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springfieldblues · 4 years

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my long ass review for S32E03 Now Museum, Now You Don’t

warning: LONG because i rambled about history more than i thought i would

id been looking forward to this one because i like art history, especially after seeing how they tried their best to stick to historical accuracy in the previous episode I, Carumbus. this time however….they didnt try that hard. i dont know why i thought theyd go through that sort of trouble again LMAO

but its okay, i dont really expect the simpsons to be the paragon of historical accuracy or anything. especially in anthology episodes told through a particular character's lens (in this case, lisa, whos already feverish so whatever)

first i just wanna say that this is, i guess, less of a review and more of an accidental list of history fun facts. so im just gonna get my general thoughts out of the way first.

the episode was fun! to me at least haha. i mean it got me to think and do a lot of research on my own so that must count for something. besides a couple of really weird ones, the jokes were good. anthology episodes tend to be….not that good but i thought this one was one of the better ones so far. idk.

anyway on to lisanardo da vinky its the renaissance! jesus christ the italian accents in the beginning of this segment were annoying as hell but i also feel like that was the joke lmao. ill be real i kind of tuned out for a second there when grampa started rambling so idk what he said.

i told myself i wouldnt get nitpicky with historical accuracy if the jokes were funny (final edit: so that was a lie) but this meh bit with the pizza guys and mascots was really not worth ignoring the fact that its impossible for italy to have any tomato-based food in the 15th century (tomatoes were brought to europe from the americas in the 16th century, and pizza as we know it today—flatbread, cheese, tomato—originated in the late 18th century)

oh this next part was kind of legit tho. lisanardo, like the real leonardo, became andrea del verrochio's apprentice at his workshop. i loved this next bit:

"Whoever paints the sweetest cherub will have the honor of having MY name signed on their work. That's what great artists do!"

SO YEAH as it turns out, lisanardo painted the sweetest cherubs. the painting here is called The Baptism of Christ, and the real leonardo assisted verrochio in finishing it. specifically, he painted the cherubs in the corner.

this causes verrochio to quit and go someplace with less talented people: a music school (yes, verrochio did quit painting after getting owned by young leo and his mad angel painting skills. he never did anything with music tho, he was more of a sculptor)

alongside lisanardo, in mr largo-verrochio's workshop we have barticelli (botticelli bart), dolphatello (donatello dolph), ralphael (raphael...ralph) and mediocrito (no one that i know of. sorry milhouse) (and kearney i guess but they dont refer to him by name). botticelli and donatello are said to have also been apprentices at verrochio's workshop, but raphael came a couple of decades later so he couldnt have been there. and donatello was too old so that claim is a bit questionable. but anyway

it IS true that leonardo's peers envied him, to the point where he was anonymously and purposefully accused of being gay (a major crime punishable by death in 15th century florence) while he was still working at verrochio's workshop

we are then treated by what im pretty sure is the fourth time the show has used 'at seventeen' by janis ian, this time sung by a dejected lisanardo (man they really do keep making yeardley sing these days huh) who only wishes to be appreciated and not envied.

"I'll show them all! I'll show them all in a secret diary that no one will decipher for 400 years!"

some of lisanardo's future inventions. who wouldve known

so after barticelli, for some reason (revenge??? or something?? what was his plan here idgi) steals lisanardo's diaries full of blueprints of her inventions and takes them to mr burns who i have to assume is pope alexander VI here, they decide to use her inventions for war.

"With these, we can kill the most evil people in the world!! ....Slightly different Christians."

leo actually did this of his own accord. im surprised this is what they decided to do with lisanardo instead of talking about leo's love of nature and vegetarianism (not a single mention of that in this episode? come on...) then again, trying to do good only to end up indirectly making things worse is a very standard lisa storyline. i guess they didnt want to miss the chance to have evil pope burns (very fitting, especially for that era since they were all about money and controlling the people)

so lisanardo decides to leave for france, unlike the real leonardo who was more or less persuaded by his ultimate fanboy king francis I to move to france.

"Lisanardo, I have many questions. Why are you hitting yourself? A nerd says 'what'? And how is it possible that I am rubber and you are glue? Et cetera, et cetera."

that line may seem a little random, like hes just nelson saying nelson things (and i mean, obviously he is) but the real francis also "had an unquenchable thirst for learning, and Leonardo was the world’s best source of experimental knowledge. He could teach the king about almost any subject there was to know, from how the eye works to why the moon shines." so yeah, he did have many questions and lisanardo, finally being appreciated for her intellect, was happy to answer them all. its very interesting how lisa assigned this role to nelson in her retelling of da vinci’s life :^)

and so she lived the rest of her days in france, nat king cole's 'mona lisa' plays because duh, and they make a da vinci code reference because duh. and the segment ends. and not a single time did they show the actual mona lisa painting. the fuck?

(ngl i was fully expecting bart to say 'leonardo da vinky' for a second here)

so this next segment is about french impressionist painters, most likely the batignolles group, a name adopted by the early representatives of impressionism. its much more vague than the lisanardo segment since no one here is referred to by name (except moe, more on him in a sec) but i dont feel like it really matters in this case. bart is prrrrooobably claude monet but its hard to say, this segment is kind of a mish-mash of a lot of things. also i gotta say i really liked how lisa introduced the story to bart with an 'if you hate the formal study of art' and not 'if you hate art' because thats exactly my headcanon. i LOVE the concept of artist bart and whenever its referenced it just makes perfect sense to me.

anyway the segment opens in 1863 at the école des beaux-arts (back then it was actually known as the académie des beaux-arts), preserver of traditional french art styles. skinner reviews his students’ paintings one by one. praises the plain, unimaginative paintings depicting your typical european countryside landscapes. very run-of-the-mill (haha get it...cuz theres….a windmill) (although the real académie didnt approve of such basic stuff, they wanted artists to draw epic historical and mythological scenes) then he gets to barts painting and he gives him an F- because the painting made him think.

(the paintings in this scene arent real famous paintings as far as i know but they are inspired by real paintings enough to get the point across)

in comes barney dressed as bacchus as a model for the students to sketch, which i just loved:

barney: “You prefer robe open or robe off?” skinner: “Just cover your privates with this walnut shell.” barney: “Whoa!!! So roomy!”

skinner gasps in horror at bart’s sketch, which “looks nothing like him” and bart explains that “it shouldn’t; we’re making the art that we feel because we can’t compete with a camera.” damn, you go bart. take that, realism. draw what you feel!!

(also no, you didnt need to hold still for 17 hours for a daguerreotype. 30 min tops.)

nelson haw-haw of the week: FOIE-gras!

so here they are at the moulin rouge (“enjoy it before baz luhrmann ruins it” hey shut up. i love that movie), which wouldnt be built for another 26 years, but it is the most widely known gathering place for bohemians in the public consciousness so i can understand why they went with the moulin. nelson delivers this anachronistic line:

“This époque keeps getting beller and beller!”

which alludes to la belle époque, the golden age of france usually dated from 1880 to 1914. made me snort so ill let that slide

and heres moe! as henri de toulouse-lautrec, who was actually born a year after the year this segment is set in. yo moe szyslak he was just 1

toulouse-moetrec introduces himself as the chronicler of the demimonde (not an actual job). an iconic figure associated with the moulin rouge (largely due to his affinity for alcohol and prostitutes), toulouse-lautrec was also a painter, having illustrated a series of posters for the moulin himself. he simply had to be in this segment, anachronisms be damned, just because they decided to include the moulin. cant have one without the other.

and yes he did have a walking cane where he kept his liquor.

i love how everyone drinks absinthe in this place. theyre bohemians what else would they drink

toulouse-moetrec points out that barts paintings are the greatest thing hes ever seen (and hes seen like five things!) and that hes a genius. milhouse realizes that they should stop doing what the teacher says and use their own minds to instead...start doing what bart says lmao. to the easels!

next we have skinner hyping up chalmers about the art his students made for the salon de paris, an art exhibition that the emperor of france will attend. he assures him that none of these paintings will encourage debate, provoke thought or be out of place at a dentist’s office. when they unveil the art, theyre both SHOCKED at how scandalous the paintings actually are.

this reaction was kind of accurate. impressionism was severely rejected at the salon de paris, due to paintings not looking finished enough to them, they thought they were ugly and vulgar for depicting nudity in a contemporary setting (historical and mythological nudity was fine). these impressionist paintings were sent to the salon de refusés, which is. yeah. the place where they sent the rejects. the salon de refusés does not make an appearance but this scene makes a reference to it when the artists get expelled from the royal salon. also:

“What about our student loans?” “Oh they’ll be refunded. We are not barbarians, I mean, come on.”

