#also my supervisors think i'm hard @ work... i mean i am but: hard at work on gifs lmaooooooooooooo

[rageprufrock]

Hi Pru, this is a career question... I am in my mid-twenties, female, not quite the most junior employee at my organization but treated often as one. The workplace is highly male-dominated, competitive, the older supervisors sometimes hilariously old-boys'-club, and the younger men (my age) mean well (feminist, etc.) but have their own territories to defend. For complicated reasons I cannot leave. I knew some of this coming in but am ashamed to say that

You’ll love this: my response is so late because I too girlbossed too close to the sun and have accidentally reached mid-senior leadership status at my organization and the past month has been the most hilarious cluster of fucks. Insert clown emoji herey.

ANYWAY.

I have a few thoughts on this one, and hopefully one, or some, of these are helpful as you're navigating your early career.

To address your most immediate question: is it meant to be this hard? I think "is it meant" or "is it always" are two different questions, and each with branching answers completely dependent on your field and profession. Some are notorious for early career hazing--banking, medicine, etc--and then the answers are that the suffering is a feature, not a bug, for these industries (this can be debated ad nauseum but you know what I mean), and then for many, many other professions, the answer is that while it's not meant to be this difficult, it still is, and that it's all we can do to survive it.

But setting aside the macro issues, of whether the role itself is objectively hard or if the environment you're in is objectively sub-optimal, the more nebulous and inescapable thing is that each one of us, individually, in our early career are undergoing one of many puberties and all its attendant implied indignities. I find it weird that culturally we don't talk about this much--at least not in Western or the Eastern cultures with which I'm most conversational--but think about it: in the first five to ten years of your working life, you're often simultaneously navigating a staggering number of life-changing systemic shifts that have a tectonic impact on your lived experience. I

For a lot of us, beginning your life as a working adult means you're likely moving out of your parents' home, which adds a huge amount to your mental load and financial burden.

For a lot of us, these early professional jobs are also the first time we're operating in a performance-reward system for which there is no clear rubric or understandable progression monitoring--there aren't any grades, and I can't tell you the number of people who I've spoken to in my career who have been shocked when they're told they're being put on performance improvement plans even though they thought they were doing fine.

It's like being sent to college with no class list, textbooks hidden in eight different departments run by varyingly helpful people, while trapped in an inescapable group project run by someone who seems just as frazzled as you are, and told "okay well you should need to bring me your completed degree by EOD Thursday." This doesn't even take into account your genetic assignment to play this entire game on hard mode by failing to be a cisgendered man in the dominant cultural demographic.

People who've had multiple jobs and career changes can attest, every new job, no matter how seasoned you are, is fucking exhausting. It's almost a joke among my friends at this point how often I change jobs, and every single time I do, there's at least a six month run where at the end of every day, I'm fucking spent. I couldn't calculate 1+3 if my life depended on it, because I've spent my working day so furiously trying to read the professional tea leaves and figuring out what the actual fuck I'm supposed to be doing--which, funnily enough, is never as clear as you would think! Even if you are at increasingly senior levels of responsibility! It's really fun and good! Your boss's boss's leadership team meetings? Surprisingly similar to when I used go get coffee during my break working at an ice cream shop to complain about our customers and equipment and boss! It's amazing how no matter how much changes, everything stays the same!

So I think in the end, my answer to your question is this:

Is it meant to be this hard? Depending on what you do, maybe.

But should it be this hard? Of course not. Life is short and lush and wonderful, but already so filled with challenges, and it's a shame that being rooted in capitalism, we're all forced to participate in a system that's so unbending and unforgiving.

But does that mean it's going to be forever? Or that you can't survive and thrive and have fun in the process? Absolutely not.

However awful you feel, however bad the job is, it doesn't have to be forever. This role you're in now may be just what you need to find your next, better, better paid opportunity. And maybe that one won't be the ideal for more than a year, maybe two, but that's why you keep an eye out and a keen focus on what you want, and what's most important, and like a shark, you continue to move and grow as you get clearer on where you want to move and how you want to grow. The person I was at 24 could not have imagined the person I am at 38, and I'm guessing that the woman I am today can't fathom who I'll be in another 10 years. Whoever she is, I hope she's still choosing to do hard things and--to the very best of her ability--having a good time in the process.

It's okay to cry about work. It's okay to cry at work, even though I strongly recommend that you do this huddled in a restroom in privacy because otherwise it gets messy--fairly or otherwise. It's okay and normal to do these things. It's okay and normal to feel like a fucking disaster, to feel--or to in actuality!--be categorically failing. It is okay and normal to hate and love your job, and to love money and hate the work. There is no right way to do this, and the only wrong way is to give up on yourself, or to create a situation where you cannot have the freedom of your choices or your future.

It's also going to get easier with time. Even if you don't feel it, every day you're getting more experienced, more confident, more discerning. Those microscopic, atomic changes in you accrue, and I'm sure if you're honest with yourself you can already identify how even today, you are a stronger, more capable person in your professional context than you may have been just a year or two ago. Even if you don't mean to do it, just the experience, the bruises, the callouses from throwing yourself at the brick wall over time will rewrite the person you are--if you do this with your eyes open and intentionally, all the better.

Five years from now, ten years from now, you might still find yourself crying about work. But hopefully you'll share the good fortune I have been privileged enough to have, and find yourself the type of good friends who say, "don't care during work hours, it's beneath you to give them the satisfaction--cry later," and actually have the wherewithal to follow that extremely correct guidance.

So anyway, it shouldn't be this hard, but it is. The good thing is, you're better and stronger than it is, and you can look forward to the day you get to look over the shoulder at all the worlds you've conquered as you get ready to do it all over again.

💖

#advice #career advice

[suuuupernovaaa]

meyam

meyam [m·ɛ.ˈj·am] vtr. hug, embrace, hold in one’s arms

Anonymous Request: Could you do a Neteyam x fem!plus size human? She's both tall and plus size so she never felt small till she was around the Na'vi especially with Neteyam. Maybe she gets extremely shy but also secretly loves it.

875 words

"Y/N, can you double check these numbers?" My colleague and direct supervisor, Matt, asks, tossing a print out I literally just put on his desk.

I nod, taking the sheet, and grumble under my breath as I walk back to my desk about what a prick Matt is.

Instead of actually double checking the numbers that I am confident are accurate, I work on something that actually matters to kill time.

Matt can't stand that a 19-year-old, who was born on Pandora, is better at this job than he ever was. He can't stand that I'm smarter than him, I get along better with the natives, and there's an avatar nearly ready for my use.

He hates me, and takes any chance he gets to minimize me.

I hand him the data back seconds before I'm set to punch out, and leave without another word.

I have a date.

--

Neteyam waits outside the base, throwing a nearly-flat basketball through a moss-covered hoop.

