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writingpuddle · 5 years

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The foxes and Andrew reacting to Neil with a British accent?

Hey anon im p sure you sent me this like a million years agobut I found it again when going thru my asks yesterday so here goes myattempt at a bulletpoint fic:

Neil grew up in the states, sohis default accent is American, but he is ridiculouslygood at imitating. Like give him a ten second audio clip and he canextrapolate basically an entire dialect from it

The Foxes discover this aroundHalloween when watching a spooky movie and Neil goes into a perfect deadpanmockery of the Dracula character’s terrible Transylvanian accent

It becomes a thing

The Foxes will give him an accentand just set him loose

Neil is kind of surprised bytheir enthusiasm but also secretly very pleased to have found a way to amusehis Foxes

He likes making them happy so henever denies them

Except Kevin, but that is mostlybecause the team gets more amusement from watching Kevin get frustrated and trynot to show how annoyed he is over Neil being such a petty little asshole

Also they discover that if Neilputs on an Irish accent when Kevin isn’t paying attention he will absolutelyJUMP

Give him an order in an Irishaccent and he just instantly starts to follow through before he wakes up,blinking in disorientation as he realizes what he was doing

It’s funny at first, then theyrealize it’s because he associates the accent with his mother, and then itskind of sad, and then Kevin starts telling more stories about his mum and someof the few good memories he has of her, and then it gets funny again because Foxesare Foxes and they do love a good roast

Kevin complains outwardly but itsactually kind of cathartic to talk about his mother

He tells Andrew this inconfidence and Andrew just glares at him like no shit dude, you need fuckingtherapy

Anyways

That summer is going to be thesummer of the girls graduation

So they’re all determined to dosomething big to celebrate

And they get it in their heads todo a Eurotrip

Neil isn’t really payingattention at first because he’s more concerned about whether Andrew will bewilling to do a transatlantic flight

(Andrew is obviously going tocome. Flights suck, but there is no way he can cope with his whole family beingthat far away. He does not feel the need to explain this. It should beobvious.)

That’s when the Foxes pause, alldevious.

They’ve been plotting

“So, Neil,” Allison says. “At what point are you going to introduce usto your British uncle?”

Neil does not see where this isgoing

In fact he is largely baffled bythe suggestion.

“You realize my uncle is agangster, right? Like, literally a crime boss. Possibly the most dangerousperson in Britain.”

“Mm-hmmmmm.”

Neil is ???

“But he saved you Neil,” Nicky says emphatically. “We need to thank him.”

“Uh, kind of by accident, butyeah, technically.”

“You should call him. Just toask. You know, at least give the guy some warning that you’ll be in the area.”

Neil is still kinda confused butokay, fine.

Now here’s the thing

The Foxes have heard any numberof accents from Neil by this point

Including a magnificent Godfatherimitation

And probably half a dozendifferent British ones

But those were always for the laughs

He always picked a terribleaccent or would mock the living hell out of a posh one

Neil isn’t used to being thefunny one so he’s trying his best okay

And it’s fun and all but Neil can’tbe seductive to save his life

Even if you made him speak theFrench, the language of love itself,he’d just sound like he’s talking about the next game because he has zeroflirtability

Face it his and Andrew’sflirting sounds kind of like death threats to outsiders

They deserve each other

SO the Foxes convince Neil tocall up his uncle and they huddle around the phone

Only to be utterly disappointed

Neil talks with Stuart for all ofa minute and a half, just normal voice

He hangs up and tells them thatStuart will meet them in London in May and that they’re going to get him inshit with the FBI for this

The Foxes retreat, mutteringmutinously

Andrew is well aware of what’sgoing on, but it’s halfway amusing so he doesn’t say anything

As the months pass the Foxesbecome increasingly desperate in their attempts to make Neil say something sexy

They make him quote movies, TVshows, read out flirty text messages

One memorable time they even gethim to read out a page from Fifty Shades of Grey in a stuck-up British accent

They almost die laughing

It’s like a fucking superpower

Neil can say absolutely anythingand make it come across totally non-sexual

The Foxes have pretty much givenup by the time the summer trip comes around

Neil spends the plane ridepretending not to fuss over Andrew so by the time he arrives he’s totallyexhausted

And here is what he didn’texpect:

He is totally used to listeningto the local accents and then blending in naturally

It’s very disorienting beingamong the Foxes and their various Americanism, but hearing British accents allaround him

And his instincts are snarled upin knots

Plus he’s fucking tired

So he keeps slipping

First it happens when they passthrough customs, just a little lilt to his voice to put the officer at ease

But then it keeps happening

Stuart sends a couple cars topick them up and take them to this massive place he owns right in centralLondon

Being a crimeboss comes withcertain perks okay

Neil slips up again when he’stalking to the driver, his accent washing back and forth

Everyone else isn’t really payingattention because as excited as they are about Neil’s accent they’re in London and they’re all exhausted and fora lot of them it’s the first time they’ve been outside of the States, ever

Andrew notices

But he doesn’t say anything

They get to the apartment andfind a note there from Stuart saying he’ll pick them up tomorrow for a tour

Everyone splits off into theirrooms to sleep

Neil falls into bed exhausted, but sleep doesn’t come

And Andrew knows this but is tooexhausted himself from the stress of flying to deal with it right away

So he just wraps an arm aroundNeil’s stomach and holds him there as he drifts off

And it’s not enough for Neil toreally relax but it’s enough to make him feel grounded

The next morning Stuart shows upand everyone blinks at him bleary eyed and suspicious

But he’s charming and most ofthem find it kinda disarming

Which is how the Foxes end up takingwhat is probably the most expensive tour they’ve ever had (Allison excepted),lead entirely by a crime boss

Neil is lagging behind a bit buteveryone is so caught up in it that they don’t really notice

Except Andrew

That boy is always attuned to Neil

So he drops back with him andthey have a brief intense staring contest which ends in Neil looking away

They’re standing in Trafalgarsquare watching some street performers so no one is listening

Neil is obviously chewing onsomething and Andrew waits him out

He would wait forever

Finally, Neil just says, “I’vebeen here before.”

Which isn’t much but Andrew’smemory has never failed him before

I couldn’t live there again. I couldn’t retrace my steps to any ofthose places

Andrew knows what its like to feelsick at things that other people would love

So he nods and stands next toNeil the whole day

Not quite touching but closeenough that they can feel each others gravity

At the end of the day Stuart andNeil have a very cordial goodbye and then Stuart leaves them back at theapartment

Everyone is gushing about how charismatiche is and Neil doesn’t bother to correct them

His uncle has always been a bitof a snake-charmer but at least he knows he’ll never hurt his Foxes

They’ve still got a few days inLondon and Stuart’s secured them tickets to an underground dungeon tour thingthat usually has months worth of waiting list

Neil’s a little leery of goinginto a dark underground space, but with his Foxes there he’s sure he’ll beFine™

The team breaks out drinks aftersupper but Neil doesn’t have the energy

(Honestly according to thistimeline they’ve been in London for twenty-four hours they should be jet-laggedto hell and back, but w/e)

So he retires to their room andAndrew follows him like he always will

He sits next to Neil on the bedand waits

God there’s so much fuckingpointed silence between these two dear lord guys learn to communicate

Eventually Neil sighs. “I thoughtit would be okay. With all of them here.”

Andrew mulls that over

He doesn’t know how to admit thatit bothers him too. Seeing Neil reverting back to old habits, trying to blendin like its second nature

But he knows Neil is here to stayso he just slips a hand around the back of Neil’s neck and tugs him in untiltheir foreheads touch, breathing in the same air

Gradually the tension eases outof Neil

“We can go home,” Andrew says

“No,” Neil says. “I want to stay.I want to learn how to…do all of this, as Neil.”

Andrew squeezes the back of hisneck one more time. “Okay.”

It’s a silent promise, one he’sbeen keeping for over a year now: that any time Neil drifts too far, Andrewwill keep him anchored.

Neil knows it and he can’t helpbut smile a little, watching Andrew’s hazel eyes disappear into the shadowbetween their faces.

“Yes or no?” he asks

Andrew draws back a little

“You’ve been dissociating allday.”

“I’m here now.”

Andrew scowls and let’s go ofhim, standing up to go dig out his pajamas from his luggage

Neil flops down on the bed andadmires the view while Andrew changes

(That’s a nice thing. Andrewbeing comfortable enough to change in front of him. Sure, he’s always partiallychanged out in the locker room, but in private it’s different. It’s more. And Andrew is willing to give thatto Neil.)

