#and i can’t move in with either of my brothers bc they’ve deeply hurt me and i can’t trust them like that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

faejilly · 5 years

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So, how about some Malec kissing with a dash of h/c? Like, Alec being in pain for whatever reason (injury, migraine) and Magnus being unable to help (bc it's canon compliant with 3a and he doesn't have magic anymore: Alec doesn't want him to waste his magic: magic can't heal it - writer's choice), and Magnus is worried/guilty but Alec's just content to have him near by to cuddle with and kiss because, "his kisses are the best kind of pain relief," and Magnus is reluctantly charmed? - Bohemian

is Magnus ever reluctantly charmed by Alec anymore though? He’s still occasionally SURPRISED but I’m pretty sure he looks forward to it happening.

ANYWAYS. This is not even a little bit what you asked for. I shall attempt some proper h/c again later, but when I attempted reluctantly charming and comforting kisses I got this instead, which takes place sometime in early s2.

Because balconies! And tea! And maybe some parabatai issues. Or something. I am perhaps a bit predictable when it comes to preferred themes. #sorry

"I'm not in love with Jace."

Magnus stills his steps, feels his toes curl in his shoes. His elbow brushes against the glass behind him as he steadies. He exhales, his breath joining the shift of cool night air against his face.

"I never was."

Alec isn't looking at him, but his voice is steady and even. His fingers move against the fire-escape railing, but the shift is slow, almost graceful; it looks like he's grounding himself with the touch, not that he's nervous.

What a thought that is, that Alexander Lightwood grounds himself here rather than anywhere else, with anyone else. Magnus swallows. His chest aches, and something in his eyes burns. He blinks, makes sure he can feel his glamour as solid as ever.

"That's not why I missed him. That wasn't why I was such a..." Alec's grip on the railing tightens, and the fidget in his hands shudders all the way up to his shoulders before he manages to shrug. "I'm sorry."

"You said that already, and I meant it when I accepted it." Magnus keeps his voice low, trying to encourage without interrupting too much. "I have met parabatai before. I am aware that it is, shall we say, intense?"

"I just." Alec pauses again. Magnus takes one careful step closer to Alec's perch on the stairs. "You're not some sort of... rebound, or second choice, or anything like that."

"I never thought—"

Alec makes a sharp sort of grunt in the back of his throat, and Magnus stops talking, goes back to listening. "I don't know if you need to hear it, but I need to say it."

Alec looks up at last, his eyes bright despite the darkness of the sky above them. "I'm gay."

It hangs in the air, and Magnus realizes this is probably the first time Alec ever actually said it out loud, possibly the first time he let himself say it at all, even just to himself. And he's sharing it with Magnus, this first time, not with his family. Magnus can't help but smile as the ache in his heart blossoms outward, pressure easing and warming into dangerously soft affection. "And thank god for that."

Alec snorts, which seems to ease the tension that hunches his back. "Not the reaction I'd get if I said that at h—back at the Institute. Even now that they all know."

Magnus tilts his head, wonders if Alec had almost called the Institute home, wonders how long it hasn't been, wonders how often Alec still calls it such a thing that is so very untrue.

"Being gay is one of those deep dark secrets that no one ever reveals. One of those things we don't say. One of those things Shadowhunters aren't."

Magnus wants to step closer again, wants to pull Alec into his arms, wants to soothe the line of his shoulders with his hands, as if that could smooth away a lifetime of hatred and disdain. His fingers flex and curl by his sides, but he resists anything more. Alec doesn't look like he's done, like he's reached the point he wants to make. Magnus is not sure he'd forgive himself if he spooked Alec now. He's not sure this fragile almost-relationship would survive such a precedent.

"I knew that, of course. Everyone knew that, even if they didn't say it, but I didn't feel bad about being gay. Not like I was supposed to."

Magnus lifts his eyebrows, can't hold in the soft questioning hum. Alec is deeply mired in self-hatred, it clearly still weighs him down, no matter how dramatic a change he granted himself at his almost wedding.

