#idk i was just shaking out my hand but im sick/tired rn so i was actively crying out and was thinking | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

emeraldbabygirl · 1 year

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I’ve drunken like 6?? cups of coffee in the past 13 hours and the last hour I decided it was a good idea to watch some xdinary heroes and I don’t know if my reactions were genuine or affected by all the coffee cause if I drink a lot I get all shaky and shit but um literally hi I’m so sorry I can’t use emojis cause I’m on my computer but “as our lord and savior Mickey Mouse would say, that shit was bussin on god on god. They prepped, they cooked, they served, they ate it up and left no crumbs, they licked their plates clean and then they did the dishes and put them away girlies WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING.

I can say it again ok so in Strawberry cake I spy with my little eye and FUCKING SKIRT THAT’S “A SLAY” AS THE KIDS THESE DAYS SAY. The power this group has musically is crazy, it’s “beyond periodT” I’m in awe, I’m screaming, crying, shaking, rolling on the floor, throwing up (obvi not rn cause I already did that) I’m so beyond impressed with these kiddos I’m not like super into all these new groups as much as maybe I thought I would be and I do love the bands and things but I wasn’t going to pay attention to these kids cause I was so tired of the groups that I already listen to and I just didn’t think I’d have the energy to keep up with more but I’m so like beyond describing and processing words in my brain? Like idk it’s beyond incredible like JUNGSU his opening lines in Happy Death Day caught me off guard and I couldn’t believe what he was doing with his voice and then in Strawberry cake Mr. Joo’s first set of lines I’m still not processing how he did that with his voice and maybe I’m overexaggerating but I’ve never heard that sound from any vocalist I had no idea he could do that it’s sick hands down and the bass in that song IS FUCKING SICK I LOVE IT and bro.

Ok so X-Mas is insane the same thing with the vocals like whateva Idk how they do it, Mr. Joo and Gaon are insane the way their vocals and lines hit perfectly it was such a new sound I’ve never heard in my entire life I’m diggin the rock elements. I’ve seen the live clips of Pirate and Tomboy and Hellavator it’s insane and very emotional they have a good sound and it’s getting better and idk how they are topping themselves for each comeback Haircut was an oddly great song and the vibe these kids have rn and band versions of song def hit different obvi y’all know how I feel about It’s Live but the way they executed Tomboy idk man and idk how but Jungsu’s vocals, the feeling he has??? the way he..okay shut up he covered Woojin’s lines in Hellavator I know damn well he did cause it immediately clicked as I zoned in on Woojin when that song came out okay I ain’t censoring shit he covered Woojin’s lines and this kid pulled at my heartstrings he sounded so much like Woojin to me it’s insane say what you want I do not give a dying mooseseses’s last shit Jungsu has amazing vocals, him and Mr. Joo have range I bet they can do all kinds of tricks with their singing skills it’s so cool to hear and watch they way these guys are just doing what they do.

Anyway don’t hate, don’t eat my ass over this okay anyway the styling for the Haircut era is elite, it is key, it is a moment, it is iconic, a slay whatever the fuck you wanna call it I’m obsessed. I’m obsessed with Gaon and his hair that matches with Mr. Joo and obsessed with the fits and the FUCKING HAIR HORN I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE HOW BADASS THEY ALL LOOK WITH THEIR FUNKY DEVIL HORNS THE BARBER SHOP FITS, THE BLACK LEATHER TRENCHES THE SKIRTS THE STYLIST DESERVES RAISES, COOKIES, EXPENSIVE DINNERS AND TO BE SUNG A LULLABY AND TUCKED IN AND KISSED ON THE FOREHEAD GOODNIGHT I DO NOT CARE if I am being over dramatic or whatever I am OBESSESSED WITH WHAT THEY DID TO MR. JOO’S HAIR IN THE HAIR AND X-MAS MV I THINK HE LOOKS VERY GOOD AND STUNNING JUST STANDS OUT maybe it’s cause I love and appreciate a man with locks AND BY LOCKS IM TALKIN BOUT HIS HAIR OK HIS FLOWING GORGEOUS HAIR DO NOT TWIST MY WORDS I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL SCREAM. I DO NOT MEAN DREADLOCKS. Not me getting mad gag me with a spoon. Men who grow their hair out and take good care of it and aren’t afraid to have braids in it and ribbons and clips and cute trinkets like what Mr. Joo has is a mother beautiful thing and I respect and appreciate that I’m so angy now. He looks good I love what he’s doing with his hair and love that the stylists aren’t cutting it or doing anything to distract or take away from his complete look and style I think everything they are doing with his hair as far as style, color and accessories only compliments his looks/features and makes him quite the attractive lad AND NO WHEN I SAY ATTRACTIVE IN THIS CONTEXT IT IS 100% INNOCENT AND A COMPLIMENT. WHY DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN EVERY FUCKING THING. Also I think the braids that O.de?? is showing off look great it’s funky and reminds me of Mingi in his Pirate King era. I very much miss Junhan’s floofy hair.

I’m hoping to see some different colors and styling techniques on Mr. Joo before they chop his hair off. I’ve seen so many colors and cute hairstlyes and accessories that I would love to see him demonstrate I think he would pull it off. BUT I DON’T WANT TO SEE LICORICE HAIR ON HIM I WILL VOMIT JYP PLEASE DO NOT AYNO HIM. Kiddo’s got beautiful hair please don’t ruin his life with some stupid dye job or shave his head I want no George the egg I want no neon green mullet I want no bald Jooyeon at the age of 25 with permanent green or grey hair because you bleach the hell out of his head. I want no Changmin Triangle hair either it only looked good on Changmin. I’m sorry.

Anyway gag me with a spoon, Junhan’s solo in Hellavator. I’m tired. TL:DR Xdinary Heroes is doin some cool stuff and it’s fun to hear how versatile they are. Def looking forward to future songs I def think these kiddos are going places and since they are a band it’s just really nice to hear rock vibes some bands have like the “k-rock” specific sound which is fine, wouldn’t be opposed to a full metal album lol jk that would make their throats bleed. AND I KNOW PEOPLE AND GROUPS ARE PROBABLY SO TIRED OF THIS TREND BUT would love to hear them cover at least one Queen song that isn’t Bohemian Rhapsody. BUT NOT FAT BOTTOMED GIRL I’M SORRY THAT SONG IS JUST NOT MADE FOR THEM IT’S TOO PERF. Kiss has some songs that are bangers that would be cool to see covered by these guys also maybe David Bowie. HEAR ME OUT. TWISTED SISTER. We’re not gonna take it is the perfect song for Mr. Joo we’ve gotten a little taste of some unexpected scream vocals. HELENA WOULD MAKE ME CRY PLEASE.

