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smaptain-smerica · 1 year

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Female Reader x Rooster

Time: Post-Top gun: Maverick

Y/n Blackwood - L/n, daughter of Charlotte "Charlie" Blackwood. Y/n took a strong interest in planes from a young age. Knowing her father was an esteemed pilot drew her even further into the navy. Quickly, she became one of the best solo pilots and graduating at the top of her class at Top Gun.

Her next mission? Return to Top Gun, Face certain death, romantic interests, and finally, her thought-to-be-dead, father.

This book contains strong language and sexual content that may be sensitive readers under the age of 18

This story was originally posted on Wattpad, follow me on there for faster updates. I have published a non-binary version of this story published there for those who do not identify as female or use she/her pronouns. It will follow the exact same story line. Link to Wattpad Account Link to the Non-Binary version

Master list

Saturday Nights

One word; exhaustion.

Todays exercise was beyond tiring. It felt like I was flying for days on end. Maverick has been pushing us harder now than ever before.

I shut the door to my room, immediately ripping my hair out of my required bun and giving my scalp a well deserved scratch. I pulled my phone off the charger and looked at the time. It was already 6 o'clock.

"Shit." I cursed to myself, scrambling to pick out an outfit that I thought was suitable for a date. I settled on a pair of loose fitting jeans and my favorite colored tank top. I gathered up those clothes and made a b-line for the showers.

I showered and changed as quickly as possible. My hair was still in a towel as I walked out of the door. As I walked back to my room I saw someone leaning against the wall on their phone.

Rooster looked up as I approached with a smile on his face. My stomach dropped a little in panic. "What time is it?" I asked him.

"6:20. I just didn't want to be late."

A smirk slowly rose to my face. "You're pretty serious about this huh?"

"You said 6:30 sharp. If I was late you might not say yes when I ask you out again."

"When? That's awfully confident Bradshaw."

A mischievous smirk spread across his face, one I hadn't seen before from him. "After tonight, you won't be able to say no."

"I'm scared now."

"Don't be. It'll be great. Go get your head out of that towel." Rooster encouraged me toward the door by placing a hand on my back and pushing. He opened the door to my room and I looked at him suspiciously as I entered.

I took my hair out of the towel and brushed it out. I did my skin and hair care routine before running a brush through the damp mess. My phone buzzed on the nightstand and let out the annoying alarm noise. As I turned it off there was a knock at the door.

"It's 6:30!" Rooster sang from the other side of the door. I laughed as I walked over and opened it.

"Let's get going then."

We made our way to the parking lot and jumped into Roosters Bronco. He apologized in advance as the place we were going was 45 minutes away. I was a little surprised to hear but I didn't complain. I wasn't the one driving.

After about 15 minutes of intense jamming to 80's classics, Rooster finally sparked a conversation. "You know, Mav told me he might put us together for the mission."

I raised my eyebrows, showing interest in what he was telling me. "Why?"

"He thinks that I'll reel you in if you decide to do something stupid." He answered with a small smirk on his face. He looked over at me with his sunglasses still on his head.

"Wow. That's lovely to hear." I laughed.

Rooster chuckled. "Well it's either me and you or me and hangman."

"Oo, I wouldn't want hangman."

"That's what I'm saying." We both laughed at our combined distaste for Hangman being our partner.

"I thought we would be getting paired up with a Tandem team?" I questioned.

"There's not enough. We have 4 single cab pilots and only two tandems." Bradley explained.

"Huh. I guess I never though too hard about it." There was a small amount of silence between us while the radio played softly.

"Are you scared?" Rooster asked me. I thought about my answer for a second. This past week has felt like being back in flight school and training. I hardly noticed the overcasting cloud of death that has been there the whole time.

"Are you?" I shot the question right back at him.

"I'm always nervous. This mission seems more dangerous than the last. Maverick and I should have died on that one. That feeling is always with me now every time I step into a plane."

I frowned and reached over to his hand that was on the stick. He lifted his hand up so I could lace my fingers in between his before he put it back down on the shifter. "Don't worry. If you're flying with me you'll have no problem." I attempted to make a lighthearted joke.

Rooster shook his head and laughed. "Your cockiness is very reassuring."

45 minutes felt like 5 with all the laughing, talking and singing Rooster and I did. I was impressed by his singing voice, it made me wonder if he ever took lessons.

He put the car in park and then turned the key off. I reached for the door handle and popped it open. I'm a flash I felt something heavy lean against me and an arm was extended out. Rooster took my door and slammed it back shut. This caught me by surprise. "What do you think you're doing?" He asked, pushing himself off the console area and opening his own door.

I smiled at his gentlemanly gesture and watched him walk around. Rooster got to my side of the car and opened the door for me. He held his hand out for me to grab for stability. I gratefully took it, now being able to step out of the car. We approached the doors to the restaurant. It was made of dark wood with neon signs illuminating the dusty atmosphere. He had to have taken us to some sort of steakhouse because that's the only thing I could smell.

Rooster opened the door for me and I stepped into the restaurant. It has a similar feel to a Texas Roadhouse. Everything was made from wood. The booth seats were red cushioned and lined the back wall. There were more tables scattered in the middle and a horseshoe shaped bar off to the right with barstools all around it that looked like they were made from old saddles.

While I was absorbing the room around me. rooster had gone to the hostess table.

"Hi, how can I help you?" The young woman with red hair asked him.

"I had a reservation, under Bradshaw?"

The woman looked at her tablet and then back up at us. "Y/n?" She asked.

"That's uses." Rooster responded.

The woman smiled. "Perfect! Your table is ready. you can follow me." As we followed the waitress to our table I forcefully elbowed Rooster in the gut. "Hey!" He whispered in defense. "Y/n Bradshaw, really?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

She led us around to the back of the restaurant in a window-lit corner booth. We both sat down as we were given menus and drink orders.

"Is it weird when people don't use your callsign?" I asked him. Rooster nodded.

"If I've been at base and then leave it can take some getting used to. Although, it is my name so I better get used to it. Is it weird for you?"

I nodded my head. "My whole life people have called me Wolf. My mom, step dad, even in middle school and high school I had the nickname wolf. It was weird to hear the hostess say my real name."

Rooster showed his interest by leaning forward and placing his elbows on the table. "So how'd you come up with Wolf?"

"How did you come up with rooster?" I countered his question. He seemed to get a little grumpy at me mentioning it. "I didn't." He grumbled.

"Neither did I. It was actually Iceman who named me. Him and my mom stayed close after she left."

"Why?"

I groaned a little at this embarrassing story of mine. "Well when I was little I carried a wolf stuffed animal around everywhere. The first time I let go of it was when Ice took me out to see the planes."

"Wow. That's a pretty legendary way to earn your name." Rooster chuckled and took his drink from the waitress as she came over.

"We're you and ice close?" he asked.

"Pretty close. We kept in touch regularly. It crushed me not to be able to go to his funeral." Nice job, sending the conversation to a dark hole right away.

"Why couldn't you?"

"I was overseas. I was actually in the air when it happened."

"I'm sorry you had to miss it." Rooster sympathized with me. "It was a beautiful service."

Our food order had been taken by the waitress. I got a simple dinner salad as an appetizer and a steak with a side of mashed potatoes. Rooster ordered an appetizer of fried pickles and a burger that looked too large to fit into his mouth.

Being in the same field we skipped all the painstakingly annoying first date questions of occupation. If anything we wanted to avoid questions of occupation since that was all we were doing with the mission coming up.

We talked about simple things. Favorite foods, favorite toys growing up, favorite memories. The favorite memories led us down a rabbit hole of discussing parents. We both quickly found out shared enthusiasm for our parents. Rooster talked about loving his dad, even at only 4 he could remember everything.

"My parents had this playful conversation with each other that they would say all the time whether they were dancing in the kitchen or my dad was playing the piano, my mom would say; 'Goose you big stud!' And then my dad said 'yes dear?'"

Roosters impressions of his mother and father made a hard laugh rise from the pit of my stomach, one that made your abs sore. He continued with the exaggerated voices to clarify who was speaking.

"Take me to bed or lose me forever!"

"Show me the way home honey!"

After that we both fell into a fit of hardy laughter. "Wow." I marveled. "That's adorable."

"I know. I loved every second of it." Rooster sighed, wiping a laughter induced tear away from his eye. "God, they were so in love with each other."

The look of reminiscing on his face made me smile. He looked so comforted by the memory of his parents. This only lasted for a moment before rooster patted his hands on the table.

"Well, I don't know about you but I'm finished eating. How about dessert?" His actions were strange as I watched him pick up his plastic, red coke cup and pour the ice out into my glass.

"What dessert... wait what are you doing?" I asked.

Rooster smirked at me and leaned across the table to whisper; "I'm going to pretend to propose to you so we can get free dessert. Don't worry I've seen it happen multiple times."

I felt a pit in my stomach drop and all the color run out of my face. "Bradley Bradshaw. Stop it."

"Just play along." And without missing a beat, he elbowed the red cup off the table and sent it flying onto the wooden floor. The cup made a loud noise as it bounded around.

"Oh my god I am so sorry, such a klutz! Let me get that." He announced very loudly, gaining the attention of all the surrounding tables. Rooster got down onto the floor on one knee and pulled out a small ring shaped object out of his pocket. A couple of the tables closest to us gasped in surprise.

I covered my mouth in shock and stared down into roosters hazel eyes. "This is not happening right now." I muttered behind my hands.

"Would you make me the happiest man ever and be my wife?"

My eyes scanned the room, the entire attention was on rooster and I in the corner of the restaurant. I looked down at him and saw him wink at me.

I stuttered on my words, completely and mortally embarrassed right now. "Yes, yes of course!"

The entire restaurant erupted into cheers and applause. Rooster pushed off his knee and grabbed my face with one hand. He planted a long and hard kiss against my lips which I reciprocated. We separated with big smiles on our faces. He took the small ring and slipped it on my finger. It was gray, squishy, and made of rubber.

Rooster rotated back to his side of the booth and kept smiling at me. "What do you think?"

I looked at the grey band on my finger. "It's good. Great even."

"Perfect. It was $2."

We both chuckled at Roosters comment when the announcement of a waiter arriving at our table halted our conversation. He set down brownie skillet with melting vanilla ice cream on top. "Congratulations you two. And just to let you know that couple over there told me to tell you they took care of your bill."

I turned around and saw an older couple, maybe Maverick and penny's age, looking at us from their booth. They both waved kindly, the wife more enthusiastic than the husband.

I turned around and looked at Rooster in shock. "Oh god."

"Shit." Rooster cursed and covered his mouth.

"We should probably go say thank you, right?"

"Right, yep. Let's go." Rooster said quickly, pushing himself up from his seat. We walked over to the couple. Rooster grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze.

"Hey guys," Rooster started, "that really wasn't necessary but we greatly appreciate it. Thank you."

The wife, (who had one too many drinks) waved her hands dismissively at us. "Oh no, we absolutely had to! It's our wedding anniversary today and with you two getting engaged and all, well it just felt like the universe had come full circle on us. We had to!"

I smiled at the drunken woman's high pitched story. "Oh wow! What a coincidence." I said flatly as I looked up at Rooster. He smiled down at me and wrapped an arm Around my shoulders that brought me closer to him.

"How lucky are we, sunshine?" Rooster milked the performance. Though I know it was all a front, I still felt myself blushing and smiling at the nickname he called me.

"Look at you! Oh you two are so in love. Show me the ring dear." I shyly held out my hand and she grabbed it, looking confused at the rubber band around my finger.

"Oh we're uh, in the military." Rooster chimed in.

"Oh wow." The wife whispered.

"Both of you? Wow. Thank you for your service." The husband chimed in and shook both of our hands. "Thank you. We decided to hold off on a real ring." I said kindly to them.

"Well, we should get going. Again, thank you guys. Tell your waiter to send the dessert over here."

Rooster had grabbed me by the forearm and started walking away with me while I was waving at the couple. "Congratulations!" They called to us as we made our escape.

Rooster and I doubled over in laugher as soon as we got into the parking lot. "I was not expecting that to happen." Rooster huffed out in between fits of laughter.

"I have never been more embarrassed in my life. I hate you, Rooster!" This made Rooster laugh harder as he gripped onto the side of his car to support himself.

"This is perfect." He gathered his composure to say. "Now that whole restaurant thinks we're engaged and that couple will be expecting wedding invitations, you can't possibly say no to a second date."

"Are you serious right now?"

