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animesmutfest · 3 years

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Sugawara x reader

(This is recycled smut from a story I wrote with original characters. I just loved it so much this story will be in 3rd person since it would take so much editing to change everything around)

"Y-yes, you can fully have me” says with painfully obvious nervousness in her voice. "Okay for starters love from now on when we are in any bedroom you will address me as sir, daddy, or master do you understand" he says sternly "yes" she says dazed he grabs her by the throat and pulls her close. "Yes what?" He asks "yes sir" she says biting her inner lip. "The safe word is red, engrave it in your head" he says swiping his finger across her bottom lip and slowly wrapping his hand around her throat tighter. "Understand that I'm not going to go easy on you baby but if at any point you can't handle something I'm doing just say the word and I'll stop immediately okay?" He adds. "Yes sir" she says still drunk off his words. "Last chance, are you willing to allow me to take all of you? Every inch of you. I need you to submit to me princess" he asks for a final confirmation. She nods yes and with that he removes his hand from her throat and walks to the bed. "If you aren't in this bedroom in 10 minutes there's going to be hell to pay" he says before leaving the room shutting the door behind him. Heart racing now she grabs her suit case and yanking it open grabbing for the Victoria bag and the other from the clothing store. She pulls out the red lingerie set with the heels and runs into the bathroom. As she finishes freshening up and putting on the set and shoes she hears him walking around the living room making it known she was low on time. After a few more minutes she was ready. She heard the room door open and he tells her she out of time and to get her ass out there. She opens the door slowly and steps out. Koshi starts biting his lip at the sight of the set she picked and almost lost it. "Oh yeah?" He says now smirking at her. "Yeah I picked this out for y-you" she says a bit nervous.

He wiggles his finger in the "come here" motion. She complies and walks to him next to the bed. She notices he had a blindfold and cuffs on the bed. He walks up behind her and runs his fingers down the sides of her arms softly. He then moves her curls from her should and whispers "I'm going to absolutely destroy you baby girl" he says hungrily as he lays soft kisses on her neck. Her breath quickens the second his lips connected with her skin. He then turns her around and kisses her lips softly at first then adding a bit more aggression as he continued. He's takes off her bra exposing her breasts before taking one in his mouth and the other in his hand squeezing lightly. He waste no time with his tongue as he licked her nipples and sucked all over her chest. Now moaning pushing her legs together in a effort to control herself a bit. He notices this and slaps her thigh forcing her to open them again. "Don't hide anything from me" he says before continuing. "You smell so fucking good" he says biting her a bit. She responds with more moans. His tongue trails down to her stomach and then her thighs. He gets up abruptly and pulls down his pants and boxers, already so hard for her. "On your knees right now" he says sternly. Without protest she complies dropping down right in front of him. "You know what I want you to do baby, and please don't make it neat" he says rubbing her lips with his fingers.

She looks down at his dick is awe at how she could ever have taken it but does as she's told. She grabs it with one hand and kisses the tip softly before taking him in her mouth slowly. He moans and grabs the top of her head as she begins to bob up and down barely being able to fit all of him in her mouth. "Just relax baby" he says looking down at her. She does just that and she could feel the difference as her throat seemed to invite him inside. She slides him all the way down her throat as his moans grew louder. "Fuck! such a good girl for daddy" he groans gripping her tighter. She begins to swollen him over and over again earning his moans. She looks up to see him with his head thrown back and decided to take advantage. She runs her hands up the back of his thighs and begins to pull him into her further. Him realizing what she's doing he starts thrusting his hips into her as well. Saliva drips on her chest and the floor as he face fucks her hard. Tears in her eyes she still looked at him desperate for his cum. "S-shit baby I'm going to cum so hard in that pretty mouth of yours" he says between panting and moaning. His speed increases and the lewd noises from the act itself fills the pushing her over the edge. She felt her pussy getting wet just from servicing him. After a few more strokes he pushes her all the way down as he cums down her throat. His dick pulsating inside as he groans. Slowly he releases his grip on her head and pulls her off him. Wiping away her tears he picks her up throwing her on the bed on her stomach. Taking the blindfold he puts it over her eyes making sure she can't see a damn thing and ties the knot. Pulling her on the edge of the bed and putting the cuffs around her wrists. "I'm sooo scared" she says playfully. "You should be" he says as he slaps her ass hard. She whimpers a bit before he strikes her again. "This is for this morning, getting me hard like that and walking away" he says gritting his teeth as he slaps her ass one last time. She’s now drooling and whimpering. "Say your sorry right fucking now or I'll do it again" he says grabbing her hips tightly. "Mmmm" is all's he could muster before he slaps her again. "I-I'm sorry!" She yells. "Your sorry what?!" He yells back. "I'm s-sorry daddy!" She says biting her lip.

He gets on his knees and kisses the red spots he made making her moan a bit from the pain and pleasure. He then kisses her everywhere except the place she wanted it most for an unbearable amount of time. "Please..." she says in a low voice embarrassed as her body shivers. "What was that princess?" He says and he bites her hip a bit. "Mm please daddy" she says. He stops licking her body completely and leans down to her ear. "tell me what you want baby. Use your words" he says licking her lobe. "Daddy please take me" she moans. He stands up and flips her on her back. Rubbing his fingers on her pussy he notices how wet she has become from their actions thus far. "Such a nasty girl already soaking wet down here" he says sliding a finger inside her. "Your pussies pretty much just sucking me right in" he says before adding another finger. Her moans get louder as he begins to pull his fingers in and out of her being sure to go extra deep and curling his fingers. He loved that he could make her body squirm like this, hell it made him even harder than before. He then stopped and abruptly began to lap at her oozing pussy. She tried moving her hips but he placed his hand on her lower stomach to keep her still. "Don't try to move or I'll spank you again" he says before devouring her. Her moans now indicating that she was close to her release. "I-I'm going to cum! Fuck!" She yells before he stops all actions. "I was so fucking close why'd you stop?!" She yells. "I don't know if you deserve to cum just yet" he says putting his fingers back inside her slowly going at her insides.

She moans again at his touch. "Can I please cum sir" she begs dipping her nails in the sheets behind her. "No" he says before attacking her clit again with his tongue and going inside her roughly. "Aaahh God! p-please m-master I need to cum" she yells in agony. As soon as he felt her tighten up he stops again. She bangs her head on the bed squirming. "I'm begging you please let me cum I'm losing my mind!" She says drooling and body shaking. "Tell me who's is it and I might let you cum using my tongue" he says smirking at her. He loved the way she responded to him, always has. Her body constantly betraying her. "Daddy it's yours" she moans. "Louder" he demands going back to licking her clit. "Daddy! It's yours!" She says louder as she moans. "Louder princess" he says as he now shoves his fingers back and sucks on her pussy, running his tongue up and down. "MASTER IM CUMMING!" She screams "do it baby" he commands removing his mouth. And with that he slams into her with his fingers as she squirts all over the floor. "Oh my fuck!" She yells as she continues her release. While she still cums he stands up and puts her on her side and pushes himself into her now even tighter pussy. "Fuck princess your sucking me in yet your so damn tight" as soon as he pushes himself all the way in as she cums again. Yelling his name as he thrusts into her. "So fucking good" he growls as he goes harder into her gripping her breasts. "I c-can't breathe" she moans. "To fucking bad baby" he says. He moves her leg so they are now in missionary and throws her legs behind her head as he rails her. "Fuck I think I'm going to cum again!" She moans clenching down on him even more. He speeds up and she squirms again but this time he doesn't stop at all. He continues to rail her even as she makes a mess. "I c-can't take it daddy!" She screams. He pulls out and releases her hands before flipping her on all fours. He shoves his way back inside her and pulls her head back by her hair with one hand while the other digs into her hips. "Such a g-good girl taking all me at once, I fucking love it! I fucking love you!" he yells. " I love you most!" She yells back to him. "Oh yeah prove it baby" he mocks her. She arches her back and fucks him back, the sound of their skins clapping filling the room. "Fuck I'm going to cum soon" he says throwing his head back. "I-inside master please!" She says.

Koshi now blushing asks if she was sure. "Yes daddy please fill me up with your cum! I want it!" She moans back. He’s now intoxicated by her words loses his mind and starts slamming into her at a inhumane rate shaking the whole bed. "Fuck it, take all of it baby! Deep inside you" he yells. "C-cumming again!" she drools. "Fuuuck Y/n!" He says as he cums deep inside her womb. He continues to thrust a bit after before running his hands up her back. He pulls her up while still inside her and pulls her in for a kiss. She kisses him back before falling back on the bed. regaining his composure pulls out of her slowly. And kisses her lower back softly. He lays her lower half down and goes over to the jacuzzi and runs some water before going to get some water from the kitchen for her. "Drink this baby you lost a lot of liquids tonight" he says smiling his seriousness all gone now. She grabbed the drink shaking and drinks all of it. He takes the rest of her lingerie off and picks her up placing her in the jacuzzi and turning the jets on. "T-thank you baby" she says almost slurring her words a bit. "Anytime love" he says giving her a kiss. She lays her head on the cushion and relaxed as Koshi changed the sheets and laid her out some underwear and one of his shirts on the bed. "Are you a God?" she asks. "Ha! no princess just a man who wants to take great care of you all the time and occasionally rearrange your insides in a loving way" he says walking over and joining her. "Tomorrow is a rest day, no plans just tv and cuddles" he says as he starts washing her body being sure to be gentle as he noticed the bruises he left on her already setting in. "By the way I'm sorry if I hurt you princess, I just lose myself with you" he says kissing her head. "I'll be okay after a long nap" she says laughing a bit. After relaxing a bit they both get out and he dries off and helps her get dressed since she could barely move. They snuggle up to each other and fall asleep peacefully. What a blissful way to start off your vacation.

#hq sugawara #hq x you #hq koshi #koshi sugawara #fanfic #writing #smut #haikyuu #haikyū!!#haiykuu!!#haiykuu sugawara

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justfangstvdto · 6 years

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Imagine being a Ripper yourself and you stumble across a stranger who seems to share your insatiable hunger.

