#and how badly i wanna work for them

[thisfairytalegonebad]

i hope that you get to move out soon and that things will be better

military service used to be mandatory here until 2011. oh, yeah, i would be annoyed if my younger siblings got out before i did. i'm glad your bro is staying so you don't have to deal with your parents on your own. i do frequently wish i had siblings, just so someone else can deal with my father (although currently i just have my mom deal with him as much as possible)

if the apprenticeship is almost over, then you're close to being able to move out though, right? a proper steady job makes it a lot easier to find a place of your own. having to choose what to do with your life is horrible though. but the good news is that you're not making a permanent decision. you could just stay with the department that wants you to stay for the time being, and then look for an IT job later. either way i hope it all works out and that the dread goes away soon

Same to you buddy <3

Bro is staying for now, though he's already looking at apartments so idk how long he'll actually be here still. But I'll take it, him moving out is a problem for Future Me. For now, it's definitely nice having someone else on the table when the parents start shit with each other for no reason.

That's very true! Also, since my last reply to you, that "allegedly boss man wants to keep me" has turned into "boss man has clearly stated to my face that he could imagine keeping me and whether I have any plans after my apprenticeship or if I could potentially imagine staying", so I guess that's. A thing. I told him I could imagine it and I wasn't saying no, but nothing's set in stone yet either from my side or the company's side. But yeah, once I know where I'll work for the time being, I'll be able to start looking for places to live. Plus, having a job lined up would save me a lot of anxiety since having to find a job after finishing the apprenticeship has been something I've been dreading pretty much since I started it.

#i hate the thought of having to go sit in interviews telling them all about how awesome i think their company is #and how badly i wanna work for them #so not having to do that and just being like 'well yall know me by now dont you' would be very neat lmao #personal

[luck-of-the-drawings]

smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.

#jrwi show #jrwi fanart #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #made this within a short span of wahtever bc i gotta go up to the mountains for my stupid gay job tonight n im trying #nnot to frrRREAAAK THE FUCK OUUTTTTTTi dont wanna work but. get that bread we fuckin shall i guess #ONWARDS TO THE FISH TORMENT!! sometimes flowers feel pain when you trim them before their blossoming. atleast i imagine so #i used to draw gillion with loooong hair tied into a big ol braid. and then it was confirmed that he had short hair when he was little. #AT FIRST I WAS SAD. but then i realized the duality of. when they were little. gill had short hair. edyn had long hair. #AND NOW THEYRE OLDER. and gillion has long hair. and edyn has short hair #both mirroring eachother. looking up to eachother. subconsciously or not. they most certainly care. and most certainly miss eachother. #GILLION ALWAYS LOVED HOW LONG HAIR LOOKs. atleast i imagine so. he hasnt cut it since he left the undersea. sure he wanted to go back home #but even at the very start. he knew he was free in some way now. free to grow out his hair. an adventure would await him before he returns. #he knew it would be a while. so he cant let this go. he cant let this sought-after hair-length get cut away from him again #not yet. not yet. i like to think he loved music too. I SAW SOMETHING INTERESTING A BIT AGO #i see alot of ppl commenting on my baby gill comics like;'i wouldFIGHT this teacher i wanna KILL EM i want them DESTROYED #all very good and nice sentiments! i LOVE the energy here! and it would be nice. to have that catharsis #but the story of young tidestrider is not a story of catharsis. it is a story of agony and being so so small and so special and also so dum #and sucking so bad. and just being a kid and doing the things that a little kid does and so many tired tired people reacting badly to it #youre supposed to be the hero that will save us. our world hangs in the balance and you are the one who tips the scales. #YOU are supposed to SAVE US!! you NEED to SAVE US! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SQUIRMING IN YOUR STUPID CHAIR!! #you'd think that young tidestrider ought to prevail. and be tucked someplace all safe and sound. #elders gone missing and rotting in a jail. their cultists nowhere around. but theres no happy endings. not here not now. #this tale is all sorrows n woes. you may dream that justice n peace win the day. but thats not how this story goes #BIG ideas for this lil baby gillion series. if anything i make ever gets disproven im killing myself in a well as to poison a water supply

[puppyeared]

for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........

