#(YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE CELIBATE FOR LIFE. duh.) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

offscreendeath · 2 years

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obi wan

they really struggled giving leia something to do bless her heart...i thought she was gonna do some cool 10 year old prodigy hacking force power shit at least...they had this cutie basically unplug a microwave by herself with no adult supervision and we're supposed to be like. haha yes girlboss! ok sweetie great job we love a young princess doing basic tasks with little to no complex steps...

i know one thing they better not make luke any more capable than she is like ok he's still a dumbass inexperienced farm boy and leia is at least really clever and socially savvy even for a princess...maybe they can start to build up to luke bein more tech savvy and scrappy...like his favva

speaking of....

anakin the original edgelord school shooter neonazi fr

i know obi wan hurt i mean imagine your young nigga traded for the ops and got up on you hella times and has experience murkin niggas on both sides so he hella experienced and got every nigga shook

but anakin a weak nigga fr tho

like obi wan kept humbling him and it drove homie nuts because he kept failing and that nigga hate failing obviously but obi wan the only nigga that kept his ego in check and literally took bro to school

its wack tho bc vader knows how to push his buttons too tho and he keeps getting hit with the mean ass juke moves at the last moment and get stuck looking foolish

now his ass lookin dumb. again. and he's supposed to be a literal nightmare murder machine...lmao embarassing

he hurt!

so naturally he just goes even more berserk because he gotta let that shit out and we know he aint fuckin on nobody no mo

(even though yikes what are the implications here bc disabled people can definitely still fuck and stuff like even villains like this is the future babe why vader can't get a new set of junk or some hoes? c'mon)

anyway all that do is make obi-wan even more disappointed in him LMAOOOO like ah yeah i see you're still doing fucked up shit and imma still have to whoop up on that ass like i did last time bc you literally don't learn...

if i was obi wan and was stuck basically raising kid i'd be like yep fuck my life this nigga is way too ignorant...you just inheriting the big homie responsibilities and you was just a lil homie yourself

gahdam!! and now he got ptsd from soldiering (duh) and shit probably wondering if all that jedi prophecy shit he was indoctrinated with was cap the whole time. know i would be

and of course tala ass had to die i knew that as soon as i heard about them war crimes...sad moment with disposable literally mute giant robot...they even shot her womb out just to drive home that obi wan is celibate and aint fuckin on nobody...nope no romantic subplot here...

even blew up sis for good measure lmaoooo

how did she not know that the empire was problematic bitch they're an EMPIRE what u thought! the goons are literally called stormtroopers bro and everybody dress in s&m gear whats not clickingggg

and from there we got...

3rd sistagirl!!! she had to take that L of course she's not fading the big blood... but she held her own against lord drill-a-lot vader longer than most niggas do tbh like she should be proud of herself for lasting that long but ugh

whats a sith-sith relationship without some betrayal like that's the problem with hanging with niggas who treat life as disposable..u next mf lol you can lose yo special privileges anytime boss

shit grimy!

that nigga vader INVENTED the "it be ya own niggas" traitor arc tho so like of course he saw it coming lol just because he's a bitchass don't mean he actually stupid he just as predictable as he said obi-wan is

but honestly fuck it can't blame a bitch for trying i mean why not get him while he's literally marinating in his little gamerfuel tank while he aint even got no arms and cant breathe presumably without his snorkel?

hit him then, tf?

yeah ur right its probably heavily guarded but pop a grenade innat bitch one good time and issa wrap! idk this is why im not actually an assassin i guess

i hope they give her a new cut...a new color...whats her night routine like i gotta know....whats the bonnet in the off-hours how do the sith self-care?

