#Life really is a velvet crowbar hitting him over the head though

[sirensskai]

Came up with a song and the name of an album just for my fanfiction with Ripp but I’m not a songwriter so the lyrics sound cringe af to me dhdgghhhjjkk

#sims #sims 2 #ts2 #I play guitar Ripp Grunt (demo) (leaked) #Ripp would definitely have an unreleased collection on the scale of Lana Del Rey lol #headcannoned that he listens to and is inspired by Nirvana #also sounds like some unreleased Lana (the more rock ones like Serene Queen Velvet Crowbar and Tired of Singing the Blues) #I have a chapter of the fanfic planned that’s literally just the name of a Lana song 💀 (Velvet Crowbar) #Life really is a velvet crowbar hitting him over the head though #and AKA Lizzy Grant and Ultraviolence of course #Ripp would make great Lana and Nirvana covers #Lana has an amazing cover of Heart Shaped Box by Nirvana too so it’s all connected in the end 😭 #my headcanons #Ripp grunt

[saratinz]

Velvet Crowbar

pairing ➩ Rockstar!Bucky Barnes x Reader

warnings ➩ angst, break-up, addiction, drugs, alcohol, character death, sad ending

synopsis ➩ Based off 'Velvet Crowbar' by Lana Del Rey

word count ➩ 1.6k

I was addicted to you but I didn't know it

Everyone was praying for your downfall, even newspapers calling you “Courtney Love 2.0”. Bucky, your ultra-famous boyfriend, held you close, trying to squeeze your sadness out. His warmth comforts the chills that run down your spine when he does stupid shit. Yesterday, it was telling the world you got engaged, and today, it was failing to make it up to you.

You were afflicted by booze

“Bucky, get down.”

“Oh shut up, you stupid bitch.”

“Fine, go ahead and kill yourself, fucking asshole.”

“Wait baby, I’m sorry, just, let me make it up to you.”

“Why’d you say that shit, Buck?”

“I wasn’t thinking.”

You didn't show it 

“I’m not kissing you like this.”

“Ohhhh, c’mon babe.” 

“Fine.” You give him a brief peck. You wonder if this shit is normal. Surely other girlfriends go through the same thing. You assure yourself that he’s fine. Even though he enjoys a good time every once in a while, he’d be able to stop if he wanted to.

Life is a velvet crowbar

Being Bucky’s girlfriend isn’t always easy, sometimes it’s like you’re drowning. But every once in a while he comes to save you, and in those moments, everything feels like it’s going to be okay. On the outside looking in, you’re relationship is the dream. And it is, as long as you have him to rescue you.

Hitting you over the head

Most of the time though, you’re so far underwater, that you can’t even fathom taking another breath. But even if you’ll barely survive, you let him use you as a life raft. 

You're bleeding but you want more

“It’s okay, Bucky, you’re okay.”

“No I’m not, Y/n, I’m gonna die.”

“You’re not, you’re just high.” He sobs in your arms. And it feels right for all the wrong reasons. Why do you find yourself comforted? Maybe nurturing others is a way you distract yourself from your own problems.

‘This is so like you,’ I said

You’re used to the bad highs. You have a system, a mental checklist you use every time he comes home like this. You know exactly what to do.

Put yourself on back to bed

You rub his back, lulling him asleep. 

You're like crack to me I don't want to leave

“If you don’t like my lifestyle, why don’t you just break up with me?”

“I can’t do that.”

I'm watching you sleep, afraid you'll stop breathing

“Why not?

My baby's on his eighth life darling

“Because I don’t want you to die!” You break down in tears

Staying with him 'til the morning

It’s okay sweetheart, I’m going to be okay.” He holds you in his arms.

You're like crack to me so fun I can't see

You’re addicted to this feeling, to this love you get when times are rough.

With your golden grill, your purple dream

While Bucky uses drugs to cope, you use him. 

My baby's on his eighth life darling

“You need to get help.”

Gonna watch him 'til the morning

“I’ll try.” But you knew it wasn’t like him to quit. Before you know it, you’re watching him do coke 

I was addicted to you didn't wanna blow it

“C��mon Y/n, just try it, don’t be a pussy.”

You were a dick with your crew

“You guys, she’s not usually like this, usually she’s fun.” He explains to his bandmates, acting as if you’re not even there.

Always on the road

You don’t go to his show that night. He may end up calling you passive-aggressive, selfish, or a bitch but it’s not like he hasn’t called you those before.

You wanna touch life so hard

“Y/n, I’m the one people are gonna side with if we break up.”

Why can't you give it a rest?

