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blackfemmecharacterdependency · 3 years

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30. I Consent

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Whenever they had a chance to be together, she was pretty restrictive of what he could and couldn’t do. He felt almost like he was being trained for her pleasure... which was frustrating on some of his more needy nights, but any other time pretty hot because... well... she was Grace. Others didn’t stand a chance even being able to get a whiff of her and she would put it right in his face, sometimes allowing him to do something about it, sometimes seeing if he can follow rigid directions in a position like that. It made her smile, therefore, he enjoyed it to a certain degree. He kinda liked the torture at times. It was familiar to self harm, but in this instance, he actually got a treat sometimes, and the denial that he got at other times made for his longing to intensify.

But, he had hurt her in the past and now she had to reassure herself that he respected all of her boundaries, even those that seemed unreasonable. He needed to confirm if he was capable of seeking out her affirmative consent, or if he was simply playing along with some games in order to get sweet satisfaction. If it were the latter, he was going to have to really work for it. She had already decided on at least a 3 month probation period, meaning he did not even pull his tool out for that long and she would reevaluate on Christmas Eve whether or not they were in a place of going further than her current boundaries.

Sometimes, he wondered if her boundaries were real, or if she set them up just to test him.

Either way, he was settling into his new position at work, managing a project that had been his baby for YEARS, and also able to set aside time to set up his workshop for his hobbies.

Buying a big house was something his father advised him against, considering the cost of living in New York, the fact that he was “fickle,” and probably wouldn’t want to stay in New York once Grace was “done with him,” and that he wasn’t rich. Simon could afford the house that he bought. He wasn’t Monroe rich, but he did okay for himself considering his drawbacks and he was doing better all of the time. As his skill and success grew, so did his salary. He was confident that he wouldn’t harm himself with the purchase and comfortable about the size of it, because different moods needed different spaces.

His workspace was specifically for working, with his desk with three laptops and all of the work things associated with it. He had his little home “lab” in the same room. Lab tables and equipment for projects and various prototypes were set on the workstation and there were cabinets of supplies and stock for various technological needs.

His study was a miniature library of sorts (he didn’t have a lot of physical copies of books, as most of those were available electronically), but he did have some - important ones that changed his life, ones he had written, ones he had been given as gifts, ones he had from when he was little, etc… and his reading nook was there, as well as his writing desk.

His workshop would be mostly for his crafts. He designated the closet in there for his work tools - for house work and yard work and such, and the rest of it was going to be for all of his figures, whether wood or robotics. He had been jealous of his dad’s garage for a time, the way that everything was set just like he liked it and he had that space to himself just to delve into his model building. Simon determined at an early age, he’d have a designated space for his own passions too.

All of those rooms were set in different areas of the house, near the back. In fact, one had to pass by his study to get to the back porch… which was very big, and the backyard was even bigger. Grace used to indulge him when they were younger, and jokingly say, “I’d better stop spoiling you or you’ll get used to champagne taste.” The unspoken being understood by him - that he didn’t have the income for such taste. Instead of discouraging his tastes, it inspired his drive. Grace would always credit his good traits to, “Well, you’re a Leo-Virgo cusp. Of course you’re virtually perfect.” Simon didn’t buy that. Simon’s perfectionism was because he knew that he needed to be the best at everything that he was good at to be seen as worthy in those areas and to be taken seriously and ultimately be ahead of the curve for all of them. That was why he focused just as much on writing as he did building figures. That was why he focused just as much on engineering as he did writing. That was why he focused just as much on business skills as he did engineering.

So, that despite the fact that he was not an ambassador’s kid, he could still hold his own when they were together. Course, Grace was focused on other things at the moment. He made a conscious decision to check in with her every day to see if she needed/wanted anything, if there was something aside from that he could do for her or Hazel, and just to see how she was faring.

She was generally too busy, as she was working on her upcoming album release, and also mothering. Hazel was generally very close by or with her. She had a nanny, but Grace was very adamant about the nanny just being an extra pair of hands and eyes while she was busy, and not “a stand in mommy,” which… that couldn’t happen anyways, with the way that she tended to hover. Hazel had tried to talk to her about it, but Grace just didn’t know how to ease up. For that reason, Hazel was DELIGHTED that Grace was so busy with album business.

She loved her and enjoyed their time together, but she really just wanted to breathe sometimes. She wanted an adventure sometimes that didn’t involve her mom. That didn’t much include meeting celebrities like musicians, singers, dancers and such… because as cool as that was, Hazel wasn’t that interested in those types of celebrities. However, she DID love the fact that she was on a first name basis with Shana, because she loved her shady videos and the way that she made news fun, as Shana didn’t just dish out trash… she was an actual journalist and spoke on current events and world issues. She was an activist and a public figure and more than the gossip persona the public generally associated her with. And, she let Hazel use bad words whenever she was with her.

But, Hazel really liked whenever she was able to meet authors, particularly ones that wrote sci fi and fantasy. As far as she was concerned, aside from Grace, the most impressive celebrity that she had met was Simon. He wasn’t as popular as he had been a few years ago, staying out of the limelight these days and slowly getting back into publishing work, but the first Book of Esmoroth had sentimental value to her. It got her through a lot of bad real life and let her escape to a world where harming children was punishable by death and the only adults ever mentioned either served or helped the children. That was a very nice fictional place to go whenever most of the adults in her real life had been absent or weary from her. Plus, she would have a hand in the future publications of the series and that was a great feat FOR HER. Simon had even put her name in the credits of Book 2 and told her that he was dedicating it to her.

“For Hazel, seen only as a child when she really is a beacon of wisdom and reflection. The Throne of Esmoroth shall be yours someday.” That was WONDERFUL! THAT was gonna be published soon!!

She also liked that Simon was always available. She knew that it was because he wanted to impress her mom, but it was nice to have access to the one person who understood some of her less public ways a little bit more AND wanted to be on Hazel’s good side. Most of Grace’s friends were close enough that they knew her and got her (most of them knew her better than Simon, at this point in life), but they also were Grace’s friend first and Hazel’s associate second. They might see a need to tell Grace some of the stuff that she said, out of concern or duty or whatever. Simon… often struggled with that.

Hazel could call him and tell him about kids at school and not have to worry that Grace would get a text and want to speak with the administration about things or worse - to the other kids’ parents. She could tell him when Grace was getting on her nerves and he would laugh about it and rarely ever reminded her that she was trying her best and a good mommy (she KNEW that. She didn’t need people telling her that. She needed to vent on the days that Grace was TOO much of a mommy). Turned out that while Hazel and Simon were very different types, they were similar in some ways that made them connect a little bit easier than she could with someone who was her parent.

Of course, nobody would ever be as close to her as Grace and she could never love anybody more, even if she tried. At this point in life, Grace could probably leave her under a bush, and she’d spend the rest of her life trying to get back to her. She groaned at that thought. That was another thing that she could talk to Simon about and he understood it better than anybody else that she had ever met… that fear that maybe one day she would casually lose the most important person in her life. Maybe to her career, maybe to a love interest. Maybe to being tired of playing mommy… She had a very real and sometimes paralyzing fear of losing Grace. Simon understood it and always comforted her. That was when she DID need to hear what she already knew: Grace would never turn her back on you. If she ever accidentally put anything else first, she would fix it. What would not happen is that something would make her decide to ignore you or turn you away. Nothing is more important to Grace than you. And I should know. I used to be where you are. But, I messed that up. You’re really lucky. She loves you even more than she ever loved me.

“That’s not really true, you know… I was around when she was trying to get over you. I was around when she still loved you. After you hurt her… she still loved you. She learned to heal herself after being hurt, but you hurting her didn’t make her stop loving you.”

He needed that too. He had been told so much by Grace before, but it just felt more genuine coming from a kid who hadn’t technically been affected by those events. He knew that Hazel had no reason to say anything but what actually happened/what she believed from her observations.

So, while Grace focused on her career, Simon built his life in New York, and Hazel got used to the other person who she had come to respect a lot. She and Grace stopped by for the tea parties, as the tea table and stuff were there. Lucy and Lindsey liked Simon’s house… mostly the fact that it had a yard. Lucy lived in a penthouse condominium and Lindsay lived in a brownstone with nothing more than a stoop and sidewalk outside. Simon found it a little bit funny that these rich girls didn’t have yards, but after thinking about how happy it made them (so happy that they usually forsook the tea party to play outside in the yard), it made him sad. THEY didn’t care about the brownstone or the condos… those were parental decisions that deprived them of playing out in a yard, even though their families could afford to…

“What are you thinking about?” Grace wondered, from the cushioned back porch swing that she was reading a book on while the tea party table sat next to her, abandoned by girls throwing fall leaves at each other. It was so damn cold, but Simon had an outdoor fireplace and it was in the perfect spot in proximity to this seat for her to claim it as hers for this event.

“How people try to make space in their world for kids, instead of letting their kids make space in their worlds,” he said. She made a confused face and set her book aside. He glanced at the book, shrugged his shoulders and expounded, “People will plan to have kids or maybe even not plan to, but wind up with them, nonetheless, and they cut out what they imagine to be a child sized space in their world, giving them a percentage of their physical space, a percentage of their mental space, emotional, etc… Then the kids shows up and they’re often larger than life. Some people aren’t able to accommodate it. That’s sad… but it’s sadder when they are able to accommodate it, and they… just don’t..” She frowned. Was he attacking her parenting in some way? Was he saying that she wasn’t doing something for Hazel that she needed to be? She was on the verge of insult when he started crying. “I just… If I would have been a better person… I might have a kid running around with them.” He took a deep breath, then laughed, “I’ll shut up.”

“No… it’s… fine. Do you want to talk about it?” He bit his lip. “I didn’t ask do you think you deserve to be able to talk about it, because I know how you think. You think that everything that you say to me is whining, but I don’t think that. So. Do you want to talk about it? I consent.” he smiled a little and moved closer to her, so that she sat up and they were next to each other with opposing knees pressed against each other.

“I just… Sometimes, I’m upset that you didn’t tell me, but I also know that at that time, I wouldn’t have cared. I most likely would have responded as atrociously as i did about anything else, and then again, I always wonder, what if I didn’t? What if that could have been just the thing to help me see how fucked up I was and how fucked up I was being? What if knowing about them could have changed me then? Changed us?”

Grace nodded, waiting to see if he had more to say. He seemed finished. “To that, I say this… The way that you treat other people is how they might perceive you. Even if you say that could have changed you, I don’t think for one minute that it would have changed me. My trajectory was already affected by what had already taken place. I didn’t tell you, not only because I didn’t think that it would matter, I didn’t tell you because the flipside of that - that it might matter, that it might make you change, that it might change us… that was even more terrifying. The thought that someone could do the things that you did to me, then I might be faced with signing on to a commitment via a child with them… and just have to believe that they might be okay for us? The shoulda woulda couldas are behind me, because I know that even if I had told you, i still would have had an abortion, and I still would be at peace with that decision today. Because, for who we were and what happened, it was the best decision. It was a decision that in hindsight, I would have found to be the best decision, even if you were a better person. So… if you’re gonna be upset about it, the target is me. Because I would not have had a baby at that time, no matter the circumstances. Hell, I’m 23 and I don’t know that I want to have one now. Maybe 26, but who knows? I could reach 26 and think maybe 36. The thing about it is… that’s not on you. What you did affected me and us, but it didn’t affect that pregnancy or the outcome.”

