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pickledasparaguss · 4 months

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Virtually all marketing strategies seek to take advantage of human psychology. "Dark Patterns" in web and software designs are no different and need no regulation. - TECH BLOG POST 1

Before this class I would have never second guessed the information I was putting out online. There was one part in Woellner’s Ted Talk where she discussed how sometimes you don’t even have to type out your information when you’re signing up for something, sometimes it just automatically inserts the information in there for you. Allowing ourselves to become easily accessible to whatever form takes place on the other side of our screen has become a normal part of our everyday life in this day and age. I believe this has to do with the fact that digitalization and technology are here to make our lives easier in some capacity, so in order for our lives to become a bit less complicated, there’s a trade, that trade is our privacy. For some reason when I think about this idea the first thing that comes to my mind is Jean-Paul Sartre’s quote

"Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does."

I guess the reason why this quote comes to mind when I think about this topic is because although we are free to make our own choices, we are free to have such easy access to online browsers in order to alleviate stress and burdens in our everyday lives. We are also condemned to bear the responsibility of the consequences of these choices. We are condemned to understand that if we do take the risk of putting our private information out there, we must recognize the risks that accompany that.

The article I decided to check out from the list was the one about DoorDash and how the food app is now warning people that if they don’t tip, then their food may be cold. I decided to take a look at this article because I’ve BEEN having issues with DoorDash prior to reading up on this. Although I have always tipped with DoorDash, a part of me wants to order something right now as I’m writing this blog just to see if the apparent “Orders with no tip might take longer to get delivered — are you sure you want to continue?” message will pop up if I input a $0 tip.

As someone who works in the restaurant industry though, I understand where they're coming from. Personally, I make my living off my tips. However, I would never make someone feel bad for not tipping me, or deliver worse service. It’s not the drivers I have questions about with this but rather DoorDash itself considering I have tipped well and still have received my food an hour and a half later, on multiple occasions.

This reminded me of what Woellner was saying about how these designers, you know, trick you in a way to make you feel bad or manipulate you. I think this example with DoorDash hits a few, if not all of the 4 points Woellner was talking about when it comes to dark patterns. I would say misdirection and the trick question are the closest ones. DoorDash will add the service fees and taxes after the initial price, PLUS you’ll be asked to tip on top of the already pretty high price. Then the “trick question” being “well are you sure you don’t want to tip? Your foods gonna get cold if you don’t.” So even if you don’t feel bad for the driver, they’re putting the onus onto the person ordering the food.

Returning to the proposition, I would agree that yes, marketing strategies are known for taking advantage of human psychology because at the end of the day that’s what sells, may not be completely ethical, but if you can target a certain amount of people in order to gain profit and you can do that through algorithms and other dark pattern strategies and marketers have that option then it’s going to happen whether we like it or not.

However, I think because we’re entering a whole new space in regards to technology, our world is becoming much more digitally advanced, far more than I think anyone, at least anyone I know, can comprehend. Saying that these software designs don’t require any regulation would be naive, because really, how can we be so sure that something so easily and globally accessible yet difficult to grasp is safe? We can’t. But that does bring up the next question which is even if we could get a hold on everything and create regulations, how would those regulations look? Would it even be possible especially with such algorithmic yet extremely popular websites like tik tok or instagram.

"Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does."

We have the freedom to do and say and post what we’d like, but we must be aware of our digital footprint and the complications that may arise with it. I believe regulations, especially with how advanced technology is becoming is important, but the truth of the matter is there’s bad people everywhere that will try and continue to scam, belittle, and manipulate you, and hey, they could be in person or online. The most important thing is to be conscious about what you are viewing, what kind of information you’re giving out, and who there is to trust.

#pickledasparagusout

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kckv · 3 years

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itsclydebitches · 4 years

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Giving it some thought, the entire subplot of trust and truth started in Volume 4, when Qrow first tells RNJR about Salem and the Maidens. Paraphrasing, Ruby says that she believes Qrow because she trusts him, but then asks "Why couldn't you trust me? Why couldn't you just travel with us instead of all this... secrecy, and-". I don't know what to make of it, because even back then it felt a little... I don't know, heavy-handed? And then it's made a central theme of V7 and it's even more ???

The problem with Team RWBY/RNJR - or rather, the problem with how they’re written - is that they conflate strategy and caution with a lack of trust. Meaning, the people around them have very good reasons for not divulging certain information at certain times and/or not doing certain things at certain times because that’s dangerous. It’s not a matter of trusting someone in the way Ruby means (willing to follow someone, willing to believe that they’re striving for the right thing) but a sheer matter of practicality. Qrow says it straight out: “this has nothing to do with trust.”

Why didn’t he travel with them? Because he has a bad luck semblance that does all sorts of awful things to the people around him, like drawing more grimm, causing beams to fall, or tires to blow on your one mode of transportation. Qrow didn’t travel with them because that was the smart, practical move in a hostile world, not because he doesn’t trust his niece. Now, we can change the question to, “Why didn’t you trust us with the knowledge of your semblance?” and that gets into the complicated can of worms, “Because this has been a traumatic thing that I’m still working through and I’m terrified that people will leave me when they find out about it.” A fear that more of this group should understand by now. Why didn’t Jaune immediately tell his team that he snuck his way into Beacon? Why did Blake hide that she was a faunus? Do we even see Ruby tell her teammates about her super secret eyes or does the narrative just assume that everyone found out at some point (I honestly don’t remember...)? Everyone has secrets and parts of themselves that are incredibly difficult to talk about. The inability to admit to them unless pressured - which is precisely what Nora does to Qrow here - is not an indication of a lack of trust. It’s an indication of the group’s lack of emotional maturity that they thought then, and still think now, that everyone around them owes them every single piece of themselves. It’s an immaturity seen most overtly in Yang who believes that Ozpin isn’t trustworthy unless he divulges every piece of information that might possibly be deemed a secret, while simultaneously keeping secrets about her Mom being the Spring Maiden, Salem’s immortality, and Robyn’s knowledge of Amity. It’s a child’s logic to honestly believe, “Well this applies to you but not me because I’m just different.” A perspective that I thought the group was being set up to grow out of.

Because this theme of trust vs. practicality continues in the conversation when Jaune wants to know why the whole world hasn’t been told about Salem. Qrow, via Ozpin’s teachings, has very smart and proven reasons for keeping things quiet:

“Hey,” asks the teenager who has had one year of combat training and has only been in one non-grimm battle, a good portion of which he spent arguing with his teammate and trapped in a locker. “Why haven’t we told the whole world about the woman out to kill them and the magical relics she wants?”

“Well,” responds the elite huntsmen who has been fighting in this war at least as long as they’ve been alive, “Because history has shown us that people panic when they learn stuff like that. Murder young women for their power panic (women like Pyrrha!). Try to steal the magical relics for themselves panic. Turn on each other panic. Start a new war between kingdoms and descend the world into chaos panic. And, as they’re about to find out via Lionheart, Join the witch instead of fighting her panic. We see in that final shot of Jaune that he doesn’t like hearing this, but he seems to understand it. Grudgingly. Problem is, this understanding doesn’t last.

With all the info out in the open Ruby asks what they’re supposed to do and Qrow responds with,

The looks everyone exchange are terrified.

For the record, this isn’t bad writing. They’re barely trained kids. They should be looking to their authority figures and then be blindsided with the adults don’t have one easy, magical solution to grant them. That’s a part of growing up. What Qrow offers them instead is the adult solution: we do what we can. We’ll continue on to Haven where Lionheart should have been making preparations. We’ll see what he knows and work from there. Sorry I don’t have a ‘Defeat Salem and Make Everything Perfect’ plan hidden up my sleeve, but this is what fighting a war is really like.

What does all this have to do with trust? The fact that the group learns nothing from this conversation. When more information about Salem is revealed - her immortality - Ruby asks the same question of Ozpin that she did Qrow: So... how are you, as an individual, going to fix everything for us? When he, like Qrow, has nothing simple to offer them they turn violent (and the fact that Qrow expressed the most overt violence just goes to show how little RT bothered to think through how each person would respond to this information). The group continues to conflate information with trust. Information in terms of “Share all your secrets” and information in terms of “We expect an easy solution to our problems.” When people fail to provide them with that - such as Ironwood having a plan but it’s not a plan they like because it hurts Mantle - they’re deemed “untrustworthy.”

Now again, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing... if the group were on a track to grow out of this behavior. It’s not a bad thing to have Ruby be pissed that (to her mind) Qrow didn’t trust her, to think that Ozpin is untrustworthy because he didn’t share everything with them... and then slam her into a situation where she has the information and she realizes, “Oh shit. I’m too scared to tell Ironwood this right out. I want to keep this information hidden until I’m sure it’s safe to share and I feel it’s the right time. Even then it’s really hard to share it... Uncle Qrow and Ozpin were right.” Instead, the writing did the exact opposite. Ruby’s perspective and her behavior is reinforced - she’s supposedly right to equate trust with sharing ever piece of information, the ability to provide perfection, and people’s willingness to follow her orders to the letter despite her having no power next to elders, more powerful fighters, and military rank - but the story ignores the hypocrisy of her doing the same things she damns everyone else for. She doesn’t share information. She doesn’t follow orders. She has no plan and is set to get everyone killed. The show set up a moment for the group to actually start growing up and mature emotionally in the face of an ethically complicated war... and instead had Qrow randomly insist that Ruby is simply different and special. She is, intrinsically, simply Better than everyone else and you’re not supposed to ask why. By extension, so is her team. Everyone from Nora to Oscar to Jaune insists loudly that telling the council, or Mantle, or the whole world about Salem is the One Good Answer here despite the fact that the narrative - via Qrow above and in numerous key scenes since Volume 3 - has given us numerous reasons why that’s a terrible idea and zero reasons why it’s a good one. But the story is no longer interested in weighing these perspectives and having the characters learn to make informed decisions. Even when lives are on the line.

It comes down to an incredibly biased perspective by the writers. By working under the ironclad assumption that your young protagonists are always right and your older supporting characters are inevitably wrong, you get situations wherein we’re shown a situation where Team RWBY is wrong and the adults do have a point... and then we swerve at the last second to insist otherwise. Qrow is shown as having good reasons for keeping his distance, but Ruby says he didn’t trust her. Cordovin has good reasons for not letting kids across a closed border, but Ruby says she forced them to steal. All evidence points to the Ace Ops kicking Team RWBY’s ass, but Ruby says they’re stronger. That’s what drives the show nowadays: whatever Ruby claims is the truth. If the show actually followed what it had laid out on screen, rather than what Ruby insists to be true, then this show would now be a tragedy. Here’s the story of what happens when you give traumatized teens the power to try and save the world. Being forced into this war so early and receiving the gut-punch that the adults around them are imperfect immediately after a near kidnapping is something they couldn’t handle. The nuance of a 1,000 year strategy-based war is something they couldn’t handle. When you take a girl who wants to fight monsters like in the storybooks and put her in charge years before she’s ready... she’s going to insist that life will turn out like a storybook. So she’ll bravely fight an immortal witch with an army under the assumption that everything will somehow turn out alright. Except it doesn’t and everyone dies. The End.

RWBY should have been a story of growth. At this point it logically should be a story of tragedy. What we’ll actually get though is that happy ending based on Team RWBY’s version of “trust” and “friendship” that is inherently contradictory to everything seen on screen... but we’re expected to just run with it because they’re the title characters.

#rwby #rwde #mymetas #Anonymous

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moneypedia · 3 years

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I said I would show you my “how” and here it is.

This is my guide to conquer depression with practical advice you can use right now.

Just make sure you commit to making this change, because none of this will help without your own time and effort.

And remember, if someone as broken as I was can comeback from this, there’s no doubt you can too.

Use the links here to navigate between each section and go straight to what you want to see:

Check Your Source

Master the Reframe

Thoughts on a Page

The Fundamentals

The Power of Words

Embrace What Others Hate

Keep Your Thoughts on a Leash

(Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you decide to follow the links and make a purchase, I will receive a small commission from the item(s) at no extra cost to you.)

Check Your Source

You know what’s more depressing than actually being depressed?

Doing a Google search on how to beat depression.

(I know that’s ironic if you got here through Google but hear me out anyway.)

Back when I was dealing with this, and even now when I compare my tips with others, I realized that most people who gave advice were victims who told how to live with the problem. They didn’t have solutions that came from actually solving it.

It was like an unemployed person telling you how to survive without a paycheck instead of showing you how to get a job.

The first page of Google showed me posts telling me to be patient so my situation might change. They told me that I should go watch a heartwarming movie. Or maybe drink tea every morning to bring me peace.

Are you serious?

You’re telling someone who feels lower than the dirt underneath your fingernails that tea is somehow gonna help?

It was pathetic. You could see the struggle laced all throughout their words.