THE SCORPIANS. ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICAINE. I know. I know it’s a lot, omg not me writing a list of songs I want them to cover sksskksks I just think they can experiment and pull a lot of songs off ya’know I think they would eat it up and poop it out and it would go back into the environment and help with the ecosystem, really restore and help heal the ozone, help save the polar ice caps, restore our natural forest and solve the water pollution problems, solve world hunger, save endangered species. stop wars and bring peace to our planet that we call home affectionately as they should, bring back the salmon and help keep wildlife and ocean creates safe, cut down on fossils fuels help improve science and technology everyone can love each other and get along and share and give back to the Mother and I wish I could bake a cake out of happiness and everyone would eat it an be happy.

I am so sorry I didn’t mean to write an entire fUCKING ESSAY. It’s the coffee. These kids are cool and I appreciate and respect what they are bringing to the table as long as it’s not a green bean casserole okay I’m done now :)

#xdinary heroes #junhan #jooyeon #mr.joo #jungsu #o.de #gunil #gaon #thats it that's all i know #k bands #AND I LOVE GAONS COTTON CANDY HAIR ITS SO ENCHANTING AND CUTE

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kaz11283 · 3 years

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ok ok idk if ur still taking request but can i have a drabble or a one shot or anything of loki dealing with/ taking care/ drinking with drunk y/n??? i’m drunk rn and that’s allll i need in life

Babysitter

The party at Starks compound was going off without a hitch, celebrating the man himselfs birthday. The music was to loud, lights flickering everywhere, and laughter bouncing off the walls.

"Come drink with us y/n!" Thor bellowed to you across the bar montioning you to follow him to the group that was sitting around one of the back tables. You flopped down next to Loki and let out a sigh.

"How are you this evening y/n?" He asked moving his leg over slightly so that he wouldnt have to touch you. That was your power, being able to read people minds with a simple touch, nights like tonight all ways set you on edge with to many people bumping, shoving, touching. The whole atmosphere drove you mad most of the time.

"Handling it." You forced a smile looking over at him. "Alcohol helps repress it." You said picking up your drink and giving a silent cheers to the handsome man that had decided to dress in a black dress shirt and dark colored jeans. You threw your head back and took the shot.

"Starting the party stong this evening y/n?" Tony asked raising his eyebrow at you.

"Putting everyone elses thoughts on the back burner for tonight Tony." You said smiling sweetly at him before taking another shot.

"So whos on babysitting duty tonight then?" Bucky laughed looking around the table.

"I'm not that bad-"

"Thor had to pull you off the bar last time before you started stripping." Your face turned bright red as you glanced over to Thor whos face was the same color mounthing out sorry.

"Dont worry I've got her this time." Loki laughted taking a sip of his wine.

"Babysitter." You rolled your eyes again taking a sip of the mixed drink that Nat had put in front of you making sure her hand grazed your.

Loki seems quite excited to be on babysotting duty tonight, you might be in for another private stripping session tonight.

You shot her a look that sent her into a fit of laughs.

"Another round then!" Thor yelled at the bar tender. "We are celebrating the Man of Iron tonight." You sighed slouching back in your chair.

"Relax, darling, I've got you tonight." Loki whispered leaning over to you. "I won't let you make a complete fool of your self."

As the night grew so did your buzz, your cheeks were getting warmer, and the dress you had on now started feeling constricting. You started pulling at the bottom and then neck.

"Your fidgeting darling." Loki said placing his hand on your leg causing you to jump.

"My dress is to tight. I just need to get up for a second." You said standing to walk over to the bar.

"Dress to tight?" Steve asked looking over at Loki.

"She had to get up for a moment." At that moment there was whistling coming from the dance floor.

"Umm, babysitter." Tony said pointing behind Loki. As he turned around he noticed that you had already started to pull the dress up more than you should have. Loki jumped up running toward you.

"Y/n, what are you doing?" He said grabbing your hands causing your dress to fall back down.

"Lok, I'm hot. So freaking hot. This dress, its to tight. I need it off." You said trying to shake him off.

"Come on then, lets get you out of here." He said pulling you out the door. You bumped into a man standing near the door.

Wish she would have finished. He doesnt deserve to be able to see all that undressed.

You stopped suddenly looking at the man before raring back and punching him in the face. "I dont think its any of your concern who sees me like that." Loki stopped and stared at you before escourting you out of the crowed room.

"Asshole." You huffed behind him. He was able to lead you to the floor where his room was. "You could have just taken me back to my room so that you could go back." You sighed flopping down on his bed. The buzz had slowly started wearing off but the room was still spinning.

"Its ok y/n. Besides if I'm taking care of you then I cant go back to that overrated party then can I?" He laughed sitting next to you.

"I get so tired of being able to hear what people are thinking. It is literally exhausting. Trying to find somewhere to sit thats not to close to someone. Especially one of the guys, all of yall are perverts. Course the girls are just as bad most of the time." You put your head in your hands tearing up. Nope, the drunk still wasnt over.

"The power that you have makes you you y/n. If you didnt have that power you wouldnt be here with your friends."

"Yeah friends that I can hug because im afraid that I might hear something that I shouldn't. I made that mistake once. I hugged Steve not even thinking and he was thinking about Nat. Like thinking about something that no one but those two should know about. After that I just stopped touching everyone. Do you know how bad that sucks?"

"Ah, touch starved." He said laughing. "May I try something?"

"Its no use, everyone tells me they can shut it all off but theres always something on their minds." You shrug.

"Give me your hand." He saod placing his hand out palm up. You begrudgingly put your hand in his causing him to smile. "Well?"

"I think im about to be sick." You said jumping up and running to his bathroom silently thanking Tony for sticking with one layout for every room.

"Oh dear." Loki said following you in there and grabbing ahold of your hair that had fallen. "I think you will live." He helped you sit on the side of the bathtub as he got a clean rag for you to whip your face.

