#They have the right dynamic to get close! They have the potential! Fumbling and awkward the whole way but what other way is there hehe | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

angstyaches · 3 years

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Hey flick! Just read your last fic with poor el and I was just thinking about a potential dynamic between Elliot and Charlie, where Elliot is sick from maybe going through vamp transition stuff and Charlie is around somehow (maybe visiting Shane, or if you can’t figure it out you could just swap him with Shane lol). I could see if Elliot was just mildly sick that Charlie would know to back off and give him some space, but if it was more serious I feel like his deep and intense drive to mother the everloving shit out of people might be too much for him to resist trying to take care of the poor grumpy boi. And besides, Elliot is Shane’s family, so like he feels like he’s GOTTA help even more😂 meanwhile Elliot is annoyed at first but slowly warms up because a) he’s sick as hell and could really use someone to make sure he doesn’t die, and b) Shane trusts Charlie and that’s gotta mean something, right?

I hope this is okay!! My brain has NOT been cooperating with me lately so it's a little messy. This sort of focuses on Charlie’s issues with Elliott.

CW: emeto, blood mention (drank), fear, mistrust

___

"Shit," Shayne sighed as he stared into the boot of Elliott's car, where he and Charlie had just shoved their luggage for the weekend.

"What?" Charlie asked, twisting on the back seat to look back at him.

"I forgot to pack my Docs. Can I get the keys?"

"Lovely, it's 25 degrees all weekend," Charlie laughed, pushing open the car door to lean out and talk to Shayne properly. "Do you really think you'll need them?"

Shayne curled his lip in an exaggerated pout and put out his hand. Charlie dug the house keys out of his pocket and relinquished them, finding himself rewarded with a dark-eyed wink.

"I'll only be a sec," Shayne promised.

"Mmhmm, take your time," Charlie grinned. He shut his door again and watched Shayne jog back towards the house. That was when his gaze fell on the back of Elliott's head, and then on the vampire's hand, which was draped over the top of the steering wheel while his fingers drummed rapidly against the dash.

"Sorry," Charlie chuckled anxiously, wondering when he'd started feeling the need to apologise for Shayne. He tilted his head to try to meet Elliott's gaze in the rear-view mirror, with little success thanks to his dark aviator sunglasses.

"It's fine," Elliott murmured.

"Thanks again for driving us."

Charlie's heart sank when seconds ticked by and Elliott didn't reply again. He really couldn't tell if Elliott was mad or if he was just this closed-off.

Shouldn't have told Shayne to take his time. Should have told him to hurry the fuck up.

Charlie sat back in his seat and put on his seatbelt, taking his time and smoothing out the strap over his shoulder. The awkwardness in the car was as much his own fault as it was Elliott's. He still got shivers down his spine when he recalled that day in the park, and the fear and panic that had taken hold of Shayne when he'd realised Elliott was spying on them; he just couldn't shake the mistrust that had planted itself in him.

Not just that, but on the drive home that same day, Elliott had refused to pull over when his own boyfriend claimed to be carsick, resulting in the poor boy throwing up all over himself.

Plus, Elliott was way too conventionally attractive for Charlie to trust him.

Asshole.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Elliott asked lazily, presumably meeting his eye through his sunglasses in the mirror now.

“I – I, my what?” Charlie stammered, shifting in his seat. For a horrible second, he was worried that Charlie Two’s thoughts had slipped out through his mouth. “Nothing. I have no thoughts.”

“Right,” Elliott mumbled, and he might have burped quietly into his fist just then, but Charlie couldn’t be sure. He could have been clearing his throat. “I’m sure you’ve got absolutely no thoughts on any subject.”

Charlie shook his head and turned his head to look out the opposite window. The wind was brushing across the edges of the trees.

Sarcastic asshole, Charlie Two pointed out from inside his head.

Shayne is also sarcastic.

Yes, but he’s our sarcastic asshole.

Stop saying ‘asshole’!

There was a harsh click as Elliott pushed open the drivers’ side door. He was huffing deeply, as far as Charlie could make out.

Shit. Charlie cleared his throat.

Shit, indeed. Was it something you said?

“Elliott?” Charlie called out, throwing open his own door when Elliott slammed his shut. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes, just excuse me a minute.”

“Oh, okay.” Charlie sank a little further down in his seat, stomach sinking. Had he really said something? Did Elliott now think he’d muttered ‘asshole’ under his breath, referring to him? He knew he should go after him and explain, but the idea of facing Elliott when he was mad at him made Charlie’s guts turn to water.

His car door was still open and he could hear Elliott’s shoes crunching on the gravel. The sound halted abruptly when the vampire was a few more feet away, and then there was a harsh retch that made Charlie’s hair stand on end.

“Oh, god...” Charlie fumbled to release himself from the seatbelt he was still strapped in with. As soon as he was out of the car, he spotted where Elliott had stopped to hunch over, hands planted on his knees and his ponytail flopping over the top of his head.

Elliott looked up at the sound of the gravel crunching, and Charlie almost physically recoiled at the sight of the blood and bile clinging to his lips and chin. Charlie took a deep breath, feeling endlessly thankful that he hadn’t had any breakfast yet.

“Are you okay?” he asked, as steadily as he could.

“Don’t come any fuckin’ closer.”

“Right. Sorry.” Charlie’s feet rooted themselves dutifully to the spot, but his heart still twisted with sympathy at how frail Elliott suddenly looked when at the mercy of his own rebelling stomach. “Do – do you need something?”

“No!” Elliott yelled, though as he did, he doubled over again, jaw wrenched apart as another gag ripped through him. Nothing seemed to come up but a deep, nauseated belch, but it still made Charlie shudder and swallow thickly.

Another belch brought up a splash of liquid, and Charlie had to turn away. He was feeling hot and squirmy. Without thinking too much, he decided to be productive despite Elliott’s resistance; after all, it wasn’t exactly his first time dealing with a sick person who didn’t want to be taken care of. It was almost “his thing” at this point.

Charlie paced back to Elliott’s car and turned out the contents of the glove box until he found a pocket-sized packet of tissues. He also remembered that he had a bottle of water in his backpack, so he grabbed that from the back seat.

Luckily, by the time he crossed the gravel again, Elliott’s body seemed to have finished purging itself. He was standing upright at least, and had pushed his aviators up into his hair. He only gave a mild glare as Charlie approached him.

“Here,” Charlie said softly.

“Do not touch me,” Elliott growled as he took the tissues. He did a double-glance towards Charlie as he pulled one out of the packet. “Thank you.”

“Mmhmm.” Charlie smiled tightly and looked away as Elliott mopped his face. To his relief, the front door of the house opened just then and Shayne stepped out, glancing over at the two of them before locking it behind him. Charlie gave him a listless wave.

“Water?” Elliott rasped next to Charlie, making him jump.

“Right! Sorry. Here you go.” Charlie turned to hand it to him, that pained smile still plastered across his face. He seriously couldn't shake the fact that this guy could sprout massive fangs and rip the side out of his neck with no effort at all.

Elliott’s eyes were so golden they almost glistened in the low sunshine, yet without the sunglasses, Charlie could see the dark circles they cast. His eyebrows were furrowed and flecked with sweat, and yet the vampire managed a half-smile as he unscrewed the cap on Charlie’s water bottle.

“Thanks, Charlie.”