#MOTHER FFFFUCKER #to be fair. my doc said I could stop taking them while im on break since i wouldnt need to be constantly pumped on stimulants #im not sure if it was a side effect but i managed to take like 3 different naps in one day and STILL managed to sleep thru the whole night #at least 2 days into my break. the weird thing is i didnt feel more or less rested afterwards. but mentally i think im in a good place rn #to really put the level of awakeness im at rn i feel weirdly confident i could start one piece. also bc of that sick new opening it BANGS #the song is really good and im in love with the animation style. did some digging and it seems one of the lead animators is masato mori #but i could be wrong. it seems he also did some work on mp100 which could explain a lot lol.. he uses smear frames really well to convey #consistent movement and fluidity!!! someone else might have done color design but it works really really well esp with odas style!! #just love the overall vibe and aesthetic and id really love to study it and incorporate a bit of it into my art.. especially the thick #outlines which i think helps to separate characters and objects on screen. though i have to say the style is definitely more suited to #animation bc of the simpleness and smears. maybe that will help me explore shapes and perspective when i draw... i wanna get better #at drawing poses and angles but i have a hard time wrapping my head around space and using perspective guide lines NGHHHH #i wonder if it has to do with my dogshit ability to judge distance. not depth perception but like. judge how far smth is in metres etc #im also wearing an N95 for the first couple weeks back bc of the wave. absolutely NO BODY is wearing a mask its so fucking over #where im sitting ive heard 5 different people coughing probably not into their elbows!!! and im just. head in my fucking hands #there was a kid sitting a couple seats away in class coughing as he pleases and i wanted to grab him in a chokehold so badly. PLEASEE #ive been annoying my family by asking them to mask up and reminding them to bring masks when they go out and showing them news articles #but at least its working bc we ordered some KN95s and my mom is at least taking me seriously so. please dont be afraid to speak up abt your #health. take care of yourself and others however u can!! wear that mask indoors at your maskless friends house!!! stay home when u can!! #im wearing a surgical mask at home too bc my parents have '''a dry throat cough''' and they are so bad at coughing into their sleeves #also im pretty sure dry throat isnt transmissible bc my brother started coughing too so.. i also tested negative but they havent tested yet #im also not a doctor but i have to keep reminding ppl whenever i can that covid and flu work differently. covid is new and too recent to #have nearly as much research done on it. it seems its also compounding so instead of building immunity it weakens the body and spreads to #to other systems which might explain brain fog and muscle weakness. i remember someone early in the pandemic got infected and it messed up #their smell/taste receptors so bad that they cant eat most foods and that stays in the front of my mind when i think abt covid. christ #yapping

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

hey hey when Paul (or whoever that was writing the book of Hebrews) tells us not to complain or God might strike us dead, how do we separate that from toxic positivity

#I'm kind of struggling rn guys #being at a *insert denomination here* school full of people who are all trying very hard to appear more or less perfect all the time #is killing my nerves #because see I have just begun to truly break out of my own perfectionism #I wanna put it to death SO badly #but how am I supposed to do that when I constantly feel like I have to perform all the time???? #or else be considered a 'bad example'???? #there are people here who know me. from years ago and only like 3 of them but still. #I don't enjoy sensationalist preaching #at all. and I feel like there's some of that going on here. #sensationalist and also like. massively dragged out of context in order to make a point. #hhhhh. #gurt says stuff #delete later #I have worked SO HARD to get to this school!!! WHY am I suddenly feeling terrible about the decision to come here!!!!!!!! #just... say some prayers for me plz. I'm exhausted and sad and I miss my family right now. #and it feels like all my friends are out there doing Real Stuff (joining the military; getting married; learning hard skills) #and I'm just over here wandering around campus and feeling alone in a huge crowd of people

[asgardian--angels]

I've been seeing a lot of mixed emotions and frustration surrounding what we heard today from Samba on Wee John Wondays, regarding the immense amount of deleted scenes, cut material, original episode concepts etc, from season 2. And I just wanted to give my two cents here.

