#MOST PEOPLE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK IM TALKING ABOUT BUT TLDR;

[puppy-the-mask]

I was about to sleep and then got assaulted by the fact that Peng is my lmk equivalent of Mutt in that I hate them both and so think about them a lot and damnit they’re pretty to look at and I’m mad about it. I hate that I like them so much

And then immediately after I got bombed so hard I had to write this because Peng and Rant are the same fucking character- send help my precious best boy has the same personality as this dumb bird bitch. I find solace in the fact that my boy has depth, redeeming qualities, and an actual character arc. Yet I lament that they’re both sassy drama queens who would sell you out, not for a corn chip, but to see what happens when they do because they’re bored and think it’ll be funny.

#MOST PEOPLE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK IM TALKING ABOUT BUT TLDR; #IM SOBBING BECAUSE ONE OF MY OC’S ACTS A LOT LIKE PENG BUT WHILE I LOVE MY OC I HATE PENG WITH A BURNING PASSION ENEMIES TO LOVERS STYLE #but mostly enemies #even as lovers id sass the fuck out of them and be a bitch back #BUT YEAH I DIDNT WANT THIS EPIPHANH THANKS- YOU CAN HAVE IT BACK UNIVERSE PLEADE AND THANKS #for those of you who Do know Rant- this is him pre-character arc and yeah- he’s a MAJOR asshole #I don’t go into detail the kind of shit him and his bro get up to but they’re grade a assholes #-who care about nobody but themselves and eachother #casual conversation #there is a valid reason everyone in their stories hate them and warn against hanging around them #they’re heartbreakers yeah- but they’re also just kinda shitty people #they judge people based on usefulness and entertainment value

[officialgleamstar]

:3 Any class (and subclass) headcanons/ideas/theories for Lark? Vaguely related, I can't stop thinking about the fact the he just whistled up a fucking portal last episode?????

i have always assumed lark was a ranger, which is one reason why i was so flabbergasted by grant being the kiddads' ranger. i still think he should be a ranger, a horizon walker ranger specifically, even if it would be dumb and unbalanced for them to have two rangers. literally it makes the most sense. lark is the most ranger guy ever. however, i already made a full post about ranger subclasses for grant, including the reasoning for horizon walker that also applies to lark (namely what you said - WHISTLING TO SUMMON A PORTAL? HORIZON WALKER TYPE SHIT.) SO i will delve into some different ideas instead

if he's not a ranger, then i would guess that he is a fighter, battle master subclass, or a rogue, assassin subclass, with likelihood (in my opinion!) being in that order. thats the tldr. heres the long version LOL:

fighter - fighters are known for being able to wield a wide array of weapons, which makes sense for lark, since he is such a doomsday prepper. he would want to be able to use any weapon he got his hands on. also, indomitable fits lark really well in my opinion. if we wanna talk gear, i'd probably give him chainmail (flavored as bullet-proof vest), two martial weapons (two daggers), a light crossbow and 20 bolts (flavored as a pistol and ammo), and the pack i'm not sure on. i dont think im gonna do gear on every single class but its just part of being a fighter to me to consider that-- subclass wise, we have a few options, listed in order of most to least likely (subjective.)

battle master - the most likely one to me, though now that sparrow seems to be set up as more of the leader than lark, that might change (though i do think that maybe sparrow just takes the head in talking since he's more. uh. sociable than everyone else rn LOL). given how much enemies monologue in dndads, 'know your enemy' would be a super useful skill, and i think if he was spec'd out similar to gerard from neverafter (mostly in the ability to grant other players extra attacks), this would make a lot of sense for him.

champion - listing this because on a meta-level, its extremely easy to play, which makes it an easy pick for anthony. however, i dont think it fits him character-wise because lark would never heal himself LMAO though, to be fair, i dont think the kiddads will ever level up that high

arcane archer - not the best subclass, but very cool to me, and fitting for how all of the kiddads are gun-heavy. banishing arrow would be super useful and fit the general theme of planes and dimensions.

eldritch knight - not as likely, but i think it would be sooo so cool for lark, especially if the eldritch part came from his connection to the doodler. ohhh the drama of gaining power from the eldritch being you swore to eradicate… plus, we get LARK CASTING MAGIC, even if its not as powerful as anything his family can do! so cool!!! this subclass isnt as good for range, but i could see anthony allowing war magic to apply to ranged weapons rather than just blades for the cool factor.

samurai - in general, this subclass is not lark. however, i wanted to mention it because i think their 18th level ability 'strength before death' specifically is very lark. basically, if you get knocked down to zero HP, you can use a reaction to get an entire turn and then you go into death saves. theoretically, you could use this to heal, but its lark - he absolutely would use it to go down swinging.

rogue - other people have made this point for me, but rogues are good for guns if you flavor hand crossbows as such. i actually dont really like rogue for lark, but i dont have a reason why LOL it just doesnt really? do it for me. however, i agree that its likely to fit due to what we know about lark, so i will play my own personal devil's advocate here. i think it makes sense for lark to be the sneaky attacker while the others draw most of the attention, especially since it seems like there would be three magic users (terry jr, nicky, and sparrow) in the group. magic can be used sneakily, but im sure nicky and sparrow at least would lean towards showiness, lol. plus, i think it would be really interesting to flavor 'slippery mind' as like, lark growing a resistance to the doodler after so many years under its influence! once again, subclasses are listed most likely to least likely.

assassin - this works from both an in-character and a meta standpoint, and from what i've seen, this is what people mean when they say lark should be a rogue. its an easy subclass to play, so its good for an NPC. character-wise, with lark's extreme paranoia, it makes sense that lark would spend time studying how to most efficiently kill people. he doesn't want to risk anyone in a drawn-out fight, he's not grant. he just wants things dead as fast as possible.

scout - am i just saying this one is likely being its the ranger-flavored rogue subclass? maybe. but like liSTEN LARK SHOULD BE A RANGER HE IS LITERALLY A RANGER HE IS-

phantom - not very likely, but SEVERELY COOL from a character standpoint. walk with me here. phantom is a rogue subclass where you talk to the dead, but imagine that reflavored as lark being able to talk to like, eldritch beings, even beyond the doodler? or like, maybe the spirits of those killed and used by the doodler? holy SHIT!! it would be COOL.

unfortunately none of this has an explanation on lark whistling a portal Which Is Why He Is A Horiz- [shot] im guessing he has a magical item tho!!!

#babacontainsmultitudes #dndads #ask #meta #sorry this took so long to answer but. fighter took me 40 mins on this HFJKGHDKJ #I HAVE THOUGHTS ON SUBCLASSES. #chugs wine and talks about dnd subclasses. ideal thursday night #originally i listed monk as well but had to admit to myself that that was unlikely and just me yearning bgfhjgbhjdfbghjd

[prettyboykatsuki]

extended authors note ; how to be a dog.