“Are you really gonna hold that over me forever?”

You're not that bright for a star

Sometimes you wonder how Bucky is so famous.

Burned yourself out nothing left

“Baby, I’m working on a new song about you. Why don’t you help me write it?”

Burned yourself out nothing left

You sit with him through his creative process, helping him with synonyms and rhymes. You watch as the ideas fly through his head, and you watch as they come to a complete halt. 

Styrofoam on the microphone

“Put your hand here, and strum with your other hand. There you go sweetheart.”

“Am I a guitar expert now?”

“Of course.” You lean over the instrument and give him a kiss. He tastes like liquor, you couldn’t even tell he was drunk.

Can't give it up, can't go it alone

You finally realize that Bucky is reliant on substance abuse. 

Flame-colored paradise for you darling

His highs have been extra bad as of late. He’s under lots of stress, so maybe that’s why.

But death doesn't come with a warning

 “I promise I’ll stop.”

“We both know that’s a lie.”

“No, I’ll go to rehab, I’ll go to therapy, hell I’ll sing Kumbaya because I do have a problem, and deep down I’ve always known it.”

“You can’t do this for me, it has to be for yourself.” 

“It’s for both of us.”

Life is a velvet crowbar

It’s been a month since he quit drinking and taking drugs cold turkey, leaving you to ponder whether he can really do this. You’re almost ready to believe him, but one night, you find him taking pills in your shared bathroom.

Hitting you over the head

At least you know how to deal with this, it’s easier to help when he’s like this. Sadly, highs are significantly better than his withdrawals. You can’t imagine the pain he went through. Although you want him sober, it was terrible seeing him in pain for so long.

You're bleeding syrup amour

You see his life draining from his eyes. Every time he does drugs, he becomes just a little bit less himself.

Bleeding to death

He may not be in pain anymore, but each drunken night scares the hell out of you.

You're like crack to me I don't want to leave

“Let’s get married tomorrow, and let’s not tell anyone. I just need you, Bucky.”

“Fuck yeah, let’s do it.”

I'm watching you sleep, afraid you'll stop breathing

You are 100% sure you want to have your wedding. You asked to do it soon, because you’re terrified that if you wait too long, you’ll never get to marry him.

My baby's on his last life darling

“You’re gonna have to change, y’know?”

“I know baby.”

“I can’t lose you.”

“I’ll never leave.”

I'm staying with him 'til the morning

“Hey Bucky, it’s time to get get married.

You're like crack to me so fun I can't see

Everything is perfect in this moment, the ceremony is short and sweet, and when you get home, it sets in that you are actually husband and wife.

With your golden grill, your purple dream

My baby's on his eighth life darling

He can’t keep this up for much longer, you know that.

Gonna watch him 'til the morning

Every hitch of his breath, you’re terrified.

Gonna stay with him 'til morning

Every time he goes completely still, you freak out.

My baby's on his eighth life, darling

“You’re killing yourself.”

“I know that.”

“Then why do you do it.”

“I do it because this is too hard, you’re too difficult to deal with. I want to make you happy, that’s my number one goal in this world. I love you so much that I can’t deal it. I can’t cope, I can’t quit, not when I have you. But I choose you every time anyway.”

My baby's on his eighth life, darling

“I can’t do this anymore, Buck.”

“I know.”

“Are you gonna be okay?”

“I hope so.”

“Can I have one last kiss?”

“Of course, sweetheart.”

And death doesn't come with a warning

“Bucky once made a promise, a promise that he was going to stop. Within the next month, I found myself  cleaning his puke off our bedroom floor again. Today, I want everyone to take away three things. First of all, change is hard, but if you or a loved one struggles with addiction, you can’t stop using drugs or alcohol for someone else. The change has to come from you, and it’s not going to be easy. The second thing is, I know that people hate me, just jealousy or whatever, but I was the one who was there for him. I was the one he trusted to take care of him, and when we split up, he lost his lifeline. I can’t help but feel like is death was my fault, and I will carry that guilt with me forever. Lastly, to his friends and family, I’m so sorry for your loss. And to his fans, he will live on through his music, and hopefully one day, all the pain we are going through will inspire greatness. I know, that he will forever be a star, inspiration, and idol, just as much as he will be a cautionary tale. Thank you all for coming, this funeral is perfect, Bucky didn’t want it any other way. God, it feels so wrong saying that, because no one should die at 27. We deserve lives we live to the fullest, and to have that, you need to take care of yourself. Thank you.”

Masterlist

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #song fic #lana del rey #angst #character death #bucky barnes angst