"Hey!" Y/N calls, jogging up behind him, smiling behind the oxygen mask she must wear. "Sorry you had to wait. Matt was a massive dick today."

Neteyam feels the anger in his chest at the mention of Matt. He can't imagine anyone mistreating Y/N, his Y/N, and he holds a deep contempt in his heart for this man. If he was Na'vi, Neteyam would handle this physically, but he's a human, so there's nothing to be done.

"Don't look so mad," Y/N says, reaching up to pat his arm. "Just a few more days and I'll be in the avatar program. Matt won't even be my boss anymore."

For a human woman, Y/N is quite tall, over six feet, and she can reach up to grab his arm easily. While Neteyam still towers over her, she's much more comparable to his size than any other human woman (and most men) that he's met.

She's expressed that she feels uncomfortable, being as tall as she is, but he can't quite comprehend that - she still looks very tiny to him. He also knows that she feels uncomfortable with the shape of her body, the soft curves, her full, round cheeks, her wide hips, her soft stomach... but he can't complain about this, either.

He likes every soft, round edge of her.

That evening, he's taking her for her first ikran ride. He knows it's a little dangerous to take a human, but he thinks, with the amount of time she's spent around them already, especially around his, it will be okay.

She tells him how nervous she is, as he helps her ascend through the forest, and when his ikran lands, he lifts her into his lap, securing one arm around her waist and the other holding tight onto the reigns.

"Are you ready?" he asks.

"Yes," she replies, and they take off.

--

It's like nothing I've ever experienced before, flying on this Ikran with Neteyam. It's terrifying and exhilarating and even though I'm scared, I feel safe, with his arm wrapped tightly around me. He pulls me with him as he leans into every turn, and I know he won't let me fall.

It's too soon when we land, and Neteyam leaps off, then catches me when I do the same.

It's amazing, feeling as light as air in his arms. I tower over almost every other human on base - but among the Na'vi, I'm miniscule.

"Well, what did you think?" he asks, a wide smile across his face.

"I want to do that every day."

"Soon, you can!" he says. No one is more excited about me joining the Avatar program than Neteyam. It was a coveted spot, one I'm lucky to have obtained, and I fought for it so hard, mostly for him.

We smile at each other, and he leads over, holding my hand in his.

"Do you think your family will... be okay?" I ask, squeezing his hand. "With me, I mean?"

"They would be hypocrites not to, Y/N," he reminds me, alluding to the fact that his father was also a Sky Person, once upon a time.

"Will you still want to see me, like this?"

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"Like a human."

Neteyam tilts his head to the side, obviously never having considered this before. "I like you like this. I'll like you taller, too."

I frown and turn my head, and Neteyam reaches down, tilting my chin up to his.

"I like you like this," he says again, forcing me to look into his eyes as he says it.

I try to smile. "I know you do, Neteyam. But I feel... to small and too big, all at the same time."

“You’re not small to me… or big. You’re the perfect size. I hold you in my arms, and it feels right." He crouches down, reaching out to pull me into his long, strong arms, holding me against his chest. "You just, fit. Right here.”

I wrap my arms around him in return, though they don't go quite all the way around.

"In a couple days, I can really hug you, really tightly," I say.

Neteyam presses a warm kiss to my cheek. "I cannot wait, my love."

#neteyam #neteyam x reader #neteyam fic #avatar 2 #avatar twow

[gabessquishytum]

So my interest in classical lit and all the camboy Hob aus have combined to make a complete monstrosity. I present to you, a Fanny Hill AU. I'm thinking of a more traditional brothel worker Hob who left home while still very young bc his parents died and he needed to make a living. He didn't mind the hard work of farm labor or the machinery of the industrial jobs, but more often found out his supervisors paid him more to fuck him than for any of the work he did. So he went into sex work simply bc he was better at it.

Enter pompous young lord Dream, the third son of some rich lord who is due to inherit a large sum of money but none of the titles or lands his family owns. He's carefree and prefers to put his effort into his writing and visiting the brothels. There he meets Hob after the owners have decided to auction off his "virginity." He bets handsomely of course and wins not knowing Hob is already well-trained in the seductive arts. They start to slowly fall in love which means Dream starts visiting Hob every day.

Well someone's father gets a wind of this and ships Dream off to the south seas to prevent his total fall into degeneracy. They part and it's all emotional. Hob can't exactly promise to stay true as he has a profession. One he's really good at so a few years after Dream ships away, he's become the kept companion of Eleanor, a really rich widow. She helps him become a really worldly and well read individual, someone who can blend into high society. He loves her but in a different way than he did Dream, who he still constantly thinks about. None of his letters ever go through, but he still tries.

On the flip side, Dream has become rather successful on his own and has married a local island girl and had a son, but he's also never stopped thinking of Hob. He decides to move back to England after his wife has died and his son is old enough to make the trip. When he returns and seeks Hob out again, he finds not the hedonistic whore of his youth but a wise and caring man who reopens his heart for Dream and his young son. Though Hob's penchant for troublemaking is still there as he demands as soon as Dream is settled that they should marry.

- 🤜

I am kissing you on the mouth anon. I have a lit degree and this is so yummy to me. I'm thinking of all the potential classic lit aus now?? Hob as Tom Jones?? Hob as Pip in Great Expectations (he falls in love with Herbert Pocket/Dream)?? Middlemarch au!!! Dream is married to Hob’s horrible older cousin (Burgess) and everything is beautiful and tragic. My mind is spinning!

Getting back to Fanny Hill, I can only encourage you to take this further because somehow it works SO well. I'm struggling to find my usual "Yes, and" energy because this is kinda perfect? I love you for including Eleanor too btw, always love to see her getting a bit of affection from the fandom <3

I love your insane Fanny Hill au, my friend. You're a genius of our times <3

#🤜 anon #the sandman #dreamling #nsft

[pfhwrittes]

For a second I thought the cow incident was over the weekend and I was about to book a flight to the UK to tuck you into blankets and make you huge piles of food and treatos.

Also thing. So I have zero and I do mean zero filter on my mouth. Mum likes to say the shit I say is why she has so many grey hairs. Now this isn't to say I'm a jerk or anything close to that. More that I'm a sassy thing and it's amazing that I still have a job. Example, yesterday at work my supervisor and an educator were showing these two students we have proper body mechanics for lifting heavy surgical trays.

Educator "just remember to bend and lift with your knees."

Me walking behind them "pop it like you want that anaconda to get some hun."

Educator and Supervisor "MA'AM" and government name while laughing.

Me walking away as I shake my ass "am I wrong?"

Anyways somehow I still have a job and I'm not entirely sure how. One supervisor wanted to get me drug tested and like 3 weeks later I accidentally gave him nightmares.

