#and its kinda fuckin weird that we as a society dont talk about it more

[cyeayt]

Back on my bullshit answer my questions

while doing some rudimentary research for this poll it has come to my attention that pins and needles are a feeling felt while the limb is asleep, not the period of intense sensation/tingling/sensitivity experienced while it comes back online. or maybe it's both? the stuff i read referred to it as tingling that happens while the limb is pinned/under pressure/numb. i cannot find anything that references what i have come to think of as "the agony" but ive referred to it as the pins and needles in the options for this poll anyway.

Mild: limb has muted sensation but can be moved and used carefully, pins and needles begin almost immediately after limb is moved from whatever position caused it to fall asleep. Pins and needles not painful and do not appear painful, and last a few seconds, person affected is capable of speech and moving other parts of their body during pins and needles, which last a few seconds.

Middle intensity: limb is numb or partially numb and can twitch but not be moved precisely. Pins and needles begin a few seconds after limb is unpinned or when it is moved. Pins and needles not painful but intense and appear uncomfortable, taking a lot of the affected person's attention/capacity. they last between 5 and 7 seconds.

Intense: limb is numb and cannot move/be used, pins and needles begin 5-7 seconds after the limb is unpinned. pins and needles are intense and may be painful or not painful but 'unbearable', causing the affected person to cry out, grimace, or otherwise appear to be in pain. Person cannot speak or move their other limbs during pins and needles, which last 10 or more seconds (without shaking) and have residual tingling for a few seconds after limb regains movement/becomes bearable to move

obviously this all depends on how long the limb was pinned but just answer whichever is the most common for you, and if you want you can put in the tags what positions make your limbs go numb/how you deal.

#polls #poll #tell me your secrets #idk i was just shaking out my hand but im sick/tired rn so i was actively crying out and was thinking #that limbs falling asleep/pins and needles are a very common and intensely unpleasant experience #and its kinda fuckin weird that we as a society dont talk about it more #and that it can be brushed off or be a single line in books n stuff #and like theres a lot of things that get done dirty in books for how intense/scary/dangerous they are irl #like the first time i got the wind knocked out of me and thought i was dying cause its only ever described as #getting the wind knocked out of you #rather than you can't feel the air coming in and out of your lungs #and the only way you can tell youre not dying is that you aren't experiencing air hunger #which can happen when you are dying in certain situations so fuck if i know #and like headrush like i see new colors/lose track of reality/twitch or faint when its real bad and in books its always like #a bout of dizzyness or some shit #and before i get called out yea i know what an iron deficiency is #also rip to all book characters who've been knocked out for several hours after a head injury or passed out from blood loss lol #anyway #then theres shit like my psycosomatic faux asthma symptoms or swallowing issure or the foot thing that are unique to me as far as i can tel #and boy howdy does that suck shit #but to conclude #bodies are weird why dont you tell me how yours works.

[fagcrisis]

nah, I totally get where you're coming from, but it's not necessarily something wrong with the kids- I'm a software tutor, and it's been getting.... bad, at least in the usa. it's not their fault, but society has become so tech-saturated that lot of schools literally have stopped teaching kids basic computer knowledge anymore, and assume they'll have picked it up intuitively, and so do their parents. but it's not intuitive, it's a skill like any other. and a lot of the kids are post-zoom era, which you'd think would make them more tech-literate, but no one was beside them looking at their computers to teach them, and they wound up with at least a year's gap of educational neglect in general as well. it's gotten... weird. the kids get by, cause a lot of tech is just 'push a button' now, and they soak up the new information like the little freak sponges they are, but quite often no one has sat down with them and explained jack shit before ....that being said, the amount of grown adults I have to explain that 'no, if you don't save the file it won't exist when you close the file' on a daily basis to is... so high. soooo high. people are unbelievably stupid

but then again, I can only speak to one form of educational system, so truly, who the fuck am I lmao

idk like, ive worked with kids and based on my experience theyre just kind of fucking stupid i say this w all the love in my heart but u take the smartest kid ive ever worked with n ask them a basic fuckin question and theyll just go huh bc thats how kids r i think this is less "the youth of today has smth wrong with them" and more the usual thing where a generation gets 9lder and starts teaching and interacting w kids and realize kids r kinda fucking stupid. we have a huge scare abt how the latest generation cant do this or that every ten years and its fine every time. kids get older and they learn shit.even if u got a teenager thats kinda fucking stupid they can still learn. also just like u said a lotta fucking adults r also tech illiterate as shit so i think this is more demographic based and not age based. kids whose parents r good w computers or who have access to some sort of education abt computers will learn that shit. also some places have more of a culture of fostering this shit like here piracy counts as basic tech literacy i think and that migjt not be the case in other places

anyway the reason these posts annoy me bc i used to see all this posting abt how well b the genrration who isnt a cunt to kids and doesnt demean them and now 10 yrs later yall r doing that shit like u were also kind of fucking stupid as a kid and adults were probs freaking out about how u cant even read and now ur an adult n ur fine. also if kids cant do smth its not their fault its the fault of every adult around them so in any case stop talking abt how kids r tech illiterate itll be fine calm down. most of yall dont even have kids n if ya do teach them computers

#rumini a zúzmaragyarmaton

[nagdabbit]

What season of Dimension 20 should a noob start with I want to understand what the FUCK you're talking about

oooooooo yes, welcome, come on in, were all fucking weird here!

get ready to have Extreme Feelings about one (1) loud, white man

but also, you can kinda start wherever you want? i haven't even watch every single season, anyway. here's the seasons, out of airing order, probably

fantasy high - the original, the og. teens in fantasy high school, having hijinks and saving the world. honestly, if there's like an established place to start, this is it. there's a second season, and a couple of live shows that are so fucking fun. griffin mcelroy's live ep is fucking WILD, i love ficus

pirates of leviathan - fantasy high adjacent, post fh season 2. i didn't actually finish this one. i dont remember why. i dont super have a strong attachment to fh season 2, so the setting for this one just didn't interest me, but it's pirates having hijinks on a floating pirate city

unsleeping city 1 & 2 - urban fantasy weirdness, urban fantasy fun times. the magical world that lives beneath and alongside the new york we all know. like fables, maybe, but more fantasy archetypes than folklore. really fun, really enjoyable, i have no memory of season two but i know i watched it

the seven - another fh spinoff, but a little more tied into the first season. a fantasy party of all the people they spent season one trying to save. it is SO FUCKING FUNNY, and SO FUCKING GAMEPLAY CRUNCHY, and I CRIED SO FUCKING HARD. need some emotional healing? exquisite. i miiiight suggest watching fh first, just to understand who they are, but also you don't *need* to

tiny heist - borrowers and fairies and thug bugs and living toys, trying to run a heist. so goddamn fun. highly, highly recommend. i love a fuckin heist. its the mcelroy family season, so if you like them you can look forward to that. just mcelroy is just. he's fucking batshit.

a crown of candy - game of thrones ass campaign, but the characters and kingdoms are all based on the different food groups. for real and honest, this season didn't hit me and i didn't finish it. but i do enjoy compilations of it on youtube

the ravening war - crown of candy spin off. i also didn't watch this at all, but it has cr's matt mercer as the guest gm, and im sure he's a great guy and all, but i just don't vibe with his dm style. deffo the least amount of levity of all the seasons, i think

mice & murder - a sherlock holmes, agatha christie ass murder mystery where everyone is in the house trying to solve the murder. also everyone is woodland creatures. another highly recommend if you're into murder mysteries like that

escape from the bloodkeep - what if lotr was told from the baddies pov. it's so stupid, so silly, so much fun. highly recommend

shriek week - monsters on their final week of college. despite my love of guest gm, gabe hicks, this season just Did Not Hit Me. not even ify nwadiwe could hold me

misfits and magic - hogwarts ass magic school for little wizards, but without the transphobia and racism. need some kids upsetting an unjust society based on classism? this for you. so, so good! guest gm aabria iyengar, she fucking knocks it out of the park. there's also a christmas episodes and a live show with a different cast

a starstruck odyssey - did you know that brennan lee mulligans mom elaine wrote the comic starstruck? this season is based on the comic and its very fucking fun! scifi shenanigans out the ass

neverafter - horror themed season, about macabre fairytale characters and the enduring nature of stories. it took me a bit to get into this season, but it's so good! you gotta like horror, tho. that's important to remember. it's a dark season

coffin run - draculas followers try to get an injured dracula back to the castle before his enemies catch up. sooooooo so so fucking funny, one of my favorite seasons. guest gm jasmine bhullar kills it. absolutely unfuckinghinged season

a court of fey and flowers - EASILY my favorite, second favorite season. aabria is back, the fey are having a party, someone is trying to do something terrible, they need to navigate jane austen era ass court politics to figure it out. so, so fucking stupid and fun

dungeons & drag queens - i havent finished this season, cuz i got Depressed As Shit earlier this year and just couldn't, but im about to jump back in. honestly, the plot doesn't matter, it's monet x change, alaska thunderfuck, jujubee and bob the drag queen. do you need to know anything else? no, you don't

mentopolis - the current season. a good place to start it you don't want to binge anything, as only one episode is out. it's a noir detective mystery taking place within the brain of a scientist and is already climbing the ranks of my favorite seasons

godspeed, you little nerd. go forth and have fun

#asks!

[spitblaze]

btw heres the Policenauts things im still going ‘hmm’ about, putting it under a readmore for spoilers

Okay so. Binary drug, you only get the full effects of Narc if you take both pills at the same time. which means there’s ‘no chance of being effected if you dont do it on purpose’. So one thats bullshit, like let’s ignore that you somehow found a way to separate the chemicals of this highly addictive, highly potent, highly psychoactive drug into two separate halves that are completely and utterly inert on their own, that have no noticeable effect on the human body for anyone, somehow. Sure. Whatever. How...exactly, are you gonna distribute these pills if ALL of them are like that? Gonna mix em in randomly in each bottle of ibuprofen? Gonna sell one bottle full of A and one bottle full of B? How will you communicate what half you’re getting to buyers? How will this make you more money than just being a normal Evil Pharmaceutical Megacorp? How will this money even make its way back to the criminal organizations you’re buddying up with if you’re selling them in fuckin walgreens.

It’s not necessarily prescription-only, the weird marketing video they made for. fucking Turbo Heroin specifically talks about the potential to distribute it literally anywhere, including in grocery stores, EVENTUALLY some kid is gonna open a bottle of painkillers, take the last A one with the one from another bottle (which is B), or take several different medicines at once like a lot of people with allergies, or whatever, and then have the worst trip of their fucking life. And this would happen again and again, because you can’t just count on ‘don’t worry about it’ if you’re gonna distribute it that widely, eventually SOMEONE’S gonna do it on accident, and the larger the population, the more often it’s gonna happen, especially considering they plan on bringing that shit to Earth.

So like. What’s the plan then? Because it’s not like the Tylenol Murders where it happens a handful of times because of one individual idiot putting cyanide in random medicine bottles, where the fix is ‘let’s put tamper-proof seals on these now’, this would happen on a pretty fuckin mass scale. like, WAY too mass to be a historical footnote you learn about decades later from two dudes on a history podcast. This is the largest corporation in human society lacing EVERY SINGLE GELATIN CAPSULE DRUG THEY PRODUCE with Turbo Heroin and the way they’ll get away with it is...assuming people won’t accidentally take A and B at the same time, or notice that the drug identification labels all have pretty consistent misprints, or that eventually every teenager on earth would learn this and abuse it constantly, or that. idk. some narcotics unit won’t eventually go ‘hey wait maybe we should test the capsule itself instead of the contents’.

This is of course somehow LESS stupid than ‘hey what if we made a bajillion little autonomous robot mosquitoes and had them secretly microdose random civilians with powerful narcotics, for free. that sounds like a good and profitable idea’.

...alright honestly that and the Professional Powerpoint Presentation that Tokugawa made for various mafias about ‘what our commercial heroin distribution system can do for YOU’ were the only things i was really like ‘thats bullshit’ about by the end, i guess the other thing is that they did Anna kinda dirty with her character design. im sorry girl you deserve better

#spitblaze says things #policenauts

[gar-trek]

no i care about ur tng s1 opinions !!