(god if only)

so the painters are down because they want the emperor to actually see their paintings. toulouse-moetrec pipes in once again with an idea.

“There is one thing the emperor loves more than anything.” “France?” “No, he hates France.”

apparently the emperor really loves cheese, which makes sense since its napoleon III (who loved cheese) and homer (who loves cheese.) so the painters roll into the salon inside a giant wheel of cheese (obviously.) as lenny said, “Eh, you know French cheese. Very runny.” napoleon III chases after the wheel into a room, where the wheel falls apart after getting chomped on by the emperor. now that they got his attention, the painters proudly show the emperor their impressionist art, which he couldnt be more indifferent about because he just wants to eat his cheese dammit, and he awards them with the royal medallion just to kind of get them out of his way. skinner immediately starts kissing ass (as he does) until marge’s like ‘hey wait a minute. you expelled these students from the royal salon’ and an executioner immediately starts ominously measuring skinners neck.

“Uh, sir...is your tongue sticking out because you’re dead or because you’re mad at me?”

and thats the end of that lmao (gore in this episode, gore in the last episode, and next week we’re getting gore too cuz its THOH, what the hell is goin on)

we get a short intermission with maggie, who wants a story for her too! lisa tells her that renaissance artists loved to put babies in their paintings, especially baby angels.

here she is showing her The Triumph Of Galatea by raphael:

King David Playing The Harp by peter paul reubens:

and a very simplified version of pretty much any depiction of hell by hyeronimus bosch lmao:

not much else to say about this one, really. but i really liked that sky!

the last segment is about frida kahlo and diego rivera. or as bart puts it ‘the one about a fat guy whos wife is too good for him.’ i was REALLY looking forward to this one because i love frida and i thought itd be a cool opportunity for animators to go bonkers and do really cool shit with her art as inspiration…..but the segment is not about frida, its about diego and his selling out to capitalism. and its also yet another story with homer and marge drama. no funky cool animation here. sigh i guess i’ll take it

the story begins in 1929 at la casa azul, frida’s home (now museum dedicated to her life and work.) frida and diego are getting married. this courtyard definitely did not look this way yet back in 1929. also theres something very cringy yet funny about lovejoy saying spanish words the way he does, i honestly cant decide how i feel about that one

the writers know theyre being cringy with their gringoness so they go along with it.

moe: “Spanish for ‘best wishes’!” mel: “Spanish for ‘congratulations’!” bumblebee man: “Spanish for ‘muy bueno’!”

OH YEAH BUMBLEBEE MAN this is his new voice actor, eric lopez! hes not mexican but its still great to finally have a latino actor voicing a latino character and hes very excited to be part of the show so i hope to hear more of him!! im rooting for him

el barto/zorro makes an appearance which i am very confused about. he has jack shit to do with frida and diego and mexico in the 20s-30s. el zorro was set in the spanish california of the early 19th century. their use of the original theme song makes me think they just wanted to flex their disney privileges tbh

lets not talk about that that whole scene was bad

anyway diego announces he and frida are going to new york, without even asking her first. frida is obviously pissed.

“Don’t worry, as a woman, you’ll be treated with much more respect in America.”

so in new york, diego is having a bit of a business meeting with mr burns as one of the members of the rockefellers, who is commissioning him to draw a mural for the rockefeller center. its kinda funny how he refers to him and frida as socialists even though they were very much communists lmao its okay you can say it. ok so far, but then frida says ‘yes, we hate the capitalists! right now, a young socialist is being born who will take them down! mr. bernie sanders. i hope hes quick about it’ and that was a simple enough joke and couldve been left at that but then its immediately followed by this weird as fuck family guy-esque cutaway gag to bernie as a baby:

“Getting a cootie shot should not cost your lunch money. And if you don’t listen to me, listen to the Bernie Babies! What? Everybody’s got goons.” *larger babies start beating up this other baby* “I disavow that, and welcome it.”

this confused me so much that i had to ask one of my american friends to help me understand, but even she was like ‘uhhh yeah thats a weird joke,’ especially now that hes been out of the race for months (then again these episodes take almost a year to produce. i guess they couldnt be bothered to replace it with something more relevant.) whatever that was weird and confusing and unfunny moving on

frida is pretty irked that diego is going through with this deal. after all, it goes against everything they believe in. im not sure how the real frida felt about diego doing the mural, but she did feel a bit of rage during her visit to the united states, especially the obvious disparity between rich and poor. she hated having to interact with capitalists and found americans very boring. in this segment, frida seems to be acting more like the american communist party, which diego got kicked out of for accepting commissions from wealthy patrons. in any case, frida is pretty upset about this whole thing.

and finally we get the first and only kind of surreal frida moment. kinda. maybe. its more cartoonish than anything but im desperate ok

interesting how they felt like they had to add a “don’t smoke” in big letters after showing patty and selma flying away on their giant cigarettes. i wonder if this is something theyre making them do now? i remember hearing something about them toning down patty and selma’s smoking

diego comes home to frida, drunk as hell, followed by the marx brothers. i cant believe they didnt make a marxism joke come on it was RIGHT THERE. THE MARX BROTHERS. KARL MARX. COME ON

frida paints her feelings.

this makes diego realize that frida is a genius and he is not half the artist she is. he proclaims he will now show his awe of her by sleeping with other women, starting “an hour ago.” to which frida replies, “and i will start sleeping with other women, starting two hours ago.” yes this was pretty much their relationship. though im just wondering how the hell did diego not know frida was this kind of artist until now? i know homers an idiot but jeez. art was how frida and diego met, diego knew from the get-go that frida was an incredible artist. i guess the fame got to his head or something. again, homer just being stupid.

“well enough already, while the art is still deco, okay?”

its time for the mural diego painted, Man At The Crossroads, to be unveiled:

rockefeller examines it. good and great so far, and then...uh oh

“Who’s that fellow…? With the beard, and the bolshevik smile…” “That’s the founder of Soviet Russia, Lenin!”

“B-b-but he’s a communist!” “Oh he just attended a couple of meetings.”

rockefeller will not have this communist in the temple to capitalism that is the rockefeller center, so he orders diego to paint over it. diego stands his ground and refuses. despite rockefeller’s threats, diego says that theres only one person he wants to be proud of him no matter what and in true homer & marge fashion, frida is touched by this. they happily leave the rockefeller center.

now, the real story of Man At The Crossroads and the rockefeller center was actually not that different. as soon as the rockefellers found out diego had snuck in a portrait of lenin into the mural, they ordered him to paint over it, to which he refused. diego even offered to include abraham lincoln and even american abolitionists in the mural as a compromise, but the rockefellers simply did not want any references to communism whatsoever. they did not complain about the hammer and sickle, though. yes, they did know diego was a communist and hired him anyway. what did they expect? lmao. diego said:

"Rather than mutilate the conception [of the mural], I shall prefer the physical destruction of the conception in its entirety, but preserving, at least, its integrity."

so they decided to destroy the mural before it was even finished and they never talked to each other again.

diego then repainted the mural at the palacio de bellas artes back in mexico, this time known as Man, Controller of the Universe. this new version included even more communist leaders and a depiction of john d. rockefeller jr. drinking at a nightclub, right underneath a depiction of syphilis bacteria. cue nelson haw-haw:

this was the version they used in the episode also, since the original was, well, never finished and also destroyed. only a black and white photograph of it exists, taken by diego before it was destroyed so he could remake it.