"I'm sorry you got stuck with me tonight." You whispered closing your eyes.

"Stop that nonsense. I volunteered for it. I knew what was coming." He laughed as he walked out to his room to get you a clean shirt. "Now tell me. Did you hear anything when I touched you?"

"Actually no, I didnt even realize it when you was pulling me from the party." You said putting the shirt next to you. "How?"

"I can 'turn it off' if that makes any sense. Telepathic people drive me insane. Always trying to figure out what your thinking. I learned at a young age how to block stuff like that out. Wanda tends to be the worlds worst."

"Its nice. The quiet. I havent had that, ever." You leand your head aginst the cool wall closing your eyes.

"Hey, no no no. Lets get you changed and laid down in bed before you pass out." He pulled you to your feet and looked at you. "Do you need assistance?"

You laughted as him. "No. Its fine ive got this." You pulled your dress off and pulled his on before walking out and flopping down on his bed.

"Do you mind holding my hand? Its nice not having to worry about what i might hear." Loki laid down beside you and placed his hand in yours.

"If you ever need some quiet time you are more than welcome to come find me." He sais placing a kiss to your temple before you fell asleep.

Thank you so MUCH for the request! I hope you like it. I had one, erased it and restarted so thats what took took me so long to write this one. If you have any more please feel free to send them in!

Tag List:

@high-functioning-lokipath

@serpentargo

@drbaureid

@poetic-fiasco

@kgirardin

@sophlubbwriting

@supbeeches

@rosaline-black

@jesuswasnotawhiteman

@natandersonnla

@delightfulheartdream

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eggroll-sushi · 7 years

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1-150 ask mem

first of all, fuc k yoou

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

my mom??

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

outgoing around friends

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

4. Are you easy to get along with?

i dont know, ive heard that no one really hates me but like i find it difficult to find someone who i actually enjoy talking to

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

i dont really have any interest in anyone rn so... yes? id take care of myself

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

so far everyone that ive liked is a either a nerd or a pretty shitty person so like ,

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

in what way?? idk im still thinking of this oe guy he had his pants pulled up pretty high with a tight belt on and a big nose. im not thinking in a romantic way or anything i just... it was a weird combination. . ..his hair was ok i guess

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

uh yeah if its not in the brash or crude humor way

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

you

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“probably”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

killer - bastille, yeah i dont have any others that stand out particularly

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

i have curly hair so we just both suffer if they try running their hands through... but if i had a romantic s/o i probably wouldnt mind bein petted

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

yes? i think so

15. What good thing happened this summer?

i hung out with friends a lot.. .i think i dont remember

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

yeah i lovemy mom

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

scary either way.. but the universe is pretty big so i guess

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

not really theyre an asshole mostly

19. Do you like bubble baths?

i havent taken a bath in like 4 years.. but yes

20. Do you like your neighbors?

we do not talk

21. What are you bad habits?

being rude and disrespectful and aggressive

22. Where would you like to travel?

europe.. japan.. idk

23. Do you have trust issues?

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

sleeping and eating

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

i really dont know.. its like an all around tie.. .

26. What do you do when you wake up?

brush teeth and wash face, change into outside wear if im going outside, lotion my face and put on mascara, make tea/breakfast

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

overall just smoother.. like a more even tone.. but darker i guess

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

y ou

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

ive dated.. once but i didn’t even like the guy.. i just said yes because it was like. .mmkfkucin 5th grade and then he broke up with me (i didnt care tbh) and then asked me back?? it was weird because he told me he was breaking up because he found.. someone hotter or something and they said if he dumped me they would date him and they didnt.. .it was wild tbh i dont really know why they did this it was like 6th grade. ......... ... .anyways

30. Do you ever want to get married?

theoretically, yes? but idk it seems exhausting and i cant grasp the concept of someone actually liking me for so long

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

yes

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

fuck i dont know i dont really think about that buds

33. Spell your name with your chin.

gthhju-asnhhy

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

no unless robotics counts

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

yes

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

i just try to do something funny

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

nice, a kind person, likeable, liberal, ,

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

tjmaxx, marshalls, burlington. i go stright to that mf clearance section

40. What do you want to do after high school?

perferably die, but thats unlikely so i wanna go into a good college, make friends, get a decent job

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

my mind says yes but my heart says no

42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean?

1) tired 2) mad 3) i cant/dont wanna make conversation 4) im just .. zoned out

43. Do you smile at strangers?

if they smile first

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

im fucking terrified of both

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

i have to go to school or i feel like shit

46. What are you paranoid about?

every time im disrespectful, aggressive, or really any action that i make

47. Have you ever been high?

48. Have you ever been drunk?

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

sure

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

it was a brownish orange (a coat with a hood)

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

give myself a massive sponge dick

53. Favourite makeup brand?

i dont really wear makeup.. i like ChapStick

54. Favourite store?

tjmaxx

55. Favourite blog?

@eggroll-sushi

56. Favourite colour?

orange? either a peachy orange or a borwnish orange. but i can appreciate a good palette

57. Favourite food?

id say pho but i like a lot of foods

58. Last thing you ate?

oreos and milk

59. First thing you ate this morning?

blueberry english muffin with honey butter

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

recently my team won a robotics comp

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

62. Been arrested? For what?

jesus no

63. Ever been in love?

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

well ... my mo was telling me goonight-- (i havent had one)

65. Are you hungry right now?

yeah

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

my tungle friends are also my irl friends

67. Facebook or Twitter?

twitter (i dont use either)

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr? i hate it tho

69. Are you watching tv right now?

n o

70. Names of your bestfriends?

you know who

71. Craving something? What?

food.. savory junk food........olives, nachos, ,,

72. What colour are your towels?

white

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

two, but i have 3 on my bed

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

i just keep em on my bed yeah

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

4 on my bed (god bless your soul, okoshi, wherever you are) but like.. 10 total?

75. Favourite animal?

cat but i also like most animals

76. What colour is your underwear?

its currently gray

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

dark chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

blue moon

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

black with white text

80. What colour pants?

shades of gray

81. Favourite tv show?

su? i dont really watch any others

82. Favourite movie?

the man from uncle movie/ kingsman

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

mean girls?

