#BOBBY I WILL AUTISTICALLY MAKE YOU ANOTHER BEST FRIEND IN MY HEAD | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

specialagentlokitty · 11 months

Text

Chim x Autistic!reader - little shiny rocks

Hi your writing is incredible!! Could we have a 911 imagine where Autistic Reader has a crush on Chim and Eddie and Buck jokingly told her to give Chim a shiny rock, (they don't know she's autistic due to her medical records being sealed up) and she takes them seriously? Ending with Chim actually liking the rocks and Reader gives Eddie and Buck a thumbs up causing Hen who's super protective of Reader like a big sister to find out who told her about the rock thing as Reader doesn't usually explain why or how she was told she would just said what she's doing to Hen. - Anon💜

You looked at Chim from upstairs, he was doing something by one of the trucks and you were just stood there admiring him.

“You actually gonna talk to him?”

You turned to look at Buck and shrugged a little bit.

“Can’t… I don’t know how…”

“Come on, you’ve been crushing on him for ages.”

You shrugged again and went back to watching, and Eddie walked over, standing on the other side of your.

“Why are we watching him?” Eddie asked.

“Because (Y/N) really likes him but won’t tell him.” Buck said.

“Why not give him a shiny rock?”

You looked up at Eddie a little confused.

“Oh yeah, a shiny rock that’ll let him know how you feel.” Buck laughed.

You looked at Buck and nodded your head walking away while they giggled to themselves.

They weren’t actually expecting to do it, so when you walked away they just though you were off to go do something else.

You walked past Hen and she stopped what she was doing to jog over to you.

“Where you going (Y/N)?” She asked gently.

You smiled a little, looking at her and then to the locker room where your bag was.

“I’m going to give Chim a shiny rock.”

“You’re… going to give Chim a shiny rock?” She asked.

You nodded and she followed behind you as you began to rummage through your bag.

Hen knew you kept a handful of shiny rocks in there, to make you happy when you had a hard day because you loved them.

Pulling them all out, you held them in your hands and you turned to her, holding them out.

“Which do you think he’d like?”

Hen hummed a little bit before picking up a shiny pure white one and you nodded, putting all the rest away you were practically bursting with happiness.

You ran away, running over to Chim, and you stopped right in front of him.

“(Y/N) hey, what’s going on?” He asked.

He sat up from what he was doing and you held your hand out, taking his hand you placed the rock in his palm.

“Woah, isn’t this one of your favourite rocks?” He asked.

“It’s for you.”

Chim laughed a little, putting it in his shirt pockets.

“Well thanks, but I don’t have any rocks to give you.”

“That’s okay.” You smiled.

You wondered away happy, and the next day you came back with another rock.

Chim happily took it and added it to his pocket.

And soon enough every day you would come back with more rocks for him, and he began to keep them all on a shelf in his locker, but he took that white one everywhere with him.

“They really enjoy this don’t they?” Bobby laughed.

“They do. Chim loves getting the rocks, and (Y/N) apparently loves bringing them to him. But I can’t figure out who told her too.” Hen said.

Bobby shrugged a little.

“God knows, but come on, look how happy they both are.”

“Bobby she’s doing it because she thinks it’ll make him love her.”

Bobby glanced down at Hen with a small frown.

“Do you think he does?”

“I don’t actually know, but I’m going to find out.”

Hen made her way over to Chim and stood in front of him arms crossed.

“Chimney.”

“Oh full name that’s not good.”

“You’re my best friend, you know I love you right?”

“Yes…?”

Chim stopped what he was doing to look up at his best friend.

“If you break her heart, I will break every bone in your body.”

“Woah, Woah, who said anything about breaking hearts?”

“(Y/N) is giving you rocks because she has a thing for you idiot!” Hen hissed.

“I know.”

“You know?”

Chim nodded his head and grinned a little, reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a little chain, with a dark red rock on it.

“She told me red was her favourite colour, so I found this. It took a few weeks for it to be made but it came this morning.”

Chim put it back in his pocket and looked around.

“I’m going to ask her to dinner when she brings me my daily shiny rock.”

Hen smiled a little bit and nodded, sitting next to him.

“So you’re not going to break her heart?”

“No! Of course not! She’s a little different I know, and maybe in her own time she’ll explain why. But I like that she’s different, she’s just… so pure and bright and happy.”

“She really is, isn’t she?”

Chim nodded his head and smiled to himself.

“Chim!”

They both looked up and you padded over, holding your hand out and he held his out, letting you drop the little stone into his hand.

“I found another.” You beamed.

“I love it, thank you.”

Chim stood up, adding it to his pocket, he pulled the chain out and kept it hidden in his hand.

“Can I give you something?”

“Yes.”

He smiled, and took your hand, pressing the chain into your palm and he let you look at it.

