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the-internal-journal-of-peachii · 2 years

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Day 2 review

I did another yoga routine. Yesterday was seated, today was warrior poses. Warrior 3 was nearly impossible for me, but I gave it a solid try. One side of me is definitely weaker than the other. 😅

My partner was so absolutely hyped about my health journey. We went to five below and bought a bunch of stuff. Yoga mats, weights, and ofc, I got spoiled with more squishmallows. I got a mushroom & an axolotl. Soon enough there won’t be room on our bed for us lol.

Without numbers, I’m way below calorie goal. I ended up skipping lunch on accident, I genuinely just passed out since I was at home off work today. I got comfy in the bed & that was that.

I did not make water goal at all. That’s still something I’m working on, but I did drink some water!!! I’ve been using the MIO water flavoring to help, I’m just unsure why I have an aversion of drinking everything.

I’m taking a epsom salt bath as I write all this down to ease my muscles from how hard the workout whipped me today. It’s just a sign that I genuinely tried, and I think I’m wearing that with pride.

I think for every week I complete a 5 day workout, I’ll work out some sort of reward. Maybe a squishmallow hunt, maybe a CRUMBL Cookie, who knows!

Overall Ratings:

Mentally: ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Felt good today. Had a lot of fatigue & irritation (I almost cried of us not having ANY bread. Just is how it is sometimes.)

Physically: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Felt the burn from yesterday, but I’m determined to keep this going. Even if it’s a lighter workout, the effort is what matters. Routine routine routine!!

Mindfully: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Today I allowed myself to nap when I needed it and recognized that I was just irritated for no reason. I communicated this well, and my partner stepped up to make sure I could get it resolved. His solution was to cut up and apple for breakfast and have some peanut butter with the agreement of getting more bread after work. <3 some days are just bad, but I didn’t get onto myself that it was a bad start to the day.

#health journey #health journal #yoga #beginner yoga #new to fitness #TIJOP

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the-internal-journal-of-peachii · 2 years

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Welcome welcome.

Let’s get this outta the way. My life currently focuses on these topics: Weight (Mostly healthy thoughts, I have recovered from an ED and sometimes do still struggle. There will be mentions of calories/goals.), trying new workouts, medical trauma/chronic illnesses, and fertility issues. If, by any point, you are upset by my posts, please take a break and walk away. To you, I am simply a stranger on a website. A post on the internet that you won’t remember too much in 20 years. To me? This is my day in day out. Thank you for joining if you wish, but under no obligations do you have to stay. I appreciate you either way.

I suppose this is my “who am I?” post, for anybody who might be interested in following along.

I’m 22, Female (Cis), Bisexual in a long term relationship. I’ve been on tumblr since I was 13-14, but I never was a super duper active user. I’m ND, but undiagnosed with whatever it may be exactly.

My special interests include: Disney, Farming simulators (stardew, Dreamlight Valley, etc,), Books (Currently Reading Neon Gods by Katee Roberts.), board games to name a few.

Hobbies: Occasional digital art spurts, Occasional Twitch streaming, building Lego sets, collecting board games, collecting dnd dice, etc.

Here’s where we get into the heavy stuff. Weight, depression, and other stuff will be mentioned.

Medically, what’s going on?

First thing to mention? I was the second person in the United States to undergo a procedure in my right knee using a bio mechanical device to fix my issues. (constant dislocation of right knee, due to my bones growing improperly. It was originally triggered when I smashed my knee into a rock as a middle schooler, and it never recovered ) It was first cleared in Europe. I got the surgery when I was 18, and literally had to relearn how to walk. I was so determined to walk before my prom. Short story? I did. Not well, but I did. My left knee does require the same surgery, however I find the issues I occasionally have with my left knee not worth the time & money that the surgery would need. It does limit my activities.

I was diagnosed with ADPKD (Auto Dominant Polycystic Kidney Disease) when I was a week away from being 20. Which essentially means that my kidneys are growing cysts non stop, and this is increasing the size of my kidneys. It causes me pain from time to time. The worst time it flared, all I could do was lay on my parent’s bedroom floor and cry. There’s no cure for it, nothing I can really do at this stage except help prevent it from getting worse. This means no salt, no dark brown sodas, and a bunch of other things that make food taste good. Do I follow this diet to a T? No. Should I? Absolutely. However, being 19 going into 20, and then 2 days later after my birthday, the whole world shut down for the Pandemic? I was over it. Turning 20 and then being told that instead of 80 years, I now only had 40, was devastating. All I remember was being angry, and giving up everything. Giving up kids, giving up every life plan I ever made for myself.

So here I am, 2 years after the fact, in the worst shape I’ve ever been. The “fuck it I’m gonna die” attitude didn’t exactly motivate me to care for myself. I realized that I hit rock bottom, and now is the time to take back control. This is not a success story yet. This is just the turning point. So let’s get into specifics.

Currently, as of post, I’m 271 lbs. 5”7’. My BMI is 40-41 I believe. Because of this, I have chronic joint pain. I find myself tired, unmotivated, and just overall more depressed. Self consciousness comes with it too, but I wouldn’t be sitting here journaling if it didn’t.

Why use Tumblr?

Maybe someone out there can relate. Maybe someone out there can read my plights and relate a little bit and feel a little less alone. I know I feel alone in it all. Or maybe, someone can read all of this, and use me as a “oh, we’ll I don’t have it as bad,” and find comfort in that as well. Any take you have on it is fine with me. However, all of this genuinely is to satisfy my need for accountability and to feel like it makes an impact. If I put it out there, I want to be raw and I want to have a reason to convince myself to do better.

What to expect from this blog:

-Workouts I’m doing to get my body moving

-Food journaling

-Discussion of emotions, of pain, reflections.

I want to be as raw as possible; as open as possible. My journey is not a story of self love just yet. Since I’m still discovering that. However, I’m working on it. That’s what matters.

#TIJOP #About Me #weight loss #tw weight #chronic illness #chronic pain #obesity #journaling #food diary #adpkd #tw calories #female #biseuxal #neurodivergent

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