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aph-honk-kong · 4 years

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Draw A Circle That’s The Earth, I’m In Hetalia - Review (Chapter 2)

Eight months ago, @hetafic-hell published a review of chapter one of “Draw A Circle That’s The Earth, I’m In Hetalia!”. I decided to write a review of the second chapter, since they’ve been on hiatus for so long. But before I begin, I must offer a warning: this chapter is five thousand five hundred words long, and is not divided into any paragraphs. It’s also awful. Proceed at your own risk.

3 months later.

It is not possible to show the passing of time through the story instead of putting it down explicitly?

I'm at a different meeting hall my nation had all its citizen's return to Serenia only recently and now every one of my people except my army have been turned into pictonians

What army? I thought the only reason Serenia was bombed in chapter one was because it didn’t have one.

Australia brought me in a helicopter and now me America, England, Italy, Germany, China, Japan, Russia, France, not that anyone noticed except me Canada

And there’s the “nobody notices Canada” trope.

and thanks to my knowledge of the 'paint it white' Hetalia movie Scotland and Australia are now in meeting about the pictonians I gave Canada a note saying 'go to Cuba, combine forces temporarily and take care of the injured 'he ran out of the room without anyone noticing.

You’d think that someone being told to leave an important meeting to leave the country, meet with someone who hasn’t been mentioned up until now and form an alliance to save their nation’s people would at least announce their departure.

"Dudes, this is an emergency! As the paper thingys in front of you with those crazy drawings that are supposed to be word says, the race of humanity has been taken over by nopras thingsmabobs by that crazy beam of light that comes out of the light bulby thingy that comes out of their head."

...what?

Alfred said while everyone was doing their own thing Francis blowing a kiss to the maid, Yao yawning, Arthur, Kiku, Ivan and Ludwig listening, Allistor smoking, jack playing with his koala, bub and Feli drawing faces on the pictonians pictures. "Nice one, Feli" I giggled "thank you, Kaitlyn! How are-a the puppies and-a cubbies?" he asked "they're fine they grew 60 cm!"

What an intriguing conversation. Why is this happening again?

then I turn my attention to the meeting and open the folder "Tony my righteous alien friend dude told me they are pictonians from the planet Picto. Like for real dudes. Picto is in like way far out in space." He continued "your brains in way far outer space" Arthur exclaimed "hello! Listen up! We can't let these nopras dudes make earth all freaky and boringly white! This is whack! We gotta stop these dudes! Also what's a nopras?" Alfred asked after a good little speech "it's a Japanese monster without eyes, nose or a mouth; its proper name is inotraple." I spoke up everyone looks at me then Arthur says "wait a tick does that mean this is all your fault japan?"

Why would any of the nations believe Serenia? Even if she explained that she figured it out from the “Paint It White” movie, she’d have to tell them how she came across the movie, either proving that she’s not from this universe or making the nations think she’s gone insane.

"Hey I only said what I learnt from japans old stories and he hasn't said a single word so it's not his fault." I defended while standing up "why the hell do I have to be turned into nopra, because of stupid japan and his scary story" Yao snapped I sighed and sat down and looked at the pictonians pictures I giggled and whispered something to Feli then we both giggled

So she went from defending to sighing to giggling in a span of what, a minute? If Kaitlyn is so protective of Japan, why doesn’t she defend him when China speaks up? Why does she just sit down and start having another inane exchange with Italy?

"what is so funny, kaitren-chan?"

Please no, not the Wapanese.

Kiku asked I smiled and said "is it just me or do these guys look like telitubies? Come on I can't be the only one thinking this" "Hahaha! Good one Kaitlyn!"

This chapter is supposed to take place three months after the former one, and the last chapter ended in the middle of WWII. There is no way any of the nations would know about Teletubbies, which is a show that launched in 1997.

Alfred laughed then said "anyway, focus countries! Japan may have screwed things up but we still have time to fix it! Your ideas will all suck, so listen to me! We will combine all of our military strengths! I'll be in command so you'll have to wear the colour of my flag! All heroes wear red white and blue! And Kaitlyn?" I look up at him "yeah?" "I'll make sure you're safe by you and me sticking together! I'll be your hero!" he said as he winked at me I blushed furiously

The awful dialogue aside, I thought Kaitlyn was shipping herself with Holy Rome last chapter, to the point where she kept him from dying. Does she have a new fictional husband now?

"wait who in god's name put you in charge and why the bloody hell should Kaitlyn go with you?" Arthur yelled "duh, because I'm the hero everybody knows that and Kaitlyn needs a hero" Alfred replied "ohnohnohnohn! But I think Kaitlyn should come with me and not you" Francis said in all his creepiness

France literally hasn’t done anything creepy, he just suggested Kaitlyn stick with him! Oh wait, I forgot the writer just wants to shoehorn in every trope imaginable into this fic for no reason at all.

"you keep your filthy perverted hands of Kaitlyn, cheesy monkey!"

He wasn’t being perverted at all! #ProtectFrance2020

Arthur yelled "shut up, black sheep of Europe" "I told you not to call me that" then Arthur and Francis started fighting, Feli tried to hand out his white flags, Yao was arguing with Alfred about which country made the most popular movies, Ivan was releasing a purple aura, Ludwig was trying to stay calm and me I stood up and sat with my pups and cubs petting them as they slept

You’re telling me these baby animals are casually sleeping through a group of adults having multiple loud arguments?

'what am I going to do? Everything's just so crazy. Everyone is a lot more extreme than I thought, they act the same and yet they act different.

How on earth does one “act the same yet act different”?

When I was in my world, everything seemed so easy. [Sigh] I guess not' "kaitren-chan."

Spare me.

A voice brought me back noticing Kiku was in front of me "what's wrong, Kiku-san?" "I wanted to thank you for defending me earrier, arrigato"

There’s no reason why Japan would thank Kaitlyn in Japanese when the rest of his sentence is in English, and that’s not even how you spell it.

he bowed I smiled then boom! I jump and my pups and cubs start barking and roaring

I can guarantee you that baby tigers cannot roar.

I calm them down by speaking Serenian. I wait for Germany to stop yelling before heading to the doors "Kaitlyn? Vhere are you going?" Ludwig asked "I'm going to protect my country. I suggest you all do the same." Then I walked out of the room. 2 hours later.

Where are they? Assuming they’re not in Serenia, it would take Kaitlyn quite a while to get home, especially since they’re in a time of war. She definitely wouldn’t be able to reach Serenia in two hours.

I'm standing with my army of 1,000 women and men armed with guns and arrows,

How are they going to shoot the arrows without bows?

I'm wearing a long flowing white skirt with a long slit that reaches 10cm from the waist, my black cloak,

A flowing skirt and a cloak are not at all practical for war, especially not a skirt with a slit. She’s going to get strangled with her cloak or trip over herself, mark my words.

a gold staff with a gold crescent at the top the staff was an inch above my head my height is 1, 80,

A few things to address here. First, isn’t Kaitlyn fifteen? How can a fifteen-year-old be that tall? Second, there’s no way that staff would do any damage, especially in a twentieth-century war when so much technology was developed. Gold is expensive as hell, too, so how could she make an entire staff from it?