Well anon since you asked..... (imagine we are hiking together, lol :)

Alright... season one of TNG... well... it wasn’t great. In fact, if it was not a Star Trek show, I’m not sure I would have gotten through it at all. Now I'm not saying that I hated it, in fact there was plenty that i did actually like. But overall it just kinda boring and it was hard to really get into it. Sometimes mediocracy is a worse then just being flat out bad, ya know? To keep things comprehensive, since half of this was written in an RV and the other half is written whilst im on 3 hours of sleep, lets put my review into a nice list of things i did not like, and things i did about season one of TNG

The bad:

-I have talked about this before, but I think my main issue with TNG so far is the extremely awkward vibe it has. Shots linger way too long after characters are done talking. the jokes do not hit most the time. the dialogue is often stilted and awkward. The characters just do not feel real to me at all. It's just very very strange. I don't know if its a problem with the writing, the directing or the producing, or maybe just all three, but overall shit is just awkward all the time. I wish the charecters felt more real. Like yeah, maybe we didn't see much of Sulu in TOS, but they still managed to make him a guy you could imagine yourself meeting at a bar or whatever. what am i gonna go have some drinks with fuckin season 1 William Riker?? Nah, wtf is that bitches motivations and aspirations ?? that he wants to be captain and has blue eyes ?? what i am trying to say is that nothing feels real and no smart ass not because its a fictional sci-fi show, but because the characters all act super weird or literally just do nothing.

-Picard. I’m kind of turning the corner here but like... he just doesn’t do it for me as captain. I feel like since he’s the captain that makes him the “””””main character”””” and yet... what does Picard do? He’s just kinda boring. Like the man doesn’t even always bean down to the planet or whatever. And you guys already know my thoughts on his relationship with Wes... yeah :/ so no, I don’t hate Picard, I just kinda hate that he’s the captain.

-Where is the action ? Am I an old white male boomer for wishing TNG had a little more tits out violence like TOS did. I mean where is the punching? Where is the redshirt deaths and photon torpedos and shit. I need more violence, and I know that’s like, opposite of the message of Star Trek but dammit... more violence!

-Every single thing that happened to Tasha Yar in Skin of evil. I know you know :/ we all know. :/ and mini rant but in the beginning of that episode Worf and Tasha had a cute little moment and I actually thought “wow they would make a good couple actually or at least best buds” but.. well you know :/ too bad. Also I feel like they spent a lot of time trying to set up Tashas backstory and she actually had something interesting going on so like.... again too bad I guess :/

*cough cough*

anyway, here is what i did like:

-despite their awkwardness i do think some of the characters are neat. Geordi has to be my favorite, he just brings such a good vibe to the crew and I think the whole concept of his character is really interesting. I like Worf but I still feel like we don’t get enough Worf time and of course I like Data, tbh I never disliked him but he definitely grew on me more as I watched. Data does have the tendency to make me cringe... but like in the way your weird lovable friends do. And of course Wes, who deserves so much better then all the dumb ass situations they write for him.

-I think they do a good job of making it feel like the Star Trek universe without just copying everything they did in TOS. like its super different from TOS in a lot of ways, but still it feels like the same universe, and maybe even a little more true to the universe. like the prime directive thing is taken a lot more seriously, same with the federation not wanting to resort to violence right away, all that star trek jazz. its still there, its still trek.

-they don't do a bunch of annoying pandering. i feel like nowadays when they come out with remakes or spin-offs or whatever they always have to have a million callbacks like "hey remember this thing you loved?? here it is again exactly the same" because like yeah that is easy and it more fail-proof. like they could have just stuck a vulcan in the main cast, don't tell me you wouldn't have gotten Spock brain and just ate that shit up, but they were like nah and tried new stuff instead. and i respect that. because the callback episode they did do (naked now) kinda fuckin sucked. so good for them for trying to forge their own path.

okay anyway those are my general thoughts. More specifically, here are the epsidoes i think were the very worst

- Encounter at Fairpoint (literally the first episode and i kept checking my watch wondering when it would be over. it should not have been a 2 parter that was way too long. Q was annoying as hell. the main plot was not that interesting. )

- Where No One Has Gone Before (very tedious and hard to sit through. "oh we traveled too far into space.... oh we did it again! haha lol!" boring. did not like that Traveler guy sus as hell.... hated that Picard only made Wes and Ensign after the Traveler said Wes was important.)

-Skin of Evil (dumb stupid dumb)

-The Nuteral Zone ( i dont even want to get into this. i actually think this one stunk the worst and it was the last episode. so many things wrong)

annnnddd the episodes i liked!

- The Last Outpost (Ferengi Ferengi Ferengi Ferengi )

-Haven (how can you not love Lwaxana Troi this episode made me genuinely laugh so many times. lots of very good character moments here)

-Angle One (i really liked the concept of male wife girl boss society i thought it was funny and interesting)

-Conspiracy (i felt like this one actually kept me on my toes. also liked when that dude's head exploded)

annndddd that about sums it up people! was that a comprehensible review? no. was it long? yes. feel free to disagree with me or fight it out in the comments. what are your least favorite episodes from season one? do you agree with my takes here? let me know

#okay time to be a person now #so tired #so so tired #stick around for soon when i review killing time #yeah thats right bitch i read a book! #star trek #tng #the next generation #tng season 1 #review #my takes #data #william riker #whatever whatever

[vr2]

haha anyways genshin must be on some wild fucking shit if they think theyre gonna try and drag out their main story for like 2 years. on god having like half a year between main chapters of its already weak spindly little story is like mindboggling decision i do not trust your storytelling skills at all to make any of the hype worth it but i also think thanks to the general playerbases inability to read they will continually feel disappointment at how poor genshins main story content is and how it is purveyed to the reader especially in comparison to the lore which is completely jarring in quality of delivery.

in the archon quest at the end of liyue chapter you get a lore dump from zhongli where he just stands there and gives you like 3 quest prompts about shit that exists for no reason other than idk “they needed to put the plot threads in there asap and they forgot they had an entire world to do it in” and then that mf disappears. forever. literally exiled from the overworld unless you pay like ninety quid to summon him on his banner. not to mention every single other npc you meet will never appear again outside of their instanced quests. it’s such a weird jarring end point that you’re left stranded in and its not only a frustratingly awkward delivery, it honestly just seems pointless. why couldn’t there have been an extended epilogue that involves talking to the npc character FROM inazuma, talking to beidou who is a pirate with an electro vision about idk ... travel and her ELECTRO vision being granted which is a feat she in known for in the lore of liyue folk. it could even be someone from the qixing like ningguang who surely would know about the status of foreign nations or keqing who has an electro vision and would absolutely have something to say about baal’s stance on things and her condescension towards humans. god it could still even be zhongli just space it out, let him invite us to dinner and chat over liyue cuisine and let inazuma come up naturally thgouh paimons huge appetite to eat new things. not only would the pacing be better, the plot threads be put in a way where you dont immediately forget them because they’re being rapidfire talked at you, but it would be a great way to make the character seem like theyre people with lives and not just trying to move the plot along and be on their way.

conversely, the story of arundolyn and rostam, the legends of mondstadt and the ordo favonius, the lion and the wolf, the building hints towards the cataclysm of khaenri’ah and what kind of nation earned the scorn of the gods -- its all slowly fed to you piece by piece linked through artifacts, world lore, in-game books, weapons and sometimes the world itself. you uncover things as you explore and the more thoroughly you explore - the more you discover! it’s rewarding, it feels natural and its some of the most fun you have piecing together stories and building out this strange world like some kinda anime historian and it encourages theorycrafting rather than a concrete set of events and characters being straightforward. its genuinely interesting that theres a whole society and cast of characters from the days of yore who are intimately connected with our current cast and the world we live in but also very much their own interesting characters who hold their own legacies and wills, carving them into the stars for ill or good.

its almost as if the main quest writers and the lore writers are completely separate, work on different floors and they dont ever meet because why ... why on earth would you deliver critical parts of the main story in such a blatantly poor way and make it have none of the nuance and intrigue as the worldbuilding? in a game that is designed for the express purpose of making people sympathetic and invested with characters to spend silly money on them? you think your paper thin story is going to let you do that? no gacha game is allowed to have storytelling subpar to the most average middle of the pack lightnovel and get away with being a gacha game. your story has to have at least a few moments where i am dazzled, daresay fucking delighted, at least a second where i have to stop and say ‘this is cool as hell’ or ‘FUCK ITS HAPPENING’ or else it is well and truly expendably worthless non-product! you have to be a little more ambitious than making some normie shit and try and make the story have a little heart! i dont doubt that they can do it, im sure there are talented writers there since i like a lot of the characterisations but man, let em free you need them no more than ever

the only thing i can think of that explains how watered down the story feels in comparison to lore, is a fear of making people ‘read too much’ in the main quests which honestly doesnt seem to be much of an issue to them. lanternrite wasnt that long but the sheer amount of npc dialogue feels staggering because its all ultimately ... inconsequential. we have no investment into these npcs and theres like 15 odd quests of it, it goes from cool world flavour text to genuinely feels like its taking up space all because they are trying to endear you to the lives of these generic npcs when you’d rather know like even one thing about chongyuns life and daily routine or xinyans performances. being able to see kaeya for one second even was the most fun and even then i was still disappointed cause its like bro? you didnt even let him do anything and it was JUST him? in the world there are so many characters explicitly referenced but never utilised and it makes their complete absence even more noticeable and frankly fucking baffling? not even fate episodes for all of our 12 SRs? actually nevermind, even the character stories are somehow unforgivably generic!

honestly i feel like the best event so far was the unreconciled stars event but by my standards it definitely felt like ‘solid gacha game event story’ with a touch of something more interesting with the inclusion of scaramouche’s lore insight. i was hoping this his how events would be in genshin, i really thought that this was the ‘standard’ but for some reason, its beginning to seem like that event was a bit of an outlier? i would gladly take less events and have them be more like the unreconciled stars event, with character interactions and slowly improving and hashing out who these characters are over never-ending carousel of random events that are mostly fetch-quests or fluff.

idk man its just a strange mess of me enjoying genshins world and theorycrafting, loving playing the game and exploring but feeling like the ball is not bein dropped but violently slammed into the ground by the sheer lack of character content whilst being praised by everyone under the sun for ‘story’ and ‘characters’. m*hoyo do better bitch! you already made such a good roster of characters now fuckin do something with them! stop releasing new characters without bothering with any of the existing ones! i beg of you!

#damn you ren #if i like anything in any capacity i immediately have to criticize it sfhajshfsa ITS JUST HOW IT IS ....... #the adding characters to gacha but not even utilising them in story is my LEAST favourite thing a gacha game can do #gacha games are ALREADY on thin ice for the sole reason they are gacha games but man genshin really thinks they can get away with that? #im not somebody who cares too much about spending money on gacha games but genshins system is completely unrewarding even for 'early' gacha #the fact that like half the characters DO NOT EVEN HAVE STORY QUESTS? NOT EVEN LIKE AMBERS SHITTY GLIDING TUTORIAL??????????? #u rly think i am going to play 3 years of current genshin for khaenriah chapter? do u think you are fgo!? #i also gate that fgo made the lostbelt release schedule like that because EVERYONE ELSE thinks its cool to copy them #completely misunderstanding that i am here for kinoko nasus wacky adventures and no other gacha game should get funny ideas #its the normies for me that make me feel insane. sir this game is incredibly fucking stingy please dont pretend #i do not care to see people try and defend multimillion dollar corporation m*hoyos gacha practices #esp with the whole zhongli and constellation shit like .... if this game did not have its world it would be dead in the water #renshin impact

[littlebabycrybtch]

bro..... im sooo tired of ppl being whiny freaks about ppl liking fictional shit ‘~too much~’. like bitches are literally fully convinced if you prefer acting out certain ideas in fiction but not irl, thats not your normal preferential boundaries but rather your brain is a mental illness BOMB and you need to be fucking hospitalized for being imaginative and having autonomy. like yall if its not taboo or smth shut uuuuhp man you’re not ‘concerned for their health’ or w/e you’re fully just tryna get away with being a nihilistic asshole who lacks sympathetic reasoning skills. listen to me. fiction is valuable. the thoughts we have on it are important. the personal lack of value you happen to put on a media is next to worthless. its not a fuckin waste of time dude, creators are people, who live in the real world, they experience it and have ideas through it and about it, they form and tweak their ideas while still definitely existing in the real world, and then put that back into the world with a new angle and new perspective, to share with other people definitely encountering it in , you guessed it , the real world. thats not disconnected. its not nothing. these things do not magically appear from fairytale land, they are created. stories mean smth, people tell them for a reason, its ok to feel smth for any story, why would we even tell them if not with the intention to impact others emotionally somehow i mean??? fiction does not Just affect reality, it is valuable to real life society, it is a functioning thriving part OF reality. 