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

mean girls i guess

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

idk

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

starfish

87. First person you talked to today?

mom

88. Last person you talked to today?

you

89. Name a person you hate?

protein shake (jk)

90. Name a person you love?

my mother

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

maybe

92. In a fight with someone?

im constantly in a fight

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

one

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

many, over 10

95. Last movie you watched?

Logan

96. Favourite actress?

janelle monae always looks stunning

97. Favourite actor?

uhhhhhhhhh dwayne is a friend

98. Do you tan a lot?

yes?

99. Have any pets?

100. How are you feeling?

sick

101. Do you type fast?

not really

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

yes

103. Can you spell well?

yeah i guess

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

yeah i suppose

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

i went on a camping enrichment?

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

no?

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

yeah

108. What should you be doing?

studying for histry quiz

109. Is something irritating you right now?

yes

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

no?

111. Do you have trust issues?

im pretty sure this was already asked

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

mom?

113. What was your childhood nickname?

ass (im still a kid, right?)

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yes

115. Do you play the Wii?

when someone has one

116. Are you listening to music right now?

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

yes

118. Do you like Chinese food?

yes

119. Favourite book?

harry potteR?

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

yes

121. Are you mean?

yes

122. Is cheating ever okay?

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

no. once i stepped in a massive puddle and got wet like halfway up my calf

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

125. Do you believe in true love?

n..yes?

126. Are you currently bored?

yes

127. What makes you happy?

friends, having a good time, making people laugh

128. Would you change your name?

129. What your zodiac sign?

scorpio

130. Do you like subway?

yeah

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

we would both suffer

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

you (this is a repeat again)

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

134. Can you count to one million?

i could, yes

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

bro idk

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed

137. How tall are you?

5′4″?

138. Curly or Straight hair?

i have curly hair

139. Brunette or Blonde?

brunette

140. Summer or Winter?

summer

141. Night or Day?

cant choose

142. Favourite month?

november

143. Are you a vegetarian?

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

dark

145. Tea or Coffee?

tea

146. Was today a good day?

eh i guess

147. Mars or Snickers?

mars

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“you’re like shaggy from scooby doo; always alone”

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

yes? im scared of them so

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“’You will blow your eyes out,’ said Nwoye’s mother...” (Things Fall Apart)

#captaincreashion

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5hfanfiction · 7 years

Text

Everything is A Metaphor

Chapter 2

* * *

Listen to: Vienna by The Fray

“Is there really no way to reach me?”

————————————————————————————————————

She feels- as much as she hates to admit it -the same way she did when her dad died. At first there’s a shock, a sudden dizziness and the vivid feeling of all your blood draining into your heart, so that it can beat faster; the nausea, the inability to breathe or form words other than ‘No, you’re lying!’ But then comes the realization that no one, not even the devil himself, would lie about such a thing. This is real. This is happening.

Lauren is in her dorm room, on her bed, barely held together by Lucy’s arms. She keeps trying to speak, wants to speak; but all that comes out is “No, no, no,” over and over again, her head shaking side to side. If she could just focus on the present- on her being in her loving girlfriend’s arms -she’d be able to at least mumble something relatively coherent. Instead, the past keeps replaying in her head.

“Hey, that would be great, actually! I’m Camila.”

“I’m-“ And she freezes right there, her hand half-extended as her face goes white. Her lips tremble for words-any word-but really, what the hell can you say in a situation like this? Instead, Lauren simply stares at the girl until her vision blurs-from panic or tears or both, she can’t really tell.

“Whoa, Lo! You look like you’re gonna be sick.” Dinah feigns concern, throwing an arm over the shorter girl. “Here, why doesn’t Lucy take you back to your dorm?” She cocks her head out so that Lucy can see the panic in her eyes. “Right, Luce?”

That’s really all Lauren can remember, anyway. There’s Camila, then Dinah, then Lucy, then one more look back at Camila and Dinah. The worst part is, Lauren can see Camila’s face so clearly in her head: her brown eyes, wide with concern; Lips not so chapped anymore, but still bright pink; Hair a little all over the place, but somehow perfect the way it is. She is almost exactly the same, almost exactly how Lauren remembers her. Camila wasn’t freaked out by Lauren’s episode. Instead, she was incredibly worried. And if there’s anything about this girl that Lauren holds close to her heart, it’s her automatic concern for complete strangers. Camila was and, thank god, still is, the type of girl to take a homeless person out to dinner. Talk to them. Learn about their life story, all for the price of a single meal. And in Camila’s eyes, what could be better than that; that feeling of helping another?

But Dinah-…She just stood there. Impatient. Annoyed. Not one fucking look of regret. And that, almost more than anything else, is what really killed Lauren. She knew this was happening. She knew Camila was the new student, all along. And she didn’t do a damn thing.

Lauren launches into a fresh bout of sobs. Camila. Back, as if from the fucking dead.

After what seems like hours, a knock at the door forces Lauren and Lucy to finally depart. The latter runs over to the door, wanting the intruder to go away as fast as possible. The sight of her girlfriend’s concern almost makes Lauren forget how fucked up her life is. Almost, until she recognizes Dinah’s face peeking from behind the doorway.

As if sensing the anger rising behind Lauren’s tears, Dinah instantly raises her hands in defense. “Just hear me out, okay?” She steps inside the room without invitation, brushing past Lucy harshly. “I was going to tell you-“

She freezes. The girl before her is not one she recognizes. They’ve known each other for years, and yet Dinah has never, never seen Lauren in such a distraught state. It doesn’t compare to how she looked when Camila first left. No, this is worse. The girl lay in the same clothes from earlier, though the collar of her black t-shirt is almost entirely soaked-through from tears. Her face is red as a third-degree burn. Her entire body shakes, even when she isn’t coughing out a sob. She looks so small, fragile; like a little kid who’s just been told their dad isn’t coming home.

Something sinks in Dinah’s chest. “Lauren-…” She tries again, but the words keep getting stuck in her throat. Shit. She didn’t mean to fuck up this badly.

To make things worse, Lauren simply stares at the girl, her red eyes seething with tears. There is so much inside her, so much anger, so much sadness, so much of everything. She can’t hold it in any longer. The emotions inside her erupt into two words.

“Fuck you.”

Lauren’s voice is so ragged that for a moment, Dinah isn’t sure she heard her right. She furrows her brow, prompting Lauren to repeat herself.