Story Title: “Murder for two”

Characters: Ripper!Stefan x Ripper!Reader (female), numerous random people *cough* victims *cough*

Warnings: murderously violent. Contains blood pretty much everywhere, murder, corpses, and other possibly disturbing things.

Word Count: 1269

A/N: I toned this down a little bit in my rewrite, so it´s not as crazy as it was, but it just wouldn´t have worked out that way. Also, this idea sounded so much better in my head, I hope it´s still enjoyable! And maybe I will continue this at some pointif you want me to, maybe with people from either Stefan´s or the readers past showing up. We´ll see As always, Feedback is welcomed and appreciated

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It is a terribly stereotypical Friday night in a small town in Virginia. Teenagers are out and about searching for something to believe in while they stagger unsteadily along the paved sidewalks, either from intoxication or sleepiness. Or both.

But among those lost souls, there are creatures lurking in the shadows, eyes always watching, always stalking, always waiting.

The streetlamps burn through the cloak of the fog, reflecting their light on the bright colored hood of sportscar. The road ahead of you is empty and lonely, the only comfort is the loud shuddering of yet another song without a melody that pulsates through the speaker. There is just you, the music and the lonesome road - and headless corpses in the backseat.

Your eyes catch a young couple heading towards a bar, the name Mystic Grill burning bright through a glass window. The male plants a soft kiss on the female's hair and she blushes, clutching his hand tighter.

Oh, young love……..how disgusting.

You bring your borrowed car to a hold around the corner, away from prying eyes. You don't want to scare potential meals away. Even though a runner is always exciting.

The leather seats squeak slightly as you exit the car, sticking your head through the open window. The blood coming from your passengers has already spread over the entire joined backseat, dipping the unfortunate white leather in red.

“No funny business back here while I'm gone, alright? Don´t want to stain the backseat, now do we?” You wink at them, even though you left any part that would allow them to wink back a few miles down the road on a white picket fence of a very unfortunate citizen.

You swing open the Grill´s door, stepping into a pool of blood on the hardwood floors.

Blood pooling on the hardwood floor, as well blood splatters over the wall. Someone definitely had some bloody fun in here.

There is a faint sound heard from further into the building and you round the edged corner, coming face to face with a fellow vampire. He senses your presence and in his blood haze, he fails to recognize your - well - dead state and quickly wraps his hands around your throat, expecting to take a bite.

“Ah ah ah, I don't think so.” You flip his wrist and pin him against the nearby wall, his bloodstained neck firm in your hands. He seemed to be surprised by your superior strength, his eyes wide as drops of blood fall from his mouth, decorating your covered arms.

You release him and turn on your heels and make your way towards the bar, hopping over a few dozen people on the ground. You stop and collect a shiny ring from one of the victims, and put it on your own hand. A girl can't have enough jewelry, right?

You grab a bottle from behind the counter, taking in the whole scene in front of you, “Impressive work you've done here. Love the new color.”

“Who are you?” The stranger asks, his eyes gleaming with curiosity.

“Name´s Y/N.” You knock down a shot of whatever booze you grabbed from the bar “How about you, handsome?”

“Stefan. Stefan Salvatore.”

“I would say it´s a pleasure to meet you, Stefan, but since you spoiled my fun I'm not sure it is.”

“Fun, huh” He cocks his eyebrow as he shortens the space between you and leans against the bar “Most women, vampire or not, wouldn't call this fun.”

“But doesn't that revoke every instance we have?I” You slide a glass over the counter, filling it to the brim “I mean that´s what we do, isn't it? We eat people.”

“Something tells me you enjoy much more than just, uh, eating them.t You're like me aren't you? A ripper?” He asks, before nipping on the drink.

“No.” You shake your head “I´m much worse. Unlike other rippers, I extend the play with my food. I don't just drain them dry. Where would be the fun in that? ”

Faint heartbeats, maybe four or five heartbeats are heard from outside. It seems another meal is being delivered right now.

“You up for a little game?” You ask and Stefan nods instantly, curious what kind of game you have in store.

The sound of darts rushing through the air followed, accompanied by the decreasing heart rate of your meal fills the crowded room. Your legs are draped over Stefan's lap, his snack already dead at his feet, yours almost drained as well.

“Mhmm, this one was delicious.” You retract your fangs from your victim's almost ripped-off neck and push her on the floor, her head rolling to the side.

“How´s it going over there, friends?”You look over to the remaining people of the group, who are occupied with the dart game you assigned them to, but they don't bother to answer.

“Hey!” Stefan calls out and speeds over to the male of the remaining snacks you both will consume soon enough “Y/N asked you a question!”

“Sorry uh. we're done.”

Uh!” You jump up from where you were sitting, clapping your hand together with excitement “Tell me my friends, who won?”

“I did.” The girl raises her hand.

“Congrats! You get to choose who lives.You or your friend.” You explain to the shaking young lady. Stefan watches your every move a few feets away with adoration and excitement.

“I…”The girl shares a worried glance with her male friend, both of their hearts deliciously pumping with fear. It´s music to your ears “I c-choose me.”

“What?! How can you do this to me?!” Her friend calls out, the betrayal and fear visibly covering his face.

“Well well well. Self-preservation instinct. How very predictable.” You share a glance with Stefan, who seems to be enjoying your show very much.

“I think we have to be equally predictable in return, don't you agree Stefan?”

“Only seems fair, Y/N.” Stefan shrugs.

“Perfect.” You turn your attention to your trembling friends, your veins darkening. “Surprise surprise. You both die.”

The guy takes off running first but doesn't get too far, your firm hands yanking his head to the side, breaking his neck instantly, followed by your sharp teeth breaking his skin.

The screams of Stefan´s victim fill the room, but quickly fall silent as he bites her neck several times. His meal drops on the floor several minutes later, as does yours, drained of every last drop of blood.

Through the blood-haze, you turn to look at each other, blood dripping from your mouths, your veins still laced with darkness. When your lips collide, the savory yet sweet blood of your victims mixes together. Stefan lifts you up and speeds to the counter trailing bloody kisses down your neck while you tug at his shirt. You unbutton the first buttons before you impatiently rip it open, the buttons joining the dozen corpses on the floor…..

Tags:

Forevers: @laitalianax3 @shadyladyperfection @imnoaingeal @christinalibertymikaelson @maliae14 @akshi8278 @5-seconds-of-animals @fanobsessed @givemesomehybrid @laserchick101 @bbycastiel1 @bonniebird @originalbish98 @relmi-llorrac @piercethepottorff @captain-amelia-bradley @lauren-novak @drkplum @zayn-baby @onlygodcanjudgeme-sh @hellhoundlover @not-that-kinda-gurl08 @whatshernamemaria @jaib2-blog @fandomsandotherstuff @hanzas01 @all-hail-supernatural @itsbubbaog @vampire2018 @marvel-is-my-job @supernatural-lover-teamfreewill @wendydarling24601 @truelobster @sassymcgonagal1651 @buckysummers @sanity-is-overratedxp

Stefan´s buddies: @tvmoviegeek3807 @ogstydiashipper @shantayok

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#stefan x reader #stefan salvatore imagine #tvd #tvd imagine #the vampire diaries imagine #the vampire diaries #ripper!stefan #justfangstvdto request #justfangstvdto

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carverhawke · 7 years

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so i just wrote up a short story at 2am to submit to my creative writing class for a workshop/critique thing (i love procrastination) and im scared they’re gonna rip my asshole right open bc theres two hardcore Roasters in that class so could yall maybe....read it to make sure its not TOTAL shit before i submit it to ass-ripping time

every single thing in it is suuuuuper rushed bc we’re not supposed to make this too long bc we all have a bunch of these to read, and if i did everything the way i wanted to this would be 17 pages long and that would just be the most obnoxious dick move. so if u see anything like “wow thats kind of an extreme reaction is there more context for this” or “huh it feels like theres more significance to this but idk what” thats bc shit Is missing lmfao. im gonna edit it a little tomorrow anyway tho just bc. i wrote this at 2am like yikes yall

(tw for like. abuse and mentions of past abuse & murder and shit)

Blackburn Road

Her fist hovered in front of the door for several minutes before she worked up the nerve to knock. The doorbell would be easier, but she knew that he would never fix it.

“You’re being stupid,” she muttered to herself. “Can you stop being stupid?” She had bigger problems than this door, and what was behind it, but right now the door was all of those problems combined.

So, she knocked. Three quick raps, and then she yanked her hand back and pressed it against her chest. Stupid, that’s really stupid. It’s just a door, and you knocked now. That’s what you’re supposed to do with doors.

She sighed heavily and squeezed her brown eyes shut, shaking her head at herself. She crossed and uncrossed her arms, and every time she stopped one foot from tapping, the other started. She was almost about to knock again, when the door flew open in one sharp, fast motion that almost made her flinch.

“Addy,” Ben said, smiling, but it didn’t reach his eyes. They were empty, and dark. Blue like a storm, not like the sky. His hair was naturally blond, but next to his eyes, it seemed too bright. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I told you not to call me that.”

For a split second, his grin faded to a familiar sneer, but he plastered it back on soon enough. “Addison. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“You know what I’m here to talk about. I said I’d be coming by.”

He groaned, and slumped against the doorframe. “Right. As if I didn’t hear enough about it from you before. I guess you want to come in?”

Don’t hit him now, Addison. Don’t hit him. He can and will arrest you on the spot. Don’t do it.

“It’s the last thing I want to do, but I’m not having this conversation on your porch.”

He moved aside, and swept an arm out theatrically. He was holding a beer bottle, and she almost brought her arms up to cover her face when he swung his arm back around.

She hadn’t been back in this house since the divorce. Every time she talked to Ben, it was at the station where he worked or somewhere else with a lot of people. She didn’t want to be alone with him in here ever again, told herself she wouldn’t, but. . .

Desperate times, she told herself. That’s a thing people say.

“Well, Addy?”

She looked around almost idly, refusing to meet his icy gaze. The house didn’t look too different, really. She didn’t know what she’d expected. No pictures up anymore, though. And the key rack–

“Find your car yet?” she asked, nodding in its direction. It was empty. He snorted.

“Like I said last time you mentioned this. I kind of have more urgent missing things to worry about. So do you, I’d think.”