Even when I was in that place, I knew better than to listen to those still stuck where I was trying to leave.

So remember that if the person you’re listening to still sounds broken, they haven’t conquered anything yet.

But keeping that in mind, you should also avoid another group. That group is the tough love crew—with an emphasis on the tough part.

They’ve either…

A) Never faced what you’re dealing with. So they’ll treat you like less of a person because they can’t show understanding.

Or…

B) They have been through this, but they overcompensate for their former weakness by giving bogus “man up” advice.

It’s people like that who keep you from starting meaningful discussions about what’s going on.

The good news is, you have one person here who’s dealt with your problem and found real solutions—not just gimmicks to treat symptoms. So follow this guide and only take additional advice from people who have done what you want to do. Otherwise, you’ll set yourself up for failure.

Master the Reframe

You can often trace depression back to the thoughts you decide to dwell on. If you focus on your failures for example, you’ll view life through a darker lens than someone who focuses on the good.

It’s always possible to find good in any situation, whether controllable or uncontrollable. And reframing is how you do that.

So what is reframing? It’s simply changing your view of a situation to the most positive outlook.

We can look at the classic glass-half-full example to see reframing in action. The person who reframes will see the glass as being half full, whereas a person who doesn’t will see the glass as half empty.

All you’re doing is taking your circumstances and looking at them from a better angle.

If you’re dealing with a controllable problem, it’s best to use your reframe as a starting point for action. And if you have an uncontrollable problem, you look for learning points, opportunities, and the overall big picture.

So here’s a different example: Let’s say you lose your job.

You can do like most people and worry about your money. You can hold a grudge against your boss. Or you might complain that it wasn’t fair and refuse to search for work.

But all of those are terrible perspectives. Reframe them instead:

You can’t control the fact that they let you go, but you can ask the company why it happened.

You can use the loss as motivation to change your work ethic.

And you can view it as more time to spend with your family now while forming a list of potential interviews for later.

Reframing alone won’t solve your problems, but it will keep you from dwelling on things outside your control.

Just make sure you base your reframe in reality. Don’t act like you’ve risen above the job you had after you’ve lost it.

You may very well have a better opportunity out there. But there’s no need to build a false ego. If you take a loss, learn from it and move on. No one is above anything.

When you base your reframe on a false truth, all you’re doing is deluding yourself. And doing that will cause more issues than the original problem did.

But anyway, that’s reframing in a nutshell. It’s easy to understand yet tough to master.

So if you’re new to this, it’s a good idea to start small with the daily problems in life. Those will prepare you for the harder challenges you face later on.

Remember that there is always a bright spot in any problem, but you have to find it first.

Creativity really is one of the pillars of a strong mindset. So make sure you always see the big picture.

Thoughts on a Page

Many people who deal with depression live inside their heads—they think much more than the average person. And if you think that much, you need to read and write.

I’ll focus on writing in this section.

Writing is just putting thoughts on a page. It’s taking your train of thought and organizing it to make sense. And it’s the organization part of writing that’s so therapeutic.

That’s because many of us don’t notice the quality of our thoughts until they’re staring us in the face. And when we do see them, we’re surprised by what they say.

That’s the biggest reason why I recommend you write on a consistent basis. You don’t have to publish anything—that’s not the point here. The point is to get your thoughts in front of you so you can analyze them.

Now the best tool for this is, you guessed it, a journal. And no, not one where you talk about how cute your crush is. You need to be very specific in how you use this to get results.

The first thing to do is write down all of what you’re thinking. You have to dump everything out your brain before you piece it back together.

This journal will be for your eyes only. So feel free to write about anything here.

Write down all the thoughts that dominate your mind no matter how dark they may be. Do that until you can’t think of anything else and then take a step away.

After doing that, you’ll feel relief—like you threw off a heavy burden.

Wait a few minutes and then come back to look at it all. When you see your thoughts in front of you later, you’ll realize that many of them were irrational, and you’ll wonder how you let them float around in your head for so long.

Everything else you wrote will have an underlying theme to it. You may be dealing with self-esteem issues, thoughts of inferiority, or a general disappointment that you allow to hold you back.

Once you find that theme in your words, trace it to a problem that’s either controllable or uncontrollable.

After that, reframe your perspective and create an action plan.

This whole process will force you to organize your thoughts and control your thinking patterns. But make sure you write all this by hand to get the best results.

For an idea of how this would work, let’s take a look at my story to see how I would use this strategy:

First, I would write about my situation like I did in Part 1.

Then I would walk away and come back to the journal later. After coming back, I would scratch out anything crazy like self-harm or suicide. Then I would see my underlying theme—failure to meet expectations.

From this point, I would reframe my problems and make a plan to work with what I had.

Then I would write down whatever I chose in the end. And that would leave me with a before and after picture of where I was at. I could then come back to my journal if I ever struggled with the same issue again.

This brain dump process is one of the best tools to evaluate your thoughts. I’ve used it plenty in my own journal but now the process is automatic. I just do it my head.

But until you get to that point, take note of this process and apply it to whatever you’re going through.

I’ve put all the steps below:

Write your dominating thoughts

Step away for a while

Come back and analyze what you wrote

Cross out irrational thoughts

Find the theme

Determine the problem

Reframe the problem

Write your action plan

The Fundamentals

Look at any great NBA player and you’ll see that they all have one thing in common: they’ve mastered the fundamentals.

Sure, some of them have insane physical gifts, but for every great player with a physical advantage, there’s a hundred athletic freaks who didn’t make the cut.

Guys like Jordan, Magic, and Kobe all performed moves that made people’s mouths drop. But when you look closely, you’ll see that those moves are only additions to basic parts of the game.

Those guys would have never been the players they were by building on what looked cool or felt right. They built upon the right moves no matter how old, boring, or tedious they were.

And building your mindset works the same way. You have to build on fundamental truths, no matter how harsh they may be.

One of the hardest pills to swallow is that the world isn’t obligated to care about your loneliness. The world isn’t obligated to care for your feelings. And it’s not obligated to care for how special you think you are.

You are responsible for your emotional state.

Now I know that’s tough to hear, especially if you’ve never had to humble yourself like this before. But once you learn to care for your own emotional needs, you can move on to what the world always cares about—value.

It doesn’t matter what failures you have, how much money you make, or even what you look like. The world always cares about what you’re willing and able to give.

I know I didn’t understand that during my rough years, and you may not understand it now, but it’s true. So instead of always searching for what you can get, find ways you can give to others instead. And guess what will happen when you do?

People will want to be around you. Money won’t be a problem. A stranger will see that some people do care.

Stop worrying about what you want, and focus on what others need. Become someone who willingly gives to others and your own needs will be more than taken care of.

The Power of Words

Remember how I said you should read and write? Well now we’re at the reading part.

Reading has been so valuable to me that I feel bad for people who don’t do it—they make life harder than it needs to be. I wouldn’t know to do 50 percent of my daily actions without reading about it somewhere. I can only imagine what those people have to work with.

They don’t understand that words are powerful. That they’re life changing.

Our schools overdo it sometimes with the whole “knowledge is power” thing, but for good reason. Almost every oppressive government in history made sure to destroy one thing—books.

My point is, if you’re depressed and you aren’t reading, you don’t stand a chance.

Back when I fought depression, I felt completely alone. I thought no one could relate to me. And looking at all the people around me then, I had good reason to think so. All I could see were people laughing with their friends while I was miserable.

I had to find help from elsewhere and that’s why I started reading. I read so much back then that I kept a bottle of Tylenol next to all my material.

Through reading, I found mentors, motivators, and friends. They were people I could relate to. People who had felt like I did and found a way to rise above it.

I learned more about the world through a year of reading than I had all throughout my years of school. And most of the challenges people complain about now became simple to me.

That may sound like an exaggeration, but you have to understand the impact words can have on your character.

Whenever you read, you open your mind to a new perspective. Just like in a normal conversation.

When you expose youself to the thoughts of others, you start to change the way you think. That new thought process shapes the way you act. And those consistent actions determine your character.

And that whole process started with a little reading.

“So where should I start?”

I’m glad you asked.

I’ll give a few recommendations here, but before I do that, I need to warn you about the danger of some reading too. The process above is helpful if you read good material, but if all you take in is garbage, that’s what you’ll get out.

So with that said, here’s where you can start:

The Bible

If there was one thing that helped me the most during this time, it was getting back into my Bible. And no, that’s not me pushing an agenda. That’s me telling the truth.

Earlier I said the world doesn’t really care unless you have something to offer, but there is Someone who always cares. And reading the Bible is how you learn more about Him.

The most common version of the Bible is the King James Version (KJV), but I think it’s best to read multiple versions to get the best understanding. Two of my favorites are the New American Standard Bible (NASB) and the New King James Version (NKJV).

Some translations are definitely better than others, but if you read any of those three, you’ll be fine.

I should also mention that the Bible has been around for centuries, and scholars have spent lifetimes making it easier for readers to understand. That’s why I think it’s best to use a study version instead of one that only has the text.

I personally have a NKJV study Bible that I love. It has summaries of individual books, commentary for almost all the verses, and articles about specific topics.

Now if you’re new to reading the Bible, I’d encourage you to start with the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Those are all about Christ and the work He did that was so important.

I’ll talk more in depth about all this in the future, but you can start there if you’re new.

But getting back to my specific experience with depression, there were two books of the Bible that helped me the most.

Proverbs

He who heeds the word wisely will find good, And whoever trusts in the Lord, happy is he. (Proverbs 16:20 NKJV)

When I was kid, one of my favorite teachers bragged on the book of Proverbs all time, and those memories stayed with me years later. So when I decided to get back into the Bible, it was the first place I went.

Practical wisdom fills the pages of Proverbs, and that wisdom is still relevant for people today. The book covers everything from communication, financial planning, and even dealing with the opposite sex.

Proverbs differs from many of the other books of the Bible as it’s a collection of wise sayings, and not so much a book with a consistent subject throughout. However, its general nature makes it great for application to numerous parts of everyday life.

So if you need advice for how anyone can find happiness and live a truly successful life, the book of Proverbs is one of the first places you should go.

Ecclesiastes

Maybe your depression doesn’t stem from a problem at all. Maybe it’s just a feeling of emptiness—a void you can’t fill no matter what. Well that’s what the speaker in Ecclesiastes describes here:

Therefore I hated life because the work that was done under the sun was distressing to me, for all is vanity and grasping for the wind. (Ecclesiastes 2:17 NKJV)

It’s this ability to face the harsher parts of life that makes Ecclesiastes one of my favorite books of the Bible.

While the book is similar to Proverbs as it also contains guidance for practical living, the author focuses more on a big picture view of life itself. And while I wouldn’t call it a feel-good read, the author eventually describes how to find true purpose and live life to the fullest.

So check it out when you get the chance. People could save years of wasted time by reading Ecclesiastes and following its instruction.

Other Reading

I’m sure it’s clear that the Bible is the Book I hold above all others. That’s because the Bible doesn’t just inform—it transforms.

I do read a lot of other material though, but I can’t recommend everything I read in good conscience. I’m mature enough in what I believe to filter out what I know is wrong, but you may not be, and I don’t want to lead you down a wrong path.

I would recommend some stuff in the thinking genre here, but the more I read, the more I notice that most of the material is either just motivational or an over-complicated course on reframing. And if it’s neither of those, it’s usually downright delusional.

How to Win Friends and Influence People

One book that did help me though was How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Many readers consider it a classic and most people have already heard of it, but if you’re struggling to find detailed advice about forming better relationships, this is a great place to start.

I’m the furthest thing from a social butterfly and I’ve never been good at making friends out of strangers, but this book helped me get an understanding of how to become a somewhat likable person.

The book includes actionable advice in every chapter. And there’s one principle that forms the basis of all the techniques described in the book—think of others before yourself.

So that’s all I got for reading now. I know it’s not much, but it’s better to keep the recommendations short so you can focus on actually reading.

And oh yeah, I’ll keep posting to this site too.

Embrace What Others Hate

I don’t know when it became cool to tout vacation as the best part of your work, but I do know it’s a terrible trend on the rise.

No one wants to work beyond what’s required. And even that requirement is too much for some.

But the truth is that production isn’t a burden. It’s a gift.

And you have to cherish work as the gift it is.

Even when I was down, part of me already knew that.

That’s why I was gaming so much back then. It was something that gave me a sense of purpose when everything else was dull. My reality was still in shambles but my effort to work at something helped carry me through it all.

When I first decided to refocus on my schoolwork though, I thought I needed to prove something—like I had to show everyone that the old me had come back. But soon enough, I realized it wasn’t about that at all…

I was doing it because it was fun.

I sat in the front of classes and took notes like it was my God-given duty. If I wasn’t in class, I studied in the library. And if there was a group project, I planned the whole thing out and showed the group later.