“You’re welcome,” Charlie replied, and although it felt a little stiff, it wasn’t quite as stiff as it could have been.

"Everything okay?" Shayne asked, crunching his way across the gravel towards them, his Docs hanging from one hand and the house keys dangling from the other.

After filling his mouth with water, Elliott spat the liquid back out again, making a queasy face. "Much better now."

"Yeah," Charlie breathed, grabbing the keys from Shayne and taking his hand while he was at it. "Better now."

#emeto #emeto fic #sickfic #vampire emeto #vampire sickfic #swallow the world #StW Elliott #StW Charlie #my OCs #OC sickfic #OC emeto #stomach kink #stomach ache fic #vampire fic

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sparkles-and-trash · 4 years

Text

South Park Main 5, Headcanons Masterpost ~

Stan Marsh

Looks:

hair is actually nice and somewhat floppy naturally, but because he wears a hat most of the time, it’s usually flat and a little greasy kshdhsd

hair is that blue-ish black color

eyes is piercing ice blue

skin is light, kind porcelain like, but he also tans really fast?

soft sweaters are the only thing he’ll wear from early autumn to late spring

in summer he’ll literally only wear band shirts and flannels lol

Personality and General Trivia:

totally cares more for animals than most people let’s be real

sometimes he struggles with seeing things from others point of view and ha can come across as a little self centered

he is aware of it tho and tries to be better at it

his instagram is filled with Sparky haha

let’s Sparky sleep in his bed every single night even tho Sharon tells him not to

likes reading and writing, has a tiny obsession with dark themes and Lovecraftian stuff

he and Kenny volunteers at the local pet shelter and homeless shelter together

the pet shelter was Stan’s idea, and the homeless shelter was Kenny’s

wants to be edgy but is really just very soft

“Kyle said...”

believes everything Kyle tells him lol

enjoys video games a lot, prefers single player, story based ones tho

also still enjoys boardgames a lot, and when the big group isn’t up for hit, he, Tweek, Jimmy, Butters and Cartman groups together to nerd it out

has clinical depression, but is managing it with help of a therapist, his mom and friends

sometimes things gets pretty dark, but he is getting better at reaching out and asking for help in those times

Friendships:

like I mentioned above, he struggles a bit with seeing things for other’s point of view

but he is aware of his flaws and is trying to be better

can get a little bit caught up in his own drama, but listens when his friends tells him he needs to get over himself

will always stand up for his friends, especially if they’re not there to do it themselves

when he starts getting closer with Butters in early high school he gets really upset when he realizes how much he gets shit-talked

enjoys spending time with his friends individually, probably the most of the group, and takes initiative to do so a lot

which is very important to Kenny, since he tends to feel a little overlooked sometimes, and it makes their friendship really strong

same with Butters, except Butters doesn’t usually doesn’t mind mainly being in a group, but the first few times and Stan hangs out alone it’s obvious he really appreciates it

Family:

daddy issues

sorry I don’t make the rules lol

has a decent relationship with Sharon tho

she’s a good mom

and he wants to be a good son

Shelly is still kinda angry and scary

she keeps the “only I can beat you up bro” attitude and there is secretly mutual respect there

but we don’t talk about that!!!

Ships and relationships:

okay so my main ships for him are stutters (Butters), stenny (Kenny) and Style (Kyle)

my fav is stutters tho

I usually head canon him as bi or pan, but as with everyone in SP, I’m open to different interpretations if different Au’s and stories!

I just really like the idea of them learning to balance facing their issues AND celebrate the good things in life together

I def think he can be a bit insecure in relationships, struggling with feeling like he’s not enough, and would need a partner that naturally will be affirming and positive

that’s not to say he’s super needy or clingy, he’s just a bit insecure

but I really think he would truly be a good partner

he’s caring, kind and very appreciative

which is again why I really like him with Butters offh

Kenny McCormick

Looks:

sandy blonde hair that’s always messy and floppy/softly curled

teeth is kind of crooked due to lack of funds for braces

his front teeth are kinda big and has a significant gap

lots and lots of freckles man

all over his face, shoulders, back, hands and arms

tans fast

I actually really like him with brown eyes? like, soulful deep brown eyes

but also very, very clear blue ones, like almost unnatural (yes that’s a mysterious thing)

medium tall

wears his hoodies, usually with the hood up, no matter if it’s freezing or a heatwave

not conventionally attractive, but charming looking lol

likes to wear some eyeliner every now and then

and nail polish, but it’s like super clumsily put on and always chipped

Personality and General Trivia:

falls asleep in class a lot, but always seems to know the answer if the teacher asks him something

also has decent grades

I think he’s way smarter than he gives himself credit for, both socially and school wise

the therapist of the groups

actually, the therapist of the whole school

knows a lot of secrets due to this, but he always, ALWAYS keeps them

I see him as very friendly and approachable, but terribly hard to get close with

lots and lots of walls, man

very much an observer type?

quietly stays in the background if that’s an option

but if he is talked too, or feels like he has something to really contribute to in a conversation he’ll jump in and be comfortable talking and taking up space if he is with friends or people he knows

if not, he’ll just stay in the background with that.... look on his face that just makes you know he knows more than he says

works at Tweek’s parents coffee shop, is kinda close with Tweek because of this

zones out a lot

“…what?”

can fall asleep anywhere

Friendships:

is pretty close friends with Butters!

Butters used to have a little crush on him, but Kenny didn’t find out until years later lol

he also has a lot of patience with Cartman compared to the others

which is why Cartman actually cares when Kenny sets him in his place

likes learning new things, and does that with Kyle a lot!

both school and homework stuff, and things like cooking and other homey stuff, the two of them really bond with this

him and Stan volunteer together, and I already mentioned, and that time means a lot to Kenny

since he works with Tweek, the two of them are pretty close and good friends

is the one of the main boys who gets along the best with Craig and those guys

actually hangs out with them from time to time, so does Butters

it low-key drives the others crazy

Family:

I often like to think his parents would keep having these bursts where they try to get their shit together?

and it’s slow, and one step back and two backwards, but the fact that they’re trying at all means a lot to the kids after years of them... not

I can also see Kevin stepping up and taking more charge, Kevin get’s way too little love in this fandom!

Kenny usually never fights with his sibs

but when he does it’s with Karen, usually because he’s worried about her and it’s nor pretty

none of them can stay mad at each other for long tho

Kevin trying to be all “big brother” and kinda failing because he is chaotic, but he really wants to do right and Karen and Kenny knows that and appreciates it

Ships and relationships:

ohhh kay here we go, unpopular opinions ahead!

first, my main Kenny ships are Tokenny (Token x Kenny) and Stenny

rn Tokenny is my main, I love the potential dynamics, both with their personalties and backgrounds and families

I tend to head canon him as pan or bisexual, and demiromatic

I know the demiromantic part is... controversial, at best

but hear me out!

I see him being very comfortable with discussing sexual stuff, and being attracted to someone physically is never something he feels awkward or bad about

but when it comes to more emotional connections, he is way more awkward and fumbling

for those who doesn’t know, a demiromatic person (like myself! surprise!) won’t have crushes or romantic feelings for someone they don’t already have some form of emotional bond with! We can still feel sexual attraction tho, and some of us are comfortable with casual sexual encounters (like me!) and others are not, and both are very valid!

