#I'm digging things way too much ....

[dawnthefluffyduck]

hey that's not supposed to be out there (uploaded wrong version at first haha whoops)

#not supposed to be that color either #i wonder who that belongs to #i had a very vague meaning for this in mind but saying it would spoil the fun #christ this took me forever #i wanted to do a quick project to give myself a break from my final #but accidentally made an entirely new kind of nightmare #BUT i can proudly say that i am very proud of this despite how long it took me #alrighty this blog is all about tracking progress so my thought on this; #it's not really as energetic as i had hoped to make it so i think that's the biggest technical issue i have with this #i'll try to get back to doing more gestures soon as a way to help with that #i think my shadows are a bit confusing too #i'm looking at it now and his glasses kinda taper off into the void of his fur bc i didnt mark the shadow along the left of his ear #but the thought of digging back through layers to fix it and blending that mess in is giving me a headache so i'm content with leaving it #i think i learned a lot about light and reflections though #my shadows aren't the greatest but i had so much fun rendering the glasses #and the glow of the soul pushed me to think about bounce light a lot more #figuring out how to make the colors look like they were glowing was a whole separate issue #i did it in the last big ralsei drawing i did but not nearly to this extent #i won't be doing something this large for a while after this but i'll keep trying to work on the things i didn't like about this #i think i'm gonna start putting my self-crit in the tags from now on #it really does bulk up the posts and it's hard to scroll past #i like reflecting on my work like this though #i've been able to draw a lot more since i've started doing it because it helps me create specific goals for myself #lets me keep pushing myself while still having fun with my art #ralsei #deltarune #deltarune fanart

[haru-chi]

Do you ever think about how Seiji's sister was jealous of him because of his innate talent and strength somethihg she can never have, but on the other hand Seiji might've also been jealous of her ? Because of how free she is to the point of casting her family away to pursuit what she believed in not fearing or caring what anyone think, that she wasn't bound and refused to be bound by the same shackles that bound him ??

Or do you think about how his sister leaving might've left him with no choice but to accept being the Matoba's leader with no running options anymore and put him under huge pressure like no other since if he too run away, who will keep the Matoba clan together ?

Or do you think about how one of the reasons Seiji wanna do a good job being the Matoba's leader might've been his feeling of guilt or responsibility toward stealing the dream of his sister ?? So he can't complain or treat this matter half hearted or it gonna be rude and add to the pain of his sister if she sees that ??

Just me casually thinking about the Matoba siblings :)

#natsume yuujinchou #natsuyuu #matoba seiji #I'm thinking about them alot lately #and many ideas circling my mind .... #I'm digging things way too much .... #hmmmmmmm #I seriously should stop thinking about those siblings #it's getting painful the more I think about them -heavy sigh- #WHY AM THINKING THOSE IDEAS IT JUST ADD TO THE PAIN !!!! #JUST STOP ME PLZ !!!!

[rotisseries]

alright im giving in im finally asking. what in the everloving fuck is narines

HIIIII HELENA honestly I'm so glad you asked I think you'd love them but BASICALLYYYYY one of my mutuals, hella, @tbos-main, has this really cool original fantasy wip, the blood of serpents, which I am OBSESSED with so I do fandom post about it like any other media, and two of the characters are nate and rin. well. naithairan and herines technically but I'm on nickname basis with them. and I can explain tbos in more detail but since you asked about narines specifically, they are two characters who are very much on opposing sides of the central conflict and in a way that IS irreconcilable like. it has to be genuine all consuming hate it's bad. but they're also narrative foils and parallels and whatnot and outside of the main ideological difference in regards to the central conflict, they are very similar people in a very fucked up way, they're both martyr figures with a lot of religious themes, they both have had to learn the language of violence well, they both are willing to go to unfathomably low depths of morality and monstrousness in the pursuit of protecting the people they love, they're both incredibly calculating and callous, and so they have this INSANEEE dynamic that is very much "I see me in you I see everything I hate about myself in you I need to kill you because I need to be killed but yet I cannot kill you because that would be like taking a knife to myself and we recognize each other deeply and intimately in a very specific way no one else can and I HATEE you for it" and so like. they should fuck about that. obviously.