humans have told stories since the dawn of our existence. it is literally all but an inherent species trait for us to imagine things, its tied to each and every one of us, and to reject ‘fantasy’ as smth worthless to human life is frankly just fuckin wrong and weird of you. bitch we are Supposed to get outside the box, the fandom ppl you cringe your pants over arent thinking abt fake shit too much, you guys very often just arent exercising abstract thought and imagination enough, which actually hurts your ability to engage with it critically in all the ways its meant to be. if you dont see the value in fiction its because you put in no effort to form the analysis skills. in other words, you idiots dont get the hype bc you’re too stupid to get how you're supposed to compare a book to the real world it came from. ‘uu but cmon not everythings valuable what about [tumblr designated cringe media]-’ 1. ok! somehow you havent come to this conclusion yourself yet but thats not real, whatever ppl get to enjoy is not all abt you, your bias means less than dirt to others outside of hivemind social medias, you can keep it to yourself, ppl shouldnt care about it bc it means nothing outside of ur own space, its literally funny to me that you’re so elitist you want me to cater my interests to you, Your Standard Of Quality Isnt Universal, 2. ranking the values of fiction is the waste of time here, if you compare mlp to pride and prejudice ill dissect your teeth, different emotional impacts from tragic to funny to Just A Vibe are all able to be assessed as ‘valuable to somebody else so leave well enough alone’ if you dont have 2010+ funnyman brainrot disease that makes you incapable of reflecting on anything you can find a way to joke abt first.

i mean seriously like. whenever randos start engaging with medias you ppl dont like or in ways you dont get, the strawmans yall make up to get to be cringe culture vultures abt such benign shit, and almost Always at the expense of neurodivergent people with a deeply rooted undertone of extreme ableism might i add..... its just so selfish. u have a brain ok, you’re manipulative but we both know you dont Actually think ppl automatically default to being a waifu obsessed incel rotting away at their basement computer, stagnating their social skills and straying further and further from reality with each passing day, a poor disturbed wretch that you just HAVE to save from themselves, all bc they say they. prefer fictional porn or w/e to having sex irl. buddy thats not a big deal, theyre normal, just different from you. theyre fine, you’re just uncomfortable. as a functioning adult you’re gonna have to try and recognize that sometimes that feelings gonna be 100% on you, and you cant always just lie abt the validity of it to make ppl feel obligated into agreeing with you. this is gonna be one fragment of their personhood and your self obsessed brain imploding over how unrelatable that is doesnt fucking matter, grow up bitch like. how detached do you have to be to think thats so unstable or morally wrong.... its just a completely inconsequential preferential decision that only affects them and isnt a wrong choice at all cuz nobody has to get their dick wet if they dont wanna for any reason ever and thats gotta be that tbh.... and it kills me cuz they still inherently experience the real world and are capable of thinking abt it critically,,, even tho they... masturbate to drawings or w/e the fuck ppl think is unhealthy ???? like? imagination is just fun we dont need to moderate it anymore than we moderate other fun activities i mean lol ksdjfsd this is the DEFINITION of ‘just vibing’ no one FUCKING cares and it deosnt fucking matter the way you desperately try to make ppl think it does just so u get to be loud abt ur shortcomings as a decent understanding person. 

‘uuuuuu im sorry but thats unhealthy :///’ you sound like a goddamn maniac dude stories are not unhealthy having feelings abt them is not unhealthy thinking some anime bitch that was DRAWN TO BE HOT , IS HOT, is not UNHEALTHY and you clowns arent convincing anybody you ‘care’ abt that concept anyways !! im losign my mind here skdlsdfsd medias are literally DESIGNED TO DO THIS TO PEOPLE... WE’RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL THINGS FOR IT.... IT IS WHAT MAKES THE ART WE’VE TAKEN PART IN FOR CENTURIES, “ART”.... ITS JUST... HAVING IDEAS AND EXPERIENCING IMAGINATION..... whats wildly unhealthy actually is yalls toxic obsession with ‘harsh truth’ and validating your stupid ass cwinge feewings to the point where everything that gives your underdeveloped selfish ass hives has to be a matter of health and morals and whats ‘best’ for everyone. u dont know that shit!!!! ur a petty brat and im not ur mommy ok i wont baby you so u dont feel like the shitty whiny person you are, you need to grow and do better and think outside urself already, dont put the responsibility of making u feel right for judging somebodies benign hobbies on me. i wont bc its wrong and unnecessary. you’re not a savior no ones falling for that lmao you’re just a bitch girl xoxo get over it shit truly does not matter. let them write nsfw self insert fics instead of banging !! 

to make it real do yall really not Get that basic consent kinda doesnt just mean ‘no when im not in the mood at the time’ but it means ‘no if i just dont fuckin feel like having sex ever for literally any reason at all bc i choose what i do’ and pressuring them, even with what your warped brain translates as the best of intentions, is inherently disgusting? especially with the ‘i know how to help you’ attitude like......... ohhh die soonly ew lmao! lay off this nasty shit already please it doesnt matter! stop trying to make it matter!! its not hurting you or them you stupid tumblr phd ass!! and like again yeah some media shits just truly gross but tbr now its like even That kind of shit, the Real social issues caused by Actually problematic media that ppl should discuss Genuinely without ulterior motives, is being used more and more rampantly as just a stepping stone to get to the needless mockery of other harmless things in the media they want an excuse to bag on.......... like a bitch cant just be grown and talk about problems at face value without getting a bully jab in. smhhhhh you all fuckin suck please just stop talking already. so anyways yeah being attracted to fictional characters instead of real people or w/e IS funny, funny how many boyfriends they have when u have none xoxo theyre having fun and you can die sad abt it they get to die 5 times in an angsty fantasy fic and be brought back with mouth to mouth by fuckin kakashi every time and then they go get lunch irl while ur updating tinder bitch ... different fucking strokes ig !

#long post// #i would like one free ticket to pop off please. thank you #can i cash it in immediately if you dont mind

[tuff-and-fluff-archives]

youve probably been asked this before but what are your thoughts on modern Tom and Jerry media?

I have... mixed feelings.

One one hand, I'm glad that this 80-year-old franchise is STILL relevant in the public eye and still getting attention and new content produced for it! I would much rather have a series I love so much stay well-known instead of having it fade away from society's collective memory.

But on the other hand, while there IS still Tom and Jerry content being made, its obviously uh, quite different from the classic shorts made a full century ago. And obviously, ya know, all these weird-ass spinoff movies are not good, but I'll be damned if they aren't fascinating as all hell. Like WHY... why did Warner Bros suddenly get obsessed with throwing these characters into a bunch of weird situations??? In the original shorts it was extremely rare for the setting to be any more complicated than in or outside of a house, but now we have fuckin Tom and Jerry Blast Off to Mars, a Nutcracker Tale, Meet Sherlock Holmes, both Wizard of Oz AND Back to Oz, yes there are TWO T&J Wizard of Oz movies, as well as a crossover with Robin Hood, Johnny Quest, and Willy motherfuckin WONKA???? WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING AT THIS POINT?!?! AND THATS NOT EVEN ALL OF THEM

So obviously things are a total damn mess right now (altho I cant speak for the more recent shows cuz I haven't seen much of them), but I can't lie to myself... I kinda want to watch them all just to say I did. Like, just so I can be the ONE single person in the entire world that has seen every single piece of Tom and Jerry media. My morbid curiosity has absolutely reached its P E A K and I cant help but wonder what kind of horrors await me within the contents of these films...

Also dont even talk to me about the baby show from the 90s cuz it makes me crave death

#THANK YOU FOR THIS QUESTION OMG MODERN T&J IS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL MESS #honestly to me nothing else exists past 1967 and everything else is just a scary non-canon fever dream #ruby answers #weirdoslovingweirdos #💜: you're the cat's meow! #save

[heartofsurgingflame]

hey hi so basically would you please do us all the honor of maybe saying your opinions on all the characters of tcomc? I know you love V4, just curious about your opinions on everyone else

*CRACKS KNUCKLES* ok so im gonna put this under a readmore because theres a good amount of these bitches. i’;ll look on wikipedias list of characters so i dont forget anyone

dantes/monte cristo: I LOVE HIM A LOT ACTUALLY, i know i dont talk about him as much as i talk about veeyfour partly because everyone likes him so everyone talks about him but theyre tied for my favorite character .... i relate to him a lot and i want him to be happy :(

abbe faria: i dont tend to like static characters often but the concept of an old guy you meet in prison who knows everything and adopts you, and also hes a priest, is so fucking funny so i have to like him. rest in peace my old bro

bertuccio: he sucks because hes mean to v4- just kidding i enjoy him. he’s a good guy i think, definitely a better person than v4, only thing i can really complain about is his whole “oo benedetto is a nasty little man because i didnt hit him” for personal reasons i strongly dislike that but hey it was the 1800s

luigi vampa: ok so hes one of those people who you can only refer to them by their full name. i think hes good as well. wise bandit leader. monty how do you even meet these people

peppino: oh god i dont even remember this one that well sorry

ali: don’t like that he exists..... slavery’s bad

baptistin: dont remember forming an opinion on this guy either

jacopo: he’s cool i guess. i like how they changed him in 2002. absolute bro

haydee: THAT GIRL IS DAUGHTER TO ME i used to be ehhh on her but then i realized i just don’t like that she and monty get married. she’s fucking good

mercedes: *WAILING* definitely one of my favorites i get so emo over her i really wish she had a more fulfilling ending. i would like to have seen more of what she was like pre-dantes getting sent to prison too, she was really fun at the beginning of the book like she would Not take fernand’s shit

fernand: awful awful man and i think he should’ve suffered more but as a character i like him he’s just... kind of a moron but also evil and half of everything he says ever is a lie

albert: who could forget dear albert he’s fucking crazy in a good way like it makes sense because mercedes was very like... set in her decisions and kind of drastic with what she says in the beginning of the book. and fernand is fernand. like you know his parents are crazy so he’s crazy. he’s a good kid though despite being a rich brat

franz: god bless him he’s the only one who realizes monte cristo is kinda suspicious. unless you count countess g---- but she just thought he was a vampire. but it’s good to have franz itd be a bit boring if monty was like loved by everybody instantly

danglars: YES i like him a lot he’s just evil and does not feel remorse he’s really fucking funny too because he’s a cuckold but he owns it. you know

hermine: well she was fuckin . that’s her prerogative i guess. has good taste in men except for her husband. i think she can do whatever she wants

eugenie: *SHOOTS LASERS FROM MY EYES* I LOVE HERRR i take back saying her mom should be able to do whatever she wants eugenie is the one who should be able to do whatever she wants forever. like she was not in the wrong at all unlike some people in this book

villefort: ok i know you know bhow i feel about this man but i just want to say he’s like... i think i don’t have a single issue with him the way he’s written is just so good and i wouldn’t change anything which is insane. yes im serious i wouldnt even make him actually gay because, thatd be weird, he is evil. also i relate to him too not as much as i relate to monty usually but

renee: what did she do even i guess i dont have much of an opinion on her. i like her dog in that one fuckign i watched like 2 episodes of the british miniseries the one in black and white. she has a little fluffy dog in it

the saint-merans: i guess theyre pretty funny because theyre rich people and have to put up with the way that villefort is. i love how all of villefort’s extended family just destroys each other

valentine: not a huge fan of the subplot with her and max, like i understand its narrative purpose and i wouldnt take it out by any means but i dont really care about those two together. i do like her quite a bit though. she managed to break the cycle of being a shitty person because of your family and im proud of her for that

noirtier: LEGEND he made a few points. like fuck napoleon but noirtier at least had a spine , perhaps a bit too much but you know how it is. he’s really funny because he does not respect his son in any way

heloise: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I REALLY LIKE HER nobody properly appreciates her like i’ve seen people view her as just a punishment for villefort like   shes her own person. and though murder is bad shes kind of a victim of the way that society was. similar to villefort. the problem is capitalism am i right

edouard: WHAT son? i don’t have an opinion on him

benedetto: he’s the closest i can come to disliking a tcomc character. like i dont like that ali exists but that’s dumas’s fault. benedetto is uh. horrible. he’s a bit funny though (sorry i keep saying characters are funny) is it hypocritical of me to be like i dont like benedetto because he’s evil but like danglars because he’s evil? maybe

morrel: dantes’s dad #3. he’s a good guy i appreciate that he was fully ready to shoot himself to save his family

maximilian: i like him, not as much as i like valentine but he’s cool

julie and her husband: no opinion really. glad things worked out for them

caderousse: a merderer............ ok i actually like him i’m sorry i don’t pay as much attention to him as i do to v4 fernand and danglars i should. probably change that. i think its funny that wikipedia basically describes him as a tailor who turns to a life of crime

whatever the hell cad’s wife’s nickname was: ok so the chapter where she dies can be interpreted in a number of ways right like i know one is that caderousse was nervous because he had decided to kill her but i like the idea that she had the idea to kill the jeweler first and caderousse was like do i have to and she was like ya. and then he just decided to get her too in the spur of the moment. would have liked to know more about her

dantes’s dad: :( he was nice.... we get like one nice dad and he dies. ok morrel is there too but...

