#Im never going back to church

[ginnsbaker]

My missionary parents just came to my room to tell me that while they are away on a mission trip, my girlfriend can't sleep over at our house while im house-sitting it... The house that I bought with my own money....for them.

That's Christianity for you folks.

#Rambling about my life #Yeah i grew up in church #And the indoctrination of the bible is really something #I believe in God and a personal relationship with him #But no one's going to tell me im going to hell for simply loving another human being #Dad said he's not angry with my partner and i said then why do you and mom treat her like she's cancer??? #Told me they are praying for me everyday to go back to them #Im never going back to church #Not even if this relationship falls apart #No not even then

[moeblob]

Sorry I forgot Hanneman suggested Byleth undress after they show up with a different hair color. And I miss Hanneman. And also while swapping between Houses and Hopes and seeing Hanneman pop up to help in a Hopes paralogue is just devastating since he doesn't ever actually join you at all and I am denied my old man rights.

So I had to draw this. Thank you for understanding.

#fe three houses #byleth #hanneman von essar #i like that Byleth just kinda stares at him and he realizes WHAT HE SAID and the implications and is like #step back uh forget that I said that #like man so zoned in on research he blurts that out and has to backtrack mentally to AH socially bad to say that my bad #if i need to tag this as anything lemme know even though it is a conversation in game basically (minus the marriage) #also if you have never married hanneman i genuinely enjoyed his s support and was VERY surprised and hes just #honestly one of my favorites overall in 3h ?? and im still bummed i cant play as him in thropes like thats just mean #also i think if byleth was like oh well if its awkward to see someone undress randomly #then marriage would solve the awkwardness this is truly the best deduction #which is really funny that i can see it happening with both leths despite my hc of them #with fyleth as bi and myleth as ace i think both would just be like AH cool we can avoid awkwardness by marriage #and hanneman just wants to go lie down in a ditch because he said something like that #and and byleth doesnt even know about religion while working at church school they dont know about school regulations #that wasnt really on their mind to check ok just saying you could tell byleth no to something #and then they just go oh school policies i understand unfortunately #and the person is like no we just meant its frowned upon to do archery practice in the tea garden its not technically illegal just dont??

[rithmeres]

genuinely these panels are going to make me ugly cry

#i'm not back for real yet i think i want to stay away longer. i'm just here to put more things in the queue and answer messages #i really enjoyed trimax vol 4 idk something about it was less miserable than 1-3 #might have been the first volume that i wasn't grimacing the entire time i read it. or maybe i'm just desensitized now. #unironically this prayer is soooo beautiful to me. give us this day our daily bread. not bread for the week not bread for a year #just enough for today. #lately when i've been praying it just looks like #please for the love of god please please please please please PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPL #things are not looking good for the community house.. lots bureaucracy with the city. and the church that funded us is falling apart #i don't know what i'm going to do if we get shut down it's the one thing in my life that's worth anything #all those kids... where are they going to go. who is going to help them. where is the neighborhood going to get their food. #in two days it will be the anniversary of [REDACTED] and i am so so so scared #just sat in my room today and fruitlessly scrolled thru jobs im not qualified for & tried not to think about thinking about killing myself #i don't WANT to kill myself i don't want to think about it i hate thinking about killing myself i will never ever kill myself or even try #but there is a demon or perhaps a ghost or evil wizard that tells me there's an easy way everything can go away. and it's A STUPID. BITCH. #please do not reply to this post i know you all mean well but i just don't think i can handle it. #talking about it i mean. and hearing people say nice but empty things. #i just wish i had someone to sit next to me. #personal #i don't want to go to church tomorrow :( it all feels so fake and i do not ever feel fed.

[onyx-got-clowned]

i hate Mormon girls.

#Vent below 😍 #They literally suck ass #I’ve been nice to them all the fucking time #And yet i never get that treatment back #For light conversations yeah #But that’s it #also the fact i do have some friends in the church #but im not someone anyone in there see as a go to friend #Not someone they would go to #I get shoved out of conversation easily #And that’s if I’m even invited into said conversation #The adults are who talk to me #But they all suck too #Exmo #exmormon #mormon vent #anti mormon #Mormons dni #Onyx vents⭐️

[bloodsbane]

my pawpaw wants to have lunch before i leave which is fine but also it'll be the first time im mostly one on one with him since visiting (well it'll be him and his wife), and im just like. oh pawpaw i know you probably will but BLEASE don't ask me if im reading the stupid bible or whatever

