#i wanna be mean i wanna snap and get angry and openly say that i dont give a shit and am tired and cant listen to this rn | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

girlnextdoooor · 10 months

Note

If you're okay with it, can you write semi public sex + degradation with brian, there is like no dominant reader stuff with him and I wanna spit on him (you don't have to write that specifically if you don't want to lol)

make me beg || brian x gn!reader

summary: "What kind of insolent, stupid, childish, brat are you? Did you not think anyone would ever fucking check you because management doesn't care?" you spit at him, fire behind your eyes. "Anything to fucking say, asshole?"

warnings: nsfw (MDNI), written with afab genitalia, semi public sex, slapping, degradation, face-sitting, brian experiences subspace for the first time, dom!reader, sub!brian, spitting, reader is mean, brian's into it. (if i missed anything, let me know!)

a/n: first request! i love this greasy dude, and i hope you enjoy! :) edit: this is so long i'm sorry </3

Your coworker, Brian, was known to give everyone shit. And that means everyone, including you. He made long days at Mickey's hell, and in order to keep your job, you grit your teeth and bear it. Every snide comment, shoulder check, insult - you let it happen and let it fall away as soon as you clocked out.

Thankfully, you were on dishes for the rest of your shift, which meant you could finally get out from under Brian's hateful gaze. The taller man seemed to have singled you out of everyone he could possibly want to pick on, and zoned in on it, taking every single opportunity to be an ass.

After about an hour, majority of the dishes were done. Just a couple more tongs to wash and...

"Thought I'd wait for you to be done before I gave you these," Brian says with a sickeningly sweet fake smile. He lazily dumps another hour and a half worth of dishes into the water, causing it to splash and completely soak the front half of your clothes.

A gasp leaves your mouth as the water hits you, and he laughs. "Oh, I'm sorry. Was that rude?" He sneers, still giving that sickeningly sweet smile. Your knuckles pale from your grip on the basin, gritting your teeth to stop from just shouting expletives at him.

He leans down close to your ear and you feel his breath on your neck causing goosebumps to shoot up your arms. "Better get back to work then, it's gonna be a long night", Brian turns and leaves, back toward the kitchen, where he stands eyeing you in between orders.

An angry blush coats your neck and ears in a throbbing red. 'Why does he always pull this shit with me? What the fuck is his problem?' you think. Being so caught up in angry thoughts, you don't even notice that you've still been washing dishes on autopilot.

A voice calls out to say they're leaving, which pulls you from your thoughts. That was the only other person here aside from you and Brian, and the only thing keeping you from openly snapping at him. Looking outside, you note the sun has already set. Great. Once again, almost finished with the dishes, which makes you sigh in relief. Just a couple more pans-

Another six pans are unceremoniously dumped into your dish water, and Brian laughs again from behind you. "It was a busy day today", he remarks. Feeling another wave of red-hot anger course through your veins, you spin on your heel, coming face to face with him. The look of genuine shock on his face when you grab a fistful of his uniform and pull him closer to your face is almost cute.

"I don't know what the fuck your problem is with me, but this shit is not fucking funny. If anything, I'm repulsed to have to work with someone like you, and I would be happier if you just stopped coming in. What kind of insolent, stupid, childish, brat are you? Did you not think anyone would ever fucking check you because management doesn't care?" you spit at him, fire behind your eyes. "Anything to fucking say, asshole?"

A blush has started peeking out from under his uniform collar, and he refuses to meet your burning gaze. You shove him back with the hand in his shirt, "That's what I figured. Get your shit done so we can lock up". Another turn and you're beginning to wash the remaining pans, still angry, but significantly more relieved.

Brian stands there behind you for three more counts, unmoving, almost as if rooted to the floor. You half turn again, noting him still standing in the same spot. "What the fuck dude? I know you're not deaf; are you just stupid? go finish your shit or I'm leaving you here by yourself", you sneer. He still stands behind you, eyes locked on the floor so his messy hair falls into his face. You wait another minute or so before spinning around to face him again, arms dripping soapy water onto the floor.

"What? What could you possibly still be standing there for?" You yell, exasperated. Brian says nothing, but continues to stare at the floor. You trace his gaze and in your scanning you spot the tent in his pants.

Oh.

Suddenly flushed with second hand embarrassment, you point your eyes at a particularly interesting corner. "You cannot be serious right now". He makes no effort to say anything, but his breathing is labored and he's clenching his hands into fists at his sides.

"Look at me, freak", you snap at him, eventually lining your eyes to his view. Almost immediately he shoots his eyes up to meet yours. His entire face is red and his eyes are glossed over, which isn't a bad sight. Under normal circumstances, he's frustrating and annoying and every mean word under the sun. But now? Now he's listening to every command, every lull in conversation, waiting to be told what to do and how to behave.

For you.

This knowing that you're the one who has him hard in his pants at being called names, and you're the one that lit his entire face up in red hues, is enough to light something in you you had only briefly felt towards him before you shut it down yourself. Realization washes over your face when you fully grasp the power you hold over him.

"Kneel." You command, a smirk threatening to peek from your otherwise straight face. He says nothing, but obliges, lowering himself onto his knees in front of you. It's such a pretty sight, having Brian, the person who's done nothing but torment you for months on end, be at your beck and call. It makes your stomach churn with possibility.

"Come here", you say. A smile creeps onto your face when he crawls his way in front of you. "You behave so well when asked". He glances up at your face to try and read the situation, his entire face still a bright red.

You raise your hand and smack him one good time across the face, just for giving you extra shit to deal with today. A red welt in the shape of your handprint sticks to his left cheek, and he whimpers at the physical contact.

Oh.

He manages to breathe out a quiet, "Please more", before you hit him again on the opposite cheek, and he groans in response. Gathering all the spit in your mouth, you look down on his, what looks to be adoring, frame, and spit - catching in his hair. And he moans.

"Kind of filthy. Even for someone like you. Guess you really are just that disgusting", you chide. He lowers his head and lets a low noise rumble from his throat. You glance down, and what was a tent is now his erect cock completely showing through his pants. This could end up being really fun for you, you think.

You lean down to him, lips gently touching his ear, "Were you hoping you'd get on my nerves enough for me to smack you around some? Tell you how disgusting I find you?", you smile. He gently nods in response, "Ah... Yes, please", before squeezing his eyes shut. Pulling back from him, you notice his hair is sticking to his sweaty forehead, and his mouth is ever so slightly ajar, giving view to his front teeth and tongue.

Out of pure impulse, you stick your thumb in his mouth, widening it just a little. His tongue convulses around your finger and he whines almost inaudibly. "Oh... I see what you want," you smirk.

At this point, you're absolutely soaked. Having this much control over someone who's been an asshole to you pretty much your entire time at Mickey's makes you want to do everything in your power to ruin him.

"On your back", you command, not even caring about the cameras or the fact that the lights are on and the doors are still unlocked. Brian immediately untwists his legs from under him and gets himself flat on his back in front of you, eventually readjusting to take his hat off. Slowly, you slide your pants down, almost as if putting on a show for him. He exhales like he's been holding his breath forever, before sucking in another quick, shaky breath while watching you. A giggle pushes it's way out of your throat, which makes his face darken in color. After your pants are kicked off your feet, your underwear swiftly come down with them.

You kneel on the unswept floor and bring your hips to a hover right above his face, and he drools. "Is this what you want, pretty boy?", you say, your own breathing growing heavy from arousal. He nods and opens his mouth in waiting, being exactly eye level with your wet cunt now. Spreading your legs, you let your heat make contact with his mouth, and he's immediately one hundred percent invested.

A gasp tears from your throat as his tongue makes deft circles around your clit. His tongue is so warm and wet around you, which causes you to grind down into his mouth. Brian slowly begins to fuck you with his tongue, moaning the entire time, making you cry out and grip your chest, flicking a thumb over your nipple.

"Ah... Brian..." You moan, your other hand snaking its way into his hair and pulling. You can feel him whine against your heat, sending shivers up your entire body. Glancing down, you notice he's staring directly at your face and whatever pleasure may etch into your features. His eyes are blown black from ecstasy.

You pull yourself from his mouth, eager to let him beg to fuck into you. Brian whines when you pull away, his lips flushed and wet with your slick. Shuffling down, you finally pull him free from his pants, and immediately line him with your entrance. You're inches from his face when you once again command an objective, this time it being for him to open his mouth. He opens up exactly after the words left you, and you spit into his mouth, leaving him moaning underneath you.

"Oh my fucking god Brian", you moan as you finally sink down onto him, your slick coating him easily. His cock is long, and throbbing with want. Off instinct, he lets a low, guttural moan tear from his throat, which only arouses you more. You pause for a minute once he's completely sheathed inside of you, becoming adjusted to him, and letting him twitch in anticipation. Eventually you move your hips, beginning to bounce, with eyes screwed shut, over and over again, allowing the whimpers and cries from Brian to spur you on.

"Please (y/n)... make me beg..." He whines, gripping your hips to keep a steady pace. Immediately your eyes snap open and your hands meet his on your hips, pausing any and all movement. You lean down again, and let your hot breath hit his ear and neck. "You want to beg for it? Then beg, pretty boy", you mumble. Brian cries out, shifting his hips slightly to move deeper inside you. "Please... Fuck - Please let me fuck you the way I need to, please. Please... Ahh", He moans, leaving his mouth almost completely open. Still leaning forward, you take this opportunity to spit in his mouth again. He stares into your eyes as he deliberately swishes your saliva around his mouth before swallowing.

"Good boy", you praise. Brian's hand reaches for his face to cover the continually darkening blush spread across his face, but you grab his wrist and keep it pinned to the floor. "I want to see your face, pretty", you praise again, and almost involuntarily his hips snap up, making you moan on accident. "Do you really want to fuck me?"

Brian gives out a weak nod. "Please... please ", his moans and pleads are drowned out by a gentle grind of your hips. You grab a fistful of his hair before gently saying, "Then fuck me like you mean it". He takes that opportunity and begins thrusting his hips into you, crying out every time a particularly hard thrust makes you involuntarily squeeze the hair in your hand.

His hips snap up, driving his aching cock deep inside of you. Over and over again he fucks into a spot that has you moaning for dear life. "Such a.. pretty boy... my pretty boy...", you moan, pulling the hand from his hair to rub circles into your clit.

You're the first to come, wailing praises of how god Brian is for you and only you. You involuntarily clench around him, and the praise sends him over the edge. A moan ripples it's way through your chest at feeling the thick ropes shoot inside of you.

Everything stops, almost as if time stood still. Both of you are sweaty and panting; Brian more so than you. You gently remove yourself from him and pull your jeans back over you while he collects himself on the floor.

"Tell me if you ever need that again. It's fun smacking you around", you laugh. He lets out a shaky breath and half smiles. "Maybe I will".

"Do you know how to clear the cameras?" you ask.

"No, I figured you did", he responds.

Well fuck. Looks like you're both about to lose your job.

#brian wilcox x reader #brian fast food nation #fast food nation #paul dano x reader #brian wilcox x you #reqs!

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bonny-kookoo · 1 year

Note

Can I request a drabble similar to "silver collar" please? Pet reader x member who's their owner. Preferably puppy hybrid reader and Yoongi.

Leave me alone, I am soft now. Architect!Yoongi x Dog Hybrid!Reader AU. I didn't include full on smut in this though (only hints and mentions), dunno if you wanted that- also didn't know if it needed to be Idol!BTS or not. Warning for mild angst.

----

While he's busy shaving down the edges of his newest project, you sneeze in the background, making him chuckle before he eventually shuts off the machinery he's working with. "I told you to not sleep there." He reminds you, but you only stretch your legs, lazily yawning where you're laying close to his workspace. He's placed several sleeping spots for you all throughout his workplace here, well aware himself that he's spoiling you- something he'd never openly admit.

You're a bit of a princess in his eyes, both during daily life, and behind closed doors as well, bedroom included.

"You wanna go outside?" He wonders, putting the wooden boards to the side before he looks at you. "Hey, puppy. I've asked you a question." He sternly calls out, snapping you out of your slight daze, eyes now open.

"Can we get food?" You ask instead of properly answering, making him sigh as he takes off his mask and work attire, before he walks over to you.

"If you can behave." He tells you, earning an almost offended pout. "Don't look at me like that. It didn't work this morning and it won't work now."

"It did work this morning though." You tease, tail wagging impishly behind you as you grin up at him, reminding him of the way he'd tried to punish you for an earlier incident, your constant tests of his patience and dominance sometimes leading to moments like the one you're mentioning. Though you'd simply been lucky- he'd been in a particularly generous mood to say the least, granting you your pleasure at the end after all. "People might wonder who the pet really is if they knew how you act when no one's around." You giggle, no shame in your words whatsoever.

Right now, however, this generous mood isn't there any longer.

Yoongi simply hooks a finger into the loop of your collar, pulling you up closer to him as he looks down at you with a gaze that you know means business. It's not angry, it's not mad- it's unreadable, dangerous as he won't show to you what he might have going on inside his mind. "You've been awfully bratty these days." He comments, making you swallow thickly while keeping eye contact.

It's a small rule of his. He hates when you don't look at him.

"Is that collar not enough?" He wonders, voice almost sounding disinterested. "Do I need to gag that mouth of yours to remind you of your place? Or am I just being too nice to you?" He asks, making you shake your head. "No? Funny. I expected that answer." He lets go of your collar, leaving you to sit with a more cowering position at his scolding. "I'll go get food. Alone." He tells you, putting on his jacket-

instantly earning a whine from you, eyes wide open as you stare at him as if he'd just told you he's going to bring you back to a shelter. "That look isn't going to work." He tells you sternly, and you know that he means it this time. "You stay put. Maybe that'll give you some time to think about how you've been acting lately."

Maybe you have been growing too bold these days? Thinking about it, you don't know why you've been acting like this at all. Maybe your pre-heat? But even then, you've never been this overly cocky with your attitude towards him. You don't know why you're constantly this nasty towards him, hell, you don't even feel like yourself these days at all, and you don't know what's the cause of it.

The door closes, leaving you all alone in his workplace, with no idea of when he'd be back at all.

All you do know is that trying to get out yourself, or making any mess would possibly result in further punishment- so you only put his work apron on your little mattress in the furthest corner of the place, before laying down with it in your grasp. Yoongi has never actively punished you like this, so you're completely unsure of how to act.

Thinking about it, he's always been nothing but nice to you.

When the door unexpectantly opens later on, revealing Yoongi with a white plastic bag he sets down on one of the unused tables, you instantly wag your tail, eyes filling with unshed tears while he walks closer, clicking his tongue at the sight. "It's alright." He looks around, making sure you did stay like he'd told you to, before he leans down to properly pull you into his arms. "See? You can be such a good girl. Why the attitude lately?" He wonders. "I hate punishing you, you know that."

"I know." You choke out, holding onto him. "I don't know." You say honestly, truly unsure why you've been acting like this at all.

It actually worries him a little. Your change in character has started randomly, out of the blue. If this had been truly your personality from the start, you wouldn't have waited almost three years to really reveal that to him. He knows you, he takes great pride in that- so something else must be going on that he doesn't know.

"You think there might be something wrong?" He wonders, carefully wording his sentences as he wipes your cheeks free of your tears. "Maybe we should make an appointment, just to check up on things. We haven't been to the doctors for a while." He suggests, and much to his surprise, you nod. "Alright. Let's eat for now though, and then go home."

"Home sounds nice." You say quietly, visibly exhausted. It's another thing he's noticed- another thing he quietly notes down in his head to ask about at a later date.

For now, however, he's got his little princess back- the happy pup he's taken in years prior, and it makes him smile as he watches your excited face at the fact that he'd bought your favorite.

You deserve it, after all.

#bts fanfic #bts fic #bts suga imagine #yoongi fluff #min yoongi imagines #yoongi imagines #yoongi imagine #bts imagines #bts x reader #hybrid au #hybrid imagine

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jaeyunlover · 1 year

Text

Hi, I’m Jake

Part 1

Warning:MIGHT CONTAIN smut MIGHT , cursing,a little fluff, minor dni arguing,fighting, yelling ALSO EXCUSE MY WRITING IM NOT GOING OVER IT 😭😭so don’t do me to bad I’m not putting extra periods and comma and stuff but yeah

Jake x reader

Nobody knew what was going on with Jake lately, they would ask him if he was ok ,but he would just say that he was fine but it was clear that he was lying.

After rehearsal Jake left earlier then usual, but they were use to it but of course jay just couldn’t leave him alone. So jay went after Jake saying things like ‘what’s up with you’ but it made Jake even madder and he started yelling at jay saying that he just wanted to be left alone.

“What’s up with him” jungwon asked concerned but annoyed at the fact that Jake is getting mad at everyone and not explaining why or what’s going on.

“I’m sorry for taking my anger out on you guys, it has nothing to do you y’all I’m just tired” Jake texted to the group chat. Everyone looked at each other and and sighed, and with that they ended the day with that texting back “it’s ok” and heading back to the dorms.

Jake was already at the dorm almost half asleep by the time they got there but heeseung couldn’t just leave Jake sad or angry, so he woke Jake up and asked did he want to go to the convenient store and Jake shook his head no but heeseung insisted that he did and Jake got up and put his shoes and jacket on he couldn’t say no to his hyung deer eyes.

Heeseung just wanted a one on one conversation with him, as they left heeseung texted the gc asking what they wanted to eat and should they get snacks. They all texted yeah and that they wanted chicken and heeseung looked at Jake and asked if he was hungry just nodded and heeseung laughed at how cute Jake was acting.

But Jake started crying and heeseung was befuddled and didn’t know what to say or do at that sudden change so he hugged Jake and said “I don’t know what’s going with you but you’ll be ok I’m here and so are the other member so don’t cry anymore , your a strong man right ?” Heeseung sat there patting his head “wanna sit down for a min?” Heeseung asked Jake nodded still not saying anything.

They sat at the nearest resting spot, it was silent and awkward then heeseung asked “so what’s up with you” Jake laughed shyly and a little embarrassed that he cried in front of his hyung “I guess im a little tired and stressed out you know? I feel like I keep making mistakes, we barely get any sleep so I guess im just drained”he said looking a bit better “well we have our holiday this week you can just rest we can also go shopping sounds nice?” Heeseung offered Jake just laugh

“Come on we have to go the store still”heeseung said so they got up and started heading there, as they entered the store there was a group of girls like 3-4 of them and one caught jakes eyes, he couldn’t stop starring at her with his nose still red and his eyes a little puffy.

“Jake ,Jake, Jake, Jake” heeseung repeated himself and stop dead in track when he saw jake light up like a Christmas tree when he saw y/n . She had colored hair that was burgundy and dark brown eyes with thick lips that matched the hips and was very curvy but the only thing that caught jakes attention was her smile.

Heeseung grabbed Jake by the shoulder snapping him out the trance that he was obviously in from the girl that was clearly a foreigner because she kept saying “i don’t understand” with a shy but faint smile when the community complemented her of her looks.

“She’s cute isn’t she?” Heeseung said teasing him but Jake just openly admitted it “yeah” not knowing what he was saying he got flustered and started stuttering “I mean yea- but like y-you know what I mean right”he said with a little laugh

“Come on” heeseung said walking closer to the group with a big smile on his face “no,what are you doing” Jake said chickening out. but he still followed behind heeseung over there, Jake had forgotten all the reasons why he was sad he was TERRIFIED right now what heeseung was thinking of doing. What he had dread came true heeseung spoke to them.

“Are you guys foreigners” he said in his best English accent, “yeah, how about you” y/n asked “yeah I am so is my friend his name is Jake he from Australia” heeseung replied Turning to introduce Jake but he was outta sight Jake hid behind a shelf in the store pretending to look for stuff sweating bullets.

Y/n laughed and asked “you have an imaginary friend?” And laughed at the Joke heeseung couldn’t help but laugh as he walked away looking for jake “stay right here I’ll get him” heeseung said in his broken English accent “ok” y/n said still laughing

“Come on” heeseung said grabbing have hand but jake was pulling away shaking his head fast getting shy “no I can’t” he said scared but laugh because he knows he looks crazy heeseung just said ok and let Jake go but then heeseung did what he thought wouldn’t happen

“I found him he’s over here” heeseung lightly raised his voice a little so they could hear him. They all looked up and headed over to where they were Jake had fear in his eyes and felt betrayed by heeseung and heeseung just laughed at Jake.

“So he isn’t imaginary” y/n joked with him “hi jake my name is y/n how are you” but jake froze he didn’t think that he would see her up close she smelled sweet and fresh and her skin glowing from the store lights she looked angelic

“Your really pretty” Jake just said out loud and heeseung bucked his eyes at the shocking comment “and doing fine how about you” he added “thank you and your cute too and your little accent awwww” y/n said Jake started blushing and heeseung was grinning because he didn’t know where that confidence came from in Jake , he’s usually shy and timid but he stepped out that square for once and it even surprised Jake himself.