"Come on y/n, remember what that woman said? The whole universe has come full circle on us." Rooster grabbed my hands in his own and looked into my eyes endearingly. I looked back up at him with a warm smile on my face.

"Please?" He whispered quietly.

"Alright, fine. Yes!"

Rooster pumped his fist in victory which made me giggle. "I told you that you wouldn't be able to say no." He teased me as he opened the door and I climbed into the bronco.

"Yeah yeah, whatever." I said dismissively. Bradley shut the door, but not before leaning over the opened window to plant a kiss on my cheek.

As he was walking around the car I felt my phone buzz, I checked to see who it was.

I furrowed my eyebrows together in confusion at the message. Once Rooster was in the drivers seat I showed him the message on my phone. He looked at it for a while, his expression not changing. It looked like he was frozen in time. Until he wasn't.

"Do you want to get drunk tonight?" He asked.

At first I was surprised by the question, then a smirk rose across my face. "Hell yeah."

"Last night of freedom?"

"Last night of freedom."

Next Chapter

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gettin-a-lil-hanse · 3 years

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You Found Me - Chapter 3

Read it on AO3

Pairing: No pairing (but SeongJoong is involved)

Genre: Slight Fluff, Angst

Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 2k+

Summary: Wooyoung opens up about his past.

Tags: Kitty Hybrid! Wooyoung, Found Hybrid, Abandonment, Caring For a Kitten

Trigger Warnings: Mentions of abuse, mentions of death, mentions of scars (not related to self-harm), unhealthy coping mechanisms, alcoholism, mentions of homophobia, mentions of prostitution, mentions of sex trafficking (?)

A/N: This chapter will be much heavier than the last two, and I want you all to please read the trigger warnings, and please read with caution. Take care, take time if you need to.

The trip to the vet went as smoothly as any normal vet appointment is expected to go. (Vet? Doctor? Hongjoong really wasn’t sure what to call it.) Wooyoung was not very fond of the intimidating-looking doctors and acted accordingly. Honestly, Hongjoong was a bit surprised, seeing as the hybrid had taken a liking to the couple fairly quickly, but he pushed that thought to the back of his mind.

Hongjoong stayed by Wooyoung’s side throughout the duration of the visit, providing him with the necessary level of comfort needed to get through the appointment. In the end, the vet deemed him healthy aside from slight malnourishment and some bruising. The vet also told the couple that hybrids coming in with scars like his were a pretty common occurrence as of late and that it was a clear sign of abuse, but Wooyoung tuned out of the conversation at that point.

From there, the three of them took a drive to the mall. Hongjoong insisted that they build the hybrid a brand new wardrobe consisted of the highest fashion, though Wooyoung tried to convince him that comfortable clothes are all that he needed. Seonghwa could only laugh, knowing deep down that he too was excited to finally get to dress someone that would (probably) cooperate and let him. Hongjoong’s and Seonghwa’s styles clashed quite a bit, so it was rare that they got to dress each other up.

Wooyoung quickly found out that he hated the mall. There were too many stores, too many displays, too many people. Everything was too much. The stores had bright, colorful signs, many of them flashing which was extremely distracting. Honestly, how was someone supposed to get through their shopping with everything like this? But that wasn’t even the worst thing. No, the worst thing was the staring. It seemed like, from the moment the three of them walked through the automatic glass doors, all eyes were on them. Wooyoung couldn’t tell if the eyes were on him or the couple, since they were so unabashedly affectionate with each other. Even Wooyoung knew that this side of town was known for being full of stuck-up, high-class rich people. As a matter of fact, all of the stores in the mall, as far as he could tell, were high-end and expensive-looking.

“Hey, Hongjoong? I thought that we were just getting clothes for me to wear around the apartment?”

“Sweetheart, we’re buying you clothes. It doesn’t really matter where you wear them.”

Hongjoong chuckled and pulled the hybrid into his side, making for a very awkward walking position which only drew more attention to them. Wooyoung leaned in close to whisper into his ear, eyebrows furrowing and creating crease lines on his forehead,

“People are staring…”

“People always stare.”

“It doesn’t bother you?”

“More like I’ve learned not to care. Those people don’t deserve my energy, let alone my emotions. It’s not easy, of course, but it’s better this way.”

Hongjoong turned to face the hybrid still tucked under his arm and for a moment—though it felt as if they moved in slow motion—Wooyoung forgot how to breathe. Wooyoung swore that Hongjoong poured glitter in his eyes. How else would they sparkle so much?

“Don’t let unworthy people take up your time and energy.”

“You know,” Seonghwa started, snapping Wooyoung out of the trance he didn’t realize that he was in, “Hongjoong taught me a lot. It’s cheesy, but he really did make me a better person, and he still does to this day.”

Hongjoong let out a soft laugh, loosening his grip on the hybrid’s shoulder to move his hand to his back.

“I have that effect on people, apparently.”

------

The shopping trip came and went without too much fuss—seeing as the hybrid wanted no more attention on him than there was already—and the boys filed into the apartment with armfuls of bags. Hongjoong, ever the chatterbox, kept the mood up and kept the conversation going. Hongjoong loved his days off and was in a very good mood. Now that they had an addition to the household—temporary as it may be—he cherished his time at home even more. So when he got a call from work saying that he needed to come in for an emergency meeting, he was visibly upset. The only bright side, he figured, was that Seonghwa and Wooyoung would be forced to spend some alone time together. He hoped that they would be a little less awkward by the time he got back home.

Seonghwa and Wooyoung sat in the guest room that they spent the afternoon cleaning and removing tags from, folding, or hanging up Wooyoung’s new clothes. There was a thick silence between them until Seonghwa decided that now was as good a time as any to try to get to know him.

“So, tell me about yourself.”

Wooyoung’s ears flicked as he looked up, a bit caught off-guard by the blunt statement.

“Well… what do you wanna know?”

Seonghwa shrugged with a slight smile playing on his lips, eyes cast down on the shirt he was so neatly folding.

“I mean, the more we know about you, the better.”

Wooyoung finished wrapping a jacket around the hanger and stood with a soft sigh, hanging the item up in the closet.

“Where do I even begin… As you probably already know, hybrids are created in labs by scientists and then sold to various facilities. From those facilities, we’re sold to buyers and I was sold to a nice young woman. She was my owner, but she hated addressing the relationship as such. She really cared for me and when she fell sick, I did the same for her. It got to the point where I spent every waking minute caring for her, but I didn’t think anything of it because she started to get better. So when she passed I was absolutely devastated.”

Seonghwa saw the shift in his face, grabbing his hand gently and pulling him to sit before he got too lost in his memory and broke down on the floor. To his surprise, the tears gathered but never fell, so he stayed quiet, allowing Wooyoung to continue.

“After she passed, I, along with her other possessions, was auctioned off to the highest bidder. The bidder that I was auctioned off to was an assistant for a man who ran a “hybrid home” which, news flash, was nothing like a home. It would be more accurate to call it a hybrid whore house.”

Seonghwa’s jaw clenched, taking in a breath through his nose. He shouldn’t be so angry since Wooyoung was alive and well now, he thought, but something akin to rage began to bubble up in the pit of his stomach.

“To say that my life there was miserable is an understatement. We barely got an opportunity to look after our hygiene, they kept our schedules packed with clients, and when we weren’t busy with either of those things, we were probably being scolded for something. Nothing was ever good enough for The Master. Someone was always doing something wrong in his eyes and he made sure that we paid for it. That’s how I got to be so… beat up. I don’t know if you saw them, but I know for a fact that Hongjoong saw them when he bathed me…”

Wooyoung toyed with the hem of his shirt before lifting it up, revealing the fading bruises and various-sized scars lining his back and torso. Seonghwa’s eyes racked his body, tears of anger welling up in his eyes at the sight. But, again, he kept his feelings down.

“I… We have something to put on those scars that will help them heal. That is if you would like…”

His voice was unsteady and Wooyoung chanced a glance over at him. He could see him holding back, could see it in his eyes.

"You don't have to feel bad for me. I'm okay, see?"

"It's... It's not that, I just... I just wanna protect you at all costs even more now." Seonghwa let out a wet laugh, taking a deep breath to keep tears back. "You know, Hongjoong really is a healer of sorts. He saved me too. Although my conditions were nowhere near as bad as yours..."

Wooyoung's tail flickered in interest.

"Saved you how?"

"He saved me from myself. Before we started dating — no, before we met — I was in a bad place. My family, god I haven't spoken to him in years... They never accepted me for being bisexual, so they kicked me out of the house. I stayed with my girlfriend at the time while I tried to find my way."

Seonghwa stood, walking to his bedside drawer to grab ointment to coat his bruises.

"Why do you just have that by your bed—"

"Don't worry about that. Anyway, I was staying with my girlfriend and she wasn't... the best, you know? She made me feel lesser than I am, she treated me like shit, to say the least. I loved her nonetheless and took it all. I couldn't get myself to leave her, but it became unbearable to be at home. So I started hanging out elsewhere."

Seonghwa helped Wooyoung remove his shirt while he talked and began carefully tending to each individual bruise.

"Bars became my favorite place to hang out. I would stay out late drinking to the point where I almost lost control. It just overall wasn't a good time in my life. I wasn't happy; every day, simply existing felt more and more like a chore. That is probably the lowest I have ever felt in my life and I didn't think that there would be any coming up from there. I was drowning in bad thoughts."

Wooyoung could feel the emotion bubbling up in Seonghwa, could feel the pain.

"Hongjoong literally came like a light in my life and helped me get out of that dark place. I started to see him at the bar more often." Seonghwa smiled fondly to himself, hands moving gently over his skin. "He would come just to check up on me and talk to me. He kept me company, made sure I drank some water, made sure I got home okay. Then we started to hang out outside of my dark hours in the bar, and it got to the point where I didn't even need the bar anymore. Or alcohol anymore—not as much, anyway.

“Hongjoong was the one who helped me gain the courage to break up with my girlfriend. He helped pick up the broken pieces and he's kept me together ever since. So yes, he saved me. I appreciate him much more than I could ever say but don't tell him that. His ego is big enough as it is."

"Do you think you were meant to meet him?"

"Of course I do. If someone is up there watching over me, they definitely sent him to me."

Wooyoung nodded, thinking to himself for a moment.

"Hongjoong adores hybrids, you know? For the longest time, he's said that he wanted to adopt one, but I think that he is absolutely enamored by you. If you stay with us, you'll be taken care of, treated well. If not, he's gonna do everything in his power to get you somewhere where he knows that you'll be safe. He has a good heart, and I think he was meant to find you too."

"It's just... After all I've been through, it's a lot to think about, you know? I don't know if I can put myself in a position to trust someone like that again."

Seonghwa hummed and nodded in understanding, pulling away once he was finished to look up at him.

“I know it’s hard to trust anyone after so many people treated you wrong and let you down. I’m sorry that you had those experiences, but I believe that you will be able to open your heart again. Some day. You’re strong, you’ve already come so far.”

Seonghwa ended with a kind smile and moved to pass back the shirt he was wearing before pausing.

“Ah, would you like to put on your new pajamas? They’re much softer than these old things.”

Wooyoung thought for a moment before shaking his head and taking the shirt back from Seonghwa gently.

“I’ll… put those on later. After my shower? Before bed? I’m comfy in these now…”

Seonghwa didn’t push it and just smiled.

#8makes1teamnet #atzinc #kdiarynet #kwritersworldnet #chye’s writing #ateez #ateez fluff #ateez angst #ateez fics #seongjoong fics #seongjoong angst #wooyoung fluff #wooyoung angst

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nervousmendes · 4 years

Text

Canada - Shawn Mendes

Word Count: 2.4k words (fluff)

Warnings: No warnings, just extreme fluff and emotions

A/N: Writer AU based on the song Canada by Lauv ft Alessia Cara. She loves her life in LA but a new opportunity opens her eyes to a new beginning so she needs to figure out what she wants and get Shawn on board with it.

Anyone living in Hollywood knew that LA in the middle of March is not the best time to forget to pull the blinds before going to bed. Scolding herself, she turned around in an attempt to keep the sunlight away from her eyes, feeling Shawn's breath fan her face when she turned towards him. She opened her eyes and she couldn't help but smile with admiration for the man who was asleep with her in his arms. Her hand absent-mindedly went to the soft, brown curls that covered his closed eyes. She brushed them behind and grabbed a few locks in her hand gently, making him let out a sleepy groan. She crooked her neck slightly upward to softly brush her lips against his and when an involuntary hum came from his mouth she had to laugh at how much he enjoyed it even though he was fast asleep.