#obi wan series #banter #bout to watch ep vi

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hoyoungy · 6 years

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001. Sanctioned | Jun

genre: comedy, mentions of sex, college/roommates au, friends with benefits au | jun x fem!reader summary: dating does not come easy to apartment 417. sex is even worse. well, maybe it was just you. it seems like everyone you know is able to get laid, get a date - hell, even a hug! you look sad and desperate as you wallow in your dry spell, so when your roommates soonyoung, mingyu, and minghao try to be your wingmen on a saturday night, you end up signing a no-strings-attached contract with a very familiar, but very much willing face word count: 2839 a/n: .... i know i literally just said i didn’t want to post this soon...... yet here i am..... im sorry..... warnings include swearing, alcohol, mentions of sex, dialogue-heavy, and platonic relationships

part 002

“I think I’m gonna be celibate,” you said as you plopped down on the couch next to Soonyoung. You just wasted the past couple of days talking to this guy on Tinder and you just found out he was about to graduate… high school. You would think college would be the prime time for you to find a hookup through a free dating app, but boy, were you wrong. Probably because people your age were being competent adults who didn’t need an app to talk to someone.

“You said that last week,” Soonyoung said, not looking up from his textbook on the coffee table. He knew this routine all too well.

“But I mean it this time.”

“Didn’t you also say that last week?”

“I’m sure I did.”

“Did something happen to that Felix guy on Tinder?”

“He was so young it felt illegal,” you groaned.

“Like, Chan young?”

“Younger.”

“Jesus Christ, you cradle-robber.”

“Shut up, I know, ok! It’s not my fault, he totally lied about his age!”

“I don’t know, _____, you’re not getting any younger. Who knows, maybe young guys could be your new thing? It seems to be working. I know a few people! For example, Mingyu -”

“Soonyoung, I will not begin my cradle-robbing career with Mingyu, of all people.”

“Did someone say cradle-robbing and my name in the same sentence? Is there an older woman in need?” you both heard Mingyu say as he walked through the front door. He tossed his backpack near the collection of shoes in the corner before grabbing a snack in the kitchen like he always did when he came home.

“Ugh, I can just feel my panties drying up every time you speak.”

“Words can hurt, you know.”

“Are we making fun of Mingyu again?” Minghao said as he left his room to join you all.

“I literally just got home, can’t I have a snack first?” he pouted.

“Guys, it’s 4:00 PM, which means it’s my hour to complain! If we aren’t going to follow the schedule, then this is anarchy.” You referred to the poorly-drawn clock on the dry erase board that hung in the kitchen. Every hour that struck 11 or 4, AM or PM, was your time to complain about anything and everything, and the rest of the time was divided amongst the rest of the roommates. Your complaining got so out of hand that the boys decided to punish you by giving you set hours in a day and you were sure to use up every damn second.

“Sorry, Mingyu just makes it so easy,” Minghao snorted. “So what’s up?”

“What’s up is that I haven’t had sex in six months.”

“I am eating, you penis-repellant,” Mingyu scolded with cheeks full of food.

“My God, six months? I thought six days was bad… What happened with that Sungjin guy you brought home a couple of months ago?” Soonyoung asked.

“He ended up, um… Crying…”

“About what!?”

“Bro, I don’t even know, I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Yikes, ok. How about Sehun from Accounting?”

“Passed out when we got home.”

“Jin from the bar?”

“Strictly a cuddler.”

“Uh, Gymhead Youngjae?”

“Pulled a muscle before the foreplay started.”

“Steven the exchange student!?”

“See, it was going well, but the language barrier was kind of a big thing -”

“Good lord, you really are a penis repellant,” Soonyoung sighed. “You’re hopeless.”

“Couldn’t even get with Steven the exchange student,” Mingyu tisked.

“Guys, what do I do ~ !?” You threw your face into the nearest pillow. The years of your youth were dwindling down with each passing second and all you wanted to do was to have some fun, but these past six months have amounted to nothing.

You couldn’t blame anyone else but yourself, though. You’ve been single your entire college career - like, never had a boyfriend, but have gone on dates and had hookups and it was all by choice. These were the best, stressless four years of your entire life. You didn’t wanted to bother with your never-ending fear of commitment, but it was starting to take a real toll on your needs. If you just sucked it up and got a boyfriend, you wouldn’t be looking like a desperate mess.

“Let’s go out tonight,” Mingyu suggested. “It’s a Saturday night, midterms are over, we’ll be each other’s wingman, and I heard Jun’s throwing a banger ~”

“Jun!?” you screeched. “Isn’t his place like, super nice?”