Then jungwon texted the group “where are y’all are y’all ok?” Heeseung responded and said “the line was long were on our way home now” and then he ordered the chicken to the dorm so by the time they got there it would be there

“We have to go mind if we get y’all’s contacts” y/n said “yea us too ,and sure” jake said switching there phones and when she gave it back he noticed that she put her name In with a heart emoji like(💕) and with that they all headed home and Jake had a smile all the way home

“Happy you came out” heeseung said laughing “yeah” Jake said blushing looking at her contact name

“What took so long” jungwon asked them not convinced at the text heeseung sent. Then Jake and heeseung looked at each other and started laughing. “Awww your back smiling again im glad your ok now do you wanna talk about it?” Jungwon offered “I was just tired and need some air and stuff you know” Jake said walking toward jungwon giving him a hug “thank you” he added “yoi” jungwon said confused Jake laughed and he went to find Jake and apologize to him “it’s ok don’t worry” jay said laying on the bed scrolling through weverse comments then Jake jumped on the bed bro hugging jay and thanking him.

Sunghoon stood in the door way after getting out of the shower and Jake started walking to him to give him a hug to but he started walking backwards he thought is was cringe and so did Niki

And then he hugged Sunoo “it’s ok Jake everyone have bad days too we’re all humans” Sunoo said hugging him tight and Jake laughed because Sunoo thought he was squeezing tight but he wasn’t

Then the door bell buzzed the food had finally came and heeseung had got out shower and opened up the door and get the food and Jake headed to shower cuz he was the only one hadn’t used it yet. after 15 mins he got out and sat at the table with the other members and prayed for and over everyone food and they ate and ended night and Jake got a call from y/n everyone looked at him and heeseung laughed and so did Jake and they finished their food and went to sleep.

#smut #enhypen #jake x reader #enha x reader

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kybabi · 3 years

Text

pushing their crush away and missing them

w/ oikawa, sakusa, and atsumu!

(a/n: i had a couple requests where the boys push the reader away who’s been openly trying to pursue them but then they start to miss them so i decided to write for it! i’m not gonna lie that title is absolute shit but i didn’t know how else to label it😭

anyways all are written in the timeskip :)) enjoy y’all💞)

oikawa

you figured a direct approach was the best one to take with oikawa tooru

the two of you had been friends for quite a while after highschool, ending up in argentina at the same time

before, you’d seen him as a friend, but your feelings had progressed

you’ve been trying to pursue him for months, but he’s only ever teased you flirtingly, never going anywhere past that line

but one day, his team wasn’t doing so hot, so you came to visit him after practice

“hey, did you maybe wanna go out for some food? you look tired.”

he’d been silent, so you pressed further

“maybe going out for a little would do you—”

“could you fuck off for two seconds, y/n? you’re really fucking annoying, you know that?”

it became clear to you that he would never return your feelings

you left that night feeling empty and numb

when tooru calls in the morning, you sigh before declining it. he calls again. you turn your phone off.

on oikawa’s end, he’s feeling frantic. he hadn’t meant to snap at you last night, but like always, he’d just let his emotions get the best of him. he wants to find you and apologize for what he said, but you won’t answer your phone and he has no idea where you are.

days go by and you don’t respond to anything he sends you.

hey

please pick up the phone

i’m sorry

please forget what i said to you

i didn’t mean it

goddamn it y/n pick up the damn phone

please

fuck

as much as you ache to tell him that you forgive him, you know you need to move on. before, you’d been holding on to that little sliver of hope: maybe one day he’d turn around and realize that you made him feel the same way he made you feel. but now you understand that you’re a nuisance to him; a burden. why would you want to keep pining after him when he would never feel the same way?

what you didn’t know was that oikawa did feel the same way, even more so. but he was terrified that you would figure out that he wasn’t as great of a person that he pretended to be and leave, and that frightened him. he never made a move because he was so scared of losing you.

but now you’re gone and he doesn’t know what to do. he misses you like crazy. he can barely sleep, up in the late hours of night thinking about you.

today, he’s getting ready to go out for the night, when he opens the door. he gasps softly, stepping back.

you’re standing right in front of him, hand raised reluctantly to knock on the door, and you’re wearing the same expression as he is.

“tooru—”

he cuts you off, throwing his arms around you tightly and gasping into your hair, relief flooding his nerves so fast he can barely breathe.

you hadn’t meant to show up at his place, but somehow your feet moved on their own, and now you’re in his arms. it feels better than you could’ve ever imagined. it feels too good. and you know you’ve made a mistake.

you push him off you gently, stepping back. his expression drops with hurt and confusion.

“i shouldn’t have come here,” you mumble, looking downward, before starting in the direction you came. he looks at you, startled, and runs to catch you, grabbing your wrist.

“wait! don’t go,” he pleads. you stop in your tracks, tears pricking at your eyes. “you— you haven’t been answering my texts,” he mumbles guiltily. “i mean, i get why, it’s just...” he trails off.

“i missed you.”

you gasp softly, heart breaking, and pull your wrist out of his grip sharply.

“fuck you, tooru!” you blurt, turned away from him. “you can’t just say things like that and string me along when you know how i feel! god, how could you do that to me?” frustrated, involuntary, angry tears stream down your face uncontrollably. you’ve always hated how you cry when you’re mad.

he blanches, opening his mouth to say something.

“y/n—”

“i can’t do this anymore,” you cut him off. “i can’t sit here and pour my heart out to you over and over again while you don’t even care.”

“Y/N—!”

“i can’t be your ‘friend’ if that’s all this is gonna—”

but you don’t finish, because he’s tugging you towards him in half a second and his lips are on yours, pressed firmly against you. his hands are in your hair, cradling you gently. you pull away.

“i’m not stringing you along. okay?” he mutters, breathless. “i didn’t mean what i said to you that night, and i couldn’t stop regretting it. and then you wouldn’t talk to me and i felt terrible without you and i just really, really need you,” he whispers, desperate.

“do you mean that?” you ask, hope swelling in your heart. he nods.

“i love you. so much,” he exhales against your lips. “and i’m never letting you go again.”

sakusa

you can’t remember a time where you haven’t been completely in love with sakusa kiyoomi

you’ve always loved to put it on display, hoping that it’d make your feelings less serious to avoid rejection

kiyoomi usually tolerated it; it became a part of your dynamic honestly

but one night, the jackals had lost their game, and he was frustrated and angry

you figured he could use a pick-me-up

“wanna go out for drinks?”

as he said nothing, you went on and on about how he shouldn’t beat himself up, your arm linked around his bicep, and he’d had it with you

“why don’t you go throw yourself at some other guy? god.”

he shoved you off his arm and walked away

as you walked home alone, you figured that maybe he was right

if you were going to throw yourself at someone, it shouldn’t be the man you’ve been unrequitedly pining for for years

when sakusa wakes up, his head hurts, and he rubs his eyes tiredly. it’s already 11:26, according to his watch.

he sits up, memories of last night flooding in. he cringes when he remembers the things he said to you. he remembers the look on your face when he pushed you off of his arm and walked away.

last night had been rough, but it wasn’t his place to take it out on you. he pulls out his phone and dials your number. it rings a couple times. no response.

he tries texting you. you always reply in less than 10 minutes, but the chat box is empty. guilt swims in his lungs, making it hard to breathe properly.

he spends the next few days wallowing in self-pity and shame, waiting for a response that never comes. when the guilt becomes too much to handle, he decides to go out and find you himself.

he looks around your apartment complex, not seeing you anywhere. but when he turns his head, he finally sees you walking down the street. you’re wearing a coat and heels, the attire a little too nice for a walk in the night. he runs to catch up with you.

“h-hey!” he stammers, watching you turn around in alarm. familiarity flashes across your face before hurt takes it place. kiyoomi’s heart sinks guiltily.

“hey,” you whisper, voice tiny. you’re looking around warily, as if you’re hiding something. he picks up on your behavior, but he’s too focused on making things right to say anything.

“i’ve been meaning to see you,” he mutters. “i wanted to apologize for the way i acted the other night.”

you sigh, checking your watch. “it’s okay, kiyoomi. look, i need to be somewhere right about now...” you trail off, dismissal clear in your tone.

“oh,” he mumbles, rubbing at the back of his neck sheepishly. “where do you need to be?”

you shift on your feet awkwardly, and the tension between the two of you is uncomfortable.

“i’m,” you start, looking away. “i have a date.”

kiyoomi’s heart stops in his chest. when it finally registers your words, it begins to ache painfully.

“you,” he murmurs. “you what?”

you try to smile up at him but the gesture looks weird and out of place.

“i have a date. my friend actually set us up,” you explain, false excitement lacing your tone.

something bitter bubbles up in sakusa’s chest, filling his body with an indescribable feeling of jealousy. he glares at you.

you stare back at him, confusion and irritation contouring your features.

“what?”

“seriously, y/n? a date?”

you scoff. “what’s wrong with that?”

“i don’t think you need to be dating right now,” he argues bitterly.

“you know what?” you whisper angrily. “you don’t get to act like this when you’re the one who told me to throw myself at some other guy!” you yell, frustrated tears blurring your vision.

“fuck!” he grits out, fists clenched helplessly. “you don’t get it, do you?”

“get what?!” you ask, exasperated.

“i’m in love with you!” he blurts, face dangerously close to yours. there’s visible frustration in his eyes, and you feel like you can’t breathe. “fuck.”

“what?” you whisper.

“i want it to be me. you should be with me.”

he looks down, the expression on his face just lost and a little confused at the way he’s feeling. he looks slightly embarrassed, and your heart begins to swell at the sight.

“you really feel that way?” you ask, baffled. “all this time...”

“just,” he tries, flustered. “be with me instead, okay?”

you sigh against his lips. “anything you want.”

atsumu

you were always very obvious about your feelings for atsumu

whether or not he picked up on them or not, you didn’t know

but you’d always flirted with him and teased him about everything

he was your best friend, and you held onto the hope that maybe one day he’d see you as more

he was having a terrible day, and you were the last person he wanted to see

nonetheless, you showed up

“hey, tsumu, you doin okay?”

he’d grunted in response

“hey, talk to me—”

“why are you here? i don’t fucking want you! so just leave me the fuck alone, will you?”

and with that, all the hope you’d clung to had dissipated

somewhere, deep down, you’d known he would never love you the way you did him

but hearing it just felt even worse

the set is perfect, and atsumu can see it happening in slow motion. the spike, the way the ball hits the other side of the court, everything. it’s practically perfect.

when the crowd roars, he sighs, exhilarated and a little out of breath. he looks toward the stands, searching for your face in the crowd. he can’t seem to find you. he deflates a little.

they’re probably in there somewhere, he tells himself.

the jackals win the last set 25-21, and atsumu’s never felt so elated in his life. he can’t wait to see you to celebrate the win with you!

but as atsumu waits just outside the gate, searching for you, he starts to get anxious. you’ve never missed a single game. why wouldn’t you be here?

he knows the things he said to you the other night were uncalled for, but you know him. you know he didn’t mean them. right?

but as the time passes, atsumu realizes that you didn’t come. his heart sinks.

atsumu doesn’t realize how badly he hurt you that night. you spent the entire night sobbing, the realization that he was completely right stinging painfully. it wasn’t his fault that he didn’t feel the same way. but it hurt terribly all the same.

so you’ve been avoiding him. he probably hasn’t even noticed.

but atsumu feels like something is off. you’ve never missed one of his games.

to investigate, he shows up at your door, knocking three times. when you open the door, his mind goes blank. you’re in his sweatshirt, the fabric stretching over your thighs and hanging off your frame adorably. he swallows.

“h-hey...” he stutters, nervous. you shrug.

“what’s up?” you respond, awkward.

“oh. uh, right. you,” he mumbles. “you didn’t come to my game today.”

you scoff. “why would i?”

the words sting in his chest.

“what?” he whispers.

annoyed, you glare at him. “you can’t tell me to leave you alone and then get upset when i do.”

guilt starts to prod at his heart. “i know, but...”

“besides, you were right. i should get over you.”

he looks down, shameful.

“but,” he mumbles helplessly. “i don’t want you to get over me.”

you gape at his audacity.

“what, so you can string me along for the rest of your life? what the hell is wrong with you, atsumu?”

he grits his teeth in frustration.

“you don’t understand! i,” he sighs, exasperated. “i’m in love with you, okay?”

you freeze.

“and i fucked everything up and i hurt you but i just really fucking missed you,” he spills, emotions going haywire. “and i want you to be mine.”

you’re staring at him, eyes wide.

“you—” he looks at you, helpless. “you’re my best friend.”

you stay silent.

“so. uh, i guess i,” he stammers. “i understand if you don’t—”

you don’t give him a chance to finish his thought, pressing your lips against him before he can say another word. his hand immediately comes up to cup your cheek, thumb rubbing circles into your skin.

you pull away, lips swollen and breathing heavily.

“i love you too, ‘tsumu.”

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yannadere · 3 years

Text

daryl dixon, shane walsh and glenn rhee (separate) reacting to their s/o getting bit

cw: loss, depression, unhealthy coping, suicide, angst, hurt/comfort

Daryl Dixon:

you're scared to tell him

he's lost so much even before the apocalypse, you don't want to hurt him

trying to distance yourself from daryl doesn't work at all

he just gets worried, which comes across as him being angry, and he clings to you

poor bby has abandonment issues

it's a few days after you get bit when you finally tell him, you already feel your health deteriorating but you hold up for him

you tell him when he's getting ready to settle for the night

bc evenings with you are when he's the most calm

"hey, daryl?" you mumble, and he hums softly, eyes still closed. "hey, look at me. i have to tell you something." you sigh, nudging his arm with your uninjured hand. "what?" he groans, finally looking at you. "i.. my hand isn't just cut, daryl..." you sigh, unraveling the bandages. "what'dya mean?" daryl's brows furrow, eyes falling onto the bandages as they fall.

his blood goes cold, and he sits up suddenly and grabs your wrist to observe the nasty bite on the side of your hand, between your thumb and forefinger. "damn it, why didn't you tell me?!" he snaps, stopping to take a breath as you flinch back slightly. "c'mere..." he sighs, pulling you into a tight hug. "i'm so sorry..." you whisper clutching his shirt tightly. "sh, it's okay... i... when you go, i'll be here."

"daryl... you shouldn't have to do that..." you close your eyes, tears slowly falling. "nah. it's fine. i... i wanna do it. i don't trust anyone else to. not even you." he holds you tighter, kissing your neck gently.

"i'm so sorry, daryl... i was being stupid, i-" he silences you, moving away and pressing his forehead against yours. "don't blame yourself. i knew something like this would happen eventually... i put merle down, had a feeling either of us would go next." he gently cups your face with his hands, wiping your cheeks and nuzzling his nose against yours affectionately.

"i don't want to put you through this, daryl." you cry, going to leave when he pulls you back. "don't leave... please don't leave..." daryl begs, pulling you back to him and letting your body fall limp against his. you let out a small sob, wrapping your arms around his middle as your head rests on his shoulder, tears dampening his shirt.

"it'll be okay. i'll take care of it. for now, get some rest. i'll be here when you wake up." he kisses your cheek, waiting for you to calm down. you sniffle, holding him tightly. "i'm so sorry..!" you repeat the words over and over, and he closes his eyes, trying not to cry himself.

"shh... please... don't be sorry." his voice wavers and he hates it. "just sleep, darlin'... i'm right here." you whimper before falling quiet, resting your hand on his jaw and nuzzling into his neck. "i love you, okay..? i didn't want it to be this way." you breathe out, letting him lean onto you slightly. "i know. i know. just sleep for me, darling." he sniffles, cradling you close as you fall asleep slowly, knowing it would be the last time.

you fall asleep in his arms, but he can't bring himself to harm you

so, he tells rick, who's also upset upon the news

however his best friend's distress makes it even worse

so, rick does it for him as the others try to comfort daryl

after your death, he becomes reckless and depressed, not eating or drinking at all and becoming skinny and malnourished

he shoots openly at walkers, and when his ammo's out he takes out his anger on other walkers in other ways

whether it's stabbing them, bludgeoning them, or just hitting their bodies after they fall.

rick decides to put him under close watch to ensure he doesn't harm himself

but daryl's rather experienced in sneaking out/away, and he visits your grave often

unfortunately one morning, rick finds him at your grave with a bullet in his head

he's buried next to you, as rick knows it's what daryl craved

to be with you again.

Shane Walsh:

you got bit on the way back from gathering medical supplies for carl

and with shane you knew there was no way he would take well at any time of the day

so you decide to rip the bandaid off and talk to him an hour after your own little grieving session.

you approach him when he's talking to the small group, asking him for a private talk, saying it's important

so, of course, he's worried, as are the group

you take him behind the barn and hug him

he's genuinely confused as to why you're acting like this

deadass asks you if you're expecting or smth

you hate to break his heart

"so why did you bring me back here?" shane asks, crossing his arms and cocking a hip. "shane... i'm sorry." you sigh, pulling the collar of your shirt to reveal the bloody bite on your shoulder.

he's speechless, blinking a few times before almost collapsing. you yelp, catching your boyfriend quickly, but fall under his weight. on the floor behind the barn, shane closes his eyes, crying as he holds you tight. "shane... don't cry. it's okay..." you try your best to smile, cupping his face and wiping his tears.

"this isn't okay..! baby, you're not okay!" he sobs, cupping the back of your head and pulling you closer. "shane- baby, stop crying... it's okay." you sniffle, smiling through your own tears as you kiss his jaw lovingly

shane tries to gather himself, but his whole world feels like it's collapsing. "shh, shh... c'mon, let's get you some water." you grab his hands, trying to pull him up. slowly easing him onto his feet, you help shane back to the house. rick spots you two immediately, stumbling to help you both. "shane-?"

"rick..!" shane is clearly distraught, and his best friend latches onto him quickly to try and calm him down. "shshsh- hey, look at me." rick soothes, and you stand back slightly, trying to calm your nerves. "what happened?" rick demands, eyes steeling as he stares at you. "rick- it's not-" you try to explain what happened, when shane answers for you. "they got bit! my baby got bit..!" shane sobs, knees feeling weak as he almost collapses again.

rick processes the information, looking at you in shock. lori overhears, muttering a fast "oh my god..!" as she approaches the three of you. "how did this happen?!" rick asks, trying to support shane fully. "i was in a rush, i got grabbed and..." you trail off, moving over to comfort shane who can't calm down at all.

"he needs to sit down..." you say softly, glancing at hershel who was observing from his porch. "come, sit him down inside. i'll get him some water." hershel guides you and you help shane in with the aid of rick. flopping down onto a couch, shane can't seem to catch his breath, so you crouch in front of him to cup his face, whispering comforting words to him. "baby... i'm so sorry, it should of been me..!" shane cries, and you hush him quickly. "don't you dare say that, shane walsh." you scold, pulling him into a tight hug.

"never blame yourself for my death. i wouldn't rest easy if you did." you sigh, smoothing his hair and kissing his temple. rick stands anxiously nearby, and you sense his worry. "sit, rick. relax... i've got this." you nod at him, and he nods stiffly, taking a seat of his own when lori pipes up. "when do you think you'll turn?" she asks, and you freeze. "lori-!" "i'm just thinking ahead, rick!"

shane becomes more distraught by her words, clinging onto you tightly. "shh, it's okay... i'm here, bubs." you sigh, cradling him impossibly closer. "the hell's goin' on?" maggie asks, confused as ever. "not now, please..." rick sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. "right..." she mumbles, leaving as hershel comes back with some water. "here, drink some of this, son." he nods, giving the glass to you so shane could take it.

after taking a few sips, shane goes back to codding you, slowly winding down. "there you go, just breathe." you smile, kissing him gently. "i'm sorry i couldn't protect you..!" shane hiccups, nuzzling your neck. "shh. don't say that..!" you sigh, holding him tighter. your boyfriend whines softly, and rick closes his eyes with a pained sigh.

you last a few more days before turning, spending your time slowly becoming more sick with shane next to you all the while.

when you turn, shane is devastated, holding your head as you stare up at him with discoloured eyes

he ignores how you try to bite him after a few minutes of your brain losing all memory of him, and his tears drip down onto your face

rick walks in, and sighs. he knew it would happen eventually... everyone did.

shane holds you for a few minutes. you were slowly gaining strength but he was always stronger.

the room is silent except for you little noises, and shane finally accepts this fate when rick puts a hand on his shoulder.

"let me do it..." his best friend gruffly says, and shane shakes his head. "leave 'em be, rick... just for a little while longer..." shane begs, and rick sighs, looking away briefly.

"you know i can't do that. if you or anyone get bit-" "rick, i am asking you nicely. leave."

he spends a few days with you in walker form, and it scares everyone. lori tries to convince him that you're not there anymore, a hollow vessel of what you once were but he wont buy it.

he loves you too much to believe anything like that, or hurt you. to him, you're still his darling, his everything who held him when times got tough.

you scratch at his arms, not even breaking skin due to your blunt nails, and he doesn't mind.

finally, with a few kisses around your pale, sunken face, and a final kiss to your lips that he forced closed- shane raises his gun.

he hesitates, letting you get the jump on him, but he grabs your jaw before you can do anything

the sudden commotion makes rick fly in, only to see you lifeless once more in shane's arms.

Glenn Rhee:

unlike the other two, he watches you get bit.

he's completely distraught as the rest of the group fight off the walkers whilst he makes his way to you

he rams the zombie with all his strength, knocking it down before shooting it

you've collapsed, sat back against the car door as blood seeps from your cheek, whimpering in pain and holding the gash with your blood-soaked hands.

he's crying before he knows it, dropping down next to you and carefully covering your cheek with his shaky hands.

he tries to reassure you, and himself, that you'll be fine and won't get infected,

but the sad look in your eyes confirm that you're not making it to the date he wanted to take you on tomorrow

as you slowly bleed out, he tries to tell you stories, to keep himself calm as you slowly die.