Soon I was not-so-subtly dancing in class because it all became so effortless. My classmates probably thought I was crazy—in fact, I know they did—but I finally had purpose in what I was doing. I had real enthusiasm again and people picked up on it.

That’s because most people run from work. They hate it.

If you find a way to not just be good at what you do, but actually enjoy it, depression will be a thing of the past.

Keep Your Thoughts on a Leash

If you don’t get anything outta this post, at least pay attention here.

Every section in this guide—and the process of beating depression in general—revolves around controlling your thoughts.

You may need to change your view of the mind for that to happen, so think about it this way:

For all the dog owners out there, do you let your dog mindlessly bark at you for as long as it wants?

Of course not.

Yeah you love your dog, but you have to discipline it. Good masters make their pets act within certain boundaries of behavior. And you have to treat your thoughts the same way.

You can’t let your head fill with blatant negativity. It’s your mind. You have to control it and make it work the way you want.

This whole guide is meant to teach you how to discipline your thought process. And once you recognize which thought patterns lead you towards a depressed mood, you have to shut them out.

I know it sounds difficult now, but those bodybuilders you see on magazine covers didn’t get that way overnight. Their form came from hours of sweat and hours of focus. It was the furthest thing from easy.

The same is true for mental strength. You have to consistently train your mind to think in beneficial ways.

And from what I’ve seen, you’re more than capable of doing that. People who are prone to depression tend to have the potential to develop the strongest minds. You just haven’t learned to control the amazing gift you have.

Yes, I know clinical depression is real and I’m not here to argue against that. I encourage you to see a professional if you need to, but I do know that it’s possible to control your thoughts. And yeah, that may make me sound ignorant, but I don’t claim to be a doctor, I’m just a problem solver.

If you think your thoughts are something you can’t control, you’ve already limited your ability to change.

I didn’t limit myself. No matter how hard things got, I knew there was a way out. And I kept fighting until I got there.

I challenge you to do the same.

Think bigger than your circumstances. Learn to control your thoughts. Don’t waste years of your life being an empty shell.

Your mind can only go where you allow it, so go out there and take it back.

I can’t wait to hear your victory story.

-Drew

#recovery

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jyndor · 4 years

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so I was talking to my friend @timelordthirteen about some shit and I decided to just share with you all about the importance of actually explaining shit instead of just saying it. the Left, I am looking at you bitch (ily bitch but)

lol would put a read more but tumblr's being a petty little bitch today ❤

shitposting is fun. dunking on asshat right wingers is fun. you know what is not fun? seeing people not understand the basic terminology that we use in the ~discourse*

but. if we are going to use terminology, if we are going to inject regular old laypeople conversations with (imo) unneccessary amounts of academic terms, then we should try to use them correctly** because in many cases misusing them means we as leftists do not have a full understanding of what the fuck we're on about. this dilutes both the meanings of these terms and their purposes. I know I am wordy as fuck and can be hard to understand sometimes (thanks adhd) so what I am about to say is a little ironic, but clarity is fucking important when it comes to strategy and organizing.

so I am going to examine some commonly misused concepts and terms today. yay.

1. THEORY, PRAXIS AND FRAMEWORKS FOR ANALYSIS weeee yes I am fun at parties tyvm

what is a framework? a structure, in this case, for analyzing some bullshit we deal with irl. that's it lol but I use it a lot so I figured I'd define it here. examples of frameworks are: intersectionality, marxism, queer theory. seriously, if you can think it, it has already been analyzed through the queer lens.

what is theory? ideas, knowledge in the abstract based on looking at shit happen and analyzing that shit. it is useful because it can help us articulate what we are going through in our shitty lives. this is why I often recommend people learn about chomsky's manufacturing consent (theory of why we get the info we get from the media tl;dr), not because I think chomsky is the ultimate leftist grandpa but because this site needs some media literacy lmao. and btw, this clip narrated by amy goodman is a great, trippy little 4:30 min long video that explains the basics of manufacturing consent so you don't have to open a book or use drugs!

theory can help serve as a framework to understand what the fuck is happening to us irl, but imo is kind of an incomplete understanding of shit without lived experience (aka - theory v praxis). this is one reason why we should listen to marginalized groups on their own shit and not talk over them - because all of the research and theory in the world does not make me a Black woman living in Flint (aka - ground up organizing v technocracy). it is not about being nice, or politically correct, although we should be nice and we should care about people just because they're people. if you understand the why of listening to marginalized groups, you understand that it is mainly about communities knowing their own problems best and therefore having the best solutions for those problems.

2. MARXISM, CAPITALISM AND OTHER BUZZWORDS (and leftists need hobbies)

so marxism is a framework for socioeconomic analysis observed by mr kpop himself, karl marx (and his sugar daddy friedrich engels). because leftists love to argue, there are so many kinds of marxism, and if you ever feel like you are shouting into the void too much, just look up some arguments between stalinists and trotskyists. it's just... magical. no, I am not defining tankie here.

as many people smarter than I am have said (read: kwame ture seriously watch this video it's iconic), karl marx did not discover socialism or invent it or whatever, he observed capitalism and saw how shitty it is, like any other sane person would do. the point of marxism is not karl marx (which he would say) or tankies or fuckin guillotines***

things that marxism is:

- an analytical tool for looking at the world

- a theory which was used to develop the basis of different kinds of post-capitalist economic systems like communism and socialism

things that marxism is not:

- a system of economics or government lmao marx did not govern dick

- scary

marx looked at capitalism and said "this is definitely gonna fail someday because it's clearly unsustainable, I mean the proletariat is bigger than the bourgeoisie who owns everything uh yeah so I can do basic fucking math. if I have one capitalist and fifteen hundred workers, eventually that capitalist is gonna lose his damn head because he is gonna hoard all that wealth and his workers are gonna get pissed that they don't have their basic fucking needs met. lmao now put on some kpop, freddy" or something. idk that might not be a direct quote.

what is capitalism? (besides horseshit) a system of economics where industry is privately owned. and yes, this includes publically traded corporations because they are still owned by individuals (shareholders) even if they aren't privately owned by one person or a group of partners. truly a nightmare to live in, and we hate to see it.

what is the proletariat? well, the working class. and the bourgeoisie is the owner class, the capitalist class. the rich.

and this is something else that we need to discuss, tumblr. if you are going to say "eat the rich" please understand who you are talking about. we're not talking about random actors or musicians, or doctors or lawyers, even if they make better than a liveable wage. even if they often have zero class consciousness, meaning they don't ~see class, like colorblind racism for classism.

anyone who has to sell their labor for wages and is not part of the owner class is working class. this includes people who cannot work for any multitude of reasons (disability, can't find work, caretaker, etc) and also white collar workers who might be well off in relatively high paying jobs because they don't own the means of production, or capital that is used to produce shit. so yes, that rich actor who is a part of a union is actually part of the working class in marxist theory. when we say eat the rich, we mean jeff bezos, not john boyega. jeff bezos owns the means of production. john boyega is a working actor who is in a union.

this is important not because we shouldn't get pissed off when actors and celebrities do tone deaf shit like singing about imagining no possessions in their mansions while people starve during a pandemic. they need to put their money to good use, have some class consciousness, instead of asking fans to donate to causes that they could fund. but they are not the bourgeoisie until they start owning the means of production. and there is no doubt that many of them do, which is why we might eat gwyneth paltrow but we won't eat john boyega.

and by the way, eating the rich is metaphorical, a reference to french revolution-era philosopher jean-jacques rousseau's quote: "when the people shall have nothing more to eat, they will eat the rich." obviously I don't even need to explain it but I will anyway. basically, the people will forcibly redistribute the wealth of the rich if they have nothing else. this is why there are some very smart capitalists who are in favor of reforms and raising taxes, because they recognize the danger to their necks in not providing for basic needs of the working class. no, "eat the rich" does not mean be pro-cannibalism. but there are many capitalists who would prefer to die than lose their hoard so

oh, and one last thing. "no ethical consumption in capitalism" is tossed around a lot and it's a million percent true, but I need all of us to understand that it is not an excuse to support harmful practices but it is also not meant to shame consumers. it is rather an understanding that we as consumers are not responsible for the monstrous impact of capitalism. we live in it, we have no choice but to consume, and sometimes (most of the time) that means we have to buy shit that was produced in unethical ways. unfortunately supply chains being what they are, all consumption causes harm in some way.

it is a reminder that individual actions are not going to have the impact of collection actions. this is why plastic bag bans, though well-meaning, are not going to have the same impact on climate catastrophe as, say, banning fossil fuels would.

I am a vegetarian and I can recognize that I am doing a whole lot of nothing by not supporting factory farms, and when I was a vegan I wasn't doing much either. boycotts without mass support don't have much evidence of working. this is why bds exists - boycott divestment and sanctions. boycott, meaning don't support goods from various conpanies connected to something, divestment, meaning get companies/countries/institutions to remove their money from something, and sanctions, meaning getting countries to penalize a country for their bad behavior until they comply.

this is what the anti-apartheid south africa movement did and what palestinian rights organizers support for israeli apartheid.

do not allow legislators to put the burden of fixing the ills of society that capitalism created on consumers' shoulders.

3. INTERSECTIONALITY (because it deserves its own section)

I don't have as much to say on this as I did the last bit because holy shit capitalism, man.

intersectionality, a term that was coined by law professor kimberlé crenshaw in the late 80s to serve as a framework for people to critically assess how legal structures impact Black women differently due to class, race and gender. it is not incompatible with marxism (in fact marxism has been argued to be a form of intersectionality).

intersectionality can and should be used to examine why the Black queer experience is unique, for example. I also want to acknowledge that professor crenshaw isn't the only person to come up with intersectionality; sojourner truth spoke about it even if she didn't coin the term, for example. patricia hill collins, another influential af Black feminist academic****, created frameworks for viewing intersectionality. also you can read her book black feminist thought here for free.

intersectionality has been used - improperly - by liberal feminists***** to excuse bad behavior from leaders who pretend to care about women while creating and enforcing legislation that harms women. anyone who stans politicians at all needs help. it has also been misrepresented as essentialism, which it is also not (essentialism is the idea that everything has some assets that are necessary to its identity) because intersectionality isn't saying that every Black queer woman has the same experience, just that Black queer women might experience similar issues because of a system that negatively views them as Black and queer and women.

intersectionality does not excuse kamala harris for prosecuting poor moms of truant kids.

okay if you guys have things to add please do because I want us to educate each other instead of always talking shit. both is good.

* I am not calling out people for not being academic enough or not speaking english or not reading enough theory because LOL I am a 2x neurodivergent college dropout who radicalized by working retail and not by hearing karl marx talk dirty to me. also, not everyone speaks english like, I am truly not shitting on people.

** I recognize that language is fluid and ever changing, and that is a good thing. But diluting terms that serve specific purposes is not ever going to be good.

*** and I don't want to dismiss intra-leftist theory discourse (🤢) because I know how annoying it is to hear bernie sanders lumped in with liz warren, or bernie sanders lumping himself in with post-capitalists lmao of course I get it. but twitter discourse is not dismantling capitalism so ANYWAY

**** actually crenshaw built on collins' work (black feminist thought) and the collins built on crenshaw' work we love to see it.

***** I should go ahead and define liberal feminism as well as rad fem and terf and shit because people use them all very very loosely, especially terf (not every transphobe is a terf but every terf is a transphobe, it's like the rectangle/square thing). but I am exhausted with this so next time.

#marxism #word vom #intersectionality #kpop idol karl #truly apologize for my mess

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crystalelemental · 4 years

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Earlier this week, I had a post about getting annoyed whenever all of ABA is listed as inherently bad. Apparently in the brief discussion to follow, there was some level at which it seemed like people may only be acquainted with the reasons to dislike, or the reasons to approve. I talked about doing this, and finally I’m gonna do it. I wanted to give a (hopefully) detailed explanation of ABA, what it is, what its benefits can be, and yes, why there are people who hate it so much. Because the concerns and hate are legitimate.

So, what is ABA, for those who don’t know? ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) is, at its core, just a technology to enact behavioral change. It’s a collection of tools and strategies that can be used to adapt the behavior of organisms, as well as theories about how behaviors are learned or unlearned in the first place. Common things you may already be familiar with, such as all the talk about positive reinforcement in schools these days, stems from ABA.

The problems with ABA Perhaps counter to my point, let’s start with the downsides. Those being...we’re talking about a technology that can adapt behaviors. Almost any behaviors, of almost anything. You can probably already guess that one major concern is that someone familiar with these skills would have a very easy time with getting what they want out of others, no matter what.

