#and instead of nihilism it can just be that u know. people can find a way to keep going because they want to matter

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

You mentioned in a post that you don’t believe it was Tom’s intention to run his torture-factory/dystopian academy. Why do you think it ended up that way? Did he simply lose the capacity to care about the children at that point?

Oh god.

Why do you people ask me things that require Tolstoy novel length explanations about Tom Riddle that will still make me sound crazy by the end of it? 

Let’s get to it, I suppose.

My usual Tom Riddle analysis disclaimers: we have a lot of ground to cover and little time cover it in so I’m not going to expand on every single line I drop, I will undoubtedly offend somebody if I haven’t already and if you think that might be you then you should probably move along, we’re going to have to make a lot of assumptions.

Required reading material (yes, you have asked an ask that has goddamn required reading material):

Tom Riddle’s Goal Was to Destroy the Wizarding World

Tom Riddle’s Not Crazy

Tom Riddle is Depressed and Suicidal

Voldemort is an Idea, Not a Man

You read it? For realz? For really realz? Okay, then let’s move forward.

I think it’s a bit of both.

I think by the time we get to Tom Riddle in canon, let alone Deathly Hallows, he is buried in rage, depression, and nihilism. He cares about very little anymore, is probably in constant physical pain, life is a black pit of despair, and it’s only fitting that somewhere out there the children are suffering too.

Now that said, I do think he never intended for Hogwarts to become the way it did and did put in fairly reasonable efforts so that it would not. It did anyway. Why do I think that?

He left most of the staff, key staff members at that and known resistance members, untouched and in their posts

He put Severus Snape, of all Death Eaters, in charge of the school

He turned a blind eye to the active student rebellion of nearly half the school’s population

He did not remove the children of known resistance members from the castle and make them hostages

The battle of Hogwarts

The Staff

It’s very telling to me that there is little to no turnover of the staff. Yes, we get the Carrows for Defense Against the Dark Arts and Malfoy gets to be a hall monitor on steroids, but all the original faculty remains and most retain their full original positions.

Minerva McGonagall, who is a known Order member, is allowed to retain her position as Transfiguration professor even when she actively aids and engages in the student led rebellion at the school. Hell, she actively spies on Hogwarts’ inner workings and reports back to the Order, and Tom lets her get away with this.

Despite Tom’s destroying the sorting hat, which I actually fully agree with as I think that thing actively causes major rifts in wizarding society, he actually doesn’t want to rock the boat and in this wants education to continue in much the same manner as before he took power.

He Leaves Snape in Charge

Snape is by far the most level headed Death Eater and actually has experience as a professor, seems to handle children well enough, and has existing relationships with the Hogwarts faculty. If anyone was supposed to get Hogwarts working under the new regime and keep everything in check, then it’s this guy.

I imagine Tom thought Snape could easily handle this. Snape can’t handle this.

Unfortunately, Tom trusted Snape to be competent. Snape chose not to be competent, or rather, I’m sure he had no idea what the fuck Tom wanted from him. I think, for all Snape managed to evade detection, he really has no idea how Tom Riddle works, mostly because all he sees of the man is the ridiculous show that is Voldemort. Based on that, Tom Riddle expects the castle to be in ruins by the year’s end, and Snape delivers the best appearance of this he can while actively turning a blind eye to student rebellion.

In other words, Snape went with his best guess of chaos and despair, which was a good guess.

So Snape sits there as Headmaster, the faculty refuses to interact with him, the hired on Death Eater faculty don’t listen to him and he can’t quite tell them off for torturing the children, because he’s pretty sure that’s what Tom wants and the whole thing spirals out of control until the children are actually arming themselves and Tom Riddle has to actually invade Hogwarts.

He has to invade a school, cutting down children, because Snape could not do his job. 

Tom Turned a Blind Eye to Student Rebellion

Remember Dumbledore’s Army and how quickly they were found out? These kids are not being at all secretive. They’re having meetings that both Snape and McGonagall are aware of (both doing their best to hide it), we know that eventually Draco the Hall Monitor finds out about it, and it’s clear that there are key active instigators in Hogwarts.

They then actually barricade themselves in a room and refuse to leave, arming themselves for “the rebellion”.

Tom does nothing.

Oh, sure, the people inside the castle do things but Tom never instructs them to stake out Hogsmeade (where they must be getting supplies), to start pulling out the big guns and threatening their specific families, or anything more.

I think this shows Tom was willing to let a lot go, he just couldn’t let go actual open rebellion or the reemergence of Harry Potter the messiah figure rallying the troops.

Where Are the Hostages?

Tom Riddle knows the entire Weasley family are very strong members of the Order of the Phoenix. He knows early in that Neville Longbottom is instigating rebellion within Hogwarts.

Ginny is not immediately taken from Hogwarts, she is, in fact, sent on her merry way and seems to do just fine for months even when her brothers are writing “U No Poo” on their store windows (and indeed, Fred and George suffer nothing for that either). 

Neville, while he does eventually go into hiding, is able to act on his own for months as a known close friend of Harry Potter’s and is never taken hostage.

To me it seems very clear that Tom Riddle really does want to leave the kids alone and as undisturbed as he reasonably can given the circumstances.

The Battle of Hogwarts: The Timeout

Tom is eventually forced to invade Hogwarts. His enemies are school children and the teachers who think it’s a brilliant idea to send said school children into battle (it’s the Dumbledore way!)

It’s a slaughter house.

As Harry’s running around like a lunatic he glimpses children being murdered and grievously injured left and right. The Death Eaters are not suffering nealry as collosol damages.

And yet, despite this, Tom calls for a timeout.

He gives a very weird speech, in which he’s giving them an hour reprieve (HINT HINT, WINK WINK) in which they are to deliver him Harry Potter. At which point the battle will be over and they can all go home.

Tom had the advantage, had he cared nothing for the children or actively wanted to put them down, he could have easily done so and captured Harry Potter. Instead, he takes the world’s weirdest timeout, making a very loud announcement about his timeout, likely in the hopes that the children would take the hint and get the hell out of the castle.

No one gets the hint.

Instead, Harry Potter shows up ready to be murdered. Tom will take it, murders Harry, carries his corpse into Hogwarts saying, “YOUR HERO IS DEAD, DESPAIR, NOW PLEASE LEAVE SO I CAN STOP MURDERING ALL OF YOU.”

Harry then springs to life, “GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE! I’M NOT DEAD, YOU CAN CONTINUE MURDERING ALL OF US!”

Tom dies inside, then per my earlier post, runs into an arrow and dies for realz.

TL;DR Tom Riddle’s life is a joke in which he unintentionally ends up murdering the children

#ask #anon #harry potter

[incarnateirony]

Someone dropped this in my submission box instead of ask box, “So I’m trying to genuinely understand what you’re saying is you understand corporate execs at the CW had a hand in the ending of supernatural? I’m not judging not attacking I swear I’m just trying to make sense of it because I had no idea about any of this up till now because I had stayed out of online fandom because well for years it felt big but anyways am I getting this right?”

---

The CW has a hand in everything. Here’s how this generally works.

The authors have ~relative~ freedom on a show. That is to say, the execs really don’t sit there splitting the nuances of the storytelling the fandom is receiving. They generally don’t even identify major markers that any of us would know (see: not even recognizing what the Roadhouse is.) -- we all knew the original ending had TFW at the Roadhouse as framed and spoiled by 15.04 among other details, and the whole “heaven/mental bar” theme from DSOTM, Nihilism, and Last Call all amplified this as an inevitability--but when you ask about “hey, is there a bar in heaven?” and get a “no?” that tells you they don’t even understand *ancient* plot beats like the Roadhouse, much less the ramifications of what it’s supposed to entail. Oh look at that, the roadhouse was just in fucking heaven like we said, but you identified it as a “cabin” because of filming locations and your basic notes.

