#and he ended our entire fucking friendship over one mistake we weren’t even sober enough to fully remember

[geekygoddesss]

Broken Codes

Summary: (Y/n) had a crush on Michael, but for her luck, her best friend did too. 

Pairing: Ashton Irwin/Reader/Michael Clifford 

Words: 6.1k 

Warnings: Love triangle!, curse words, Crystal (just if you don’t like her, be aware she will be here a lot and I don’t dislike her so, if you hate on her you can just not read)

In every friendship there is unspoken rules and boundaries that should never be broken, those rules that you never speak about but you know that if you cross any of those lines, your friendship is over, your social life could be over, even your mental sanity could end with just breaking apart one of those rules, those little rules that were simple and clear, and once you do it, there’s no turning back.

One of the golden rules of friendship has been broken. The one and only rule everyone should be ashamed to cross, it’s broken, and there was no turning back or easy fix on it.

Never date your best friend’s crush.

It was just as simple as that, one of the golden codes of friendship was broken and now all that was left is to pick up the pieces. Even the pieces were still not there to pick up but would be there at any moment.

I never intended for this to happen, especially when I was the one standing at the other side of the line, when I was the one being broken while I watched everything I cared about fall apart in front of me. Apparently, it all just started behind my back, and the moment the rule was shamelessly broken, I felt my heart broke with it, shattering in tiny pieces until it was dust and a new found feeling started to grow in me.

Anger, Jealousy, I didn’t know, all I knew is that the rule was broken and I was the only one affected by it.

It’s a long story to tell and that if I could, I would be able to talk about it  for hours until I ended up in tears and not sober enough to say anything that made some kind of sense, it mattered for me, even when I was the one who felt too much and decided to do nothing about it.

It all started one summer, it was my vacation and as it usually happens, my best friend decided to fly me over to LA for a couple of weeks so I could keep her some company. I was more than pleased to do that and those were, in fact, one of the best days of my entire life. I meet people, I had fun, I meet new places, I de-stressed myself from ongoing chaos that happened every week in college, I had the best time of my life and that is something I would always be grateful for.

But something happened at those vacations. I remember everything like a movie in my head, I could have sworn there was perfectly fitting music playing in the background and the perfect image to fulfill this beautiful picture. 

Him

I remember every single thing. 

We were invited to a pool party in the middle of Hollywood on my last day of vacation, which was certainly surprising, seeing that I did not know many people in the city and two invitations came in the mail as a surprise the same day as the party, it was weird but we didn’t really think twice about it, we grabbed our things and gave it ago, it was my last day so we might as well did something big. So we went there and even when it sounds ridiculous, I could have sworn it was destiny who put us both there because ever since that day something changed.

There’s a lot of things that come to mind when I remember that party; One is, how I was forced to wear a bikini when I absolutely hate wearing those, Two, the party was giant and the drinks were something to remember, and last but not least, how lost I felt there, it was like I couldn’t fit anywhere and everyone had their place except for me even when I wasn’t alone in that party, I felt out of place, until he crossed my way.

It’s hard to remember how exactly I got to that point but after trying and failing to fit in a lot of other groups it was like I finally found my place in one of them, I felt welcomed because he was there and he made me feel like I belonged.

Call me lame but I am pretty sure that destiny put me there for a reason, I recall every detail from the first time I saw him and heard every single word said in those moments, I got to see him up close. 

His smile was perfect even when his teeth weren’t, it was such a beautiful smile, he was a perfect size, funny, handsome, charming, not too talkative but at the same time extroverted enough to make out a perfect personality and his eyes… his eyes. 

Just like that, just by being him it was like his image imprinted on my mind for good and never left my side. Because even when I never spoke directly to him or formally introduced myself, I felt like I’ve known him before and I wanted to be able to know him better. I needed to know him better, I just didn’t step up for myself, that was the worst mistake.

I couldn’t stop thinking about that guy ever since. Michael. Even his name fit perfectly with all him, everything about him was perfect, it was almost as if he was made by hand and traced on the perfect pattern for someone to pick, and that someone could be considered the luckiest person in the world because he is just perfect.

Now I know that someone was not going to be me, by any chance, because Crystal was faster.

The day I received that call it was like all signs of hope I could have about anything just vanished without a reason and left me hurting, just like that, it broke me without a warning. If I knew that was going to happen I might have debated to pick up the call or not, but I couldn’t just guess any of it, as soon as I got that call I was quick on answering it, Crystal always answered my calls and I did the same for her, especially when I had nothing to do and I was feeling like I needed to talk to someone familiar. I thought at first it would be a normal conversation, at first I barely noticed anything, she seemed normal, although, something in her voice gave it away, she was nervous and tried her best to look for a gap in the conversation to bring the topic up, when she had the chance and saw the perfect time to say what she had to say, she let the news drop like a bomb.

“I’m dating someone” Crystal said at the other end of the line, her voice turning into a really excited tone as she said the news out loud.

At first, I was really happy for her, really excited. I knew how long she’s been single and how bad she just wanted someone to share that kind of closeness with, but all of the guys that she’s been with before haven’t really been the greatest ones, so I was really happy that she was happy to be with someone new.

After that announcement, there was a name, and I didn’t like what I heard. I knew exactly who the person was before she even got to say his last name and as soon as she said it all, I didn’t know what kind of reaction to have, because, in the middle of her celebration, my heart was completely being destroyed in one million pieces and destroying all kinds of hope I ever had on getting the only guy I could not get my mind off.

She knew, she knew it all along. She knew I liked him and she still went for it, that it's not fair at all, that’s playing dirty and she knows it, but there is nothing I could do about it now.

“That’s great” I remember saying, trying my best to sound excited but there were tears running down my cheeks and I really wanted to punch something.

Thank god I was alone.