The toughest thing about behavior modification is that the strategies often work regardless of whether the individual is aware of what’s going on or not. You don’t necessarily need to know or understand that you’re specifically giving more attention for doing what you want them to do. That’s where it gets dangerous. For those who play them, think about a gacha game. You’re drawn in by pretty rapid reinforcement, and as they lower the available rewards over time, you start to need to pay to keep up. If you’re invested, you’ve probably spent money. This leads to a rapid increase in payments as you get more comfortable with the behavior, and the demands of keeping pace increase. I’m aware of all of this, and yet I still pay in. Knowing the strategies and how they operate does not inherently stop them from working. Which leads to the worst part. Strategies can work with or without the consent of the person whose behavior is being targeted.

This is why ethics is so important in ABA, and why I think knowing only behavioral strategies can be so dangerous. ABA is marketed strongly as something useful especially for developmental disabilities and autism. But sometimes you’ll get people all too eager to say yes, we can change any kind of behavior, and think that it’s in any way a good idea to try to make strategies to stop all forms of stimming. What it essentially comes down to is taking a technology that works unfettered by what a person believes or wants, and combine that with society’s general dismissiveness of neurodivergence. If you’re unfamiliar with controversies around the field, if you ever want to know about how bad it can get, go ahead and look up some stuff about the Judge Rottenburg Center. Everyone I’ve ever met in the field will use this as a primary example of why our code of ethics exist, and why it’s damn important to follow it. Because you’re using something that can get out of hand really fast, and can quickly shift from behavior change in the interests of the individual, to behavior change of the individual to benefit others. And that is absolutely not what you’re supposed to be doing.

So are there actually positives? How many of you here have, like me, looked at your sedentary lifestyle and decided hey, maybe I don’t want to die of cardiac arrest before 40, I should probably work out more! But you hate working out. So, you set something up, like if you go to the gym three times in a week, you can get yourself something nice, like a nice meal out or a day where all chores are put on hold. Congratulations, you’re using ABA.

How many of you are parents, or have had parents, who have said things like “You can eat cookies after you finish dinner” or “You can go outside to play after you finish your homework?” All of us, because that’s considered a facet of good parenting? That’s using ABA (Premack Principle).

ABA thrives off of these positive changes as well. Any time you’ve wanted to change your own behavior, I would argue that there has been at least an element of behavior techniques in play. Just willing yourself to do things that are awful often isn’t enough. That’s the limitation of cognitive approaches; not everything is accomplished just by talking things over, thinking about it really strongly, or wanting it. Sometimes, behavioral inertia gets in the way, and ABA principles help overcome those.

In general, we always want to focus on reinforcement. Behavior doesn’t occur in a vacuum; it’s the direct result of the environment we’re in and previous learning history. If a behavior exists, somewhere along the line, it was getting a need met. Maybe that’s happening now, maybe it happened in the past but the history is so salient that it carries over when it’s no longer needed. Whatever the case, reinforcement has to take priority, because punishment doesn’t work independently. Punishment can only suppress a behavior, but suppose you suppress the only behavior getting a need met. Hypothetically, let’s say a child shouts obscenities to gain adult attention. Obviously, you don’t want the kid swearing in front of their peers in elementary school, so you want to get that to stop. Punishment may - and I do emphasize may - get the behavior to stop. But even if it does work, there’s nothing to replace it. Adults that just want a kid to be quiet and punish to silence wind up with kids who are quiet around them, but completely open all the time in other settings. It only works when the person doing the punishing is present, and there’s nothing to replace that behavior in all other settings. Reinforcement teaches an alternative, and so the best strategy is to provide another way to meet that need, make sure it’s constantly provided for the behavior, and prevent the target behavior from occurring. So in this scenario, teaching a way to start a conversation with someone and providing as much attention as possible for following through, while simultaneously removing attention for the screaming obscenities, will yield way better results than punishment.

That said, any strategy used requires the consent and permission of the individual. When it’s someone working on themselves, it’s always allowed, and even highly beneficial, though I personally find it’s helpful to have someone else in charge of the reinforcement delivery. When I do it myself, I often pull a Frog and Toad, and remember I can just do whatever I want and who can stop me?

When it’s an adult working with a child, it’s trickier. Often, consent comes from the parent or guardian, who makes the determination of whether something’s worth doing or not. Sometimes, as it turns out, parents or guardians are not the best judges. They may not know much about disabilities or what can and cannot be appropriately modified. In these cases, you really need to weigh the benefits to the child. In particular, I often find with my job as a school psych, that behavior plans are more about reframing how the teacher considers the student. I can’t fix autism and ADHD, nor would I want to. But often, the behaviors they want to stop are just...a part of the disability. I can’t get a student with ADHD to just sit quietly and listen for hours, and even if I could, there’s a good chance they’re going out of their minds and not actually picking up anything you’re saying. It’s far more beneficial here to work on reframing the teacher’s mindset. You need to provide fidget toys to keep them occupied instead of running around the room. You need to make peace with the idea that, if they’re showing you they can complete the work, then they’re attending whether perfect eye contact is provided or not. Sometimes the problem in a dynamic isn’t the behavior of the individual you’re asked to work on. Sometimes, the problem is with the one asking for the change, who doesn’t want to make needed concessions, and it’s part of our job to acknowledge that and convince the adult in control what they need. When we’re able to accept that some behaviors are just...completely harmless and not that big a deal, and teach people how to accommodate those different needs while making the needed behaviors more reinforcing, we can help to build a more positive-focused society.

Gray Areas That’s not to say it’s always so easy, though. Sometimes, consent is impossible to obtain directly from the individual we’re asked to work with. Sometimes, consent may need to be overridden. Here’s what I mean:

Suppose you have a non-verbal child who is self-injurious. For whatever reason, they’ll just start slamming their head against the floor as hard as they can. This is recurring, happens multiple times per day, and aside from the stress it causes caretakers, it’s actively dangerous for the individual. Should you employ techniques to stop it? On the one hand, the individual is getting a need met this way, has no shown desire to change, and cannot communicate one way or the other.

This one’s a bit easier. I feel like everyone’s able to acknowledge that this is a dangerous situation, and the individual needs to stop to avoid life-long injury, or possibly death. It’s in their best interests regardless, and for such dangerous situations, you have to take into account what’s really benefiting the individual.

Now let’s talk about a much harder one. Eye contact for people with autism is a big one that ABA pushes. The ability to establish and maintain eye contact is a pretty big thing in western society, even in ways it shouldn’t be. We use it to determine if someone is listening, as a means to show you care about the other person, as a metric of honesty (despite it not being directly tied to honesty). Lack of eye contact can impact relationships, potentially job prospects, and given the honesty portion, can set someone up to get into a lot more trouble than they should be solely because of how authority figures can be. But, eye contact is uncomfortable for most people with autism. Moreover, they may hate the idea of establishing eye contact, while at the same time being upset that adults are always getting them in trouble for things they didn’t do because they assume dishonesty. Although they dislike it, is it right to adjust their behavior for long-term benefits?

Personally, I say no. At least, not with the information that’s been delivered. I think it’s a good skill to teach, but I also feel like, in most scenarios, this is where cognitive-behavioral therapy is a better approach, because you can make those connections of “Eye contact means you’re being honest to people” and they may come around to the idea that, although uncomfortable, it’s necessary to meet what they want: staying out of trouble.

It’s an unfortunate reality that we live in a society, and society means certain rules are established that may not be entirely fair. It is also an unfortunate aspect of reality that, while changing people to be more accepting is always the ideal, that change is very slow and does little to help those in the here and now. Is it then acceptable to only push for society to adjust expectations and potentially let some individuals slip through the cracks now because everyone should just be accepting? Is it acceptable to only change each individual’s behavior to be more aligned with “typical” behavior, while not addressing the underlying concerns? Of course not. Both, I feel, need to be addressed. We absolutely must push for a more understanding society that benefits everyone, but we also need to recognize this isn’t a change that happens overnight, and the more we can do to help people meet their needs, the better. But it must always come down to whether we are helping the individual meet their needs, never simply trying to remove what others consider a problem.

I honestly do think this is an area that causes a lot of contention. Because people, as a whole, never want to believe that their behavior needs to change. It’s always preferable to have things around us change. Sometimes it needs to, but won’t. I think it’s well-intentioned to teach those skills that are needed to thrive, but I also think it’s necessary to ensure that, whenever possible, the individual is aware of why that skill is important and has an invested interest in changing.

Conclusions I hope I’ve articulated all of this well enough. I am admittedly really sick, and probably should hold off until I’m a little more lucid, but with my car being essentially dead and having a lot going on, this is about the only time I’ll get in the next few weeks to do this. So, here you go.

If anyone has questions, feel free to reach out. I can answer quick questions a lot faster than I can write up major responses. If you disagree with everyone and want to send hatemail, I accept that too! Won’t always respond, but it’s really the thought that counts. Hopefully this has at least helped those unfamiliar with the field form their own opinions, those opposed to the field understand where we’re coming from with its benefits, and those who appreciate the field come to better recognize the importance of ethical practice and keeping our actions focused on the individual.

#personal shenanigans #aba

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kyrieanne · 5 years

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you said something last night about the good place and the incantation, and I don't know what that means but I would very much like to if you can explain it.

::claps hands::

Necessary throat clearing I: I do not think Christianity is the thesis statement of The Good Place; Mike Schur has been extremely clear this story is not an argument for a particular philosophy. I’m not arguing that anything about the show is particularly religious, but rather that there are some natural analogues (from my point of view). The show is about philosophy, which has a natural overlap with theology at large. I’m not a pastor person, but I do have the same education as one. I’m also trained to look closely at narrative “texts.” Thus, here we are.

Back in 2012, Helen Sword wrote about nominalization – she coined the name zombie words because it’s easier to remember – which is when you take an adjective (implacable) or a verb (calibrate) or even another noun (crony) and add a suffix like ity, tion or ism. Think: implacability, calibration, cronyism, heteronormativity, etc.

Academics, scientists, - and philosophers/theologians eat nominalization for breakfast. They litter their writing with them. At best – nominalization help us put a name to big, complex ideas, and at worst it can be a tripping hazard to communicating with clarity. Sword cites a pretty famous essay by George Orwell Politics and the English Language, written in 1946.

Orwell warns how language isn’t just political in its content but in its form as well. He quotes a passage from the Bible, Ecclesiastes 9:11

I returned and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.

Then Orwell wrote a modern version:

Objective considerations of contemporary phenomena compel the conclusion that success or failure in competitive activities exhibits no tendency to be commensurate with innate capacity, but that a considerable element of the unpredictable must invariably be taken into account.

Sword and Orwell argue that concrete language – that tethered to our five senses – is clearer. It endures, evocates, and energizes your audience. Nominalization has its uses, but should be used sparingly when communication – always a two-way street – is the goal. Cluttering our language with these zombie words is the best strategy for anyone who wants to talk, but cares very little about being heard.

I think The Good Place is an example of a story told in concrete language - though its a visual medium, and it is very much on purpose. But I’ll get to that...

First, let’s define the term Incarnation...Simply put, it is a theological assertion that Jesus Christ was both fully God and fully human. It is one of those key beliefs - take it away and whatever you’ve got isn’t Christian; This isn’t one of those down in the weeds, who cares? theological arguments.

Second, let’s talk about why the points system on The Good Place is fundamentally broken…

Remember Chidi’s breakdown earlier in the season with the peeps chili?

In that scene, he describes 3 main approaches in the last 2500 years of western philosophy to this question: how to live an ethical life?

· Virtue Ethics – (think Aristotle) There are certain virtues of the mind like courage, generosity, etc. One should develop oneself in accordance to those virtues. The emphasis is on human reason or our minds – what do I do with my mind

· Consequentialism - Is it right or is it wrong? is based on the consequences of that action - how much utility/good vs. how much pain/bad? The emphasis is on the result instead of the action - what happens to your [neighbor’s] body?

· Deontology - There are strict rules that everyone must adhere to in a functioning society; an ethical life is identifying & following those rules. The emphasis is on the action instead of the result - what do I do with my body?

(::screeches:: I’m VASTLY over-simplifying here.)

Each philosophical system Chidi outlines makes a priority choice with regards to my mind, my body, and your body. Each takes the mind, body, and other’s bodies into account, but each prioritizes one over the other as the loci – or starting place/lens - from which to answer the question, how to live an ethical life?

The Good Place uses Doug Forcett as the prime example this dynamic because he’s as close to a control group you can have in the story. He is the story-telling embodiment of this tension:

In any ethical system you cannot separate your mind (what you think/believe) from your body (your actions in the real world) or from the bodies of others (the consequences of those actions).

Please hear what I’m not saying - that these ethical systems are wrong. I am simply saying that none of them completely account for how three parts are inter-connected.

Doug’s attempt to live an ethical life is endlessly, hopelessly tangled in this ethical web. This is the catalyst for Michael to go to Accounting because he thinks the Bad Place is rigging the points system. But when that proves to be untrue – he jumps to another theory. He makes the case to the Judge that that modern life is so vastly complicated and fraught with moral quandaries that living any sort of morally positive life is impossible.

