Natsuki Is So Much More Than His Ditzy Behavior: Part 5
Another one of Natsuki's traits that gets buried in the "wah~ everything's sunshine and rainbows and mega cute!" characterization in the anime and Shining Live is that he's actually quite the perfectionist. Never mind that it reminds me of another tragically depressed bespectacled teen classical musician (iykyk), but I've practically never heard of this side of Natsuki before actually playing his Repeat/Repeat LOVE route.
Note: The default name 七海春歌 (Nanami Haruka) will be used for the main character. I transcribed the Japanese manually from the Switch port, but I’m only human. All translations are my own.
Shinomiya Natsuki: .........
Natsuki-kun stopped in the middle of the song, his face glum and his mouth silent.
Nanami Haruka: Are you hurt anywhere? Maybe you're not feeling well... We've been working hard for so long.
Natsuki: I'm fine physically. It's just that I...
Natsuki: I've gotten worse over time...
Haruka: That's not...
That's not the case at all. Natsuki-kun's probably the best musically out of everyone in Class A.
He was a tiny bit out of sync earlier. Only by a few tenths of a second. If you listened to it, it'd still be within acceptable range.
Natsuki: You see, I have it visualized in my head. This is where I come in. Here's how I'd play at this moment. But...
Natsuki: No matter what I do, I just can't recreate it. I know how to do it. What do I do...
Natsuki: You've put all your heart into creating this song. But... I just can't sing it right.¹
Natsuki: I just can't put my "heart," my "soul," into it well, even though it's a song you've made.
Natsuki: I know I'm not like this... I know I can do better.
Natsuki: If I could sing it properly, we could become one in the name of "music."
Natsuki: Because of me, your "music"... Your "future"... will be ruined. It's so frustrating...
Natsuki-kun...
I gripped the sleeve of his uniform.
I was a coward; I couldn't express my feelings as directly as him. But...
I wanted him to know that I was by his side. That he wasn't going through all of it alone.
Natsuki: Hm......?
Haruka: "Music" is something the two of us make together. Let's just do what we can...
Haruka: And not try to reach an impossible ideal. We do the best we can... And I'm sure...
Haruka: I'm sure we'll reach the peak we're aiming for. Don't try to reach for it on your own... Let's... Let's do it together.
For some reason... Once I realized Natsuki was about to leave me, the tears pooled in my eyes.
Natsuki: Haru-chan... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry. You're right.
Natsuki: I'm not alone. You're always right there beside me.
Natsuki: After all, I've decided I'll never leave you alone anymore...
¹ TN: 完璧 (kanpeki) literally means "perfect(ly)," but it doesn't quite fit the context.
Me, having only been diagnosed with autism at the ripe old age of 27 after three burnouts in the space of six years: I don't want to say Natsuki is autistic outright, but he definitely has neurodivergent vibes. Especially the inattentive type with specific strengths that goes under the radar until it implodes later on in life. (In short: he just like me fr.)
It's also important to note that neurodivergent folks often develop a perfectionist streak because they're unable to find out what's "right" in specific situations. The innate lack of understanding of social cues, like Natsuki refusing to let Syo go after putting him in a chokehold because Syo-chan is so gosh darn cute despite the latter's demands, may drive this perfectionist streak as a way to "compensate" for something they don't understand.
Growing up neurodivergent also exposed Natsuki to a lot of trauma, especially in early childhood, which gave rise to his DID (read: Satsuki) and depression. It also justifies why he'd realize his feelings for MC-chan were actually romantic a bit later than a neurotypical teen would (see Part 4).
当日はバックステージ流しっぱなしだったので、back for moreはバクステで薄っすら漏れ聞こえるのを聴く流れに、テイラーのリアクション見られなかったの残念(ほぼほぼ彼女のチッケムだったので)。終わったあとにバクステに来たメンバー(特にヨンジュン)がダンサーさんとウェイウェイしてたのがとても楽しくいい舞台だったんだなと。
スキズが授賞したとき真っ先にみんなで立ち上がって拍手してて良い子ー!ってなった。
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それで、上がった動画を見るともう〜マイケルジャクソンでした。正確にこれがあれだ!というのは出ないんですけど、雷雲の中に現れる彼らのデカシルエットとか、随所でやるポーズとか。マイケルジャクソンって感じで、This is Itを後日見たよ。5人それぞれ本当に可愛いって言う隙の無い格好いいで溢れてて、サムネにもなってるけどボムギュの円の中心でビタ止まりポーズは気持ちよくて見る度痺れる。初披露生パフォーマンス、板付きスタートでこれはプレッシャー半端ないだろうっていうのを決めたボムギュは流石だった。スビンはセンターで決めるときのパワーあるビタ止まりが強くて格好いいし、ヨンジュンのハイキック生で拝みたいし、ヒュニンカイのジャケットプレイ様になっててかっけぇし(袖なしシャツっていいね)、そして、テヒョン。輝いてるよーー!!!キラギラ☆してた。くぅ〜良い!!DILTはまだ姉ちゃんって呼んでそうだったけど、アニッタと並ぶともう姉貴って呼ぶなこれはって…大きくなったね…フフ。歌い方もマイケルを意識しているのか、マイケルが頭よぎる感じあって滅茶良かった。
殿さん/殿岡先生、Kengoさん、今回のイベントを全面的に計画いただき、本当にありがとうございました。 Chinese Dining TRUEさま、素敵な場をありがとうございました。Shake Dance Studio 殿岡先生 - KIDS HIPHOP 中上級クラス 生徒の皆さま、BAYA/MISAKIさま、最高にカッコ良いパフォーマンスをありがとうございました🙇♂️🎶 Yokel Of Eastさま、素敵なT-シャツをありがとうございました(新作とても気に入っておりますので、皆さま是非チェックしてみてください)👕
I had such an amazing time last night performing in my hometown for the first time in my life….!
Many years ago when I was a student of “Shake Dance Studio” would never of thought I was going to collaborate, and perform in the area where I grew up / hung out all the time.
I want to thank once again Tono-san (Mr. Tonooka), Kengo-san for planning this whole event out, Chinese Dining TRUE for such a great venue and stage, Shake Dance Studio - Tonooka Class students, BAYA / Misaki for sharing such a cool opening dance performance,Yokel Of East for the T-shirt, and everyone for coming down!
Seeing local people, from different areas, even from different countries (crazy right??😦)friends / classmates from my elementary / middle school times, and friends from Hawaii ALL TOGETHER WAS INSANE.
I was feeling a bit emotional afterwards…!
Life… can be filled with pleasant surprises 🥲🙏
I’m so blessed and grateful. This live performance meant a lot to me…!
Thank you, love you all from my heart, thank you so much!!