lucien: DANGLARS POLYCULE he’s REALLY funny i like him quite a bit. he’s like. snarky

ok theres like at least 7 other characters but theyre minor and i odnt have much in the way of opinions on them. that’s all

#Anonymous

[unproduciblesmackdown]

posts about things with absolutely no introduction but it's because i was reminded of the topic the other day

this one's for those of us in the lifelong isolation no friends society, i know sometimes there's other people out there!! anyways i've been thinking about how like, personally, obviously, b/c idk how other ppl do it b/c we aren't friends with each other lol, its just a fuckin wild thing to deal with in part cuz its one of those answers to which there's not necessarily any Right Way to handle things or Answer or Solution or anything. isolation p much = more isolation and plus not having friends makes ppl less likely to socialize with you so that's rough; anyways yknow, the point is just oops you can't Choose to like, obtain a friend. u can try to get ppl interested but you can't control it beyond that, so, yknow

anyways what am i getting to? yeah so i've never had close friends in that i was never able to share personally honest things anyways for the longest time for a couple reasons, and also, people just didn't like me. the double whammy of "oh no its abuse" and "oh no you're lowkey socially ostracized by your peers from preschool on without end" is like, good luck to little me getting friends! i had sort-of friends in like a couple ppl who'd hang out with me regularly and on occasion we'd go to each others houses or smthing but it wasnt able to be like, the normal fun event it should. oh well. middle school was a little better and a little worse but i didnt keep up w ppl cuz i went to a different school later and its that situation where you're friends-ish Because you're at the same school right...smh...didnt thrive in college magically, but one essential thing was i was away from home more often than not so, that was real important ultimately. but anyways in the end i had like a handful of college friends-ish (accepted by other friends groups lol) and theres a couple of them i still talk to now and again

so like, yknow, friends, mostly friendly acquaintances, my siblings i'd classify as friendly acquaintances, i'm very glad about all of them really. just unfortunately i've only just started to have friendships that are like a decade old and the "longtime close" friendship is nonexistent b/c college is just four years and then you go other places, and i'm not at the heart of friend groups and not "good" at communication in other ways so its hard to keep in touch in ways. smh!!

funnily enough i'm also not good at internet stuff though it's been absolutely essential, god knows. that's why i'm able to talk to anyone rn!! but i can't do group chats and i only like approaching things "one on one" aka i don't like feeling like im in the midst of a group even outside group chats. if you get what i'm saying. like even back being in the small early mh fandom of like, three dozen ppl, in retrospect i didnt like having to be in the entire Group yknow. lemme just be over here. which is what i do now.

anyways for additional reasonsl, communicating has been trickier these past few years and for the most part its been kind of a situation where i wasn't necessarily going to get to talk to someone every day, though usually it'd maybe only be like, a gap of a day or two. and anyways, the thing is that, over the past ten years especially its started to be Distressing like wanting friends, not as much having them, and also having it be more obvious that there was some kind of deficiency keeping me from having (and having had) friends like other people did. not fun! but what i'm getting around to here, whats been wild, is just this like, decade-ish (or two decade-ish if you want) Personal Effort to just figure out how the fuck to stop having to feel like shit about it all the time right? then you're lonely AND stressed and probably self loathing also

so like yeah, the thing is that the other day something was going on about like, yknow, the idea of the longtime close friend with a steadfast presence in your life, and that's just always like, lfjdglmao what!!! sounds nice. i had a friend for a week in second grade and im not sure we ever spoke and then the teacher made us sit on opposite sides of the classroom and it was too embarrassing to be friends anymore. that's kinda close but lol for real......it's not only the lack of friends to tackle but also like, i don't assume to have friends in the future. it's something that like, i would obviously theoretically want, and be happy if it happened, but i can't say i hope for it, because that implies too much being expectant or whatever. and it's weird!! its a weird time just kind of presuming friendlessness until otherwise occurs. and it's not great, i'm definitely still unhappy about all this shit. its just that i've also like, been able to shave off how distressing the issue mightve been in earlier years yknow

like it sounds all depressing to say like, i've just had to be less emotionally invested in the whole thing, but it's kind of true. not by ignoring it or ignoring the feelings so much as like...just acknowledging that this is how it is and there's only so much i can do but not hating myself about it is a start. and yeah it's like "oh, feeling less, depressing" but also frankly when i decided also that its less horrible to be friendless than to feel stuck w crap ppl / ppl who you aren't too important to / etc, i figured that i'd also rather be friendless and just enjoy being myself than try to make myself easier to talk to. i'm not like intimidating or anything, i just can't hold a conversation. but i'm not very interested anymore in trying to convince ppl to like me, yknow, i'm out here, and if i'm ever going to have friends i'd like them to be people to like me For Who I Am, wipe tear. what i'm just saying is "a weird dumbass" b/c its just vague social weirdness that ppl don't necessarily like, loathe, but probably they'd rather talk to someone else. i'm not great at socializing stuff, like i said, hence social rejection since age 4

oh and i meant to say!! i've been able to turn up my emotions by turning down my investment in the idea of Needing To Always Be Trying To Make Friends b/c, as anyone might know, all i like to do is talk at great length about whatever weird, niche shit i'm into at any given point. and that's pretty much it. i'm not pretending to be deep by not really knowing how to do small talk. lmao you guys know what i'm talking about. and obviously not everybody is into Getting Enthusiastic or super focused on whatever weird thing at any point, and i'm not Into getting my passion all fired up and being brushed off or anything, so we can all avoid each other, and i get to continue entertaining myself

so that's a way i've been able to turn my feelings up actually lol.....dunno how to segue into it so i won't but it's also just like, not saying that i Truly Don't Care about not having friends, or that it doesn't hurt that i've had this relative friendless past and the futures looking bleak, b/c it does!! it's still distressing. but like, its turned down. the whole general issue can be a very Bitter one for sure!!!! and it has been in the past sometimes and like.....it's still there basically, i've just been able to turn down the volume a lot on a bunch of these shit feelings like "that's upsetting" or "i'm bitter about that" and just kind of calmly let it simmer back down b/c i'm sort more familiarish with what sets it off and more familiar with Dealing With It Always overall

no idea if i've made the point i was setting out for there. dealing with the No Friends Isolation Life society life is not fun but we're out here, sometimes. it continues to be not fun. "oh well," is an often relevant sentiment. c'est la vie. c'est ce que c'est? i think. and i think it's nice that after years and years of just like, struggling to figure this shit out myself, and probably feeling like shit most of the time, i've at least managed to go "shh" at some Bad Feelings. definitely still there. but this time it doesn't heap extra shittiness on top b/c of having to deal with the intensity of it and feel bad about that too etc etc. it's all weird! getting more familiar with dealing with some shit which is just, the way that it is in part because of bad luck and of course i'm jealous of everybody who does have friends. but oh well. b/c c'est la vie. im also glad for everybody who has friends, obv. it's all complicated!! which is just part of why this post exists. it has no real point, i'm just kinda going like, weird, huh? and kind of good, and kind of a bummer. oh well

also im aware this is a suddenly long, technically depressing post at like circa midnight for a lot of people, but basically this is just me in normal mood. sometimes it's depressing posts time out of nowhere, but i'm not especially depressed!! nighttime is just more of my Peak Hours. night owl 4 life. thanks

oh and ps. another thing i would think about (with more distress in the past, and like, no distress now) is that its also funny cuz, one thing i’ve generally had to do is be aware that it’s a bigger deal for you (me) to get a new Friend than it is for them to be getting you as a friend, b/c math says so. and so i’ve had to push myself to not be overly hopeful or invested in order to be both fair to them and myself. and nowadays that’s just kind of how i view the no-friends-ness of it all, like. i’m not mad that i’m not for some reason way closer to anybody i know. why would i be. and i don’t expect anybody to think like “oh my god we have to be Good Friends” because like. not in a self deprecating way but like, why would any random person want that. and i dont expect to be better friends with ppl im just casual friends with, which is great, cus like Friendly Acquaintances and other lite friendships are fantastic and im very grateful. but i am aware there’s plenty of reasons making it difficult to just like, pick up a Close Buddy and i’m not like “oh i demand one from somewhere, from some reason.” so what i am trying to say is that keeping my expectations honestly realistic is an effort to be fair to both other ppl and myself and i think it works. no friends!! we out here!!!!

#long post //// #long and incoherent lord knows. whatevs #its midnight...the no Purposeful Writing hours....... #(bat emoji)

[tumblunni]

Its weird how much the perceptions of queer people can change throughout history

And like i'm not just talking about how widespread predjudice is and how shitty the education is, so that a trans person like me could grow up not only not knowing they were trans until age 20 but not even knowing that trans people EXISTED. And then of course there's how the perception of the word "queer" has made a rollercoaster journey from "unrelated quaint word for slightly odd" to "homophobic slur" to "reclaimed slur" to "so reclaimed that it's used as a common umbrella term by LGBTQ rights organizations and educational systems" to "ok suddenly its a slur again and we dont know if we'll be able to reclaim it this time". And then allllso there's the fuckin annoying subject of how bigots insist upon perceiving trans women as "really just gay men" or "straight men with a fetosh for dressing up", and then trans women as also being the only trans people who exist,because trans men (and lesbians) are apparantly "just women playing at it" or "lol sexy" and somehow can't really be real. Somehow even less real than the thing they already say isnt real. Seriously, wrapping my head around how bigots think is EXHAUSTING!

Aaaaanyway all of those recent issues REALLY SUCK but then they got me thinking about how bigotry was really different just ten years ago, and how fascinating (and depressing) i found it to hear about unrecogniseably different bigotry in ancient history. So uhh yeah lets ramble about that??

Random example that I only remember because I had a Big Norse Mythology Phase in high school. Back in those times it wasn't considered gay to be attracted to men. Like.. Seriously! They still had homophobic bigotry and horrifying lynchings,banishment, social ostracization and other hate crimes. It's just that their definition of who was 'one of the bad ones' and who was 'acceptable' was wildly different from what we have today. It was like.. Not about who you were attracted to but the specifics of the act itself? They uhh..literally had top and bottom predjudice. You weren't "gay" if you had sex with men, only if you were on the bottom when it happened. Because it was "natural" for a man to be the pitcher, but "womanly and deviant" to be on the receiving end and *gasp* actually enjoy it! You could somehow retain your straightness card by topping a dude and he was the only weird one for enjoying this sex you were having. Because yknow the top is just totally imagining he's fucking a woman, so its Not Gay. Somehow.

Like there's a whole poem about two guys slinging insults at each other for five pages, and one stanza is like "i totally had sex with you and that makes you gay!" Taken to ridiculous extremes where he claims the other man is SO gay that he was somehow able to get magically pregnant and have his children. Also they were monsters because why not. But (i shit you not) he adds that they werent even PARTICULARLY SCARY monsters and that proves that you are a terrible man. For giving me a bad lay. Which somehow means you are gay and I'm not.

And like I mean.. I can understand how a culture with so many all-male sailing crews would kinda have to deal with a lot of gay relationships happening, but its just so fuckin WEIRD that they managed to do it while retaining a predjudice against them! I mean the ancient greeks had a similar situation and they very notably went full acceptance to the point even the most LGBTQ-erasing scholars can't manage to paper it over. Not that they were perfect either, of course, there was a lot of societally accepted pedophilia. But then again britain's had a history of that too, plus even worse stuff... Okay im getting offtopic, thats another subject for another day.

So yeah. Weird alternate conceptualization of sexuality. And part of me wants to laugh at those bigots being so wrong, while part of me feels relieved thinking that at least half of all gay men managed to avoid predjudice compared to how common it is in our society. But then i think about how much the "i'm on top so i'm straight" thing is played off in really creepy ways in those mythological tales. Like seriously its horrible imagining some guy raping another guy as a sign of dominance and pulling the "he enjoyed it so arrest him" card. Or lovers selling out their other half to deflect suspicion from themself, like "yeah you caught us having sex but he was the gay one." It's such a weird form of bigotry to wrap my head around, i don't even know if these worst case scenarios would have happened but i'm scared to research more into the subject in case i find triggering stuff like that.

Tho i mean this is just a factoid i found in a mythology book to explain a weird diss poem, like not even an actual history book with sources ans examples. So for all I know maybe it isnt even true? *shrug* i just thought it was interesting to think about and i hope maybe i can bump into someone else who's better informed on the topic.