“Yeah.” She still didn’t look at him. His lies crawled across her skin. “I’m making small talk. It’s a thing people do.”

“Well, not us. What do you want?”

She pushed black hair behind her ear, and finally met his eyes. “I want to know if you’ve seen him. Or heard from him. Or anything.”

“Addy, you know I haven’t.”

“Well, if he ran away like you’re claiming he did, why didn’t he let at least one of us know he’s alright? Especially with all the posters, and the news, and this rumor that there’s some serial killer running around?”

“You know how he gets. Temperamental, and shit. He’ll turn up. Half of missing kids are runaways anyway, and they do.”

Somehow, she doubted that. “And the other half?”

“You still claim to be a smart woman, don’t you? You tell me.”

“You know what? I don’t know why I came here. I don’t know how anyone can talk to you.

“Usually, they start by not being a frigid bitch, but–”

She put her hands against his chest, one against his ribs and one against his shirt pocket, and pushed him hard. He stumbled, got that familiar burn in his eyes, it almost made them glow, and slapped her in the cheek. She gasped sharply, but didn’t lose her balance. Shoved her hands in her pockets.

“You do that to every frigid bitch, too?”

“You know that’s the Addy special, sweetheart.”

“Fuck you.” She shoved him again, lighter this time, before he could make some smart remark. “Whatever. You’re a liar, anyway. You think I haven’t seen that smirk a million goddamn times?”

“What?” he almost sounded like he was laughing. He smirked, it was like steel, it was so cold. “You think I did it? To my own son? Come on. I’m a stand-up guy. No record, or family troubles, or anything. Why would I go and do a thing like that?”

She knew she’d hit him again if she stuck around, really hit him, and get arrested that time, so she didn’t stick around. She got in her car, slammed the door, and drove off at an annoyingly reasonable speed so he couldn’t bust her on that curb.

She cruised down Death Road. That’s what everyone called it, but for a moment it didn’t feel like Death Road. It didn’t even feel like its real name, or the place where her son had disappeared. It felt like a long, long road that would never end, surrounded and stifled by the waving green trees. She began to laugh.

As if to make sure she had really done it, she pulled the badge out of her pocket and ran her thumb over the bumps and indents, over his name carved into the metal, Benjamin Cooke, fading rays of light bouncing off the gold. Plucked it right from his shirt pocket. Dumb angry bastard didn’t even notice. She could use this to get what she needed. She could finally prove that it was him, him who did this to her son, him all along. She laughed again, and pressed her foot against the gas and the cool metal to the throbbing skin under her eye, right against the criss-cross scar on her left cheek. Tears sprung into her eyes, and she couldn’t quite tell why.

This was worth all the bruises, she thought giddily to herself. Worth the bruises.

---

Leaned back in her chair, arms crossed, one leg over the other, Addison steadily kicked the leg of the table. The whole thing shook with each impact, more and more as the endless time ticked on. Her reflection glowered back at her, dark hair and somehow darker eyes as she glared into the two-way mirror. She swore she could feel someone withering behind it, but maybe that was wishful thinking. She hoped she was annoying them. God, she hoped.

She had only been in a room like this once, after that accident on Death Road. Or Blackburn, rather. The same accident gave it both those names, anyway. She remembered they called her Addy, only Addy. Every single sentence was Addy. Overused it until it didn’t mean anything anymore. Addy Addy Addy Addy. She had felt so utterly alone. She was utterly alone.

She slammed her foot against the table leg, sending the whole thing shifted back. She was tired of this. She had no time.

“You can’t keep me in here forever, assholes! Either come and arrest me, or let me go, because I–”

The door swept open, and in a quick motion a man slid into the room before carefully closing it behind him. She frowned when he turned to face her, and he turned his gaze away.

“Charlie. Well, I know I’m in good hands now.”

His jaw worked slowly, and he walked over to move the table back. He sat on the end of it, body twisted a little to face her, but his head was turned away. She could barely see his full profile. They sat like that, in a pained kind of silence, for a few more moments.

“Well, then? Officer?” He sighed heavily at this, and shook his head just a little.

“We’re not going to arrest you, Addison,” he finally spit out, voice monotone and stilted. This was strange for him, but maybe not given the circumstances. “Given…given everything that’s going on with you right now, and our history with–with you–” he glanced nervously at the two-way mirror– “we’re going to give you a free pass for this. You can walk out of here once we’re done talking.”

“So, what? You’re going to tell me what a big bad crime this was and how I shouldn’t have done it? No shit, man. I’m aware of that.”

“No, but you impersonated an officer to steal surveillance tapes from a gas station! It was a big bad crime, and you shouldn’t have done it. Since you brought it up.”

“A bigger, badder crime than kidnapping? Murder? Because my son is still missing, nothing Ben’s saying is adding up, and I seem to be the only one bringing any of that up!”

“Seriously!”

“He lied about his car! I saw in the tapes–”

“Come on, Addy! This needs to stop, with you and him. You’ve always–”

“Don’t go there,” she snapped. “I’m serious. Don’t.”

He looked again at the mirror, unblinking for several long seconds. In his reflection, she saw his face twisted into something like regret, or sadness, and she watched him slowly smooth it back out. Finally, he turned his head back, but still refused to look at her.

“I’m sorry,” he said, and the robotic professionalism in his voice finally cracked. “We just can’t– nevermind. I’m not here to lecture you. I actually. . .I was going to talk about your son.”

She looked hard into the one eye he was allowing her to see. Dreamy brown and downcast, just a touch lighter than his curly hair, and both very stark against his pale skin. She and him had been good friends, once, and for a good long while. But that was before she realized he valued something else over her, crying as she clung to the doorframe with bruised, shaking fingers with a broken nose and blood pouring out of her split lips. She begged him to just take her to the car, take me to the goddamn car, but when Ben said no he just turned and walked away. That wasn’t the last time, but never looked right at her since then.

“Look at me,” she said coolly. He closed his eyes and she leaned forward. “You’re a coward. Look at me, and say what you have to say.”

“Addy, you know that I. . .” but he trailed off, and slowly, painfully turned to face her. Still, he didn’t look her in the eye. “No one’s supposed to know about this but us. But, with everything. . .and since you’re here, we decided, well, we decided to make an exception with you.”

Something was seizing her throat. There was a big, empty pit in her stomach that seemed to be sucking everything down. She was shivering, a tremble that seemed to begin at her very core. She knew what was coming. She knew what was coming. But maybe if. . .

“We caught a guy. It’s. . .he confessed to a lot of stuff. We thought that maybe, there was a serial killer starting out around here, but he even confessed to more than what we thought he did. Including. . .I’m so sorry, Addy. Including Casey.”

They called it Death Road. It’s taking everything from you, Addison. It’s taking you.

She lowered her head down on to the table.

Endless time ticked on.

---

She and Charlie were done talking. She walked out. For the first time in a while, he walked with her. He didn’t quite have his hand on her back, but she felt it hovering there. It was really the only thing she could feel. She couldn’t feel her own breathing, but she heard it, labored and heaving. She couldn’t feel her own heartbeat, but she heard it with the ringing in her ears. Slow and hollow, like a hole had been seared through it, burning what little was left to a dark crisp.

She was in his car, and he was driving him home.

“Don’t take Blackburn,” she said to him quietly. Some days, she wished her last name was still Cooke. Some days, she didn’t know what was worse. “Don’t take Blackburn Road.”

“Okay.”

It was going to kill her if she took it. The same way it killed her mother, her brothers and sisters, the car twisted around a jagged tree like a cursed ring. Addy crawled out through the broken glass and her blood pooled in the cracks on the road, shiny and slick with rain. That’s why they called it Blackburn Road. The same way it killed her son, reaching up through the cracks and sucking him down with the rest of them. Blackburn Road. It was coming for all of them. She didn’t care if she died, but the thought of dying there too, again at the mercy of its gaping maw, was so terrifying she couldn’t breathe.

“What was his name?” she gasped out, focusing on the road signs, the signs that said anything else, but she couldn’t read right now. Her breath was trembling, and uneven. “The man who. . .”

“James Eden.”

“That’s a bitch name,” she whispered, and closed her eyes. “Fucking Eden.”

“Yeah.”

“Did he say how?”

“Addy. . .”

“I want to know if he suffered.”

Charlie only paused for a second, but that second of silence was the worst thing she had ever heard. She wanted to scream, but something was shackling her breath.

“I really can’t tell you that stuff now,” he muttered.

“What did he say?”

“Come on, Addy.”

“Don’t–”

“I just. . .” Charlie sighed. “Not much I can tell you, okay? We just showed him a picture of Casey, to see if he had any connection, and he confessed. Like that. We can maybe. . .well, he hasn’t given us much on anything, when it comes to. . .finding stuff. But we hope–”

“You showed him?”

“Huh?”

“You showed him a picture first? And told him Case’s name?”

“Uh, yeah. Not me personally. Jane did. You know, Detective Callahan.”

“I know.” Detective Callahan came by her house a lot. Detective Callahan walked away, too. “So he didn’t really. . .he just said. . .”

“Addison.”

“I’m just saying, did he really do it? You needed to show him before–”

“Jesus Christ! Look, I know we fucked up with you and Ben, alright? Constantly! I know Ben is not a fucking stand-up guy! In the least! But if you start up on this–”

“You didn’t see the tapes, Charlie. They showed me the tapes. Ben’s car wasn’t stolen from that parking lot. It was never there.”

“Ben was there.”

“He walked in from the woods.”

“Addy–”

“He walked in from the woods, and he went inside, and he waited there for you to pick him up. Charlie. Please.”

“Maybe he parked somewhere else.”

“But he said it was stolen from–”

“Maybe he was simplifying it, Addison! I mean, Christ! All you have is a bunch of goddamn conspiracy theories here!”

“I don’t! You don’t know him like me. You never have.”

“Addy, even if it’s true, you got those illegally. We can’t use them, can’t get them without probable cause, which, there is none, and we can’t act based on your bad feeling alone!”

She laughed. She couldn’t feel it in her chest or throat, but it bubbled out of her mouth like an overflowing pot. “Let me out here.”

“What?”