I had a black camisole on and had gold two gold bracelets on my left ankle, one each on my wrists, a necklace with a silver water lily pendent and a gold necklace that fit on my head so that the crescent moon pendent was positioned on the centre of my forehead and I wore no shoes just bare feet.

No way someone can run or fight properly while wearing heavy gold bracelets, a silver pendant, a gold headdress and no shoes. You’re fighting in a war, for goodness’ sake, your feet are going to be severely hurt if you don’t wear anything on them.

"When the enemy comes show no fear and if the enemy shoots dodge then strike!" I commanded my cubs and pups were beside me growling.

You took your defenceless baby pets, the only Serenian native animals left, to a battlefield?

The earth started to shake a little "get ready!" I yelled the pictonians ships were in sight "FIRE!" I yelled my army fire their guns and arrows but they just turn all wiggly and white "crap!" I curse then the pictonians shoot the flower blossom beam me, my pups and cubs run and dodge the beam

Without being trampled to death by the rest of the fleeing soldiers, and fast enough to dodge the beam despite being, again, babies? Fat chance.

my army wasn't so lucky they got hit with the beam, then they started to stalk towards us "Kilala! Sesa! Nomura! Herona! Zecremea nomraxia qoxirizakri merase"(Translation: come we must run, my children!)"

Please, no more nonsensical Serenian.

We start running and an explosion happened bits of the arrows and metal from the guns flew at my cubs and pups I block them and got cut every were it hurt so much, then I hear something "Kaitlyn! Dude come on!" I look and see Alfred on a helicopter when I reach the helicopter

Shouldn’t he be back in America, defending his own people?

I look back and call out to my pups and cubs "come on almost there!" then disaster. Another flower beam was shot and it hit them, my pups and cubs, my babies

THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE BROUGHT THEM ALONG!

"no! No!" I try and run to them but, Alfred pulled me into the helicopter and restrained me the helicopter took off when I stopped struggling Alfred let me go. I cried, I let everything go. I dropped to my knees and cried Alfred sat on his knees and embraced me I cried into his jacket "Katie, everything's going to be okay. We'll get them back I don't know how but we will, I promise."

Oh wow, this is so touching.

He said 'that doesn't really sound like him this must really be bad' I stopped crying and hugged Alfred "al, thanks for saving me I assume they got you?" ' assume I know they got him' "yeah, my missiles did nothing then they turned the statue of liberty all white and wiggly" "they did that as well to the valley of blue roses" (for all those who don't know in Serenia their national land mark is a valley of blue roses since blue roses are unnatural and were originally white it is said that on the night of a blue moon the glow of the full moon turned them blue.)

Couldn’t the story behind the rose valley be included in the story instead of being dumped to us between brackets?

"We're heading to a temporary headquarters, okay?" I nodded I started humming 'safe and sound by Taylor swift' then Alfred asked "hey Katie what song is that?" 'Crap! I forgot Taylor swift hasn't even been born yet and... Wait a minute the songs I know are from the year 2013 and it's what like 1980, I'll keep it to myself.' "It's called safe and sound a little thing I made up to keep me sane when Switzerland attacked"

Finally, a rational decision. Also, if this chapter took place three months after the last, wouldn’t it be, like 1945 at most? How did the author forget something they wrote themself?

"Kaitlyn, when the war hit were you afraid that your country would be destroyed and you would ya know die?" "No, I feared for my countries people and animal life besides no one would really miss me." "That's not true! Iggy would miss you, Italy would miss you, jack and Allistor would miss you and I would defiantly miss you we all care about you Kaitlyn no matter what!" "Alfred." I smiled and hugged Alfred even tighter "Kaitlyn, I'm glad you're my best friend ""I'm glade too"

You’re what now?

then I fell asleep. 20 minutes later. We had almost reached the temporary hide out Alfred had to carry me on his back because I couldn't walk anymore I was partially covered in cuts and bruises and my head hurt badly.

Didn’t you just say you were cut “every were?”

"Al, remind me to kick the pictonians ass later please." "No prob" when we were close enough we could see everyone was there. Feli lifted his head and saw Alfred and smiled but, then he saw me he squealed and ran to Alfred and I. "Kaitlyn! What-a happened!?" he asked frantically "Feli, calm down I'm fine." I reassure him then I was lifted off of Alfred's back and carried to the temporary

The temporary what?

I look up to see Germany "thanks." I said he smiled and place me on crate then china tended to my wounds.

Is the medical centre just a crate? If not, what on earth is the author trying to describe here?

"Thanks china I owe you one" I said "no problem Kaitlyn!" he replied I noticed Feli walking around looking for something. "Hey Feli what are you looking for?" he turned to me and smiled "I-a think the puppies and cubbies are playing hide and-a seek with me so I'm-a trying to find them." I looked down and said "they're not playing hide and seek Feli." "Oh, then where are-a they?" I started to tear up I look at him as I raise my head and say "ask the pictonians" he paled

“Kaitlyn, you fucking idiot, why did you bring them along with you to fight?”

"becoming a pictonian appears to be our fate" I say "I refuse to become as ugly as the rest of you" France says "look on the bright side at least you won't smell like drunk cheese" England commented "chill out, we're not gonna let this get us down. Dudes, we're gonna stand together whether we like it or not. I don't!" Alfred said then Russia said "I agree, I don't like it!" then china said "that's right we should work together even if we hate it. I hate it!" "I hate it more" Arthur added "Qui j'detetes" France sighed "no rikey, but we should listen to each other's ideas" japan stated

The next person to use “no rikey” unironically will be executed at dawn.

"right, all zhose in favour for us to vork togezher raise your hand now" Germany said everyone but me and Feli raised their then Italy looked around and raised his hand and said "pasta~" I raise my hand and Alfred said sounding confident "check this out a douse of originality we get a super hero with a deflector shield to beat the crap out of those guys"

Haha comedy, am I right?

then Italy said "I think japan should do it I-a mean he's-a got eave**** and let's not forget about gun**" but those are just anime" japan said

Both Evangelion or Gundam were developed in the late twentieth century, decades after this story takes place. Plus, Italy isn’t so stupid as to believe that the mechas from those show exist in real life, is he?

"if you are looking for anime I can totally do that" china interrupted then a blurred picture appeared "you know I think I heard about that somewhere but better" Arthur says "yeah" everyone agrees "it original chines idea!" china fumed "excuse me" Germany said to grab our attention "maybe ve should oh I don't know zhink of ideas zhat are realistic" he said looking ready to blow

Thank you, Germany.

"I was thinking the exact same thing my idea is perfectly realistic" Arthur said looking confident "alright what do you have in mind, Arthur" I ask then he shows us a dark magic circle

How the hell did he make that so quickly?

