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caligobeltrao · 4 years

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I for one would love 2 hear ur thoughts on the hannibal novel 👀👀 - bloodybrahms ☺

ahhh thank you BB!! <3 I’m gonna throw it under a cut bc I know people aren’t gonna want my ramblings clogging up their dash lol.

Edit after I’ve written it: Holy shit this turned into a monster but tbf I did say I was going to rant. I think I miss writing college essays...

Also, I would like to note bc I’m about to bitch, I do still love Hannibal and Clarice and all of the franchise. Hell, I even love book Hannibal because I’m garbage and want to be special. So yeah. It’s a fond bitching.

Okay where to fuckin begin man... This novel was a fucking Shit Show, my dudes. It was like baby’s first fanfiction.

Let’s just jump in, shall we?

So by now, having read both Red Dragon and Silence of the Lambs, I know Harris injects of lot of sexual shit into his novels, fine whatever, but the amount of pedophilia is insane. Like, Red Dragon with the grandmother threatening to cut his dick off by holding it in between scissors????? And then we have Mason Verger, worst human on the planet. Like jfc I’ll go into him specifically more later but just. Men. Why does it always have to be sexual.

Like that time Clarice wasn’t wearing a bra and she wanted to prove to Paul Krendler she wasn’t wearing a wire so she flashed him her tits?? Unnecessary, Harris. Bullshit on all counts.

Next, poor Ardelia Mapp. So he clearly wrote out her accent in Silence, which frankly reads racist since to me it seemed like he did it every time a character of color was met but he didn’t for Clarice’s Southern accent except for this book when she was talking to Ardelia. Now, that’d be a cool way to show how close they are, sure, but it just... She didn’t show up enough to warrant that reaction from me, plus all the other casually racist shit he throws in.

Ardelia’s literally there as the wise Black best friend to help Clarice along. She doesn’t feel like her own character, she’s only there in conjunction with her, or doing something for her. She was the fucking valedictorian for Christ fucking sake, she also works at the Bureau but if her department was mentioned it was only once in passing. She was not a full character which fucking blows because she could’ve been so cool.

And real quick before I forget, I hate how she’s treated in the end. I do like she gets a reference and that brainwashed Clarice sent her an emerald ring and a note saying she was okay, but Ardelia was abandoned by her best friend (that she had lived with) with not even a phone call and they will never see each other again and I think Ardelia knows it. It sucks and I’m heartbroken for this woman.

I’m gonna touch a little bit on the racism too. Now I’m white and not the most qualified to talk about this shit, but I do wanna mention it because it makes me mad. There’s just so many unnecessary slurs, any POC is more of a background helper character to Clarice than anything or a foil.

For example, Evelda Drumgo. She starts us off. Badass Black woman who runs a drug cartel. She chooses to shoot at Clarice and risk her baby’s life, and we have Clarice wash the baby off and save his life. Then Evelda’s mother is written as irrational when she slaps Clarice for visiting the baby in the hospital; I get Clarice’s impulse, but that woman just lost her daughter because Clarice killed her. I would’ve slapped Clarice too, even if it was a totally justifiable shot.

The baby himself is used as a foil throughout other parts, most notably to me when Clarice goes to visit Mason the first time. There are two Black boys from a foster home playing in a room with a camera so Mason can watch them, and it shakes Clarice up a lil bit because of the baby, but it says she’s getting more used to it.

Now this is half and half well written and shoddy to me. It’d be a cool moment, if the whole incident wasn’t nearly completely forgotten for the rest of the book shortly afterword. It could show growth, if Clarice had any growth to show.

And then the Romani people who are literally just used and thrown away. Sickening. Also very broadly used the stereotypes we hear which Sucks; the three we meet in any sort of depth are pickpockets, one was already in jail and Pazzi used his leverage as a police officer to get her to do what he wanted and threatened to have her baby taken away from her permanently, like it was just bad. And then the man got killed. Pazzi let him bleed out. Asshole.

The slurs. I could take out all of them and pretty much have the same damn thing. Like I get showing negative aspects of characters and just because a character’s racist doesn’t mean the author is, but with the characters already being as shitty as they are, fully didn’t need it to make them worse. Entirely unnecessary. Racism or the character being racist has no impact on the plot is the major thing, I think. And you can replace that with anything along those lines, like sexist, homophobic, transphobic. It didn’t impact the plot, they can still be shitty, you just don’t need to use them.

This also goes in reference to Margot being a lesbian. And the transphobia holy shit, it was disgusting. Harris had Clarice think something so cruel and unnecessary it’s like my guy why was that even remotely something we needed to hear. We didn’t. I wanted to stop reading because that’s not my Clarice, first and foremost, and second, this is supposed to be the character we LIKE. And now I don’t like ANYBODY in this damn book.

And he treats Margot like shit too, and Barney.

Their friendship was beautiful and great and finally for once something nice was happening in Margot’s life and I was happy reading it, and then FOR SOME REASON Margot goes to shower in the same room as Barney after a workout, which makes no sense, and then Barney tries to force a kiss on her (and he was hard, Harris made that very clear) and she had been sexually assaulted by Mason her brother and ruin the whole damn thing and none of it would have changed any other piece of the novel if you removed it!!!!!!!!! Entirely unnecessary!!!!!! And Barney had the gall to say well I couldn’t help myself like none of that was realistic in the slightest, she never would have went in the same room to shower with him.

Something you need to do is basically get some suspension of disbelief from your reader and maintain and stretch that as you go, right? Well mine was gone at that moment.

Also side note Margot is basically just there to show how shitty Mason is for the umpteenth time. Her whole thing is lesbian sexual assault victim.

Also heavily implied she was a lesbian because of the sexual assault. And we rarely see Judy, her girlfriend, so. Bad. Bad all around.

Circling back around to Clarice and how disappointing she is in the books as compared to the movies. Well, Clarice is also a poorly written character. She’s 1000x better in the movie. Hell, she’s even better in this book than she was in Silence, but that’s not fucking hard.

Pretty much all the characters are so flat they don’t even classify as two dimensional.

Like sure, maybe we wanna say Clarice didn’t really solve much in the first book and was just handed everything because she was a trainee and that’s what Hannibal wanted.

Like if you remember the John Mulaney sketch of Delta Airlines where he’s just going “Okay!” and running to the next place he’s told, that’s Clarice.

Okay so why does she get goaded into all this shit now? She should know better. She should know how to handle herself better. Like she messes up basic fucking shit like clearing a room before untying Hannibal, which was stupid, she seems oblivious to some of the politics at work even though she’s been in the FBI for like 7 years now, she would at least have more fucking contacts than Brigham who died in the beginning and Jack Crawford who died at the end by rolling over in his bed to his dead wife’s side and Ardelia who would be near the same level as Clarice I guess but I still don’t know her damn department???? Like you fucking network.

Plus after her final fall from grace with the FBI, we meet or are told of random side characters that go no where and do nothing just to say “hey look at my special little girl, everyone likes her and looks up to her!!” Why? Because she caught Buffalo Bill 7 years ago and then never got a promotion or even worked with the BAU? Again, it does not make sense. People may pity her? But a random girl in the lab wouldn’t be fangirling. Starling herself said her career had gone nowhere because of the politics and not sleeping with Paul. You need to show me why she’s likable in her actions not others words.

We spend more time away from her than with her anyways but Jesus.

AND HER IN THE ENDING. She was fucking BRAINWASHED????? Bull FUCKING SHIT. He completely ruined anything he even remotely might’ve had in this cluster fuck of a novel.