I usually have two ways of writing him

either him being comfortable having casual sexual interactions, but struggling with the romantic aspect and having to figure out how this works for him

him having some trauma related to debating sexually very early, thinking he was all ready and it was just sex, but getting his emotions caught up in it and being very heartbroken and confused, and therefore having issues with being intimate with people for a while

I mix them up depending on the story, but the first one is usually my go-to!

Kyle Broflovski

Looks:

he still covers his hair a lot, either with hats or hoods?

because I really see him being insecure about it

it’s a medium sort of red, and like, really curly and fluffy

not frizzy, big like... big

I usually give him green eyes, but I also could see him with a light brown or hazel!

some light freckles on his face that only really shows up if he’s spent time in the sun

pretty tall, kind of lanky

d i m p l e s

Personality and General Trivia:

big nerd energy

in every way, board games, video games, loves school, like genuinely, enjoys studying for tests, loves fantasy books, the longer and more complicated the better

co-captain of the debate team with Wendy

is good with arguments unless he gets too passionate on the subject, or if someone knows his weak points and uses them to tick him off

it’s usually Cartman

his mom wants him to go to an Ivy League but honestly he just wants to go to the same one in Denver as Stan, Butters and Cartman are planning on, and now that Kenny is also considering it he seriously think he’ll die if all his friends go to the same college without him

he struggles with FOMO, which is kind of an issue since he’s a busy guy, and some of his friends are not lol

if any one of these kids become a jock, it’s def Kyle with his basketball change my mind-

but not like, a letterman wearing fuckboy type of jock, but like, is obsessed with his sport and his team and works really hard to do well type of jock

Friendships:

very loyal

he and Stan walks Sparky together at least twice a week, just to be sure they’re always caught up with each other even when they’re busy with school, sports and dating

yeah they’re still super best friends

when they started high school he got closer to Wendy as she’s also on the debate team, in all of his AP classes and they share a lot of the same interests

they’re still good friends, but nothing more

the first time Cartman got really drunk was at a party freshman year, and at the time everyone was pretty fed up with him, and he ended up crying and Kyle found him, and Cartman thinks Kyle doesn’t remember, but he does

that was the first night Kyle really kinda understood why Cartman was the way he was, and even though he still thinks he’s a dick at times, he tries to remember everyone have a story, and to give people time

but he often gets too riled up to remember that lol

good pals with Jimmy, they share a lot of interests in fantasy stuff and have the same humor

he also start to go along well with Craig when they are around middle school age, but they’re both kinda too stubborn to admit they’re friends until a year later lol

Family:

even tho Sheila is pretty overbearing and can be too much, he is a mommy’s boy deep down

tense relationship with his dad

enjoys cooking, so that’s where he spends a lot of time with his mom!

tries his best to keep up with Ike and his life

sometimes he is a tad cringy when doing so, but Ike appreciates the gesture

Ike is pretty confident and strong in himself so he doesn’t care if Kyle is a bit awkward lol

the type of brothers who genuinely enjoys spending time together

Ships and relationships:

I like Style, Kyman, K2 and Kyvid!

I think he’d be a late bloomer when it comes to love and dating

struggles with opening up and letting himself feel these things

I often think of him as biromantic asexual, but I’m not always set on it!

he’d enjoy traditional dinner and a movie type of dates a lot, such a nerd

Eric Cartman

Looks:

keeps his hair cut pretty short and styled

has heterochromia iridium (different colored eyes), one blue and one brown

also he has a real nice smile when it’s a genuine one

which is rare but like

it happens

is kinda insecure about his weight and tries to compensate with always having the newest stuff and pretending not to care

sometimes tries to diet in secret

he isn’t huge anymore, but is still sort of broad, and isn’t skinny, but like..

kinda bulky, if he wears the right type of clothes it’s hard to see if he’s chubby or buff

but he is def chubby

Personality and General Trivia:

spends way to much time on reddit arguing with randoms

angry gamer, will call you a slur on voice chat

after almost getting dropped by his friends in middle school he tries a little harder to be a more decent person

still an asshole at heart, but like, an asshole who sometimes cares about some people

always tells people that’s he’s seen that meme before, even when he hasn’t

nothing is ever his fault and the only ones who can get him to admit he’s wrong are Kenny and, very, very rarely, Kyle

he wears supreme hoodies for a full year of High School and stands in line all night for the new ones and never shuts up about how he is the first in South Park to have the new stuff

Kenny finds it hilarious to buy the fake supreme stickers and put then on his own worn out hoodies

Kyle makes it his main goal in life to put things (everything from used gym socks to old food he finds in his locker) in Cartmans hoods and see how long it takes for him to notice

can’t handle alcohol, is constantly being teased for it

sloppy drunk lol

one of the main reasons the other bothers with Cartman trough middle school, when he is at his worst, is because of his big basement, the old Coon Lair, who got a big renovation around 7th grade and is an awesome, private hangout spot with a big TV and wifi and gaming systems

Friendships:

constantly says he hates his friends but would die if everyone left him

is secretly terribly jealous of Kyle, both his closeness to Stan, his basketball skills, his grades and his family

but they had that thing in Freshman year when Kyle found him drunk, alone and sad, and Cartman himself barely remembers it, and doesn’t think Kyle does because he never mentioned it

but he does

so much tension there, but also co-dependency

sees Kenny and Butters as his best friends, and knows deep down neither of them feel that way about him and it secretly kills him

is in the same board game group with Stan

is low-key terrified of Tweek lol

Family:

big mommy issues

but also very protective of her

I really enjoy the AU/headcanon that Liane marries Clyde’s dad

it’s not like, the only version I like, but I put it in as many au’s and works of mine as I can

I def think both boys would be mortified right away

but Clyde comes around first, because he really wants a brother, even if that brother have to be Cartman

Cartman would never admit it, but after some time he really starts to see Clyde as a brother and genuinely cares for him

Ships and relationships:

I mainly see Cartman as gay

sometimes I start of AU’s and stories with him not being out to himself or anyone else tho, I think that whole journey for him will be very interesting and help him grow as a person

I def think he’d have a few girlfriends before he comes out tho?

he can be very charming when he wants too yanno

my only Cartman ship is kyman atm, but I’m def open to explore more of

Leopold Butters Stotch

Looks:

I really really really like T A L L Butters???

like tall and gangly and adorable

I know it’s very popular to head canon that he bleaches his hair, but I like to think he has very light blond air naturally!

keeps it short on the sides and longer on top, with cute ass curls

soft sky blue eyes

also dyes his bangs light blue in high school!!

Pete the goth helps him because he is a pro of dying bangs

I like to think he’d be into pastel grunge, and keep his love for Hello Kitty and Sanrio etc, but still be a bit more... edgy?

Personality and General Trivia:

one of those people who’s friendly with almost everyone

but that doesn’t mean he’s friends with them, yanno?

gets drunk from one wine cooler

loves the theater and is in the drama club, but likes to be behind the stage, not on it

wants to be a director one day

watches Netflix on his phone every single time he has any time to spare, because he’s always binging a show

is usually pretty positive and kind, gives people the benefit of the doubt

but can be very stubborn, and if he has decided he dislikes or doesn’t trust someone, it’s almost impossible to change his mind

Friendships:

Butters put up with Cartman for so long because he genuinely thinks he can be fun when he’s not horrible, and he really tries his best to believe in people

he was also the first one to forgive him after the others cut him off

a very loyal and fun friend

takes a lot of initiative to do stuff, and loves hosting movie nights

thinks of these boys as his closest friends, but is also real close to Wendy, Bebe, Jimmy and Tweek

Family:

I just hate Stephen so much you guys

so tbh I usually like to just... have Linda leave him, or straight up kill him off oops

I know Linda is terrible too, I do, but I think she could possibly have a moment of realization if something happens like Butters potentially being taken away?

idk I’m not gonna go too deep into this, I know it’s such a heavy topic and I don’t wanna seem like I just ignore it, but I personally don’t usually include Stephen directly in my stories, and this is why, I hope y’all understand and respect that!