Gasping softly, you jumped from leg to leg excited and beyond happy with the chain he had given you.

“It’s so pretty!”

“Just like you.” He smiled.

You looked up at him.

“Me?”

“I think you’re absolutely beautiful, and wonderful, and I wanted to know if maybe you’d like to get dinner with me tonight?”

You put the chain into your pocket and you quickly nodded your head.

“I would really like that.”

“So would I.”

You quickly hugged him, and he laughed, hugging you back.

Pulling away you turned around, giving Eddie and Buck and thumbs up and Hen stared at the two of them.

“You two told her to give him rocks?”

“Oh crap…” Buck whispered.

“Run!”

Eddie and Buck ran, and Hen chased them around, and you happily stood next to Chim watching, and he smiled softly down at you.

Yeah, you were a little different. But he loved you all the same

#911 x reader #911 fanfic #911 fandom #911 fic #911 fox #911 fox x reader #911 fox imagine #911 fox x you #chimney #chimney x reader #chimney x you #chimney imagine #chim #chim x reader #chim x you #chim imagine

285 notes · View notes

elgascreamslikehell · 11 months

Text

So here we are

Rating g?(I'm old deal with it)

Words 3804

Remarks: I'm more depressed than they are and my autistic ass gets a hyper fixation on them anyway. And yes my sarcasm is unstoppable sorry@notsorry

Eddie is so tired of Buckley lately.

Eddie is so tired when he even sees Buck's face. With all this mimics and unreadable signs. Or there's no signs at all, it's only Eddie's mind games. Most probably it is. Buckley just makes him feel... Feelings.

Eddie doesn't like it. He doesn't like feelings. He prefers not to feel them. He just can't. Evan is everywhere!

He goes to work - there's Evan, he comes home - Evan. He could even enjoy it, apparently, if not for one thing. He feels something to Evan he definitely should not.

It shouldn't be so much of surprise but here he is. He has his toothbrush in Eddie's bathroom, his towel, his drawer with clothes and some stuff. God, most of Eddie's kitchen belongs to Buck! His son belongs to Buck. Legally.

They are best friends. You can't possibly want to kiss your friend. Or worse. It's not fine!

And still he wants. He wants Buck to be... His. That's selfish, no doubt, but he never says he's an angel. So he wants Buck to be his Buck. For real.

They have right now some really twisted friendship to be fair. Ersatz-family. They basically live together, eat together, spend most of the time together. But then Buck says 'It was nice, see you!' and flees away when Eddie wants him to stay. Like forever.

It's fucking scary to be honest. Cause neither Ana nor Marisol never felt that way. It was fun, of course, but... Eddie was fine with them leaving. Actually he was usually quite glad they left.

He is never glad Buckley leaves. Cause he feels it. Eddie hates to feel. And really, even his home is not much of a home when Buck isn't there.

Oh, yes. He fucked up.

***

Anyway their shifts matches most of the time, apparently Bobby sees them as a perfect team somehow, maybe because they share one braincell. And that's definitely Bucks braincell, Eddie just looses it near Evan every time, it's a fortune he can pretend. And a torture at the same time.

And that's exactly explain how they even end up in this situation, tied to each other and standing on the unsafe surface.

"Listen, Edds, I thought..."

Ground starts to shake a little. There was not earthquake warning but still

"Guys, can you please hurry up, it looks dangerous!"

***

When ground under their feet starts to crumble Eddie should decide one thing. Very fast. Like he is back to army. He hates it. Basically because it's so strange - and a little creepy - to answer this kind of question instantly in your head.

If something go wrong who is more expendable? Like now?

That's not really a question - Eddie answered it long time ago.

And it's not Buck.

Never him.

In any case, Diaz could not take another time seeing Buck dead, thank you very much. It still haunts him.

Every time Buckley runs into danger - Eddie freezes. Cause he has a bold picture in his eyes of dead Evan Buckley under the pouring rain.

But if he really needs to explain. How many people would be hurt in this hypothetical situation one of them died? Eddie's list is first. He has Chris.

Well, it's not a long list to be honest.

And here we have Buck's list.

From the top of his head it would be Maddie, Bobby, Athena, Jee Yun, Chris... And Eddie himself, last but not least.

He might be not so good at math as Buckley but that he gets.

Problem solved!

He cuts his safety rope before Buck even tries to say a word and slides down to the abyss seeing how the way is crushed leaving Buck on the other side.

Well, it is not really abyss, of course. Just old water collector. Not a big difference right now.

"Diaz, report! We're coming back for you, only need to reassure this thing won't demolish!"

He stands up. Ok, he's alive. A little confused - looks like a mild concussion, never killed anyone - so basically fine. Only one thing. That's a water collector. Filling up with water fast.

"I'm fine. Little concussion, bruise on the shoulder, it's nothing. Is there any rain?"