She knew I liked him and she didn’t care, she got him anyway and never for a second wondered how I would feel. It was a clear stab in the back and I could never forgive that, but still, I had to wipe out my tears and pretend I was okay because even with this mess around me, Crystal is my best friend and I would do anything to not lose her for stupid reason, even when the stupid reasons affected me the most.

That’s exactly what I will be repeating myself for the next 10 hours because just as an add on to this giant pity party I will be throwing myself for a long while, it’s vacation season and that could only mean one thing. My best friend not only came to me the last time with one announcement but this time, there’s two, comes out, I won’t be expecting my summer vacation all alone.

“We’re going to Bali!” It’s what she yelled over the phone, leaving me with not only a broken heart but now some kind of challenge I had to overcome.

Because spending my vacations with my best friend being way too lovable with her new boyfriend (that happens to be my strongest crush ever) it’s something I want.

This vacation seemed like something I wouldn’t ever forget. Fuck me.

I would be lying if I said I was excited about this trip. I have never been to Bali before and it definitely looked like the kind of place I would like so see in person, but the whole concept of this trip kept discouraging me every time I thought about it and when packing time came over, I was hardly debating on if I should go or not.

In one hand I had a bunch of pros, I would be able to meet such a paradise in the other side of the world, I would relax a little, maybe get a tan, I would meet new people (maybe even make friends, if I was lucky) and last but not least, I would be able to be with my best friend while doing all of the above, that was good. However, On the other hand, we had the one and only con that keeps rounding around my head, Crystal won’t be alone, she has a boyfriend now and that boyfriend happens to be the one person that has been in my head for months, I couldn’t just sit there and watch her live up my dream, I can’t, but now I have to.

Ever since that day, nothing has been the same.

I decide to suck it up and let destiny do whatever it wants with me because maybe all I need is some vacation to relax my mind. So I packed my things and gathered courage enough because just as soon as I got my last class in school, I was already grabbing my suitcase and leaving. Now here I am, on my way to a new adventure.

I am going to Bali and I will have one hell of a time, whether I like it or not.

The flight is really fucking long, I don’t know how can a human being stand this kind of flights and connections, it was actually terrifying, I didn’t even know how I managed to handle this by myself. I took three flights and a really long connection in New York to get to where I am now, but I did it successfully and in longer than I was actually anticipating it to be, I was already in Bali, just a couple of feet away from what could be either the best vacation ever or my worst nightmare, but I could only cross my fingers and hope for the best, maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as I thought.

I could tell you, more than thirteen hours trapped on a plane were not enough of mental preparation for what I am about to face, and with every step, I took to the main entrance I prayed that the hit would be softer and easier to take because I was not ready for any of this.

The airport was packed, just by simply taking a look over the sea of people I knew it was not going to be easy at all to find a familiar face in between all the shapes and colors going around. It was almost impossible to recognize someone or know where to go in general, so I just do my best to carry my heavy suitcase by myself and walk forward, I don’t know where I am going but I just go straight and cross fingers I will find someone on my way.

So I stand there in the middle of the moving crowd for nearly twenty minutes, until my feet started aching and I started to become impatient by the minute.

It might be dumb to just stand here waiting for something to happen, I could have called Crystal the second I got here but unfortunately my luck wasn’t on my side today and right after I landed my battery died from all sudden and all I could do now was to wait, hopefully I wouldn’t get lost right now In an unknown country.

Something up there must have heard me, because right the second when I thought it was going to be mission impossible to get to any point here, I saw something in the crowd, a pink haired head outstanding in between the people, my senses went up and before even thinking twice, I was telling her name, I might as well be wrong but I had to try.

Score. It is her, I am not lost at all. I see the pink haired head moving forward and pushing through the people until it got out and I could now see her face, just like a remember but still there was something different on her, I didn’t care though, I am so happy to see her, she has no idea how much I’ve missed, even though we stood in such a weird place.

“You’re here!” Crystal yelled. Her face brightens up as she ran towards me and crushed me in one giant hug.

I’ve missed her hugs, she just gave the best hugs.

“Hi!” I said laughing, hugging her close to me and pressing my body to hers and joining her hug.

I wanted to feel her presence a little more, somehow this almost felt like if I would only be able to see her for a couple of minutes before I had to go back to reality, but this is the one thing that made me know it was not in a dream, this was real, she was here with me.

She laughed in my ear as she took in my hug deeply, before separating from it and take a step back and take a good look at me from head to toe, I did the same,  somehow every time I saw her it was like something changed, even when it was just the tiniest detail, it would always make a different and I can’t say it was something bad, because it only made her look more beautiful every time.

“Look at you! You look more beautiful than I remember” She said with the biggest smile, wrapping me in a hug once again because one was not enough.

“You saw me on Christmas” I laughed on her ear and she spun us around dramatically.

“I know but, you look great” she said, breaking in the hug once again and taking a step back to look at me again.

“You too” I said with the biggest smile, let a big sigh escape from my lips to then say in true words “I missed you, Crys”

Her head leaned to the side and she had a pout on her lips and placing both of her hands on my shoulders she said “Me too” she nodded, her eyes looking at me in pure adoration  “How long has it been since we last saw? Why does it feel like a year passed, you look different!” she said, rubbing my shoulders just a little.

“Now, you’re being dramatic” I chuckled as I tried to remember “Maybe 4 months, probably 6” I shrugged, not making a big deal out of it, so I move on from the topic “I love your new hair” I compliment, touching one of the loose strands escaping from her bun.

This time, one of those ever-changing details have changed big time and for good, her old red hair was done and replaced with a pretty shade of fuschia that suited her a lot better than her last color, even when the last one was just as beautiful. I was loving this kind of change and I had to tell her in person, She looks stunning with this new look.

“Thanks” She said Pulling an opposite strand on the back of her ear. There was something in her that looked like she was going to burst out with emotions at any moment, but before finding something to say out of all things he had to say, her eyes went straight to the big suitcase behind me and it was instantly a distraction. “oh silly me, Let me help you with that” she said, taking a step forward before I could object and help me out.

