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mlwritersguild · 1 year

Note

for the february event

super random kisses 🕶️

square modified brilliant, by @alexseanchai

AO3 link; post reveal, post hawkmoth defeat, wedding fic

Summary

A year after Monarque's defeat, Ladybug and Chat Noir are getting married. (Nobody mention the part where they're not yet old enough to get married.)

---

"I will always do anything in my power to help the two of you. All of Paris will." Mayor Bourgeois does not look nearly as confident in this assertion as he sounds. "But the law requires public notice, under your legal names and in advance, for a reason."

"Super," mutters Chat Noir.

"We would never dream of suggesting you break the law," Ladybug says, without a hitch in the dexterity practice game of cat's-cradle she's playing with her yo-yo cord. Chat Noir, who kind of was suggesting exactly that, says nothing. Ladybug continues, "We're just hoping you will say some things that are true. Like, it is true that almost everyone who has ever gotten, or will ever get, married at this city hall is not a superhero. It is true that superheroes are only celebrities when we're wearing the masks, and when we're not, we're just ordinary citizens."

"Certain exceptions apply," Chat Noir says. "President of the United States Camilla Hombee, alias Victory, for example." To say nothing of Chloé Bourgeois, alias Queen Bee. And definitely to say nothing that might give away Chat Noir's identity if Chloé's father doesn't already know, just in case he doesn't already know.

"Which is a choice President Hombee made for herself," Ladybug agrees. "With the consent of her family, especially her spouse and her minor children, who are after all the first people an enemy might target if they wanted to emotionally compromise her. But as I was saying: as far as you know, it is true that when we get married, we will be following all relevant laws. Yes, we know it's illegal to have a religious wedding ceremony before the legal ceremony, but unless you're planning on tracking down the girl I play-married in the park when we were six and arresting both of us over it, you're going to need more than just 'we said we're married now' to say we're breaking the law."

"As far as you know," Chat Noir adds, grinning, " 'when Ladybug was six' could mean anytime from 2000 to 2006. For all you know, you officiated at our wedding a year and a half ago. I could say I remember exactly that and it wouldn't be a lie."

Ladybug rolls her eyes. "It is true that going through back records of posted banns to figure out which couple is us would be an invasion of a lot of random people's privacy, which you ought to remind everyone of if anything makes it relevant. It is also true that we have no plans to lie about any of this, and saying we remember something happened would be weird enough phrasing if we knew it happened. Since we know it didn't happen, it's too close to a lie."

Chat Noir turns away and starts licking his gauntlet, radiating sulkiness. He wasn't really going to say that anyway.

"…One of you is younger than Chloé," Mayor Bourgeois says, in the slow tones of someone coming to a realization. (Chloé turns eighteen next week.) "It is possible that not one of Paris's superheroes became one as an adult. You are asking the city of Paris to protect your secret identities by implying you are older than you are."

Ladybug and Chat Noir exchange glances.

"We're also asking the city of Paris to hold off on the anniversary celebration of Monarque's defeat until the anniversary of knowing we were both going to survive defeating him," Ladybug says. "But yes. That's it exactly."

---

Marinette elbows the door open and holds it for Adrien, then keeps pace with him as they head for the Métro. He's not exactly ready to go back to rock climbing or parkour, but he'll definitely bet on himself in a 5K race against, uh, anyone whose personal best is over an hour forty-five.

"Just think," Adrien murmurs, "we didn't even have to play the 'teenage parenthood' card."

"Isn't it hot out?" Marinette says in a rush, face redder than the warmth of a mid-June afternoon can explain. "I didn't think it was supposed to be this hot out."

"Now you mention it," Adrien says faux-thoughtfully, "I could take off a layer or two…"

Marinette makes a teakettle whistling noise and pulls a sun hat out of her bag of holding just to hide her face in. Plagg's cackling laughter doesn't quite drown out Tikki's giggles.

---

[image: An oddly familiar young woman with black pigtails, wearing a pink raffia sun hat, mirrored sunglasses, pink capris, white gloves, and a white T-shirt depicting a red and black hydrogen atom that says "think like a proton: stay positive!", and an oddly familiar young man with ruffled blond hair, wearing a black raffia sun hat, mirrored sunglasses, blue jeans, black gloves, and a black T-shirt depicting bare hands pouring from flasks of lime-green liquid that says "forget lab safety, I want super powers". They're sitting together on a bench on the Pont des Arts and grinning at the photographer, with all their hands stacked on his cane in a pose that shows off jewelry on their left hands: she has a rose gold wristwatch and he has a rose gold ring with a princess cut diamond.]

alya.ladyblogger: Yes, this is exactly the announcement you think it is!

---

[image: A little black cat plush with a gold collar bell and a black top hat with one red rose; a little ladybug plush with a crown of red and white roses; a pair of stud earrings with green gemstones arranged in heart shapes; a golden wirework lapel pin shaped like a cocktail glass containing two red dice with black pips; two pieces of lilac cardstock with gold text, arranged so that the only text visible on one reads "13 juillet 2018", and on the other, "vin d'honneur sur le Champ de Mars".]

alya.ladyblogger: I am told I'm to remind you that though dethroning Monarque was 21 June 2017, the thing worth celebrating the anniversary of was mid-July. The tragic part is I think they think they're being subtle.

---

[video: A toddler belonging to a favorite Fromagerie Trèfle Violet customer claps and dances along as another customer sings, "One thousand oranges two thousand plums, Windemere Vladimir Carl Alexander, raspberry blueberry strawberry gooseberry François Reginald Lancelot Herman son of Her Majesty Queen Constantina chocolate cheddar and Charlotte and Maisie son of his camembert King Maximilian—"]

fromagerie_trefle_violet: Catering the Ladynoir wedding celebration is getting intense enough even the little kids have noticed. A cappella by Luka Couffaine of @kittysection!

---

[image: A map of the restaurants, bistros, cafés, bakeries, crémeries, food trucks, and other participating food service locations in Paris.]

tomsabineboulangeriepatisserie: We're proud to be among the Parisian locations offering a special food item from the Sunday before Ladybug and Chat Noir's wedding through Bastille Day, with a portion of proceeds to be donated to the super causes funded by Ladybugs In Flight Foundation. Ours will be paired dark chocolate macarons: strawberry and wintergreen!

pink_silk_meteor_hammer: We won't have time to drop in everywhere, so we'll be stopping by a random selection over the course of the week. But we're not putting T&S in the randomizer, because my kitty and I absolutely have to try those macarons!

---

[image: Ladybug and Chat Noir. Paris's prince is draping himself over Ladybug's shoulders in a way that simply isn't possible if this black metallic material is any sort of metal; it would work with his old leather catsuit, but his wedding look bears more resemblance to full plate armor. Our Lady herself has, for the happy occasion, traded her practical outfits for what looks like a red silk gown with a sweetheart neckline and an A-line silhouette, speckled with black roses in full bloom outlined in gold, and a red capelet with mandarin collar, similarly embroidered; black opera gloves, black boots with wedge soles, and a black modesty panel mean she remains covered from neck to toe.]

marinettedesigned: I asked what their wedding outfits were made of, and she said "husband material". Photoshoot promptly derailed. Not shown: about eighteen kisses.