Case in point, difference from the movie, Hannibal spends weeks (possibly? it’s left purposefully vague and I’m guessing that’s because Harris didn’t know the ins and outs and wanted his novel done) meticulously brainwashing Clarice, he had stolen her father’s bones and she’s so far gone at that point she doesn’t care, and the whole scene where Paul is getting his brain eaten? Yeah, she happily indulges and when he insults her, she asks Hannibal for more. Fuck you, Thomas Harris.

And Hannibal’s a Gary Stu, fucking fight me.

In the movie he either is or he’s tap dancing on that line, don’t get me wrong, but in the novels it’s insufferable because it doesn’t seem earned. The pigs didn’t attack him because they didn’t smell fear on him. No. He’s easily able to drug and brainwash Clarice and take her as his lover. No. Go away. He’s so smart and one step ahead and can manipulate anyone and everyone into doing what he wants and blah blah blah shut up! A character being perfect isn’t interesting even if he’s evil!! We all know he’s never truly in danger because of how Harris writes him and that’s boring!!

And I personally have a pet peeve where the villain is described as a monster or unstoppable. That’s boring and I no longer care about your story. I know 9 times out of 10 your main character is going to find a bullshit way around the impossible and kill it. Or it’s just like a default personality and nothing else is added to it. And that’s Hannibal.

I’m on Hannibal Rising now and, spoiler alert, he’s very bland as a character. (Also Harris switched some details in the novel which kinda annoys me like get your own canon right my man but whatever.) The plot itself is pretty fun? I guess? Like there’s action and stuff and I’m enjoying that. But it’s the same set up where Harris’s Gary Stu always wins, like he was 13 in the book when he killed the butcher. Let. Your. Characters. Lose.

Also even more racist shit but what did I expect really.

Anyways, I have no idea who I’m supposed to root for in the novel because all the characters are just kinda shitty. It really just boils down to Harris not showing any redeeming qualities or actions from any of his characters. I liked Margot for a while out of spite but she never really went anywhere and the way she killed Mason (btw she sodomized him with a cattle prod to get his semen bc side plot and then stuffed his Moray eel down his throat and somehow I still don’t think that’s the worst part of the novel) just. No thanks really.

All the random little side plots were also pretty not great. How many time does Harris have to say Pazzi of the Pazzis? Like I fucking get what you’re going for, even if I hadn’t watched the movie I’d be like, “Oh this dude’s gonna get hung outta that window, dope,” the literal first time. Stop treating your readers like idiots.

And then Margot’s side plot was that the will their father left said she needed a biological heir to inherit because he was pissed she’s gay and we needed the homophobia I guess, so Mason got everything, and she was helping him with the Hannibal shit because he’s pretty incapacitated duh, and in return he would give her his jizz so Judy could be artificially inseminated and they could have a child and get some of her inheritance. I don’t care. It was all very gross, and Mason kept saying shit like suck me off you’ve done it before, I won’t be able to feel it anyway, maybe Judy’ll suck me off you think she’d like that. It’s all gross.

And I guess this is a good a time as any to finally start on Mason. So a great rule of writing to make everything work better and give your story more depth is to give everyone both positive and negative traits right, even and especially the bad guys? Like, rules can always be broken if you’re a good enough writer, but I believe I have established that Harris isn’t quite there yet, to put it nicer than I have.

Mason is one bad trait after another. It’s like when Harris was bored of constantly writing about plain ole pedophilia, he threw a dart at a board of horrible things and landed on topics such as: pedophilia but make it incest, extreme sadism, sadism but against children now, and good old fashioned racism! Fucking Cordell was supposed to collect the children’s tears after Mason would make them cry and put them in martinis for him. Realism went out the goddamn door real fast with this novel y’all. Like a fucking Scooby Doo villain over here.

And he loves talking about being a sadistic pedophile, he will literally not shut up about it to Clarice when she first gets there telling her about his trip to Africa and this portable guillotine he has and just. I get it was probably like trying to make her uncomfortable on purpose because he’s a Freak, but it went way too far if only because it was annoying, not even uncomfortable for me as a reader. I was bored real quick. Get to the shit I actually wanna know.

And it sucks because of the weird, over-the-top way of how he died, I got zero satisfaction from his death. I couldn’t even be like, “Well at least Margot got her revenge,” because that’s not how she originally wanted to kill him!!! She wanted someone else to extract his semen for the insemination but couldn’t find anybody to do it for her, and then Hannibal, whilst tied up, said use a cattle prod and you won’t have to touch him and when you kill him you can blame it on me, and I’m pretty sure even if she hit his prostate right every time and he COULD cum from that alone in addition to how his body is Fucked Up now, it would’ve been a lengthy, gross, and re-traumatizing experience for her because all she wanted to do was avoid seeing and touching her brother’s private parts again, which I think is a totally fair and rational desire.

So I have to live with the fact that she was desperate enough to not lose the house and business because of her homophobic father to go through her childhood trauma again. There’s no place in this book that has a somewhat positive conclusion.

Even the very last bit where Barney has a girlfriend and a ton of cash from Margot, all he wants to do is see every Vermeer in the world right? Well, because Hannibal and Clarice are in Buenos Aires where one of them is on display, Barney gets spooked and has him and his girlfriend leave before he can see it and it ends that bit with he never got to see it ever so he didn’t even complete his dream!!!

Also for good measure, Harris throws in that Hannibal and Clarice enjoy having sex regularly. For no reason. Just letting us know.

I know this seemed like just a bitch fest, because it was, but I kinda sorta enjoyed it? It kept my attention at the very least. It’s really disappointing because like I said, I love the movies, all of them, and have since I was little. To see the original not stand up to that image in my mind is a little heartbreaking. Especially Clarice. She was a strong female role model to me, but turns out she’s... just kinda there. And her ending is that of her no longer being herself and getting that agency taken away from her.

There is a reference to her waking up from a sleep, if she is asleep (that’s kind of how he worded it), that kinda let us draw our conclusions on whether she was just brainwashed into being good for him or if she was willingly going along with this and was in love with him I guess and it felt like a slap in the face. She turned from a hardworking, modest country girl working her way up to the FBI into a female Hannibal. Which on the surface sounds kinda cool because we love luxe serial killers, but that’s not what she wanted or who she was set up to be. And to insinuate that she would even remotely consider choosing that path for herself is at its best an insult to her and at its worst a complete erasure of her background, what little character Harris did set up. It also completely erases my own connections to her, as a girl from a small town myself who has bigger dreams than this and also... a good, strong set of morals. He just tossed that out the window.

Obviously if you’re on this blog, you like slasher x reader shit, and this is a novel with a slasher x a person, right? So why am I so mad about it? Because the whole point of this blog and reader insert fanfiction in general is that you are taken as you are and loved wholly as yourself and that you are worthy of that love (in a fictional setting, not really loving people who are like this, which I think we understand but I want to clarify). She was not taken as she was. He is not in love with her, she is not in love with him. She was transformed into what he wanted out of her. He couldn’t get her to be Mischa, his first plan, so he made her like himself. And the fact that he was so easily able to do it makes me upset, and even more so is that it’s not written like it’s weird or wrong. It’s written like they’re in love and this is a good thing.

He may have been going for the classic “everyone is capable of doing bad things” stuff we see a lot, but we got that from Margot already. And Barney, for stealing Lecter’s stuff and selling it. And Paul, and the entire FBI for turning on Clarice, and the kidnappers, and Pazzi, and random shitty side characters. And none of it was particularly well written or made some sort of strong statement. It just was. And that’s not a good enough basis for a novel.

