paczka Polska for 14 pln #only smaller things fit into letters that cost less and when they do #they can't be mixed up (like only charms with charms or prints with prints) #or else they won't fit the size (2cm flat) #but on all other shops it is also flat-rate 3-5usd/eur #my prices are as low as pp allows xdddd #the logistics of having these shops i swear #dont get me started on inventory and product limits #but im extremely happy to hear polish names and see pl addresses #i will try to add some things to the pln shop for december 👀👀 #side note 2 - this keith was drawn because someone on instagram said slav cosplay #and i asked if they mean this kind of slav #true story

[andthebeanstalk]

Betty is so relatable I would do the same shit for my wife

#simon petrikov #original #at #the moment where she declares that she's jumping into the future to save him. just pure save-husband impulse #and maybe she made the wrong choice but I felt the emotion in my gut and that's good tragedy baby #I would do the same thing and then be in the future and realize I probably fucked up but also what else could I do but #devote my entire life and sanity to saving her after I have destroyed every other option?? #it's not healthy necessarily but a fucking apocalypse happened and her wife is in eternal torment. what else could she possibly do?? #I'm just obsessed with the attitude she has towards saving him and how it turns from joyful heroism to unhealthy obsession #I have a much healthier relationship with my wife. but also she's never been driven mad by a magical crowd for a thousand years! #and Betty did it!! y'all can argue about whether Ice King was better than Simon and I think he must make peace with every part of himself #but it is extremely consistent in the original series that being Ice King is basically this existentially horrifying Eternal torture #so the fact that someone who loved him decided they would save him from that at all costs is very sad and very beautiful #beautiful because no one deserves to suffer forever. tragic because she was far to willing to take his place if she had to. #betty grof #fionna and cake #golbetty #golb #*driven mad by a magical crown #you forgot your floaties #edit: upon rewatching every episode with betty in it i will say i don't think i would be so hellbent on murdering the person she had become #betty does act selfishly and it makes her character more compelling #but i like to think if my wife went banana-pants ice-king-level bonkers i would be able to love that version of her too #but who's to say whether this story would be the reason I responded differently? #it's a good story

[autistic-sidestep]

someone remind me to write up my fh disability theory reading meta at some point

#ive got something. it's gonna overlap a bunch with the transhumanism theme and discuss ortegas internalised ableism #alongside the allegories of the enhanced for disability + racism/disability/poverty/queerness (cigs inherent queerness of fh post is inspo) #mostly started with thinking abt the parallels between sura and ortega and how they choose to deal with their disability #some similar and some wildly different #i love that so much of the cast is disabled and in such a variety of ways #owl lost her legs during the nanosurge and ortegas highly experimental mods let them walk again and enhance their agility/strength #+ other things (at Extreme cost.) #chen is multiply disabled with the multiple amputations and the gut issues #argents got the nanovore stuff and chronic pain #sidestep is autistic coded! also the paingate being broken can be an allegory for chronic pain/fatigue. no longer being able to push through #like they used to. #ramblings #fh meta

[adipostsstuff]

New theory: at least one of Kotoko's parents is a police officer and she (and her brother most likely) were trained to become police officers themselves.

#HEAR ME OUT #so many things fit together when you think of it like this #Her mindset is exactly like cop mindset and it would make sense for it to be something she was trained into from childhood #She has been taking martial arts lessons from a young age using protection as a reason #Her parents would have had to allowed her to take them. What of they were the ones who set her up for them in the first place? #It would explain how she became Like This with the no persecution thing being true #She didn't go through an event that make her like this. She was taught to be this way #Well you could argue having cop parents and being pressured from a young age is traumatising in itself but I digress #It's the kind of trauma most wouldn't really recognise as such because it's common and not very extreme #She goes to a prestigious university which likely cost a lot in tuition. Her family would need to provide for it. Likely made her go into i #Which would mean she was probably ostracised from her family once she was sent to court and had to drop out #Because a good cop shild would not do this #This would also make her foil Kazui because they had similar childhoods #But one stepped into it a bit too well while the other wasn't ever able to truly fit in #milgram #kotoko yuzuriha #everyone needs to see my vision

[mewtwo24]

I just watched s2 episode 10 in the english dub and I have to say. Nothing could have prepared me for Howard's delivery of that final scene where Xie Lian gets worked up about the truth coming out.