Love you hope your week going fabulous ❤️

stigy oh my god i am trying so hard not to cackle at your lack of brain-to-mouth filter right now.

i am fully high-fiving you over saying weird shit at work and somehow still keeping a job. i was well known for saying some truly off the wall shit at my last job (never mean or malicious, just stuff that made people go "parker!" in a scandalised tone while also laughing).

like that time one of my favourite co-workers came to find me in the stockroom and i said "i wish i was getting fucked as hard by dickheads in charge outside of work as i am inside of work" and i made her think she'd gone into premature labour because she was laughing so hard. i am very pleased to tell you she didn't go into labour because i would NOT have handled that well let me tell ya.

lmao i can promise i haven't been getting up to (many) antics at the moment. i've been good! just a few harmless pranks on my mum and an accidental midnight spidering.

love you too! and i hope your week goes most excellently! 💜

#pfh answers #friend tag #i am taking a break from writing my soapgaz nonsense so i've remembered to reply to you this time! #tw spiders #i guess? i'm talking about spiders in the tags it's not actually relevant to the ask whatsoever anyway #a “midnight spidering” sounds exactly like what you think it sounds like (unless you're thinking it's something freaky) #i uh may have COMPLETELY ACCIDENTALLY thrown a spider at my mum while i tried to rescue it from my room at midnight #in my defence - she startled me #and in her defence she wasn't expecting her fully grown child to be sneaking across the landing with a spider in their hands so #we both learned an important lesson that night #for me it was the fact that i will still think about climbing out my window and onto the roof when she uses my full name #for her it was the fact that i will somehow make a situation where there shouldn't be spiders more spider-y

[notthewriteryourelookingfor]

So I made a Palestine flag pin to wear at work, partially because it feels like all I can do, and partially because the city I work in seems to be having a weekly protest about what's happening in Gaza but I seem to be working or otherwise busy every time so I can't join them but I can do this.

I'm a supervisor at a retail store and if I'm working on the weekend, I'm in charge of the day. (This does matter)

Anyway, yesterday I'd stepped away from the register cuz my coworkers had it covered and I was in the middle of fixing up an isle that was in danger of dropping a bunch of rolls of fabric on someone if they pulled out the wrong roll.

After a second or two, one of my coworkers came up like "Hey the dude at the register is giving [coworker] a hard time about your Palestine pin" so I went over to check out what was going on.

He'd left by the time I got there but I did catch a glimpse of him leaving. I am a larger woman, both because I'm tall (like 175cm which is about 5'8-9") and also wider/a lil chubby, the coworker he'd been having a go at was the smallest of the three of us (all women) that was working there. And part of me thinks that's why he complained to her and not me. Because I'm nearly the same size has him but the one he decided to have a go with was like 60% his body mass.

So she has a name that sounds like it comes from the middle east and I'm p sure he's racist based on what he said so there's that too.

Some of the things he said was "[Palestine] is a terrorist state" (which isn't even how words work tbh) and that me wearing the pin was "offensive and disappointing" and then left. (My coworker told me that these are some of the things she said).

My coworker is ok, she was a little rattled mostly cuz that's just how you react when a customer randomly has a go at you, especially since the majority of our customers are nice (if stupid) and then she was just annoyed that she wasn't able to snap back at him.

I've told the women working yesterday and I'm telling the women who are working with me today (who are also quite small and petite) that our store is not a place for debating, and if they feel uncomfortable about anything a customer is saying they can tell them to leave. I will back them up 100% and cover for them of necessary though our store manager is pretty good about having our back on these things too.

It's just so wild to me that he saw my pin, right below my "I'm a supervisor" pin, went to checkout, saw a tiny, maybe middle-eastern woman ladled as a "team member in training" and decided to parrot racist bullshit that almost definitely came from Fox News and then walk off like he'd won something.

I will say, I've had nothing but good things said to me about my pin. I have the Palestine flag pin, and the Indigenous Australian flag pin, both of which I made out of old fandom badges that I painted over cuz I couldn't find anyone selling badges near me and wanted the Indigenous flag before the voice vote a few weeks back. And then cuz I was continuing to wear that, I decided I should also support another group of people who have been invaded, colonised, oppressed, and demonised. (Just cuz Australians didn't carpet bomb the indigenous people when they were driven from their homes, doesn't mean they wouldn't have if the technology had been available at the time tbh)

People have asked if I made them or have asked where I got them because they wanted to buy them. There are more people who support Palestine than we really realise and that's great.

But:

Leave retail workers alone.

And don't get your info from Fox News or Murdock news.

#palestine #retail hell #big rant sorry #retail #the fact that im a larger woman who looks kinda butch and that i will fight is important to this story #men like that will always go for the smallest person in the room because it makes them feel better #that man was a racist coward and im just glad that my coworker is ok she is a bit of a bitch but no one deserves that shit #ill stay at the counter today so if anyone wants to have a go while they check out can talk to me or i can be there to tell them to f off

[marnz]

some thoughts about life right now;

i've been on a really intense project since late July and let me tell you, i am tired! i'm one of the few people at my job that specialize in this type of work--we are excited to train more--but for now i am just hanging out here preparing to trade one high pressure project for another for the foreseeable future. which ultimately is fine! even though it can be stressful, I would rather be doing this type of work, which is interesting and super fulfilling and matters a lot to me, than other types of work, which do not feel fulfilling and are actually pretty boring.

it's a little confusing to find myself here because last year i went on medical leave for mental health reasons and prior to that i was doing a very different kind of work, and when i came back in january they started me off with this new kind of work (which i do prefer) with basically no training from my supervisor. which is fine, i am comfortable learning on the fly and/or teaching myself, and i have both a lot of experience doing this and a lot of experience in Complex Projects, albeit in a different practice area. then i moved onto this project in late july. so like again very little training in this specific type of work but i assure you, nothing is as stressful as my last job was. and i do love this project! even though it's stressful! i've since learned that this is just going to be my specialty! which like...i am happy with the outcome but i feel like i sort of tripped and fell into it in the least expected way possible.

while thinking about it, i think i thought i'd only make it to this kind of work, this kind of project, by working hard--and i had a specific idea of what working hard looked like, what striving looked like. but i have been working hard for the last year or so, healing, learning, growing, recovering, all of it. and that is hard work. and by taking time to tend to myself, and grow and change and learn and heal, i became ready for this kind of stressful work. and that's not the narrative we have around this. culturally we have a narrative of self sacrifice and unpaid overtime and being really fucking type A and having unhealthy work/life balance, but as soon as I stepped away and said actually, i've had enough, i will not burn my life out for you, i started down a road that led me to doing the type of work i want to do in a healthier and more prepared way. and that's fucking awesome!