Anyways, if you made it this far holy shit you’re a saint and I love you, let’s be friends?? <3 Have a good day y’all, thank you BB for giving me permission to ramble.

#bloodybrahms #ask #no joke i spent like 5-6 hours total writing this i had a Lot to say

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spacebunniis · 5 years

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3, 15, 23, 27, and 40! for e v e r y o n e !!!

everyone ??? everyone !! aaaaaa thank you so much !!!! ;;U;; (i even included the two i didn’t list and Kiri so BUCKLE UP :’D ) i will put under read more bc long ;;w;;

3: What’s your OCs favorite food?

Linalae: seafood based dishes (also just, fancy, fine dining stuff)

Yexia: Spicy curries

Ziseshis: it takes him a long time to realize people actually eat for pleasure, and uh, even then he’s not exactly good at taking care of himself and probably rarely eats full meals. so probably space junk food, of some kind.

Idal’ia: barbecue

Akahana: some kind of steak…the meatier the better

Chivan: (i want to say chiffon cake for the joke of how it sounds similar to her name) hmm i think actually something like foie gras

Essara: She doesn’t get a lot of luxury meals living on soldier’s rations, but she enjoys rich dark chocolate when she can get it.

Riye: alcohol

Kiri: is it expensive? then it’s a favorite. The more expensive it is the more she likes it.

15: What makes your OC angry?

Linalae: When those with power fail those below them, either by preying on them or by failing to protect them. Also men flirting with her.

Yexia: ….honestly it’s easier to answer what doesn’t make her angry OK actually, it’s very much shaped by the friends and relationships she makes along the way. Which means she gets angry at alien discrimination, she gets angry when her friends are threatened. (and on a very basic, the easiest way to get under her skin is to suggest she’s inferior in some way)

Ziseshis: Slavers are definitely top of list. And then…he actually also has a lot of anger. Being talked down to, being pitied, being questioned…

Idal’ia: Seeing innocent people get hurt

Akahana: Not being taken seriously because of how “innocent” she looks or because she has a “carefree” attitude

Chivan: Not being the center of attention, being looked over, when people don’t automatically do as she says or counter her ideas

Essara: political corruption, people with no strong convictions

Riye: being asked about his past or to talk about ~feelings~. also of course his ship being stolen.

Kiri: Not getting her way. She’s spoiled. It’s her way or a blaster shot to the head.

23: Whats your OCs biggest secret?

Linalae: She’s loyal to the Empire and will do her best to serve Imperial Intelligence … but she’s not naive. She knows the risk of having cybernetics, she knows they’d likely be used to watch her, record her actions, or more. And she happens to be skilled at tinkering with tech, and if some adjustments were made that make it a little harder to actually monitor her, she also knows how to cover up the fact that there are protections in place herself from constant monitoring.

Yexia: my god is it even possible for the girl who yells every thought she has even have secrets. 😂 she’s pretty. upfront with everything. I guess the one thing i can think of (that eventually stops being a secret … also is a poorly kept secret) is how there is a softie deep down in there. She didn’t always want to hurt everyone, she didn’t always like seeing people get hurt, until she was rewarded for it, until it became a way to prove herself and be better. And because it was drilled into her that showing mercy, caring for others, that’s all weakness, she really tries to act like she is just angry all the time and doesn’t want to protect people.

Ziseshis: all that bluster about not having any fear, about being the best, all that confidence? Yeah that’s all a huge lie. He’s just hoping if he keeps lying about never being afraid, one day, eventually, it’ll have to be true right? (never mind the shaking hands or the way his heart beats like it’ll break his ribs, one day lying about how calm he is will work)

Idal’ia: she’s a pretty open book too, but she also doesn’t talk about her past a lot. mainly because, it wasn’t that glamorous, she certainly used to roll with a …rough… crowd and did things she isn’t proud of. but she’s pretty zen about her life (got that wisdom that comes with age)

Akahana: That she doesn’t think the dark side is as bad as the council makes it out to be. She doesn’t think all Sith are necessarily evil, even as she does try to bring peace to the galaxy. Her approach will always be to reach out first, and to always try to make friends, even when she’s supposed to see them as just the enemy, as opposite to her.

Chivan: Her secret is that she plays the part of the selfless hero very well, but she very selfishly wants to be the her. Her image is carefully crafted to be the all important hero, because she wants to be the all important hero, the chosen one, she wants to be admired and lauded. Not very Jedi-like so … she just pretends to be sweet and selfless, and hides all her less than pretty thoughts.

Essara: How tired she is. How much she would love to put her blaster down and never see another fight again. But everyone is counting on her to be the leader, and to be confident, and to not show how much of a burden this all is, how much everything weighs on her. But she is so very, very tired.

Riye: that he’s force sensitive! it’s not really a secret out of anything more than, he doesn’t like Talking About It so he keeps that part of his past (and that he was once in training to be a Jedi) secret, and has decided not to use any force powers

Kiri: probably obvious but she can’t go back to the ascendancy for some reason. She usually just tells people she was bored and not living the life of luxury she wanted so took it into her own hands to get the life she wanted.

27: What languages does your OC speak?

(gonna say they all speak basic of course :’D also full disclosure i had to like, google, Star Wars languages for this so hopefully i get stuff right ;;v;; but i might mention some accents bc i like that kinda thing )

Linalae: She knows a lot of basics for many languages, and if she ever needs a boost uses her cybernetics to get help.

Yexia: Sith, naturally :’) (the way she speaks either basic or Sith is definitely the equivalent of the stereotypical “delinquent” accent (HAH?!) )

Ziseshis: just basic; any Cheunh he once knew was forgotten save for maybe a word here or there (does sarcasm count as a language because that)

Idal’ia: Togruti, limited Mando’a, and a little Jawaese, and has the equivalent slight country/Southern twang to her voice

Akahana: Togruti, and she has the equivalent of Appalachian accent

Chivan: Catharese, she speaks with noble airs/an affected accent

Essara: Just basic!

Riye: and also just basic

Kiri: Cheunh

40: What is the craziest thing your OC has done?

(some of these will be vaguer than others bc i havent thought out all details but i will do my best :’D )

Linalae: This just has to go to the whole mission on Quesh to undo the Castellan Restraints :’))

Yexia: When she throws herself between an enemy and Azhiera and loses an arm in the process, because she knows doing anything else would risk Azhiera getting too seriously hurt, the quickest and easiest way to ensure Azhiera is uninsured is to put herself between Azhiera and the enemy, and then whoops her arm is gone and she calls upon everything she has and surrounds the two of them flames until it’s just them left (and promptly collapses because like, blood loss)

Ziseshis: he doesn’t do many non crazy things arguably (should it be marrying the dashade lmao) uhhhh actually it’s probably just, challenging anyone and everyone when he’s running on barely anything but fear (another contender is just, in my canon, once expansions start he’s gonna end up basically willingly leaving the dark council and position of power because, why not ?? there is some more to it but x); )

Idal’ia: She’s gone along on at least one undercover mission with Alunera and while not blowing her agent’s cover, certainly is not above teasing her along the way

Akahana: this is always escalating as she continues to (literally) throw her entire 5’0” self at bigger and stronger enemies every day

Chivan: doing crazy things is not really her style :’)) she likes calculating and planning

Essara: in her early days as just a grunt she was the one who was always rushing to the front line, and particularly was willing to throw herself between any unfortunate child and danger

Riye: at some point he has definitely made an escape from a situation gone south in minimal clothes

Kiri: It involved a lot of explosives

#frozenabattoir #answering things #the whole family #i would've replied sooner but couldn't do read more on mobile so had to wait until i was home ;w;#and thank you so much aaaaaaaa <3 <3 <3 <3

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macbookpro-hard-drive · 6 years

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10-16 with Jeremy?

heck yeah gonna throw this under a readmore tho

10. what their most treasured possession is

i wrote this lil fic like... on my old account where jeremy had a magic kit when he was a kid and tbh? i could see that being his most treasured possession! his dad bought it for him and he would put on lil magic shows for his parents and for michael. it just reminds him of happier and simpler times.