Corporate has very basic compliance demands. They expect X, Y, and Z. What X Y and Z are across different shows vary depending on their markets. As long as the authors operate within X Y and Z, the corporate face essentially works off of synopsis of pitches and ideas.

This is also why I’ve talked about queer writing history and people being careful what they call queerbait: you don’t know what their X Y and Z are. The WB for example does not really CARE about representation. I’ve blogged about this often. We’re dollar signs. If they can package a new product to market it explicitly as LGBTQ fare, then they’ll turn you into a revenue machine by feeding you that particular fodder. When it comes to legacy shows--which is funny, because when the suit went off in my DM about this, they used the exact same phrasing as me--they’re going to play it safe, especially if they don’t truly understand the returns from the demographics they’re observing.

The space between X Y and Z is where the authors have liberty to push and, the longer and harder they push, the louder the content is allowed to get.

Here! I’ll even quote them directly, somewhat truncated because they ranted for fucking PARAGRAPHS.

“In reference to the media landscape, on a corporate level we do not distinguish fandoms. [...] That said, legacy shows such at Arrow, Supernatural, and even Flash are relics and we never really endeavored to reinvent the wheel on a corporate level, we are more focused on shows that are newer and still in our pipeline to premiere. [...] As for social media like all businesses and brands the engagement itself is key, but the content of the engagement is mostly irrelevant, though every show does have certain keywords that are often used in conjunction with harsher interactions blacklisted.”

The funny part is, they thought they were preaching to me like this was new information, but those of you that have been around my blog will PROBABLY RECOGNIZE this is almost VERBATIM exactly what I have told everybody over the years. Enough I half-suspect some trolls out there will think i wrote it myself and made it up and lob that accusation around. But there’s about 50 people that watched this conversation as it unfolded.

If you guys get mad? You’re still giving them PR. If you engage the content? You’re giving them PR. If you guys get bitchy ENOUGH? They completely blacklist a certain kind of engagement. I have literally been telling you all of this for years.

They don’t care who you are or what you want, just if you’re watching and what they at-best roughly estimate your demographic as desiring. So for example, Supernatural reading as a largely non-urban white demographic in its viewership, especially with a heavier lean in red states than most shows on the network, they presume to cater to what they perceive that demographic wants, rather than individualizing the understanding of the content, because they do not distinguish the shows or fandoms. “Oh, heavier republican white non-urban demographic” is where their understanding ends at, which is why they’re going to be utterly mystified why even my trump-voting republican neighbor from rural Alabama looked at the end result and went “what the fuck?” -- they weren’t expecting a big gay confession, but they were expecting a different sort of final tone.

Of course they’re never going to take that on for themselves and go “wow, we’re giant blazing dumbasses that understand nothing about the show!” -- they’ll, for example, claim they don’t leave network notes, when they’re still the ones passing material along about demographics and expectations etc etc. Their notes are *basic*. They do not leave *extensive* notes. Because extensive notes require extensive understanding of the content.

So for example: Berens spent since S9 slowly gaying up our show. Since they do not pay attention to the fine details of the story contents (lol no bar in heaven lolololol just a cabin lololol), he never got a note to *stop*. But it was not within the original structure plans and didn’t technically fit the demographic notes. The show continued to get aggressively gayed up, and Berens never really signed a note like “hey, I’m gaying it the fuck up” so even fandom reporters were going “THERE’S NO INTENT THERE!!!!!” -- berens operated in his very basic X, Y, Z landmarks to expand content within a story the suits literally do not pay the fuck attention to.

Corporate’s understanding is basic: dudes stabbing monsters and brothers against the world. Play in that box and keep these demographic notes in mind. You’re good.

They’ll NEVER mention blacklisting issues directly beyond what they admitted in the above quote but I DO remind you I have ranted ON AND ON AND ON how much Destiel fandom shot themselves in the goddamn foot with a fucking bazooka with the Chad Kennedy incident years ago. Others like Emily handled it intelligently to inform the *authors*. No, the network will never tell you if they blacklisted Destiel, but I informed you pretty heavily years ago that odds are, yeah, they probably fucking blacklisted Destiel.

Add in paying attention to the things Berens himself liked (if you don’t believe, scroll to Nov 5 on his tl)

Like, listen. berens knows exactly what he did and did the best he could do in the situations that were set up for him. And, frankly, I had been talking about this season as a writer room rebellion all year--just like corporate DID leave them a note in S11 that they couldn’t kill god. But if they couldn’t kill him or cage him, they would find another way. In 17 we said goodbye to Meredith and, in a way, to a MAJOR portion of Dean’s substantial story. In 18, we said goodbye to Bobo, and frankly all the parts that grew into queer Castiel that came with it. 19 and 20 became residual notes of hitting expected plot beats on the head on a rhythm, tying off godforces, and then just sliding into the Dabb subversion of them having learned to grieve, let go, and process emotions-- just the surrounding delivery left the feeling of more ~wanting~ on that front which is understandable.

But these are the kind of things people don’t even ~think~ about. This is WHY I’ve turned myself into a bulletshield protecting Berens’ work for YEARS while people yelled about queerbait not understanding the years of process he used in his unbabysat space to make something unable to dodge.

More posts he liked:

This isn’t a solo story. At the same SDCC he leaned over to my friend and grinned, whispering, “I hope you like what I did this year.” -- he knew. He knew and he fought his ass off but there was an end of the line.

That end of the line having an extra note or two to drop in the finale--never a big gay confirmation, just a “everyone’s there together, assume what you want” --is its own thing. As it is, Jensen even remarked how much of his dialogue got cut in final draft out of 18, and if the brazil dubbing footage leak tells me anything, they got the raw version before it was cut. And before they ADR’ed Dean’s sniffling collapsed against the wall. They had everything right, beyond the fact that there was supposed to be more dialogue from Dean along the lines of, “You can’t go”, or “you can’t leave” (difficult to determine what a ESL person seeing an english draft then yelling in portuguese then translated back to english meant, specifically, but something in that ballpark -- just like “don’t do this” came as “no it’s not” through the translation pipeline), and other similar minor bartering about this. And we’re not even gonna get into Dean’s hilariously loudly ADRed sniffling on the wall. Here, Jensen, breathe IMMEDIATELY into this microphone.

But they’re never going to tell you this. Of course they’re not. 

Summarily, corporate had half a year of having to re-manage scheduling everybody’s flights and planners during covid rewrites to stare directly into the huge gay abyss and fuck things up. 

It’s all about the unmonitored space vs the monitored space. Of COURSE they’re never going to fucking tell you these things. 

FRANKLY I am DYING to see the Portuguese dub of the show to see what the fuck they do with it, all things considered. I’m pretty sure the suit in my inbox that’s trying to vagueblog around things sideways now never accounted for the fact that there’s copies of the raw available in some parts of the world. I’m... pretty sure they thought they were my only leak source in fact. 

Either way--it’s not that corporate micromanages and passes constant notes. It’s that they gloss over vague summaries and plans, drop a few base expectations and performance boxes. It’s up to the authors how to kick up dust inside those boxes. 