right so, homer!diego then pulls a Barthood and finishes the episode with a large mural summarizing the entire episode. he says some rick and morty thing i didnt get because i dont watch the show idk idc

the end

ALRIGHT NOW ITS TIME FOR THE STORY OF VINCENT VAN MOE

#if you read all of this bless you #the imageless gdocs version of this is 8 pages long #hope you...enjoy?!?! these art history fun facts?!?!#dont let me do something like this again but also let me know if i should do something like this again #i was really only motivated to do this because im already passionate about the subject so idk if i could do it otherwise #anyway. this took me all day yesterday because the power kept going out #but im finally done #bye

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britishchick09 · 3 years

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sherlock ep 3 the great game livewatch

since i did a live-re-watch of ep 1 and a re/new livewatch of ep 2, i figured i’d finish off the season! i’ve never seen this one, so it’s the first totally new livewatch of the year! :D

ooh spooky beginning!

sherlock is talking to a guy for a case why in an old school tho?

omg sherlock keeps correcting this guy’s grammar lol :D

the guy will get hung for it (sorry hanged) is this victorian england

dramatic intro strikes again!

YO GUN SHOTS WUT

sherlock just chillin

AND SHOOTING WTF LOCKIE

SMILEY FACE!!!!!

john: “what the hell are you doing??” SAME WTF MR HOLMES

he’s shooting because he’s BORED OMG SHERLOCK LOL

omg john almost said the f word :o

WHY IS THERE A SEVERED HEAD IN THE FRIDGE

ooh they referenced ep one’s title in john’s blog post!!!

does that mean john comes up with the ep titles coolio :D

sherlock doesn’t like it tho :/

he deletes things he doesn’t care about like the earth going around the sun woah sherlock computer! :o

sherlock just said ‘hard drive’ epic B)

sherlock: “UGH HELL, WHAT DOES THAT MATTER?? so we go around the sun or we go around the moon round and round the garden like a teddy bear IT WOULDN’T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE!” ...teddy bear?

oh hey mrs hudson

awww she called their argument ‘a little domestic’ :)

let me guess sherlock hates the quiet peaceful world

RIGHT!!!

MRS HUDSON SAID ‘BLOODY’ OMG

and she’s putting the smiley face on the rent ‘young man’ :/

OMG WHAT THE FRICK EXPLOSION

hey is that sarah cool! :D

oh crap THE FLAT EXPLODED!!!!!

WTF DID SHERLOCK DO????

i thought this would happen in like s4 since that’s super dark not s1!!!!

lol sherlock’s just plucking his violin like nothing happened :D

yo is that moiarty mycroft?

ok this is his bro so according to google it’s... mycroft!

mycroft: “a case like this would require... ‘leg work’” ...leg work?

in my holmes inspired series the sherlock and mycroft characters hate each others guts and act like children around each other so it’s good to see that these bros just act cold and keep correcting each other

mycroft: “your business seems to be booming, ever since you and sherlock became.. ‘pals’’ johnlock shippers be like: ;)

mycroft wondered if it was hellish and my holmes character describes his bro as hellish COINCIDENCE I THINK TOTALLY!!! :o

the plans were on a ‘memory stick’ does mycroft mean ‘usb’?

sherlock putting rosin on his bow during the conversation tho ♥

mycroft: “you need to find those plans, sherlock. don’t make me order you” wowoza older bro much?

is sherlock badly playing his violin to test it or to kick mycroft out faster lol :D

this is probably benedict cumberbatch really playing because he didn’t take violin lessons until s2 i think and even then there was an overdub!

OMG I JUST REALIZED I’VE BEEN SPELLING HIS NAME AS BENNEDICT WHY

sherlock: “i’d be lost without my blogger” aww he really does like the posts! ♥ also major johnlock squee there

sherlock likes the ‘funny cases’ ;)

hey is that lestrade cool he’s back

the first thing sherlock says while reading the letter is ‘nice stationary’

john: “that’s the pink phone!” guy: “from the study in pink!” sherlock: “you read his blog?” lestrade: “of course we all do!” awwww :D

everyone’s snickering at sherlock not believing the ‘earth sun’ theory lol :D

ooh a warning! :o

john: “hold on, what’s gonna happen again?” sherlock: “BOOM!” bada bing, bada... B O O M!!!”

mrs hudson can’t get anyone interested in the flat aww :(

some weird lady’s calling what

SHE JUST SAID ‘STUPID BISH’ WOAHHHH

woah she was a hostage??

sherlock wants john to delete 8 mycroft texts lol :D

sherlock sarcastically called john ‘doctor’ lol :D

molly: “why did you say ‘gay’? we’re together!“ WAIT DID SHERLOCK JUST SAY THAT?? JOHNLOCK SQUEEE!!!!! also sherlock is aromantic sorry molly :/

molly: “he’s not gay!!” woah john much?

also that was about her bf sorry johnlock shippers :/

sherlock says his makeup and underwear peeking out make the guy gay RUDE MUCH LOCKIE??

john: “that wasn’t kind” yeah LOCKIE

john: *figures out who the shoes belong to* how did i do?” sherlock: “well, john, really well! i mean, you missed almost everything important” lol :D

sherlock is great at finding out things props to him :D

the shoes were bought 20 years ago just like su lin!

sherlock: “a child with big feet-“ you mean senpai lol

1989 is 21 years ago here wowza :o

oh no the kid had a fit in a pool and died :(

someone stole his shoes! :o

aww john wants to help :)

mycroft is texting john now lol :D

john: “it’s of national importance.” sherlock: “how quaint.” john: “what is?” sherlock: “you are” :)

john is wearing a suit to see mycroft how quaint ♥

john: “he’s investigating now. investigating away” that’s sherlock for ya :D

mycroft knows it all just like sherlock what bros they are! :D

oh no the kid had poison! :o

it’s cool how a 21 year old mystery could tie into a bomb from a day ago :D

NO IT’S CRYING LADY AGAIN

she lives in cornwall camilla who

ooh pager! :D

sherlock is bored WHY

OH GREAT IT’S THE ‘FREAK’ LADY FROM EP 1 UGHHHH

oh no another mystery caller!

sherlock guessed he’s ‘stealing another voice’ ooh :o

aww they showed the guy he’s crying :(

they have 9 hours to solve the puzzle!

sherlock is faking being super sad to get info from this lady oh lockie!

random lady: “fishing! try fishing!” john’s reaction tho :D (this is like ‘daang that’s rad!’ but not as funny)

sherlock says ‘mazda’ weird but it’s cool :D

sherlock: “you’re very helpful” ...he’s not

sherlock: “mr. hewitt’s a liar” SEE I WAS RIGHT!!!

the drops in the lab look like the intro :D

phone guy: “we were made for each other, sherlock” woah woah YOU’RE NOT JOHN

ooh the blood was frozen :o

the way lestrade says ‘columbia?‘ is funny :D

the case is solved yet we’re only 37 minutes into the ep hmm....

sherlock: “i am on fire!” YAS LOCKIE!!! :D

great another call...

why is this guy constantly crying WHO HURT YOU SIR?

a restaurant scene... ep 1 was queerbaiting, ep 2 was stereotyping and this one is... SHERLOCK EATING??? :o

epic 2010 smartphone ;)

john: “lucky for you mrs hudson and i watch too much telly” yas john!!! :D

CRYING LADY SAID ‘BISH’ AGAIN

12 hours now WHO ARE THESE PEEPS AND WHY ARE THERE TIME LIMITS

throughout the scene there’s a snoring sound... is someone sleeping in the afternoon??

a dead 54 actress died 2 days ago... connection?

she cut her hand on a rusty nail dean from supernatural who

sherlock: “goodnight vienna!” *ringo voice* ♫ na na na na na na goodnight viennaaa!!!!!!! ♫ :D

lockie’s mind is racing again!!