Oh and also LOL just to add that I totally fell in love with norse mythology cos of Loki,became a huge Loki stan, wrote stupid fix-it fics for LITERAL MYTHOLOGY where Loki was proven right and got all his dead kids back, and throughout this entire time dumb teenage me never once thought "hmm maybe i'm fascinated by the one gay and genderfluid character because i might be queer". What a dope! (Seriously internalized transphobia fucks you up...)

[no25]

redoing a survey i took 4 years a go!!1! :~) 

1: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?

ya because i have asthma so fuck dat // yes

2: Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused?

all of the above loooooool // taken uwu

3: What if I told you that you were pretty?

i’d say thank you, you are too // same answer!!!!

4: Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”?

probably // not that i know of

5: Are you interested in anyone right now?

nah // yes uwu

6: What are you looking forward to in the next week?

nothing. sleeping in on monday pretty much // nothing....

7: Do you want to be single?

i dont mind // not rn bc i am happy in my relationship atm!

8: Did you go out or stay in last night?

i went out and i had jollibee // i stayed in but i wish i went out...!

9: How late did you stay up last night?

til like 1 or 2 i think doing fuckin nothing lol // i dont remember but it was late!!

10: Can you recall the last time you realized you liked someone a lot?

junior year??? and RIGHT NOW ???????? LMAO!!! // yes (: rn!

11: Last three things you had to drink?

breakfast, lunch, and dinner: mocha cappucino, sprite, and water // water, strawberry lemonade, baja blast ! 

12: Have you pretended to like someone?

ya man i’m fake af lol // yes

13: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it?

ya man i’m fake af lol // not sure, but maybe...

14: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months?

my mom probably // my bf tony omg the answer difference

15: Is it hard for you to get over someone?

depends but not rly bc i’m fake af lol // idk wtf i was talkin bout but in terms of platonic relationships, it rly depends on my closeness with the person! and i’ve never been thru a breakup so i cant say anything...

16: Think back five months ago, were you single?

ya what was that like august? been single since i was born tbh // no uwu

17: What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon?

getting ready to shower // i was still in bed lol!!

18: Hold hands with anyone this week?

trisha but she was only holding on to my pinky // tony!

19: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?

no bc it is too late for me // same answer lol

20: What would you name your future daughter?

clara after the singer or adora after that prodigy // who the hell was i talkin about... okay just googled who adora svitak was (the prodigy i was talking about) and sis was born in 97... i too was born in 97....damn i was mute for like half my life and sis was in a TED TALK at 12 so thats cool... anyway i want to name my daughter after my mom!

21: Do you miss anyone?

not really. just one person // yes :(

22: Have you kissed three or more people in one night?

yea but they were just quick pecks on the cheek // yes

23: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?

no it took place while i was sitting down in a chair and it was from my pops on my forehead //  i do not remember actually LOL

24: Are you good at hiding your feelings?

ya bc i’m fake af lol… just kidding my friends say i make shit hella obvious sometimes guess i’m not as good of an actress as i thought i was // hmm no but i wish i was... but i’m a PISCES i ABSORB EVERY EMOTION AND IT SHOWS

25: Have you ever cried from being so mad?

fffuuuuuuck yyyeeaaaa // yes :(

26: Who did you last see in person?

my parents? what you tryna ask here // i dont rly understand the contxt of this question, im just gona say my roommates bc theyre in the room with me

27: Are you listening to music right now?

yes chandelier by sia // no i’m listening to an asmr video!

28: What is something you currently want right now?

to finish my hw but that’s not happening anytime soon bc f society // i was sooo angsty back then omg lol but i want new makeup, clothes, and accessories!

29: What is the last thing you said out lot?

this question because i read it out loud bc of the typo // hmmm i don’t remember! i think it was... can u wash my fork

30: How is your heart lately?

heavy // empty (: damn i’ve been depressed my whOLE LIFE huh

31: Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?

yes because my head gets cold // sometimes!

32: Are you wearing socks?

yes and they’re grey / not rn

33: What do people call you?

chacha or princess sometimes but not really mostly just charlene // charlene, char! not rly chacha anymore! i miss being called chacha! but ppl who arent that close to me started calling me it so its weird! but it might b my fault for pushing the nickname... but i mean nicknames are only a given IF ur close with that person right... so idk why ppl thought itd b ok right away! like cmon ppl!

34: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?

maybe~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~but if i do i’ll feel like i’m bothering him lol / maybe ! but it’s ok if we dont

35: Are there any stressful situations in your life?

you think this a joke ofc there are wtf!!!! // yes.. same answer LOL

36: Who did you last share a bed with?

my mommy // tony

37: Did you do something bad today?

procrastinate)))))): // same answer, add two shots of ~hate myself~ in there too

38: When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?

like two days ago? is that sad / today!

39: Do you get stressed out easily?

ya but it’s my own fault i’m hella dumb but in the end i’m just like oh well ALOT which is actually not healthy at all / yes! it fries my brain and i become numb to it lol

40: Will you sing today?

i sing everyday // i hope!

41: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t?

yes because i am so bad at talking / same answer!

42: Who do you go to when you need to talk to someone?

kaithleen and i like talking to megs but when i do tell people stuff i feel like i am giving them more stuff to worry about so i usually end up not going to them at all lol / tony or my vocaloid sisters groupchat! 

43: Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance?

no; thanks jesus / no

44: What are you listening to right now?

we could happen by aj rafael / same asmr video!

45: What is wrong with you right now?

a lot of things / i need to find new ways of unlearning the harmful coping mechanisms and negativity i’ve internalized, but i know it takes a lot of work for self improvement, so i think it’s easier to just be sad :(

46: What is on your wrists right now?

my sleeves and my veins / wtf angsty bitch lmao NOTHING is on my wrist lol chill

47: Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing?

t’s a house find and it says tiburon and conference center lodge so ig uess it’s from there / it’s a free shirt from a programming company! or gaming i cant remember....

48: What do you like better: hot chocolate or hot apple cider?

hot chocolate wtf is hot apple cider i never tried it / hot chocolate!

49: Do you make wishes at 11:11?

i used to / aww same answer, maybe i should start again! but i always lose track of time...

50: Are you a good artist?

fuck yeah. sike i’m a disgrace / no :(

51: Love really is a beautiful thing huh?

ew / yes!!!!!!

52: Do you miss the way things were six months ago?

who do you think i am do you think people like counting the months backwards? anyway idk i didn;t do shit in july / yes bc i would b at home with my cat!!!!!!!

53: Ever been on a golf cart?

no / not while it was moving!

54: Do you have trust issues?

ya bc i’m fake af lol / yes :(

55: Ever stayed up all night on the phone, with who?

tony or kaithleen kinda but she always falls asleep / tony!

56: Do you own something from Hot Topic?

yea think so from my middle school days but the only thing i can rly think of is this pikachu shirt / yes!!! that pikachu shirt, a goofy movie shirt, and a spirited away shirt!

57: Do you use chap stick?

i used to / not the brand chapstick but yes! i think my lips have become too dependent on it tho bc they dry out or sunburn easily if i dont use it for a while or if its a rly sunny hot day!!

58: Have you ever slapped someone in the face?

yes probably but on accident pretty sure i’d remember it clearly if it was on purpose / not that i know of!

59: Do you have a little sister?

no but if i consider my friends as little sisters i’d have like seven or soemthing / no!

60: Have you ever been to New York?

no but i would love to go / not yet!

61: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

yes and i love them too / same answer !!!!

62: Have you hugged someone within the last week?

ya and it was the opposite sex dude you asked about earlier / yes!

63: What were you doing at midnight last night?

talkin to the late night people you asked about earlier / on my laptop watching asmr videos lol!!

64: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

no / yes 😥

65: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

ya like 10 / i cant believe i counted... but yes!

66: Were your last three kisses from the same person?

no / yes, tony!

67: Have you kissed anyone in the last five days?

i actually don;t remember oops sorry mom give me up for adoption / yes, tony!

68: Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?

i am okay with both but i have to be close to you first to face you if we sleepin on the same bed lol / im fine with either !

69: Will next Friday be a good one?

i dont think so. everyday feels the same and i am bored all the time / im gona speak it into existence, YES!!!!

#personal #survey #enough about me has changed.... #nostalgia is a LIAIR

[haeroniel-doliet]

thoughts on ice skating

supposed to be under read more, sorry if mobile is weird! 

i mean ive missed multiple weeks and alll in all the society/ practice is quite weird like the beginners teacher dude keeps rambling off about like olympics skating or how higher levels have this and this move and look ive taught that advanced kid over there and heres how they do that technique rather than concretely helping us develop those basic skills that were apparently flawed at. like how do i do that correction youre just showing me bc clearly im about to fall over bc idk how to do it. and i tried being all professional and interested and make the most of it for myself, but cant help the frustration when it goes out of the easy shit into the stupid spins because apparently i just cant do it. be it my skates are too thin or too sharp blades or my ankle is not strong enough  or enough support thats why its going bad? idk even but i cant spin. cant do it. idk i kinda know multiple things that are fucking up and its frustrating and annoying and its just not gonna work yknow i can kinda turn 180. no i cant do the multiple spin spin spin that seems so easy. is it my skates or is it my inadequacy? im not getting new skates tho, im only here because i have my own skates a while back, im clearly so shit that im not even gonna be a milkly good figure skater im not gonna get in on that. i might as well do fuckin ballet rather than this. im actually looking into that kinda now id love to try. 

ice skating is dumb in the way that ive done it since im a child but never as a hobby, like ive done it with most the time my own owned skates since like 3-4 yrs old like young. but school only ever teaches forwards and basic backwards (apparently its cheating backwards) and basic stop and turns and idk things you learn somewhat naturally and my coolest tricks always been sausages (or bubbles as they call them here) and those are apparently baby level beginner stuff and im just :| yeah i can do those tho. and now ic an do them backwards which is kinda cool, and im more confident one foor skating/gliding. but like never as a hobby so i guess none of that matters, i did try to do intermediate and could keep up to an extent but i guess my basics are so shoddy i wasnt doing well enough for my own standards, and even now looking over tho the teacher is better and more encouraging, everyone seems to be doing crazy tricks and jumps and spins and one leg up fancy shit and im just... ya. guess i cant be over there. cant do it. lemme just stand with mr blabber mouth. it is frustrating bc yeah maybe i wanna be that intermediate level, maybe i wanna go skate with my family/old friends and show off bc look i can do like 3 4 cool things im almost a real skater. but fuck i guess my skates are limiting me and i should try use the rental skates? that are dull af but have better support? idk, ive got blisters from them the last i used them and i dont particularly wanna use shitty skates. but i dunno even what to do, i dont particularly wanna drop on some fancy skates just to find smths wrong again and im shit and cant do it. maybe id suddenly improve and feel a lot better about myself and take it as a proper hobby but realistically nah. im actually kinda frustrated i dont even know if i wanna continue. yes i have a friend that goes, yes i have skates and you only get better by spending time on ice and id like to be better bc only recently ive realised how shit i am, (trust me its confidence boosting to have skated with bambis on ice who are afraid of moving at all and then i can at least go kinda fast if i want) but i cant even turn properly, cant stop properly neither. its just ugh, i dont think im getting as much out of it as i should be, i dont know if its the teachers fault, my skates fault, or my own personality/inability. 

no im not doing the dumb kinda competition theyre organising in a few weeks. the criteria for intermediate (that i havent participated in enough anyway recently) is fuckin hops and drags (my skates do not drag! to sharp? idk) and spins and fancy shit i havent even ever tried to. yeah sure i could for the fucks of it do the beginners bc its uh, bubbles forward and backwards that i can do, and i can kind of do the chassee thing kind of. but i cant do a god damn spin for the life of me apparently so i might as well save my 5 pound and ‘pride’. ugh. besides the fun part was that he was talking abt the higher levels leg up glide thing, and had us do it against the wall bc ‘afraid well just face plant’ and i guess i can bring my leg up decently high when supported by the wall which is fun, and otherwise im not the worst of the 5 beginners that showed up. but yeah im just frustrated with it over all. dunno how long the clubs even gonna continue for, theres only one friend there that i would continue for which isnt great considering means i dont consider the others easy to make friends with or ones i could be fond of enough to over look the struggle of the hobby. 