"hey, remember when..?" you're not paying attention, just admiring him as you move your hands to cup his face.

"i love you.." you croak with a small smile, and he smiles sadly, sobbing all the while.

the others have to watch, all waiting for the inevitable

"please don't leave me... please, i need you." glenn pleads, and you smile sadly.

he's pressing kisses to your forehead as you hold him close, your blood staining his hands, arms and shirt

"baby...?" glenn mumbles softly, sitting with you leant against him. "i'm still here, darling..." you whisper, gripping his shirt tightly. "i'm gonna miss you..." glenn sniffles, kissing the top of your head gently. "me too. i'll always be with you, okay. when i go, i don't want you to be sad. i want you to keep going, to find happiness again, even if it means finding love in another. i want the best for you." you smile, despite the ache in your cheek.

glenn breathes out as his eyes close, his tears still falling. "i could never replace you like that..." he whimpers, fingers curling into your hair as he holds you closer. "baby, don't cry... don't cry, because i'll cry." you try to laugh, and glenn laughs too, gently rubbing your uninjured cheek.

"glenn, we've got to, y'know..." rosita sighs, but glenn shakes his head. "no! we don't kill the living..!" glenn protests, his hold turning protective. "right, right... okay." she fakes surrender, walking away.

when you pass, glenn just knows. he doesn't even look at you. he can't bring himself to.

however, when you turn, he doesn't even bother to restrain you, just holding you close as you bite into his neck.

abraham shouts in alarm, shooting you instantly, and glenn cries as you fall, cupping your face and leaning down to press his forehead against you.

the group is distraught, but glenn just lets everything happen, telling them to leave him be, move on.

abraham gives him a spare pistol, and glenn takes it with a nod.

the group leaves, and glenn knows what he has to do. so, he opens the car door, slipping you into the car easily

he gets in himself, closing the door so walkers wouldn't chew on you or him.

alas, glenn admires the gun before pressing it to his chin.

#tw su*cide #cw angst #daryl dixon x reader #daryl dixon #twd daryl #twd rick #twd shane #shane walsh x reader #shane walsh #glenn rhee x reader #glenn rhee #twd glenn #the walking dead x reader #twd x reader

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flashyfucker · 2 years

Note

okay but WHAT IF cale was just a little mean and annoyed with consistently seeing tyson fuck over his best friend even though the feelings between them are obviously there so when tyson tries to set cale and his friend up cale isn’t gonna turn down a date with a pretty girl and he sure as hell isn’t gonna turn down her offer for him to come up to her apartment after the first date either

and he knows it’s wrong considering he’s the only one smart enough to see the underlying tension between tyson and his best friend but as long as tyson keeps fucking other randos on drunken benders, you’re gonna keep coming back to cale and who is he to say no to that? ultimately it was tyson who set you up with cale sooooooo ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

and then in the locker room when tyson is talking loudly to jt about his latest conquest that occurred after ditching you at a bar and ultimately leaving you calling cale to come pick you up, cale slyly and VERY out of character brings you up to erik, maybe about the way you can take all of him down your throat or how pretty you lol with tears glistening in your eyes after you take him down your throat

BASICALLY i can see cale sick of picking up the pieces when tyson keeps fucking ditching his gorgeous best friend and taking advantage of their friendship so cale takes the opportunity to treat you right when set up by tyson , eventually leading to fwb because you and cale both know who you actually have feelings for even if it’s unsaid … all leading up to the eventual blowup in the locker room when cale finally snaps and brings you up when all the other guys are talking about their nightly activities and tyson loses his shit cuz who does cale think he is ! anyways this was all brought to you by fiesty cale having beef with ratty tkachuk lmao

NOOO u figured out this vibe completely cause (and cale’s perspective won't really go into the fic so let's talk abt it) cale also being kinda bitter abt tyson setting him up to fail, too?? tyson completely brushing off cale's legitimacy as an option for you, setting you and cale up with an attitude of "lmao sure that'll work,".

maybe it started with tyson literally just noticing cale blush around you, kinda, so the next time tyson gets you alone he doesn't hesitate to tell you: "cales kinda into you, d'you wanna humour him?" and being the asshole tyson is, he assumes that's exactly what you're doing when you take cale's number.

so cale fucks like he has something to prove from the jump. he's well aware it's not gonna last, so he might as well impress you while he has you, even if you aren't really interested in the romantic shit he'd maybe like to give you. he's not gonna turn down pussy from u, yk?

and he's polite about it for a while, wears hickeys and scratches openly but lets the whistles and chirps wash over him without sparing details. he’s polite, till tyson shows up talking about the girl he’d been with after bailing on you the night before, and cale’s not thinking before cutting in with “your best friend’s great at it, y’know. took the whole thing down her throat the first night.” and maybe tyson’s dumbfounded, scoffing “shut up,” like he doesn’t believe it at all, but then cale’s angry, sick of tyson not taking him seriously in these contexts as much as he’s sick of tyson stringing you along, and the boys are well and truly listening, an entire room holding their breaths, so cale continues: “no, tys, listen, she loves it. busted on her face last night and she fuckin’ begged for more. came all over my fingers ‘till i was hard again—” and that’s when punches are thrown? aaaa

#slutty!tyson #tyson jost x reader #cw: smut #ff.hc #ff.asks #starlightfooty!

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cinnamonest · 3 years

Text

Speaking of though. I've brought this up before but boys getting all hurty and bitter because darling has been talking positively about other people is so cute yet so obnoxious because I swear none of these bastards can healthily process and express their feelings like. I have thoughts on a few

Kaeya is soooo passive aggressive. Just mumbling things under his breath. He gets super petulant about it even, it's kinda uncharacteristic of him really, but when he gets bitter enough he can be really childish about expressing it. Stays just close enough for you to see him but pulls super petty shit like standing up and walking out of a room as soon as you come in. It's super quiet and that's how you know something's up since he normally can't shut up. Like he wants you to bring it up, he's not gonna initiate the conversation, because he wants the reassurance that you care about him being upset and if he doesn't get that he gets progressively more subtly passive aggressive until you bring it up and then finally the dam breaks and puts on the arrogant narcissist demeanor, lectures you about how your behaviors and actions recently have been inconsiderate and selfish and he's so gracious to put up with it. Turns everything back into being your fault. Folds his arms and kinda shifts his weight onto one foot, irritated stance, talks over you. Can be placated and somewhat soothed with enthusiastically initiating apology sex, but he stays mad a while, rolls over away from you in hopes you'll go back to apologizing again. He just really likes hearing you apologize. He's a sensitive, hurty boi but too insecure to be honest with you, and needs the ego boost.

Childe's similar but more direct and less gaslight-y. Also passive aggressive and quiet but less in a pouty way and more in a smiley way. Smiles really big all the time, very obviously forced. He's a bit talkative. "So how was your day?" But it's immediately obvious he's pissed off just from his tone, a fake sweetness that clearly says you need to apologize for something. Also can be placated with sex. But thankfully he's more likely to actually stop being mad afterwards. If it was genuinely anger, he's more likely to just get over it and return to his normal self, but if the pouting was triggered by having his feelings hurt he's more likely to get a bit vulnerable/open with you and grumble a confession that you more or less hurt his feelings, resting his face against your shoulders or chest, in hopes you'll reassure him.

Xiao. Supreme pouty. You take a bit longer to realize something's wrong because he's normally quiet anyway, but the biggest indicator is the space between you. He's normally trying to get awkwardly touchy, even though flustered about it, he just loves touch too much, likes to just be in your presence and watch you, but now he's in another room. Putting space between you. Sitting cross legged on the floor in a corner, arms crossed, just very very very ">:(" and turns his head the other way when you try to look at him. Embodies "no talk me I angy." Slow to admit he's mad even if you bring it up, keeps saying "nothing" and going quiet again. He might admit to being mad but just not tell you why. In the end he can hold the anger for a few days even before it just settles into being hurt and he comes crawling back to you, still not vocalizing his feelings, but being all touchy and pulling you into his lap and hugging and hoping you'll hug back to make him feel reassured. He's the least likely to actually admit why he's upset in the end, but as long as darling gives him kisses and cuddles and sweet words and all those other things he needs, he can be reassured with just that.

Xingqiu is kinda similar to Kaeya/Childe but even more obvious. Says passive aggressive stuff out loud rather than mumbling it. He still wants you to be the one to acknowledge it, but will blatantly push you to do so, he's impatient and less mature. He also won't tell you what it is, not because he's embarrassed, but because he wants you to figure out what you did wrong, since you *should* know, he thinks. Will also follow you around, stays pouty a long time. Difficult to placate, you have to more or less wait for him to get over it on his own, but apologies and affection will speed up the process. He might finally admit to being hurt, but will be very snobby and grumpy about it, not wanting to appear vulnerable.

At least you can finally get transparency out of Razor though. It's such a breath of fresh air from the others. Will literally just be like "I'm angry because of this >:(" and pout right in front of you. On the downside he's actually not quick to forgive. You can apologize but he'll keep pouting and being mad the rest of the day, it's certainly the most childish out of all because he just follows natural instinct as a child would do, which is to express anger by being mad and huffy in front of you to try to invoke more apologies. And if you move and walk somewhere else, he's close behind you, won't let you be alone because he's mad and you need to know he's mad so you have to keep seeing him mad >:( however, also very childishly, one quick way to get him back to normal and even snap from angry to happy is just offering him anything to make him happy. You wanna go for a walk?? Eat some food? Play a game? He just !!! And forgets he was ever mad. Or being overly apologetic, telling him you're sorry, you feel bad, he'll forgive you right...? He's easily manipulable so at that he would start to feel bad himself and forgive you.

Diluc is the biggest candidate for getting outwardly and openly angry. He's got some anger management problems going on, so he can't really control himself well enough to be too passive aggressive, he's just... Aggressive. Gets all snarly and eyes narrowed and openly says petulantly bitter things. Gets physical from the get go, grabbing you and dragging you around when you get frustrated and roll your eyes at him, just drags you to bed for whatever he has planned to get his anger out. Grabs you hard even if you're just pacing around the same room and asks you where the fuck you think you're going, he didn't say you could just walk out. However, because he's so openly angry, the thing is that it's actually kinda good because he gets out the anger all at once without letting it build and build, and so the anger peaks and dies down pretty quickly, and then he's just... Hurt. Folds his arms and looks sadly at the ground, lower lip pouting, very sad puppy eyes. He wants you to feel bad and dote on him and tell him it's ok and you're sorry and you still love him :( ...even though he might have just spent the past few minutes being mean and hurting you... That's not important, what's important is he's sad so you need to comfort him :( if you show him some affection he'll finally kinda just lean into the embrace and bury his head in your shoulder/chest and quietly say forget it, it's dumb, but if you push it he'll admit what he was mad about, just in that same quiet voice.

Albedo is one of the hardest to recognize. You won't know he's mad. It doesn't really show on his face. It doesn't show in his tone of voice or word choice. It's the little actions you finally notice. His walking is heavy, almost stomping. When he finishes with the equipment he was working on, he doesn't set it down gently, he harshly shoves it down or kinda drops it with a loud thud that makes you jump. He nearly slams doors. You can see his hand curled into a fist by his side, or his jaw clenching. If you don't bring it up soon, he starts getting a little passive aggressive, mostly cold shoulder, talks even less than normal. If you bring it up though, he acts like he has no idea what you're talking about. He's not mad. Why would you think that? You have to really push before he finally admits it, and when he does it's one of those rare moments of a break in his usual personality, he snaps and bitterly spits out an answer, speaking through clenched teeth, but more or less is transparent about why. After the outburst he just kinda sighs and says to forget it, nevermind, forget that happened... Secretly is kinda like Diluc, really hoping you'll come over and be all apologetic and tell him you're sorry for what you did wrong, you won't do it again, give him hugs and kisses please, just cling to him... And begging for forgiveness would be nice too. Gets kinda surprised Pikachu face if you actually do try to forget it and move on. Whoops.

Scara though. Almost comical. He's so so so so obviously bitter. His face twists up at half the things you say and he just kinda tch'es and crosses his arms. Openly passive aggressive, openly upset, but if you do what you're supposed to and apologize for what you did, or if you're too stupid to figure it out and have to ask what you did wrong... Well either way, he just flat out refuses. Realistically, it's because he's likely mad over something embarrassingly trivial and small, but can't help but be mad. But he just. Won't. Let it go. It's a weird duality where he refuses to tell you, rolling his eyes and trying to make it sound like it should be obvious, and if you're too dumb then you don't deserve to be told, but also won't get over it. Like Razor he just kinda follows you around because you need to know he's mad dammit. You need to feel bad and recognize that he's perfectly justified in being mad and you should be apologizing. If you start getting an attitude instead of being apologetic he just gets angrier and that's never good. If you finally do figure it out and say sorry he just kinda sighs and asks why it took you so long, clearly you're not sorry at all. Needs you to really grovel and beg for forgiveness before he'll actually let it go. Really snobbish and narcissistic about the whole thing, constantly making you feel stupid for not apologizing immediately.

#scheduled post

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bitsandbobsofwriting · 3 years

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The Magic Reveal fic we deserve, in which Merlin gets as angry as he deserves to get:

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Don’t get me wrong I LOVE a magic reveal with a Merlin who feels bad about lying. I love a reveal with Arthur being furious and Merlin crying but then they talk it out and all is well. I think it's pretty in-character for Merlin to want to see Arthur come to his own conclusions about magic, without being influenced by Merlin’s opinions

BUT I also kinda wanna see Merlin get angry? Like, why should he feel bad about hiding himself in a kingdom where "himself" gets him nothing but a pyre?? Yeah, he and Arthur are close, but unless you've lived with a secret like that (one that will get you shunned, hated, or even killed) then, and I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH, it doesn't matter How Close you are with someone, how certain you are that they would never hurt you, or care either way, it will almost ALWAYS be scary to tell them. So like. Let Merlin get angry:

I'd say Arthur has been king for maybe a year at this point. He's still a new monarch, still a lot on his plate, BUT also still plenty of time for him to have repealed the ban on magic, or at least started working on it.

But he hasn't.

Granted he hasn't executed anyone in a while (banishments and prison time are the norm, executions are only used nowadays for high treason). BUT the law still remains, it's still technically punishable by death, to be a sorcerer.

Arthur and Merlin have little hunting trips, when Arthur is getting too stressed and losing too much sleep, when he trains the knights too hard and snaps at even Gaius, Merlin (or sometimes even Leon, if they're both being grumpy arseholes) insists that they leave the city for a day or more, to go hunting.

The council have been told it's so the King can keep up with his fitness, can keep familiar with his lands, and keep his skills sharp (he only has enough time to train with the knights a couple times a week nowadays, a far cry from the several hours he used to do every morning without fail), and that keeps them satisfied.

The Gang (the Knights, Gwen, Gaius, and Morgana (she's good in this because that's what I want let me have this)) know the truth, that sometimes the two of them just need a few days to goof off and be themselves, to finally get some time to relax. They'll grab a couple hares and maybe a stag on the way back if they can, so they can at least pretend that's what they've been doing the whole time.

These trips can last anywhere between a day, to two weeks, and Arthur leaves the same set of instructions with the council and the knights every time:

"The safety of Camelot’s people is your highest priority. I leave Sir Leon in charge of everything to do with the knights, patrol, and should any form of conflict arise. If there is an emergency, you are to consult the Inner Council (I don’t know if that's a thing but let's say it is; its The Gang), and send a squire on horseback to fetch me immediately. There's one boy in the troupe who always manages to track me the down the quickest, so make sure he's the one sent, Sir Leon knows who I speak of."

(He's improved over the years, but Arthur is still very... cagey, when it comes to compliments, and his trust. Leon will never mention it, but the fact that Arthur leaves the safety of the kingdom to him, without hesitation or worry, makes him feel greatly honoured. That is the highest form of trust Arthur is capable of giving.)

ANYWAY I feel like most of this has just been backstory so let's get into it:

Normally it's Merlin or Leon who demand that the trip needs to happen.

This time

It's Arthur.

Arthur has tried to ignore it (he's trying to get better but he's not great with emotions and stuff, the big dummy) but Merlin has been in a sour mood for weeks now. He's been quiet and withdrawn, snappy, and has been avoiding Arthur whenever possible.

At first it was easy to ignore, when it started a few months ago it was barely noticeable to anyone who didn't know the two of them Very Well, but in the last few weeks it's become a problem.

Arthur reckons a trip might do them some good. Merlin can relax, and will either get over whatever is bothering him, or be comfortable enough to talk to Arthur about it.

So they head out. Merlin doesn't seem too happy about the trip but he doesn’t complain.

(Odd in itself, if Merlin is unhappy about something he usually makes it known.)

The first couple of days are... odd, to say the least. It seems that every time Arthur notices Merlin relax, he quickly tightens up again. One short, joking conversation is followed by a few more hours of painful, awkward silence.

Arthur comes to the daunting realisation, that if he wants to help is friend (and the love of his life but like... baby blondie has hardly reached that conclusion himself, he might need a bit more time on that) is to confront it head on.

So they're settling down in the evening. The fire is roaring, the horses have been fed and watered, dinner has been eaten, and the two of them are sat at opposite ends of the fire (Very Odd, they're usually glued at the hip, especially when it's just the two of them).

Arthur looks at his friend properly for the first times in a while and he Does Not Like what he sees.

Merlin is visibly exhausted, big bags under his eyes, and his skin paler than normal, scowling ever so slightly into the fire. Shoulders tense, and hands gripping each other until the skin on his knuckles is white. And despite all that, Arthur thinks that Merlin looks more sad, than angry.

Maybe Merlin notices Arthur's staring, they hold eye contact for a little while before Merlin becomes sort of... resigned?? To the fact that he's gonna have to have this conversation whether he wants it or not? He goes to say something but before he can, Arthur interrupts him:

"So Merlin. How do you think I'm doing so far?"

(Which is a stupid thing to say, really. But Arthur is, as we've already established, extremely emotionally constipated, and he figures that finding out what's wrong with Merlin indirectly, and then subtly fixing it behind his back, is a far better idea than asking him to his face.)

Merlin clenches his jaw and looks away it this, his reply and his body language clearly sending different messages:

"You know what I think. You're going to be a great king."

Arthur thinks : "(Going to be? I've been king for a year, there's been no war and far fewer attempts on my life than when I was a prince. There's been a good harvest, all diplomatic meetings have gone well, and more peace treaties, and trade agreements, have been signed in the last twelve months, than in the ten years before it. I know I can still do better but... does Merlin not think I'm good?")

Arthur says : "Going to be? I think I'm a pretty great King already if I do say so myself."

"Then why ask? Besides. There are a few things you haven't done."

Merlin's tone is biting, even though he tries to force it out casually. Arthur notices. ”There are a few things you haven't done”... that means something specific.

"Hmm. I suppose. What things did you have in mind then, Merlin?"

Arthur also tries to sound casual, but the question comes out very pointed

Merlin desperately doesn't want to say it out loud, in fear of revealing too much of himself, so he goes with the vague answer of:

"Promises were made. I guess I just figured you weren't the type to break them, that's all. I'm sure you'll get there in time."

Merlin sounds sort of hopeful there. But the sort of hope that he's been living with for years, the sort of hope that has a layer of sadness and resignation laying over the the top like a tablecloth.

Arthur notices:

"Promises?" He doesn’t want to talk too much or too loudly, in fear that Merlin realises that he's speaking openly and clams up again.

Arthur has realised, over the last year or two, that despite their closeness, despite the endless conversations they seem to have, he doesn't really know all that much about Merlin. He knows he doesn’t spend as much time picking herbs, or in the tavern, as he and Gaius would claim. He doesn't know his favourite colour, or season, or holiday. He doesn't know when abouts his birthday is, or what he likes eating. He doesn't know much about his childhood, he's never mentioned his father.

(Despite all this, he's still in love with the idiot, but again, a revelation for another time.)

Merlin responds "To the druids. You promised they would be welcomed, that magic would return. I know your opinions on magic-"

(The manservant visibly shuffles at this, uncomfortable.)

"-but I figured a promise is a promise. Keeping your word had always seemed so important to you. Before."

Arthur notices the past tense. Like Merlin doesn’t believe that Arthur holds importance to his word anymore:

"I'm not my father Merlin. There have been no executions just for the sake of it since I took the crown."

Merlin’s reply comes quickly, in a harsh tone:

"Yes I know that. But your fathers law still remains. It's technically still punishable by execution just to exist as a sorcerer in your kingdom."

(Arthur notices the thinly veiled disgust in Merlin's voice when he mentions Uther. Arthur knew that Merlin disliked the previous king, but he didn’t think he hated him that much.)

Merlin is getting more and more visibly frustrated at this point. Both at Arthur, and the topic of conversation, but also at himself, for letting himself become so worked up over something he'd sworn to keep Arthur away from.

"You really didn't like my Father did you Merlin?" He says it with a chuckle, trying to keep the conversation light and casual.

(This is NOT a conversation that should be light and casual, his friend is in pain, and revealing more of himself than he ever had before, this should be serious. But Arthur isn't quite sure how to do that, so inappropriately light and casual is what he goes for.)

