#Lucretia thats your boyfriend too....

[barryjeanblues]

taako meets death (again)

(also posted to my ao3)

taako has met two raven queens in his life before now.

well, close enough, at least. most - though not all - of the worlds the starblaster had traveled to had gods, and surprisingly enough, those gods were usually - though not always - strikingly similar to their homeworlds gods. (this was useful, because one of the crews number relied very heavily on a certain nature god for his magic. luckily, the nature or life god of each world always seemed to have a soft spot for little old merle, even if they werent merles traditional cloven-hoofed pan.)

twice, taako had met the death god - someone equivalent to faeruns raven queen. 

this had led to taakos understandable trepidation upon kravitz finally putting his foot down and insisting taako meet his mother boss. 

the first time taako had met a raven queen, she had been… overwhelming. the light of creation had fallen into a forest dedicated to her and her followers, and the head acolyte refused to give the wandering crew the light unless they first received permission from the queen.

the crew had agreed, with no other option, bracing themselves to firmly explain the direness of the situation. surely a goddess would be intelligent enough to understand. 

that raven queen had burst into a forest cleaning in an explosion of black feathers, half illusion, half steel, so that when lup brushed the smoky feathers from her eyes they blurred and dissipated, but when magnus tried the same thing he yelped and brought his hand back bleeding. 

that raven queens laughter had been eerie and echoing, almost but not quite mocking, almost but not quite infectious, almost but not quite joyous. the crew had stood firm and offered their argument, and the queen had given them tests and tokens and bargains and tricky promises with too many clauses and loopholes and at the end of it all the ipres numbers had been halved and the rest were weary and worn as they caught the light of creation and fled with only minutes to spare, the faelike laughter of death following them terribly even through the overwhelming cacophony of the hungers assault. 

that laughter had trailed after them longer, if only in their heads. taako would be making stir fry, planning outfits, swapping merles shampoo for hair-loss potions, when hed have to sit down suddenly and breathe through the musical trills of the raven queens cruel pleasure. it had seemed to bounce in his head the way a rubber ball might, ricocheting off thoughts and feelings until it rolled under a couch to be forgotten about, till some slight movement sent it rolling and bouncing about once more. 

davenport had died in an illusion, thinking he was saving his crew. poor merle had been choked by his own plants, betrayal writ across hos face. barrys skin had grown sickly purple with poison - ten to one odds arent very good odds. taako doesnt forget easily. he decides the goddess of death can go fuck herself. 

the second raven queen taako had met much later in their journey, and taako had met her alone. 

lup and barry had become liches a few cycles back. it was something taako had still been coming to terms with. 

taako loves lup. this is an immutable fact of any and every universe. taako loves lup and lup loves taako and not death or memory or space can separate them, not for long. but seeing your sister die, and then… go beyond death, to twist herself and latch on to a chance that she may never return except in madness and spite - thats a hard thing to grasp, even when she succeeds. taako had still found himself shivering when his sister forgot she had a body again and grabbed a hot pan off the stove, crying out in pain. taako still woke sweating from nightmares in which his sister and his friend flew apart and reformed as cackling red robed horrors of insanity and cruelty, too far for him to reach. 

until that cycle, though, barry and lups choice had only been an asset. 

but some raven queens do not take kindly to anything they see as a perversion of their domain. 

barely a week into that cycle, taako had awoken from the guilty non-elven pleasure of a nap only to find himself in some cold, hard court, fashioned seemingly of steel and silver and concrete, onyx lining the floor and the only color coming from sparse sapphires sparkled throughout the long echoing hall. 

at the end of it - and taako had known his eyes must have played tricks on him, because at first the being at the end of the hall seemed, while large, not much larger than a giant, but when hed called a nervous greeting his voice had echoed so awfully he knew the hall stretched much farther than hed thought and the goddess at the end of it must have been unimaginably huge. 

her eyes had glinted a flinty sapphire in her carven steel face when she ordered him to defend the existence of his sister and his sisters lover. 

taako had tried. he truly, truly had. but while taako is a being of preservation and caution, full of intelligence and cleverness, he is not one of cold hard logic. perhaps lucretia could have convinced this raven queen, the only of their number who had ever been able to grasp true hard reason… but taako doubts it. he had doubted it then and he doubts it even more these days. 