“Yeah, his rent is ridiculous, but that’s how all foreign exchange students are.” All at once, you, Mingyu, and Soonyoung glared at a cowering Minghao who wore his Gucci slip ons. “C’mon, we’ll get all gussied up and have fun and - oh! Let’s all match!”

“Why…”

“Uh, because we’re a squad? Duh?”

“Fine, but I only wear black when I go out. It’s slimming.”

“Agreed, it makes my cheeks look not as squishy,” Soonyoung said.

“And it makes my orange hair stick out,” Minghao nodded.

“Ugh, you’re all so boring. Black it is. And we’re leaving promptly at 10:30 PM or his infamous concoction of Moon Juice, trademark is gonna run out.”

“Guys, can you be real with me and judge my outfit?” you asked as you stepped out from your room. The other three were ready to go, sitting in the living room. They all looked in your direction with wide eyes when you came out in an all black outfit that looked too hard to breathe in. “Be honest, does this scream ‘I’m desperate, please have sex with me’ ?”

“Your shoes sort of whisper ‘I’m both desperate and old’, but the outfit is yelling into a microphone saying ‘I am ready to drop to my knees any second’,” Minghao nodded as a matter-of-factly.

“That has to be the nicest thing you have ever said to me,” you smiled. “Ok, let’s get drunk and get laid ~!”

“We sound so sad right now,” Soonyoung sighed, closing the door behind him.

“So what’s the game plan? Is there an outline? An itinerary? Syllabus, maybe? Examples from previous students last semester?”

“All I know is Mingyu’s in charge.”

“Hell yeah, I’m in charge. And the plan is that there is no plan.”

“What, how could there be no plan?” you asked.

“You can’t make plans to get laid, that takes the whole fun out of the equation! See, we’re probably going to be, like, the best looking people there, and that means we have to be the ones playing hard to get.”

“That’s the exact opposite of what I’m trying to be.”

“Lucky for you, you won’t have to try hard because you kind of make yourself hard to get already when your standards are impossibly high.”

“They are not impossibly high!”

“Didn’t you turn down a guy because he wore man-flops?”

“Yeah, but -”

“And that one guy who wore really low v-necks?” Minghao chimed.

“Ok, well -”

“Can’t forget the one guy in our Stats class who wrote with 1.0 mm pens and pencils -”

“That is a completely valid reason, Soonyoung, and you know it! No one older than ten writes with such a large diameter!” you pouted. “Ok, I get it, I’m hard to get, but why is it when I’m trying to be easy to get, I still end up in bed alone?”

“Because you go for the guys who are also naturally hard to get! That’s the number one biggest mistake we beautiful people make all the time.”

“So you want her to bring home some ugly dude whose standards are as low as a sex doll with a fleshlight installed?” Soonyoung snorted.

“No, she just has to learn to play smart and pick out the guys like us - guys that only look like we’re playing hard to get.”

“Translation, Mingyu wants to have sex with you.”

“That is also true, but we signed a No Conflict-of-Interest contract, so I begrudgingly abide by it.”

“I almost forgot about that one. We have way too many contracts.” You sighed as the four of you arrived in front of Jun’s apartment - no, loft. If it was on the very top floor of a high-rise, you’d consider it a penthouse, it was that big. The door was tall and wide, made of some steel maybe? Iron? It was the most beautiful door you’ve ever seen, like it came out of a dream apartment catalog under the industrial themed homes, right next to the rustic section.

When Mingyu opened the door, there were so many people inside that even Mingyu couldn’t see past two rows of people.

“What the hell, it’s only 10:45! Why are there so many people here!? Minghao, call him ~!”

“Way ahead of you - yah, Hyung, we just got here!” Minghao yelled over the phone. “We’ll try to get to the windows. Bring four cups of juice while you’re at it!”

The four of you squeezed through the tight crowd with Minghao taking the lead. You took the opportunity to look at potential targets, but there was way too much going on to even focus on that. Jun had lots of plants and neon signs in his loft that you felt like you were in a music video set in California by some Soundcloud DJ. They really added to his cool, rich boy ambiance, except for the one guy taking a piss in one of the plant pots.