[tigsousa]

INTRODUCING TIGS… @gallagherintro​​

⌠ CHAY SUEDE, 22, CISMALE, HE/HIS ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, THIAGO “TIGS” SOUSA! according to their records, they’re a FIRST year, specializing in UNDECIDED; and they DID NOT go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (a shittier silver chain than connell’s, eDgY shirts with missing buttons, book rolled into back pocket, flipping everyone off, rolled cigarette tucked behind ear, bruised eyes or just bags?). when it’s the (aquarius)’s birthday on 20/01/1998, they always request their COCO POPS from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation.

INSPO:

liam gallagher

BIO

grew up in a pretty rough and dangerous neighbourhood in dc, filled with Street Rats

parents: irresponsible, violent, addicts, basically only kept him for the benefits. home life was pretty miserable where he picked up most of his traits and habits.

but at one point it got so bad, his grandma reported them and took him in. they served some time in jail. he doesn’t know what they’re up to now, doesn’t care to find out either.

no one’s perfect -- his dad obvs gets it from somewhere -- but his grandma's love doesn’t make him cry. 

but he was an ungrateful lil shit ! so after a big argument, he left her and ran away/taken to LANDAN with a gang of grifters he met on da streetz for some gigs and what he thought would be Big Money

street fights were a common occurrence re: snatch *mickey o’neil vc* i’ll fight ya for it … if dc is here he learned how to fight, london is where he learned to fight dirty

the gang began to pull cons on a Bigger Scale until they got caught ! he was a Big Coward and ran away … but was sent back to the u s of a with 0 money lol (was p traumatic actually! ppl got killed! it still haunts him!)

came back 2 grandma n said sry a bajillion times n they made up

gma works as a housekeeper for a big time politician fam in d.c. and would get a few smol jobs for him as a pool boy or whatever else rich ppl have

but then his gma got ill and they don’t have medical insurance or da money for treatment so he dropped outta school and continued 2 swindle, in d.c. or where the money was tbh

gd thing about d.c. is politicians and they have lots of money !!!

it felt weird to scam people by himself. he wasn’t used to working alone so he started off small: hung out in bars, targeted politicians. end up in a hotel - they paid for it. long story short he got enough ammo to blackmail them into giving him $$ or he’d sell photos/videos to journalists ... n we all know how homophobic politicians are :clown emoji:

newayz … one of the cons ended up being a trap (fffff). they knew about his lil tricks n wanted to use him so proposed a deal: they’d pay for his gma’s everything, put her in the best hosp, pay off debts, send him to a good school which would secure his future !! in return they wouldn’t hand him over 2 da popo, clear his record, but he’d work for them + blackmails their opponents to strong arm them into votes or w/e

obvs he said yes bc he luvs his gma ..

PERSONALITY

Edgy n Cockney

has a dog called amigo

eats cereal out of the box for breakfast lunch n dinna xx it’s vegan xx

talks rly slowly, super lazy, as if he’s high 25/8

had 2 grow up quick so he is Mature but wasn’t allowed/able to Process all of his Shit so acts out + has childish tendencies (shock!)

super selfish + looks out for himself First … soz it just how it be it’s nothing personal

prefers to ruin things on his own terms so he is unforch #TeamFuckThingsUp

likes breaking thangs, likes burning thangs, likes gettin into fites .. For Fun !

rly just does what he wants regardless of whether it hurts other ppl – doesn’t rly care abt right/wrong .. aloof/detached/boner 4 nihilism yada yada

maybe that’s due to him liking d.c. coke a lot … a coping mechanism<3 microdosing mostly<3

if u get over all of that lol then he has a Deep side n has a lot of thots (which will b hard for me but o well) can be caring etc.

anti govt, anti rich, fuck da system a la vincent cassel in la haine etc. etc.

surprisingly Smort, likes 2 read + retains info like a sponge, good at exams without rly trying, will happily take exams for $$

likes getting to know ppl tho not out of genuine interest but also won’t say shit about himself

everyone at gallagher is stupid smart n kinda show offy abt it … highkey grinds his gears because he rly hates rich ppl and the govt and will fight u on it

will rationalise himself being at gallagher by saying he’ll destroy the system from inside out !!! lol ye rite

prefers to sit at the back, blend into the background, do his own thing

never chases after anything so if he does be suss

big fan of documentaries - louis theroux daddy

CONNECTIONS

friends: prefers 2 b more lowkey, more of a small chill group of ~pals than big groups of dumbos re: bros chat.

ex-friends: gimme platonic heartbreak! he has a tendency 2 fucc things up on purpose and will not hesitate to burn bridges 2 hide in da smoke (deep)

flings: type to kick u out bc he sleeps better alone and won’t hit u up for at least a week … no hard feelings</3

ex-flings: no emosh capacity for a full on relationship but it could’ve ended for a lot of messy reasons !! makes me laff

exes? he doesn’t rly believe in monogamy i’m sry . probs would’ve messed ur chara around a bit :// or mb it could’ve been legit srs i o n o

fre/enemies: he just … has 0 loyalties tbh so

met ur match: someone who just runs circles around him + plays his game better than he does ! its Messy !

senator’s kids: ur chara’s parent the one who took tigs in! probs shud be a Baddie tho

i cleaned ur pool: mayhaps he was ur pool boy one (1) summer + stole some of ur shit, maybe they got along, maybe they hate each other

pot head gang: talking about conspiracy theories on da rooftop at 2am pls ty

anti-painkiller: someone who is feeling shitty so hits him up to feel even worse . this cud become soft tbh . extra Spice if she wants 2 keep it a secret

underlined the good bits: based on dis lil nugget but instead of saving mankind make it taking down the government lol or a lil discussion or legit anythinnnn :-) bonus points if they dk each other :-)

why didn’t u ask me to stick around?: *peyton sawyer vc* erry1 alwayz leaves … n so did he !

the worst best partner: they were forced 2 partner up together but they rly rile each other up but lowkey werk well together and got a smashing grade ! he doesn’t care abt grades so probs someone who is a Show Off so he gets Aggro

if any of these fit ur chara/u vibin wit em, holla + we can go from there: uno, two, three, three and a half, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten point five, and most importantly: ot3 !!!!! and another one

#gallagher:intro #joining the 'pretend he looks less angry in this gif' gang #benefit of letting this sit for months is comin up wit actual connections uwu #idk wat im doin

[ultimatestellar]

Mikuuuuuuu eheehee

send me a character!!

miku miku oo ee oo. in my attempt to find more interests ive been getting really into vocaloid lately so good timing!!

favorite thing about them:

miku sounds!! so!! good!!! theres a reason shes cryptons mascot vocaloid. honestly if you can tune her well it can end up a masterpiece. and also just how much people care about her. the best thing about vocaloid is how much our favorite producers and really just the fanbase cares and makes us love these characters!! vocaloid as a concept comes down to what the community makes of it and the community has made me love miku.

also she pretty

least favorite thing about them:

please..... let me like more then 2 characters with canon personalities...... i can only make so many headcanons...........

eh who am i kidding i can always make more headcanons. but it is kinda annoying having every iteration of her be different (even if that is the whole point). but as long as i brush it off as “oh its just them performing” im cool with it :))

favorite line:

oh fuck i have to choose?? i dont have a list of miku quotes what am i supposed to say?? honestly you can choose a random wowaka song and id say youre right.

pinnochiop has some really good lines too but they arent as impactful and more just a mood.

brOTP:

her and len. her and len. her and len. or her and kaito but mostly her and len because those two can and will vibe check you