the point is, taako, for all his love for his family and his brilliant wit and devotion (probably, in fact, because of it) taakos arguments couldnt convince that raven queen. she saw past his genuine belief that lup and barry had made a good decision, and into his fears for her, and the goddess of death had based her own argument on those. she won. taako never had a chance. 

he, lup, and barry had woken up in the next cycle, newly resurrected. taako never stops feeling guilty about it. 

so. yes. 

taako is more than a little nervous about meeting the goddess his boyfriend serves so devotedly. but, and youd be hard pressed to convince him to admit it, taako would do anything for kravitz. and despite it all he does actually want to see what the deal is with his sister and his best friends boss, and his patron gods… friend? lover? girlfriend? taako isnt quite sure what fate and death are to each other, but its definitely something.

kravitz lays a warm hand on taakos shoulder, but taako squares them up. he can do this, for fucks sake - hes died a shitton of times, he can meet death. 

the doors open and taakos breath - the only breath in this realm of the dead - catches in his throat.

taako is a die hard istus fan, and shell always be his goddess. but if taako wasnt a taken elf, hed follow the raven queen, he realizes with a startle.

shes beautiful, yes. shes gorgeous, and taakos always been weak for beauty, but hers isnt the cold hard beauty of gemstones and gold, thinks his nimble fingers snatch up and hoard in his endless pockets. the raven queen is beautiful in a way that taako cant describe as anything other than simple.

he cant pin down any features. she has a kind face, gentle hands, bright eyes, but taako can tell she is a goddess because despite staying still the image of her flicks and shifts in his head. at once she seems to have every kind face hes ever seen, even if he doesnt recognize anyone. her hands reach out to comfort him - no more than comfort - but she stands without moving in front of taako and kravitz. her eyes glitter and sparkle and crinkle up with cheerful laughter, except taako isnt entirely sure she has eyes at all, or maybe she has too many. 

he thinks… he thinks maybe she has wings, or maybe theyre arms, or maybe theyre black fabric, draped around and behind and below and above her, shifting with the last breaths of every mortal in the universe. its darkness but its not scary, taako realizes, its solacing, healing, the way that he feels when dusk passes to night and the sky is huge and warm and the brush of lups hand against his as she says goodbye for the night is a relief and a love. 

hello, taako, death says. its lovely to meet you. 

she means it, taako knows. he can tell, somehow. shes just happy to meet him. nothing more, nothing less. 

'oh,' taako says aloud, and kravitz laughs his quiet sweet dorky laugh, and the raven queen laughs too, and its just that. its just a laugh, and its a nice one.

'oh indeed,' kravitz says. 'taako, did you really think id serve a monster or a cruel master?'

'well,' taako replies hesitantly, 'honestly, homie, i kind of thought you were, and id, like, have to start some quest to slay death itself and rescue you.'

the anthropomorphic personification of death laughs again, a note of delight in her tender voice. i like him, my kravitz, she says, good job.

kravitz does the dead-reaper equivalent of blushing. taako grins a little because its very cute. 

'death is different here,' taako hums. 'its… it wasnt like this anywhere else i went. it was cold, or cruel, or empty. i dunno why its different in your world.'

'then i guess we're the lucky ones, huh?' kravitz asks. taako leans up against him and murmurs an agreement. 'its why i love my job so much, why it means so much to me. its not that im some hardass, i just…'

'yea, cha'boy gets it now,' assures taako. 'still.' he looks at the ever-shifting, ever-stable face of death again. 'you better treat my boy kravitz and my lady istus well, capiche? or we will have issues.'

its a deal, taako, the raven queen says, smiling. 

when taako opens his eyes, hes in his home in the material plane, and kravitz is next to him, and theyre both smiling. 

#this is unedited and also i wrote it at 4am #taako #kravitz #taakitz #the raven queen #taz balance #the adventure zone balance #fanfiction #death tw #trigger warning for death because it is a fic about the goddess of death #and also taako mentions some times that they died before story and song (so they dont count) #m text #fic #text #ask to tag #o shit yea and its lowkey lowkey inspired by gaimans death because i like the idea of a nice death

[lillianvalnala]

TAZ Finale stuff

all of my thoughts from throughout the episode are gonna be here so HEAVY SPOILERS! also its super fucking long cuz this episode was amazing

-because thats the sex number!