Alec smiles, small and crooked, as if he knows what Magnus is thinking. "When I was six I wanted to marry Nathan Ashkeep because it made me happy when he laughed and I thought that way he could come to New York with us and stay forever."

Magnus laughs, his breath escaping in a soft uneven stutter.

Alec's smile widens. "Your laugh is even better."

Magnus waves a hand, half-acceptance, half-dismissal. He feels flushed and awkward and delighted, all at once. He wonders how much of that makes it onto his face, how much Alec can see, even in the dim lighting.

Alec sighs, his smile fades. "There wasn't anything wrong in that, I knew it was innocent. It wasn't any different than when Izzy hugged Mateo Redhaven and dragged him over for dinner as often as possible. Everyone thought that was adorable, not just me."

"What changed?"

"Some of it was just time." Alec closes his eyes. His lashes are dark and thick against his cheeks as he exhales. "Everyone acts like something is horrible for long enough and you start to wonder if maybe they're right, if maybe you're the one who is wrong."

Magnus holds his breath and waits for Alec's eyes to open again.

"Then there was Jace."

Alec's voice is light, almost wistful, but his grip on the railing is tight again, tight enough Magnus can see the sharp angles of his knuckles in the dark.

"He was so sad and beautiful, and I wanted to bundle him up in a blanket in my arms and never let go."

Considering what they've learned about his so-called father, Magnus doesn't even want to imagine. Jocelyn had been so very desperate to keep Clary away from him, so sure that there was nothing worse for either of them than Valentine. Nothing worse for anyone than Valentine.

"When he got better at pretending he wasn't sad, all I could see was the beautiful, and there it was." And there it is indeed, self-loathing audible in the sudden edge to Alec's words. "Because I was gay I wanted someone who was supposed to be my brother, and it was horrifying. I was horrifying, and at last I hated myself just as much as I was supposed to."

"Alexander." Magnus can't bear it a moment longer, and takes the last step necessary to reach Alec. He rests his hand upon Alec's, squeezes until he feels the tension beneath his palms ease. Alec leans forward, brushes his lips against the back of Magnus' hand. His every move is so careful, so gentle, and the feel of his mouth is soft and warm against Magnus' skin.

Magnus inhales, blinks.

Alec is comforting him.

As if Magnus feeling for him is a heavier weight than his own misery.

As if Magnus' comfort lifts him up more than his own happiness.

Alec shifts back again, sideways until his cheek presses against the railing a step or two higher than his hands. "I loved him, and he was my brother, and he was attractive. And the more I loved him, the more I knew I would always love him, and the more I realized that they'd always been right, that I'd always been wrong, that I was should be ashamed of myself."

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, Alec."

Alec huffs out a breath that's almost a laugh. "I knew what you meant the first time you said that."

"I know." Magnus rubs his thumb against the delicate skin between Alec's thumb and forefinger.

"I don't believe it."

Magnus' hand tenses, and he has to make himself relax before his nails start to dig into Alec's hand.

"I'm trying to." Alec offers up the addition like it's a gift, a lift in his voice and a tremble in the fingers still resting beneath Magnus' hand. "Thanks to you."

Magnus shakes his head. "You're the one who made the choice to be yourself."

The breath Alec huffs out this time is not even close to a laugh. "I was holding too tight to my shadows to leave on my own. They were safe. Comforting, even, in their own terrible way. It was easier to hate myself for loving Jace then wonder what I was missing by never letting myself be in love. There was no way I'd ever do anything, no reason I'd ever get to choose something else, so it was right that I give up, that I stop feeling things."

That hurts, dull and heavy, pressing down until Magnus' ribs ache. It's so familiar, and not familiar enough. Magnus doesn't know what to say to it, how to lift that weight, how to shift that history so it's not bearing down on them.

"But I couldn't do that with you." Alec sits up now, his hand turning beneath Magnus' until they're palm to palm, fingers wrapping around each other. "You're too..." Alec's voice wavers, his breath escapes him but he's smiling with it, smiling at Magnus. "You're too bright, I can't look away."