OTP:

mikurin!! because i found out the age difference between her and luka and went “oh shit i didnt realize i was supporting this” and went to find a new ship. turns out mikurin is canon in the project diva universe!! point being i got sucked in very quickly and these two are just so cute together,,,

nOTP:

shipping her with meiko. i just see meiko as an adult and miku is quite literally my age so i guess makes sense?? idk i have vocaloid ships that i hate much more cough cough rin x len cough so i cant hate on anything else too much.

random headcanon:

miku loves sweaters. she never gets to wear them because crypton is like YOU MAY ONLY WEAR REVEALING OUTFITS SO PEOPLE BUY YOUR MERCH but when she gets any free time she will immediately get an oversized sweater and just vibe. maybe with a movie playing. and popcorn. and rin. and rin and her start throwing popcorn at eachother during a really serious scene and ruin the movie but its okay cause they had fun which is what really matters to them and—

i guess a bonus one: since theyre androids they cant experience a lot of the stuff theyre singing about (darker stuff like losing a loved one or something as simple as food) so miku especially will look at the lyrics and try VERY HARD to imagine what all this would actually feel like. being virtual has its downsides yall!!

unpopular opinion:

other vocaloids deserve more attention, but that doesnt mean miku is overrated!! shes good and deserves the hype and just because others do as well but dont get it doesnt mean she shouldnt have it either.

song i associate with them:

...really?

ill just list off the best miku songs i can think of.

to start us off, rolling girl. because of course https://youtu.be/NIqm73xsias

white happy. this has been one of my favorite vocaloid songs for ages. i dont know if thisll just sound like im trying to be edgy or whatever but i really do feel like this is how i view the world but written out in all its optimistic nihilism glory and i LOVE IT. it even has my self worth issues down!! wow look at that this song is all of my problems wrapped up in a happy little tune!!! https://youtu.be/k_WT2x9we0Q okay maybe this one is my favorite

whats inside. as said before pinnochiops songs are all just honest and as a result this song especially is just a mood. https://youtu.be/GSpwTvYgFrM

liar dance!! i just think it sounds good. i couldnt find a good english sub but its probably written on the wiki https://youtu.be/FOvfM0fe-FE

world is mine. i dont have to explain this one. https://youtu.be/KMHXgUr7gYM

favorite picture of them:

no way am i going to try and pick ONE miku module when so many of them are equally pretty, so instead heres a picture of her i use as a reaction image sometimes!!

and thats it!!

thanks for sending an ask ninashiki, u the best ;))

[ofclaude]

vent post   under a readmore instead of in the tags bc i !! need to vent !!! & the point of not typing in the post is to be less in your face but this is gonna be a Lot probably lmao

i just. wish i had people around me who i actually care about & who care about me instead of them all being countries away. i live here in this place that helps me recover from trauma & integrate blahblahblah &...like.

they are literally paid to pet my head & call me sweet & go aww really :(( that sucks! & tell me the world’d be worse off without me. & it just fucking. it always gets to me. how is it supposed to not??? i want to be cared about the reason i’m suicidal is because no-one i’ve lived around ever gave a shit about me except 2 primary school teachers & one friend in high-school. people have been paid to pretend to care about me since i was born because me dying was more scandalous than paying a stranger to therapy the neglect away !!

i’m so tired. i’m so, so tired & i can’t anymore. oh, i will. i always fucking do !!! i always fucking do!! and i hate that!! because it’s never. i. ugh. i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tierd i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tried i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired

i went to talk to my father & he !! doesn’t even remember !!! telling me to go live on the street & die in a village where i was the freak when i was 6 years fucking old because he was just qangry & well he got it off his chest didn’t he !! I FUCKING CAN’T IT’S CALLED C-PTSD FUCK YOUR ENTIRE LIFE he was a grown-ass man lashing out in a violent rage at his own goddamn child & NO-ONE. NO-ONE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT THEY’RE DOING WHEN THEY DO THAT. YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING WHEN YOU DO THAT, I DON’T GIVE A SHIT IF YOU FORGOT ABOUT IT!! YOU’RE STILL THE ASSHOLE WHO MADE ME SUICIDAL & MADE IT SO I KNOW I’M WORTHLESS, I KNOW NOTHING WILL EVER BE OKAY, I KNOW NOTHING WILL EVERY CHANGE THIS

& that was just one, tiny lil interaction out of 24 years of that shit. 24 years !! how am i supposed to just. work thru all of that shit without getting tired of it; yaddahyaddah make ya life better IF UCKING KNOW. HOW ABOUT NOT MAKING ME WORK FOR SMTH I NEVER CHOSE & DON’T WANT ANYMORE, HOW ABOUT DOING SOMETHING ABOU TTHE SCUMBAGS WHO GET TO JUST ‘GET BETTER’ AFTER the only reason they’re not responsible for my death is bc i got real fucking lucky. i’ve got massive endurance & i got lucky as hell. & it wouldn’t have mattered bc THEN I WOULD’VE BEEN DEAD, HUH?!?!? NO-ONE CARES! no-one does anything, & i’m sick of it. they get to kill me, but fuck forbid i do something abou tthem.

& blah that’s all feelings & trauma blah it’s not true i fucking know it’s not true. nothing’s true or fals #nihilism. doesn’t matter that’s not the point. i can do endless therapy, i can have people pet my head all day, i can talk myself out of this & that attempt because i know it won’t change anything. but i can’t change that this lives in me. it’s been years since i cut ties. he’s changed. i’ve changed, else i wouldn’t have cut ties in the first place but ok.

i still don’t want him. i still don’t like him. part of me still cries & hates me for taking my own daddy away from me!! even tho he’s the aggressive bastard who makes me want to fucking take my own life hellloooooo !?!?!? i have to put up with this shit. because i choose to live, but i didn’t get to choose what motherfuckers i was born with - not that my mother didn’t try to teach me otherwise tho !!! it’s all ur own choice uwu u made this call u wanted me for a parent !!!! except i loved myself unlike you bitches so no i did not but go off !! in ur fantasyland

it’s been 3 fucking years & i��ve done so much & i actually got myself a will to live last years. & it’s like. yay it’s better now :))))) no. it’s not. there are better things also. this is not better. it won’t get better, because there is nothing to change. & since it’s ptsd, i can’t forget either. blahblah lessen the impact IF UCKING KNOW I DO THERAPY I KNOW HOW THIS WORKS! BUT IT DOESN’T CHANG ETHE FACT MY OWN PARENTS THOUGHT IT WAS OKAY TO TEACH ME TO HATE MYSELF & THAT THE WHOLE WORLD COULD ONLY EVER HATE ME BUT I WASN’T ALLOWED TO DIE!! OR MAKE A SCENE !! THAT’D LOOK BAD HUH?? me, the village freak. diagnosed with autism cuz they traumatised me so bad it looked the goddamn same but fuck forbid ANYONE. EVER. talk to my parents !! noooo no i was the one that needed fixing. except they did that wrong too my fucking god does it never end.

i’m tired. i’m tired of living with the pieces of somebody else’s mistakes. i’m tired of being afraid of pushing away the only people i have who i do care about & who care about me, just by asking them to care about the parts of me that’ll never get better. i’m sick of hiding how tired i am. i’m sick of having to be normal & happy & good enough by all those rules that don’t belong to me just to not be as terrified of being neglected again - except this time by people who don’t owe me shit.

i always deal with everything. & i’m tired of it. i’m so, so fucking tired. i know. i know it can get better. i know i can find ways. i know. i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i KNOW. that doesn’t make it okay.

i wish it did, but it never does.