-im listening to the ad reads and stuff thats usually in the middle since its at the beginnings just bc im nervous and its gonna make me cry cuz i just. love griffin 

-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OKAY HERE WE GO ITS STARTING AND IM STRESS

-hunger is a lorge boi

-”alright buddy, dance for me” I LOVE DAVENPORT

-is it john

-ITS JOHN

-OH NO JOHN I ACTUALLY FEEL BAD FOR HIM

-really taako 

-i fucking love these dorks so much

-YOUR FINAL BATTLE FUCK

-L E T S   R O L L   I N I T A T I V E

-beautiful owl song

-Mathias is Hedwig 

-beautiful bean damage

-cut things very good 

-this fucking badass sword i love it

-MAGNUS WANTS TO BE WITH HIS BOYS

-hachi machi thats a lot of damage 

-i wonder how many times they’ve said boy in this entire series 

-merle like. put razor blades in candy and gave it to john

-magnus is cool and im in love with him

-SIX ATTACKS IN ONE ROUND I LOVE FIGHTERS MAGNUS IS AWESOME AS HELL

-my current mood is griffin’s “fuck off” when travis says 92

-bye john

-wait what ok maybe not bye john

-whAT th e fck is happening griffin 

-GRIFFIN THE SWORD WHAT ARE YOU DOING G R I F F I N

-WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

-THIS MUSIC IS AMAZING I LOVE IT

-orbs orbs orbs orbs

-OH MY G O D WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON

-the final john, john the destroyer of worlds

-OKAY THAT WAS SCARY HES NOT DEAD 

-travis calling them his boys makes me happy

-god someone’s gonna die this episode but HEY it won’t matter because theyre on the ship and thats how the ship works

-taako is scared aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

-ABRACA-FUCK YOU AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I JUST GOT REALLY FUCKING EXCITED OH MY G O D 

-take that orbs

-hit that blue boy magnus

-take that blue orb

-taako not you too god damn it 

-god damn bosses and their bullshit im so scared

-naptime!

-oh no mom 

-what is happening what 

-pan!!! my boy!!!!!

-THANKS PAN YOU AMAZING GOD BOY

-oh s h i t 

-bringing in a character from another series jesus christ

-LIGHT HIM THE FUCK UP JOAQUIN 

-HELL YEAH I LOVE JOAQUIN

-I LOVE THIS 

-clint are you serious right now god damn it

-GARFIELD WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

-call griffin in do it you cowards

-garfield doesnt look like anything they just cant tell 

-garfield pulls out a gun

-oh not a gun a fucking grenade 

-R O S W E L L IM SO HAPPY MY FAVORITE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEYRE HERE IM GONNA CRY

-i fucking love roswell i still love them im absolutely in love

-oh my GOD taako i love him hes amazing

-a time paradox get fucked

-i love these goobers

-SUMMON VOIDFISH!!!!!!!!!!!1 YES!!!! F I SH E R S 

-travis got so happy!!! oh my gosh!!! he was so concerned about them last episode and now he knows they’re safe and aaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-i love the voidfishes they are amazing 

-im so proud of these space jellies

-take that orbs

-honestly this music is beautiful i love it

-o h  n o the engine 

-o h n o the engine

-john goes AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

-”im not goin fuckin anywhere” I LOVE THIS

-holy shit griffin

-jesus christ dont make me feel bad for john this is gonna make me cry its so peaceful and nice like merle is the only friend john had and he wanted to spend his last moments with his only friend

-haha it looks lit 

-my mom i love her

-oh my god are you serious griffin fucking mcelroy 

-im half way through and ive cried once so i think we’re doing good

-istus!!!! oh my god!!!!!!! thank you goddess mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-he wants to help lup!!!!! he cares about his sister so much!!!!!! goals!!!!!!!!

-ANGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 YOU GO KIDDO I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-HURLEY AND SALONE AND KLARG AND OH MY GO D YES FUCK IT UP GUYS!!!

-YOU’RE GOING TO BE AMAZING 

-AAAAAAAAAAAAA IM SO HAPPY G E R Y L 

-I LOVE THIS SO MUCH 

-IM IN LOVE WITH THIS EPISODE 

-scuttle buddy :D

-train train train train train 

-o shit the planes

-its griffin, himself, as a character

-oH MY GOD I WAS RIGHT I WAS JUST JOKING ARE YOU KIDDING ME

-its spirited away, like the movie 

-jeffandrew... jeffandrew...