#and they are NOT CANON I SHOULD WARN. IT STARTED AS A JOKE BECAUSE THEY ARE SO INCOMPATIBLE AS A GENUINE SHIP #CANNOT BE IN THE SAME ROOM AS EACH OTHER. #but the GREATTT thing about their homoeroticism is that violence is like. chill to both of them #like they're both trying to hurt each other as much as possible they're trying to break each other #but neither of them is greatly affected by violence. so the way they choose to break each other instead #is that very occasionally in these homoerotic and non canon scenes #there will be a touch of gentleness. there's a scene where nate bites rin HARD and draws blood but he kisses first #and rin FREAKS out he's like “don't you DARE.” #and then the vivisection. where rin literally unironically gently talks nate through having a HAND DIGGING IN HIS GUTS🫶 #many such cases #and that touch of gentleness is too much from the worst person on earth who you hate so much #and it's worse than violence to them it's worse than violence to experience that from each other #which is just. SO INTERESTING THEY ARE SO INTERESTINGGGG #I'm assuming you mostly asked this though cause of my tags on that post I rbed from you #so as for THAT #hella has a bit of saying she hates this ship so much and one time #she said basically “dark tbosmaucu is the only universe where narines absolutely couldn't happen thank god” #and then later at some point basically jokingly said it's cause they're medicated in that one #(medicated as in. nate self medicates. with hard drugs.) #and dark tbosmaucu btw is the acronym for “dark the blood of serpents modern au cinematic universe” #cinematic universe both because that's always a funny joke and because we do genuinely have like 6 or 7 versions of tbos modern aus #and the dark one is just basically modern au but you go really ham on the tragic backstory like aftg levels of what the actual fuck #which theoretically should bring the levels of trauma in the modern au the closest to how they exist in canon #and yet. hella shut down narines in that universe😔 #anywayyyy. sorry I leave incomprehensible tags on your posts do you still think I'm hot😘 #ask #miseria-fortes-virios #hi helena!

[gold-kobold]

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN I HAVE BEEN WORRIED ABOUT YOU!!!

hi! i explained in one of my older posts but to (vaguely) rebrief, i've been going through a bit of an ongoing mental health situation that's been making life really difficult these days, and kind of makes it hard to be online right now. 😅 sorry for any worries caused. i am physically ok!

#i don't wanna elaborate too much for privacy reasons but my online activity needs to be monitored while my current situation is going on #which also makes it feel a little awkward to check in on things more regularly #upon a miriad of other such issues #but overall? i am still alive? so that's a win in my books!!! lol #life has just been really weird for a really long time and i'm still working on digging my way out of it #but i'm still here and queer for gay trolls! lol #my passion for trollhunters has definitely not died if that's any consolation xD #i've just been coasting in a weird state of limbo #goldie post #text post

[seasaltandcopper]

man, I would love to see more toxic/unhealthy/abusive ships in the whump community that aren’t just black and white. like, give me relationships that are messy. give me ones that start out consensual, happy even, and gradually go downhill

give me toxic codependency, give me mutual destruction, give me manipulation and gaslighting, and give me the frog in the boiling water with a whumpee who either doesn't realize or realizes to late that this isn't actually what they want but by the time they want out whumper has their claws in so deep it's nearly impossible

just, overall, give me more nuance. give me gray areas, and antiheroes, or straight up villain protagonists. sweet, meek, good-guy whumpees and ones totally brainwashed to be obedient and 'love' their whumpers are fine, but I would love to see more of the messy side of bad relationships trotted out

give me whumpees who come out the other side meaner, angrier, carrying bad habits they picked up from their whumpers, give them things to unlearn, to struggle with. give me survivors who fought tooth and nail and did what they had to do to get out, but carry guilt because does doing something to survive justify the hurt they caused?

