#I’ve been crying a lot lately

[theswedishpajas]

Fun fact: Astarion is fucking TRAUMATIZED AS SHIT

#my art stuff #astarion #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 tav #tav #tiefling tav #tiefling #hug #embrace #claws #blood #tears #crying #I have been extremely fucked up over this guy the past few days #I keep thinking about this song I connect to him and crying #it’s kept me up super late and ruined my apetite for several days in a row now #but making this made me feel a bit better finally #I connect so deeply with him so far as I struggle with a lot of similar things as him #I expected to hate him when I started playing but now my heart aches for him 24/7 and I’ve only had the game for a lil over a week #I love him so incredibly much and if anybody hurts him I will personally hunt you down. #the pale elf

[chrimsonfoxdon]

Hello!!

Unfortunately, there’s been a lot going on in my personal life, and at this point it’s becoming too much for me to bear. Being online as much as I have been hasn’t been helping matters. Too much doomscrolling. In any case, I will be taking a break from all social media for a while. I don’t know when I’ll be back. I do have some things queued up, but that’s about all I really plan on doing for the time being (here on tumblr it’s mainly commission promo stuff and Neji week stuff). I’m just… so very tired. And too much is happening. But I don’t wanna burden anyone. So I will be taking some time offline and go touch some grass and try to focus on some of my irl stuff.

If you need to contact me, please do so via discord or email ([email protected]). I will not be checking social media DMs for a bit, so I will not be able to get back to you in a timely manner. Thank you for understanding, and please take care.

#chit chat #i’m taking a break #I’ve just been crying a lot lately #and the stress of so many things is causing me physical pain and anxiety #being online just isn’t helping unfortunately

[is-the-owl-video-cute]

I think it’s important to emphasize in the makeup and shaving debates that the most important key to it is that women, and anyone else, should be allowed to choose how to present themselves and not be criticized for it.

Some people like to shave. Some people enjoy makeup.

These don’t make them victim to internalized misogyny, some people do genuinely just like it. The target should always be corporations that target women by implying that they’re hideous if they dare to not remove every hair from the cheekbones down and wear several layers of concealer until pores are a myth never before seen by mankind.

The key to deconstructing these beauty standards is that how you express and present yourself should be your choice. Not society’s. Not your family’s. Not your partner’s. Yours.

It shouldn’t be seen as any more or less noteworthy than how you style your hair or what shoes you wear. That’s the goal. Not to enforce a new standard in the opposite direction.

#I’ve seen so many posts from radfems crying that they ‘feel sorry’ for random women they see wearing makeup #and lately youtube has been pushing a lot of ads about shaving being a necessity with a bunch of annoying influencers gagging over #mildly hairy legs #and honestly I don’t respect any of these people #let other people look how they want good lord

[hearts401]

Michael being rough with Evan and ruining how he views horseplay. Evan has to set clear boundaries because even when Michael was being nice he was grabbing and pushing and shoving and smacking at his hands. Because even if his friends are being nice it doesn’t FEEL nice because it’s just like him. And he doesn’t wanna ruin anything but he has to explain how it makes him feel when people push him around. I think maybe one day he’d be okay with it but right now boundaries matter more than anything. You need to set them and obey them before you consider taking a step past them, and if he tells you to back up you have to. He’s spent his whole life getting his boundaries ignored and it is not a good feeling

#idk just thinking abt a post Percy made #saying that mike didn’t beat up Evan but would be rough with him #and I thought the same and lately I’ve been thinking about how THAT would affect evan #tzu rambles #also ppl being too rough sucks in itself #my siblings r rough a lot but never in mean spirit #so I can’t imagine how much it’d suck to get that from someone who genuinely hates you #evan afton #the crying child

[evilmacdennisevil]

i need to talk about brian jr rn for a second and that whole arc be it actually fucks with my head sometimes like watching post gang beats boggs and realising after that point technically speaking dennis is a father?? but also i just wanna know in actuality what exactly lead to dennis leaving mandy and brian again like how did that conversation go? how did he explain it to mandy? we know from canon that dennis doesn't exactly thrive in suburbia and it's safe to say he doesn't have the patience to raise a toddler but he was so adamant on trying and then literally one ep later he's back?