“I’ll walk.”

“Addy, come on–”

“I don’t know why I thought you would ever help me. Act on my bad feeling?” she laughed. “You didn’t even act on evidence. How fucking stupid was I, right?”

“It’s not like that. You just. . .you just lost. . .look, you’re not in a good place, okay? I’m trying to help, I just–”

“I know what you just. Let me out of the goddamn car, or I swear to god I’ll climb out this window.”

“Jesus–”

He let her out, of course. Charlie was good at following orders. That was all he was good at. Her walk home was long, and it was dark when she made it back, and she knew, she knew, she knew–

---

She stood in front of the door. She was working up the nerve to knock, breathing deep and steady with her eyes closed, hands hanging loose by her sides. But she wasn’t scared anymore. She didn’t feel anything, really, except for the steady, slow beat of her heart. It was strange, how it beat so well with a hole through the middle.

We can’t help you, Addison. That was all she could think of. The only thing running through her head. It was almost serene. We can’t help. They believed James Eden killed her son the same way they believed Benjamin Cooke never laid a hand on her. Sorry, but we’re not. Can’t help. Well for the last fucking time, she was going to help herself. Good riddance.

She brought her fist do the door, slowly, like a dream, and knocked three times. Then, she moved her hand behind her back. It would be bad if Ben saw the knife before he let her inside. Obviously, it would be bad.

They said James Eden would get death for what he did. The door swung open in a harsh, quick motion.

“Addy,” he said, and he sounded like a snake. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

She felt herself smile. An eye for an eye.

#ohhhhh my god its bad but i need to submit it so maybe getting my ass roasted twice will soften the blow #clood sucks #shit i write #im not looking for ppl to kiss my ass or anything and i know none of my writing is perfect but tbh critique scares me lmfao #not in like a 'im flawless i dont need it way' but in a 'im an oversensitive bitch with low self esteem' way #rip #i named her after 2 fictional characters in case u cant tell #i dont want to say bc then this story will end up in those tags but #at least one of them should be obvious #points at my icon

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k-p-p-d · 7 years

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Kitchen Antics 3; Bedroom Edition

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3

Pairing: Youngjae x reader ft a very special guest

Your name: submit What is this?

Word Count: 3.5K

Warnings: there’s quite a few.. not gonna lie including some degradation, threesome action, lil boyxboy, some sadism, a lil dp in one hole.. you know.

You watch the clock on the wall, hearing every tick of the seconds going by. As the minute hand passes 12, you realise it has now been 47 minutes since Youngjae left you kneeling, gagged and naked on the bedroom floor. By now, you knew your boyfriend had many different types of punishment, that depended on the degree of disobedience; but Youngjae would only do this, if you really angered him. Usually he would order you to stand and wait, but kneeling brings more pain, so kneeling it is. Youngjae was taking a long time; you wondered if this would be a good thing or not, and what the hell he was doing.

You kneel on the ground, wobbling trying to keep upright, hands behind your back whimpering from the discomfort you felt in your legs. This however, was no match for the hurt that resided in your jaw from the ball gag he left there. A small inside voice screams at you to stretch your arms at least, easing some of the ache. Which you could have easily done, considering they weren't tied, but Youngjae trained you well. You didn't move an inch. 'Stand up brat, i'm not done with you' repeated in your head, like a broken record. You thought of all the outcomes, the toys he possessed, his stamina, his temper, his creativity.. What was he going to do this time? You glance up at the clock again, and sigh seeing that 2 more minutes have passed. You hang your head, blink some tears away, and weakly suck air in around the gag swallowing the saliva that pooled. Feeling like you were on the verge of passing out, you decide to mentally recite the alphabet. *A.. B.. C.. D.. E.. F.. G-* The squeak of the door handle turning, causes you to look up immediately. You watch as the door opens and Youngjae walks in. He strides over to you, crouches down, softly pecks your temple and says, "Hey, tell me.. How are your knees doing y/n?" You side-eye him, and stupidly try to speak, your words coming out as incoherent mumbles. Youngjae places his hand by his ear, leaning in closer pretending to listen. He shrugs and stands up, chuckling, "Sorry little love, can't really understand you. Your mouth is kinda full" Youngjae slowly walks over to the bed, and sits down. He does nothing but stare at you, a smirk plastered on his face. You can barely look at him, wondering about what's going through his mind, what he plans to do with you. You watch him keenly as he speaks, "So. I have something for you.." he drags out his words, and his voice is dark. Your eyebrows knit in confusion. What is he talking about?

"..It’s a present.. And I have a feeling you're going to love it. Since you enjoy being a whore, who flirts with anything that breathes". Your breathing speeds all the way up, sweat floods your forehead, and you wriggle a little on your knees. The anticipation you felt right now, was worse than anything he could possibly do, you were sure of it. "You can come in now!", he shouts towards the door. It swings open, your head cranes in the direction of the noise it makes, but you can't look up straight away. You see boots hesitantly step in. It's a man. *What the fuck Youngjae?!?!* Your heart almost beats out of your chest, in that moment; you wish you could cover yourself, but also can’t deny that you were turned on, by the prospect of someone other than Youngjae seeing you naked.. Steadily, you lift your head scanning the stranger; you gaze over his boots, then his black jeans, his leather jacket, his face and striking hair.. It's not just any man.. It's not a stranger.. It's Jackson. Your eyes meet Jackson's, he looks at you as if trying to telepathically apologise for what's about to happen, and shoots you a small side smile. He doesn't move from his spot, so Youngjae leans up and motioned him forward. Jackson shuffles until he's standing directly between Youngjae's legs, who is still comfortably sitting on the bed. The confusion you feel right now is blinding, as you kneel there watching this unfold. You still can't believe Jackson is here, and don't know whether you’re more angry or aroused. Youngjae bites his lip and proceeds to run his hands down Jackson's body; beginning at his torso, ghosting over his growing bulge, and pausing at his thighs.. He then tightly squeezes, digging his fingers into the muscle; this action pulling a wince and hiss out of Jackson. He turns his head to you and speaks steadily, "That's right little one.. I mean you mentioned about how hot Jackson is, how he's soooo fucking 'model-like'.. and I thought, why not invite him over! He's gonna help me pull some screams and tears out of you.." He pauses slightly, to look Jackson over and grins, "..I mean with that bad behaviour, you definitely deserve this punishment. Don't you think?" You don't answer at all, just blink in fear. Youngjae snaps his fingers a few times and whistles, getting your attention. "Yoo-hoo!.. Babe? This is the part where you nod", he says smiling. You already pissed him off, so you obey this time, and quickly nod. "Good girl.. Now, Jackson you don't need that jacket do you?". Jackson locks eyes with Youngjae, and licks his bottom lip. He peels his jacket off like a striptease, then drops it on the floor. "And Jackson.. You don't need that shirt either. Do you?", Youngjae doesn't give Jackson any time to react, before he reaches up to grab his black t-shirt at the neckline, and tugs downwards, tearing it effortlessly, into two pieces. Jackson flinches a little at the sudden action, but removes the ripped cloth, chuckling under his breath and shaking his head. Youngjae's dominance fuelling the growth of his erection, which was now clawing at his zipper for release. "You should watch this part closely brat, it's going to be fun and alllll for you.." Youngjae whispers, causing you to shiver and steady yourself again. He scatters kisses across Jackson's abs, using his hands to unbuckle his belt. In one swift motion, Jackson's pants and boxers are pooled at his feet. You almost gasp out loud, seeing Jackson's member spring free. This is actually killing you, it's killing you.. Even more so than the severe ache tearing through your body. However, you can do nothing but watch. Jackson's rock hard, glistening cock trapping your eyes and mind in a trance. You want to scream, but instead just squirm in your place, rubbing your thighs together; witnessing Youngjae lovingly kiss and lick Jackson's tip, watching him tug at Youngjae's hair, his deep moans heading straight to your core. A lightbulb pings in Youngjae's evil filled brain and he decides to change pace, winking at you before licking a long stripe along Jackson's shaft, taking all inches of him into his mouth. He coughs a little, but stifles his gag by swallowing and quietly humming. "Whoa.. Shit Youngjae.." Jackson gasps. Your eyes widen, and the shock of it all causes you to fall forward onto the floor. The euphoric rush of blood and feeling returning to your legs, is soon replaced by pain once more as Youngjae pulls you up by your hair, and places you back in position. "N'aw baby! You ruined the show! Plus I don't remember saying you could get off your knees.." he says, firmly holding a fistful of your hair. You wince, listening to him continue "..But since i’m dying to hear some sounds from you, and because Jackson.. tastes.. so good.." he pauses to lick his lips, and smirk ".. i'm feeling generous. As a reward, you can lose the gag". He signals Jackson over, and thankfully removes the ball gag. You move your jaw slightly, trying to relieve tension.. but your mouth is filled again, by Jackson's cock. His strokes are slow, he's too scared of hurting you but Youngjae stops that by ordering him, "Jackson.. You're holding back. Don't. I want her to hurt". Jackson doesn't need telling twice, he grabs your head and thrusts with all his might, hitting the back of your throat every time. He doesn't say anything, only grunts and breathes deeply, gritting his teeth intensifying each stroke. You can't help but gag, tears and saliva flowing down your face. Raising your hand to wipe your eyes, Youngjae slaps it away. He snatches both of your wrists and secures them behind your back, tying them securely with Jackson's belt. You hum at the tightness, and the feeling of leather against your skin. Youngjae disappears for a second, returning with a small bullet sized vibrator and remote. Your eyes are clouded making it hard to see what's happening, but from the mere buzz of the vibrator you know exactly which one it is.. And you hated it. Youngjae thought to check if you were wet enough, but spots the sheen of arousal dripping down your leg, and smirks to himself. He playfully pinches your clit, before slipping the device in. The vibration causes you to yelp and groan and Youngjae pushes the vibrator deeper, hooking it upwards with his fingers. He maneuvers the toy around a little, until you let out a muffled scream. *Looks like he hit the spot..* Whilst still holding the device in place, he leans to your ear, places a kitten lick and whispers, "You don't cum before Jackson does, understand? Let’s see how you get on.." You writhe around in both pleasure and pain, trying to escape the blissful torture of the vibration. It takes all the mental strength you have, as you fight your fast approaching orgasm. Unintentionally, your eyes squeeze shut and you begin to groan around Jackson's cock. "Holy fuck y/n.. Keep doing that.. Ugh.." Jackson grunts through his teeth, the new feeling driving him to force his nails deep into your scalp. You groan again, this time in pain, certain that Jackson broke skin, feeling the warmth of blood slowly trickling down your face. Quickly, your groans turn into violent screams; pleas for help. This is torture. Exactly what Youngjae wanted.