Yet, it’s total hubris to think our way of life is worse-better than the human condition 500+ years ago. It’s a fetishization of a single era. Even if we’re arguing that that era damns everyone. It simplifies and romanticizes the past and that is very dangerous because that sentimentality lets us lie to ourselves. We can excuse all kinds of human behavior by slapping the term modernity on it; our world made us do it. It’s a great example of how nominalization can be dangerous.

I’m confident the show knows this and Michael’s current theory will be proven to be as hollow as the ‘Bad Place is rigging it’ theory. Michael does not know how but he knows with the core of his demon-being that the merit-based “points” system is fundamentally broken.

Let’s talk about systems & power for a moment…

Last year I did some training with the Race Equity Institute for work. They started by talking about systems. We can all name systems: weather and water systems, the systems of the body and universe, economic and political ones, etc. Social systems – inter-connected people – are maybe the messiest systems there are.

Two important characteristics of any system are 1) the “parts” of the system are inter-connected and 2) the system self-perpetuates, i.e. the power lies in the inter-connectedness of the parts. Your mind & body – as well as the bodies of others – are part of an ethical system. They are inter-connected and there is power in that inter-connectedness.

An ethical life is always bound up in the systems to which we belong, and those systems create mindsets. Yet, the power of those systems is not in the nominalization: racism, sexism, classcism, etc. we use to describe them. Power lies in the inter-connectedness of the parts – here, people. The last two years of the Angry Cheeto have made that particularly plain, I think.

Enter Big Noodle & the Incarnation

Jason is the character version of from the mouths of babes – his point with Big Noodle is you can’t judge what you don’t know.

So, the Judge goes down to Earth.

That is what prompted me to think about The Good Place and the Incarnation.

Remember, the Incarnation is a theological assertion who God is, specifically who Jesus Christ is. The church spent a long time arguing about it (like in the hundreds of years) and they did because how do you define God? In the world of The Good Place, where we’re dealing with philosophy and not Christian theology, that question is analogous to how to live an ethical life? because who God is – in the Judeo-Christian tradition – is the starting place for what the meaning of human life is.

(Here I’m going to delve into a little Christian theology, but I PROMISE I have a reason.)

Did God create Jesus in the same way God created trees and elephants and the stars? Was Jesus the highest created being of God? A sort-of demi-god? A movement called Arianism argued this, but in the long run it was rejected because it didn’t fit with the Bible. There were a lot of opinions and theories – I’m skimming over A LOT, but in the end the church basically punted.

The Good Place took Michael through a conversion-like storyline in Season 2 when he became a demon who cares for others – his humans & Janet. Since then he has pursued the question of how behind the points system. He knows it shouldn’t have been possible for his humans to get better after they died, which undermines the whole argument for an earth-bound points system. But they did. If that is true, then the system itself is not the right answer to how to live an ethical life?

Remember: You cannot judge what you do now know.

At the Council of Chalcedon (451), it was decided to define God’s nature by what we know God is rather than what we know God is not. It’s called the Chalcedon formula, and it begins with we confess. In Christian tradition, confession is a different kind of knowing; it is rational, but it is also embodied. One can only confess what one knows because it has be proven to be true in one’s own life. It’s not about having the right answers, but saying - to me this is true.

The formula states that Jesus is God and Jesus is human, two natures without confusion, and how that exists we don’t entirely understand. It is a union of the human and divine that is not a blending of the two to make one, like the combination of two primary colors to create a new one. Jesus’ birth, life, and death is not somehow less human because of his divinity, but what comes next – the whole rising from the dead thing – definitely is divine. Even writing that sentence makes me itch a little because the Incarnation is an assertion that you can’t divide Christ’s biography into part 1: human, part 2: divine. Rather, the body of Christ – the very nature of who he was, is, and will be – is both human and divine.

The Power of Both/And

Think about this: what confirmation do we have there is a Good Place?

The only characters we’ve seen that come from there are the not-people from The Book of Dougs. Were they angels? Anti-demons? I don’t think we’ve been given a definition. Why should we trust they are what we’re told they are the first go-round? We already know characters are not always who we’re told they are. Further, the judge doesn’t reside in the Good Place. The accountants don’t. We have a door to the Good Place that only non-humans can pass through. Okay, but have we seen anyone pass through it? Assuming there is a Good Place assumes that all the other kinds of characters exist to be part of the machinery that is the human after-life. Demons torture. The judge judges. The accountants tally. Janets help.

You’ve got a system of interconnected parts: humans, demons, Janets, needlenoggles, a judge, accountants, etc., and you’ve got this points system in which they all play some part. What Schur & co. have quietly been doing with Team Cockroach is showing how these different types of beings are all changing: Janet falling in love, Michael’s conversion to caring for others, and the humans changing after they died. None of these things are supposed to be happening in that system.

I wonder if Schur & co. are playing another sleight of hand in their story telling akin to the Season 1 reveal. What if the world of The Good Place isn’t either you belong (not just humans either, but all kinds of creatures) to the GOOD PLACE or the BAD PLACE. What if - instead - they are making an argument that how to live an ethical life is not about getting the answer to the question, but about seeing the world (here the story-world of The Good Place) in new, transformative ways.

In that REI training, the facilitators asked everyone if you were proud to be an American. This was the beginning of the training. It was one of those questions that you don’t know the right answer to, but you do know what the wrong answers might be. No one said anything. The trainers started listing things they like about living in America: public education, running water, our national parks, etc., and then they listed things they didn’t like: history of slavery, the Flint water crisis, etc. They said for the work we were going to be doing in our training they wanted us to resist language of either/or – you are either a racist or you are not. You either love America or you don’t. Rather, they said, embrace the power in both/and language. You can both love the systems in which you live and work, and you can recognize their brokenness, pain, and hurt. You can be both angry at and thankful for your community. That, they said, is how we transform ourselves and our communities.

The both/and shows up in the Incarnation too – it is a theological assertion that Jesus was BOTH human AND divine. Jesus’ very body rejects that the laws of nature are either/or. Either them or me. Either good or bad. Either/or is a way of seeing the world that is human – we do it as naturally as breathing - but it is not the only way to see. There are more humane ways to exist.

I don’t know what story Schur & co. are telling, but I struggle to see where they are going to land if there is a Good Place without turning the story into a confession of a particular ethical or religious system. Because if there is a Good Place you’ve created an either/or world that needs a system for how it works.

Rather, they’ve spent a lot of narrative time doing exactly what the church did when they tried to define God – a lot of guesses that tell you want God is not, but don’t clarify what God is. Michael & co. know that Doug Forcett didn’t get enough points despite his ascetic-like life. They know that demons and humans and Janets can change in ways they are not supposed to be able to. They know that they love and care about each other. They know what they don’t know.

It is counter-intutive, but the best way to communicate big, complex ideas is in concrete, small language. It’s language that is incarnated. The Good Place is a half-hour sitcom about philosophy, and it does that by telling small, incarnated stories. You’ve got 4 humans and they died. What happens next?

But you also have a demon and a Janet. You have a system that appears to not be working. You have two places – good and bad – but actually you don’t. So already that either/or dichotomy is breaking down. There’s the Medium Place and despite the room temperature beer and medium snacks, I wonder if the fundamental geography of the show is a red herring. What if the demons and Janets and all the other kinds of beings are just as caught up in a system of either/or that is patently false? Without a Good Place, the geography of the world isn’t good or bad. It just is. Kind of like our own world. It’s something in between, both joyous and painful. What if the story we’re being told is about how these particular characters – Team Cockroach - challenge and upend a false ethical system in which all creatures in the story are caught?

How to live an ethical life? is a big question that is the wrong question. It posits an either/or world. Human life can be reduced to that, but it is always a reduction based on a lie. We are capable of choosing to see life’s geography - its systems, quandaries, and mysteries - through both/and language. The Christian theology of the Incarnation reminds me that not having all the answers is not only okay, but natural. Life does not occur by knowing the rules and then following them or not. Good living is like good language. It is concrete, small, and embodied. Somehow, it also touches on things bigger than ourselves like love and friendship and the ability to not only change - but transform.

Why would a fictional after-life be any different?

#nbc the good place #the good place #lulabo #meta

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writing-frenzy · 6 years

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Why Ron Would be Friends with Harry in ‘Wrong-Boy-Who-Lived’ Stories.

Inspired by all the Ron Weasley positivity that has surrounded me, I have decided to write this out. I’ve mentioned before in my Ron challenges about how I want to see Ron friends with Harry in a WBWL story.

Only, if you actually want to write a true, real Ron, instead just bashing him to kingdom come and back, him and Harry would definitely be friends.

Here is why, and even in multiple setups too!.

Setup 1: Harry is abused while his twin is praised and spoiled.

Now, whether this means Harry is being raised by his actual parents, or has been sent for safety to Petunia, he is treated worse and terrible either way (which, ehhhh, but we’re not going to focus on the Lily and James bashing here). here are some things.

Harry’s Brother would be a prat beyond levels even Malfoy would not be able to reach; Snobbish, spoiled rotten, and generally thinking he is Merlin’s gift to wizard kind. Why in the name of the seven hells would Ron want to befriend an arsehole like that?

Ron is his own person, he has his pride and his priorities, his own dreams and goals. He would not play lackey to anyone.

The Brother in these stories would not see Ron, he would possibly see the Weasley name and old hand me downs, while probably an access to even cooler wizards through him. he would makes nice because his parent said so, but he would degrade and taunt the youngest Weasley son, because what can he do that his brothers already did?

Ron would not take this lying down, he has the famous Weasley Temper, and he will not be used.

Maybe after an unpleasant run in with The Brother, Ron leaves after hexing him yellow (because hey, accidental magic can go a long way~) storming off till he gets to another compartment, not seeing anyone in there but some old blankets, only to accidentally sit on one Harry Potter.

(because of malnourishment, because of old bruises and dark memories, the twins don’t look at all like twins, so when Harry just says his name is Harry, Ron doesn’t pay it any mind, striking up a conversation with the new kid, finding he likes this guy so much better.)

This Harry and Ron would get on so well; both understand what it is like to be in your family’s shadow, knows how it feels to have so many exceptions on you, yet at the same time uncaring even if you make them. Understand not ever having enough attention when you really need it.

(Of course, the difference here is that Ron’s Family loves him, cares for him, so still Harry would be jealous of that warmth, that home, at least until Ron kidnaps- I mean, invites him to stay forever :D Not like the Potter family notices )

When the time for houses gets called, and Ron finds out Harry’s last name, he is shook (How is such a nice guy related to such a prat?) and sees he goes into a house other than Griffindor, those green eyes so grim as they do, and Ron can’t help but wonder and think.

(Oh, this Harry could honestly go anywhere, with the courage to go on even as things are terrible, a work ethic most would dream to have, the intelligence to know when to stay and when to disappear, along with the ambition for better in his life... Thing is, the house of the brave was never for him, not as long as his brother was there.)

Ron’s decision is made when he see The Brother with the lions, and decides ‘anywhere but Griffindor’.

(The hat doesn’t mind at all, Ron would do just as good in any other house as well, what with his mind of strategy, a loyalty of someone willing to die and kill for a loved one, bravery to do so, and an ambition to be better... Shame about his choice, he would have been an amazing Lion.)

So yeah this is how it starts, in whatever house that isn’t of the brave Lions, Harry and Ron friends despite whatever house they ended up in. They have holidays at Ron’s house, birthdays there too, most summers as well.

(I want them to somehow get Neville and Hermione as well, maybe they stop bullying or something? Oh, that would be cool if all four of them are in different houses, with the one who is a Lion usually sleeping in the other’s dorm to get away from The Prat/Brother.)

Setup Two: Harry isn’t beaten but Neglected/forgotten

Okay, going to preface this; This Is Still ABUSE. Neglect is Abuse. It’s just specially terrible in the face that no one notices, not until it is too late :/ . So yeah, Harry gets his three meals by house elf, gets the clothes and gifts, has his picture taken when needed.

But there is no love. No one to play with, no one to care with, no one to ever show any of your successes with, all because his brother is more important, and will always be more important in everyone else’s eyes. (Heads up, there is going to be some overlap with the previous setup here.)

This Harry is going to be more possessive then others, his things are his things, and you can’t touch them (He will end you).

That said, if he actually makes a friend, a real, true blue friend, oh Merlin, he will spoil you.

(The only way he knows to show love is by giving things, and maybe, maybe if he keeps doing it, you won’t ignore him.)

(on a side note, I can see Harry loving every present any friend gives him, because while they may not be the most amazing or expensive, each and everyone of them shows that his friends not only care about him, but have also paid attention to him and what he actually likes.)