WELCOME TO MY TWISTED MIND MOTHERFUCKERS.

that is a joke. i speak in jest. this fic has taken me almost a year to write. it was requested of me in july of 2022 and its currently april 2023. i want to give my highest regards ever to the most lovely and patient human being in this world miss ame. your kind words through updates kept me pushing through the very end and i hope this fic is everything you could want

ok. onto the talking about it stuff.

this fic is pretty dark all things considered. though my scale for that is kind of fucked and since this is my tumblr audience - you people are well-aware it gets bad but its... still pretty graphic. there is a lot of truly henious shit in here and its in the perspective of that guy.

tldr ; don't read if you think it will give you the heebie jeebies. u are not obligated and i am not your mother nor am i a public executioner. if this is the one fic u skip out on no hard feelings at all. i mean this.

this fic is one of Those Fics where writing it did something to my brain. i have never, ever in my entire writing career been so challenged by a single project. every single element of this fic has been run through a million things. the last time this happened was my big deku fic but that fic rlly feels like a cakewalk in comparison.

all that to say, because it has simply been seeing my eyes only for months with no input from anyone else - i have no idea how anything worked out. no beta no meds just balls to the wall insanity. i can only measure my own work so much and i have bar zero expectations for this fic just to save myself some sanity.

i ask very kindly that if it sucks u just dont tell me. and if it doesn't and u want to be nice that'd be cool too. but know that a lot of my heart and soul went into this and i hope in the very least - you are able to discern that in its makeup.

a lot of the stuff ive worked into here is related like. to plot and motif and actual development. the dog motif is a huge part of the story as is the religious imagery. i want this fic to feel like a fall from grace in a sense. it is a character study as much as its anything else. where there's always something wrong and one day everything goes to shit. i think gojo is that kind of sicko.

i also do like. love gojo so much. this fic is written with nothing but adoration for him in mind.

i dont have much to add (said after this absolutely disgusting wall of text) because my tumblr homies r very aware of what shit im up to and this fic is not a surprise to anyone.

but i hope you enjoy it if you do read and even if you don't, thanks for sticking around despite it all. i have been thru the trenches and i will need a bit of break to recuperate once its in the world for good so i hope u can be kind

i am terrible with comments and asks and tags bc it all scares me but i am so genuinely and so unfathomably grateful for all of it and i hope im finally out of my insane writing dry spell.

thanks. lots of love. sincerely yours,

fang.

#aristotle.txt #htbad.fic

[codecicle]

Read the intro post

wow what a cool and awesome person...

FUCKING 14 YOU ARE A CHILD MY GOOD SIR??? /LH

1: YOOOOOO YOU THINK IM A COOL AND AWESOME PERSON?? THANKS MAN :DD and 2: LMAOOOOOO YEA I AM!! I've been on here since I was like, 11-ish? not sure. my friend introduced me to tumblr during the beginning of my 7th grade year! (and fun fact: that same friend is both my mutual and the person that gave me my nickname actually!! which turned into my url ^_^)

anyway, I'm going to rant underneath your ask about being a child now im so sorry 😔

It's always been so weird being as young as I am both on tumblr and in the fandom space I'm currently a part of. Like realistically, a 14 y/o boy liking minecraft/mcyt sounds really normal but I don't know anyone my age that is open about being a part of this space. I think growing up on tumblr instead or twitter or tiktok honestly really helped when it comes to being happy in my intrests, since almost every other freshman to ever exist has no idea what this website is and they have no chance of ever finding my posts to make fun of me with them. I still use the other two, but I don't post and I only really open them when a cc like Charlie or Ted posts.

It's hilarious to me that because of my current intrests (jrwi and charlie in general) almost everyone that I'm friends with on here are much older minors or adults, mainly because charlie has a pretty mature and well rounded audience (THANK FUCKING GOD 🙏🙏), but also because everybody else my age that are in this fandom are on tiktok. Using tiktok for me and actually posting is kinda unsafe because of the way the tiktok contact sharing works? if someone from my classes finds it through "recommend accounts" then they can look through my account and harrass me if they recognize who it is. Not to steal a Charlie Slimecicle quote for a second, but I was rewatching an old podcast episode from the very beginning of 2020 and he described it as "elevated highschool" which I 100% agree with. Even 3 years later it's still very much just a higher form of highschool bullshit to have to deal with.

But since I don't post on tiktok I don't really have much to worry about!! My account is blank and it's the same @ as my url so nobody should recognize it and put a face to a name which im grateful for. However, being on tumblr isn't the greatest either;

People on here are all adults and I feel a little bit intimidated? In a sense? I understand that I'm a LOT different than most kids my age and I don't typically have anything to worry about but!! I feel like that's what makes it worse. The other people my age that were or still are on here don't understand tumblr etiquette, don't understand not to act like this is twitter and not have stupid cubito discourse, or just aren't funny? Idk I've just never found anyone my age (with the exception of like 3 of my mutuals you guys are amazing and I love you) that I can really talk to on here, so all of the friends I've made are much much older. I'm smart with who I talk to and how I talk to them so I'm safe don't worry!! My parents raised me right and online safety is such a wonderful thing, but one of my closest mutuals on here is in college right now, and the others are juniors or seniors in highschool. I kept my age out of my bio for so long but honestly that was because I was terrified I would scare away the people that I trusted so much because literally obviously it's going to feel weird for them to be mutuals with a genuine honest to god child. I'm relatively close to turning 15 so I'm getting less and less worried about stuff like that happening but eh that was still a real fear for a while.

Anyway sorry for the rant!! TLDR; highschool sucks, I'm scared of being this young on a platform and fandom full of adults and I have to be extra careful, and also charlie slimecicle is a pretty cool guy to look up to so I feel like him being [vine boom sound effect] my COMFORT STREAMER kinda works out in my favor ngl :D

#i make yet anothet post just for me 👍 #we have mail :] #its so weird now being honest about this i guess?? like its literally nothing crazy its my age in my bio but still #anyway sorta on topic but also not i had recently turned 11 when the dsmp started #literally remember watching the discduo finale during my 6th grade online classes LMAO #also yeah sorry for the being a child jumpscare!! i feel like i dont really act or talk my age that much and im a LITTLE more emotionally #mature than the average freshman but still i digress #tysm for the ask though!! sorry for turning it into this 💀💀

[slowjamastan]

hi, I like you and what you post but may I ask what your view is with trans folks? I genuinely just want to know, tbh it doesn’t matter to me your views but I am just curious because you don’t seem particularly judgy but a little more traditional

oh yeah fair question. i hope u dont mind if i expand on my life a bit, bcz my views make more sense w context i think. tldr at the end

so i identified as dif flavors of nonbinary/trans/queer for nearly a decade of my life. ive been on tumblr since 2010, i called myself "trans" since age 14. ages 18~20ish i went to art school. it was a Peak Woke environment if you will and i fit right in. i dropped out when i realized the artists life wasnt for me. I had no idea what to do next with my life, so i did a lot of serious introspection and among many things, made the conscious decision to consider points of view on trans people from places other than tumblr (there is a lot wrong with me), like, i found out that people who didn’t “get” the trans thing aren’t universally stupid and considered their concerns. crazy ik. later i conclude baby steps style "hey i think 'nonbinary' as an identity might make no sense, like at all" and officially moved my worldview away from "identify as whatever you want forever uwu" 

my opinion on nonbinary genderqueer etc people is that it was made up online in the early 00s at best. “but other cultures have third genders—“ yeah you mean like when gay men aren’t considered real men? or when theres no male children in a family and a girl has to take on that role? nonbinary folx are either children or immature adults who can barely function in society. thats not a moral failing btw but it is hard to watch

from this point forward, assume im talking about binary trans people.

i dont believe gendered pronouns are a decision you get to make, theyre when someone looks at you and diagnoses your appearance as one of two things, and trans or not you dont get to decide how other people see you. trying is an easy way to drive yourself insane and get 500 plastic surgeries and do nothing but obsess over your appearance for your short time on earth. this isnt controversial right? we've all seen trashy reality stars with fucked up faces and botched boob jobs right? trans ppl look like that to me. again, not a moral failing, but def a red flag considering, for instance, the price tag and self centeredness transitioning implies. but anyway it feels ridiculous to handle random men in skirts or women with green hair with kiddie gloves in public yk so i just gender em as i see em. i dont give them any space in my brain bcz why should i. sorry if u dont pass and are going to angry tweet ab this interaction, its not my problem

i started identifying with truscum types (because i was never doing the trans thing “for fun” ive been uncomfortable in my body and had complicated feelings on being seen as female for most of my life), and committed to being a trans man full time age 21~22. started therapy soon after while weighing the risks of T on my health and safety and what exactly i wanted from it, even tho i WOULD be kicked out if i medically transitioned and i had no safety net nor any close friends to help me, so i kept putting it off. i was saving as much money as i could from my pt job (while going to community college for my ged) but mentally getting worse and worse. so i got a prescription for ssris.