i also think like. the order of events fucks with me a little because you've got hero or hate crime, then you've got tends bar and THAT should've been a narrative turning point! like the seed was planted the romantic music the symbolism of the crate going from 'there's never anything' to 'the one thing i wanted most' BUT THEN mere episodes later u get dennis' double life and all that romantic progress is nullified, especially when dennis then comes back to see macs replaced him with a sex doll (which. i could write a whole other post about how this fucks dennis up but i’ll save that for another day), so it makes sense that the next big event is times up where dennis says 'i don't want you touching me' confirming mac's suspicions from tgtb but also it shows that the sex doll basically confirmed in dennis’ mind that mac only wants him for sex (ergo. tgtb's progress is nullified)

BUT THEN. BUT THEN we have mac finds his pride which. do i even need to explain why this is a turning point, like mac finally learns to stop defining his sexuality through other peoples perceptions of him. the episodes core is about him finding where he personally fits in as a gay man. AND THEN!!! TEXTS!!!! banger episode banger subtext, then i won't even go into waiting for big mo because i could actually write a fucking dissertation on that episode in terms of symbolism and metaphor. anyways finally we have s15 which. to me. there's no way the whole brokeback mountain thing isn't intentional COME ON they have them dressed as cowboys singing love songs then have DENNIS HURT HIS BACK ON A MOUNTAIN???? anyways. this has been a train of thought. thanks for reading. i have autism.

#also let me know if u want to hear my thoughts on waiting for big mo because i have a LOT #realising that this is the least coherent thing i’ve ever written but i literally don’t care #cry about it #but yeah no late seasons macdennis got me thinking #i really do dee like we’re set up for canon macdennis but i’ve been wrong before #iasip #mac mcdonald #dennis reynolds #it’s always sunny in philadelphia #macdennis

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

it’s missing takaba hours

#need him back NOW #i’ve been thinking of him a lot lately…… pookie bear 😔😔 meowmeow 😔😔😔 #his backstory was just. sosososo good. i’ve been rereading the kenkaba fight n i just… love it so bad #that One panel where he’s crying and slurping up noodles I LOVE YOUUUUU SIR…. #he dragged his way up to my favorites i’ll never let him go 😞😞 #he’s mommy to me btw #but above all else he’s my bestie. i would laugh at all his jokes i’m a real one #ari noises ✩

[islenskihesturinn]

This is a picture from half a year ago, but it occurred to me yesterday while I was keeping Lilja’s head in place during her second treatment that these animals really have to trust us a hecking lot to just let us do these things to them.

She’s been drugged to stay calm and feel a bit less as her teeth get filed down from being like a staircase to nearly straight (it was bad, now it’s almost good). Machines that make loud noises and vibrate get put in her mouth and there’s weird smelling dust everywhere. Meanwhile her human is gently patting her hair and praising her for staying put, and half an hour later she’s back with Fjara and eating hay like nothing happened.

Same goes for the other 3 (namely Týra, Solita and Ieniemini), who just come walking up to you after all that, asking for a treat (and a brush bc it’s shedding season and they’re all itchy ladies).

I don’t really think about it often, but sometimes it’ll hit me how much they trust that we have their best interests at heart and they know this in their own way.

#brb crying but in a thankful way #anyway Týra is fully okay again (had a freshly broken tooth pulled) #Lilja can actually chew normally again now and with one more treatment she should be normally aligned again #same goes for Solita and Ieniemini! #Hviða and Fjara were both fully alright and only need yearly check ups now #Lilja…Lilja was off worst and had basically spent longer than I like hanging a jaw like a bulldog #lower jaw forward #she couldn’t put it back bc her teeth had been ground down wrong #I could tell at first from the weird squeaky noises she made while chewing #and then lots of shaking of her head and holding the bit #but now at this point in time 1. all her hooves are nice and regular and supporting 2. she can move her jaw normally and 3. her entire body #is physically okay (got checked by a physician yesterday) #she’s mentally happy as well (was a bit down since December (same Lil. same.) #I’ve been making an effort since for both her and me to spend more time with her #I wasn’t well and aside from it taking a toll on me it also took a toll on her #naively I didn’t think my absence would matter #stupidly even. my own sad brain got to me. #lesson learned: horses make happy chemicals in the brain. apparently humans can do that for their horses too. #and now I’m crying again. been doing that a lot lately🥲 #anyway the trust my horses have for us are not something I take for granted and it’s humbling and an honour

[worm-in-a-trenchcoat]

Trying to “justify” why you’re having a meltdown over something “small” should be an Olympic sport.