"yeah we need something realistic" everyone said "you wankers don't ignore me!" Arthur yelled "my turn, how about we find their leader and hold them for ransom" I suggest "still need a realistic idea" they said then we hear a sound "Fucking" over and over we look at a screen to see a little grey alien "ah, what a charming alien" France said sarcastically "he's no alien! Tony is my best friend!" Alfred said sounding offended "that doesn't mean he's not a bloody alien!" Arthur said but, was ignored by Alfred "Tony what's the scoop bra?" "fu-"he tried to say but I interrupted saying "hey Tony? Think you could I don't know not pull any crap on us. Remember how you owe me from 30 years ago. I need you to show us the pictonians website and put on the translator software, please?"

What does Tony owe Kaitlyn and why was this never mentioned?? Also, the internet didn’t exist in WWII, what is going on -

he nodded and put up a website and then the translator thing made all the alien language translate in to English. Then a video played explaining the pictonians intentions. "It appears our planet is doomed." " ?" "What did he say now?" japan asked and Alfred replied "the more evolved the species the more their faces look nopra like" "oh, I have collection of evolving I'd like to show them" Russia said as he released a purple aura

The fuck does this mean?

"Vhere are zhey veak? Zhey must have a veakness' Germany said "they do" Tony replied then everyone but me flipped out "why haven't you been speaking English this whole time!?" France asked while freaking out "because I don't do dubs" Tony replied as he searched for something on his iPhone "okay their weaknesses are…"

WHY DOES HE HAVE AN IPHONE IN WWI!?

he continued. Then I had a dizzy spell. I felt pulse "sunflower, you're alright, da?" Russia asked

Haha he used “da” haha so very Russia of him.

"I-I'm fine, Russia" I replied holding my head "call me Ivan" he said then Alfred yelled "TONY!" that set me off I collapsed to the floor a bright white light covered my vision, as I fell I heard someone call out "Kaitlyn!". Then, I heard the giddy British voice again "well poppet, looks like you've been telling people you get visions, huh? Well, we don't want you to be a liar now do we? So every time a something big is going to happen, you will suffer a dizzy spell and have a vision. Well I better be off ta-ta poppet" then it all went black.

Oh, it’s the magic fellow from the first chapter. Will it ever be explained who they are or why they’re doing this to Kaitlyn? My money’s on “no”.

Suddenly, I saw everyone being turned into pictonians Alfred, Arthur, Francis, Ivan, Yao, jack, Allistor, Ludwig and Kiku then I turn and see Feli get turned into a pictonian 'no'

Why is Italy’s transformation the last straw?

I ran at the pictonians tears blurring my vision. I felt myself lift off the ground then gone I lost the vision. "Kaitlyn! Kaitlyn wake up!" I heard I slowly open my eyes to see Alfred above me with worry in his eyes and me I was on the floor with everyone surrounding me "I'm fine I just had a vision" I said as I hopped up everyone look at me and didn't looked convinced "trust me guys I'm fine this happens only at certain times." I said then a green light flashed we ran to the light and stopped when we saw a huge pictonian ship. As it was landing a powerful wind blew everywhere it almost knocked down everyone but, it blew me backwards until someone caught me I look and see Allistor holding me by my waist "wouldn't want ye ta blow away now would we?" he said smiling "thank you, Allistor" I said holding onto him.

And there goes another character into Kaitlyn’s harem.

When the wind stopped we all saw the ship in font "I think this is the mother ship" japan said "Hahaha those stupid aliens are so predictable" Alfred mocked "Allistor you can let go now." I said as I barely held my blush he blushed furiously and let me go "look!" Germany said as we see the pictonians marching onto the mother ship not noticing us "I think that's where they keep the humans that haven't been turned into pictonians probably human enslavement" I said "unacceptable ve must act now!" Germany yell as he marched towards the ship then japan stopped him "Germany I'm sorry I touched you but we must act reasonabry." "Must kill!" he replies

Why is Germany suddenly talking like a caveman? Goodness, if I had a dollar for every question I asked while reading this mess of a fic I’d be the richest person alive.

"hey, dudes!" Alfred said to get everyone's attention "I have an idea how about we infiltrate the ship and find their weakness!" he suggested "yes, I like the way you are thinking" china said enthusiastically "you can leave the spying to me" Arthur said confidently "and leave the animal rescuein ta me" jack said "nothing ventured nothing gained is what they arways say" japan said "exactly 'ow are zhey?" France asked "I know a way we can get inside!" we all looked and see Feli in a pictonian costume "tada!" "VHAT ZA HELL!? VHAT IS ZAT!?" Germany asked/yelled

You could just use “yelled”.

"it's my-a pictonian costume I made-a it with all the white flag material I have! Woohoo! I made-a one for everybody!" he laughed pointing to a box with pictonian costumes. Everyone just stared at it for a while. Then I walked to the box and grabbed one my size I put it on over my clothes.

One your size? You’re telling me Italy managed to make a number of fake-outfits with multiple sizes while the rest of the nations were running out to see the ship?

When I was done everyone was wearing theirs then they all ran to the ship yelling their battle cries "ATTACK!" "Hahaha! Hail the conquering hero" "double O ninja!" "I'm ready" "what a relief I still look fabulous!" "Hold on tight panda!" "I reap into battre!" "Aussie!" "Whiskey power!" only me and Feli didn't move "we'll wait for you guys here!" he cheered as he waved his white flag "Italy! Serenia! You both are coming vith us!" Germany yelled as he stood in front of Feli!" "But, running onto-a the aliens ship seams reckless-a to me. Besides I don't want to get my costume dirty. What do you think bella?" then he looked at me "Feli, I'm scared." I said as I looked up at him with tears in my eyes 'it's true I am scared, I'm scared that I screwed everything up and what if everyone gets turned into a pictonian' then I felt a hand on mine I look to see Feli with his eyes open looking at me "let's-a go Kaitlyn. We'll-a do this together!" he beamed I smiled and ran with Feli who yelled his battle cry "PASTA~!" in turn I yelled mine "the angel has arrived!"

Why would Kaitlyn be described as an angel? She’s done nothing remotely angelic in the story so far.

20 minutes later. We're all on the ship we hide behind a corner "ok, here's the plan Russia back me up, japan you back me up too and Iggy..." Alfred said when we were all in a circle with Germany holding eleven sticks "pick one each vhatever colour you get is zhe group you're in." he said "don't ignore me!" Alfred whined every one picked a stick France went with Arthur, Alfred went with Ivan and china, Germany went with japan and Feli. Me I went with Allistor and jack. We're walking down a hall way.

Nice tense change there.

'I'm not scared' "ya know we need 'a find the captured humans, righ'?" "No, I thought we're er ta play golf, we're not stupid lad we know what we're ta do." The continued arguing then I heard a noise and saw round the corner pictonians "shh!" I pulled them into a room but part of my pictonian costume ripped at my lower half reviling my lower half and the warrior skirt. "Great just great" I said sarcastically "Kaitlyn? Love is that you?" I turn around and see Arthur and France standing in front of a blue ball "what happened?" Arthur asked "these two dumbbells attracted unwanted attention so I acted fast and pulled us into the nearest room" I said a little peeved.