Ships and relationships:

my main Butters ship is Stutters (Stan x Butters)

I mentioned a lot why in Stan’s headcanons?

but idk, I just really think they’d balance each other well, and could have a very interesting and cute relationship!

I usually headcanons him as pan or gay, and genderqueer, but I’m open for other interpretations too!

he does date a little bit, but have never been in a real relationship and isn’t stressing about it!

he did have a pretty huge crush on (a very unaware) Kenny during middle school, but then they started hanging out a lot more and became really close and Butters didn’t really bring it much thought?

that’s until Cartman gets jealous and throws out a “what are you guys dating and fucking and being gay huh???” and Butters mind immediately goes to “omg ew no he’s like my brother!”

aaand that’s how Butters realized he was over his crush

they two of them stay close friends tho, Kenny makes Butters laugh and helps him be more sure of himself and Butters helps Kenny remember that they’re still just kids and should have fun and be good

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pengy-pop · 4 years

Text

Unfinished Writing #1: Bederia

Context for this piece was to be mostly a headcanon romp and to show of what the dynamic of my own interpretation of adult years Bederia would be like. It got to be too long and had not much happening in it, and When I realised I didn’t know exactly where I wanted to go with it; I got unfortunately bored of it rather quickly.

But, I hope you’re maybe able to find something interesting in here, anyway!

enjoy!

Gloria was having a bad day.

It started the moment she woke up that morning to find that her boltund had gotten into her pokefood supplies at some point during the night and, after gorging themselves on around a quarter of the giant bag of food meant to feed six pokemon for 5 weeks; had then proceeded to regurgitate it all up in her bathroom and was forced to clean it up and make sure the criminal boltund was alright at around six o’clock in the morning. She dropped her shower head on her foot while taking her morning shower and slipped and fell on the tiles while picking it up, and she knew she was going to be seeing a nasty bruise somewhere on her body later because of it.

Then, as she was preparing her breakfast; she found out the weather forcasted for rain and thunderstorms; on the day she was supposed to be meeting up with her friends for a long-awaited lunch they’d been planning at one of their regular spots. She accidentally burnt her toast while thinking about it, and dropped an egg on the floor while she was trying to cook two.

Then, she had gotten the call from Hop.

“Uh, so, me and Marnie won’t be able to make it to lunch today.” Hop’s voice was hesitant, fast, and apologetic; and Gloria swallowed thickly as she heard loud noises in the background of the call.

“How come? Did something happen?” There was a stern female voice in the background, followed by a loud crash, and Gloria winced.

Morpeko must be having another outburst.

“Yeahhh, you could say that, mate. Just-uh-I’m really sorry, Gloria, If we can get this solved quickly I can-”

“No, no, it’s okay! It sounds like theres a lot happening there. Did you two…Need any extra help?” She chewed her bottom lip, anxiously. Hop’s answer was immediate.

“No! No, it’s alright! You just go on ahead without us! Tell, uh—Tell Bede we said hey; and—oh, right—ask him if he’s planning on RSVP’ing anytime soon, we need to finalise our numbers.” Gloria nodded, before realising Hop wouldn’t be able to see her answer.

“Sure; and you’re absolutely sure you guys don’t need any help?” A hiss was heard.

“Positive, Gloria. Besides, you know how annoying Bede gets when plans change suddenly. I gotta go, but i’ll call you later, okay?”

“Alright, good luck calming Morpeko.” Hop snorted on the other line, and she could practically hear the grin in his voice.

“Thanks, mate! Catch you later! Sorry again!” As soon as he hung up; Gloria felt her stomach twist with a sick emotion she’d found herself becoming all-too-familiar with lately, and, with a defeated sigh, she collapsed back onto her couch, mindlessely flicking on the tv for white noise.

Gloria prayed that the rest of her day wasn’t as awful as her morning was.

—————————

The rest of the day wasn’t much better.

After later sending Bede a message of the change of plans; she stepped in a large puddle almost as soon as she exited her apartment complex, splashing water over herself, leaving her legs cold and wet as she made her way to the cafe. She shook off her umbrella, stepping inside, and was greeted by a waiter and an indeedee; who escorted her to a booth seat after she gave them her reservation name.

A booth meant to fit four people.

With a heavy sigh, Gloria all but collapsed down onto the seat, letting her head fall back against the cushioned seat. As she turned her head to look out to the rainy street, unsurprisingly bustling despite the rain. While normally Gloria would be eager to see her friends, she was, instead, thankful that Bede wasn’t there yet.

It wasn’t because she hated Bede though, or anything of the sort, really. In fact; her problem wasn’t that she wanted to be away from him; it was that whenever she was around him, she wanted him alarmingly close. It was something she could handle if they were surrounded by others, usually; since there were others to distract her; but when it was just the two of them, alone, it became much more troublesome. She’d become hyper-aware of his presence at all times, any time he’d look her in the eyes or say her name she would find herself heating up, stomach would fill with butterflies, her fingers would twitch and frequently find she wanted to shove herself into his personal space. Wanted to grab his face in her hands and Do something.

She wasn’t sure what, exactly, she would even do, though. Pinch his cheeks, maybe? contort his mouth into an awkward smile like she used to do when they were kids?

….Kiss him?

Gloria exhaled, closing her eyes. There had come a certain point in Gloria’s life where she had to admit to herself that, yes, she did have a crush on Bede. It had just hit her one day, when they were talking together during a camping trip with Hop and Marnie. the latter were off cooking while her and Bede had sat together, playing with their pokemon and idly debating over something. It was a little heated, sure, but most of their conversations were; and they were having fun, nonetheless. Mid-debate; Gloria’s boltund had bounded up to Bede with a happy huff and plopped themselves down right on his lap, bringing a pause to their conversation as Bede looked down at the dog, then Gloria, with an expression halfway between bewildermant and offense. She had laughed, and he had let out an indignant huff; before he relaxed and, surprising her, he reached down to scratch behind the dog’s ears. And she wasn’t sure what exactly it was; but all to quickly, her world had come crashing down on top of her and all that was left in her brain as she watched her boltund melt into Bede’s touch and he, in turn, let out a sound; a gentle, amused sigh; his face soft in a way she’d only ever seen a few rare times; was four words.

“Oh. I like him.”

And; well, really, it had all just been downhill from there for Gloria. Her fondness for him only grew; and Slowly, over the years, he’d been letting her in more and more, letting her see far beyond what was on the surface.

She found him endearing; despite everything. Deeply flawed, but endearing nonetheless. However, she wasn’t sure where to even begin when it came to approaching Bede about the subject. He had never expressed much desire or interest in pursuing any sort of romantic relationship. At least, none that she herself had ever seen. And Bede was, to put it simply, a very private and closed-off person, and much like a stray cat; one wrong move and he’d be spooked off; potentially forever; and that was the last thing she wanted to happen.