“See anyone you like yet?” Soonyoung asked once the four of you found an empty space to chill out in.

“I feel like I don’t eat enough avocado toast and arugula to get with anyone here…” you groaned. “Also, I don’t think my prescription is bad enough? This isn’t the pregame to a poetry slam, is it?”

“Why do you always ruin everything?”

“It’s the cynicism in me.”

“Found you!” Jun slipped through in front of you pinching four red cups filled with pink liquid. After handing each of you a cup, he casually wrapped his arm around your shoulder, pressing his cheek to the top of your head. “Ah, I missed you guys ~”

“Are you drunk?” you teased.

“No, I’m drunk.”

“Good lord…”

“The host isn’t supposed to be drunk!” Minghao scolded. “You do this every time and regret it because your place gets trashed!”

“It’s fine, I scheduled the cleaning crew to come at six tomorrow morning!” Jun giggled, squeezing your shoulders tightly. “I am having a great time, are you having a great time, _____?”

“I always have a good time drinking Moon Juice.” The drink touched your lips and you immediately cringed, regretting taking such a large gulp. It tasted much stronger than the first time he ever made it when you all were eighteen - was it supposed to burn this badly going down? “Holy shit, Jun, what’s in this!?”

“Lots of Everclear. I thought the new recipe was appropriate.”

“Good, she needs more of it.” Mingyu tilted your cup upwards, forcing you to gulp more down. “C’mon, you need more liquid courage before we start.”

“Start what?”

“Our hunt. It’ll end up being a scavenge if we continue at this pace.”

“Ooh, a hunt! I want to participate,”

“Wow, ok I am definitely feeling it,” you muttered, trying not to spit out the liquid heat. “I am feel - ing it…”

“Good, now go talk to that guy over there who’s been eyeing you since you walked in.” Mingyu gently shoved you towards a shy-smiling stranger across the way and you could feel your flirty instincts mix with the alcohol.

Let the hunt begin.

“Four hours,” you sighed. “I flirted for four hours and I got nothing!”

You were the only one left in Jun’s apartment, ‘helping’ him by drinking the rest of the Moon Juice so that it doesn’t go to waste and fueling your self-hatred. The guys left earlier, walking away much luckier than you and leaving you here to rot in your misery. Jun sat beside you with a cup of his own in his hands, listening to you rant for the last thirty minutes.

“I mean, I know I’m not the sexiest woman in the world, but I like to think that I’m kind of up there on the looker-scale, you know? Am I wrong, Jun?”

“Honestly, those guys are blind, _____.”

“Thank you!”

“Both theoretically and literally. Some of them are legally blind.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah…”

You sighed loudly again, kicking an empty cup that was on the floor in front of your feet. You tilted your head roughly to face Jun who only scowled at the mess everyone made. It was probably the alcohol talking, but in all your years of knowing Jun, you never previously appreciated how handsome he was as much as you are right now. His bone structure was so perfect and skin so clear and hair ends so kept together that you hated him for it.

“Stop looking at me like that, it’s embarrassing,” he chuckled.

“You’re just so damn perfect and I hate you.”

“See, if you were this charming earlier, you might have had someone to take home tonight! Why are you trying so hard, anyways?”

“Don’t laugh at me, ok?”

“No promises.”

“I haven’t had sex in six months.”

“Oh… Wow…” he whistled quietly, holding in his laugh. “I’m so sorry… Are you ok? Is there, like, something wrong with you, like did you have surgery or something -”

“Don’t pity me!”

“I’m not, I’m genuinely concerned for you! Do you at least play with yourself -”

“Shut up, for the love of God, don’t finish that sentence -”

“- or use toys, because if you don’t, I know a guy that sells customized ones and the quality is amazing -”

“If you don’t shut up, I’m going to scream.”

“Ok, ok,” he grinned. He playfully ruffled your hair when you kept the pout on your face. “Glad to see you’re still the same cute orientation leader that I met my sophomore year.”