“Dumbbells” is a weak-ass insult.

Arthur scolded them while me and France looked at the globe I touched my country like Arthur was supposed to do with his country. Then a little page popped at the side of it but it was in the alien's language "damn, hey Arthur little help?" I ask he stops and chucks me his phone

Again with the cell phones! Isn’t it supposed to be the mid-twentieth century?

I look through it and put up the alien translator app then the screen scanned the page and processed the data then it binged and it all translated into English I read it aloud once the guys stopped fighting "Serenia, a peaceful country with both beautiful fauna and flora and also a former pirate now a polite lady. Serenia is a former pacifist but, during world war two and seeing some of her people and most of the fauna life massacred she became a fighter. She often gets stuck in the middle of love, because all the male countries are in love with her and she can't decide"

Woah. I couldn’t have come up with a more Mary Sue-ish description if I tried.

I blushed furiously and silently handed Arthur back his phone "love? Are you alright?" he said with a red face "p-p-please j-just go c-check your country"

I can tick “badly-written stuttering” off my bad fanfic bingo now.

I stuttered not being able to keep my cool. Arthur looked at his country and started fighting with France I ran up to them and tried to break them up "guys! You have to stop" then France accidently back handed me I hit the floor but no one helps me up. Allistor and jack tried separating Arthur and Francis then the door opened and the pictonians appeared "what do we do now?" Francis asked

I don’t know, maybe run instead of twiddling your thumbs?

"don't worry I'm sure there is a trap door here somewhere" Arthur said then a rope appeared next to him "see what did I tell you" he pulled the rope and the four of them fell through the trap door leaving me on the floor the pictonians looked at me 'I'm screwed' they didn't move "huh?" I looked down and saw that I look like someone turning into a pictonian. ' alright, let's play pictonian' so I found my other half of my costume and slowly pulled it on and pretended it hurt then to seal the deal I was next to the trap door and screamed at the top of my lungs "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" then I slowly stood up slouching like them then they left.

I understood like ten words out of this section.

I shed the pictonian costume and fluffed out my black cloak and skirt I checked to see if my necklace on my head was still there and if my foldable gold staff was in the side of my skirt, luckily they were but unluckily, the staff put a little cut in my side making blood drops appear.

And this, kids, is why you don’t fight with fucking staffs. Also, how on earth is a tall, heavy staff made out of gold able to fold in on itself?

I ran out of the room and followed the pictonians without them noticing me. Then I see everyone in a corner. Found the alarm system, pulled and jumped in the vent the pictonians turned their attention to the alarm I slowly crawled in the air vent but, then I made a wrong move and fell. I waited for the impact but it never came I opened my eyes to see that china caught me "china, thank you!" I said as I hugged him "it is alright and please call me Yao" he smiled as he blushed lightly then set me on the ground

Dammit, there goes another one.

"Kaitlyn, you're alright" Feli cried as he hugged me. Then a green light grew bright we all looked to see the pictonians about to turn us into one of them. "We. Are. Screwed." I stated "wait, ret me try something" Kiku said "go ahead, Kiku-san" I said. "Pictonians we have come to show you our hospitarity." He said "WHAT!?" everyone but me yelled I ran next to Kiku and backed him up saying "Kiku is right we should show them what earth has to offer. If we show them how fun and fantastic earth is maybe they won't invade earth, change everything back to normal and leave."

Nice idea, but they’ve kind of already invaded earth. You’re too late, honey.

Then Yao said "leave it to me!" then a china town appeared and all the pictonians were sitting at tables with food in front of them "please eat as much as you want" Yao offered "don't-a mind if I-a do!" Feli said with a plate of food in his hand "zhat is not for you!" Germany yelled "but why does-a Kaitlyn get-a to eat?" he complained "because it's just a mango and I haven't eaten since yesterday" I said the pictonians started to eat

What does China serving mangoes have to do with why she gets to eat?

"so you like it am I right?" Yao asked confidently "we don't know" they answered Yao "I'm so glad you like it. Wait you don't know?" he asked "we don't know" they replied then France tried to get them to eat his countries cuisine but got the same reply "I would like to be going now don't be letting me down" Ivan said to the Baltics "yes sir" they replied then done a ballet to swan lake in female ballerina outfits'

Poor Baltics. What did they do to deserve being put in this fic?

that's just cruel' then they spun off stage "we don't know" the pictonians said I thought of what hospitality I could provide 'belly dancing and flowers' I played belly dancing music and hopped on the stage and danced. Every time I could I threw a bunch of flowers to the pictonians.

Where did she get - I’m not going to question things any more.

I heard my friends shouting out "go, sheila!" "Shake it, Kaitlyn" "go, bella!" when I finished I posed with my hands above my head and one leg at the front the pictonians gave me an unexpected answer "it was good" I jumped off the stage and Alfred picked me up and spun me in the air "dude that was awesome where did you learn to do that?" he asked as he set me on the ground "I went to India a little while back and learned belly dancing" I replied then Germany tried to give a pictonian some beer but struggled a bit "dude, let me help you out" Alfred said then a casino popped out of nowhere. All the pictonians were at slot machines and one hit the jackpot, another got kissed by two girls in bunny costumes. "Men" I said as I walked away from Alfred.

Haha guise get it? She’s totally a strong independent woman who laughs when men are being stupid even though she has ten of them chasing after her!

I noticed Feli with the pictonians having fun then everything went wrong. The pictonians had eaten one of Arthur's scones and turned blue in the face. "Come on, what-a happened? Let's-a eat another scone" Feli said happily and the pictonians replied "no way" "guys I think this is our cue to leave" jack said and with that we ran. "Well, what now genius?" I ask then Alfred stops at a door and presses a button then the door opens to show us a long drop out of the ship into the ocean "Geronimo!" Alfred yells as he jumps then everyone but me and Feli are left "Feli come on it's better than being turned into a pictonian" I say then we jump. During the fall Feli had his eyes closed, me mine were open and it's a good thing too, because up ahead was a huge pointy rock. We were falling fast so I pushed Feli out of the way and he missed the rock by an inch. I, on the other hand got the full blow of the rock it my stomach leaving a huge gash then my back.

Wouldn’t she also break some bones and presumably die on impact? Falling from a high place onto a sharp rock would definitely leave more than two gashes.