“Fuck you,” She trembles, shaking her head. “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!” She screams so loud she can feel her vocal chords tearing apart; so loud that her gag reflex is triggered, and she has to cough frenziedly to avoid throwing up right then and there. Terrified, Lucy runs over to the girl. But Lauren pushes her away.

Dinah tries to speak. “Lauren-“

“You kept this from me,” Lauren continues, barely coherent. “You knew she was enrolling here and you kept it from me! You fucking-!” She breaks down again then, losing her battle to string words together. The worst part is, Dinah’s still trying to defend herself. Lauren knows it from the annoyed look on her face, her crossed arms. It makes her feel like a fucking madman, like she’s speaking to a damn wall. Does Dinah really not realize how much wrong she’s done?

“Jesus, Lauren,” Dinah throws her head back, her eyes rolling. “Do you blame me? Really?” She gestures toward the girl. “You’re a fucking mess! Damn straight I kept it from you. You really think finding out on the anniversary of-“ She stutters then, not wanting to worsen the blow. “Today. You really think me telling you today of all days would’ve helped anything? I didn’t think you’d be in school, Lo! I was going to tell you, I just…I wanted to avoid all of this.” She gestures again.

But Lauren isn’t buying it. “No,” She says through gritted teeth. “You knew for days, you had to of. They wouldn’t just throw something like this on you in a day’s notice. I’m not fucking stupid-“

“Okay.” Dinah uncrosses her arms, as quickly as one would reload their gun with ammo. She takes a deep breath through her nose, focusing a hard stare at Lauren. Make no mistake, Dinah loves Lauren like a sister- hell, like more than a sister. But she’s tired. Tired from Camila, tired from the debacle between her and Lauren, and tired from-

Well, tired from Lauren as a whole.

“Listen,” She continues, her voice low. “Yeah, you’re right, I did find out a few days ago. I didn’t tell you because I know how bad you can get during the week of the anniversary. I didn’t want that to be the only thing in your head the night of. I didn’t want you to suffer like this. Sorry if that was my mistake.”

Her voice begins to tremble with anger.

“But don’t you dare,” She shakes her head. “Don’t you dare turn this on me. You think you have it bad? What if you were the one who had to show her around because you’re the dedicated student advisor? What if you were the one who had to pretend like everything’s okay for her sake? Don’t forget you aren’t the only one who lost someone! You aren’t the only one she forgot.”

The speech is enough to make Lauren feel a pang of guilt, but only briefly before she finds her will to fight again. The thing about Lauren is that she’s stubborn, especially when it comes to Camila. The girl is too sensitive a subject for her to simply submit. “I-“ She begins, but Dinah shoots her a fiery glare to let her know she isn’t finished.

“Take today,” She nods condescendingly, like an uptight parent might. “Take tomorrow morning. Take the entire fucking week, I don’t care. But don’t come near me, and especially don’t come near Camila, until you’re over it. I’m sorry this is so fucking hard on you; it’s hard on me too. But I had to get over it for her sake, and so do you because she isn’t going anywhere and I know damn well neither are you.”

Her words are quiet enough to not shake the walls of the dorm, yet the edge in her voice shakes Lauren to her core. She opens her mouth one last time as a weak attempt to justify herself, but Dinah swiftly turns around and steps through the doorway. Before slamming the door, she adds: “You have a second chance to redeem yourself. Don’t fuck it up.”

The moment she leaves, Lauren crumbles into tearless hysteria. And even as Lucy holds her, coos to her, tries to keep her together, Lauren doesn’t mumble one word. She simply shakes, quiet and open-mouthed.

Maybe brokenness isn’t red-faced and damp with tears. Maybe brokenness comes after all the gunshots of cracked throats and irritated eyes.

Maybe brokenness is the afterthought. Maybe that’s the metaphor here.

————————————————————————————————————

Lauren doesn’t know how long she’d been asleep for. She can’t recall the exact time she fell asleep, and how much she actually rested in that timeframe rather than drowning in her thoughts. All she knows is her bones are heavy, her eyes still burn from crying, and her throat feels like she ate the blanket that’s currently covering Lucy. She must’ve kicked the blanket off in her sleep. In fact, she must’ve kicked Lucy off in her sleep, too, because the girl lay silent a few inches away, curled up with her pillow.

“Shit,” Lauren mumbles, running her hands over her face. Lucy doesn’t move, fast asleep, and Lauren curses herself for expecting something different.

When she checks her phone, her stomach lurches. It’s not because it’s already ten at night, or that Normani’s five text messages are pushy and suspicious. It’s not even Dinah’s apology message. No, it’s the last message Dinah had the nerve to send.

“I’m sorry about earlier. IDK what 2 say, except that im sorry and i love u. And on the bright side, Mila seems already really into u. Idk…i guess I’m sorry if thats hard to even comprehend rn. I just wanted to let you know, I guess, for the future. Maybe to give u some hope. Again, I’m sorry bout earlier. U kno I love u.”

Lauren chuckles dryly. It would make sense for Camila to be instantaneously attracted to her, whether it’s a romantic interest or not. That’s just Lauren’s luck. She looks up to the ceiling with tired eyes, smiling sadly as she silently asks god, ‘Are you even up there?’

She gets no response, and she laughs again. Typical.

So between the nameless god, the deceptive best friend, and the ex girlfriend who is, essentially, brainwashed, it’s no wonder that Lauren chooses to venture into the night just before the clock turns twelve. It’s also no wonder that of all places to be in, she chooses the student bar.

And with the dreadful Jauregui luck she’s inherited, it’s of course no wonder that after a few drinks, she begins seeing things. Things that aren’t really there. People. People like Camila. Camila herself.

But before Lauren can do anything, she’s pulled out of her stool and dragged to a low-lit corner of the bar.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now? A-Are you out of your mind? Have you finally reached that point, Lauren?”

It takes a moment for her vision to focus, but when she sees the short, light-haired girl she hasn’t seen in months, she chuckles.

“Hi, Ally.”