In a way, it is very lucky Harry made friends with Ron first; met like in canon, on the train ride to Hogwarts, Ron is someone uneasy with ‘charity’ so Harry can only go all out on special occasions. (though he has learned that food is an interesting grey area, only he doesn’t get to use it until Hogsmede visits.)

these two would especially bond over the feeling of being in their siblings’s shadows, always ignored over them, seeming to always be last to get anything. (of course, this Ron will still kidnap Harry for summers and Christmas.)

On the other hand, I can see these two get into so many misunderstandings, Ron not feeling comfortable with so many expensive and extravagant gifts, feeling like he owes his friend after every one. Meanwhile Harry doesn’t understand what about them Ron hates so much, does this mean he doesn’t want to be friends anymore, does he hate him?

These two boys would be so worried and insecure, awkward as they try and talk it out, at least until someone takes pity on them and locks them in a broom closet. (where they proceed to have a long drawn out shout match that dissolves into tears as Ron say Harry is his best friend, that he doesn’t need to buy him, his company it more then good enough then any stupid broom or poster could be. Harry, on the on the other hand, say he doesn’t know any other way to express how much Ron’s friendship means to him, has no words or any other actions he knows to do to make other’s happy besides buying things that they want or need.)

The two come to a compromise after some time; Harry can go all out on his birthday, but any other present the boy has to hand/wand make himself (Cue Harry going to Hermione to learn obscure spells just so he can make Ron a broom or something)

Setup 3: Harry’s Family is actually a family, loving both twins.

So here we go, Lilly and James are probably in character here, loving their boys so much, training them and raising them to be the best they can be. The Brother probably has different training here, because of the exceptions on them, but Harry is not to be outdone, he can be just as good too.

Here is the only one where Ron can make friends with both Harry and The Brother, kinda becoming the Lee Gorden to the Potter twins. (The common sense and occasional inspiration.)

They are Trouble, with a capital T. kinda like someone mixed the Golden Trio and the Marauders together, and got their adventures.

(So, more hijinxs, dentions, and Forbidden Forest than Ron, Hermione, and Neville asked for.)

They make it out okay, they manage it alright, and even in time for exams too! :D (there parents would probably kill them otherwise)

This is the group most likely to accidentally destroy a horacrux.

This is the group most likely to give everyone grey hairs.

This is the group most likely to accelerate the Defense Curse :D

I like to think that out of the group, those who are best friends are as follows:

Ron & Harry- because they bond over crazy brothers and shadows they leave.

Hermione & Neville- because they are the only sane ones in the group.

The Brother & Peeves- because they are chaos incarnate

For holidays, who’s house they end up at could be anyone’s guess, though everyone is on their best behavior whenever at the Granger’s (her parents are terrifying.

And thus, this is a thing. Hope you all enjoyed it my ranting notes~

#Harry Potter #Ron Weasley #wrong boy who lived #Hermione Granger #Neville Longbottom #Protect Ron #Ron Weasley Defense Squad #if anyone wants to write these tell me please :D

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jcdevinejr · 5 years

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Two sides to every story

This was not a published column - just a piece I wrote for a friend who asked for my views on several key issues, for discussion with her friends before the mid-term elections. Interesting exercise though... jcd

The political issues today are packed with talking points and conflicting assertions, from all sides. With an important election coming up, it can be difficult for voters to sift through it all and get to the heart of the matter. Here are a few examples:

1. Abortion

What we hear:Every woman must have the right to choose—it’s her life and her body. And abortion is legal, guaranteed by the US Constitution.

The rest of the story:Obviously, there’s another life at stake—the unborn person she is carrying, one who is wholly dependent on her. Moreover, every human action is a matter of choice; what matters is not the right to choose, it is the rightness of the action chosen.

Taking of a human life is morally and ethically wrong, regardless of motivation. The Supreme Court decision, Roe v. Wade, currently makes abortion legal. It doesn’t make abortion right.

Since Roe v. Wade, nearly 60 million unborn lives have been taken. And the matter is hardly settled; the Court’s ruling is illogical, it continues to be questioned and it is vulnerable to revision or reinterpretation.

2. Immigration

What we hear:There is pervasive poverty and suffering worldwide. Many are seeking a better life. We’re a generous people, a nation of immigrants— we should open our doors and let them in.

The rest of the story:America is a beacon for the world. There is no more valuable commodity in the world than American citizenship. Since our nation was founded, immigrants have helped our nation grow and thrive becausethey embrace our ideals and our culture and they commit to following our laws. That is not true of people who enter the country illegally and bypass our immigration process.

Furthermore, uncontrolled borders will do no favors for anyone, not the people who already live here, the new arrivals, or the world at large. Americans are only 5% of the world’s population – many of the other 95% (billions!) would prefer to live here. We must continue to encourage legalimmigration and at the same time to protect all citizens—current and new ones—from significant economic, security and health threats from unknown, undocumented intruders. Failure to do so can destroy the American dream for everyone.

3. Environment

What we hear: Climate change is real. The earth is getting warmer. We must take immediate, aggressive action to stop global warming before it destroys the planet.

The Rest of the Story:It’s true – climate change IS real and the earth is getting warmer. But that’s normal—earth has been warming and cooling for its entire lifetime, over four billion years. Mankind just got here; our contribution to global warming has been very small compared to the natural climate variation and therefore even very aggressive actions to reduce our carbon footprints would at best have barely perceptible effect.

On the other hand, the proposed aggressive attempts to limit global warming would be harmful to many. One of the single biggest factors in human health and lifespan is availability of electricity – over a billion people on earth don’t have any. Actions such as those agreed to in the Paris Climate Accords would have miniscule effect on climate change but would drive electricity prices up, making it inaccessible to many.

Planet earth is our only home. Protecting the environment is our fundamental responsibility. We must conserve resources and manage wastes. But we can’t change the earth’s climate, and we should not hurt others in a futile effort to do so.We must learn to adapt to climate change, not try to ‘fix’ it.

4. Gun violence/gun control

What we hear:There are too many guns in America and too much gun violence. Enough it enough. It’s time to prohibit ownership of guns that are particularly dangerous.

The rest of the story: Yes, there may be “too many” guns in America (on average, roughly one per adult American)—but a ban doesn’t make guns disappear, it simply makes them illegal. Murder is already illegal. Guns are easy to produce, inexpensive and available worldwide. A ban would diminish ownership by law-abiding citizens, but is unlikely to have any affect on those bent on using them for harm.

The enemy is not the NRA, or conservatives or Republicans. Guns don’t shoot people, people do. A far more sensible approach to the gun violence problem is to (1) Address the underlying influences or causes of violence in modern society, such as entertainment and social media, (2) take actions to identify and disarm individuals likely (based on factors such as past behavior, psychological disability, etc.) to commit crimes using guns, and (3) put in place rigorous defense and security of vulnerable locations such as schools.

5. War and Peace

What we hear:The consequences of warfare are catastrophic. At all cost we must prevent war and promote peace.

The rest of the story:We all agree. But the central lesson of war and peace over the ages is that weakness invites hostility while strength secures peace and freedom. We’ve learned too many times that well-intentioned pacifists, advocating such policies as reduced defense spending or unilateral disarmament, often increase rather than decrease the likelihood of war.

And finally: President Trump vs. the Democrats’ Resistance

What we hear:President Trump is evil, he is the root cause of the anger and incivility in our country—therefore we all must do whatever we can to drive him out of office.

The rest of the story: True: our president is abrasive and combative; his demeanor makes many uncomfortable.

On the other hand, he is our duly elected president. Since taking office, he has proven to be remarkably energetic, resilient and effective. He has taken major steps forward in the national economy, taxes, trade imbalances, foreign relations, national defense, and other areas. Not all agree with the president’s actions: but it is only fair and sensible to judge him by what he’s done, not by his language or demeanor.

Just as importantly, the opposition party has chosen from the outset a strategy of total ‘resistance’—obstruction by any means—to all actions taken by the president and his administration. The resistance essentially impedes the direction chosen by the electorate in 2016. A particularly stark recent example of resistance-in-action was last month’s tumultuous Kavanaugh hearings.

It is up to every voter in the next elections to make informed, objective choices. Each vote should render the voter’s judgment about the long-term direction of our nation, considering on balanceboth the effectiveness of the current administration and the net harm vs. benefit of the Democrats’ resistance to it.

Jack DeVine

November 2018

#abortion #gun control #immigration #resistance #national security

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katbot · 6 years

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Trivia, Tinder, and a Trinidad Sour.

This week’s Thirsty Thursday is an accidental Tuesday that kicks off from a series of specific coincidences.

It’s a Tuesday night and for the first time in weeks, I’m not at my usual Tuesday meet up. I decide to ditch my drinking buddies and opt for Tinder swiping in bed. I’m digging up archives of lost conversations when my roommate walks in.

“You wanna come to trivia?” “Fuck no. I’m shit at trivia.” “They have beer.”

Our team name is Quiztina Aguilera.

I’m more focused on my IPA and S, a tinder match from early May, who just happens to be getting out of a yoga class two blocks away.

“Pick me up? I’m a Buddha Bar.” He replies with a thumbs up.

When I come back from the bathroom, my date is awkwardly sitting next my empty seat.

I can’t help but think. “...Him?”

Before I leave, I give the only answer of the night I know. “Carrie Nation.”

S is far from my type. In fact, he’s the kind of kid I would have bullied in middle school. I’m weary that Chris Hansen might pop out of the bushes.

Preteen or not, I’m grateful he saved me from trivia.

“Hey. Nice to meet you. Thanks for the save.” “No problem.”

He gives me an awkward hug which I need to bend down for.

“So sorry I look a mess. Yoga was so intense..”

I’m a bit taken aback. This guy has an undeniable gay lisp. “ I…uhh... yeah. No worries.” I clear my throat. I’m in a messy bun paired with a faded Star Wars tee & leggings. We’re definitely a sloopy duo.

“Is there a bar that you have in mind?” He mumbles a reply and when he passes the two most popular spots on the block I realize I’m in charge of this date.

“Have you been to Honeywell? It’s this cool 70’s bar, I’ve been interested in visiting again.” I don’t give him a choice, I’m half way down the staircase. If I’m going to sit through this, I’m having overpriced cocktails.

They’re two plush teal seats open at the bar. When the couple in front of us hesitates, I quickly grab them. I love this bar. The decor is reminds me of my father’s basement. The wood paneled walls and 70s colours puts me at ease.

They’re about twenty cocktails on the menu. I scour the list for gin based drinks. S decides for tequila. We’re talking about his DNA research when our bartender walks over. “Hey. Welcome guys, can I get you anything?”

The voice sounds like butter. When I turn to face it, my eyes are equally rewarded. He’s outrageously handsome for a 70s parody. Huge aviator glasses, long eyelashes, hair buzzed on the side — a middle bang part resting just in the middle of his forehead.

He’s in a floral shirt, that’s unbuttoned into a deep v. It gives a glimpse of gothic lettering spread across his chest.

I can feel my clit twitch when he smiles at me.

“Yeah… I’ll take the Wallflower. He’ll take the Happy Hooking.”“Wallflower…an excellent choice.”

Drink orders in tow, he walks away. Leaving me totally smitten. My date’s lisp brings me back to reality.

Seriously. How is this guy not gay?

When our cocktails arrive, my sips quickly become gulps. I’m having an okay time, genomes are interesting but the cocktails and the bartender is what influences the second round. I leave my order and pop to the loo.

When I return, my date & the bartender are talking about the history of cocktails. When he brings up Sasha Petraske, I swoon. He list out his favourites modern cocktails: Paper Plane, Goldrush, Penicillin, Trindad Sour. He knows what he’s talking about and I am digging it. Inbetween sentences, he mixes our drinks in front of us. He uses the jigger like a champ, easing straight to a clean cocktail shake. One of my favourite sounds in the world is the rattle of a cocktail shaker.

“Despite not having grasshoppers, this is one of my favourite cocktail bars.” I mean it. They’re only two bars in the area that fit my decor slut personality.

“Hey thanks. I’ve seen this area change so much. It’s about time we got a real cocktail bar.”

I roll my eyes, my words painted thick in sarcasm, “Oh yeah How long have you been here?”

“Me?” he responds smoothly. “I’m a Native New Yorker.”

I am absolutely fucking this man tonight.

We tumble into the frantic flurry that only happens when natives New Yorkers find each other in the wild.

I’m practically jumping out of my seat when he knows my childhood neighbourhood.

Only when S gets up to use the restroom do I remember I’m on a date. I text my squad: “At this date, but hitting on the bartender.”

When the least morally corrupt friend replies, “You should hit on whomever your heart desires TV.“

I can physically feel my last shred of ethical apprehension crumble.

I watch my bartender follow S with his eyes.

Once he’s out of sight he swings my way. “So. What is this? Friends? First tinder date? Please tell me it’s a tinder date. I love failed tinder dates.”

“A very failed tinder date.”

“Jesus,” he laughs. “Seriously thought you were doing drinks with your gay bestie!”