“And you’re still the same reckless foreign exchange student that breaks the hearts of hundreds of young girls.”

“You flatter me too much.”

In the span of that short banter you and Jun shared, the two of you ended up with little-to-no space between each other on the couch. Your head fit comfortably on his broad shoulder and his soft hand felt warm as it rubbed your bare inner-thigh affectionately. His hand travelled a little higher with each stroke, sparking your interest and your core.

You knew exactly where this was headed.

“So, Jun…” you began awkwardly. “You wanna, like… you know ~”

“Good lord, is this how you’ve been asking guys to have sex with you this whole time!?” he asked. “No wonder they’ve all said no.”

“No…! I was totally cool about it when I asked…!”

“Prove it,” Jun challenged, sitting up to face you properly. “Show me how you ask to have sex.”

“Can’t you just be normal and carry me bridal-style to your room and, like, ruin me? Why do you have to test me!?”

“C’mon, _____, you know I’m not normal. I’m also trying to help you for future encounters. What if this is where your problem starts! Are you willing to risk that possibility?” Jun chuckled as you vigorously shook your head. “Good. Now show me how you ask, or we’re not doing it.”

“Ugh, you’re so weird!” you groaned, preparing your game-face reluctantly. “Ok, fine. Jun, will you ~ do the… do… with me.”

“Oh, my God, you are hopeless.”

“I am completely hopeless!” You buried your crying face into Jun’s strong, toned, and unexplainably exposed chest as he rubbed your back sincerely. “I need help!”

“Yeah, you do.”

“Jun, you need to help me.”

“Absolutely not -”

“Please, you are literally my only hope! Everyone in the apartment has done nothing to help me!”

“I’d much rather take your previous offer by just having sex with you instead,” he declared

“I mean, I assumed we were doing that anyways, but it’s not like you and I are going to keep it up after that.”

“Why not?” Jun’s smirking face leaned in close to yours so that the tips of your noses almost touched. “I wouldn’t mind.”

“Are you proposing what I think you’re proposing? Because I don’t play games when it comes to deals, especially of this kind, Jun, so you better not be joking -”

“Holy shit, _____, you talk too much.”

After cutting you off, he aggressively pressed his lips to yours. He showed you that he wasn’t going to hold back tonight by shoving his tongue in your mouth and crawling on top of you on the couch. Even though you saw this coming, it didn’t stop your skin from feeling like fire wherever his hands touched you. The both of you were definitely still drunk and you both knew it when your hands messily explored each other’s bodies and struggled to remove each other’s clothes.

“Should we go to your room?” you asked breathlessly as Jun nibbled on the sensitive spot on your neck.

“Mm, no,” he muttered between kisses. “I don’t think I could wait that long.”

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cheetahsprints · 6 years

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Subtle Grace

Summary: Harrison Wells met his guardian angel, in a surprising turn of events. Words: 2637 Sequel: Here

Links have been fixed.

Harrison awoke with a splitting headache. He groped for a pillow and pressed it to his face. He groaned. Luckily, the curtains were closed. He felt strange. His mind was hazy. He clawed the information from his depths.

The last thing he remembered, it was raining. He had been tracking Russell Glosson, who was the key to his wife’s murder. The police didn’t believe it had been on purpose. Just a car accident, it happens, they said. A little digging had revealed the truth. The man blocking them at every turn was nicknamed Turtle, slow yet efficient.

He had pulled up on a dead end. He was taking a break at Jitters. By chance, Turtle had showed up there. Harrison had cornered him in the alley. He had his handgun pointed, but then -- but then. The memory tried to slip between his fingers.

He curled on his side and pushed the pillow harder to his face. He forced himself to fight past the muck. There had been another guy. Harrison couldn’t recall his face. He must not have seen it. He memorized faces with ease. He had hit the ground, searing pain climbing all over his right side. There was blood everywhere, mixing with the rain.

He was dying. The last thought was of his daughter. He thought of how he was a horrible father for leaving her an orphan. She would probably find out on the news or have to identify his body. His broken ribs screamed with every sob that had escaped him.