Merlin responds with a quiet, but forceful:

"I hated him. I still do. He's your father, I know that you're not him, and I know you can't help your heritage. But I'll never forgive Uther for what he did. And I'm not angry that he's...gone."

Arthur's very much taken aback at that. He knows everyone has... strong opinions on Uther, but they've never voiced it in front of him.

"Why?? I mean I know he put you in the stocks a couple of times, but so have I to be fair. Why do you hate him so much?"

(This is the point Merlin gets angry. Or angrier. This is when he stops trying to hide it, stops trying to hold it in. Arthur hadn't gotten angry at Merlin for talking about Uther in such a way, he was just curious. Merlin had been planning on telling him the truth at some point anyway, so he might as well do it now, with no one else around, and Arthur in a goodish mood.)

Merlin jumps up, clenching his fists and staring Arthur in the eye for the first time since the start of the conversation, breathing deeply.

Arthur is taken even further aback at Merlin's sudden unwillingness to hide his true reaction to the topic at hand, but he doesn't say anything, and just waits for Merlin’s response

"Why?? Why do I hate him? Maybe because he was blinded fear and selfish hatred."

Merlin stops and looks away, but doesn't sit down, still tense.

I imagine he's waiting for Arthur to say something, but he doesn’t, opting to wait for Merlin to carry on himself, unwilling to remind Merlin exactly who he was talking to, and about what.

After a few moments of silence, Merlin continues, getting angrier with each word as he paces:

"Your father, the Great King Uther, murdered thousands of people. He committed genocide, because he insisted on blaming other people for his own mistakes. He didn't pay attention to the fine print, and killed his own wife and in return, he executes THOUSANDS of MY people. Just for daring to exist. He was so full of hatred, but he, of course, was infallible so it MUST have been someone else's fault. He was incapable of admitting his own mistakes and the injustice that went unpunished is indescribable, he was a tyrant, and a murderer, and I'll never forgive him."

(Arthur knows the truth about what happened to his Ma in this story, I don’t know how, he just does. And it's a topic of conversation he avoids like the plague.)

At the end of his little outburst, Merlin stills. He is shaking as he glares at the floor, and is more furious than Arthur has ever seen him before.

The King notices the little slip up.

"Your people?" He says, so quietly it's a wonder Merlin hears it.

Merlin freezes at this, at the realisation that there's no real way he can play this off. He was planning on telling him at some point anyway. They're miles away from the city in the middle of a large, barely tamed forest. If he needs to run for his life, he could get away easily enough.

"Yes Arthur. My people. You really should've let me speak first."

Arthur is reminded of the fact that Merlin had opened his mouth to say something, before he'd interrupted him at the beginning of the conversation. It felt like it was hours ago now, but it was really only a few minutes.

The King isn’t nearly as shocked as he thinks he should be. He knew there was something odd and secretive about Merlin, and he'd considered that he might have magic in the early days, but that hadn't been a genuine consideration for years.

He wants to be angry, and selfish, and furious at Merlin for lying to him all this time. But after hearing Merlin’s little speech, does he really have any right to?

Yes, Arthur hadn't executed any sorcerers, but he also hadn't changed the law. He hadn't stood up to his father and he certainly hadn't tried to stop the executions before he was King himself. Can he really blame Merlin? For being scared? For being angry?

"You're a sorcerer." It's not a question. It's a statement. In his mind he knows the truth, but it needs to be confirmed, out loud, by Merlin himself, before they can move the conversation on.

"Yes."

And that's all he says. Arthur waits. And when he's tired of waiting, when he realises that Merlin isn't just gonna carry on talking this time, he speaks up:

"And?"

"And what, Arthur? What do you want me to say? That I'm sorry I lied? Yes, I feel bad for lying to you, but I'll never apologise for protecting myself in a kingdom that would see me burn. And I would do it again in a heartbeat"

Arthur nods. He's tense, but he notices that he isn't scared and he wonders why, after all, as far as he was aware magic had only (almost only) caused him pain and fear.

(In the back of his mind he knows why he's not scared. Merlin doesn't have an evil bone in his body, and he's met the druids, he knows that some magic users are peaceful.)

He looks up at Merlin to see him staring at him, a sort of challenging look on his face, like he was daring Arthur to prove him right. Daring him to be selfish, and angry, and just like his father.

But when Arthur looks deeper. Really Looks at Merlin. He sees the fear, Arthur has no doubt in his mind that Merlin could escape, or even fight him off, now, if he needed to. But Merlin is scared.

If that wasn't enough to break Arthur's heart, the quick glance that Merlin throws to the space a few feet from Arthur's side, is.

Arthur looks over slowly, eyebrows furrowed, to see what Merlin glanced at so fearfully. His heart shatters when he realises what it is. Arthurs sword, sat underneath his bag, just out of his reach. Merlin thinks Arthur is going to kill him. Merlin is scared. Of Arthur.

Arthur looks back at Merlin, disbelief and gut wrenching sadness on his face. He resists the urge to jump up (knowing it would just panic Merlin) as he speaks, trying to keep his tone calming, but it comes out rushed and desperate anyway:

"I'm not going to hurt you Merlin, I swear. I'm...sorry, if my actions and words have led you to believe that I would EVER see any harm come to you."

It's over the last minute, the anger and fear from Merlin, that forces Arthur to realise the legacy he's dealing with. That Uther had done so much damage, had struck so much fear into Merlin, that it didn't matter how close they were. Any subtle, deliberate ignorance of the law wasn’t enough. Any small compliments, or defence of Merlin, wasn't enough.

As long as the law remained, as long as Arthur left his fathers legacy intact, with not even a small attempt to dismantle it, Merlin would be scared of him.

Merlin relaxes only slightly at Arthur's words, gulps, and glances once more at the sword before sitting down again. He’s still tense as he stares into the fire once more.

"All these years you've been putting your life at risk, to stay at my side. You could've quit at any time. You could've stayed in the relative safety of Ealdor, but you didn't. Why? I want to know everything Merlin. You... you mean a great deal to me, and it pains me to see you in fear. And I know it's no one’s fault but my own, and I want to fix it. So the whole story, from the beginning, I want to know."

It's Merlin’s turn to be taken aback now. In his mind, everything he's said and done in the last few minutes should be making Arthur angry. The disrespect of Uther, the tone of voice he had taken, the shouting. All of that even before the admittance of his greatest secret. But still Arthur wasn't angry, he was confused, and maybe hadn't quite processed it yet, but mostly he was just sad, sad that Merlin had to be angry on his own. Sad that Merlin had to be fearful on his own.

So he does. He starts at the beginning. His mother sending him to Camelot so Gaius could train him. Saving Arthurs life that first banquet. Saving his life again a few days later. And again. And again. And again

He talks about all the small insignificant magicks he did: cheating at dice games and keeping Arthur's bath water warm and making sure the fire stays lit through the night and helping the knights sleep when they're out and about.

He talks about all the big magicks he did: killing Nimueh and being the last Dragon-Lord and Balinor being his father, and all the great battles he had won and all the times he'd saved Arthur when Arthur hadn't even realised he'd been in danger.

He talks about everything in between. About every lucky fallen branch and every lucky rockslide and every lucky solution that wouldn't have worked without Merlin... nudging it in the right direction.

He talks and talks and talks until his throat is sore. And Arthur stays silent, unwilling to interrupt, listening intently and saving any questions and queries until the end.

After an hour or so, Merlin hesitates, but Arthur can tell that there's something else. Something he's not saying. Something that in Merlin's mind, is the scariest truth of all. So he stays silent, and waits for Merlin to continue:

"The old man that you think killed your father. Dragoon, the sorcerer who kept popping up but was never in the same room as me? That was me, in disguise."

He looks nervous at this and looks up at Arthur. Before, he'd been explaining everything with a blank but resolute look on his face, still staring into the fire (that hadn't been fed in well over an hour, but was still going strong).

Arthur just looks surprised, he'd never considered that Dragoon had been anyone but himself.

"I tried Arthur. I may have hated your father but I tried to save him. But the pendant around his neck stopped it from working and healing magic has never been my strong point anyway. I really did try."

Arthur nods at this. He figured there had been no reason for the old sorcerer to kill his father, and after consulting Gaius and realising the truth about the pendant, he didn't blame him. Though he never told anyone, not even Merlin, why would he? His manservant had never even met the guy.

"I know. I'm sorry, it can’t have been easy, thinking I blamed you for his death all these months. I'm sorry Merlin."

Merlin looks surprised but quietly grateful. Over the course of the last hour of explanation he had slowly become more and more relaxed, realising that Arthur really meant it when he said he wasn't going to hurt him, and just wanted the truth.

Merlin was still scared, and a big part of him still believed he'd probably be banished at the least at the end of this conversation. But it still felt good to get it off his chest.

"But you still haven't answered my question. Why? We didn't know each all that well those first few weeks. Months even. We practically hated each other at the beginning. But you stayed anyway. Despite hating me and despite being in constant danger. Why?"

Merlin once again hesitates at this. He tried his best but even after all these years, he's not quite sure how to navigate conversations about destiny, especially his own, and especially how it's tied so intrinsically with Arthur’s.

Instead he says:

"What do you know about Emrys?" He really needs a starting reference for this part of the conversation, and at this point, the best way to get it is to ask directly.

Arthur goes to question why, but Merlin has been nothing but honest and straight forward with him, so he trusts that it’s important, and answers truthfully:

"Not much. A few Druids have mentioned him to me before. Apparently they've been seeing him in prophetic dreams for centuries, the Druids have quite a few "seers" in their ranks. He's meant to be some great sorcerer, whose destiny it is to bring Magic and peace to Albion, with some King or other at his side. I never payed much attention to it, I hardly believe in visions of the future."

Merlin nods at that:

"You've got most of it. Emrys is meant to be the most powerful Warlock to ever walk the earth, past, present, and future. When Uther started culling sorcerers, an astronomical amount of magic was poured back into the earth all at once. The Triple Goddess took that magic and put it all in one place, in one unborn baby, in the hope that said baby would grow into his power, and restore balance and compassion to the world. The Druids call him Emrys but it's just a title, like King, or Sir, not his real name. He, and the Once and Future King, are meant to rule with the support of one another, uniting all of Albion under the King’s rule, and bringing magic back into the land. Emrys and the Forever King, two sides of the same coin, their destinies interwoven."

Merlin goes silent at that, and Arthur thinks he knows where this is going, but he Needs the confirmation:

"What's that got to do with anything?" is quietly muttered.

"You're the Forever King Arthur. And I am Emrys. Though it's weird enough when the druids call me that so just... let's stick with Merlin alright?"

"All those times you said I would be a great King, all those times you had unfailing faith in me, was because of destiny?"

Arthur tries not so sound hurt, but he’s never cared for, or believed, in destiny. Up until now he'd thought Merlin had had faith in him as Arthur, his friend, not as some prophetic Once and Future King that Arthur was afraid he would never be.

"At first, sure. I was angry, that my destiny had been decided for me. That I couldn't just ignore it because if I did then the world would never know peace. I never asked for that responsibility I just wanted... I just wanted to keep my mother safe. I wanted to learn how to be a physician and use my magic to help and entertain and brighten the world. Just a little bit. And suddenly I had this big important role to play. I hated it. But I did it anyway, kept you safe. And then I got to know you as a person and you weren't your father. You Love Camelot, you Love your people, you're a good man who does everything in his power to help those around him, even if they don't deserve it sometimes. And suddenly, having my destiny be to help you to greatness... well, it didn't seem so bad anymore. Maybe it was your destiny to be that Great King from prophecy, because you were already a good man."

Arthur is speechless at that. Tears gather in his eyes but neither of them mention it and he doesn't let them fall. Merlin had been almost as nice as that in the past, but never so fully, and with the weight of the truth behind it, it seemed much more meaningful.

Merlin gives him a sad smile before he continues:

"I'm your servant until the day I die Arthur. I have faith that one day, you'll do the right thing."

Arthur suddenly remember the whole point of this conversation. That Merlin was upset and angry that he hadn't repealed the ban on magic yet, that Merlin was still waiting on him. Waiting on him to do the right thing. Waiting on him to fulfil his destiny.

Maybe they head straight home? Merlin walks into Arthur's chambers the next morning to find him already up and pacing, making a start on the repeal?

Maybe Arthur demands they go to the closest Druid settlement so he can consult them on how he should go about it? Merlin’s knowledge of magic is great and all, but neither of them were alive before the purge, neither know how it would work practically.

All I know, is whenever Merlin first comes across Arthur working on the repeal, determination in his eyes, he cries a little. That everything he sacrificed is finally paying off.

I also know, that the first time Arthur timidly asks Merlin to show him something magical (maybe that's straight after this tiring conversation, or maybe its days later, back in the safety of Arthur's locked chambers) Merlin cries even harder, Arthur is still scared of magic, how could he not be. But he loves and trusts Merlin more than anything in this world, and he wants to learn to not be scared anymore.

THIS IS COMPLETED!!

All 5 parts have been posted:)

If y’all want my thoughts on anything specific, let me know✌

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camslightstories · 3 years

Text

Tolerate It - Part 12

Lena Luthor x reader, Kara Danvers x reader, Alex Danvers x reader. Baby Danvers. Female Reader.

Notes: Hey guys! How are you all doing? Well its been a long time since I updated tolerate it and its because I haven't had much inspiration, I been in a literal block, a part from that everything i been writing lately I hate it but I didn't want to let you guys hanging. So thanks to @captain-josslett for checking and helping me in this part.

I love to hear your theories, opinions, suggestions and more so if you have any comments leave on my inbox or message me. I wanna hear what you guys think is going to happen or what you want to happen. But right now I'm not receiving any requests since my inbox is full of them and I don't wanna leave you guys hanging. I hope you guys enjoy, and have a great day!

Taglist: @multi-images @captain-josslett @aznblossom @venteen @coxmicbabygirl @lezzzbehonesthere

Russian Translations:

Принцесса - Princess

The throbbing pain surges through your body as the cotton full of alcohol touches your wound softly, sending chills through your body. You laid on the white hospital bed in silence as your ex-girlfriend check the ripped wound on your torso.

With the myriad of thoughts and feelings running through your head only to fail, making you groan. Lena glances at you carefully and curiously as you kept quiet, her focus not leaving the ripped wound she was trying to mend. Noticing the different types of scars on your body some of them longer and worse looking.

“Can you tell me how does it feel?” She asks, gulping down when you made no move to speak. With her voice full of worry, she nods and takes her gloves off, only to stop when you spoke loud enough for her to hear.

“It’s fine” You state, keeping your eyes on the ceiling. In a monotone voice, as your heart almost bounced off your chest when she asked.

Clenching your fists, you move to sit only to groan in full pain as the wound touches the shirt cotton. The green-eyed woman immediately runs to your side, with fear. You took a deep breath before helping yourself up ignoring her questioning expression.

The Luthor woman out of desperation yells as tears fill her eyes. Throwing her hands into the air. “Can you at least look me in the eye?! Talk to me!”

“What do you want me to say, Ms. Luthor?” You answered rubbing your temples at the sound of her voice, a neutral tone and expression on your face as you looked at her. Her green eyes full of retained tears and her lip trembles as she looks at you.

She cried, cleaning furiously her tears as you looked at her. The last word came out quieter than the rest, showing a hurting part of herself. “I don't know! Just… please.”

“Ms. Luthor, I don't know what to say to you, nor I know what you wanna hear and I'm sure you don't either.” You answer in a soft yet determined tone as you tried to walk away only for Lena to get in the way crossing her arms as she tried to keep control of her emotions.

“You are just going to walk away?” She remarked loudly, exasperated for an answer. You stopped as you heard the words coming out of her mouth, the obvious distress in them.

“It seems to be the only thing you can do,” She added looking at you in the eye. You shifted uncomfortably before moving past her as fast as you could, ignoring her scoff.

She scoffed as you walked away from her, clenching your fits trying to find control as you felt the urge to yell at the black-haired woman. Now the free-flowing feelings in you have become stronger and harder to restrain.

You press your lips together and clench your jaw when the black-haired woman shouts loudly and desperately at you. “What about the ring?! What did I feel? What about everything?! Because you are here pretending nothing happen”

The smell of the alcohol invaded your nose, as the itching pain on your lower stomach kept throbbing, feelings run around your heart and head openly without any control. The white lights annoy your eyes as you try to focus on something else only to fail. The sneaky feeling tugging at your heart when you heard the break in her voice.

The feeling of conflict as the two sides of yourselves began to fight on how to act, how to feel, how to be normal. One part of you asked you, begged specifically to go and wrap the green-eyed woman in a comforting embrace, protecting her from getting hurt. And the other remained you from all the pain, the anger, the sadness you had resorted to when you left and reminded you how easy life was when there was everything clear with a common goal.

Lena shouted again this time, in an angrier and determinate tone. Stepping closer to you, in her CEO stance but the only difference was the fact that it looked forceful like she was trying so hard to hold it together, you heard her in her voice, in the way her feet hesitated to step closer. And as much as you hated it, it broke you inside. “Y/N! Just tell me something!”

You didn't know, how, when nor why, you turned around facing her with your heart clenching at the sight of her tears springing free. Her eyes looked tired and sorrowful, her cheeks were covered in tears and the ruined makeup, her hands were in a fist that you could tell where a base for self-control. You hated the pain she was revving, you hated the sadness in her eyes, and the tears that sprung freely but never even if you tried you could hate her.

“Just fuck off, dammit!” Your mind seemed to be in automatic mode when the words came out of your mouth. The green-eyed took a step back in shock when you snapped, the now wide-eyed woman made you regret every decision in your life as her eyes restrained hardly the tears she desired to disappear.

Against every fiber in your body, you shocked your head before starting again, glancing at your ex-girlfriend. Cutting the tension you took a deep breath before speaking, gaming Lena’s attention. “Look-”

You weren't even in the middle of what you were going to say when two well-known, familiar voices interrupted you. You tensed as you heard the voice of your sisters, the urge to just walk out and the urge to shout everything out were confronting each other as your mind running with all the different scenarios. “Y/N!”

You kept quiet as your sisters got closer, without hesitation you started to walk away to the run you had been staying only for a familiar blur to stand in front of the door with her arms crossed and a knowing smile on her face. Hope, happiness, and regret radiated out of her, while Alex stood behind you with a determined look on her face as you turned around to walk the other way.

A part of you wanted to yell at them until there wasn't anything left and the other wanted to walk away leaving everything behind to keep leaving the simple life you had been living for the past 3 years. Lena kept quiet as her mind kept doing rounds of possible explanations, while both of your sisters decided to stand in front of you with nothing but questions. But you remained silent as they did.

Questions such as “Why do you have so many scars?” “What is the tattoo on your chest?” “What do you mean of the Bratva?” “Why were you with Roulette the other night?” were thrown at you by your older sisters as you tried to ignore each one, only for them to keep pressing.

Lena had stayed in the same place, as they interrogated you. The black-haired woman somehow noticed the way your patience was getting closer to the end when you clenched your fit with so much force that the veins on your arms started to show slowly.

“Don't you think we deserve an explanation?” Kara asked, taking a step closer, which made you clench your jaw, the feelings running around your body screamed at you as the pain and anger started to build by second.

The feeling of anger and betrayal under all of those layers you tried to put up, under what you thought it would make you okay, it would make the pain go away, the memories, the feelings, everything...

Your oldest sister yelled, getting frustrated by the minute. “Feel free to fill up the blanks, but it seems that you are not going to do that are you?” The redhead asks sarcastically, covering somehow the relief of how you were but adding the worry of what had happened in the last few years.

When you didn't respond, ignoring the redhead. Your sister hits the table with her fists showing her frustration. Kara looked back where Alex stood with both of her hands on the table as she looked at you angrily. You stared at her, challenging the redhead, making Lena furrow her eyes when she noticed Alex walking back where Kara stood in front of you letting out a scoff.

“Don't you think we as your family don't deserve to know?” Kara asked with sorrow in her eyes and voice. Tears swelling up in her eyes as she searched in your eyes for any sign of her baby sister finding none but a challenging glare to the redhead and her now.

You felt everything come out, and you were seeing red. As you were about to snap, a strong familiar voice shouted in determination stopping you.

“THAT’S ENOUGH!” Your clenched jaw and fists kept the pressure making your vivid expression and reaction be acknowledged by all of them.

Oliver had been standing with Anatoly catching sight of the interaction between you and your sisters. The blonde man remembers vividly how going back the emptiness, the feeling of just wanting the pain to get away, the angriness at the world, every single detail. Seeing the mark on your chest, oblivious to outsiders but obvious to him, a torturous feeling in your chest as you tried to keep yourself in the corner, in the darkness, where you knew not to expect anything.

He saw the expression in your face, the way your eyebrows knitted together, the way your hands were converted into fists drawing blood at the pressure, the way you clenched your jaw, trying to keep control, the way your eyes were painted deep down with suffering but were void and incomprehensible on the outside, the way you tried to distance yourself into the darkness feeling the only calmness there, the way every time your fists hit something were not in act of defense or attack but in letting your hidden feelings out.

The way you tried to keep control, of yourself, of your feelings, of the world around you, of the memories, of everything but you, felt powerless in the darkness. Feeling the need to yell and run away from everything, to isolate yourself from the world, believing and trusting in yourself and only trying to keep everything inside.