I don’t even try to tell her how I could carry my own luggage without a problem, because I know that would be asking for a fight without a real reason, I just adjust the backpack hanging on my shoulders, give her space to roll with my suitcase and let her take the lead, because I had no idea where to go.

“You haven’t been waiting for long, have you?” I say, already blushing, this is why I didn’t like we were taking a different flight. I just didn’t want to make anyone bother to wait for me or wait for all of them to arrive all myself in a foreign country. Both ways sound horrible, Thank god that the outcome was neither, just some weird point in the middle that wasn’t as scary.

“No, not at all, just about half an hour,” She said looking around and trying her best to walk in a straight line in between all the people “How was your flight? I hope I chose a good one, there’s not a lot of good connections from Michigan to Bali” she laughs and turns to look at me “Oh, hows college?!” she goes on “And your roommate is she good to you? Do you have new friends?” I try to answer to something, but before I could let a word out she is immediately stopping me and saying “I’m rambling, I’m sorry” she chuckled nervously to then sigh “I’m so happy to see you”

I wasn’t expecting this but she was going at a million miles per hours, as we walk she dramatically pulls me in a side hug and presses me against her to the point I can almost feel my head uncomfortably close to her, it was insane, but I could not say I was mad at it.

“You’re crushing me” I laughed, pulling away just enough to not be choked.

As you can tell, she is the touchy one in our friendship, I was happy to see her too, but sometimes too many hugs can be too many hugs, not for her though, she loved hugs.

“I have so much to tell you”  she said in my ear as we kept walking. At some point, I saw wave a hand at someone I couldn’t see, there was a lot of people here so it was hard to notice who she was waving at.She grabbed my hand and guided me “come meet everyone” she said with a smile, winking at me.

I don’t know why there's a small panic feeling coming through me and I feel myself gulp as I ask  “Oh man, don’t tell me I made everyone wait for me”

She shrugged “Don’t worry about it, it was just a couple of minutes” she said, that smile never leaving her face and making me feel a lot better but I still worried in a way.

I made people wait for me, I don’t know them and they still took the time to wait for me. An hour of their life gone with this, that was not fair, I hope they weren’t mad or something if I could have flown with them I would have.

She made her way towards one of the coffee places around the airport, funny I didn’t think of looking around this place earlier, it would have made things a lot easier. At first I don’t see it at all, again, this place is just packed, but the second she walks in between all of the tables and find the larger sized once, I see the small-sized crowd of people that I believe were her friends, they were all looking up to us and looked rather tired, none of the faces I first saw were familiar, so it was pretty embarrassing that a bunch of strangers had to wait for me, I will make sure to apologize myself later.

“Guys guys” she said, catching everyone’s attention as she sang “She’s here”

I try to put up my best smile, even when I was super tired to even do that. I raise my hand and wave shortly. “Hi” I mumble, not really finding anything better to say.

“This (Y/n), she’s my best friend” she said introducing me as I was pulled in a side hug  “(Y/n) this is everyone, you got Luke over there, that’s Sierra, Mitchel, Mariah (you know her already), Calum, Dani, Bryan…” she said, pointed at each person on that table, it was hard to catch on but I smiled at each face. Something was odd though, in the middle of her introduction she stopped in track and asked: “Where’s Ashton and the others?”

What? There’s more?. Holy shit.

“They left already” The blonde one explained, leaning his head on his girlfriend's shoulder as his tired voice grew.

“As we should be doing” Said someone else, the guy full of tattoos, who I thought I’ve seen before but couldn’t remember a name. I think he’s nice though.

Crystal does not seem very happy about what she heard. The moment she heard someone has left without the group, her arms were crossing over her chest and a frown showing on her forehead.

“I thought we agreed on going together” she groaned in annoyance as her eyes rolled.

“You know how he gets,” That same guy said, it was the only good explanation he seemed to find, because, for obvious reasons, everyone would have rather leave earlier like their frined did than to wait for someone they don’t know, but they stuck to the rules and here they were.

They friend seemed to not be very patient I guess. Again, I would make sure to apologize later.

“Alright” She said, that annoyed tone not leaving her voice completely. She makes sure to leave my suitcase with everyone else’s luggage before turning to the group once again. “so I guess we’re all ready, but where’s Michael..?”

Odd. I never noticed that was the one face missing in between all of the group, Now I remember why I have been stressed in all thirteen hours of traveling. My crush is still among us in this trip and he will be kissing my best friend, all of these days.

What a beautiful thing. Love, love, love, It’s fucking great.

Some other person raised their look at the name mentioned, that tan looking guy with voluptuous cheeks, I have seen for sure some picture of him around, he pointed at his front, straight at Crystal and said:

“Behind you” He mumbled, going back to his previous position and hiding his face on his arm.

We just had to turn our heads to the side just a bit to see that beautiful face that has been rounding my mind for months and months. He was just coming out of the line in front of the counter, two iced coffees in hand and a smile on his face as he spotted his girlfriend right in his visual space, he looked so good, he looked happy, it was almost like he was smiling at me (but he wasn’t).

It was almost as I remembered but a lot better now. His hair was just the same but now longer and more natural looking, his smile was the same but a lot brighter, his eyes shining and his beard now peaking through his skin, making the perfect contrast for his image, it was like everything around him moved in slow motion, some soft song played in the background as he made his way towards us and every time he got closer, my theory just got confirmed, even more, he was just perfect the way he is.

But he wasn’t mine, he won’t ever be mine.

The moment he got to us and smiled to her, it was like all of the music was being turned off and I was abruptly being brought back to reality. Of course, he was smiling at her.

“Hey!” He greats, pulling her in a hug and kissed her forehead, pulling her in a hug like he hasn't seen her in the past hours. My jealousy was burning up like never before.