john’s dr skills and sherlock’s mind are perfect for this :D

sherlock: “do you want to help?” john: “of course!” ♥

lestrade: “tell me, what are we dealing with?” sherlock: “...something new’ ;)

ughhhh her again!! THREE HOURS HAS IT EVEN BEEN 12 YET???

awww kitty!!!! ♥

the kitty is so loud and cute awww :)

the tv lady taught mrs hudson how to do ‘colors’ aww :)

sherlock went to fan sites for the show coolio :D

...omg what if there are fan sites for him and people ship johnlock in the show besides mrs hudson :o

awwww kittyyyy!!!!! :D

john thinks the lady got tetanus because of the cat NOT THE KITTY!!!

so are the shoe kid, tv lady and creepy phone people connected?

the phone people are bombers so at least that’s a connection

great the phone lady wants help UGHH

she’s telling sherlock things about the guy GIVE THE ADDRESS LADY!!!

wait was that a gunshot

it was another gas leak explosion! :o

the bomber killed the lady oooohh :o

sherlock: “heroes don’t exist and wouldn’t be one of them” oh but you are lockie ;)

sherlock: “you SEE you just don’t observe!” john: “okay, okay, girls calm down!!” GIRLS OMG LOL :D

sherlock: “you’ll never find him (some guy named gollem). but i know a man who can” lestrade: “who?” sherlock: “...me.” ;)

lady: “any change for a cup of tea?” sherlock: *gives her fifty* wowza what a generous lockie!

onto part 2!

the lady said a message was left ‘on the landline’ how 21st century of you...?

other lady: “am i supposed to be impressed?/” this is sherlock holmes we’re talking about here lady

lady 3: “we were having a night in...” *wallace and gromit intensities*

joe: “are you the police?” john: “sort of” he’s a consulting detective assistant thank you very much :)

sherlock sure likes giving lots of change to people in need :)

and he said earlier he doesn’t care about people unless it involves the case!

aww moonlight walk ♥

they’re in the tunnels like the netflix pic! :D

i wonder if this inspired that pic...

YO THEY BE RUNNING

the lady is watching a show on jupiter a gas planet hmmm...

she just wants neptune :D (i know her fave sailor senshi...)

OH NO SHE DED!

the tape is going backwards it’s so weird

OMG IT BE GOLLEM!!!

john: “let go or i will kill you” oooohhh gollem’s in trouble...

yo wtf is going on

SHERLOCK SHOT

who is this fancy french lady

sherlock s n a p !

the painting is a fake and that’s why she was killed?

some kid is counting down WHO ART THOU SMOL ONE???

sherlock: “shut up it only works if i figure it out!” yeah that’s true

aaand it worked!

the planet film helped sherlock discover the nova in the painting coolio :D

the mystery kid needs help! but where is he...

i still have no idea what’s going on tho it all went by so fast!

is this new french lady the one behind everything?

THE WHISPERS ARE MOIARTY OH FRICK

lockie be like ‘oh god...’ i’d be the same way if my mortal enemy was behind the case

why is john talking about strawberry jam with lestrade

oh it’s blood?

cool lifejackets :D

a wild sherlock appears!

is memory stick british slang for usb or just a holmes bro quirk because sherlock said it too

sherlock just broke into someone’s flat lol

and their last name is harrison... george much? ;)

so harrison stole the memory stick and gollem put in the bomb, moiarty hiring them both and having creepy people call sherlock and kill the tv lady, the guard at the gallery with the nova painting and maybe the shoe kid? is that how all this is connected?

john: “i’m not the world’s only consulting detective” aww he considers himself one too instead of just an assistant! :D

HOLD UP there’s a pool... is this the infamous tackle scene from the sarah z tjlc vid?

john is wearing a big coat hmm...

this is the pool where the kid died CONNECTION!!!!

oh no is this the calling guy

why does he sound like a silly american

YO he’s an american pulling off a brit accent

MOIARTYYYYY

moiarty: “jim moiarty! hiiii!!!” lol :D

plz shoot him sherlock this guy sounds so stupid

DID SHERLOCK JUST CALL HIM ‘DEAR JIM’??

the near fake kiss in that one ep makes sense now

moiarty in a sing-songy voice: “daddy’s had enough nowww!!!!’ DADDY WHAT

moiarty said gay :o

he just called sherlock ‘johnny boy’ why

AND HE SAID ‘borr-ing!!!’ OMG MOIARTY WHYYYY

i already hate moiarty so much but his lines are so funny what a villian!

sherlock: “what if i were to shoot you right now?” please do lockie

sherlock: “catch... you... later.” moiarty: “no you won’t!!! :D”

sherlock took off the jacket was that the scene?

john: “you ripping off my clothes in a darkened swimming pool...” THAT’S THE SCENE OMG JOHNLOCKERS ARE SQUEEING!!!!

omg moiarty’s back how stupid

SHOOT HIM LOCKIE PLZ

the music is intensifying...

LOCKIEEEEEEE......

and it ended!! i’m guessing sherlock doesn’t shoot moiarty which is a bummer but hey at least we’ll get more lols next season with them! :D

this was a great season finale! the beginning was wild and it got crazier from there. this is my least fave ep so far, but i still really liked it for how insane it was (and that kitty/moiarty lols!). it took 4 years to reach the end of s1, but it was well worth the wait! :D

#livewatch #this season definitely ended on a great note! :D #this might be the final sherlock livewatch until the series finale #8 more livewatches would be a lot (and it takes about 2 hours for these)#for regular watches it would be straight through with a post here and there #much quicker!#although i still love doing these livewatches #so many thoughts compared to the others (besides 'it happened one night' that was a long movie)#it's time for other content instead of many little lockies #it'll still be a fun time! :D

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dank-ships-blog · 7 years

Text

I know I look crazy...

Alright I may look like a total psychopath but i really would like you opinion

@squirrellygirlart and @mr-hawkmoth

Because you are me and my sisters idols I would really like your guys thoughts oh and sorry for basically online harassing you Squirrellygirlart

Anastasia Au

(DISCLAIMER: They are not ladybug and chat noir)

Adrien has been in a orphanage for basically his whole life.

The King and Queen of England (Gabriel and Mama Agreste) are really sad because it’s been 15 years since their child went missing.

Adrien has the same first name though! And can speak english too

He had a lullaby he always remembered (Once upon a dream!!)

Con artist Plagg, his wife Tikki and their daughter Marinette are trying to find a fake Adrien Agreste to give to the family and get a reward

Plagg helped The queen and king escape when the kidnappers got into the palace when they took Adrien 15 years ago and took Adrien’s music box from the queen’s room (he was going to give it to her but they got split up.)

Plagg and Tikki go to jail for stealing money and they get caught so Mari is going to get the Ten Million Euro reward (DAMN) to 1) bail her parents out and 2) have more money.

She finds Adrien and convinces him he is the missing child.

Adrien has a cat named pooka and she comes along (to basically be Anastasia’s dog, if you have seen the movie.)

Her partner Rose Lavillant (yeah deal with it) helps ‘Train adrien’

He runs away with them.

When they get to London she realizes that Adrien is the REAL Adrien Agreste

Mari also realizes she is in love with Adrien.

Adrien finds out that Mari tricked him and thinks she thinks he is not the real adrien.

He gets mad at her and refuses to talk to her and only talks to Rose.

Mari convinces The parents to let Adrien see one of the royal family members.

Adrien meets Gabriel late at night (like 11:30) in a guarder room in a separate house in London.

Mari argues with the king to see Adrien and gives him the music box.

“I’m done with seeing impostors trying to pull of as my son.”

“I’m no impostor sir! I am Adrien Agreste!”

“Enough with this!”

“Sir please! I am your son!”

“Do you think i’m some fool?!”

“At Least let me see Mrs. Agreste!”

“My wife is to fragile to meet another Imposter! When she found that the first boy who came wasn’t Adrien she was heartbroken!”