Look, it is absolutely valid to be pissed at HBO Max right now. They slashed OFMD's budget, cut their runtime on a per episode and a season basis. This resulted in plotlines having to be reworked, character & relationship development compressed, and some minutiae & connective scenes omitted. The thought of that sucks! It would have been nice to see the polycule shown more directly onscreen, and to see Ed & Stede dance, have a longer goodbye to Izzy, and maybe work through Ed and Stede's relationship rollercoaster a little more gradually. I'm sure this hurt no one more than David himself, who's had a clear vision of all three seasons from the start - who's now had to deal with not only a truncated s2 but a cancellation soon after to boot.

But I think it does a great disservice to the entire cast and crew who worked immensely hard on season 2 to dwell overlong on what we could or 'should' have gotten. They worked their asses off to bring us something phenomenal! Season 2 was incredible - and your mileage may vary, but all analytics indicate season 2 was even more popular and well-received than season 1 by audiences and critics alike. There was a whole team of writers who worked deftly and skillfully to crunch ten episodes into eight without compromising the core elements, themes, and plotlines they wanted to include to tell this story, plus a talented cast who brought their own improvisation to set every day and gave us some of the season's most iconic moments. Everyone on the OFMD crew is proud of what they made, as they rightly should be. It was beautiful television.

Expressing dissatisfaction with what was cut is fine to an extent, but let's not let it take away from our enjoyment and appreciation of the final product we did get, or give the crew the impression that what they worked so hard to give us wasn't good enough. They want more than anyone to have had those extra scenes in there to show off the hard work of the whole team! I'm seeing this a lot especially with the talk about the early draft of Calypso's birthday (and this info is not new, Samba spoke at length about it during his baking class back in November). Regardless of your opinion on whether you think that would have been a 'better' version of the episode, it was just that - an early draft, that never came close to being filmed. David and the writers revised this concept because, apart from time constraints on the season, ultimately they felt that the concept they ended up going with best served the narrative. Even Samba agreed that he preferred the final version. There's no secret footage of this other version, we didn't 'lose' anything - this is one of the dangers of scripts getting released for any piece of media, because the mind runs astray dreaming of the possibilities of what may have been, when the reality is all shows go through moderate to sometimes heavy editing before the final version, and the audience probably doesn't need to see that process!

The fact that season 2 turned out so beautifully, with some of the most moving and iconic sequences television's seen in quite a while, and a love story that has touched so many, is truly a testament to the passion, dedication, and skill of the entire cast and crew. They have achieved the status of cultural phenomenon, season 2 was the 5th most watched series in the entire world on streaming services, outperforming shows like Loki. They've got several dozen articles with glowing praise from major media outlets, a 95% on Rotten Tomatoes, multiple award nominations, and more than anything a loyal fanbase who's in it for the long haul to fight for a season 3. They have succeeded to this level despite all the stumbling blocks HBO Max has thrown in their path. If season 2 was OFMD held back from its full potential, then I think they should be damn fucking proud of what they've made.

Samba pitched an official bts documentary for both season 1 and season 2 and was turned down. This show deserved better than HBO Max was ever going to give them. He's going to try and post deleted scenes and a blooper reel if he can (not all heroes wear capes, folks). And it's very likely none of these things will ever be officially released (though, we can make a stink about it!). Be angry about it, absolutely. But we need to channel that energy into the fight for renewal. Double down on efforts to get the attention of Netflix, Prime, Apple TV, and FX, get more signatures on the petition (87k as of this writing!), and just keep talking positively about the show on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook with our hashtags. We need to show the crew that we're upset for them, but so grateful for the beautiful season we got too.

So let's not bicker and wallow about what was 'stolen' from us - the final canon product is ultimately the final canon product, and any other tidbits are fun but neither owed nor necessary. They trusted that we could put the pieces together, that we'd be able to read between the lines when scenes that would have made things more explicit, or developed them further, had to be shortened or cut. And that trust was well placed! We sussed it out. Celebrate the ofmd fandom for all the excellent meta, art, fic, we've gotten, and celebrate season 2 for its joy, its profoundness, its nuance, its enduring hope and how much it's given to so many. Air your grievances respectfully, and then get back to fighting to give OFMD the well-funded third season it deserves!

