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thinkinboutkiribaku · 4 years

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part I, part II,

part III

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Back home, Katsuki felt like all he wanted was to let himself fall on something soft and not move for another hours. He hadn't expected school to be this tiring after only one half assed day, but above else it was his heart that went into some rough trial. It felt like a roller coaster but it'll become manageable after a while somehow… After all, he'd been dragging these feelings for a while now.

He was used to these 2am & 2pm emo sessions now. And they were fucking pathetic. Get a grip for fuck's sake.

As he finally let himself fall on the living room sofa, face muffled by pillows and comfy blanket ; he felt something hard unpleasantly in the way. As he muttered about having to get up against his will, he found the object of his discomfort was a pile of paper bind together, wrapped in an ugly sky blue cover bearing cheesy lines for a title. Katsuki recognized the heaviness of a drama script.

"Hey, what the fuck is this ?" he growled as he started flipping through the pages.

Because there was sounds of kitchen utensils clashing together coming from the corridor, Katsuki had to grunt some more because his body considered it too much of an effort to move from the comfortable sofa. At some point, his mother finally passed her head from the door frame.

"What is it, can't you use your legs !"

"What's that."

"You don't know ? It came from the postal service today."

"I said I was taking a break though."

"Do whatever you want, but don't turn your back to good opportunity. This is mrs Park's work, she's renowned for her cinematic work, I was really surprised someone like her would be interested in someone like you for her new drama."

"Shut up, I'm plenty mesmerizing.". She slapped the back of his head.

"Try to get a look at the full story, it could be really interesting for your career. And it might be more fulfilling for you than your previous roles.", she sighed.

"Hey, Ground Zero's the best fucking role !"

"Stop wasting your talent in stupid tv drama and work a bit more on those brat expression!"

He stuck his tongue at her, which she retaliated before leaving for the kitchen. Katsuki sighed, letting the upper of his body fall on the ground while his legs were getting tangled in the sheets. There was close to no chance he was taking that role. Still, he kept going through the dialogue pages. From what he caught up, the story's was about some dumb boy fighting and skipping school, on some stupid identity quest or whatever. Fucking boring.

And yet…

Around the last pages, some scenes sparked off his attention, and after reading thoroughly the honey covered outcome he gazed into the white void of the ceiling.

Then he sighed, before getting up in direction of the kitchen.

"I'll do it if it doesn't take on school schedules," he announced while taking a bite of the snacks lying on the table. "Tell' em."

"Can't you ask yourself."

" You're the one that insisted", he took another bite.

"I'll see for you- hey ! Stop eating before dinner," she went to flick the back of his head as Katsuki shoved the rest of the food in his mouth hastily.

"The fuck, cook faster then- Argh", she put one of her arm around his neck and squeezed hard.

"Smell these good vegetables I'm making and stay put, alright brat ! Huff. And what made you change your opinion about the drama anyway ?"

"Nothing, let me go, the fuck !"

"I didn't know you could show a tender heart under all these spikes. You better not half-ass this, you understand brat !"

"Shut up, the fuck, I- !", he untied himself from his mother's grip. "I won't, shit… "

Katsuki could only stand his mother looking at him, trying to read his words through his eyes, for a few seconds before kicking the door open and leaving. She could be awfully good at it sometimes, and he didn't want her noisy comments on that.

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"That was fast, I thought you weren't doing anything new for a while…." Kirishima said, flipping through the blue sky scenario, and Katsuki could hear his tone trying to hide some uneasiness.

"Don't whine, I'm still going to school."

"I wasn't whining !" he retorted, "… but it's cool if you still come to school."

Katsuki hummed as he corrected another equation. Tonight was supposed to be another study night, but Kirishima seemed interested in anything but their notebook. The fuck did he come here for even.

"It's not really your kind though… There's like, no explosion, no action, no guns, no chase… Hey, why'd you chose it ?"

"None of your fucking business, give it !", Katsuki said, forcefully taking the script from Kirishima's hand.

"Hey! Usually, you let me read your stuff", the red hair pouted, rolling on the bed.

"Yeah, well I'm supposed to tutor your dumbass right now, so get back to work", he kicked Kirishima's head that was hanging from his bed with his pen.

It wasn't really mean to be a secret, but Katsuki still preferred for Kirishima to not read all the scenario before he showed it to him.