-blupjeans hell yeah

-Im so proud of these kids

-ANGO MY SWEET BABY SON JUST HIS EXISTENCE MAKES ME TEAR UP I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

-this is sweet i love this 

-MAYOR CASSIDY AWWWWWW

-this is really beautiful i love it 

-awww ango is the top student im so proud of my son i love him

-davenport!!! my other dad!!! im proud of him too and im so happy for him!!!!!!

-Joyfully yous, Davenport

-lup and barry are working with taako’s bf and i love it thanks raven mom

-BACK SOON OH MY GOD STOP

-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LUP HAS A BODY AGAIN 

-“im about to smooch your fucking brains out, babe”

-good luck getting the fuckin bracers off 

-pringles!!!!!!! i love him what a good boy

-i love my actual mom Lucretia 

-the day of story and song

-twins cooking together my #aesthetic lup is roasting taako over his cooking

-these two are goals and i love them i love elf twins so much

-”what part of that sounds like i was joking”

-i love justin and taako so much they’re my faves

-taako is the best boy

-everyone is in house taako and wears taako t-shirts 

-ren my daughter im proud of her

-”i should mention my boyfriend is death...”

-barold 

-i want taako to cook for me

-awwwwwwwwwwwww krav and taako are so cute

-MY BOY! MY SON! THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE! HE’S TALLER NOW AND IM PROUD OF HIM!

-aww ango is so cute and i love him my sweet son he’s still the world’s greatest detective!

-TAAKO CALLED HIM LITTLE MAN THATS WHAT I CALL TUCKER THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY 

-mavis and mookie!!! i love them kids!!!!!!!!! this is so cute!!!!

-merle taught kiddos and got closer to his kids that makes me so happy

-merle doesnt hear much from taako or magnus thats like, sad

-i love how many characters came back 

-governor merle highchurch

-he wants to be earl merle highchurch

-merlegartia ville

-i love mookie he’s so cute

-”you’re his hero you know” OKAY THANKS FOR RIPPING MY HEART OUT THAT WAS CUTE

-UNCLE TAAKO AND UNCLE MAGNUS AND AUNT LUP AND AUNT LUCRETIA AND UNCLE BARRY AND DAV

-pun’kin thats adorable

-AW THATS SO CUTE I LOVE THIS MERLE LOVES HIS KIDS SO MUCH

-wedding wedding wedDING WEDDING WEDDING WEDDING W E D D I N G  L E A S BI A N S

-this is so sweet im so happy i love this so much

-ango cries at weddings thats so sweet

-i love these characters!!! so much!!!

-subtle magnus. so very subtle 

-right hand man magnus is my favorite i love

-magnus has a school too and DOG TRAINER YAY 

-HE TRAINS SERVICE DOGS!! I LOVE 

-HE NAMED HIS DOG JOHANN IM CRYING IM ACTUALLY CRYING RIGHT NOW

-okay griffin how about go fuck yourself? 

-i love the few seconds of silence after griffin asks “how does magnus die”

-oh my lord im crying harder now this is such fucking bullshit what the hell guys

-god dont bring grown up angus into this shit what the fuck griffin 

-im actually sobbing over this oh my lord

-travis is clearly crying you can hear it in his voice

-OH NO DO NOT BRING JULIA INTO THIS

-BITCH DO N O T

-god i dont like hearing travis cry 

-im actually like sobbing over this 

-oh my god the music 

-oh my lor d st  o p it hurts its so cute i love magnus so much i love him and julia and the dogs and i love travis so sos os os os o much 

-THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ELF IM LIKE 100% NOT OKAY RIGHT NOW THIS HURTS SO BAD

-carey my sweet girl i love her

-”im gonna streak my fuckin eyeliner” “give me a hug lizard girl” “dont fuckin call me that. i’m a proud dragonborn” 

-i love the lesbians i love everyone in this god damn podcast

-fisher :D

-love them voidfish

-aw they all cried that warms my heart 

-honestly that was so beautiful??????

-travis hasnt urinated in three years confirmed 

-so thats it. thats the end. im glad it ended how it did, i really liked that. 