Jackson whimpers, his cock twitching inside of your mouth after every thrust that got slower and sloppier. He grinds to a halt, and finally releases, the thick warm liquid making it’s way directly down your throat. You choke and splutter, but swallow because you're a good girl. Jackson lets you go, you're about to fall but Youngjae holds you up by your throat with his free hand, and squeezes tight. You can't hear, see, or breathe, you're hurting, sore and wanting to cum. Youngjae continues to taunt you, still with his fingers firmly in place, his hand clasped around your throat.

"Please.. Youngjae.. I.." your voice is barely a weak whisper. "What was that? Who are you talking to? Speak up little one" he replies. You can hear the smirk in his voice, but arguing is not an option right now, your orgasm is here. "Fuck.. D-Da.. Daddy.. Please.. I-I c-can't.. Jus.. Just.. PLEASE.." gasping for air between each word.

Youngjae darkly chuckles, "Hmmm, you know how much I love to hear you beg.. You want to cum huh? Well.. Go ahead" *Thank fuck.* Letting go, was the easiest thing in the world. Your body convulses, and you scream as your orgasm hits. Youngjae smiles, whilst simply dropping you to the ground. You lie there lifeless, breathing ragged, silently sobbing. All strength left your body, everything hurts like hell but the relief of reaching your peak consumes you, causing you to meekly smile. Youngjae removes his fingers, leaving the small device inside of you, simply turning down the level of vibration, still wanting his little girl to suffer just a bit more. Slowly your eyes begin to close, mind slipping into darkness.. Yet again, your hair is tugged by the fistful and you're forced to stand. You teeter on trembling legs, the overstimulation ripping through your body. You can barely able to hold yourself up. Youngjae's fingers enter you once again, to remove the vibrator, you jolt as he teasingly ghosts it over your sensitive clit. Using his newly coated fingers, he swipes the line of blood on your cheek and turns to Jackson, sitting calmly on the bed. "Well you did tell me not to hold back.. I’m sorry if me not holding back includes blood, sweat and tears" Jackson shrugs, leaning on his elbows. Youngjae widely smiles, now looking you in the eye, "Well at least someone can be obedient.." He stops speaking to place his fingers on Jackson's lips, then resumes by simply saying,

"Do you mind?"

You watch through clouded eyes as Jackson sucks your boyfriends digits, like his last meal removing every trace of you off of them. "Hmm, she tastes.. just right.." He hums in approval. “I’m glad you approve Wang. That’s all you’ll be tasting” Youngjae says with a wink.

"I presume you want to get your dick wet too, right Youngjae? If you do, i'd hurry. Y/n looks like she's gonna pass out" you hear Jackson say, and the sound of a belt hitting the floor. "Don't you worry about that, that's the point. Plus, the little brat knows better.." Youngjae replies. "Come, y/n". You open your eyes a small bit, and stumble towards the bed. Youngjae orders you to sit on Jackson's lap, and turn your back to him. You oblige, his semi-hard erection rubbing against your bare flesh, feeling it grow again, sending sparks to your core. You now are face to face with Jackson, sitting legs spread across his lap. Youngjae standing behind you. Jackson examines your face, from your eyes to lips, licking his own. He looked hot.. His bright blonde hair, still mind-fucking you. Jackson wanted to kiss you, however he held back. He knew Youngjae longer than you did and how possessive he can be, he also knew there would be hell to pay if he deviated from the agreed plan. Youngjae didn’t take kindly to disobedience..

You could have kissed him in the heat of the moment too, but you do nothing because your boyfriend would have killed you both.

Youngjae saves you from your thoughts, by kissing your neck, roughly sucking now and again. You sigh into him, your head falling back on his shoulder, subconsciously grinding into Jackson. Jackson gripped your hips, pushing you down harder on top of him, his breathing deep and slow. You smile thinking this is nice.. until Youngjae whispers in your ear, "Now, for the main event.. Me and Jackson, are going to see just.. how much you can stretch" Your eyes fly open, now knowing exactly what was going to happen, what he was going to do. The one thing you had a love hate relationship with.. But two cocks? Is that possible? This it is it. You were going to die. Jackson receives a squirt of lube from Youngjae, pumping his member coating it, then proceeds to smear the excess across your puckered hole. You exhale deeply, closing your eyes, revelling in the feeling. He pushes two fingers inside, and looks at you in shock as they slip in comfortably. *This ain't your first rodeo.* His thick fingers feel amazing, you lean forward on his chest, panting, whispering a "yes, keep going" that only he could hear. Stupidly, you calm down and begin to welcome your second orgasm. However, Jackson swiftly withdraws his fingers replacing them with his fully hardened cock, slamming home. "Fuck!" you scream out, voice barely there. Jackson’s cock was considerably thicker than his fingers were, the stretch you felt so unexpected. There is no adjusting to the size, Jackson joins his hands across your back and holds you in place, fucking you with zero chance of mercy. Your face is pressed against his shoulder; you can only mumble inaudibly and grunt, feeling his balls slap against you, filling you up, all inches deep. *Oh fuck, oh fuck. I'm gonna cum.. Fuck, fuck, fuck..* is suddenly your new mantra. Hearing it constantly repeating in your mind.

As if Jackson could hear you, he breathes out, "God fucking damn it y/n, why are you so tight?!.. Fuck, I'm close already.." his grip or thrusts never wavering. You are so engrossed in this anal drilling; the pain, the approach of orgasm number 2.. that you don't hear the squelch of Youngjae stroking his lube coated cock from behind. The room is filled with Jackson's groans, slapping of skin on skin, and you are a second away from your release.. Suddenly Jackson comes to a standstill. Your orgasm doesn't though. You fall into it; silently crying out, clawing at the leather restraint still around your wrists, viciously grinding your hips onto Jackson, trying to pull everything you can from it. This one hit you hard, it felt so good but boy did it fucking hurt. Your body falls limp.. you're in pain. Tears crash down your face, and you breathe hard. You want to give up, it's too much.. But Youngjae hasn't orgasmed yet.. There's no way you can take any- "AHH.. AH.. Oh.. F-Fu.." feeling more pressure build in your back passage you yell, unable to get any full words out. Youngjae places his palm flat on your back, steadying himself as he leisurely drives the tip of his dick right alongside Jackson's. Your face contorts in a silent scream, the stretch unbearable. Youngjae shushes you and pecks you gently on the head, "It's okay little one, you can take it". You however, don't think you can, your eyes squeeze shut and you pray to all the gods that you survive this. Youngjae edges slowly in and out, easing you into the new sensation, allowing you to adjust to the stretch, much to your delight and relief. The movement causes Jackson to groan. He felt throbbing of Youngjae's dick on his, how tight your hole became, as the small space was now shared, your hot breath on his skin.. pulling a deep growl out of him, that rumbled in his chest. You hear Youngjae gasp aloud, it takes a while but his stroke speed picks up. The pain and pleasure ratio are a little bit more level now, but you still can't move. You lie there, your body sinking further into Jackson's, Youngjae adding an inch every time he thrusts. Jackson soon joins Youngjae in his thrusts, cursing and panting after each one. Youngjae leans down on top of you, his chest flush against your back. His moans vibrating through your body, and god it's fucking hot. Sounds fill the room once again; Jackson's loud growls and groans, your small whimpers, sweaty skin slapping, Youngjae's panting, moaning, and quiet but dirty talk in your ear:

"Look at my little brat taking two cocks in one hole" "Aren't you a good girl?" "You’re so tight.." “I’m gonna fuck you, til you can’t move”

“Doesn’t Daddy treat you well?”

Heat bubbles once again, deep inside your core and you're definitely about to cum for the 3rd time.. Your peak arrives with force, but you only manage to weakly hum as your entire body spasms, and your eyes roll back. The boys follow you closely; Youngjae releasing first, throwing his head back, his body jerking forward, gripping you tightly and thrusting slower.. The twitching of his cock pushing Jackson, to find his own loud release shortly after. He also grips on to you, shuddering as he orgasms with one final hard thrust. Both boys pull out of you, with no consideration. You lie sprawled out still on top of Jackson. He unties the belt from your wrists, your arms heavily drop either side of his head like a ragdoll. There is no way you can move an inch right now. Your body is shot, after being fucked to high heaven. Youngjae peels you off of Jackson, kisses your head and lies you out on the bed. The empty feeling is bliss, you think that now you can relax through the agony.. But your boyfriend isn't quite finished with you yet. Youngjae collects what he can of the mixture of releases dripping down your thighs. He kisses you passionately, you smile into the kiss and blink at him when he pulls away. Bringing his hand to your mouth, he says, "You did real good baby, took your punishment like a pro. I couldn't go all out today because well, there's some things he shouldn't see.." He nods his head in the direction of a now sound asleep Jackson, "..But I'm content that you've learned your lesson. It really hurt didn't it?.." You sluggishly nod in response, teary eyed. Youngjae chuckles, "..Goooood.. By the way, y/n? You know how much I hate leaving a mess.." And with that, his soiled fingers are in your mouth. You suck and swallow, weakly swirling your tongue around them making sure you don't waste a drop, making sure you don’t displease him..

Youngjae purrs, licking his bottom lip. "That's my girl." Now he's finished with you.

- Admin Rosa

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perspectivepodcast · 5 years

Text

[Transcript] Side A: Climate Change

This episode was inspired by a conversation with a dear friend, Ajla. Because sometimes the best thoughts are only found thanks to the help of someone who’ll have enough love to rummage through the garbage in your mind and believe they’ll find something meaningful much more than you ever will.