#banebabbles #do yall know how persistently ive had to ignore/dodge emails and calls from the ward back home #at least they apparently never got my address and tried sending missionaries AAA #im sure youre all very nice. im not going to be active in the church again ty bye

[cliveguy]

the test of a good classic 2010-2016 era ship is how hard the 8tracks playlist would go

#um.txt #i just KNOW the [redacted] playlists were crazy. i bet they all closed with . that one song. #and all used samson even though it didn't really fit #take me to church. #sad ukulele cover of creep also #i need to go see if i can find any if the site is still minimally functioning because im 90% sure im right here #also back to original point bc i got distracted: those pirates could never have a good 8tracks playlist #i remember they used the chain in one episode for them and everyone went crazy. redacted is more the chain and they weren't even trying..

[widevibratobitch]

.

#im so tired of this lalalalalalalalaa #something is Wrong lol #i really need this therapy on wednesday but guess WHAT im not going. im going to a funeral instead 🤡 #and ill be singing in that stupid fucking church because have to but i dont fucking wanna i hate doing it and i hate churches #all i feel rn is the overwhelming urge to selfdestruct and like obv im not gonna kms now #but im so fucking angry that im not even *allowed* to do that anymore. like it was such a comfort all this time to know that i can just Quit #and now i cant because guess what someone has to take care of my mother 🫠 and im so fucking tired of being someone people depend on #to handle THEIR feelings and THEIR emotions and just take it all with humility and acceptance and kindness and never snap and bite back #like i dont WANNA hear about your dead husband i dont wanna hear about your stupid fucking boyfriend #i dont wanna hear about the new guy/girl who's hitting on you because you're so hot and perfect #i dont wanna be responsible for how people feel. i should just shut up and take it and be humble and never ask or expect anything back #but when is it MY turn to call at 1 am crying about how im tired and want to kms #or to start expecting shit of people and allow myself to get properly angry at them for not meeting those expectations #or to braggingly 'complain' about something the other person clearly lacks without any consideration for their feelings #or to just openly cry and say deeply personal shit without any filter not caring if that other person is clearly uncomfortable af #because *i* need it right now and i need someone to listen and let them worry about how to even respond to that stuff #im just so tired of people expecting shit of me im tired of being made responsible even tho i clearly cannot handle that responsibility #i wanna be mean i wanna snap and get angry and openly say that i dont give a shit and am tired and cant listen to this rn #but i cant because i have to be a motherfucking mother theresa and never dare to demand something for myself #and idk where that comes from. idk if it's coming from the fanatic catholicism of my childhood or my mother or just from myself and idc #i just feel so horrible and guilty and wrong for wanting anything for myself #and it once again feels like im making myself the victim and the tortured martyr here when i should just shut up and take it #i just wanna lie down and die and not care about who'll get angry or judge or blame me for it im tired and i dont know what to do #i want someone to take care of ME and reassure ME and make ME feel like i matter and that they really will help me if i ever need it #and that they'd be kinda sad if i were gone not because i had a role to fulfill that i failed at by killing myself but because i am a person #<- math calculations flying around my head as i come to the terrible realisation #of just why exactly im so deeply obsessed with my voice teacher (aside from her being literally the most beautiful woman alive lol) 🤡 #like babygirl stop being so utterly overwhelmingly kind to me my knees are weak i would do anything for you queen and I MEAN IT

[stabbingandorbeingstabbed]

i need to run away from home i need to move to a city and meet people who get it and i need to get my tits cut off for realsies this time like i've had enough actually. for the love of god

#my parents are being kind enough to pay for sessions with a life coach bc im very stuck and not at all sure what to do #and the bad news is that it's a woman from my old church #but the good news is that i've always liked her and she's the most normal person there re: non-christians #like we have a relationship that goes back 15 years and i've never once felt judged by her like i love her #and had NO IDEA she did the whole life coach thing #so im hoping that once we start this it'll be the active hand holding i need to like. pull me out of the rut i've been stuck in for like #almost a decade now #gonna have to wait on even thinking abt top surg tho bc i cannot see my family being super supportive of THAT and like #idk how to go about looking into how to do that like my insurance covered my breast reduction #bc i was still on my moms really good insurance and it was deemed medically necessary for my quality of life or whatever #and im SO GLAD i did it but u know what would be even better ?? never feeling the need to put on a bra ever again in my life #anyways. right now at this moment nothing has like materially changed but i think i can feel Something shifting #but that might just be me having a little bit of hope for the first time in a while lmaoo. bleak !!