“If I have a kid, can I name them Ivory?”

She flinched but shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t own the name… But, I’m probably gonna still name my first bio that.”

He smirked. “They could be the same person…”

“Yeah right. Kids playing in leaves is giving you baby fever at 23. You’re not gonna wait for whenever I’m ready to start producing one of those.”

“You’ve always struck me as a surrogate type,” he said.

“I absolutely am! Just the thought of the whole body changing, horrific ordeal that is pregnancy, and ultimately labor… just reads like a traumatic horror scene of gore and anguish. Now… I’m willing to pay good money for somebody else to do that, but the actual me doing it myself? I’ve read far too much about the subject matter to just want to. Anyways, they let Black women drop like flies in maternity mishandling all over the country. Someone would have to pay ME to have a baby, at this point.”

Simon laughed at that thought, then stopped. “I promise, I am not laughing about black women dying in childbirth!”

Now, she chuckled a little, “I didn’t figure that you were…”

“How much would you charge for something like that?” Simon wondered.

“To have a baby? The surrogacy process generally costs 6 figures, Dude. My prestigious womb would be double the usual.”

He laughed and shook his head, “Wow. What if you fall in love? Like… what if you meet someone and you two want a family and you happen to get pregnant? It’s happened before.”

“Yeah, when I was a kid. I don’t have enough sex to facilitate that could happen to me again and if I was already in love and already with someone, they would know and I would know that me squeezing a baby out isn’t a current option, so we’d be placing preventative measures in place!”

“Preventative… So, if you’re feeling extra good with somebody you love and the mood is right and you’re both really feeling it and you have a whole hot night of being pumped full of nut, you wouldn’t be inclined to keep a pregnancy that came about from that?”

“First off, be less gross. Jesus. Secondly… There would be no pregnancy to come about from that, because that’s why scientists created the morning after pill.”

“Good to know. I’m gonna act a fool in there, since it won’t bother you either way,” he said.

She knocked his knee with hers, “You just bought yourself longer probation.”

“I was joking! Partially…”

“You’re tryin’ to have a night of nutting in my immaculate womb and I’m not gonna give you a free to skeet pass!”

“OH MY GOD!” Hazel shrieked. Lucy was red in the face and Lindsey was cackling.

Grace covered her face with both hands and Simon said, “That wasn’t what it sounded like… and you all are like… 10-11… it should have sounded like absolute gibberish to you in the first place!”

“At what age do you think people know these things?” Hazel wondered.

“I don’t know… 13 sounds fine.”

“WHAT? You have to know about pregnancy and insemination as soon as your body is able to produce such things! Meaning, when periods start! Which, for most girls is between the ages of 10 and 16!!”

“I’m sorry…” Simon said. “This was absolutely my fault. Do I need to call their parents and explain?” He asked Grace.

“They heard ME, not you!” She said. “And… I’m not saying anything unless someone’s mom calls me and asks.”

Lucy shook her head, “I didn’t hear anything,” she said.

Meanwhile, Lindsay stated, “My mom’s career started in porn.”

Simon was red now, “Okay, well…. None of any of this happened and enjoy the rest of your tea party.” He got up and quickly left.

Lucy and Lindsay went back to the tea table. “Still hot!” Lindsay cheered, pouring them some from the pot. Hazel folded her arms, looking at Grace.

“It was a joke… You had to be there. Simon and I aren’t…”

“You’re doing SOMETHING. I can tell…” Hazel said, eyeing her suspiciously.

“Hazel, if something serious transpired between Simon and I, I would immediately talk to you about it, just like I did whenever he wanted us to start hanging out again. Okay?”

“Okay…”

Hazel went back to her tea party and the girls were giggling. She didn’t like whatever they were saying, but she eventually got over it. Whenever their parents stopped by, Grace did explain, “I’m really sorry, my friend and I were having an inside joke and the girls overheard something rather vulgar. I am willing to do whatever needs to be done if that affects her in some way. I just feel so bad that they overheard it.”

Lucy’s mom wondered what was said, so Grace said it very low to her and she looked scandalized, but she simply sucked it up and begged Grace to try to be more careful next time. Lucy’s father didn’t seem to even know what the words meant.

Lindsay’s mom didn’t ask, but Grace did say it on the low to her, and she laughed it off and said that Lindsay had unfortunately been picked on whenever someone at her old school realised that she was the daughter of Sommar Kittyn, so they had the talk with her when she was around 6, and the rest, the Internet fills in when nobody’s paying attention. Besides, her dad’s a rockstar… she absolutely had overheard her fair share of inappropriate things from their friends. She even gave Grace a no worries hug to accentuate that it was okay.

When they were gone, Grace noticed that Hazel wasn’t with her (probably was too embarrassed to look at them at the moment), and whenever she went inside, Hazel and Simon were speaking quietly, but both shut up whenever they saw her. “Hey… so, I think it’s gonna be okay. Definitely with Lindsay’s folks… hopefully with Lucy’s too… Really sorry about that.”

“You and Simon have been seeing each other,” Hazel said. Simon lowered his head into his hands. “He accidentally told me, because he didn’t know that you’ve been lying to me.”

“I have not been lying and Simon and I are not seeing each other. That’s the thing of it, Hazel. Adults and children have differing ways of dealing with each other and maybe Simon just didn’t really understand the proper way to communicate to you what our friendship is, because there’s not really a child equivalent.”

“I’m not a baby, Grace,” Hazel said. “You two are doing stuff with each other, and that sounds serious to me, for you, somebody who is publicly an ace figure and only recently began to even consider the possibility of perhaps demi… You’re doing stuff… that means your demi is activated!”

“No. It doesn’t. It means my curiosity is activated and there is someone who I can explore that with.”

“You two were talking about babies earlier.”

“Hazel. It isn’t anything that needs to be shared, at this time. Just some musings, Baby…” Hazel got up and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her and locking it. “Did she just?”

“She locked herself in,” Simon said. “I didn’t mean to make a problem. I misspoke.”

“How do you misspeak our situation to a child?”

“I certainly didn’t tell her that you’ve been training me to be an obedient partner.”

“That is not…”

“I only said that we were discussing having babies, but we’re not there in our arrangement yet… and she started trying to ask questions to understand better and all of the answers were accidentally more serious sounding than I meant to…” They spent hours outside of the door waiting (after at least half an hour trying to speak to Hazel about coming out). Eventually, she did and Grace was leaning onto Simon’s shoulder, but jumped up whenever Hazel came out. Simon quickly said, in a very stern tone, “Hazel, don’t do that again. You had your mother worried. She didn’t do anything wrong, and that’s unfair. If you try that again, I will remove the lock, do you understand?”

“Yes, Simon,�� she said.

He sighed and gave her a hug. “You’re entitled to your privacy and your feelings. But, at least let us know that you’re okay. That you haven’t jumped out of the window or passed out or something.” She nodded. Simon left them alone.

“Hazel...:”

“I don’t feel like talking to you,” Hazel said. At least she was telling her the truth. Grace nodded and they left. Hazel didn’t say anything to her on the way back and Grace didn’t reach out or respond to Simon for days, which Hazel gradually came around to not being mad at her. Things came to a head when Grace was waiting outside of Hazel at school - in the New York November cold, mind you, and she was taking much longer than ever before. Grace consulted the calendar, to see if she somehow forgot that Hazel had tutoring or something. Eventually, she began to call her friends’ moms, to see if she had taken up shelter in one of their vehicles or something and just didn’t see Grace outside. Lindsay nor Lucy claimed to have seen her since school let out. She began to call even kids that she didn’t know as well - Todd, Alex, Louis… nobody knew where that girl was. She walked through the hallways and looked into classrooms, as she called Simon.

“Thank you for gracing me…”

“Have you talked to Hazel today?”

“No. Hazel’s pissed at me. We haven’t talked since tea party night…” Grace started crying. “Grace… what happened?”

“She’s missing! Or… hiding… I don’t know, but I’ve been waiting at her school for over an hour and I don’t see her anywhere!”

“Where is it? I’ll come help you…”

Grace was crying the entire time, pacing, tearing herself down and explaining to the staff, the security and the police how their schedule usually goes. Grace always either walks or drives Hazel to school. She parks in a certain place, stands in a certain place. She gave the time range that it usually takes, and explained why she “waited so long” to reach out - because she was confirming. Because Hazel doesn’t just wander off and she had no reason to suspect that she hadn’t mixed this up with math help day or something… They were acting like she had done something wrong and nobody was helping her find her child.

Eventually, Simon sat her down and offered, “I’ll speak with them, with your consent.”

She nodded her head, “I consent,” she barely choked the words out crying.

Simon began speaking as patiently as he could through his teeth, about how Hazel was in the care of the school until she walks out of the doors and that there’s staff everywhere and even cameras that they could possibly try to check to see if during the small window of time where she might have vanished, she was caught or seen. He didn’t want to bring it to threats, but he certainly would, if they made him.

After talking for a while, they seemed much more helpful with Simon and eventually advised them to go home and wait, make more calls, consider other familiar places that Hazel might have gone to, and contact them if they still hadn’t heard from her in 24 hours. Grace was a mess. She was crying and trembling. Simon took her home. She absentmindedly told him where it was, not worried about him not knowing, either out of the panic she was in over Hazel or having actually gotten comfortable with him over the past few months.

Whenever she came inside, she rushed through, calling Hazel’s name and looking for her. Hazel didn’t respond, but she found her on the bathroom floor and she collected her in her arms, “Hazel? Hazel??” She checked her for marks or bruises, or anything else… She saw none. Hazel was a turtle. Grace sobbed and collected her to herself. Her entire body was trembling, but Hazel was safe. She didn’t know how long it might take her to calm down.

“What’s happening?” Simon wondered. Grace shook her head. She hadn’t explained this to him before, and Hazel probably hadn’t either, because she didn’t like to tell people about it, and it hadn’t happened in a little while. Grace eventually calmed down and Simon remained in the doorway, watching, waiting.

Hazel’s eyes blinked and she looked at Grace and immediately began crying, “Are you going to give me back now? Now that I’m difficult again?” Grace burst into tears and she picked Hazel up and carried her into her bedroom, set her in the bed and cried more. Simon simply watched. “That’s what happens. First they find more important things. Then, they start to find other people or focus on other people. Then, they wait for me to mess up and they send me back.”