I fell in the ocean hard and hit my head on a rock I slowly lost consciousness as I rose to the surface. 20 minutes later. I woke up on a sandy surface and I immediately started coughing up water and feeling the sting of salt water in my wounds. "Hello? Is someone there?" I heard a familiar British voice call "Arthur?" I call out but no reply I stand up and limp to where the sound came from. I keep walking until I hear crying I stumble to the noise and soon am hiding behind a tree looking at a camp fire with everyone around it. "b-but, where-a I-I-is Kaitlyn? Feli cried "we need to find her now I-I just couldn't bear to think what I would do without her" Alfred admitted everyone nodded their heads in agreement "it's so nice to see how much you guys care for me" I said as I came out from behind the tree with my cloak covering my body. They all lifted their heads and Feli tackled me to the ground "bella, I-"but before he could finish his sentence I howled out in pain "aaahhhh!"

You should’ve collapsed a long time ago.

Feli got up and looked at his hands and his eyes opened and widened showing terror "b-bella, w-w-why are-a you bleeding?" he shakily asked I stood up to see everyone staring at me with pale faces "I had a little accident." I said they still didn't look convinced. I felt a pulsing pain in my stomach as I fell to my knees

Yeah, there it is.

"Kaitlyn!" they all ran to me I undid the lock on me cloak "Kaitlyn what's wrong!?" Alfred asked as he looked like he was about to cry. I removed my cloak and reviling my injuries everyone gasped in horror. "Well are you going t-"I lost consciousness in the middle of my sentence. In my dream world.

It’s magic teleportation man, isn’t it.

"Hello?" I call no answer "hello, poppet." I turn around to see a man with strawberry blond hair and bushie eye brows he had neon blue eyes, he wore a pink vest over a white dress shirt and army green slacks and a purple bow tie. Then it hit me I know who he is "O-Oliver Kirkland!?"

YOU’VE GOT TO BE FUCKING -

I ask he clapped his hands while jumping up and down "oh, you figured it out poppet well done! But please call me Ollie" he giggled 'only because I read fan fiction'

How does Kaitlyn reading fanfiction relate to her being allowed to call Oliver “Ollie”? So many sentences in this fic are just strung together with no relation whatsoever.

"you sent me here didn't you?" I asked he stopped bouncing and smiled "yes, we brought you here because you have such a vast knowledge on us and wanted Hetalia to be real so badly that we decide to bring you here and make you a country. Isn't wonderful? We picked you out of all the girls and boys in the world" he said "yes I am grateful but, what do you mean by 'we'?"

Oh, so her teleportation into the Hetalia world is explained. Still makes no sense why she was picked, though.

I asked he smiled but made it even more cheerful looking "I mean-""the cupcake freak means us, doll" I looked behind me to see 2P America Allen Johnson or as he prefers to called Al, he had red/brown hair, red eyes, a bomber jacket with a fifty on the back, black gloves, sunglasses and, like the fan fiction says, a baseball bat with nails at the top.

OH MY GOODNESS, NOT THE ANOTHER COLOURS.

And another thing: why is Allen’s appearance described as being “like the fanfiction says”? Since the Another Colour Main Six aren’t canon (only their Nyotalia forms are), everyone has a different interpretation of what they look like. What fanfiction is Kaitlyn referring to?

I need to stop asking questions when it’s clear I won’t get answers.

I started blushing because when I found out about the 2P's I developed a crush on them. "Well hello, doll face" he said as he walked up to me "Al" was all I could say he smiled and put a finger under my chin and moved his face closer about 2 inches from mine "heh, she's pretty cute. No 2P Serenia but hey she's just as cute"

ANOTHER ONE IN THE HAREM.

he said I backed away a little "you mean I have a 2P?" I asked then Oliver came from behind and hugged me I yelped and winced Oliver looked down and said "oh dear you got injured. We'll bring you to Yung" then another figure appeared with a medical kit. He looked like Yao except he had black hair and red eyes

Doesn’t regular China also have black hair? Also, what the fuck kind of name is “Yung?” That syllable doesn’t exist in Chinese.

"hello, Mrs. Water lily" he said as he tended to my wounds as I sat on the floor "it's nice to meet you, and you don't have to be so formal with me please call me anything you like" I beamed he had a light blush across his cheeks "fine, I will call you… nightingale because you have the beautiful voice of one" he said I turned bright red.

You’ve met her for at most five minutes.

When he finished I had a bandage around my whole torso and stomach and head.

A bandage around her torso, stomach and head? She must look like a mummy from the waist up.

"Thanks, I owe you one." I said "oh, don't worry about it, poppet. We wouldn't want you to be hurt now would we?" Oliver said "now, see that door?" he said as a blue door appeared "uh huh" I said "go straight through it and you'll wake up to the 1P's and have theses bandages on still" he said.

So the Another Colour characters were only brought up to keep Kaitlyn from dying and providing exposition. Well, I shouldn’t have expected anything more.

I walk to the but I stop when I put my hand on the handle I turn to the 2P's "but will I see any of you guys again" I ask. Al smiles and says "of course. Why wouldn't we want to see your cute face again, doll face" Al replied I nodded and walked through the door. When I wake up. I open my eyes and see Feli asleep and everyone else talking about things 'no sign of Sealand' I sit up and groan "ow, my head" everyone looks at me their eyes widen as I stand up. "Will you stop looking at me like that? I'm fine" I said smiling "cheerio everyone!" we turn our heads to see Sealand on his 'country' 'I haven't met Sealand yet' "I brought my whole country here to help you all!" he shouted "you don't have a whole country to begin with go home you little pipsqueak!" Arthur yelled.

“Sealand and England arguing over whether or not he’s a country” trope, check.

5 minutes later. Everyone just finished eating food from Yoa's resort that was conveniently on the island.

Who is Yoa?

"I am so full at moment" Yao said rubbing his belly. "Who knew you had a resort on this island" Arthur said I sat on the shore of the ocean, letting the water touch my feet. 'My babies, I raised them from pups and cubs and now their pictonians.'

What an out-of-place line to wrap up this chapter. The conversation has just started, nobody has responded to it and nobody knows what will happen. It feels very abrupt.

...

Well, that was it. I am in immense pain and I feel like I’ve lost a few brain cells. This was maybe the most illogical, unenjoyable thing I’ve read in quite a while, but am I going to also review the other chapters? Yes. For now, I’m going to rethink my life choices and try to forget what I read here.

#aph fanfiction #aph america #aph england #aph france #aph russia #aph china #aph canada #aph japan #aph germany #aph italy #aph australia #aph main five #aph main six #aph main trio #i'm in Pain

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headquarters90 · 4 years

Text

Curiosity (Warrior of the Source 6)

Pairing: Darkiplier x French Goddess!Reader, Reader x Original Characters (Platonic/Family), Reader x Greek Gods/Goddesses!Characters

Words: 1497

Warnings: Mentions of abuse

Series Masterlist

With your eyes closed, you focused on the noise around you – the rushed steps of those that belong to Dark's employees and the hushed murmurs of her friends and family. The sound of the door opening and closing didn’t stir you or make you open your eyes. You knew who joined you.

“Everyone’s busy and here you are – resting. What should that say about you, Goddess?” He was still daring to hold that demand, that harshness in his tone with you, even after learning your past, and you found yourself grateful for the treatment, surprising you in thought.