"Not here but according to the forecast it's heavy rainfall up the hill, and i suppose you're okay if you asks about the weather"

Well yes but actually no, how to bring it up.

"It could become a problem here.."

His speech is breaking a little

"I ...want to have a confession."

"Maybe you can wait till we get you out? And then you can confess anything. Right after you give me a valid excuse why the heck did you cut your safety rope AGAIN."

Well, it's possible that he has some... Issues. Or just hates harnesses of any kind!

"Bobby.... It's a water collector. It takes, as i can recall, ten to twelve minutes to fill up completely. There's a strong chance you ...don't get me. You know that, i know that. Let's be ....honest."

"Don't you dare, Diaz!"

He can't help but laughs. Oh, captain, you have no idea what he dares now

"It's... fine. I'm an irresponsible ....idiot.... anyway... How's Buck?"

"I'm fine. We're coming for you!"

That's a shame he hears it. So, Edds, you are an idiot in the end.

"Yes, ...okay... Fine"

He tries so hard to his voice sounds normal. More normal then before. It is one thing that Bobby hears him. Or Chim. Or Hen. Or Ravi. Actually anyone but Buck. He is a whole different story, but here we are.

So breath in. Breath out. It's fine till you can still keep yourself together.

"Eddie, talk! Stay on the line."

"Yes...sir"

It's like a nightmare to be fair. Well 2.0. But this time there's no way out.

"Report, Eddie. Just talk to me. We need you to stay awake"

He doesn't want to. It's cold and there's water everywhere. Surprisingly, water. In the water collector. And he definitely has a not-so-mild concussion. And he will die here.

"Eddie!"

This voice again. Doesn't Buck know how hard is to listen him? And feel so much!

"I'm still...here. Just... I really need to rest...a little..."

"The hell no! Talk to me, Edds!"

He sighnes. If he maybe find a spot to rest just a little bit he can proceed searching for an exit. Cause there should be one. Otherwise it's...

"It's... like a grave. But I'm fine. Just needed a moment. I'm here.. When i stuck in the well i wasn't sure I'll survive but somehow i did, so... Sometimes i regret it..."

"Say what now?!"

"Nothing. I'm fine."

Acting - A+. Take a cookie.

"There should be a hole in the ceiling... kinda. The one i fell down. It's not that high but... I'm not sure i can reach it"

Mostly because he is sure he can't. It's just a play, cause it is highly likely they can't find him in time. And then they hear him literally dying. It's bad. Bobby doesn't deserve it. Buck... Buck just should not hear it at all costs.

"We dismantled the first heap. We're coming for you. Do you copy?"

"Yes..."

He is just tired. So, - and it is totally not okay - , it would be a relief. To not have to deal with... everything.

"You know, Edds, there's a new exotic creatures exhibition. We need to go. Chris would love it!"

Oh fuck. He's so irresponsible idiot in the end, and terrible, horrible father.

"Of course... Buck. But... if anything happens... You do take Chris there anyway!"

"Nothing's gonna happen. We're close"

He is close too. Buck once said that he should not be pretending around him, yet he never said that about others. That's nice. But there's no more pretending here. The water is literally up to his mouth. That's funny how fast this old thing could fill up.

"Good... i still need to... confess...."

He exhales loudly. It is really hard to breathe right now. And he definitely needs to rest.

There's a break in a line or he somehow managed to pass out for a second. Waking up to his radio screaming

"Eddie!! Talk to me!!"

He just can't

"I... Here's... here's a thing... I...lied... I'm an awful...friend ..."

He slips down the wall and cold water wakes him up a little

"No you're not! You're my best friend, come on! We're close. I'm close!"

And yet he is an awful friend who just takes Evan Buckley for granted. No reason. Anytime he needs it - Buck's there. Nice epiphany, nice timing. So nice. If he were Buck he would hate himself. Like Eddie-self, hell that's hard.

If he can say it right now? In all that crappy movies Buck likes there's always a person who confesses on the death bed. For like half an hour straight. Really cheesy, really unrealistic. Eddie'd like to have so much time and strength but he apparently has not.

"I'm... glad...to hear... that. You... think...so...but... I'm not. I'm...i just need...to rest... For a... moment "

It's harder to proceed talking. Or keep himself above the water.

"No! Please, go on, talk, for fuck sake, Edds!"

He tries. He really does. He just closes his eyes but it's fine. It would be fine.

"Chris won't... won't be... alone. It...was..nice...to know you... guys. Like a family... really "

He hears Buck swears furiously. And...it sounds like stones are trembling around.

"There's some problem but we're coming, Diaz. Stay with us!"

"Yep. You're not gonna die there, not on my watch!"

Interesting, what that's supposed to mean, Evan.