#cj chats #taz spoilers #the adventure zone

[cryptidshuffle]

tagged

RULES: Go to www.random.org/lists/. Type in 15 characters from any fandom or whatever you’re into, and hit randomize! Then, write them down in that order with the answers they correspond with. Tag 5 or more people to do the same thing! Tagged by: @radmagicalgirl lmao half of these are from adventure zone :") i have a problem Mom/Dad: karamatsu (WHAT) Sibling: mothman (accurate bc i too am a cryptid) Grandparent: magnus (noo i dont want him to be old) Haunts you: lucretia (SCREAMS,,,) Boyfriend/Girlfriend: kravitz (heck yeah, dating death :^) ) Ex: taako (oh no D: ) Best friend: lup (hell yeah, thats my girl) Proposed to you: shinji (??? lmao) Boss: angus (AFSGSJS ANGUS NO, ITS LIKE BOSS BABY IRL) Random person you met at a bar: dipper (he is a baby and should not be drinking) Rival: scully ( :c ) First kiss: garfield (yes that is true) Drunk and singing karaoke with: bigfoot (sounds amazing) Play 7 Minutes in Heaven with: nick valentine (heck yeah robot bf) Gave your favourite desert to you: wirt ( ! how nice) I tag @axformatrop @negtalin @sweetbinarystars @meganedon i don't know anymore people

#tagged

[6969ville]

TAZ NORMAL AU THING

THB HOUSEHOLD - MAGNUS, MERLE, TAAKO (And Steven the Fish)

part one / part two / part three

Merle works at Home Depot and is the one keeping most of the plants alive

Magnus is a carpenter. He's got his own lil business going.

Taako works at the gas station and has seen A Lot.

They're all roommates and live together in [Town 1]

Magnus wants a dog but the landlord says no :(((

I feel like Taako still does a bunch of witchcraft-y stuff

At first, Merle does most of then cooking because Taako hates cooking for others but at one point he slowly starts getting back into it and then he's just the only one who cooks.

No one else is allowed in the kitchen. No one. Get out.

Taako used to work for a fancy restaurant but one day a bunch of people got rlly bad food poisoning and some people even died and he quit and he's been at the gas station ever since

However at one point when Merle and Magnus were watching tv, something about the restaurant came up, new evidence on the case, Sazed's arrest.

“Taako you should come see this”

“I hate the news fuck off?”

“Dude I think you'd actually be Very interested in this come here”

“Uuuggghhhhh- holy shhit my dudes that's my old manager- what the fuck. What the fuck?”

After that he gets back in the swing of cookin' for his friendos.

Merle has two kids and an ex wife

He sends money back to them often enough.

They were kept a secret from Taako and Magnus until one Christmas- i mean Candle Nights in which he got a letter from them and Magnus and Taako got ahold of it

“YOU HAVE CHILDREN?”

“YEAH I DO SHUT UP YOU DIRTY SNEAKS”

It's fine no one is too ‘Holy shit what the fuck’

Prior to THB living together, Magnus lived with his wife, and his father-in-law & mentor, Steven.

They were killed by an explosion planted by the old mayor. Magnus was out of town at the time.

They were expecting a child

Merle and Taako were unaware of this part for a long while. They had to use context clues at first but that gave them the wrong answer and when they confronted Magnus about it, Magnus gave them the fuller story.

They were at Goodwill or something and Magnus got caught up looking at baby shoes.

Merle and Taako added that along with the few times they'd seen Magnus with small child and he got hella choked up and decided something like.

“He's probably just upset he'll never get to have kids y'know.”

“I mean he probably could.”

“He's way too devoted to his dead wife i dont think so pal”

“alright true. so hes sad he can't have kids and grow old with the lady he loves.”

They corner him in his room and talk about it. He's carving something and he mostly stays focused on that when talking until he gets way way way too choked up and has to put it down.

“We- we've talked about... Julia before, yeah?”

“Yyyep.” “Mhmm.”

“Well. Um. Be- before she, she died, we...” shaky hands strike the wood and maybe this isn't a good idea. “We were... expecting. A baby. She was pregnant, and,” he almost cuts his thumb so knife gets to go down now. “...yeah.” 

this is officially worse than what Taako and Merle thought.

It's not a great day.

They'll get better, though.

There's still bad days but they get more manageable.

Flash forward, Taako gets himself a boyfriend.

I need to find a way to work in “Hey thug whats your name” bc thats. how i physically need them to meet. idk how tho.

Anyways they go on their first date at the fuckin' Chug and Squeeze and at first Kravitz isn't entirely sure that it's a date and not just like ‘Two bros, chillin at the Chug&Squeeze, three feet apart cuz they're not gay!’ but it becomes abundantly clear that this is a date

Also followed up when they're walking home, Taako gets a call from Lup that literally just starts out 'hey slut whats up' 'im on a date why are you calling me'

“You're on a DATE? With who? Do I need to beat them up? HEY SKANK WHAT'S YOUR NAME TOUCH MY BABY BROTHER AND DIE“ “LUP WE'RE THE SAME AGE GOODBYE sorry about her anyways um walk me home?”