Waking up in his arms with the sun lighting up their skin was something that she wasn't blessed enough to enjoy often. And she couldn't really do much but simply blame the fact that they both loved their professional lives, and wouldn't give up any part of finally getting to live their dreams for the sake of their relationship. Of course she hated the distance, and so did he. There were nights when they would miserably miss each other, and while of course they had the little technology they knew to see each other's faces and blow kisses via FaceTime, they wouldn't get the feverish touch of each other's skin that they craved, the endless kisses or the warmth of being in each other's presence that they both yearned for after a long, tiring day. Their only solution to balancing everything out was to make the best of the time they got with each other every now and then, and so, he got used to flying back on days off and she came to terms with taking surprise flights to go give her boyfriend a good luck kiss before he jammed out on stage whenever her job kept her free. Not to forget that it didn't really always pan out well with the mess of the schedules that they both worked on but nevertheless, they never stopped giving their relationship their all because no matter how hard it got sometimes, love is a magical thing that always overpowered everything else, so somehow it would all just work out in the end.

She sighed in content as she snuggled closer to Shawn, her hair softly tickling his chin. She looked up at him once again, and kissed him this time not giving a care for whether he was awake or not. The feeling of her lips on his woke him up, and she cringed at herself when he stirred, eyes fluttering open.

"Someone seems a little too impatient this morning, eh?" She smiled on hearing his morning raspy voice and pushed away the thought of not having it the next day. His eyes were half closed and his curls were a mess but she still didn't miss the twinkle in his eyes when he smiled down at her. It was now his turn to peck her lips, and as they met his mouth, he pulled her closer and swiftly lifted her off the bed and had her sit right on his stomach, hands splayed across his chest.

"Says you, who couldn't wait till I was done with my phone call last night." Her cheeks heated up and he had a smug smile on his face as they both reminisced their shenanigans from the previous night, the way his fingers worked their way under her lacy underwear while she was engrossed in discussing something work related with her colleague.

The thought of work (and sex, but she can think about that later) reminded her of the email she received three days ago, the morning Shawn had returned from tour. It was about a job offer in Toronto to be an editor for a well established magazine. He knew she had applied for the position, in fact he was the one who pushed her to when she kept complaining about how it would be impossible to actually get it. She did want to talk to him about the offer, but only after she knew for sure whether she was ready for a big change or not. And after a lot of thinking she figured that the opportunity would open so many new doors for her to grow and establish herself. She loved her work in LA but she had to admit that it was monotonous and there was nothing new for her to learn from drafting those articles anymore. With the new job she could also be closer to her family, and at the end of the day Toronto is where Shawn's home is too, not that it was really a deciding factor but she still considered it. She never thought she'd be one to make career decisions based on her relationship. She grew up with the idea of being an independent, self sufficient and confident woman who stood on her own two feet with her head held high. But love came in the way, consumed her. He consumed her, gave her his all, and literally breathed for her. And it would only be a big, fat, shameful lie if she said that it wasn't the same for her with him.

So now here she was, sitting on his pretty tummy with her mind lost in thought, trying to find the right moment to bring up that goddamn email with the most luring offer she'd ever gotten since the beginning of her career. She didn't want to upset him by saying she wanted to move, but she needed to talk about it. She knew in her heart that the job fit her needs and her dreams. She knew it was the right place to go to, and no matter how convenient living in LA made her relationship with Shawn, it was high time she gave herself the opportunity to grow. And who was she kidding, she wouldn't ever find anyone more supportive than him no matter how hard she tried, so yes, she knew it would practically take nothing for Shawn to support her with this decision, but the fact that she'd have to do it by that night before he we went back on the road did give her a good amount of stress.

"Baby, is everything okay? You haven't registered a single word I said."

His fingers resting on her waist drew small soothing circles on her skin as he pulled her closer to him, craning his neck up to meet her halfway and leave comforting kisses, the first to her lips and the second on the tip of her nose. She gave him a small smile that anyone would gladly accept, but Shawn being Shawn knew it was half-assed and could see the worry roaming behind her beautiful eyes.

"So is this the part where you tell me what's wrong or do I have to ask again?"

There was no avoiding it anymore, she had to talk about it. She slid off his frame and sat down, pulling her legs close to her chest. The sudden change in her demeanor caused Shawn to straighten up against the headboard and face her. She saw the lines his concern drew on his forehead and before even she could reach her hand out to smoothen them his big paws engulfed her tiny, warm ones, fingers carefully lacing into hers.

"Now spill, I'm listening." His reassuring smile that came after was enough to get the conversation started.

"Okay." She dragged, not knowing where to begin. His patient eyes didn't leave hers for even just a second as she reminded him of the application she made the first time and then told him about the offer, the position, the work she'd be doing and how it seemed a lot more interesting when compared to what she was doing at the moment. Shawn was always a good listener, and just like every other time, he paid attention to every detail and didn't cut her off a single time so that she could fully pour out how she felt about everything. She told him the whole story and finally let out a breath she didn't know she was holding in for that long.

"So yeah, that's what's up. I love the offer but I'm scared about moving and I don't know if it's the right thing to do."

"Okay first of all, I'm so proud of you, love. I can't ever say this enough but I am literally" a kiss to her lips, "sooo proud of you. I knew you'd get it, you are the most talented writer I know, and I mean that with my entire being." It was funny how even after more than a year of being with him she still giggled and blushed at his compliments like a kid in high school.

"What does your heart say?"

"My heart says I should take the leap and try something new. This is probably what I've always wanted in terms of my career. But I think-"

"No 'buts' baby. If this is what you want, you should go for it. What's stopping you?"

"This. Us. Me being in LA makes it so easy for us, we always get to see each other a lot more because at the end of the day this is where we both work. And yes we're both Canadian but let's face it, how often do we actually visit home?" The crack in her voice at the end gave her away and her glossy eyes fell to their intertwined hands, tears threatening to spill out.

"Hey, look at me. Look right at me." He now had his hands pressed against her cheeks and he lifted her face up so she could meet his gaze.

"We can make this work no matter where you go. You could be in fucking space and I will still love you just as much as I do right now. I love you so much, but you will never hold yourself back for the sake of our distance. Not under my watch. Okay?" And that was all it took for the tears to tumble down her face, except for that they ended up being happy ones.

"I love you so much, Shawn."

"And I love you more."

Her hands went to either side of his neck and he pulled her closer as her soft, pink lips connected with his. He pushed his tongue against hers and kissed her back with everything he had. His neck tilted sideways to give her a better angle, their mouths doing a patterned choreography that they knew all too well. He ended it with one wet kiss square on her lips, the smooching sound making her giggle loudly. They stayed that way, foreheads touching each other's, her hands, one around his neck and the other grabbing his hair, and his arms wrapped around her tiny frame pressed against his chest. This was all they ever wanted, young and in love, staying in bed an hour after they woke up, silly kisses and even sillier I love you's. It was perfect.

"So there's something I've been keeping secret for a while because I wanted to wait till the end of tour. But right now feels like the perfect moment to tell you. Also the fact that I don't think I can keep it in anymore, but that's secondary."

"Go on." She nodded, sitting back down while smiling at him.

"I did a lot of thinking and I realised that the end of four albums and four tours is a good time to take a much needed break and live a little normal life." He made air quotes on 'normal'. "And it would also make more time for me to spend with you. We deserve to have a normal relationship too, you know?"

"Shawn I'm so glad you realise you need a break."

"Wait I'm not done yet, here's the best part. The condo in Toronto is dull and empty, so... I'm coming with you to Toronto. I'll be there as soon as I'm done with tour " He smiled at her.

"Shawn, you don't have to! You have so much going on for you over here."

"No, I want to. I'll stay for however long, record the next album over there whenever I feel like it, but I'm going to be right there. I'll be there after a long day of work to give you back rubs, I'll be there to cook you some pasta, give you endless cuddles, keep you up on a weeknight for.. you know what." He had to add a little wink in there. "Point is, I love you and I love my job but I need a break from it to love you and myself a little more. And there is nothing in the world that I want more than that right now. So yes, I'm coming with you to Toronto."

She was at a loss for words. She didn't know what to say. The wide smile pasted on her lips and the tears in her eyes told Shawn more than her words could ever. Not knowing how to react, she plunged into his arms with a shriek and he let out a loud laugh as his back hit the mattress, her body going down with his.

"This is really happening." She breathed out, feeling his lips press a kiss to the crown of her head. His fingers stroked her hair and their smiles didn't seem to fade for what felt like hours. She could already imagine going to see her parents or his on weekends, build forts for movie night, reconnect with their old friends and relatives, get to take Karen's dog on walks, house parties, everything. Just the mere picture of their life in Toronto was enough to fill her with a buzz of endorphins. It felt so right. It suddenly felt like her life was pieced back together. She was going to live the life of her dreams, this time with the man of her dreams. It felt perfect.

"So.. Canada, huh?"

"Canada it is."

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

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This is only my third fanfic and I'm still learning, so I hope you liked it. You can take a look at my masterlist for my other works right here. If you have any feedback or tips please feel free to tell me, it would be very much appreciated as I'm still new to this x

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shaylybaby2032 · 5 years

Text

Let Me Be Your Lighthouse

Fandom: Supernatural

Rating: Explicit/18+

Pairing: Gabriel x OFC

A/N: Please do not copy my work to any platform without my permission, even if giving credit.

Warnings: Eventual smut, physical/mental abuse, angst, fluff, language

Summary: A Duke of Hell wants to use Gabriel for his own nefarious plans and makes a deal with the Empty Enitity to bring the Archangel back from the dead. But, when Gabriel escapes, the Duke must reach deep into his arsenal to try and track him down. Not long after Gabriel's great escape, Sam and Dean race to save a fellow hunter who has been captured by demons and, after rescuing her, convince the woman to let them help her get rid of the demons hot on her heels. While the two occurrences seem unrelated at first, they may have more in common than any of them realize.

"A wise man once told me, 'family don't end in blood.' But it doesn't start there either. Family cares about you, not what you can do for them. Family's there; for the good, bad, all of it. They got your back, even when it hurts." -Dean Winchester

Chapter 1: Unexpected Return

The full moon hung low in the night sky over the large patch of deserted dirt in Fort Collins, Colorado that had once been an attempt at a cornfield. The former owner of the land hadn't expected this particular patch of land to be so deprived of the nutrients required to grow grass, much less the crop he had staked his financial well-being upon. He had become quite aware of the losing battle when the ground had all but spit out the yellow kernels as black and hollow husks. If he had been aware of the door that laid deep below the surface of the ground he had been trying to grow the plants in, he would probably have gone running for the hills, or the nearest church.

Unfortunately, there was no way he could have known that the very energy seeping into the ground making it volatile would find its way in to his own mind during the single year he spent trying to make the decision to dump all of his money into the plot a worthwhile choice. There was no way he could have known that exactly one year after he first set foot on to the place that he would be sitting in the local mental institution staring blankly at a wall mumbling about a void no human was ever meant to see.

When he died less than three weeks later, the bank had put a “For Sale” sign on the land. It stuck up from the ground until the elements faded the bright writing away, and it became one of those properties that fell through the cracks as it shuffled around in the system of more appealing purchases.

That was, until almost a decade later, when a man in an expensive five-piece suit walked into the bank asking to speak with the president of the establishment. The man was charming enough to disarm anyone he was speaking with in a way that, had anyone really been paying attention to the ease in which it happened, would have made them fear for their very souls. They hadn't noticed, however, and before long the engaging man with professionally short midnight hair and piercing, dark brown eyes had the female bank president completely enthralled.

It wasn't the sharp and attractive features of his face that drew her in. No, she was far too smart to be taken in by a pretty face and a fancy suit. Years of dealing with business men and women had sharpened her skill of rifling through bullshit and pipe dreams. It was his confidence that drew her in at first, and it slowly mixed in with an attribute she couldn't quite describe. After having checked the credentials he had given her, she discovered he had more than enough money to pay the offer he had presented to her for the property. It was an offer that was more than quadruple the listing price.

While she couldn't see the appeal of the dead piece of land that sat on the outskirts of her town hidden by brush and now overgrown woods, she had finally accepted his offer. When he smiled his approval, her stomach dropped to her feet. The gesture had sent a sense of unnerving through her that had her hair standing on end, and could only be described as wicked. He hadn't given her a chance to go back on her acceptance of his offer, and he grasped her hand in a handshake to seal the deal. She had fought with everything she had not to jerk away when she came in contact with his cold skin. The connection made an overwhelming sense of dread crash over her so hard that she could have sworn the light in the room hit his eyes in way that made them appear to be deep black orbs, threatening to drag her down.