"But I can't anymore ! My brain's turning into batter", the red hair whined, letting his body fall from the bed. "A bit more and I'm falling asleep right here."

"Well you can just sleep here later, so get the fuck back to work."

"But I can't tonight …"

"Why not, you live just next door."

"Yeah but, I don't wanna let granny alone... She says she feels weak lately so the manly thing to do is to help her, y'know. ", Kirishima slightly lowered his face, eyes darkening all of a sudden.

Katsuki turned around to find Kirishima's gaze. He could be so easy to read on some instance, but Katsuki learnt there was a lot of feelings kept hiding under these smiles. Nevertheless, Kirishima was earnest at heart and his eyes couldn't lie. And right now they seemed agitated. Red seeing red, Katsuki looked through his beclouded eyes and wondered when was the last time Kirishima last talked about his family's struggles, apart from that time in elementary. He frowned a bit at that memory.

"B-but it's nothing much though, just- Huh, what are you doing now ?"

"There's this girl on set, she gave me these", Katsuki said after seeking through his belongings, throwing small packets to Kirishima.

"What do you do with these ?"

"They're fucking face mask Kirishima, what you gonna do ? Fucking eat them ?" Kirishima giggled. "Now come on, Yuriko's (his granny) gonna love them."

"Shouldn't you warn your mom ?" Kirishima said, confused but smiling softly, as he followed Katsuki onto his balcony.

"Who cares, I'll just send her a text or whatever."

Self-aware much, Katsuki knew that amongst his many qualities, he wasn't really the best positivity and encouragement advisor. And that was fine, he sure wasn't going to listen to people's rumbling about their shitty life or whatever ; way too annoying.

But when it became about Kirishima, this uselessness upset him quite a bit. The little fucker deserved the happiest-honey time on this earth and fuck Katsuki for sucking as a therapist, he would never allow dark clouds to dim Kirishima's light.

"Yo granny, how's it going. Hope your bingo's partner'll be ready tomorrow cause you gonna look bomb af while they'll look like zombies, look what we got for you." Katsuki announced, as he kicked Kirishima's living room door wide open.

Thus, Katsuki, Kirishima and his granny Yuriko spent their night time drinking green tea in front of variety shows starring old and young famous people making fool about themselves live, all the while wearing face mask for younger complexion.

And as they were later all falling asleep sharing the same futon hours later, dimly lit by the soft moonlight crossing the window, Katsuki was remembering old memories from elementary in form of a dream. Younger black haired Kirishima and himself, skipping classes on some truancy ; hiding inside playground structures.

《 Mother's day's a dumb day anyway. It's just to suck us into capitalism and buying stuff all the time, it's just lies grown up makes. Wait 'til you hear the truth about Santa ! Plus, mother's aren't perfect at all, they lie and stuff. Mine's an evil old hag. 》

《 Yeah… Mothers can be dumb… They do dumb things like… not being here for mother's day… forever… 》

Seeing that kid clinging to him, trying to act though when his knees were trembling just next to him. For the first time, little Katsuki, who never paid much interest in other kids his age, –- why would he–-, felt a weird tingly feeling inside his tummy that told him to not leave this kid alone somehow.

And that feeling still hasn't left him.

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"Bakugou, you should try to seem more calm, you see ? You shouldn't feel that annoyed at her, keep in mind that your character's supposed to like her, ok ? The public needs to feel that lingering affection !", seeing as Katsuki frowned his brows, director Kim resumed. "You know what, let's all take some time, recess time for everyone, I want you all to be fresh and ready in 15 minutes !"

Katsuki sighed as he reached for his water bottle, gulping angrily– this session was starting to get on his nerve kinda.

"You sure ain't feeling the best for this role, ain't ya ?", blondie popped onto his vision-field.

"Hah ? Mind your fucking business !"

"You could be def more lit, blondie !", she raised both her thumbs with a stupidly elated expression.

"Shut the fuck up, you're blondie !"

"Ah, maybe you got me lol !"

Katsuki grinded his teeth before this exchange ; the script was cheesy as fuck and his screen partner–- Camie or something… not that he cared about her name–- was such an airhead. He kinda had already been expecting it, that the shooting would turn hard to grasp at first, considering he wasn't feeling his character ; but it still annoyed him.

"Why do I fucking care, anyway.", he sighed as he passed his hands through his bangs.