11. what sort of tv shows/movies they’d enjoy

jeremy 100% watched stuff like doctor who and star trek with michael and his parents. jerm’s mom was a fuckin huge trekkie and his dad loves star wars so i can imagine jeremy being big into both due to the family ties they have!

but in general, i see jeremy being huge into sci-fi shit, as well as like... some comedic stuff, like b99. he and christine 100% watch b99 together imo

he 100% has a secret love of cheesy romcoms that he shares w christine and rich. they have their own lil movie nights at christine’s house and its nice

12. what sort of video games they’d enjoy

all.

but honestly, i could see jeremy being big into stuff like resident evil or any of the telltale games (especially tales from the borderlands, which... i have been playing recently lmao), or uhhh the fallout series maybe?

other than that, the stereotypical pokemon-zelda-mario stuff. he 100% used to play sonic a lot as a kid but he doesn’t really play the newer stuff. owns a copy of sonic boom completely because michael bought it for him as a joke and they both laugh over how dumb it is. it’s good times.

13. what they carry in their bag/pockets

in his pockets:

his wallet

keys (just his house key, which has a fucking ton of keychains so he doesnt feel that bad abt not having a car)

spare change, a couple receipts bc he forgets to throw them away

a packet of chewing gum thats starting to fall apart (just the box for it) (also: most often trident, either bubblegum flavor or pineapple twist)

and his cell phone

14. what they were like as a kid

jeremy wasn’t really an antisocial child imo. like, around adults? yeah, he’d clam up a little bit - not enough that he’d be completely silent, but he’d be a little bit more likely to stick to his parents if he was uncomfortable enough

i could also see jeremy being pretty well-behaved, mainly bc his parents were always really fuckin keen on him having manners. sure, he’d act out from time to time - but... primarily bc it’d give him some attention from his parents whenever he felt like they’d forgotten about him (which was rare, but he was a kid)

other than that, jeremy was a extremely active kid? always a little taller than most kids, always looking like the scrawny kid he is, but he fucking lived for recess when he was in elementary school. fuckin loved to play kickball.

also: magician boy. loved the pizzazz of everything. 100% wanted a white rabbit for a couple years - never got one, since he was a kid and they didn’t trust him to take care of a rabbit yet, and eventually he settled for a plush white rabbit.

15. what their family is like (+ their relationships w their family)

jeremy’s family is... sorta boring, in his opinion - and thats going beyond his parents.

his relationship with his dad was really, really good before the divorce. he was always close to his parents growing up, and then when things started to get messy as his parents argued a bit over what they wanted - eventually that dying down to civil conversation of maybe they should actually get a divorce, but what about jeremy, but this is what’s best - he started to sorta withdraw back into himself. post-squipcident, he’s trying. he and his dad are sorta just... trying to bring their relationship back to what it was, or make it better.

his mom was a divorce attorney, like she is in the book. i can see jeremy being very much of a mama’s boy - and, honestly, if it weren’t for her plans (and if jeremy didn’t have a life in metuchen, like his friendship with michael and a lot of shit at middleborough), i think jeremy could have ended up living with her? i can see his mom moving to some big city tbh. their relationship is a little strained as well, but i can see jeremy finally responding to her texts/email/letters/whathaveyou with a phone call and asking if they could talk or something - post-squipcident, of course. she’s actually dating again and she’s been wanting jeremy to come visit her and meet her boyfriend. he wants to go, but... at the same time, he’s kinda worried about leaving his dad again.

his dad has a brother! he sorta helped jeremy and his dad when jeremys mom left. he lives in edison, nj. tbh he probably visits jeremy and his dad often, and he’s just a jolly dude. jeremy’s really fond of him - they’ve always gotten along. then again, his uncle is a big fucking robotics nerd and he keeps talking to jeremy about getting into that shit with michael, since his school does have a robotics club. jeremy’s actually considering it.

on his dad’s side, jeremy’s pretty close to his grandmother and was sorta close with his grandfather before he passed. he doesn’t get to see her as often as he’d like, since she doesn’t live in metuchen or anywhere close, but she makes some fucking killer pies and jeremy loves visiting her. she’s like... stereotypical sweet granny.

on his mom’s side, her parents absolutely adore jeremy? it’s only really one-sided, since jeremy sorta doesn’t talk to them since the divorce - but they love to basically pester his dad (which results in them getting jeremy to talk to them) and find out everything jeremy’s been up to.

his mother is probs the second oldest. i can see her having an older brother and a younger sister. i genuinely cant remember where book-jeremy got the beanie babies from to sell to get the squip, so uhhh i’ll probs update this later w more info haha once i find my copy of the pdf lmao

16. what their phone is like (case, apps, ect!)

jeremy spent fucking years with an iphone 5c (and im slightly projecting here, since i had a 5c until it stopped working :/) that had an black otterbox case. the screen is a little cracked, but nothing bad - phone still works great and the cracks arent too in the way.

as for apps, most of his apps are probably games that he found. just stuff to entertain him whenever he’s particularly bored. cookie run (which he fuckin tries to beat michael at but michael is Too Good and jeremy has the worst timing sometimes so he runs into shit all the time), he still has flappy bird on his phone and protects that app with his life. it shall never leave.

other than that, he probably has like... facebook and instagram, both of which he barely uses, and snapchat - mainly so he can bother michael with dumb snaps.

thank u anon ily im gonna go back to playing life is strange now

#jeremy heere #jeremy heere headcanon #bmc #be more chill #be more chill headcanon #bmc headcanon #Anonymous #asks

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yakumtsaki · 7 years

Photo

CHILLIN LIKE A VILLAIN. Pleased with yourself, are you, Becky with the good hair?

-Oh quite, though I’d be more pleased if my damn arm would unglitch.

HA looks like it got stuck while you were putting your filthy hands on Wyatt. God’s punishment is swift. Know what else is gonna be swift? YOUR DEATH. Get him, Waylon Fairchild Dementia Raven Way!

-Ugh, no way, I’m exhausted, everyone is in love with me and I just want to be with Draco, ok? Why couldn’t Satan make me less beautiful? IT’S A CURSE

Waylon sis truly don’t even talk to me about curses and Satan right now, this entire lot is cursed and crawling with evil spirits and beelzebubian energies. Ever since we moved here my life has never known peace. Next thing you know snakes are gonna start manifesting in this house physically.

Well looks like the snakes are already here. FRANCES WILL YOU FUCKING STOP ALREADY YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED JOYATT IS DEAD NOW CEASE AND DESIST

-No way bitch, time to suffer. Look at it and weep, look at it with your own two eyes!

First of all I’ve been weeping since yesterday so joke’s on you. Secondly I still can’t believe you did this to me after I generously gave you this whole debonair look YOU’RE THE WORST

-La la la can’t hear you over the sound of your plans crumbling all around me!!

I’m seriously gonna murder you a thousand times. Wyatt what about you, you dumbass bimbo? What do you have to say for yourself?

-Not beaucoup, I honestly don’t know why I’m doing this, it makes absolument no sense! Huhu!

I hate you both so fucking much I might actually vomit.