But, oh did she want to love him so badly. There was so much she wanted. She wanted to talk and laugh with Bede, hold his hand in hers; hug him and not be shoved unceremoniously off him, she wanted to kiss him all over his face and instead of him grimacing, she wanted him to smile and kiss her back. She’d like to spend the night with him, eating dinner with him, having those conversations with him that always somehow seemed to devolve into semi-heated debates because their differing ideas until they both inevitably passed out together.

Gloria was so deep in her pining for Bede that it was frustrating her now; because as much as she just wanted to blurt out how she felt, she knew that it would lead to nothing good. She’d always made the mistake of running her mouth; hell, she STILL frequently made that mistake, but this was the one thing she wasn’t completely willing to let fall apart in front of her. No, she’d come too far with Bede at this point and she outright refused to lose his friendship. So for once in her life; she would bite down on her tongue.

Because she’s not quite sure she could handle losing Bede from her life; no matter how frustrating it was for her to swallow how much she felt for him.

There was a noise, and she felt something on her shoulder, shaking her. Gloria eyes snapped open, her vision blurry for a few moments as they readjusted to the light flooding in again as she looked around, confused.

How long had she been zoning out? Had she fallen asleep?

“Ah, there you are. Rather unwise of you to fall asleep in a public place like this, Gloria.” Gloria’s eyes fell on Bede, standing beside her booth, shiny spritzee hovering around him out of the corner of her eye as she caught the last moments of him removing his hand from her shoulder, and she stared dumbly up at him for a few seconds.

Oh. Bede was here now.

“You’re here.” Bede scoffed, shaking his head as he took his seat across from her in the booth.

“Astute observation.” His eyes fell on her for a brief moment as he reached for the menu that sat in front of him. “I apologise for my being tardy. the weather caused some delays.”

“You were late?” She scrambled for her rotom phone; and, sure enough, he was about fifteen minutes late. “Oh. It’s okay. I didn’t even notice.”

“Of course you didn’t; you were passed out. I doubt you even received my message.” Gloria switched to her messaging app. Oh. He had left her a message earlier, stating that he may be arriving late.

“Ah. Oops.” Bede hummed non-committedly in return, looking over the menu; his left hand over his mouth in that stupidly endearing thoughtful pose of his.

“I take you haven’t even ordered yet?” Gloria realised she hadn’t even picked up the menu herself yet, and she fumbled to do so, her face feeling familarly warm and her palms beginning to sweat.

“Nope. Was waiting for you.” It didn’t take her long to decide on what she wanted; and Bede didn’t respond; so she instead took that time to look at Bede across from her as his focus lay on his own menu.

There was something different…

She squinted, leaning forward a bit. There was definitely something different about him. Bede took notice of her expression, lilac eyes flicking up to her, confusion knitted his features.

“What on earth are you staring at—”

“—Did you get a haircut?” Bede’s eyes widened a little, and Gloria knew she’d hit the nail on the head. She leaned back again into her chair, smiling. Truthfully, it wasn’t a big change. She had just noticed that he had gotten his curls trimmed a little on the nape of his neck. But it looked nice on him, regardless.

“I…yes, I did, actually.” His eyes flicked away from her, and Gloria’s smile grew wider. “I’m rather surprised you noticed, actually. You’re the first one to do so today.”

“‘Course I noticed! Looks good; looks handsome!” Bede’s face snapped immediately snapped back to look at hers, his eyes wide and shocked; and Gloria would have slapped herself right then if she could have.

“—For, uh, you know! It’s—uh, appropriate! Like—like Ballonlea’s gym leader ‘ought look good, right? Opal always used to say presentation was important, yeah?” She fumbled through her words, and she could feel the eyes of both Bede and his spritzee on her. His Spritzee, in particular, hovered over her, her bright yellow eyes staring straight through her. “I…I just think you look…nice…” Her words peetered out pathetically as she sunk a little into her seat. Bede’s gaze upon her was incredulous; and she would have normally delighted in the way his pale cheeks were flushed red if she wasn’t so embarrassed herself. After what felt like a century; Bede finally looked away from her, clearing his throat awkawrdly.

“…Right. Well; shall we order?” Gloria nodded fervently as she lifted her hand to hail down a waiter. As the two ordered their food and drinks, Bede went off on a tangent about his most recent auditions at Ballonlea, and Gloria sat and listened to his every haughty, smug word, thankful that he hadn’t chosen to comment further on her earlier stumble.

———————

It was halfway through her meal, and after she’d taken a much-too-large bite of her sandwich, that Gloria remembered what Hop had asked of her that morning. Her cheeks too stuffed to say anything, Gloria instead waved her hand in front of Bede’s face to get his attention.

“Mmf—Hey, Bede—”

“Chew and swallow before speaking, Gloria; you’re not a toddler.” He scrunched up his nose in that cute way he always did as he looked at her with mild disgust. Gloria rolled her eyes; but did take a moment longer to actually chew and swallow her mouthful. With and exhale, she quickly took a gulp of her drink, ignoring the sigh of disappointment that Bede, and finally turned back up to look at him again.

“Hop wanted to know if you were gonna RSVP for the wedding or not.” The mention of the wedding caused Bede to tense, and he carefully put down his utensils.

“I…Haven’t yet made a decision.”

“Why not? S’not like you’re the one getting married.”

“Yes, but Gloria what you don’t understand is that I do not particularly want to attend their wedding.”

“Why? They’re our friends; we should be there on their big day.” Bede opened his mouth to say something, but Gloria continued. “—And they ARE both of our friends, we are PAST trying to deny this.” Bede closed his mouth again with a sigh. “—So theres really no reason for you to have put it off for so long.”

#Pengy Squawks #Pengy Writes #Bederia #dressedinpinkshipping #unfinished works

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nerdsideofthemedia · 5 years

Text

BB & Renora

I usually don’t tend to spend so much time on shipping, but this one, it feels like the reason is so questioned and even denied is in no small part due to homophobia and heteronormativity. Honestly, if you keep denying it’s basically almost certain now, I’d call it homophobia, unless you don’t think Renora became canon in V4 either. The parallels are as on the nose as they can be and BB had much more romantic buildup and this is part of what I intend to show here.

Just to make things clear, I am not doing this to attack Renora. I think that romance was handled well enough, it’s just too bad that it’s demanded a whole lot more from LGBTQ+ couples. I just want to show that if we want to be pedantic nitpickers who find justifications to see Renora as just a friendship, we can do that, so how come only BB is subjected to such scrutiny?

What was the evidence for Renora before V4?

Was it Nora touching Ren’s nose and saying “Boop”? They’re childhood friends, it’s normal for them to be very close and have gestures specific to them. OK, I don’t really have to guess, because a BSer decided to start a conversation with me, complaining how me saying stuff like BB is canon or close to that made LGBTQ+ raise expectations and the writers would have to deal with queerbaiting accusations when BS becomes canon, which: yes, if BS happens, there will be queerbaiting accusations, which would be more than fair and would have nothing to do with me. (Not that I don’t appreciate it, I just don’t really think I wield that much power within the RWBY community). Fortunately, they did direct to a post about the Renora romantic hints:

- Boop, but if we’re looking at songs, BB isn’t lacking those, including the very first one Red Like Roses. All that Matters and Armed and Ready have lines with romantic connotation and I’ll always argue that though Bmblb isn’t canon, it would have been extremely stupid to create such a song with no intention on delivering. Queerbaiting is not seen as a good thing. Also I’d like to remind you that RT has been supportive of LGBTQ+ with 2 of the main RWBY VAs being bi.