Magnus isn't sure if that's a compliment or not, if he's been put on a pedestal rather than left to stand on the ground with everyone else. He's not sure how to ask that without accidentally accusing Alec of not knowing his own mind, of not knowing what he wants. That's an accusation he'd never risk, not about this, not about them. Especially not after this confession. But Magnus can't quite let it lie, either. "I have shadows."

Alec shrugs. It almost looks careless but Magnus can tell it's not, that he's thought about it, turned it around in his thoughts and considered every angle before dismissing it as unimportant to his conclusions. "I don't want to look away, Magnus. I want to see it all."

Magnus isn't sure he still knows how to breathe.

"If you want to let me." Alec dips his chin, looking up at Magnus through his lashes, the tilt of his shoulders almost shy. He's quite obscenely beautiful. Magnus cannot comprehend how he doesn't know this, how he hasn't ever felt admiration in the eyes around him rather than judgement.

"I don't know if I can." Magnus' voice feels rough, as if he's the one who's been talking for the past few minutes rather than Alec. "But I want to try. Thanks to you."

Alec looks almost giddy, a hint of a flush visible on his cheeks, and Magnus feels the very world shift beneath him. He feels dizzy, loses everything beyond Alec's gorgeous eyes and the feel of his own smile widening across his face.

He could stay here forever, just like this, holding Alec's hand in the dark.

Magnus knew he felt too much the very first time he met Alec's eyes, knew he was too invested when Alec's tracking coma left Magnus adrift and desperate, but this is the first time he can see how they're both too far gone.

It's also the first time this connection feels warm and quiet, no longer a tidal wave trying to drown them, but a sunlit beach, peaceful all the way to the horizon.

He wants to keep this feeling forever.

Alec's fingers shift, tracing the edges of Magnus' rings. Magnus tightens his grip until they still, and lifts Alec's hand just high enough to press a kiss of his own against the smooth skin just behind Alec's knuckles.

Alec inhales, sharp enough to be heard, sharp enough Magnus can feel the lift of his chest.

Magnus lets go, feels the way Alec's fingers catch against his own as the separate, as he makes himself step back. He exhales, slow and long and steady.

He needs to do this right. They need to take their time, step by step, until they figure out how to do this together.

"Some tea, perhaps, before you have to go?"

Alec blinks, and that small crooked smile appears and disappears, and Magnus is quite sure he knows exactly what Magnus is thinking. He nods. Magnus knows he's not just agreeing to tea, but they neither of them say so.

It's enough, for now. Magnus waves them both back into the well-lit warmth of the loft, and Alec trails behind him into the kitchen.

For now, it's perfect.

#jilly writes #shadowhunters #malec #alec lightwood #magnus bane #my sh fic #jilly vs nano #BECAUSE I FINISHED SOMETHING #which has been added to the spreadsheet #bohemian #I hope you like it #despite my complete inability #to write to prompt today

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catboyfeli · 7 years

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COPY PASTING SOME YOUTUBE COMMENTS BC ALL THIS MABEL HATE MAKES ME MAD

ShadowRevya91 week ago "He wasn't lying in that regard as to just casually mocking her." Bill wasn't just casually mocking her. In context, he was trying to create a rift between the twins because at the time Dipper wasn't yet willing to make a deal with him for so much of a stitch of one of Mabel's puppets.

"Makes Mabel seem like a Mary Sue." I don't follow, what is it that makes Mabel seem like a Mary Sue? I thought a Mary Sue was a character without flaws, but your issue here seems to be based in Mabel being deeply, brokenly flawed.