& since :))) i’m afraid of running off my friends by asking directly i’ll just ;)) vent :))) here ;)))

what do you even say to the ppl who actually care about you anyway like lmao what a joke. the better i get the more room i have to conform to being normal - & idc about how other ppl like it, i mean. bad normal. social skills apparently only mean ways, not truth. i was never taught social skills so i communicated directly, which is super good & ppl these days need to be taught that?? so much????????? but no i was awkward & didn’t have social skills. fuck you, ppl raised from the get-go with social skills are the WORST at being social bc they never had to learn another person’s language or the desperation that comes with the language barriers no-one will explain to you. i’m so tired. i’m so tired of jumping thru hoops just to  what???? get ppl to care??? get smn to care about????????? & then what. jump thru hoops some more bc now u have smn who doesn’t get u unless u filter out who you are & are left with nothing.

it’s so important to be me but the better i get the less i can do that & that’s what killed me so i gues we’re back at square one !!! let’s go back to therapy & pretend i need that when i already know how to work shit. let’s pay another person to pet my head & give me an hour of their time to vent, just because i don’t have to be afraid they’ll run. jesus christ. if i can’t be me i won’t do it. but idek if i can force myself to bemyself anymore & that’s fucking scary. learning social skills after a lifetime of being shunned just makes me more equipped to go with my terrible coping skills, which is to nix myself & just. be normal be normal be normal be normal bne nomral bne mrf oamlf be nomral. i’m tired.

& blah if u wanna post it on tumblr u gotta go on ur personal uwu ur rp blog is a vending machine no personal shit !! how dare u have a personal life that Exists lmao

#i already know how to solve all of my fucking problems but that doesn't mean i'm okay & i don't have to pretend i am either #amor yodels #vent for ts #on god if this just slaps u in the face in dashview I TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY EAT UR OWN ASS

[sinnhelmingrmoved]

Anonymous said: what do you consider the most essential aspects of the way you play hel? what's ur favorite detail that u put into ur muse that u think no one else does? do u relate hel to any other figures in other bodies of work as parallels or foreshadowig? what is ur favorite symbolism for hel?

ANON I DO NOT KNOW YOU BUT I LOVE YOU.

Uhh the essential guide to Hel probably starts with either her sense of anti-nihilism or her devotion to family. 

On the one hand, her hope in the face of her fate as an apocalyptic event is one of the strongest parts of her foundation, showing that while she might be forced into the role of Asgard’s bane, she knows that’s where she’s going. No fate tells her how to get there, and so she fills her life with hope and kindness and refuses to be the monster that legends would make her. She is responsible for herself in the present, and so she is the person she hoped to find at her most helpless. A good queen. A loving friend. Educated and fair.

On the other, she could tell fate to go fuck itself and walk away from all of this if she was the only one that was heading towards revenge. But it’s not just her -- Her family was taken and bound just as she was, though in her view their sentences are much crueler. Even if she could leave herself unavenged, she cannot dishonor the sacrifices and suffering of her family. She will have wergild, and she will stand by them at the end of all things, and she wants none of it but will play the role her brothers and father need of her. She is tired of violence, but it is the only thing the people she once called kin understand.

The two are equally important and, at times, at war with one another, so I think they have shared power over her character.

Oof! I don’t really follow duplicates aside from a few multis with overlapping muses, so IDK how qualified I am to answer about what other people do or don’t do. So I’m going to answer purely from what adaptations/canon twists I have seen, and I think only Neil Gaiman is aligned with Hel as an ultimately neutral, non-malevolent figure. A lot of Western/non-Scandinavian works have a hateboner for Hel, aligning her affinity for death and darkness and her father being mislabeled as a sort of Pagan answer to Satan as the trickster villain with her having to be a sinister figure, and I don’t fuck with that at all. If anything, Hel is sort of like Hades in the original tellings of mythology, the chill chthonic deity that only shows up as the plot demands, taking care of mortals rather than the concerns of the divine. I just really like that I didn’t take the cheap road that is demonizing a female figure who isn’t aligned with light and traditional femininity as the centuries have dragged on.

Real talk, I started Hel with the real idea that she paralleled another figure Gaiman wrote -- Dream of the Endless. The difference was instead of starting with our inhuman ruler protagonist as the villain-turned-protagonist, we were starting with the victim-turned-victor. I saw a lot of overlap in both being trapped in a role they no longer wanted to, or in Hel’s case never wanted to, play and being too honor bound to leave even if they could. But then, somehow, the French invaded.

As of now I’d argue the main pillars of Hel’s character are Leroux’s Phantom, Hugo’s Hunchback, and Dumas’ Haydee. In order, that is Hel’s status as a subterranean dwelling wretch with discerning taste and great talent never fully realized due to the ills of society, her place as the alienated, deformed child raised away from the world and, taking a page from Disney, manipulated by authority figures and watching the world from afar with great longing, and her narrative role as the avenging daughter who adored her long since betrayed father and bides her time with stories and altered states until such a time as she can destroy those that destroyed her family. Throw in influence from a few gothic literary heroines, a dash of opera, and you have my Hel as she has taken form now.

It’s cliche as all hell, but when I started conceptualizing Hel, I had this very real sense of self awareness. She knows the situation she is and how helpless she really is in the face of it. She’s too smart to rebel in full, too aware of what the future holds for her. She’s a cosmic keystone of a kind, and there is no outrunning that. Throw in her association with birds in my head, and I drew a parallel to Corvids, with their long memories and great intelligence. I said once she’s like a raven in a cage, too smart to throw herself against the bars but also smart enough to understand that she is in a prison. That’s the symbolism that really sticks with me more than anything, the cage and the keen eyes and the overall sadness of that visual.

#they can't get into my head [HEADCANON] #o pray for me [CHARACTERIZATION] #Out of Mist #ask #anonymous #I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS ON AND OFF FOR SO LONG....

[fantroll-purgatory]

FIRST: Alternia or Beforus or some type of AU? Alternia, Hiveswap era

Name (preferably include how you came up with it and why): Sofacy Lavern (Sofacy is a cyber-espionage group and Laverna is a goddess of thieves, cheats and the underworld, both because she is a hacker)

Oh I love this, Especially w/ the cyber-espionage bent because Laverna was specifically invoked to help thieves keep their cover. This also makes me maybe want to put a Thieves’ Cant spin on her symbol. 

Age: 7 sweeps

Strife Specibus: glovekind (for the weapon I was thinking a cyberpunk like glove that has a keyboard so she can connect to any device on the go if she has to)

I kind of like the idea of her having like… a technokinetic branch of telekinesis, something more mirco/electrokinetic that she syncs through this glove to allow her to refine her abilities. Good for hacking, can also release a static shock in an emergency situation but that’d fry her system for a hot minute, so it should be used Sparingly. 

Fetch Modus: Yeah I’m really bad at these

You know those Hacking Puzzles in video games that are almost always like this- 

Each of her items gets locked behind one of those and she has to solve it to get the item out.

Blood color: Rust

Symbol and meaning: Armini, sign of the Reconciler

This is definitely good, but I wanna Maaaybe bring in some thieves’ cant inspo when it comes to spriting the symbol on. Maybe. 