- Jaune, the oblivious guy, picked it up when he asked Ren how he and Nora had gotten together, to which I say: Jaune, the oblivious guy, could have easily misinterpreted a close friendship as a romantic relationship.

- Ren stammers when correcting Jaune and he is usually cool and collected. Still, I’d say it’s normal for teenagers to act that way when there’s crush accusation. That’s exactly how I was as a teenager, even if I didn’t have a crush on the guy.

- Nora’s words: “What are the odds we’d still be together?” followed by “Well, not ‘together-together’… Not that I’m not saying that you’re not handsome; you are handsome, but that’d just be weird, right?”, which the person argued “After that she’s just fumbling for words, and reveals more about how she feels about Ren. She didn’t have to say anythinggg. But she did, and now we know that she thinks Ren is handsome (well, duh). If her feelings for him were completely platonic, she wouldn’t have said anything like that. There’d be no reason for her to. Like seriously if I was writing two characters that were only meant to be platonic, I would never write a scene like that. The implication of those words are too strong.”

When I was a teenager, I literally fumbled over words in a pretty similar way to Nora, including the handsome part, I was not interested in the guy I said that to.

Yes, this isn’t real life, it’s a show, so words like those maybe should have a better reason to be there then verisimilitude of teenage awkwardness, I guess – it’s debatable. Here’s the thing, how can you argue romance as not only one possible interpretation, but THE correct interpretation because of the implication of such words, yet deny the romance as a possible interpretation of Yang and Blake’s scenes despite the implication of a girl flirting with another while phrasing it “coming out tomorrow”, or associating those 2 girls with the word “love”, or having one of the girls stroking a photo of the other one or traveling on a ship named “Pride” or having the ex-boyfriend asking “what does she even see in you?” – all of which are far far more coded as romantic than any of the Renora moments. I think the “Like seriously if I was writing two characters that were only meant to be platonic, I would never write a scene like that. The implication of those words are too strong.” applies to all the cases described.

Renora became undeniable at the end of V4 though, as Ren put his hand over Nora’s. They look at each other, both of them know what that means.

Wait, no, sorry, wrong pictures.

As I was saying they look at each other: they both know what that means. That’s right, they’re really good friends. Wait… no. They’re in love. That’s it. They’re in love.

Did you get my joke and what was being called out or do I have to be even more obvious?

I’m going to flat out say it: if you consider Renora became canon in that moment in V4, BB should be considered canon now. They parallel each other, and the whole excuse that Blake and Yang only held hands to show support after facing their demon can also be used for Renora.

Just a few bonus anti-BB arguments:

Yang can’t represent Yang in Yin-Yang because she’s not a man

Sun doesn’t embody all the concepts of Yang either, so it’s weird to draw an exclusion criteria for Yang but not for Sun (or Blake for that matter). If only Yang hadn’t used a yellow dress, it could have driven the point of Yin-Yang. Wait…

It didn’t actually click for me as to why Yang used a white dress until I watched Passion of the Nerd’s video on Primeval (Buffy). While watching it, I was like:

(Apparently, Yang’s dress was supposed to be yellow, but there was an animation problem. Still, it was a cool thought)

“We can’t trust Adam, he’s delusional even Blake said so herself”

Adam clearly had his reasons to believe those were their feelings, because he didn’t show jealousy immediately. Also why would the writers write those lines with no intention on delivering? Adam didn’t need to be jealous to attack Yang – he wanted to hurt Blake, so attacking her to hurt the latter would be good enough reason, not to mention she was standing in the way of his mission.

Again, I quote the person who tried to defend Renora, yet attack BB: “Like seriously if I was writing two characters that were only meant to be platonic, I would never write a scene like that. The implication of those words are too strong.“

Ruin the team dynamics

I find it funny that the people who criticize Yang for not making her life revolve around Ruby are also the ones who complain about how Bumblebee ruins team dynamics because two characters now prioritize each other. I’m sure this isn’t motivated by homophobia, especially considering the same logic is never used for Renora and even Arkos (don’t even bother with team JNPR aren’t main characters: they’ve appeared almost as much as the main ones), and misogyny, because how dare Yang not be completely about putting Ruby first at all times?

If having 2 sisters on the same team doesn’t ruin the dynamics, then a romantic relationship doesn’t either. It’s not like sisters don’t put each other first too.

I just address the assertion she treated Summer poorly which is based on absolutely nothing other than crapping on a female character just for the sake of it. Yang probably loved Summer and thought she was her mother until told otherwise which happened after Summer’s death.

They ruined Adam because of BB

They didn’t. Adam was never intended to be an anti-hero with a chance for redemption. If you had that idea, it’s on you. His death didn’t happen just because either – it did because it ended both Yang and Blake’s arcs, it marked the end of a chapter in their lives as well as the beginning of their relationship which is only possible precisely because they confronted their demons. It’s the ultimate obstacle that confirms that Blake will no longer run and instead faces her demon and Yang confronted her abandonment issues in V5 when she talked to Raven, yet she still had to deal with the pain caused by Blake leaving and trust her. Their fight with Adam and her reassuring Blake she knows she won’t leave shows Yang knows Blake isn’t Raven: one ran out of selfishness, while the other ran out of selflessness, however misguided. Adam going down is tied to their closure.

And for the love of all that is good and pure, stop saying a relationship isn’t healthy because someone was hurt. Yes, it’s true we should avoid hurting each other, but to think we’ll never hurt someone and call a relationship abusive as soon as someone is hurt is ridiculous. There are no healthy relationships by that standard.

More RWBY posts:

Filmmaking and Bumbleby

Bumblebee was Always the Plan

Bumblebee was Always the Plan part 2

Faunus and the White Fang: The Portrayal of Racism

BB & Renora

Weird Post on Weiss’s Clothes

Foils: Adam and Yang (this one is in wordpress; it was my first one and I didn’t have Tumblr then)

Let’s talk about Adam Taurus (I didn’t post this one on Tumblr because the title and tags could lead Adam fans thinking this was about “his wasted potential” when really it defends the decision of killing him off and explains why it happened)

#bumbleby #rwby bumblebee #yang xiao long #yang and adam #Blake Belladonna #yang x blake #blake x yang #bumblebee rwby #renora parallels #rwby6 #rwby spoilers

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izanyas · 7 years

Text

Felled

Shuake one-shot to celebrate finally finishing Persona 5 (I know, it’s been ten years).

Rating: G Words: 3,200 No warnings.

Felled

Coming out of the Metaverse is never as easy as coming out of a dream. The world of cognition grants them power in the way of thrumming energy, grants them abilities that do not carry over to reality; Goro can hold his own in a bare-handed fight well enough, punching and scratching and aiming for groin and eyes with a viciousness he knows no one suspects of him, but he cannot pull off the elegance or inhuman strength necessary to defeat Shadows. He knows without needing to ask that neither do Sakamoto or Okumura. Or any of the other, except maybe Niijima.

He wonders, sometimes, whether Kurusu does. He wonders what Kurusu would look like, sweat dripping from his face and blood spilling out of his split knuckles, under the light of day. The Metaverse doesn't approximate it well enough.

