#Distressted

[junkyardpop]

woah theres a beast on this post 🐛

what is that a worm

🔎🐛 hmmmmm

☀️➡️🔎➡️🐛

oh wow the sun is heating up the magnifying glass thats strange

☀️➡️🔎➡️💥

NO NOOOOOO THE BEAST EXPLLOMDED NNOOOOOOOOOO SCIENCR WHHHYYYYYY

#distressting

[lonestarxo]

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[lovemymaltese]

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[titoist]

my renewed anxiety about the ephemerality of experience is consistently a symptom only of moments of being, more tangibly than any other times in my life, what i would hesitantly postulate as, with more confidence than at any other time in my life, but still, hesitantly, postulate as "in love." &, by way of this, having days more populated than ever with memories that i would like to hold onto more than ever

my practice of journalling started in times of comparative dullness & slowness. & in that slowness it was easy to employ as insulation against ephemerality, since it had so little motion to contend with in the first place; rather, i documented a frozen eternal present of a daily life being reconstituted. in love, it crashes incongruously into the obstacle of full days - fleeting joys that actually present it with a constant challenge & obstruct the insulation that it once performed handily, when that task was so small

like to think i am not living on so much of a slow drip of ambivalent events anymore, with so much time to integrate each one. a car ride can be a shower of small events, each of which i wouldn't mind holding in mind for a long time. the more distressting thought is that the moments around me are still dull, eternally dull, & i remain only incapable of graphing out that slow drip's outline owing to a kind of inherent, internal stagnancy, a fixed entropy in the back of my mind that expands outwards

& even in the best case, whatever i do write will only trace the outline of its associated memory, which will always be a multifaceted assembly of sights, sounds, places, context, people, & everything

the writing can only serve the dual purposes of being either for me, in aiding reminiscent reconstruction of the event, or for "them," which is to say, i can make an attempt to wring some kind of "truth" out of something that happens

i want to read all the books i'm supposed to read & hear everything i should hear & say everything i'm supposed to say - "i wanna hold everyone, i wanna say everything i wanna hold everyone, i wanna say everything i wanna hold everyone, i wanna say everything i wanna hold everyone, i wanna say everything i wanna hold everyone, i wanna say everything" - & i have too little energy & too little time, attention-deficit, inhuman, conditioned to passivity, i'll read a quarter of a book over a month & tell myself it at least feels like progress respective to all books i should read when no, that's not enough, i need to pull it together, the focus just never comes, i don't want to waste this (my mortality), such enriching ideas are all around everywhere for me, & i don't want to learn only just enough that i can infer how much enrichment & existence i'm shirking by not learning more

& then back to eyeing the .pdf fretfully

[cammyscraftiques]

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[gerdabalk]

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[electrobaubles]

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[analyzingadventure]

I am losing my god damn shit

#Ghost Game #Ghost Game Spoilers #Text post #Shitpost #HE'S SO RIPPED #I MEAN HE WAS RIPPED ORIGINALLY TOO BUT ALSO CHIBI #IT'S SO DISTRESSTING WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY CUTESY CLOCKMON #WHY DID YOU MAKE HIM SEXY

[darlingbudsofrae]

I know you asked for distraction but I'm really curious what your research paper is about

heyyyy,, anon!! well that's a bit embarrassing but see,, i used to have two research papers (i think i made a rant about it on some of my tags) altho one of them has been discontinued and really i was just saving it up for future reference (it's an imrad type and i have like the rad part left) but the first one's about pretty privilege (imrad - discontinued, 50% data collected),, and the other is about generational manners (idk what u call the five-chaptered research thingy lol but basically,, this study is an analysis of manners and etiquettes between boomers and gen zs, it doesn't sound as fun as the pretty privilege one but manners are a BIG thing in our culture,, like disrespecting the elderly regardless if they're dipshit to u or not is still frowned upon here so yeaaahhh).

i realized i rambled a bit so i am so sorry for that info dump,, i didn't really mind the question i just want an excuse to not exactly do my research paper so i'll take it lol thanks for the ask anonnn ♡

#this was a delicate oxymoron #basically u'r distracting me from the thing i want to be distracted from by angling it differently #smart #lol jk idk but rambling about my research paper is sorta distressting in a sense lol #so yeah thanks again <33 #asks #raeraegoaway

[a-kyber-star]

i’m playing that wannabe challenge game and i’m on 3-19 they’re taking biho?????? my boy???????? don’t take my boy????????????????