Kravitz, his face very red because Lup is a very loud girl and most of that conversation was in fact audible to him: ok

What is Merle's relationship? With anyone? It's assumed he's dating Davenport. He also is fond of Lucretia.

“Are you dating Davenport??“ Magnus asks, eyeing him suspiciously.

“I think so.” Merle shrugs.

“Ohh my god. Oh my god.” Taako says from the couch. “Incredible.”

Magnus is the third wheel of forever.

Not just in his friends romantic settings though sometimes Lup and Taako will go on lunch dates and 'hey wanna come' 'yeah sure' flash forward 'ohkay ive said about six words this entire hour'

He'll tag along with Carey and Killian from time to time

Killian isn't. Toooo entirely fond of this but its not often enough to be like 'nope this is too much'

He went with them (the second time) to visit Carey's new [niece/nephew] and got to hold them and he started crying

(Killian later told Taako and Merle about this and it was part of their Clues For Sad Magnus)

(In reality he was just super happy for them because look at this tiny beautiful baby!!! so healthy!!! you made this!!!!! he's a weeper)

(Magnus is a total weeper and you can take that from my dead gay hands)

Both Taako and Merle are allergic to cats

This does not keep Taako from petting street cats though.

Taako is allergic to peanuts and will avoid using them in his cooking if he can get away with it.

The only pets they have is Steven the Fish who lives in a giant tank with some guppies and a sucker fish.

Merle has a few of his plants named.

“This is Beth, Abigail, and Petersburg.” They're well loved.

Taako has a number of herbs and stuff which also have names.

“This is Shub-Niggurath, Yig, Cthylla, and Nyarlathotep.” They're also well loved, but mostly by me.

Taako and Lup sibling dates though.

They happen constantly too. They’ll go to other restaurants together and rant about boyfriends and friends and life.

Sometimes they’ll go shopping together and they’re definitely the most obnoxious customers in the store

THB have like two restaurants they’ll go to like at least once a month

They have an order to tell who’s paying 

One of the restaurants they go to has a gumball machine. Some of the gumballs have Nerds in them.

They’re very passionate about Nerds gumballs.

This is also where Leon works so every few weeks the boys come in and his happiness dies because they’re so loud and yell about the fucking gumballs 

[I wrote a thing about it here read it]

Magnus runs his own little carpentry shop with a few employees who frankly mostly just deliver the stuff and run the money and all that shit. Magnus is mostly the only guy workin’ the wood.

When the time came, he helped Carey propose to Killian. Actually it was a little bit of all three of them, but Magnus and Carey came up with the plan.

He also literally carved her a fucking engagement ring

He was her best man at the wedding.

#taz modern au #thb household #ok listen

[riddlebot]

okay taz fucking liveblog all in one post under the cut so no spoilers happen here we goooo

i’m listening to it w/o downloading it first which is gonna mean my internet is going to be SO SLOW but its worth it i cant believe he fucking ended it on episode 69 griffin is a monster i just realized this shit is 3 hours long and cuts right through lunch so i know imma be on my way out to eat a bunch of twinkies in about an hour in to the episodes thank YOU griffin mcelroy, this podcast got me out of the most horrible depressive episode (along with the fallout 4 monster factories) and i love it so much. shut ur face you wonderful boy.

okay okay okay okay okay okay im not ready its about to start i’m not ready here we go

FUCK IT UP DAVENPORT YOU WILD BITCH THE GREATEST STARSHIP CAPTAIN THAT EVER LIVED im literally already crying this music is so good also is it greg grimauldis oh wait no its john hi john!!! you goopy boy oh no he’s bad blast him boys blast him boys 

“it’s just one guy shouldn’t be an issue” “it’s a nice suit tho”  “i stole your cousins shoes” TAAKO “if you’re mad about it direct it at that man over there” “i’m wearing the shoes” “CAN YOU GIVE US A MINUTE WE’RE TALKING ABOUT SHOES”

griffin’s excited dm voice mixed with this fucking awesome music “LETS ROLL INITIATIVE” djaklfjkl;asdjfkljlKJALKJFLKDAJLFJDALKJFLKJL;J

merle starting out strong with healing for once i’m so proud of him and maxes them the fuck out NICE MERLE “the first death, who knew it would be so painful” “hey merle i know i give you shit - thanks for healing!” “oh! ‘s good to be appreciated” MERLE BB

i wonder if garyl will make an appearance in this 3 hour episode bc i miss him a lot