“There’s nowhere to send you back to! THIS is your home!” Grace said. She stood up and asked, “Did… Did you do this on purpose, to scare me, Hazel? Because, that is NOT okay! That’s not how we handle being mad at people. I thought you were gone. I thought somebody took you from me or worse! Don’t you EVER do something like that to me on purpose, EVER again!” She stormed out of the room and Hazel could hear her wailing as she made her way into the bathroom to collect herself.

Hazel started crying. She wasn’t used to Grace fussing at her. To her, that was even more of a sign of what would happen. Grace was gonna give her up. They always gave her up after a while. She had tested to see if Grace cared. She dodged her, made her way back home on her own, but while waiting for her to get home, she panicked. She became a turtle. And now, Grace was mad at her. Maybe, that was an excuse. Maybe Grace was waiting for this, so she and Simon could be together without her. Why else would she have hidden that they had been secretly seeing each other ever since her birthday?

Grace came back into the room, more calm now, and she sat on the bed. Simon was still simply there.

“Hazel, I need for you to understand how serious what happened today was, okay? One reason it is important to me not to ever leave you alone is because unlike where I grew up, kids go missing here so much more, and when they do… it is usually bad. Someone takes them and makes them a prisoner or uses them for bad things. Sometimes, they die. We live in a good neighborhood, but you wandering off by yourself, I imagined that you could’ve easily wound up in the wrong place, or ran into the wrong person. I don’t ever want anything bad to happen to you and for you to try to scare me into thinking about that is very hurtful, Hazel. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about me and Simon. I thought it was easier to not say anything and get your hopes up, because I know that you really like him and I haven’t been sure that I like him enough for him to be that kind of presence in our life. So, I didn’t tell you. You can be mad at me. Tell me, give me the silent treatment, whatever makes you feel better about me hurting you. But, it is not decent to hurt me by making me scared for your life.”

“I didn’t think about it that way. I’m sorry!” Hazel said, crying. Grace bit her lip and collected her to herself. Hazel cried against her. “I thought you were getting tired of me…”

“No, no… no… never. I’m hurt and I was scared, but I could never get tired of you, Hazel. Tired of life, maybe, and if I do, guess what? I’ll give up something else. Never you. Never ever you.” Simon finally started to feel intrusive and he slid out of the room and made his way out of her front door. They were okay, now. They didn’t need him. He was getting ready to get into his car whenever he heard his name. Simon turned and Grace was running from the townhouse to him. She threw her arms tightly around him and he hesitated before sinking into the hug. “Thank you… for being here for me.”

“I’m always going to be,” he said. He pulled away and looked at her. She still looked shaken up. “You need me to stick around a little longer?”

“I’m really still pretty shaken up. I can’t explain it. I know that she’s safe, but the after effects, especially not having had one of these episodes in a while… Do you want to stick around and help me with kid and turtle meal preps?"

"You got a turtle?"

"Hazel. Her psychosis... she sometimes thinks she transforms into a life sized turtle. I like to be sure to have some people safe turtle food so that she doesn't go out and eat bugs and grass like she did at her first home."

He was in awe. She blushed and shrugged her shoulders, "Her parents couldn't handle how she was. They dropped her off at an institution, and whenever she seemed okay, she was taken to a foster home. They tried for a short time and brought her right back. That’s what she was talking about in there… Everybody she wanted to trust - They locked her up. She didn't need to be locked up, she needed to be loved."

"Are you projecting?" He asked, trying to ease her nerves a little. She was still shaken up as they headed back across the street.

"Absolutely not. I definitely needed to be locked up."

"Maybe I did too."

"Well you know you could always go ask them to hold you and they'll let you know in 72 hours if you in fact, do. I'll be here for you, either way. You’ve been really trying and I don’t think that I realized just how much until I needed you today and you came through like..." Simon leaned towards her mouth, tempted to kiss her on the lips. She hadn’t kissed him on the lips. It was something that he wanted, but never attempted, as he was generally terrified that she would shut down and go home. He knew where home was now and she was asking him to stay a while. It was as good a time to press his luck as any… and Grace leaned into it. “I consent,” she whispered, letting him fills the space after that confirmation.

"Well, that was a friendship kiss."

"Very platonic affection," and they kissed again… “We’ll tell Hazel tomorrow…”

#If They Didn't Get on the Train #AU Infinity Train #Infinity Train #Nesha Fanfiction #Infinity Train Fanfiction #fics

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monkey-network · 4 years

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Eizouken v. Ratatouille: Dawn of the Creative Drive

WARNING: This critique will contain spoilers for Eizouken episodes 1-4 and the film Ratatouille. Also this is long. And yes, I had to make this or else I would’ve exploded. Enjoy.

Youtube’s TheRealJims made a video review of pixar’s Ratatouille not long ago, check it out by the way, and one thing about it caught me deep. He described Ratatouille as “a progressive kind of film, not in the political sense, but a very forward looking movie.” This line stuck with me as I begun to watch Keep Your Hands Off the Eizouken, an anime about a high schooler, inspired as a child, working her way to create anime with her friends. It wasn’t until episode 4 where mind threads started to knot, where that line about the pixar flic started to click with this anime in a way I’ve never thought of before. As such, I found that these two have a great thematic link, a connected warp between the creative minds of adults and children. Eizouken and Ratatouille do the remarkable in giving us the bouts and beauties to having a creative, “progressive” drive, and I wanted to explore how they stack up differently and similarly. And with that,,,,

The Ignition

The beginning scene of Eizouken where Midori see her inspiring anime for the first time is personally my favorite moment of the anime so far, borderline perfect. Like Remy, we already see her have this extrinsic passion for drawing once she arrives at her jungle gym of a newfound home; crude as they look, we see her seedling talent in jotting the details of her world onto paper. It’s then when she watches Future Boy Conan where her passion becomes etched in stone intrinsically. Miyazaki was her Gusteau, the bonafide inspiration that, taking it all in, made a simple hobby into a driven pursuit. Ratatouille more or less streamlines this whole moment with narration (makes sense cuz it’s a film) but they nonetheless bring home how a talent can be solidified if given the right push. Even if you didn’t have a desire to have a fulfilling career from it, you can’t deny that there was a moment in your life where something (be it a show, game, book, etc.) was the foundation to your biggest hobby, which then allowed you to explore it more as you grew up.

One thing to note is how Ratatouille handles Remy’s character with his interest. In spite of his palette gift, he doesn’t become a snob or too good towards his rat family; there’s not a moment where he claims he knows better than his skeptic father, they just idealistically disagree and their connection remains intact throughout the film. He has taste and knowledge, but isn’t smug about it. Midori is rounded the same way, she doesn’t push Kanamori or anyone to accept that anime is the best thing ever, and there’s that layer of anxiety to her love of anime that humanizes her aspirations a little more than Remy. It was a lot easier for Remy to be a cook than it was for Midori to make anything beyond concept art, or be sociable about it for that matter. At the same time, both remain humble in their ignited desires and understandably had to deal with an initial drawback to pursuing their dreams which is where...

The Helping Hands

Now, I’m not saying Midori is puppeting Tsubame or that Tsubame is a subversion of the whole rags to riches trope. I say like Linguini, Tsubame is one of the bridges for Midori to live out her desire, with the added bonus of being just as on board in scaffolding Asakusa’s passion to its most palpable form with her own dream of being an animator. Midori and Remy, be it their figurative or literal limitations, needed the likes of Linguini and Mizusaki to make things come to fruition. Even when Linguini doesn’t desirably wanna be a top chef himself, he witnesses Remy’s skill and is willing to put himself out there to work together and make the best cooking at the restaurant. Likewise, Tsubame is more than willing to work with Midori if it means not being forced into doing what her parents want and sharing that pathos of anime with a similar mind. And unlike Ratatouille, it helps that Tsubame is already adept in animating; I’ll talk to more on this later, but I’m glad Ōwara didn’t force us a character that wants to be somebody but has done nothing for herself. That’s what I noticed with both of these features, there’s a great semblance of support when passion is there but can’t progress singularly. There can/will be people out here to help you and they will come when you least expect it. Linguini and Tsubame both work well as the muscle of the cast, the character that does the heavy lifting in bringing the meal or anime to life. As such, we essentially have our director and the more hands on conductor of the project, but this all can’t be done without the producer.

Colette and Kanamori serve well as the anchor for our respective characters; we can’t just have the four characters go nuts with whatever, there needs to be some stability, a reality to the ambitious madness that can come with creating. Kanamori isn’t teaching the two any ground rules of anime, but she understands the analytics and guidelines to keeping things on track. Colette helps Linguini, by extension Remy, on the known etiquette to being productive in the kitchen, the same can be said for Kanamori in helping Tsubame and Midori in getting the film done clean and timely. While making a meal isn’t the same as making a whole cartoon, the ins and outs of getting things done have a parallel organized track. There’s especially more to making animation, especially on a deadline, and I’m glad Eizouken doesn’t shy away from giving you the thought process in what might go on behind the scenes; it practically gives you the ropes on what could happen if you were in each of the trio’s shoes.

Additionally, these two are the most resolute of the three characters; they stick to the mission understanding where Remy and Midori are philosophically, and Tsubame and Linguini are fundamentally, coming from. She and Kanamori exhibit the practical outsider, the one to truly stick their neck out, don’t put up with bullshitting, to push the creative drive further. Both see the weight that comes to production and while Colette has her fallback in the 3rd act, they make sure everything goes as planned. They truly practice what they preach and are the glue that holds things together. The only disadvantage Colette has is that she lacks a relationship with Remy, it’s mostly indirect at the end while Asakusa and Kanamori are initially on better terms since they were already close friends. But with our characters on the move, there’s hardly such thing as a perfect run,,,,

The Fallback

This part is where Eizouken and Ratatouille truly divide because the problems that arises for our characters come in differently. Ratatouille has more outside factors coming in with the fact that Remy is a rat and is pulled between his connection with humans vs his own kind. Eizouken is more in-fighting between the three where Tsubame and Midori’s ambitions have to face off against Kanamori’s more realistic shut downs and options. Eizouken also presents the compromises that can come with being a creator where Ratatouille reasonably montages through the hardships that can come with human puppetry and becoming an instant hit in the kitchen. Success is portrayed more consistently in Ratatouille than in Eizouken, which focuses more on the progress. It’s obvious given that, again, making food is not as time and energy consuming as making a feature; we see that animation is a lot more than just drawing all your ideas onto the equivalent to a flip book.

To sidetrack a bit, I came to agree with Jim that Monsters University is the antithesis to Ratatouille where the hard work that one puts into their dreams doesn’t mean imminent or easily delivered success. It’s a bizarro film in that, while not breaking new ground plotwise, MU is grimly realistic in that your passionate drive won’t always lead to getting the spoils you exactly want. Eizouken cleverly sits the middle of the two, where success is achievable if you put the effort in, but that effort realistically won’t go exactly how you want. Mizusaki wants everything hand-drawn and Asakusa wants a story, but come to understand that shortcuts need to happen if they want to get it done by the council meet. Kanamori isn’t crushing their aspirations for the hell of it, she makes it clear that time and the student body are not on their side. As opposed to Ratatouille, the final boss that are the critic(s) are notably secondary to getting the project done somehow. As mentioned before, I’m glad Ōwara made Tsubame already apt in animating because we can focus less on her being able to do it, more on the limitations that come with doing it. She has the skill, but has to bargain on her capabilities with what’s necessary as we see the tolls that come with the job.