i think my plan was to call my dad not only to ask if they had a preference for when my friend would fly down to visit  so she could buy her tickets, but i guess also i was going to say about the skate apparently being too soft and too thin/too sharp and express this frustration that i still cant do shit, that maybe even using unsharpened (and uncomfortable) rental skates could be better for skating and just wonder what im even doing abt this all. clearly not competing but idk even if we could just come to observe/skate for fun during the competition etc or if i should just skip to catch up/pack and clean idk. also im kinda annoyed at myself otherwise bc i just tuesday saw with J and shes off for a few weeks and i made such a good verbal plan saying id do an email and a summary im weeeeeks behind on on tuesday evening and prep for class today (didnt prep but it went okay anyway) and today i would have gone to class and to skating with a healthy meal (check check check) and come home to sign up and send the other email thats been bugging me, and then do my report due midnight i havent even started on. said id work after midnight if it was taking so long so id have it done..... i had a nap instead. not even a god damn shower i was planning to have tuesday and now its 3 am on thursday. ayy. sure i could skip classes tomorrow to shower and clean my room and maybe complete a task before i drag myself to an archery arrow lesson and badminton after (no thatll be fun, but ill be back rly late) but ive skipped so many classes and i wana see and be with my friends i might as well go, and if i get abandoned work on work somewhere in between classes and maybe actually get something done? gasp. shock. and still get home and do smth like clean and do dishes to be productive while anticipating fun thing, do it and come home and actually sleep bc im fuckin that over eh. but fuck. its not just that i have 1 overdue summary from two weeks ago, i have another summary due thursday night. maybe, in between classes i could do both, miraculous i guess yes but would be cool. do two summaries, send off both and an apology email for the other, take the spare chance to book myself another experiment if theyre still running and if not send an apology email bc i missed one in class one and ask what now. and then maybe even since the calendar is out get my 3 planned viewings booked so that i can see them b4 going back home and dont get fucked. maybe even add the corrections i got yesterday to my other report. wow wouldnt that be great. i could do them now but i should get to sleep right now heres hoping ill remember the corrections then. and then id need to look at the video for the assignment that was due yesterday and bring up the files and find the debrief and begin filling it in and maybe email researcher if i need to, and do the easy part. so that maybe logical me in a clean room will fill in the ethics part between classes on friday or after class or gasp on saturday bc im not going to st andrews after all... its a lot.. i hate that two days are wasted already. ugh. uGH. well get by. lets just try stay positive, now im going to sleep and wake up to go to my 11 class prepared to do some easy work between classes. yes yes. its probably weird that who ever has read this far has read all this shit and maybe i should just keep my shit personal and not post on my main blog bc surprisingly its open to anyone who just slightly would wanna see it,and though you likely dont know me in person its a bit weird huh idk. maybe this is here so my cousin can read it if she happens to , maybe its so that you can read it and be like ya i do that and i think like that too pretty cool im not alone, maybe its for me to read back and not have to be exposed to my worst ugly vents on my plain vent blog and can remain positive thomaybe not. its under read more anyway. lets try bury it guys. 

#and other things #really dont need to read this #though im aware and sorry i guess read more doesnt work on mobile and you might just read this in curiosity and i dont necessarily want #these are just my own thoughts and theyre here to clarify my head. ok

[tumblunni]

Also yeah while im on the subject

I really hate fantasy settings where magic is limited by biological sex. Because usually its used to enforce some sort of stupid gender stereotype that the writer believes is "biologically innate" rather than predjudice, by making up a world where it actually is biologically innate. Or its like "oh but women cant do those jobs" but again, a made up excuse for it to be LITERALLY TRUE. And usually they either dont even touch on the subject of trans and gay people (since it often conflates heterosexuality with gender...) or else it actually does bring it up and just creates a cavalcade of even more everything-ism...

Like i mean i love the game Jade Coccoon and considering it came out in the early 2000s i can understand it being more sexist, and its supossed to be a dark game anyway and a lot of the societal structures in Syrus Village are meant to be wrong and evil even if the characters act like its the way the world should be. The villain of the game is basically the toxic atmosphere of your shitty town and their paranoia of things they don't understand. Tho that means the player kinda has no motivation to finish it cos the main conflict is also saving those same villagers from dying and theyre all fucks. Anyway i'm going offtopic! What i mena is that i dont think it was a particularly sexist example of the inexplicable gender segregated magic trope. But just cos its a fave game of mine im gonna pick it to talk about anyway. Hope i dont sound too negative on it, cos seriously i love it loads!

Ok so to use Jade Cocoon as an example, here its a thing that only men can be cocoon masters and only women can be nagi. Tho it also gets a bit complicated because nagi is also an ethnicity as well? Its kinda like being romani, they're a race of displaced people who travel the world giving their magical services to other countries while searching for their lost homeland, which you end up finding at the end of the game. So yeah its extra weird cos male children of the nagi race are born with no powers whatsoever and cant even become cocoon masters, yet they get the ruling position in this homeland place? Like thats a better metaphor for how christian societies work, honestly!

Anyway im going offtopic again!

Basically, cocoon master = adventurer dude who catches monsters, nagi = magician who purifies those monsters so you can use them in battle. So when you catch stuff it becomes an inventory item rather than being able to use it on your team right away. And also nagi women can fuse monsters together to make super badass new ones and basically the gameplay system works really well to make you believe your wife is absolutely necessary to your quest and you would die without her, even if she cant fight. And honestly its actually kinda romantic! I just wish it wasnt presented as this weird sacred heterosexuality arranged marriage nonsense where all women are physically unable to go to a dungeon and all men are physically unable to not fight every day. Or at least thats how the powers work and if you try and step out of that role you fuckin die. Like it would be romantic to have a couple of a battle partner and a supporter magician if they actually chose it, yknow?

And whats annoying is that they actually do bring up the subject of people defying gender roles and canonically state that you not omly die but bring a curse upon everyone and are hated forever. They dont mention trans or gay people, instead the excuse is that a man loved his wife so much that he tried to learn nagi magic to lift the burden from her. Cos oh yeaj women get 'punished' by god for doing this magic?? Cursed tattoos all over their body the more they use it, and everyone hates them and eventually they turn into a fairy and forget they were ever human. And in the japanese version you can actually fight other nagi women who met this fate, theyre just another monster that you can fight and capture. They were censored in english cos they looked like really racist stereotypes of black women! Ugh! So yeah anyway nice straight husband is punished by the magic straightness enforcing rules of the universe for loving his straight wife too much. So what is the even point? If a man tries to use nagi magic it creates the "black cocoon" of cursed doomness and blah. Literal punishment for not conforming to gender. Damned if you do, damned if you don't!

Anyway this setting always made me wonder about all the stuff it just glosses over with this implication that every one of these relationships worked out fine. Like even before we rub lgbtq topics all over a retro videogame, there's a lot of logical holes! Like seriously how many of these arranged marriages ended up loveless or abusive? How many women just didnt want to stay confined to one room forever and not even have anyone look at them because their magic markings are shameful yet its also shameful not to want to do it?? How many men were terrified of going out on this advebture fighting literal demigods sent by heaven to punish humans? How many of them just had no ability to fight and died immediately because of shitty traditions, while perfectly qualified women had to sit there and watch it happen? What if there werent enough straight men and women of the same age and people were forced into gross pedophilic shit or other horror scenarios just cos there has to be this one magical straight couple or the village dies? Whenever theres this stupid gender magic its ALWAYS portrayed as idyllic and never failing ever, unless *gasp* people dont follow the gendrules...

And then SERIOUSLY do no queer people exist in this universe?? Man i'd be so interested in their stories! I actually had an oc idea of a self insert version of me as a travelling merchant. Because maybe what if nonbinary people could do both sides of the magic at once and thus adventure alone without being tied to a village's straight marriage system? So i'd just go around purifying monsters and then be a place you could buy new and rare mons from other villages without having to catch them. Maybe an easier way to get the super rare drop fusion materials for tiger pattern and stuff? And like seriously itd be good to have a character to talk to who agrees that your village is made of assholes. I cant say its bad writing cos it was clearly intentional, but they shoulda at least put a bit more incentive to keep playing even if you didnt care about these people. Also it would help plug the plothole of how a village even survives if it doesnt have the required people to form this magical straight marriage. Have some mysterious enby avengers who travel all across the world and save everyone regardless of country! All we ask is you buy some of our lovely souveniers! Maybe a pet patalchu for your family? Seripusly why dont they ever show anyone using the purified monsters for anything other than fighting the unpurified ones? You'd think they'd be really useful in repairing the village and guarding the walls and like..regular industrial jobs. Help the place actually advance and not have to live day to day on scraps,bickering amoungst themselves as the monsters grow ever closer to breaking through. Hell, you could even have them help spin the cocoons for other monsters! If this magic only depends on having a dick or not, then cant we just dress up some animals in the magic straight marriage outfits? XD

And like aaaa man im getting so emotional just imagining a trans woman who's constabtly told she will literally bring about the apocolypse if she tries to fill the female role in this ritual. And then one day she tries to spin the magic silk and she thinks she's committing the ultimate sin and they were all right. But the magic responds to her touch, and she makes a spell more beautiful than any other woman in the village! It would probably be harder for a trans man cos the magic doesnt have so much of an immediate proof like that. Just going out and winning a fight with a monster can be called "dumb luck", and knowing these assholes they'd probably keep calling it dumb luck even after the thousandth time you save their life!

And man, i wonder how gay relationships would work in such an annoyingly strict system of enforced heterosexuality? Would it be like the magic isnt REALLY gender locked at all, and it can just be any couple with either partner taking either role? Or would it be that it is one magic per gender but the bigoted villagers were wrong about it being impossible to do things without both? Like maybe when you're going into battle alone as a single cocoon master you cant fight without catching other monsters. But when two cocoon masters love each other their magic is amplified and they become able to like.. I dunno.. Imbue each other with elemental strength so they can fight the monsters hand to hand? Cos really the elemental system is the only reason you cant do a no monsters run of the game as it is. Maybe since they cant purify monsters but they can still catch them, they equip the monsters as sort of a power rangers transformation? Or socket them like materia on their weapons? Or just if the world was less segregated into tiny sexist racist villages they could simply buy the purification coccoons from another local nagi, and villages without a coccoon master could buy the services of travelling ones. Oh, and maybe two nagi lesbians could be even more badass! Cos if they can only purify and not fight, maybe their double purification is so strong that they can just straight up walk into the forest and monsters don't attack them. They dont even need to do the full spell, they can calm a beastie's rage just by holding out their hand and patting it on the head. So they coukd be infinately more effective and not have to just tenporarily clear single travelling routes of a few monsters, but actually work towards slowly purifying the entire forest and creating a peaceful land again. Tho i mean the game did have a unique atmosphere with the whole 'no hope of ever beating them' aspect. It was unique to see a society formed around the idea of never going into forests or you Die. But magical lesbians and their family of a million pet dragons is honestly better!

And uhhhh ive gone all offtopic now and i camt stop thinking about how much i love magical lesbians with a million pet dragons

The End

[tumblunni]

Okay, I’m gonna babble a bit about playing Oneshot now!! So umm, under a readmore if you dont like long posts. Sorry!