in a few months, zoloft not only helped my overall mental state but also alleviated the fixation on my body parts being somehow wrong (or maybe it was all the same thing?). it took away my ability to mentally spiral about gender for hours at a time. i dont know if thats a normal effect, or i got placeboed out of wanting to transition somehow. but i experienced the hypothetical scenario "what if you woke up one day and didnt want to be trans anymore" after 10 years of trans identity and organizing my life around transition as a goal.

it was awful but mostly a huge relief. the dysphoria (or dysmorphia or whatever it was) had felt innate and had been with me my whole life and it was just gone, age 23ish. i felt genuinely neutral about myself and my body, and didnt feel like other peoples image of me being “wrong” would make me kms. could have had something to do with my brain maturing also. (as an aside: it felt like 1/3 of my brain had been dedicated to the gender musing pathways and then stopped all at once. my head genuinely hurt. it was a bizarre physical sensation, like a lobe removal, and it took a good year for that to go away)

ive since gone on and off then quit my meds for good, and the mental spiral patterns came back, but its not strictly about my body anymore. its an overthinking pattern that can latch on to anything. (my friend with ocd described a similar cycle she gets caught in. i dont have full blown ocd but i can relate)

i realize my experience isnt universal ofc. gender dysphoria could be a result of a lot of things, but i dont think its an innate hardwired thought pattern. my take is its a result of trauma / autism / mental issues / bi/homosexuality in whatever combination. this is a personal opinion subject to change given evidence, naturally.

anyway. after the dysphoria evaporated, i moved on quick. my ideas about gender were still all over the place. i tried to be more feminine for a while to "match" how i "felt inside". i forced it, didnt enjoy it, but it was fine i guess. i was still insecure about my gender presentation. i still do have body issues, but who doesnt. i wear a mix of clothing styles these days and often get theythemed on vibes alone. im beating the tradwife allegations i promise

this is the point in the average detrans 20-somethings life where she will call herself a TERF semi-ironically and be a shithead online, which is what i did for a while. you pick up new perspectives that feel freeing and suddenly youre above all that gender drama bullshit, like finally you get to look down on the people suffering and laugh because theyre too dumb to "get it." its cathartic after a decade of feeling insane and suddenly feeling capable of living without inherent suffering. i reached gender nirvana and im better than you :3

then you wake up from that and go wait, that was fucking stupid lol. truly terminally online behavior, but i dont have regrets really. the most evil terfily thing i did, if ur wondering, was co-run a blog that reblogged selfies posted in public tumblr mlm tags. i dont think we even added commentary, but we got soooo much hatemail lmaooo. rip straightgirlarchive 🙏

even at peak terf phase i had irl trans friends by the way, and male friends for that matter.

i think the best way i could describe my feelings on trans people now is like meeting someone with a face tattoo, who also treats that tat like a religious experience. they can feel like this represents to the world who they are and are very serious about the symbolism of this tattoo, and thats fine. its trendy in many circles to have face tats rn (wont be for long) but theyre built different, they always needed this face tattoo to be themselves. bro u just dont understand the inner journey like u wouldnt GET it.... and then they complain about not being employable or single or how their loved ones are struggling to get used to their new look...you see what im saying. you get it

i dont hate people like this. i dont think trans people are subhuman or anything. but i am so so SO glad im not one of yall anymore u are ANNOYINGGGGG. I WAS ANNOYING!!!!! in hindsight i sucked so much and was insufferable to be around if u werent on My Level Of Gender Understanding which was based on nothing but social media infographics, >10,000 hours of blind introspection, and Vibes

my god if i could go the rest of my life not having to hear or think about trans stuff ever again i would. ive done my time. ive gotten my trauma. i dont wanna deal with this anymore but it is inescapable online and irl.

and of course, as a lesbian, i personally dislike what T does to womens bodies, not even getting into the top surgery epidemic.... plus theres now biological men taking over or shutting down every lesbian space. i gotta say, existing as a gay woman has never been more suicide inducing than current year /lh

but the human condition generates all types and genuinely if youre an adult and are determined to transition or microdose T or whatever, its your choice. we live in a society. im not gonna berate an alcoholic for drinking or a fat person for overeating either. hating yourself isnt a crime and i can say i find transing cringe but thats subjective and no one asked me. im just chillin, truly, and we can be friends even if i disagree with your life choices. like. its on par with being friends with someone with 200k in college debt to me. you made a dumbass decision imo but maybe to you its worth it, and what are either of us gonna do about it now? im not arguing shit brother, live ur life. manage those consequences best u can. i love u

in conclusion i wasnt born destined to be trans, im a gender nonconforming lesbian with mental problems related to gender and social roles because of the lesbian thing. this is a normal experience that i overthought into body dysmorphia and identity delusions because of the culture around me... im definitely not a radical feminist. maybe call me gender crit but i dont care. i dont identify with any labels that strongly. labels are the mind killer.

TLDR: 

-nonbinary isn’t a real thing outside of hyperonline exclusively-politically-left subcultures, which i personally find annoying since ive left it behind in the process of maturing. to each his own but im allowed to roll my eyes and not play along with larping teenagers and it doesn’t make me evil

-there are no major female / male brain differences. there are no gendered souls. gender dysphoria shouldn’t be treated with transition, because extreme body modification is a mental illness problem in every case. i can’t stop anyone with my opinions obviously but if i could talk to my younger self, id say wait until you’re 25 for the brain development, and in the meantime try less invasive/understudied treatments to improve quality of life.

final disclaimer: i am in my 20s. my views on life and social issues will continue to evolve as long as i live, but the cringe i feel when seeing visibly trans people will never truly go away due to personal traumas. and my trans exes, probably. im super over the queer scene, im a normie gay now. blessings peace love and light

#thanks 4 your patience i had a busy day yesterday. i wrote like 2 versions of this bc i wanted to get my feelings across so bad #its still all over the place but i think it came out better than last time i tried to articulate my feelings on the trans population #mail #post #i deleted a lot of tangents. i like talking ab myself. maybe i just need to write a biography

[zero-braincells-left]

not a vent post but idk if anyone actually wants to listen to me talk about romance and my gf and. my confidence in my romantic attraction shattering right in front of me lmao. anywho

tldr: hmmmmmmmmmm hey i might be lithromantic. but first let’s go on several unrelated tangents that only barely go together to prove whatever point i was trying to make??

ive kind of felt like i feel romance. wrong ? like i know there isn’t a wrong way like this and whatnot but it’s still just. idk. first of all like,,,, i just don’t get the concept of falling in love (romantic). what being in love would even feel like. but most definitely not in an aromantic way, no, i 100% do have crushes. i am. extremely sure about that part. but that’s just liking people. i feel like im too young to be in love, but everyone else announces such. last time i used the word love romantically was fucking forever ago when i was in 4th grade with my very first crush. that, in fact, was not love. love is just a strong word.