Where I say these two collide somehow is the facet of the outsider putting the effort in for their goals. Remy and Midori are gifted and near encyclopedic in their trades, but are reasonably setback by both internal conflicting question of how far are they willing to go in exercising their drives. Remy more external than Midori since he could literally be killed if the truth was out too soon, but there is that self doubt in both of them where it can be hard to imagine that anyone can cook or that creating the great world is possible. It’s near the end of the arcs where they truly stand up for their beliefs and I appreciate that both handle the determined directing of our MCs in a respectable, pretty relatable way. They finally get to call the shots. They never sacrifice what could’ve been for what could be dauntingly realistic either; both offer an organic sense of optimism. But, with this optimism, comes the endgame that truly puts it all to the test in...

The Moment of Truth

Mr. Anton Ego, Skinner, and the Student Council are undoubtedly the final piece to these puzzles. It’s smart that they’re only present by the end of the arcs, only mentioned initially as the antagonistic force Remy and the Eizouken need to convince; they didn’t need to shoehorn their looming gavels any further. Naturally Skinner parallels the council president, a disingenuous hothead that antagonizes our MCs in a more unfair light while secretary Sakaki represents Ego, an intellectually honest person with actual standards and can see the forest for the trees. Eizouken’s episode 4 perfectly conceives why Kanamori is the boss, as she effortlessly confronts the allegations against them; not so much bluffing as she is spotlighting the council’s rash judgement. Unfortunately Kanamori can only debunk them so far, which leads to Midori overcoming her anxiety to demand that they’re given a chance. It’s great that Asakusa can suffer in silence for only so long before pushing herself to say something. This falls in line with Remy’s dad showing his son the grim realistic front of humans and rats before coming back to help him when he realizes Remy’s determinism. It’s like the rat says, the only way to go, “With luck, forward.”

Like the scene where Ego eats the titular dish, the moment we finally see the anime in full is almost disgustingly perfect. It’s fitting that a riot was going on before the presentation only for the action packed film to essentially come to life and throw chaos right back at everybody with powerful air waves, tank shells, and the tank itself jumping off the screen, literally blowing the audience away. Eizouken has literally more louder of a scene than Ratatouille’s, but both offer that climatic impart equally hard in their respective moments. They don’t shy away from grasping that immersive feeling of what you loved the most about food and/or animation, those invested in the film/series are basically with Ego and the student audience as those moments happen. It kinda hurts the brain how perfect these two moments are. Eizouken and Ratatouille, in a meta sense, weren’t successful only because they poke at our nostalgia or love, but of how they go the mile to convey it significantly. Ratatouille by the end, thanks to Ego, provides the apt idea of open-mindedness; that greatness can come from anywhere. Eizouken does this but adds the step that being open-minded can come with seeing what the efforts of that determined greatness can lead to. And with this, we see how it ends, or how it begins...

The Step Forward

I mentioned this before, but I loved that immediately after their demo reel finished, they weren’t worrying about any approval from the council or audience but discussing about what to improve on next. We see the soon boundless enthusiasm of the trio when, regardless of , they want to improve and do more as a team, all while the secretary approves the club in the hopes to see the fruitful potential. Compare this to Ratatouille for while Remy succeeds in convincing his family and Ego of his talent, they don’t sacrifice realism too much. Gusteau’s is naturally shut down, rats and humans aren’t suddenly living together by the end. At the same time, the movie wasn’t really about that, but about achieving small victories, optimistically grasping that palpable progress. Like Eizouken, Ratatouille leaves us with the progressive prospect that there’s the potential for more, for better.

To quote Jim once more, I say what makes both Eizouken and Ratatouille work fundamentally is that they keep the finger on the pulse of their respective message(s) while still creating enjoyable moments; they don’t sacrifice the fun of getting things right for pushing why it matters. They don’t sellout the bonds between our characters for irreverent romps in the kitchen or studio. Both offer a meaningfulness to their respective crafts, blending its many flavors into a well made dish that explores what it means to create and the steps that come with it. What it means to have passion and utilize that to its capable extent. What it means to enjoy a meal while watching an impressively finished production. They’re also very well animated; thanks Yuasa and Bird.

#keep your hands off eizouken!#keep your hands off the motion pictures club!#eizouken #eizouken anime #KYHOE #Ratatouille #pixar #disney #anime #animation #critique #analysis #Good Stuff #long post

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marta-bee · 3 years

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On Fanworks as Commodities

I've been thinking lately about commodification and how it applies to fandom.

At the risk of giving an unhelpful circular explanation, commodification just means treating something like a commodity when it really isn't. And by commodity, I mean the kind of good or service that it's the kind of thing we can "reduce" to market terms. A loaf of bread is a commodity. So is a house or the services of an accountant- you're not losing anything or "debasing" anyone when you suggest these things can be bought and sold.

But what about surrogacy pregnancy? This is the question Elizabeth Anderson asked in her philosophy paper, "Is Women's Labor a Commodity?" (This is where I first encountered the concept.) She asks what exactly is being sold when we pay a woman to go through a pregnancy and then give up the resulting child to someone else. Anderson said if it's the child that's being sold that seems obviously inappropriate- we rightly consider a human person as the kind of thing you can't just buy and sell- but she also argued even if the woman is just selling the use of her body for a period of time (say, implantation and surrogacy pregnancy of a fetus conceived through in vitro fertilization of the adults who will become the legal parents), there's still something lost. The argument is, pregnancy naturally (at least usually) forms a loving bond between mother and child, which a surrogate woman would wisely try to avoid; otherwise giving up the baby would be that much harder. In effect, it encourages her to alienate herself from the products of her pregnancy. It degrades the commercial surrogate, turns her into an emotionless, contextless factory. And it degrades women who might lovingly serve as surrogates (say, for a sister or friend) because it turns their gift into something indistinguishable from a market transaction.

That's the argument, anyway. Once I found it convincing but these days, I have my doubts. For instance, I don't see any problem saying commercial surrogacy is a different kind of process than surrogacy offered as a gift to someone you know. Even if the result is the same, they seem like very different beasts. I'm also uncomfortable with this idea that certain kinds of work just can't be ethically paid for. Because this usually comes up with "caring" work, which is most often done by women even these days, it becomes too easy to not help bear the costs of that work. We can expect, say, a nurse to care about her patient even though she's paid a salary; is it so wrong if a child who quits her job to care for a sick parent to also be paid for her sacrifice?

That's more a criticism of how the concept is applied, though. I think it's applied too quickly, and in ways that turn it into an either/or, where this doesn't need to be the case. I still think the basic idea has a lot going for it. We do give the market too much power to answer questions it really isn't well suited for. Healthcare, for instance; it needs to be paid for, but not in a way that keeps people from accessing it who need it, or even lets those who can pay get to it more quickly. And maybe market pressures can make it more efficient, to a point, but we really shouldn't reduce it to something that can be bought and sold and understand entirely on those terms.

So, what does all this have to do with fandom? Well, I'm of a different fannish generation than a lot of you young whippersnappers- I first got involved in fannish circles with the Lord of the Rings movies back in the original 2000s. This was pre-AO3 and pre-Tumblr, and only a few years after Anne Rice got ff.net to disallow all fanfic based on her novels. We posted our disclaimers about not owning the characters for a reason and professed our poverty because we believed (or feared at least) we could be sued by the canon's authors. I was mostly in the Tolkien fandom, and it was well known that the estate was never going to authorize fanfic, commercial or otherwise. They state as much on their website, though I can't remember how long that Q&A has existed in its current format.

That gave us a lovely little commercial-free zone. If you couldn't sell your own work commercially, then you could give up all pretenses of success along the normal capitalistic lines and delve into areas that just would never have been very marketable in traditional publishing. Tolkien fandom itself was pretty conservative but I know other fandoms went much further in this regard, exploring genres that just would never be marketable especially before the niche and self-financed publishing the internet opened up for a lot of authors. If the law wouldn't let you do what you wanted to do anyway, why not become utterly ungovernable? So, fanfic became (for me at least) art about art rather than filthy lucre. We were doing what we did because we loved it, and as gifts for our friends, and as a way to be something that wasn't quite allowed in the "normal" culture for whatever reason- even just because we were women daring to make time for our weird little hobbies. It was glorious. And we worked hard enough in other areas of our life that we had the $$$ to indulge in this. We didn't need to be paid, and even if you offered to pay us for our works, we'd likely get a bit insulted and insist that wasn't what this was about at all.

I was told more than once by family that I was good enough to be a "real writer" and didn't I want to do my own thing. So yes, I did get a bit miffed and lean in to my identity of fanfic-writing as hobby not intended as a career.

And I'll be honest: when I see people advertising for commissions or celebrating fan-authors going "professional" as if this is necessarily a step up from unpaid fannish work, I often have this old framework in the back of my head. And it's not really fair. For one thing, I was in college in the early 2000's and so even when we didn't have a lot of cash, we expected to soon get day jobs where we could afford to live comfortably and still afford our hobbies. The housing market crash and the Great Recession changed all of that, as did work opportunities like Instacart and Uber. For a lot of people even a few years younger than me, everything became a side-hustle and there just wasn't this expectation a hobby could be a hobby. I get that there's a lot of privilege entering into that.

On top of which, there's all kinds of gender issues: professional artists, predominantly men, have been painting and selling drawings of comic book characters for years. Star Trek and Star Wars affiliated novels, and Sherlock Holmes pastiches (as opposed to fanfic), again written primarily by men, are also very much a thing. Hell, so are Renaissance artists and the patron system that was built off of. And of course, just because you sometimes produce fanworks just to sell and still do the less commercial work just for yourself if you ever want to. There's no real conflict in that. And it's not like producing art to sell is at all wrong. But to me it does feel like that kind of art is different than what I fancy I do, back when I occasionally wrote. :-) And I probably am more aware of this than I should be, because my backdrop is different from a lot of fans younger than myself, and really do try not to let my situation turn into a blind spot.

Even so, I worry and struggle to find the balance between letting art turn a profit and be reduced to a strictly commercial venture. It's never been anything I've been even remotely drawn to do, and human nature being what it is, I probably do think more highly of the kind of thing I'd choose to do. But I don't want to be unfair, and I don't want to think just because art is paid for and written/drawn to order, it's some sort of assembly-line output with no heart put into it by the writer and artist. Just like an artisan shoemaker might take great pride in his art and work his hardest on each shoe he crafts, even if he must sell it to make ends meet. Somehow, I suspect thinking about this in terms of commodification, the dangers of evaluating artistry using market standards and the ways in which it can still have a value beyond commodity even if it’s bought and sold, might help. But I've not quit worked out what insight that kind of thought would provide, if any.