for now i am just trying to make it to the end of this project in mid october. which means coping skills, baby! wish i could write but i don't have capacity for it rn, and that's fine. so my priorities are: maintenance days (cleaning/chores). reading. knitting. baking. yoga. hiking. i want to make life as easy and cozy for myself as possible right now.

i haven't knit for several months and I'm thinking of trying my first sweater--this gorgeous sweater called Mountain Mist. however i've never done colorwork before so the pattern suggests doing the same colorwork in a swatch hat (here) to practice. i am SO HYPE!!! this pattern is also admittedly deeply my aesthetic. i showed it to my partner and he laughed bc it's so typically me lol. i also checked out the first book in Tana French's Dublin Murders series on audiobook to listen too while knitting. spooky season means murder mysteries. 🥰

also my work office is being remodeled so i will be working from home for the next 6ish months, and we're preparing to overhaul my little work corner in our house so it is better/more ergonomic/has more storage/is cuter. also i am going to get a standing desk for my poor knees 😵‍💫 recently worked from 8:30 to 9:30 and my knees hurt sooooo bad 😩

it's nice to know that a year ago i wouldn't have been able to handle this project or really know how to slow down and prioritize self care and after a ton of hard work on my mental health i'm now i'm like, well, it is a bit stressful but we got this. progress 😌💖

#currently #crimes new roman #gonna make lemon poppyseed bread next i think #doing laundry and cleaned out the pantry today. now going to order yarn. #also tmi but i got a new iud and i am In Pain lol so i am just going to take it super easy :)

[thegoldenshi-shi]

So, I have been busy making poor monetary choices again, in which I now own two different types of tablets specifically for art (ONE WAS VERY MUCH ON SALE, THE OTHER HAD A 50 BUCK COUPON, BOTH GOOD REVIEWS), and the first tablet I bought, that's honestly just a way of adding a touchscreen to a computer to me, cause like. It's a sensor pad? Well, it's proving that I can't mentally make myself apply a lot of pressure to technology, which my younger self with a ruined dsi touch screen would gape at. I have also gotten all my shelving units up! Not sure if they're staying where they are, or if I'm gonna move them around again, but I do know two that are staying where they are, mainly cause I am /not/ lifting that shelf all the way back up to chest level to take it back down again. Nuh uh, no ma'am, it will not be done. It's also gotten all my collectibles on it already, which has proven that I need to devote more of my budget to the Twins than Screamer. My frenemesis would be delighted to see my failure to my simpees.

Work has been better! Still hot, but we've slowed /way/ down, which means my supervisor has been letting me goof off on my phone or writing, cause we physically can't work too hard in the heat, but we also have no orders anyway, so... And because we've been able to get paid Not Working, I have gotten back into a werewolf story I started writing months ago! I'm setting it up one shot style rn, and posting the chapters as my brain accepts my pleading for their creation, but I also intend to make it a full and proper story once I've worked all the one shots out. I will openly admit to it being complete self service, cause I want a best friend who's 8 feet tall, fluffy, and has a crappy sense of humor. And is a cuddle monster, though that one is mainly cause I love glomming full force onto my people and displaying my awkward affection. I'm like a peacock, but instead of flaring tail feathers, I hug people in front of other people, whilst not actually really knowing socially accepted norms for hugging friends, tbh.

I also went through and completely reorganized my phones gallery, and got a very stupid laugh outta it. I have 461 transformers related pictures, and almost 400 writing prompts. Just. Saved on my phone. If I ever lose this sim card my writing career that i don't actually have will be over. On another other note semi related, I have been asked to design a friends tattoo! I don't know if I mentioned that in my last ask. He asked me to draw him a dragon to get tattooed, which, to be fair, dragons are among one of the very scant things I can draw well reliably, but also, dragon proportions curled into a ball sleeping are kicking my ass, and I am debating getting out my giant sketchpad to be able to completely control every tiny eetsy beetsy detail, cause my close friend wants me to do this thing that will permanently be on his body, and I really desperately don't wanna mess it up... Cause like. No one has ever asked me to ///draw/// for them before. I've gotten asked to paint, or do some small stuff with watercolors, but never /drawing/. And he knows I love dragons, it's part of why he asked. I just. It's a thing that happened that made me really happy, like hide in my pillow crying happy tears happy.

And then, on the fifth, I found an exactly 8 year old video of my childhood dog that we had to put down... it was from the summer before he was put down, which happened during the school year. He had been all that I'd had growing up, so, it hit kinda hard seeing something of him that moved. Even after 8 years, I still cry every time I think about him. He was the best dog any little kid could've ever been raised with, and probably helped boost my immune system against my allergies to boot, hehe. I cried for like, two hours, cause it was a video taken 7/5/2015. And, I thought I had lost all my images of him. It was a happy thing, just. A very sad type of happy. I wish I could tell him that I did love him, even if I didn't wanna lay on the ground and cuddle like he preferred. He was a dog that was born old, haha, never wanted to play or bark, he just wanted to lay on you and be loved. I was always running around on imaginary adventures though, but I did love him. If I was upset, he was my safe place. I promise this is a happy thing, it's just that I'm gonna be legally allowed to drink soon, and sometimes I forget that it's been so long since I got to see him. Especially cause sometimes, I still have dreams about playing with him in our backyard, right next to a giant pine tree covered in cicada sheds, laughing as he dug a little groove to lay in under the old rusted out trampoline. He was the most patient, tolerant dog, and it's because of him and the cat he raised with me that I'm not afraid of so much anymore. Ma and dad weren't there when we had him, but... I'll admit to giving them up forever if it meant I got to have him back

~Smooch

Hello there Smooch~

Sleeping babee dragon sounds so cute! I've never designed a tattoo, so I can only imagine the pressure (and of course the touching part of him asking you to draw his tattoo design).

Interestingly enough I too spent a loooong period of time where drawing was a dragon-only zone. I think it was back in like middle school? If you're struggling with a traditional four-legged two winged dragon, have you considered another type? There's Asian Lung dragons, Wyverns, Wyrms, or even a Quetzalcoatl style dragon that can all be very cool and might be easier for you to draw as a sleepy loaf. If your friend doesn't have a strong preference of course.

How exciting, on sale art supplies. It's kinda hard to decide sometimes between art supplies and if you're new to it, it's not a BAD idea to try multiple different types and/or brand names until you find what you like. I own two different art devices, one Wacom Intuos bought in High School and a Huion art monitor bought like four years ago. I was a traditional artist at the time I bought the Intuos tablet, so I quickly found that I prefer drawing on an actual screen I can look at instead of drawing on a tablet, BUT I had to try the tablet first to know that. What that all amounts up to is I hope you like one if not both of them ^J^ It's good to hear that your job is calming down. I'm sure that you're enjoying having the down time to work on your creative pursuits. At the risk of sounding too much like a hippie art teacher, I say it's very important to have some sort of creative outlet in your life. So it's wonderful to hear that you're getting to write on your werewolf story. I send you my best wishes that your muse stays nice and cooperative for the whole process hehe.