“Hi” She said with the same smile, stepping on the tips of her toes to kiss his cheek.

He slid an arm around her waist, pulling her closer in a hug. “I got you coffee” he mentioned, placing the icy cup on her hand.

Her eyes brightened as she looked down at the cup of coffee in her hand, she thanked him and kissed him on the lips lovingly. It was disgustingly cute, I feel like a third wheel. I can’t help but look at them as their lips connect and I feel like a full-on creep, I should not be staring as much but this made me feel fairly uncomfortable, I couldn't help it.

Someone on that table hawks, all of our looks turn to him almost as we were all snapping from a trance, it was that tan boy, I can’t remember his name. He had a smile on his face and with a teasing tone in his voice, he said:

“Where’s my coffee?” He spoke in a sarcastic tone, clearly in the mood to pick on Michael just a bit.

Michael chuckles and shakes his head “Shut up” he mumbled as he left one small kiss on Crystal’s cheek “are we ready?” he asked, now talking directly to her.

“Yes” She nods, taking one small sip of coffee and stepping back, now grabbing my wrist and pulling me forward in the picture “Michael, this is (Y/n), my best friend, I’ve told you about her before” she introduced me for the second time today with one big smile on her face.

I didn’t know what to do, what to say or how to act. It was him, looking directly at me and now knowing my name, this is a big deal.

“Of course” He said, once big smile showing on his face “Hi! I’ve heard a lot about you” He said, now talking to me and making my whole turn upside down for a small second.

“Good things, I hope” I chuckled, I felt my cheeks blush from all sudden and I simply don’t know what to do with myself.

“Always” He assured me, leaving his cup to Crystal and walking towards me.

I panic, Internally, I just start panicking. I extend my hand to go for a handshake, but he clearly goes in for a hug so the moment his arms make contact with me, my arm gets crushed between both of our bodies awkwardly, I was just hoping he didn’t notice that. This was awkward.

“Oh, Okay” I chuckled, hugging him too and trying to make this a little better.

I guess he didn’t tell because he just decided to ask cool and join me in one quick hug. I almost wish he didn’t do this because now I feel nervous and just as he lets go of my hold and goes back to his girl, I feel weird, I’ve been waiting for this for a long time, but now I don’t know, it was not like I imagined.

He hugged Crystal, looked back at his friends and let out a big sigh, as much as he looked really handsome, he also looked pretty tired and like everyone else here, couldn’t wait to go to the hotel.

“Can we go?” That blonde haired guy said with a tired and slightly annoyed tone.

Everyone seemed to agree with him after having more than one confirmation, it was more than obvious that it was time for us to go and finally rest, it’s been a long trip and we could barely hold ourselves together anymore.  

Michael was the one taking the lead on this one, he took out his phone and said “I’ll call the van and tell them we’re ready” he announced, probably requesting an Uber for all of us and moving to grab his suitcase from the pile.

With this everyone else was already getting up from their seats and gathering their belongings with them, already impatient to start up their vacation right and have a good moment of rest after hours on the go.

“I can smell the beach already” I hear one of them saying dramatically.

Some laugh and some others decide to ignore that really bad joke and as one of the guys walk out of the restaurant, someone yells:

“Let’s go then!”

And just with that, everyone else is walking straight to the main entrance, not waiting one more minute to wait for the Uber, in just matter of seconds everyone is already on their way out, except for me and Crystal, who decides to keep me behind for some reason and take her time as we walk behind them, pushing our luggage behind us like we had all of the time in the world.

She locks our arms together, pulls me a bit closer to her and making us walk at our own pace, away from everyone so we could talk better. Nice.

“He is cute, isn’t he?” She asks almost in a mumble, a small smile showing on her face.

I gulp from all sudden, for some reason, this question really took me by surprise.

“Yeah! He’s...“ I start, really struggling a lot to find the correct set of words to fulfill this sentence.

I could use so many words right now. Hot, handsome, charming, probably the most relevant and good looking guy I have ever liked in my 21 years of life… How could I just choose one?; Answer, It is really hard for me to just say one word, so I go with the basics.

I smile up to my friend and say “...adorable” trying to act naturally as much as I can “I have a lot of questions, how-“

“I have so much to tell you!” she interrupts me, with a muttered cheer coming from her. She presses on her hold, leans in toward me and says “I’m so glad you’re here and before we go with the others I just wanted to tell you that I don’t want you to worry about anything in this two weeks” she says in a muttered words.

I wish I knew what she meant because now I am just confused. That last thing could be referred to so many things at the moment, I didn’t want to make random assumptions on stuff, so I don't, I think I’d rather let her explain herself to me.

“What do you mean?” I say, now mumbling, my brow raised up high as I speak.

She laughs, shakes her head and says “Babe, I know you” she states, stops both of us in track and faces me completely “how many books do you have in there?” she asks, a hint of mystery suiting her voice.

“What?” I ask, doing my best to act dumbfounded but in reality, I knew exactly what she was talking about. Am I that obvious?.  

She crosses both arms over her chest and her eyebrow starts raising in question, I don’t know how she knows but she knows and now it is like I am on a dead end street, I could either confess or get a nice lecture at the start of vacation, which isn’t exactly my plan right now.

“Fine, a couple, it’s whatever” I shrug, just admitting that she was right.

I carried a bunch of books from college. So what?, the fact I am on vacation doesn’t mean I am free of responsibilities.

“Nope” She said shaking her head “you’re going to give them to me, I want you to relax, don’t overwork your head” she says and it’s an order.

I gasp in disbelief “I don’t do that” I say  “Crys, don’t worry, I have an exam in a couple months, these are just to look over, I promise” I assure her, trying to make this better, sometimes I just needed to refresh things on my mind, bringing this books with me it’s my way of relaxing so I wouldn’t forget stuff.