GO MERLE WITH THE CIRCLE OF KNIVES AND HURT nat 20 on the swing “yeah sorry trav i’m SO good at magic” jesus trav with the the fucking 6 attacks what the fuck  “where was i at? 92-” “fuck off” john hitting them w/ the fus ro knife  if john gets ahold of that sword i s2g magnus you should have held onto it OH FUCK OH FUCK GRIFFIN WHAT ARE YOU DOING griffin u are describing the sexiest tar monster hello new fav enemy like hi johns fucking tarsona  “ultimate john!” “demi john-” “sephajohn”

i saw justins tweet about them dying i swear to god griffin mcelroy griffin sounds way too delighted to be describing merle feeling back fire burn inside him EXCUSE ME DEATH SAVES FOR MERLE ALREADY bangs my head on a table they are rolling so bad oh my god they’re all gonna die taako you beautiful flip wizard thank god you avoided that  “regular non magical amount of fear” taako HIT EM ABRA CA FUCK YOU IM CRYING AHHH THATS MY BOYYYYYY clutches my chest merle please please please get a success  NOOOOOOOO MERLE COME ON BUDDY PULL THROUGH if merle dies i die

rip blue orb and also fuck you  magnus has so many weapons okay john weird face beam thats p cool “hey! my armor, finally works”

i wonder where griffin got the inspo with this boss fight, his boss fights are always so interesting? like the orbs and stuff are such an interesting concept imo TAAKO IS OUT TOO WHAT THE FUCK THEY’RE ALL GONNA DIE AND JOHN JUST HEALED WHAT THE FUCK GRIFFIN THEY CANT DO THIS they’re all fucking out oh my god whats happening i cant i’m gonna cry this is horrible  i’m gonna puke griffin what the FUCK who is merle gonna choose  its PAN god thats so gay merle/pan otp rip my soul IM ALWAYS GONNA BE THERE FROM NOW ON FJALDFJKLSDAJFLJASLDFJLASJF I LOVE PAN SO MUCH im fucking sobbing

TROOOOOOOOTHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHH THATS MY MOOOOOM

puts my chin in my hands time for taakos bond huh YES YES YES YES YES YESY ES TAAKO  LIGHT ‘EM THE FUCK UP THIS IS SO AWESOME HE IS FUCKING DOING PHARAH’S ULT I’M SCREAMING I CAN NOT

why didnt they destroy the green orb first god boys please clint is such a cute dad  let him summon garfield!!! i love griffin refusing to describe garfield  “i cant handle that emotionally”  FREE SAMPLES i’ll put it on your taaaaaaaaab

ROSWELL ROSWELL ROSWELL ROSWELL  roswell’s music swelling is making my heart hurt roswell is so pure

i swear to god taako who are you about to fucking call TAAKO YOU ARE SO DUMB I LOVE YOU SO MUCH “you’re all double blind!”

this fight has gone on for an entire hour aldfkjladjf;sjfl;djaflkdja;fd

merle is so good this episode god this music is beautiful 

“wait before you go do you see the mask i made that looks like a bear face?” ME TOO MAGNUS NO THE BOND ENGINE 

THE BOY S IM CRYING THEYRE ALL HOLDING ON TO EACH OTHER AND IM FJADLKFJLKADJFKLJDS IM SCRYIN SO MUCH IM FUCKING SCREAMAING AND SOBBING OH MGY DO AHHHHHH i literally am crying so much my eyes burn

“you got it buddy” f uck my heart

what happened to davenport ajldfkjakldjflk the ship ATE HIM

as soon as time froze i was like istus is here yall

taako what are you doing bb KLAAAAAARRRRG THEY’RE WINNING taako oh my GOD

pls save lucretia 

YOURE GOING TO BE AMAZING

how is there still a fucking hour left of this episode oh my god

RIDING ON GARYL’S BACK WOOOO YEAH FUCK IT UP

im crying again this is so much oh my god i literally dont know im so emotional i buried myf ace in my hands and sobbed this fucking podcast is so much

