No but you don’t understand . I need Jonsa to be a tangled mess of depravity and tenderness. Grief haunting them - the ghosts of their past connecting them in some irrevocable way, because perhaps that’s the only way they know how to bond - initially, at the very least. Estranged but bursting with love but not knowing how to show it because ‘we were never close.’ But Sansa used to teach me courtesy, and Jon used to sneak me lemon cakes when no one was watching. I love you so much but I feel as if you’re a stranger to me and I don’t know how to change that. Do you wish it was arya who walked through those gates or I should have been a better brother to you, I should have ridden north for you. Please just let me hold you in my arms until our hardened hearts soften again. Until something ineffable develops. And to their horror, they realise this raw and fresh and beautiful (damaged) bond that they have created. And then comes the angst. The yearning. The unspoken words. Religious disillusionment. Inadequacy. Shame shame shame. Understanding slowly burning brighter, until they realise how similar they actually are and oh my god , you were there the whole time and I never even realised. But she was radiant and glowed brighter than any star in the sky, how could I not ??? Now give me your hands and I’ll kiss your fingers one by one, I’ll gentle each tip the way you’ve deserved. And I’m here, I see you. I’m not leaving, but gods am I a vile being. Look at how this world has corrupted me.
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Hi! I'm the amalgamation of every soul who ever left any positive comment or piece of support on your art; past present or future. You had something you wanted to tell us?
I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE ANON HNGHFN, You've left a conflicted, yet all the more warm smile on my face.
Each and every kind soul that shared their support and love with me throughout my struggles is an individual i want to cherish and thank personally ;_;) To cover everything with a blanket Thank you is always something I can do, and if im blessed by an abundance of people far greater in realistic measure to be able to thank individually - I will. But right now, i want to focus on recovering from my blockage, to learn to experience how its like to communicate with people again; Granted, i am going through such a hectic, stressful period in my life - That even that still proves to be a slow process, but its one im willing to put my heart and effort into whenever the time and energy rises for it ;A;
But alright alright, I WILL take the opportunity still!
Everyone, if there's anything I could tell you right now: Please... Imagine me extending out my dumb werewolf arms to hoist you all into a warm hug; my eyes starry and my lip quivering...MAKE SURE YOU STAY WARM THIS WINTER OKAY ITS FUCKING COLD ,GET YOURSELF A HEATBAG AND A CUTE PAIR OF FLUFFY SOCKS, DRINK PLENTY AND PISS PLENTY TOO OKAY, WHEN YOU DONT DRINK IT LITERALLY CREATES A STRESS RESPONSE IN THE BODY YOU MIGHT NOT EVEN BE AWARE OF AND THAT MESS FUCKS WITH YOU ESP IF YOU ALREADY DEALIN WITH SOMETHIN. I KNOW ITS TEDIOUS TO DRINK WATER ALL THE TIME SO JUST MIX IT UP WITH THINLY SLICED CUCUMBERS, MINT LEAVES, AND LEMON AND LEAVE THAT GOODINESS IN A BOTTLE OVERNIGHT, IT COMES OUT HELLA REFRESHING, TASTY, AND YOU GET DEM H20 INTO YOUR BODY WITHOUT IT BEING BORING. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF BY BEING KIND TO YOUR BODY AND UR INNER SELF , nONE OF THAT SELF SACRIFICIAL/BERATING SHIT, YOU DON NEED THAT. And lastly - Thank you, thank you for being here to share in the joy, for loving my work and hyping me up whenever I upload ;_;) I keep repeating myself like that one red vox song from my spotify wrapped but i screw it ill say it again; I love being here with you all so much, and i couldn't have asked for a better platform for all of our silly, heartful and disastrous wonderful shenanigans ♥
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I finally got to write formal professional reports again. It's a sort of RFP sort of functional outline. It's not NEARLY as formal as the ones we did in grad school and wouldn't be up to snuff for literally any proper organization, but my workplace does so much stuff slapdash and disorganized and it drives me insane. I am the model of a would-be burecrat. I love paperwork. Forms. Rules. Reports. It needs to be organized if it's going to be EFFECTIVE and EFFICIENT.
Anyway for this report I basically got free reign bc no one else knows what I'm talking about or how to do it. And it's just??? Such a relief and a delight to 1) get to do things properly 2) get to be competent, and be SEEN as being comptent, and not just a recent grad bumbling around trying to catch up in a workplace that doesn't follow ANY regular rules or protocols and is just. So disorganized.
Like. Given very little sleep and recovering from mild food poisoning, I've been more productive in 3 hours than I am in a lot of full days. It's like being in school again. Competence. Fully outlined and clear, reasonable goals. A PURPOSE.
I should just be given full control of everything as the benevolent dictator of my department, but alas
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In regards to the post where you stated that you were getting a bit tired of gt, maybe its with the community?
I've been in the gt community for a couple years now, and I've observed it to be... Not as great when I joined. For one, its become way too oversaturated with the same types of tropes and style of writing (fluff mostly), and two, its seemingly hostile towards anything that isn't what saturates the community. It also has a terrible relationship towards writers and I'm not pull out that particular drama (even though its pretty damning), its just that very few stories and creators get the attention and interaction they deserve. Whether it be because people can't be bothered to take a few minutes to read a story, or it goes against the fluff norm.
I especially felt you when you said you got annoyed by the posts where 'oh it would be so cool if I was tiny' like wow... Nobody's said that before (they have, over and over and over and over-). The g/t community is deceptive because initially you think it'll be great because its relatively small and you all like this odd genre of media that you'd think everyone would just get along. Because we're all weirdos. But nope, the community can be just as toxic, just as uninviting, and just as hostile as other fandoms.
Of course, take everything I say with a grain of salt. I've only been here for two years, and these are my observations which have come not only from my own eyes but others I've interacted. I could be completely right or completely wrong. Who knows. Just wanted to say you're not alone in being tired of g/t.
Thanks for such a long ask! I share a lot of the feelings you have here. Although for me I don't think the g/t community is toxic at all. Drama will continue to happen as humans will remain being humans. But with the other aspects I totally agree with you.
I'm in the g/t fandom for five years now. Back then, it peaked at deviantart. Stories and writing were the main g/t content, but I don't remember if there were interactions or not. But I still say the time g/t was brimming with good content was ack at deviantart, and the countless groups and content. It was so good.
It seems that over the years people stopped reading or something, because it's very difficult to get a lot of notes on your writing. And I say this not referring to me, but to the other writers I follow. I try to at least leave a nice comment in the tags or something, but usually I'm part of the few people that do this. I say that nowadays writing g/t stories is the same as talking to a brick wall.
And the take I most agree with you, is the oversaturation. Oh gosh. The same stuff being repeated over and over and over. And only fluff, and only wishing to be tiny, and I'm tired. Sorry if people are having fun, it's just that these aren't the reason I personally like g/t and seeing the same boring fluff stuff for the milionth time and getting 500 notes is, tiring. I enjoy fluff but gosh, is that really all that people can come up with? Where's the interesting stuff, you know?
Also over the years I really felt the age difference. I'm not part of the majority of the demographic that composes this fandom and gosh, I feel it. The stories I find, when they're not from my usual favorite authors, are immature and childish. The posts are the same stuff, written in a way that I can see is from a 14-16 year old. Again, nothing wrong with that, but I can't relate to these types of content like I used to when I was that age.
So for me, anon, it's not about toxicity (I think the g/t fandom is very healthy). For me is that I really started to feel the age difference between me and most of the community, since I don't find the content that tackles the subjects I'm interested in (which are usually kinda deep and definitely not the fluff and jokes we get everyday).
Thanks again for the ask!
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