The two girls go as far back as Lauren and Dinah do. In fact, the three of them-no, the four of them, including Camila-all used to be best friends. But after the accident, Ally simply couldn’t look at Lauren the same. Every time she tried, all she saw was a broken shell of the girl she once knew. They still forged a relationship, though. Things only got bad about a year ago, when Lauren got into a fight with Lucy because of the whole Camila-Anniversary-Thing. She’d gotten drunk as a result, and when Dinah stopped answering her calls, she slogged over to Ally’s room in the next building over. Let’s just say that things didn’t go over well with, you know, the whole drunk-over-Camila thing. It just stirred up too many buried memories in Ally.

“So this is your go-to now?“ Ally continues, moving her shoulders so much that the martini in her hand shakes. “Camila’s back, so you have to get drunk? Are you really that weak?”

The insults roll off of Lauren’s chest, her body shielded with armor made from whiskey. She smirks. “Dinah told you.”

“She didn’t have to, asshole! She’s my new roommate.”

That sobers Lauren up a bit. She blinks for a moment, processing Ally’s words. “I-“

“She’s here, dumb-ass. I thought we’d celebrate her first day here but clearly that was a bad idea on my end.” Ally shakes her head in shame. “I really thought you were going to change, Lauren. Do you even remember what you said to me the last time we spoke? ‘I want to change, Ally! I want to do right by her.’ God, was I wrong for believing in you for once.”

The insults batter Lauren’s shield of alcohol, hitting it again and again until it is finally punctured. Lauren wasn’t just drunk off her ass. Camila really is here- here! In this ratty ass bar. What was Lauren thinking? She opens her mouth to defend herself or apologize or just say something. But Ally cuts her off again.

“You need to leave, Lauren.”

After a moment of searching her mind, Lauren finally says, “You can’t kick me out.” Jesus, she’s so drunk she can’t even find it in herself to apologize.

Ally sighs, pressing a hand to her forehead. “Just stay away from Camila, okay? I’m serious; this isn’t a warning anymore.”

“And what are you soooo afraid of? That I’ll buy her drinks? Make out with her?” Lauren smiles sadly. “Offer to drive her home?”

It’s a disgusting comment, even for a drunk Lauren. Ally finishes off her martini before speaking.

“I get that this is hard for you,” She says in a low voice, sounding just like Dinah from hours earlier. “I get that you must feel guilty, and confused, and just…heartbroken. I understand the want to get drunk, to just forget that any of this is happening. But you can’t run from this, Lauren. You can’t run from her. Not again.”

Ally pushes past Lauren before she can even formulate a response.

Lauren focuses her eyes on her hands, noticing the harsh scars circled around her palms. They’ve been there since the accident, she realizes. They haven’t faded- won’t fade unless she gets treatment. The scars are a part of her, and she has to live with that. Folding her hands palm-side down doesn’t make the scars go away, either. Just minimizes the time she has to face them. She has to stop running away.

From the scars, from Camila, from all of this. Lauren can’t continue ruining her life just to compensate for the injuries done to Camila. She-the old Camila, the one she once knew-wouldn’t want that. In fact, if the old Camila was aware of Lauren’s downward spiral, she’d be heartbroken.

And Lauren’s tired of breaking people’s hearts.

She hurries past the crowd of people dancing to get to the bar and pay her bill. She pushes past a couple twerking, another who can’t keep their hands off each other’s pants zippers. At some point, a hand grabs on to her shoulder so fiercely she has to elbow someone near by to get loose. The end result is her loss of balance as she escapes the crowd, stumbling into the person nearest to her.

“Whoa there-“ The voice says, but Lauren cuts them off.

“Shit,” She heaves, catching her breath. “I s-swear I’m not as drunk as that m-makes me seem-“

But as she blinks and fixes her hair, desperately trying to compose herself, her vision clears once again. The girl before her is a figure not drawn by alcohol or depression, but reality.

Lauren trembles as the name stumbles out of her mouth.

“Camila.” Her mouth fills with a vile taste, like burnt food.

The girl smiles warmly, brown eyes widening with surprise. “You remember my name?”

And as much as Lauren wants to make a snarky remark, she can’t bring herself to say anything more.

No, instead she bends over, holding her stomach.

Instead of word vomit, she, well-

She actually vomits.

————————————————————————————————————

“I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s not the first time I’ve been puked on. You’re fine.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, really.”

“I’m sorry.”

It’s then that she breaks down. She hugs her knees to her chest, buries her face in-between them, and cries; huge, ugly sobs that tire her shoulders out. Lauren can feel her face growing red, her throat raw. This episode is even worse than the one from earlier, which-frankly-was previously thought impossible. And yet, the pain feels lighter tonight. As she’s crying next to Camila, sitting on the sidewalk in the chilly New York night air, there is something different. Maybe it’s the alcohol, or the argument with Ally. But the crying feels more like venting, how it should feel to a normal person. It feels like the pain is escaping through every tear. And it is awkward and weird and fucking insane to be sobbing in Camila’s presence, but the moment reminds Lauren that this isn’t the first time she’s cried in front of her. For Lauren to not let it out would be running away. Fuck that.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Camila finally musters, eyes darting every which way as if to confirm that this is really happening. Then she latches on to Lauren’s arm, tugging at it gently as a means to get the girl to look up. But she doesn’t. Instead, Lauren sobs harder, louder, as if to block out Camila entirely.

“Those shoes were like $20 anyway!” Camila shouts, feigning a smile. “I can buy a new pair at Target for probably less! It’s all good!” But Lauren keeps on sobbing, drunk off-amongst other things-the release it gives. Camila pleads, “Don’t cry, blue skies? Please?”

And Lauren lifts her head up, as if feeling a new wave of nausea come on; a new wave of memories; flashbacks; nostalgia. She stares at Camila, eyes glassy with tears but-

But there’s something more. Her lips quiver as she starts, “You still-?” She knows she can’t finish the sentence. You still say that? Instead, she shakes her head, letting it fall back between her knees. Fresh tears roll down her cheeks, but her eyes are closed for the most part. She tangles her hands together over her forehead, trying to grasp the reality at hand. Then she-

Well, she laughs. It’s a tired, broken sound, but the two girls make a mental note that it’s much better than the sobs.

One of the best memories Lauren can recall is, surprisingly, when Camila first told her she was moving away. They were sat at the edge of Lauren’s roof, like always, passing around what little alcohol they had managed to steal off their parents. This mixture in particular combined brandy, whiskey, and rum all in one flask. (Gross indeed, but Camila had insisted that it’d be better for them to learn to hate alcohol early.) There was really no proper way to announce the news, so Camila simply interrupted Lauren once she was tipsy and rambling.