As the suited man walked out onto the moonlit field, that same wicked smile was painted on his face. After all these years he had found the doorway, one that he was sure God had loathed having to make after his Archangel had fallen and created those first dark beings. His eyes flashed to black again as he pulled a glass jar of dark red liquid from a pocket inside his suit jacket. He walked in a circle as he poured the thick substance onto the ground in the shape of sigils that predated even the earliest Sumerian cuneiform. All the while he chanted a language long since dead enough to not be in any written form. When he had completed the circle, the ground beneath him began to rumble and he stepped outside of the markings just as they began to glow with an eerie black hue.

Thunder rolled above his head and lightning lit up the sky as the dirt within the circle began to shift and swirl. A thick tar like substance started to bubble up from the dirt, jerking and spasming as it was drawn to the center like metal to a magnet. The substance pooled and started to build on itself, slowly forming a humanoid shape. With another crash of thunder, the vile liquid crashed back into the ground to reveal an exact copy of the suited man standing in the center of the circle with pure loathing etched into his features.

“Eligos,” the copy growled, addressing the man that summoned it. “To what do I owe the annoyance of being called on by a mighty Duke of Hell.” it's voice held a disgusted tone as it mocked the being in front of it. “Had I been sleeping when you called I would have dragged you down to my domain on sheer principle, so I advise you to tread lightly.”

Eligos bowed respectfully as he spoke. “Oh great being of the Empty, please, pardon my intrusion, but, I am in need of your assistance.”

“MY ASSISTANCE?!” the Empty Entity barked. “WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WOULD WASTE MY TIME WITH THE LIKES OF YOU?!”

“Because I will make it worth your while,” Eligos said cooly, not even phased by the primal shout that had come from the being in front of him as he straightened his posture. “I have discovered that you know a good deal when one presents itself.”

The Empty Entity regarded the Duke with interest, though it's ire was still prominent. “What is it that you want, Eligos. My patience is already thin. Don't make it worse.”

“The Archangel, Gabriel.”

The Empty threw it's head back in a spurt of laughter so sinister that the wildlife around the area, had there been any dumb enough to wander close, would have scurried away in haste. “Why would I even entertain the idea of freeing an Archangel?”

“Because I offer two of my sixty legions of demonic soldiers for him.”

The Empty scoffed at his bargain. “Twelve thousand demon souls for an ARCHANGEL?! Even one as broken as Gabriel is worth far more than that.”

“Then name your price,” Eligos insisted, his calm exterior never faltering.

“What use could you have for an Archangel with low grace and a hefty dose of PTSD? Your superior really did quite the number on him. But, you know that. Asmodeus confided in you and you alone about his pet, among other things.”

For the first time Eligos’ still presentation faltered as his eyebrow arched in questioning.

“I receive the memories of each being that comes to my domain,” the Empty explained before he could ask. “Asmodeus was sick, even by my standards. I will only ask one more time why you want one of his broken toys.”

“Gabriel's low grace makes him vulnerable and open to... persuasion.”

“I see. You understand how devastatingly wrong darkening an angel can go, correct?”

“I have the means to control him once he's mine.”

The Empty crossed it's arms over it's chest as the being contemplated the request made by the Duke. “I want half.”

“HALF?!” Eligos spat, his tranquil demeanor completely falling. “You want HALF of my army?!”

“Yes,” The Empty confirmed. “A hundred and eighty thousand demon souls should fit the bill.”

Eligos snarled as he bit back on the expletive words on the tip of his tongue. He took a second to center himself again before he spoke. “Deal.”

“Not quite. You still need to...what's the saying? Ah, yes, sweeten the pot.”

“What else could you possibly want?!”

“Oh, you know exactly what I want.”

Realization crashed down on to the Duke and he glared at the entity before him. “You know I can't give you that.”

“I'm well aware of the rules, Eligos. I am, however, the one that had to agree to them all those eons ago with that pompous idiot that plagued the universe with his perverse creations. I am also very much conscious of your connection with what I want. If anyone can make it happen, it's you. Or...do you doubt your control over the abomination?”

“No!” Eligos spat. “She will do as I say. But, only after I have Gabriel how I want him.”

“Fair enough,” the Empty said as he closed the distance between them and extended his hand toward the demon Duke.

Eligos grasped his offered hand and shook. Thunder crashed as lightning streaked the sky, the sound causing the ground to shake. Swirling black smoke filled the air above their heads as the sound of desperate screaming ripped around the area. With another clap of thunder, the black cloud was sucked into the circle on the ground and disappeared beneath the dirt.

***

Gabriel sucked in a harsh breath as his eyes shot open. Pain seared through his skull as his blurry vision started to focus on... nothing. A complete black void surrounded him, yet somehow he laid on a sturdy surface. He jerked to a sitting position as he clutched at his chest, searching for the wound that he was sure had ended his life. He was shocked to find his body free of blood or the hole he knew he should have. He was certain he had died. Wasn't he?

“Yes, you are definitely dead,” a voice drawled from behind him.

A voice he knew well, and the sound of it took him completely off guard as he scrambled to his feet to whirl around. He then came face to face with... himself?

“What the hell?” Gabriel whispered.

“Not exactly,” he watched the other him say. “Just your friendly neighborhood primordial being.”

It finally dawned on the Archangel with whom he was speaking to. “You're the Empty Entity.”

“DING DING DING! Give the angel a prize!”

“Why am I awake?” Gabriel asked, then rolled his eyes as a thought occurred to him. “Winchesters. What have those idiots broken now?”

“Oh, trust me angel, you are going to wish it was those boys that bargained for your broken being.”

The next thing Gabriel's mind registered was the feeling of being thrown to the ground as his body forcefully coughed up the dirt that had somehow found its way into his lungs. Slowly he started to realize there was a breeze. There had been nothing but stillness in the Empty and the sudden change had his head jerking up even as his coughing persisted.

He was back on Earth.

His Earth.

He was alive.

Why?!

That's when fire erupted in a circle around him, flames he quickly recognized as holy fire. A growl rose from his chest as he pushed himself to his feet, facing the figure that was now illuminated by the flames. Rage rushed through the Archangel's system at the sight of the Demon Duke.

“Eligos,” he snarled.

“Gabriel!” Eligos retorted with mock excitement. “So nice to see you up and moving, though I think I preferred you chained with your mouth sewn shut.”

“I swear I'll incinerate you where you stand-”

“And how do you plan on doing that while you are trapped in holy fire with low grace?”

Gabriel's eyes flicked up to the sky at the dark storm clouds that had moved in. He turned back to the Duke with a smirk on his face. “I do believe it looks like rain.”

As the last word left his mouth, mother nature smiled on him and the first drops of rain started to fall. They landed on the fire with a sizzle that caused the flames to jump.

“Only a matter of time,” Gabriel continued. “Even low on grace, I'll have no problem doing away with you.”

Eligos barked out a laugh as he gestured to the Enochian symbols around the outside of the fire that the Archangel had missed in his anger. He studied the symbols closely for a moment. They had been altered with dark magic, a sinister power that he hadn't seen since before Lucifer had been locked away. His stomach dropped as he realized what the Duke intended to do and his eyes shot back to him.

“You see, Gabriel,” Eligos started, “that fire won't matter once I've darkened what little grace still resides within you, because then you will be mine to control.”

“NO!” Gabriel shouted, frantically looking around for a way to deter the Duke's plan.

“Yes!” Eligos said as an evil cackle started to flow from him.

He started to chant in a language that was a mix of Enochian and Latin, causing the sigils around Gabriel to glow and the holy fire to roar to a size that towered over his head. Immense pressure punched into his chest, sending him to his knees. He could feel the magic seeping through the fire and into his vessel. He fought against the parasitic force with every ounce of strength he had, but he could feel it invading into the very sense of who and what he was. Could feel it twisting around his grace, forcing the shadow of his large wings to blaze forth into existence. The flames licked and sighed at his shadowed feathers and an idea formed through the suffocating pain it caused. He had no choice. He couldn't allow himself to become what this magic was trying to drag him towards.

He wouldn't allow it.

With a renewed strength he contributed to the pure adrenaline of the moment, he reached behind his back and grasped at his own wing. His fingers knotted into the soft shadowed feathers, and with one last breath to accept what he was about to do, he pulled. With twisting and wrenching motions he jerked on his wing with all his might, the pain exploding into his being and blurring his vision. A feeling like magma being poured into his vessel stampeded through his body, making his throat constrict and his feathered appendages jerk of their own accord almost like they were trying to escape. He was vaguely aware of Eligos’ failed attempts at coming through the amped holy fire to stop him, but when the base of his wing separated from not only his vessel but his very being, a scream of agony ripped from his lips that sent the ground trembling. The blur of his vision turned to complete darkness for a split second before he pulled himself back from the edge of unconscious by pure will alone. He wouldn't succumb and let this demon win. Not again! Not ever again! Eligos crashed to the ground as Gabriel started the same process with his other wing. When it, too, was torn from him, both wings burned to ash as his grace shot out from the gaping wounds in his back. The ash and grace swirled around him, dousing the flames with a force that sent the Duke flying through the air out of sight and leveling everything within a twenty mile radius.

There was silence, then, as his grace shot into the sky and vanished.

Gabriel was left lying flat on his stomach, gasping for air. The wounds on his back had somehow been healed, but he still felt the agonizing emptiness from what he had done. His skin was covered in a thick layer of sweat as nausea rolled through his stomach threatening to spill the bile that his stomach now created. His body trembled as he forced himself to roll to his back, trying to control his breath and attempting to grasp what he now was.

Human.

Chapters 1 through 3 are up on Ao3. Continue reading here...

#gabriel spn #gabriel #gabriel x ofc #gabriel smut #gabriel fanfic #gabriel supernatural #spn fanfic #spn #supernatural #fanfic