Ugh my poor Jojo </3 I’m so sorry that your love life has turned into a giant pile of crap.

-Please, who cares.. Definitely not me!

Yeah well that much is obvious! Are you sure you’re alright tho? Because you look, you know. worryingly expressionless and in denial.

-Oh no, I’m just focusing on my new proposal,“Project MKUltra: The Comeback”. It’ll be a cold day in hell before I have to deal with adulterous whores again!

Good, good, pour yourself into your art. Speaking of, maybe it’s also time to pour yourself a refreshing drink?

Attaboy, milk that cowplant, Jojo!

-Hmm this process feels oddly sexual..

Yea, I can tell by your massive erection, jesus, I mean even for you-

-Ew no what the hell? That’s just because Ti-Ning is dead!

Oh ok, that’s fine then!

-YES YEEEEES I FEEL THE POWER COURSING THROUGH MY VEINS

Hard to believe anything can course through your veins with all that ice in there but alright. Now we just have to wait..

..for the cowplant to get hungry again. I literally can’t with Daniel and Gunther constantly picking fights with Jojo’s former suitors, especially since Jojo doesn’t seem to give enough of a fuck to fight them himself. We are family, I got all my sisters with me!

Ugh I keep forgetting Daniel has 9 nice points, what a crybaby. How you gonna fight capitalism when you can’t even fight Wyatt?? MAN UP DAN

Nice, there we go! I’m truly living for Brit’s utter lack of interest in fights happening next to her. Her aspiration bar is about to hit the crapper bc I’m even worse at playing popularity sims than I am at getting couples not to whore around, so the time has come..

TO PARTY HARD, TOGA STYLE. I really threw this party thinking it would be a success and save Brit from aspiration failure, so obviously the time has come to acknowledge that I’m even stupider than Wyatt. Things get off to a good enough start with the profs tickling each other, which everyone knows is the mark of a wild college party!

Ti-Ning, gone but never forgotten.

-Hey Brit, want some Ti-Ning to wash down that pizza?

-Please stop addressing me.

-That’s right, address moi instead!

NO YOU DON’T WYATT. YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE

..........................................................................all I can say is LMAO

Wyatt, sweetie, full offense, exactly how dumb are you?

-What? I wanna marry Jojό! <3

Ok. Do you have any recollection of breaking his “heart” 2 hours ago, setting him on the path of a complete nervous breakdown?

-Oh, that was just a bump on la route, don’t be so dramatique!

-Does it count as a win if the only thing you put in the hole.. are your tears?

.....god.

Meanwhile and to the surprise of no one, Gunther is being sexually harassed by a professor, namely Down-With-The-Kids-Pink-Beanie.

-Sooo Gunther, half-alien professor told me all about you, you little ginger minx.. What do you say you and I adjourn somewhere private and I see if the carpet matches the drapes..

-EW forget it, lady, you’re not even in the art department and I only have one rule: no whoring without extra scoring.

Um what about the rule of monogamous dating which you are currently doing with Mel?

-RIGHT that too!

Once again...god.

The one person having a great time at this party is Kevin Beare, who eats half a pizza by himself..

..and then moves on to chips. He legit came here for the free food and didn’t talk to anyone the entire time, which is what I do at every party except with drinks. Live your truth, Kev!

Look who’s back from class and still glitched lolol

-Can you please reset me already, I had to take an exam like this!!!

Pfff grades??? There are so many more important things in life, Fran. Live a little, join the celebration.. party like there’s no tomorrow. CAUSE THERE ISN’T

I’ve no idea what happened here but Tiffany is non-stop bullying this 2006-Oliver-Sykes haired professor. Judging from Pink Beanie and sims professors in general it’s safe to say he deserves it. GET HIM TIFF

-Why doesn’t anyone want to fuck me, Frank? What am I doing wrong? Has Woody Allen been lying to us about hot young women being uncontrollably attracted to neurotic, misogynist, mediocre intellectuals over 60?

Oh great, I thought this party was gonna end as a dud but I see we’re going for full-on disaster.

-I’ve just about had enough of you and your passé casquette, communiste!

-My casquette is not passé, it’s classic!

-LADY STOP TRYING TO GET UNDER MY TOGA

-Aw come on, please? For mommy?

-You should use that line on Jojo where it might actually work!

Enemies, these bitches my enemies, not on my level so they just pretend to be, yes, why do you envy me? Cause I am the MVP, these bitches my enemies ♪

-FOR THE GLORY OF THE USSR

Yea, seems about right. Whatever though, cause after the party..

COMES THE CAKE.

Goodbye Francis, it’s been nice, hope you find your paradise!

-Oh please, SEE YOU IN HELL BITCH. WAIT FOR ME CAUSE I’M GONNA FIGHT YOU THERE TOO

It’s a beautiful morning and our llama friend is back to spread some school pride and presumably some bodily fluids. We almost went an entire day without seeing him but here he is again! GET OUT OF MELODY’S SHOWER YOU FUCKING CREEP

-FINE. YOU’RE GONNA APPRECIATE ME WHEN I’M GONE

Yea don’t worry that day is permanently coming as soon as we milk Frances out of the cowplant. Honestly this fucking llama is the last straw, the time has come for me to take back control of this house..

..starting with getting sweet, dumb Wyatt back with Jojo! I really think the Frances thing was a fluke, I mean W wasn’t in a committed relationship with Jo, he didn’t initiate it and he rolled the want to get engaged to him for the second time after it. So the whole thing = Fran’s + ACR’s fault!!!1 Also and more importantly we have literally 0 other viable options and college is almost done so it’s time for Jojo to put Lemonade on repeat and get over it.

Let’s bring out the big guns!

-Mom! it’s so good to hear your insufferably domineering voice. Did you get my latest murder pics?

-Ha! Yes they are great, thank you mom. Soon I’ll add the french courtesan to my album. Now tell me, in as much detail as possible, how proud of me you are!

-I don’t know how Wyatt is doing, he’s the french courtesan, I’m going to kill him! Are you even listening to me?

-What do you mean it’s probably my fault? Can you divorce dad already, his influence on your brain has been catastrophic.

-Love is a battlefield? Mom seriously. Divorce. Now.

-Ugh yes, I could imprison him in a gigantic safe for a few days instead of killing him, but what on earth would that achieve?

-Well I don’t care about having a husband! Worst case scenario, I’ll just marry Max!

-Yes, Max does look like dad. Yes, he is as dumb as him. YES, MOM, I KNOW. HONESTLY YOU’RE ONE TO TALK

-Well, I have to go now, but you’ve certainly given me a lot to think about. And by that I mean which care home to put you in cause you’ve obviously lost it. Goodbye, mother.

As soon as Jojo hangs up the phone Melody runs over to autonomously lecture him. Nice move, Mel, let’s peer pressure him till he caves!

-Jojo this is an intervention but please don’t mistake it as me actually caring about you. Your bullshit harem drama has taken over the entire greek house storyline and enough is enough, we demand equal airtime. Just forgive Wyatt already, he’s too hot for you and you were literally dating 2 other dudes at the same time and you also treated him like shit and you are the worst and Gunther is the best and he’s gonna beat you for heir. Melody out.

Yes, powerful stuff, thank you, Mel. Now Wyatt, let’s apologize!

-I’m so sorry I kissed Frances, Jojό, I don’t know what I was thinking </3

That’s a great start Wyatt, now let’s try it facing the right way!

-I’m so sorry I kissed Frances, Jojό, I don’t know what I was thinking </3 Also I’m totally planning our wedding in my head you right now.

Ok, smaller steps, let’s get him to not hate you first!