---

[video: Time lapse recorded on the roof of Le Grand Paris, compressing thirty minutes into thirty seconds. The city goes from full sun to full thunderstorm to full sun.]

theofficialchloebourgeois: Rain on your wedding day when you have the Dragon Miraculous. Who would have thought? It figures. I hope there's real rain when my brother gets married; he's having his engagement party in Restaurant du Grand Paris today!

---

"We aren't having a wedding Mass," Marinette tells her grandfather patiently. "Adrien hasn't been to Mass since his mother died. I'm not sure I've ever even set foot inside a church."

"Yes you have," Adrien says, setting two champagne glasses mostly full of sparkling orange juice by Marinette's elbow. "I remember thinking it was funny we had to hide in a church on Ash Wednesday from Monsieur Pigeon episode thirty-three when Jesus died at age thirty-three."

Marinette snorts. "Was that one of the times you got hit hard enough you were contemplating your own mortality? Never mind, I don't want to know."

Grandpa Dupain makes a face like he also regrets asking.

"Anyway, we don't need a church for the part where we say, 'I, Marinette, take you, Adrien, to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health'—"

"In calm times and in times the entire city's celebrating like mad," Adrien interjects.

Marinette laughs. "When it's magical and when it's mundane, 'I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.' "

Adrien nuzzles the side of her neck. " 'I, Adrien, take you, Marinette, for my play-pretend wife until we do the actual legal part at which point I will take you for my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in'—"

Boom.

The orange juice glasses go flying. Marinette glances frantically around—everyone she expects to see is present and nobody looks akumatized—

Boom.

…Oh. Right. Her wristwatch says 22h30. She was supposed to be bracing for that.

" 'In sickness and in health,' " Adrien continues, wrapping both arms around her and pulling her gently down to where she just knocked him to the floor, "even when she forgets about the scheduled fireworks display and the anniversary of no more akumas, to love, honor, and cherish all the days of my life."

"Cheers," mumbles Marinette, ignoring the sticky spots for the moment (and certain he's ignoring a leg cramp for the moment) in favor of scooting up to where she can press kisses to his pulse point and cheek and the scar beside his eye.

#ml writers guild #february event 2023 #alexseanchai #miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug fic #ml fic #mlb #ladynoir #ladybug x chat noir #ladybug #chat noir #lovesquare #love square #miraculous tales of ladybug and chat noir

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pesterloglog · 5 months

Text

Vriska Serket, Terezi Pyrope, Roxy Lalonde, Dave Strider, Arquiusprite, Kanaya Maryam, Karkat Vantas, Tavrosprite, Jake English, Rosesprite, John Egbert, Rose Lalonde, Jaspersprite

Act 6, page 7515-7545

VRISKA: Ok every8ody, time's up!!!!!!!!

VRISKA: Wrap up your convers8tions. Our tactical meeting is officially 8ack in order!

VRISKA: Alright, has everyone shut up yet?

TEREZI: 1 TH1NK SO

VRISKA: Gr8!

VRISKA: Let's not waste another second then. I'm diving right into this.

VRISKA: Everyone pay close attention, and try to keep up!

VRISKA: I'll start 8y descri8ing the exact n8ture of the threats we're dealing with, and go from there.

VRISKA: According to intelligence gathered during our trip along with some reconnaissance work on arrival, this session has four, possi8ly five major adversaries.

VRISKA: The Condesce of course, and three Jack Noirs of varying levels of danger.

VRISKA: Plus, there's a female prospitian of equivalent power to the strongest Jack. She's sort of an x-factor.

VRISKA: It's hard to accur8tely gauge her threat level, 8ut I'm not a8out to take any chances.

VRISKA: All these threats are just outside the incipisphere, en route to the session as we speak.

VRISKA: Once they arrive, all hell will 8reak loose. That's when endgame is officially go.

VRISKA: You only have a couple hours to prepare, so you need to listen to every word I say.

VRISKA: Victory will depend on following my plan to the letter!

ROXY: so.....

ROXY: wheres the condesce right now?

VRISKA: She's on Derse, preparing for the same critical convergence herself.

VRISKA: After our little prison raid caught her completely off guard, costing her some hostages and key points of leverage, we've essentially reached a temporary ceasefire 8y default while 8oth sides regroup.

VRISKA: This is not how she expected things would go.

VRISKA: We had the advantage of surprise that time, 8ut we won't 8e so lucky next time.

VRISKA: She's w8ting for the Jacks to get here just like we are.

VRISKA: Once they do, she'll instantly have the upper hand, and she knows this.

VRISKA: Her particular com8ination of a8ilities along with her supervillain-like cunning make her an EXTREMELY DANGEROUS part of this equation!

VRISKA: That's why we need a good strategy in place 8efore the shit hits the 8reeze 8lender.

DAVE: so in addition for waiting for way too many jacks to get here

DAVE: were also waiting for my bro too right

DAVE: who... gets here at the same time or...

VRISKA: Yes, the other Strider was 8anished to the periphery as well, and is in transit.

VRISKA: He'll arrive at the same time, give or take, and should 8e a gr8 tactical asset.

VRISKA: Sources tell me the dude is pretty good with a sword.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> That's me

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I'm the source

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I told her that, and it's true

VRISKA: Yes, thank you Arquius.

KANAYA: This Is Starting To Sound A Bit Complicated

KANAYA: How Are We Supposed To Keep Track Of All These Villains And Heroes Coming And Going When And Where

VRISKA: You're right, Kanaya.

VRISKA: At this point in the meeting, I think we could use some diagrams to help with the 8attleplans.

VRISKA: Karkat?

VRISKA: If you wouldn't mind.

KARKAT: I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHY YOU PUT ME ON DRAWING DUTY.

KARKAT: I'M EASILY THE WORST ARTIST HERE.

KARKAT: AND IN A SETTING THAT INCLUDES DAVE, LET'S GET REAL. THAT'S NO SMALL FEAT.

VRISKA: I specifically assigned you to diagramming duty so that it would keep you occupied.

VRISKA: That way, you'd stand a chance of keeping your mouth shut while I talk strategy.

KARKAT: THAT'S WORKED OUT GREAT SO FAR, HASN'T IT?

KARKAT: WE'VE LOST HOW MANY STRATEGY-SECONDS TO ME COMPLAINING ABOUT DRAWING ALREADY??

VRISKA: Sure, 8ut I know that drawing requires a lot of concentr8tion from you.

VRISKA: Once you're in the zone, I expect you'll simmer down.

KARKAT: WOW, FUCK YOU!

KARKAT: YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT, BUT FUCK YOU NEVERTHELESS!

KARKAT: WHERE THE SHIT IS MY ART PENCIL. I HAVE SOME DRAWING TO DO.

VRISKA: Let's run down the threat list, with a full de8riefing on each threat.

VRISKA: We'll start with the 8ig fish herself, the former empress of our world, Her Imperious Condescension.