The just...sincerely agonized delivery of "That my words were the empty ramblings of a sad child!!" shook me to the core. The absolute self-loathing in that line, the raw emotion. The way concealing the truth was done to spare Lang Qianqiu but also at its heart was about Xie Lian's unresolved feelings of humiliation and shame, the way [redacted] did everything in his power to make Xie Lian lose faith in himself and the possibility of good prevailing in the world.

The way TGCF keeps me up at night, man...

#tgcf #xie lian #lang qianqiu #the runner-up line that devastated me too was: 'it's the least of what I DESERVE!!!' #i dont think there are words to describe how that made hua cheng feel knowing all that he does (from his time as wu ming) #legitimately its on the spectrum of mantis shrimp im guessing bc i can't fathom trying to put it into words either #the way xie lian won't stop punishing himself for wishing for better--for wishing for peace and collaboration--even 800 years later #the way he continues to take responsibility for all the wrongs others commit--the way he deems himself a failure -> #for things he simply could not change or did not purposefully incite. the way he won't stop punishing himself when things go wrong #i honestly cant get over how acutely xl feels like the result of gifted child syndrome #having all of these grandiose expectations placed on him and doing his utmost to uphold them at any cost #doing everything he can to the point of self-destruction to do the right thing #only to end up hated in the end when he proved to have limits--even as a god #and discarded despite his efforts; ultimately deemed worthless for not measuring up to what were impossible/rigged standards from the get g #and like . the way up to this point they made the creative decision to make xie lian's emotional range fairly static #not that he's unfeeling but that he doesn't tend to raise his voice or express anything extreme (for good reason) #until this precise moment where it all comes flying apart with so many old scars torn open #absolutely fantastic im on the ground #honestly i feel like i forget how difficult a decision this had to be for hua cheng #i mean naturally he chose this because he wanted xie lian absolved #and ultimately xie lian really does need to stop the self-flagellation--he takes it too far #but watching him tremble with fear haunted by the echoes of what he almost became #fucking cHRIST

[trans-cuchulainn]

hi! we dont know each other but ive stumbled upon your posts in which you describe your anxiety brain and borrowing trouble from the future and i can totally relate to that. and it sounds a lot like ocd, which i know i have... idk if this would be helpful

sometimes i do see things about ocd that i relate to. i think a lot of the underlying thought patterns and fears are probably similar. i don't think i respond to them in the way that somebody with ocd does, though -- i don't experience compulsions and don't find any relief from behaving in certain ways or performing certain rituals, i just experience profound dread and physical discomfort until i'm able to forget about the thing that triggered the anxiety or i move on to something else

my sister has ocd, which i only learned recently (we don't live together and aren't super close), but again, although i see overlap between our experiences, i think we respond to those triggers differently and find different things helpful/harmful. obviously everyone is different so that doesn't rule out the possibility that i'd also have it, but i think it makes it less likely

generally i think my issues are largely attributable to generalised anxiety disorder, some kind of brainweirds (not sure if autistic or have adhd or both), and a solid dose of complex trauma that contributes a fair amount of hypervigilance and fear to the proceedings which make standard anxiety tactics less helpful

i think all mental health diagnoses are labels we give to certain groups of symptoms rather than like. firmly grouped Conditions between which there can be no overlap, though. some aspects of anxiety and ocd are very similar, and some are different -- the same stars in different constellations. i think i score more points in the anxiety chart, so that's where i am for now, but doesn't mean i'm not experiencing some of the same things, if that makes sense (and it also doesn't mean that some coping mechanisms designed for one condition won't work just because i don't think i fit under that label -- sometimes they do)

#in this current situation i think i'm experiencing a heady dose of needing (and failing) to mask neurodivergence #AND pretend to be cis AND the overwhelming drive to Be Helpful and Be A Good Neighbour which feels existentially important #especially amidst the horrors of the world since i can help with so few large-scale things so the small ones start feeling like proxies #plus the christian upbringing. can't forget that. it's definitely a factor. good samaritan sleeper agent activated at cost to myself #while also being too chronically ill AND too anxious to be capable of handling any of those things on their own let alone all of them #and while logic brain tells me i can just say no. other logic brain tells me that doing so would be leaving a vulnerable person isolated #and compassion brain won't let me do that. but compassion brain needs to apply to me as well and mostly... doesn't #and that's the part i need therapy about lol #sometimes it's not so much religious/moral OCD as having grown up actually extremely religious #they look very similar but the underlying mechanisms and brain patterns are subtly different. #brainweasel hotel

[upsidedowngrass]

im thinking abt liam and bryce SO much rn now. theyre dynamic is so. sorry liam. sorry bryce