(It’s very nice.)

“Staring,” Andrew grunts

“Can you blame me?”

“Yes.”

Neil sits up again and tugs onthe front of Andrew’s shirt until he gives in and steps up close, betweenNeil’s legs

His hands go to Neil’s sideswithout conscious decision

“Nicky wants the genuine Europeexperience,” Neil murmurs, toying with Andrew’s hem. He still hasn’t been givenpermission to touch, so he doesn’t. “We’re going to be staying in hostels.Might be the last time we have a room to ourselves.”

Andrew bites down on a thousandimpulses, reflexes to shut Neil down, cuthim out

Instead he just kisses Neil, goodand slow, a reassurance that they’re there,they’re real, and that this isn’t going away

“Andrew—”

“Yes,” he says, and pushes Neilback onto the bed.

You know what happens next

They love each other deeply andprofoundly and all that but they also like each other’s butts ya know

So afterwards they get cleaned upand curl back up in bed to sleep

Andrew climbs over Neil andnearly knees him in the balls and Neil’s laughing a little and Andrew scowls inannoyance as Neil scoots closer

And with the most obnoxious chav accent that’s ever been heard says, “Any chance a bloke could get a bit of a snog before bed?”

It is quite possibly the worstthing Neil has ever said and Andrew does not hesitate in slapping a pillow overhis face to try and smother him

Neil is laughing his ass off andit devolves into some pretty stupid wrestling before Andrew gets Neil pinneddown, straddling his hips

“Bloody wanker,” Neil says, unable to contain his grin

“Shut the fuck up,” Andrew says,and kisses him so that he does.

#i dont think this is what you asked for but its what my brain spat out lol #anon #writing prompt #have i been sitting on this for months?#probably #aftg #andrew minyard #neil josten #andreil #accents #fic #my writing #Chav!Neil #the foxes go on vacation

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kemeticcallouts · 7 years

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Like could you fucking be any more transparent? First you claim that you can't be fucking racist against Jews, then when I tell you to fuck off, you start accusing me of being ~racist~ because??? In an ask about THE HISTORY OF THIS BLOG, I even *mention* Smarmy made it?? SHE DID MAKE IT. I didn't say she fucking RAN it, and you using ME as an excuse to distract from antisemitism ONCE AGAIN is simultaneously hilariously tragic yet totally Kemetic of you.

it’s Smarmy this time! This is gonna be a long one because there are a lot of details I want to cover 100% clearly so there can be no reasonable misinterpretation of what I’m saying here, so buckle in.

First of all, Dame’s original statement was only drawing a distinction between racism -particularly the kind experienced by PoC, including her, who are literally always seen as non-white every second of their lives- and antisemitism experienced by people termed “white Jews”. She then felt, within only a few minutes of posting it, that she was in the wrong and deleted the post, immediately posting an apology before you said anything about it. She told me privately she thought she was wrong and should delete it before your ask about it ever popped up. Please note, my explanation of Dame’s intent is not me saying that I agree or am prepared to comment on the differences between antisemitism and racism; I’m only going over what she meant because your description of the conversation, while technically accurate, portrays Dame as dismissing oppression of Jewish people entirely, which isn’t what she did.

You claimed in another ask (which we are not publishing at the moment in order to contain any drama to one post): “You got caught being antisemitic, deleted the evidence, and now you’re flailing about trying to find a way to discredit the person who accused you. You realized you fucked up by trying to pretend I’m white, so the closest you can come is pretending I’m racist.” Here is her actual statement on the matter:

I deleted the anon response in question because of my own ruining of that post. I just couldn’t be sure on whether or not I overstepped my bounds and accidentally perpetuated antisemitism or not. I don’t want to make antisemitism seem smaller than the huge deal it really is (even if it is way too specific to be so glibly referred to as “racism”). I also don’t want to label Solo as White the same as I would a white gentile, and it felt dangerously close.

Since we discovered that the blocking was an accident and managed to unblocked Solo, I deleted it. I apologize deeply.

–Mod Birb

So here you are not only wrong about her calling you out on the racist shit you’ve been pulling “to discredit you”, but lying: Birb did not “try to hide the evidence”. She admitted wrongdoing and apologized, deleting the post so it wouldn’t spread, as that’s generally considered the appropriate response when you say something wrong.