“Are you sure?” she asked in a weird tone “I don’t believe you, pal, I know you like the palm of my hand” she chuckled, shaking her head and grabbing both of my shoulders, she says “It’s going to be the best trip, you will relax and the moment you’re back home you will be a brand new you” she clarifies “school work can wait”

I wish it was that easy.

I just smile to her and say “It’s Nice you put it that way”

She smiles back to me “So, you know what that means, right?”

I nod, of course, I understand. “Yes”

“You’ll have to relax” says Crystal, shaking my shoulders playfully.

“Yes” I chuckle.

“Clear your head”  

“Yes”

“Go out in the sun” She goes on and this time I just nod, but she doesn’t seem to like I don’t answer, she smiles teasingly and says “Put on a bikini”

I gasp. “Absolutely no”

“Please?” She begs as I try to walk away, but she grabs my arm and pulls me back to her side.

“Nope” I said laughing. If there is one thing I would never do is wear a bikini and she knows it.

“You’ll denying the impossible” she laughs, hugging me close as I try to pull away, acting like if I was annoyed but I wasn’t, I missed this.

“Am I?” I laughed, not containing my seriousness any longer and looking up at her.

She nods, being way too sure of herself, so I let her be. I knew what I could and could not wear, so when she tried to make me wear that, I would just find my way around it, Like I always do, I don’t think it would be a big deal anyways.

“Are you ready then?” she asks, opening some space between us, her voice now turning a bit more serious.  

I shrug and nod just a little “I think so”

She smiles a pretty and happy smile to me and kissing my head, she grabs my shoulders and says with clear words “This is going to be the best vacation of your damn life, I promise”

I nod but I don’t say anything. She just cheers back to me and walks grabs my hand so we can walk back to her friends.

I can’t say a word about this, not only because I felt real excitement for the days to come, but because I know there are some things, things that harm me, they have been going around my thoughts and breaking me apart and now I was here watching them live and on the first row, this was something that made me doubt on if this vacation was even worth it. It scared me but I still had to put up a smile on my face and act as if I was having the time of my life and for the collective good, I could only hope it was real.

So I hope you are right, Crystal. Let this be the best fucking vacation of my life.

#Ashton irwin imagines #Michael clifford imagines #5sos preferences #5sos imagines #calum hood imagines #luke hemmings imagines #5sos imagine #5sos blurb #5sos blurbs #5sos fanfiction #5sos fanfic #5 seconds of summer preferences #5 second of summer imagines #5 seconds of summer imagines #5sos scenarios #5sos smut

[silviasutton1989]

T.T.K.   Ch. 13 “Let’s Chat.”

A/N: I hope you guys wont be too mad at me for this chapter. It has a lot of dialogue but these things needed to be said. As always I love you guys to the moon and back! Thanks for reading!! *** also there is a back shadowing thing going on towards the end it is after Riley leaves the balcony.

Word Count: 2500

Rating: Mature

Catch Up: Chapter 1  1.2  2  3  4  5  6  7 8  9  9.2  9.25   10   11   12.1   12.2

Summary: Olivia and Riley have a heart to heart leaving Drake and Liam to finally hash out their issues.

Riley was afraid to move. There in her lap was the notorious Olivia, sobbing. She gently stroked her hair afraid to do anything else. Olivia would never let anyone see her like this. But it was too late to worry about that, Riley’s fingers combed through her crimson locks, and the touch was so comforting so securing she didn’t want to give it up just to look strong. She closed her eyes and felt the nails graze her scalp, letting the question she has been asking herself since she was 6 spew out.

“Why am I never good enough?” Her voice was low but Riley heard it.

“You are Olivia. Don’t let Liam get to you he’s confused and—“

“No Riley I’m sick of it. I know that everyone thinks that I pushing myself onto him. That our… whatever the hell this is is one sided… But when he...” She sniffles in between her words “When he kisses me I feel sparks, actual sparks, and then he gives me this look and I know he feels it too.”

In all honesty Riley always suspected it. Before her Tariq scandal she always thought of Olivia as her greatest competition. She never really understood why Constantine black mailed both of them if she truly was Liam's only choice.

 “Just give him time. If you’re right and there really is something between the two of you he’s going to see it eventually….Maybe…maybe you should open up more. You know, sometimes you are so cold and standoffish it’s hard to think you like anyone let alone love. Men tend to like a woman who is warm and…”

Olivia quickly rises from the comforts of her lap. “I never said I loved him, Riley.” She spats, quickly standing to her feet as she looks out her window. “You know what? Screw him! Screw Isaac! Screw all of them! I’m not going to start acting like some docile air head because Liam needs an ego boost to tell me how he feels about me. Men are so fucking strong until a woman with an actual back bone comes their way and they cower like babies.”

“No I didn’t mean it like that I was just—“

“I am a Duchess, I am a Nevarkis for crying out loud! I’ll be damned before I bend to any man… any king. They bend to me or they break at my feet.” She felt the tears starting to form again it was frustrating how she could go through kidnapping with barely a tear but the second the man she loves doesn’t want her she’s blubbering like a teenager.

“I didn’t mean it like that Liv. All I meant was that today you opened up to me. And despite whatever you say in the future I know we are friends…true friends. All I’m saying is give Liam that same openness and then see how he reacts.”

“I don’t think I can…” her words are barely above a whisper.

“I never thought I’d see you afraid of something.” A sly smile draws on Riley’s lips

“What? I’m not---“

“Here I was thinking you are a Nevarkis… well from what I hear Nevarkis’ are not bitch babies. Now are you a bitch baby? Huh? Baby want a bottle, bitch baby?”

“Stop it Riley before I stab you with my stiletto.” Her eyebrow arches and Riley’s chuckle quickly subsides.

“Sorry. How about we go get this luncheon over with, we can do the toast…together.” She wraps her arm across Olivia’s shoulder and they start to walk out the door.