Bobby is mad at him. Why, exactly? They are all mad at him. Not the perfect decision for them to be fair. Kinda hurt. He saved the day. If he would not have cut his rope there would be two of them drowning. Bobby won't be glad, he was devastated last time Buck was in trouble. So Edds's kinda hero actually. Again. Might get another medal. Would be fun.

"Buck...i... I need you..to know..."

"I don't want to! Don't do this! We'll talk when you're here, Eddie, just hold on! Please!"

Interesting...if Buck also feel something now? Like... A pity? Cause hell Eddie's pathetic now.

"That's... Kinda become now or.. never... moment.. you have...you have to know..."

He's panting and they hear it, definitely. And Buck hears it too. Hell he is pathetic.

"I'm... desperately guilty before.. before you Evan... I'm... I'm sorry... and... i...."

He tried to turn off the radio but can't keep it in his hands. Device touches the cold water surface same second Eddie's head slide under it. Radio chokes on screaming.

"Eddie. Eddie! Diaz! Report! Diaz!"

Silence.

***

"He can drown there, speed up!"

"Buck, easy, you're gonna hurt yourself"

Da fuck he is.

"He's there, Bobby, and his son is waiting for him home and I'm interested how would you possibly explain it to Chris if Eddie's not coming back? So let me go there! Give me the god damn rope! Eddie! Edds I'm coming down, don't you dare die there! You owe me an explanation!"

Bobby exhales. Yes, explaining that to Chris would be a nightmare. But the worst nightmare would be seeing Buck. Every day. With these eyes full of pain and something else he doesn't want to know. Buck's so obvious now.

***

Cold water is actually more refreshing then he could even imagine. Or it's the legendary 'second breath' or he just so humiliated by now that even dying would be too good - Eddie is not sure. There's still not enough oxygen to breathe normally but who cares. He can't just die here making Buck hear it.

Radio is obviously dead but he is obviously not. And he definitely hears screams.

"Eddie! For fuck sake where are you?! I'm coming!"

He even see the light. And surprisingly not that light like afterlife, it's a flashlight

"Here... I'm still here!"

It's all messed up in his head and he watches it from aside. Buck buckle him up to the rope, pulling out from the water, dragging him to the fresh air and putting on the mask.

It's overwhelming, too much - Eddie coughs profusely. And Buckley is obviously teared up.

"Hey Eddie. It was close. You should not do that kind of stuff. You have the order, you execute it, no messing around!"

"Cut it, Bobby. Give him some time! We're heading to the ER"

Eddie takes off his oxygen mask

"Thanks. I was pretty sure I'll die there this time"

And that somehow drives Evan insane

"I KNOW! I HEAR IT ALL ALONG, YOU JUST TALKING NONSENSE AND PANTING AND THEN YOU FELL SILENT I THOUGHT MY HEART IS GONNA COLLAPSE! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU DO THIS?!"

Is it normal that Eddie's somehow flattered by this? He sure knows Buckley was worried but not like that?

"Sorry? I can.. explain. Just need to rest for a moment."

He feels dizzy. And yet he is kinda calm slipping off, away from feelings.

"Eddie?!"

***

"He needs some rest. We discharge him tomorrow, for now he's just staying here for observation. And then he can go home and proceed resting"

"Thanks, doc. Give me a call when we can take him home"

"No. I'll take him. Anyway I'll be with Chris. Oh, and now you wake up. Don't you maybe wanna talk?!"

Buck is mad as hell. Actually Eddie is not sure he ever saw Buck that mad.

"No? I'm fine, thanks"

"Diaz. You are so troubled we definitely need to discuss your behaviour, i thought i have only one child in the team. Apparently i was wrong. But it can wait. Get better."

Okay, Bobby is also mad. Da fuck are they all mad? Nobody died! It would be so much easier.

Bobby left the room, leaving this two alone.

"I'm gonna go home, Chris must be worried as hell. Give me a call when they push you out, you still owe me an explanation."

And then he just go away. Like so.

Eddie is a mess. So much feelings he just can't process right now. Does Evan even think when he speaks? He goes home. But it should be Eddie's home? Maybe it is just short way to call it? Man how did he get here. He was married! He dated girls. Ana. And this... God, how come he forgets her name every time.

Buck also had girlfriends. It didn't go well, but still.

And does he actually need to explain himself? Fuck this.

***

Of course they discharge him unexpectedly. Well, or he just convinced them that he is totally fine. Who cares. Of course he decided not to call anyone. Of course he's now standing in front of his own house and of course he is clearly afraid to come in. What the actual hell. It's his house!

It's quite, as expected. It's six in the morning. Chris should be sleeping. Eddie, trying to be as quiet as he can, rushes to kid's room. Yes. He's sleeping. Eddie kisses him on the forehead. Man, he was ready to leave him.

Ok, but where's Buck? Did he return to the loft? Eddie should maybe send him a message. He's gonna do it, just after he takes a shower.