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

Text

Rio & Buster

Rio: This flight is long Rio: longer 'cos I don't wanna be on it 😒 Buster: Don't, I'm dreading flying back Rio: Can't stay there forever Rio: Unless you ask for that transfer too Rio: only fair Buster: We both could Rio: I really would have to buy my way in Rio: maybe my parents are susceptible to that kind of bribery, like you WANT me back in school, yeah Buster: You're forgetting I know how smart you are, babe Buster: They'd be lucky to have you, even though you're the most distracting Rio: 😏 Rio: Yeah, no way you'd be allowed when your grades mysteriously plummet Buster: Though I've just discovered that catching up on my work actually takes much less time if I ignore all the girls that are offering to help me right now Buster: So there's that Rio: Who'd have known, eh Rio: better than me, I don't even want to think about work or any of it yet Buster: I have to, 10 days is a long time, even though it didn't feel like long enough at all Rio: I know Rio: You'll do it though Buster: I've already done loads Buster: I started as soon as you left Rio: 🤓 Rio: but seriously Rio: well done, baby Buster: If I thought about you I knew I wouldn't be able to stop Buster: You were right when you said it'd be worse after Rio: I know that too Rio: feel that too Buster: At least if we were both thick we could pretend we ain't done the maths on how long it is Buster: The curse of perfection, like Rio: Truly Rio: we've both waited longer Rio: just gotta think how good waiting made it, yeah Buster: Yeah Buster: Not that I should be thinking about that at this exact moment Rio: Sorry Rio: having trouble thinking about anything else still Buster: Me too Rio: Headfuck Rio: nowhere near as fun Buster: Fun not being the word Rio: not even close to good enough but as I said Rio: preoccupied still Buster: You've got more privacy in first class than I do here right now Buster: Use it Rio: But Rio: you've spoilt me Rio: I want you Buster: But I wanna watch you Buster: I miss you Rio: You know how to break my resolve but what happened to yours Buster: I reckon I'm due a break Buster: You know I like to play as hard as I work Rio: Then let's play Buster: I'd play with you until you were begging me not to & the pilot had heard enough to risk crashing the plane Rio: You know I like danger Rio: but I'm feeling like begging for more, not less right now Buster: Go on then Buster: Convince me Rio: [pic on the floor 'cos that first-class legroom honey] Buster: Maybe you can have some more Rio: Only maybe Rio: okay, you need some more first too Rio: hold on Buster: Are you sure keeping me waiting is the best idea? Rio: It was that or give the poor air hostess a show she didn't ask for whilst she was topping up my drink Rio: [audio this time] Buster: She might have liked it Buster: You are good Rio: Would you? Rio: Enough marks I'm never forgetting who I belong to Buster: Is she hot? Rio: Yeah, pretty cute Buster: I'm not sharing you for 'pretty cute' Rio: Well I'm sure she's more your type than mine Buster: You're my type Buster: If you don't want her, I don't Rio: I want you Rio: no one else registers Buster: Good Buster: 'Cause I need you. Nobody else Rio: You've got me Rio: it's different this time in every way Rio: just 'cos I'm going, I'm not gone Rio: whenever you need me Buster: Wherever too, yeah? Rio: Of course Rio: even if I could say no to you, got no desire to Buster: Baby Rio: That stil gets me weak Rio: how the fuck Rio: I read that in your voice Buster: Everything I do makes you weak, that's why Rio: yeah Rio: good thing you can be strong enough for the both of us then Buster: Not sure the hotel staff would agree when we broke the bed but I'll hold you up same as I did then Buster: You don't ever need to touch the floor when you're with me, babe, unless that's where we both want you Rio: That was so awkward Rio: just means we get to go to a new and better hotel next time though so Buster: For somewhere so old school the future didn't have much staying power Rio: That Freudian slip really tell me how it be Rio: won't get used to these heights, don't worry 😉 Buster: 😂 Buster: When I've also been dyslexic all this time Rio: 😏 Nancy gonna be so pissed Rio: don't take her struggle and overcome it, babe Buster: If anyone could Buster: I'm definitely not gay though so Rio: Don't be tryna 💔 that hard Buster: I can't, I promised Rio: Yeah Rio: and lbr, I could turn ya Rio: if anyone could Buster: I don't want any other girls but you that's as close as ever got Rio: They don't deserve you Rio: and they can't do you like I can Buster: I meant it when I said you're the best thing that's ever happened to me Buster: You just keep making that more & more true, like Rio: don't plan on stopping any time soon, don't you worry Buster: Don't stop Rio: I won't if you don't Buster: That's not gonna happen Rio: then never Buster: Rio Rio: Buster Buster: I read that in your voice & I can't fucking handle it Rio: I've not said anything as much as I've said your name Buster: Don't stop that either Buster: I love the way you say it Rio: Keep giving me reason to Buster: Easy Rio: Would be right now Rio: this seat is so big we could share Buster: & Everyone wears headphones so there'd be no need to stay that quiet Buster: All we'd need is a blanket Rio: Complimentary, of course Buster: Just like me. I'd be so nice to you, baby Buster: The entire flight Rio: All the way home, daddy? Buster: Of course Buster: I'll let you recover in the cab while carry your bags in & then come back for you Rio: I want that Rio: it's going to be so shit when I get off this plane and you ain't waiting for me the other end Buster: I won't let it be Rio: I'll be fine Rio: just miss you Buster: I've sent you a surprise, it'll be waiting for you to compensate for the fact I can't be Rio: You're so fucking nice Buster: You haven't opened it yet 😈 Buster: There are loads of things to remind you of me Rio: then that's still really fucking nice, no matter how 😈 everything is bound to be Rio: I'm excited Buster: Show me when you unwrap everything Buster: I wanna see your face Rio: Okay baby Rio: Indie better not open it 😂 Buster: I thought of that so I sent it to your mum & dad's Rio: So smart Rio: although I will now have to bullshit my way through a fake holiday with them Rio: but could be vaguely entertaining Buster: Okay so I didn't think that hard ahead Buster: But you'll be fine Rio: Yeah Rio: lowkey a turn-on 'cos whilst I'm selling them the lie, get to think of what we were actually doing Rio: so don't worry, babe Buster: I feel that, so many people have asked me if I'm feeling better Buster: The yeah's not even a lie but Rio: 😏 Rio: The shit you shouldn't do is always the most fun, just facts Rio: secrets are fun too Buster: Yeah Buster: That's why the party's are so wild here 'cause the drinking age is ridiculous Rio: Init Rio: you ain't even meant to be fucking Rio: America and it's morality Buster: The coke is great though Rio: 😂 Buster: Well, now I wanna go out Rio: I'm sure everyone's missed you Buster: Obviously Rio: You said you've earnt a break Buster: I took that, I gotta do more before I get another Rio: Don't let me distract you then, babe Buster: But that's what you do best Buster: Don't let me stop you Rio: Gotta priortize Rio: how you wanna play Buster: With you Buster: There's no contest Rio: then don't get completely off your face when I'm stuck in the air Rio: can't get on that level Buster: No brandy, I hear you Rio: mhmm Rio: you dumb Buster: Behave Rio: Not if you aren't Rio: no fair Buster: I won't do anything you don't want me to Rio: You can go Rio: not a buzzkill Buster: You've already proved that, you don't need to now Rio: Sorry Rio: I just turned my data back on and instantly regretted it Rio: that's the real comedown Buster: Tell me Rio: It's mostly just the mundane shit Rio: but loads from him obviously Rio: 'cos I told him I was going, so he wouldn't show up when Indie was home alone or something Rio: but clearly he took that as 'I wanna talk again' Buster: He didn't & Indie's alright, yeah? Rio: Yeah, I've been messaging her on socials, she's fine Rio: why I turned my data off, he's blocked everywhere but texts so Buster: Then give me his number, I'd love to talk to him Rio: I can't, he probably knows who you are Rio: he knows everything it's bizarre Buster: He'll know exactly who I am when I'm done Rio: Hot Rio: seriously, forget about him Rio: ain't giving him the attention he wants Buster: That'd be fine by me if he wasn't giving you attention you don't want Rio: I can handle that Buster: I know but you shouldn't have to Rio: It'll quiet down soon Rio: we all got crazy exes, those of us that do repeats anyway Rio: he'll get a new girl and I can get on with my life without him in the background, like Buster: If you say so, babe Buster: I trust you Rio: Good Rio: don't worry Buster: Don't make me Rio: I won't Rio: promise Rio: least the rest have let themselves be ghosted with dignity so that's something Buster: That don't mean don't tell me, you know, before you promise Buster: Ignorance ain't bliss Rio: I'll tell you if I need to, yeah Rio: trust, no one needs this play by play Buster: If you need to for any reason, not just if you need me to sort it Rio: I promise, okay Buster: Okay Rio: So, what do you reckon, is anyone here got enough clout that they looked the other way when checking their bags for bags Rio: I'm bored Buster: Probably Buster: They only care about terrorists Rio: Tell that to Drew, let him know, like Buster: Not until I've gone though Buster: Cheers Rio: don't wanna hit him up to soon Rio: I ain't looking to have a stomach full of crack tah Buster: Fair Buster: When I say you can do anything, not what I mean Rio: Not my aspiration in life, gotta be said Buster: At least the ones you do have will keep you busy until I'm done here Rio: Then what Buster: Then I'll keep you busy all summer Rio: Mm, sounds like a plan Buster: It is, babe. It's my plan Rio: Um, OURS Rio: 'scuse you Buster: Alright, ours Rio: Always trying to claim the best ideas Buster: Hit me with your best right now Buster: I dare you Rio: Answer this call Buster: [does obvs] Rio: [put on that facetime show but try and be quiet please] Buster: [we know that ain't gonna happen but at least don't be as loud as you could be] Rio: [getting kicked off the plane is not goals lol] Buster: [at least he can afford to buy her another flight but still probably don't] Rio: [just thinking of that gifset lol] Buster: [god bless] Rio: see Rio: full of good ideas Buster: You really are Buster: Fuck Rio: don't doubt me again, yeah Buster: Sorry babe, but if it means you'll be that inspired, I might have to Rio: Alright Rio: I don't hate proving you wrong, I guess Buster: Behave, I wasn't wrong Rio: 🙄 Rio: admit it, I have the best ideas Buster: You have good ideas, I never said you didn't Rio: You implied it Rio: you're mean 😏 Buster: You're into it Rio: Only sometimes Rio: the rest you gotta treat me like 👑 Buster: You ain't gotta tell me how to treat you. I know Rio: Yeah Rio: you're good Rio: 😇 Buster: No, you are. It's that simple Buster: I wanna give you what you deserve Rio: You deserve that too Buster: As long as I keep making sure I deserve you that's all that matters Rio: stop making me weak Buster: You're all I want, you already know that Rio: but I feel stupid how much I want you right now Buster: Don't Buster: It's not stupid Rio: It's just Rio: what if it all goes wrong again Buster: I told you, I'm not gonna let that happen Rio: You know, that'd be worse this time too Rio: and I just don't want that Rio: so we can't Buster: We won't Buster: I need you, Rio Rio: I need you Buster: You can trust me Rio: Okay Rio: I don't know how this happened Rio: but I know we have to roll with it Rio: the alternative doesn't work Buster: Yeah Buster: & I know I ain't the same cunt I was before this Buster: I don't wanna go back Rio: Me either Rio: so we won't Rio: easy Buster: I really miss you though, that ain't Rio: Yeah Rio: I never wanted to leave Buster: I didn't want you to. I still don't Buster: Come back Rio: I'll turn this plane 'round Rio: hold on Buster: If anyone could, babe Rio: If we'd have got caught earlier, maybe Rio: but you'd have to talk them out of that no-fly list, probably Buster: We can always go again Buster: I've got you Rio: How are we ever gonna get anything done Rio: when we're so distracted Buster: You've distracted me since we were kids Buster: Things get done 'cause they have to, like Buster: We'd be your ex if we didn't, that's all the motivation you need Rio: who needs the books or inspirational speeches Rio: ugh Buster: We're gonna do epic shit, me & you Rio: You know it, babe Rio: what choice do we have Buster: There's always a choice but we're making the right ones. End of Rio: can make the wrong ones sometimes though Rio: just for fun, like Buster: Stop making it really fucking hot, I'm trying to motivate you Rio: 😋 Rio: please motivate me Buster: Jesus Buster: I actually want you constantly Rio: I know Rio: no matter how deep you go or hard or whatever it's never enough you're so Rio: I can't be close enough to you Buster: If anyone else said that to me I'd have lost my shit in the total opposite way to how I am now Buster: Do you know how fucking special you are to me? Can I ever explain, like Rio: 'Cos you feel it too Rio: you know exactly what I mean Rio: I just want you, in all aspects of my life Rio: nothing else is interesting to me now Buster: I feel emotional, shut up Rio: That's what I was saying Rio: weak Rio: idk, don't planes make some people emotional Buster: I'm not on a plane & I can't be weak Rio: Yeah you can Rio: who am I telling, and what Rio: you can be whatever you need with me Buster: Can I? Rio: Yeah Rio: of course Rio: I want you to Buster: I've just never Buster: Felt this, done this Buster: Any of it Rio: It's different from anything I've ever experienced too Rio: but you know Rio: I can be strong for you too Rio: I don't want you to think it's one way Rio: another stress Buster: I don't think that Buster: I know how strong you are Rio: Good Rio: you can trust me too, okay Buster: I do Rio: Ugh Rio: fuck Rio: I miss you Buster: Seriously, come back Buster: We got away with it, we can again Rio: I'll lose my job Rio: you'll lose all that cash Buster: I'll get you a new job Buster: When you want it Rio: 😏 how are you gonna do that then Buster: I live in Dublin too, I know people Rio: I thought you were motivating me Rio: not being a bad influence 😈 Buster: I'm motivating you get what you really want Buster: Me Rio: Baby Buster: Please Rio: You know it's exactly what I want too Rio: but we can't Buster: Nobody can stop us, except us, & why should we if that's not what we want Rio: 'cos you've gotta focus on school whilst you're there Rio: and I've got stuff here that I've gotta do too Buster: This school requires no focus, compared to the one back home it's like nursery Buster: I know you're worried about Indie but it ain't your job to raise her Rio: but someone has to Rio: you know he can't Rio: don't Buster: Let your parents then Buster: They want to Rio: They clearly have a great handle on the kids they have Rio: not like their 16 year old has just been...where, with who? Rio: it's not that simple Rio: never has been, sad but true Buster: Come on, that's different, we're not kids Rio: I wanna say yes but I don't wanna break a promise either Buster: I know, it's okay Buster: I'm not trying to put pressure on, like, I am but only 'cause you should be making choices for you Buster: Like you said, you're 16, we ain't kids but you ain't gotta live like you're 36 Buster: What about Drew's sister, can't she help? Rio: I can never just make choices for me though Rio: she's already upset I left, and all the other kids act like I ditched them becaused I moved out already Rio: like it or not, that's how it is for me Rio: she does, but Indie is Rio: hard to manage, like Buster: Forget I said anything Buster: It's only a couple of months now anyway Buster: I'm being unfair Rio: You aren't Rio: it is what I want Rio: and I want you to be happy too Rio: but we got some shit we just gotta do, yeah Buster: Yeah Buster: That's life Rio: Mhmm Rio: stupid real life Buster: It's a shame we can't bring Indie here, she'd love it, like Rio: Seriously Rio: she'd have no issue saying yes Buster: She might have an issue with me & you but who won't Rio: Well yeah Rio: that's a whole other subject Rio: she's easily distracted but probably not that much Buster: Even your little brothers ain't that out of it Rio: no, they ain't Rio: that's gonna be harder too now Rio: being around everyone Buster: Yeah Buster: It's fucked Rio: We can do it Rio: we'll have to but Buster: At least it's always been like that for me, I'm sorry I brought you there too with yours Rio: What do you mean Buster: Your fam love you & shit Buster: You know Rio: Yeah Rio: yours do too though Rio: not me, though sure, everyone does Buster: It's not the same Rio: no, true Rio: it's not like my family is idylic Rio: everyone's got their shit Buster: 'Course Rio: I'm saying, I was already there Rio: you ain't done anything, so don't need to apologize Buster: I've done loads to you over the last few days but sure Buster: Not sorry for any of that Rio: 😏 definitely don't be Rio: I'm not Rio: even if it is a shame I can't tell anyone just how good it was Buster: You can Buster: Just think up a new boyfriend that you just have to come back & see ASAP Rio: Okay Rio: but they ain't gonna KNOW the level 'cos they won't know it's you Rio: have to keep that my secret, like Buster: Secrets turn you on, there's no denying it Rio: You turn me on Rio: it's total coincidence Buster: Yeah? Rio: I mean, yeah, it's seriously hot 'cos you're off-limits but I think I'd still want you if you weren't Rio: don't you think? Buster: Obviously I would Buster: Look at you Rio: 😋 Rio: exactly Rio: just a bonus who you are Rio: don't see me trying to get on any of my other cousins like, ew Buster: You're funny Rio: Does that mean you really don't think I am or Buster: It means you're making me laugh Buster: Maybe I'm just fucking hysterical still but Rio: awh Rio: I love your laugh Buster: Don't take the piss Rio: I'm not Rio: I'm sad I can't hear it Buster: Don't be sad either Rio: I'll try Buster: Try for me, baby Rio: 🤤 Buster: I'm in a state, why did I go out? Rio: For the coke, mostly Rio: you gone? Buster: I don't feel here Buster: But maybe that's 'cause you aren't Rio: Babe Rio: What do you need, what can I do? Buster: I'm alright Buster: Have to be Rio: You don't have to Rio: but if you're gonna be a mess be safe Buster: I don't wanna be a mess Rio: 'course not Rio: but sometimes we all have to be that too, like Buster: I can't Buster: You said it shouldn't be conditional, but it is Buster: When I fuck up they stop caring about me Rio: They still care it's just they don't show it in the right way 'cos they're disappointed Rio: it's still something, even if it feels like shit Buster: Bullshit. Nance is more than disappointed for one Rio: Well that's different with her Rio: stuff happened you'll have to agree to forget or talk about Buster: Don't hate me again, okay? Ever Rio: I never did, not really Rio: but I'm not going either, alright Buster: Yeah, don't Buster: There's nobody here that's Rio: That's what? Buster: It just feels like there's no one here but me Rio: You're just far away Rio: from real people Rio: and people who really know you Rio: but you're okay, I've got you Buster: I don't want that anymore Rio: What do you want? Buster: Things that are real Rio: Let's make that happen then Rio: we'll find real things for you Buster: You're real for me though Rio: Yeah Rio: Just 'cos we have to be apart for a bit, doesn't mean it's gotta be how it's always been Rio: I can talk to you all the time, be so annoying, I swear Buster: You're so cute, I swear Rio: Shh Rio: you Buster: No, 'cause you are & you don't know Rio: You're so sweet to me Buster: Not as sweet as I wanna be Buster: I don't know how to do that Rio: Well I like you Rio: I can always teach you Buster: You never did teach me how to kiss so Rio: You still want lessons, baby? Buster: Don't tell me I need 'em Rio: I don't think so but you sound like you're still bitter about it Rio: plenty other things I can show you Buster: Bitter ain't the word, don't worry Rio: Kid didn't stick around to dare us to try again, like Buster: He wanted your first kiss that's why Buster: Didn't reckon on me having it Rio: I'm glad it was you Rio: not gonna forget your name, like Buster: 😂 Rio: Serious Rio: got enough regrets since Buster: They'll motivate you if I can't Rio: you reckon Buster: 'Course Buster: Gotta keep doing better Rio: Yeah Rio: 'til what? Rio: what's the end goal? Buster: It's never over, you can always improve from where you were or get somewhere else you wanna be Rio: I guess so Buster: You calling bullshit? Rio: Nah Rio: Just thinking Buster: What? Rio: Just about what I want Rio: what I don't Buster: If you're about to dump me, you've really picked your moment, babe Rio: Shut up Rio: no Buster: Like cheers for letting me have these last few days first but Rio: 😂 Rio: Stop Rio: like you're getting off that easy Buster: You know you can get me off very easy, that's why I want you to stay Rio: 😏 Rio: touche Rio: and works for me Buster: Works on you too, everything I do for you Rio: You know you make me feel good, baby Buster: Better than good Rio: Yes Rio: happy Buster: You make me feel happy too Rio: Good, that's all I want Buster: Nothing else? Are you sure? Rio: Well Rio: if you're offering Buster: I am Buster: What do you want? Rio: Just you Rio: and you and more you Buster: I told you, you're fucking cute Rio: I just like you Buster: You're making me blush Rio: You're making me miss you so fucking much Rio: the cutest Buster: [sends pics of his cute face] Rio: 😍 Rio: you're unreal Rio: and mine Buster: I wanna kiss you so badly right now Buster: All these girls here & none of them are you Rio: It's so rude and unfair Rio: your lips are so soft Buster: I'm not gonna stop there Buster: Your skin is flawless Buster: My mouth needs to be on all of it Rio: Are you gonna be gentle? Buster: At first Rio: Buster Buster: I just like you too Rio: I know Rio: Be back soon Rio: okay Buster: Okay Rio: We're gonna have the best summer Buster: I promise Rio: 😊 Rio: we should go away somewhere else Buster: Where do you wanna go? Rio: Hmm Rio: anywhere hot Rio: the less clothes you need the better Buster: Fine, I admit you have the best ideas Rio: 😏 Rio: THANK YOU Buster: Don't shout at me Buster: So rude Rio: How could I Rio: being 'round you, making me forget my manners, I reckon Buster: You've gotta be a good girl Buster: Angelic like Buster: Who else is gonna balance me out Rio: Only for you Rio: 'cos you ask so nice Buster: Yeah, nobody else Buster: You're my baby, not theirs Rio: I'm so ridiculously yours Rio: I don't need nobody else Rio: or nothing Buster: I'll make sure you don't Buster: Give you everything Rio: I know you will Rio: you do Buster: Tell me I can get on a plane too & meet you there Rio: Is this a test Rio: of how good I am Rio: 'cos 😩 Buster: It's just what I want Rio: Me too Rio: you're fucking addictive Rio: actually Rio: sounds so cringe for how real it feels Buster: I can't tell anyone even if you said the most embarrassing shit ever uttered Buster: But that's not Buster: It's accurate Rio: Keep it in mind Rio: I still fucking feel you but not enough Rio: just aches Buster: Me too Rio: No matter how many times I make myself cum, I'm still craving you Buster: That's the hottest thing & also exactly how I feel Rio: Kinda never want this plane to land Rio: unless it's back with you, obviously Rio: real life is the worst Buster: If you don't land you can't open your present though Rio: that's true Rio: I should probably sleep but I don't wanna Buster: Dream about me Buster: That was real life too & it was the best Rio: I like sleeping with you Buster: Get on the phone, I'll tell you a story Rio: If you get any more daddy you're actually gonna have to put a kid in me Rio: warning you, like Buster: I'm keeping up with you, going home to be such a MILF Rio: 😂 Rio: you're just too fucking hot Rio: it's dangerous Buster: Don't worry baby, I'll keep you safe Rio: Stop Rio: or Imma come back and fuck up your whole life Rio: 😏 Buster: Come back & be my whole life Rio: 😍 Rio: I swear to GOD, boy Buster: Swear to me, you know you want to Rio: Fuck Rio: just fuck me Rio: fuck my whole life Buster: [calls her so he can sorry everyone] Rio: [either making this flight very interesting or very long for everyone else lmao] Buster: [at least she's not in business class that's just pervy men but she could've got that promo tho] Rio: [pass a bowl round] Buster: [lol imagine] Rio: [better leave this ‘fore an ily slip]