Coming out of a Palace, not simply the never-ending haze in which he usually finds his targets, is a whole new sort of pain.

He's too sore to manage more than a walk. He's too sore to lift his bag. He does it anyway, his back straight despite the aches, watching as the others slump and stumble under the weight of real-world gravity.

"Fuck," Sakomoto expels, never one to miss an occasion to be crass, "I'm fucking beat. Why the hell is a casino so hard to run through?"

Takamaki engages him with a retort that Goro doesn't listen to. He's watching Niijima from the corner of his eyes—she's standing behind Sakura Futaba, as exhausted as the rest of them but carrying it with more grace than most. She is pale, though. Visiting a loved one's psyche, warped as it is beyond recognition, would do that to a person.

Kurusu is looking at her too; in the second that follows his eyes catch Goro's, looking knowing and looking not, and Goro turns his head away.

He still feels the weight of the saber on his arm and shoulder. He shakes it by closing his hand into a fist briefly, masking a wince as pain flares up his arm. He'll be sore in the morning.

There's an awkward shiver in the air around him. He knows it stems from the fact that his face is unmasked now, that his teammates neither know nor trust him, not after a single day. He can feel them staring at him while he takes his phone out of his pocket and scrolls mindlessly through messages. It doesn't seem to matter to most of them that he allowed Kurusu to involve him in every fight without protest, not even as their leader purposefully gave the others rest by making them switch from time to time.

He doesn't complain. Kurusu was part of every fight too, after all. And Goro always knew it would take more than a day to secure a semblance of trust.

"Good thinking with that last one, Sakamoto," he says amiably, once he's looked up from the cover of his phone.

It gives the other boy a startle that Goro finds more amusing than pitiful for once. "Thanks," Sakamoto replies after a second. His reluctance is almost enough to make Goro smile. "You too. You know."

It drags images to Goro's mind that he would much rather forget, but at least Sakamoto relaxes a little. The others do as well. None of them bring up what he did, but then, it must not be something they find weird, even from him.

They're used to having each other's backs.

"I think I'll head straight home," Niijima says in a faint voice. "I'll—make sure Sis doesn't suspect anything."

"Makoto—"

"Good night, Ann," she cuts in. "And everyone."

She parts from them with a curt nod. Takamaki looks pained, but she doesn't insist.

"This sucks," Sakura lets out from her crouch on the ground. "Makoto's not gonna let us talk to her, is she."

Takamaki's lips thin before she answers. "She's just… got a lot on her plate. We should leave her alone for now."

"It seems rather foolish. Sharing with us would lighten her burden."

"Yeah, Inari, you're a real expert at emotional stability."

It's interesting, Goro thinks, to get to visualize the dynamics within the group unfold like this. He hadn't bothered to think of the Phantom Thieves as individuals beyond knowing Niijima through Sae and Sakura through her mother. Kurusu is different. His position as leader makes him Goro's target for once; and Goro had met him first before knowing, had exchanged words and looks and not once felt as though the one standing before him was less than frightfully human.

Sakura and Kitagawa bicker with an energy that comes and dissipates in a blink of the eyes, no matter how hurtful their words. Sakamoto and Takamaki argue almost every minute. So do Sakamoto and Morgana. And Sakamoto and everyone, really, except Kurusu.

No one seems to have a relation of opposition with Kurusu.

Except me, Goro thinks—and when he flicks a glance to Kurusu again, he finds him looking back.

In light of how the evening went, he wonders if that still holds true for Kurusu. He surprises himself with how much he wants it to be. Goro doesn't look away from Kurusu's eyes until he feels his phone buzz in his pocket.

Take care of this tonight, the unknown number tells him.

There is the picture of a man attached to the message. Youthful and bright and surrounded by wife and child.

Goro inhales slowly from his nose as he snaps the case of his phone shut. He forces himself out of the stillness that has tightened the line of his shoulders and in which the strap of his bag digs like a blade. Then he lifts his head to address the group and says, "I should go as well."

"We should all go home," Okumura agrees readily. He barely has the strength to mimic the politeness of looking at her, and she smiles at him a little awkwardly, one side of her mouth lifted higher than the other. "We probably shouldn't go in for so long next time—right, leader?"

"Right," Kurusu replies evenly.

It could be mocking just as it could be sincere, but Okumura beams either way.

Goro can feel the weight of the others' looks as he turns his back and walks away. The need not to leave himself exposed like this runs under his skin and sets each of his nerves alight, but he forces it down, paces himself into the most nondescript walk he can achieve, and turns around the corner of the courthouse with his breath caught between his teeth.

He opens the message again—the picture fits itself into the shape already imprinted in his eyes. This time he reads the rest of the instructions carefully, pushing away the inevitable crawl of exhaustion up his back and down his throat.

He's not getting any sleep tonight.

He's in the process of deleting the message when someone says, "Akechi," behind his back.

Goro's left hand has gone weak from hours of grasping a sword, no matter that the sword is light as a feather from lack of an actual blade; his fingers feel blistered, swollen and slow, and the phone slips from between them in the immediate surprise. Numbness stills him until the time it reaches the ground. Then a jump, a flash of panic at the sound it makes—a phone is an expensive thing to replace no matter how well off he is now, and replacing it would mean potentially replacing the numerous disguised contacts in it that are in fact Shido and his associates—

"Sorry," Kurusu says, walking around him.

"It's nothing," Goro replies out of habit.

Kurusu isn't looking at him. He crouches in front of him, and Goro stares in silence at the top of his head, at the dampness in his hair from the exertion of the day. He only realizes what is happening once Kurusu's hand is on his phone.

For a second he can do nothing but stand and look, his tongue drying in his mouth, apprehension gripping him by the chest.

Kurusu turns the device around in his palm until the screen faces up. The past few seconds have felt like eternity, but they were not enough for it to turn itself off; and Goro is almost too tense to look down and check, but he does. He has to.

The message is deleted. Only an empty conversation sits under Kurusu's watchful eyes.

"I'm really sorry," Kurusu says again. He folds the case back around the phone and hands it over with a small smile. "At least it looks like it's working okay. Not even a scratch."

"They did sell it to me as one of their most solid models," Goro replies, taking it.

"You'll have to give me the reference, I've broken two this year already."

The numbness in Goro's fingers isn't enough to mask the feeling of Kurusu's own, dry and warm against his knuckles. He took his gloves off earlier when they fell back into reality, because he had felt overheated in them. Kurusu lets go after barely a second.

Goro clears his throat. He slips the phone into his pocket. "Did you need something?" he asks, shifting on his feet to face Kurusu fully. "This isn't your way home."

"It's not. I wanted to talk to you."

"Couldn't you do it in front of the others?"

Kurusu's smile turns amused. "No," he answers.

For all that Kurusu's forehead is constantly brushed by soft, messy hair, for all that his eyes are hidden behind useless glasses, he never shies away from looking someone in the eye. His scrutiny feels to Goro like being watched by a cat's gleaming eyes. It feels a lot like wanting to broaden his shoulders and brace his strength.

It feels like a challenge.

"I wanted to thank you," Kurusu says, his words slow and his eyes unfaltering, unblinking, as they peer into Goro's. "For earlier."

"You could've done it in front of the others," Goro says again.

"I didn't think you would want me to."

He can feel his smile faltering, can feel himself strengthen it in place through the rush of adrenaline that shakes him then.