“Принцесса, I see you finally decided to escort somebody” Your focus immediately went to the Russian man when he spoke, walking closer to you with a black garment suit bag in his right hand. Holding it up, as you make your way to grab it. His teasing voice made you roll your eyes while snatching the bag out of his hands.

Smiling at Lena and your sisters, the man walked closer to them as he spoke. Making you sighed in annoyance, while Oliver suppressed a smile. Lena looked at the man in the suit and took his hand with a firm handshake, Kara and Alex following to do the same as he presented himself. “Anatoly Knyazev, at your service. Принцесса friend”

“Work partner, if you don't have vodka or I don't have the green light with your new friend and I'm not courting anyone” You corrected giving him an annoying look, he shook his head when you hissed irritated.

The Russian man grinned at you before shaking his head as he spoke. “Roulette is not our business associate anymore, too ambitious and mercenary for her own good”

“Nice, then friend. I'm gonna go change, and I can solve a certain complication” You grinned sheepishly, which made Oliver sighed while your sisters and your ex-girlfriend looked at you curiously.

The Queen man waited for you to be out of hearing sight to speak “This isn't helping”

Anatoly kept quiet as he sat on the sofa, while Oliver spoke. Lena and your sisters stood in front of him, each one of them with expressions of annoyance and worry.

The blonde man took a step back, crossing his arms as he tried to reason with them before either of the three could respond. "I get it you guys want answers, but right now she needs to let herself be vulnerable again, she needs to feel safe, to feel she isn't in the darkness anymore and neither you nor I know what she went through and it's not going to help if you guys keep pressuring her”

The explanation had left the three feeling uneasy

“You do not get to tell me how to treat my sisters, Queen.” Alex spits at the vigilante. Lena and Kara try to calm the redhead down but your voice stops them.

“Let’s go” You enter the room and sensing the tension between the two, but you ignore it and walk to where the Russian man sits. Catching the attention of the group of four turning around to see you grabbing the gun from the shelf putting it behind the jacket you carried.

Alex didn't think twice before running up to you grabbing you by the upper arm, holding you back when you tried to get out of her grasp. Oliver sighed as you spoke, your eyes connected yours and hers in a glance, the staredown between the two created a visible tension. “Alexandra, let me go”

Tilting your head when Kara stepped in to put her hand on your oldest sister's shoulder, looking between the two before walking away with the Russian man by your side.

----

Entering the car shop you notice the obvious and threatening silence. Letting out a sarcastic sigh when you heard the sudden movement behind the next wall, the sound of the gun clicking, and the pushing from the same source. You looked at the Russian man before shaking your head to the side, taking out your gun.

Walking down the stairs you felt the end of the arm on the back of your head, and a hand topping your mouth. You kept in place for a second, raising your arms, before flipping the person down the stairs, keeping the gun in your hand before discharging it and throwing it away.

You walked down the stairs before shooting at the man on his thigh when the other two came out. You rolled your eyes when the two guys pulled their guns at you but were thrown to the side when an arrow hit them. Noticing the green arrow you sighed in annoyance before continuing.

“Leave it alone” Anatoly who sat on the chair waiting for you to be done, looked over to the group of four noticing your sisters and ex-girlfriend's expression of shock, while Oliver made his way to you. Noticing the man behind you, you spoke threateningly at him, before turning around.

----

The tall brunette guy who was now with a black eye and a busted lip, as you kept your hold on his throat. You murmured when the guy kept silent. “Okay then it's the hard way”

Pushing him down before shooting him, you looked over to the black-haired man staring at you with wide eyes. You walked where he was before lowering to the floor having the same eye contact, you looked at him and recognized the immediate fear before speaking. “Taking a wild guess, I'm gonna say you don’t wanna end up like those two, do you?”

The man without thinking shook his head, which made you let out a sarcastic laugh tilting your head at him before helping him up. “Okay, then where is Roulette?”

“I don't know, I don't know” He kept sputtering and shaking his head.

“She left this morning and left us here with the order to keep watch on someone” When you took a step closer to the guy, making him speak which made you look at him curiously before pushing him to the wall.

“On who?” You asked.

“Her, Lena Luthor” He responded, whispering only for you to hear, looking over where your ex-girlfriend stood.

A switch had changed and in seconds you felt everything come out, the rage, the pain, and in seconds you were seeing red. The calm, determined dementor had changed to an angry, protective one. A sudden outburst was what you had.

Moving your arm, pinning the man onto the wall with anger, you spoke eagerly and unease, threatening. Rage in your eyes, as you claimed to press harder into his chest, making the man cough in pain. “You tell Roulette that if she even thinks of breathing the same air in a 200 miles area as Ms. Luthor then I would make her life a living hell and everyone who is with her too”

Kara, who was listening in, smiled softly before looking down. The outburst had shown your care for her best friend, and that was a baby step that meant more than anything. The fact that you snapped at the moment your ex-girlfriend began mentioning showed that maybe it wasn't lost at all.

Your oldest sister looked at Kara curiously, before giving her a shoulder bump, giving her a questioning glance while your sister responded with a silent glance to you and a smile.

You pulled away from the man, giving him a second to breathe before striking your fist right at his jaw. Immediately knocking him down, the sound of the body plumb into the floor made you realize what just had happened, the myriad of feelings flowing through your mind were taken out the moment an arrow grazed your cheek and the soreness of your knuckles were now bothering you.

Looking behind you, identifying the red arrow, you let out a laugh before taking it out of the wall, throwing it to the side before turning around, softly moving your hand trying to relieve the ache. Oliver seemed to have caught up with the situation as he grabbed the arrow letting out a sigh.

“Still doing the same?” You shouted turning around where Thea stood on the top of the car with her bow in hand and black leather jacket on. A smirk on her face as the brunette jumped landing on the floor perfectly before making her way to you.

“I see you hadn't left the throne, princess” She claimed, teasing the last word. The two of you sharing a silent glance, when she came down. The small spark in her eyes didn't go unnoticed by you and neither by Oliver.

“And you are not so intimidating, princess” You flirted with the brunette, cleaning the small substance of blood coming out of the graze on your cheek with a teasing smile.

Lena knew the tone you were using, the smile you gave her, the little spark in your voice and eyes as you did. You were flirting with her, the jealousy feeling creeping inside her chest as she noticed. Drawing daggers in the brunettes back, she stood straight pulling out her CEO stand and expression, even if she felt her heart begin twisted remembering the once she was the one receiving the smile, the glance, the tone, everything. And she hoped that one day you would do it again.

#lena luthor #alex danvers x reader #lena luthor x reader #kara danvers x reader #baby danvers #supergirl imagine

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hemmingslftv · 3 years

Text

Not in the same way

Word count: 3k Warning: angst, mention of abortion. Requested: no but requests are open! A/N: hi! It's been almost a year since I last posted on here but I've had this idea on my mind for a while now and I just needed to write it down so here it is. I wrote it real quick so I don't think it's one of my best works. Enjoy! and, as always, any feedback is appreciated. Masterlist

- C'mon! We're gonna be late for your own party! - Ashton shouted while you ran down the stairs of the house you both shared as fast as you could with your high heels.

- I'm ready! - you said and you gave him a quick peck on his cheek while he grabbed the keys to your car.

It was your 25th birthday and Ashton had planned the perfect party. He had rented a house just outside of LA and you both wanted to get there before everyone arrived so you could welcome them. At first, you weren't so excited about the idea because you loved to spend time with your friends but you didn't really enjoy crowded places. But Ashton had convinced you that you only turn 25 once and you should celebrate it.

You arrived right after Calum, who was the first one to get there. One by one all your friends and family got there and you had to admit it was exciting to share the same space with everyone and to know that they were there for you. As the afternoon went by, you all had a few drinks and ate while chatting to each other, there was a chilled environment and you loved it.

When it was around 10PM, Ashton decided it was time for his speech. You knew it was coming sooner or later, he loved to speak in front of people and you loved to listen to him express his love for you so openly.

- Baby, can you come here for a bit? - he asked after everyone was silent. You blushed, the shyness that characterized you coming to the surface.

- Is it really necessary? - you asked making everyone laugh (even though it was a genuine question). Ashton smiled at you softly and you protested silently and started walking towards him.

- Thank you, love - he whispered once you were close enough so that only you would listen.

- So, as everyone already knows - he started his speech - it's y/n's 25th birthday today, which means she's getting old, but don't tell her or she'll freak out - you punched him jokingly on his arm and giggled - and it also means it's the 5th birthday I get to spend with the love of my life - he looked at you and you could see his eyes full of love, making you feel the luckiest girl on the planet. You stared at each other for apparently too long because Luke had to clear his throat to tell him to continue.

- Sorry, I got lost on her, it happens quite often - he said earning a few "aws" from the crowd - So, as I was saying, I couldn't have asked for a better person to spend my life with - he turned to face you and took your hands on his.

- y/n, I know you think I'm too cheesy or sentimental sometimes, but I need to tell you how I feel because I need you to feel loved. You've gone through so much and I've come to realize you must be the strongest person on earth because you have made it out of every possible situation, and always keeping a smile on your face. You've made me the man I am today, you helped me get out of my addiction and you stuck by my side when I didn't deserve you to, but I desperately needed you to. I think we both helped each other to love ourselves and we can put ourselves first in this relationship and I think that's what has kept us strong for a little bit over 5 years now. We went through the saddest event of our life together - you knew he was referring to the abortion you had almost a year ago that nobody knew about except for you two and you couldn't help but shed a few tears. You could tell his eyes were teary too and after a short pause, he continued - but we worked past it and we got out of it together, and stronger than we were before. y/n, you are the love of my life, you are the woman I want to wake up next to every day, my whole heart belongs to you and I couldn't imagine a future without you so - he said while kneeling down, making you cover your mouth with your hands as you realized what was going on.

- Ashton please don't - you tried to say, but you weren't sure if the words had actually come out of your mouth or if they were loud enough for him to listen. You were panicking more than you ever had before and you wished he was able to see it in your eyes. He was always so good at reading you, but this time he didn't, he was too excited himself to notice how your whole body tensed as he continued.

- So, y/f/n, do you wanna marry me? - he asked with hope and happiness written all over his face. You were frozen, this was the last thing you were expecting from this party and you felt suddenly trapped in your own body, unable to move. After a couple of seconds, Ashton tilted his head, waiting for your answer and you could tell he was starting to get nervous. - I... y/n? do you want to marry me? - he insisted and you snapped back to yourself but to everyone's surprise, you turned around and started running towards your car.

You ran as fast as you could. Halfway there you stopped to remove your heels and even though your heart was pumping louder than it ever had before you could listen to your best friend shouting for you to wait for her. But you didn't. You kept running until you got to your car and drove away.

As soon as you got home you started packing a bag. You didn't even know where you were going but you were more than sure you weren't welcome here anymore. You expected to cry at some point but you didn't, all you felt was numb. Not even 10 minutes after you had arrived you had your bag ready and you were about to leave your room when you heard the door open. "Shit" you muttered to yourself.

- Do you want me to stay? - you heard Calum ask from outside the door.

- No, it's fine. I can take it from here.

- Okay, call me if you need anything - he said before you heard the door closing. You took a deep breath, grabbed the bag, and started walking towards the door.

- Are you leaving? - Ashton asked as he saw you enter the living room. His tone wasn't an angry one, as you had expected, he sounded just sad. You were too ashamed to even look at him but you thought that was the least you could do and you built up the courage to look him in the eye.

- I guess, I didn't think you'd want me to stay here

- What? Why not? I wouldn't have asked you to marry me if I wanted you to leave

- No, I know, but I mean, after what just happened. Not only did I reject you but I also run away leaving you all alone to deal with the mess I made and I did it in front of all our friends

- Please stay, we need to talk - he said getting closer to you and you dropped the bag to the floor while he held your hand guiding you through your house. Both of you sat on the kitchen table, the place where you always had your serious talks - I need you, to be honest with me, do you not love me anymore? Have you fallen out of love with me? Is there... - he looked down for a second and you could see his jaw and hands clench - is there someone else you've been seeing? I know you always try to protect me but I need to know, I promise I can handle it

- No, no, no, no, why would you? Well, I mean, I can see why you would think that but no, since the day I met you, there's never been anyone else. And of course, I still love you, I love you more and more every day.

- You love me, just not in the same way I do, right?

- I don't know what you mean

- You say you love me, and I believe you, but you don't love me enough to marry me, is that it? Am I getting it right?

- No, I - you tried to reply

- 'Cause I would give my life for you, do you hear me? I would literally die if it meant you were safe. I'd do anything for you. And to be completely honest, I thought we were on the same page.

- We are, I promise, I would die for you too, Ash. But I don't know, I didn't expect you to ask me to be your wife just then and there, out of nowhere.

- Well, I guess that's the point, it's supposed to be a surprise, you know?

- Yeah, I know, but people talk about it first!

- C'mon! We've talked about it. I've told you a million times I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and all those times you agreed, how was I supposed to know you didn't want to marry me?

- It's not that I don't want to. I do want to wake up next to you every morning and I definitely want to grow old with you.

- What's it then? Why did you run?

- I'm not sure. I panicked. I could perfectly picture us together in 10 years, 20 or 40, and with all our kids and grandkids but I don't know, being your wife? That's a responsibility I doubt I am good enough for. How do you know you won't get tired of me? I mean, I'm great, but we both know I'm not the best you could have. You could literally marry any girl, and you chose me. And I guess I hadn't realized that until tonight and it was just too much for my brain to process at the same time. I'm sorry I ruined everything. See? That's what I mean, I am not perfect.

- I don't want perfect babe, I want you. And I will always want you. You would be the best wife ever, I just know it. You've been the best girlfriend all these years, it's not gonna change because we change the label.

- So you don't hate me?

- Of course not, I could never hate you. I get it, maybe I should have talked to you first, not ruining the surprise but making sure you had in mind it could happen soon.

- Yeah, that would have been great - you smiled slightly and relaxed when he smiled back at you. You thought you had ruined your relationship and you could now see that nothing could ruin what you both had, it was too strong.

- By the way, I think your father hates me, I left him quite angry but I didn't really have time to deal with that.

- Oh god, I'm so sorry - you both laughed for a bit, and then you asked - Ash?

- Hmm? - he mumbled looking at you.

- I do want to marry you - you were sure about your decision, you knew there wasn't anyone better for you than him and if he was just as convinced, why not take it a step further?

- Yeah, you do? - he said while he got up from his seat and you did the same - then let me try this again - he reached for the velvet box in the pocket of his jeans.

- You know what? - you said taking the box from his hand - let me try this time - You knelt just as he had done almost an hour ago and took a deep breath - Ashton Irwin, you light up my days, you are the reason I wake up every morning, the first and the last thought I have every day. Every moment I spend with you becomes my favorite one so far and I haven't really had time to prepare this speech and you know I'm not as good as you with words but I love you. I've never known anyone with a busier schedule than yours and you have made time for me every single day I needed it, and I think that shows how much you care for me, and I want you to know I care just as much. Every single feeling you have for me, I have for you, and I couldn't picture my life without you. Ashton Fletcher Irwin, do you want to marry me? - you said as a few tears slipped down your cheeks.

- Yes, of course, I wanna marry you! - he cheered holding your arms and helping you get up so he could kiss you.

- I don't have a ring but you do so, do you mind doing the honors? - you said opening the velvet box. He took the silver ring at slid it down your finger. It fit perfectly and it was the most precious ring you had ever seen.

- Do you like it? - he asked while kissing your cheeks and nose, cleaning the tears that still run down your face.

- I love it boo, it's perfect - you kissed him and the kiss heated up quickly but you took a step back as soon as his grip on your waist got a bit loose.

- What are you doing? I want you - he pouted.

- I know, I want you too but I need to tell you something before - you ran to your purse to get a little present you had planned on giving to Ashton at your birthday party. When you got back to the kitchen, he was already shirtless. You groaned at the view and bit your lower lip - I told you to wait - you said shaking your head so you could focus.

- I can't, you're too hot! - he giggled.

- I love you. Open this - you said handing him the small package. He knitted his brows together.

- I have no idea what this is - he said starting to open it.

- I know - you pressed the record button on your phone without him realizing and put the phone on the countertop so it recorded his reaction. You were excited for him to finally know what you had kept to yourself for almost 4 months now.

- It's a box! - he joked while he ripped out the paper it was wrapped in. As soon as he opened it you could see the tears building upon his eyes and they started running eagerly down his face as he held the tiny converse shoes that were inside the box - Are you? Please tell me you're not kidding me - you shook your head 'no', not able to contain your tears either - Oh my god! Are you okay?

- Yes, we're perfectly fine and healthy - you said while he hugged you and spun you around - I'm 4 months in.

- You're what? And you haven't told me? Babe, you don't have to keep doing things on your own, I'm here for you now.

- I know, I just didn't want to get your hopes up just in case, you know, I failed again

- Don't, please. It wasn't your fault, those horrible things just happen and they shouldn't, but they do, there was nothing you could have done better - he put his hand on your belly softly making you shiver - So that's why you haven't been drinking lately - you nodded.

- And that's why I wasn't in the mood for morning sex either. To be honest, I thought that was gonna give it away.

- Well, I had no clue, I thought it was just a phase. I can't believe we're gonna be parents babe, and you planned on leaving me with our creation inside you? - he teased.

- I hadn't thought about that! okay? I have the perfect excuse, it was the hormones - you laughed and removed his hand off your belly so you could pull your dress up - if you look closely you can clearly see them growing, I think it's showing already.

- Oh my god! It totally is! How have I not noticed this?

- You're not the greatest observer I guess

- Yeah, I'm definitely not. Did you go to the doctor's appointments all by yourself?

- No, Calum always came with me, he's the only one who I knew would keep the secret.

- Calum? Oh, so that's why he was so sure you weren't cheating.

- Did you seriously thought I was seeing someone else? - you asked kind of hurt.

- No, not really. I guess I was just trying to go through every possible situation in my head so that it wouldn't take me by surprise.

- I'm sorry Ash - you said cupping his face with your hands - I shouldn't have run. It's the last thing you deserve. You've done nothing but be there for me all these years.

- So have you, it's okay. Are you ready to share the news with the world? - he asked with a sparkle in his eyes.

- I guess so, I was gonna tell you in front of everyone at the party, now that the first trimester is over the chances of it going

- Shh, don't even think about it. It's gonna be okay - he assured you while he hugged you from behind - let me capture this moment - he got his phone out of his pocket and took a picture of his hand holding yours, with the wedding ring on it, on your belly - perfect - he whispered once he was happy with the result.

He posted it on Instagram with the caption "I couldn't have asked for a better mum for my children, including the one that's on the way. Love you forever y/n, your future husband".

#5sos #ashton irwin #5sos blurb #5sos angst #5sos fluff #5sos fic #dad!sos #ashton irwin blurb #ashton irwin fic #ashton irwin angst #ashton irwin fluff #ashton irwin fanfic #5sos fanfic

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storiesforallfandoms · 3 years

Text

master plan ~ andrew siwicki

word count: 1721

request?: yes!

@harryskittenxox “ Omg thanks so much! I feel honoured lol I was thinking something along the lines of the two of you flirting constantly and Garrett gets his friend to flirt with you to try and make Andrew jealous and finally get him to admit his feelings but after a bit of arguing and angst and all that good stuff please? Totally happy for you to take control of it though, I love your writing concepts so much you just always hit the nail in the head!”

description: when andrew refuses to admit his feelings for the girl of his dreams, garrett enlists the help of a friend to push andrew along

pairing: andrew siwicki x female!reader

warnings: swearing

masterlist

“Why is Bruce flirting with me?” I whispered to Garrett as we both went to refill our drink glasses.

A group of us had gotten together at Garrett’s apartment - myself, Andrew, Caleb, and Bruce. Garrett invited us over for some drinks and snacks, not an unusual thing for Garrett to do. What was unusual, however, was for Bruce to be very openly flirting with me in front of everyone.

I was the only girl in our immediate friend group, so everyone assumed that Andrew, Caleb, and Bruce were constantly trying to get with me. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Besides the fact that Caleb already had a girlfriend, both he and Bruce were basically like my brothers and treated me the same way they treated each other and Garrett.

Andrew, however...well I could never tell what was happening with us. I sometimes thought that Andrew was just treating me the way he treated everyone, but I also came to realize that he was much more physically affectionate with me than anyone else. We talked a lot more than I talked to any of the other guys. But we never took it further than just friendship, which just confused me about...everything.

Garrett barley glanced at me as he responded, “Maybe he just likes you.”

I rolled my eyes. “That’s definitely not it. If he liked me, why wouldn’t he have flirted with me before now?”

“Maybe he has but you haven’t noticed.”

I gave him a look. “Garrett, for real. Do you know what’s happening with Bruce?”

He looked up at me and passed me a drink. “I swear, I know nothing.”

I didn’t believe him, but I knew I wasn’t about to get any sort of info from him.

We both returned to Garrett’s living room. There were two open spots: one next to Andrew and one next to Bruce. I looked between the two, wondering what my best course of action would be.

Andrew looked up at me first and smiled. My heart fluttered and I knew the right choice almost immediately.

As I started moving towards Andrew, Bruce spoke up, “(Y/N)! Come sit next to me!”

“You’ve been hogging her all night, Bruce,” Andrew said, his glare enough to kill someone. “Maybe let the rest of us have time with her.”