"Dipper is shown to constantly give something up for Mabel" Dipper willingly giving things up for Mabel—in circumstances where it is clearly established as the decent course of action, with Dipper learning a lesson in doing so—does not mean Mabel is selfish. Ex. Dipper learning that it's creepy to be so controlling over another person's life choices and choosing to give up his hard work for his sister the moment he sees for himself that losing her pig would genuinely hurt her means that Dipper grew as a person and cares about his twin respectively, not that Mabel somehow got away with something to his detriment. For comparison, in Carpet Diem, the moment Dipper explains to Mabel why it is he wants his own room, she gives up the key and tells him she won't fight him for it. This obviously isn't an example of Dipper being selfish, it's just that Mabel understands and cares about her twin. And as you say, the lessons Dipper learned in his eps and his ultimately being able to forge a genuine friendship with Wendy are positives, not losses, and certainly not losses "because of Mabel's selfishness".

"Everything (in her mind) has to be about her." Mabel is portrayed as constantly trying to help other people. As shown in The Last Mabelcorn, other peoples' happiness is what she stakes her own happiness on. She says as much in The Love God when Dipper and the teens ditch a suffering Robbie: "How can I be happy if I know someone else is sad?" In contrast, Dipper holds grudges; he isn't invested in the well-being of people he doesn't know or people who have crossed him/his sister in the past (Robbie, Pacifica, the gnomes, etc.). Mabel's so concerned about Gideon's happiness in The Hand that Rocks the Mabel that she can't bring herself to turn him down even when it distresses her. She tries to help Dipper along in his crush on Wendy and in building confidence, and when it doesn't work out offers to make him a list of rebound crushes. She tries to play matchmaker between Lazy Susan and Stan when she finds out he wants her to like him. When she finds out Stan has a fear of heights, she spends the episode trying to help him move past it. I could go on, but seriously she does these things for the entire length of the show; it's her 'thing'. Ford, Dipper, and Wendy agree in Mabelcorn that Mabel's the most pure-of-heart, well-meaning person they know.

"she is shown to constantly take advantage of his dedication and/or belittle his ambitions" When is she ever shown to consciously take advantage of Dipper or hurt his feelings? She makes fun of his voice, lack of manliness, and love of nerd things, but only playfully and she's definitely not the sole character to do so (see Stan, Wendy, and Soos) (Stan is so hard on Dipper that it becomes a major plot point near the end of season one). In Bottomless Pit, Mabel, Soos, and Wendy all express how much they think Dipper's voice is perfect at the end of their mixtape. Mabel realizes in DD & More D that Dipper's actually been taking a lot of their teasing to heart and feels bad about this because it was not her intention. This isn't a realization specific to Mabel either. In Little Dipper, Dipper realizes that he's unintentionally been rubbing his success in Mabel's face, that she feels inferior to him because "you're better than me at like everything", and that her teasing is her attempt to feel better about what few victories over him she has.

"And she never really "pays" for it" Mabel is punished while learning lessons, same as Dipper. As I said before, it's just easier for the audience to brush off. Ex. Mabel gets multiple attempts to kickstart the summer romance that is her central desire for the summer; every single one goes down in flames (literally, in Sock Opera) and we see in Society of the Blind Eye how much those failures weigh on her and how difficult it can be for her to remain confident in the face of them. Like Dipper, we see throughout season 2 that Mabel makes an effort to move past this and comes out better for it.

"Is she at least sorry for nearly getting her brother and close friend killed simply to teach them a lesson? It was an accident, yeah, but it was a result of how short-sighted she is." Maybe it's just me, but Mabel... pushing Wendy and Dipper into a closet together... falls a bit short of consideration as a heinous crime. Besides, Mabel 1) was trying to be helpful, 2) was also in danger, 3) didn't know there was a monster in the bunker. Pinning Into the Bunker on Mabel is like pinning Sock Opera on Dipper for not realizing he was about to be screwed over or pinning The Inconveniencing on Dipper for going along with the teens in an attempt to fit in or pinning Weirdmageddon on Dipper for not telling Mabel about the rift in the first place. You could pin Into the Bunker on Dipper as well while we're at it; he led the mission, the purpose of which was to benefit his summer priority, and the gang almost were crushed in the security room. Point being: The kids not being able to see the future isn't a character flaw and the others don't typically expect apologies from them in such instances. This is different from, say, when Dipper intentionally raises the dead in Scary-oke or Stan leaves Waddles outside in Land Before Swine.