#currently flipping my shit over this weeks work schedule #because I had plans this Friday that I didn’t think I would need to take off for #because I’ve been opening a lot lately #and closing times have been early so I figured even if I opened I’d be fine to make my plans #but I was wrong and I close this Friday and closing times are later this weekend so I’m not going to be able to make it to my event #and there’s no one available to take my closing shift so I’m stuck with it #I was having a shot day until I remembered the event was coming up and I was so excited and then I got the new schedule and #I really hate this feeling #and I’m all hormonal and shit so it’s just worse and I want to cry and scream at the same time #idk if I want to hit myself or the wall #autistic meltdown #meltdown trigger warning #sorry for the tag rant #personal

[lucifer]

I’ve legitimately had a rotten day today. :(

#it’ll get better probably but I’ve been close to tears all day and I’m not really a crying person #never cry ever but today has made me want to pull my hair out! #I wake up late for work and then I go to close the door to my kitchen and the HANDLE falls off #had to move everything from my living room to the kitchen because there are workers fixing a part of the wall #forgot my headphones #get to work and my manager just randomly decided to switch everyone’s seats for the fun ig but like #I have issues with change and routine and blah blah also he sat me next to a dude that makes me uncomfortable #so I asked to move and then we had to move all the pcs around and all the cables were messed up #chest hurts my asthma is acting up and I still don’t have an inhaler #got into a fight with my bf over something stupid and almost cried in public #(all is well it was a silly fight) #didn’t get to get the hot chocolate I wanted because I was upset over said fight and just walked back to work #I go to get lunch and the place closed early somehow when they never do that #I am almost completely broke #get home to relax and the workers are STILL HERE even though they were supposed to be finished hours ago #it’s all a lot of silly small things but I do feel as if the world is against me today #bf is going to buy me pizza for dinner and also I have a rp reply from Simon I can distract myself with so all will be well soon!!!!

[binders-and-beanies]

Doin bad again folx

#might delete later I’m just wide awake and miserable #summer bill came out today and it’s $7100 not including housing which will be $2400 #literally dunno how im gonna pay for that and my dad is. adding to the emotional turmoil of it all #not able to get a loan at least not before the bill is due #able to get aid luckily but again who knows when or how much #my bday is tomorrow and for months I’ve been like please just let my bday be a good day i need one #i need some hope. not that I haven’t had good experiences lately bc I have. but nothing that lasts #nothing i get to feel good about for more than a day before a new problem drops #I need to enjoy my birthday without feeling this deep dark dread and fear and fucking guilt and hopelessness #I have fun plans for today And tomorrow and I’m grateful but honestly stressed about that too #bc it’s gonna be a lot + bc of all I need to do outside of that #+ I don’t get to spend my bday w friends the way I want like I have one friend Maybe coming w me #my bday is supposed to feel celebratory and instead it feels like absolutely forcing some illusion of choice or joy in my life #on top of it all. the most peaceful I usually ever feel is in bed w my partner and now my body won’t even let me hold or be held by them #currently laying next to them not touching them so I at least don’t keep them up w how physically miserable I am rn #I’m literally always physically miserable at this point and it feels like spring is never gonna come and provide any relief #but it’s like can I at least be cozy w them. nope instead I’m wide awake facing various horrors #despite being permanently exhausted and falling asleep in class after 40 ounces of coffee #Im just. so fucking unhappy in life rn dude I don’t want life to be like this forever with the constant threat of it getting much worse #fucking shred of joy in this godforsaken world: the sleep noises they r making rn #mine #txt #vent post #suicidal ideation tw #<- cry for help

[callixton]

i HATE neuropathy it is the worst kind of pain i can stand basically anything else but that shit is torture even when it’s minor i am begging my body not to have a relapse

#i’ve been having a lot of shooting neuropathy pains at night lately #but like. just frequently enough that it’s freaking me out #like. neuropathy is what made me bed bound for a few months i couldn’t walk on my own weight without wanting to cry #ted talks