Bruce attempted to glare back, but I could tell it wasn’t as sincere as Andrew’s. “Maybe (Y/N) can decide for herself.”

I looked between the two before inching myself towards Andrew. “I - I’m gonna sit with Andrew.”

The look on Andrew’s face could only be described as triumphant. As I sat next to him, he put an arm around my shoulder, causing my face to burn. Garrett gave me a knowing look before sitting next to Bruce.

“Y-Your drink looks a little low,” I said, trying to think of something - anything - to say. “Want another?”

“I think I’m okay. Feeling a little fuzzy so I should probably slow down.”

He’s drunk, he’s not flirting, I reminded myself.

With his arm around me, I had to stop myself a few times from leaning into Andrew’s embrace. However, my alcohol started to kick in as well, and his smell was just as intoxicating as my nearly empty cup. Eventually I just couldn’t stop myself from letting my head drunkenly roll onto his shoulder. But he didn’t stop me from putting my head on his shoulder, either. He actually wrapped his arm around me, letting me stay there for some time.

Eventually, Andrew did get up to get another drink. I watched him go, immediately missing his warm body next to mine. A slight annoyance rose within me when Bruce quickly stood and sat next to me again.

“Bruce, what is your fucking deal?” I asked, shoving him away from me.

“What? We haven’t hung out in a long time! I’ve missed you!” Bruce argued, although it was a very paper thin argument.

“You don’t have to be all over me though, dude. It’s annoying.”

“You heard her, Bruce,” Andrew said, now coming back from getting his drink, “it’s annoying.”

“Well maybe the rest of us find it annoying the way you’re always stealing her,” Bruce retorted.

The room went silent. I snuck a glance at both Garrett and Caleb, who looked more shocked at Bruce’s statement than in agreement with him. Garrett even looked...worried? He definitely has something to do with this, I know he does.

Andrew’s face went red. I couldn’t tell if it was with anger or embarrassment. I could definitely feel mine ignited with the latter.

“If you guys have a problem with (Y/N) and I hanging out so much, you can tell me,” he said, his voice calmer than I anticipated. “You can tell me, too, (Y/N). You know that.”

I tried to respond but I was so shocked that I couldn’t get any words out. I couldn’t understand what was happening.

“But for real, man,” Andrew said, turning back to address Bruce specifically. “You’re bothering her, so fucking lay off. I’m gonna go get some air.”

The minute Garrett’s front door closed behind Andrew, Garrett was to his feet. “Okay, that was too far, man. This whole thing is over now.”

“What whole thing?” I demanded. “Garrett, what did you do?”

“I’m sorry for being too pushy, (Y/N),” Bruce said, suddenly back to being the Bruce I knew. “I didn’t mean to actually annoy you. I thought...Garrett, why didn’t you tell her about the plan?”

“What plan?” I snapped. “Will one of you tell me what’s going on? Please?”

“Garrett had this plan to try and make you and Andrew admit your feelings for one another,” Bruce explained. “That involved me flirting with you in front of Andrew and making him jealous. I didn’t mean to take it as far as I did, but that last part slipped out before I could think about it.”

“What?!” I turned to face Garrett. “Why would you do that?! Why wouldn’t you tell me?! Poor Andrew...”

“I’m sorry!” Garrett said. “I didn’t expect it to go as far as it did! Fuck, I’ll go after him.”

Before Garrett could even move, I was already out the door. I nearly stumbled over Andrew, who was sat on the front steps of the house. He looked up at me and gave me a small smile as I sat next to him.

“Are you okay?” I asked him. “You know what Bruce said isn’t true, right? About you and me hanging out too much. None of the guys think that at all.”

“I know. I, uh, I heard Bruce and Garrett discussing their little plan just then,” Andrew responded.

“What the fuck were they thinking?” I said, still angry about the situation. “That’s...all of that was so wrong. And then they took it too far and you got hurt. I’m fucking angry.”

“I’m not too mad,” Andrew admitted. “I mean, I’m glad they’re not all annoyed with us hanging out a lot, but I find it awkward that they don’t mind cause they just want us to date.”

I winced at his wording, wondering what he meant by that. Did he mean he didn’t want to date me? Or just he didn’t want the guys meddling in his love life? Or did it even have any meaning?

“Yeah,” I finally managed, forcing a light tone in my voice. “That...that is awkward.”

A silence fell between us. I looked down at the ground for a long time, unsure of what else to say. I debated on just getting up and going back inside. I didn’t even really want to be there anymore now that I knew how Andrew felt about the situation. I knew it was a long shot that he’d have feelings for me, but hearing him actually say it felt like a sharp knife through my heart.

“Were you jealous?” I found myself asking, shocked by the boldness I was feeling in that moment. “Or were you just annoyed with Bruce, too?”

“A bit of both I think,” Andrew responded. “Obviously I was annoyed. He was bothering you and acting like a dude who doesn’t understand the meaning of the word no. But I was also jealous of the way he was acting around, and the fact that he kept trying to take all your attention.”

“But like...in a friendly way? Like...were you jealous he was taking your friend?”

“Are you trying to ask if I have feelings for you (Y/N)?”

I shook my head and started to get to my feet. It was stupid of me to try and ask him that. Of course he didn’t have feelings for me, he was my best friend. Just my best friend.

Andrew quickly stood, too, grabbing hold of my arm to stop me from going in. “Hey, hey. Don’t run away so fast. I want to know, are you asking me if I have feelings for you?”

“Yes!” I finally responded. “Yes, that’s what I’m asking you. Do you have feelings for me, Andrew? Because I really want to know what’s going on between us. Are we flirting, are we just being really friendly, are we just friends? I wanna know what’s going on in your head when you think about me, and when you see me and hang out with me.”

“You really wanna know?”

“Yes, I do.”

The response to my question came in the form of Andrew’s lips against mine. It was so easy to relax into his kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck and holding him to me. His hands rested perfectly on my hips, like they were meant to be there. I leaned into him as close as I could be, taking in as much of him as I possibly could.

The sound of cheering broke us apart. We turned to see Garrett, Bruce, and Caleb looking out the living room window at the two of us. Upon realizing they had been caught, the three of them quickly pulled the curtains and backed away from the window.

“Do you wanna go back in there?” Andrew asked.

“No,” I responded.

“Me neither. Wanna go back to my place to finish our night?”

I smiled back at him. “I’d love that.”

#andrew siwicki #andrew siwicki imagine #andrew siwicki x reader #imagine #one shot #request #fanfiction #fanfic #fandom

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deonideatta · 3 years

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Alright it's Vincenzo and fire meta time! I dont know if this is super obvious and I'm just repeating what everyone's already picked up on, but Solar's version of Adrenaline gave me the push I needed to write down my thoughts (Italian version >>> tho imo) so here goes. I apologize in advance for the length sflds this is my thoughts straight to the page so it went on for a while :')

We associate Vincenzo with fire almost from the first episode. From the get go, the first major thing we see Vincenzo do is burn down a vineyard, pretty nonchalantly. Then we establish his habit of fiddling with lighters, and to round it off he blows up Paolo's car. The fire imagery is there from the beginning. When he loses his temper he's fiery, he fights fire with fire, his birthday is on bonfire night, it's a pretty clear link. Yet, interestingly enough, as we get to know more about his character, it appears like he is mostly a very level-headed person when it comes to high stakes conflict, as seen in the court scenes and in scenes like the ones where he threatens Choi Myung Hee. In fact, his cool-headedness is one of the things Cha Young lists as one of his charms in ep8. He doesn't come off as hot-blooded as quickly as a character like Father Kim in The Fiery Priest, for example.

Besides the times when he's just annoyed angry over things like being robbed or the drama with Geumga plaza, we see him get seriously angry only over the emotions from seeing his mom (he yells at her, he lights a cigarette) over Hong Yu Chan's insistence on pursuing Babel despite the danger (he raises his voice on multiple occasions), and over the death of HYC (he throws a wine glass and then he has syringes stuck in JHS's pillow and he organizes the warehouse arson). Note how most of these things are accompanied by some use of a lighter (more on that later). Yet, times when he yells and cusses in Italian aside, in doing most of these things he's not very visibly aggressive? If you get what I mean. He's still almost cold/mechanical in the way he goes about it. Like the result of his anger is an inevitability; if you light a lighter you start a fire. This is seen when he gets angry over the vineyard owner's attitude (he doesn't lose his cool, he just burns down the vineyard) and Paolo's attempted assassination of him (he shoots the assassins calmly, he blows up Paolo's car and threatens him, he leaves italy). Even the actual act of the Babel arson isn't very fiery on Vincenzo's part.

The thing about Vincenzo though is that, much like the lighters which he constantly opens and closes without lighting, most of the time he's not always very openly fiery. As mentioned above the only times we see Vincenzo actually light a lighter are when he's truly angry. He opens and closes them to calm down, but occasionally instead of calming down he lights the lighter, and he burns down a vineyard or lights a cigarette. He says in ep 2 that being weak and feeling helpless make him angry, and perhaps that's why opening and closing a lighter helps him calm down, because it reminds him that he can do something, he can light the lighter if he chooses to.

A lot of his anger/bitterness goes back to him being abandoned by his mother, and we see that it's still a big deal for him because some of only times we see him lose a grip on his anger and have outbursts of emotion are in scenes related to his mom (when he comes to tell her no one will come visit her now, when she doesn't want to get treatment, early on when he's in the courtroom for her case). We see that momentary crack in his level-headed personality when it comes to his mom, and the cracks get larger the worse her condition gets. (I wonder how it will go if she dies? It seems like she might. Perhaps that'll push him over the edge). Being someone who doesn't like feeling helpless, the scenes where he's angry about his mom become all the more impactful because there's nothing he can do, he can light the lighter but all he can do with that light is light a cigarette. Notably we also see him get emotionally angry/agitated worrying over Hong Yu Chan's perseverance in fighting Babel, perhaps since he also comes to see HYC as a mentor/father figure. He was helpless again, he couldn't do anything to help his mother's sentence and he couldn't do anything to stop HYC and his eventual death. In all this we see that there is a marked contrast between fiery emotionally engaged angry Vincenzo and cool-headed business minded angry Vincenzo. The more dangerous of the two is arguably cool-headed angry Vincenzo, because this is the mode he enters after the initial burst of emotional anger, after which he hatches and executes another high stakes plan.

Which brings me back to Adrenaline. The lyric about wanting to leave so as not to cause hurt is there in both versions, but in english it's "Fire, rising up (to) higher, I'm burning up it's dire, I don't wanna hurt you so leave" (According to this translation of the Italian version the equivalent part in that one is "The fire (is) rising upwards, I'm burning slowly, Please leave me, I don't want to hurt you", more or less the same thing). At this point we're aware that Vincenzo has a lot of unresolved internal anger, but we aren't clear on the full extent of it yet. He effectively hides it behind smooth words and well thought out plans, but that doesn't change the fact that he's "burning up" with all that pent up anger (over his mother mostly, and now also over Babel to an extent), which is also "rising up" as he's reminded of his past and faces new challenges. It's only a matter of time until he hits burnout, or an explosion of some kind. If you think of it like a water balloon (idk i'm bad at coming up with metaphors), over time more and more things (abandonement issues, having to kill so many people, having to leave italy, frustrations surrounding the tenants, BabelTM, the death of Hong Yu Chan, meeting his mother again, hearing the truth about his mother's case first hand, his mother potentially dying, and so on) fill it up until bANG, it's too much and it bursts. Pent up anger is a ticking time bomb, and it's anyone's guess when he'll stop clicking the lighter open and shut and set the world on fire again. We'll either have Vincenzo overcome and learn to let go of his anger, or we'll get to see him truly snap and cause some real damage to his status as a non-fugitive and/or his relationships. Maybe some combination of both.

Interestingly though, we haven't seen him get directly really angry at Cha Young before, though they were very passive agressive in the earlier eps. This shows a difference in the way he sees her now and the way he saw Hong Yu Chan, she's willing to get her hands dirty and so even though they're still fighting the same Babel he's not as worried about her safety because she's a lot like him. And yet, assuming that Adrenaline is from Vincenzo's POV and the person he doesn't want to hurt is Cha Young, we can infer that Vincenzo knows full well the potential danger of his pent up anger, and that he cares enough about Cha Young to want to still keep a certain distance from her so as not to hurt her in the event that said anger leads to bigger trouble/more illegal high stakes plans/things she wouldn't approve of i.e hurting or killing people. We see that he is drawn to her (very obviously), and that he likes her (VERY OBVIOUSLY), but he doesn't want to burn her, hence scenes like the "villains don't deserve to love/love requires qualifications" scene. Fire can warm people, it can be a force for 'good' (for example, the revenge on Babel for its victims and Cha Young via the arson), but it can also destroy people. It looks like it is definitely eating away at Vincenzo, and he doesn't want the fire consuming him to burn those close to him.

He's done things that may or may not haunt him, and he may not deem himself worthy of love because of those things, but deep down I do think he wants to be loved, to have a home, to let go of his anger and be allowed to live without it. His initial plan was to get filthy rich and then run away, but like the monk said, unless he faces his anger, it'll follow him wherever he goes. Forests burn down and regrow naturally, but unnatural forest fires are hella destructive, it's all about how he handles his anger. Harness it and overcome it, or let it control him and eventually destroy him. Rn it looks like it torments him but he uses it to his advantage, as a driving force, but how sustainable is that? Each of the arsons are preceded by gasoline, what will serve as Vincenzo's gasoline and what will be the spark that sets him alight? Will Cha Young be the bucket of water that settles Vincenzo's flames, or will she be the bucket of gasoline that burns him to the ground? We'll just have to wait and see.

Pls interact it took me like a week to write all this :')

#if i've missed anything lmk #my schoolwork watching me neglect it to write this like 🧍‍♂️#doesn this count as eng lit work #yes it does #vincenzo #tvn kdrama #tvn vincenzo #kdrama meta #vincenzo meta #vincenzo kdrama #vincenzo cassano #hong cha young #kdrama

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alirhi · 3 years

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This is oddly fun lol

Let's see how many of these I can churn out before I get distracted or need a break! (pff. like I need an excuse to watch the show again. Despite its flaws, I really, really love TFATWS, guys)

Without further ado, let's get down to it!

Episode 2: The Star-Spangled Man

I'm pretty sure I'm on record when it comes to my undying hate for John Walker, yes? So obviously, Bucky's grumpiness 100% stays 😂

I'm not really a fan of how much emphasis they put on the shield. I can see it as a catalyst for Bucky to go confront Sam, yes, but he wouldn't keep going "shield shield shield" like a broken record. Bucky has consistently been shown to be an empathetic man. I can't believe for a second that he'd be barking at Sam about having no right to give up the shield; he'd ask why. Sam's got shit to do, so he'd get impatient and not answer.

"Why'd you give up so easily? If you were overwhelmed, I could've helped you-" "You've been ignoring me. Like now, how you're ignoring me walking away from you." "Well, you weren't texting me about this." "You think I needed your permission?!" "No, but I was right there with Steve while he was learning what it meant to be Cap. I wouldn't mind helping you get used to-" "Then go teach him." A vague gesture toward the "Cap is back" posters. Bucky makes a face. "Steve passed the mantle to you. You fought with him. You earned it. That little shit didn't." "What do you want me to do about it?" "Just tell me why, Sam. I mean it. I just wanna understand." "Not now, Buck. I've got shit to do. You see me heading for a plane right now, right?" "This is important!" "So is this." Sam tells him about the Flag Smashers, we get our silly Big Three/Gandalf conversation.

I'm sorry, but that whole jumping from the plane scene is funny as hell, and I love all the nods they added in to jokes from the press tours that brought us this show in the first place (like ripping the sleeve off his jacket lol). I don't think I'd change a single thing from the Big Three convo to Bucky joining Sam in the warehouse.

"You're doing the staring thing again." "You're staring at your watch," Bucky points out. He knows it's linked to Redwing, he's just pointing out how dumb that line is in that situation. They're there for recon lol. They're meant to be looking around.

I don't...particularly care about the other common gripe here? Meaning, "Bucky's a civilian, so why is he allowed to randomly jump in on a military mission?" Bucky's also known in this universe as an Avenger, just like Sam, so I don't think anyone would really bat an eye at him joining. Also, I have my own agenda related to Bucky's apparent freedom to walk in and out of military/government things.

What does bug me (as funny as it is) is Bucky's animosity toward Redwing. Again... Bucky is a certified nerd. Always has been. If anything, he'd be fascinated by Redwing and Sam would constantly have to slap him away because he's leaning in too close trying to see the tiny watch monitor. "I don't trust Redwing" is just old man griping "I don't trust your newfangled technology" and that... that's not Bucky.

And that "we're not assassins" dig, and then laughing when Bucky gets upset? That's not Sam. Both of these men have shown a remarkable amount of empathy, and Sam has a background in helping traumatized vets. If he cared enough about Bucky to be texting him after Steve left, he'd care enough not to make callous jokes about his time as The Winter Soldier, whether he knows the full story or not.

The fight on top of moving trucks looks cool, but makes no logical sense. I keep trying to think of a way to explain this from a story perspective, rather than a lazy "it looks cool!" filmmaking one, and I'm coming up blank. Anyone with half a brain would have pulled over, had the fight, and then taken off. It was a fun sequence, though... Eh. I'll leave it.

When Karli breaks Redwing, Bucky doesn't say "I always wanted to do that." Again, it's funny - I love the jabs about that stupid robo bird XD - but not Bucky. In my version, he smirks and says "You're so gonna regret that."

"You were kinda getting your asses kicked before we got there." Is immediately followed by Bucky staring him down and asking, "And... how did that fight end for you?" Sam adds, "I don't see them in custody. Are-are they following in a van?" He looks around, sarcastically searching for another vehicle. Walker and Hoskins grimace at each other, grudgingly conceding that point.

credit to @dailycelebs

Seeing Walker, and having to listen to his stupid pro-government rhetoric, makes Bucky think about Steve. When we cut from the Flag Smashers back to Bucky and Sam and the closeup of Bucky's pensive face, we hear 1940s Steve angrily telling 1940s Bucky about how the higher ups in the army had already written off the POWs and were going to leave them to die. "I love our country, Buck," he laments, "but what do I do when I'm not too sure anymore about the people who run it?"

"What you always do," is young Bucky's answer, "stand for what's right, not who's in power."

Perfect lead-in to the conversation about handling things themselves.

When Sam meets Isaiah, and hears his story, not only is he horrified and heartsick for him, but he also begins to see Bucky in a new light. He's seeing Bucky's face, the way he tries to hide his emotions and not make this conversation about him, and he's putting things together. He's still upset at being out of the loop, but he's seeing more of the situation than just "omg black super soldier". When Bucky says "he'd already been through enough," Sam asks quietly, "like you?"

The racist cop comes back before Bucky can answer, to arrest him for missing his appointment with Raynor.

ngl guys, I was so moved by the difference in how that cop treated Sam (before knowing he's Important) vs how he treated Bucky (knowing that the government views him as a violent, if pardoned, criminal). He approaches Sam with his hand on his gun, eager to defend Bucky; "is this guy bothering you?" Just because they're having a heated conversation. Then, when he sees that there's a warrant for Bucky, he approaches timidly, apologizes, treats him gently and politely. By "moved," btw, I don't mean "it was so sweet." I mean "this is fucking sick, and very, very realistic." White cops see a white guy and treat him with respect regardless of his actual criminal record, while being openly hostile towards an innocent black man without even knowing who he is, just because he's black. Moments like this made me applaud Spellman.

"You, too, Sam - That wasn't a request" is Sam's first sign that there's something off about Raynor.

Look, again... The couples therapy banter is funny because Sebastian and Anthony are funny, but that scene, from a storytelling and a mental health standpoint, is atrocious. Without some underlying reason behind her actions, Raynor is just a pointlessly terrible therapist.

Rather than insulting Bucky from the outset, Sam is angry with Raynor for violating Bucky's privacy by not only introducing herself as his therapist, but forcing a "couples" session without her patient's consent. With his background pre-Avenging, he knows this shit shouldn't fly. He immediately points out how unprofessional she's being.

Raynor doesn't bother listening - the fuck does she care, really? She shrugs and casually admits it's "slightly unprofessional" but proceeds anyway.

"Whatever's eating at him?" Sam scoffs. "Did you really just say that to a WWII veteran and the world's longest-serving POW with complex PTSD? Did I hear that right? I've had, maybe, like five conversations with this man since we met, and even I know he's been through some shit and-" "Sam," Bucky tries to interrupt, looking uncomfortable. With his crushing guilt, he has an easier time dealing with insults than someone coming to his defense. "No," Sam snaps. "If the HIPAA Slayer over here wants to drag me into this, she's damn well gonna hear what I have to say!" He turns back to Raynor and demands, "Is this how you've been treating him this whole time? Downplaying what he's been through and making a grown-ass man sound like a sulking teenager?" Raynor keeps her cool, but barely. Visibly frustrated and annoyed, she ignores Sam's tirade and tries to force the conversation back onto the track she wants it on. Bucky's embarrassed and doesn't know how to react to any of this, so he still makes that little "he would talk less" jab. Sam, seeing that he's not going to get anywhere with him until they're away from this bitch, glowers and plays along. We get our silly/angry banter.

After their argument with Walker, Sam finally confronts Bucky about what really happened to him.