"Unlike in season one where it's pretty obvious that the story is about Dipper" How is season one about Dipper? I didn't get that impression personally.

"I can only think of two episodes where she actually learns a lesson (Boy Crazy and Sock Opera)" Here's what I can remember off the top of my head: Tourist Trapped, Irrational Treasure, The Legend of the Gobblewonker, The Hand That Rocks the Mabel, Boss Mabel, The Last Mabelcorn, The Golf War, Society of the Blind Eye, Northwest Mansion Mystery, and The Love God. Not that number remotely matters (as you say, Ford's arc wrapped up neatly despite his only being present for the final 7 episodes), but hope that helps.

"She KNOWS this isn't real that Bill is gonna destroy everyone she cares about in the REAL world... but CHOOSES to stay put." This... ignores a couple things. 1) So did Wendy and Soos and nearly Dipper, only he remembered that what the bubble was showing him wasn't actually what he truly wanted, only what he thought he did (i.e. being Wendy's age). Which ties into his speech to Mabel later. 2) It's a magic prison bubble; Mabel's under a spell. She doesn't snap out of it until the sincere sibling hug. 3) This incident is parallel to the first season's penultimate episode, wherein Dipper initially decides not to save Stan and the shack because he feels Stan doesn't care enough about him to merit rescuing. Mabel is similarly hurting because she believes Dipper has decided to ditch her. This is part of the reason she creates a false Dipper; she thought the real Dipper meant to abandon her and couldn't accept a reality where that could be true. Because when it comes down to it, and Dipper spells this out himself, Mabel isn't stuck in her fantasyland because she's selfish and it's giving her everything she thinks she wants; she's stuck because she's afraid of losing Dipper and "of growing up".

Throughout the series, Dipper and Mabel are both portrayed as childish. Dipper has a childish idea of what it means to be grown up and can't wait to leave his childhood behind and become the great person he imagines he will be as an adult. Mabel is a tad more mature in that she understands being afraid of being perceived as childish is itself childish and that the twins have to cherish their childhood and their time together while they have it because it won't last forever. However, faced with both the thought of her childhood ending and Dipper leaving, she can't handle both at once and instead seeks solace from reality, refusing to move forward in the process. Dipper developed as a character over the series, but like Mabel those lessons don't fully sink in until the events of Weirdmageddon, where he becomes a realist who understands he can't deal with reality by constantly living in the future. He sees Mabel struggling with the unrealistic desire to remain stuck in time as similar to his unrealistic desire to have already grown up and explains to her they can kill two birds with one stone and face reality together; the spell breaks here because Mabel no longer needs the fantasy world to deal with losing Dipper and that subsequent panic of having to grow up alone. "Man, I went nuts back there. The real world can't be that bad, right?" Show less Reply 3 ShadowRevya9 ShadowRevya91 week ago (edited) "It's sad to see that ONCE AGAIN, Dipper sacrifices his ambitions for her" "All she really learned that is if she guilt trips Dipper enough times, he'll always turn around for her." I think you're missing a critical component of Dipper's character arc here. Dipper's 'ambitions', to essentially begin a career path at friggin' 12 and skip/squander the remainder of his childhood and teenage years, are explicitly portrayed as being as delusional as Mabel's fantasyland. Dipper isn't giving up anything of value here and he isn't giving it up for Mabel's sake; it's a personal decision he's made and he's using this decision to show Mabel that he's chosen to face the music and implore her to join him in doing so. This is why when Mabel tells Dipper—immediately after they've escaped the prison bubble—that while she appreciates his speech he's free to take the apprenticeship if he wants to and she doesn't want to be responsible for holding him back, Dipper simply reiterates that he doesn't want it.

Again, Dipper letting things go of his own volition (not due to supposed emotional abuse on Mabel's part) is not somehow synonymous with him getting the short end of the stick. The only ones who try to frame it that way in-universe are Bill "literal monster" Cipher and Stanford "isn't having siblings suffocating?" Pines.