A bright light had blinded him. He’d been by a river, in the height of summer. It reminded him of camping with his late wife, when they were wild and youthful. But she wasn’t there. He had seen himself, floating in the river, which was turning red. Everything was too bright. He ached all over. He thought he heard a flapping of large wings, but he couldn’t see any birds.

He couldn’t figure out how he ended up in bed. He tossed the pillow to the floor. He pawed at his body. He had no injuries. That was impossible. His breathing sped up, panic setting in. He sat up. There was no agony, no blood. There was only the lingering feeling of nearly cracking his head open on the asphalt. He had the sensation that he wasn’t alone. His eyes darted over each corner of his room.

“What the hell,” Harrison screeched. There was a shadowed figure at the end of his bed.

His body jerked, and he somehow flung himself off the bed. His legs were tangled in the sheets. He collapsed on the floor in a heap. He crawled across the floor. He yanked his drawer open and grabbed his gun. He nearly pulled the trigger but considered the shoot first and ask questions later wouldn’t work if he killed the mysterious person. Whoever it was didn’t appear to be armed or preparing to attack him.

“Who are you? Step into the light,” Harrison snarled. The shadowy figure was revealed to be a short man with hair curling down past his shoulders. He held his hands up in a silent plea.

He took him a moment to comprehend the most noticeable feature. Behind the stranger stretched a pair of enormous white wings with a bluish hue. There was a bright blue unearthly glow about him. He wore a red and black tunic. He had some kind of golden crown, and he had matching eyeshadow. He was the most beautiful being Harrison had ever seen. Although Harrison wondered if the angel just automatically had that effect on mortals.

Harrison was one of the most skeptical people on the planet. He certainly didn’t believe in all the guardian angel crap that was the rage these days, especially within his daughter’s generation. But now, the proof was right in front of him. He liked proof.

He could just have a concussion.

“My name is Francisco Ramon,” the angel bowed, “I am your guardian angel.”

“Why did you save me? If angels always protected people, no one innocent would die.”

Francisco absentmindedly plucked a feather. It disappeared in a puff of smoke when he dropped it. The wings folded, and he plopped on the edge of the bed.

“It wasn’t your time,” he said simply. Harrison rolled his eyes.

“So my wife was supposed to die then is that it? She was on some cosmic list?”

Francisco crossed his legs. He tilted his head toward Harrison. “I don’t know anything about your wife. I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Why are you still here? Why can I see you?”

“You sure have a lot of questions dude.” Then Francisco shrugged. “I’m sticking around to make sure you don’t do anything dumb.”

Dude? What was that about? He realized he was still on the floor. He blushed with indignation and hauled himself on the bed. He carefully set his firearm on the nightstand. He narrowed his eyes at the angel casually lounging in his apartment, on his bed. Like he owned the place.

Harrison huffed. “That’s Dr. Wells to you. And you didn’t say why I can see you.”

“Oh. Um. That’s on a need to know basis,” Francisco mumbled, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.

Harrison had heard of people claiming they had seen their guardian angel. In those situations, the angel was supposedly meant to be with them, usually in a romantic capacity. The notion made Harrison want to step on a bunch of flowers out of pure spite. He dismissed it. There was only so much supernatural elements he could wrap his brain around. Even if his angel was also his soulmate (which would truly confirm the universe hated him), he didn’t believe in fate. He could move on with life, ignoring it.

In most cases, a prominent sign was a certain feeling, sound, or taste they suddenly experienced during the first kiss. He didn’t plan on finding out.

Besides, he couldn’t do that to someone so full of light. He didn’t know exactly what would happen to him when he died, but it had nothing to do with Heaven, or wherever Ramon came from. He wouldn’t belong there.

Harrison pushed off from the bed. He paid the angel no mind as he straightened the sheets and pillows. He stomped to the kitchen, only to find his cupboards had been raided. Various open cereal boxes were on the counter. A single bowl was dirty, sitting in the sink, a bit of milk still in it. He didn’t remember buying all this cereal. Must have been Jesse’s doing, although why she needed different kinds, he had no idea. She was in college, but with her mother’s killer on the loose, he couldn’t allow her to stay in a dorm. She wasn’t very pleased with him.