“God NO. And fuck YES. He’s absolutely gay right?”

We both nod and simultaneously hope he figures out his identity soon.

With a quick glance towards the bathroom, I plot out my strategy. Everyone hits on their bartender, especially one this hot. I’ve got to play this fresh. I’m coming in with no advantages. Messy bun, no eyeliner, even my tits are hidden.

I’ve just got to rely on my personality & dimples. Tough.

I thank him saving me from the world’s most boring date. He accepts my gratitude and finally introduces himself.

“Hey. I’m P.” I place my hand in his, fuck me eyes full beam. “Tessie.”

S comes back and I order a third round.

The three of us start to talk about our favourite spirits and when I mention my love of gin, P comments that he tends to stay away.

“It makes me too sexual.”

I word vomit, “I’ll take two shots of gin then.”

The exchange is so quick, S doesn’t seem to pick up on it. It takes P a second. When he laughs and blushes, I know I’m in.

There’s a small part of me that feels bad for S, but when I think about how hilarious the situation is it feels like I’m doing him a shitty favour. He’s so boring, a story of “My Tinder date ditched me for the bartender” would help his stale bread personality.

The night progresses and I’m going full throttle shameless A couple regulars grab the seats next to us. When they take a birthday shot. P puts a glass down for me. Post shot—I decide for another cocktail. My date says he’ll join in on the round.

“I just want to let you know, I’m notorious for out drinking people. Don’t feel pressured. I’m a heavy drinker. It’s okay to to take a break.”

He assures me he’s fine, but they always say they’re fine.

When P comes around, I muster has much sex appeal I can from my non mascara’d eyes. “I’ll take….a Trinidad Sour.” I smirk and pair the “’sow’ syllable with a subtle tongue flick and lip part. P’s eyes flicker down to my mouth and back up.

“And he’ll take a…whatever.” I can’t remember what he wanted and frankly I don’t care. I know I’m the currently female equivalent of a douchebag but it doesn’t stop me from speaking up when S tries to order a margarita

“No. God. No. You can do better than that. P, he likes tequila and citrus shit. Can you work with that?”

My date’s drink arrives in a lightbulb. It’s embarrassingly hipster and I know it’s a stupid gimmick drink for people that don’t know what they want. I despise people that don’t have a drink roster. We’re not 19 anymore. (Well maybe he is.)

When P gravitates back to us, him and my date start talking about Russian Bathhouses. When he says he can speak Russian, I blurt-ask if I can buy him a drink.

He checks the time and concludes he’ll get us a round one of his favourites, a daiquiri.

“Noooo.” I coo. “I meant just you…” This time we both laugh, amused by my brazenness and the oblivious S.

Has soon has S leaves for the bathroom, I go for the Hail Mary.

“How’s it going?” P clinks my glass and we down our daiquiris.

“Shitty. You know what I really want to do?”

“What?” He places both elbows across the bar and stares at me with an expecting smile.

“What I really want to do is take you out for drinks after this. Would you be down?”

“Yes.”

We’re still smiling at each other when my date comes back. Totally clueless and ignorant of what happen ten seconds before.

An ice cube thrown from across the bar breaks the spell. Righttttt. Other people exist.

He’s working, I’m…dating..I guess. P shoots me a wink before heading to the other side of the bar.

Touch Downnnnnnnn

Now. I’ve got to get rid of this dweebo. In one swift motion, I turn with a shit eating grin and tell S, “You should go…”He touches my knee and ask if we’re going back to my place.

Man this boy is dense.

I almost pity him. Not hard enough though, after 10 minutes of arguing (Read: Me repeating for him to go home.) He listens.

When he FINALLY bounces, P places another cocktail in front of me to congratulates my success. It takes about an hour for him to close. I’m a little bit nervous that it’s all a practical joke until the other bartender’s friends invite me over to sit with them. We dance to bachata until the till is set and the racks are clean.

Around 3am, we all hit the street and head to the only bar open till 4am. The sidewalk’s empty and I’m feeling the high of the night. We walk over to the bar, boisterous and giggly. I can’t believe the way this night is shaping up.

P wraps his arm around me as we cross the street. “Thanks for coming.”

It’s then that I realize he’s significantly shorter than me. I not a height whore, but it makes me laugh even more. How high is that bar?

At the next place, we order drinks, food, and receive a free round of shots. It’s around 4am when we close out. I follow P outside for a smoke, irked that we’re still out.

“Yo what’s the deal?”

“What’s up?” God, his voice is seriously tantalizing.

“Listen. I live two minutes away from here. And I’m serious about sucking your dick. So, if you’re down. I’m down.”

P stares back at me shocked, his mouth is open, a cloud of smoke spills out in a clean stream.

“Wow….I love how forward you are.”

“Good. Let’s go.”

It’s the first time I’ve ever brought anyone back to my house. I’m excited and nervous. So glad I got that new duvet cover.

I put on vaporware and slide into bed.

He takes off his clothes to reveal American flag boxer briefs, and a myriad of tattoos.

They’re colourful and splashed all over his body. I can finally read his entire chest when he lays down—“Love is my Weapon.”

He’s blown (ha) by my beejee skills. And I make a mental note that I can officially add dick sucking to my resume with three solid references.

When he ask for a condom, I pull open my bedside drawer and whip out my freshly organized and colour coded condom box.

We fuck all morning. We run through three rubbers, and I come four times. I’m surprised and pleased by his ability to stay hard.

He keeps calling me beautiful and hot. I can’t help laughing. Mid stroke he comments, “It’s so hot how well you hold your liquor.” And I gotta admit, that one gets me.

“I can’t believe we just met last night….it feels like I’ve known you forever…” I make a face at my invisible The Office camera. We fall asleep around 5. I have about 3 hours till work. I know it’s around 6 when I wake up, because he’s putting on the fourth condom while my roommates are running their morning routine. I’m embarrassed but fuck it. They’ve got to be up anyway, and FUCK I’m about to cum.

When I finally wake up, it’s 7:43. The time I leave for work. There’s no way I can make it on time AND kick P out.

I’m pleased he’s still cute without his glasses and in the daylight.

I bump into my trivia partner on the way to the bathroom. He can tell from my glow, I’m doing something bad.

“THAT GUY?” he pauses on the way out, referring to S.

“No. Our bartender.”

“Fuck. Savage.”

I head back to bed and call out of work. We spend the next six hours sleeping on and off. I’m surprised by how comfortable my twin can fit us and then I remember he’s barely my height. He snores a lot, waking himself up. In his moments of alertness, he cuddles me and kisses me all over.

My group chat is ragging on me for not knowing how to kick him out, he’s clearly sleep deprived. I feel bad.

Around 1pm, he turns over, kisses me on the forehead and ask if I want to grab coffee.

Yes. The solution to all morning afters!

We get redressed and he decides to join me on morning duties. We pick up my neon sign from the post office, and he tells me about his father and his plans for the day. The sun is beaming down, and I’m having a fun time. P is definitely a little crazy, but I kind of like it. He’s a celebrity in the hood. A bunch of people wave at us and he’s calling everyone “Brotha” in his 70s aviators and buttery voice. It usually would be cringey but he has a personality that’s electric. It’s been so long since I’ve meet someone more extroverted than me!

He buys us both ice coffees. We sit outside, soaking in the sun. We chat about original date and how P felt bad for hitting on me.

“I wasn’t sure if you actually were hitting on me. And if you were on a date or just boozing gay bestie. Then I was like, ‘Oh.”

Welp. It worked out didn’t it.

He orders a Uber and lights up a cigarette.

“You wanna take down my number. ”

“Uh…sure?” I’m surprised but interested. We swap numbers just has his uber comes. We exchange a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Bye, Baby. Talk to you later.”

I walk off, feeling utterly cool. I can’t believe I went home with my bartender. Childhood bucket list status.

I decide to treat myself to Handpulled Noodles. A joint that’s two spots down from where it all began last night.

Has I take the first bite of a dumpling, I get a notification from Tinder.

It’s S.

I can’t be upset, what I did was fucked up. I prepare myself for the worst and get,

“Thanks for hanging out Tessie. I had a great time! You were right to send me home. Those drinks were delicious but I definitely couldn’t keep up.”

I’m ugly laugh into my soy sauce. This dude is dead stupid.

“Yeah. That bartender was so great.” I respond back, fully recognising how fucked it is.

“Agreed. P was his name?”

“Was it??? I don’t think he even said.”

Encounter rating: S: 1.2/10 P: 8/10

Lessons learned:

It’s possible to pick up dudes with just your dimples & wit. (Whatttt)

Trinidad sours are amazing.

There are some people that think my straight forwardness is hot instead of manly.

App: Tinder/IRL

#kdd #Sex diaries #Nyc #New York City dating #NYC dating #sex and the city

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rauliskafan · 6 years

Text

A Hard Lesson in Discord: Chapter 5

Authors’ Note: Happy Tuesday, terrific readers!!! Thank you so much for all of your wonderful comments!!! Brace yourselves... the Barbas are about to meet Ashtonja’s grandmother. How will their first encounter play out??? Read on for more!!! @vintagemichelle91 and I hope that you enjoy!!!

“I know this is daunting. But I have your backs.”

Trevor Langan walked Rafael and Natalia down the hall of his law office, leading the way to the nearest conference room. Rafael tried to keep pace, tried to tell himself that everything would work out in their favor…

…which meant Ashtonja forever a part of their family, safe and happy.

“Of course. We both know that you have our best interests at heart, Mr. Langan,” Natalia said.

“Trevor,” he said, smiling with a little more confidence as he kept moving to meet Ines Abreu and her lawyer.

“Wait.”

Rafael hung back, and Natalia stroked his cheek. He was attempting to keep his cool, already sensing the migraine coming his way at full force, the rage still burning on account of being blindsided.

“Atticus?” Natalia gently called out to him. His green gaze turned towards hers, and he couldn’t help but smile at the glimmer of hope flickering in her brown eyes.

“I’m here, hermosa,” Rafael assured her.

“Good. Because this is where I need you to be,” Natalia whispered, leaning her head against his. “And we have to believe in the best.”

With a nod, Rafael kissed her wrist. How had he even existed without her? In the world before Natalia, he had merely floated through his days and nights without even knowing what love was, what life was. Now, at long last, he had someone so special at his side every single step of the way. She kept him grounded. She was his other half…

...how could he not believe in anything but miracles when Natalia held his heart?

“I’ll get there with your help,” he said. “As long as I can keep a level head.”

“You’ll do just fine,” she said, quickly kissing his lips before they continued to the conference room.

“Good morning, Mr. Barba.”

There at the table sat Lionel Granger. He was oily. Rafael never had the pleasure, or the punishment, of dealing with the snake’s slither in a courtroom. But Liv had plenty of stories. The man’s ethics were non-existent, his services for sale to the highest bidder.

Which begged the question, how had Ines Abreu obtained such representation?

“Mr. Granger.” Langan was the only one to return the greeting, barely shaking the other lawyer’s hand. Rafael felt his eye twitch, his mouth fixed in a straight line as he pulled out a chair for his wife.

And they both stared at the woman waiting in the room.

“And you must be the Barbas.”

She appeared younger than Rafael had imagined. Every strand of her dark hair was perfectly in place. Her face, her eyes looked so much like Ashtonja’s.

Like the mother the girl had lost.

“Ms. Abreu,” Natalia replied curtly, and Rafael simply nodded. He saw Ines suck the inside of her cheek, looking as if she wanted to say so much more. But Granger placed a hand on his client’s shoulder.

“So glad we could all get together,” Granger said. “We have some important matters to discuss.”

“We have a child to discuss,” Natalia said, her voice strong as Rafael sat. “A young girl that we love who has a good home with our family.”

Rafael heard Ines emit a little laugh.

“Something funny?” Rafael queried.

“The two of you,” Ines said, shrugging Granger away. “So holier than thou. Like you never made a wrong move and think my girl is the prize you got coming.”

Feeling his heart beat faster, Rafael glared at woman, wanting to ask her in what universe she deserved Ashtonja. But Langan held up one hand and assumed the seat directly in front of Granger.

“Let’s talk facts,” he said. “Ashtonja has been staying with the Barbas for nearly a year. She has thrived in her care. The young lady is quite happy, and she would prefer to stay where---”

“She’s fifteen,” Ines quickly interjected. “It’s not her choice.”

“And it’s yours?” Rafael asked, the volume of his tone increasing. Natalia held his hand tightly but stayed silent when Ines laughed again.

“She is my granddaughter. My blood.”

“That’s very convenient for you to say that now,” Natalia murmured.

“What does that mean?” Ines challenged.

“To hear Ashtonja tell it, you left her for your latest boyfriend,” Natalia recalled. “After you dipped into the money that my husband sent so you could take care of her.”