[i-am-a-fucking-nerd]

Been seeing a lot of antisemitism since 10/7 and it’s been frustrating but what somehow feels even more alienating and lonely to me personally is the amt of jews I see be unwilling to hear a single criticism of Israel and who refuse to meaningfully acknowledge and engage with the suffering that Palestinians are facing rn. Cuz like before I was already seeing antisemitism all over the place bc it’s everywhere. It’s not new. But now I’m also seeing jews try and justify shit Israel is doing and getting upset at anyone who acknowledges the endless pit of terror they’re causing. I feel like before it was much more normal to at LEAST be like yeah the govt is doing some messed up shit that I don’t agree with. But now I look around and everyone is insisting that Israel has every single jews full unwavering support. And then saying anyone who disagrees is being antisemitic. And also claiming that all jews feel the same way and agree with them and that if u don’t ur just trying to be “one of the good jews” in the eyes of goyim. Makes me feel so isolated from my community. I want to scream. Open ur eyes. Open ur eyes. Look. It needs to stop. It needs to stop.

#havilah's thoughts #not sure if I should tag with anything so ppl can filter it bc I’m also not tryna show up in any tags… #lmk if there’s anything I should tag this as #I know I’ve always been in a minority of jews in a lot of the spaces I’ve been in bc my Judaism doesn’t interact w the modern state of #Israe l at all whereas for lots of other ppl it’s like a big chunk #but I’ve never felt so alone and like an outsider as I have lately #ppl say things at shul and I want to start crying #I hate it. I hate it. I hate it

[singedbutter]

.

#I think weed has been giving me anxiety lately #I’ve been so busy and away from home my smoking schedule is super thrown off #I like smoking less #sometimes I feel self conscious if I smoke a lot through the day #I remember my dreams better when I smoke less #which is bittersweet #I like dreaming #or being able to remember them #but they’re always so stressful #and then I feel silly for having shit dreams #I’ve been dreaming about work recently and the people close to me #I just want to wake up feeling better than the night before but it’s so far from the opposite #tbh today probs wouldn’t have been so hard if I’d just had a bowl #definitely don’t need any other vices though #brb gotta go make myself cry to tire myself out #I don’t think I have the time or energy to smoke and let that make me sleepy #goodnight forever for real this time lol #personal

[nationalharryleague]

I have done so much crying in the last few days I’m going to dehydrate

#I’ve just been highly emotional lately #work stress is getting to me #I love love love my job but it’s a lot right now #also got contacted by someone who I cut out of my life over three years ago today #not crying over it but it definitely threw me off my game

[vekovoysoldat-a]

🌒

#I was gonna try to write earlier but #my brains got really bad and I keep crying on and off so at this point I’m curled up in bed until I fall asleep #mobile #I’m sorry I’ve been a bit .. negative lately #brains just a lot rn #but I’m sending the dash all the love #negativity cw #mental illness cw

[cecilianotthesaint]

Making some white turkey chili in a little bit and I’m honestly so excited

Bf and I are coming to a time of semi rest before he starts a new (full time!!) job at the start of the year but there’s still a lot of residual stress lingering around and I think we could def use some comfort food

And imho soups/stews/chilis are some of the easiest foods to transition to magic as well, so there’s definitely gonna be some of that in there too (especially because this is my first chance to bust out my giant stew pot since we moved in and there are few things that feel more like making potions to me)

#kitchen witchcraft #hey y’all I’m alive #planning to be posting more (and interacting with other people more) soon with the transition to the new year and everything #but yeah idk #just kinda been in maintenance mode lately #we both have #and I’m trying to move back into ‘living life’ mode without overwhelming myself #anyway I also made shortbread today and I’ve got the chili coming and I think that’s a pretty good way to do it #I know that cooking and baking makes me feel better #especially when I do it with love and attention #but lately I’ve just been too in my head to do it at all really #I do have to cut onions tonight though and I am Extremelh #y #sensitive to the whole crying thing #but it’ll be okay either way #i’m just happy to be here #this is a new(ish) recipe also so hopefully it turns out alright #if it’s any good I might post it idk #food magic #Is like the highest kind of magic to me in a lot of ways #anyway I’ll be quiet now but I’m feeling pretty good #hope y’all are too