#our flag means death #ofmd #personally i'm glad we got the version of calypso's birthday we did #the matchmaker thing did not really jive with the sort of seriousness and softness they were treating the ed/stede relationship with #it's a good comedy trope but i think it'd work better on a side pairing than on them #THAT BEING SAID i think it would be hilarious in season 3 to have the crew give bad advice to both ed and stede at the same time #about how they should propose to each other #until they fumble the whole thing so badly they just give up and be like 'hey you wanna just ditch these guys for a bit' and take a walk #and do this sweet soft proposal together (still not realizing that the other was planning to) #those sorts of hijinks would be hilarious. anyway

[crimsonbits]

oh my god I rediscovered this sketch I did back when Unconnected Marketeers first fully released that I never finished.

Man if only I had time for my 1000+ drawing ideas but I'm too busy w my full time job to draw all the touhous I want :(

#crimposting #touhou #me art #was trying to figure out how to stylize them. we barely had translations at the time I think #my artstyle fluctuates so much theres no constant rip #I also wanna work on my + my friends touhou visual novel fangame sooo badly but no such thing as 'time'

[milkweedman]

Resisting the urge to carve myself a distaff from one of the evergreen boughs ive dragged home and learn medieval in-hand distaff spinning. Do i need to do any of this ? No. Am i happy with supported spinning ? Yes ! Am i probably gonna do it anyway ? ... also yes

#we talk a lot about the rabbit hole of fiber arts #but i dont think we talk enough about the rabbit hole of different spinning tools and techniques... #so far id say ive gotten proficient in drop spindling wheel spinning and supported spinning with russian style spindles #really want to get into either tahklis or charkah wheels #bc im gonna be visiting my wonderful fiancé in india and hes still gonna have work for most if not all of the time im there #so my plan is to spin a LOT. hoping to get really proficient in cotton spinning bc ive always really sucked at that #and then i really wanna learn medieval style spinning as well #if i was an academic i could easily see myself devoting my life to writing a book about spinning tools through the ages #i am so endlessly fascinated by it #but also really bad at research and have a pretty crippling case of dyslexia #i wanna try. all the tools #it always feels like the way to get closer to the past is to spin like them #since that has been THE constant human activity since quite possibly pre-homo sapiens times #i dont know how much cloth the neanderthals wove or if they were more inclined to use animal skins #but we do know they made yarn and they were good at it #sadly my hands cant do cordage. fucks em up in about a minute flat #but iirc we've found stone spindle whorls which may have been used for spinning #stone whorls can also be used for hand drills and fire starters and things like that so idk #anyway. i just want to know SO badly #spinning

[thueenz]

for real though that post is so true on the love front i think about it all the time like why is everyone so LOVELESS not even just in like cishetero marriages where they hate each other just in general like platonic too. it drives me craaazy when im exposed to it like why are ppl like this !! why dont you love your friends and partner!! its like everything is a social game that theyre playing just for validation and lacking real connection and its a game where theyre always about 2 steps away from being bitter and hateful towards their friends/lover like STOOOOP! im someone who values love and kindness so much and it baffles me. why do you hate your partner! why do you talk about them like theyre an object of validation! why are you dating someone you clearly dislike! why are u so mean to ur friends behind their backs im cryin. why do you up and abandon them the second you get a partner bc you dont value them over the romantic validation you get. ive always been such an affectionate person at heart and i value what my friends say so much and i always find myself feeling so distant from people in relationships because they just feel?? so shallow?? and distant from me. like i think oh this preson gets me but theres ppl who say the same things how they value kindness and love but its always like, immediately clear they are actually a deeply mean person and just enjoy feeling like theyre 'good'. the way society functions with relationships feels so intensely shallow and i cannot connect to it at all. i love my friends and i love people and i always want to understand them and reach out with compassion and be close to them physically and emotionally speaking and talk a lot and listen to them. however im cursed to live in a world of 1 word responses if any at all and shallow relationships where no one gaf about each other and then i get told i talk too much. hello? *tapping mic* hello? is this thing on? be filled with whimsy and love going forward please. anyway does anyone else feel this way or is it just me feel free to talk about it if youd like