Trolltag: crimsonCanker (a canker as in an infection, as a reference to viruses she makes and spreads)

Quirk: u r goin to paY for this lol (Capitalizes Y, uses ‘lol’ and ‘mfw’ frequently and shortens words, all lowercase letters and no punctuation, starts a new row instead of using a period)

Special Abilities (if any): Regular rust abilities, telekinesis and can commune with the dead

Like I said above I like the idea of her kind of having trained and used tech to refine her ability down to being techno/microkinetic, too. Really fine and technological work is a lot easier when you can use your mind powers to do it. 

Lusus: I have no idea I looked for one for a while and I just couldn’t find anything that fit the theme

Hmmm. Maybe a bear? Sofacy comes up in relation to Fancy Bear, so it’d at least be appropriate name-wise. You could probably also go for Chameleon, for the camouflage/espionage angle, but that starts leaning a little voidy. Because of Sollux’s lore worldbuilding about apiculture networking, bees are also associated with Technology and thus doominess. So you could give her a Flightless/Sterile Queen Bee lusus. Her inability to fly would push a doomy feeling because of the metaphorical inability to run and the inability to create new life, which only works narratively since life is doom’s opposite.

Personality: She used to be part of a large anonymous hacking group that taught her everything she knows. They were activists that started with fighting against injustice online but when they moved to fight against Alternia’s oppressive system, starting with the censorship in the mediums of entertainment they all loved, they were seen as a serious threat and were all caught and killed after a slip up. As the only survivor, after watching all of her friends and her lusus die and having her hive destroyed she has become bitter, fearful and fatalistic. She lives in hiding, trying to lay low and has given up serious activism in a mix of nihilism and fear. Her views on Alternia and the spectrum haven’t changed, but it has proven to be too great a foe and has made her jaded. Now she has gone back to shitposting and highlighting people’s ignorance. She is harsh in her call outs, quick to dig up dirt and mock away anyone she sees spewing bad arguments, hypocrisy and lies. Still, she manages to stay as humorous as she can, even though her jokes tend to be either morbid and cynical or just mocking someone. Sofacy is cheeky and smug to hide the fact that, after being burned once, and as much as she wants to speak up again about the serious issues, she is deathly afraid of making a mistake again.

Oh I Love this personality, really strong and solid. It also makes her placement as a Witch of Doom fascinating because it positions her in session in a place where she has to learn to overcome that passive acceptance and fear in order to overcome inevitability, to literally Change the rules and fate itself. 

Interests: The paranormal (ghosts, demons etc.), creepypasta stories and video games (horror games most of all), she also loves scaring people with her prank viruses. If only she enjoyed digging up dirt on people and exposing lies as much as shitpost and memes she’d be a serious threat.

Imagine her in a gossip competition with your Regina George Archetype Troll. 

Title: Witch of Doom

Land: I have no idea

Land of Harrowing and Hacks. A ruined world where everything is crushed underfoot and ever more destruction seems on the horizon. Some how, in some way, the Denizen of this world has hacked into the system and built a world where they always win. Time for Sofacy to change the rules.

Dream Planet: Derse

Design time:

So I’ve done two versions, one with regular Armini and one with the addition of of the “underground entry” symbol into the symbology. 

On the face, I had to add that little lash because Homestuck Style dictates lashes, and I added the eyebags a little more visibly because she’s supposed to be a fearful and traumatized character- she’s gotta look tired. I also did a few proportion edits, but nothing Major. 

Other than that, lots of outline edits for better/more visually appealing contrast!

-CD

#itsyabestlesbean #sofacy lavern #sofacy #lavern #rustblood #maroonblood #burgundyblood #review #cd review #redesign #submission

[thylionheart]

[Emily writes a review of Avengers: Infinity War]

Okay, I should preface this with, that I knew Infinity War was going to be a hot mess bc it was trying to handle so many storylines and characters, so I may have gone in a little biased…

But the things is, the pacing and how the move did handle getting all the characters together was fairly well done.

It was a better movie than Age of Ultron, because I still think it contributed to the marvel universe and didn’t go widely out of character, but also… like Age of Ultron, I don’t think I’d ever want to see it again because of how mad it made me.

The theme of the movie was… in the ballpark of nihilism.

It felt like it took the theme of hope at the endings of the last two marvel movies (Ragnarok and Black Panther) and just slapped them in the face.

And the whole Thanos thing with the head touching felt vaguely… sexual. There is this reoccurring image of him pushing people’s heads down as they unwilling knelt at his feet… which paints a picture. At least for me, it was extremely uncomfortable. And that makes it worse because….

I hated that we were almost supposed to sympathize with Thanos and make him this complicated villain or an anti-hero. To set the stage: Thanos’ masterplan is to kill half the population of overcrowded planets with not enough resources, defending this genocide by calling himself a ‘savior.’ With a well written, complicated villain we are supposed to sympathize, at least partly, with their motives. Erik Killmonger was a well-written, complicated villain. This is just psychopathy. 

((Also, are we supposed to have sympathy for Thanos for having to kill Gamora to get what he wants? because I SURE DONT!! WHAT A DICK!))

The Avengers and the Guardians lose in the end because, time and time again, they are not able to make the sacrifice of giving up one life for the sake of the whole universe. Ultimately, backing up the core of what Thanos believes.

Yes, Thanos finds out in the end that the price may have been too high after succeeding in “bringing prosperity to a grateful universe,” but his philosophy is never proven to be wrong. ((((Genocide is never a justifiable act, @ the writers))))

You can tell this movie was written by a full cast of men.

I hated that all of the deaths were ultimately for shock value. Although tbh, that was the main selling point of the movie, wasn’t it? Come see if your favorite character dies! Or the purpose of the deaths was to enforce the feeling of hopelessness and to prove how truly formidable Thanos was as a villain. Which… i guess is a fair trope (literary device?), but I didn’t enjoy watching any of that!! Which is why I hate nihilism. it’s a shit genre.

Some of the dialogue felt stale in the same way it did in Age of Ultron. There was a lot of one-liners that looked as if they were filmed for the sole purpose of trailer hype instead of the actual movie. ((I think it would have been great if they had brought on all the different directors from the previous movies to direct the different parts so we could still have maintained the tone of the Guardians of the Galaxy and Thor)) ppl who aren’t Taika trying to write Taika’s humor was just cringe worthy.

I think that this movie was ambitious and really could have been an amazing climax in the Marvel universe… just not yet. I definitely think they’re gonna have to do some time stone magic to clean up this mess and un-perma die everyone. Because otherwise, they can’t make anymore movies. And u and i both know the capitalistic machine doesn’t turn in that direction. There was so much more they could have done, plot wise and character development wise to build up to the climax of Infinity War. Like, they hinted at a story line for Adam and the soul gem at the end of the last guardians of the galaxy, and they didn’t run with that?? Didn’t even mention it?? The guardians needed at least one more movie to finish up their character evolution… finally defining Gamora and Quill’s relationship… or not (bc Adam may or may not could have been a love interest for Gamora like in the comics). Like Wanda and Vision’s relationship, Gamora and Quill’s romantic relationship just didn’t have enough weight yet for me to fully believe their ‘i love yous’ in the scene where Thanos takes Gamora.

I was not here for Wanda and Vision’s AI romance to begin with, but do i think if they had taken the time to build their relationship on screen and deal with the  complications of falling in love with an AI, would I have appreciated what their relationship meant in Infinity War? Probably.

Also, Steve and Bucky deserved one more movie. Like, f yeah, Bucky’s back and finally reunited with Steve…. only to die again 1 battle later??? We deserved a whole Black Panther 2 with white wolf bucky in Wakanda.

Did Black Widow really have a reason to be in this movie? Why do the writers not care abt her?