#neither of them have done anything wrong and are simply two diff ppl w two diff personalities and two diff thought processes #responding to the same single event . that they didnt deserve to have to respond to but now they just Have To #and both of them regard the other w a sort of desperation around the events of s1 but in a different way #that they respond one way that contradicts how the other does #liam doesnt care what happens to himself but bryce doesnt want to lose everything #its very realistic and very tragic because they were both important for each other but the opposite of what each other wanted at all #bryce wanted to finally heal. from everything. and whether or not ignoring one was a healthy way to do so was irrelevant #he just wanted to finally heal #and liam just. he doesnt care about His Own Life. he just wants to do this One Thing at All Costs. and no one else can help him. #he wants to be known by someone. anyone really. because he cant do any of it alone but its all he knows to do now #and nothing else matters to him #the two are just. theyre so complicated and im emotional abt it #i thinka bt it a lot but i think a good way to put it is #wrt the trolley problem? liam would pull the lever. bryce wouldnt #anyway. that piece os soooo. thinks abt them forever #i think every combination of characters in one is extremely tragic #bc its normal ppl responding to a horrible situation they didnt deserve to be in but now have to respond to #and sometimes they conflict. sometimes they hurt another person when the intent was to help. sometimes its solace in the worst of ones life #but all of them are so. i think abt it a lot liam and bryce are just now the specific ones on my mind cus of my most recent rb

[lisbonsteresa]

[through gritted teeth] i am so normal about this

#no no no it's just like.... #the difference between just these two instances from s1 to s3 is FASCINATING to me #he's not asking in the first he's just stating a fact and he's having his belief confirmed #(by a man who's now almost definitely going to be in jail for the rest of his life - #the less extreme of the worst case options jane's had in his head but still nothing to scoff at) he's told with passion and conviction that #the revenge was worth the cost; that he doesn't regret it in the slightest; that it was 'redemptive') #and that's exactly what jane thinks that's what he's built his life around for the past - at least 5? - years #but he IS asking in the second; it's years after the first and he's not the same man he was then #he does still believe in vengeful justice i think but it's not just him that he has in mind now #there's other people to consider - people that found their way into his head and his heart (despite any of his efforts to the contrary) #and he's asking this question to a man who's just been cleared of all charges (were they murder charges? idk i need to watch that ep again) #it's not just him he's thinking of now and it's not just the most concrete costs either #it's....idk it's a shift from the objective costs to the emotional costs; it's the shift from being told to asking i'm just obsessed #(also interesting that these are both men when the only time i can think of off the top of my head where he has this kind of interaction #with a woman is the s1 country club episode? the one with liz forbes? where she breaks down and says it doesn't change a thing #that's a completely new tilt to it too that's something to consider all of this actually has no point but where else am i gonna say it) #tm

[cream-and-tea]

judge and calliope oneshot sitting at 1662 words and all they’ve done is stare at each other sadly. i hate gay people.

#complaining as if i’m not the one writing it lol #wip: ghost story #the thing about these two is that they will avoid talking to each other about their actual issues at all costs #same extreme repression opposite directions

[solvicrafts]

What gets me about certain people being so fucking pissy about Bob not writing much about Eilistraee (until the last fucking trilogy where EIlistraeans featured heavily) is that

a) Bob basically built drow culture up from almost nothing, and Eilistraee came after he started writing Drizzt

b) no you guys really don't understand. I own the first 4 modules drow appeared in. There's... not much there. And it hasn't aged well.

c) and the Big One: he has a specific vision for his specific characters when it comes to the narrative he wants to explore, from sexual abuse to religious trauma, both of which are fucking complicated and for most people just switching deities isn't enough to fix that.

I have religious trauma that I still struggle with to this day and probably will for the rest of my life to some extent, and it's fundamentally different in nature from what most people would probably expect, and the thing is even though I am happily polytheistic and very enthusiastically into it, I still struggle a lot with certain things because every time I get into my religious practice I have to actively force myself into (or out of) certain things because my whole relationship to religion and spirituality is complicated and messy.

It would be easy and frankly incredibly superficial for Bob to decide to just have them all convert to half-assed Neowiccan ~woo~ drow Jesus Eilistraee to *~*save their souls*~* and call it a day

BUT HE DIDN'T DO THAT

Partly because she wasn't his creation and other authors were writing her at the time so he really couldn't, and partly because it's a shitty message to send.

Sometimes people benefit from converting to a new religion or following a new deity. Sometimes people don't.

I benefited from gradually converting to my religion, but it's come with a whole different set of complications and hasn't been a smooth journey for me.