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justmickeyfornow · 6 years

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Ok so... I'm not rich but I'm not poor either. I have a comfortable life. Always had food on my plate, etc. I'm gay and it's a "secret" (my family doesn't know) And today, I woke up depressed. Almost 2 years ago someone broke my heart when they dumped me and it made me go into a depression spiral that just got me crazy and made me want to kill myself. Every now and then I think of them, check their social media etc and this morning I woke up feeling alone and lonely. And I just don't know :(

Not sure if I’m the best person to give advice out there, but I guess I could give it a try :)

Here’s what mostly works for me. The magic fix to all of this is just to fill your time. It worked for me and maybe it’ll work for you too. Don’t let yourself have the privilege of too much free time. Because that's your biggest enemy. The more free time you have, the more you’ll be thinking and overthinking shit. You’re either studying or you have a job right? Well the rest of those hours in the day try to fill them. Work on a project. Go to the gym. Hang out with some people. Read a book. Read Fanfiction!! Learn chess. Learn how to code (this is what I’m trying to do lately. So far, it’s fun! You should try it).

Actually the gym thing might be one of the most things that was able to keep my mind off of all the scary stuff. It’s the reason I started going to begin with. I had a lot on my mind, I was going a bit crazy and I hated sitting there and thinking about it at home. So I went for a jog and it took my mind off of it a bit. Next thing I knew, I was signing for a gym membership and going everyday ever since. It’s a huge stress reliever. Even if you’re not the type to go, do it anyway. I even pushed myself so far that I got one of those expensive memberships (That I really really couldn’t afford) just so that I would guilt myself into going everyday. And so far, I haven’t thought about that incident that shall not be talked about (scary harry potter style voice) in a long while (crap, I just thought about it now.....).

Do something that you’re good at and that you love. You’re good at drawing? Go fucking draw your heart out! Writing? Write stories until the end of time. Dancing? Singing? Playing a musical instrument? Whatever it is, do it. And there’s no such thing as “I’m not really good at anything”. So I better not hear you saying that. There’s always something that you’re really good at. Not perfect. Just good. Because if you’re just good at something, then eventually you’ll want to make it better and better until you get as close to perfect as possible. I had a friend once that lived her whole life with the notion that she wasn’t good at anything. She’s 23 and last year me and her found out - accidentally - that she can do math in her head in lightning speed. I randomly asked her what’s 12x32 and she did it in her head in less than two minutes, no pen no paper. And she was just as surprised as I was. She apparently thought everybody could do that (God knows I can’t!). So find something you’re good at and fill your time with it. I always complain about writing for Paranoia Incarnated, but the truth is it takes my mind off of the billion things that I’d rather not think about.

Social media. There's absolutely nothing wrong with cutting off from social media. Sit down and really think about it: When you browse through a certain social media account/page/thingy (I don’t even know what’s it called? I’m not really good at that stuff), what do you normally feel? Is it depression? Numbness? Endless scrolling of nothing? Jealousy? Then just delete it. It's so easy to delete an account its crazy that not more people do it. If you feel happy. You read things that make you smile. You rant about characters you like. Squeal at drawings someone drew. Smile at a cat picture. Then keep it.

As for being tempted to check up on that person that hurt you. Now, I personally believe in the opposite of Exposure therapy (concealment therapy?). If something bothers me or tends to stir up negative feelings in me, then I just make it disappear as best as I can. If it's a real person, I avoid them. If it's someone online then I block them. If it's someone I'm following, then I just unfollow them. If it's a situation, then I make sure I’m never put in a similar situation again. Yes, I know, not really a healthy thing to do. But, again, I’m a crazy person and healthy is not really something I’m very good at. So, if you really wanna go down my slippery slope, then just either unfollow or block the URL that takes you to her page. It’ll give you some peace of mind. Whenever you’re tempted to check up on her, then just get up and do something else. Open up Paranoia Incarnated and read the fluffy happy moments! There’s an idea! (Suggestions from PI? The pancakes for dinner conversation. Two penguins getting married at the zoo. Kara taking a nap for the first time in Lena’s office which is also the first time she tells Lena she’s beautiful. Leia’s chapter! The famous scotch cookies (I love this chapter!) and last but definitely not least because I was laughing my ass off while writing it: Lena trying to tap her head and rub her stomach and failing miserably!)