VRISKA: The only reason we've 8een a8le to temporarily neutralize her stranglehold on this session is 8y taking two major pieces away from her, Harley and Crocker.

VRISKA: Rest assured, she's already scheming to reassert her dominance, and if it weren't for my intervention here, I'd 8et everything I had on the sea witch.

VRISKA: She's spent centuries upgrading her a8ilities which now include 8OTH kinds of telekinesis. The simpler variety more common to rust 8loods, and the nasty kind which sometimes yellow 8looded mutants have involving all the fucking eye lasers and shit.

VRISKA: If that weren't enough, she has a mix of telepathic a8ilities too, like mine, plus the animal communion kind more typical of 8rown 8loods.

TAVROSPRITE: lIKE ME!

VRISKA: Yes Tavros, like you.

VRISKA: This means she can hijack animals AND trolls, assuming they aren't particularly resistant to influence, like me o8viously.

VRISKA: Humans I'm guessing are still off limits to her influence, unless they've got some animal 8lood in them, which is what makes Jade such a dangerous element here.

VRISKA: One of the mission critical priorities is to make sure she stays asleep. If she ever wakes up, and the Condesce takes control again, that's pro8a8ly game over for you guys.

VRISKA: Jade's first guardian a8ilities make her too much to deal with on top of everything else.

VRISKA: It's also possi8le that the Condesce may have some sway over the prospitian and one of the Jacks 8ecause of their part-dog n8ture too.

VRISKA: It's hard to say what their level of resistance is, so I really can't 8e sure.

VRISKA: Strategically, it's 8est to err on the safe side though, and presume this could 8e an issue.

VRISKA: This is why taking on the Condesce has to 8e a HUGE PRIORITY!

VRISKA: Ideally, you should 8e trying to kill or disa8le her as quickly as possi8le.

VRISKA: 8ut if that's easier said than done, then what you need to do is keep her OCCUPIED!

VRISKA: Throw everything you have at her. Whatever crazy powers you've got.

VRISKA: Just keep her 8usy!

VRISKA: Distracted enough 8y a 8unch of pesky kids so she won't have time to get clever with her powers.

VRISKA: This is the 8est defense against the off-chance she might 8e a8le to sway the dog Jack and prospitian, AND a failsafe in case Jade wakes up for whatever reason.

VRISKA: When it comes to killing her, I don't have much to advise.

VRISKA: There's no intel on her weaknesses or anything like that. In fact, I'd 8et she doesnt have any.

VRISKA: Like any powerful endgame 8oss, you just have to keep hammering away at her until she's dead.

VRISKA: Nuff said!

VRISKA: This 8rings us to the Jacks.

VRISKA: To differenti8, I'll give them nicknames.

VRISKA: There's Dog Jack, Lord Jack, and Ro8o Jack.

VRISKA: Let's talk a8out them in order of threat level.

VRISKA: Karkat, I'm going to need another shitty drawing.

VRISKA: This time, of Dog Jack and his prospitian counterpart, please.

VRISKA: Ah yes. I see you are intent on 8eing a wiggler a8out this, as we have all come to expect.

VRISKA: Whatever, I've 8een working within the confines of everyone's stupid limit8tions already, so I might as well work around yours as well.

VRISKA: There, perfect.

VRISKA: Dog Jack is easily the most powerful adversary of the 8unch, in terms of pure physical capa8ility.

VRISKA: The Condesce has the edge in guile and flexi8ility, and Lord Jack has a ton of offensive power too...

VRISKA: 8ut there's nothing quite like the first guardian a8ilities to give someone an overwhelming tactical advantage.

VRISKA: The a8ility to teleport anywhere in the session any time, or ANYONE anywhere any time, while having access to an inexhausti8le power supply from the green sun really makes it no contest, even against an otherwise awesome com8atant.

VRISKA: If it were just him you had to deal with, I wouldn't like your odds, honestly.

VRISKA: 8ut luckily for us, there's a major factor here which should mostly neutralize him during this huge melee, which is the prospitian.

VRISKA: Power-wise, she's a precisely even match for him.

VRISKA: And 8etter yet, she apparently can't stand the guy.

VRISKA: I still don't know what her real motives are, 8ut you know what they say. Enemy of my enemy and all.

VRISKA: So I say let her have at him, and if the opportunity presents itself, help her defeat him.

VRISKA: I will also give this 8it of advice.

VRISKA: If Jade ever wakes up, AND THE CONDESCE IS SUFFICIENTLY PREOCCUPIED, make sure Jade goes nowhere near the Condesce, and sic her on Dog Jack.

VRISKA: She's the only one here who's a8ilities are on par with his, so that's where they're 8est applied.

VRISKA: Got it? Good.

VRISKA: Next, Lord Jack.

VRISKA: Karkat?

KARKAT: HOW DOES THIS LOOK?

VRISKA: Gr8!

VRISKA: I think I can work with this.

VRISKA: Ah yes. Another true work of art has 8een made here today.

VRISKA: Anyway, this ugly customer you see here?

VRISKA: This is the Jack n8tive to the session we're in now.

VRISKA: Somehow he got possessed 8y, or like, INFUSED with...? Lord English's crazy, ridiculously destructive magical energy.

VRISKA: I have no idea why or how this happened, how it's theoretically even possi8le, or why we should actually care.

VRISKA: The fact of the matter is, it happened, and now we have to deal with this hideous rain8ow-eyed monstrosity.

VRISKA: Given what I have learned a8out Lord English's a8ilities, this will make his attacks quite lethal, and he will 8e EXTREMELY difficult to kill.

VRISKA: In fact, that fucking rain8ow energy might just give him the highest constitution ranking of any adversary, possi8ly making him the toughest one here to actually kill off.

VRISKA: The only reason he's not at Dog Tier threat level is 8ecause, for all his power, at least it's localized to wherever he happens to 8e.

VRISKA: He's a8out as slow as any of us lowly non-omnipotents.

VRISKA: He's not quite as relevant to keep occupied, or even to defeat, as the Condesce herself.

VRISKA: 8ut he's still going to 8e HUGE TROU8LE when he gets here.

VRISKA: You're going to need to stick some really good fighters on him.

VRISKA: My advice is also to SERIOUSLY prepare for casualties during that fight.

VRISKA: As the group's chief healer, Jane is going to need rapid access to the multiple fronts of this 8attle.

VRISKA: More on that l8ter.

VRISKA: That 8rings us to Ro8o Jack.

VRISKA: He's the Jack origin8ting from our session.

VRISKA: Remem8er him, Karkat?

VRISKA: We hatched a plan with him to take down the 8lack queen. Seems like so long ago, doesn't it?

VRISKA: Now apparently he's got some cy8ernetic upgrades?

VRISKA: Who the fuck knows how that happened, or for that matter, why or how he's on his way here now.

VRISKA: My mind 8oggles trying to even picture the amount of stupid shit he's 8een through 8etween now and when we knew him.

VRISKA: Put this on the ever lengthening list of gar8age that doesn't matter and no8ody cares a8out.

VRISKA: The fact is, we have no idea what his affili8tions are at this point, 8ut like I'm always saying...