If there’s one thing I hate about ts2 it’s how ridiculously hard it is to be forgiven for cheating, shit is unreal. Wyatt has been apologizing for about 3 years now and Jojo is still furious jfc, it’s legit easier to get forgiven for cheating irl than it is in this game.

-For the thousandth time, I’m so so sorry Jojό, honestly in the dark of the nuit at first I thought Frances was you and then it was too late!

-Yes, it was also broad daylight.

-Well you know I have bad eyesight, mon cheri :(

Wyatt seriously, we’ve reached the point where you’re throwing junk out there, so let’s take a break..

..from this fucking house! It’s date time! Time for dinner and public woohoo in that vegan restaurant downtown, cause I’ve ignored Gunther so hard his aspiration is currently scarlet red. Mel is doing great though, like all knowledge sims in uni, she’s legit never not-platinum. The adorable couple make themselves right at home, by doing literally what they do at home 20h a day. NOT WHAT WE CAME HERE FOR GET UP

-Maybe if we act like children they’ll think we’re under 12 and we’ll get a discount!

-We’re so in sync, babe, I brought my monster trucks with me for this very eventuality!

-Here, let me blow you a kiss, babe. A prelude of tonight’s blowing.

-Honestly, every time you talk, I just see the eggplant emoji <3

I didn’t vomit from Wyatt/Frances but this date might actually do the trick!

-Do you think the waiter is mad that we insisted on lobster in a vegan restaurant and he had to go fishing for it?

-Whatever, babe, we deserve it.

-We really do. I ship us.

-I ship us too <3

Good because I don’t anymore.

Yaas, aspiration problems taken care of! Mel’s shy ass hilariously had a fear of having her photo taken, but public fornication she has no issue with.

-Having your photo taken is unnatural! I’m just using the photo booth as god intended.

Ofc, on the 6th day, god created the photobooth for people to publicly fuck in.

-Wow Mel, my reflection in your sunglasses is so beautiful.

-So is mine in yours, babe.

-I almost wish we could look into each other’s eyes but then it’d ruin our whole look. You know what, screw it..

-..I was gonna wait till we graduated it and were more mature and crap like that, but whatever, babe, when it’s right, you know. Will you marry me, Melody Tinker, despite the certainty that one or more of our kids will get the Komei nose?

-Oh my god, Gunther! I literally thought you’d never ask, because, let’s be real, you’re a gigantic slut.

-These days are gone, babe, I’m a changed man!

-This ring has been in my family for half a generation, ever since my mom stole it from Florence Delarosa who was obviously never gonna need it.

-Oh it’s beautiful and the fact it’s stolen makes it even more precious!

It’s morphin time! Let’s pretend the red around Gunther’s memory signifies passion and not a crippling fear of commitment. Congrats you gross, crazy kids!

It’s also morphine time, cause damn are we broke as shit. In hindsight perhaps we shouldn’t have gotten the lobster.

We return home, where I’m trying to fulfill Jojo’s longstanding wish to see Ti-Ning’s ghost but apparently Ti-Ning is an even bigger asshole dead than he was alive. Bitch seems to be deliberately refusing to scare Jojo, I mean we’ve been standing around playing ghostbusters for like 4 hours now and it’s just not happening-

-but some scary shit IS happening inside. WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS.

-What!? We’re just talking about our mutual interest in entertainment.

Brit seriously, don’t make me kill you cause I’ll do it, I’m kinda on a roll here and completely exhausted from this fuckery.

-Gawd, fine, I’m gonna go to sleep.

GO TO A DIFFERENT BED. I’ve noticed a sudden and disturbing reappearance of slutty wants in Gunther’s panel immediately after the engagement, which I’m guessing is some kind of regression back to his usual pattern, like he’s rolling wants to woohoo 10 sims and makeout with another 20 and idek. It’s extremely pissing me off and it’s also extremely not happening.

I JUST SAID IT’S NOT HAPPENING. FUCKING STOP IT.

-We’re just friends!!! Paranoid much?

CAN YOU BLAME ME

Look here, THIS is the distance I wanna see between you two. It’s also NOT the distance I wanna see between Wyatt and Jojo, man this apology shit is taking fucking forever UGGGH

-Jojό, are you still mad at me?

-What do you think?

-No?

-Guess again.

-No?

-Ugh.

-Oh Jojό, I know you hate me but I’m gonna keep apologizing for the rest of ma vie, cause I really have nothing better to do. And also because je t’aime, Jojό. Why can't I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold cold cœur?

YES. FUCKING FINALLY. I HEAR HEARTS I HEAR HEARTS!!!!!

THEY’RE JUST NOT COMING FROM THE LIVING ROOM!!!!!11

KILL ME. I WILL PAY SOMEONE TO KILL ME. DON’T TELL ME WHEN YOU’RE COMING JUST SHOW UP AND DO IT. TAKE MY CAT ON THE WAY OUT AND FIND HIM A GOOD HOME. I’M DONE.

#ts2 #union legacy

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rogue-rook · 7 years

Text

many many highlights from The Crystal Kingdom from a first-time TAZ listener

featuring some bits from the Lunar Interlude II: Internal Affairs

travis: “it was streaming on witch. that’s like magical twitch!”

SWEET ANGO HAS RETURNED!

i cannot believe griffin went to the EFFORT of making a fantasy costco jingle

the lockpicking garden gnome called the Nitpicker that insults the damn party is a beyond brilliant object for sale at the fantasy costco

I really want to lodge a complaint with the HR department of the bureau of balance on sweet angus macdonald’s behalf bc these grown men are FULL ON BULLYING THIS TEN YEAR OLD BOY GENIUS

so is this new shitty scientist consultant lucas a bigger annoyance than shitty train butler wizard jenkins or does jenkins still retain that title

travis: "anything this touches turns to crystal?" griffin: "yeah, pink tourmaline" travis: "yeah, I'm not gonna say that, because I'm an adult"

CAREY FANGBATTLE is like on par with Jess the Beheader in terms of Cool Names

griffin: “so the three of you are currently sitting in a gondola, which is another word for a little boat” travis, singing: “the more you knoooowww”

“so it’s made of crystal, right?” “yes, everything is crystal” x1000000

the crystal kingdom song is beautiful

griffin: “you see a sign that says The Magical World Of Elevators” justin: “griffin's really stickin it to the people who say he's not allowed to have elevators in this game”

today in failed brand marketing: “Upsy, your lifting friend”

this arc is ACTUALLY set up like a video game level puzzle, when griffin says “ah, you’ve solved my crystal puzzle” it will actually apply

clint: “I rolled a 4 but I get another roll...a 5″ travis: “wow, you're really bad at dnd”

merle: “I'm gonna use Banishment on the cockroach” griffin: “okay, you're just gonna yell GET OUT OF HERE COCKROACH, I DONT LOVE YOU ANYMORE”

magnus is being fucking mean to lucas, the genius inventor, and he’s been a TOTAL DICK to sweet boy genius detective angus macdonald, and i feel like pointing out that he was WAYYY nicer to shitty evil wizard train butler jenkins who beheaded a guy with a teleportation door

griffin: “one of the signs is labeled Radiation Ventilation Maintenance Chamber, and the other is labeled Lil Genius BuddyBot R&D" travis: "I feel like this is a trick” clint: “I feel like griffin has been playing Fallout”

I LOVE HODGE PODGE THE LIL GENIUS BUDDYBOT!!! EVEN IF HE TURNS OUT TO BE EVIL, THE SOUND OF HIS VOICE MADE ME LOVE HIM PRETTY INSTANTLY AND NOTHING CAN CHANGE THAT

hodge podge: “magnus! merle! take-o” goddamnit griffin

justin: “can we just put the stone of far speech in front of the robit and griffin, you can just talk to yourself?”