"You care 'cause it's our motto to do our best for the cam', ain't that right blondie ? Not to sound emo, but I know deep down you took this role because you highkey wanted to do good, righties ? "

"Shut up with the cheesy line."

"No way fam ! You're like real cute, so I want these scenes to be mad hotsy ok~ !",

The finger gun she offered gave him cold sweat goosebumps.

"If it really came down to that, I don't mind being your special someone's substitute tho", she gave him a slight elbow punch but her remark made him blush against his will. "What, you got a bae for realsies ?? The infamous Bakugou Katsuki ? No wayy ! But you seemed so inexperienced ?? Lol, no biggies tho ! "

"Shut you fucking mouth ! It ain't your fucking business !"

This 15 minutes recess was both too long and too short, in Katsuki's tired opinion. Fuck, he needed to focus. And to do better.

"Yooo Bakugou, looking like a zombie ! Your mom told me you were on set all day today, it was that tiring ?"

Katsuki turned his gaze towards the windows from which Kirishima was sneaking in from, good timing he thought. He had been rehearsing his lines for a while now, he needed a break ; and the red hair's company could only help him. He contemplated the boy's face as he was poking his cheeks.

"Shut up, I'll eat you", Katsuki said, abruptly wrestling Kirishima's neck.

"I give, I give !", the red hair giggled for Katsuki to release him. "What's so hard anyway, I thought you were genius actor.".

Katsuki let himself fall on the floor, throwing his highlighted script at Kirishima's face. And, under the filling sound of pages turning, he sighed, remembering blondie's words earlier. Thinking about his character, he eyed Kirishima pensively.

"You bet this be difficult for ya, you actually need to act thoughtful", he teased him.

"Fuck you, I'm plenty thoughtful alright."

"Alright", Kirishima hummed as he flipped the other page.

Katsuki could feel his heart tightening more and more as he contemplated. That definitely wasn't his characteristic to hesitate, damn this boy really had him all fucked up, didn't he.

"Wanna help me on my lines", he growled, as if the words were having a rough time making it.

It wasn't like it was the first time he asked Kirishima to do such a thing ; not that he usually needed help (of course not) but it was quite an efficient way to get in character better. So really, why did he feel his inside dancing around like that ; it wasn't like Kirishima would decline or anything, so keep your inside together damnit.

"Sure, if I can help !" Kirishima smiled, and Bakugou felt all tingly inside. He was really indulging, wasn't he. Saying it was only for the sake of the role…

"Cool." was all he said even though he already started diving his gaze onto those deep red eyes, positioning himself facing head on.

"Wait, do I have to get up ?"

"No, just stay that way… you're good."

Gazing into Kirishima's eyes, Katsuki tried to let his feelings boil without overflowing too much. Just… enough. This was a stupid role, but the character's love interest appeared quite similar to him if he focused enough… The love interest was, someone that had always been close to him, always by his side, never faltering no matter how hurtful he could be… Someone that looked up to him, with dazzled eyes, contemplating him as if he was a shooting star in the night sky but stars were reflecting in his eyes. Seeing him scintillating, Katsuki raised his hands and aimed for his arm, tightening his grip around his wrist, trying to feel if his heartbeat was beating any close to how fast his was in his presence.

"What's your problem, following me around like that.", he initiated.

"Ehm, I… I can't seem to leave you alone…", Kirishima reeled off, sounding rather dully but trying his best. Katsuki could feel his pulse beating slightly faster under his fingers.

"Well you should've, that had nothing to do with you.", Katsuki delivered as his face got slightly closer to Kirishima's, eyes still locked deeply.

"S- Sometimes, I remember the first time I saw you and my heart still beats really fast... You were so dazzling and I knew I wanted to be by your side all the time…", Kirishima seemed hesitant but his eyes appeared glowing. " And I.. I-I", he stuttered, scratching the back of his neck. "I think I'm the best one for you to be with… forever ?", as he said his last words, he lifted his deep gaze into his and god damn he looked even sweeter under the softened light, Katsuki wanted to kiss him violently right here right now.

But he couldn't. Because those weren't Kirishima's words.

Still felt like they were though. His body temperature raised such that he felt blazed, by reflex he gripped Kirishima's wrist slightly harder. So close, yet so far.