Gabriel goes to leave the room

Adrien starts singing his lullaby with the music box

A: “I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream

I know you, that look in your eyes is so familiar a gleam I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream I know you, that look in your eyes is so familiar a gleam. And I know it’s true that visions are seldom all they seem.But if I know you, I know what you’ll do You’ll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream”

Gabriel remembers that him and his wife sang that to Adrien every night before he was taken.

G: “But if I know you, I know what you’ll do. You’ll love me at once. The way you did once upon a dream”

AMAZING ADRIEN-GABRIEL VOCALS.

A + G: “I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream I know you, that gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam And I know it’s true that visions are seldom all they seem But if I know you, I know what you’ll do You’ll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream”

Gabriel hugs adrien

(Quietly) “You are my son”

Adrien meets His parents

TEARS EVERYWHERE

The king and queen offer Rose a job and she accepts

They offer Mari the reward money… but she doesn’t take the money.

“You sent for me, your grace?” Mari asked

“Ten million euros, as promised, and my gratitude.” The King said.

“I accept your gratitude, you highness, But I- I don’t want the money.”

“What do you want then?” The queen asks

“Unfortunately, nothing you can give.”

“Young woman, where did you get the music box? Your father was the man who saved us? Then you restore our son to us, yet you want no reward.”

“Not anymore.”

“Why the change of mind?” The king asks

“It was more of a change of heart…I must go.”

Adrien’s parents are like ‘Damn she hella in love.’

She leaves the room and runs into Adrien on the stairs.

“Hello, Marinette.” Adrien spoke coldly

“Hello.”

“Did you collect your reward?”

“My business is complete.’

“Uh, young lady, you will bow.. And address the prince as ‘Your Highness” the servant said

“No that’s not necessary” Adrien said

“Please” Mari responded “Your Highness i’m glad you found what you were looking for.”

“Yes. I’m glad you did too.”

“Well, then, good-bye, your Highness.”

“Good-bye” Adrien spoke quietly.

Mari goes to say bye to rose

“Well, if you’re ever in the scummy part of paris again, look me up.” Mari said “So long Rose.”

They shared a quick embrace

“Ah, Marinette… you’re making a mistake.”

“Trust me… this is the one thing i’m doing right.”

She goes to pet Adrien’s cat

“So long, cat.”

Pooka lets out a whine.

“I can’t stay. I don’t belong here.”

The epic Ball/party/dance starts for Adrien being found.

They are looking through the drapes.

“She’s not there.” The queen spoke to her son.

“Oh, I know she’s not– she, who’s not there mother?”

“A remarkable young woman… whose father found a music box.”

“No, she’s probably too busy spending her reward money as fast as she can.”

The queen looked off quickly before speaking again “Look at them dance… you were born into this world of glittering jewels, and fine titles, but I wonder… if this is what you really want.”

“Of course!” Adrien answered. “Of course it is. I found what I was looking for! I found out who I am, I found you!”

“Yes you did find me– and you’ll always have me–” She pulled Adrien into a tight hug “but is it enough?…. My darling, she didn’t take the money.”

Adrien pulled back, shocked “She-She didn’t?”

“Knowing that you are alive, seeing the man you have become…brings me joy I never thought I could feel again.” She said before giving him a kiss on the forehead.

“Whatever you choose,” The king said walking through the curtains. “We will always be a family.” He walked over to Adrien and kissed his forehead.

“Mother, father, can’t you tell me the–” Adrien turned around to see both of his parents had gone through the curtains, to the dance floor.

He looked through and took a step out, before stepping back.

He hears a noise and pooka hissing

He runs outside to see men with long metal rods ready to beat the living shit out of him, and probably kill him. (They were the guys who abducted him when he was a baby.)

Mari jumps out to defend Adrien and gets beat the shit out of, but the guys left injured.

“Mari” Adrien said flipping the unconscious (Probably dead) girl on her back.

“No.” he cried into his knees facing away from the girl

Mari groans as she gets up, Adrien gasps

He throws his arms out and accidentally slaps her lightly as he goes of a big hug.

“Ow! Let go, let go.” she said before falling back in pain

“Sorry. Sorry”

She groaned as she propped herself on her knees.

“I thought you were going back to paris?” Adrien asked

“I was.” Mari said

“You didn’t take the–”

“I couldn’t.”

“Why?”

Mari leans closer to the blonde boy. “Because… I-”

Adrien started pulling Mari into a kiss

Pooka meows with the crown around his neck.

“Oh…” Mari said before taking the crown off the cat’s neck. She holds in in her hands as she looks at Adrien. They both stand up. “They’re waiting for you.”

He take it from the dark haired girl.

JUMPPPPP CUTTTTTTTT

The king puts down the crown made for his son, picking up a note in a room full of guards and servants looking for his son.

Dear father and mother,

Wish me luck. We’ll be together in London again soon.

Love, your son, Adrien Agreste.

The king passed it to his wife she read it over quickly

“Oh! They’ve eloped! Isn’t it romantic? It’s a perfect ending!”

The king smiled. “No. It’s a perfect beginning.”

The queen goes by his side as the gaze at the stars knowing that their son will be back.

ANOTHER JUMP CUT

Adrien (still in full prince attire) and Mari are ballroom dancing and then kissing (much to Pookas disgust) on a boat taking them back to paris, but just for a bit, they need to meet a lovely dark haired young woman’s parents.

Adrien picked her up (bridal style) and spun her in circles, Marinette couldn’t contain her giggles.

“Don’t worry London,” Adrien shouted out to the air “We will be back soon!”

Fin

_______________________________________________________________________

Someone goes back in time to make sure adrien’s parents never meet and he goes back to get them together Au

(DISCLAIMER: They are ladybug and chat noir)

Somehow an akuma gets time travel power (Like a time machine, not like time breaker)

They hate Adrien and are all salty and they’re all like “Ha Adrien Agreste i’m going back in time to stop your parents from meeting!”

Adrien and Mari (both transformed) (plus alya and nino cause the get sucked in for some reason) go back in time to 1986 (Both of his parents are 24)

And because the go back in time Adrien and Mari get EXPOSED (Because 16 years ago they didn’t have their kwami) and the gang freaks out for a bit and then adrien’s like “Yo i’m really happy Mari’s ladybug but the akuma kinda wants me dead.”

Adrien’s parents meet at a coffee shop when Gabriel was just a broke design student. (Mama Agreste’s name will be Mia for the sake of the woman having a name)

But the akuma messes it up and thinks that their work is done.

BUTTTT the squad breaks into a concert that Gabe and Mia are going to.

AND 80’S CLOTHES SO THEY FIT IN AND THEY LOOK FIERCE

Adrien notices that he’s slowly disappearing.

Mari, Alya and Nino go out into the crowd to try to push the two together

Adrien hijacking the finale performance.

He pulls a Brian in ‘Meet the Quagmires’

NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWNNNNNNN NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND AND DESERT YOUUUUUUU

Mia and Gabe walk towards each other thanks to Nino, Mari and Alya’s coaching.

They first meet and Gabriel is like “I know this sounds weird but… can I kiss you?”

“Yes you may”

They leave the concert to go on a real date.

Adrien isn’t disappearing!!

Mari and Adrien kiss in the V-J Day in Times Square style and a photographer gets it.

Because the akuma fails they go back to their time.

Ladybug captures the akuma, blah blah blah

The next day they go to school the next day and they do modern history.

“And here class (on the projector) is a picture from 1986 that got famous for being an inspiration for Gabriel Agreste’s first very popular clothes line. As you see the three pictures are taken as the boy leans in for the kiss. As you can see this was also very popular because it was an interracial couple kissing very similar to the V-J day kiss.” AND ITS ADRIEN AND MARI KISSING BACK IN THE 80’S AND THEY ARE TRYING NOT TO FREAK OUT.

“Nino, Alya, Marinette, and Adrien do you have a comment about this photo?”

Alya dying laughing “No-no we, were good.”