"He meant HYDRA; HYDRA used to be my people." "Were they?" Sam asks, stopping him and looking him in the eye, not letting him look away or deflect. "Steve was under the impression that they were your captors. I was under the impression that the Wakandans spent two years deprogramming you so no one could use you the way HYDRA did ever again." "I-" Startled, not expecting that, Bucky stutters a little and admits, "Yeah, I... That's true, I guess." "You guess?" "Does it matter? Sam rolls his eyes. "I dunno, does it matter that you were a slave for most of the 20th century?" "I doubt it matters much to my victims." "HYDRA's victims," Sam corrects firmly. "Just like you." Bucky fidgets; he doesn't know what to do or say. No one since Steve has even so much as insinuated that Bucky wasn't 100% culpable for what he did while under HYDRA control. "Look," Sam sighs, "I don't particularly like you. I don't hate you, but I'm not your biggest fan." "...Thanks?" "I just need you to know where I stand-" "Yeah, got it-" "-So you know I'm not biased like Steve when I say you had no choice. I don't know your story, but I know no one flips on a dime from docile and plagued with guilt to an unstoppable killing machine and back without some serious psychological damage behind that. I'm not saying you're an innocent little bunny, but I don't think you're a monster." "Thanks," Bucky croaks, more sincerely this time, and a bit choked up. He clears his throat and looks distinctly uncomfortable as he grumbles, "but to catch these guys, we may need to talk to a monster." Sam cringes. "I was afraid you'd say that."

#sebastian stan #anthony mackie #tfatws #tfatws critical #fan ramblings #show rewrite #if i'd written it #episode 2

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babymetaldoll · 4 years

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The bullies of the future (Matthew Gray Gubler/Reader)

Prompt: Imagine school in 300 years

Word count: 2,8K

Summary: Matthew starts rambling about the future over dinner. How do you think school will be in the future... will there be bullies... will our kids be bullied. All the questions reader has no idea how to answer.

Pairing: Matthew Gray Gubler/ Reader

Category: Fluff

Warnings: mention of bulling and cursing

Masterlist

- “I'm just saying, when we have kids, they are going to be homeschooled”- Matthew kept stirring the pot and (Y/N) continued chopping veggies, like what they were talking about was no big deal at all.

Of course, 'cos you and your boyfriend of seven years just happen to talk about your future together every once in... seven years, apparently. And it had to happen casually as you cooked dinner together.

So, (Y/N) took a deep breath and played it cool.

- “Home school? you wanna get our kids tutors?”

- “No, no! god no!”- he made a pause and analyzed the idea- “Well, maybe... I don't trust my math, but I was thinking maybe we could both be in charge of their education.”

Matthew was talking about it like it wasn't a big deal. It was: "Which topping do you want on your pizza today, by the way, let's have kids and homeschool them together!". No biggie, right?

- “Other than the fact we were both bullied in school, why do you want to keep them in our little house bubble all day?”- (Y/N) made her best to sound as casual and cool as possible, though she was freaking out inside.

- “'Cos school sucks”- Matthew simply replied, and both of them fell into a comfortable silence for a few minutes.

- “I wonder what school will like in 300 years”- Gubler was thinking out loud, and (Y/N) found herself staring at the ceiling analyzing the idea.

- “I bet it will still suck”- she added and heard him chuckle.

- “And of course, aliens will be the teachers”- he stated and nodded at his own words- “Maybe they can "ET" us, and put all the knowledge inside our brain just with a finger on our forehead.”

- “So you wanna be fingered by an alien in school?”- (Y/N) looked at her boyfriend and frowned pretending to be confused, but making her best not to laugh. He, on the other hand, was laughing so hard she was sure the whole neighborhood could listen.

- “When you put it in those words... I don't know... maybe if they are hot aliens...”

- “I hope they are cool aliens, not the ones who always try to blow up Earth, or end with humankind”

Gubler stared at his girlfriend, she was taking the dough she had already made and had to rest, and started getting ready to prepare their pizza.

- “Is the salsa ready, Gub?”- he nodded and turned off the stove.

- “Do you think there will be bullies in school 300 years in the future?”- the tone of his voice was a little more serious, (Y/N) noticed it right away. Maybe that's where all the homeschooling idea was coming from.

- “It's more likely, people are and will be assholes forever, why?”- he shrugged and moved to the kitchen island, holding the pot with the tomato sauce he had prepared (it was his own personal recipe, and he was proud of it. It might or may not be taken from (Y/N)'s mom, but that was a fight he was never going to quit).

- “Hon, you know you can't keep kids in a bubble just to stop them from being hurt”

- “I know”- he whispered and focused on (Y/N)'s hand kneading the dough. Somehow, cooking with her felt like a place he could hide in.

If he was honest - which he was in his mind, but no as verbally as people might think- he could spend the rest of his life eating everything and anything that she cooked for him. He could gain a hundredth pounds, and he wouldn't care, he loved her home cooking, 'cos it was in fact, his home.

They had been seven years together, and he was now all of a sudden talking about kids. He didn't understand where that thought was coming from, but he knew he was sure she was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. It wasn't something he had to think about, it was something he felt on the inside every morning when she was the first thing he saw, as soon as he opened his eyes.

- “Wanna talk about what this is really about?”- her words took him from his thoughts, but he shook his head in silence- “Then pick a movie, I'll put the pizza in the oven and we'll be ready in twenty minutes.”

Matthew picked the original Carrie movie for their Saturday lazy date night, and they cuddled on their couch to watch it eating their homemade pizza. They chatted about all their favorite scenes and laughed at the poor special effects, but by the end of it, after an obscene amount of food and a bottle and a half of red wine, Matthew couldn't shake the bully's thoughts away.

- “Would you go all Carrie with your high school bullies if you could?”- his voice was a soft whisper as (Y/N) turned off the tv and the screen went black.

- “I don't think so... I wanted to when I was in school, but I don't think I care so much right now... although who knows what might happen if I get to see one of those assholes again”

The girl turned to her boyfriend, her legs laid on his lap as he sat next to her, covered with the same blanket. He knew he had to admit it, but there was a part of him that kept thinking maybe if he didn't talk about it, it hadn't happened.

- “I bumped into one of my bullies today”- he looked down at his hands, playing with a napkin as he spoke. He didn't want to turn his eyes to her 'cos he knew she would be scared and concerned. Which she was. She couldn't believe something like that had actually happened.

Matthew openly talked about his bullying experience in school in a positive and inspiring way, to help people under the same kind of situation face it and overcome it. But he never let anyone close enough to his trauma so they could understand how bad things had been for him. And it had been bad. The fact no one could call him "Matt", though it was the "go-to" nickname for Matthew was just the tip of that iceberg.

(Y/N) knew most of it after all that time, that's why it shocked her to know her boyfriend had bumped into someone from that dark era of his life.

- “Who?”

- “Chris Sanders...”- Gubler wished he could forget that name, but it was not possible. He didn't have an eidetic memory like his character Reid, but the trauma of years of bullying wasn't easy to erase.

- “Where?”

- “At a coffee shop this morning when I was out getting groceries... it was weird”

- “I bet it was”- (Y/N) moved closer to her boyfriend, wrapping her arms around him and kissing his cheeks several times- “Do you want me to kill him? ask me to kill for you, Gubler, please do”

She joked and managed to make him chuckle. But it only lasted for a second.

- “I know I have to be the bigger man, but I couldn't”

- “You don't have to be anything, honey”- (Y/N) leaned to him and kissed his cheek a few times. Matthew closed his eyes and sighed, the sensation of her lips against his skin was enough to relax him. But the memories he had buried were too clear in his head now, and there wasn't much he could do to wipe them off.

- “He put me in a fucking locker every day for a whole year”- Gubler closed his eyes tighter and held his breath for a few seconds.

- “Son of a bitch!”- just thought of her boyfriend going through that torture as a kid, hurt (Y/N) deeper than she could explain. She would give anything and everything she had, to travel back in time and kick those mother fucker's bully asses.

- “And today, he approached me like we were long lost friends”- Matthew scoffed- “Can you believe that? he walked to me and hugged me yelling "Matt" like I should be surprised and happy to bump into him!”

- “That asshole! and what did you do?”

- “I didn't know what to do, so I panicked and stayed still for a second, and he continued talking and talking about how great he was doing, and how he had seen me on tv, and... I tried to get my coffee and run away, but one thing he said just... made me snap.”

- “What did he say?”- (Y/N) whispered. Matthew sighed and looked down at his hands. Somehow, he felt guilty about what had happened, somehow he felt responsible for being mean to someone who had been cruel to him for years.

- “He said he saw an interview of me thanking every bully for being mean to me, 'cos they made me who I am today...”- Gubler whispered every word, and (Y/N) held his hands, trying to make him feel safe.

- “You did say that, I remember”

- “Yeah, but I was trying to be a positive... he just...”

Matthew was struggling with his words. He was trying to clear his head, but he was so mad, so upset, so... angry with himself for accepting the abuse for so many years, he couldn't think straight.

- “Hey, hey!”- (Y/N) leaned and kissed the tip of his nose- “I'm here, you are home, everything is ok, so come back”- she smiled at him and watched him smile shyly.

- “Yeah... I'm here”- he moved closer to her, and slowly rested his head on her shoulder. (Y/N) instinctively wrapped her arms around his body, and held him close to her, protecting him from his thoughts.

The couple stayed in silence for a few minutes. Matthew didn't want to make a big deal out of the whole thing, but deep down inside, he had bottled up so many feelings, he was having a hard time hiding them from his girlfriend.

- “He said I owe him”- Gubler murmured so quietly, (Y/N) barely heard him. He was hidden in the crook of her neck, trying to focus only on the smell of her skin instead of all the thoughts that kept hunting his mind.

- “What?”- his girlfriend whispered and clenched her fists behind his back. Of all the things she could have imagined that asshole telling her boyfriend, "you owe me" wasn't one of it. It wasn't even in the top 10. "I'm sorry I was a mother fucker with you back in high school" was something he should have said, but "You owe me"? only a real sociopath could make such sick joke.

- “And I... just... snapped”- Gubler bit his lips as he moved and stared at (Y/N), his puppy eyes were so apologetic, it made her feel he was indeed apologizing to her for something bad he had done.

(Y/N)'s hands caressed his cheeks as she smiled at him kindly. Whatever he had done - even it that included beating the shit out of that asshole - she knew he meant no harm. Matthew was a pacific guy, he wouldn't get mad, he would always be nice to everybody, even with people who were annoying or rude.

- “Gub, whatever happened, he totally asked for it”- she reassured him.

- “Yeah...”- but still, he didn't say a word

- “Did you hit him?”- he shook his head and sighed

- “I should have, though”- his voice was a whisper again.

- “Yeah, he deserved it... actually, let's google that asshole, I wanna go and smash his fucking face against a brick wall”- Matthew chuckled and stared at his girlfriend- “I mean it, I want to”

- “Maybe then we can google Jen Bennet, and avenge your shitty high school years as well”

- “So you really want me to go all Carrie on my high school bullies?”- Gubler shrugged smiling, but his response was a bluff and she knew it, he was never going to endorse any kind of violent behavior. Not like she would.

- “I don't want you to do that, never”- Matthew gave her a sweet peck on the lips and rested his forehead against hers. Silence hung between them for a few seconds, until Gubler finally sighed and whispered.

- “I threw my coffee to his face and yelled he was a narcissist son of bitch”

- “And?”- (Y/N) moved, looking into his eyes as she furrowed her brows, not getting the big deal of it- “He deserved it!”

- “Yeah but... maybe I overreacted?”

- “Did you stab him?”- but Gubler shook his head- “You didn't kick his balls, right?”- and he shook his head again- “Then, what's the whole deal?”

- “I burned his face and neck with hot coffee, not to mention the fact I yelled and cursed right onto his face in front of a lot of people”

- “So?”- (Y/N) wasn't getting what was the big deal. Sanders had been a bully to her boyfriend, he deserved worse. He deserved hell, 'cos he had put Matthew through a nightmare. She would hurt everyone who had done anything bad to him if she could. That's how much she loved him. No question asked.

- “So?!”- Matthew was in shock his girlfriend was taking things so calmly.

- “Honey, though I know you are the perfect guy who thinks being nice is better than anything else in the world, I have to burst that bubble for you: sometimes, people are assholes and we have to kick ass, you don't have to be a unicorn all the time.”

- “I'm not a unicorn!!”- he replied looking almost insulted. Matthew turned to the coffee table, poured what was left of their bottle of wine into their glasses and gave one to his girlfriend, who was smiling playfully.

- “Ok... a teddybear then”- she took a sip and sighed. Gubler stared at her biting his lips, probably trying to find something to say, but thoughts were overwhelming at that minute. He felt guilty and honestly bad about how he had reacted. He thought standing up in front of a bully was going to feel better, but apparently, it sucked.

(Y/N) could read on his face all the struggles happening in his mind. Her finger found his hair, and ran slowly through it, knowing it was something that always managed to relax him.

- “I just feel I'm no better than him after what I did”

- “Don't overthink it, Matthew Gray”- he felt her hands tug his hair softly, as a small chuckle left her lips- “You are better than anyone and everyone I know or might know”

- “Are you going to encourage our kids to kick ass?”

- “Yes!”- she answered not giving the idea a second thought- “But only if someone is messing with them”

- “Them?”- Gubler raised an eyebrow and (Y/N) felt her cheeks burning in no time. Had she said too much? no way.

- “You said kids, plural, them, kids, them...”- she poorly explained almost stuttering. The fact they were talking about kids was still too much for her to handle. It scared and excited her at the very same time. It felt like something she wanted to do, and couldn't wait to do, but never knew it until that day.

- “I see... maybe school 300 in the future will have better anti-bullying policies...”

- “We are not having kids in 300 kids, Matthew”- (Y/N) didn't realize what she had gotten into until it was too late- “I mean... I don't think we will be alive in 300 years.”

She made a pause as they stared at each other quietly. Neither of them knew what to say next, so she quickly looked for a way to change the course of the conversation drastically.

- “Anyway, it was a good pizza”

- “Yeah”- he nodded frenetically and blushed.

- “And a great shitty movie”

- “It ain't shitty”

- “The book is better”

- “Nerd”- (Y/N) gasped pretending to be offended and watched how Gubler bit his lips. She still didn't know if he did that on purpose or not, but whatever it was, it had one hell of an effect on her every single time, even after seven years.

- “Finish that wine and follow me upstairs”- her words were a command.

- “Why?”- he raised an eyebrow knowing exactly what she was talking about.

- “I wanna cheer you up for beating up that bully”- Gubler didn't argue with that at all, he finished what was left in his glass and stood up.

- “Are you always going to cheer me up with crazy dirty sex?”

- “Yes”- she turned to him and frowned- “Is that a bad thing?”

- “Did you hear me complain?”- he grinned- “We could have done it on the couch, you know”

- “You can't tie me to the couch”- (Y/N) teased and curled his lips to a dirty smile.

- “I love you”

- “I know.”

#matthew gray gubler #spencer reid #matthew gray gubler fanfiction #fanfic #MGG #spencer reid fanfic #matthew gray gubler fanfic #fluff #dr spencer reid #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #babymetaldoll writes

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koushisatori · 3 years

Text

I’m not telling, that I’m hurting

matsukawa x f!reader

genre: a slight bit of angst, and then a slight bit of fluff

warnings: hm, maybe the slightly suggestive last sentence <3

word count: 5.8k

note: pls accept my ugly baby, my brain fried itself writing it (09.12. finally beta’ed my ugly baby hehe)

remember how I said Kuroo is a chill boyfriend and is quick to show that he dislikes something, openly seething and brooding?

Mattsun is even more laid-back in general, there's probably a picture of him next to the word in the dictionary

BUT he also hides it super well when he doesn’t particularly like something

Like, you're probably not realizing that he’s upset or angry until he decides to be very, very obvious about it

and even if he can't hide it (bc it's not only one thing bothering him but more, extremely rare) he won't talk about it on his own

Which is not only exhausting for you but also straining on your relationship at those times

There are two different kinds of pissed though

It isn’t something he wears openly but he gets jealous pretty fast

you’re beautiful, smart, funny and friendly

you’re everything he wants in his significant other and he’d do anything for you, but he hates how there are truly people out there thinking they could be better for you and ask you out

ofc they want a piece of your attention, he understands, it doesn't mean he that he can't hate it

Bc..maybe (and he would never admit it) he was a bit more insecure than he let on, hiding it under a perfectly trained appearance, all lazy smile, and sarcastic comments

this is his usual state of being pissed, and it’s exclusively reserved for and directed at others

After you officially became an item, it got better - it’s not hard to see that you two were a package deal match made in heaven

back to the day, you started dating:

you two weren’t yet a couple yet but you both were pretty obvious w your wants

There was that unspoken push and pull battle between you regarding who would give in first and ask the other out officially

That moment, you were standing next to Matsukawa holding his hand which is amazing come on, his large hands engulfing yours is a blessing

(‘’Mattsunnn, my fingers are so cold, will you warm them up?’’ – ‘’That’s a lame attempt of an excuse, Y/N,’’ he had said while taking your hand anyway ‘’you could have that every day, you know, all you have to do is ask me first’’ – ‘’In your dreams, Issei ~’’ )

it didn’t stop that one guy from his class, so arrogant and sure of himself, from coming up to you, completely ignoring Matsukawa, and asking you out??

Mattsun did not like that AT ALL

If glares could kill, you’d have to visit your boyfriend in jail every week <3

you just gaped at the other, it was hard to believe that this guy was serious but…he waited for an answer

moments of staring were followed with you both simultaneously - he, hiding his annoyance with sarcasm, you mildly concerned for the others health - letting out a ''What the hell''

Before you could tell the other guy that you're not the slightest interested, Mattsun answered for you

''It's sooo cute of you to ask me, but I think it would be unfair of me to agree and just leave Y/N hanging like that…additionally, I only have one hand holding hand available and…'' he sighed deeply, lifting your still firmly intertwined fingers, his brown eyes boring into the other guys ''I have to hold her hand for her for…probably forever, so you're…a bit late.''

Letting him pull you away, you giggle ''You know you kind of declared us as offical, a couple, for everyone to hear.'' - ''I absolutely did not do such thing, I'm now simply eternally attached to you and your hand, that's a difference.''

You won that round nonetheless bc him telling the other off was THE gossip for the next week

Your best friend gave you the glorious idea to attend his game at the end of the week in his volleyball shirt but tease him a bit until then about wearing his friend's one

''You know I should totally ask Tooru if he would lend me his jersey, just to make that jealous bitch in my class shut up and stop pestering me simply for actually knowing him.'', ''Have you seen Iwaizumi's biceps? Please tell me that you wouldn't totally support our strong ace…and maybe open a cult just for his arms. Let me drop all of my life duties real quick, I'm meant to be a good housewife.''; ''Taka-chan said he'd pay for my lunch the whole week if I'd come to your game showcasing his number, you wouldn't mind right?''

The thing that had happened and you riling him up all week ended with the other kind of anger which is the silent treatment, completed with a very cold shoulder (which is also, in all honest, his specialty)

him punishing you with silence the whole Thursday as well as Friday morning

He avoids being alone with you, answers messages as short as possible, spends his lunch starring at his food, and not making eye contact

(he's still watching you, just bc he is currently annoyed with you after deviling him so much, doesn't mean he stops wanting to kiss your pretty face until your lips are swollen and your cheeks dusted in pink and red)

The worst is that he KNOWS that you're teasing him but he can't help it okay, you found his achilles heel </3

Anyways, of course, when the opposing team arrives and they warm-up, you want your…not boyfriend but close enough boy friend to stop moping around (Makki begged you: ''please do something, he won't clown the others or joke around with me, all he does is sulking'')

Even without Takahiro coming up though, you would have gone to him before the game but it just makes it more adorable and hilarious bc he is a bit dumb there, I mean?? The only hand you're holding (and love doing whenever possible) does not belong to either Makki, Iwaizumi, Oikawa, or anyone else for that matter

It wasn't an easy task to discreetly rob him off of his other tricot but you managed

So, while they were doing their warm-up drills you - with Hanamakis help - sneaked into the gym

wearing HIS number on your back and front, together with a pair of jeans that he had complimented on dates before (they make your backside look amazing and you can't tell me that he does not appreciate a nice ass)

After you teased him with the others for so long, he immediately perked up when Hanamaki playfully wolf-whistled at you from across the gym, adding an ''You look amazing, Y/N-chan. Wanna get some food later?''

(Makki and you - overdramatically calling each other Taka-chan & Y/N-chan whenever possible to mock Oikawa a bit as well - ended up being best friends. bonus: you both LOVE to irritate Mattsun every now and then since he really only looses some of his composure in relation to you)

glaring at his best friend, Matsukawa strode over to you and dragged you right out of the gym again

then, a few minutes of silence

him checking you out kind of hungrily, longingly (trying not to be obvious about it, too)

before you finally relent and pull him down, standing on your tiptoes

To flick his forehead with all the strength in your fingers :)

‘’The fuck, Y/N.’’