#thank god i finally found some friends who are like this too it was so rough before #it sucks tho bc ive been so tired lately its hard for me to live up to this #which i dont hate myself for its valid its just like waaah i wanna have the energy to really put my all in friendships again #for half my life my biggest want and goal in life has been to be someone approachable and who seems kind #even to people with anxiety and i think growing up with anxiety greatly shaped that #i value being kind and compassionate and understanding to such a degree that i spent and still spend time actively working #towards that goal and unlearning being judgemental and bitter #bc i want to be kind so badly and to put kindness in the world... #no but seirously why do people date ppl they dont like #wym you guys arent so unabashedly in love that you practically see hearts thinking of them #wym your entire chest doesnt fill with joy and the simple prospect of them experiencing lifes small joys no matter how little and mundane #to love so wholly that you strive to be a good person not out of guilt or feeling like you are bad but because you desire so deeply to be #good for them and put as much goodness in their life as you can because its what they deserve...💙💙 #ANYWAY LMFAO! im sappy asf as a person sorry everyone but also not sorry #pers

[nyxdimandis]

with the full disclaimer that i might be missing some context or significant piece of information & am fully welcoming anyone to inform me, i feel like. it really just doesn't seem like a huge deal that one of the "poison" storyboard artists is into "dark" kink. like this really feels like a non-issue to me

#tw sa mention #<- this is the only tag im putting on here cause i dont wanna get jumped #but like. idk. i feel like this is really just coming from people who don't..... understand how kink works? #and to preface im ace im not into kink im DEFINITELY not into hard/dark kink #but like ...... noncon is a whole genre of fanfic. cnc isn't an unpopular fetish. people who are into either of those things aren't #saying they find real life instances of assault to be hot. its fiction. its a fictional fantasy that in plenty of contexts is being #projected onto exclusively fictional characters #it sits super badly with me that people say 'you shouldnt let people with these kinks work on this show/hire these people' because #the sex lives of your employees being a deciding factor in what you allow them to work on seems. hm. really fucking weird ?? #and ALSO also this person was JUST a storyboarder. they literally cannot be 'glorifying' or 'romanticizing' or whatever because #they are only STORYBOARDING they do not control the actual writing direction of the issue or #how it is framed by the narrative or handled within the writing #and the writing of hazbin hotel very clearly and repeatedly says 'hey this is a really bad thing that impacts angel super negatively and #he is all but verbatim saying he hates it and it is destroying him from the inside out' #and again i AM open to being corrected on this if there's some crucial info i'm missing or whatever and i DO think #there ARE glaring issues with the treatment of the subject of sa/harassment within the show #im not even going to get into the viv drama on twitter about this because. jesus christ #but. idk. i feel like this detail gets dragged on SOOOO fucking much when there are MUCH more productive discussions we could be having #mine

[hayakawalove]

Me when my gojo fics get twice the amount of views/comments as my suguru fics

#rem talks #or any other character I’ve written #I get itt you wanna fuck Mr Strong man #I’m kidding #I want to fuck him too #so badly #I just think it’s interesting that mainstream characters get more attention #I do realize how stupid that sounds #it’s just I feel like side characters always interest me more or usually interest me more #working hard for a fics and seeing one get significantly more attention is like #maybe I should just write for that character #but writing is about what you wanna write #it’s just nice to see support #I will continue to write less popular characters like suguru and aki which sounds insane cause like #neither of them are Unpopular #it’s just a much smaller group compared to mr Prophet himself #the way this is turning to a gojo slander post #I love him so bad guys #need him viscerally #im blabbering now #maybe people will understand what I’m saying maybe they won’t

[kitsunegdx]

Pretty people

Thinking bout… pretty people. Just pretty, you know?

Pretty people I’ve dated and their scars and little quirks.

Pretty people I’m friends with who got smiles and voices that brighten my day.

Pretty people who got big friends groups to form a functional human being and look out for each other.

Pretty people who live in my head rent free metaphorically and literally.

