don't really have the energy to write... want to write something absolutely filthy for ketheric x lithana... i have to do it for her...
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i’m so tired of bending over backwards to make sure that i’m appropriately critical of both aemond and aegon for their actions so that i don’t get crucified on tumblr.
i want to baby them.
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pov: me listening to Metalopod as Ikkan yells in my ears, not knowing what he's saying
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crazy how much better the The Turning (2020) original soundtrack is than the movie. tracks from mitski, alice glass, empress of, kali uchis, AND courtney love and yet only 12% on rotten tomatoes. where did it go wrong
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i fr went "oh bat is the best division" while having dh themed profile and only posting about dh for the past hours right after i made the bat best division comment
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if you put hisami yomotsu in a relationship with a man i'm stealing something out of your house
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did soooo much fucking housework today I feel like this rn
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it really is just like why dont you find new and better things to enjoy. the earth is so beautiful go outdoors
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not to be made of rainbows and butterflies or anything, but i really wish that modern fandom was less about legitimizing your own thoughts and discrediting all others and more about encouraging your peers to have fun alongside you, even if they enjoy something completely different. most of us are adults, and we're all just playing pretend on an elaborate scale. it's not that deep.
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i really need to allow myself to be a little vulnerable and more open about my situation, so i’m going to try to do that and we’ll see how long this lasts. ( or, how long i leave this post up before deleting it. )
so, in late february, i put in the ripe and ruin on break for a bit because i was under the impression that i was a little burnt out after writing so much, so fast. i expected the break to last for a couple of weeks to maybe a month, but then that turned into two months and three months. i’m really struggling with myself to get back in the saddle and continue the story, no matter how much i love what i’ve written.
i went back to editing the chapters last month, and i’m halfway through by now. every time i read it, i realize how much i love the story and how passionate i am about it, but there’s just this. impossible block that’s standing between me and getting fully back into it. i fell majorly out of practice. all of my good writing habits crumbled. i realize now that i fully shouldn’t have taken that break, but there’s no going back and making a different decision.
that said, i do intend to claw my way back. it just might take a little longer than i expected. until i can do that, though, i cannot tell you how much i would appreciate having some of you check out in the ripe and ruin and tell me what you thought! a little encouraging shove might be what i need - along with everything else i’m trying - to get me out of this awful rut.
anyway, thank you for reading this if you’ve gotten this far. being this open is really difficult for me, but i’m trying.
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you sawed open your skull rather than be beholden to someone ... you turned your brain into soup to escape anything less than 100 percent freedom ... you put me in a box and buried me rather than give up your own goddamned agenda ... harrowhark i gave you my whole life and you didn't even want it ...
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the fact that i looked at probably 200 different fanarts of me and still haven't changed my icon definitely says something about how picky i am
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god did not save the queen
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