“I’m sure you’ve been told that I can give any War God a run for their money with my abilities,” you spoke. “I’m trying to calm my nerves. We were just in a fight and there’s a chance another war could break out now that William is back.”

“Calm your nerves,” Dark repeated, watching as you finally opened your eyes to look at him. “If there is a war, there is no time for that.”

“Which is why I’m doing it now, Dark. I am the one without a lover which means that I can go mad with my abilities if I dared to use them. I have to calm my nerves or I will fail my duty as a Warrior.”

“Vance! You should be with Meli!”

Your eyes snapped to the young tiger cub that ran into the room, laying in your lap with a purr before your eyes lifted to Jackie, the weretiger of the Warriors, who let out a sigh.

“I don’t even know how he got here, Y/N. I apologize,” Jackie sighed, watching as her son nuzzled your stomach. “He must sense it though.”

“Not surprising,” you murmured, running your fingers through his fur before your eyes moved to Dark who stared at the cub. “Vance, sweetheart, you need to go back to Melinoe. It’s not safe here.”

You’re hurt and sad, the cub whined back in your head.

“Yes, but I will be fine. Everyone will be devastated if something happens to you. You must return to her.”

No.

“Wasn’t giving you much of a chance.”

“You speak to animals,” Dark deadpanned and your eyes lifted back to him.

“Technically, yes, and plants. I was once the Goddess of Life. However, Vance is a were cub. He can choose who he speaks to in this form. He’s also more advance in this form since he’s about 2 in his human form,” you spoke, lifting him to Jackie. “Have they spoke of training?”

“Yes,” Jackie spoke, nodding her head. “For Darky and his buddies to know what we’re truly up against and how to defend against it.”

“Who will be conducting it?”

“We asked Pierre too,” Hades' voice drifted into the room, receiving a scoff from Dark. “You, Angel, André, and myself will help if needed.”

“Why?”

“Y/N.”

“Okay.”

“It has been a long time since I’ve trained this many,” Pierre, the French God of Fighting, “long lost” brother of Bellatrix, spoke and Dark rolled his eyes at the statement.

“Didn’t you-”

“Jean-Louis,” Bellatrix warned and he winced.

“Sorry, mother.”

You shook your head at your cousin, your hand rising to ruffle your hair.

“Wonderful niece of mine, why are you so far back?”

Your eyes snapped to Pierre who held a smirk on his lips.

“Come up here. You know how to fight against a Yvrídio Aíma, oui? Come and show us.”

“That isn’t wise, Pierre. You are aware of what happened with the asshole,” Hades spoke dryly.

“Hades!” You spoke, scowl finding its way to your lips at his use of words, and he shrugged.

“Sorry, sweetheart.”

“There will be no used of those abilities, Hades. Plus, her abilities do not truly come from being a Warrior, does it?” Pierre raised an eyebrow, looking towards you as you furrowed your eyebrows. “I pay attention, sweetheart.”

Your nose scrunched at the pet name, shaking your head.

“Don’t call me that, Uncle.”

“Still iffy on me?”

You stared at him as you moved towards the front, shocked that he thought that you wouldn’t be.

“Trys-”

“No.”

“Isa-”

“No.”

Pierre turned to raise an eyebrow at you as you shook your head and Angel snorted as she stepped forward.

“Angel doesn’t not-”

“William abused both of his children. I will not act as though I am fighting him with them. Angel has ability manipulation. She can manipulate their abilities,” you spoke, crossing your arms. “You want my help, we do it my way.”

“Of course,” Pierre gave you a bow, twirling his hand. “As you wish.”

Your nose scrunched at the quoted book and movie as you turned towards your sister who shared your annoyance.

“Can we get this done and over with? I have important matters to attend too,” Dark demanded and you watched as Pierre turned to face him.

“Another Hades?”

“Do not compare me to him.”

“That’s a compliment,” Hades butted in and Dark scoffed.

“An insult more like.”

“Hey-”

“Hades!” You chimed and a scowl found his lips as he turned towards you. “Play nice, please?”

A grumbled reply came your response and Makaria snorted with a shake of her head as you turned your attention to Pierre.

“Go ahead and demonstrate,” he stated and you nodded, turning towards your sister who sent you a grin which you returned.

“Best of luck, sis,” Angel spoke and you rolled your eyes with the smile on your lips. “You’re gonna need it.” Summoning a sword, she sent you a smirk.

“I believe that’s you, sissy,” you replied, summoning your staff. “You know that by now.” You raised your staff in time to block a hit before you began your attack.

“I forgot how much I hate training,” Jean-Louis spoke with a slight pant to his lips and you raised an eyebrow as Juliette snorted.

“You hate everything, Lou,” Angel deadpanned. “You’re the God of Hate.”

“I know, I know.” He waved the three off and your eyes glanced towards Dark, tilting your head at how unaffected he looked from the training. “Don’t tell me you’ve taken an interested in the entity now, Y/N.”

“He is unaffected by the training.”

“So are you,” Juliette stated, poking your side. “He might be like you, Angel, and André and train all the time.”

“Maybe but it’s still curious. He’s the business type.”

“So are you,” Angel deadpanned. “It’s not that curious. You’re the business type and train all the time.”

“I have reason behind mine,” you defended and Jean-Louis gave you a dull look. “What?”

“He has many enemies, cousin. That’s his reasoning,” he spoke and you pursed your lips but agreed nonetheless.

Your eyes glanced towards him once more before letting out a sigh as you stretched your arms over your head.

“Hey, doll, gotta hand it to you. You fight well,” Anti spoke and your eyes shifted towards him. “I only see Dark train like you did.”

“Do,” André corrected. “She usually trains every day with the rest of the Sins but since having to supervise him, she hasn’t been able too. Where’s Sébastian?”

You furrowed your eyebrows before you lifted the chain around your neck, the ring dangling.

“Here, why?”

“Bellatrix wants to speak to him.”

You nodded your head, sending the comment to the Monstre who appeared in front of you seconds later.

“Errands for her, okay?” Sébastian questioned and you stared at him. “Right. Free-range. I forget, great-niece.”

“Go.” You spoke your head with a smile. “I’m going to-”

“The library.”

You jumped at the unison of Angel, Juliette, Jean-Louis, and André before pursing your lips at them.

“Don’t do that.”

“Sorry.”

“Guys!”

You watched as they smiled at you before you shook your head, making your way to the library with a quiet sigh. You found yourself tracing the bumps of your newly formed scar and you stopped, taking a moment to close your eyes and breath.

“It’s idiotic to stop in a hallway.”

Opening your eyes, you turned your head to look at him, your hand dropping to your side.

“So it may be,” you spoke, continuing your way to the library. “But there’s still a lot you don’t know, Dark.”

“So it would seems and yet, I already know that you run to the library when on the verge of panic.”

You glanced over your shoulder, noticing him following you and you shook your head, returning your eyes to focus forward.