"with her... not really giving up much this time" This is what I meant when I said it's easier for the audience to value what Dipper sacrifices more. Mabel gave up the prison bubble, a world where she gets everything she wants (except Dipper, which makes the whole thing worthless). The bubble was her dream the way Ford's apprenticeship was Dipper's: unrealistic and unfulfilling. It would have been awful of her to choose to stay, the same way it would have been awful of her to give Bill the journal to keep her play; the same way it would have been awful of Dipper to keep the megaphone, the same way it would have been awful of Dipper to deny Wendy's freedom to make her own choices. These are all sacrifices, but only seem to be viewed as such when they are Dipper's, despite the fact that in each instance, 1) giving up the thing was hard for them, 2) unambiguously the right thing to do, and 3) they realize the thing being given up wasn't actually worth much at all. Show less Reply 2 jenny xu jenny xu6 days ago I'm feeling bad for jumping into this argument but at the same time...

Alright, I see a lot of what you're saying here, but my first impression agreed with Edward Gil and my reason for 'why' stands thus. Dipper, as far as I've perceived him in both season one and season two, drops everything (except for Wendy, I suppose) the moment Mable needs his help. When Waddles was taken by a pterodactyl in the Land Before Swine, Dipper dropped his attempt to photograph the pterodactyl the moment he learned that Mabel's pig was taken. Of course, he would help, but as far as I remember, it never occurred to Dipper to bring a camera 'just in case.' That's him caring for Mable and putting her above his priorities.

Later on, in the Golf War, Mable may have been the bigger person and stated that cheating was wrong while Dipper was perfectly fine with it, we have to remember that Pacifica is Mable's nemesis. Not Dipper's. The only reason Dipper would have any issue with Pacifica would be because of the way she treats Mable.

Even earlier, in the Deep End, when Mermando couldn't breathe and Mable told Dipper (as the assistant lifeguard) to give him reverse CPR, Dipper didn't hesitate. The obvious solution would have been to roll Mermando into the lake, yes, but I thought it was heartwarming that Dipper /didn't hesitate/ to give reverse mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to a merman he met literally seconds earlier. He probably would have done it, Mable or no Mable, but I think the fact that his twin went through all that trouble before hand to get Mermando to the lake played a role in how quickly he conceded to the demand.

In dangerous situations, Dipper's first words are always 'let her go!' and 'her' always being Mable. Despite not being the bravest or strongest person (don't we know it), Dipper always, always, stands in front of Mable against monsters and threats to shield and protect her. Obviously, this isn't to say that Mable is less capable than anyway. If it comes down to it, I'm willing to bet that she's the more athletic one, but the fact of the matter is, Dipper is constantly proving how much he cares for his twin.

Now Mable on the other hand? Aside from how she always supports Dipper fully in his investigation of the supernatural (Mystery Twins!), it's hard to think of an example where she dropped her own priorities in order to help Dipper.

Now, in terms of 'being a good person,' I think Mable probably has Dipper beat. She goes out of her way to help others, she has a stronger sense of morals and in the Last Mablecorn, Mable outright stated that she had the purest heart and Dipper just went, 'no arguments there.' I just think, when it comes down to paying attention to each other's needs and such, Dipper is just more aware than Mable, you know? He's the analytical one, the one who's always winning at chess. So he's the one who takes more care to see things from Mable's perspective.

Meanwhile, Mable is playfully ribbing Dipper about an assortment of shortcomings, from lack of manliness to his voice to being slightly shorter to his crush on Wendy to a miscellaneous collection of other small, harmless comments that... frankly add up. It's not much of an issue considering. as you've pointed out, Wendy, Soos and Grunkle Stan do virtually the same but considering how Dipper is towards Mable, it's worse coming from her.

When things get serious, Mable is there for Dipper, but not the same drop-everything way he is for her. When it comes down to it, I think that's what rubs people the wrong way.

This is all open to discussion, of course. Show less

#long post #not hetalia #gravity falls #mabel pines #dipper pines #bill cipher

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