And didn’t Knowhere blow up a couple movies ago? Or did I just dream that?

They killed the fifteen year old!??? where’s my bby Shuri, is she okay??

Also, who actually believes Loki wouldn’t have turned into a snake or some shit when he was being held by Thanos, or managed to mischief his way out of there? Loki would have played the long game with Thanos, not betray him immediately.

WAKANDA FOREVER, U DICKS

#haha über spoilers ahead #Marvel #Infinity War #00 #Let Taika Waititi direct the rest of the marvel movies u cowards #(Unrelated to the quality of the movie: I’m still weirdly attracted to Benedict Cumberbatch. God bless fifteen yr old me. pls dont judge me)

[keii]

hi keii. idk who to talk to, but u were the first person who came to my mind. u can ignore this msg btw! u seem v big sisterly but i dont want to stress u out w this, and i dont want to burden u. idk how to identify what this is. im not sad or suicidal. i have normal bad days. sometimes i wanna die, but more of a "my existence is just a ????? do i rlly need to live when im not a somebody or doing anything gr8" instead of a "im worthless" way. is this nihilism? but im christian so like ?????

they say nihilism is a rejection of religion, which i dont, but im just rlly confused bc i want to die but in a life is pretty meaningless and im doing great things so am i rlly needed???? i dont think im depressed and i dont want to self diagnose, but im pre confused and idk who to talk to haha sorry if this was bothersome to read, but idk why i thought of asking u this lmao BUT HAVE A GR8 DAY AND I HOPE I DIDNT BOTHER U

Ah I’ll put this in a read more haha

Oh, no it’s okay, I’m not sure how much help I can give you, but in a way, I can understand, I remember when I first entered college, I had a hard time figuring out exactly what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go. I felt like my days were just passing by, I didn’t feel like I was contributing anything significant nor did I feel important to anyone. I was just... there. For the most part, I spent a lot of my days alone because I didn’t think it was worth it to go out and meet people. I had the mindset that my efforts would go wasted because I assumed that no one would ever really care that much about me. I felt like I was just a fading thought, I was the one where people would go like “Ah-- I think I know who you’re talking about--” but really they don’t haha. 

It’s hard to get out of that mindset of thinking that you’re not anyone huh? 

Well, maybe as cliche as this sounds, you have to realize that no matter how big or how small you think you are, you are somebody. You have a name, you have a life, you have a voice, you have a vision, you have dreams. I’m sure of it. You may not know what you want to do in the future and think that days are just a fading memory, but it’s okay, take your time. You do matter. Life is a strange thing and it’s hard to predict. The person you grow up to be may be completely different compared to who you were. What matters is that regardless of who are are, be proud. There’s so much to do and some people know exactly what they want to do whereas others need more searching to find that something. 

But the thing is, you’re not going to get anywhere if you sit down and contemplate whether or not you’re worthless (which you’re not btw.) It starts with taking the first step to finding out what you like, your interests. Don’t be afraid to take chances in your life. Look at yourself in the mirror, admire the one who’s staring back at you. It’s not important to be a somebody in this world, but to be somebody that you are proud of.

I... I’m not really going to bring religion into this since one’s beliefs is a personal thing in my opinion. But um... i’m not sure, I used to be agnostic during my time of confusion, but during my time of need that’s when I turned to religion to help me cope with the obstacles I faced. It helped me think brighter about my future haha. But anyway, I hope you feel better or well realize that you’re so much more special than you think you are! Have a good day c:

[recommendedlisten]

To its credit, 2019 has taken a much different path and feel to its start than recent years in music. There has definitely been more than enough to appreciate, but if you look through these first three month’s of recommended listens, it’s held with it a unique way of intriguing us with albums by artists on the rise and breaking out, those of familiar faces reinventing themselves, or some mastering what they’ve always done exceptionally well. There’s plenty more of that which this one-human writing operation didn’t have a chance to elaborate its admiration for on initial release. With a fresh season in swing, here’s a dozen more listens that will help you soak in the longer stretches of daylight in the coming months.

American Football - American Football [Polyvinyl Records]

American Football's music holds a magical conjuring to it that elicits cozy desires of the purest emo feels. The band is two decades removed from the hallmarks of their 1999 genre-defining classic debut, however, and as with all things in life, time has changed them, and that’s especially evident on their fully grown third eponymous effort. On American Football, Mike Kinsella and company leave home, but don’t forget where they’ve come from. Lyrics reflect on adulting with a worn out twinkle of the eye in a way that sees the past, but move on from living in it. The sonic sphere of the Midwestern scene heroes has shape-shifted according as well -- No longer concerned with deciphering ornate arpeggio patterns of long division inside insular spaces, and instead expanding the vantage point over gorgeous, lush-flowing atmospheres of post-rock. Voices of Paramore’s Hayley Williams, Slowdive’s Rachel Goswell and Land of Talk’s Elizabath Powell make apparitions inside Kinsella’s daydream realities as well, and with that, American Football find a new world of somber comfort to live in.

Angel Du$t - Pretty Buff [Roadrunner Records]

True punks embrace change, and Angel Du$t are a very good example of moving beyond the comfort zone boundaries. The Baltimore band, which began somewhat in the fashion of a supergroup led by Trapped Under Ice’s Justice Tripp, fellow TUI bandmate and frontman for Turnstile in guitarist Brendan Yates, his ‘mates in drummer Daniel Fang and rhythm guitarist Pat McCrory, as well as Jeff Caffey of Mindset, has turned the corner of throaty melodic hardcore heard on their 2016 debut Rock the Fuck on Forever, and head first into jockish feel-good pop-punk jams with their sophomore effort (and first since signing with heavy-hitting major Roadrunner Records) Pretty Buff. Stripping down amps in favor of crunchy power-pop bliss radiates positivity throughout their music. At any point, these songs can become love odes to a human as much as they can be a fur friend, with Tripp’s positive glee.being the kind of thing that ushers in the upcoming days where more warmth and daylight has a funny way of making you appreciate everything around you a tiny bit more.

Ariana Grande - thank u, next [Republic Records]

It’s somewhat of a shame that Ariana Grande’s fifth studio album thank u, next has arrived so soon on the heels of last year’s blockbuster Sweetener, because we didn’t even have a chance to get sick of. What’s different here, though, is that while thank u, next’s hit singles have led the charts in abundance, these jams are more so a testament to her stylized staying power, art of the mood-making, and consistency in craft rather than the big production immediacy of what songs like “no tears left to cry” or “breathin” blew out of the speakers. Essentially, it’s a suitable bookend to its predecessor from a different point of view -- A comedown, if you will, to the glitter and stardust where Grande meets her old nemesis heartbreak once again in the middle, and this time around, challenges the way it shapes her expression. There’s a reason why Grande has been adorned this festival season’s pop crossover headliner, and it’s because albums like thank u, next defies the mainstream’s conventional wisdom.

Better Oblivion Community Center - Better Oblivion Community Center [Dead Oceans]

It was so obvious and almost too good to be true, yet we set our expectations to disbelief. Better Oblivion Community Center, however, is the secret gift given to us by kindred songwriting spirits Conor Oberst and Phoebe Bridgers we should have seen coming all along. Bridgers, a spry 24, is the student mastering the art of veteran Oberst’s long lineage of sad eyed songwriting, and that they had toured and collaborated occasionally with one another before unveiling their self-titled debut was an early indication that this creative bond was formed for the long haul. Leaning into each other for their journey into the unknown, the two bring out each others’ best, which is a testament to Bridgers’ rising star as a contemporary vanguard and a redemption for Oberst, who has been finding his way back to himself slowly since putting his Bright Eyes days to rest. Songs wield in cryptophasia, with voices mutually pitied and political in their shared perspective, while chords tumble in the same key. It’s pure craft, because of how real they’ve always kept it.