hell, give me survivors who walked into bad things willingly, who made a deal with the devil, who know that the world isn't going to forgive them for the shit they did just because they suffered for it too

idk I just want to see more fucked up little guys do their fucked up little things in ways that aren’t always simple or clean or black or white

also I want more horror-whump but that's neither here nor there

#salt the earth behind you #also in case it might come off this way this isn't shade on anyone who likes other stuff #or writes it #I read and enjoy that stuff too #i've just been in a mood lately and am craving more stories that dig into the nitty gritty #honestly this is just making me want to start a new project LOL #maybe some kind of supernatural horror psychological thing #hmm #if you guys have recs for this kind of stuff on here too much askbox is always open #*my #I can think of a few writers who poke at this kind of content #but I'm always looking for more stuff to read #btw this is okay to reblog I just didn't want to put it in the main tags #bc it's mostly just me rambling #breadcrumbs

[midnightcaptions]

not to be weird but why ain't there any solo smut of Soul huh that dude wanks too i'm sure of it

#is there a secret place where it's hidden and i'm too stupid to find it #idk i just need a pining Soul so bad i think it could be sweet in a smutty way #i'm not good at seeking things i'm just pleased if i stumble across cute art and spice #but this is just something i noticed after burning my eyes w/ too much juvenile Maka while digging into some art site a while ago #and it infected my brain and bugs me now

[sschmendrick]

Sometimes I truly feel really dumb seeing all the people here and on the internet on general make amazing analysis of characters, of events, of parallels in books, movies, songs and whatnot. I feel very poor mentally when all I can see is cool images, amazing stories, and the best songs I get to listen to. I feel like I'm missing on so much, and always beein fed the analysis by other people because I just cannot do it on my own can be very tiring and sink the self-esteem. Especially as someone who's gonna end up working with artists I feel so out of place, like I shouldn't be there talking to them since I do not have the right tool to understand them.

What I hate most of all is that even the stuff that I adore I cannot dig into in a proper way. It's all feelings and it's not good enough.

#I'm working on a presentation and I wanted to present this album and artist that has changed my life and how I go about some things but #it's not good enough for a presentation. I should analyse the album to make it worthwhile yet I cannot make it in a way that is *good* #that is relelvant to what I should be able to produce as someone studying music. For me it's the gut wrenching feeling of the rage that #got me out of some places. it's the themes of death applied to being trans and to feeling lost in life that got me out of some places. #but it's just how I feel about it and it's not analysis. I'm not going into great enough details about how it was written. I'm applying too #much of myself on it when I listened to it in a totally different context than most of its audience did. I'm years late and not part of the #movement that was birthed during that period. It feels self obsessed to make it about how I feel about it #so here I am just looking at how other people feel about it...and that's how I do it all the time it feels like. I cannot interpret #correctly what i like and what touches my soul and it's so crushing mentally #makes me hate trying to dig into what's inside my mind :(

[overbearingstruggles]

I really wanna understand your love for kieran culkin, I loved him in Scott Pilgrim.

Oh my god this is so nice you really don’t have to ask but I love that you did!!!!!!!!

I wish I had a less lizard brain answer to attribute the spark to but sometimes you need someone to do something sexual in order for your brain to unlock that interest in them and the Roman/Gerri phone scene takes the prize. When I rewatched the show I had zero recollection of the emotional scene that happens right after because apparently I blacked out lol. So then I’m watching the rest of the show through new eyes which of course leads to huh, I definitely love this character and am attracted to this being, but do I also love this person? Anon, he’s so lovable! The pro and con of Kieran & Roman is there is A Lot of Kieran in the character. Uh the best parts, we hope. He’s this secure short king with quick wit who talks fast and can require a bit of attention but is humble as heck about how good he is at his job and has this quirky decorated right appendage and isn’t afraid to crack jokes when someone broaches the subject of his irl family or politely shut them down when he thinks they’re off base about something. I love the little bit I know about him and his wife’s relationship and the way they can publicly poke fun at each other. I love that he lived in the same tiny apartment from 19 to 39 until his wife finally said “you’re on a hit TV show.” I love how sweet and diplomatic he is when someone tries to poke him about Jeremy Strong being weird. I swear you can feel interviewers become infatuated with him for being a real and funny, charming person. In conclusion, I think he's neat!