Now, let’s talk music. Choose one song that calms you down. Think of one song or one singer that every time you hear, you feel your mind drift from what you were doing just to properly listen to that song. Choose one singer whose voice can literally stop you from having a panic attack. Now, convince yourself that once you hear that song/singer that you'll be alright. I swear to God it works. If it didn't work for me I wouldn't recommend it. But it works for me.

Eden is that singer for me. I have a few songs for him that if I feel like I'm having an anxiety attack or any sort of scary nervous breakdown, I can put on my headphones and just play one of his songs and it’s like I could breathe again. If you’re interested in Eden, let me know and I’ll recommend which songs you should listen to first.

(Also, here’s a link to the Paranoia Incarnated Spotify playlist. There’re some songs on there that might help too.)

Speaking of music, your ask actually reminded me of this song that I adore. Put some headphones, close your eyes and listen to it. I have a feeling it might help ya out!

youtube

As for suicide. The only reason you're thinking about it is because you're keeping it as an option. I'm a practical person. I like to keep things practical. And simply not having suicide as an option can change your whole mindset.

Think of it like a bridge with water underneath it that you have to cross. This bridge is long and old and rusty and just slowly falling apart. But you have to get across no matter what. The water underneath is calm so it’s possible to swim there but it would still be hard. Both options are difficult but still both are possible. The third option is simple. Easy. You could just fly to the other side. Except you can’t. Because it’s impossible. It’s not an option. So you don’t think about it when you’re faced with the situation of crossing the bridge. Therefore you’re left with the other two options: cross the bridge on foot, even though you might fall down and get hurt. Or swim there, even though it would be extremely tiring and exhausting and time consuming and just plain difficult. But in the end you don’t have the option of flying.

Same goes with suicide. Don’t keep it as an option in your life, and you won’t think of it. Pretend that it’s impossible to suicide. Pretend that it just doesn’t exist. You do that, and I guarantee you won’t think about it as much.

There's no such thing as a permanent problem. Keep that in mind. Whatever you're feelings are towards this girl now, chances are they're gonna change in a couple of years.

I know you don't wanna hear this, but the truth is you're probably gonna go through so much worse to a point that this problem would seem like a walk in the park. And if you've really grown, you wouldn't think of suicide then either. Because you'd realize that you got over that first problem that once upon a time seemed like the worst thing you could go through. You actually got over it. You survived it. And you'll smile and think that you'll get over this too.

There’s also nothing wrong with feeling lonely. I wish I had a fix for you, but I still haven’t figured that one out yet. I tend to just ignore it (I’m starting to realize I live life by simply ignoring many many things. Maybe not the healthiest thing in the world....) As soon as I feel myself drowning in that feeling I simply get up. Do something. Anything. Go do the dishes. Hell, I sometimes get down and do 20 pushups to get my mind off of it (That usually works, seeing that once I reach 12 pushups I’m practically dead). Actually the pushups thing also acts as a sort of response treatment. Your mind will slowly realize that everytime it feels negative feelings you start torturing it with pushups and it stops pushing negative feelings towards you. Does that make any sense? I feel like that might not be the healthiest option. Maybe consult an expert? I dunno. I sometimes do it and it helps me, but I’m just a crazy person so I what do I know.

Other random things that I’ve done that were extremely helpful in changing my mindset:

1. Drink fruit water! Yup! I know it sounds ridiculous, but it kinda works. Grab one of those big water bottles that you take with you to the gym. Cut up a lemon (I prefer half a lemon), an orange, a cucumber, and some mint. Stuff them in there and fill it with water. It actually tastes pretty good. And it washes away the toxins in your body.

2. Dark chocolate! Not only is it healthy, but it releases dopamine (the little beautiful trigger in your brain that makes you happy) and increases your serotonin levels (the little beautiful trigger in your brain that makes you calm).

3. DRINK TEA!! I CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN HOW MUCH HAPPIER IT MAKES YOU. IT’S PERFECT. IT’S GORGEOUS. IT’S TASTY. IT’S JUST..... *SIGH*

4. Buy a bulletin board. Put it up in your room and go crazy with it. Pin up your goals. Projects. Your resolutions. Whatever it is. Make sure it’s on that board so you could see it every single day.

5. Smile a lot.

I dunno if any of this is helpful. But most of this stuff worked for me so I’m hoping it’ll work for you. Just read a lot of fanfiction, spice up your life with some smutty ones too and you’ll soon forget about that girl.

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d-noona · 4 years

Text

MAKE OVER

Chapter 8: Saturday Night

Jung Hoseok x Reader

Reader as Kang Hyeonji

SUMMARY: When Kang Hyeonji transformed herself into a striking redhead, the entire male population of Seoul stood up and took notice. But her make over was for Jung Hoseok’s benefit alone. He began to show interest in the new look but not in the way she wanted. Suddenly he was over-protective, perhaps a little jealous. It seemed that the idea of having a relationship with her couldn’t be further from his mind. The girl however wants more. So it was time for an ultimatum. If Hoseok didn’t want Hyeonji to lose her virginity to another admirer, he had no option but to make love to her himself.

Hyeonji could not concentrate on her work. How could she, with Choon Hee besieging her with suggestions from the moment she arrived at work on Monday morning and spied the newly made-over Hyeonji.

Choon Hee's main advice was directed at Hyeonji's choice of clothing for the big night. The trouble was, she changed her mind every day. On Monday she insisted Hyeonji buy black. Lace, preferably. Black lace was so-o-o sexy!

Hyeonji didn't think she could carry off black lace and told Choon Hee as much. So on Tuesday Han Byeol came to the office and butted heads with Choon Hee, they now moved into getting Hyeonji a red satin...before they realised red would clash horribly with Hyeonji's new hair color.

From Wednesday to Friday the girls went through every possible color in the rainbow, plus every possible style from strapless and sexy to tight and slinky, then finally to white and virginal.

This last, desperate idea was an attempt at reverse psychology, since Tinashe would never dress in such fashion. Hyeonji was glad to leave work on Friday afternoon, having informed her avid friends thay she would simply buy something that suited and flattered her. Choon Hee had pulled a face before pressing the solemn promise from Hyeonji that she would finally wear the perfume she and Han Byeol got for her on her birthday.

"And buy yourself some drop earrings," had been Han Byeol's last hurrah. "I was watching this body language expert on television the other day and he said dangling earrings projected highly sexual messages on some subtly primitive basis. Apparently there's this tribe in Africa where women stretch their earlobes with heavy rings and weights. The ones with the longest earlobes are considered the sexiest, so the longer the earrings the better."

Choon Hee laughed out loud yet nodded to have Hyeonji wear some drop earrings for more appeal. Hyeonji had sighed and agreed to wear long, dangling earrings as well as the perfume.

Saturday dawned slightly overcast but the sun came out during Hyeonji's short train trip up to the shopping center. The forecast that morning had predicted twenty-eight degrees, average for their small little town in March. Fortunately, the humidity was low so Hyeonji would mot have to worry about perspiration ruining whatever dress she bought.

She arrived just as the shops opened, her mother's gift of five hundred and forty-five dollars tucked safely in her purse. Four hours later her mission was finally accomplished, and her purse was pretty empty. Hyeonji could hardly contain her excitement on the train ride home, hugging the parcels on her lap.

She would never have thought she could look so good, or sexy. Of course, it was to be seen what Hoseok would think of her, but she could never reproach herself for not pulling out all the stops. She hurried home from the station, puffing a little as she struggled up hill with her bags. It was one thirty and Hoseok's car was nowhere in sight. His mother was, though, Mrs Jung waving from where she was attending to her pot-plants on the front porch.

"Been shopping for tonight dear?" She called out, her smile bright just like her son. Hyeonji was grateful to stop for a minute. "Yes, Mrs Jung. I've been very extravagant," she confessed rather breathlessly. "New dress. New shoes. New everything, actually."

"Oh you must come in and show me. I'd love to see them," says Mrs Jung. Hyeonji hesitated, then glanced back down the hill. She didn't want to be caught by Hoseok coming home. She didn't want him to see her today until she was ready.

"Don't worry," Mrs Jung said "Hobi's not due. He has to work all day today. He just rang to say he'd get ready down and arrive straight to your place. Come in. You can have a cool drink while you're at it. You look hot."

Hyeonji was hot, but it wan't from the shopping. Suddenly, tonight was all too real. It was also her last chance. If nothing came tonight with Hoseok then she would give up all hope. Total failure was less than a few hours away.

"What lovely dress!" Mrs Jung exclaimed when Hyeonji drew the silk bit of nothing out of the bag. Mrs Jung held up the clothing "Oh yes, that's just the thing." She chuckled delightedly.

"You're certainly going to make that boy of mine sit up and take notice in that dress, aren't you my dear?" Hyeonji's eyes rounded at Hoseok's mother, who gave her a softly knowing smile in return. "You think I haven't guessed all these years that you're in love with my son?"

"I...I..."

"You don't have to say a thing. Just listen. Hoseok does not love Tinashe. She is, however, a beautiful and clever girl who panders to his not inconsiderable ego and knows exactly how to handle him." Hyeonji was all ears as Hoseok's mother went on. She'd been riveted from the moment Mrs Jung had said Hoseok didn't love Tinashe.

"I know my son very well, Hyeonji. I know his strengths and weaknesses. Basically, he is a good, kind, loving boy, but he has an obsessive workaholic personality with a one-track mind. I'm sure you've seen evidence of this yourself. I used to have to set an alarm clock next to his computer to get him to school reasonably on time. When he becomes absorbed in a project nothing can distract him, not even his male needs, which I might add are as strong as any other normal red-blooded man's."

This wasn't any news to Hyeonji. She'd seen the trail of girlfriends, all of them not exactly the types you just talked to on a date.

"You think Hoseok has only ever been attracted to the most beautiful girls," his mother went on. "That he's like a moth drawn only to the brightest of flames."

"Well, his girlfriends have all been stunners, Mrs Jung." Hyeonji pointed out.

"True. So I suppose if I said it was their personalities which won him you would be sceptical?" Mrs Jung chuckled.

Hyeonji laughed.

"I understand your cynicism. Nevertheless, what I am saying is true. The only girls who've attracted Hobi have been the ones who had enough confidence in themselves to break through his absent-minded nature and force him to notice them. I have no doubt most of them approached him first, made none too subtle passes and flirted with him outrageously in order to win him away from his other, all-consuming passion."

"Naturally, the only girls who have such a degree of confidence are usually very beautiful ones which gives them that added edge. Once they have Hoseok's attention, they have the equipment to ensnare his sexual desire as well. Even so, he usually tires of them rather quickly. Either that or they themselves become frustrated with his tendency to forget dates, and they leave the relationship of their own accord."

Hyeonji intensely listening and nodding to every word Mrs Jung had to tell her, felt like having a fairy god mother by her side.

"Tinashe, however, has hung in there. I think she must be very good in bed. I also think she knows Hoseok's net worth and wants to hitch her wagon to a star. I suspect this so-called trial separation is suppose to frustrate Hoseok enough for him to agree to marry her. I don't know if it will work. I sincerely hope not, because she does not love my son and it will make him miserable in the end. He doesn't believe in divorce, you see. Hoseok needs someone who truly loves and understands him. In short , Hyeonji, he needs you."

Hyeonji was speechless.

"You have the perfect opportunity to put a spanner in Tinashe's work tonight, my dear," Mrs Jung continued in a conspiratorial voice. "But you must be bold. And daring. Make him notice you, in more ways than one. Flirt with him. Let him know you want him. You do want him don't you?"

All Hyeonji could do was nod.

"Then go after him, with as much cunning and ruthless as Tinashe did. In short SEDUCE him."

Seduce him?

Hyeonji went home with those daunting words ringing in her ears. How did an inexperienced virgin seduce a man like Jung Hoseok? According to his own mother, he'd had coubtless sexy, beautiful women do just that and do it superbly! What chance did she, Kang Hyeonji, have?

Made-over she might be, but that was only a skin-deep transformation. Inside, she was still a quiet, reserved kind of girl. Basically, she was not bold. Or daring.

Okay, so she'd spoken up for herself a few times recently, but only in private and with people she knew well. The thought of openly flirting with Hobi in a very public place at a well-attended formal dinner sent frenetic butterflies fluttering around in her stomach.

