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dirkification · 5 months

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Okay I'm not going through the tag anymore because I keep making myself mad when I'm just trying to find fun things

Vent under cut (Spto spoilers and general queer discourse shit)

"Wallace didn't carry the show y'all just hate women"

What about y'all just love men??? Like Wallace was fucking GREAT in spto and literally does keep taking over situations on purpose

I wouldn't say he carries the show but if you're into dudes and especially if you're mlm it is extremely easy to focus on whatever shenanigans he's up to instead of the main plot

Which is fine!

Focusing on a gay man more than women in a cartoon is fine!

Like I get Ramona is the main character of this show and there are some other great women characters and friendships but just because people prefer Wallace over them doesn't mean they hate women

I blocked that person I'm just

God I do need that social media break

I'm literally feeling so paranoid whenever I look at any queer content like oh no people are going to talk shit about trans mascs or mlm or afab nb people or something and while I feel justified hating this post in particular, there are some I am *not* justified in feeling so stressed over, like people hc'ing Ramona and Scott as trans fem instead of trans masc or getting too annoyed at people insisting Roxie/Kim is canon somehow even though they are explicitly not into each other in canon

I've been trying to follow more transasc and mlm and nblm blogs so I can surround myself with the stuff I want to see but I'm still obviously dealing with idk I guess trauma from being in an environment where I didn't trust my own feelings and experiences as a trans masc into dudes because any problems I had with how we were talking about was transmisogyny and lesbophobia and it took me so long to not only realize the people saying that shit were assholes but also the foundation of everything they were saying was wrong and so many people are still wrapped up in that radfem adjacent bullshit that I just see it *everywhere* now and I'm afraid to get into any new queer spaces or content like every space is just going to be Homestuck Twitter 2019 all over again or I'll find out no I was actually terrible and wrong this whole time!!!

To the point I'm having this long rant because of Scott fucking Pilgrim

Ughhhh

#jax yacks #vent

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whumpiary · 3 years

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cw: unkind family member made a comment trying to justify some horrible stuff

So this might be a big dumb ™ question, but I'm really not great with words out loud when I'm under a lot of emotion. It's why I'm a writer, I think; I write out my responses so much better than I could ever say them.

Someone in my family over their holiday visit spied on me reading a whump prompt, and after they quickly skimmed it, they made the most offhand, hurtful comment. I feel like a loser because I had 0 idea how to respond to it because my brain does a massive freeze response and locks completely up.

They said, "Oh, so you're fetishizing abuse now? Makes it perfectly cool then, I guess, to do _____ to someone."

I was so angry, all I could do was stumble out "No, that's not--no," and had to just leave and cry in the next room until they left. I wanted to explain that no; whump is something that helps me. I just...I didn't know what to say, or how to properly describe whump, and I almost want to reach out and explain it to them, but they're unfortunately the type of family member to side with all the wrong types of people. They're always saying something like this, it's just never been directly to me.

I think my question is, do you or a fellow whump writer have advice for how I might explain this to someone in the future, if not that particular person, that that's not what this is doing? That that's not what my fellow writers are doing? Because honestly, I've never been in a more supportive community than this, I love how whole I feel here, but I'm just struggling so much with not only the right way to explain it, but the guts to say it out loud.

I'm so sorry to bother you. I look up to you a lot. It's hard being in a trauma headspace a lot and formulating responses under pressure for me personally. Ughhhh. I'm asking anonymously because I'm too scared I'll be put on blast or something for 'not speaking up'. But thank you for reading. I support you and your work, and the entire whump community's work, so much. I hope everything's going well ♥️ You all really do inspire me.

This isn’t a dumb question at all. Thanks for writing me.

Cards on the table, it’s late in my time zone (Happy New Year, in fact!) so I may reblog again in the morning with more thoughts but it felt important to answer you tonight.

I see you and I hear you and I am sending you so much love. What your family member did was really shitty. (First, spying on something seemingly without your consent? Asshole move. Second, making you feel shit about something you like? Asshole love. Third, making you feel shit about something you made? Big asshole move.) I’m sorry you had to experience that.

First up: There’s nothing wrong with you for liking whump. There’s nothing wrong with you for reading it. There’s nothing wrong with you for writing it.

Liking and producing whump content doesn’t mean you condone abuse, and it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. You’re okay.

You’re also not a loser for not being able to rattle off a perfectly reasoned response in a moment of confrontation. That shit is hard, even when you’re not running on trauma software. You’re not a failure or dumb for not having an answer for them. You’re just a human. Especially on a topic as complex as whump.

I don’t think anyone would “put you on blast” for not speaking up. We’ve all been there, whether on the topic of whump or not. Anyone who’s telling you that you need to be a champion defender of whump at all times is just as much of an asshole as your family member in my opinion. You need to look after you first.

Whump is more prolific than we acknowledge or people recognise sometimes, in my opinion. It’s very easy for people to watch a movie or read a book and know the creators aren’t condoning what they’re depicting, but people seem to find it more difficult when they know the artists personally (like your family member knows you, for example). Something that I do sometimes is make references to things that are well known. Like:

“Saving Private Ryan depicts war and I don’t think they’re glorifying war. It’s a way to explore different parts of humanity and I think that’s interesting”

“[insert TV show here] has a lot heavy themes as a way of exploring character and relationships. That’s what I’m doing here.”

“Horror movies depict violence and gore all the time and they’re rarely fetishising things. It’s a way to get people to face and explore their fears and anxieties in safe, entertaining ways.”

You can also check out the “defining whump” tag for some really great community commentary on the subject.

Here’s the other thing, though: You also just straight up don’t have to justify yourself. You can just shrug and ignore them. Their opinion, and I know this maybe doesn’t feel true, straight up doesn’t matter.

If your family member is anything like some of mine, they likely won’t be convinced to your side. I don’t know your family member, so maybe I’m wrong, but it sounds to me like they were wanting to pick a fight, not have a discussion with you. In which case, even a million well thought out points and arguments won’t help. They’re just in this to make you feel crappy. In those situations, sometimes it’s best to just say “that’s your opinion, I just gave a different view” and step away from the convo.

You know why you like whump. You know why you read it. You know why you write it. You know what you enjoy about it. You know you don’t condone abuse or violence. That’s all that matters. You don’t need a moral high ground to find joy or benefit in something. It’s all good.

I know this is easier said than done, but remind yourself of the community you love and the content you enjoy and let the comments be water off a ducks back. We’ve got you. We get you. Forget about the folks that don’t. They’ve got their plate full of their own shit and clearly don’t have the space for empathy right now.

We love you. We are you. You’re all good, mate.

Anyone who has some words of wisdom or love to send is welcome and encouraged to pile onto this post. I think Anon needs it.

(P.S I hope you get around to posting that prompt! If it prompted such a reaction from someone reading it, I bet it’s a doozy. I’d love to see it and I bet the rest of the community would too)

#whump community #whump discourse #defining whump #answered #anonymous #long post

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