Do you think there's a special value in fandom or art generally that's not made to be bought and sold? Or am I perhaps making too big a deal over nothing and revealing myself to be an old fuddy-duddy in the process. (It's always a possibility!) I'd be very interested to hear your thoughts if you have any to share.

#philosophy #fandom #commodification #marta blathers

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feminetflix · 4 years

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Not always the black eye, always the bad boy [1 / 2]

No, Joe Goldberg is not your cute neighbourhood stalker way too invested in relationships, he has always been and still remains an abuser. Like “You”, there are plenty of Netflix series at some point dealing with the tiring reality of domestic violence / abuse, e.g. “Jessica Jones”, “Sex Education”, ...

For this post I picked the two series whose take on domestic violence I found most realistic.

La casa de papel / Money Heist (yes, again) - focusing on Raquel Murillo

Fugitiva / Fugitive - focusing on Magdalena

The UN has described the worldwide increase in domestic abuse as a "shadow pandemic" alongside Covid-19. The current relevance of the issue shall not fool you, however. It’s important to remember that domestic violence was a global pandemic long before the COVID-19 outbreak.

According to data collected by the United Nations, 243 million women and girls between the ages of fifteen and forty-nine worldwide were subjected to sexual or physical violence by an intimate partner in the last twelve months. Put a different way, one in three women has experienced physical or sexual violence at some point in her life.

⚠️ This post does not offer contact points nor emergency hotlines or life hacks for people (mainly women) suffering domestic violence, like “how to avoid your beating today” or “how to stop him from manipulating you and your children”. That is the point. You can’t. The problem is not the victim or their behaviour “provoking” the abuser, making them “lose control”. Abusers have full control over themselves and lie to, insult, manipulate, belittle, taunt, humiliate, intimidate, threaten, yell at, shake, slap, choke, punch, assault, rape … their victim in order to gain, preserve or expand control over their victim.

In relationships like these it is all about the abuser’s control, power over and lack of respect towards their victim and often women in general. It is not about the victim’s behaviour making the abuser react in a certain way nor about the victim’s responsibility to end the relationship to protect herself and optionally her children. Forgive me for sometimes slipping in a “her(self)” to stress the fact that the vast majority of domestic violence victims are women. I’m not denying the existence of male victims, but according to Evan Stark and many therapists working with violent men, female violence is of different origin and kind. It’s likely I’ll make a separate post about that.

Let’s get started.

“I’ve got a 9mm HK in my holster, but… I really don’t f*cking know how to take care of myself!”

What? Women like Raquel Murillo get beaten too or at all? Isn’t it always the timid, passive, insecure, mousy little women who let him do that to them?

Actually, many controlling men get themselves beautiful, intelligent and yes, even strong women. He wants a woman he can show around, a woman making him look good in front of others and himself. He wants a woman offering him all that and one he can control. Him, exclusively. The more confidence she radiates, the more she “shines” in the outside world, the more he feels the need to degrade and humiliate her privately. – Antje Joel

How did it start in Raquel’s case, as it does in many cases?

1. CONTROL

“And when he asks you to change your profile picture to a picture of your daughter, you think it’s tender.”

Often he masks the control he slowly gains over you with concern or love. “I’m only freaking out if you don’t pick up or come home late, because I’m worried about you / I’m scared something happens to you!”

II. JEALOUSY

“When he tells you not to wear a miniskirt to work, you think ‘I’m a woman who works in a men’s world, he’s actually protecting me.’”

Again, often dressed up as ‘love’. “I’m sorry, I reacted this badly upon seeing you with your coworker, neighbour, friend, … but the thought of losing you is unbearable!” Jealousy is not love, it is possessiveness in ist purest form. Also, did she really herself think ‘I’m a woman who works in a men’s world’? Did she really come up with that herself? Would she really pursue a career as police officer and hostage negotiator if she believed in our world or here rather her workplace / line of work being ‘a men’s world’?

Male abusers usually believe in and support rigid, traditional gender stereotypes and roles and likely force them on their victim. Maybe he expects women to obey and/or serve him. He mostly thinks of women as inferior, weaker, less intelligent and incomplete if not in a relationship. Maybe he’s convinced women should not order drinks themselves when in a bar or club setting. Maybe women openly flirting, chugging down shots or capable to roll their own cigarettes are ‘b*tches’ in his eyes. If that’s the case, it is not an exaggeration to feel alerted.

III. JEKYLL-&-HYDE-PERSONALITY

“I’ll start by saying your father has many faces. The one you’re familiar with is the face of the father who’s devoted to his family.”

Hardly any abuser shows exclusively mean, rough, sarcastic or violent behaviour. Neither in private nor in public. Many present themselves as nice, attentive, pleasant people in public spaces, doing respectable work, popular and trusted in their respective communities.

“He was a police officer, the most popular guy at work, […]” - Raquel

Even in front of their victim they are sometimes nice and considerate, showing affection and passion. It’s his strategy. Random episodes of affection help confuse his victim further, tie her to him further and maintain his perfect image for the outside world. Those unpredictable changes in behaviour and personality, often minutes apart, are not a sign of some mental disorder. Mostly, it’s an applied manipulation-tactic.

IV. NEVER THE ONE AT FAULT

“Why do you always bring out the worst in me?”

He’s always the victim of unfavourable circumstances or mean people. He twists positions, makes it look like he’s his victim’s victim, not only in public but often he tries to convince the victim herself of these artificial dynamics. “It’s you, who provokes me / plays with me / humiliates me / brings out the worst in me.” Maltreatment, blows, punches or sexual violence are no slip-ups, no loss of control. He chose to abuse his victim in whatever way and he will choose to do so again. It’s not her fault nor responsibility, it’s victim blaming and again, manipulation. If you believe in your culpability you will likely not seek for help. He also makes you believe in some twisted form of “control” you have over him. It’s not real and in fact the other way around.

V. ANY DISPLAY OF POWER THROUGHOUT A FIGHT

“And then one day...he raises his voice...”

He yells straight into the victim’s startled face, holds onto the victim (with a mostly tight and sometimes painful grip), he gets in her way, backs her against a wall, pushes her (however slightly it may seem), throws objects around / after her, destroys objects (often the victim’s belongings). The destruction of objects is often a way of telling the victim “Look what I can do to that vase / phone / TV / chair / car. Now imagine what I can do to you.” If he specifically destroys objects belonging to the victim and/or symbolising a part of the victim’s life (maybe a tennis racket, if tennis is your hobby or things you kept, reminding you of your childhood/home/friends or siblings), his aim is to illustrate the control he holds over his victim, invading the victim’s most personal space, destroying the victim’s identity alongside certain objects representing it. Do you still believe he ‘lost control’? Even if he throws around random objects, e.g. the closest plate he could grab, it remains a demonstration of power. On purpose.

To be continued. The second part will be dealing with whether violent men can “change”, what if violent men apologise in tears and try to ‘make it up’ to their victims and why they are violent men in the first place. Thanks for reading and feel free to drop your opinion as long as it contains constructive (!) criticism and most importantly respect!

#domestic violence #domestic abuse #feminism #netflix #la casa de papel #money heist #raquel murillo

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borderlandscast · 5 years

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his dark materials au

all these aus are going to crossover at multiple points, since it’s inevitable and i like creatively torturing myself. here is a basic cast list and notes. discworld au will be placed into a different post because this one is also epic length.

nilesy, will strife and parvus will get their own post! and discworld peeps too.

any feedback and thoughts on the magic system would be greatly appreciated!

rythian

born in sweden. barely left the country of his birth, except on family holidays or short trips to neighboring locations.

he became an experimental theologian with the intention of studying his heritage and discovering the mystery of why his daemon settled in an unusual form. the official story is that he’s supposed to retrieve or make copies of the althiometer interpretations for sweden’s own universities.

his daemon is called ‘ender’, gender neutral, small dragon the size of a house cat. ender has a lot of raised scales which gives them a thorny devil’s appearance. the scales are smoother than appearances suggest, so concealing ender beneath rythian’s cloak is the usual means by which ender hides.

ender’s species is that of a western dragon. thier features include a pointy head, frill, four legs with talons (thumb ones opposable, albeit sharp), leathery wings and a tail. ender’s eyes have a nictating membrane, and they possess excellent night vision.

ender’s voice has a raspy quality to it, but mirror rythian’s own voice. both have a faint accent when they speak.

ender shares rythian’s taste for information and knowledge. between the two of them, ender hoards the bulk of it. ender has never forgotten a book they or rythian have read.

ravs

born and grew up in scotland. has never been anywhere else, nor interested in doing so.

daemon is ‘finnley’, goes by she/her, a unicorn. finnley is a white ‘horse’ with patches of speckled grey on her body. she blends into mist perfectly. her eyes are a hazelnut colour. finnley’s tail is mostly white; she doesn’t take kindly to people pulling on it.

her hooves are the second most dangerous part of her, her ivory horn being the other. her hooves can crush skulls and stones, and her horn can gore through people.

that said, ravs is the only person who can ride her. she can outrun normal horses. he can ride her with or without a saddle, though ravs prefers the former for obvious reasons. finnley can carry ravs and cargo for about 100 miles (twice that of a regular horse) before tiring. she can go much further at a slower pace.

both left their town of birth due to religious authorities getting wind of him and his daemon’s settled form; the two of them left to protect their family and friends.

both have made a relative’s old highlands castle their secret base. the two earn money from running delivery jobs all over the countryside. given finnley’s speed and ravs’ head and social knack for business, they’ve got quite a reputation built up, and numerous friendships all over the place so both are never in pressing need of a roof, food and drink.

rythian doesn’t know this when they meet, but ravs can separate from finnley at will; both can travel incredibly far from each other if needed, though they prefer not to.

wherever ravs goes, he takes a carrier pigeon with him. the pigeon has been trained to respond to basic commands and questions, including relaying messages back and forth with fellow scotsmen.

a witch taught finnley the trick of how to conceal her horn by using the same trick that witches use to hide themselves from crowds or when infiltrating locations. people simply just don’t notice finnley’s horn. finnley has to concentrate to do this, but ravs’ natural chattiness makes up for her reserved nature.

ravs grew up as a farmer’s child, which explains his lack of complaints when it comes to hard work and rising at the crack of dawn to help out his folks and relatives. he’s used to the ups and downs of the occupation. he’s fairly well built as a result.

y’all be pleased to know that he wears pants in this au, plus his trademark kilt.

teep

british. welsh heritage. voluntarily mute.

daemon is ‘basil’, he/him/they/them, a cockatrice (with some traits from a basilisk mixed in). has a rooster’s head, body, feet, wings and tail; the tail has a functioning serpent’s head. the serpent can hide within the rooster’s voluminous tail.