* Man, the setting is just so FASCINATING and MYSTERIOUSSSS! You’re sent to save this mysterious world, and its kinda this unique setup where you start the game with the thing you need to fix it, and you just need to go on this big journey to get it to where it needs to be. And its all fun and cool and surreal cos you’re literally carrying The Sun, which for some reason is a magic lightbulb?? This place is so strange and charming like that, there’s this mix of robots and magic and stuff thats just accepted as normal here. Like... humans MADE robots, but all this weird mechanical-biological combination stuff was always here and they react like ‘WTF’ if you mistake it for a robot. It kinda makes a lot of sense that they’d have such advanced robots even in the most rural areas when the laws of their reality seem to already work like machines in the first place. I mean, some humans just randomly have objects for heads?? That’s just... a thing?? Big metal heads?? ‘Of course I’m not a robot’. This is just like some sort of medical condition I guess?? i was surprised when I finally actually saw a robot with an object head in the very last area, lol. ‘WHOA BUT YOU LOOK LIKE A HUMAN’ xD

* And there’s the whole biological system and economy and etc revolving around blue/green/red phosphor, which is why losing the sun means the end of the world for these people BUT they’re able to survive for a while without it. This stuff just exists that absorbs sunlight and can store it like batteries, but its like a naturally occurring tree sap?? Big glowy cyberpunk tree sap, from trees with neato glowy patterns instead of leaves. And from ALL SORTS OF other biological sources, like being honey secreted by microscopic starlight shrimps, and their land equivelant the phosphor flies in the next area. Its like if solar panels were things you could mine up from fermenting goddamn apples! ITS SUCH A UNIQUE COOL IDEA!!!! And its got so much detail into this worldbuilding and it all looks so pretty and surreal to see these things scattered around the world providing the light and power for every town you find. Its like... there’s always a realistic reason why this person is here, there’s never a single gap in the constant decision to ALWAYS explain the phosphor source for every single room. And it just looks super pretty cos you have these glowy things stacked on bookshelves and in lil tanks and in lil jars and just ITS GREAT how you can even see the differences in each area’s version of the technology?? Like in the Barrens where everyone is robots, there’s very little light at all. All the phosphor sources are mined and installed into generators that in turn power all the robots. They dont need as many light sources cos they emit light themselves, and their vision probably doesnt even work the same way as humans. So its really subtle and sad that you only see a large number of the jar lightbulb thingies in areas that are said to be abandoned human settlements. Its so messed up to think that the robots are trapped by their programming to keep refilling useless lights in places they dont even occupy, wasting their limited power source even faster... And in the Glen because its a more rural area that provides all the farming for the more technologically advanced main city, you just see more ramshackle home remedies for phosphor. There’s robots and technology everywhere but they arent really used by the locals? its like all these facilities have been built on their land by the Refuge citizens, and all the robots are government workers who dont even talk to the citizens. And guards keeping people from going to the Refuge until they work up enough money to afford a visa, and then theyre kinda never allowed to return, it seems?? That would have been messed up even when the world was functioning correctly, but its super disturbing now that we’re all doomed and the Refuge is literally being advertised as the only safe place to live. Which just makes it sadder when you get there and its suffering just as many problems as everywhere else! But just seriously, if it actually WAS the only safe place and they’re sitting here sustaining themself on work from the Glen and the Barrens and keeping all these people out even though without them the place wouldnt frickin BE safe to begin with! GAHH MORAL QUESTIONS, I LOVE THIS WORLDBUILDING GAHHH. And its so nuanced because none of this stuff is ever outright stated, all the characters act like its a normal way for society to work, and Niko is so young they dont really understand it anyway. Its just this sort of thing you realize after a while and it makes it all even sadder. And especially because all the people in the Refuge are just ordinary citizens too, and theyre not even living in the luxury they were promised to begin with. There isnt even really any clear person who upholds the status quo, they dont seem to have any government? Its just like everyone is running on the laws and programming left behind by someone long gone, and they dont have the capacity to question it. And its falling apart because nobody even understood that person’s reasons for making things this way in the first place. Like how the Barrens was meant to be an operation to extract blue phosphor to deliver to the Refuge, but the degredation went faster than expected and all the humans had to withdraw back. So now its just a bunch of robots continuing this mining operation with no end goal, as they slowly break down. They’re just expending energy to mine more energy, which sits there waiting to be delivered to no-one, because their programming is all ‘humans first, robots have no free will’. They’ll keep doing this stuff thats supposed to benefit humans, rather than looking after themselves! And at least they have Silver the one robot who broke her programming and acts as sort of a mayor to the rest. But she’s chronically depressed and alone and even with her help they werent able to fix the generator until you came along, and even when you fix it you’re able to bring some robots back to life but others are just empty background scenery that’s too broken to move T_T And... like... it seems that robots literally cannot become ‘tamed’ unless they interact with humans? Nobody seems to be able to explain how you ‘tame’ a robot, but it seems they gradually learn to step outside their programming and form more of a personality through just... being loved enough. And seriously even if they say they’re unable to feel emotions, all the un-tamed ones still seem to express their own personality and its just like they’re stuck unable to disagree with a bunch of laws that keep it restrained. I FEEL SO SAD FOR THEM! I miss the prophetbot, they were my first friend in this world and i cant do anything for them except give them one nice conversation before i have to move on. They’re unable to move on! Their programming literally stops them from leaving that one tutorial spot, stops them from talking to anyone else except the destined hero. the other robots talk about how prophetbot struggles to try and talk to them when they visit them, but they have ‘great difficulty’, and just... goddd, how chipper and helpful they are to give you the tutorial... god i was the first friend they had in centuries... I hope they get some sort of epilogue maybe in the credits??? SORRY, WHERE WAS I? Oh yeah THE WORLDBUILDING IS REALLY GOOD And anyway, the Glen people live on raw phosphor in sort of local homeopathic equivelants. No phosphor generators outside of the areas that’re occupied by Refuge robots doing research and such. They just have cute lil jars filled with fireflies, and they use the light of un-harvested phosphor trees. Which makes it even more skeevy that the refuge is using them to harvest this stuff, seriously?? And its SO FUCKIN SAD to see that one farmer who has their farm surrounded by tiny pot lights and has faith that eventually something will sprout even though they dont have any sun. And its all so much more sympathetic because they’re cute spoopy shadow bird people! I’m really glad the game gave plenty of cute designs to the normal humans when we finally got to them, cos they’d be so much less interesting compared to all these bots and cool magic people. Hooray for unexplained object heads! And then when you get to the Refuge its constantly bathed in ominous red light! (or a more calming pink in the less spoopy areas) Cos like 80% of all the architecture is just big water generators, its like venice but with blood red glowyness! And apparantly even though they’re burning all this high energy red phosphor constantly, its still barely enough to keep the city running. And they’re trying to run these labs to research stuff in the other cities, and they’re trying to find a way to recall and repair the Barrens robots, and they have loads of machinery that’s sustaining the state of the whole world. So its not like theyre COMPLETELY abandoning everyone else, but still its so creepy and sad to hear some of the scientist npcs talking so casually about their cameras showing that so-and-so area is ‘degrading’ at a certain rate, and oh this particualr robot somewhere far away just died. God, I really hope you didnt mean that exact boat-rowing robot that I met in the first area, you bitches! T_T But anyway it was really interesting to find books with little artworks and bonus worldbuilding on how exactly the three types of phosphor work. The design for the phospor shrimp is SO ADORABLE!! They have little goopy bubbles surrounding a more fragile inner body, they look just like the sparkly pools you find them in! Btw thats the best part of the first area, its this cool eternal night in a desert which makes it look like the surface of the moon, with these small crater-like lakes thatre all that remain of the once vast sea. And the phosphor shrimps inside them glow like stars! I wish i’d taken more screenies when I was playing that part!! And there’s stuff about how red phosphor is the best at generating energy, but it has the shortest lifespan and needs to be constantly in motion to work, hence the canals of water swooshing these crystals around the city. ITS JUST SO FUCKIN FASCINATING AAAA

* and just GODDDDD the REALLY UNIQUE SITUATION of the GAAAAAME Its just this.. like... inevitable doom?? There’s no immediate threat that you can fight, no combat, no villain causing this tragedy. Its just a slow death by lack of resources, and one very tiny shred of hope that this legendary prophecy person might be able to save us all. You have to very personally see the suffering of all the people affected by this, because the premise is going on a pilgramidge to reach the place where you can save the world. you have to walk through every city and you have to trust in these people in order to move forward. You have to get fuckin sad about every single one of them! And its just... not even an ordinary destroyed world. Its this half destroyed world where people are trying to go on with their lives, people are all working together to fix what they can. Its just the inevitable knowledge that ultimately nobody can fix the underlying problem, all they can do is stubbornly cling onto what time we have left, instead of giving up. It reminds me a lot of when you get to walk through the destroyed Lindblum in FF9, and see everyone rebuilding and banding together even as they’re being occupied by these enemy soldiers and forced into obedience. At that moment it feels like it could have been the end, but everyone’s bravery motivates you to keep going, and it just becomes so heartwarming to see the place slowly getting rebuilt in the later stages of the game after the war ends. Its neat that it never fully gets back to how it was, but its something different, yknow? And you get little npc stories like the sweet grandma who was sewing her granddaughter a dress with the last of her savings, then got blinded in the attack on the city and could never see the kid get to wear it. And she’s always going to be disabled now, even after you save the world, but it hit me right in the heart to know i had the power to give back hope to that grandma and make her life just a little bit less painful. It was nice to see all the npcs become more positive again as the place was rebuilding. I wish you could have walked around the game again after you finish it, and see what everyone would be like in the epilogue, yknow? ANYWAY, Oneshot is a whole game that captures that unique sadness, in my opinion! though you dont get to see the cities before theyre destroyed, it can still be equally sad in a different way to come into this situation blind and see everyone dealing with horrible trauma as if its normal, with barely anyone remembering the old world... :(

* And I am SO ON EDGE about the possibility that i might not be able to save the world in the end! There’s a lot of more pessimistic npcs around the world who believe thats gonna be the ending. Maybe I can restore the sun but maybe it’s too late, and the world has been too damaged. I mean... I can’t reverse what’s happened to anyone. The first area reminds you of that very painfully with how some of the robots dont wake up when the generator is fixed. I dont know if the place is too broken for these people to pull it back from the brink, even if i restore light and warmth to it. But like.. even if thats true, I still want to do it! Even if all I can do is just make everyone happy again, and let them pass their final days in peace instead of being afraid right up to the very end. Even if all I’m doing is saving THESE people, saving the ones I met and grew attatched to, but knowing probably the world will still die at some point in the future. Or even if its gonna be faster than that, yknow?? I just want these people to not be sad when they die. if thats all i can do then i still wanna do it, its better than giving up. I dont agree with the one cynical person saying ‘its better to die quick than keep fighting’. :( But still i hope there’s a happy ending somewhere in the multiple endings stuff. :(

* oh and seriously WHAT IS UP WITH THE SQUARES Thats the biggest creepiest part of the whole ‘biological technology’ aesthetic here, the degredation of the world is personified as videogame glitch type effects. But the characters make it clear that this is actually happening in-universe! they dont even have words for pixels, they just know that stuff is all losing its durability without the sun, and falling apart into ‘squares’. Like... everything. EVERYTHING. Natural rock formations, just flaking apart in these unnatural square patterns. Trees and buildings and everything! Robots malfunctioning cos some part inside of them has become pixels, their entire mainframe has magically poofed into the rawest of raw materials as if it never existed. Like it would be bad enough if it was just gears poofing back into raw metal or something, but SQUARES?? Its like if everything suddenly turned into dust regardless of what it originally was. Its the same visceral creepyness as flesh turning to stone! And the pixels seem to be like.. semi-sentient somehow?? or at least mobile and capable of actively spreading outwards whenever they appear. There’s some places that’re just plain square-shaped holes in things, and then there’s some where there’s pixelized light projections spilling out from the broken thing and creeping like moss to envelop and destroy anything else that touches them. Thats why its so important to immediately shut down any ‘square anomoly’ whenever it appears, and like.. still, even if you stop it from spreading you cant fix whatever got square’d. You just have to toss away all these materials and keep mining more of them to replace everything. Everything just has this random chance of being permenantly destroyed out of nowhere, with no chance to predict it or prevent it. It probably makes it feel like ‘why even bother putting effort into anything’. Life is just constantly about replacing and maintaining what already exists, with no chance to progress beyond that. No wonder everyone loves the mysterious Author’s books, its not like there’s much time to create their own books, yknow? (tho i feel really sad for the one librarian who actually is writing their own books and nobody notices them because The Author has become the expert on everything now...) And like... they say that AS FAR AS ANYONE KNOWS, the square degredation has never affected a living person. Yet. But like.. its still happening to robots! They already get to experience a preview of the horror of seeing your own hands fall apart into pixels as you beg nobody to touch you or else they’ll die too. YOU GET TO SEE NPC ROBOTS GO THROUGH THIS. They just beg you not to stand close to them, as they die VERY SLOWLY, and there’s nothing you can do to help! At least it seems like robots can be saved if the squares are caught fast enough, if you remove and replace just the squared parts, before it spreads to the rest. But not every robot is lucky enough to be considered important enough to be repaired, and ones out further away from the Refuge have absolutely no chance... And.. like... everyone is just so casual about this?? It seems its been happening constantly throughout all of living memory! And everyone just acts like its common sense that this is caused by the sun dying, and it’ll stop when Niko brings the new sun to the tower. But I kinda... really dont know?? Is this gonna be the bittersweet part of the ending? This stuff keeps happening even though i can fix every other problem. I mean man it would make a lot of sense that this is what caused the sun to be destroyed in the first place, rather than being caused BY the sun being destroyed. But what caused this to happen??? GAHHHH MYSTERIES I hope at least some of them are answered by the end!