Or not. That's a surprise.

Buck's here. In Eddie's bed to be specific. And he is awake, curled up on Eddie's pillow and silently sobbing.

"Erm.. good morning?"

Ok, now he is unexpected guest in his own house, judging by Evan's reaction.

"What the hell are you doing here? You should be in hospital!"

"You'll be surprised. But i live here. Surprise."

If this isn't the first time - that's probably why his bedsheets sometimes smell like Buck. Not that he's complaining, just observation.

"I know. I mean... You know what i mean!"

Observation two. Buck is somehow still mad.

"Not really, but let's leave it aside. If you're asking how did i get here - i took an uber. And i didn't want to wake you up, sleep. I just take my towel"

"And then you'll be back here."

No, he's not

"I'm well rested, so no, i don't want to bother your sleep. And i still have a couch if i need, you know?"

He's lying again. He lives the life full of lies.

"It wasn't a question if you missed it."

Buck is mad mad, it's so not him it is scary.

"Okay. Buck... Did you cry?"

"Doesn't matter! Just take a shower already!"

Well that was the fastest shower he has ever had and no he didn't rush. He just likes it that way. Life full of lies!

Buck is sitting in his bed teasing a pillow and waiting. And he is... He is so... You can't want to kiss your friend but can you at least hug him?

"Hi?"

"Eddie. Who do you think you are?"

That's new.

"What do you mean right now?"

Buck is... blushing?!

"Who do you think you are for me?"

He knows the answer. Kinda

"Well, i recall you saying we are best friends, so I'll go with that. What's your point?"

"... That's all?"

It's obviously not but how could he even think about telling so? How would it sound?

"I don't really get where are you going with that."

Buck exhales

"Fine. Fine. As you wish. I just..."

"Buck, stop. You just what?"

"I kinda thought... about things"

"And didn't like it? You'll get used to the process"

"Oh, shut up, Eddie! I thought about my life, you know. Without you"

The more you know, really. Eddie doesn't need to think about it. He lived it. All the time Buckley was to ICU after lightning. Plus three fucking minutes and seventeen fucking seconds he really had to live without him. He hates it. Every moment of it.

"And? Your life would be so much better that now you feel low key sorry for saving me?"

"O my god Eddie! Can you please stop it? I try to say something really important here, why do you hate me?!"

"I don't. Really. It's more the opposite. I love you"

So, he said that. It wasn't that bad! Well, but now Buckley's gonna try to say something in return, it's gonna be awkward, and that would be how he lost his best friend. Maybe he really should have died there.

Frank definitely would say that he is depressed if he really thinks that death is a valid option. Who cares!

Buck meanwhile keeps silent. And cry. Why the hell is he crying now? Is it so awful to be loved by Eddie Diaz? Well, most probably yes.

"Buck?!"

"Sorry. I'm sorry. It's fine, i just... You said that you're an awful friend but you're not. And... You love me. As a good friend should."

"Evan. I didn't say i love you as a friend, thanks for noticing. I said that I'm an awful friend cause i love you not as a friend. I love you like you are the meaning of my life love you. I'm in love with you."

"Why?"

Who knew Evan Buckley is a philosopher now?

"Cause you.. it's you, o my god, that is the silliest question i ever refused to answer!"

Buck loudly inhales, like he's gonna jump into the deep water

"You are my best friend, Edmundo. But that's the top of the iceberg. You are, basically, all my life. I love you so fucking much and yesterday you tried to kill yourself in front of me. Are you insane?"

Eddie blinks, feels...oh, he has no idea, what exactly he feels right now. Everything

"Say what now?"

"I asked, are you insane."

"Before that!"

"Keep it low. You'll wake up Chris! I said i love you. Why are you acting so strange, didn't you know that? I was sure I'm obvious"

"You're not... I did not... Hell no. So you tell me... What the hell, Buck?!"

Ok, but now you certainly can kiss your friend. It would be appropriate. And, presumably, highly appreciated. Buck looks like a stray dog right now. Like he was rejected. But he so much wasn't. He even speaks sad!

"I don't know"

"I know. And, as long as you're still in my bed - or should i start calling it our bed? - I'm gonna lie down. But first - I'm gonna kiss you. If you have something against it - speak now or hold your peace"

Now Buck's definitely blushing. It fits him. Anything fits him.

"How could i possibly decline your offer? I mean... If it is fine with you, cause i don't want you to feel like I'm pressing you, just if you want..."

Eddie definitely can't wait any longer. He's actually proud of himself that he waited for this long. And somehow disappointed, like so much time wasted. Anyway..

Is it strange to think that Evans face is perfectly fits to his palms?

Not that Diaz is very experienced in kissing boys, not that there's so much difference but there is. Or, probably, there's one major difference. It's Evan.