In 1973, Dr. William Rathje, archaeologist and professor of anthropology at the University of Arizona, instituted the Tucson Garbage Project, also referred to as the ‘garbology project’. This was an archaeological and sociological study, carried on in the city of Tucson, Arizona, with the aim of examining the contents of Tucson residents' waste to examine patterns of consumption.

The funny thing was that although many residents volunteered to contribute to the project by sharing their consumption habits, the study made clear that the information shared by the participants were oftentimes not consistent with the quantitative data analyzed from the waste bins. For example, when asked about the number of beers they usually drank, participants tended to self-report more restrained alcohol consumption habits than their actual behavior. That is, if they had declared they drank two beers per week, it wasn’t rare that ten beers were found in the garbage every week.

Is it possible that throwing our waste away can be more similar to hiding what we ourselves don’t want to see about ourselves?

When I first found out about this project, it reminded me of a passage of Don DeLillo’s novel White Noise.

‘No one was around. I walked across the kitchen, opened the compactor drawer and looked inside the trash bag. An oozing cube of semi-mingled cans, clothes hangers, animal bones and other refuse. The bottles were broken, the cartons flat. Product colors were undiminished in brightness and intensity. Fats, juices and heavy sludges seeped through layers of pressed vegetable matter. I felt like an archaeologist about to sift through a finding of tool fragments and assorted cave trash. It was about ten days since Denise had compacted the Dylar. That particular round of garbage had almost certainly been taken outside and collected by now. Even if it hadn’t, the tablets had surely been demolished by the compactor ram.

These facts were helpful in my efforts to believe that I was merely passing time, casually thumbing through the garbage.

I unfolded the bag cuffs, released the latch and lifted out the bag. The full stench hit me with shocking force. Was this ours? Did it belong to us? Had we created it? I took the bag out to the garage and emptied it. The compressed bulk sat there like an ironic modern sculpture, massive, squat, mocking. I jabbed at it with the butt end of a rake and then spread the material over the concrete floor. I picked through it item by item, mass by shapeless mass, wondering why I felt guilty, a violator of privacy, uncovering intimate and perhaps shameful secrets. It was hard not to be distracted by some of the things they’d chosen to submit to the Juggernaut appliance. But why did I feel like a household spy? Is garbage so private? Does it glow at the core with personal heat, with signs of one’s deepest nature, clues to secret yearnings, humiliating flaws? What habits, fetishes, addictions, inclinations? What solitary acts, behavioral ruts? I found crayon drawings of a figure with full breasts and male genitals. There was a long piece of twine that contained a series of knots and loops. It seemed at first a random construction. Looking more closely I thought I detected a complex relationship between the size of the loops, the degree of the knots (single or double) and the intervals between knots with loops and freestanding knots. Some kind of occult geometry or symbolic festoon of obsessions. I found a banana skin with a tampon inside. Was this the dark underside of consumer consciousness?’

Sometimes I wonder: we are a consumer society, therefore our social ambition is to produce only with the aim of consuming what we produce. Does this mean that one day, when our consumer society will thankfully be over and done with, there will be no remnant of our time, of our society, apart from the waste we left behind? Will we be the ones who created nothing but refuse, who couldn’t create anything for the sake of creating something that would outlive us, and maybe speak about us and what we wanted to be remembered for?

One of the reasons why garbology in general, and the Tucson Garbage Project specifically, are a major source of information on the nature and changing patterns of human society, is because for those populations that did not leave any buildings, or writing, or tombs, or trade goods, or pottery, refuse and trash are likely to be the only possible sources of information.

Is it possible that waste, our symbolic festoon of obsessions, be they more or less toxic, will be the only contribution, the only sign of our existence that we will leave for the future? Do we really care in the least about what we leave as a sign of our passage on this planet?

It’s tempting to believe that death could be something spectacular. Funeral pyres, ship burials, fireworks. But that’s rarely how it is. Most often, it’s just a slow, gradual, unpleasant and unremarkable gnawing of all that is life. An unobtrusive agony. A forgetting, piece after piece after piece. A consumption. (The irony.)

I went out the other day and it was mid-February, in the Northern hemisphere. It was almost 20°C. It was beautiful. It was disturbing.

In another passage of White Noise, after a deadly toxic gas had leaked over the town the main character lives in, the sunsets became unnaturally spectacular.

‘We stopped on the parkway overpass and got out to look at the sunset. Ever since the airborne toxic event, the sunsets had become almost unbearably beautiful. Not that there was a measurable connection. If the special character of Nyodene Derivative (added to the everyday drift of effluents, pollutants, contaminants and deliriants) had caused this aesthetic leap from already brilliant sunsets to broad towering ruddled visionary skyscapes, tinged with dread, no one had been able to prove it.’

Later in the novel, the main character describes how gathering on the overpass to watch these newly dramatic sunsets had become a sort of ritual for the people of the town.

‘We go to the overpass all the time. Babette, Wilder and I. We take a thermos of iced tea, park the car, watch the setting sun. Clouds are no deterrent. Clouds intensify the drama, trap and shape the light. Heavy overcasts have little effect. Light bursts through, tracers and smoky arcs. Overcasts enhance the mood. We find little to say to each other. More cars arrive, parking in a line that extends down to the residential zone. People walk up the incline and onto the overpass, carrying fruit and nuts, cool drinks, mainly the middle-aged, the elderly, some with webbed beach chairs which they set out on the sidewalk, but younger couples also, arm in arm at the rail, looking west. The sky takes on content, feeling, and exalted narrative life. The bands of color reach so high, seem at times to separate into their constituent parts. There are turreted skies, light storms, softly falling streamers. It is hard to know how we should feel about this. Some people are scared by the sunsets, some determined to be elated, but most of us don’t know how to feel, are ready to go either way. Rain is no deterrent. Rain brings on graded displays, wonderful running hues. More cars arrive, people come trudging up the incline. The spirit of these warm evenings is hard to describe. There is anticipation in the air but it is not the expectant midsummer hum of a shirtsleeve crowd, a sandlot game, with coherent precedents, a history of secure response. This waiting is introverted, uneven, almost backward and shy, tending toward silence. What else do we feel? Certainly there is awe, it is all awe, it transcends previous categories of awe, but we don’t know whether we are watching in wonder or dread, we don’t know what we are watching or what it means, we don’t know whether it is permanent, a level of experience to which we will gradually adjust, into which our uncertainty will eventually be absorbed, or just some atmospheric weirdness, soon to pass. The collapsible chairs are yanked open, the old people sit. What is there to say? The sunsets linger and so do we. The sky is under a spell, powerful and storied. Now and then a car actually crosses the overpass, moving slowly, deferentially. People keep coming up the incline, some in wheelchairs, twisted by disease, those who attend them bending low to push against the grade. I didn’t know how many handicapped and helpless people there were in town until the warm nights brought crowds to the overpass. Cars speed beneath us, coming from the west, from out of the towering light, and we watch them as if for a sign, as if they carry on their painted surfaces some residue of the sunset, a barely detectable luster or film of telltale dust. No one plays a radio or speaks in a voice that is much above a whisper. Something golden falls, a softness delivered to the air. There are people walking dogs, there are kids on bikes, a man with a camera and long lens, waiting for his moment. It is not until some time after dark has fallen, the insects screaming in the heat, that we slowly begin to disperse, shyly, politely, car after car, restored to our separate and defensible selves.’

Perhaps, when the archaeologists of the future will rummage in the garbage we will have left behind to give some sign of what it was to live the way we lived, what they’ll find is that we were just too overwhelmed to do or know or feel anything. Too lost to understand, or even just to listen.

A couple of years ago, I saw this work from the Japanese artist Shimabuku. The title was The Snow Monkeys of Texas, and this was the artist’s statement:

‘When I visited the monkey mountain in Kyoto in 1992, I heard an interesting story. In 1972, a group of Japanese snow monkeys were brought from the mountains of Kyoto to a Texas desert. The first year, their numbers reduced dramatically. They didn’t know how to live in the desert with cactus, cougars or rattlesnakes. But in the second year, their population grew. Do monkeys adapt to new environments faster than people do? I wanted to go and meet them someday. In 2016, I finally visited them in Texas. I saw that they looked a bit Americanized, somehow. They are a bit bigger, and started to eat cactus. Now they know how to deal with the cougars and rattlesnakes. They have a new language to alert each other. When I spent few days with them under the Texan sun, I decided to make a mountain with ice for them. I filled a car full of ice bags. And I wondered, do they remember snow mountains?’

The video installation showed this group of snow monkeys observing and smelling and touching and playing and sitting on the ice for the first time. I believe it is important to note that the snow monkeys had been sent to Texas in 1972 due to habitat loss around Kyoto, that is when the monkeys became pests to businesses and residents of Kyoto, perforating the barrier between wild and urban spaces.

‘They come one by one. Some monkeys wanted to keep the ice to themselves, then they got bored,’ Shimabuku observed of the 22-minute video. ‘Some shared. Some were bossy […] like people.’ The snow became a forbidden fruit with many monkeys grabbing a handful and running off. But most of them nervously nibbled nearby with a shifting gaze. ‘I didn’t expect them to eat it. [In Japan] they eat flowers, trees and insects. But it is new for them to eat rattlesnake and cactus.’ When asked why it was important to test if monkeys remembered their place of origin, Shimabuku laughed and said, ‘maybe it is not important. Memory is a bridge between animals and people. […] Memory can be at a cellular level. The monkeys looked at the ice and they grabbed it. Some hadn’t seen ice for generations, and still they reacted spontaneously,’ noted Shimabuku.

I wonder if we already are Shumabuku’s snow monkeys, struggling to remember how we were supposed to live after alienating ourselves from ourselves, not knowing what to do, what to know, what to feel in the face of our own nature, a nature we only reluctantly admit to belong to.

Perhaps, the answers already are in the festoon of obsessions we are so careful to hide away in the dumps. If we were brave enough, if we had love enough to go and rummage in the garbage of our civilization believing we could find something meaningful in there, something deserving to be saved, perhaps we could find one good thought to build a future on.

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fossadeileonixv · 6 years

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FDL Season Preview

It’s go time babies.