“Hey, Riley…I’m sorry about telling Drake about the kiss. I can see from the look on his face you hadn’t told him yet.”

“Yeah..I guess I was waiting…”

“You know what I’m not sorry.” Olivia states opening the door and walks down the hall. “If we are friends like you say, as your friend I’m warning you you’ve been playing a dangerous game with Liam. If you love that hobo like you say you do be honest with him before he finds another cave to crawl under.”

“Umm…ok” Riley watches her new found friend walk down the hall. She may need to rethink this friendship after all.

The three men stand in the hallway. The girls have long gone but Olivia’s voice still lingered in their heads.

“I guess I should go read over my speech.” Liam tries to walk past Drake but he blocks him.

“No I think you and I should talk… it’s been a long time coming.”  The two are eye to eye, clenched jaws and dark stares. With a cocky smile and narrow eyes Liam responds.

“Sure, let’s chat.”

Drake follows his friend to a vacant room. The second the door closes his fist flies straight into Liam’s jaw. The door knob rattles at the sound of Liam’s shout of pain. Drake hurriedly locks the door.

“Your highness is everything all right in there? Should I call for Bastian?”

“I’m all right Scribes…just give us a minute.” Liam rubs his jaw. He knew Drake held back with that punch which only made him feel even worse.

“You kissed her?” he shouts pacing back and forth trying to keep calm.

“She kissed me.  After her party…you know, after you left her.”

“You took advantage of her. You’ve been scheming to take her from me since day one.”  Drake hands runs through his hair.

“You took her from me!!!!”  Liam screams, his eyes are wide and wet, a vain pokes from the side of his neck as he rounds toward Drake grabbing him by his suit jacket and throwing him to the wall.

“She doesn’t want you Liam.”

“She wasn’t saying that when her tongue was in my mouth.” Liam had a wild smirk that Drake was just itching to knock off. But he wanted to talk, not fight. He needed to calm down; he takes a deep sigh and moves to the opposite side of the room.

“Liam, I asked you this question months ago before me and Riley got serious. I’m going to ask you again one last time and we will never have this conversation again. Do you love her?”

It was Liam’s turn to pace. Answering that question meant he had to be honest with himself. He wasn’t ready to let go of his anger toward Drake when it was so easy to mask it under affection for Riley.

“You know I don’t know.” He spats looking out the window.

“Well then why are you doing all this? DO you hate me that much Liam? Because I love you. I love you more than a straight man should be willing to admit. Why can’t you let me have this? Why won’t you let her go?” Drake takes a deep breath watching his friend stare at the limos pulling into the drive way.

“When Riley turned down my proposal, in all honesty I knew it was because of you. A part of me wanted to be mad, to hurt you, to make her leave, but….” He trails off as he looks at the tears falling from his friends eyes. “I didn’t think you were going to ask her to marry you… at least not this soon. I was hoping you two would date or something, anything but make a commitment. I didn’t get a chance to fall in love with her, to learn her favorite ice cream or how she takes her eggs in the morning.  You took that from me and what makes me so angry is that maybe you think this all just happened like it was fate, but you’ve been wedging yourself between us every time you would sneak away with her, and you know that.” The anger was creeping back, or maybe that was hurt, he couldn’t be sure.

“Liam…”

“Listen I want you to be happy really I do. I love you too Drake. You have done so much for me more than my own brother. But she came to Cordonia for me. Do you honestly think that Riley and I were given a true shot? I can’t let her go Drake. Not until I know for sure what we have isn’t love.”

Knocks pound on the door. “Your highness this is Bastian. Are you alright in there?”

“I’m fine Bastian.” Liam begins to walk towards the door.

“You think you love her so much but you slept with Olivia.” Drake’s words stop him in his tracks. “If you ask me either two things are going on here 1. You are a greedy king who can’t let anyone be happy or 2. You do love someone you're just too stubborn to admit who.”

“That may be true Drake. Maybe I’m in love with Olivia and I have been in love with her my entire live. But Riley kissed me so maybe I’m not the only one who’s hiding feelings here.” With that he was out the door. 

"I can't believe I'm doing this." Riley repeats opening her mouth to Liam's wondering tongue. She tasted sweet, so sweet he wanted more but those words she kept getting in the way.

"I can't believe I'm doing this." 

He watches her walk down the hallway, desperately he wanted to walk her to her room. But the moment was gone and Drake was probably mad enough at him. Taking his drunk girlfir---fiancee to their bedroom wouldn't make things any better. Liam decided to just watch her go.

"I thought you two were going to give me a show tonight." Olivia sat in the darkest corners of the room. The moonlight spreading from the open doors of the balcony didn't reach her but Liam could see her green eyes those red lips perked into a smirk. "What happen Liam? Chickened out of ravishing the woman of your dreams?" There was a hint of sarcasm in her words as she steps into the moonlight.

"You were watching us this whole time? That's pretty sick even for you Liv."

"I was making sure you two weren't going to make a drunken mistake. Drake for some crazy reason is your best friend, sober Liam wouldn't want to ruin that friendship completely unless he knew for sure she is the one."

"So now you are an expert on love?" His tone is harsh but he knew Olivia could take it. That was one of the things he liked about her she wasn't fragile. "Tell me where is Isaac? Has he ran off to host another orgy at someone else's estate."

Olivia walks to the balcony her hands clutching the half full bottle of Crown Royal that Riley left. She takes several swigs before stopping to catch her breath.

"Boy for cheap whiskey this sure can pack a punch." 

Liam walks onto the balcony taking the bottle from her.

"So where is he?"

"Isaac had some family matters to attend to he will be back soon." She said the words all in one breath, he always knew her tales...she was lying.

"Did you two have a lover's spat?" 