He feels Bucks hands clinging to his back, biting Bucks lower lip and then there's the sound. Muffled moaning, running down Eddies spine.

"Mierda, Evan!"

He's old. Well, fine, at least he's adult. Should be responsible and reasonable. What should he not certainly be doing right now is pulling Bucks shirt off, literally reaping off the buttons with his shaking fingers and yet there heis.

"Eddie... "

He's not going to stop anyway just because, to be fair, he just physically can't stop right now. And based on Buckleys reaction he should not stop. Still

"Eddie, Chris is sleeping! We need... O my god"

Hickey on the neck also fits Buck perfectly. Noted

"I closed the door and he is a heavy sleeper. I've checked"

"You... You just ran from hospital. You could die yesterday... Geez, Edds, give me that!"

Give him what? His heart, soul and everything? He gave it so long ago it's hard to remember specific day

"Your stupid t-shirt why did you ever bother to put it on?!"

***

Bobby woke up from the message. It's Chris. That's strange, something with Eddie? In that case Buck should have called first.

He looked on the screen and

"Bobby, your laugh is sweet but if you didn't notice i was sleeping, what could be so funny that..."

Athena is not a morning person, definitely, so instead of answer Bobby just shows her his phone. With a picture on the screen

"Is that... Finally!"

"That's what i said. It's been... how long? Anyway, strict conversation is waiting for them both. After."

"Of course. Do you know you act like a proud father right now? It's kinda... Spicy. Come here!"

#buddie 911 #buck x eddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie #911 fandom #911 fic #911 fanfic #911 ao3

8 notes · View notes

narcissasdaffodil · 2 years

Text

Songs for your LIs

Thanks for the tag @banirareiko @thatwheelchairchick and @follies-fixture

Tagging @sailorpleiades @hopeshoodie @notasdriedapricots and @starsarestars Hopefully you haven’t already been tagged in this! I’m exceptionally shit at remembering who hasn’t been tagged, and participating in these things in general. I’m exceptionally boring with these things, as I have one core song per LI, and that’s literally it. This is going to get long, and analytical, that’s part of the reason it’s took me so long to write this thing! This is all Taylor Swift, and I doubt that’s a surprise.

Marisol:

Delicate by Taylor Swift:

This ain't for the best

My reputation's never been worse, so

You must like me for me

I absolutely adore this song. And Taylor Swift in general, but that much is obvious. Delicate is my favourite song on Reputation, and I related to it when I was at my worst in the past. It gave me inspiration to start rebuilding, and means so much to me. I do associate Marisol herself with my own recovery process. I’m not going into details, but I was in a very dark place with my mental health and autistic burnout three or four years ago, and it’s taken me a while to rebuild. Autistic burnout is definitely no joke, and it’s difficult to recover from. Having LITG and Marisol herself there really helped me start to rebuild.

Also, I’m not great with hidden meanings, but someone pointed out years ago that this song is similar to the start of her route. I agree, after Rocco everything’s all rocky, then even though she’s scared, she starts something new with MC. Pushing past the fear of something new, and being rejected is hard, and I remember how excited I was when her route properly started. I know I was scared to let myself recover, as I didn’t know who I even was without my mental health stuff. I still don’t, not really. My personality is a mystery to me, and I’m still learning who I even am.

I headcanon that Marisol hasn’t had much experience with women, so Delicate being a song about being terrified to give yourself up to someone new fits well for her. She has tall walls, and reminds me of a pineapple, or a cat with her claws out. It’s all about finding someone who’s willing to risk getting scratched or clawed, and helping her learn to trust someone new. MC is her best friend in the Villa, so she’s terrified of losing her closest friend. She has Hope and Bobby too, but MC has a special place in her heart. That fear of letting herself go or allowing herself to be vulnerable is very understandable.

Lucas

The Archer by Taylor Swift:

I've been the archer,

I've been the prey

Screaming, who could ever leave me, darling?

But who could stay?

Yet another Taylor Swift song! This is my other song link, I only have them for Marisol and Lucas, not for my other LIs. This one reminds me of Casa Amor, and how Lucas’ anxiety caused him to bring back Blake. He became doubtful of MC’s loyalty after Blake messed with his head. This song shows how he let his insecurities get the better of him, and how he wants to trust MC, but he can’t after Blake put those insecurities into his head. I even wrote a fic linked to this song for him, too. It’s my favourite song on Lover by far, and Lover is one of my favourite albums of hers.