First and foremost, If you have not submitted your picks for the kit contest, DO SO HERE. I will repeat this at the end too. Some of y’all still need that push!

Anywhoo...

The season is now upon us. We’re gonna skip the game preview this week for a few reasons (all completely on me) and run with the season preview. For this, I’ve reached out to Mike and Av for their insights on the upcoming campaign and all three of us have given some input on the mercato and our expectations from the upcoming season. So let’s get to it.

What was the biggest signing of the mercato?

Mike: The biggest one going into the year is easily Higuain. We haven't had stone cold killer up front like him since Ibra left in. That's not hyperbole, that's the truth. Having a striker with kind of ability and history is like a nice warm blanket on a cold night. He has scored against the biggest and best teams on the boot and should continue to do so. Hopefully having him on the team gives us a confidence we just didn't have last year.

Av: Pipita! Pipita! Pipita! I can’t get across just how excited I am about having this guy here. Due in part to the fact that his transfer was triggered by the C-Ron arrival at Juve and overshadowed somewhat by the LeoDini Show at Milan, I genuinely don’t think Milanista have had the chance to drink in the significance of this move. During the mercato I was developing a stomach ulcer whilst we were shopping for strikers as it looked equally likely that we might sign Morata (barf!) or Falcao (double barf!), but instead we signed the premier striker of Serie A! Pure Win Baby!

After a string of pure "meh" involving Matri, Menez, Destro, Torres, Adriano, K*****c and Silva we finally have an out and out striker for the first time since Ibra left. When you recall how impotent we looked in some games last season I think a very large part of our success this year will hang on how well Pipita does and the idea of him being shadowed by Poaching Patrick has me dreaming! I genuinely think Pipita will play a significant role in our march to the CL places this year. I'm hoping that guys like Hakan and Castillejo can play their part to give Higuain a platform to work from and he'll do the rest. I think if Pipita starts to bang them in he will help galvanise the team with a mentality that they can win. I honestly think he will give us the exact same boost that CRon is giving Juve if not more and that belief is going to be crucial for us this season, mark my words!

TR: Pipita without a doubt. Like Mike and Av said, we haven’t had a striker, or really a player, of his caliber since Zlatan. I’m going to go a little further than Av and say that there is probably no other player who’s performance will have a greater impact on whether or not we qualify for the Champions League. That is the upgrade we absolutely needed in the position that arguably needed it the most.

2) What is your biggest concern going into the season?

Mike: Last year Gattuso fell in love with a certain XI which was fine for about 8 weeks but then he, and the congested schedule drove us into the ground. We tried battling on 3 fronts while playing the same XI almost every game. Total madness. Suso and Jack were total zombies late. Biglia got hurt. Donnarumma looked exhausted. Part of that was Gattuso coming on board midyear, and I understand that. He has to be willing and able to rotate more and he's definitely equipped with the players to do that this season. We have have a lot of players that can play multiple spots in multiple formations. Let's see how he puts the pieces together.

Av: Have we finally got rid of our "Misfield"? My gut says maybe not. Baka, to me anyway, is a Kessie clone which is fair enough if it reduces our over reliance on Frank but I really wished we had landed someone like SMS. Yes, he was a dream ticket purchase that was never likely but you have to admit that having SMS flanked by Frank the Tank woulda been hella sweet. As it is, I feel our biggest deficiency is the mid unless the new additions are a class above what we had last season and only time will tell. We have guys like Borini & Biglia but we need some midfield brains to go with the brawn and still think we are lacking that outside Hakan. My other issue is that we seem to have only two genuine strikers? I dont want to jinx anything ......but you know....injuries!?!?

TR: An injury to Biglia or Higuain. For all the hard work Leodini did this season, they were unable to address the depth, or dearth of, particularly in the midfield. And to be honest, that’s not fault of their own. We’ve seen how building teams overnight perform, and they put together the puzzle pieces they had in a way that creates something recognizable. However, while injuries to Franck and Jack can be mitigated with Baka and Laxalt, a Biglia injury or one to Pipita and we face a rather dramatic dropoff in quality in relation to their backups. Unless you switch formations, you would have Montolivo pulling the strings in midfield or Patrick, my dear sweet baby Patrick, leading a line for an extended period of time. Not a death knell, but one that instantly jeopardizes CL contention.

3) Conversely, what gives you most hope.

Mike: I'm an eternal optimist so I can find a way for everything to give me hope, even Suso. What gives me the most hope is our combination of youth AND experience. What i mean is our young guys have played and played a lot. R13 is 23 but has already played 171 games. Donnarumma 19/135. Caldara 24/126 Calabria 21/52. We are young AND have a lot of game time under our belts. That's huge going forward. All that youth with vets like Higuain up top, Biglia in the middle and a backup like Reina? That's a nice mix.

Avia: Elliott Management. Crazy, I know, but their clean sweep of the previous administration and the introduction of Leodini was a master stroke. It now feels like we have people in charge who remember what Milan were all about and not naval gazers who made a nostalgia based purchase. It feels like we have taken a genuine step towards the Milan we all know and love. If they land Gazidis then colour me happy, we have Leodini taking care of the football side of things and someone like Gazidis coming from the EPL to help boost our off field business acumen. Milan.... the footballing fraternity welcomes you back from your self imposed exile.

TR: Agreeing with Av here, it has got to be the management. Elliot, as evil as they are, are astute businessmen so I take both solace and self-hatred knowing that they’re the ones overseeing this thing. The financial side of the club is out of the hands of old buffoons and con artist thrill-seekers. On the technical and sporting side, they’re making all the right moves. Maldini’s return can’t be overstated and I truly trust Leonardo to work alongside him building a project. Both sides seem to be on the same page and for the first time in a long time, I’m truly excited and hopeful to be a Milan fan.

4) What or who you think will surprise us?

Mike: I think Laxalt will be the signing of the year for us. I've loved the guy for a while now and can't wait to see him in our colors. He can play both LB and LM an provide some spicy sauce on that left side that we haven't seen in quite some time. His play and runs behind guys like Hakan, Jack and Castillejo should be fun to watch.

Av: Laxalt. Had a pretty good world cup and hope that he comes alive and helps boss our "Misfield". Got my fingers crossed for him, will be great to see some damned speed in the midfield and see how well he can work with RRod. Maybe its his hair but he kinda reminds me of a very young Edgar Davids.

TR: Baka. If Leodini saw enough in him to take a flyer (or maybe flier) on him, then I trust their judgement. His CL performances for Monaco are still very fresh in my head and I think the slower pace of Serie A may draw that player out once more. How he fits in is something I still can’t call, but I have high expectations for him. Much like you do at the beginning of a relationship when you first see only the best of someone and misread their potential as unlimited so you accidentally say ‘I love you, Timoue’ way too early on and while he may not feel the same, he says it too because he thinks that he might fulfill those words some day. But that day never comes, with the ash from that damning phrase’s impact with your small, vulnerable planet, still lingering high in the sky, refusing to settle and slowly impairing the life on this once fecund planet from regenerating, with only the most stubborn, prickly, and aesthetically uncompromising life forms surviving.

Anyways, I’m fine.

5) Ummm, moving on. What or who you think will disappoint us?

Mike: I probably shouldn't answer this question. I'm not sure about disappointment... but I am worried about how the CB pairing goes. Working out a new pairing always takes time. Folks are gonna have to be patient and there's gonna be speed bumps the first few months.

Av: Donna. Due in part to his a-hole agent, i just know that at some point during this season his performances will make me wish we had shipped him to land SMS. With Reina in place I think Donna is more than just surplus. This will no doubt elicit a groan from most but I'm praying Rino doesnt let us down! The squad is pretty solid apart from the reservations I harbour about our midfield so it will be interesting to see how Rino goes about business this time. Wide down the wings or narrow through the middle?

TR: I’ll be that guy. Rino scares the hell out of me. He’s my favorite Milan player of all time, so I assure you this isn’t something personal, but I’m not entirely convinced as of yet. That winter run was magic, but there were a few distressing decisions and performances when we came back down to earth, so my worry is even more-so now with the expectations ramped up, that he is in over his head. I trust Leodini and I definitely think he’ll benefit from his relationship with them, but I think more than any other factor, Rino is going to make or break out chances at a top four finish.

6) Make a bold prediction!

Mike: Higuain leads the league in goals. PERIOD. (League-wide, my bold prediction is that Ronaldo doesn't finish top 3 in scoring and SMS has a Belotti-esque fall from grace and Lazio finish out of Europe)

Av: Write this down or screenshot it kids ....#15in6! I think Higuain will finish Capocannoniere, help us secure a CL spot and then decide he wants to make his loan to Milan permanent! Buy your official shirts while you still can!

TR: Rino switches formations before the first international break. I think he’s slowly moving towards a 4-2-3-1 and expect to see that sooner rather than later.

7) What will satisfy you as a Milan fan this year? More precisely, what constitutes a successful year?

Mike: Champions League for next year. It's CL or bust. F the Coppa. F the Europa league.

Av: The ONLY thing that will make me happy is a finish in the CL spots. Anything less will have been futile. CL PLACES. ARE. A. MUST! Bearing in mind that Elliott are asset stripping hawks I don’t want to see what they have in store for us should we continue to finish outside the CL spots the next 2-3 seasons. Either we finish in the CL spots or Rino is gone at the end of the season.

TR: While I think it is fair that Mike and Av have concluded that missing out on the CL is a failure, I personally don’t see the season as a waste if we finish 5th. Finishing below fifth is indeed a failure in my eyes, but I think if we see growth, whether it be a deep Europa run, a more dynamic attack, consistent performances, not dropping five points against newly promoted sides, and so on ad so forth, that that in itself is enough for me. Maybe I’m setting my expectations too low, but when was the last time you saw something connecting two consecutive seasons? When was the last time we built off something the season prior? We have team capable of finishing fourth, but in many respects, last year was 0 and this year is year 1.

7) That was great guys. Especially TR’s responses. Outstanding work. So let’s wrap it up. Who finishes top 6?

Mike: Juve, Napoli, Milan, Roma, Inter, Fiorentina

Av: Juve, Napoli, Inter, Milan, Roma, Nazio

TR: Juve, Napoli, Inter, Roma, Milan, Atalanta

Sowwy! I hope I’m wrong!