VRISKA: 8est to just plan for the worst, and assume this is just another scru8 we've gotta kill.

VRISKA: He's the lowest on the threat level, though his various enhancements and accessories may pose more of a challenge than we 8argained for.

VRISKA: He's also traveling with a juju known for its high storage capacity, so he's possi8ly packing company.

VRISKA: May8e a LOT of company...

VRISKA: I won't get into that now though.

VRISKA: You're going to need to reserve a squad for dealing with this guy and whoever he's 8rought along for the ride.

VRISKA: It's a lesser priority, so I'd recommend an ensem8le of third-stringers.

VRISKA: No offense to whoever those 8rave souls may 8e!

VRISKA: Every lamewad has their place in an epic 8attle, and everyone's effort counts.

VRISKA: Eg8ert-looking kid, I'm looking at you.

JAKE: !

VRISKA: Possi8ly you too, Tavros.

VRISKA: May8e.

TAVROSPRITE: ,!

VRISKA: That covers the overall tactical situ8tion!

VRISKA: Gr8 jo8, Karkat.

VRISKA: Really, just an all around gr8, gr8 jo8. I mean that.

KARKAT: THANK YOU.

VRISKA: Now, listen...

VRISKA: We've got to keep these 8attles spread out across the session so you all don't start tripping on each other's toes, turning this into more of a clusterfuck than it already is.

VRISKA: That means you need to st8tion teams ready to intercept the Jacks wherever they're coming from.

VRISKA: You also need to launch your lightning-strike raid on the Condesce 8efore any of them get here.

VRISKA: As for your party's healer, like I said, she'll need to 8e highly mo8ile.

VRISKA: So what you'll need to do is lay out a network of key portals and transporters so she can make the rounds, and 8e in tight communic8tion with her.

VRISKA: One of you less relevant, more mo8ile folks should get on that now.

VRISKA: See? Scatter window portals like these around the various 8attle sites.

ROXY: yo did you loot my house or something...

VRISKA: Please don't interrupt.

VRISKA: Transportalizers will work too, if you can get them all hooked up right.

VRISKA: This is definitely 8usywork, 8ut it's also really important. So we need someone competent in charge of this.

ROSESPRITE: I think I can handle that.

VRISKA: Yeah?

ROSESPRITE: Yes.

ROSESPRITE: I'm quite mobile in this new form.

ROSESPRITE: Also I think my abilities will help with forecasting the optimal network to lay out, along with helping Jane coordinate her routes during battle.

ROSESPRITE: Plus, I have to admit.

ROSESPRITE: I kind of relish the idea of being a "less relevant" party member.

ROSESPRITE: Particularly since I think it is inherently true now.

VRISKA: Ok, Rose... um. Rosesprite?

VRISKA: That's gr8. You can volunteer for that jo8 if you want.

VRISKA: 8ut let's not get ahead of ourselves!

VRISKA: We'll 8e divvying up the roles momentarily.

VRISKA: 8ut, cool. We have you down for that. Again, it's critical.

VRISKA: The whole party will need to defend Crocker's life at all costs.

VRISKA: She CAN'T get sucked into any com8at!!!

VRISKA: If she dies, you could all 8e fucked.

VRISKA: 8e sure to fill her in on the logistics whenever Arquius has finished deprogramming her.

VRISKA: Everyone got it?

VRISKA: Awesome.

VRISKA: Since that pretty thoroughly covers the full tactical situ8tion, we can move on to the real strategizing.

VRISKA: NOW we can assign com8at roles. ::::)

JOHN: vriska, wait.

VRISKA: ????????

JOHN: before you go on, i just wanted to say...

JOHN: i'm really impressed with your strategic analysis so far!

JOHN: you really seem to be all over this. i wouldn't even know where to begin figuring all this stuff out.

JOHN: anyway, i'm glad we have you back on our side!

VRISKA: Aww, thanks John!

JOHN: just thought i'd say!

JOHN: i didn't want you to go through all this stuff for us, thinking it was going unappreciated.

JOHN: anyway, please continue!

VRISKA: You got it!

VRISKA: Now it's time to divide everyone into teams.

VRISKA: Let's go down the list of foes again, and assign party mem8ers to each 8attle.

VRISKA: Once again, starting from the top...

VRISKA: The Condesce.

VRISKA: We'll need a team to raid Derse again, 8ut this time for all the mar8les.

VRISKA: And remem8er, the raid has to start 8EFORE the rest of the action, to keep her from getting the upper hand.

VRISKA: And the party has to 8e at LEAST good enough to if not defeat her, keep her 8usy for a long time.

VRISKA: So who wants a piece of the sea witch?

ROXY: ME ROSE: ME.

VRISKA: Alright, I've got two takers from the Lalonde camp.

VRISKA: We'll need more though. Who else?

JOHN: i'll go!

VRISKA: You sure, John?

JOHN: i think so.

JOHN: from what you said, it sounds like this is the most important battle.

JOHN: if we don't keep her busy, everything could get messed up.

JOHN: i think i'd be good at that! i can use all my windy powers for distractions and such.

VRISKA: Ok. You're with the Lalondes then.

VRISKA: Make it count!

KANAYA: I May As Well Go Too

KANAYA: It Would Be A Shame If The Party Defeating The Woman Who Terrorized Our Planet For Ages Had No Representation From Our Species

VRISKA: Shame or not, I'm afraid that won't work Kanaya.

KANAYA: Why Not

VRISKA: You can't join their party. Well, not yet at least.

VRISKA: There's another critical role which you specifically need to play first.

VRISKA: We can't risk losing you in 8attle until it's complete.

KANAYA: What Is It

VRISKA: I'll explain l8ter! After the teams are set.

VRISKA: Ok, let's say Team Condesce is good enough for now, with John, Rose and Roxy.

VRISKA: Next foe: Dog Jack.

VRISKA: Like I said, we're 8anking on the prospitian keeping him 8usy, so he's not an immedi8te 8attle priority.

VRISKA: We won't design8 a team for him right now.

VRISKA: 8UT, as I mentioned, in the event Jade wakes up for some reason, she should 8e reserved exclusively for this fight.

VRISKA: That means someone needs to tell her, if not in person, then some other way.

VRISKA: Perhaps leave a reminder for her. May8e tied to her finger or something. :::;)

VRISKA: Others can join the fight against him if need 8e, once their targets have 8een dealt with.

VRISKA: Until then, 8etter to let the heavy hitters keep him in check.

VRISKA: Next: Lord Jack.

VRISKA: Who wants di8s on this guy?

DAVE: i guess thats me

VRISKA: Ok, Dave.

DAVE: there are all these rumors swirling around that ive gotta beat LE anyway

DAVE: which is probably bogus but w/e

DAVE: killing this guy at least would be the next best thing right

DAVE: so maybe if i do that i could like

DAVE: put the "prophecy" to rest

VRISKA: That logic sounds reasona8le to me.

VRISKA: For what it's worth, I never 8ought into the idea that you were supposed to 8e the one to kill English anyway.

VRISKA: So that's one down. Who else?

TEREZI: OK, WHY NOT

VRISKA: You sure, Terezi?