(after writing everything else im unsure where to put this where it fits, but also, I haven’t really been able to imagine myself in any sort of long term, romantic relationship. i don’t want to get married, and i can’t see myself dating someone for, like, life.)

but i love my friends. because that’s platonic. love is a perfectly acceptable word to use for platonic or familial things in my mind. just not romance, at least not for myself? like i get the thing of having a partner and being able to say “i love you” and i mean. cmon. with all the ships i have I’ve imagined that with characters plenty of times. but like

i love my best(?) friend so, sosososo much more than i “love” my girlfriend. because, with dating, i just like her. romantic . and she knows that and the feelings mutual because love is just too strong a word for a relationship both of us know isn’t forever. but. do i even like her (romantic.)? i think so? i had a crush on her for like. half a year. and i know that was a crush, for sure. and that day on Halloween when we started dating i was happy, i was excited. but something about calling her my “girlfriend” felt so. weird. ive never dated anyone before, not even a shitty 3 day long elementary school “dating” kinda thing, so i just kinda chalked it up to that. i still can’t pinpoint what it is but right now. yeah, okay, we’re dating. whenever i think about that fact—I like the thought of it but i don’t like that it’s real. that it’s happening. the thought of being ‘romantic’ or holding hands or anything feels genuinely uncomfortable if i think about it now, even when it used to be a nice idea. and in practice, before either of us knew the other liked them, and we had all sorts of “fake” flirting bullshit, i was also perfectly fine and even happy (and flustered) by the closeness because. i liked her. and now with a relationship, even if the idea makes me really uncomfy, in practice I don’t really mind. it’s just, kind of, neutral.

speaking of which, I’ve made several “if you say that again im breaking up with you” or when she does something dumb/silly and goes ‘oh yeah? what you gonna do? break up with me?’ “yes” jokes. and like. she’s fine with that and we both think it’s funny but. i genuinely don’t not mean it, like, the idea of breaking up with her doesn’t bother me (well, it does a bit.) and the idea of staying with her, still dating, also doesn’t bother me (well, it does a bit). again im just completely neutral on it, and she knows this. but i feel like im only here because she likes dating me more than i enjoy it. i cant tell if I like this or not.

it’s like, knowing my feelings were reciprocated and being able to date her like I wanted to, made my feelings go away or at least. lessen (cause i still, I guess, do like her? sort of?)

anyways i guess I might be lithromantic then ? i already know of that label AND I’d considered it before.

for long as I can remember now, I guess, whenever I have crushes I can get over them really quickly. it’s just having that closure that’s fine. hell, earlier this year I liked one of my friends so i told him, got confirmation he didn’t like me back, and then got over it the next day. that was just a few months of crushing though—a couple years ago, i had a crush on one of my main friends at the time for one whole year. December to February of the following year. my feelings didn’t weaken over that time, either. then i got peer pressured into confessing, got confirmation it was a no, and the VERY. NEXT . DAY. i was over him. i knew it was a no so I didn’t dwell on it.

it’s just always been like that, I guess. i can get over anyone if I have the closure.

but nobody’s ever liked me back before. what happens if that ‘closure’ is a yes? i thought about it one time maybe a year or so ago and thought that, yeah, maybe I’d stop liking someone if that was the case. and now it… sort of is. i don’t know how I feel about my gf or what to do about it and I don’t know how to talk to her about it. i know she’s understanding of that so it’s not that im scared she’ll think im weird or wrong for it, just. idk. i dont even know what I’d say, but I might try tomorrow.

im fine dating her, i honestly don’t mind it, i just feel like being able to. express how i do feel about it at least haha. and i feel really guilty that this might be mostly one-sided on her end.

i have another thing to say actually but I’ll rb and add it on cause I want to end this specific thought here

#zero’s irrelevant thoughts #gf.. #uhhh hh #idk man

[t4tliquidmantis]

Imma be straight up you could write paragraphs abt mantis and i would read it pls pls pls i would genuinely love to hear ur takes on bean pole !!

WAWAAWAWA anon im holding ur hand and spinning in circles with you ty for this opportunity. okay im going to go insane now

-I think he worked with Volgin and Skull Face by choice, not that he was being controlled. When he started puppeting Volgin (as the man on fire), it was because Volgin's desire for revenge and comatose state made him easy to control. So Mantis, who. Had these powers he didn't yet understand but that destroyed his home, and who found out someone he trusted hated his guts, and was used for experiments, used Volgin as essentially a human shield/sword combo. Volgin was his protection while still figuring shit out

-I think he takes after Skull Face a lot!! I've mentioned recently that I think they had a mentor-like dynamic, since I think Skullface's parasite knowledge made him a useful resource for a kid who was still figuring out his powers and capabilities. I also think that. Skullface's torture w/ Paz has some similarities to Mantis's w/ Solid. And. Idk man wonder where he learned that !! (it was skullface, is where he learned that)

-While I do think he's asexual I think it's more important to him that he's sex-repulsed. There's definitely correlation but even If he was allo, he'd still be sex-repulsed. That Guy Hates Fucking

-Btw this. Correlates w/ why I hc him as nullo. His sex repulsion combined with his gender stuff combined with his ideas about contamination led him to the decision to cut his dick off. Yes he has medical trauma but also you have to fucking believe me on this.

-("What are his ideas about contamination?" god idk. but he's got some! something something ocd, idk man)

-I'm still fine-tuning my thoughts on him FBI-era, but it's an interesting time in his life to me, since it's the first time since destorying his town that he wouldn't be having any ongoing parasite moment and as such it's the time he's most... Definitely Himself.

-He Would Absolutely Love Repo The Genetic Opera. As a rule, when I talk about mgs and mantis, I try to keep it real-life "when did things exist" compliant, but I have the specific exception that in my heart, Repo was just inexplicably. Made 30 years early, in 1988. Because god dude He Would Go Insane About That Movie!!!

-Full disclaimer that this bulletpoint is going to be insane. But I've been. Headcanoning his bday as Sept. 11, 1972.

-While Liquid is like. THE jealous guy ever, I think Mantis Is still somewhat prone to jealousy! He seems kind of. Territorial? About his status as the world's most powerful psychokinesist/telepath, since if there's another powerful-enough-to-be-useful psychic around, what's going to happen to him? Why's This Person On His Turf?

-Btw on the topic of Liquid. Liquid is obvi Jack Merridew, lord of the flies-wise, and I think that Mantis is like Roger a little. Disclaimer that I haven't reread lotf recently, but from what I remember it's a similar dynamic

-When Mantis cares about someone, I feel like he's very. In Their Head. Because of the whole "turns out his dad, who he thought was chill, hated him so bad" thing, he stays in people's heads if he likes them so that he's very aware of what's going on.

-And also. He Thought His Dad Was Chill! The 1998 guide describes his initial childhood as "idyllic", which is probably part of why finding out his dad fuuucking hated him was so shocking.

tldr psycho mantis so silly to me, and i think fundamentally he wants to protect himself. i may need to be diagnosed with autism

#jknah tambles #psycho mantis #mgs #if u have any more specific questions abt this id love 2 hear. oigh

[rollercoasterwords]

Regarding recommendations of your fic, are you more comfortable with people not ‘advertising’ it on tiktok and such? I know that the comments people make on there can be pretty intense. My point of asking this is, where is the line for you about how much you want your fic talked about outside of tumblr? I think we’ve all seen it before, fics blowing up online is a double edged sword, so I understand you wanting to keep in ‘contained’. I just love to gush about my current favorite reads, but I also don’t want to cause you any trouble.