And lastly: The bittersweet memory of a good pet that has passed is something that I feel blessed to have as well. I hope that you can continue to enjoy your memories of a good animal without being bogged down in the sadness of their passing.

It's good to hear from you again Smooch, glad to hear you are doing well~

#smooch anon #thank you for your ask though! #and good luck with your artistic endeavors #the sleepy baby in the middle is my design for Quetzalcoatl #other two are rando drago though #I just wanted to include some art for you #I replied a little out of order I know #the dragon art just had my antennae up #I hate that I didn't get around to this in a quicker fashion #lots going on at work

[ilgaksu]

🎉 and 💔 for the fic writer asks?

from this series of fic writer asks

🎉 What leads you to consider a fic a success?

definitely engagement. i actually have several fics abandoned currently because of lack of engagement.

(the one that came to my mind immediately is the fic discussing hei xiazi's past as a sex worker in canon, which never did as well as i hoped, but also i had very limited hopes for the appeal of a fic about a cis and very masc man's relationship to female-oriented sex work. it is, however, entirely accurate to the actual sex work industry in the country he was operating in, as well as refusing to view sex work with anything but respect for a profession. do i sound bitter? i'm a little bit bitter.)

in my original writing career, engagement is less of a pressing issue to me because i have exchanged actual money or some other form of renumeration for labour. fic for me is less a handing over an item (because outside of a commission, you haven't paid for access to it and also then do not take any ownership of it or rights to it) and more of a form of communication with other fans. i want the influencer-capitalism shift of fan subculture into content creators and content consumers as two separate groups to die in a fire, actually. subcultures should not seek to mimic the dominant culture; modern fandom was created, as i've said before to a friend, by a group of women in a house talking about star trek, who had the audacity to treat each other as equals to each other and to men, when the world refused to view any of them as such. there is no such thing as "more equal than others" outside of animal farm, and especially not based on productivity.

having said that, i think if i was pretending that engagement isn't part of the reason i'm spending my limited time on earth writing two fictional and borrowed people, i would be being disingenuous. i am using it as a form of communication and communion with other people who love the thing i love, and the fic itself is a way of me expressing and processing my love, especially in a sociohistorical era where we are often far more distanced from who we want to be in community with. everyone wants their work and love to be acknowledged, and the use of their time, especially when it's on something that is viewed as a waste of it in the dominant culture; especially when it's viewed as silly and small, because current western culture denigrates love of the silly and small, especially a big love of something that cannot be made fully marketable. and so, it's hard to feel like a little kid at show and tell with your craft project, only to feel as if all the other kids are just walking by. it's why i'm always open to questions about characterisation and construction of fics/headcanons/theories, as well as writing craft; i just don't discuss the last one unless asked very often because i dislike seeming as though i need to provide a thesis defense for my creative practice to preface my work. like, what are you, my phd supervisor?

but to go on further, because it's my blog and i can elaborate if i want to, there are other aspects too. to follow the argument for engagement further, i sometimes get comments that echo that i have verbalised or represented an experience that felt personal to someone, and personal to the point of it feeling isolating. when i specialised in trauma studies, i focused a whole dissertation on caruth's theory of the unspeakable in trauma and looked it with a literary studies focus. caruth argues, to try and condense it quickly, that trauma is the experience of an unspeakable event, and, by that argument, we can surmise that only by articulating the trauma can someone begin to process that trauma. (i think a lot about what it means to live in a current culture that is trauma-obsessed and obsessed with making our trauma marketable for the algorithm to the total invasion of privacy, and yet deeply lacking in empathy to when trauma makes a person behave outside the bounds of what they consider acceptable, btw. but that's another topic for another day.)

so, for example, getting a comment saying that someone has felt seen and heard feels incredible to me. even if that's the only comment i get on that fic, it feels like this form of communication in a world that's starved us of that kind of communication, and that will make the real work and time that goes into writing feel worthwhile.

however, overall, i've moved away from as being as metrics-focused as i once was. when i began writing in heihua fandom, for example, i assumed, with absolute certainty, that nobody was reading, that nobody was interested in what i had to say, that nothing i was writing would be viewed with grace. and as a result, i felt free in a way i hadn't in previous fandoms where i was very publically involved; if i was writing alone, just for me, what would i write? and so now a great deal of is a fic a success for me is based in: do i read it back to myself and enjoy the process of that? does it feel like, if it wasn't written by me, and i wasn't worried about egocentricity, i would acknowledge that this fic was made entirely to my own tastes? am i having fun? did i love the process?

those are the questions i try to focus on now, and so now it's about 50/50 with that and actual external engagement, which is huge progress.

💔 Is there a fic of yours that broke your heart?

OH, BOY, THIS ONE'S THE BRUTAL QUESTION.

short answer: yes, there's been several, and i immediately thought of them when you asked.

longer answer in a reply that's already had a very long answer:

several fics of mine reflect claustrophobia and hopelessness i felt at that point in my personal life. i am proud of them and i am proud of myself for them, but not because i believe the purpose of pain is to make art, or that it makes personal misery worthwhile. i am proud of them because of their honesty. they break my heart in that to look at these works at the point in my life i'm at now is to feel an intense love and compassion for the version of me who wrote them. i try and avoid autobiographical readings of my work, because i think they're often used to pigeonhole marginalised creators to fit into the box of literary criticism, but i think it's important as a creator to value how you can see your own personal development outside of just skill development in your own creative work.

#asks #zenstrike #thank you for the interesting questions!!! apologies for the meandering answers!!!

[nukenai]

My job is a little boring and they could pay me more I guess, and we've been insanely slammed with work since like, last July, and it hasn't let up at all.

But idk. I've been there for I think 6 years now. And I just think about things like how the manager of our department keeps making sure we know she's paying attention to how hard we're working. And has told us a million times not to break ourselves with getting more work done than usual, and to just do what we can every day, because "we know you are not robots and I will not entertain any expectation that implies otherwise" (cool actual quote)

And then I think about how the morning Oma died, I texted my supervisor, and she replied in regards to bereavement stuff, "I will handle everything, please don't worry about it". And then a few days later I received a care package from upper management with a personalized card expressing condolences for the loss of my grandmother, along with a candle, some hand lotions, and a stuffed dog. Apparently this was because my supervisor told upper management about it, and they decided to do that.

I hear so many horror stories of jobs that are awful about shit like that. And it's like, I tell my supervisor "I have to leave early today because xyz thing with animal" and she'll be like "hope everything's alright, just let me know whenever you're back!" with no further questions. Could I find a job that pays more? Probably. But would it be a job where I can work from home with my animals all day, and I really feel treated like and appreciated as a human being that means something? Probably not.