The whole class is like ‘Wtf guys what’s so funny?’

The squad just giggles the rest of the lesson and almost gets kicked out like 70 times.

When class is over Adrien picks up Mari and just runs the fuck out

And is adorable. And everyones like WTF? What happened since yesterday like Mari couldn’t even talk to him and now the are like a couple???

And someone’s like “Hey that couple from the picture kinda look like Mari and Adrien”

Everyone: “…… Nah!”

Fin

#adrien agreste #miraclous ladybug #gabriel agreste #mlb #marinette cheng #alya cesaire #nino lahiffe #djwifi #adrinette #marinette dupein cheng

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amongthegraham · 7 years

Text

The Spy Who Wowed Me

“Well, I'll bet money she's going to resent it, and I'm missing the James Bond marathon on TNT.”

Kevin Spacey’s unforgettable character Lester Burnham uttered the above words to his domineering wife while driving to their daughter’s cheer routine. “American Beauty” is a masterpiece for numerous reasons, but when I originally saw the film in the theater this outstanding line really hit home. Like Lester, when Bond marathons were on television, I was glued to the couch.

Bond marathons were fixtures on TBS and TNT at least once a year when I was a teen. Since this was before the advent of the DVR, bathroom breaks and snack retrievals were restricted to commercial time only. It didn’t matter that I had seen “Diamonds Are Forever” 20 times already; when it was on, I watched, even if it meant staying up late on a school night.

My older sister would mercilessly tease me during my binges and also mock the movies – the “same thing happens in every one” so to her they were “stupid.” I’d curse her under my breath as she passed through the living room only because uttering a comeback would cause me to miss further lines and she had already ruined enough.

Even before I became a James Bond fanatic I can specifically remember the first time I saw a Bond film. I was probably around 5-years-old and came across “A View to a Kill” on HBO while channel surfing, specifically the scene when Bond is caught in the building fire. He then steals a fire engine and a chase ensues. Transfixed, I eagerly watched the rest of the film.

Although it’s viewed as one of Moore’s (and the franchise’s) worst, “A View to a Kill” is still my favorite. I know it’s not the best (“Thunderball” and “Live and Let Die” are far superior), but it was my first time with Bond (something countless women have experienced), it has a very entertaining opening sequence (improvised snowboarding set to The Beach Boys), possesses the absolute best theme courtesy of Duran Duran, has one of the most stunning Bond girls (Tanya Roberts), centers around a superb villain (Christopher Walken), and it costars Grace Jones as May Day! Plus, it featured my preferred James Bond actor, Roger Moore.

While the consensus may be that the original Bond, Sean Connery, is the best, I’ve always argued in Moore’s defense when the discussion comes up, and as any man knows, the debate frequently arises.

From 1973 to 1985, Roger Moore played 007 in seven films, the most of any Bond actor (since 1983’s “Never Say Never Again” doesn’t count as a genuine installment), and “Live and Let Die,” “The Man with the Golden Gun,” “The Spy Who Loved Me,” “Moonraker,” “For Your Eyes Only,” “Octopussy,” and “A View to a Kill” have always appealed to me the most out of the 24 Bond films. Call me crazy, but I rather enjoy the way Moore reinvented the role Connery originated by mixing in small doses of humor.

Though it worked for Moore, it failed miserably for Pierce Brosnan. After Timothy Dalton’s return to a serious tone with his two films, which are both ridiculously underappreciated, Brosnan tried to resurrect Moore’s laidback approach with disastrous results. “GoldenEye” gets a pass, mostly because of the epic Nintendo 64 game, but the next installments are atrocious. Thankfully, Daniel Craig’s gritty tenure as Bond has returned the franchise to glory.

Considering how it turned out for Brosnan, it’s safe to say the only actor who perfected playing the secret agent in a suave and playful manner was Sir Roger Moore (knighted in 2003 for his humanitarian work). Sadly, Moore lost a brief battle with cancer on May 23 at the age of 89.

Fellow Bond men Connery, George Lazenby (the worst Bond but “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service” is awesome), Dalton, Brosnan and Craig have all paid their respects to Moore. Craig tweeted, “Nobody does it better,” while Connery stated, "I was very sad to hear of Roger's passing. We had an unusually long relationship, by Hollywood standards, that was filled with jokes and laughter. I will miss him."

To honor my favorite 007, I have compiled a list of some of his most memorable Bond moments. So, let’s all raise a shaken martini to Moore, Roger Moore.

Best Kill: Bond finally gets revenge on Blofeld for murdering his wife by dropping the villain down a smokestack at the beginning of “For Your Eyes Only.”

Best Double Entendre: “I believe he’s attempting re-entry, sir,” explains eyewitness Q in “Moonraker.”

Best Gadget: The shark-inflating pellet that blows up Mr. Big in “Live and Let Die.”

Best Car: Lotus submarine from the “The Spy Who Loved Me” of course.

Best Fight: The surprise yo-yo saw attack in “Octopussy” that disrupted cuddle time with gorgeous Maud Adams.

Best Chase: Outmaneuvering henchmen and Sheriff J.W. Pepper via speedboat in “Live and Let Die.”

Best Escape: Running across the backs of alligators in “Live and Let Die.”

Most Thrilling Sequence: Scaling the mountain in “For Your Eyes Only.”

Best Bond Girl/Teammate: Working with Agent Triple X (Barbara Bach) in “The Spy Who Loved Me.”

#Roger Moore #james bond #daniel craig #Pierce Brosnan #sean connery #timothy dalton #george lazenby #lester burnham #007

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swaglexander-the-great · 7 years

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Hey!!!! Dumb question but what exactly is the Iliad?

THE ILIAD: A SUMMARY

The Short Version: A yarn about blokes getting shitmixed in a war over Miss Hellenic Beauty Champion because some gods thought it would be a Lol.

The Long Version: A Homeric epic poem passed down through spoken word over generations that was penned down in about 800 BC. In the mythological timeline, it ends the Age of Heroes (by wasting them all). It covers the Greek seige of Troy, a whole lotta gods Messing With Shit, a Poseidon who needs anger management, a few hundred names and lots of General Epicness ft Diomedes and Patroklus. Sit back my buddy, let’s go through a quick summary of the books.

Book 1: Apollo ghettoblasts the Greeks with Pain because Agamemescunt kidnapped his priestess Chryseis. Being a douchebag, Agadouchebag Mr Steals Yo Girl from Achilles, which leads to in͟ten̛şȩ ͟śul͜ki͢n̶g͡ . Achilles’ divine Ma brokers a deal with the Zeus goose (not literally thank goodness, although it’s a definite possibility) so that the Greeks won’t win until they realize how fucked they are without Achilles and go crawling back to him for help.

Book 2: Zeus messes with Agafuckface by telling him to attack Troy. Agamemhoe messes with Zeus by telling his entire army to fuck off back to Greece. Odysseus, with Athena’s help, uses his wicked ol’ tongue to lick Agaiceheart back into shape (not literally, although very possible in Ancient Greece). There are 31 paragraphs of names about Greeks and 16 paragraphs of names about Trojans going to war. The epic story continues.

Book 3: The armies meet. Memealaus (sorry, Menelaus) and Paris decide to have a 1v1 to end this shindig. Paris is saved by Aphrodite and a cloud because he is a Weak Bitch, so we gear up for another 9 years and 11 months of war. Helen tells Aphrodite to go fuck Paris herself if she likes him so much, but Aphrodite threatens Godly Bitch Revenge is Helen ever talks back to her like that again.

Book 4: Menelaus gets grazed by an arrow. Like a football player with a stubbed toe, this means war. He also apparently had ‘shapely thighs and fair ankles’. Watch out for the Zeus eagle, boi. Fighting commences. Diomedes appears. He is awesome, as usual. We continue to the next chapter.