VRISKA: You're not immortal, remem8er. And this one's going to 8e tough.

TEREZI: YOU S41D W3 N33D GOOD F1GHT3RS TO GO 4T TH1S GUY

TEREZI: 4ND 1 TH1NK 1'M PR3TTY D3C3NT

TEREZI: 4T L34ST 4T ST4BB1NG TH1NGS

TEREZI: SO 1'LL GO

TEREZI: B3S1D3S...

TEREZI: *SOM3ON3* H4S TO W1TN3SS D4V3'S H3RO1SM, 1F H3 W4NTS TO B3 L3T OFF TH3 HOOK FOR TH4T PROPH3CY >:]

VRISKA: Hey, it's your decision!

VRISKA: Anyone else?

TEREZI: WH4T 4BOUT D4V3'S BRO?

TEREZI: 1 H34RD H3'S SUPPOS3D TO B3 HOT SH1T

DAVE: um

DAVE: yeah sure

DAVE: thats fine if uh

DAVE: youre comfortable volunteering someone who isnt here for a deadly battle

DAVE: its cool if you want to do that

VRISKA: Dave, come on.

VRISKA: As if it's not extremely likely he'd seek you out upon getting here anyway.

VRISKA: Why don't we just pencil him into the team as "Pro8a8ly"?

DAVE: ...........

VRISKA: Just 8e sure to de8rief him on the whole situation when he gets here.

VRISKA: Think you can handle that, Dave?

VRISKA: Ok, gr8!

VRISKA: Which reminds me...

VRISKA: What a8out you, Arquius?

VRISKA: How do you want to fit into this?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I haven't decided yet

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I'm going to crunch some more numbers in the vast combat matri% I just compiled now, in the microblink of a nanosecond, to deduce the optimal strategic appropriation of my assets (i.e. muscles)

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Joining Real Dave in battle is semitempting, but I do not wish to horn in on Real Dirk's shit

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Instead I would prefer to blaze my own trail, with my own hooves

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I always wanted to do something really important and heroic

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I mean, aside from all the other stuff I have done like that, which is quite a lot

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> But something quite grandiose, and perfectly unmistakable as a gesture turning the tide of fortune for all of e%istence

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> This is what I have always desired

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Well, that is to say, both halves of me once had such an ambivalent desire, which was compromised by our respective internalized confli%

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> But together, that desire is fully realized. No longer ambivalent

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Neigh, it is now fully bivalent. Perhaps even univalent

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I would like my gesture to shock everyone

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> It must come from out of the b100, make virtually no sense, stun all involved, and have a lasting, profoundly unintelligible impact an all future and pseudofuture events

VRISKA:

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Does this answer your question

VRISKA: Oh!

VRISKA: Sorry, I was just temporarily mesmerized 8y your incredi8le spiel.

VRISKA: Needless to say, I a8solutely agree with your philosophy on heroic action and wanting to do something important.

VRISKA: In any case, you've earned the right to do whatever the fuck you want, just 8y dint of 8eing awesome.

VRISKA: End of story!

VRISKA: Ok, next...

VRISKA: We'll need to design8 a team for Ro8o Jack and his... entourage.

VRISKA: Alright, full disclosure. This is where things get kind of stupid.

VRISKA: Even talking a8out this guy and his crew is pro8a8ly a waste of good tactical analysis.

VRISKA: 8ut the fact is, he's going to 8e here, and you're going to have to deal with his 8ullshit.

VRISKA: I strongly recommend the dregs of your party get stuck with mop-up duty on this.

VRISKA: Really, I'm kind of laughing already. Oh man.

VRISKA: I really don't want to spoil too much fun for you guys, 8ut.

VRISKA: No, I shouldn't.

JOHN: what?

VRISKA: Ok, intelligence reports I have gathered, namely through a 8it of time hopping reconnaissance, suggests that Ro8o Jack may, I repeat MAY, 8e in transit with a 8unch of green time traveling idiots in that oven.

VRISKA: Don't quote me on that.

VRISKA: Anyway, if true, none of these 8ozos are particularly powerful.

VRISKA: They'll mainly just 8e a nuisance.

VRISKA: So who wants to deal with them? Hmmmmmmmm?

VRISKA: Hey kid.

VRISKA: Kid!

VRISKA: Yes, I'm talking to you again.

VRISKA: God damn it, what was his name again?

VRISKA: Joke?

TAVROSPRITE: vRISKA, sTOP,

TAVROSPRITE: iT'S JAPE, aND YOU KNOW IT,

VRISKA: Listen, Joke.

VRISKA: Joke! Snap OUT of it! I'm talking to you.

JAKE: Oh sorry.

VRISKA: This is a strategy session, Joke. Please stay alert.

VRISKA: Now do you think you can handle 8eing on this team?

JAKE: Um...

VRISKA: Awesome. That's the spirit.

VRISKA: This assignment should 8e right up your alley, kid.

VRISKA: Who else?

TAVROSPRITE: mE, i'LL DO IT,

VRISKA: Thanks for volunteering Tavros.

VRISKA: This fight is pretty well suited to your skillset too.

VRISKA: And you can join Joke here to help him get ready, 8ut there's one thing I need you to do 8efore the 8attle starts.

TAVROSPRITE: oH, rEALLY,

TAVROSPRITE: wHAT,

VRISKA: I'll explain to you l8ter in priv8. 8ut it's critical, and something only you can do.

TAVROSPRITE: oHHH!

TAVROSPRITE: tHAT MAKES ME, tHE FUNNY FEELINGS COMBINATION, oF SKEPTICAL, nERVOUS, aND EXCITED,

VRISKA: Good!

VRISKA: That's exactly how you should 8e feeling a8out it, trust me.

VRISKA: So anyone else want to step forward??

KARKAT: ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME NOW.

VRISKA: Come again?

KARKAT: WELL, LET'S SEE IF I'M TALLYING THIS UP RIGHT.

KARKAT: JOHN AND LALONDES ONE AND TWO ARE ON TEAM CONDESCE.

KARKAT: THE STRIDER BROS AND PYROPE ARE ON THE LORD TEAM.

KARKAT: JADE, WHEN NOT ON NAP DUTY, IS ON THE DOG TEAM, EXCLUSIVELY.

KARKAT: THE MAYOR ISN'T DOING SHIT, BECAUSE I AM *PERSONALLY* SEEING TO IT THAT NOT A SINGLE POST-APOCALYPTIC TATTER ON HIS HEAD GETS HARMED.

KARKAT: CROCKER IS ON HEALING DETAIL, AND LALONDE THREE VOLUNTEERED TO SUPPORT THAT.

KARKAT: KANAYA HAS SOME VAGUE YET TO BE EXPLAINED MISSION TO DO, AND SO DOES TAVROS.

KARKAT: AND JOKE HERE JUST GOT SHUNTED OFF TO THE PEEWEE LEAGUE.

KARKAT: SO WHO THE FUCK IS EVEN LEFT, ASIDE FROM ME???

KARKAT: AND THE FUCKING CAT I GUESS.