Earlier, Joker made a mistake. The attack he attempted to land on an enemy missed and made him fumble, breaking him out of poise for the barest second; and Goro had jumped forward to tug him out of harm's way with his hands, taking a glancing blow to his shoulder in the process, with no thought at all. His body had moved on its own. Joker had turned to look at him with wide eyes, still caught in that moment of inelegance that had made him looking nothing at all like a thief and made Goro feel very far from what he truly was.

Sakamoto had broken the hazy quality of the moment by rushing out of turn to punch the Shadow through the guts.

"It can't be the first time this happens to you," Goro says. He adds, quickly: "All of you. I'm pretty sure I saw Kitagawa drag Futaba-chan into hiding while she was too busy looking at numbers to look around."

"She does get distracted."

"I can't fault her at all. Her skillset is dreadfully convenient."

Kurusu's grin is sudden and feral. "The others and I've had some time to get used to each other," he says. "I can't say the same about you and I."

You and I. He voices it so easily, as if the words weigh nothing at all.

"It was nothing," Goro manages. "I'm glad you didn't get hurt."

Kurusu drags a hand out of his pocket and extends it between them, crossing the distance too fast, or too slow, for Goro to do anything. He doesn't move at all when it touches the strap of the bag pressed into his aching shoulder, right above his collarbone.

"How's your shoulder?" he asks.

Goro unsticks his voice from the hollow of his throat. "Fine," he says. "Injuries don't cross over into reality, right?"

"Not injuries, no," Kurusu replies lowly. "But fatigue does."

"I can definitely feel that."

The humor in his tone is weak. He feels as though something in him is shaking, right below his chest, warm to the point of queasiness; he shifts on his feet again, catches himself before he takes an actual step backward.

Kurusu lets go of his shoulder. "I have something that can help, if you want."

He doesn't wait for Goro to answer. His hand is busy with his bag, now, though the weight of it lingers on him like glass pressed onto paper. Goro watches him drag a thin vial full of blue liquid out of an inner pocket of the bag, through what he gathers to be a mess of school things and other, less legal items. He gives it to Goro without a word.

"What is it?" Goro asks.

"Medicine. The one I use in the Metaverse."

Goro glances at him with, he hopes, no visible wariness. "It doesn't look like this in the Metaverse," he says carefully.

"Cognition's tricky like this."

"Kurusu, this looks like poison."

Kurusu's laughter is a rarely-heard thing outside of the thrill of battle. There it is driven, weaponized, something that runs up Goro's back and makes him swallow back shivers; here it is a rumble that makes the air between them sizzle with unspent energy, that makes Goro's face flush with blood.

"The doctor I get them it is a bit of a tough love kind of person, but she wouldn't poison me," Kurusu says, making no comment of his blush at all. "Here."

He flicks the stopper off with his thumb and takes a sip. The vial is tiny enough that half of its content is drained in a single go, but Goro isn't looking at it anymore.

He's looking at the lopsided turn of Kurusu's lips when he grimaces from the taste, and he's still warm from hearing him laugh, still shaking through all of himself without allowing it to show.

This time, when Kurusu places the vial in Goro's hand, he doesn't let go.

"It feels awful going down," he says. His fingers are wrapped around Goro's closed hand, the pad of his thumb at the heel of Goro's palm. "But you'll feel better after drinking it."

"Thank you," Goro says numbly.

He doesn't try to take his hand back.

Distantly, he wonders what Kurusu would say if he knew what Goro plans to do with his evening. If he knew of the murder that Goro will use the medicine's added strength for. The weight of the air feels unbearable, his clothes smothering, his bag a chain trying to trap him to the ground.

He thinks of Robin Hood's bright, physical energy thrumming through him as he wields a child's toy in his hands, as he fells monsters come out of a dream; he thinks of watching Kurusu's back as they run through the halls of Niijima Sae's twisted self, and he thinks of never letting go of the sight.

"Akechi," Kurusu says.

He feels so much closer now than he did a second ago.

"Yes," Goro replies. He can't look anywhere but in Kurusu's eyes.

"You once told me that you felt you could tell me anything." The hand around his doesn't move, but Kurusu's other hand comes up slowly, his fingers wrapping around the thinnest of Goro's wrist, right where he knows his shaken pulse beats. "Is there anything you want to tell me?"

There's nothing but kindness to read out of him. His touch is gentle, his words slow, his eyes open. Kurusu is someone Akechi knows in layers; the charismatic leader, the awkward, hunched boy with his hands in his pockets, the person who once met his eyes across a television studio and gave him antithesis. And Goro is used by now to feeling pulled two different ways around him, to wanting to run into him as much as he wants to run from him—but in that moment there is only the pull, only the touch, only the fatigue of the day resting heavy on his shoulders.

He thinks, He knows.

He thinks, Steal Shido's heart for me.

He looks at the gentle curve of Kurusu's lips in the dark of fall, out of light and out of sight, and he doesn't think at all as he leans forward and presses their mouths together.

Kurusu falters for the second time that day. The exhale he lets out is hurried, perhaps a little shaky; it breaks warmly over Goro's face in the second he takes to tilt his head sideways. He collects bitterness from the medicine just at the inside of his lips, gathers heat and nerves inside his throat once Kurusu breaks out of surprise and kisses back, soft and closed-mouthed. Neither of them closes his eyes. He doesn't dare breathe at all through it, afraid that air will come as smoke out of his lungs, like it does out of the lungs of beasts. He doesn't dare burn him.

He thinks, I'm going to kill him, and it is like a spear between his ribs, like a sword at his neck.

He was never meant to be the prince. He has always been the monster.

"Forgive me," he says, pulling away. Kurusu lets go of his wrist without a word, and the vial slips from him and shatters on the floor, spilling its blood between their feet. A fleck of liquid lands at the hem of Goro's pants. "I'm—tired, I think. I should go home."

"Sure," Kurusu replies.

He sounds grave. Resigned. Goro doesn't question it as he turns his back on him—this time with the certainty that he will not be attacked.

"I'm truly sorry if I—"

"Akechi," Kurusu cuts in. "It's fine. I didn't mind at all."

There's a hint right here that Goro could grasp with both hands if he wanted, but the wish from earlier is gone already, the pull faded in their separation. All that's left is the cold night around him. Shadow melded into shadow as far as the eye can see.

When he straightens his back, his only thought is for the aches through his body, and how to navigate them to accomplish his second job of the night. He should have expected that Shido would still make use of him like this even while he carries on his mission alongside the Thieves, but he's never had to go twice through the Metaverse in a day. He isn't looking forward to the way Loki swallows all of his strength and leaves him, afterward, feeling like no more than a child.

"Tell me when we need to go again," he says, walking away.

"I will. Good night."

It makes him smile faintly.

Goro's life would be simpler if Kurusu Akira were no more than the boy who stood up to him by chance in the bright-lit television studio that day. It would be simpler if he were only the Phantom Thieves' Joker.

It would be simpler if he were only the open smile behind the café's counter whom Goro talked about his mother to, whom he could truly share truths with, whom he could afford to kiss at night away from passersby. His lips wouldn't have tasted of sharp and bitter medicine then.

He's lived that long without anyone of the kind in his life, though. Goro licks the taste away from where it sits at the wet inside of his bottom lip, and he thinks, I can live a little longer.

#p5 #persona 5 #shuake #akechi goro #kurusu akira #fic: felled

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