okay i feel like this answer is gonna get long lol but. yeah generally speaking tldr is i'm not really comfortable w people posting abt my hp fics on tiktok anymore

and like. i don't wanna come off as like...ungrateful ig. like it does make me happy when people like my fics enough to recommend them + i appreciate the kind words + love etc but!! honestly if someone is wanting to let me know that they appreciate my writing the best way to do so is by commenting or sending me a message here, bc im not gonna see any tiktoks unless i go searching for them. and while i appreciate people reccing my fics i also like. have no desire for any sort of 'advertising' like i appreciate recs to the extent that they're someone telling me 'hey i loved ur writing!' i don't like. have a desire to grow an 'audience' or whatever so! that is not something i am asking anybody to help me do and if someone does decide to try and make my fics more popular i'm not really gonna be grateful bc like...i didn't ask for that lol.

and the two big reasons i'm specifically wary about tiktok are:

1. every time i have seen a fic go viral/gain popularity on tiktok there has been a simultaneous influx of hate, entitlement, and just general fuckery that has made the fic writer's life worse. so in this case, specifically with atwmd, i am 100% sure that if it did gain popularity via tiktok that i would get an influx of hate, especially bc it's like. a complex story with very fucked up characters lol. i mean just look at the people who take up arms bc atyd wolfstar is 'toxic' or whatever...i do not want 2 see what would happen if that crowd read my wolfstar in atwmd lmao

2. i have very mixed feelings abt writing hp fic in the first place and am trying to limit my personal contribution to hp's popularity. like. with ao3 people aren't going to be stumbling across hp fic unless they're already seeking it out; tumblr is, for the most part, a similar type of self-curated space where my hp fic pretty much remains limited to what are already hp-fic reading circles.

but bc of tiktok's algorithm, my fic could end up on the fyp's of people who aren't really interested in hp and pique their interest, drawing in new people to start engaging w hp fandom who otherwise wouldn't. and i don't really like the idea of that happening! i don't want the fic i'm writing to contribute to like. growing hp's popularity. i'd rather keep it in circles of people who are already choosing to engage w this content, rather than have it float into the lives of people who might otherwise not see it.

i also feel like. on ao3 anyone finding the fic is gonna be someone searching for like. those specific tags--someone who wants to read a story like the one i'm writing. on tumblr, the only people really hearing abt it r people who follow me + so have like....seen me talking abt the fic + are basically knowing what to expect. on tiktok, any posts tagged like #marauders or whatever could end up crossing paths w a bunch of people who specifically would not read this type of fic, and i do not want those people to read it and then get upset with me when the story isn't what they wanted (something else that i have seen happen to other writers). so that's kinda what i mean by the 'breaking containment' thing

anyway. i don't have any issue w people reccing my fics to like their friends or closed discord servers or whatever--spaces where like. u know the people ur reccing it to are people who would like the fic + not treat it like a product for consumption etc. and as stated previously i appreciate those sorts of recommendations bc it does mean a lot 2 me when someone likes my writing enough to want 2 share it!! there are just specific pitfalls w tiktok that i have grown uncomfortable w to the point that now anytime someone mentions seeing my fic over there and i go search up the vid, even if it's super sweet and has like lovely comments that make me smile and literally nothing negative i still get a kick of anxiety at the thought of who might see this video or what might happen if it goes viral.

i've accepted at this point that i can't control how people are going to respond to my writing once i've posted it on the internet; all i can do is say 'please don't do x with my fics' and hope people listen. but i'm not gonna like get mad at people for posting on tiktok or whatever bc obviously not everyone is gonna see this post or read my faq, and i don't want to send any hate towards people who are posting tiktoks abt my fics--like i don't need anyone defending me or whatever. usually those vids are just out of sight out of mind 4 me. but!! since u have taken the time 2 kindly ask (ty btw) this is like. the very long answer abt where i currently stand on tiktok lol

#ask #wfrau #faq #<- putting it in this tag so i can find again easily

[binalakai]

🍅🧅🍏🥑 wahoo fruit party!!

How misunderstood is your OC? In-universe or IRL. oh god. okay. okay Hue Man on Earth is a story that is. REALLY hard for me to share, despite how much I do try to talk about it publicly (or at least update my toyhouse as much as possible when i feel like doing that), there's always that sense of. people either boiling my characters down to Tropes/who's the Bad one and who's the Good One. whos the character thats meant to be a personal attack on someone (none of them are) n whos the character that is meant to be relatable (none of them are PURPOSELY written to be that way) n it just. really goddamn sucks sometimes. i could talk about specifics with my main trio specifically, over the course of time that i've had Hue, Magni, and Clyde, theyve all been weirdly misunderstood in their own way that i have gotten to the point of having to reevaluate those folks n look inward into seeing if that perception of themselves can be weaved into the plot. but honestly i think ill catch myself in a bad mood atm if i think about it too hard. tldr on that; i try to microdose my story when sharing it to others, n even then i get really nervous about the idea that my story wont be valued/understood as a whole, which is partially of my own doing as well bc i do have a tendency to Put a Lot into characters once i get super attached to them. ..so nowadays im too burned out to do that :"P once i make that pitch bible, it probably still wont fix that, but its still a project im committing to nonetheless! 🧅 [ONION] What is surefire to make your OC cry? Who knows of this information? Hue) hard to answer with a creature like him. objectively, he doesnt cry. its not needed for him to release emotion the same way it does for Earth-things. but he does it anyway, or at least the equivalent (letting go of parts of his body in droplets from his eyes, just for them to crawl back to his body) it's less about "am i sad right now and do i have to cry" and more like "is crying appropriate for this situation.". after his Human arc in arc 5, its something he actually stops doing as a whole because experiencing the feeling of crying in a human body like. Actually Fucks him up REAL bad NJWKEFNAJKWFNAKWEF Magni) the "sillier" or "unrelated to themselves" the issue is, the more theyll have a tendency to genuinely cry over it. they cry when they know no one else is there to mourn over the problem they're crying about, which is why they'll have a very Stone Flat Face when Witnessing the horrors, but will have an absolute meltdown over dropping their favorite cup Clyde) Honestly that motherfucker will cry over. like....anything? Honestly? to the point where it can be unpredictable. Clyde's emotions are based less on the Cause of Crying and more about the intensity of its emotions. any time it gets overwhelmed, it will cry, and its been labeled a crybaby inuniverse because of that 🍏 [GREEN APPLE] How do they differ from the norm and how are they punished for it? answering this all together, and honestly without having to like. explain the whole plot of HMoE in one setting. Hue seen as different from the norm not because he's an alien but because he's technically an illegal immigrant, Magni and Clyde are autistic PoC that also Do Not Fit Well into their hometown whatsoever. may i need to say anything else. 🥑 [AVACADO] What will they never back down about, even if it makes them seem bad?

Hue) trying to be seen as a good person, even if it means doing the most heinous shit possible (as long as he's able to hide it/insist on good intentions) Magni) trying to be seen as the Right Person, even if it means twisting things in their favor SPECIFICALLY to be right (though will admit to it redhanded if theyre caught, more out of being impressed if anything) Clyde) trying to be seen as the Truthful Person, even if it means ruining everyone's day/life about it (it''ll try to seem like it doesnt care about being "bad", but it very much actually eats away at it. every single damn day)

#hue man on earth #HI .FINALLY GETTING TO THIS.