basil is about the size of a large rooster; he comes up to teep’s waist if that’s any help.

basil’s ability to petrify people is based on vision; it can apply to objects too. basil ‘requires’ a blindfold, but gets by via infrared sensing and a keen sense of smell on their snake head, plus sharing teep’s vision.

basil’s venomous. their leg spurs and snake head produce a potent venom that’s akin to that of a taipan or brown snake. fortunately, basil can only produce so much venom a day. teep harvests the venom from the snake head to dip arrowheads into. the two are initially unwilling to elaborate on an antidote to ravs and rythian.

i said in an earlier post that basil had four legs, but i’m changing my mind and making basil more chicken shaped. basil has two taloned feet, but at the top of their wings is a smaller set of talons. these can be operated like pointy hands. like ender’s, they’re capable of shredding fragile items, like paper. it also lets basil scale objects, mostly trees and fences.

after a noodle incident that left a whole village petrified, teep and basil fled. they returned to keep guard over the village to make sure nobody discovers what happened to it. basil doesn’t feel any remorse whatsoever, and doesn’t think teep should either.

teep has proficiency in archery and maintains their own bow. their family used to be rangers and hunters, but began to dabble in lumberjacking due to rising demand in wood for ships, carpentry, artisan pursits and construction.

teep’s relationship with basil is that of mutual tolerance. they don’t necessarily like or hate each pther, though basil seems to prefer being around teep than be separated, with the addition of basil’s role in speaking for the two of them.

that said, teep dislikes basil’s snarkiness and talkativeness (which is hilarious, considering basil is a reflection and manifestation of teep’s own soul), while basil regards teep’s muteness the ‘silent treatment’, which says a lot.

some notes about zylus and daltos’ world:

separate to that of rythian, ravs and teep’s world, but linked thanks to several secret openings caused by the subtle knife’s bearers.

magic is heavily relient on dust, and the magician’s bond with a daemon.

this world developed like lyra’s world, so electricity/anbaric isn’t as widespread, and a lot of the continents remain to be explored. it’s part fantasy with steampunk thrown in.

cost of magic is concentration; you ever feel like you want to pass out after concentrating too hard? or get a migraine after a giant task? that’s the feeling. the tryhardiest of magicians fall asleep and simply never wake up; the dust expended doesn’t replenish in these comatose individuals to warrant consciousness.

given the presence of magic, religions are much more lax, acknowledging and tolerant of each other. that doesn’t mean that there weren’t wars, it just mean that they’re less on a grander scale of death and destruction since magic is utilized heavily to tamp down on these matters and nip them in the bud. there’s a lot of careful balancing between countries on keeping the peace.

magic is allied with science; science is one of the main drivers in advancing civlisation, while magic serves to fill in the gaps that science leaves (e.g. healing, weather control, binding). magic is treated like a science itself.

there are multiple schools of magic, and many sub classifications and styles. no one way is emphasised (though rival schools try to preach otherwise), or stronger than the others.

the term ‘magician’ is an umbrella term; wizard, witch, sorcerer are perfectly applicable examples of job titles, but regular folks use that first term the most.

anyone can enroll to study magic, and the earlier the better. the highest enrollment tends to occur at when kids enter adolescence, which is when dust begins to increase. there’s always funds set aside for those with incredible potential or from lower social classes to cover schooling, food, travel, study materials and uniforms. it’s in a country’s best interests to produce magicians since not many go on to further their career in a way that benefits a country.

all budding magicians start as theorists, and the majority choose to follow this path in life. they debate, study, experiment and discuss magic, just like they would a science. they can cast magic, but their methods and output differs substantially to that of a practical practioner (get it?). many theorists also have a second occupation, not always magic orientated (such as teaching, gardening, merchant). a few even regard magic as a hobby, dabbling in it on the weekends.

practical practitioners are a jack of all trades. they go out into the world and solve problems that occur as a result of dust, and to a lesser extent, conflicts or human problems. they’re paid a portion of the comissions fee by the requester and a reward upon successful completion. many are freelancers, some work only in one location, and a select few work for the government.

all requests come through via guilds that screen them for issues before making them public. private requests are also possible, including wanting a specific magician but these charge a much higher fee since the magician may not always be available or if another has to transferred in or out.

all magicians undertake a final exam condicted by professors to test their control, theory, aptitude, and specialty (optional, and the magifian can claim multiple ones). this is to root out those unprepared and the undesirables. it can be retaken as many times as needed.

upon passing, the institution acknowledges the magician, and grants them a license. the license isn’t legally needed since unlicensed magic thrives just as well; more caution is required when dealing with said magic. the license also serves as identification since each carries a unique signature from each daemon/human pair.

daemons must be settled by the time of the magician’s graduation. exceptions are rare. certain factions prefer recruiting daemon specific magicians. some say that the final settled form of a daemon determines how advanced one’s magic growth is, but that’s just gossip.

dust is present in this world to a ridiculous degree; if lyra’s world is a lake, this one is an ocean. two basic opinions exist: dust is finite, the other being dust is infinite. either way, there’s evidence to support both, but further studies are needed. and magic is slowly vanishing...

to prevent accidents with daemons (such as in hunting, sports, public events), all daemons must be marked in an obvious, foolproof way. kids tie scraps of colourful cloth or braids to their daemon, explorers equip hats or backpacks, university members use their school’s crest branded on a scarf or tie. there’s a whole world of daemon fashion. people can get very creative.

zylus

dutch scholar. born in the netherlands, has never traveled beyond europe. prefers to stay in one location, dislikes travel unless absolutely necessary. especially hates sea travel.

daemon is ‘griffin’, prefers masculine pronouns but will happily accept female pronouns, brown gyrfalcon. griffin’s height is about arm length. he has a whistling nature to his voice.

part of a noble house that made its fortune when shipping and trade lanes were first established out of the country. his family’s company has existed for a century, and is family run. zylus would rather avoid drawing attention to this fact. his family has low expectations that he’ll run the company, given his natural aptitude for magic, his interests and lack of business ambition.

zylus is a mathematician and a budding physicist. he has a head for numbers, attributed to his upbringing where no child in the house grew up blissfully ignorant of how the company operates. zylus assisted in accounts, making sure all the numbers nearly lines up on all sides. he gained a taste for it, and combined with a curiosity of dust (thanks to the scholars frequenting the store), led to his university career.

zylus entered university in his early teens, and spent the majority of the time immersed in the mathematical side of explaining dust and feeling out his magic. his faculty involves studying the nature of magic through formulas, theorums and laws, depending on the type of magic.

zylus developed a method for quick, precise casting of magic. it involves entering a certain state of mind, and he and griffin are currently stumped as to standardize it. if he’s successful, he might revolutionise the way magic is cast. most magicians cast magic like they’re being filmed: with great, sweeping movements, drama and chants. zylus thinks this is impressive and all, but highly impractical.

he has yet to decide on a specialisation in magic, owing to his occupation and interests. it’s fine to leave a magic specialty blank since all it does is help the guilds match up requests to a magician.

he prefers using precise magic, mostly used to give him a quick, numerical snapshot. it can be tailored depending on the job (like calculations, divinations, calibrations, weighings or measurements). zylus’ toolkit also includes a wider variety of real world magic but he rarely uses those spells. he also knows archival spells to preserve notes and texts, and the manual methods of doing so.

zylus is certified as a practical magician, but chooses not to accept requests except those from his family, faculty or friends. he doesn’t even know who’d request him snice he works in such a niche field to begin with.

griffin is capable of flying at least a hundred metres away from zylus. the nature of this range is a subject of intense debate in the field of daemon focused studies in that large daemons are theorised to have a greater wandering range than that of smaller daemons, and is especially so for bird daemons (those with flight capabilities, anyway).

due to griffin’s talons, zylus has to carry a foldable, wooden perch for his daemon, or have leather pads fastened to one or both shoulders whenever he leaves his home so griffin doesn’t have to park on his head or arm.

griffin’s personality isn’t as aloof as their form suggests; griffin is more talkative than zylus is, and is the more patient and outgoing of the pair. griffin tends to notice smaller details that zylus overlooks. griffin isn’t as serious as zylus is; in fact, their playfulness is akin to that of dallas’, daltos’ daemon. sometimes zylus’ self consciousness spills over, so griffin can be harder to read than usual.

zylus adores griffin, though griffin can be a handful when the both of them are agitated and hold opposing opinions. nonetheless, zylus unconditionally loves his daemon, and vice versa. he does his best to listen and compromise, and he doesn’t shun griffin for long after they’ve both squabbled.

zylus ties a small leather pouch to griffin, and a plain, sandy coloured scarf to mark griffin as a daemon. the pouch can hold letters, small objects, food, and instruments. griffin can open it on their own with their feet and beak.

daltos

american scholar. born in ‘new denmark’, left the country at a young age. the sole reason for that is his talent in magic; schools for magic hadn’t been fully established, and the best option was to send daltos back to europe with his uncle and aunt.

daemon is ‘dallas’, genderfluid, bearded vulture. dallas has no preference for pronouns. their voice is ambigious, albeit with a harsh note to it; daltos prefers masculine pronouns when personally referring to his own daemon.

his early childhood in italy was full of adventures, largely spent by following his aunt and uncle around since both were practical magicians by trade. he picked up a lot of their mannerisms and habits, including their taste for functional, minimal fuss casting and arsenal of spells.

as a result and in his later years, daltos has traveled extensively all over europe; his trips as a small child had a profound effect on his curiosity, and his aunt and uncle did well in cultivating it.

once he hit adolescence, he went to one of italy’s universities, taking the exam. he eventually decided what he wanted to do while attending said university.

daltos studies people and daemons as an anthropologist, focusing on the study of the presence of dust and how it rises and falls with social development, culture and practices.

he keeps meticulous logs about his travels; part of his goal is to track, document and learn about cultures that lack archive entries. his other goal is to chart shifts in dust over time to pool together data for a collective study that his faculty is responsible for. said faculty believes that sentience is key to dust’s existence, and thus, dust is infinite.

he transferred to zylus’ university to access their data, with the stipulation that he help some of the other branches to cover some absences. this is how he and zylus met.

daltos’ magic is more focused on a versatility of spells than conpletely mastering a select few. as a field magician, he and dallas have to be prepared for anything, from healing, shielding, weather adjustments, repairs, to animal control. he carries around a detailed notebook listing basic spells, sorted by category, effectiveness and strength, all based on his own observations and experiments. he also prepares powerful spells in advance on dust infused scrolls; these are last minute resorts, and are all sealed away in a waterproof bag.

dallas is a large daemon, measuring about 1.2 metres in height. like zylus and griffin, daltos owns leather pads to support dallas landing on his shoulders, and carries around a portable wooden perch.

dallas’ wandering range is about two hundred metres. dallas reckons that he could go further, but that’s his rough estimate.

dallas is marked by a navy bandanna worn around their neck, and leather spats. when traveling, dallas equips a backpack to help carry equipment and items.

dallas is a reserved daemon, in contrast to daltos, who is known to be a chatterbox rivalling parvis. however, dallas does share some of daltos’ traits, such as his stubbornness, acting insufferably smug, and being a playful piece of shit. dallas is fond of stealing items that daltos needs and retreating to a high location until daltos either comes after him or caves.

daltos and dallas are as thick as thieves, they have no secrets between them, and indulge in a lot of joking around. they know it looks unprofessional to onlookers, so dallas tends to adopt an intimidating air when out and about. otherwise, dallas plays the straight man to daltos’ funny man. as for how daltos keeps a straight face when he looks at dallas head on, he says ‘he doesn’t.’