"Ha no a lover's spat is what you and Drake will be having when she tells him about that kiss." Olivia tips the bottle at her king before taking a couple more gulps. The whiskey warming her body from the April night air. "What we had is a mutual disagreement on loyaty." she looks off into the dark sky.

"Riley kissed me, Liv" He didn't know why he felt the need to explain himself to her but he did.

"I know I saw it."

"That has to mean something. Right? I think she..."

"Isaac is in love with me." She said it so plainly like saying she was going for a walk. It through him off guard, and all of a sudden Liam felt dizzy.

"What?" he grips the banister for strength, hoping Olivia didn't notice how her words were affecting him.

"He sent me this text the other day. He wants me to wait for him to come back so that he can prove to me we belong together. He said we should go on a proper date and then become official, and..." Olivia trails off a smile on her face he hadn't seen since they were teenagers, but this time the smile wasn't for him.

"When did he say he loved you?"

"Well....he hasn't yet but I know he will say it soon. I just need him to get his shit together. I want to give him an actual chance one where he doesn't have to compete with my adolescent fantasies of you, one where we can trust each other."

"Do you love him?" he quickly looks away from her. This felt eerily like that night with Riley at the Statue of Liberty but worse...for some reason this felt much worse.

"I know I can...I know I want to be with someone that wants me, that loves me. I know he has his problems but, honestly he is the only man I know that sees something in me..."

Liam marches up to her, one hand takes her waist the other holds the back of her neck. He looks square into her shocked eyes before lightly catching her mouth in a kiss. She moans into it kissing him back immediately. That kiss was the most honest thing they had ever said to each other.

"Liam." She takes a step back and he quickly closes the distance. His mouth showering her neck and chest with open kisses.

"Don't tell me to stop. Just...please don't tell me to stop." His eyes meet hers, his gaze open and intense. She cups his check pulling him into another kiss,whiskey and lust playing with their bodies clouding their true emotions, and revealing them all at the same time.

The luncheon went off without a hitch the nobles loved Riley's toast with Olivia and the press took countless of photos of both women. Riley was on cloud nine all through the art show never noticing Drake's sullen demeanor. She knew she would have to talk with him but it could always wait till after the events...right?

The day came to a close as the couple made it to their room. Riley flops onto the bead vowing to sleep right there.

She hears the wheels on Drake's luggage moving out the closet and she looks up to see him packing.

"Drake what are you doing? We aren't heading to Duke Richards estate till tomorrow evening. Why are you packing now?"

Finally their eyes meet. They haven't looked at each other in days...not like this. She could see the tears that had dried upon his check. Had he been crying all day?

"I'm not going to Duke Richard's estate or any other estate for that mater. Riley I'm done with this, all of it I'm leaving tonight."

Tag List:  If you want to be on the tag list permanently (this one is randomly selected with some permanent in as well)  let me know. If you DO NOT want to be tagged ever just send me a message I will not be upset.

@walkerismychoice@darley1101@speedyoperarascalparty@mfackenthal @jadedpixiescribbles@boneandfur @andy-loves-corgis   @blackcatkita@missevabean@snyggflicka@stopforamoment@agent-zephyrkah @endlessly-searching-for-you@indiacater@tmarie82@mynameiskaylabella@umccall71@hopefulmoonobject @choices97

@liam-rhys@viktoriapetit@alicars@jlouise88@mrsdrakewalkerblog@walkerisbae@butindeed@greyeyedsmile14 @barbaravalentino@mymandrake@client327@confessionsofabrokegirl @choicesbyjade @drakesfianceee @blackwidow2721 @bobasheebaby @caroolhr

#the royal romance #choices trr #king liam #the true kings #drake x mc #liam x olivia #trr olivia #chapter 13

[p-finch]

Recovery | Self-Para

“So is this the part where we see a beautiful landscape and suddenly my problems mean nothing and I’m not heartbroken anymore?”

Stephanie let out a laugh and shook her head as she led her brother up the steps of her apartment building and to the roof. She hadn’t said much to him since his breakup, aside from providing hugs and buying more tupperware for her mother’s overcooking. But now that her family wasn’t being as extra, she took the opportunity to finally offer some of her time with her baby brother and maybe help give him perspective, or at least share a few things she wished she had heard when she was dumped. “No this is the part where we get high as fuck and talk shit.” She pushed open the door and found her usual spot to sit before taking out her lighter and the tube full of joints from her bag. 

“I can totally work with that.” Shawn let out a sigh of relief as he took a seat and took one of the joints she was handing him, lighting it up right as she did hers. “I think mom has made more baked goods than when you and Talia broke up and that’s saying something because we all know she was fucking livid about that one.” 

“Yeah mostly because she had already helped me with the deposit in New York,” she joked as they watched their smoke in the air and switched joints. When she and her last girlfriend had broken up, Steph didn’t even know how to talk about it, let alone tell her parents everything but they knew enough to be pissed on her behalf. And her mother most of all knew how much it had hurt Stephanie but as wise as the woman was, she was not great during any type of emergency. 

“Do you think you’ll ever talk to her again? I mean I know McKinley and I will still have a friendship at some point, if we don’t eventually get back together or something but I don’t know, do you think about it even though she’s the fucking worst?”

Stephanie thought about his question, figuring that she should answer honestly for both of their sakes. “Probably not, I mean maybe like on Facebook or something but I don’t know. The breakup was one thing but all the other shit I found out after? The cheating, the lying, it’s too hurtful to like even process talking to her. But I won’t say never, life is a tricky bitch. Plus she keeps popping up in other people’s pictures on my timeline and I want to throw my phone in the garbage every time I see her face.You and McKinley are different though. I mean if you think of all the shitty moments in your relationship, this is kind of the only one. A big one, don’t get me wrong but I don’t know, I don’t think it’s stupid of me to encourage you to try to get her back if that’s what you really want.”