For a second, Ines seemed tongue-tied, and Rafael could not help but sit up a little straighter, his heart swelling with pride at his wife’s words.

In another life, Natalia should have been the lawyer in the family.

“Hear you got kids of your own,” Ines said, obviously regaining her composure.

“We have three other daughters,” Rafael replied, stressing a single word, wanting Ines to understand that even if it was by chance, Ashtonja was also their child.

“Well hold them close,” Ines continued. “It does things to a person to lose a kid.”

Just as quickly as he sat up, Rafael shrank back. Was he in a position to judge? What would he do without even one of his girls in his life?

How many miles would he travel to keep them safe?

“We are sorry for your loss,” Natalia said, gripping the edge of the table with her free hand, and Rafael felt her other palm tremble ever so slightly in his. “And we can understand if you want a relationship with her now.”

“Relationship?” Ines echoed, cocking her head to one side. “I want her back. You two got no right to her.”

“Neither do you after disappearing for all this---”

“Hey!” Ines hissed, slamming one hand on the table. “My daughter’s dead because of you, Mr. Barba. You looked after Ashtonja while I sorted some stuff out? Least you could do. But pretending she’s yours? That’s over.”

“Do you think we’re just going to sit back and let you take---”

“People, people, please.”

Granger’s voice was sickeningly smooth as he waved one hand in the air, his lips coiling into a smirk.

“Let’s not quarrel,” he continued. “I think it’s apparent that everyone has strong feelings with regard to young Ashtonja.”

“Is that why you agreed to meet with us?” Langan asked. “Are we going to try to talk terms?”

Ines scoffed, and Granger shook his head.

“Hardly,” he said. “But my client is not a monster.”

“Could have fooled me,” Rafael muttered, and Natalia moved to silence him as Granger continued.

“We just wanted to let you know that Ms. Abreu is willing to let Ashtonja stay in the Barbas’ care until the end of the hearing.”

“How generous,” Langan quipped.

“It’s not for them,” Ines stressed. “Gives the girl a chance to get things in order. Sure she has some stuff to pack. If the clothes these two got on are any indication.”

“Excuse me?” Natalia asked.

“Just saying that you two must like to treat yourselves.”

“Is that why you’re here?” Natalia asked. “Do you want more money?”

“No,” Ines answered. “No more blood money from the likes of you or your husband. And when it’s all said and done, Ashtonja comes back to me. Where she belongs.”

For a second, his heart stopped. Not that the woman would win custody. What judge in anything close to his or her right mind would render such a decision? But the suggestion coming from Ines’ lips sent a chill up his spine. What if she did emerge victorious? What would happen to Ashtonja if she was placed in her care? Suddenly, his heartbeat rapidly resumed, a rush of blood flowing to the top of his head as he swiftly stood.

“Ashtonja is where she belongs,” he spat.

“Atticus, don’t.”

“What would you do?” Rafael continued, ignoring his wife. “Berate her or just plain ignore her or whatever you did to drive Marianna to drugs?”

It was a low blow, but he didn’t care, wouldn’t let Natalia try to sit him back down when Ines got up, and Granger quickly followed.

“You son of a bitch,” Ines hissed. “Have you no shame?”

“Have you?” Rafael fired back.

“Alright, enough!” Langan said, also on his feet, we’re done here.

“As you wish,” Granger said, still smirking. “My client’s generosity stands. But,Mr. Langan, I would advise your clients to prepare their goodbyes.”

He guided Ines out without another word, and Rafael slowly sat, struggling to catch his breath as Natalia rubbed his back.

“Rafael, you really need to calm down,” Langan said.

“How can I?” Rafael said, the room suddenly growing smaller, his head throbbing. For an instant, he thought he saw Marianna Abreu in her mother’s abandoned seat. Was it her ghost begging for help?

Or did she want Ines to take Ashtonja away from them as well?

“Ines is hardly a saint in all this,” Langan continued. “Plus, we have our side of the story to tell.”

Natalia nodded in agreement. “Atticus, she’s just trying to rile us up. It won’t work.”

“Unless you play right into her hands,” Langan said.

Rafael started to respond, but the feel of Natalia’s warm hand on his shoulder silenced his thoughts. He muttered that he understood, and Langan sighed.

“I’ll give you two a few moments,” he said. “Then we need to talk strategy.”

He left them alone, and Natalia ran her fingers through Rafael’s hair.

“Just keep breathing,” Natalia spoke softly.

“I will… I’m sorry… I… lost it.”

“I don’t blame you.”

“You don’t?” he asked, searching her eyes, seeing the worry…

“I had to bite my tongue, too… hard,” Natalia admitted with a small, embarrassed smile. “She’s playing dirty. And I’m not saying this will be easy. But it’s going to be alright.”

...still, somehow, she believed.

“If you say so, hermosa,” he managed, pulling her into his arms, drawing strength from her embrace.

Yet, in the back of his mind, he wondered what other tricks Ines Abreu might have up her sleeve.

Tagging: @dreila03 @fortheloveofallthingsraul @rafi-esparza@minidodds @skittle479 @letty-o @delia26 @yourtropegirl@lyssa1385

#raúl esparza #rafael barba #natalia barba #trevor langan #a hard lesson series #a hard lesson in discord #law & order: svu #svu fanfiction

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your-dietician · 3 years

Text

Lester Holt opens up about his life as a 'granddude'

New Post has been published on https://tattlepress.com/lifestyle/lester-holt-opens-up-about-his-life-as-a-granddude/

Lester Holt opens up about his life as a 'granddude'

Lester Holt on being a “granddude” and breaking down the news for kids. (Photo: Getty Images; designed by Quinn Lemmers)

Welcome to So Mini Ways, Yahoo Life’s parenting series on the joys and challenges of child rearing.

Veteran newsman Lester Holt has been helming the NBC Nightly News desk since 2015, but a younger crowd is bound to recognize him as the host of NBC Nightly News: Kids Edition, where the journalist swaps his suit and tie for a more casual outfit as he tackles the pressing topics of the day, from the coronavirus to spelling bees.

Holt credits his ‘intuition” as a family man for helping him break down often heavy topics in a way that’s “palatable and understandable” for children.

“I’m a father and grandfather and I often would speak to my kids about events in the news, some of which were unpleasant and unsettling,” Holt, who shares two grown sons, Cameron and Stefan, with wife Carol, tells Yahoo Life.

“When they were little we’d often sit around the dinner table and talk about things in the news,” he says, “and they always wanted my opinion and I would keep trying to push them back to really develop their own opinions and to understand all the things that go [into that]. So for example, if you’re talking about raising taxes to achieve a particular goal, what’s the impact of that? And I would try to walk them through it and help them understand. I’m a big believer that — and I say this on Nightly News Kids Edition from time to time — knowledge is empowering. The more you know about something, the more you can understand, how it affects your life. Is there something you should be afraid of or concerned about, or not? And I try to approach the stories in that manner.”

It’s a strategy that appears to have worked not just for Holt, but for his sons, now in their 30s. Son Stefan Holt has followed in his father’s footsteps, working as an NBC anchor based in Chicago. He’s also made Holt a grandfather — or “granddude,” as the journalist is known to grandsons Harry and Sam. A third grandson is due this fall.

Story continues

Here, the Dateline NBC host opens up about life as a grandparent and what covering news for kids has taught him.

Did you come up with the title “Granddude”?

I take full ownership of that name. My daughter-in-law, when she was expecting her first child, she said, “Well, what do you guys want to be called?” She’s a planner. I immediately glommed on to the name “Granddude.” I like it because it acknowledges that I’m a senior — that I’m the “grand” — but “dude” is kind of about the fact that hopefully I’ve still got a little gas in the tank.

You’ve had two sons and two grandsons, and there’s another baby on the way. Are you ready for a girl?

We found out it’s another boy [laughs[, so there’s definitely a pattern developing here. But would I love to spoil a little girl at some point, if that happens? Yes, of course. But we’re just thrilled for them. Their family is expanding and they continue to include us in their lives. They’re in Chicago now, so that means getting on a plane, but that’s OK. They can’t keep me away. We’re very excited.

The pandemic made it difficult for a lot of grandparents to see their grandkids in person. How did your family stay connected?

We did a lot of FaceTime, as we continue to do now. I sometimes wonder how we would have all gotten through this just 20 years earlier. We would’ve figured [something] out, we would’ve gotten on the phone or whatever, but certainly technology has brought us all closer together. It’s made my job possible in ways that would have been really difficult a couple of decades earlier. But yeah, a lot of FaceTiming, and we did get to see them on one occasion during the pandemic, with a lot of precautions and that sort of thing. We still have to acknowledge the fact that they’re both under 12, so of course there’s no vaccine available to them right now. So it’s not entirely out of the woods, certainly, when it comes to our children, but we’re hopefully getting there.

The newsman hosts NBC Nightly News with Lester Holt: Kids Edition. (Photo: NBC News)

What’s your favorite part about being a grandparent?

People have always shared with me that you get to spoil them, you get to love them and hug them and all that stuff, but when the hard work comes, you get to make an excuse to make your exit [laughs]. Seriously, it’s all great. It’s fun to see a little bit of your child’s personality come through in these grandkids. Sometimes, even my son doesn’t necessarily see what we see. But it’s just fun to watch them grow. It’s also fun to see your child really take on the role of parent and watching them instill values in their children. It’s very special.

Do you have any advice as a grandparent in terms of doing the fun stuff but also acknowledging certain boundaries?

I think it’s truly to take the cues from the parents. Your child and their spouse this is their child they’re raising, and hopefully with strong values. It’s their household, and I think it’s really important to respect that and ask, “Is this OK?” Occasionally I’ll post something with the grandkids, but it’s always proceeded by a quick text or a conversation. “Are you OK if I put this out there?” I think it’s just a matter of respect all the way around.

Your sons are now both in their 30s. What are you most proud of in seeing them as grown them?

I think it’s just that they’re terrific young man. We were very lucky when they were growing up. There was frankly never any drama. There was no trouble — that I knew of [laughs]… They were good boys and they’re really solid, good men. They’re friendly, they have a strong work ethic, they’re running their own way in life and as a parent, you really couldn’t ask any more.

Have you noticed any major shift in parenting norms from when you were raising your boys compared to now, as you watch your son be a dad?

No. Obviously the technology in childcare has changed a lot. There’s lot more doodads and stroller things that we didn’t have, but in terms of raising kids, it’s basically the same. You know what is possible and you work from within that. We were not afraid to take our kids out at early age to restaurants or to travel with them, and I’m seeing the same thing with my son Stefan and his family. I can’t think of any changes — they’re still little people and they need us. I think as they get older, they’ll navigate an area that we didn’t really have to deal with, with how children can incorporate social media in their lives in a healthy way. It’s they’re certainly part of all the generations now that are coming in, and I suppose that will be a challenge. Right now at [age] 4 and 2, it’s not a big deal, but you know, it will be.

Your job involves meeting very influential and famous people. Who could you meet that would impress your grandsons?

I’m sure it would be a Sesame Street character [laughs], or whoever wrote “Baby Shark.” They’re really at that age where I don’t know if they would be impressed by anyone. You may have seen [a video] I posted a couple of months ago. I was thrilled that the youngest one was mpressed by his granddude when he finally recognize me on TV one night. He started screaming “Granddude, Granddude, Granddude!: So I guess right now me and his father are the only celebrities in his life.

What are your favorite things to do with the boys?

I like reading. Reading was a part of my life: My mother reading to me as a child and I loved reading to my boys before bed every night, and I love reading to my grandkids. In fact, at one point during the pandemic, I brought out my video camera and my tripod and my microphone, and I set up and I read a book on video for them and then sent it to them. So that’s something that is a very special event and there’s nothing more special than holding a child and they fall asleep for naptime or nighttime.

Any favorite books that you guys love?

Goodnight Moon. I’m a big The Little Engine That Could fan. Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel... most of these are ones I read growing up. It’s fun to watch them turn the page and begin to sound out words for themselves. And it’s such an enriching moment, not only from the reading and the words, but also just that close time with a child is really amazing.

It’s been such a heavy news year. Does the more approachable tone of Kids Edition feel like a relief at times?

It’s a way to kind of break things down, and sometimes as we’re doing it, I’m thinking, you know, we can all benefit from taking some of the big words out of the equation and just kind of break down stories. Stuff’s coming at us a million miles an hour every day and jargon — political jargon especially — gets out there and acronyms and things like that, and you’re really not quite sure what it all means. And I think I take a little bit of lesson from this program that sometimes we do have to pause and back up and not to talk down to the audience, but acknowledge that not everybody’s an expert in these things. Not everybody knows what conciliation means in terms of passing a bill in Congress or whatever. Just slow down a little bit. That’s what we try to do on Kids Edition: not talk down, but really slow down and really kind of enlighten them about stories on a level that, hopefully, is appropriate.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.