KARKAT: ARE YOU SURE WE SHOULDN'T PICK A ROLE FOR ROSE'S FUCKING CAT LUSUS BEFORE MOVING ON TO THE *ABSOLUTE* BOTTOM OF THE BARREL, SOMETIMES REFERRED TO AS "THE VANTAS ZONE"?

VRISKA: Oh, gr8 point Karkat!

VRISKA: Hey there, kitty.

JASPERSPRITE: MEOW!!!!!

VRISKA: What would you like to do?

JASPERSPRITE: I would like to eat some tuna fish and cuddle with either rose or roxy or both! :3

VRISKA: Awwwwwwww!

VRISKA: Ok, that can 8e your very important jo8. Don't let us down!

JASPERSPRITE: Purr purr purr. ;3

KARKAT: THANK GOD WE SORTED THAT OUT.

KARKAT: NOW THAT WE'VE ESTABLISHED THE KITTY CAT IS HEADING UP THE FISH EATING OPERATION, I THINK WE CAN SAFELY PROCEED TO THE RUNG OF STRATEGIC IMPORTANCE DIRECTLY BELOW THAT.

KARKAT: THE INFAMOUS "WHAT IS KARKAT GOING TO DO?" RUNG.

KARKAT: AND SINCE EVERYONE ELSE HAS A JOB, AND MY SKILLS ARE RELATIVELY UNIMPRESSIVE, I'LL HAVE TO SIGN UP FOR TEAM DIPSHIT TOO.

KARKAT: HELL, EVEN THE KID IN THE BANANA HAMMOCK IS A GOD TIER AT LEAST.

KARKAT: SO I GUESS THAT MEANS I'LL BE TAKING ORDERS FROM HIM? SURE WHY NOT!

KARKAT: SECOND IN COMMAND TO A THIRD RATE HERO. SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT TO ME.

VRISKA: Karkat, yes, you're a8solutely right that you 8asically suck, and that as a tactical resource you should 8e managed accordingly.

VRISKA: 8ut you aren't joining Joke's team, or doing any fighting for that matter.

VRISKA: Like Kanaya, there's another more pressing matter reserved for you.

VRISKA: In fact, it's the same as hers!

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK?

KARKAT: WHEN WERE YOU PLANNING ON TELLING ME THIS!

VRISKA: Karkat, I already alluded to this when you waltzed over, interrupted my conversation with Kanaya, and pretended you weren't flirting with me.

VRISKA: Remem8er?

KARKAT: OH. RIGHT.

KARKAT: WELL?? WHAT'S THIS "PRESSING MATTER"?

VRISKA: I'm getting to that!

VRISKA: Very soon, in fact. I just needed to get the teams squared away first.

KARKAT: OK WELL...

KARKAT: ARE THEY?!

VRISKA: Looks like it!

KARKAT: SO THAT MEANS JOKE...

KARKAT: FUCK. *JAKE* I MEAN.

KARKAT: REALLY IS A ONE MAN TEAM, DESIGNATED FOR ROBO JACK AND HIS OVEN BOZOS???

VRISKA: Apparently.

VRISKA: You ok with that, kid?

JAKE: UM................

VRISKA: You can do it.

VRISKA: Just 8elieve in yourself, or whatever the fuck.

VRISKA: When in dou8t, just remind yourself that 8attle isn't even particularly important.

VRISKA: And help could 8e on the way once some of the other 8attles start coming to some sort of resolution.

VRISKA: Just hang in there!

JAKE: O... okay.

VRISKA: Excellent!

VRISKA: That concludes the tactical planning part of this de8riefing.

VRISKA: It's all perfectly logical, right?

VRISKA: No questions or anything? Cool.

VRISKA: Really, I shudder to think what you num8skulls would 8e doing if I weren't around, like John just implied with his nice remarks.

VRISKA: He really did you all the 8iggest fucking favor in the history of time shenanigans 8y clo88ering me in the face three years ago.

VRISKA: You should all make him a gift 8asket when this is over to show your gratitude.

VRISKA: No need to thank me of course. I'm just doing my jo8 here. ::::)

VRISKA: Now!

VRISKA: Let's go over some really 8asic non-com8at endgame stuff, then we'll 8e ready to 8r8k.

VRISKA: First, a8out Kanaya and Karkat's "mission" I alluded to a minute ago. This is really important.

VRISKA: You 8oth listening??

KANAYA: Yes

KARKAT: NO.

VRISKA: Ok, well one out of two isn't 8ad. As long as Kanaya understands, that's mainly what matters, since she's the more important part of this equ8tion.

KARKAT: WOW, I'M FUCKING SHOCKED!

KARKAT: WHAT DO WE, OR, EXCUSE ME... WHAT DOES *SHE* HAVE TO DO?

VRISKA: You 8OTH have to go to Jade's planet and see Echidna.

VRISKA: Even though this session is a8out as far from "normal" as it can possi8ly get, the same 8asic rules apply.

VRISKA: Someone needs to seek an audience with her, and get her to agree to release the genesis frog.

VRISKA: Or, the tadpole that grows up to 8ecome the frog, which is the stage of development he's in at this point.

VRISKA: Remem8er, Kanaya? You had to do this on your planet, to get our frog released into Skaia.

KANAYA: Yeah

KANAYA: She Asked Me To Do Something Impossible

KANAYA: To Which I Replied

KANAYA: Thats Impossible

KANAYA: So She Ended Up Demanding That I Fight Her

KANAYA: So I Did

KANAYA: Which

KANAYA: Made Me Feel Sad

KANAYA: Id Rather Not Have To Do That Again

KANAYA: Will I Have To Do That Again

VRISKA: If that's what she wants, then yes.

KANAYA: Why Does It Have To Be Me Though

VRISKA: 8ecause SOMEONE has to!

VRISKA: Sources tell me this is the plan the Condesce had for you, 8efore we derailed all her shit.

KANAYA: You Keep Talking About All These Sources

KANAYA: Who Are All These Sources

KANAYA: Did Arquius Tell You This Too

VRISKA: No! Look, I've 8een 8usy, ok?

VRISKA: Inform8tion is everywhere if you know where to look.

VRISKA: Derse has a lot of agents on the inside who are wise to the old lady's plans.

VRISKA: Shaking the 8ushes for good intel isn't that complic8ted, it just takes a little effort!

VRISKA: Some people on this lily pad should may8e try looking into that some time.

KANAYA: If You Say So

VRISKA: Would you just can...

VRISKA: Would you just put a LID on it for a second, and listen?

VRISKA: Normally Jade would 8e the one to do this, 8ut at the time, Jade had 8ecome corrupted, so I guess Echidna wouldn't deal with her.

VRISKA: And now, Jade's asleep! Which is exactly how she needs to stay.

VRISKA: So that leaves the person Echidna requested in Jade's a8sence, which is you.

VRISKA: I am assuming 8ecause you were also a space player, so you'll 8e a8le to understand her gar8led nonsense language.

VRISKA: 8ut that's not all there is to it. She also requested you 8ring Karkat.

KARKAT: UGH.

KARKAT: WHY THE HELL WOULD SHE WANT TO SEE ME?

VRISKA: No idea!