Both of them

New Year’s Day by Taylor Swift:

Don't read the last page

But I stay when it's hard, or it's wrong, or we're making mistakes

I want your midnights

But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

Hold on to the memories

They will hold on to you

And I will hold on to you

This is the final song, and yet another Taylor Swift one! I’ve also used this for a Marisol fic previously, and this is one of my other favourites from Reputation. Call It What You Want is my third, I only like three Reputation songs. This song makes me think of the long term, how it’s a plan to always be in their life. How you want to hold on tightly to the person you care about, and how you care about them so deeply. This to me is a promise that they’ll stay despite their mistakes (Roccogate, and the making someone jealous crap with Marisol, and Casa Amor and Blake with Lucas) and they’ll find a way to work through it. It gives me hope that mistakes don’t mean it’s the end.

#litg #love island the game #litg marisol #litg lucas #tag games #LI songs

4 notes · View notes

jess951000 · 7 years

Text

I know I write a lot of these and I know Taylor may never see them, but if she does I want to say thank you for helping me get through all of the things mentioned in this post.

First grade is my earliest memory of being bullied. I was bullied by my teacher. She kept me out of story time and made me clean my desk instead. She kept me from show and tell and made me clean my locker. I have the agenda book where I wrote how sad and out of place I felt...mostly with sad faces. We had to show how we felt each day. I wrote sad faces.

I was home schooled for second grade and felt left out because my brother and sister went to school everyday. It was tough. I was diagnosed with ADD and Bipolar Disorder when I was 5. Mild Retardation Disorder when I was 6 or 7. I learned how to read in kindergarten but was set back in first grade due to how I was treated and relearned when I was being homeschooled. I have a just below average IQ. My deficits are with math and problem solving. I'm 22 years old now but when I was 18 I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and told my bipolar was gone.

In third grade I was put in a school for special needs kids. They didn't teach me anything so I was put back in mainstream school and kept in third grade. I made friends at the special needs school. A nonverbal girl and an autistic boy. In mainstream I didn't have many friends. I made a friend with a girl who was really screwed up. She thought it would be okay to hit my sister over the head with a 2×4 piece of wood. I never saw her again after that. That was in 3rd grade. In 4th grade I was friends with a girl who was a bad influence again she tried to glue the doors to lockers together and then when I proved to be a goodie two shoes she dropped me as a friend.

In 5th grade is where the real problems started. I was alone. I felt helpless. It was my first day of middle school and 2 girls who happened to be sisters asked if I wanted to be their friend. I said yes. I was desperate for friends. They were goth. Wore all black and one of them had piercings already. I was invited to their house. We hung out for about 3 months. They had other friends and whatever that didn't like me too much. They walk up to me in one of the classes the three of us shared together after talking to their friends and said I was too weird and I couldn't hang around them anymore then walked away. I pretended I was okay when I was hurting inside. I was alone the rest of the year waiting for summer to come.

6th grade..it was time to sign up for the school musical. I decided to do it since my sister was doing it too. First day of rehearsal a girl walks up to me and starts talking as if we are already best friends. At first I paid her no attention because I thought she was talking to one of the many other people around me but I soon realized no one was looking at her and she was looking at me. I asked her if she was talking to me. She said yes who else? I was shocked and excited. My self esteem by this point was so low that when I walked down the hallway I would literally look at the floor. I didn't want to see the people who made fun of me. I would keep walking and not look up. This girl pulled me out of my slump for a little while. She introduced me to a few people who I became friends with also. We hung out together all the time. We went to eachotjers houses. I felt that I finally fit in somewhere.

8th grade has a bit of a backstory that starts in 7th grade. So here it goes. .In seventh grade people talked about this horrible teacher. She was so mean and horrible that anyone who had her class was doomed to a year of torment. I thought being a good kid and all that it was no big deal. She was a special education teacher which I didn't know at the time. In computer class she ended up subbing because that was her free period and out teacher had an emergency or something. She screamed at me for being off task when I was not off task. I was so speechless another student had to tell her that I was on task. She singled me out for no good reason. As soon as I got off the bus to go home I started balling my eyes out. I was always a good kid to avoid that kind of confrontation. Remember earlier I was too much of a goody two shoes. I still was by this point. I kept my head down and got through the day. I begged my mom not to let me have this teacher. I cried and when I finally got my 8tb grade schedule I was so excited. I didn't have her. Then my mom had to throw a fit about me not having a special education classes. The teachers said they didn't think I needed it that year. I was doing just fine on my own. I never had to ask for help. I was Good. My mom Insisted. I got my new schedule and of course that teacher was on it. I go to school thinking it can't be too bad. She won't be that mean all the time. It was just a misunderstanding. I was so wrong it's not even funny. First day of class when your supposed to hand in certain forms and things. My mom forgot to sign mine and I got screamed at for it. It was not in my control. Then I get screamed at again for taking too long on my quiz to see how much I remember from last year. It was math so that's why it took so long. It was in my IEP which is documentation stating special accommodations for special needs students that I was allowed to just walk out of class to use the restroom and that I was allowed to bring my computer to class to take notes. She never read it. She screamed at me for both. My mom then sent a note stating she isn't allowed to scream at me because i was going home early for hyperventilating. She threw it in the trash and screamed at me for giving her fake notes. My mom then had my psychiatrist write a note. She did the same thing. She then got told by other parents that this teacher was deliberately bullying me and that they recommend pulling me out of the school I was in. So she did. I was put in online school for 2 years. It was twice as hard and I was not a self motivator so it was hard on my mom too.