"You're definitely the best for me, but I… Can't say the same about me."

It felt as if there gaze were intertwined together forever, when they'd only been confessing a few lines. Katsuki didn't know if it was for him only, but he swore the room temperature definitely intensified, with some new tension amplifying between them. Katsuki's straight-faced mask was unruffled as usual, but Kirishima's was so bad right now ; he burst out laughing awkwardly, hiding his crimson face inside his palms.

"Duuuuuude, this is so embarrassing ! I totally get why you don't like these scenes, aahhh", he let himself fall on his back.

"Definitely the worst scenes…", Katsuki mumbled as he let himself fall as well.

"How can you do that in front of cameras and still look cool and believable !"

"I'm genius actor after all."

"Ugh… Of course you are."

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part IV,

#fanfic #kiribaku #bakushima #kirishima eijirou #bakugou katsuki #bnha #mha #fake word real love

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noitomwols · 4 years

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how to survive as a depressed person during quarantine (me edition)

-Take those weeks to take of yourself, both physically and mentally. Shower every morning/evening if you are able to. If not, try at least twice a week. It’s a good time to give your body a well-deserved treatment. Use masks, patches, body cream, oils. You may even try the sebum cure everyone is talking about non-stop!

-Hydration is key. Please, just because you’re staying inside doesn’t mean your body is not lacking water. Drink as much water as you can. It will clear your skin, and help you deal with the shit happening worldwide.

-Respect the deadlines for your work and college inscription. 🌱

-It’s time to catch up with your favorite series, including Supernatural, Big Little Lies 🌱, Free!

-You may even start new ones, no one can blame you (Sharp Objects)

-Finish the current book you are reading (His Dark Materials) 🌱 and start all those dusty forgotten works that lie in the cupboards. Give it a shot of fifty pages, you surprise yourself!

-It is important not to forget to move your body in any way you can. Rollerskate in the parking lot as it isn’t outside and actually convenient enough to slide. Work out at least three times a week to release some serotonin in yourself. Sweat it all out: the frustration of being on lockdown, the anger of cancelled holidays, the sadness of being away from your lover.

-Those weeks may as well embody a perfect time for the spring clean of the year! Cleaning the windows inside and out 🌱, throwing away useless old objects (or selling them, or giving them to charities), cleaning the all closet from the clothes you don’t wear anymore (so when everything’s over, you may shop for new ones!) or gardening if you have the chance to do so.

-Teach your younger siblings if their schools are closed. As for me, I will teach my little sister French, history and English in order for her not to get behind her classmates or fail her exams.

-For editors: now is the time to finally finish all those leftovers projects you swore to once post. Me included.

-Learn a new language with the help of Duolingo or Internet (Dutch for myself). Write all the new words you’ve learnt in a notebook, make it pretty with stickers and colors. The more you put your brain at work, the more you will likely to stress less. (Although I suffer from bad anxiety and depression, I know deep down inside me that this is truth. Not always easy to do tho.)

-Write. For yourself, for others. Keep a diary to keep sane. Write for contests, or start that project that’s been luring inside your thoughts for too long.

-Look for a place to live in The Netherlands. Make sure to check every day.

-Now might be a perfect time to learn how to cook. Once everything calms down, we may go back again to the supermarkets and start perhaps baking new delicious recipes.

-Napping. No need to feel guilty. It is genuinely the only thing you can do during those times.

-Redecorating your room. Changing furnitures from their original place.

-Buy Animal Crossing New Horizons. 🌱

-Do your nails/toenails 🦋

-Watch Prison Break again. 🌱

-Reorganize your music playlists!

-Order Bubbles At Home. 🧼

-Order make up palette. 🌱

-Clean the kitchen, organize cupboards, clean the fridge out.

-Watch new movies/documentaries on Netflix with people you’re quarantined with/or by yourself.

-Create mapart on Minecraft!

-Do boardgames. 🧸

-Clean the shoes. 🌱

-Go to the basement to put the suitcase, the clothes and fetch roller protections. 🌱

-Write the authorization for Phil.

-Clean the sheets 🌱

-Put the pillows in the vacuum bag. 🌱

-Drink tea 🍵

-Vaccum your room! 🌱

-Try yoga and kung-fu. 🌱

(I’ll add more if you guys have any ideas!)

#survive #quarantine #coronavirus #lockdown

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