[silverislander]

rereading a book i loved in high school to annotate a copy. remembering why it connected w me so much

#its the miseducation of cameron post btw #i read it literally 3 times in the space of 2mos almost back to back #i brought it on two trips- that was the year we went to austria and the year i went to national music camp #and like. yeah. yeah i guess that was why #smth abt that book just really cuts to the heart of what it was like for me growing up in the church #my church wasnt the wbc or anything ofc but like. they also werent/arent queer affirming and its hard to explain how it hurt me #bc everyone expects a story where someone sits me down and like. threatens to beat me if im gay or whatever #that didnt happen. its just that i figured out by osmosis from this environment that i was wrong and that i should be ashamed #and nobody ever challenged that assertion so it stuck for years afterwards #its like growing up in a house w mold in it youll never really know that its there until youre told but you know smth is hurting you #and by the time you realize what it is its gonna take fucking forever to remove #and thats how it is w cameron! she knows long before shes sent to the camp #i just keep coming back to how everyone who went to nationals w me came back talking abt this amazing spiritual experience they had #and how much it meant to them to be able to go #and all i was thinking was that i didnt make even 1 friend and everyone treated me like i was fucking diseased the entire time #the guys didnt want me around bc i was a girl and the girls didnt want me around bc i wasnt a girl to them #my roommate acted scared of me from day fucking one and i still dont really know why. wouldnt stay in the room w me #i would sit down somewhere in the common area and people physically turned away from me to have their own conversations #i think they knew. i wasnt out at camp ofc but im p sure they knew smth was up w me #levi.txt #idk. i dont have a Trauma to point to but i feel like calling the effects of what the church did to me religious trauma is appropriate #it fucked me up so so bad. i had to work through so much shit and im still not out of it #today im not ashamed of being queer but im still discovering new issues that living like that gave me all the time #ultimately. im ok rn dw just thinking a lot. its a great book im glad to reread it and really analyze it! its fun

[the-valiant-valkyrie]

thinking about singing in a choir/group in comparison to singing solo/accompanied by music and just thinking abt how comparatively different that is. an orchestral backup to a solo song is nice- and takes a lot of dedication to perfect, certainly- but you will always be missing the synergy that comes with singing with other people. the synchronous intake of breath, the way vocal harmonies hum through the air in a way humans were biologically designed to pay keen attention to. the control and perfection of sound with your body instead of just your hands and limbs, and the perpetual awareness that you're operating in sync with a handful or tens or even a large group of people.

anyways. thinking abt how wigfrid's 'spellbinding' singing voice absolutely did NOT come out of the blue. thinking about how she probably started singing alongside some sort of group before moving to actressing and spending the rest of her career and the rest of her life before the constant singing and being completely alone.

#yes this post is abt the fav but its also abt ME thats how i know its true bc its happening to ME!!! RIGHT NOW!!!! #i NEED to get back into high school chorus for my fucking mental health. miss that shit so bad. #indescribable feeling the raw POWER in the room the KINSHIP... we were fucking soldiers going to war #the war being our parents in our crappy auditorium. ANYWAYS. its not the same singing alone is not and never will be the same. #i think abt this once every two days at least. the fact that wig's first role was an overnight success means she MUST have spent. #like. YEARS perfecting her voice. singing is something that can be. so personal. #singing with your family singing with your friends. singing for a group. a church. idk. idc. #to dedicate your life to perfecting a talent and finding so much stardom that you accidentally condemn yourself to doing it alone. forever. #yeesh. yikes. #yall gotta get the rest of the survivors some professional singing lessons. make that her present come winters feast. #this bitch needs a choir STAT (i am also the bitch) #does this make ANY sense im procrastinating on my homework so idk

[shatar-aethelwynn]

acquaintance from a church: please give this church one more chance! it's the same pastor we all love!

me: ...the pastor is one of the reasons I left, so that'll be a no from me :)

#gee Id LOVE to go back to the place where I was told introverts dont exists #'if you dont pray in tongues god thinks yoir prayers are boring' #one of the elders told me I can never trust any academic to tell the truth #the pastor regularly criticismes lgbt people and my ace self is supposed to be ok with that (ha! nope) #they said we should all strive to 'use our gifts' but my gift of teaching meant 'would you like to teach children?' i dont like children #i left every single service feeling like someone was screaming 'you dont derseve to be loved' inside my head #the communication between groups is a joke #the pastor kept harping about it being the end times...that thing that induces anxiety because I probably have traume related to it now #my need to ask questions and ask why was constantly frowned on #and everything I learned outside the church means nothing because I dont have a bible degree or some bs so Im always the one who's wrong #and this guy wants me to 'give them another chance'? fuck. no. #Im annoyed now.