In one meeting when I expressed slight frustration over being called into a meeting because my production metric slipped, my supervisor immediately went off on a tirade about how much she appreciates me, how good of an employee I am, how I always show up and never call out and I'm extremely reliable and good at my job, and how she loves seeing pictures of Sammie in the Teams chat and I'm a joy to the team...

And I was like damn Amy I'm not quitting I was slightly annoyed LOL. But it was nice to hear, yknow?

Sorry I just saw an awful instagram reel where a woman's boss was terrible to her after her mother in law died and it hit me hard. I'm forever sending everyone I love (that's you if you're reading this) the best vibes ever and I hope you can find a job where you get stability and feel appreciated. Even if it's a little frustrating sometimes.

oh also they let me switch to a 4 day work week so I have an entire day off on Wednesday and also we have like infinite overtime available and I'm not doing anything else but making tons of extra money! lmao (the overtime is not remotely pushed. it's just like. hey who wants it. and like, i'm gonna sit on my ass at a computer anyways!)

#LONG POST #SORRY BEEN HAVING A VERY LONG COUPLE OF WEEKS #BRAIN IS FULL OF A LOT I AM TIRED

[c6h12o6pack]

I wasn't taken care of properly growing up. I don't hate either of my parents. I love them both but it's not the kind of love others feel for their parents. When I say I love them, I feel bad for them and the first thing to come into mind is that I hope they're okay and I cry thinking about how much they struggle or have struggled.

Growing up poor and ugly. I was weird, poor, ugly, and malnourished. I had been mistreated from a lot of people and that's a lot of what I look back on. I have bad dreams every. single. night. For months, For years.

I use to have crooked buck teeth. Extremely skinny. Cheap shoes, sometimes with holes. over sized winter coats that DID NOT fit me. ugly old oversized clothes. I had become a self harmer. I had started really dangerous behaviors. I'd either gotten bullied or I didn't fit in. I never fit in the way that I always wanted to.

I think to this day, I never grew out of this ugly feeling. I don't feel good enough but I work so hard. I am anxious all the time and so stressed about everything. Slightly paranoid. I'm am currently learning how to- I don't even know. I'm just learning. I'm a bit behind than other's and I think I might always be.

I think the best thing I can do is stay kind to people although I have also learned how to be mean. >:O One time I was at the skatepark with my friend along with someone we had recently just met. Meanwhile, a grown ass man comes up, doesn't say hello. Instead he yells out "is the girl taken!?" "I mean whats the girls name". I'm not a fucking dog. Nobody answered from surprise and I spoke for myself, telling him to go fuck himself and pith off. He got angry and left saying rude stuff. (I was high af, i get a bit too confident). I spoke up for myself but it can be really dangerous. What if im alone the next day and he's there again. Not having a phone. What would I do? (okay I would kick him in the balls, scream STRANGER DANGER, and run). I was brave to tell him to fuck off but it was also dumb and dangerous.

Everyone should try to be nice and respectful to everyone. Don't assume the worst in people but don't be dumb. Anyone can be dangerous. Support each other and be understanding. Go out of your way to help others. It feels amazing giving to others. I remind myself that I've gotten help from so many people, that paying it forward is a must.

Thank you to all the people that have been kind to me, provided me with something, and have helped me. I've been someone who needs a lot of help. I owe all of my successes to the good people around me. My ex boyfriend's mom. My supervisor. A boy, who helped me buy feminine products when I needed them. My third grade teacher. The mother of my next door neighbor I had 10 years ago.

[army-of-bee-assassins]

frustrated about not getting a LEND program clinical placement i applied for because they think it's not actually well-suited to my interests population-wise, and it's my own damn fault cause i talked too much about being interested in sensory disabilities instead of neurodevelopmental disabilities (which is what the placement is for). i AM very interested in neurodevelopmental disabilities, i'm just interested in working with those disabilities in the context of a school for the blind or deaf. but evidently i didn't get that across very well. the people at this placement do really like me (i was emailing them before the application even opened and they were super nice), and they said they actually want to try and start a different LEND placement at the children's hospital for me. but it's not guaranteed and they are gonna get back to me on friday about it. i am trying very very hard not to get my hopes up. also i'm kinda bummed anyway cause even if i do end up at the children's hospital, it'll be a different supervisor than the one at the original placement, who everyone says is the best supervisor they've ever had. doesn't mean it'll be a bad supervisor, but i guess it'll just be the luck of the draw. again, IF they're even able to place me there.

#LEND comes with funding too which is a big reason to want it ofc #and they were not clear whether the children's hospital placement would come with the funding? but it would be LEND so i think it will #anyway i'm just feeling. bleh #the email said like “we don't think the center for developmental disabilities would be a good fit based on your interests” #and i'm over here shaking the fucking bars like YES IT WOULD BE A GOOD FIT #just cause i like hearing and vision loss doesn't mean i don't like autism and adhd and ID!!! #most of the students i worked with back at the school for the blind had a neurodevelopmental disability AND vision loss #j.txt

[kiefbowl]

Congratulations on your job!! I wonder if you have any advice: I’m 24, graduated during the pandemic with a BS and have been working full time from home for the last 1.5 years. I didn’t love what I studied but thought it would lend itself to law school or med school but I really don’t think that’s what I want to do. I want a good paying job and my family is pushing me to do computer science which I think I wouldn’t like or would be too stupid to do (same with medicine). idk what to do I don’t want to hate my job but I also think it’s silly to say money isn’t important and run off to Hollywood to be an actor. i just don’t know what I like and am afraid of spending money on a degree I won’t enjoy or be good at. I’m also just so lonely and unhappy I feel like I’m waiting for my life to get better or actually start but idk what to do! I feel paralyzed by fear of the future and fear of failure that I don’t actually do anything, whether that’s career stuff or even hobbies that I want to try! I’m so frustrated with myself like ugh why can’t I just do things!!

keep in mind, any work experience you get is a building block. Having a job now doesn't mean it's your job forever, or your career. 24 is a perfect age to be "funemployed" and take a lower paying, lower stakes job so you can prioritize taking stock and having some fun. and who knows, that lower paying, lower stakes job could turn into a career. every coffee shop needs a manager, every delivery job needs someone running logistics. I have friends who have been bartending for over 10 years now and that's their career, and there are downsides and perks. they have months where they make bank and make more than me, and the longer you work industry jobs, the more ritzy places open up as options. the brief time I did apartment leasing (I made 0 money and quit lol), everyone who was making a career out of it made their money in the summer (a lot) and then gig jobs the rest of the year. They had such amazing flexibility in their lives but also they were running themselves as a business and had to manage their own taxes.