#it's instead of the mc's grandma but whdfhjdhjhf why biho he's baby :^((( #rach talks #i'm distresst #wannabe challenge #THE NOTE HE LEFT I'M GONNA CRY

[alastors-wife]

g*d

#me vs just slightly losing a bit of intensity with my fixation #only for it to come back full force like i was mentally and spiritually hit by a truck as soon as that livestream happened #i am by no means mad about it LMAO but also like. g*d. everyone in my life is really in for it huh #i wanna talk about it and be a Big Sap but lord i am terrified of being a Cringey Autist™ as i have so lovingly been called before <3 #i am. distresst :•( i wanna talk about it #i wanna be Open #hiding stuff like this is so fucking uncomfortable

[lonestarxo]

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[thelightprevails]

If we gave Toast a sword... and we lit the sword with holy flame... would that be rad or what

#You'll be feelin distresstal bc of the vestal #Toast started as a healer but she's just so fighty when she gets out there

[abyssmalice]

(ahhh, that last post is really bringing out the smol tonia brainworms at 9am hhhh

i don’t think ive mentioned it before - and if i did, only here and there and not everywhere ww - but smol tonia is... actually, very reserved with her emotions.

yes. this brat that bothers people for the obvious funsies, who laughs at most misfortunes, who actively sulks and throws tantrums when things aren’t going her way. yes, she’s reserved in spite of all this.

when i say reserved, i mean she tries not to reveal nor reach into the whole well of emotions she feels in a particular moment. if she’s sad, she doesn’t reveal how sad - if she’s happy, she doesn’t reveal how happy. if the emotion is an especially deep one, she tries not to process it at all.

the only emotions she reveals are shallow or quick ones - fake ones as well, depending. a fleeting happiness, a blazing rage that cools down right after, or more commonly, her childish bemusement that she uses to mask her actual feelings. she doesn’t have a sustained display of loud emotion, and even should she feel something greater and deeper fill her heart, her first instinct is to halt any recognition of it.

there’s several reasons for her weird behavior in this regard - one is that, as a harbinger, it’s on par for the course to keep her real thoughts to herself. though, this is more an useful side-effect of being in the fatui than an actual cause.

the second, and actual reason, is that she (mistakenly) believes that an explicit expression and acknowledgment of emotion leads to bad things happening.

she is aware that she caught il dottore’s attention - was taken from her family and experimented on, eventually leading to her involuntary title of harbinger - because she was causing leyline disorders around her home. these leyline disorders, however, were happening because of her emotions going haywire. while she didn’t express the exact extent of her distress to her family, she nonetheless didn’t stop herself from feeling any of it.

the result is that her immense feelings, acknowledged but having nowhere to go, resonated with the nearby leylines and the elements within them. with the awareness that this, essentially, is the reason why she is where she is in life - tonia refuses to have a repeat of something similarly unfortunate, and having zero tools to deal with her issues, decided to just stomp all over her emotions and pretend they’re not there. or at the very least, that they aren’t as bad as they really are, so the leylines don’t react accordingly.

but. that’s not all of the reasons either, though these two are the primary ones driving her behavior.

the third and last reason that makes tonia try so hard to be indifferent to her own feelings................... is because of what her brother said to her before he died.

her ajax told her to run, to live, to go home and care for everyone left behind. his parting words were, “i love you.”

and he was promptly ripped to shreds right after.

her family, before she was taken to dottore’s facilities, told her to be well. their parting words were, “we love you.”

and tonia suffered, slaughtered, and hasn’t been able to go home since.

as such, in her young and warped mind, such strong words of emotion (of love) carry a promise of danger. of horrible occurrences. it’s a childish reaction to immediately want to avoid these things, but that’s the thing - tonia is a child, even if she’s seen and experienced and done much more than any child has at her age. while a part of her is too-wise, there’s also a whole lot of her that hasn’t grown up. doesn’t know how to.

some parts of her behavior are all just a dumb act. but there are occasions where the youthfulness she tends to play up are genuine - and usually, such moments reveal a mere child who feels so, so very lost and alone while trying to grapple with a big and scary world and everything it throws at her.)

#(every time i think about smol tonia's inner workings i just go ''damn this child can fit so many maladaptive coping mechanisms'') #(bc thats what she is!!!! a child who wasnt properly trained to deal with shit that even adults cant easily deal with) #(so her thinking process and resulting behavior is just a bunch of badly managed trauma responses ausidsuudyuydsyu) #headcanons | (without love it cannot be seen); #(IM SORRY THIS GOT VERY LONG BUT IM SORRY I LOVE MY REALLY SILLY BUT DISTRESSTED DOOTER.....)

[cammyscraftiques]

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[robotclownindulgence]

Wfc optimus looks so distresst all the time and all i can think of is

Somebody fucking help him

#transformers #maccadam #optimus prime #wfc siege spoilers #netflix transformers spoilers #resi.txt