[precambrianhottopic]

i don't think i could believe in god if i tried but oh man do i think religion is cool

#as a concept as a form of shared culture as a practice it rules I AM AWARE THE CATHOLIC CHURCH IS BAD. #i just think gilded artwork and oral tradition and people thousands of years ago trying to explain the mysteries of the universe #in ways that are still relevant to a lot of people today. the way those beliefs evolve and change and become entire cultures #its so fascinating to me #my family are all atheists going back like 3 generations so its never really been something i saw for myself #and i dont believe theres any kind of higher power watching over us. but i think its amazing other people do. and #i think the universe is so big and wonderful and full of mystery. that you kind of have to understand #why ancient people looked up at the sky and concluded there had to be something looking back #anyway. im rambling and this post is poorly worded and makes no sense #plush.txt

[risingsunresistance]

my aunt's sunflowers finally bloomed but. well im no expert but they look like they could use some work kdhfjhd. it's been raining way too much and the heat has been insane so maybe that has something to do with their skinny petals. it's her first time trying to grow flowers on her own tho, she's so happy they bloomed :]

here's some more flowers from her house, just bc they're pretty and i wanna share

this one was just wild up in the hills :0

#been waiting to see these bloomed #she planted them the week he died... that did Something in my heart man #like i said a while back. sunflowers have always meant a lot to me for a lot of different reasons #but in particular i associate them a lor with life and death bc of mother 3 #i know it sounds insane to let a game COMPLETELY change my outlook on life but. oh my god ive bever had an experience like that #mother 3 did for me what church never could KFHKFJ #but anyways- #quite a few things (mostly the rising sun) made me associate sunflowers with techno #i brought it up on priv a lot #but when the news cane out i just couldnt stop thinking about them #has another meaning to me now. they make me think of him #i told my aunt about his death and she had some really nice words to say even though she didnt know him #she couldnt believe the impact. i told her about all the people who knew him #i didnt tell her how much her sunflowers mesnt to me tho bc it felt too uhhhhh. spiritual? superstitious??? idk but something like that #it just felt like. one of those things that isnt just coincidence ya know #she comes to see me not even a week after he's died and the first thing she tells me about is how much she loves her sunflowers #felt like i was meant to hear that. idk. not good at wording these things #enough rambling im gonna go attempt to ride my bike o/ #chat #tw death

[hiimcanadia]

I feel like my strongest relationships have always been with people that I'm not afraid to get in a fight with

#like. when i met my best friend he was still a devout catholic and im a nonreligious witch who's openly critical of the Catholic church #so sometimes we would fight! sometimes we would get angry at each other! #but we also love each other and have enough of the same core beliefs that i never worried it would be the end of our friendship #but on the other hand I've had a lot of relationships with people where I've put a lot of effort into making sure we don't fight #because i didn't know if we'd be able to have a serious disagreement and then still be friends #and like obviously there are certain things that are not debatable and obviously fighting with ppl you love isnt fun #but idk. i feel like my ideal relationship is one where we can argue about the death penalty or whatever #and then take ten to cool down and go back to playing video games together #2pm in the morning

[arundolyn]

Hey bestie, non combative ask I mean no harm - but I was wondering since you’re half native as well, what are your feelings towards Thanksgiving?? No wrong answers just being nosy do

socks my friend socks hellooooo

personally. just another Food And Seeing Family holiday. like my family never went to church so it's the same as Easter with but in fall and less eggs and candy and more turkey and Fall Stuff. my dad's family is states away while my moms is an hour away and that's The Indian Side so it's literally just. everyone goes to chill at memas house for a couole hours. we get to see my baby cousin and have good food and catch up and complain about family drama and that's about it tbh. very informal