#full disclosure Scott Pilgrim is bottom of the priority list of things to (re) watch. mostly because he looks like..that. but I will! #sometimes I'm like oh this was inevitable. the slow burn was in process it just needed an opportunity #then Alex took himself out and the gate opened #truly insane background I like to note for me but not important to anyone else ever #feel like I always had a general goodwill towards all the Culkins even if I couldn’t be bothered to learn the difference between 2 of them #before Kieran's SNL had you held a gun to my head and asked me to identify which was Kieran or Rory 50% chance I'm dead #I only listen to WTF eps if I have a vague interest in the guest so I know I listened to Macaulay's episode years ago and Kieran’s in 2020 #and I know I came out of those happy to keeping rooting for them from afar - Kieran was great! - but it didn’t awaken anything. #his Conan episode is wonderful! but I wasn't digging in from that #S1 of Succession is so Kendall focused you don't get enough Roman but then he becomes the one we know the most about his childhood and #he goes from this little weirdo to fascinating puzzle #and through that just watching Kieran be good at his job is so hot! but also be good in a way that he makes seem effortless #and not too serious which is also importantly hot. no one really likes an actor who is weird about being an actor. he's just like that #then you factor in his personal relationship with J Smith-Cameron and her husband and it's so motherfucking adorable. I? #answered ask #KC #thank you anon this gave me so much energy last night lol

[byanyan]

took a page out of moon's book and started playing around with the idea of illustrated icons but i am Unsure

#actually tbh i considered using the webtoon for icons way back at the beginning of this blog #the only thing that stopped me...... was the short hair #it's still the main thing making me hesitate tbh #but lbr nothing's ever gonna suit perfectly for an oc #even my irl icons aren't Perfect for byan and never will be bc their perfect look exists only in my head #but the vibes here are decent now that i finally went to the trouble of digging up a pdf of the full comic and started scrolling through it #(bc i'm a fake fan who has never actually read it oops) #also it's literally animated jk like it can't get more ideal than this right #AND LIKE. it's always felt a little off to me to throw my irl icons onto threads w my mutuals who only have animated icons/fcs #i don't mind it THAT much but similar media makes things a little less jarring to look at #IDK idk i'm finishing up a reply to one such thread so i might take the opportunity to test the idea out idk #could play around with the colour palette too and make it more pink or smth 🤔 #that could help add a little more of the right energy too maybe hmmm #anyway i'm rambling yes i'm thinking about it too much shush #if u read through all this ilu pls feel free to share ur opinion w me bc i'm Indecisive™️ #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me.

[wernerherzogs]

OK, so I've been meaning to watch the Buzzfeed Unsolved guys for yeeeears and just never have and I started to look into it the other day and got...so confused. I know they have their own thing now but I don't really know where to start. Specific videos? Compilations? The new show? WHAT DO I DO??

you're in LUCK bc i've been asked about this before

#i'm too lazy to type out a long answer again ajsjhfhd so i'm just gonna reblog my old bfu primers #HOPE THAT'S OK #i'm sure i still stand by what i'd said back then #however that was way before ghost files premiered #i guess you can probably start watching ghost files from scratch now and slowly catch up on the old content on the side? #i mean that's probably what i'd do 🤔 #checking out ghost files now when there's still not that much of it is probably a good way to check whether you even dig ryan and shane's #Thing/banter/everything at all you know? and then if it turns out you do #you can probably check out older stuff #the vibe of bfu WAS a bit different than ghost files' i guess but at its core it was still very much a Ryan&Shane show #the og #that's where it all started baby!!!!! #anyway. let me reblog the primers #thepagemistress #a response #bfu primer #ish

[burger-goblin]

.