Girlpool - What Chaos Is Imaginary [ANTI-]

There was a time when Harmony Tividad and Cleo Tucker’s sights were merely set on their world getting bigger, but with Girlpool’s third studio effort, the duo have ventured into an expanded universe of promising new patterns in their continuous evolution as artists and individuals. What Chaos Is Imaginary is the natural progression forward from what their 2017 sophomore effort Powerplant generated in melancholic electricity. Tividad’s songwriting blusters in dreamy swaths of reverb, and although the stories told only become more opaque in their synthetic texture, it’s fitting for the outer body experiences they indulge. Tucker on the other hand is becoming comfortable with their hands, with LP 3 being the first release since they began transitioning and discovering their own sure footing in brittle indie rock honesty. We’re witnessing both Girlpool members come into their own elements here, and having each other’s backs every step of the way only reinforces that growth.

Hand Habits - placeholder [Saddle Creek]

Meg Duffy has spent many years playing an important hand in crafting other people’s music inside the studio (they have worked alongside Kevin Morby and Weyes Blood), but on placeholder, their breakout sophomore effort as Hand Habits, all attention goes into both their own words and sound in a warm-lit display of tumultuous memories stretched across the canvas with an ease that juxtaposes their difficulty. Akin to their new Saddle Creek contemporaries Adrianne Lenker and Tomberlin, Duffy knows their way around every detail in the moment in the same way they know how to ornate them through rustling folk guitars, a vocal calm, and burning ember production that sweeps beneath this collection of songs’ melancholy pacing with just enough lasting impression to keep them in the corner of their rearview vividly. It’s not necessarily moving on, but rather sitting with these emotions where Duffy processes them the most through their creative identity.

HEALTH - VOL. 4 :: SLAVES OF FEAR [Loma Vista]

The way HEALTH has evolved from being one of the most aggressive experimental noise acts into that of a blown-out industrial complex has been a rewarding part of their allure over the years Their 2015 effort DEATH MAGIC was arguably thei band’s largest shift away from dense layers of sonic collision and creating noise for the sake of, as they began to emboss pop vocals and the impact of EBM into their sound with an effect to match the pulsating gristle of their live show. VOL 4 :: SLAVES OF FEAR is the Los Angeles trio’s full commitment to that side of their creative identities, as the listen -- while still devastated by crushing drums and industrial pile-ons -- is onset with a glossier coverage of rock textures as well as a heavier focus on movement. It’s also elevated singer Jake Duzsik platform on their earth-rattling surface, as his hollow echoes lead HEALTH further into the downward spiral of their nihilism, enjoying the free fall rather than trying to fight it.

La Dispute - Panorama [Epitaph Records]

La Dispute’s wilderness of post-hardcore isn’t the easiest to navigate. For years, the Michigan quintet have been of the most intentionally experimental of “the wave” alongside the likes of Touche Amore, Pianos Become the Teeth, Defeater and Make Do and Mend in a sense that makes it easy to conceive them as the scene’s answer to a band making their own Radiohead-like trajectory. Panorama, their fourth full-length effort, is another dense, complex exploration into the nuances between dead silence and deafening blows, again seeing its ebbing arpeggios, percussive footsteps, and angular detours polished into knifelike maneuvers and expanded into widescreen view by producer Will Yip as their first album for punk vanguard Epitaph Records. Despite its big picture feel, Panorama is deceptively focused on more intimate ruminations concerning love, death, grief, and existential relief. As vocalist Jordan Dreyer narrates his trek from points in Grand Rapids to Lowell alongside his partner, we meet the faces of each, though often they’ve been familiar to us all along.

Lomelda - M for Empathy [Double Double Whammy]

Where we last left Lomelda’s Hannah Read was in the pursuit of outward-seeking connection in the midst of wanderlust on her 2017 breakout Thx. Its follow-up may be a departure from that quiet grandeur, though what’s most curious about a return by the Los Angeles-by-way-of-Austin songwriter to tape deck bedroom folk lore is how it also suffices to compliment a flip on perspective from the other direction. M for Empathy, a brief 16-minute-long listen, isn’t short of inward inspection on the matter of better understanding one another in many directions, and given a deeper appreciation for it thanks to her time on the road. This mental homework performed by Read is done justice in its humbled environment of tender acoustic strums, warm key hums, and memory fragments. Just as she knows how to make the most of these simple strengths, she knows herself better, too.

Nanami Ozone - NO [Tiny Engines]

Let’s be honest: Today’s young indie rocker are very much going to the well one too many times in reappropriating alternative’s golden age, but at least Nanami Ozone are breathing their influences in a totally different atmosphere. NO, the sophomore effort from Nanami Ozone, is a borealis of bliss. By now, we’ve heard punks do their best to reinvent the wheel of dream-pop and shoegaze to an exhausting degree, but what the Arizonian quartet are doing the most here are is searching far beyond the static to make it sound both loud and colorful. That they’ve two vocalists to lead these distortion waves through that polarity in guitarists Sophie Opich and Colson Miller is one aspect of it, but collectively alongside bassist Jordan Owen and drummer Chris Gerber, NO is multi-dimensional in its ‘90s pillaging of big riffs and feedback, equal parts indebted to the Breeders knack for noise pop, Sonic Youth’s dark mazework, and the psychedelic haze burning off Swervedriver. It’s heavy with an objective, and anti-gravity when emotions take the reigns.

Nothing - Spirit of the Stairs -- B-Sides and Rarities [Relapse Records]

The sound of Nothing now exists in a plane within this music universe beyond the heavy shoegazing punk of the Philly band’s formative years. Last year’s great third full-length Dance On the Blacktop was evidence of how the quartet have maximized an already loud sound to fill the void with bigger production cues and reigning control over reverb in a way that can make deathly quiet moments feel just as huge. Appreciating the steps made from getting to point A to point B is thoroughly documented on Spirit Of The Stairs – B-Sides & Rarities, a collection of demos, live outtakes and covers of songs by Grouper, Low and New Order that the band has amassed since their early years until today, and now collects itself as an essential listen for any listener of their work, be it longtime or someone being introduced. Hearing the bones rattle on some of their more recognizably fleshed out listens colors Nothing’s catalog in new shades of darkness while shedding light on its depths.

Solange - When I Get Home [Columbia Records]

Solange’s 2017 soul-baring standout A Seat At the Table was a contemporary R&B pop masterpiece that demanded a voice for women of color amid the white noise of volatile world, and was executed with such pristine songwriting precision that it was undeniable to ignore. With her fourth studio effort When I Get Home, Solange is setting her soul free, however, as she escapes into an experimental sonic revelation obscured by the fragments of its many Houstonian fingerprints she’s pieced together in mosaic fashion that feels fittingly reactionary to its predecessor. Here, she crosses a 19-song-long universe in just 38 minutes time through production that’s locally sourced and rooted in chopped and screwed samples, cosmic jazz free flows, and futuristic hip-hop. Appearances by the likes of Earl Sweatshirt, Tyler, the Creator, Steve Lacy, and Pharrell are masterfully complimentary, yet barely visible against the backdrop of her black energy, which the listen wholly beams even if refracts in the light.

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