there's not much I can personally Do about the concept and it's an excuse to have time off and see family I don't usually and have good food, but it's always been divorced from the original intent for us for obvious reasons. i don't hate it on the principle of its existence so much as I hate some attitudes about it and the Discourse surrounding it cause it's kinda just. clearly not going away. yes i am spiteful about white people who deny the reality of it, of course. but im not gonna waste Being Angry about a thing that's... I'm not gonna say harmless of course but it won't go away bc people like having time off work and/or opportunities to visit with family. but the people who refuse to acknowledge the fact that we're fed lies (at best) surrounding it from kindergarten onward until we learn about it either of our own accord or from family depending on circumstances and such, much less those who hold it as some kind of red blooded american ideal or whatever the hell else those kinds of people see it as. I understand not celebrating it as well bc like Yeah it definitely sucks origin wise and it can be hard to divorce the thing from its genesis, and maybe it was never a thing for your family to begin with. both stances are valid to me. it's mildly annoying when white people specifically try to do that. white guilt thing about apologizing or whatever but I don't see it or have it happen to me much anymore it's just kinda. a thing I coexist with. for me it's always just been an excuse to eat sweet potato pie yknow

#cawing #grippysockassbitch #i never realized the Going Around The Table Saying Things Youre Thankful For thing was like. a thing people do apparently #past like. kindergarten. cause we never did it and i thought it was a cheesy tv thing but lo and behold ive heard tell of it #my aunt and cousin started going to church again at some point but they dont make anyone else go so its really just Fall Easter for me #christmas with less pressure to get people gifts i guess isnntdf #only difference is i usually make a point to wear one of my ndn themed shirts but thats just for me #i think the first time i started bringing all that up my mom told me mema sorta got confused in private as to why i cared so much #but thats just kinda a product of the Yknow :( #its like 2 am almost i hope this is coherent. i get both being spiteful and not caring (within reason) #and i cant say i dont care its more just. im aware of the history and yeah it sucks but its not going anywhere #and my family still wants to see me and all so its just kinda coexisting with the concept. i have no perspective of white traditions #we literally just have 'dinner' (lunch) at memas and come back home a couple hours later after everyones tired

[reachthezeneth]

tldr : emo gay post

I came on Tumblr in 2011/2012. Maybe earlier who knows. Growing up strictly religious, this was my first place I could see queer content, where people didn't assume I was straight, (where I first fell in love with a girl), where I would see recs and posts that weren't straight ™.

I remember seeing this poem in an edit, and I remember seeing the author's name and thinking it's a man writing about a man. After googling and confirming the author was gay, I tried to consume any and all poems by him. I was heavily closeted still, no one knew I was bi.

I was in awe of this man. Who publicly wrote about this intimate love and didn't change pronouns, and was so open. I remember thinking, that could never be me. I was so scared to even look for his poems, I would have to google this on incognito tabs, log off and lock all my social media, never write or acknowledge I wasn't straight on any journal, all in fear anyone would find out.

I remember thinking it would be nice to own his book. It would never happen because I couldn't ask anyone to buy it, I couldn't even buy it without anyone finding out. It was just never going to happen just like I would never come out to anyone. It took years (too long tbh), leaving a cult, and a heartbreak to tell my close circle. Little by little, I started telling more people. Not in a big deal, just in mentioning it here or there. Now most of the people in my life know (and I'm emo now that I've just realized), and maybe I won't ever come out to my parents but that's for other personal reasons, but I'm out. When I never ever thought I would be. Never seemed like a possibility. Just like owning Crush never seemed like one.

Last weekend I remembered this poem and I bought the book, just like that. Holding it now in my hand feels so simple, like it's not a big deal at all. It feels surreal though because ten years ago, I was so sure it would never be possible. I was so sure I would never get to be this happy, this at peace with myself, this open and vulnerable with people. Like this feeling was for other people, I would never get to feel this free. I'm glad I was wrong.

#aneth's self text #crush is something that could be so personal #cheers to religious trauma and a big fuck you to the people who made me feel unworthy of living bc i liked girls #sorry to be emo on main I'm just going through something #literally tumblr reshaped my life in more ways than one and i wanna tell y'all in general cheers #this is why i can't relate to my friends from Christian church. they miss being a teen with no responsibilities #i would never go back to that life. 'i love the freedom too much' and they just don't get it #but being able to buy your own stuff is just one of the highlights of being an adult #also when i say 'im out' i mean both like sexuality and also out from the cult #anyway i bought two queer poetry books and I've already looked for more