Stepping into the room, you found yourself drifting towards the window to look out. Even knowing you weren’t home, you still found yourself expecting to see the familiar lights of the cities within Tempête de Feu.

You felt his eyes on you, watching you. Neither of you made a sound or even attempt to speak, both focused on your own thoughts.

You were focused on keeping yourself calm, keeping your mind steady.

He was trying to find pieces he was missing to figure you out.

#darkiplier x reader #darkiplier x goddess!reader #darkiplier x french!goddess!reader #darkiplier #warrior of the source series

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pinktatertots99 · 3 years

Text

the morning routine of crabs and cats

consider this a part two of nine seconds. just a morning routine fic. changed the names of the gang to be the normal names we all know.

________________

santos valerius mariyam, and you're up to start the day...after maybe a few minutes. You crack your eye open to the dark wall of your bedroom on the right side of your room where the door is. Oh how sleep eggs you onto continue but alas your need to be up for your partner eggs you on more.

You slide a hand over your face to get you up a bit more, making note of how itchy your stubble is, another thing to put on your list of why you should get up that you keep trying to put off. You turn slightly to view the digital clock on your nightstand, moving it a little closer to find the numbers 6:09 on it.

You sigh softly. You hate how much those two numbers seem to get to you. It’s enough to have you move your legs currently under the blankets around your daughters’, turned also your dear diane’s pet siberian cat: pounce de leon the third. A name your partner gave as a running theme with her life of having pet cats with that name. You nearly detested it considering she was nepeta’s gift, but then again nepeta was three at the time and apparently liked the name. You do wonder if it was the feisty femme who encouraged her behind your back unnoticed or if this was an early sign for her intricate online ‘role-plays’ she’d annoy kar on.

Regardless, pounce is nice...when you don’t get in her way. And you try your best not to as you shift your legs to curl up to your bare abdomen and scootch to the end of your side of the bed to get up, only getting a light grumbled growl from her when one of your toes during it flinched a bit to poke at her. You’ll make a note to make her some scrambled eggs.

Yes this is exactly why you're getting up, family breakfasts of six plus you equaling seven is a lot. It’s more when you're also the one having to get four adolescents ready for school. Granted diane has mentioned on occasions that you could just sleep in a little longer and let her do what she does, but when have you ever NOT gone out of your way to be helpful? Hah, blasphemy absolute balderdash!... excuse the language.

You walk down the hall your bedroom is located, that leads to the fridge and entrance of your kitchen. On the wall of them are family pictures strewed about, making you smile and remind yourself the headache you're going to get once they all wake up will always be worth it.

You start taking out everything you’ll need; eggs, bread, biscuits, grapes, orange’s, apples, bagged spinach, small bag of shredded cheese, you’ll hold off on anything further as you take out one of the five pans you have on your bottom left drawer of your small counter portion between the stove and fridge and put the heat on two and wait.

As it starts you go about cracking the eggs in one of your many small plastic cups from the cupboards. You're not too worried about being too loud considering even if meu wasn’t deaf your children sleep like bear cubs, or tiger cubs as nepeta would correct you on. You pour them into the pan and start putting in small amounts of spinach and mixed cheese into it. Your diane has some...interesting taste that is as far as you will comment on it.

As it continues you busy yourself getting a cutting board and knife, slicing a granny smith apple you took out earlier. Being a father made you very skilled in hearing the smallest of sounds like how much more sizzled the makeshift omelette is getting before you’ll have to take it off soon.

By 6:13 you hear the sound of your bedroom shower go off, and by 6:33 you hear the soft patter of her steps as you busy gently trying to peel an orange, feeling her calloused firm hands on your back, feeling her chin on your shoulder as she whispers out a purr of a statement to you; “you furrgot something~” and soon your not seeing an orange but instead the black fleece of your night shirt.

You jump a little with a light yelp as she giggles, walking away fully clothed in her court reporter uniform. Hair still wild but you know why as the well dressed woman in front of you starts scoffing down her omelette like it’s a medium rare fresh off the stove greasy steak. Something you have seen before in your eighteen years with her.

You put your shirt on quickly, slightly embarrassed you forgot it and grateful your kids aren't early birds. She hands you a comb from the inside of her coat and you have no further instruction as you move to stand behind her and gently brush out the morning knots she hadn’t been able to wash out. You swear though she tries purring like a cat when you do this and you can’t really deny it’s cute.

You fluff up her hair a little as she starts eating her apple slices, handing you a ponytail holder and some hairpins; you catch some that nearly fall to the ground from how fast she pulls them out. Her job requires her to look as cleancut and professional as she can, which unfortunately they did not allow ponytails despite it being the only way she could put up her hair in her thirty-five years. You're not judging though, you're a fast learner when it came to your mother letting you learn when she’d grow out her hair a bit during your years...and some online tutorials but you won't let her know that she couldn't 100% help you.

Once you're done pulling her bangs back with the pins and putting the bun in as tight but as comfortable of a position you could due to her wild hair you give her a pat and in turn she gets up, turns around and hugs you.

“Be back by fur.”

“Four?”

“You're no furrun.” she sticks her tongue out at you playfully as you boop it like it was a blep. She retracts it and gives a playful pout before giggling as she starts to leave through the front door.

Now...was time for the rest of the morning to resume. By 7:02 you're back to making a big batch of scrambled eggs using four eggs in the pan as you hear the upstairs shower go off. By 7:19 you hear the steps coming down and a formal “good morning father.” from your second oldest. It was common of him to be the first up. You turn and offer him his plain scrambled eggs, red grapes and two cherry flavored vitamin gummies giving your own warm “morning.” as you look him over. Already dressed and...hm...you look to where his hairline is and notice the lightest bit of grey almost albino white peeking out from his dyed light auburn hair. You make a note to look for that again for later.

Apparently you stared for too long and he starts opening his mouth. “Father while i understand your surprise of my dye fading it is highly uncomfortable and quite rude to stare and make a proverbial judgement on my appearance.” he starts going off and its as if you went back in time to meet your old self with less fanciful words and lower levels of sass. You prevent yourself from sighing outloud less you risk a tangent on him assuming you're a negligent parent over his feelings, something you’ve gotten before with a reaction you really regret giving to him.

“Not making any judgements.” you reply cooly as you go to pour cheese over the rationed scrambled eggs on plates. “Apologies in advance however.” you mumble and he hums in acceptance, already distracted with breakfast. By 7:24 you hear rustling, a loud scream of “FUCKIN HELL!” and soon you hear one door open, sleepily slogged steps and a tiny yawn coming from the stairs.

“How’s the huntress?” you ask as she grumbles a “too early fur rolepurraaaay.” and flops to hold onto your hip. You slather the toast with the last bits of peanut butter and offer her a plate of cheese covered eggs, peanut buttered piece of toast cut in half and a small bowl of green grapes. “Too early for her hunt either?” you ask and she opens her eyes slightly, pouting at the food sleepily before taking it and walking to the couch that sits at the wall next to the staircase with a yawn and a click of the tv to animal planet’s show “the most extreme”.