At six-thirty she still found those butterflies still in full flight. Yet her reflection in the dressing-table mirror went some way boosting that confidence Hoseok's mother had insisted she find. Outrageously long, the green crystal drops hung nearly to her shoulders, swaying seductively whenever she moved. They've been worth every cent of the fifty dollars they'd cost.

"Oh Hyeonji, you look gorgeous."

Hyeonji swung around at her mother's voice, the A-line skirt of her dark green silk dress flaring out before settling into more discreet folds against her thighs. Not that a skirt that short could ever be discreet. It ended a good five inches above her knees. When combined with the four-inch heels of her strappy, bronze-colored Jimmy Choo's shoes she looked all leg.

"Do you think so, Mom?" Hyeonji was desperate of reassurance, her own eyes not to be trusted. Zil's admiring gaze traveled from her daughter's shimmering hair, down to her perfectly made-up face, past the flamboyant earrings and finally to the little sexy dress which showed off Hyeonji's recently reshaped curves to perfection.

The low, scooped neckline hinted at a very adequate and perfectly natural cleavage, the tight bodice nipped-in waistline showing that Hyeonji could rival Scarlett Johanssen in the hourglass figure department, and with out the help of a corset.

"Turn around," her mother said. "Let me see the back again."

Hyeonji did so a little tentatively. She knew the lace-up back was daring, exposing a deep section of creamy flesh right down her back to her waist. This was part of the style of course, but it precluded the wearing of bra, even a strapless one. The only underwear Hyeonji had on, in fact, was an expensive set of lace silk panties.

Hyeonji turned back to find her mother frowning slightly. "What's wrong?" She asked, panicking. "Do you think the neckline is too bare? Should I wear a necklace instead of these earrings?"

Zil smiled reassuringly. "Not at all. Those earrings are perfect. No. I was just hoping everything turns out right for you tonight."

Hyeonji scooped in a steadying breath. "I do too..."

Zil came forward to take her daughter's hands in hers. "Whatever happens, you look absolutely beautiful."

"Thank you Mom." Hyeonji smiled at her mother fondly.

"You smell lovely too. What's that perfume you're wearing?" Zil tilts her head in curiosity. "It's the one Choon Hee and Han Byeol have me for my birthday. It's called....SEDUCTRESS."

Zil's eyebrows shot up. Mother and daughter looked at each other, then laughed. "Let's hope it has a secret ingredient," Hyeonji said, shaking her head ruefully, "because I think I'm going to need it."

"You'll do fine my love. Just be your sweet lovely self and Hoseok will be enchanted." Now Hyeonji felt confused. She had Hoseok's mother telling her to be a vamp, her own advising the natural approach she had an awful feeling neither would work. The only time she'd had a real response from Hobi was when he'd been jealous of Mr X.

Maybe that was the way to go. Mr X had been very useful so far...Hyeonji had been speculating on how shw could use Mr X to further advantage tonight when the doorbell rang. Her stomach immediately crampedm oh, dear heaven.

"That will be Hoseok," her mother whispered. "I won't come to the door. Say I'm in the bath or something. If he has those papers for me, just put them on the hall table. Oh and don't worry about how late ypu get home. I won't. In fact i won't worry too much if you don't come home at all."

Hyeonji's hazel brown eyes rounded at this amazingly broad-minded mother she'd suddenly acquired. "Mum," she said. "I'm shocked but I love you for being so understabding. Still, I think you'll find I'll be home soon after midnight like a good little Cinderella."

"I don't know about that," Zil said wryly with another glance at her striking-looking daughter. "Now off you go," she added when the doorbell rang the second time.

Hyeonji picked up the bronze clutch purse which matched her shoes and made her way carefully downstairs, taking her time lest she trip over in her new high heels. Be confident, she kept telling herself as she approached the front door. And bold. And daring.

Schooling her face into a cool smile, she swung open the door, prepare to accept Hoseok's surprised admiration as though it were the most natural thing in the world. Unfortunately, she hadn't prepared herself for being confronted with Hoseok standing there looking blistering handsome in a superbly tailored black dinner suit.

Most men looked good when dressed in a tux.

Hoseok however was breath taking.

She stood there in speechless admiration of his beauty and missed his initial reaction to her own appearance by the time she recovered sufficiently to look into his eyes he was shaking his head at her with a mildly rueful reproach.

"I can see this is going to be a long and difficult night."

Hyeonji was taken aback. Did he like the way she looked or not? "What do you mean?"

"You know very well what I meant you minx, my God, are you wearing any underwear at all under that excuse of a dress?" Hoseok says.

Hyeonji blushed and bristled at the same time "I'm only following your suggestions. You told me you don't like women who wear pants."

His shocked brown eyes zoomed to where the hem of her skirt ended at mid-thigh. Hyeonji rolled her own eyes. "That's not what I meant. I do have pantyhose on with built in panties," she said dryly. "I was talking about my wearing a dress and not pants suit."

"Oh, that's a dress you're almost wearing, is it? I thought it was a left-over from a lingerie party." Hoseok added furiously.

"Very funny. Truly, Hobi, you're acting like some over-protective big brother, though I don't know why. You never have before." Hyeonji getting all frustrated as Hoseok answers back. "Well you've never looked like THIS before."

"Is that a compliment or an insult?" She replied. "It could be a damned problem." Says Hoseok.

"I don't see how," she said airily. But she wasn't as thick as she was making out, and the reality of Hoseok's brooding reactions thrilled her to bits. He was perturbed by how she looked. And really jealous of any other man she might attract tonight.

His own mother's words popped into her mind. "Go after him, with as much cunning and ruthless as Tinashe did..."

"So," Hyeonji went on, twirling around and mercilessly pretending she had no idea of the effect the back of the dress would have on him. "Will I knock 'em dead at dinner?"

"I don't know about the others," he growled, grabbing her wrist to stop her from twirling around again "but I'm in my grave already."

She feigned a flustered frown. "But I'm not talking about you, Hobi. I was thinking of all those successful and possibly available businessmen at this dinner night."

Hoseok glared at her. "So that's why you changed your mind about partnering me tonight? Because you want to parade yourself for other men's eyes, like you're in some kind of meat market?"

"Well...I wouldn't put it quite crudely. And I'm really only interested in ONE man's eyes." Hyeonji only meant she wasn't the sort of girl who played the field, but immediately Hoseok took it the wrong way.

"One man?" He frowned, then scowled. "Oh my God. Don't tell me your infernal Mr X is going to be in this bloody dinner tonight!" He bit out.

Hyeonji tried not to color guiltily, but failed. For the first, the use of Mr X had backfired on her. "Damn it Hyeonji!" Hoseok exploded. "You should have told me."

"Why? Would you have refused to take me if I'd said he was going to be there?" She asked, even while her mind raced Mr X simply had to be disposed of once and for all, she decided he'd been very useful up till now, but suddenly he was beginning to get in the way.

Hoseok opened his mouth to say something, then snapped it shut again. "It's and irrelevant question anyway," Hyeonji went on swiftly. "Because Mr X is NOT going to be there. Mr X has been wiped from the planet from this moment onward. I've decided to take your advice Hobi, and move on. This is me moving on. Now, do you think WE might move on and get going? Or do you want to be late and make a grand entrance?"

"With moving-on-Hyeonji by my side?" He mocked. "Heck, no. I'd prefer to slink in the back door."

"There's no pleasing you tonight, is there?" She snapped as she stepped outside and banged the door shut behind her. "I only did everything you told me to do. I happen to think I look very nice."

Hoseok gripped her nearest elbow and began urging her along the path. It set her crystal earrings swinging, along with her unfettered breasts. She kept her eyes straight ahead but had a feeling Hobi was staring daggers at her highly mobile bust. She hadn't realized till that moment what substantial movement did to bra less breasts. Ones of her size, that was.

"Nice is a very ineffectual word to describe how you look tonight" Hoseok muttered. Hyeonji extracted her arm from his grip once they reached the passenger door of his car. "So how would you describe how I look?" She challenged.

His brown eyes blazed as he yanked open the door and waved her inside. Not a word passed his lips while she lowered herself into the seat, but his eyes spoke volumes when they dropped to take note of the way her skirt rode up dangerously high when she sat down.

"Provocative" he snarled at last, then banged the door shut.

"Good" she snapped back, once he'd settle himself behind the wheel. "That's exactly the look i was looking for tonight."

Hyeonji dropped her purse into her lap, noting with some dismay that the smallish bag covered almost half of the minuscule skirt. Had she gone too far with the dress? She wanted to attract Hoseok, not revolt him. She'd had no idea he could be such a prude. He certainly wasn't around Tinashe. Good God, some of the gear that girl wore was downright disgusting.

Still...at least she did have his attention that was something. Pulling the seat belt out, she was in the process of buckling herself into place when Hoseok's hand shot out and gripped her chin she gasped when he wrenched her face around this way, then gasped again when his mouth was suddenly covering hers.

His lips pressed down hard, insistent in their demand for surrender she yielded more from shock than any immediate passion. Her lips fell apart again his tongue plunged deep into her mouth. Her whimpering moan seemed to snap him back to the reality pf his quite savage kiss, for his head whipped back abruptly, his eyes widening. She just stared at him, the back of her left hand coming up to cover her still stunned mouth.

He groaned and shook his head, clearly appalled at himself. "I'm sorry Hyeonji. I don't know what got into me." Hyeonji didn't believe him. He knew darned well why he'd done what he'd done. By adopting ignorance of his very male actions he was throwing the ball in her court. How she acted now would set the tone for the whole evening.

Her hand trembling slightly, she removed it from her mouth and reached out towards him, letting it come to a shaky rest against his cheek. She twisted and leaned towards him till her mouth was only inches away from his. "I'm not," she whispered, and made the momentous decision to close those inches.

His shock was even greater than hers had been. For a few excruciating moments his mouth froze under kiss. Hyeonji hesitated herself. Good God, if he wrenched his mouth away, what would she do? Impossible to laugh it off. She would utterly be crushed.

Don't be tentative, came the voice of desperation. Be bold! Be daring!

She lifted her mouth from his and smiled. "What's the matter, Hobi? Haven't you been kissed back by a girl before?"

He didn't say a word, just kept staring at her as if she were a stranger. Sighing, she dropped her hand away from his face and settled herself back in the passenger seat. If nothing else, she'd taken the initiative and salvaged her pride.

"It's not that," he growled as he fired the engine. "Let's be honest, Hyeonji. It's not me you really want to be kissing anyway is it? Look I won't say you're not a temptation, looking as you look tonight. But might I also remind you that I'm supposed to be getting back with my girlfriend tomorrow? I don't like complications in my life, and if I don't watch you might become a complication. So let's just keep our old status quo going, if you don't mind. We're good friends. Nothing more. I'm sorry I kissed you just now. I promise you it won't happen again."

Hyeonji bit her bottom lip and turned her face away to stare through the passenger window. Her immediate response to Hoseok's words was to sink back into herself and oblivion. Underneath, she'd expected failure, hadn't she? Game, set and match to Tinashe.

But is seemed her new appearance had imbued her with more confidence in herself that she would ever have believed. Or maybe it was everyone else's confidence in her. Whatever, her mind gradually turned more positive, clinging to the fact that Hoseok hadn't mentioned Tinashe as his first excuse for backing away. His initial withdrawal had been because he thought she didn't really want to be kissing him. He mistakenly thought he was just a substitute for Mr X.

Hyeonji's frustration was acute. She heartily wished she'd never invented Hoseok's mysterious alter ego. She toyed with telling Hoseok the truth during the tensely silent drive down to the event. That he was Mr X, that she was crazy about him and would do anything for him.

But by the time Hoseok turned into the club car park ten short minutes later she'd abandoned that idea. It smacked too much desperation and would send any man running the opposite direction. No, her mission tonight was to seduce Hoseok, not openly declare her undying devotion.

Tomorrow several hours away and she aimed to make the most of them. Now, what worked best for her this past week or so?

Jealousy...

Not over Mr X this time, she decided. Over some other man. Hyeonji hoped and prayed there would be a suitable candidate at this dinner tonight, and that he would find her as provocative as Hoseok had...

Chapter 09

Masterlist

#BTS #BANGTANSONYEONDAN #BTSJHOPE #JHOPE #JUNGHOSEOK #JUNGHOBI #HOBIXREADER #JUNGHOSEOKXREADER #JHOPEXREADER #MAKEOVER #bts facebook #BTSROMANTICFANFIC

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