[banzoin]

wanted to talk about moon knight, as coming from a system.

most of this is copy pasted from a twitlonger i made, but i wanted to add some more here

tldr: moon knight was an incredible display of did and i'm glad we have media depicting it as such. however too many people refuse to research into it after watching, yet insist upon making jokes about it. it's tiring.

okay apparently im fucking stupid and you cant add a fucking post break from mobile so just take it all as is

very personal input

while i can't speak for the comics, i absolutely completely and thoroughly enjoyed moon knight.

media depicting did/osdd is few and far between and what we do have is... well we have never seen any that are /actually good/. so i was extremely apprehensive so start watching this but ended up enjoying it so much that i watched it (almost) all at once.

before i continue, as of writing this, this is san. there is someone in cofront but he doesn't care to add anything. the others may want to add their input later (specifically i want lira to write some because our relationship feels much like steven and marc), but i can't say for sure. so anyways — onto how i personally feel about moon knight and it's depiction of did.

marc. i understand marc to an almost startling degree — to the point where episodes 2 and 5 sent me into a panic attack but that's just... i have problems. amongst the six of us i know of, i can say undoubtedly that i am... disliked, to put it mildly. the end of episode 2 really struck a cord. i can't say i ever felt what steven did — anger, fear, disgust? but, that feeling of being trapped is one that i definitely know. when steven tells marc that he's ruined his life, he's terrible, he wished he wasn't there, etc. it was very personal. there have been many times in which an attempt to help — we focus heavily on kali and keeping kali feeling safe and stable — just didn't work out the way i thought it would. there are so many times that my attempts to help (and still most times i think whatever it was i did was the right call) were met with "san is ruining our life". the way they portrayed marc's anger, confusion, hurt, etc. to steven thinking that about him was... very, very well done. episode 5 too was... sheesh. marc's desperate attempts to keep steven from remembering the truth of what happened to them — not wanting to ruin the balance that they've created, the freedom of having a 'break' of sorts from stress through steven... yeah. Yeah. "you were never supposed to know. you got to live a carefree, happy life. isn't that enough?"

serious points aside, i think the banter was very nice as well. i like the cofronting approach to writing because it's something that i personally understand well because that is our constant. personally enjoyed moments like "if it comes down to it... kill the hippo, steal the boat" "NO?" because it reminds me deeply of lira and i. i think early on, the way steven so desperately tries to deny what is happening upon discovery and hating the idea of marc, is very... much like how i know kali still views me.

i can not comment on their relationship with/views of jake because, well, if we have alters we don't know of as well then... there's no way for me to write about those. heart emoji

i might remember more i want to say later, but for now my final topic will be: the way layla treats them when she learns about the presence of steven. i, personally, think it's very, very sweet. there is a level of understanding there that i so desperately wish we had received in the past. the initial "you must be lying to guilt trip me" response is understandable after all that happened between them, but i love how when she realizes that oh. no, this is for real. there was no teasing, there was no passive aggressiveness, there was nothing negative. there was this understanding that the man she loved went through something horrible and this is part of him. she never blamed steven either for when she thought marc killed her father, she never blamed him for anything the other did.

also i lied the final topic will be how i need people to stop babying them. using one of the scenes where steven fronts after marc has a literal breakdown in the street after being forced to confront his trama as a aww the poor baby:( type of scene. making jokes about "marcs other personalities".

im sure i will remember more things specifically that bug me to hell and back so i will edit this. i will add more. i will have the others add more too

#i fucking hate using tumblr on mobile by the way #anyways #moon knight

[kh4]

why are you on a twitter byf?

hi, youre actually not the first person to tell me this tonight! i Also have no idea why im on a blacklist. i want to clear some stuff up because i was told this three (3) times. i dont exactly like that i have to reply to this publicly because i dont even make personal posts but i think this whole thing is out of hand and has been for a while.

im putting this under a Read More because its long and im finally able to air out some of my feelings about the situation.

TLDR: devin has lurked and kept tabs on me for three years and its exhausting that i have to address it like this of all places. if you need proof or anything feel free to dm me.

this is soooo. okay so i met this person in 2019 from the best of my memory because ive been trying for about an hour to get onto my old blog but i cant remember the login at all, and she and i had done a few dms just about whatever. and then she wanted to make these two kin doubles who hated each other or something be friends again, please note we all shared the same kin, and stirred up some problems.

then, after this happened, her host (or she did? regardless she admitted that she was involved in the creation) had made a callout blog for one of them despite my attempt to steer this off from happening, and i was ignored. i think my last message to her directly, and im not kidding here, was in jan 2020 (three full years ago!).

after this i made the choice, for myself, to soft her on tumblr. i no longer wanted anything to do with the situation, i think kin drama is stupid and im sure it was more personal than kin things from what she had told me, but i had no intention of being involved further. or know any of these people. like at all. after i softed her, she made a post about taking a hiatus after she deleted the callout blog and thats it from what i know about her tumblr because it was deleted soon after iirc.

8 months later she tried to follow my twitter, and i recognized her. i considered it a lottt, but i really didnt want that kind of energy stirring up things again in my life because 2020 was an absolute fucking Disaster of a year enough. so i softed her from my twitter because of this for my own mental health.i havent had a direct message with her since early 2020.

i know nothing about her, her life, anything because i wanted as much distance from that whole situation as possible. i didnt get to know her well enough with her to call her my friend or anything, and everything that happened so soon after we did start talking really made me not feel like i wanted to be friends or get to know her better if this was her vibe. she has made posts about missing me, when i feel as though i never warranted the title of friend at all because she basically just vented to me a couple times before this started and i didnt and still dont have the energy to deal with that kind of person.

i have found out, however, she has fucking LURKED me likely for three years. shes posted about how ensemble stars reminds her of an ex friend (which, she didnt get to know me enough to be my friend, and its pretty obvious this post is about me because my special interest is ensemble stars) and i got into it in mid 2020 so she shouldnt possibly know i ever got into it without lurking me. its some creepy shit ill be honest with you.

she knew and made posts about how my psychotic ass had delusions about being w/ilbur ds-p from nov 2021- mid 2022 because i like. Was in a horrible state and related to how self destructive he was or whatever but i got better and got my life together and dont do that at all anymore. i dropped it and i have most terms blacklisted (and the series itself) because it reminds me of those racist assholes and also of a horrible time in my life im still recovering from.

i have no fucking clue how this could affect her or she would even know. seeing as this was wayyyyy beyond the time i knew her. however this proves she was lurking me to myself and people who know me personally… we're all insanely confused. shes had no reason to keep up with anything about me for three years and im pretty much sick of it haha. ive been quietly freaking out over how scary shes been acting about me and whatever idealized version of what or who i was she had assumed during the very short time i knew her because i didnt want to start anything.

thank you for reading this. i hope this stops soon because i dont want to keep dealing with something thats happened 3 years ago and it happened because i didnt even want to be involved in things. its just unfair and makes me feel insanely uncomfortable im still a hot topic for her even though she hasnt messaged me or anything since following my twitter and being softed. it makes me feel weird and its just weird to me.

#knightly.png #sorry this is long. i needed to reply to this if nothing else tonight

[champagnepodiums]

this is a completely different topic from what you've been discussing here...

but, um, the way fans nowadays babify drivers is so weird... not only that but also some of the tweets that cross limits while jokingly 'shipping' drivers. maybe that's just how most of the new fans tweet / talk abt drivers but psychoanalysing every little thing abt them and the extent to which some of them are babified is genuinely kinda insane to me lol..

i believe that also plays a big role in how the casual fans/on insta/even media to some extent behave towards certain drivers, especially the ones who are believed to have only female fans, which is so not true. it also doesn't help in reducing the amt of misogynistic comments made by men bcuz it makes them believe more in what they say abt watching the sport only for looks etc etc. but this just leads them to not take such fans seriously at all and yeah i mean ppl will probably say enjoy the sport like u want to and all but it would be easier for other fans as well if such ppl were a little more normal in the way they talk abt drivers i guess.

i know there's nothing anyone can do abt it and it's probably just the way the new generation of fans behave and act but i just wanted to get this out of my head..

okay so like no offense to you, everything I'm going to say right now is not directed at you, personally anon because i do think you mean well and i don't think you had any idea that you have touched on things that i feel strongly about but also things that are kind of sore spots for me atm but there are a few things i want to go over:

do we all know what psychoanalysis actually is? its not just this anon but i see this word tossed out so casually and like it's this terrible, awful thing and i do not think as a whole, this fanbase actually has a good grasp on what psychoanalysis actually is. it's become this word with a negative connotation and I just think we should generally have a conversation about that. Now, I am not any of your guy's mothers nor do I have the time to handhold everybody through this explanation for you today so I invite you to read this. I would like to tldr it to make a point and it's this quote from the article: "Psychoanalysis, in providing multi-layered and multi-dimensional explanations,  seeks to understand complexity." When people are psychoanalyzing drivers (and it's something that I've been accused of more than once), usually what is happening is a person or a group of people are trying to use the information that we know about a driver through interviews to understand this driver. And sure, sometimes lines are crossed but I do not think psychoanalysis is some terrible thing that is ruining this sport.