As you set the plate of eggs, two pieces of jam covered toast cut in fours, a small bowl of green grapes and a grape and orange flavored vitamin gummies next to kankri’s seat you hear the fast tumbling steps come down the steps and a near slip gaining a not loud but loud enough to hear “shit.”

“Language.” you and kankri echo as kar groans, going to his seat and eating immediately. “We don't need to talk about inside voices and language rules now do we son?” you ask and get an annoyed huff as he eats. “My stupid alarm didnt go off.” you sigh, he had a very specific way of getting up. Usually he’d be the second one up before your daughters, you have to wonder where these boys’ early bird sides came from.

“Doesn't mean you should be going around using such problematic language in front of those who do not share the sentiment of, as quoted, tossing around a ‘sailor mouth’.” you hear kankri go and hear a mesh of an annoyed chuckle from your other son. “Oh you want problematic-”

“So where’s meu?” you ask immediately looking over at the two giving your best genuine question and ‘don't you dare start a fight or you're both grounded from your electronic devices for the weekend’ expression that seems to get their hint as kar grumbles a “hanging out on her phone. I think. Kinda passed by didnt notice.”

You give a small thanks as you put a small plate of toasted butter biscuits and an orange as perfectly peeled of its veins as you could get it with your bigger thicker fingers that you’ve been working on an off while everything was cooking on the end of the island before taking your phone out of your boxer’s pocket, something your very glad mother was able to make a possibility.

You turn it on waiting a few seconds for it to boot up before clicking on your phone messages, noticing one from diane and one from thion which you make note to check later. You click on her number and name and go into the gif option. Your grateful for this being an alternative to get her attention as you send a cute cat gif and line of text reading ‘breakfast’s ready’ and wait. It was much easier then going all the way up and trying to gesture that meals were ready or she was needed downstairs with your not exactly perfect sign language.

After five minutes you hear light thumping from the steps as meulin prances down them, phone in hand as you offer her her breakfast that she stands up to eat. Look to find the time is already 8:05. You go bout quickly to the door to slip on your outdoor crocks for short errands that everyone, even your own mother has gotten on your case for, but you really don't care you usually put these onto escort your eldists to the bus station with little to no notice as you state. “Alright get your things ready you two.”

You only hear silence before a collection of “father we may’ve been lenient on your footwear but this attire can be highly uncomfortable and triggering-”, “are those crabs? lobsters?” , “your...not taking us in that riiiight?” and “dad get some freakin pants!” to make you realize you’ve gone about this entire morning...without pants. You immediately go running in your leaf green crocks to your room.

After a few minutes of fixing your pants error you find your two eldest have gotten their pack and satchel respectively for the other on, and shoes. It’s about 8:10 when you go out with them. The bus usually comes at 8:15 and thankfully you're not too far, of course you have to power run a little once you see it in the distance and get dirt and small rocks through the holes in your crocks in your shoes, reminding you maybe you should just go out in flip flops instead.

Thankfully the three of you get there before it opens its doors, you wave em both off with kankri already bee-lining for the entrance and meulin at least giving you a distracted wave as both have grown to directing their attention to their friends, who one nice young lady with short hair waves at you more enthusiastically and a couple “ey mister val!”s echo before the bus takes off.

You go to walk back to your home, knowing your kids were still being looked over by your mother, who thankfully sent you a message that she went to check on them as you take your time walking back, trying to lose the uncomfortable nature related rubble out of your shoes.

You ultimately give up and toss' em onto the step that leads to your glass door before opening the wooden one behind it. You're now realizing why your entire family got onto your case, crocs really are the devil of shoes. As you walk in you hear the click of an upstairs door knowing why.

Your twins are homeschooled, nepeta joined online school last year while karkat had been in his since halfway through third grade after some complaints from the school of his temper and inability to complete work. Meanwhile nepeta didn't have too many problems with public school, except for the fact her friend had left it to join homeschooling last year, leading her wanting to join to make sure he wasn't alone. That girl wore her heart on her sleeve like you do you swear.

You go about the empty first floor of your house, relishing in the silence. While kark was in his room you knew nep was doing her work in your mother’s small makeshift house in what was the house’s garage, mostly due to how she mentioned liking it more atmosphere wise.

You go about to start the burner, taking out an egg and cracking it over the pan that was still on it. As you throw away the shell you hear the soft patter and meow of pounce coming out of your room, basking to show her presence after her sixteen hour sleep.

You go upstairs, taking a right at the second door up there to your daughters’ shared room, looking to your left on the floor to find the food and water bowl setup and picking up the foodbowl. Once you go downstairs she’s already met you on the third step meowing. This is practically routine every wednesday.

After a while of checking the eggs and breaking them up you take a small bowl out of the cabinet to your right, setting both bowls down and rationing the eggs into both bowls. You put pounce’s down on the floor and let her eat her egg as you eat your ration.

You're done before her and after putting the dish in the sink along with the rest of your kids dishes strewn around to be soaked you go about your routine. You go to your bedroom’s shower, you lightly shave a bit to get your scruff more comfortable scratchy but still keep the rough visage it gives as it's the only thing that keeps twenty-somethings from thinking your their age and flirting with you.

You look at the crack of your hairline, finding it breaking at the top and a ring of your albino white hair around a little under it nearly giving you a halo look. Ironic you know. You make note to get some hair dye later. You really hate having to remind yourself to keep this a secret, no matter how much you try you still feel like your sons see this as something to feel bad about, which it isn't, but their not old enough you think to know about how screwed you made your life by speaking up against your government...even if it would give you extra cool parent points its not worth it...well...no NO it's not worth it get back to your duties!

You go about getting dressed in your cream white button up long sleeved, pushed up to your elbows, black jeans with a belt keeping them up, brown mules, and pick up your work coat of a similar black shade. Your usually not there for long, your there at ten and stay till two giving sermons of either the lead father of the church before he comes for his afternoon to evening sermons, or you’ll secretly give your own, as so far the go-ers haven't shown any sign of disinterest or finding your claims of the society blasphemy...yet. You play this game many times, you're pretty good at not seeming suspicious. You hope at least.

You watch pounce go to lay down on your large black leather lounge couch and you go to put her bowl away as she falls into an egg coma, not an actual coma it's just a funny term meu mentioned once that stuck and go to put her bowl back, knowing nep would be highly miffed at it being on the floor and not in its rightful place. After you go about cleaning the dishes from this morning and placing them in their rightful places.

It's about 9:40 when you leave, needing time to drive to the church and prepare the speeches for the day and any further assistance work, then you’ll be back to help either your kids briefly, then pick up your eldest from the bus stop you dropped them off earlier, then the game of dinner and evening schedule will be a new beast entirely that thankfully future you can deal with as the front door lock’s with a ‘click’.

#hs #home stuck #homestuck #fanfiction #au #alternate universe #human au #i made this

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