* And OKAY THE BIGGEST MYSTERY Who on earth is The Author? I’m starting to suspect maybe he’s the same person as The Entity?? There’s this mysterious voice you hear on computers that talks to you the player instead of Niko, and does all this random creepypasta nonsense like changing your desktop background and you have to look at that to solve a puzzle, blah. I really dont like that stuff, it just feels pointless and un-fun and like its supposed to be just a novelty that the programmer find a way to do this. And all this OOOO SCARY blablabla doesnt really gel with the more subtle scaryness of a world slowly dying. Plus generally the puzzles are the worst part of the game, no offense. Its always just wandering around a really big and akward place trying to pick up every item and use every item on everything and combine every item. Its like a point and click adventure with a more hard to control interface :P I’m totally here for the story and not the puzzles, i’ve never liked this ‘rpg horror standard’ kind of thing. But anyway I had to mention it cos ‘The Entity’ is kinda integrated with this gameplay mechanic. BUT YEAH ANYWAY Its a mysterious semi-antagonistic-semi-helpful voice that gives you tips for puzzles in a really passive aggressive scary way with interface madness. And even though its helping you it’s constantly being like YOU SUCK and THE WORLD IS DOOMED GIVE UP and EVENTUALLY YOU’LL BELIEVE ME. So i dont really know if this is some sort of final boss villain who caused the pixel infection, or if its some worn-down antihero type who wants to help but has lost faith in the world ever being saved...? I mean.. the only evidence I have for The Entity being the cause of the pixels is literally just ‘it communicates with you via computer, and they’re pixels’. But i dont even know if its literally a talking computer AI thing or its just a guy hacking computers to send you messages... And I’m starting to suspect that this mystery voice might be the same person everyone else knows as The Author? I mean.. you hear about him but apparantly nobody has ever seen him, and his books just constantly keep appearing in the library at a rate faster than you’d think anyone would be able to write. And he knows all this stuff about how the world used to be before the sun died, as if he was there...? And he can apparantly travel everywhere even though nobody else can travel across all these lost wastelands. And everyone thinks he must have a flying machine, but it could also make sense if he was some sort of mystery digital conciousness that can observe everything and manifest via any form of computer screen, yknow! Like.. maybe he is this world’s ACTUAL god?? And I’m just like the only replacement they can get, after he gave up. Which explains why I’m completely fallable and I know nothing about this world even though everyone tells me I’m their god. Me as a characetr is just... me as a person. I’m not even really me in the role of their god, I’m just a player who’s made contact with this other world and has been mistaken for god because god is gone. And I have to do the best I possibly can, to fix the things even god couldnt fix... And its just very mysterious cos some of the books you can read say stuff that outright contradicts the world?? Like, The Author wrote about knowing the head librarian George, even though she says she’s never met him and his manuscripts just appear on her desk very morning. And this part of the book also says how she ‘believed fate was like rolling dice’, whereas the george you meet literally IS a dice-headed human. You’d think it would be weird to even write that down as if it was something out of the ordinary? So like.. maybe this George is some sort of reincarnation or replacement for another one who died??? Maybe all the object head people are actually hyper advanced robots and just dont know it. Like.. Silver looks completely human aside from her glowy armoured body and metallic skintone. And robots are apparantly completely able to become sentient just like humans after being ‘tamed’. As far as everyone knows Silver is the most advanced robot that exists, but maybe like... the object-headed people are her prototypes, and the regular human-looking people are actually all finished robots?? And like.. the world has already died and we’re just left with robots that they tried to make to replace themselves, or to hold their souls or something, and now even they are beginning to fall apart, starting with the least advanced robots. So the pixelization is maybe just like the robots’s glitchy perception of what’s happening when stuff breaks down, or something? Though that’d be sad cos it’d mean even Niko is just a robot designed to be the messiah, and their memories of having a family in another world are all faked to give them a motivation to wanna finish the quest... But whatever, this is just a wild random theory lol. I’m pretty sure the actual ending will be something completely different that makes me laugh at this post in retrospect!

#bunni plays oneshot

[tumblunni]

HEYO! oh man now my friend helped me get all inspired again for working on my Cathedral Tower Defense game so WOO lets have another long post of miscellaneous ideasies for storyness! may not be very coherant tho cos i am super tired and ill! but happy!! THANKS SUMMON-DAZE FOR BEING MY ULTRA BESTIE

* Okay now I am super sure that I’m gonna let you choose the gender of the protagonist! And I wanna keep it so that their name is Amity either way, cos that’s kinda stuck in my mind. Surname Amity, player gets to decide the first name, but people will still be calling you Amity a lot at first cos you start off all awkward and formal with everybody. You’re a newcomer to this cathedral town and nobody knows whether to trust you, from their perspective you’re this dangerous person theyre forced to accept just because they need you to help protect them, whether you’re good or bad. They’re all worried what price they might have to pay for this, trying to figure out how to minimize the damage if you turn on them... and its not like they’re bad people for being untrustworthy, they’re just scared people huddling in a church and trying to keep their families safe at any cost. So try and prove your worth to them, and help them learn to protect themselves too, and make this ramshackle settlement into a real home! ....anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, gender selection is a good! And it could be relatively easy to impliment too, cos of the situation. Doesnt even necessarily have to be a menu or anything, it could just be like sir amity/lady amity/master amity. Cos you’re this paladin knighto, itd make sense for them to ask for your title. And it could just be like a shot of protagonist’s badass silhouette in the gateway of the cathedral and then you get the dialogue choice to pick your identity, and its all Super Cool~!

* It also actually gives me more of an idea of what i could do for their design, like I dunno maybe they have some sort of face-concealing helm or headdress or something. I was just thinking of them being dressed like a generic nun or princess but maybe emphasize more on the knight aspect instead of the holy part? So like anyway, maybe they have a very all-concealing outfit and that could be the framing of the first scene instead, its like *pulls off the mask and you’re into the character selection screen* Orrrrrr maybe there doesnt need to be any magical setup for a gender selection and it can just be a menu before the first scene starts XD Or maybe you have a cool face-concealing helmet thing anyway, like all three gender options just have a different one, lol

* More random magical names i got via the cool name generator site summon-daze linked to me! Dunno if I’ll actually use any of these but im writing them down here so i dont forget. Berebath, Betnia, Amurziz, Jetre, Miemahl, Semdach, Batxahl, Sidefarch, Botolohn, Vausach, Thammoch, Droibhal, Lekonach, Zeidhal, Tieloch, Rabrohm, Maesur, Smoiroch, Baelbuhr, Axoth, Jige, Chushou, Hukru, Nejeget, Roucu,  Jinah, Aujus, Yekoth, Nugresah, Israfel, Jabriel, Tabris, Douma

* Also I’m remembering Jade Cocoon and how I liked that the different ‘families’ of monsters shared naming traits. Like how all those weird snake/slug cutiepies that i loved best were nushab, rashab, etc etc. And tamatoch and somethingtoch and so on. I think there was at least one where the modifier was a prefix too? I dunno why i’m talking about this, but there you go. I just think if i wanna do full original made up names for demon species then i wanna make em stuff that just... feels like that. I dont actually wanna make like five different elements of each one tho, i wanna have only one per element and then they have like two different higher level finalized forms. Like, the human characters can have two job classes each and the demons can have two specializations within an element. That helps me think about how to limit it down to four or five elements, if we can combine common fantasy elements together! And yeah I was thinking it’d be cool if the demon ‘job classes’ could have their own evolving appearances and new names!

* Thoughts for the ol elemental groupings! The only one I really have finalized is grass + poison = same thing. Florin, why u always the character that gets developed faster than everyone else XD And I’m thinking giving them their own made up names would make it easier! Like how in SMT you have spells being stuff like ‘media’ and ‘agi’ instead of cure and fire. But here (hopefully) it’d be easier to memorize cos its just the element names that’re fantasy words, and the attacks themselves would be a little more self explanatory. i just think it’d work cos like... the idea i had of rock and fire being one single demon type, you could just call that magma. But i mean, what can you call plant + poison? Except.. like.. plant. Cos poison is reasonably often a grass type skill anyway. And i mean, game creators dont often worry about making sense, what with how ‘grass’ is the common element name when thats just one plant in a million. I cant stop thinking about that now I’ve noticed it! I legit thought grass was a synonym for plant when i was a kid, i learned to read from pokemon yellow... ANYWAY IM GETTING OFFTOPIC AGAIN The other idea I had for groupings was fire + non-elemental together? I was just thinking like... aura. Non elemental/physical attack as a ‘magic’ could be fighting spirit! And thematically speaking it tends to be shown as fire effects in anime, i guess XD But then i couldnt put fire with rock and that means I’d have to redesign malachi again. his design ended up looking more firey than rocky :P Another idea is maybe darkness + non-elemental together? like, interpret non-elemental as ‘void’. Or light and dark could be together actually, that could be an interesting way to do it, instead of having them opposing. Like maybe the elements could be colours! Grey element, able to specialize into white or black but neither is any sort of ‘good and evil’. And then the rest could be like green or like.. instead of red maybe fire could be bronze and thats why it has rock skills too? or man, maybe rock and metal could be one element and fire could be grouped with something else. And would water and ice be too ordinary and boring? do they already kinda count as one element? should I throw in something else? GAHHHHHHH

* Ideas for the multiple religious groups aligned with each element! I’m thinking I want one of them to interpret the setting’s absent god as two deities. like, every perspective on this deity is a wildly different character, this one is just even more so! they’d see malahat (tentative name) as two people, but kinda more like a shared soul that can manifest as either a male or female form. But there’d be ambiguity and debates in the mythos over whether this is actually a genderfluid god, or if its ‘twins who were cursed to never exist at the same time’, or various other variations on the story. I wanna make it like real life, where even within (for example) catholocism, there’s different sects and different translations of the same text. And where there’s predjudice against minority groups and people like to twist their faith to ‘justify’ it, even when parts of the original tale could easily justify treating those people with kindness too. So there’d be some followers of the twins religion who are very openminded to LGBTQ people, and historically anyone trans was able to hold a unique position as a priest, being treated as someone blessed by god. But like in norse mythology, this wasnt necessarily a sign that society was 100% okay with LGBTQ people. Its kinda depressing to read about how trans women and gay men were considered the only people able to become a specific kind of witches, but also how you kinda HAD to take this one safety net in society to stop people from making you an outcast. It was like ‘make them fear me so they dont fuckin kill me’. You had to become a medicine person and at least claim to believe in these magic powers, you had to be blessed by the gods to prove you were like.. one of the good ones. Otherwise its like youre saying the gods made a mistake when they made you, or youre choosing to be a deviant against nature. i can only imagine how terrifying it must have been if you believed in that religion and had to like.. be forced to go against it and leave society, or be forced to lie about being chosen by a god for a higher purpose, while believing that any moment you might get struck down for lying. And then I read in other history books about how the concept of homosexuality was far different in that old society too, how male-on-male sex was accepted at sea as long as you were the dominant one and you were forcing something unwanted onto a lesser shipmate as punishment. Like ugh, rape being more socially accepted than consensual LGBTQ relationships! I guess the only solace is that we can never be 100% sure how much of historians’s theories are correct and what might have changed in retellings of history, but honestly I can believe the past is this fucked up when the present is already fucked up in different ways. BUT ANYWAY I wanna explore those themes in my story maybe. And I wanna do more research into the subject to make sure I’m doing it justice, even though its a very sad subject that might be quite stressful. Maaaaan, I remember how I used to obsess about researching norse myth as a kid, it was one of my first Special Interests and I really wanted to see all the different reinterpretations of Loki and write my own fanfic/adaptation/vaguely inspired original story about What If He Stayed A Good Guy. Man I had soooo much sympathy for the poor sod. I mean it depends on the retelling whether he was always evil or whether he was like a comedic neutral ally to the gods who just abruptly becomes evil and gets killed off without remorse in the final story. And gahhh he’s like the biggest LGBTQ bastion in the whole mythos, and how can I not feel sympathetic?? When we get all these stories about him being a literal genderfluid shapeshifter and giving birth to half of his children and just like seriously its like The Story Of the One Trans Man In Homophobic Transphobic Valhalla and he was probably meant to seem Bad and Funny and whatever but im gonna sit here and grumpily cling onto the idea that he was deliberately written as trans, or that if these gods actually do exist out there somewhere then Loki would support me. *pout* I just have a lot of good memories of how this was like the first sign of me realizing my own gender, back when I first learned about Loki in school and then devoured every damn history book about the dude. And got in a million internet pissing matches about how innacurate the marvel version was XD Also it sucks that we like to believe that modern times are always 100% more enlightened in every way, yet its modern adaptations that always censor out the bits about him shifting gender identities and getting pregnant once. ... man this has gone offtopic too much, im really tired but seriously its funny how teenage bunni had NO CLUE they were nonbinary, no clue why they got so obsessed researching gender-defying mythological figures and historians who created gender neutral pronouns in the 1800s. i was so supernaturally oblivious, holy shit...

#cathedral tower defense