#still unmedicated #my temper is very short #seen a lot of stuff today about the horrible terrible things happening all over the world #and had a genuine thought that stopped me in my tracks #'i'll just kill myself and start over' #like with all sincerity and not in an ironic way. i wanted to kms and not have to be a part of this world anymore #this awful cruel and unfair world that i hate so. so much #my 3 friends and tough boy and you all are the thread that's keeping me together rn fr #trying not to dig too deeply into why i want to kms while i'm unmedicated because it will do more harm than good #but man #idk. send me pics of your animals or something

[sunrise-on-the-shore]

stands in the middle of a desolated battlefield looking down on a grave with my name(s) on it.

heh. mood. oh WAIT—

#still suffering way too much #erm. uhhh. yeah. #no interesting updates to give! #maybe i'll come back soon. #i miss this silly hellsite y'know? #i have not moved on from the fucking dsmp. despite. everything. #i am digging my bloody fingernails into the character isn't cc thing. #it's really fucking hard some days but fuck it we ball. the autism isn't letting this fucking minecraft server go. #the special part of interest IS BEATING ME UP!!!!! /autism joke. terrible one. i know. i know... #LEMME GOOOOO LEMME FUCKINGGGG FLEEEEEE AGDJDGDJDGDHFHGHHHH #C'MON BRAINNNNNN #but no. no. ufkcidnsg. i am still making AUs and writing and thinking and crying and sobbing and screaming and you get the vibes #i have been crying daily since end of february. #we're in early april. #no i don't want to think about it. #ANYWAYYYYYYY HAHA... MOVING ON MOVING ON!!!!!! #i love oversharing in tumblr tags it's silly #it replaces my useless psychiatrist and the therapist i should see. #giggles #aight aight i'm done. #see y'all soonish.

[mako-island-moon-pool]

Why am I flipping tf out over my roommate going into my room when I wasn't home and leaving a package on my bed it's literally not a big deal and they were trying to be helpful but I am shaking right now I should be happy I got my new favorite shirt but I'm so angry

#Like genuinely seething with rage over something so innocuous I shouldn't be angry #But at the same time I'm like... #The door was shut. When did I ever say you could come in here (I didn't). I wasn't home. Don't touch my stuff. You could have left it #Outside the door. My room is a mess and they saw. AND DON'T TOUCH MY STUFF #I feel like I shouldn't have to sit them down and be like 'hey I don't want you going in my room when I didn't say you could go in there' #Like I feel like that's common sense when u live with other people but I guess not????? #Like it really bothers me cuz I'd NEVER go into someone's room when they weren't there w/o express permission #Fucks sake I linger outside the doorway til they say I can come in when they are there and we're talking #I feel like that's just basic decency because it's their space #Why can't you respect mine and not go in my room when you don't have permission????? #At least text me first????! #THE DOOR WAS SHUT THATS WHAT'S REALLY BOTHERING ME #THE DOOR WAS SHUT WHY WOULD YOU LOOK AT A CLOSED DOOR TO SOMEONE'S BEDROOM AND JUST WALK IN WITHOUT EVER ASKING #Sorry. I know I'm being super irrational right now #I just. My mom used to go through my stuff when I lived at home and throw out whatever she wanted #She would wait until I left the house and then throw things out and leave the rest in a giant pile of trash on the floor #It was always when I was having a decent day too. She'd treat me totally normally the whole way home and then I'd walk into my room to it #Absolutely destroyed and her response was always a cool 'well you should have cleaned it then' #I used to have to dig through the garbage to get the stuff I had attachments to back #She once threw out an entire shoebox filled with my drawings because it was 'too messy' but literally the lid was slightly askew from being #Overfilled. Instead of getting me a bigger container or another shoebox she just fucking tossed it #I lost so much childhood art from that it's part of the reason I refuse to throw anything I've ever drawn away #Anyway this is why I'm overreacting and being irrational and not letting people walk all over me with no complaints #Don't worry though I'm working on squishing any other reservations I have about being a doormat #That way in a couple more years I'll just be a shell of a person and then people will finally like having me around #AJDGDHDHDBMSBDGDJDHDBDMDBDBDN #Grumble grumble

[abluehappyface]

Haven't felt this way in a long time...