Just going from extensive religious trauma to switching deities does not fix your problems, and for a lot of people it realistically can make them much worse.

but also

you don't have to be saved by a deity in order to have value as a person

#I fucking WAS saved by a deity and while I'm grateful it wasn't an easy ride #and in fact the way certain people in my family treated me was very emotionally abusive #to this fucking day on a journey that's taken me 19 years I STILL have issues with this whole thing #there are some people I may never speak to again because of how they treated me over this #for a Lolthite drow I could easily see them struggling with switching to a new deity especially one like Eilistraee or Vhaeraun #who are NOT seen very positively at all in the society they were raised in #and for a lot of people the fear of being found out and punished is more than enough to prevent them from seeking out a new deity #to say nothing of the already existing religious trauma that would also just as likely make someone hesitate to embrace a new religion #and speaking AS a religious person I do not at all agree with sending the message that traumatize people need to be saved by a god #or by a religious fanatic #my case is extremely unique and while it more or less worked out in the end it was frankly hellish at its worst points #and it cost me a great deal in terms of my relationships with my family and my ability to trust other people #because the way society frames belief in the Greek gods as some distant thing in time like #'haha these people were so STUPID. they believed in gods that turn into swans and stuff' #has absolutely led to a situation where paganism is only cool and okay if it's the woo crystals and sage Neowiccan aesthetic #but actually being a historically based polytheist is conflated with mental illness #and it's damn near impossible to challenge when most modern people have NO understanding of polytheism and take everything literally #as someone who has had to FIGHT just to continue EXISTING as a polytheist I am still FIRMLY against the idea that people NEED religion #in order to have value as people or to heal #yes for SOME people it works. for others it doesn't. AND THAT'S OKAY

[icewindandboringhorror]

recent lounging babey images

#he's so floppy recently and I hope it's just the heat. I think wamr weather makes everyone floppy and loungy #a beauntifulle boye... #cats #STILL working on posting some drafts. finishing new poll adventure.. other things... It's just hard with the weather and other things going #on. I've had a few more doctors appointments and other things to do recently that have to be done in a time limit #so I hvae to use my extremely limited energy working on that instead of doing the things I'd really rather do. :T #Main focuses though are keeping up better with doing and posting costumes + sculptures as main creative things. at least finishing the #main poll adventure story. Reworking the game I kind of abandoned for a few years. keeping up with game videos and a few other side things. #Especially the game though. I've been in a really worldbuildy mood recently. I just wish that was easier to manifest into something. I've #now put the worldbuilding slideshow reading video on pause for a while because it's SOOO long to do #and I think I should prioritize making games and stuff instead. but still other things. IT's just kind of like.. I have a whole world and #everything very built and planned out but now.. what do I do with it? what's the best way to share that? factual slideshows just going over #the information like a dictionary? make it into a game? write short stories? do art attached to the world? etc. etc. ?? There are so many #potential avenues I end up kind of flip flopping between them a lot because none really seem more beneficial than the others and they all #seem equally enjoyable and also equally hard so. It's like?? I guess just do what the hell ever and hope I made the right choice in terms o #cost benefit and reward for my time lol. ANYWAY.. Also why I'm in my 'trying to make friends' era still because I think having other creat #ive friends can help you find direction like.. people will meet each other and then go 'hey lol just for fun lets start a project together! #and then like 5 years later it's genuinely become something. etc. having other people to help weed out ideas and start small creative teams #together and etc. I feel is a very beneficial part of networking or whatever but also I have the social capacity of a stale bread roll and #am also inherently unrelatable to seemingly a majority of people due to my hermit wizard swag (detachment from general society and hyper #focus on fantasy worlds in my head gjhghj) so trying to meet people as a grown adult with social issues is Very easy and fun (it is not) #even very basic things like my core communication style is so incompatible with a lot of people it's like.. hhhh... People in this modern #age have GOT to stop being afraid of phone calls and/or text that is longer than 6 paragraphs. Work with me here. I WANT to talk to you. bu #I do not know what your emojis mean and it's physically impossible for me to type less than 85 sentences. please.. hhjgjgb #AAANYWAY!! I am working on things when I can given the circumstances (SUMMER).. hopefully some costume pictures and stuff soon. :'3 #I've not forgotten about my art and etc. - as usual I just am bad at social media and also functioning if it's above 65F lol

[outeremissary]

Having one of those weeks of "is this the monthly Malaise or am I about to have a real mental health rut"