Secondly, Birb wrote that bit about how it’s racist to insist I’m in charge of the blog and running it as a way to shut up non-white people i don’t like and the rest of them are just going along with it, as you and several others have done regularly, the night before. (You remember sending that ask well before the second argument happened, don’t you?) She didn’t publish it when she wrote it because we have a policy of having several people okay a post before publishing it (which we’ve also mentioned to you recently). It was in no way a response to your reply to her attempt to differentiate between antisemitism and racism -which, again, she had decided to delete before you said anything.

To “prove” this course of events, of course, I’d have to publish a bunch of private messages of us discussing it with timestamps, which I’m not going to do because even then you’ll claim we somehow staged the whole thing, or faked the images, or will otherwise divert the conversation if you’re backed into a corner and it’s proven why we posted or deleted what we did, in the order that we did. We’re not obligated to reveal private correspondences just to prove at which time things happened, especially when we know you well enough to know it’ll do us fuckall in terms of how you treat us and what you claim happened. However, this is still the truth and I want people to know that, even though it doesn’t fit the narrative you’ve chosen.

Here’s what I can prove, definitively: Your ask did not just “mention” that i started the blog. Here’s a copy paste to remind you:

“ Nah smarmy specifically made this blog because I pitched a fit at how constantly pathetic y'all are at cleaning up your trash and how I wouldn’t need to do it myself if you did it and how y'all think just blocking and ignoring someone on your personal blog doesn’t help and instead need to be forcibly dragged into the Shame Arena and driven out of the community, and Smarmy went “I’ll make a racism blog for the kemetic watch!!” even though that’s the opposite of what I said. Stop revising history.”

This is not you mentioning I technically “started" this blog by being the one to open it on my account, after a bunch of kemetic PoC had all talked about it and decided to give it a shot. This is you saying that I made the blog because of you. Saying that I went “I’ll make the blog!” of my own volition because it’s what I wanted to do, which isn’t what actually happened. That’s what Dame corrected you on- that it wasn’t entirely my idea, it wasn’t something I just ~decided~ to do, and it sure the hell wasn’t to get back at you or shut you up. Sure, you didn’t say that I was currently running it, but you said its creation was all up to me. After correcting you, Dame then elaborated to point out that I also am not running the blog now, addressing not just things you personally said and implied in your ask, but things people such as KCFTP have said and implied about the project, while specifically mentioning that she was replying to those people too.

Dame wasn’t out of line in the slightest by pointing out that it’s racist to ignore the non-white mods’ role in this blog’s creation in favor of saying “nah smarmy specifically made this blog because I pitched a fit (etc)” because it takes the autonomy and role in creating the blog away from PoC and gives it to a white person. That is a textbook white savior narrative that you described in the ask, and that’s what Dame was talking about when saying it was racist.

This isn’t a matter of opinion: you said something happened that did not happen. When confronted on it, you changed your story, this time claiming you only “mentioned” I made the blog, rather than what you’d said the first time: that I decided to make the blog as a successor to kemetic watch “because (you) pitched a fit”. Then, you claimed that Dame was making up groundless accusations of racism to distract from something she’s already admitted wrongdoing and apologized for, when in fact her accusation is a response to exactly what the fuck you said. This is gaslighting. In the other asks you sent, you’re also bringing up events that have nothing to do with the current conversation in an attempt to browbeat the person you’re arguing with into backing down because of past mistakes that they’ve already apologized for, or are currently trying to fix ( the latter referring to the accusations aimed toward the entire blog/kemetics in general). This is toxic.

Continuing to engage with you doesn’t contribute to this blog’s purpose, and is actually a legitimate mental health risk to at least one of our mods, so we won’t be doing it. (Inb4 you go “THEY’RE USING MENTAL HEALTH TO EXCUSE THEIR ACTIONS!”- People have the right to draw boundaries based on their health and needs, end of story. This includes during arguments with you.)

We will not be publishing any more asks from you until and unless this behavior changes. We don’t be deleting them either, if only so that we can have concrete proof of what you say. We won’t block you unless you continuously contact us despite telling you, right now, we aren’t interested in further communication.

-Smarmy

#soloontherocks #smarmy

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