#looks like I'm back to digging myself a hole and burying myself in it #i was free of those thoughts for almost 3 years #but it could never be that simple could it? #he was so proud of me too... #saying how much he enjoyed seeing me finally happy #so I took his pride and crushed it. #im a nuisance to this family #i don't work #i barely leave this house #the only irl friend I really talked to and visited lives in Florida now #i depend on my little sister too much #and I'm terrible at online school aka the ONLY thing I'm expected to do #why couldn't I be the perfect neurotypical feminine daughter my mother wanted #why couldn't I smart the same way my father is #why couldn't I be social like my sister is #i wish I was better than who I am #maybe even to the point of being someone else #cw vent #tw vent #bluey's vents

[syrinq]

thinking about the fact that i do like forgotton realms-adjecent (fantasy equivalent of star wars-sized ip) games but then i have to grab a broom and hit anyone appearing out of the shadows who goes "now play dnd (or any ttrpg) with me" extremely violently so they remain in the dark for another 5 million years

#HOMIE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND IT'S THE FUCKING TTRPG AND ENTIRE MEDIUM ASPECT AND MATH PART AND RANDOM WACKYNESS THAT I LOATHE #IF I PLAYED DND I WOULD BE ONE OF THOSE “BY THE RULE” NERDS BECAUSE IF YOU RANDOMLY PULL OUT A BULLSHIT WAY TO UNDERMINE THE DM'S EFFORTS #WITHOUT THEIR APPROVAL THEN GOD HELP YOU! #anyway ttrpgs arent my thing whatsoever and i'm actually surprised some people do not seem to be understanding that despite the fact #why yes. i do like fantasy and any setting very much if executed well #anyway forgotten realms lore is not one of those things. is anyone going to tell me the real gist of the 'multiverse' that really seem to b #just a case of multiple galaxies and planes/dimensions or are you just gping to throw 3 in-universe cosmology maps at me #there really should be a distinction between how it really is and in-universe explanations because that really is the way i dig it #unfortunately. i have yet to See One IP do it That Way and also explaib Why in Intricate Nice Details #I love bitches who explain Why and Cause And Effect and not just give me raw facts data numbers through historical events #yeah if you can tell me exactly why this species loathes x or y or evolved to be this way then great! i love you very much! #otherwise fuck off because no reasoning and 'it just is' reads as 'this is just cool to me' or 'im too lazy to think abt it' or the #adult bullshit excuse of 'well because i said so!' #YEAH OKAY FINE YOU DONT NEED TO EXPLAIN THE NITTYGRITTY OF EVERYTHING BUT BOY! DO I LOVE REASONING AS TO WHY SOMETHING ACTS/LOOKS/DOES/IS! #OTHERWISE? MAKES 0 SENSE TO ME. THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT #why call it forgotten REALMS if your biggest focus is one fucking continent (faerun) #this also goes for very real stuff btw. like okay i get why a game can work essentially on a stupid display because it all comes down to #sand doing math and true/false statements etcetera. but as to how consciousness forms into a growing clump of cells. who knows #i also don't understand the concept that we need opposites for fucking everything in human-made theories like newton's law #or an explanation for 'holes' in THEORETICAL frameworks. such as what dividing 0 by 0 is. and then hanging onto those frameworks as if #they're 100% real and truth. mate it's truth from the perspective of humans but i guess i'll just not go meta here. this is dumb

[feyascorner]

Okay perhaps this sounds odd but imagine Astarion starts to disassociate while intimate with Tav and so he uses their established safe word, only to be bewildered when Tav actually listens to him and stops and asks if he’s okay and tries to comfort him because nobody has cared that much before 😢

OH GODS WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME (i love it) warning for suggestive content :)

For as long as Astarion's been genuinely intimate with you, for no other reasons but simply because of the affection the two of you hold for one another, he has always been in control.