“I don’t know,” Shawn sighed out as they switched joint agains and he leaned back against the nearby wall. “It’s been a week and it’s still kind of a wave of fucking sadness when I wake up. I haven’t reached out to her because I don’t know what to say. And I’m still kind of confused about things. And..I don’t know, feeling kind of lost. I guess I’ve just been trying to find signs of things going wrong and going over and over shit and it’s just fucking with my head.”

She nodded in understanding as she inhaled. “You should call her. Don’t look at me like that, call her. That’s the only way you’re going to get answers. You can fight with yourself all you want but unless you call her then you’re not gonna have any actual answers. I mean I fucking told off Talia in the middle of graduation brunch and let me tell you, as fucking depressed as I was afterwards, at least I had my answers and I didn’t have to wonder about what led to everything.”

Shawn nodded in understanding, knowing he had talk to McKinley but he wasn’t sure if he could do that without coming off as pathetic as he felt. “What if she’s right? I mean about me not being fun enough o-or like what if she really need someone different to make all that happen? What if I’m just not the one for her, Steph?”

She did her best to not visibly roll her eyes as he spoke. “First things first, the mistake you both made was not talking about what your sobriety would look like and you not being honest about what you needed. You chose to isolate yourself and I get that, you weren’t at a place where you could sit at a bar and not drink or be at a family dinner and not have a glass of wine. But this whole I cant have fun because I dont want to fuck with my boyfriends sobriety thing is fucking bullshit. But it’s also because you guys are fucking young and I’m not saying that in a condescending way I’m saying that in a factual way. If she wanted to break up with you, she should have had a fucking conversation with you and if you were gonna get dumped, you should have stood your fucking ground and demanded answers. But that didn’t happen, fine, so you need to find a way to have a conversation because sitting here and asking everyone but her questions isn’t going to do you any good. You can be sad, god knows I was. I felt like my entire heart had been ripped out of my body. Two years of a relationship just shoved down the drain. And you saw me, there were days I wasn’t sure I’d even make it off the couch. But I owed it to myself to not let that bitch define me or dictate my life. Shawn you cannot give someone that much power.” She turned to look at him in the eye. 

“McKinley is a beautiful human being but she’s growing and getting to know who she is, and so are you. And are you allowed to be sad? Hell yeah, be sad, take your time, cry and scream and listen to sad songs and watch stupid movies. Feel your sadness but don’t let it define you and become who you are. You cannot give her that much power, it’s not healthy. I don’t know what the future holds for any of us, nothing is certain, not even love. I mean mom and dad? What they got was a fucking blessing but that’s them, that was their path and was it easy? Hell no but they worked on it together, like actively worked on it. People our age don’t do that shit anymore. If you’re not talking openly then what the fuck are you even doing? Look, I’m going to tell you something I wish someone told me when I was dumped.” She ashed the joint and reached up to hold his face. “This is going to hurt. Time is truly the only thing that will allow you the space to heal. You owe her nothing. She owes you nothing. But you owe it to yourselves to work on you and be better not for her, not for us, for you. You’ve been sober six months and while that’s amazing, that doesn’t mean that you’re suddenly back to being fucking party king. You cannot ask more of yourself that you’re ready for. McKinley did what she did because she thought it would be the best thing for her and now you need to do what’s best for you. And that’s to focus on getting your shit together. If you really love her, then the two of you will find a way some day but now? Right now you still need to get your shit together because you cannot sit in front of me and tell me you have it together. Because this isn’t about her, it’s about you and figuring out what sober Shawn is like. Now pass me the lighter, I spoke for too long and the joint went out.” She kissed his forehead quickly before pulling back to light the joint up. “Now, that’ll be 20 bucks,” she joked and nudged him before sliding an arm around his shoulder. “You’re gonna be alright, dude. And if not, well that’s why marijuana exists.”

Shawn took a breath as Stephanie finished. He knew she was right, even if he didn’t want to admit it to her or himself. At the end of the day, the breakup had brought up a lot of questions for him. He was so quick to assume that he could be the fun person McKinley was looking for but was that who he was anymore? Was it what he wanted? He honestly didn’t know anymore. He hadn’t really been focused on his likes and dislikes or hobbies for the past few months, he had only been focused on one thing, not drinking. He turned towards Steph and smiled softly. “You’re really good at this. You’re like the gay Oprah. Guess this is why you’re the oldest, huh?” 

Steph laughed and nodded. “Yeah that’s why I’m the oldest, so I can make as many mistakes as I can so you all don’t make them. I’m selfless like that,” she joked.

“Thank you though, for being straight up with me. I love you, Steph.”

She smiled and ruffled his hair. “Love you too, now come on, these joints ain’t gonna smoke itself and I’m trying to get high enough that taco bell sounds like an actually good idea.”

#sp #2gen #self para #recovery

[razorsrosaries]

hey. idk how many trans folks follow me. but from a somewhat adult “fully” transitioned trans man, here’s a tip. you do not have to be a vessel for a cis man (or woman, idk) to figure out their sexuality. you are worth much more than being their part time therapist to make them not feel icky about sleeping with a trans person. fuck people who want to fuck you. don’t fuck people who want to learn something about themselves or feel better about themselves by fucking you. you’re not a trophy. you’re not a prize, you’re not an experiment. and you should be treated as infinitely more than that. you’re a human being who wants to experience intimacy and pleasure. and you deserve that. don’t let these nasty ass cissies make you feel like you’re anything less. do not settle for less. ever. i love you.

#trans #transgender #transmasc #lgbt #my posts #i said fully in quotation marks because since i’ve had top surgery i think as long as i continue with my testosterone i won’t need to #do much else #a hysterectomy in a few years maybe but whatever #anyways this is because my friend came out to me #then we immediately got blackout drunk and he fucked me and i set a boundary of not wanting to talk about it #and he ended our entire fucking friendship over one mistake we weren’t even sober enough to fully remember