#I think I feel a bit bad for not having seen success for a bit on a large project or one for other people #my to-do list... I'm trying #think I just feel socially weird too. as usual I would benefit from touching grass #I know I've been on more than is good for me lately and I'm just trying to distract from not liking how creative projects are going #or feeling lonely but not very socially confident for a while #for me social media is generally an extremely poor substitute for other forms of interaction (including other online interaction) too #it's like candy. it's fun in moderation but the more of it making up your diet the sicker you feel #and socially ambiguous in a nerve wracking way with how uncertainly part private/part public it is #especially on tumblr where so much interaction is indirect and one way. it's not how I function best I fear #it can be fun! I enjoy it much of the time. but it can also be very stressful and confusing. #a solid 'touch grass' (or touch snow) time is likely approaching if I feel weird a little longer haha #but jeez! I should knock some stuff off the list first. #I'm up too late tonight. I know that. lack of satisfaction on projects I know #okayyyyy I'll maybe prep one last thing (sunk cost fallacy) and go to sleep properly like I should've ages ago. morning will be rough. #I do miss the ways people interacted on Twitter #rambling #you should know half the time I have some way too long tags it's because I meant to say one thing and then just kept going without thinking #I think I talk too much online because offline I don't talk very much. not many people to talk to.

[dyed-red]

Dean really did threaten kaia with a gun, huh? basically kidnapping her, even though dreamwalking endangers her.

And jack is in the back seat telling her it's all fine with and that they'll help her with her powers, which, no wonder, considering he's been threatened with weapons/I'll kill you speeches since he was born.

Dean in this episode is so messed up (which i know is coming from somewhere, it's due to guilt over thinking his mom was dead and not looking for her, which could have made a neat S8 parallel if they'd done something with it other than this), and meanwhile Sam enables it and it's all ... very messy.

#it's also a bit whiplash inducing from a characterisation standpoint #because a few episodes ago dean was all in on saving and helping people at any cost #and suddenly everything goes out the window with extreme tunnel vision #in a way that genuinely feels divergent from how he usually is even when things get bad #and yeah i just wish they'd done more with the fallout of it #other than dark kaia and whatever #canon crit #s13 is better than i remembered but not without issues

[aeide-thea]

#this isn't at all surprising but it IS disgusting and enraging #'you're costing us too much money. we're going to lie and say that your doctor signed off on reducing your dosage.' #among many other things #anyway this is all extremely par for the course for people who've faced these kinds of issues or who've listened to others who have #but. even so. #if you want to be furious read this ig! #at the time of writing his costs HAVE at least been covered but like. it took a lawsuit. #the only thing that really surprised me here was the extent to which company employees said really damning shit on the record #but like. they know how much power they have and how little power patients typically have. #anyway health insurance is frankly disgusting. i was lucky enough we never had to worry abt it when i was a kid #and now that i'm grown up and don't have any and hear stories like this… how the fuck did we get here. #healthcare shouldn't be a for-profit business. #the medical establishment

[llycaons]

I'm not going to listen to this podcast because I would probably dislike it but this take on jc performing improv comedy is exactly why that fic about him being a successful standup comedian is so absolutely out of character

And I want to be clear regarding that last part, the improv comedy debate that again destroyed our apartment for a few days: Jiang Cheng would be the worst at improv comedy. I cannot be shaken from this view. And it's not because he can't joke or he isn't funny or I don't love him. It's because--and I do feel I'm SO right about this--the SECOND one of his jokes bombed, he would not be able to recover. There is no point in canon where he wouldn't make his embarrassment everyone's problem. Jin Ling would do the same, but he's fifteen so at every moment he is having the biggest emotions possible to the inconvenience of others, and that's a teen's prerogative. Jiang Cheng is a full adult man who would be so visibly furious at himself and everyone else on stage that comedy would just stop for a while.

also they made him a knight-in-shining-armor who told off a guy harassing a nameless barista and then she gave him her number and now they're married and she's pregnant and look. I don't have anything else to say than 🤮

#stop awarding jc nameless fawning wives!!!! it's nasty and misogynistic #and attempts to reward him for things he absolutely has NOT earned in canon!!! #as if he would stand up for anyone in public when his entire arc was about protecting him and his family at the cost #of abandoning people who they owed their lives to #and convincing other more principled characters not to make a public scene in the face of extreme injustice #like we are never really given evidence that jc cares about anyone outside his immediate circle or about other human beings at all #and he has such a terrible personality he's been literally blacklisted so idk WHERE this is coming from #oof I just remembered that all and got so mad hehe #ficblogging