Aiight kids, that wraps it up. 14:30 EST tomorrow and hit us with da feedback

Again, make your kit contest picks here!

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survivorcordillerablanca · 7 years

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Episode 2 Confessionals

who is bryce and how long has he been on this tribe

so my daughter emma left and im the only one who stood by her side. i still have lexi on my side. hopefully adam, jordan pines (shocking) and jay. im mostly working with jordan and jay bcuz they might know lexi and i are friends. considering i was in the india reuinon chat and kicked from it on and off for weeks. also katie is in this game and i know she's bffls with adam, so i wanna work with him to keep that door open. and katie is also bffs with jordan so ILL GIVE THAT LITTLE PINES BOY A CHANCE

Me forgetting to make a confessional doesn't surprise me. Anyway I got an advantage from the wishing well thing and I'm shook that it worked to get half the tribe on call

I think I made a pretty good connection with Chris, especially based on the fact that we are in 2 orgs together. I would like to align with one more person and make it an alliance of 3, so when I get the chance to talk to Chris, that could hopefully be set up. I want to be a bit more straightforward with my goals in this org unlike in some of the previous ones I have played recently. I've been waiting for someone to come to me but maybe if I go to a couple people, they will respect and trust me more because I want to align with them. It worked well with Chris. Also everyone listen to this goddess sing:

youtube

So, usually i don't make confessionals, because thats lame, but my boy RTP needs them. So what can I say, I'm a giver. Anyways round 1 is fine. I have a few different alliances, each sort of mixing with the other. I got a 1 on 1 of me and adam. I got a 3 person one of me Luke and Jay. And I think I am working with Ryan and Willa. Separately of course. Anyways i'm not too worried about going home. I just hope we win shit soon.

Okay fake friends!! No one though to inform me about the idol map thing JKDSFJK. I don't even quiet get it AAAAAAAA. I searched somewhere but don't think I got a response so I think I'm wrong. Also we won the first challenge yay!! I'm really scared to go to tribal b/c I don't think I'm in a majority. I want to make an alliance with like carson, charlotte, zachary, katie but I think its too soon??? But that's what people who wait to long say so idk SDDSHFSf. Taylor Swift's new song came out earlier and its so good. Its also everywhere??? Like on so many promotional things and ads shes really getting her business. The reward challenge is usually something I'd like but I finally fixed my sleeping schedule and its about to get ruined again probably. I'm so tired but I want to win. The wishing well is also strange. I didn't get chosen this time and no one told me they did either so yikes :s! Here's hoping things look less grim.

okay i really like carson. he's really fun and probably the person im closest with. I want to work with as well, Willow. she's a queen! WOO ill make a longer one soon i promise

Congrats to me for not being the first boot. That'll have to do for my first confessional I'll do a real one later Ryan please don't yell at me.

I GET SLEEP YES. Sad I didn't get it but tbh idc. I am SO tired and now I don't have to stay up. Gonna finis the Great British Bake Off episode I'm on and them I'll be counting sheep! Hope my tribe wins <3

I dreamed a dream that I searched for the idol apparently. BECAUSE I DIDN'T ACTUALLY DSFJKSFKJFK. I don't understand why I'm like this but I'm cracking up and apparently imagining I searched Churup HSFJKDFsKJF

Just occured to me that hosts see these live not at the end of the season so now I'm extra embarrassed SJDKFS

I love how we're doing every challenge I hate!!! We won reward tho and got another shot at the wishing well but I didn't find anything again lol. I am stressed for this challenge but hope their teams just like talks or something and gets kicked.

heyyyy im back! after we won immunity (bless), i kinda just.. .stopped talking to ppl but everyone else stopped talking so its fine and idc! emma got voted out and im PRETTY sure i dont know them so idc. i know willa so im happy they stayed over emma. then came the reward, where ryan slung a ball we had to catch it to open treasure chests, and we dominated ! (well not we, but the rest of my tribe), they got 4/6 balls and charlotte managed to open the chest so we won reward and a visit to the wishing well! at the wishing well, i chose #9 bc... it SPOKE to me, and... [9:15:58 AM] Ryan Palmer: Congratulations! You have earned yourself a task from the well. Once you complete this task to the hosts appeasement you may earn a special reward. This task may put you at risk if you complete it so make sure to cover all of your bases. The next Immunity Challenge will be one where you have to earn points as individuals for your tribe. Your task is to make sure you do not earn any points for your tribe, you must earn 0 points. In addition to that there will be a rule about talking in the chat, right after your tribe has earned points you need to post a comment of celebration in the chat. You may write whatever you want, but you will then be removed from the chat. If you complete this task during the Immunity Challenge then you will earn a special reward. If you do not complete this task you will earn nothing. [9:16:02 AM] carson: SDJKSDJKSDJKSDJK [9:16:11 AM] carson: Me being one of the onl;y people to not do anything during the Reward [9:16:12 AM] carson: BYE [9:16:34 AM] carson: Also Ryan ur giving me All Stars teas.... [9:16:37 AM] carson: *cvc [9:16:40 AM] carson: I literally [9:16:43 AM] carson: SFJKSDKSDJK GOD I HATE THISSSS [9:16:47 AM] Ryan Palmer: :) [9:16:52 AM] carson: THis is literally the Same as CvC SO i HAVE AN ADVANTAGE CLUE... and the challenge is one of the task challenges and these are my favorite types of challenges and im rlly mad i dont get to play!!! this reward BETTER be good... (also me not helping in the challenge, but still getting the reward sdlsks) and im having flashbacks from failing this kinda clue in challengers vs champions, so i wanna redeem myself and get the advantage! im still gonna try and fake like im doing it, by answering questions wrong etc, but then ill randomly celebrate in the wrong chat accidentally (while we'rei n the lead bc im not gonna try and lose this SDjksdkj) !! hopefully it goes well and im not exposed and we dont lose immunity. also, nor eal updates on this tribe. chris barely talks which im assuming is bc hes busy but still!!! idk who to work with, so i guess ill wait for a tribal?? kinda wanna get an alliance together soon though idk

Im gonna be bomb at this comp n here is why eg. Q: who won Bahamas? A: *me in 0.2sec* Zach won Bahamas!!!! Yes I submitted this as a VLconf too don't @me...

I'm good at puzzles??? But I'm not I guess DSFKJSF

My ADD made it almost impossible to keep up with this high speed challenge so I kept /leave on my message box the whole time hoping it would become an option to get points... man I'm a smarty pants and also now I get to sleep!

I am so stressed for tribal. I think I have something good with Carson and Zachary but I still need two votes hopefully Willow and Charlotte vote with me and we can do Eric or Chris. Chris doesn't respond to my messages ever so I'd prefer to do that honestly but idk I am just hoping it works out

Willow told me she heard Chris's name and im like "HELLL NAW IM NOT VOTING CHRIS BAI." I need Willow, and I need Chris, and there is no way either of us 3 are going to go this tribal.

So I talked to Willow and she's like "my two top allies blah blah blah. Anonymous blah blah blah" and I'm thinking to myself, "Why would you tell me that someone other than me is your top ally. You could of had me sold if you said I was your only top ally." Now I know there is someone you might keep over me." And I have strong suspicions that her top ally that isn't me is 1 of these 3: Katie, Carson, Charlotte. Either way, I am going to remember what Willow said if we are ever in merge together and I need to think about saving her or someone else, especially if one of these suspicions are in merge with us.

SO WE WON IMMUNITY! Even without help from Jay, Lexi and Willa the rest of us killed the challenge and took home immunity. I'm so happy that we won immunity because Willa was looking like he'd be the next person to go and I kind of don't want that? I know it puts me in a pretty precarious spot with my alliance since they agreed it's probably best if Willa leaves next. If I can't save Willa at all then I'll vote him out but if I can save him that would be GREAT for me. I want to get closer to Ryan and Adam. Adam and I talked during the first tribal council and we're both pretty straight forward thinkers and know what's best for the tribe so I'm interested with working with him. Ryan is someone who I really want to work with and he's close with Lexi which means I might have to vote her out so that he'll fully trust me?? Idk we'll see. I've been thinking about what Ulta will do at tribal because if a winner from that tribe ends up leaving and then we swap and I end up on an Ulta dominated tribe...that's bad news for me.

So I think I'll get at least one vote here. But I feel good with my alliance that they'll have my back. I trust carson the most, then charlotte, then zachary, but I trust them all so that's good. I think Willow and Eric are together but I don't think they'll be able to get chris and Katie on their side. Willow wanting chris is also pretty bad so idk I think I'm safe at least I hope so cuz I'm really starting to enjoy the cast and season!! Should be a 7-1 or 6-2 or 6-1-1 vote hopefully and then 4-4 at worst

we;ll.... we lost badly!! AND I DIDNT GET MY REWARD FROM WISHING WELL BC WE FLOPPED TOO MUCH... but that dont matter, tribals more important, and chris was the plan to go... UNTIL!!! today, eric told chris that chris was going and if he wanted to stay to vote out bryce. like??? What kinda crackedt world do you live in where u threaten someone to vote someone so they can stay SDJHDSJ (also returnee alliance made between me/zach/charlotte/bryce YES.) so... chris snitched (king) eric out and so we want eric out now... bc hes playing way too hard. NOW HE WANTS TO VOTE CHARLOTTE OUT TOO WHICH>>> SDKJSDKJ. i see why he went premerge so many times right now. like... if you try something over and over, and it doesn't work. take another LOOK!! but whatever i could be getting bamboozled but the plan is to get out eric bc he blew up his game by scrambling with little numbers, and withholding info (like telling bryce that he should vote charlotte and he couldnt tell him why but hed give him 3 rounds of safety DSJKSJK...) hopefully im not being dumb and im actually right. (also im actually... strategizing and forming social bonds oh wow! survivor is actually fun when you play it.) lets pray for no blindside of me or anyone... and lets get through this! http://photos.costume-works.com/full/furby.jpg

i just heard carsons voice on live tribal council and like i knew he was in high school but omg he sounds like such a smol baby and i need to protect him

#NotAGameForLapdogs

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