He began closing the boxes and putting them away.

Harrison turned and Francisco was right behind him. He jumped and slammed his elbow right against the counter. He growled and clutched his arm.

“I was thinking. I’m gonna call you Harry.”

Harrison pointedly ignored him and poured his own bowl of cereal. He almost grabbed the Raisin Bran like a responsible adult, but the Reese’s Puffs Francisco had dug into tempted him. He decided to give in this one time. He hummed at the taste. He pretend his guardian stalker wasn’t watching him.

“You can call me Cisco.”

“I’ll call you whatever I want, Ramon, since you’ve taken that liberty for yourself.”

The angel laughed. It was an empty, snide sound. “You’re really a dick you know that? It was like drawing the short straw when I found out they assigned me to you.”

“Oh, notorious am I?”

“A dozen valiant, noble, kind angels have given up you, and everyone has bets going how long it’ll take you to get yourself maimed or killed. I guess I’m your lucky number thirteen?”

“Leave. I don’t need you.”

“You’re really unbelievable.” Ramon scoffed, “I saved your life!”

“Congratulations. Do you want a medal?” Harrison merrily crunched the cereal between his teeth in a large bite.

He and Ramon had a staring match over the table as he ate. Harrison blinked, but he shouldn’t have expected to be able to win against a nearly immortal being. Ramon brushed his hair behind his ear and smirked. Harrison’s libido didn’t mind how sexy he was, and he wondered if angels were celibate or if they married or had orgies. Did they even have time between looking after the lives of insignificant humans for pleasure? He doubted it. He felt a bit of pity.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

Harrison startled. “Like what? I’m not looking at you any special way. Don’t be stupid.”

Ramon didn’t appear impressed. He rested his cheek on the palm of his hand.

“As though you wanted to have me instead of that delicious cereal. I can’t blame you - I am one fine piece of ass.”

“How do you know I don’t literally want to eat you, Ramon. You are irritating,” Harrison deadpanned. Ramon raised an eyebrow.

“Because I know you, Harry, duh.” Ramon drew a circle in front of Harrison’s face. “I watch you when you’re sleeping, when you’re naughty or nice, all that junk. You’re not a cannibal.”

“That’s Santa.”

“Santa is a guardian for all the children. You only get a personal one when you turn eighteen and enter the fun of adulthood,” Ramon replied. Harrison snorted.

“So Santa is real, angels are real. I’m gonna go ahead and assume God and Satan are real.” Harrison paused, lips twitching. “Is the tooth fairy real? Because I’m pretty sure I’m the one who put money under my daughter’s pillow.”

“No tooth fairy or easter bunny I’m afraid. God and Satan are constructs, but there are demons and dark spirits. And we have a leader, the Archangel. Then there’s the speed force which --”

“Please, don’t tell me more. I still have a damn headache.”

“You did hit your head pretty hard. I’m not supposed to fix trivial ailments.”

There was a short silence.

“Wow, you said please. I’m proud of you Harry!” He stuck out his bottom lip. Harrison tried not to contemplate kissing him.

“Do me a favor and shut up.”

Ramon gave him a wide grin. His smile reminded Harrison of the sun rising. His chest constricted. His wife was waiting to be avenged. He couldn’t afford this distraction. Ramon had other ideas.

Ramon flicked his wrist, then rested his chin on top of his hand. “Don’t worry, I’m not interested in mixing my business with pleasure.”

“Neither am I, especially with someone so far below my intelligence level, to think that I’d betray my wife like that,” Harry snapped. It was a little harsh.

Ramon smacked the table. Harrison managed not to jump. He expected Ramon to bite something back at him. He averted his eyes, picking at his fingernail. Harrison despised his stab of disappointment. His bowl clattered into the sink. He was grateful Ramon didn’t feel the need to follow him to the bathroom.

He changed out of his night clothes. He checked his calendar, and he had taken this day off. The hunt for Turtle had taken a toll on him. He didn’t bother getting dressed, he just threw on a black silk robe and sauntered to the living room. He threw himself on the couch and flicked on the TV. He went through the channels and landed on Star Trek. That was good enough.