“I still really want to go to NYU. I know you think I’m just applying for your sake, but-“

“I’mmoving.”

Lauren eyes her with a look of suspicion, raising a brow.

Camila refuses to meet her gaze. She keeps her face angled forward, her eyes hidden behind locks of stray hair. “Friday.” She manages. “I’m moving. To Texas.”

A silence moves in between them, separating them to such a degree that not even Camila’s dad could achieve it. Lauren fumbles mindlessly with the cap of the flask, her eyes staring at Camila. Looking, but not seeing. Hearing, but not listening.

“Please tell me you’re drunk.” She says, throat suddenly dry.

Camila shakes her head.

“Camz, please-“

Camila shakes her head more violently, turning her gaze towards Lauren for the first time. Then, seeing the truth in Camila’s eyes, Lauren shakes her head, too. “No, there’s no way-“ She begins, but the sight of Camila’s eyes becoming glassy with tears pushes Lauren over the edge. She propels herself off and away from the edge of the roof, dropping the flask of alcohol as she does so.

“No, no way in hell. If he really thinks he can just up and ship you off to fucking Texas of all places, he’s got another thing coming.” She paces carefully up and down the slope of the roof. “You can stay with me, or, or-!”

Camila mumbles softly,“Laur.” She meets Lauren’s eyes, then drags her gaze away again. “It’s over.”

Lauren shakes her head. “No. We can figure something out-“

“I’m moving in three days.”

“No, no, don’t tell me that! We can’t just give up-“

“We aren’t giving up, Lauren. We never had a chance, not with my dad. You know that.”

Lauren slips down the roof with each statement. “Are you forgetting that he’s a bitter, tired-ass! You can’t-“

“I have to.”

“Camila!”

“Lauren.”

“Please,” Lauren finally skids next to Camila’s side, taking a seat on the edge. “This is my fault! He shouldnt be punishing you. I-I’ll promise to keep my distance from you in public. I’ll sign a restraining order if that’ll make him happy! Just please-“ Her voice cracks as her eyes fill with tears. “Don’t let him take away the only good thing I have in my life.”

That’s when the both of them broke down, sobbing into each other’s shoulders. Lauren had never been so intimate with Camila, not in this way. The honesty, the aching in her voice-

The fact that she really did believe Camila was the only good thing in her life brought Camila to tears. Then, of course, came the revelation that they were losing each other, probably for good. This was a split no one could control.

After a while, Camila whispered, “Don’t cry, blue skies.” Lauren only remembers it now because it was such a stupid, yet adorable thing to say in the midst of a disaster.

“I think I’m just drunk,” Lauren says now, wiping her face with one hand. She musters up enough courage to look into Camila’s eyes, and she notices the same jolt of concern darkening the brown in them. A few fresh tears roll down her cheeks, but not out of sadness; a drunken anger or disdain. No, these are tears of hope. Hell, maybe even joy.

Maybe memories can be forgotten, erased. But there are some parts of you that you just can’t change; certain aspects that are hardwired into your chemical make-up. Maybe Camila forgot about Lauren, but maybe there are parts of her that haven’t changed. Maybe the parts of her Lauren loved most haven’t changed.

Seizing the moment, Lauren speaks before Camila can say a word.

“Walk me back to my dorm, please? I promise I won’t cry anymore.”

Camila looks at her with shock, her mouth dropping open before curving into a ridiculous smile. She shrugs, shaking her head. “You’re crazy.”

“Is that a no, Cabello?”

Camila raises a brow. “You know my last name?”

Panic. “We-“ Lauren begins, but stops herself in all her drunkeness. We knew each other, once. We were actually lovers at one point, haha. She shakes her head, mouth suddenly dry.

“Dinah told me.”

“And did Dinah tell you anything else about me?”

Lauren raises a brow. “Should she have?”

“Mm, not from her, no. But from me? You have a lot to learn-…” She pauses, at a loss for words.

“Jauregui,” Lauren answers. Then, smirking, she puts out a hand. “Lauren Michelle Jauregui, at your service.”

Camila takes Lauren’s hand, pulling the girl up with her as she rises from the curb. “Karla Camila Cabello,” She says, stepping closer to Lauren. “But don’t tell anyone.”

And the two of them are so, so close, faces inches away. And Camila is smirking, like she’s discovered the most clever saying in the world. And Lauren is smiling anxiously, trying to convince herself that if she drunkenly stumbled and crashed her lips into Camila’s, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

But then she hears Dinah and Ally’s voices mixing in her head. Don’t blow it. Don’t fuck it up.

Instead, Lauren grabs Camila’s hand. “Lead the way, Brown Eyed Girl.”

Camila freezes at the nickname, her head tilting as she observes the lightness to Lauren’s eyes. She doesn’t say it, but the way her brow is furrowing tells Lauren she’s confused.

She mumbles, “Why does that sound so familiar?”

And there’s that shred of hope again.

Lauren tries to hide her smile, shrugging like the most oblivious girl in the world. But as they start towards the Arts and Sciences dorm, Lauren thinks to herself:

It should sound familiar. It should, it should, it should.

———————————————————————————————-

AHHHHH thank u all so much for the positive feedback pls keep it coming Im terribly self-conscious with my writing lmao

have a nice day!! hopefully this didnt make u too emo (:

#UPDATE #series #AU #trigger warning #camren #angst drama #humour #submission #Everything is A Metaphor

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kaylainbloom · 7 years

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An IUD-- what to “expect”

So I am a 20 year old female who has never had children before and I wanted to get on birth control. I did a whole lot of research, went to various GYNs, and weighed my options. I get horrible cramps, like keep you in bed, sweating, light headed, blackout, throw up cramps. In 2016, for the first time ever, my cramps were getting better (but that might also be because I was pumping myself full of tylenol and aleve). I was sick and tired of taking medication that I knew we killing my liver and kidneys, I also wised up and realized a 20-year-old sexually active woman should be on birth control.

After my search for birth control, I realized that an IUD would be my best option. I know I’m forgetful so the pill was out, I also have problems with fibroadenomas and hormones, so anything with estrogen was out. My doctors and I came to the decision that an IUD was best for me. I just had to choose between Mirena, Paraguard or Skyla.