The point I'm making is your job/career needs to support your life, and it's okay if it feels overwhelming because you're young enough to not really know all the ways you want your life to be. There's a balance of stability and flexibility, and there's a balance of working for someone and working for yourself. But the longer you work, no matter what you're doing, the more opportunities open up for improving skills, getting promoted, learning more of the industry and business. And every job you do has transferable skills, so doing six months at really shitty place can feel like a lifetime but eventually it's over and you move on and that was the job you learned some canned phrases for dealing with shitty customers or whatever. Through working, though starting at the bottom and working hard (or hardly working lol), you'll learn more about what makes you comfortable at a job and hitting that mid career level doesn't actually take that long. Get a couple promotions at one place and you can start putting "supervisor" "manager" "consultant" etc on your resume, and start creating the promotion for yourself by getting jobs at other places. No matter where you are in your career, it always takes time and you're not going to snap your fingers and get a new job the second you want it.

Don't fear failure because failure's going to come to you in one way or another, and then you survive it. Make sure you're keeping in touch with people because friends are great ways to get referred into companies, and ask people in their 40s/50s/60s what their career path has been. Every single one of them is going to have a different story, and they'll have choices they had to make, planned decisions, and also some dumb luck. People will say I was doing data analysis for 10 years at the same company, I thought it was so boring, so I decided to become a dentist at 37. Or someone will say I was bouncing from bar to bar, and then my friend needed someone to copywrite at their new startup and so I helped them out for a couple years and one thing lead to another now I'm an editor. Or someone will say I knew I wanted to be a lawyer like my mom since I was five, so I did that I never stopped doing that. But it's great listening to these stories you realize how many ways there are to live and so much of it is in your hands.

So good luck, keep your head remind yourself some of this can be fun and be your own number one cheerleader.

[qqueenofhades]

I work and have worked for multiple newspapers of record, actually; just not in the US, as well as a national TV channel, and I have friends in all the major news agencies in my country. I hear 'your outlet/oligarch told you to write this' all the time about pieces my direct supervisor barely even knew I was writing, and it's frustrating, because I think people assume this field is much more hierarchical than it is (it is actually often internal anarchy). In some cases people do put their finger on the scale - the recent bullshit at CNN is a good example - but oftentimes (part of) the answer to "why are mainstream journalists pushing this narrative" is also just, "journalism breeds a both-sides, keep-your-own-morality-out-of-it, precedent is ironclad prophecy mindset that is no longer sustainable or often even coherent in the current era".

I mean yeah, journalism itself is a problematic practice, if still necessary, and like all practices, it needs to take a good hard look at itself and what it is teaching as gospel. (Trust me, I am an academic; I know ALL ABOUT "bullshit things we are taught to do that no longer make any goddamn sense at all.") I think also as you point out, there is a long-held belief in general that "presenting both sides" counts as neutrality or informed journalism. Except if, as in the case of the current American clusterfuck, one side is a flawed but generally reasonable political party, and the other is a raging band of theocratic fascists who deny basic reality and hate everyone, if you equivocate them or treat them as equally the same or equally worthy of public consideration, you're doing a massive disservice. Part of critical thinking, indeed the core of it, is being able to say "these two things are not the same and should not be compared or privileged on equal grounds." If it's just a vacuous "here is what both sides said with no attempt to differentiate between them or inform the public because We Are Neutral," such as in the BBC's often-cringeworthy coverage of the war in Ukraine, that is bad. Silence in the face of oppression favors the oppressor, etc etc.

Anyway, I definitely don't mean to lecture you, and I'm sure you know all of this already. Part of the problem is definitely this "both sides" journalistic mindset, as you point out. But in America specifically, there has been a huge and organized effort to bag on the Democrats for a long time (the ridiculous double standards of how they're covering Biden vis-a-vis Trump is not new), and that is related specifically to the establishment, the power that they hold and that they serve, and isn't just a result of journalistic practice or method itself, no matter how flawed. So yeah, that is what I was trying to point out.

#anonymous #ask

[chaotic-archaeologist]

Hey Reid, I wonder if you'd mind giving your advice - not about careers, but about blogging yours! I specialise in African archaeology (based in southern Africa, born 'n' bred), and I have recently gotten a full scholarship to do my PhD at Cambridge! I am very excited about this, want to keep a visual journal and keep people in my life up-to-date with what I'm up to, and start to build a professional social media presence for myself.

As someone who has documented their studies online for years (big fan; been following a while!) what has your experience been like? How do you balance what to post and what not to? Obviously there is sensitive content you can't share (I'm thinking unpublished work and certain finds, etc.) but what about talks and conferences and digs and all the other cool stuff we do?

How much time does it take per week on average to curate your blog? How did you start out, vs. where you are now?

Are there any things you regret, or wish you'd known when you started blogging? I'd be so appreciative of any wisdom you'd be willing to share.

Okay, I'll try to scrape together all of my experience and condense it here.

My experience has been mainly positive. I've gotten a little hate here and there, but for the most part all of the interaction I get is very friendly. I'd like to think that's partly my doing, but a lot of it is a credit to the dirtlings as well. You get out what you put in though, and I think I've been able to avoid some of the nastier stuff because I try very hard to never post when I'm emotional.

Believe it or not, behind the chaos I've been very deliberate with establishing what I think of as my "brand" for this blog. Your quirky archaeologist internet brother who is here to answer your questions and encourage people to pursue archaeology.

One of the biggest things that I put effort into is maintaining a certain level of integrity. That means putting sources in my posts and admitting when I don't know something. If I get asks that are out of my expertise I'll do my best, but I also tag people who might know more than I do.

For my own sanity I've developed a consistent tagging system (he speaks, he answers, academic advice, etc.) so that I can find relevant answers to questions that come in. I've also put together an advice master list and a faq page so that it's easy for me to direct people to posts without having to hunt them down.

As for what I do and don't post, I always clear artifact and site photos with a supervisor first. Additionally, I try to abide by medical privacy rules. For me, that means not posting anything that someone could stumble upon and recognize. No funny emails or class material, nothing that would put me in an awkward position if someone from real life found out about it. Conference research is a little different because it's being presented in public, but I would want the person's permission and to make sure the work is attributed.

I'm honestly not sure how much time I spend because it's all in fits and starts, but it's probably a pretty good chunk. I try to get back to asks promptly, and I check the notes of posts to see if there's anything I want to respond to. I also try to keep a list of drafts that I can publish (often just reblogs from other people) to make sure there's still content on a slow day.

If I have any regrets, it's that my internet hygiene hasn't been as good as it should be. As the blog got more popular I tried to get better, but at this point it wouldn't take much sleuthing to find out who I really am. Again, this is why I'm so careful with the content that I do post, because it's entirely possible that my schools and bosses could find out.