I am also thinking of pretty people who just know how to appreciate small things in life to help make the world a lil happier for themselves. I don’t think they know that makes them extra pretty.

Pretty people who got eyes and don’t have eyes. Any color even it brings them all together

Pretty people who’s minds are perceiving the horrors while they act like it’s normal. Those pretty people are more common than you think.

Pretty people who got little features that culminate to make them whole be it stuff they can control like how they style their hair, to stuff they can’t, like having an extra finger.

Pretty people who aren’t people at all. Those are in my head too.

Pretty people can come in many different forms be it size, shape, voices, from a stranger on a subway to even text on a screen.

Pretty people are all around us, it’s a matter of taking in the small stuff that makes them whole.

Why are people so pretty?

Why are you so pretty?

#uh oh kit’s in love with all her friends at once again #I’m just- *sigh* it’s hard thinking about the homies and wondering if they appreciate themselves the way I see them #I have vagued a few but… man why are people so pretty? #I want to just hold them and wonder about it… #might pin this #so all my friends and mutuals can see #to ramble a bit I have friends with burn scars on their body that I find pretty- ex lovers now friends who feel not enough #in the bodies they have but it’s like- bro I just think you are so pretty I want to accent that natural beauty you have #man I wanna help my friends feel pretty in their body but alas I’m a college student #don’t tell one of them but I’m hoping that when I get my career that I can put money to the side to help her get the presentation of gender #that she wants like- I just wanna help them so much bro to see that I am out here with a heart full of love and pockets I’m working on fill- #ing to help them figure out how pretty they are #*sigh* this probably doesn’t make sense but I just think they are so pretty like- all of them #even my mutuals be pretty too with words n just hanging around like- I fucking see you bro #i’m in my feels #I’m feelin this bro #I want to like- so badly hold and hug them all like- even if you don’t like hugs I will stand to the side and give you the most approving #thumbs up I can because I fuckin love them bro they are my homies they have been with me through #thicc and thin and thick again like- AAAA #I just really love them they are my besties and like I wanna sob maybe cry a little over how much I love the #them they are just so much good people and I care for them a lot #this post doesn’t make a lot of sense but they are so good #Also pretty is the only word I can use to describe people and it means so much when I use it #it isn’t just that they are pretty they bring me joy beyond belief and I wanna cry

[cherrysnax]

when I was a kid I was rlly upset that art teachers didn’t like anime-inspired art, and then I realized it wasn’t the anime aspect. jumping into highly stylized art without knowing the fundamentals AND with a refusal to learn them is a bad combo

#I’m noticing now that a lot of artists don’t do professional critiques anymore #I think it’s a reaction to how people treat beginner artists #and a lot of ppl don’t know that u can draw for like a decade and still be a beginner artist #ppl are cruel #those cringe videos where ppl just took ppls ocs and harrassed n bullied them were so fucked up #that doesn’t mean that artist should be untouchable #I remember the great Miguel gender end debate #where they took miggy from being a tall brown man with heavy wrinkles full lips a defined nose and head shape #and made him a lightly tanned skinny white girl #most genderbends are boring to me for that reason #ppl got mad #some more than others and a bunch of professional artists defended the ppl who did all the whitewashing n shit #but nary a word when artist of colour BLACKz IM TALKING ABT BLACK ARTISTS #get harrassed en masse. or ppl watching spiderverse tryna draw POC for the first time #and uh. drawing them badly. and it’s one thing if it’s a beginner or a kid and a few features are wrong #proportions are hard. that’s not the problem. there’s a difference between a mistake and a choice #someone being able to draw amazing pieces but choosing to white wash choosing to make fat characters thin #we know the difference. or god when nb artists tried tell black ppl how our skin works #but yeah. I think ppl are rightly sensitive to criticism because of the internet I think we’re just swinging in the wrong direction of #NO CRITIQUE EVER. Speaking of I wanna find that blog that does red-lining submissions

[kuiperror]

although it was Bad i dont entirely regret watching the 2007 cgi chipmunk movie cuz it confirmed my personal headcanon that dave makes all of the chipmunks' clothes by himself