Men are going to devalue women in motorsport spaces no matter what- I would suggest you reflect on the idea of women not participating in babifying drivers (which I think you're talking about fangirls essentially which i have thoughts on fangirls in general but im staying on topic kind of) will somehow make men respect women in motorsport spaces. i do not want to assume anything about you, anon but i have a sneaking suspicion that you might be younger (and that's okay!!) and i just -- it really doesn't matter how "good" of a fan you are, men will find a reason to discredit you. i spent a LONG time trying to be a perfect motorsport fan and you know how much respect it has earned me among men? absolutely none. men are either going to respect you as a motorsport fan or they're not, it doesn't really matter what sort of fangirl type behaviors you partake in (or not). I'm not saying that women who aren't interested in the fangirl behaviors are wrong or anything but trying to refrain from them in hopes of avoiding misogyny is honestly a waste of time (I've been in sports fandoms for a decade so while this probably sounds harsh and pessimistic, I've been around the block a few times and if i could give any advice to 16 year old me, it would be to not give a flying fuck about what men in sports fandoms think of me).

I think i had a third thing but it's gone now lol. I think motorsport fangirls are amazing and kickass and honestly so incredibly knowledgeable about motorsports and i will always defend and advocate for their right to exist in motorsports. anon, if you're still reading this i really hope you know i'm not yelling at you or anything, like i'm not mad or anything. if you wanna keep talking about it, feel free, you can even dm me!!

#i did not proofread this #i think there are runon sentences galore and im sorry but not enough to proof read #i fear i come off as aggressive but i promise im not mad or anything im just passionate!!

[communist-cat-girl]

i wrote way too much shit so ima paraphrase what made me block someone a minute ago

if someone rewrites a story and makes the characters gay, thats fine if you think doin that shows that you have “gay blinders”, just block me

if youre mad about that, keep readin. if you dont wanna read, block me. its a bad faith take thats on par with “representation is pointless” and “i wish modern media would stop shovin gays down my throat” type 4chan shit

if you dont know what i mean, be thankful! its a pointless bit of discourse that doesnt matter to any real world person except queers online who want to gatekeep every aspect of bein a queer. be gay and free, fuck these hos

“just because its gay doesnt mean its better!” feels a little bad faith? like ya, its obviously not necessarily better, but the thing is ... im gay ... so i have a vested interest in if whether or not they get together; not to mention it recontextualizes stories as one’s of aggression against oppression (if they werent already) that makes me doubly interested as an anarchist.

if we look at, say, Alice Isnt Dead we can see this in full swing both ways. not only is the core audience and creative team behind Welcome to Nightvale openly supportive or queer themselves, so too are those who’ve worked on Alice Isnt Dead. Not only does this mean that the queer audience will feel catered too but the queer staff will be more likely to *want* to work on this, to put their whole ass into this project and make it better than if they were just paid to make some mlw piece of media.

and would the mlw idea rly work when the end of part 1 and all of part 2, spoilers by the way, of alice isnt dead are about the gov’t doin absolutely everythin it can to keep them apart and how *keepin them apart, even as alice is part of this shadowy institution, didnt make them happy and didnt solve the wider problems of the world anyways*

im sorry, but if that story wasnt gay, if its gayness didnt put into focus the issues real gay people face, then that story is ostensibly weaker, its prose less profound, its themes less touchin

now, to talk about the post that made me want to write this ...

im not gonna link it or even directly phrase it, i dont want anyone comin onto me or comin onto anyone else over this (not like my small follower count would)

the tldr is that, the hades and persephone myth is ... well, its kinda shit. its a kidnappin, its a possibly a sexual assault, its a woman forced into a bad circumstance; and so if you made this myth wlw and say its better you “have blinders because its gay” or somethin; which ive never heard anyone suggest EVER but sure, whatever

disclaimer, i am a hellenic pagan, more specifically of roman traditions, so my opinion on the *story itself* is complicated. so im not gonna be sayin much about that.

what i really care about is how somone brings of the Hades Game and i *think* lore olympus retellin where persephone is kidnapped, lowkey on purpose possibly, and eats of the pomegranate to like ... get at her naggin mom, or w/ever. thats not actually the story of the Hades Game nor of the more popular modern helpol retellin but its close enough.

the person who relays this paraphrased story says that if its wlw its better than it would be if it was mlw (and, in gnrl, this retellin is far more palatable to a modern audience; which isnt even rly debateable) and the person complainin say somethin about “gay blinders” says “no it wouldnt be” and a cry emoji.

now, ignorin how ... perhaps accidentally homophobic that comes off as ... like ... it would. mlw forbidden love doesnt really strike the same chord like it used to. in a time of arranged marriage and loveless lives, this concept was REALLY important and was the framein of most myths about a couple in the Mediterranean durin antiquity. problem is, these days, while expectations are hard even for mlw couples, youre still largely goin to get reluctant parents go “*sigh* fine, you may”

and unless youre under a rock you may have forgotten that us fags have a habit of gettin shot for lovin who we love

so ya, the story of forbidden love between a fem hades and a sapphic persephone bein a story of gay love in which they fight against all odds and become happy with each other is substantially more *touchin* (and thus “better” in the common parlance) than the same milk toast mlw forbidden love thats been shoved down queer people’s throats since day one of our birth. 

whats rly annoyin is that op doesnt explain WHY “gay blinders” are such a bad thing anyway? is it genuinely so bad to enjoy gay stories more? to see yourself represented in a piece of media, esp one that you already connect so strongly too?

the worst outcome is “because its gay people think the story is good” but ... i dont think anyone is confused about the story of hades and persephone anyways? like, the ancients werent fuckin morons. zeus was a tyrant king and a story of how despots, even one’s who gain it thru noble means, will inevitably abuse their power. athena was dedicated to protectin women but when a woman needed her most she turned her into a fuckin monster. hera, in her hetero jealousy, harms WOMEN more than men when it comes to vengeance because she believes *the harmful actions of men against women are the fault of women.* and WHO suggests that the ancients thought otherwise?

do you think they would be allowed to spread such horrific and grotesque tales without approval from religious or political authorities if this was not an intentional and integral aspect of their faith? is it not curious that most ancient writers dont rly talk about these tales but only speak of the gods in a Vague sense? is it not curious that the details are obfuscated? ignored? its because while the gods love us and care for us they are also fickle and jealous and violent and they must be, in the ancient view, respected OUT OF FEAR

they clearly understood that these were representations of natural causes (a commonly held belief by ancient philosophers) and so their stories show that the natural outcome of things like LIGHTNING STORMS or EARTHQUAKES happen to everyone because the world is just Like That Sometimes; givin names to these causes just makes it easier to explain them. it helps them figure out the Shape of their trauma, far easier than the existential horror that we experience in our hyper objective world of today

so no, i dont think your modern liberal minded fag is gonna go “oh hades and persephone is so romantic” and even helpols on this site pretty famously go for the stories that resonate more with them on a personal level than the ancient stories men told other men to make them feel good about bein men

yes, even if the story is about two gays

if you think a story is bad on a personal level and think gayness wouldnt solve it ... Okay. thats subjective, movin on.