Book 5: Pretty much an entire chapter about Diomedes being a son of a gun and killing fucking everything thanks to Athena. A dude called Sthenelus gets a rock hard boner watching all of this. Aeneas thinks it’s a good idea to take on Diomedes. Mistake. Big Mama Aphrodite has to save him, also with a cloud. Diomedes hasn’t quite reached Critical Awesome yet, so he stabs Ares and Aphrodite as well. Hera calls Ares a little bitch and we carry on.

Book 6: Just a lot of death really. Diomedes was going to kill a bloke, but they realize they are family friends, so just do a little swapsie of armour. Hector gives Paris a spray for being a cowardly little bitch, Paris agrees, and they set off for battle.

Book 7: Hector decides to 1v1 and get this over with. Menelaus tries to accept, but his wingmen Restrain Him. Ajax gets picked out of a hat to fight, but after a bit of a tussle it gets dark, so the fighting pair give each other presents and go home for the night. The next day, they all take a holiday from fighting and the Greeks build a wall. Poseidon is triggered. (reason here.)

Book 8: Due to Poseidon being triggered, Zeus forbids any godly interference on both sides of the war. Hera and Poseidon bitch about Zeus as the Greeks get casually wreckt by the Trojans, but decide not to act on it. Lucky for the Greeks, the Trojans decide sleeping is better than winning, so leave off for the night.

Book 9: The Greeks hit Fuck It and decide to grovel to Achilles for help. Before they do, Diomedes gives Agasaggytitnon a spray for being a douchebag, and everyone agrees that he is indeed a douchebag. Sthenelus probably pops another boner. Back in the tent with the power pair, Achilles and Patroklus, Patroklus tries to be the polite bf to the pleading Greeks, but Achilles is still thinks Agamoomoo called him a ‘vile tramp’ so refuses to help. The drama continues.

Book 10: Odysseus and BAMF Diomedes go on a sneak mission and heroically stab the Trojans in their sleep. They also heroically steal some horses. The epic heroism continues.

Book 11: Hector takes a leaf out of Diomedes’ book and decides to shitmix the Greeks. He successfully shitmixes the Greeks, giving Agamugface a well-deserved arm wound. Paris shoots Diomedes in the foot, but Diomedes literally does not give a shit. Some random dude gives Odysseus a bit of a stab, Ajax gets Confused By Zeus but survives, but things still look Grim. Sweetheart Patroklus sees the Grimness and decides to try and use his wiles to break Achilles out of his Uber Sulk.

Book 12: The Trojans continue to roadhaul the Greeks, which will come back to bite Hector, but we do meet a dude called Thootes. He doesn’t do shit, but his name is great. There is graphic violence, and the Trojans go to chuck a Greek ship on the barbie.

Book 13: Poseidon rises from the sea, back being a buddy to the Greeks now the his great enemy The Triggering Greek Wall has been overcome.There is a shit ton of fighting wherein the Greeks do well and Poseidon is happy because he’s getting vengeance for his other traumatic wall experience.

Book 14: Hera sees Poseidon disobeying Zeus and getting sweet wall vengeance and while probably thinking she married the wrong brother, decides to use Titty Distraction so that the Greeks don’t get chucked on the Trojan barbie. Titty Distraction predictably works A+ and the Trojans get slightly shat on with gratuitous eyeball violence. Hector gets hit by a rock and almost has the most anticlimactic death since Amycus, who suffered death by Elbow Punch.

Book 15: Zeus wakes, calls Hera a scurvy knave and tells Poseidon to Fight Him. Poseidon does not want to Fight Him, so melts back into the ocean and stops helping the Greeks. Apollo resurrects Hector from his rock to the face and the Trojans joyously return to their mission to barbeque the Greek ships.

Book 16: Honeyboo Patroklus (still on his way to Achilles since Book 11) sees Apollo and his Brojans on the warpath and breaks Achilles’ heart with Man Tears. While Achilles and Patbroklus have a very, very long, heartfelt conversation, the Trojans start to toast the Greek ships. Achilles gives (yes gives) Patroklus his armour and tells him to fuck shit up, but not to win without him. Fighting commences, we discover the word hurly-burly, Sarpedon dies in a shower of Zeus-induced blood rain and Patroklus becomes Diomedes 2.0 until he is gang bashed by Hector, Apollo, a literal god, and some awkward random called Euphorbus. Sasstroklus delivers a final fuck you, pulls the finger at all three of his killers and blazes it down to Hades.

Book 17: Hector takes Achilles’ armour off Patroklus, marking him as target #1 for the Sulk King. The Trojans and the Greeks spend an entire chapter having a tug of war with Patroklus’ body. Ajax and Menelaus comment mildly on how Zeus is helping out the Trojans, and the god shines a bit of sunlight in chagrin for being called out. The Greeks win the tug of war thanks to Double Ajax Tactics.

Book 18: In which Achilles goes nuts. Everybody has a cry because Patroklus was a Swell Guy (seriously,as swell as a Hawaiian surf that guy). Achilles goes and therapy-screams at the Trojans, who see the mad bloke and back the fuck off - rightfully so, as Achilles is planning some good old human sacrifice to his dead ‘rider’ Patroklus. Meanwhile, Hephaestus quick-smelts some smashing new armour for Achilles with his household robots.

Book 19: Achilles gets dolled up for battle. Agadickbutt and Odysseus try to placate the madman with gifts, including Briseis, the dame Agamemnope stole from Achilles, but Achilles’ quota of fucks has run out indefinitely. He saddles up and gets ready to fuck up his bae killer.

Book 20: Zeus R͡ELE҉ASE͜S̵ ͝T̀H͜E͡ ́ǴO̷D͞S͝ and lets them play for whichever team they like, so long as Achilles doesn’t sack Troy just quite yet. It’s probably a friendly game similar to football in god terms. Athena invents the spear boomerang, Hera and Poseidon do some casual sunbathing, while Achilles paints the town red rather literally.

Book 21: Achilles finds men too weak and decides to take on a literal river (Scamander). Achilles realizes this was A̴ B̸ad ̶I͜de͟a͡and decides he’ll stick to men. We’re not sure whether Diomedes would have backed off from a river, but I guess we’ll never know. Apollo saves a dude called Agenor from Achilles molestation and in doing so also saves the Brojans. The epic story continues.

Book 22: Apollo says surprise Achilles, tricked ya into chasing me boi, I’m immortal. Achilles stares him dead in the eye for a full minute then says ‘fuck you’ and rides off back to Troy. Hector decides it’s time for another 1v1, but at the last minute considers that this idea was insane and fuckin legs it. Achilles chases Hector around the wall of Troy three times presumably to this soundtrack. Hector finally stops to fight, and thanks to the Athena Spear Boomerangᵀᴹ, Achilles avenges his Patroklus. Hector performs the minor miracle of talking whilst having a spear sticking out of his throat before he dies, then Troy’s hero gets roadhauled and everyone is Sad.

Book 23: Ghost Patroklus pays Achilles a visit, like a sexy Obi wan Kenobi and tells Achilles to bury him already. Patghostklus also beseeches that their bones be laid (ha) together when Achilles inevitably gets fucked on by Fate. Achilles says of course bby I was gonna do that anyway, and tries to make out with a ghost, but this isn’t a Whoopi Goldberg type deal, so Patroghost gets sent back down under. They put the fun in funeral by having games and giving out toasters and such as prizes.

Book 24 (The End): After ‘yearning after the might and manfulness of Patroklus’, Achilles continues to roadhaul Hector until Apollo gives his fam a spray about the dishonour of it. Hera says he’s only mortal scum so who gives a fuck and Zeus says chill wife and commands Achilles to RE̵L͘E̡A̷S͢E ̴T́HȨ H̀ȨC̕T̵O̷R͡ (sorry I can’t help it). With Hermes as a bodyguard, Priam (Hector’s dad) goes to get the body back. Achilles and Priam have a man-cry bonding moment over Dead Loved Ones, Hector is whisked off to be buried and there ends the Iliad! There’s none of the ankle-shooting, wooden-horse-building shenanigans in there, they all come in later texts such as the Aeneid and Ovid, although I still can’t find the exact text where Achilles gets shot. If y’all know, send me the link ;) I fucking found it nvm

Anyhoo, that was…Jeez, that was The Iliad (aka the longest post in existence). Well, my retold, abridged more slightly less serious version.It’s definitely worth a read, if you can get past all the names!