hodge podge is exactly the kind of unsettling demon robit with a mostly-adorable voice, except for when he goes demon-y, that I expected from griffy

justin: “my character taako has innate skills in: investigation, nature, history, religion, arcana, and religion” so is he double good at religion then

taako: “okay, I got a question for you: who....do we work for?”

lucas: “hey, are you just mean to everyone?” THANK GOD SOMEONE VOICED THIS LEGITIMATE FUCKING CONCERN, THE GRUBBY GRIFTERS ARE MONSTERS

clint: “I look up what scrumbled means” griffin: “justin said that in a Monster Factory once and I’ve been using it like it’s a real word” justin: “I am the lewis carroll of my generation”

noel the friendly medic robit’s voice started at vaguely-angus like and then became straight up country southern and i really hope somebody calls griffin on it

i really think griffin introduced the nitpicker so he could have a way of introducing his own critiques of his dad and brothers’ dnd skills

the little compact mirror has some shit in it that i think must be important

there’s a rift in space and time and pink tourmaline is coming out of it and the damn song is super ominous and making me MEGA NERVOUS and honestly i don’t know what the flying goddamn fuck is happening but i am SO INTO IT

lucas: “you’re just yelling hugbears at me” magnus: “BUG! HEARS!” “what” “what”

so is lucas just like holding these poor bugbears in fucking slavery

the grubby grifters discover the tourmalined body of boyland and magnus asked if he can DESECRATE THE GODDAMN BODY OF HIS TRAGICALLY DECEASED COWORKER

griffin: “these two figures are just taking these ice robits to Fool School”

awww they’re gonna fight one of my favorite little creepy crawlies! human sized tardigrades that will absolutely fuck their shit up!!! so cute

griffin: “you’re so loosey-goosey with your possessions! ‘hi scuddle-buddy! bye scuddle-buddy! go get on that train to hell!’”

clint/merle’s immediate panic when they decide the only option here is to CHOP HIS GODDAMN ARM OFF

killian, after picking lucas up: “THIS HAS BEEN THE WORST SHITTIEST DAY EVER, WE ARE TWO PEOPLE DOWN, YOUR LAB SUCKS!!” #relatable, I feel u killian

during this arc the mcelboys keep talking about how they don’t remember shit from the beginning of the show bc that was two years ago and im like what? what? that was three days ago, friends!! its bc ive binged this shit in under a WEEK

merle basically has a plant fetish okay, that’s the only reason this soul-wood shit worked

griffin: “it actually curls up and gives you a thumbs up as if to say 'hey! I'm your arm now!’”

so like this planar system shit is probably important, right

this parseltongue motherfucker that’s like fucking haunting the grubby grifters needs to start explaining what their whole, like, DEAL is

this Red Robe dude is having a FREAKOUT over the damn umbrella and im like mmmmm maybe taako shouldn’t have just taken the damn umbrella, no questions asked

killian’s scanner is having a major freakout over a lich being present and im like, yeah, its the fucking umbrella, yall

oh, real quick, the mcelboys gotta pause the action to whine at each other about character voices

killian: “I am going to ABSOLUTELY murder that man” yeah, killian remains the most goddamn relatable npc in this fucking world

i sure hope The Adventure Zone Zone doesn’t have any super important info in it, bc im not gonna listen to the mcelboys talk about the maxfun drive from two fucking years ago

the crystal golem just called the grubby grifters bounties, and said it was time for noelle the friendly medic robit and the grubby grifters to all go back to the astral plane and im like WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? GRIFFIN! WHAT?

OH FUCK ITS BEEN KRAVITZ THIS WHOLE GODDAMN TIME!!!!! KRAVITZ!!!!!

griffin: “a D6 is like a dice-ass-dice! that's like some monopoly shit!!”

kravitz: “i don’t even know how that even worked, like with physics”

taako: “luke! use the fork!” merle: “the fork will be with you, always”

magnus: “I want to roll an investigation check on noelle...I rolled a 2″ griffin: “okay well you know noelle is a robot”

YALL!! SHITTY TRAIN BUTLER WIZARD JENKINS AND MAGIC BRIAN THE GERMAN MORON BOTH CAME BACK!!

magic brian the german dumbass: “i had an invitation to my wedding for you, and instead of RSVP-ing, you murdered me!”

travis: “when you say they evaporate, do they go back to heaven or hell or the after plane, or whatever, or are they GONE?” griffin: “it kinda seems like you obliterated their soul. kinda seems like you just kinda ERASED them” travis: “you know, at the end of day, I punch people, but dad unmakes their existence, who's the real monster?”

the fact that noelle died in phandolin when the grubby grifters and gundren rockseeker turned the whole town to glass is so goddamn fucking tragic, THANKS GRIFFIN!!!!

lucas miller: yet more proof that dickin around with science and magic and mad scientist shit is always gonna end badly for everyone

kravitz: “taako, you’ve died eight times”...[...]..”magnus, you’ve died 19 times”...[...]...”merle highchurch, the richest bounty i have ever hunted, you have died 57 times” WHAT?? WHAT? WHAT???? WHAT???? GRIFFIN!!??? WHAT????

THIS STORYLINE IS LIT

griffin: “a legion of ghosts” justin: “great”

i think both griffin and I have forgotten that carey fangbattle and killian are in this scene. also merle has had a soul-bond wood arm this whole time

the grubby grifters beat a goddamn LEGION of ghost robits, or ghrobits, and then kravitz slides back into the scene all like “uh, hey, assholes, thanks for saving me, I’ll make up some legal loophole bullshit to thank you” that’s not a direct quote, that’s me editorializing. i fucking love kravitz

taako: "they found new bodies, just because they're mechanical doesn't mean the life is any less valid - battlestar galactica"

oh fuck magnus got a cheating deck of cards in like episode goddamn THREE and he just whips em out in episode fucking 39 against kravitz

kravitz, massively misunderstanding the assholes he’s talking to: “the rules of nature are there for a reason, so lets just stop running afoul of them, as if this all just funsy-fun make-believe!”

magnus: “kravitz! tell julia I love her” TRAVIS!!!! TRAVIS MCELROY! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO MY HEART!!!

lucas: “you'll never see me again, but if you do, i'll be doing good, and please don't kill me instantly”

justin: “i give angus a thumbs down” motherfuckers

killian: “hell yes! I love this plan! me and carey, and a robot ghost with a gun arm! sounds like a plan!” magnus: “sounds like a spinoff!” killian: “that’s sounds like some torchwood shit!”

davenport the goddamn pokemon

on one hand, I’m really goddamn suspicious that the director isn’t actually destroying the relics but is collecting them for her own gain. but on the other hand, if this turns out to not be true, I will feel bad for suspecting her so hard

taako: “director, here’s the truth. what did you have for lunch on Dec 3 2015? you don’t remember right? that’s when you told us not to talk to the Red Robes. what’s I’m saying is WE FORGOT!”