if you think its bad because makin it gay is a superficial bit of representation, im sorry you live a borin life? all representation is superficial then, if you wanted to be that kindve a jerk about it.

if you think makin it gay harms the original script, im sorry to tell you that oral history has changed most scripts so beyond their original form that we will NEVER be able to know that that original story was (and very likely, from an anthropological point of view, the origin of these stories could be as old as 5 to 10 thousand years ago told in different times with different gods and different circumstnaces; we will NEVER know the original story)

changin the story to fit your modern sensibilities and makin it gay is not bad, dont let anyone tell you otherwise. it even might make the story infinitely better! who knows, who cares! write what makes you happy, fuck these hos

[cyberdisadvantage]

tldr - subjectivity in young people raised online

--

yk what im thinking about. how we (young people) shape our identity today - The Internet Times. it just keeps rattling around my brain, and everyday I see something that sets off creepy alarms in my head about it.

right, like there's the classics: consumerism and our identities being what we Own, media and our identities being what we Seem.

but there's this new insanely hard to explain thing where young people will describe themselves like they're talking about someone else, like a Product. like you're not the product you Own, you're just a product period. there's the chill level of "if I were a color i'd be (blank)", but then the more you get into it and Listen, the more hyper specific it gets, while remaining remarkably unfeeling. like what you look like, what you love, your memories and dreams, your personality and behavior, what you hate and what you listen to, it can all be Compressed into One Single Word. and it's fun to do it! we have fun! because we love thinking about ourselves, and we love thinking about what other people think about us.

(and there's that idea of like "have ur own personal brand!" which is obviously bullshit and the manifestation of this whole thing of making human identity into a thousand marketable facets of this Thing to be Observed and Consumed.)

the very idea that someone can have a Brand or an Aesthetic or a fucking Core jfc it's very. the complete opposite of anything you could call "human nature". but there's the thing, yeah, human nature can't be packaged and sold, can't be printed in 2d, can't be swallowed by the *shivers* algorithm.

but more important than what it Is, what this thing Does is this: it makes us observe ourselves through the eyes of a pr team. it turns inside the analytical unforgiving eyes that you can easily find outside, and let's not get started on what that does to people's self esteem.

my whole point is. more and more we drift apart from our own personhood and point of view, becoming not the person doing the thing but the person watching the person doing the thing and the person imagining other people watching the person watch themself, until you're never alone anymore, not even in your most private moments of self-reflection. this subjectivity that points at itself, defines itself by falling into itself, ad infinitum.

#thinking thoughts #chronically online #im like foucault but 17 and with a tiktok account #subjectivity #digital age #i think we should abolish '-core' #mother help my sense of self is dissolving #we cannot escape we cannot come out #tiktok #its all that apps fault anyway #(not really its been brewing for yeaaaars ofc) #i feel a deep sense of otherness towards myself core

[sl33pyperson]

hello welcome to “i took way too long of a nap and now cannot sleep” warden thoughts

i never want kids so its often. really hard for me to think about my characters having children

literally with my Original original characters no one has like. birth children. min-kyung and cali look after tabby but shes like, 12 already, just a ratbag who liked following them (most of them are like in their 20s and young too but ignore that, bonni and pedro dont want kids i think theyre like my oldest characters together) (people have parents but i have not established parents that well)

but for my wardens like. mifen and morrigan Obviously have kieran.

going down the list (these all count for all-wardens-live au as well lol)

sataren - nah man. she and zev out enjoying life and i think she would have issues with the idea of raising a child anyway (ignoring the warden life limit freaking her out when she thinks about it too much) i put too much of myself into her lol

vikaya - i think leli and her wouldve talked about it, but it goes back to Theyre So Fucking Busy Oh My God warden commander and divine left hand man?? they got too much going on (i need to look at dwarf kid/caste stuff again but vikayas whole thing is like. subverting family expections but still leading in the same way bc you cant run from ur past type shit. i get nervous trying to put too much serious meaning into things bc it feels like i cant write about things well)

mifen - kieran ofc. mifen is such a family gal too she adores children

devlyon - my sad lil boy, but uh yeah nah his mabari is his kid. put up with it alistair

cheron - ok listen. i still need to actually do his run, but tldr he becomes king with anora, they. honestly. probably would have kids? just bc theyre royalty and having heirs is a good thing? no idea what their relationship would be like in any way, expecially with an alive loghain, so

julian - holy fuck could you IMAGINE? lol

corrick - corricks whole thing is “fuck all of this, im just gonna live how i want” and he accidentally becomes a historian lol. i think he accidentally picks up a ratbag from the street bc the kid kept following him and oh no guess im ur dad now? fuck? what is being a good parent in any way? (similar to tabby but more sad lol, everything is just the same 7 ideas remade over and over again)

my hawkes def aint having kids, kataban isnt, my other inquisitors i havent thought enough on so who the fuck knows. probably not. oscar def isnt, hes too busy digging up baby graves to make a baby abomination.

#speaking time #ive been thinking of corrick and his fella during work and oh my god he would 100% bring that kid in the deep roads with him. corrick NO

[cutie-romero]

personal rant (haven't done one of those in a while)

tldr: im really depressed after making the biggest dream of my life come true 😶‍🌫️

i'm 26 and ever since i can remember i've wanted to be in a place that spoke english. i feel like i am WAY more comfortable speaking english than my mother tongue (even though i'm not perfect at it and make mistakes daily) but i just never got the chance to go due to money.

then, in 2020, i made a friend, who is from and lives in england, through the funhaus discord while isolating in my room with covid, and we started talking. we watched movies, videos, listened to music or would just shoot the shit for hours on voice. we started talking every single night and he was all of a sudden this hugely important person in my life. feelings were/are involved but imma not get into that now because yeah i cant. anyways, last year the lineup for reading&leeds festival came out and it was a fucking banger. my roommate and i decided "fuck it" and bought tickets, and told my friend we'd go over in late august and spend a few days there.

long story short (lol) we went there on august 25th, and i came back on september 3rd. it was the most unbelievable experience of my life. the weather was ideal, the people we met were the sweetest, and my friend was... lovely. just the loveliest, most perfect person. we hooked up every night i was over there and the feelings i had hoped were dead and buried came right back up to the surface. he had made it clear way before we met up that he didn't want to get into (another) long distance relationship. even though its something i would put up with to be with him, i can fully understand and respect his decision (even though it kills me on the daily and i wish i could be with him).

HOWEVER, i've been having such a hard time being back home as the time i spent there was fucking perfect and everything ive ever wanted. i'd expected to feel anxious, or out of place, or not be able to understand/speak english, but none of that happened. it was as if it was meant to be. not just things with my friend, but just the place, the language..

and i'm so, so fucking scared because i'm starting to forget. i'm starting to forget the shows we watched, i'm starting to forget what he smelled like or what his kiss tasted like, i'm starting to forget what places we visitied and what jokes we made. depression and anxiety have stolen and fucked with my memory for my entire life and i cannot handle it if it does that to this as well.

i have literally no idea what the point of this post was, just a rant i guess as i havent spoken about this to virtually anyone and it hurts more and more everyday lol

#personal #rant #rant rant rant alert