VRISKA: Denizens are mysteeeeeeeerious.

VRISKA: May8e she wants a knight along? Or a 8lood player?

VRISKA: Or may8e she just has a 8one to pick with you in particular.

VRISKA: You know, since you and Kanaya were 8oth involved in the frog 8reeding stuff in our session, and, let's face it.

VRISKA: You kind of messed that up! You were pretty hasty and reckless a8out it, and the result was a defective frog.

VRISKA: Sure, there's more to it than that. Like pro8lems with the human session that were totally interrel8ted with ours due to cyclical time gar8age, 8ut you get the point.

VRISKA: Echidna pro8a8ly doesn't take kindly to people who are cavalier with the sacred frog duties. That's kind of her domain, like, the propag8tion of existence and all that.

VRISKA: So may8e you've got some stuff to atone for 8efore she agrees to let another precious frog out of her divine custody?

KARKAT: YOU'RE DOING THIS ON PURPOSE, AREN'T YOU.

KARKAT: TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT SOME ANCIENT HISTORY, SO I'LL BE NERVOUS ABOUT THIS ENCOUNTER.

KARKAT: WELL I'LL SPARE YOU THE TROUBLE. I'M ALREADY NERVOUS! I DON'T WANT TO GO PROSTRATE MYSELF BEFORE A BABBLING SNAKE GODDESS EVEN UNDER IDEAL CIRCUMSTANCES.

VRISKA: Karkat, relax.

VRISKA: I am guessing this will just 8e a sort of formality.

VRISKA: That's how things always struck me with her, like... getting the 8lessing from a queen, or some huge mythical matriarch 8efore proceeding with some incredi8ly important event, or claiming a cosmic reward.

VRISKA: Or may8e you'll have to just kill her again? I don't see what difference it makes.

VRISKA: Really, who knows what her real purposes are? They're pro8a8ly totally unfathoma8le.

VRISKA: Echidna is kind of a 8ig Deal Denizen. One of the real heavy hitters, like that other guy... the really strong one with the ridiculous name.

VRISKA: She might even 8e the 8iggest deal. She's the mother of all denizens. I mean, not in a literal sense. Like, I really dou8t she physically spawned them all.

VRISKA: So if she wants you to do something, it's serious. And if you need to do something of massive cosmic significance, like release a frog that contains an entire universe in its 8elly, then 8y the same token, it has to go through her.

VRISKA: The other denizens are a 8unch of petty grum8ling riddle-merchants 8y comparison.

VRISKA: You should feel honored she even wants to see you.

KARKAT: HOW ARE WE EVEN SURE SHE HAS A FROG TO RELEASE??

KARKAT: WHO MADE THIS FROG? THE JOKERS FROM THIS SESSION?

KARKAT: I THOUGHT THEY SPENT MONTHS DOING NOTHING.

VRISKA: It's the same frog Jade made!

VRISKA: With Kanaya's help, remem8er?

VRISKA: Hell, you may have even 8een involved in that process too. I don't recall every single detail.

VRISKA: 8ut it fell in the forge on Jade's planet 8ack in the old session, and now Jade's planet is here.

VRISKA: Hence, the frog is here too. It's just 8een... let's say hi8ern8ting inside the planet for a few years.

VRISKA: Echidna kept it warm for us until we were ready. Which is now!

KARKAT: OK. YEAH, I REMEMBER NOW.

KARKAT: SO THE CONDESCE WAS GOING TO MAKE US DO THIS ORIGINALLY? WHY??

VRISKA: 8ecause her goal was pretty much the same as ours!

VRISKA: To win this game and cre8 a universe.

VRISKA: The 8attle taking place here isn't over WHETHER one will 8e created.

VRISKA: It's over who gets to control it when it's made.

VRISKA: Ideally, that should 8e us, rather than a genocidal fish dict8tor.

VRISKA: In fact, we don't want ANYONE to "control" it.

VRISKA: No8ody should control a universe. That's what 8ad guys try to do.

VRISKA: We just want it to 8e a nice place to live, and free of any controlling influence that will make life misera8le for the people who live there.

VRISKA: Having an attitude a8out the Ultim8 Reward that differs from that in any way was just ANOTHER thing we fucked up the first time around.

VRISKA: So let's just 8e clear on what we're fighting for here.

VRISKA: Got it?!

KARKAT: ...

KARKAT: YEAH

KARKAT: YOU'VE MADE YOUR POINT.

VRISKA: Next item:

VRISKA: Earth!!!!!!!!

VRISKA: When you enter the new universe, you're going to need a planet to live on.

VRISKA: Why not just resettle the one you all grew up on?

VRISKA: The Condesce kind of fucked it up though.

VRISKA: In your scratched universe, she spent a few centuries getting it ready for a new troll "paradise".

VRISKA: She flooded the whole thing. So when you get there, you'll need to skip ahead to some time far in the future, when the oceans have receded.

VRISKA: Should 8e liva8le 8y then. Hell, it may even 8e a pretty nice place!

VRISKA: Here John. Take this.

VRISKA: When the 8attle is over, make sure you give it to Jade.

JOHN: what is it?

VRISKA: It's Earth!

VRISKA: Remem8er how three years ago you told Terezi we needed your wallet, 8ut you didn't have it?

VRISKA: Well in the time since, we talked a8out it a lot, and figured this was most likely the reason she told you to give it to us.

VRISKA: It wasn't a 8ig deal, actually.

VRISKA: We spent some time deciphering the code for your wallet. It took a little while, and a few lucky guesses on the code digits, 8ut we eventually got there.

VRISKA: Then I just used it to upgrade my much cooler 8 8all modus.

JOHN: you hacked my dad's wallet??

VRISKA: Sure. Like I said, we had some time on our hands.

VRISKA: It is after all just a fucking wallet. It's not like it's some legendary item he got on some mythical dad quest.

VRISKA: I mean, he did 8UY the thing somewhere, right?

JOHN: um. yeah, i guess so.

JOHN: i dunno.

JOHN: i still think it's a pretty special thing.

VRISKA: Nope!

VRISKA: Sorry to 8e the 8earer of 8ad news. It is literally... just a wallet.

VRISKA: Anyway.

VRISKA: Then, 8efore I did the scouting work on this session, I rode the meteor through the g8, watched it crash on Earth, then just captchalogued the whole damn thing and got out of there.

VRISKA: No sweat!

VRISKA: Presuma8ly like Grim8ark Jade was supposed to, if she wasn't asleep.

VRISKA: Again, it was a pretty good plan, she just never saw me coming.

VRISKA: Sorry Condy, if you want your waterlogged little glo8e 8ack, you'll have to pry it from John's dead hands now.

JOHN: er.

JOHN: ...yeah.

VRISKA: Those are the important things to remem8er.

VRISKA: 8ut don't forget the 8asics.

VRISKA: Remem8er to finish 8uilding up your hives as far as they'll go.

VRISKA: Then deploy the grist rigs which will disperse your planets' hoards into Skaia, giving it the nutrients it needs to mature the frog.

VRISKA: This is Sgru8 101 stuff, 8ut I guess it 8ears repeating since most of you have never actually made it this far.