YOOO THIS EPILOGUE PROPHECY IS SOOOOOOO COOOOOL GRIFFIN!!! WHAT IS THIS!!!! ITS SO GOOD!!!!!!

this was a wild wild wild wild ride and whatever griffin is doing with this story is LIT

#balance arc #the adventure zone #the crystal kingdom #mcelroys #mine

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tonyglowheart · 7 years

Text

Some Spider-Man:Homecoming Awesome Moments/thoughts, behind a cut bc spoilers, and also long:

I basically squee’d through the entire beginning, after the like Damage Control/Toomes part. From the whole orchestrated version of the Spider-Man cartoon theme during the Marvel sequence (which honestly was way too frickin long, but the music was a good touch), to the vlogging part, like it was just. So Good. (my Spider-Man friend liked the vlogging, too, said it was a very Peter Parker thing)

Adrian Toomes literally has the stupidest reason for hating Tony Stark, and also tbh, supes awk I’ve been salty/on guard so long from the anti’s, it wasn’t obvious to me at all that Toomes was Evil All Along, I lowkey read it as “and this is when I decided to become Evil” moment with him staring with hate at Tony. Apparently, according to my friend I went with, who is more of a Spider-’verse guy, it was p obvious to him *like a cross between shrug emoji and :’)* (I think it was the fact that, like, Tony’s face took up half that screen that had me on guard? It says *US* Department etc, joint venture, etc, but like isn’t Pepper still CEO of Stark Industries? I mean idk I guess I’m kind of annoyed the anti’s have me so on guard that I looked at that and was like “great it’s set up to blame Tony personally for stuff that is again NOT his personal sole total fault”)

Re: the vlogging. oH MAN, THE TIMES NEW ROMAN 12 PT FONT DOUBLE SPACED CARD!!!! I’D ACTUALLY FORGOTTEN ABOUT THIS, HOW LONG AGO WAS THAT FROM?? Was that CW? It seems like it’s been ages

comment Tony made re: May wearing whatever. Oh no, bad, not good, whose idea was this, pls can we Stop that (other than that tho the rest of it was good, so even though we started rough at least we moved on)

oh no sad child sending a million texts with no response :( (okay it kind of is hilarious to me that Happy is so incredibly out of his depth with Peter tho, like he has no idea what to do with being responsible for a teenager)

THE CHILDREN ARE ACTUALLY CHILDREN, THEY LOOK LIKE...middle school/high school, I’ve realized I am REALLY bad at telling, I’m back home and see these kids in the mall or Starbucks and I’m like “I am going to call them high schoolers but they look So Small somehow, a part of me yells “MIDDLE SCHOOLERS”???

tiny soft spider son who is awkward but not cringey? The whole movie was wholesome and good, and him and Liz were cute and there was no Hetero Farce, like Liz actually liked him, too, even though Peter’s an underdog it didn’t condescend on him? (like, didn’t play up that whole No Girl Will Like You Cuz You’re A Nerd thing that’s like douchebro mentality)

BODEGA CAT

omg tiny child going into alleyway and changing into his suit, kind of a weirdly endearing scene but so ???? like I don’t even know how to describe this feeling but He Is My Tiny Spider Son

the little notes are super cute. "why did I tell him about the churro” super cute. Him accidentally messing up and webbing a guy who was breaking into his own car: also super cute actually, and good flavor, too. All of it set the stage really well for him as an actually “Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man,” like he’s basically running errands, but also he’s not omniscient so sometimes things are not what they seem

Happy is SUPER out of his depth lmao oh man

Ned Leeds and his fanboying highkey relatable (guy in the chaiiiir)

I can’t believe Zero Moustafa was in this movie, I didn’t even recognize him also I highkey was not expecting him

honestly all of the whole “changes in your body” stuff to Peter were also funny and added great flavor to the movie. It’s a bit out there and ridiculous but it’s from Peter’s PoV and was very appropriate for that :D

DUM-E!!!!!

“how far can you shoot?” “if I were you I’d stand on the edge of a building and shoot as far as you can” *girl turns around and gives them a weird look*

I highkey appreciate that Peter is the “I can just be myself” kind of person, this lets Ned be the “nobody wants that” ironic humor but also highkey relatable guy/line person. This was a good way of setting up those dyad of lines bc it centers self-confidence FIRST, and then the self-deprecating humor

running across the golf course was Excellent, him flailing so badly in suburbia was also good flavor and also hashtag same

“if you’re going to shoot someone shoot me” TINY HEROIC SPIDER SON OH MY GOD OH MAN HOLY HECK

“So. You got detention”

something something “those turkeys convinced you” something something

“So your body’s changed. Believe me, I know how that feels”

“You can’t just stroll back in and expect to be welcomed with open arms” *teacher walks out of bus with open arms* “hey, welcome back, Peter.”

“Listen, can we go, already? cuz I was hoping to get in some light protesting before dinner” “protesting is patriotic, let’s get on the bus”

Training Wheels Protocol. Baby Monitor Protocol. Karen. DRONEY. ADVANCED INTERROGATION MODE LMAO. “Instant Kill.”

seriously tho I appreciate how much of a genuinely down-to-earth guy Peter is. It’s not forced and it’s consistent, he’s such a good child

the TI-84 tho

RDJ!!! ARM-CLUTCHING!!! “gosh I sound like my father” *quiet gross sobbing on the inside*

school admin: there’s a dance. what are you doing? Ned: I’m....looking...at....porn?

that whole sequence of Toomes in the car on their way to homecoming was cinematically brilliant?? The way the light of the traffic lights shone and the symbolism with it, I like had a moment of like, “Oh my god, this is actually a really well-crafted movie??” (like tbh my salty ass lowkey can’t believe *Marvel* churned it out)

(this whole middle section I stopped taking notes and was just watching bc the next notes I have are on Tony losing control of the screwing the pooch metaphor lmao. but a couple points:)

“COME ON, SPIDER-MAN” D: D:

the invisible jet. them playing up the danger of the turbines was really suspenseful, but also very nice because it demonstrates genre-savvy. also, that part where you see Spidey on the top of the jet camo panels bc he’s on the bottom :D :D

seeing Peter save Toomes made me a bit sad bc I was remembering the post Nat wrote about the parallels we COULD have had, i.e. from IM1, IM3, that were ultimately cut :(

Tony’s whole extending the metaphor on screwing the pooch and absolutely losing control of it with the whole free clinic and hybrid puppies line lmao.

“he made a really mature decision. surprised the heck out of us” :D :D these two are so frickin out of their depth with any kid, let alone Peter. Thank heck Peter’s the voice of reason here. (again, good flavor, cute characterization points, gr8 all around)

the whole post credit scene and the metatexual poking fun at the audience for waiting for something for forever that doesn’t seem like it’s worth it lmaooo. (actually when I’d first glanced at a gifset on Tumblr, I’d thought he was referring to waiting for Peggy since TFA ended on that note, so I thought it was referring back to that)

re: like the treatment of the high school setting, it seemed a biiiit...stereotypical to me, but I think ultimately it was a good mix of current with nostalgic for the maybe older crowd who’d watched three iterations of Spider-Man in so many years, I think. Like, the whole “You’re bullied because you’re a nerd” and the whole “very clear defined cliques” thing is so....Mean Girls era, and that kind of was the touch of nostalgia. But also they did kind of set it up where Peter and Ned weren’t necessarily bullied by EVERYONE *for* being nerds, because Flash was also in Decathalon, and more because Flash was a jerk, which I think was a good updated social mores touch. Also, I liked that the “comeuppance” scene with Peter commandeering Flash’s (dad’s) car wasn’t all vindictive, it was fueled by genuine need, and he didn’t go out of his way to destroy the car, he just literally had never actually driven on roads before :DD

so kind of in conclusion: SM:H really is All That and More, it was so good and I want to watch it again a million times

#spider man spoilers #I'm sorry my tag is so awful #I hope mobile doesn't mess this up weirdly for ppl #roz speaks #spider man homecoming #I literally took notes in a notebook as I watched lol #the post is very long #smhc talk

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