8th grade also my mom got told by my best friends mom that she was moving her daughter to a different school because I was too different to be her friend. Her exact words were "My daughter needs better friends and yours isn't a part of that" when she went to that new school she made new friends and didn't want to hang out as often and eventually broke off contact with me. I still had my 2 other friends but she was my closest friend.

10th grade I go back to regular school and was put in a lunch with 7th and 8th graders who were moved to our school because the elementary school closed down. I went to the guidance counselor and asked to be moved to the lunch where my friends were. She did me a favor and let me be transferred. We had A B C and D lunch. I was moved from C to D lunch. My "friends" put their bags on the seat, had other people sit by them, etc etc. To keep me from sitting near them. I started running to lunch to be able to sit by them. It worked. The next red flag that they weren't my friends anymore but pretending to be was when I invited everyone to a cook out in 11th grade and they all said they would come and so I set everything up on the day and was waiting. 5 minutes til the time I said everyone cancelled. "Oh I have period cramps" "Oh I can't make it my mom has a thing" that sort of thing. They lied to me and didn't come. I was so upset. I sat at the table surrounded by the food and snacks and cried. One of those friends wanted me to help plan her birthday party but I wasn't allowed to be there. I was allowed to plan it but I wasn't allowed to come. That was low.

For senior prom one of my friends was talking a few weeks before about getting a limo. A week before she told me there was no limo and we would meet at prom. I get there and meet with them. Prom was on a boat. They had tables set up some for people and some just there with table cloths. We chose a table that sat only 4 people. Both my friends had dates but I did not. I suggested pushing tables together. There was an unoccupied table next me. Their response was oh no we can't there might be someone sitting there. There was no silverware. No purses. No bags. No indication that anyone could sit there. I just said ok fine and pulled up an empty chair to the end and their table. Later that night my zipper broke on my dress. I asked for one of my friends to find the t4acher who we knew to have Bobby pins and clips for this kind of disaster because if I stood up my everything would be showing. They threw a fit "why can't you do it yourself" "why don't you go sit with your sister" "why did you come without a date" my dress was falling apart...my sister was sitting with her friends doing her thing...i didn't think having a boyfriend was that important...unlike my one friend whose mom set her up with a total stranger.....hmmmm....i Then later found out both my friends came in a limo....imagine that there was a limo....i confronted them about it and was told it was a surprise...nothing personal. I called bs because she had been talking about it for weeks...i was alone the rest of the year. We graduated...i went to the local community college for a year and a half. One of my former friends was there and we talked some but after that we haven't. I didn't have any friends. After college because it didn't work out. I flunked out because of the math. I spent too much time on it only to fail math and a few other classes. I spent 2 years in bedroom in my parents house watching tv and wondering where I belonged in life.

My mom then when I turned 22 convinced me to join this special needs bowling group. I met a lot of people there and became friends with them. Everyone had different abilities and deficits and I liked this group because it focused on the abilities. My whole life everyone focused on what needed to be fixed or worked on with me and I finally found people that cared about what I could do. Then one day that all changed when one of the girls who I'm not blaming because she gets facts twisted in her mind and they get turned negative told her mom that I called her a lesbian. I did not say anything like that to her but her mom believed her. I had one other girl who was there back up what I said. This girls mom started saying that I was doing all these horrible things. She said I was saying mean things about her daughter and some other girls. She got a bunch of other parents behind her including a leader of another group I joined after the bowling group. I was shunned from the group. I stopped being invited to events. I was blocked by most of the people. The friend that backed me up became and still is my only friend. She almost got kicked out of the group herself just for backing my story. I was shunned. I lost a bunch of friends.

The adults in my life have been the ones who did the most harm to my wellbeing. After that last incident I decided not to care what others thought anymore because I know the truth. I know who I am. I give Taylor swift most of the credit for helping me through all of this crap because right after my last bout of bullying she came out with look what you made me do and it made my life so much happier. It helped me to move on and to be better. I still go to bowling. I still see these people but I'm not angry anymore. I am bashing their hate with total kindness and so far I've been getting snotty looks from the moms but no one had said or done anything. I'm still talking to my friends even though I can't hang out at their houses and be as close as we were their moms can't say anything without looking bad. As long as I am nice and kind...which I am anyway...there is nothing they can do. I'm using Selena Gomez quote "kill em with kindness" and Taylor swift "shake it off" "look what you made me do" I am thriving and there isn't a person out there that can bring me down!

1 note · View note