awww scuttlebuddy why are in the rockport limited omg  “just like you left it” griffin they left it destroyed “i’m not god” “thats exactly what god would say” “mhm” “mhm” what is going on my head hurts lajdflkajdflsj;f “i’m so proud of how you turned out” “thank you jeffandrew”  “i’m getting a migraine” god me too

oh thank god davenport is okay JEFFANDREWWWW they’re so dumb

“hey everybody! johann was right! WE WON!” i’m a fucking wreck and THERE IS STILL AN HOUR LEFT WHAT THE FUCK im legit sobbing over dryad lesbians did he say mayor cassidy oh my GOD angus is my fucking smart and perfect son AND HE’S GOT SO MANY FRIENDS AND HE PLAYS SOCCERA FJALDKFJALSJFLAJF IM CRYING davenport made me start giggling and sobbing at the same time LUP AND BARRY ARE FUCKING GRIM REAPERS NOW FUCK YEAH BARRY AND LUP AHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHH AHHHH AHHHHH AHHHHH AHH IM SOBBING AGAIN still 50 minutes left how?????  “i think you forgot to make it taste good” “it’s kinda artisanal-” “you’re full of dog shit sometimes y’know?” “that’s what it is, i put dog shit in it” what part of that sounded like i was joking JUSTIN taako’s hogwarts  “students in my school have to duel constantly” ITS MAGICALLY DELICIOUS  ren is perfect and i am dead “i should mention my boyfriend is death and he’ll be staying over from time to time” AHHHHHHHHHHH taako you’re GOING ON VACATION TO THE AFTERLIFE JAKLFJDA;LFJAS i hope someone draws taako on a beach chair in trunks next to a pool of souls “i promise not to take you anywhere too spooky” “you know what? i’m a big boy” “i know you are” BIG TALL BOY ANGUS AJDFKLJALDF;ASFJ HE’S GROWING UP I CANT “i’ll have my people talk to your people sir!” “you changed my life” AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH “i know about silverware” this boy is too smart for all of us

i love merle with my whole entire heart i can hardly stand it merle basically started adventure camp thats adorable  i wish clint mcelroy was my dad he’s so adorable and sweet and funny and good i’m having a moment help me i am like weirdly fond of lord sterling  magnus and taako constantly try to get in touch with merle but he’s too much of a dad to ever realize it i’m SCREAMING earl merle  I LO VE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH HE’S SO SILLY merlegaritaville  VINE LOVERS HE NEEDS TO STOP merle i love you “mookie’s the BEST” they all love the best npcs AUNT LUP AND AUNT LUCRETIA AND UNCLE MAGNUS AND UNCLE TAAKO AND UNCLE BARRY FUCK THIS IS SO EMOTIONAL IM GONNA BE SICK NO I DIE

my eyes have not stopped leaking since the episode started  oh my god this fucking episode ends on a lesbian WEDDING GRIFFIN MCELROYYYYYYYY im going to DIE im gonna D IE IM GONNA DIE “if you all excuse me i- have to shit” JKLFDSAJKL;FJADL;FJL;SJL;FASD hammer and tails (a dog school)

okay holds up a hand griffin fuck off with this death shit excuse me travis i heard you break up a little there and literally cant handle a second of this THIS IS DISGUSTING AND SAD FUCK WHAT THE FUCK im sobbing so loudly fuck im glad i’m home alone fuck i cant breathe oh my god im gonna throw up i already know where this is going  thank god they’re all friends with death i caNT TRAVIS IF UR CRYING I SWEAR TO GOD I’M GOING TO DIE i cant take this  its so emotional im literally leaving my body FUCK “you lived so much longer than i thought you were going to” GIRL SAME griffin literally descended from heaven to give underdeveloped characters some personality when no one else would  god i need to fucking blow my nose  “he said he was a cleric but we can never be sure” as magnus rushes in GRIFFIN MCELROY fuck that was SO GOOD OH MY GOD OH MY GODY fuck i CANT BELIEVE WE GET THEIR FUCKING WEDDING IN CANON GRIFFIN YOU BEAUTIFUL MAN THIS MUSIC IM HYPERVENTILATING AJFKDAJDLFJALDJF AHHH

i’m light headed 

god this is beautiful thank you griffin thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you so much 

that was the ending you earned

ooo this music is cool. fisher!!! where are you and junior off to huh

god...what an adventure this has been. what an amazing end. it was beautiful. thank you, boys.

#p #tazb #spoilers ahoy #this is a very long post bc the ep was 3 hours long