Check out more Greek Stories here :D

#stories #the iliad #greeks #homer #Achilles #HOLY SHIT THIS IS LONG #the iliad summary

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fable the journey xbox 360

http://allcheatscodes.com/fable-the-journey-xbox-360/

fable the journey xbox 360

Fable: The Journey cheats & more for Xbox 360 (X360)

Cheats

Unlockables

Hints

Easter Eggs

Glitches

Guides

Achievements

Get the updated and latest Fable: The Journey cheats, unlockables, codes, hints, Easter eggs, glitches, tricks, tips, hacks, downloads, achievements, guides, FAQs, walkthroughs, and more for Xbox 360 (X360). AllCheatsCodes.com has all the codes you need to win every game you play!

Use the links above or scroll down to see all the Xbox 360 cheats we have available for Fable: The Journey.

Genre: Action, First-Person Action

Developer: Lionhead Studios

Publisher: Microsoft Game Studios

ESRB Rating: Teen

Release Date: October 9, 2012

Hints

Currently we have no tips for Fable: The Journey yet. If you have any unlockables please feel free to submit. We will include them in the next post update and help the fellow gamers. Remeber to mention game name while submiting new codes.

Cheats

Currently we have no cheats or codes for Fable: The Journey yet. If you have any unlockables please feel free to submit. We will include them in the next post update and help the fellow gamers. Remeber to mention game name while submiting new codes.

Unlockables

Avatar Award: Theresa’s Blindfold

You know your avatar doesn’t look complete until it has a blindfold. You can get Theresa’s Blindfold from the game by continuing through your missions and unlocking it. Want more details? let us know.

Mask Of The Devourer Avatar Award

You can earn the Mask for your avatar by playing through one of the missions. I have two points about this award. First, what is it, and second, does anybody have any more information on how exactly to unlock it? If you do, feel free to leave a note below in the comments section. Our other readers would love to know too.

Custom Game T-Shirt Avatar Award

You can unlock the a Fable: The Journey T-Shirt to show your mastery of the game by working your way through the missions in the game. You can then go into your avatar setup and change into your F:TJ shirt and be the coolest kid on the block.

Easter eggs

Currently we have no easter eggs for Fable: The Journey yet. If you have any unlockables please feel free to submit. We will include them in the next post update and help the fellow gamers. Remeber to mention game name while submiting new codes.

Glitches

Currently we have no glitches for Fable: The Journey yet. If you have any unlockables please feel free to submit. We will include them in the next post update and help the fellow gamers. Remeber to mention game name while submiting new codes.

Guides

Currently we have no guides or FAQs for Fable: The Journey yet. If you have any unlockables please feel free to submit. We will include them in the next post update and help the fellow gamers. Remeber to mention game name while submiting new codes.

Achievements

Achievement List

A Job for Life (10) – You destroyed a man’s livelihood and smashed something up while you were at it. You’re a true Hero.

Alas, Poor Nodsy! (20) – You laid to rest the spirits of a platoon of morons. They’re another dimension’s problem now.

B-B-Q (10) – Roast chicken is the best smell in the world. Unless you’re a chicken.

Bam! (20) – There it is! You killed ten creatures with explosive barrels.

Boom-erang (10) – You killed a hobbe with his own bomb. ‘Tis the sport to have the enginer hoist with his own petar.

Cartmageddon (20) – A good driver keeps their hands on the reins at all times, apart from when they’re killing things.

Chicken Chaser (20) – You purchased ten upgrades. Your powers are beginning to soar. Soar like a chicken.

Don’t Stop Believing (100) – You have completed your Journey. The Spire is no more, and a new dawn awaits Albion.

Epic Flail (40) – 1,000 kills! That’s a lot of killing. You should have a lie down. And a shower.

Fear of Flying (30) – You killed 20 enemies in midair. Flying’s fine ・it’s landing that hurts. Also, the magic spells.

Five Billion Candle Power (10) – You burned the Corruption from three creatures with one spell. Time to break out the factor 40.

Flail (20) – You killed 500 enemies. The Grim Reaper loves round numbers.

Footloose (20) – You rescued Fergus from a spot of Hobbe bother. Your reward? Singing and beans.

For Every Chest, a Consequence (30) – You opened 15 chests. Now on to the greater mystery – Whose stuff have you been stealing?

Fore! (10) – You killed three enemies with thrown objects. Down in front!

Going Underground (20) – You made it out of Bladebarrow. Most don’t.

Great Balls of Fire (10) – You killed three enemies with one Fireball. Goodness gracious.

Happy Camper (20) – You tried your hand at all camp activities. Way to go, cowboy.

Hard Shoulder (10) – You dealt with a travelling enemy by making it crash and die. Ben Hur would be proud.

Heavy Medal (20) – You earned a Bronze Medal in every Arcade Mode challenge.

Hero (30) – You purchased 15 upgrades. Truly, you are a Hero.

Hobbe Juggler (10) – You juggled a hobbe. A career in the circus awaits. A pretty odd circus, admittedly.

I Used to Be an Adventurer (10) – Then I took an arrow to the horse. She’s all better now, though.

If I Only Had a Brain (30) – You whiled away the hours, conferring with the flowers. And exploding scarecrows’ heads.

In the Palm of Your Hand (20) – The power of the gauntlets is now yours, but so is their burden.

Long Sustained Attacks (30) – You fully upgraded one of your spells. You’ll be able to bring down anything now.

Medal Gear Solid (60) – You earned a Gold Medal in every Arcade Mode challenge.

Mind over Matter (20) – The Temptress is no more. Or was it all just a dream?

Mind Your Manas (20) – You dished out a veritable smorgasbord of spell power. Delicious.

No Claims Bonus (20) – You completed The Last Stand without taking any damage.

Off the Chain (20) – You achieved a kill chain of 40 during Arcade Mode.

Off the Menu (20) – The Devourer has been defeated, and Fergus is at rest. There’s no turning back now, Hero.

Pedal to the Medal (40) – You earned a Silver Medal in every Arcade Mode challenge.

Pest Control (10) – Ten stingers in five seconds. How long for the other 600,000?

Pimp My Cart (5) – Yo Gabe, we heard you like Heroes so we hung a Hero from your cart so you can Hero while you Hero.

Reflectology (20) – You killed 15 enemies with their own attacks. Reflect on your progress, and feel proud.

Return of the Black Knight (10) – You dismantled a hollow man. It’s just a (rotting) flesh-wound!

Roadkill (10) – You ran down an enemy with your cart. Consider investing in a plough.

Saved by the Sun (20) – You escaped the Devourer. for now.

Shardly a Problem (10) – You cast Shards with utmost precision. For your next trick, spear an apple off Seren’s head.

Shoo! (20) – You made it to the barn and saw off the White Balverine (with a little help from your friends).

Sparrow (10) – You purchased five upgrades. Your Journey has begun.

Test Your Medal (10) – You earned your first Medal in Arcade Mode.

The Long Road Home (20) – You finally caught up with Katlan. It’s you who’s needed at the front of the convoy now.

The Open Road (20) – Your story has begun, but where will the road lead you?

The Whites of Their Eyes (10) – You got cosy with a balverine. You must have nerves of steel — and no working olfactory system.

Toasty (10) – Burning through the sky at 200 degrees. That’s why they call him Mr. Pushed-in-the-Lava.

Trollololol (20) – You emerged unscathed from a troll fight. Problem?

Wheeee! (5) – You thrust your arms in the air during the minecart ride. Souvenir photo available in the gift shop.

Why the Long Face? (10) – You healed ten wounds on Seren. If she walked into a bar and bruised herself, you’d heal that too.

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