VRISKA: When the hoards are empty and Skaia is ready, then all you have to do is make sure someone's in position to ignite the forge.

VRISKA: Then everyone rendezvous right 8ack here on the lily pad to claim the Ultim8 Reward.

VRISKA: Which is represented 8y the hive shape thingy with a door on it that leads to the new universe.

VRISKA: Any questions 8efore we kick this into action?

JOHN: yes, i have one.

JOHN: vriska, what's YOUR part in all this, aside from making all these air tight plans?

JOHN: you've been making it sound like you won't be here when all this happens!

VRISKA: Of course I won't.

VRISKA: I'll 8e off doing something much more important than all this.

VRISKA: I'm traveling to the furthest ring to go kill Lord English.

JOHN: WHAT??

JOHN: wow.

JOHN: isn't that going to be, uh...

JOHN: hard?

VRISKA: Of course it will 8e.

JOHN: are you sure you can even...

JOHN: DO that?

JOHN: like, by yourself, i mean.

VRISKA: John, I'm not an idiot. I won't 8e diving into this 8lindly.

VRISKA: See, somewhere out there in the incomprehensi8le causal-stew of the furthest ring, there was once a plan that was coming together to defeat him once and for all.

VRISKA: It involved a secret weapon, an army, and all sorts of other shenanigans.

JOHN: yeah, this...

JOHN: sounds weirdly familiar.

VRISKA: Oh, I'm sure it does.

VRISKA: 8ut the point is, along the way, that plan stalled out.

VRISKA: It went nowhere 8ecause the party involved disintegr8ted and lost their way.

VRISKA: So someone needs to light a fire under that shit again, and I don't see anyone else stepping forward.

JOHN: how are you going to do that?

VRISKA: Let me worry a8out that.

VRISKA: You have your hands full enough as it is.

JOHN: so, is...

JOHN: is that it?

JOHN: is that the end of this cool strategy jam, slash fun reunion?

VRISKA: That's it!!!!!!!!

VRISKA: That's the whole situ8tion, my whole plan, and everything you need to do.

VRISKA: Good luck everyone!

TEREZI: *HUM4N "GOLF" CL4P*

VRISKA: Thanks, Pyrope!

KARKAT: ALRIGHT, SO WHAT NOW?

KARKAT: KANAYA, I GUESS WE HEAD TO, WHAT WAS IT?

KARKAT: LOJADE?

KARKAT: LIKE RIGHT NOW? SINCE I GUESS THE CLOCK IS TICKING.

KANAYA: Lofaf

KANAYA: And Yes

JOHN: right. and we're supposed to go after the condensce really soon, too. right?

ROSE: Condesce.

ROSE: And yes.

JOHN: but not like... RIGHT away? there are still a couple hours for us to prepare.

JOHN: which we should use! to come up with a fighting strategy.

ROXY: yeah!!!

JOHN: i wish jade and nanna could be awake for this.

JOHN: i really want to talk to them, and let them in on all the cool stuff we're about to do.

JOHN: i guess they have to stay asleep for a while, though. oh well.

JOHN: hey, jake!

JAKE: Huh?

JOHN: want to come make plans with us?

JOHN: we can help you figure out how to deal with robot jack, and whatever hooligans he is bringing!

JAKE: Oh!

JAKE: Yes.

JAKE: Thanks john.

JAKE: May... maybe.

JOHN: ok!

TEREZI: H3Y D4V3

TEREZI: W3 SHOULD PROB4BLY WORK OUT 4 F1GHT1NG STR4T3GY TOO

TEREZI: S1NC3 1T SOUNDS L1K3 W3'V3 GOT 4 R34L N4STY ON3 TO D34L W1TH >:]

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: but

TEREZI: WH4T

DAVE: dunno

DAVE: it feels weird to make some battleplans when one of our team members still isnt here

TEREZI: W3LL, 1 TH1NK W3 C4N 4T L34ST OUTL1N3 TH3 STR4T3GY, R1GHT?

TEREZI: F1GUR3 OUT HOW W3'LL 4PPRO4CH 4 V1LL41N W1TH H1S P4RT1CUL4R STR3NGTHS 4ND W34KN3SS3S

TEREZI: 4ND 4SSUM3 OUR TH1RD M3MB3R W1LL B3 R34DY TO F1GHT 1F W3 T3LL H1M TO

DAVE: yeah you know im sure if teen hardass strider shows up with his sword and shades and shit and we say

DAVE: hey dude look bad guy go kill

DAVE: im sure the guy will be more than willing to oblige

DAVE: its just

DAVE: man

TEREZI: WH4T!

DAVE: it feels wrong

DAVE: planning "around" him

DAVE: like hes a weird hypothetical battle mannequin

TEREZI: FROM TH3 TH1NGS 1 H4V3 H34RD 4BOUT H1M, FROM YOUR OWN P3RSON4L MOUTH

TEREZI: TH4T 4CTU4LLY SOUNDS L1K3 4 PR3TTY 4PT D3SCR1PT1ON TO M3

DAVE: no!

DAVE: its

DAVE: its more complicated than that

DAVE: and im supposed to...

DAVE: be getting ready for this huge deadly battle which is SO much more intense than anything i ever did

DAVE: even like 3 years ago back when i was actually doing adventure shit instead of watching dane cook movies

DAVE: and somehow be all geared up for that

DAVE: AND meet my teen bro for the first time

DAVE: and say oh there you are thats cool

DAVE: lets fight this random nigh indestructible asshole

DAVE: and then

DAVE: hug bump or something?

DAVE: how do i deal with all this

DAVE: i think i could end up getting us all killed and none of you are taking this seriously

VRISKA: Ok Strider, I've heard enough.

DAVE: ??

VRISKA: I have 8een more than patient, and more than accommod8ting.

VRISKA: 8ut your hangups regarding your ancestor are starting to 8order on pathetic.

KARKAT: HEY!

KARKAT: WHY DON'T YOU CAN IT.

VRISKA: Karkat, stay out of this.

KARKAT: NO, I WON'T.

KARKAT: NOT IF YOU ARE GOING TO START TRASHING PEOPLE WITH RESPECT TO THEIR SENSITIVE ISSUES IN A MANNER THAT IS *WAY* OVER THE LINE AS FAR AS THE BASIC GROUND RULES OF GOOD NATURED SHIT TALKING GOES, GROUND RULES ON WHICH I *HAPPEN* TO BE AN EXPERT.

KARKAT: EITHER MAKE SURE YOUR TRASH MOUTHED INVECTIVE IS CRITICALLY CONSTRUCTIVE, OR SHUT UP!

VRISKA: Who said I wasn't 8eing constructive?!

VRISKA: God.

VRISKA: I cut him all the slack in the world on this, 8ut I can see it isn't doing him, or any of us, any good at all.

VRISKA: I can see I'm going to have to expedite matters.

VRISKA: Go figure. Leave it all to Vriska, ONCE AGAIN.

DAVE: what

DAVE: what the fuck are you even going to do

VRISKA: I told you.

VRISKA: I'm expediting matters.

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