All IUDs are recommended for women who have had a child. as stated before I DO NOT.

Mirena is a small, flexible, T-shaped device that is implanted in the uterus. Mirena uses levonorgesterel– a progestin birth control hormone–and slowly releases a small amount into the uterus over time. Because it releases hormones directly into the uterus, it releases a lower level of hormones into the body than oral contraceptive pills. The IUD slows or stops the movement of the sperm and egg by changing cervical mucus, fallopian tubes and the uterine lining. It takes about 7 days for the hormonal IUD to start working, and it remains effective for 5 to 7 years. Mirena is known to lessen periods to the point that it could completely go away.

My other option was a Paraguard. Paragard is also a type of IUD but it is copper and does not have any hormones. It works because it cuts off sperms access to your eggs. Periods tend to worsen with a Paraguard IUD.

My last choice was Skyla. Like Mirena, Skyla releases progestin into the body. Unlike Mirena it is only good for 3 years. As with Mirena, you might experience some changes in your period, including having no period at all but unlike Mirena, some women experience increased menstrual bleeding and discomfort.

*all of the IUD come with side effects such as ovarian cysts, acne, or breast tenderness, or have abdominal or pelvic pain, allergic reaction and a depressed mood that I encourage you to look upon your own*

Because of my already pre-existing cramps, I decided to go with Mirena. As I stated before IUDs are recommended for women who have had a child, this is due to the fact that the device is implanted in the uterus. If you’ve never had a child before your cervix is pretty much completely shut, there are instances of doctors not being able to insert the IUD because they cannot get the cervix open which is an extremely painful process.

I searched the deeps corners of the internet at 2am the day before my procedure and found all these horror stories of terrible pain and cramping for months at a time (you can look these up on your own but I don’t recommend it). I almost backed out. I asked my friends about their experiences because I figured people only went on the internet to tell the horrible ones, and the anxious person I am I just had to know if the procedure and the recovery was as bad as everyone was saying. This is what they had to say:

“Lmao no lie it was shitty afterwards I was spotting like brown stuff for legit 2 months and was crampy, I lived on aleeve. But now? Bitch. Whos a period? I DONT know her. Cramps? Mood swings? Can’t relate. It’s not bad it hurts a little but it’ll be over really quickly” (mirena)

“The insertion was rough honestly, make sure you have a ride back cuz I thought I could walk back from the health center but I couldnt, it feels like intense period cramping. Then for a while afterwards your body goes through trying to reject it since its a foreign object in your body. So your first period after getting it is going to be terrible Im not gonna lie, i deadass thought I needed an ambulance lol and you're gonna spot on and off for a while until the IUD makes a home in your uterus. I wont lie its rough for the first few months until your body gets used to it so be prepared but honestly its the best thing I did. I got the paraguard so its hormone free. I was on birth control pills for so long and i really didnt react well to the hormones. When it comes to contraception I can 100% say the IUD is your best bet. 7-10 years baby free, you can get it taken out whenever you want. Although I will say, your partners may feel the strings that hang from the IUD from certain angels, but its a minor inconvenience compared to a baby LOL” (paraguard)

“so this is actually funny because I’ve unfortunately had nothing but problems since i’ve gotten the IUD. i first got it in December 2015 and i had the worst cramps of my life for a few weeks after and my period of super long lasting like 2-3 weeks. then i went for my 3 month check up and found out my body was rejecting the IUD so i got another put in and it just got worse. i started having ridiculously heavy periods and there were blood clots coming out. i thought i had uterine fibroids or cysts so i went to get an ultrasound and it turns out my body is rejecting the IUD again so i’m getting it removed monday because i’m just not eligible for it, unfortunately, i’m so upset about it because i really wanted it to work and i have friends that love it and have no complaints and it’s just so convenient cause you literally never worry about being pregnant”

“DONT WORRY! getting an IUD was literally the best decision i’ve made. Tthe forums will totally freak you out. and it’s definitely painful, but it just feels like a really bad period cramp that lasts like 30 seconds. i had cramps for at most two weeks after. and they weren’t constant just occasional. and i had like blood spotting for a little more than a month. of course it’s different for everyone! the forums scared me too but i personally feel it was worth it and i’ve had it for a little over 6 months now.”

Admittedly, even though there was some horror mixed in, this felt REAL. So I decided to go to my appointment. If you asked me now, id say it was a quick process, two sharp burst of pain then you’re done. Im on day 3 and I only had cramps for the first half an hour after but I took a tylenol-codiene leftover from a previous surgery before hand and Ive been taking aleve ever since. But when I got out of the procedure heres what I texted my boyfriend: That was the worst pain I’ve ever experienced in my life. So first they had to measure and dilate my cervix and apparently my cervix is small and short so when they opened it i like yelled cuz that shit hurt and that was the first pain and there was blood so she couldn’t see so it took longer then they went to put it in and before it was like cramping then it ended. But when they put this other thing idk what it was I think it was a way for them to slide the IUD in? That hurt so bad I screamed and tears came to my eyes. She said that should be the worst of it because putting in the IUD shouldn’t hurt more because everything was in place so if I could handle that I could handle the IUD. Then she put it in… I screamed and that shit felt like cramping mixed with a fucking knife and there was bleeding so they had to apply pressure and that shit hurt. So like once they were done it was like a dull constant pain. I laid there for a second and then i got dressed. After i got dressed i started shaking and sweating and i fell on the floor and they had to put me in the chair and took my blood pressure and it spiked. Apparently I went into shock. Im in the car rn the codeine finally kicked in but I’m still nauseous and shaky.”

I can’t remember pain, but I dealt with it, the whole procedure was less than 5 minutes and within a half an hour I was feeling better. My vagina was swollen that night but today its fine. I honestly think it was worth it. If the healing process goes well I’ll be ecstatic. Its only day 3 so I don’t want to get ahead of myself but everyone said that this would be the worst time, for me it feels fine. It might be because Im on pain killers but I didnt expect to be this good. I have little to no pain, some spotting but thats to be expected this first month. Im already happy with my decision and I will keep you updated (obviously much shorter lol) on how the healing process is going! Lemme know if y’all have any questions!

#mirena iud #iud #menstration #period #cramps #birth control

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