-Reid

#he speaks #he answers #about the blog #blog advice

[finnlongman]

Very random question fueled by the hype about your incoming Laeg paper (also other random question but... Pacific Rim/Iron Widow style reimagining of Laeg and Cu Chulainn when??) but do you have any tips/templates on writing an academic article for publication?

I have never actually seen Pacific Rim, though the concept appeals to me greatly; I have however read Iron Widow and... yes, I am 100% here for this concept. Would love to see someone write that fic.

And... honestly, I don't have too much advice to give on that front. I guess a few generic tips:

Read recently published articles in your field to get a sense of length, style, tone etc. These may vary by journal, so look for one that seems to suit the kind of thing you'd be going for.

It might help to seek out other postgraduate articles, eg in the proceedings of student-run conferences, to get a sense of what other scholars at a similar level are doing. It's hard to always be comparing yourself to the big names in the field – give yourself a break!

An article needs to contribute knowledge to the field, whereas a student essay can just evaluate the knowledge that's already there. So if you're adapting work that you did as a student, consider whether it has something to add that nobody's said yet.

For me, in recent years this has meant working with texts and characters nobody cares about. Before, when I was working more on Cú Chulainn, it was about introducing theoretical frameworks that are under-utilised in my field. You can pick a big topic in the field and go argue with somebody famous, but that's a tough way to start; better to choose a small corner that nobody's looked at in a while and say, "Hey, actually this is interesting." You might even convince them.

In Celtic Studies, editions and translations are useful, so this can be a good place to start, if you have skills in that area: they serve a purpose to other scholars and provide a foundation for future work, which means they're worth publishing. In other fields, there are probably other things that are useful. If you don't already have an article in mind, figure out what would be useful to yourself and others in your field, as it might help you get a foot in the door.

As far as I can tell: Undergrad is when you think, "Huh, odd how nobody's done that." Masters is when you think, "Okay but somebody really needs to do that." PhD is when you go, "Ugh, FINE, I guess I'm doing that." Articles can be this, but on a smaller scale. What is it that you wish somebody else had done or pointed out or emphasised before? That sounds like a niche that needs filling.

Pick your journals carefully. I have very little experience of How To Pick The Right Journal, but you might want to think about things like "is it published online/open access?" or "how complicated are the submission guidelines?" or even "do I get a good vibe from the editor or are they kind of a creep at conferences?"

Conference proceedings are a less intimidating way to tackle a first publication, because you're invited to submit after presenting at the conference, so you already know they're interested. This does mean presenting at a conference, though, but postgrad conferences especially can be very friendly, so it doesn't have to be a huge intimidating big deal.

A well structured article is more convincing than an article that talks in circles for eight pages before getting to the point. Topic sentences are your friend. Make sure the reader knows where each paragraph is going and how one related to the next. Include translations of quotations because no one likes That Guy who randomly sticks bits of Latin in the middle.

"Witty pun or quote: a well-used article title structure" is a legitimate approach to titling.

If you're currently a student, ask your supervisor if they'll read over your article. They might have suggestions for where you could send it, and they'll probably have useful comments.

I don't know if any of that's at all useful. I would say I'm very far from an expert on this front! My articles so far have been:

Adapted from a section of my undergraduate dissertation, but substantially expanded with new theoretical approaches and extra monsters; presented first in greatly abbreviated form at a conference (trans Cú Chulainn article)

More or less directly lifted from a chapter of my MA thesis, just with added introductory material and a few tweaks to make it stand alone; presented first at a conference (Láeg article)

An expanded version of a coursework project consisting of an edition, translation and commentary on a fragmentary text (7 Maines article)

All of them, as you can see, were adapted from work I'd done before, and two were given as conference papers to start with. So I don't have a lot of experience with starting from scratch.

A couple of years back I was googling and I did find a PDF designed for postgrad students that was all about adapting coursework into publications – I think it was from the University of Glasgow. I wouldn't have it to hand and I'm on mobile at present, but perhaps if you Google, you might be able to find something similar, and it might have more helpful advice than me!

#answered #linkedsoul #academia

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Memo that I need to write to my supervisor right now, as I sit in the office of the building where I'm doing my work program, there are no clients here today so I'm doing admin: I realize this is by far the easiest day I've had here, getting to just sit with my laptop instead of actually doing things with clients, and I appreciate having this nicely quiet day, so I really hate to complain. But you see, while I sit here doing fairly mindless admin, I've been listening to a podcast called The Bugle. I just got into episode 251, from November 2013.

In this episode, John Oliver has announced that he will soon be leaving The Daily Show and will host his own show on Sundays, and announced it with so little fanfare that I had to run the episode back a bit to make sure he had actually just announced Last Week Tonight and not one gig he'd be doing some Sunday in Chicago or whatever. This came after several episodes in a row of him sounding increasingly weary and hopeless about the soulessness of world, even by John Oliver standards, often either forgetting to laugh at Andy Zaltzman's cleverly written flights of fancy, or doing that sort of despair-filled laugh that people do when what they mean is "I don't have the capacity to feel genuine mirth right now, but thank you for saying that funny thing, I needed the distraction." It appears that this has finally become too much, and he's taken the news that anyone wanted to give him his own show as final proof that there is nothing here worth saving.

John Oliver often expresses hopelessness along these lines, and I normally operate with the assumption that he's at least somewhat exaggerating his genuine frustration for comedic effect, because that's funny and adds to the show. But at this point, I'm pretty sure no part of it is exaggerated, since it's actually detracting from the show, with Andy desperately trying to keep the light alive with puns and bullshit while John can barely pretend there's anything funny about anything. It may have been exaggerated once, but he has now committed to the bit so hard that the bit itself is just a distant memory.

This has, very unexpectedly, caused an intense wave of an extremely weird mix of nostalgia and depression to hit me, as I remember the simpler yet crumbling times of 2013, the terrifying feeling of facing the unknown both then and now, the rentless inevitability of someday shedding everything you love layer by layer, and how, as they say, you can never go home again. I don't know, the feeling it's inducing is something like that. Hard to really work out while sitting in this office, and that brings me back to the issue at hand. I do think, incidentally, that "You can never go home again" may be the saddest expression in the entire English language. What's the point of anything, then?

The last time listening to The Bugle made me this depressed, I was at least at home, where I could drink whiskey about it. I'm afraid this office is just not the place to process this new situation, so I'd like to depart. Also, I finished all the admin that actually needed to be done about half an hour ago, and am now just drawing things out with makework and writing Tumblr posts on my phone so I can meet the required number of hours in this building. Important work is done here, providing therapy to help autistic kids participate in society, it's much more important than the work of sitting at home feeling weird about a podcast, but that work is not being done today. Maybe let me feel weird now, and I'll come back tomorrow to do things that actually matter.

...Given that sending this memo is not a great option, I'm going to try turning off The Bugle and playing Twilight Zone by Golden Earring on repeat instead.