He was starting to fall asleep again when the sound of popping woke him up. He scowled as Ramon paced the floor. His wings occasionally fluttered and flapped behind him. The breeze almost made Harrison indecent. He clutched the hem of his robe.

“Is that popcorn?”

“My favorite episode is on next! And I’m bored.”

“Because I’m here to entertain you,” Harrison remarked. To his annoyance, Ramon nodded.

“You’re not doing a good job of putting your life in danger. That’s why I’m in this cesspit in the first place.”

“I’m sorry it’s such an inconvenience for you,” Harrison said sarcastically. “When exactly do you have time to watch any series?”

Ramon shook his head. He leaned over the back of the couch, arms pillowing his head. Harrison tightened the belt of his robe and swung his legs to the floor.

“What?”

“You’ll recall I’m not mortal? You’re not my first assignment. Certainly the worst though.”

Ramon chuckled to himself as he strode back to the kitchen. Harrison stole a fistful of popcorn, much to Ramon’s displeasure. He delighted in such a dirty look on a divine angel’s face. He was achingly pretty. Under different circumstances, he would definitely throw his pride and self control to the wind.

He pictured his wife, bleeding all over the dashboard, glass everywhere. After that, his daughter’s tears. Finally, Glosson’s face flashed before him, sneering and taunting.

“What happened to Turtle?”

“Of whom do you speak?”

Harrison glared. Ramon sighed and tipped his head back.

“Russell Glosson is dead. The other guy killed him, somehow just… stopped his heart.”

“To keep him quiet,” Harrison mumbled.

Something wiggled in the back of his mind. There was one person who it might be. Plenty of criminals killed their minions. But only one was known for for his victims having their hearts crushed, while still inside their chests. Glee filled him. Harrison scratched his nose to hide his smile. He would have to be careful, considering Zolomon was the most dangerous serial killer alive. Then again, he had his guardian angel looking after him. Did that mean Ramon would stop him, or just keep him from going into situations where he would surely die?

Ramon stopped his train of thought. “I can see the wheels turning. You’re thinking of doing something dumb aren’t you?”

His wings were slightly opened. They seemed to twitched with nervousness. The edge of one brushed against his head, and he batted it away.

“None of your business.”

Ramon frowned. “OK listen, against my better judgement, I kinda care about you, Harry. You gotta talk to me. Communication is good.”

“I don’t owe you my inner thoughts.” A curiosity derived from his earlier process struck him.

“Can you see the future? Do you know if I will get injured or worse?”

Ramon wrung his hands. He licked his lips and took a moment to answer. His wings drooped.

“Sometimes. It’s - it’s not precise. I’m a bit of a joke upstairs. They say I could be powerful - only if - only if -”

“You lack confidence. Does anyone teach you, or do you have to - learn as you go?”

“The Archangel used to have training regimens for new guardians. They’ve slacked in the last few decades, no one knows why, and they haven’t seen them much. I’ve never even met them,” Ramon explained.

Harrison dropped his chin. He examined Ramon’s troubled expression. “How about a deal? I try not to get myself into serious trouble.”

“And?”

“And. You let me train you.”

“Are you sure training isn’t just code for experimenting.”

Harrison stuck out his hand. “I promise. It seems a worthwhile project.”

Training an angel seemed like the chance of a lifetime. He doubted anyone could ever claim such a thing. He imagined he couldn’t technically tell anyone. Ramon probably wouldn’t appear to someone else. That would be tricky. But he could serve as a way to keep his spirits up, when his mission was hitting brick walls.

Perhaps, it could also serve to distract Ramon. Harrison would have to take a few risks to succeed. Building rapport was out of the question. Ramon barely tolerated him, and his track record suggested that wouldn’t change.

Ramon took his hand and shook it, and there an incredible partnership would begin.

#harrisco #first meeting #guardian angel au #soulmate au #actual angel Cisco Ramon #near death experience #mentions of past death #my fic #I've been wanting to write something in this vein for a while #the muse finally came through

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