#borderlandscast: his dark materials #long post

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choric · 6 years

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( park jimin - demimale, he/they ) — did you see noeul han walking down the street? the twenty-three year old has lived here for three weeks. i heard they’re an aspiring painter & a part-time barista now, time sure flies. gooey by glass animals always did remind of them, maybe it’s because they’re so audacious & charitable. though i did hear they can also be commanding & capricious if you catch them on a bad day.

hey babes drum-roll it’s admin fany here to welcome yall~ with some random info about me I guess uh so I’m 26, living in northern europe, most of the time dying bc I’m not made for these hot ass summers, other times just being distracted twelve times outta ten jsyk I’m not ignoring anyone my attention span is just in the negatives. or I’m playing overwatch. or subnautica when I’m feeling particularly masochistic. would drop dead without tea. ye. that’s all for today folks

anyway here’s Noeul’s profile if you wanna peep also a very messy plot page aaaand I’m gonna ramble about him now uwu

tw: emotional abuse, tw: assault ( kinda brief mentions, esp the assault, I tried keeping it safe )

born in Seoul but his family moved to USA when he was barely 6. they moved around a l o t since then but stayed within the borders. save for one weird year in France back in 2010

he haTED it. all the constant moving around and starting at new schools with new people trying to get new friends and find new hobbies and leaving pretty much everything behind so often just stressed the hell out of his young self and he was in a perpetual state of over-emotional about the whole ordeal and angry and bitter and yeah. not having a good time

over the years he managed to find ways to cope with it, drawing and painting being a major thing as it was one of very few things he could just continue without any special arrangements made or it feeling different. putting all that bent up negativity on paper was helpful in itself so he stuck with it without much thought then, clinging into a lifeline of one constant in a sea of variables

later on it morphed from being less of a therapeutic activity and more one of him being able just flow with creativity, paint with a less personal agenda and enjoy it way more too ( not to say he doesn't still use it as a form of escapism too )

reading was another thing he found enjoyment in, especially during his early teenage years. that is something he doesn't engage that often in anymore however

his parents didn’t really care about what hobbies he took on ( even with painting carrying throughout the years he ended up trying a whole slew of other things too ) until it became apparent he was actually considering art as a legit career path. neither agreed it being a good idea but they didn’t flat out deny him either.. just were very patronising about it for months and by that time he had come to actual decision of going through with it out of pettiness alone lmao. which of course served nothing but to legit piss them off and led to a number of arguments they still have to this day yikes

his parents entire view on life seemed to be there was no point getting attached to anything, sentimentality was a flaw and you could just buy everything you needed again without much care for what was left behind. especially his mom had a lot of emotionally abusive ways to steer his life in the direction she wanted, but giving just enough freedom for him to think he had a say in anything. not to say she wasn’t supportive and encouraging too but he honest to god can’t tell now how much of it was genuine. she was especially fond of using subtle blackmail in form of referring to her own feelings and how his actions will upset her, occasionally bursting into a loud tirade which was then quickly pushed to the side without any apologies for making him in turn upset so boy was always just on edge. this still happens but he pretty much only communicates with her through calls anymore so, Noeul just hangs up when she starts acting up. his dad was more the type to not involve himself into his hobbies and likes or anything at all he only cared about academic plans.

that all messed him up big time in his younger years bc he was inherently just very attached to everything and everyone but now.. it’s almost the complete opposite, enough repetition and shit will stick I guess cause he has next to no sentimental feelings towards anything, in turn actually loves travelling and meeting new people now. partially also cause he doesn’t feel obligated to uphold anything or allow himself being chained down, he treats everything like it’s fleeting, but not without care– don’t assume he doesn’t care when that’s something he does in abundance actually. he just.. accepts nothing lasts forever. ironic enough he’s adopted far too many of his parent’s habits to count now but has grown more tender with the experiences rather than cold. probably a miracle in itself. hella guarded about his feelings tho

so yeah he moved to LA ( parents were at the time both living in NYC ) for art school and got that bachelor of fine arts degree, graduating just spring last year and has no desire to further those studies cause screw school he’s done with institutions for a decade

also his parents filed for divorce while he was at it. before he was even done with freshman year. wasn’t all too surprising nor did he have anything to really say about it, except the times mom called him whilst drunk and essentially blamed it on him being a bad son :/// his dad’s fucked off somewhere he hasn’t heard whole lot from him in last three years beside birthday texts and money transfers to his bank account. and subtle messages through mom about how he expects him to clean up one of these days. meanwhile mom mostly contacts just to check he’s alive & doing well financially while slipping in vague ‘if you would have just listened to me‘s and ‘when will you come to your senses’s >_>

forgot to mention his dad’s a CEO of a small airline company. don’t ask me what his mom does idk prob some manager of a huge ass successful online shop?? something along those lines

will not speak about them if asked tbh don't expect anything other than "they're alive."

does not like announcing his ( their ) wealth to the world either and tries not to make decisions that could reflect that but something always has to give in the end. like he’s just way too happy to blow money on other people no matter how subtle he tries to be about it and often like his parents buys new stuff instead of finding ways to bring his old along, some of his clothes are also a dead giveaway it’s not so much that he specifically purchases anything cause it’s designer but if it looks nice he doesn’t see it as any different buying from any other store around. smells awfully lot like privilege but he’s unapologetic in getting exactly what he wants, it’s not his problem if someone takes offence to that

kind of also hates that he’s so dependant on parent’s money still but has made peace with it by giving away and works twice as hard for his own stuff, regardless if it yields anything cause he’s not doing this whole painting thing as a means to gain money ( would like to, but alas, it’s a tricky career path ) more from pure passion for the art

and noeul def is not gonna tell them to stop sending him cash he'll just have fun spending it in all the shit they'd hate-- even if they've basically set conditions but weird enough haven't cut him off yet. guess that really is the only thing they can give him and they know it too :))

so. doesn’t actually like sitting idle even tho he all but could, yet cannot happily place himself in an establishment with very strict 9 to 5 shifts and such, so if and when he takes on extra work occasionally it’s always part-time, and for own personal gratification

in the case of him recently taking on a spot as a part-time barista here in acarike ( started like, two days ago or something ) was also bc of keeping up appearances ( surely he would run out of money eventually? no, but no one needs to know that ) and getting to know some of the people around since his group of road-tripping friends have seriously decided to settle in

if anyone was wondering yes he has experience working in cafes, among other places. his parents abhorred him taking on such jobs at all cause “what was the point? are we not providing enough?” first of all did he ask?

I guess he is currently residing in the stardust motel?? but is looking for a place

for him travelling in the past few years has been sorta cathartic, inspiring if I dare say both in personal growth and in his work since he can decide on everything by himself, where he wants to go, for how long, for why etc

sometimes likes when he has company for that, other times he just needs to make a trip in solitary. altogether prefers meeting random people along the way

is a kind of odd friend, loyal, compassionate and all that but puts himself before anyone else. or rather puts his emotional and other needs before everything else. if he feels you’re the one getting more out of it than he is it’s not worth it sorry. very generous tho and sees it as his duty to help others in any way if it doesn’t inconvenience him. not unreliable but available only when it suits him. so unless it’s life threatening or emotional distress he will not drop everything for even a friend’s sake you can wait an hour or two. can make friends as quick as he drops them

might get a little inappropriately affectionate with friends. especially so when intoxicated

is an even weirder lover. he loves the idea and feeling of being in love and the emotional thrill of it. relationships are fun yeah but commitment?? not in his. vocabulary. to elaborate he lives for the push and pull and the suspense of it all and needs things to stay stimulating on all levels across the board when deepening relationships further while also being able to maintain a sense of own freedom. he craves the sort of emotional security and gratification it all brings but refuses to become dependant on it ( he knows how that will go ), furthermore does not like all the limitations it brings nor everything being perfect to the point of feeling fake??

tries to make it clear that he’s NOT looking for anything long term but even then people haven’t taken it well when he out of the blue announces they should stop whatever it is they’re doing. he always feels bad about it and tries to part in good terms but yeah :// many hearts have been broken. it’s probably even worse for the other person cause Noeul himself seems to have absolutely no problem continuing his life like nothing happened. all this has made him into a bit of a serial dater??

in whole he takes everything as they are, nothing is everlasting and he doesn’t try to make it so, doesn’t necessarily want to. values experiences but doesn’t get too hung up on letting go of them. including relationships. this is something a lot of people in his life wont understand and it’s frustrating for everyone involved sometimes but you gotta do what you gotta do. might be scared of opening up to people. of that attachment. maybe he’s actually just picky and is waiting for something out of the world magical who knows

repels all negativity as if his life depended on it like. add begone thot meme here

but can also be very confrontational so???

is actually in constant war with himself over positive and negative emotions but filters that out pretty handily. most of the time. cause uh absolutely will turn vicious and loud when angry. sensitive to criticism and personal attacks but gets over it quick enough. does hold grudges but mainly towards people whose opinion he cares about. strangers rarely phase him. has random emotion™ bursts but tbh only cries when being shouted at and/or being target of someone’s wrath-- OR when noeul's angry himself?? also lowkey dramatic but most of the time he’s just sorta chill and cheery, occasionally sarcastic but in a good-natured way he doesn’t mean ill with it. has very strong opinions on some things but doesn’t care if someone else sees it differently. as long as they’re not saying their way is the only right way. or if their reasoning is utter bullshit which he will call out then :))

negative people just make him laugh. will not take your ass seriously at all if you’re being a douche. used to take offence to these kinds of people all the time but he’s grown out of it and learned to simply ignore people who don’t deserve the time of his day. at least outwardly.

similarly used to be very.. well. lets say prone to letting people control and push him around cause that’s what he had learned to accept but whoo boy when he finally figured it out and took the reigns into own hands no one could stop him try it bitch

likes doing things in own terms in general, need for control has kinda taken off so will not take kindly to being ordered around in any manner. tries not to impose on other people or be pushy himself but cannot stand indecisiveness so. it happens. for better or for worse

in tune with his surroundings and current community of people if something’s off he can sense it and it will bug him to no end before it’s fixed. this could be anything from his room being in disarray to something going on in the city in whole