''You are a fucking morron, Issei, and you hopefully know that.'' you sigh, pressing your lips against the point your fingers had hit against to sooth it

Avoiding your gaze - hiding his excited blush - he answered with a noncommitting grunt and a shrug

''you better win this game, and warm up my hands right after, you let them turn to popsicles while not doing your job for nearly two days only bc you were petty''

The smile that now curled his lips while nodding was genuine

not the sarcastic one or the teasing smirk he wore usually for everyone to see

a small, very pleased, and very happy smile, one he offered rarely and only to you

After the game - and having to watch other people ogle your nicely hugged curves even with you wearing his shirt and yelling his name for at least 2/3 of the time - he swept you off of your feet by openly and rather dramatically kissing you all Disney-like (earning some gagging noises from his friends) and asking you out in the same over-the-top kind of way

Don't worry though, he usually only gets frisky 1. when you two are alone

2. when you both decide to annoy the others (but that's more of a show and lots of unnecessary nicknames and sounds - honestly please have some decency children are watching)

and 3. when he becomes insecure jealous

You know if it's the jealousy burning in him

he's attempting to not show it to you

Yet his grip on your waist is a smidge stronger, his slightly amused expression a bit too tight, too strained to be natural, and he's uncooperative…more than usual

This specific thing happened, just now

''Mattsun…'' you murmur, struggling to turn around in his vice-like grip.

You tried to loosen his arms around your waist a few times while ranting about the mathematical problem and the upcoming test you had, hoping he would offer you his help. To no avail. He probably didn't really realize that he was squeezing you to death or tuning you out. This is why you resorted to wiggling around in his hold until you were finally facing your huffy boyfriend. One of your hands on his biceps and your other playing with the hair in his neck in hopes to calm him down a bit.

''Who spat in your breakfast this morning, you're usually not that grumpy,'' you continue softly, your tone between teasing and worry. Even though you and Hanamaki enjoy riling him up you both always make sure to stay inside a certain limit. Nothing you couldn't solve with an apology, sweet kisses, and genuine assurances that it was nothing more than a joke. In the end, he is the only person that causes your heart to beat faster. The one you like…love. You knew that you loved him for some time now, the desire to have a perfect moment to announce it is the only thing keeping you from saying it out loud.

The shrug you receive wouldn't do it though. Him tending to let it consume him until he snaps is not good. Not for him, and for the relationship of the both of you as well. ''Issei, come on,..'' you gently prod, ''…tell me. Stop living up to your name and talk to me,''

There were a lot of reactions you expected. Another huff maybe, his usual 'Nothing' or even the true reason for his behavior. What you did not expect though was his annoyed groan and him nearly growling at you. ''Y/N, fucking leave it. Stop sticking your nose into my business. Don't you get that I don't want to talk?!''

For a second your breath hitches. The annoyance…slight anger in his voice startling you. ''Jesus fucking Christ, fine,'' you curse - now irritated yourself. It caught him off-guard enough due to its rareness of you cussing out loud. At least enough to push against his chest and free yourself off of his hold, successfully stopping him from just hiding his face away in your neck. ''If that’s what you want, fine. I'm sorry for worrying about you, Matsukawa.'' you say provokingly before you let out a small sigh, ''I'll go to class, maybe Hajime is back from chasing the Captain and can actually help me with math…listens to me, to begin with. Not mope around to the point of ignoring me for some unknown reason.'' with that said you turn around on your heels and leave him standing.

You know he would eventually come around in the next few hours. You hope. Mattsun wasn't or rather isn't angry with you. Otherwise, he wouldn't have been as close to you as he had been but his inability to merely talk with you about what was and is bothering him proves to be one of the few reasons that are able to drive you up the wall.

Mathematics being mathematics, the problem wasn't just simply explained within those ten minutes before class started.

If things were normal, you wouldn't be as bothered as you are right now though. Issei would find a way to get it into your pretty little head. He knew how to explain and what to transcribe for you to get the idea behind all those letters and lines scrawled between the numbers.

The problem is that you usually did this in the calmness of your rooms on the weekend. As it seems though, did most people get the problem from the get to go and the teacher decided to write the topical test in your afternoon class today instead of next week, so she could begin with the new thematic on Monday.

Alas, you're fucked.

Not only would you get the worst grade in your whole mathematical carrier but you also couldn't ask your boyfriend, and listen to his deep gentle yet teasing voice explaining stupid equations to you with him being so infuriatingly upset over whatever.

To your luck, Iwaizumi offers to be your knight in shining armor in extreme times of need. (He tried to convince you to just go to Mattsun because ''He's head over heels for you, don't tell me a stupid fight holds you both back from being insufferable together, Y/N'' - ''We can't be fighting, when he doesn't talk or listen to me.''.) Sacrificing a free hour and his precious lunchtime sitting on the school's rooftop with you, he explains the procedure over and over again.

After what felt like a whole notebook full of wrong exercises and another one with their corrected versions, the structure of the problem does finally make sense to you. Now cheerfully humming, you look over older tasks you didn't get before when he decides to speak up.

''Y/N?'' Iwaizumi asks, his voice completely calm and…soothing?

''Hmm…'' you hum letting him know that you're listening while correcting another exercise.

''Mattsun will relax once we won that game, okay? Don't be so hard on him.'' His words caught you off-guard, which leads you to look up, question mark clear on your face. ''It's against Akumahebi? The ones that provoked and insulted him so underhandedly last time? Hit all his nerves spot on?'' he adds questioning.

Lips forming a big 'O'. You remember today's opponents vividly.

Seijoh first played against them at the end of your second year, a few weeks after you and Mattsun had started talking with different intentions than throwing terrible pick up lines at each other. Foremost for shit and giggles but actually starting to have hope that the other might mean it.

They stood at the other side of the net and began with their unsportsmanlike strategy by haunting him. ''Imagine thinking someone so mediocre could be rightfully on the field next to players like your ace, could compete against someone like Iwaizumi Hajime.'' or ''The only reason you're on the field is your height, the first years will take over your spot sooner than you think. You are replaceable after all.''. There was no obvious reason for them to pick out Issei but they did. Hissing different things under their breath. You guessed that it's because he always looked so unbothered. As if nothing could wilt his stupidly attractive lopsided smirk.

Afterward, the four of you had a hard time convincing him that those snakes knew shit. That he was on the team for his skills, his amazing blocking, and strategical thinking ability, not his height. That he would be a regular until he left the volleyball club and that he was respected by all of his kouhais.

''Shit,…them? Really?'' you jut our your lower lip. ''He didn't tell me...but I also didn't ask.'' you admit guiltily. ''Well, then I have to cheer extra loud for Issei, I think.'' A triumphant smile stretches across your face, gripping the collar of your uniform with one and pulling up the collar of the jersey underneath with the other. Enough to see the Seijoh colors to come to light. You had stolen it out of your boyfriend's bag two days ago after he went to the bathroom and had hidden it in your desk drawer until today. You nearly forgot to put it on after you accidentally slept in this morning, so you kind of just threw it over your head while hoping to not fall over trying to get into your tights. ''I'm ready to scream at the top of my lungs for my favorite player,…'' you say before you at least partly bashful add ''…no offense. You are my second favorite star player, Haji.''

At that, Iwaizumi simply laughs and playfully pushes against your shoulder.

Later that evening you found yourself wearing one of Issei's ridiculously large pullovers and sweatpants, sitting wrapped up in blankets on your couch in the living room. Your chest hurting from swallowed and choked up sobs. Even though your parents weren't home when you arrived and wouldn't be for the next two days, enjoying a long-planned short vacation, you didn't allow yourself to cry. A gory horror movie on-screen meant to distract you from your thoughts ends up being nothing more than background noises while wallowing in self-pity.

At one point, Oikawa and Iwaizumi stood at your door - even though you hoped that it would be a certain boy you loved - worried glances boring into your skull from the first second on, and never ceasing.

You didn't even know if your team won or lost. It wasn't like you asked them either.

All you cared for is Issei. Issei, who seemingly decided that he would stop caring for you.

___________________________________

Iwaizumi-senpai and Y/N-senpai would make an adorable couple, don't you think?

You leaving him to make true on your words intensified the insecurities that had just started to brood underneath the surface a few days ago. He couldn't help it, but he definitely would not share those silly thoughts with you.

Issei knew they were wrong. But that didn't stop them from invading the darkest corners of his brain.

You have to agree that Y/N-san and Iwaizumi-san seem really close.

Overhearing the first years giggling about his girlfriend and one of his best friends being a cute couple amplified all of it. Also…he realized just now…since when do you call Iwaizumi by his name? When did he allow you to call him Hajime?

''Have you seen him smile like that with another girl? I, for my part, haven't seen that smile off the court where he can do the thing he loves the most.''

''Oh, stop, Y/N-senpai has a boyfriend! Don't you know? I feel uncomfortable speculating about something like that.''

'' 'Course, I know! I just say that, if I were in a relationship with someone, I'd want my boyfriend to be a bit more…relationship-y about it, you know? Like, yeah, they hold hands and they hug. But all they do besides this is banter meaninglessly…more like friends, not like a couple should behave! Iwaizumi-san, though, even without being as close to her bodily, gives off more intense boyfriend vibes than this other player.''

''His name is Matsuka-''

‘'And, Y/N-senpai calls him Hajime, I think she even said Haji once, isn't that cute?!''

''Stop it, stupid! You shouldn't be so loud with your words, you might spread something accidentally. And just because she gives them nicknames doesn't imply anything. I'm also giving you nicknames! And, she looks happy with Matsu-''

‘'Yeah yeah, but you don't like me like that. Anyway, just think about it! Would you really say no to someone like Iwaizumi-san though…? What I'd give for him to at least look at me like that. If I were Y/N-sa-''

''You aren't, can we go now, don’t wanna be late for class because of you again.''

Iwaizumi did seem to feel extra relaxed around you. And you seemed to like his presence as well.

What if those first years had a point?

For the second time that day, he growled.

No, there was nothing to doubt or think about. It wasn't unusual of you to use their names. You literally started calling Hanamaki 'Taka-chan' within 10 minutes of knowing each other. Making friends was easy for you, and that you and Iwaizumi were in the same class with Oikawa probably just strengthened your bond with each other to endure the Captain's antics.

Issei nodded to himself, decidedly ignoring the little whisper of doubt in the back of his mind for now.

''I am not jealous.'' The black-haired student repeated this sentence in his mind over and over again. His best friend wouldn't do such a thing as 'stealing you away', nor would you leave him like that. People should shut their mouths. Mind their own problems. And because of him definitely not being insecure jealous, there was nothing he had to tell you.

Around lunchtime, Matsukawa decided to make good on his words and apologize to you. He would explain that he just felt on edge due to the game against this specific team, you would forgive him and then things would be back to normal…hopefully. The problem was, that he couldn't find you. Not in your classroom nor with your friends, who didn't have any idea regarding your whereabouts as well.

The dark-haired blocker was about to send you a message to ask you to meet him before your last lesson and his volleyball practice when he hears your beautiful laugh coming from the staircase right in front of him. Pressing himself to the wall he watches you coming down from the school roof with Iwaizumi, jumping into his arms with a blinding smile and running off to your class a second later.

''Would you really say no to someone like Iwaizumi? ~ Imagine thinking you could compete against someone like your ace.''

With the greasy, suffocating feeling of jealousy burning in the pit of his stomach, he storms off in the other direction.

Right before warming up for the game in the afternoon, he heard you chatting with Hanamaki in front of the locker room while he was changing. And while the door opened - Kyoutani walking in and Oikawa leaving to fullfil his captain duties conscientiously - he looked at his strawberry haired friend and your back. For the split second he could see you, he realized just how much having you around all day means to him. His eyes wandered. Over your softly shining hair. Slowly outlining your in Seijoh-colours clad shoulders, down your arms to your elbow where they are bent to cross in front of your chest to hold your jacket and uniform pullover. Then down your back and-

With an annoyed huff, he found himself throwing his locker door in its lock, bending down to pull up his knee pads more aggressively than necessary. Ignoring the curious looks and whispers from his teammates he simply grunted out an Ok, when Makki came in telling him that you would be waiting for him.

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Issei 💗👁️👅👁️: go, I'm not coming to see ya', don't need ur encourgmnt or you now You: Mattsun, what's wrong, honestly, you're scaring me Issei 💗👁️👅👁️: sure You: come on, I wanna support and show who's my favorite player Issei 💗👁️👅👁️: hilarious, stay, go home, idc

__________________________

"Hey, Y/N-chan, what I meant to ask you earlier…why were you wearing Iwa-chan's shirt." Oikawa carefully questions, his perfectly shaped eyebrow shooting up to emphasize his words.

"I diD wHAT NOW?" - "She did what?!"

Without wasting a second you jump up from under your blanket mountain and sprint up the stairs to your room to look through your hamper.

There it was, that goddamn tricot. A 4 looking right back at you instead of a 3 or 2. It brought every process of thought to an halt.

"But I- 2 days- what, I got this- I was in-" you stop again, slowly turning your head to Iwaizumi, pointing at him. "Since when were you missing this?"

The ace immediately straightens up under your intense gaze. "Three days? No two? Since our last practice, I guess. Kyoutani and Yahaba had some…problems and fought it out in the locker room. But I…wasn't missing it! I thought that it might be in the laundry by accident.'' he answers hesitantly.

You blink. A few times. Nod. And then a loud laugh starts to bubble out of you, interchanging itself with heavy sobs, forcing you to fold into yourself and hide your face in your hands.

With a worried expression, Oikawa kneels down beside you. ''Y/N-chan…are you okay?''

"He's so fucking dumb, Tooru, why do I even love him? And I am, too!" You hiccup pitifully. "Makki and he switch numbers from time to time, in case you haven't realized. They say it's because it doesn't really matter in the end, it’s fun to confuse others and the worst that could happen is that they forget to wash it before the other wears it,'' you add, a little laugh escapes your lips before your voice breaks in favor of a hiccup again. ''I guess they were about to do that again but with Mad Dog on the loose, the chaos was enough to mix up all the shirts on the bench completely. And since I stole this one secretly out of Issei's bag when he went to the bathroom and quickly hid it to surprise him today, I accidentally grabbed the wrong one instead of his without realizing it."

You gasp for air, your stuffed nose making it difficult to breathe properly. "And then you have to play against this team, out of all possibilities, it's them! So, of course, he's already fed up, and then I'm wearing Hajimes number who he already kind of feels inferior to on the court, where he's the ace and vice-captain first and not his best friend, due to this stupid fucks picking on his insecurities. Fuck!"

For a second you bury your head in your hands again. "No, you know what, fuck this. I don't need him to bury that shit in himself again, or to have stupid thoughts, or leave me because of it'' you furiously hiccup, standing up. ''I can go over, too, and put that behind us.''

The first time you actually took a second to breathe and evaluate the situation, you had already rung the bell at the Matsukawa family house. Thrice. For good measure. (And so he knew that there's no way out, that you wouldn't leave.) After waiting for solid 5 minutes - knowing that he'd usually reach the door in under a minute, one if he had napped before, you glare at the window above. A strawberry pink colored patch of hair peek out from underneath.

''Alright, if that's what you want'' you grumble. Going over to the trellis and climbing up on it onto the small canopy before finalizing your unauthorized entry by narrowing your furious eyes at two unbelieving faces. Well…he should never have dared you to try to enter his room like this for a joke in the first place when you first became friends. Now, he would definitely not escape you.

''Open. Now. I will break this dumb window, if that's the only way to get you to talk to me, Issei.''

In the end, minutes of starring later, Hanamaki relents and opens the window. ''Thanks,'' you say sweetly before you chop at the strawberry haired boy's side. ''Y/N-chan, I thought we had something special,'' he wheezes, holding his side.

''We have a talk later, Makki, this was only for not opening the door now'' you say, promptly throwing him out of your boyfriend's room. Your voice seemed to sound scary enough for him to leave rather freely. Or at least it made clear that there was no space for buts. That this was a talk between Mattsun and You. Alone with your boyfriend, you turn around to face Matsukawa. To glare at him.

''What do yo-'' - ''Shut up, Issei. You're going to listen and talk to me right now without filter.'' you hiss. While he tried to keep his cool demeanor, the black-haired boy swung his legs off of the bed to sit properly and not slouch, wanting to listen to you. Wanting you to explain…probably.

''Issei, you morron, you deserve the hardest forehead flick in the history of forehead flicks! What were you thinking?! Why didn't you just tell me that it was them you had to play against today? I would have done everything for you to feel better. I would have been understanding of your mood because I know what they did, but no. You decide to be jealous instead? Of Hajime out of all people? Give me a statement and I will refute it within seconds, whatever you want. Come one, test me. And I dare you to shrug just once,...just once!, and I will - even though I lo-. I will freaking kick your dumb ass to the moon..''

A snort, unfairly attractive and so very Mattsun, leaves him. ''As if you could reach that hig-'' - ''Thin fucking ice, Matsukawa.''

With a sigh, he scratches the back of his neck. ''Why were you saying you want to 'support' your favorite player when you were wearing Iwa's shirt? I mean I can’t prescribe who you like, I guess, it’s your decision...but,...hah,...maybe don’t make it sound...I dont know.'' Issei asks straight away, watching the ground between you.

''Because certain volleyball players I know like to change jersey numbers after practice. And because of Mad Dog-chan being on the hunt for Yahaba's head, a very specific already mentioned player took the wrong shirt with him, which ended with me accidentally stealing said wrong shirt.'' you vaguely answer, watching him tense up. ''Now it's my turn. Why are you so specifically bothered by it being Hajimes?''

''I…it's-'' looking up, he met your eyes already narrowing again. You expect him to say 'It's nothing'. No, it was important to say it now, even if it was embarrassing. ''I heard people talking,...saying that he'd be better for you than me. That…that you liking him that way is just a question of time. And while I was sure that that's not true…I asked myself…am I really what Y/N wants? Are you bothered by the way we are in public? Are we couple-y enough for you? I was on my way to apologize when I saw you both coming from the roof. You seemed so happy, so excited. I started to worry…that if he was to ask you out…would you truly choose me? Do I make you look and feel as happy as you seemed to be earlier with Iwa?''

Him not meeting your eyes bothers you. How could he understand if he's not looking? You slowly walk over, giving him time to say stop or move away from you…but he doesn't. Standing between his legs you gently cup his cheeks and make him look up into your eyes. Make him see.

''Let's start somewhere…thank you for being open and honest with me. Okay, firstly, I was on the roof with him so he could explain math to me. I didn't want to sit in a classroom and let others hear how troubled I was by what seems to be one of the easiest mathematical equations in existence. And since I was occupying his lunch break, Haji at least wanted to have some quiet for eating if he sacrifices his time like that.'' you chuckle slightly before you meet his eyes again.

''Secondly,...Issei,'' you murmur now, caressing his cheeks gently. ''why would you believe things about our relationship coming from people that don't take part in it? Hm? They don't know us. They don't get to spend nap time with us, arcade and ramen dates, or movie nights. They don't see how you treat me away from curious eyes and ears. We aren't any less of a couple just because others have a different opinion on how couples should be to the public eye.'' you say, your undertone loving and warm. ''It's not Iwaizumi who I love. I have chosen you because you are the one. I love you.'' you emphasize the words. You never imagined the moment to be like that, but it feels right to come clean with the depth of your feelings now. His cheeks heating up in between your hands is an extra treat.

''I love you when you smile all lazily at me after sleeping. I love you when your voice drips with sarcasm and mischief. I love you when we argue over who has ultimately won the worst pick-up line contest - which is me by the way.'' you grin, shushing his protest by resting your thumb on his lips. ''I love you even when we fight. When you get jealous and grumpy. I love you even though you regularly tell Taka-chan how you'd sell me to Satan for a corn chip, just to mention this stupid bird meme. I love you to bits, you sweet but silly idiot, and I'd chose you all over again if I was to wake up in another parallel universe. Because I know, that you'll always treat me right. Because I'm sure that you feel this, too.''

While you were speaking, your boyfriend's arms slowly but steadily started to move past the last bit of resistance, wrapping them loosely around you and pulling you tighter with every said word.

''I mean it when I say that I get why you felt so uneasy today. However they do it, they manage to crawl under your skin. And that's human, Issei. To be overwhelmed, anxious, or insecure. But please, don't risk us falling apart by letting it eat away on you silently.'' You whisper.

''Y/N, I'm sorry…and I promise to try and talk when I feel bothered again. And-'' A surprised squeak leaves your lips at the sudden movement of your boyfriend. ‘’I love you, too.’’ Giggling, you look up to the dark-haired blocker, who is now towering over you, caging you in his arms. ''You look so irrestistable in my clothes, you should wear them more often.'' Issei continues, the smirk on his lips finally being close to the one he usually wore, eyeing you still wearing his way to big pants and sweatshirt. Then, Mattsun finally - Finally! - leans down to kiss you thoroughly, seemingly keen on making up for the wasted time. Nibbling on your lip, tasting and teasing you, eliciting sweet little sounds that sound oh so much like heaven. He had missed this the whole day.

Deciding to give the both of you a second to breathe, he leans back enough to study your now glowing expression. You lick your lips, watching a suddenly burning interest flaring up in his eyes due to the breathlessness in your voice. ''I have a proposition, you know.'' You begin, softly tracing his features with your pointer finger, smiling innocently. ''If you don't want people to doubt our closeness in this relationship…maybe you should show them just how good you make me feel when I have you all to myself, hm?'' You murmur with a seducing tone, watching him process your words, his slightly heated gaze not leaving yours.

Him diving right back in and whispering a litany of 'I love yous' was answer enough.

Bonus:

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