It soothes him, in a way, to be on top. And as much as he enjoys watching you come undone beneath him, there's a more frustrating reason behind why he always feels the need to be the one to push you down onto whatever surface he deems decent enough at the time. From above you, he can see every little twitch in your body, every shift in your expression, and most of all, he can control what's happening, unlike his centuries spent as a seductive tool for Cazador's own needs.

He knows you're not like those fools. He knows you're different, and you're special to him. But the gnawing voice in the back of his head always forces him to pull you in, to hold you closer, to make love to you.

It's fucked up in so many ways.

"I want to make you feel as good as you make me feel."

But when you look up at him with those imploring, loving eyes, the voice seems to go quiet. He swallows the dryness of his throat, unable to think of anything but how wonderful your touch feels on his skin, and he thinks he could drown in this forever. He's putty in your hands, whether he wants to admit it or not.

"Well? Don't be a tease just standing there, darling."

In what feels like minutes, he's a mess. He's making sounds he shouldn't be making, fingertips digging into your hips as if they're the anchors keeping him from finishing too early. He breathes heavily into the crook of your neck, groaning when you caress the sharp tip of his ear between your fingers.

The only thing keeping him from spilling is the impending embarrassment he'd feel for doing so this early on in the night.

Then, everything stops.

"You're so beautiful," you whisper.

They're only words. They're not ones he's heard little of---in fact, he's heard it too much in the past two hundred years. In an instant, memories of the nights he spent under strangers, forced to shove his mind into its darkest corners just to get through their own pleasures, flood his consciousness. The sickening taste in his mouth afterward, and the need to rub his skin till it goes raw were not uncommon. It was routine. A sick part of his life that he'd rather forget.

You don't mean it the same way they did. They only said things like that because that's all they could say. They didn't know him as anything but the husk of a body he resided in. He knows you are saying the words to him. Not to his body but to the very person he is.

But the word comes spilling out his mouth, and immediately, you freeze.

You actually stopped.

Of course, you would. You're you.

"Are you okay? Did I do something?" you reach to cup either of his cheeks, and he stares at you as if you're a star that's fallen from the sky. He blinks, slowly.

"I don't know, I just---" he searches for words. "--you haven't done anything wrong, darling."

You wait for him to finish patiently. Gods, he doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve you.

"I only remembered something I'd rather not," he plasters a crooked grin on his face. "It's quite alright. We can continue now if I haven't ruined the mood."

You pull away from him, and he fears you'll leave.

Moments later, you return with a glass of water. Wordlessly, you hand it to him, and he only stares at it, confused beyond belief. Only once he notices the way you gesture to the glass does he drink it, and you finally climb back into bed, lying down beside him.

"Come here," you open your arm, motioning him to come closer.

"Darling, as much as I'm all for experimenting, that's a strange position to have sex in."

You smile, shaking your head. You don't explain any further, only continuing to hold out your arm.

Hesitant though curious, he slowly lies down beside you, his head just above your chest and slotted between the space below your chin. With gentle hands, you pull him closer and toss the blanket over both of your bodies.

It's warm. Strange, but warm.

"You don't have to wear a mask with me," you whisper.

His eyes grow wide, and his chest stills. He doesn't have many tears left after 239 years, but there's an unfamiliar squeeze in his chest that tells him if he were still 39 and alive, he might have. Astarion wraps his arms around your waist, burying his face into where he can hear the steady beating of your heart.

Later, when your eyes begin to droop, he mumbles.

"Tell me I'm beautiful again."

"You're beautiful," you say softly. "With or without your pretty face."

You might be imagining it, but you feel him smile against your skin.

#astarion ancunin #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate astarion #bg3 astarion #astarion x tav #astarion x reader #astarion #bg3 x reader #bg3 #fluff