I ain’t saying he’s a psychic but actually stupid intuitive most cases WILL see through your bullshit don’t even try

…ok but lowkey into supernatural stuff and spirituality all that jazz he’s gone through it all while trying to find himself– which is a whole another can of worms we ain’t opening here

did I forget to mention noeul and co ( minho & jae ) rolled into town in this shiny big rv. he's def looking to buy a smaller car to drive around

not too keen on giving rides to strangers since this one time two summers ago that went south real fast when a guy pulled a knife on him. has a pretty big scar to show for it on his right side? tummy?? there’s a pic in the profile page if you’re curious. he jokes about it now "it adds character" but is actually terrified of that happening again so perpetually jumpy minho blames himself for it cause he's dumb

you can prob hear him coming 5 miles away with the amount of jewellery he adorns

don’t get me started on his wardrobe it’s a mixed bag and then some. gender norms belong into the fiery pits of a volcano

is equal parts a tea & coffee enthusiast basically lives off that stuff. i'm probably not even exaggerating here boy forgets to eat when he gets focused on something and just wolfs down a pot of coffee.

obsessed with watermelon flavoured lollipops probably has one on him at all times somehow magically pulls them outta thin air??

you can prob find him painting outside in the randomest places when the weather's nice

likes painting on people probably as much as painting them

it’s not an intimacy thing I swear. but. can be?? probably accidentally turns that way that’s just how he is

prefers either to focus on faces ( eyes specifically ) or nude models in general fcking @ him

this. is so long already I’m sorry omg

and that’s all I got my brains’ fried over this all but yo come plot with me pls also check my plots maybe orrr if you want me to check your plots ( I’d love to!! ) come poke me ay ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

#acarike:intro #i am physically incapable of keeping these things short #hands out cookies to anyone who read through all that bless your heart #cake gif bc CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES COME ON!

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salemspoint-blog · 7 years

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❝ If socrates can make a career out of telling people that they’re stupid then so can I. ❞

» Jeremiah Ainsworth » Thirty-one (900+) » Vampire » Lawyer » DJ Cotrona

Physical Appearance —

Jeremiah tends to be well dressed all the time. When he is working he is always dressed professional and is in a suit, he prepares himself well for his days when he is in the firm and when he is in Court. He takes pride in how he dresses but isn’t really a huge fan of it. Which is why he tends to be himself when he is working the farm in jeans and a simple shirt. His movenments are delivered with full confidence and no second guessing is ever done. He never gives too much of himself to anyone else and just reacts to them. Mostly he does his best just to irk other people, pushing buttons is a hobby of his. He can be diplomatic if he has to be but tends to avoid that most of the time. He says what he means all the time unless there is something else that is more valeuable.

Personality Traits —

♦ Loyal, authenticity and conscientiousness ♢ Callous, machiavellian and secretive

Biography —

Even angels have their demons that had been what Jeremiah’s mother had always told him. It was a justification for their father’s cold nature – something to make Jeremiah not hate him. All the daddy issues managed to fall onto his older brother and younger sister. Jeremiah never really cared for the man. All he knew was that he had a duty to be there for his parents. To provide for them because their father lacked in that department. Jeremiah grew up with the idea that he had a father but never really saw that being played out. His father would come and go on trips that were supposedly important. Their father was obsessed with raising their social standards – to right the wrong that had once occurred to their family decades ago when the ruling family had been the Ainsworth in town till his father’s older brother was murdered by the current family in place. Jeremiah’s siblings always felt like they had been robbed of their lives – Jeremiah didn’t mind being dirt poor. He enjoyed working the land and being able to read instead of attending governmental meetings with idiots that thought they knew what they were doing. His father had always hoped that Jeremiah and his brother would take back the family’s rightful place but realized with time that Jeremiah didn’t care nor have the passion for it.

In the start, Jeremiah and his siblings were close as thieves. They worked the farm together during the day and would go out at night to run the town. Jeremiah looked up to his brother – he wanted to be just like him when he was younger. Those were the simpler times. His sister coming along was the best thing to ever happen to the family. She brought the grace and delicate element that the Ainsworth family lacked. Then things started to change when they entered their teenage years. Where Jeremiah proved that he had no intention of turning the town that he had grown up upside down just to create a power change. His brother, on the other hand, had a different plan. Jeremiah had thought that perhaps with time his brother would see reason and join him with just letting go of this family feud when he went off to law school. His sister was under his wing and he always took care of her. Jeremiah always provided safety for his family in ways that didn’t require another war.

He should’ve known that he was going to fail when he started to fall in love with Isabella, the daughter of his father’s enemy. The two had hated each other – they had been taught to hate each other. Then just like that, they started to both realize neither of them really disliked each other. The two would constantly bicker and neither thought it would become nothing more than a friendship – but the more time they spent the more they realized they bother shared the same dreams. Dreams of getting out of town and traveling the world. Getting the chance to see everything and help those that needed the help. Isabella wanted to be a teacher and Jeremiah had wanted to just farm a land and be able to feel the poor without the skyrocket taxes. Isabella’s father had nothing against Jeremiah, instead saw him as a wild card that he could use against his arch enemy, Jeremiah’s father. Jeremiah wasn’t an idiot he knew the political plays that would come out if he did go public with Isabella, so he denied her this. Instead, he publically broke up with her in front of the entire town. That was the first time that he was able to see a preview of how cruel he could be.

For years both of them kept their friendship hidden from everywhere. The woman told Jeremiah she couldn’t be in a secret relationship. Though both knew they couldn’t be together it didn’t stop the feelings from being there. Jeremiah was devoted to Isabella completely – even when other females tried they never came close to her. Isabella ended up putting her dream of being a teacher on hold and stayed in town for Jeremiah. Jeremiah started to push the political ladder as a local politican – his community started to stand behind him. The Ainsworth farm became successful and his relationship with his parents – including his father – improved. His sister was in love and was going to marry above as well. The Ainsworth family started to have a meaning once again and it was not some pitiful family or a reminder of what they had once been. His older brother ended up coming back in town and enjoyed the changes. He was proud that Jeremiah had seen the light and was devoted to moving up the social ladder. What he didn’t know – what no one knew – was that Jeremiah was doing this with the sole purpose to marry Isabella. The change was slow though – too slow for their older brother and what Jeremiah didn’t know was that his brother had died.

The man that had come back was a vampire. The supernatural was not something that Jeremiah had ever wanted to join. Even when his brother stood in front of him and demonstrated him all his new abilities and the new concept of living forever, didn’t interest him. Jeremiah refused his brother’s offer and told him that he was not his brother anymore. The man took him off his life. Jeremiah then proceeded to propose to Isabella and planning a life away from this entire town and its madness. Oh if only it would’ve ended there because what happened next ended up changing the man that Jeremiah became. His brother took their younger sister and turned her. His older brother could be an amazing manipulative son of a bitch – not to mention that their relationship of siblings had always been twisted. The next memory that Jeremiah had was waking up in a blood pool of his parents. His first visage composed of siblings standing tall in front of him as he pushed himself up the ground holding Isabella. They had managed to find the letters that the two had written to each other.

Jeremiah ended up getting his nightmare served to him – he didn’t end up taking over the town. Nor made any political moves. No – Jeremiah ended up becoming his brother’s slave. He was turned and completely sired to his brother from the start. Isabella was kept as a good faith bargaining chip. The three ended up taking over the town and Jeremiah ended up as the victor with everything being his. His sister was fiercely loyal to their brother, even when their brother was abusive towards her. Jeremiah’s learned to resent his siblings making them completely enemies in his eyes. Once his brother realized that the political power was not enough to satisfy his ego, he moved his agenda to a bigger scale and a plan that involved more blood spillage. Through the years the only thing that kept him anchor with who he used to be was Isabella, and his brother knew that. Which was one day why he turned Isabella into a vampire giving Jeremiah the choice to keep her alive meaning that he was going to be selfish because Isabella had always said she never wanted to be a vampire or give her what she wanted and kill her and lose that part of himself forever – Jeremiah picked the latter. He drove a stake through Isabella’s heart, while at the same time losing his morals completely. He knew that the only way to win against his brother was going to be by playing like him. During this time he found time to attend law school since he needed a job to get by with humans.

The vampire became ruthless and more homicidal than ever. He started to mimic his brother’s tendencies and at times even go further. The trio managed to cause havoc and during that time he managed to get his freedom granted via his brother. Jeremiah ran away from his siblings and never looked back. After the betrayals and the lies he never wanted to go back. However, any time he got word that his siblings were getting themselves into deep shit Jeremiah always ended up showing up and helped to keep them safe. During this time he became close friends with Alina and Callista – the only other two that actually ever got Jeremiah to demonstrate any slight of loyalty. Jeremiah no longer is the man he used to be. He is driven by his most selfish desires and takes great pleasure in taking someone’s life away. Salem has managed to provide him everything he has ever wanted. The freedom to do whatever he wants and no ties to anyone. At least he had thought so till he managed to run into Elena who ended up being somewhat of a person he never saw himself caring but ended up becoming friends with her.

There there was Cait – someone that Jeremiah should’ve just killed or enjoyed toying with. After all, she was another vampire that was just a baby. Not to mention the self-loathing managed to drive him insane and yet she got under his skin. Got him to actually open up and think about a relationship, though he kept his relationship close to his heart. Not letting a word out nor ever telling anyone anything. His sister managed to show up one day out of the blue to have a showdown with him. The two exchanged brutal words about the lack of relationship there was. It was disclosed to Jeremiah for the first time that their older brother had abused her but Jeremiah refused to show any sign of weakness so he told her to go to hell. Jeremiah did everything but hand over the keys for her to get lost. But she promised Jeremiah that he would regret his cold nature towards her and that Cait might end up being the one to pay the price. This ended up causing friction between Cait and Jeremiah as he tried to push her away and get her to see that he could have a better life without him. However, things managed to change and he ended up allowing himself to enjoy the bliss with Cait – but knowing that Emilia, her creator was another obstacle that they would have to face.

The price that his sister had predicted came early. Or perhaps Jeremiah was looking for an excuse. There was word that his sister had managed to fall trap into their brother’s games. The vampire hesitated between actually going and aiding his sister and letting her just die. Jeremiah had a good thing in Salem but the thing was that ever since the showdown and the harsh words of his sister he never was able to be okay with how things were handled. So he got up and left town. Taking care of his sister – only it was not as easy as that. His brother had gone back home and taken full reign. Going back home was like the prodigal son returning home, only Jeremiah didn’t get a party in his honor. Instead, he got himself into a contract with the devil himself. The sight of his sister dagger was enough to get Jeremiah to sign himself over to his brother in exchange of his sister’s freedom. Jeremiah was going to honor his contract till his brother betrayed him and killed Jeremiah’s long time red headed friend, that was when Jeremiah did his scheme and killed ½ of his team and ran back to Salem.

#jeremiah ainsworth #takenm #c.vampire #dj cotrona

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