#when i say stuff like 'im the only person who Understands xyz' this is what i mean #its not a competition but i always Understand a fictional story so deeply that my ideas just ARE canon. u know ^^ #like. u know how in the smurf cgi movies they could wear like. doll clothes and shit and it would fit them #or smthing like that idk i havent watched them in a long time lmfao #yeah well thats not the situation for the chipmunks they are fucked up child chipmunk creatures. #they do not have the luxury of mass-produced clothing davids got to WORK for anything they wear #i think dave just has a natural talent for needlework and sewing. idk something about it just makes sense 2 me #i like to think that he also does it to regulate his anger :) #something something the obfusication of gender roles in a story that is vaguely set around the 50s and 60s something #ouuuugh i see you person who accidentally clicked on the tags u wanna ask me about my chipmunks lore so badly. >:} #alvin and the chipmunks

[reddiamondyeet]

.

#red rants #I'm so fucking awful. god #I care about people so much but my first thought everytime is me first. me me me. #One of my friends will be crying and there will be that overwhelming voice in my head saying “can't they just get over themselves already?” #AND I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT WAY. I DON'T WANT TO BE CRUEL LIKE THAT. #BUT I DON'T LOVE. IT'S NOT SOMETHING I FEEL. IN ALMOST ANY WAY. #the closest thing I have is my mother #I care about them. I really do. But I can't keep doing this. #I can't keep watching them break and not being able to feel anything for them but apathy. #what am I even supposed to say? all the tactics that work with them require those emotions i can't feel! #and all the tactics I can use only hurt them more! I'm so sick of this! #I'm sick of seeing them suffer and my first thought being “At least people see you. You're lucky and you don't even know it” #I'M SICK OF BEING A JEALOUS LOVELESS ANTISOCIAL ASSHOLE I WANT FRIENDS I WANT LOVE I WANT IT SO BADLY #but what the fuck am I supposed to do. I'm too tired to even think about changing myself. #I might as well not even try to be friends with anyone. I'm not going to able to be there for them when it counts most. #maybe I've just fucking doomed myself into loneliness. I don't wanna be alone. I don't want you to be alone. You shouldn't have to be alone. #but turns out my fucking shitty broken brain is too exhausted to care about people more often than not. #i care so much i loop back around to not caring. how fucking amazing. whatever. i've never kept anyone for that long anyway #guess I'm just doomed to fail

[rorsry]

sometimes i still think about (when i id'd as a gay man and) how bad my internalized homophobia was. i didn't even realize until i forced myself to work on it. i used to feel disgusting for calling guys hot bevause it felt. Bad. like i wasn't allowed to think men were sexually attractive to me least i be a sex hungry monster. that shits crazy

#like i never knew how badly it was affecting me until i woke up one day and was like. wait why am i hating myself for liking men ???!?!?? #anyways i'm glad that part of my life is over..used to only ever call guys Cute and Adorable and Sweet #which was def not helping my case. so i forced myself to start calling them hot and sexy LOL and it worked in the long run... #men i wanna sex you so good you say blah blah blah

[tvrningout-a]

honestly i just want kojirou to look nothing like a shoujo/josei writer bc the contrast and turning expectations upside down makes me happy :’ ) also i’m thinking about ko becoming so ready to help others that he eventually gets really bad about asking for help himself, gets too independent. and it’s not necessarily that he feels bad burdening others? he does, but it’s just not even an option in his mind anymore. he’s big brother ko!! he takes care of you and not the other way around!!

#hi i’m at work but on break for a lil bit longer and trying to think of my dorks!! #i wanna write today!! so badly!! #and mark my words i’m writing the spice i have in my inbox… no more just suggestive WE’RE GOING FOR IT!! #well maybe just suggestive stuff if that’s how the ask ends up leaning but i just mean!! #i’m not gonna get nervous and just do it uvu the people who follow me on that blog and send stuff aren’t gonna be scandalized asdfg #and i really do wanna explore that side of my muses bc intimacy is a big deal to most of them #ANYWAY!! i hope everyone is having a wonderful saturday!! #get ready to ramble | ooc