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haemosexuality · 9 months

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memories i have of being a child and a lesbian:

-first week of 3rd grade, i walked in class and thought "ok i need to pick a boy to have a crush on this year". i thought that was just what you did. picked one bc i thought he had a cool haircut, proceeded to never have a conversation w him

-thinking "girls are naturally so much prettier than boys. this is common knowledge"

-being really jealous of the Cool Girl in my 4th grade class that was One Of The Boys. she played football with them. she sat really relaxed in chairs. she doesnt care about being pretty. isnt that just so cool? starts consciously trying to imitate her. also, even before that i always made sure to INSIST that my favorite color was blue and i did NOT like pink!!!!

-playing barbies with my cool, older cousin (she mustve been like 11? 12? i was around 8). her barbie was a mess because she had just broken up with her other barbie. i was confused. she explained to me what lesbians were (i knew men could be gay, but not women). immediately after that every single doll i had was a lesbian in a relationship. after figuring that it was probably a bit weird i was so obsessed with making my dolls lesbians, i came to the conclusion i would "probably like girls when i grow up". decided to tell my other, deeply religious cousin about this. she went "WHAT" and i went "HAHA JUST KIDDING IT WAS A JOKE" and never thought about it again

-a year later me and the deeply religious cousin were making ever after high dolls fuck. i was the one that came up w that idea (i also didnt know women could have sex at that point, i thought i had invented lesbian sex) and this haunted me for years bc i thought that that cousin had become homophobic after we grew up. recently found out shes also gay, good for her

-being just Really obsessed with marceline from adventure time for some reason. whenever i saw her on tv my heart would beat really really fast. wonder whats up w that 🤔

-being grounded for like, 5 months when i was 10 because my mom found out i was watching youtube videos from a lesbian couple. and also some videos with sex jokes. i wish i remembered that the lesbians channel was so bad

-i also watched lubatv. hes a brazilian youtuber famous for being openly gay. he introduced me to the concept of shipping, because ppl shipped him with another youtuber, t3ddy. he (plus facebook, and the cool older cousin from before) also introduced me to social activism

-asking permission from my parents to put a rainbow filter on my facebook pfp, in support of gay people. i thought i was such a good straight ally. i dont remember what happened but i think something negative mustve bc a lot of ppl were doing that in 2015. wait fuck now that i think about it that mightve actually been in 2016 because of pulse

- (we are still in 2015 im still 10) watching clips from Steven Universe Season 1 Episode 53 Jailbreak on youtube. they were (badly) subtitled bc i didnt speak english yet. i was absolutely shocked and could not believe they would show two girls kissing in a childrens cartoons, not bc i thought that was bad but bc i was like. would cartoon network really allow this??? i proceed to memorize the entire episode (again i didnt even speak english. and i watched it so many times i memorized it anyways lmao)

-being 11, and having my friend introduce to me this cool new thing she had found online, "fanfics". she linked me a college au fanfic of marceline and bubblegum from adventure time. it had a fade to black implied sex scene. i was hypnotized

-i was a very anxious child and every morning before getting to school i would prepare step-by-step what i would do when entering class. one day my internal monologue went "walk in, say good morning to teacher, kiss [previously mentioned girl best friend] on the mouth, say hello to- wait. where did that come from". start wondering if i was really Just A Really Good Straight Ally

-few days later, me and my friend group were discussing gay people. one of them asked "like i wonder if any of us are gonna be gay?". i thought for about 2.5 seconds and said "i think im bi", being the first one on my class to come out. they were all p chill ab it. i am not bi but its the thought that counts

-cutting off 30 inches of my really long hair and shaving one side at 11. my dad was mad at me for a week and he told me "i dont understand why you did this. you're looking like a dyke". originally i had planned to cut all of it really short "boy style" but the hairstylist insisted on at the very least letting half of it be longer. i did think half shaved hair was Cool so i was fine with that

#the ''i like blue not pink'' thing is interesting #bc i think that subconsciously i knew that was i Different from other girls but i didnt realize it #i was trying really hard to imitate the boys and separate myself from girly girls even tho i 100% was a girly girl #separate myself as in like. say that i was Not like them. not as in not hang out w girls i prefered being friends w girls #and like i had no idea why i felt the need to tell people i was not girly like them and that in fact i had more in common w boys #i know now obv but i think its interesting that that is how it manifested #also i came out as bi at 11 then as pansexual at 12 then as a panromantic agender girl w some obscure asexual label i no longer remember #at 13 #then just bisexual again at 13 then wait actually idk and finally lesbian at 14

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ghostlycorgi · 1 year

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just let me watch ouran high school host club in peace

WARNING FOR MENTIONS OF FICTIONAL MISOGYNY AND SEXUAL ASSAULT (and ouran host club 8 + 9 spoilers)

(summary of episode 8’s scenes and plotpoints im talking about, from the wiki)

Scene skip to Haruhi looking for shellfish below a cliff with Honey when several girls on top of a cliff ask her to join them. While Haruhi tells them to be careful, two thugs turn up and begin terrorizing the girls. Haruhi joins them and confronts the thugs who pick her up and throw her into the sea. Tamaki and the twins arrive, having been alerted that Haruhi is in danger. She’s rescued by Tamaki who, once back on shore, scolds her for being reckless in taking on two boys as a lone girl. Haruhi claims she only did what was right, leading to a heated argument.

Haruhi expresses her limited understanding of the danger she and the other girls were in earlier in the day. Kyoya considers this before walking towards her, telling her what her behavior cost the club in terms of money. He dims the lights and suggests that she pay off the debt with her body before pulling her onto his bed. While kneeling over her, he chastises her for being naive about men and bluntly tells her that she is powerless against such an assault. Haruhi remains calm, saying she knows Kyoya won’t harm her because it would gain him nothing and that he’s only “playing the villain.” He lets her up, impressed by her insight into his motives.

Me talking lmao

as you can probably tell i just watched the 8th episode of ouran host club and i’m….. very conflicted. tamaki and kyoka are some of my favourite characters, and i know that after the incident at the beach tamaki is concerned for haruhi and criticises her because of the fact that she could have called for help, he really drives home the whole youre a girl!!11!! thing and it makes me uncomfortable

and now the kyoka scene… oh boy. i know he’s trying to prove a point about what could have happened if she wasn’t careful, but as to go that far? i felt sick to my stomach.

it doesnt help that the next episode tamaki is literally homophobic and tells the lesbian characters something along the lines of “women should'nt be in love with women! thats why god made adam and eve!!” i was in shock. also the lesbians are displayed as so violently feminist that they compare them to….a certain german party from the 30’s. in later episodes they include an openly bisexual drag queen as haruhis dad???? BUT THEY CALL HIM A SLUR???

i’m not sure what to think :( i’s really hard to enjoy the show now but i really like some of the parts and think theyre admittedly kinda cute,,,,but like i cant look at it the same. This whole post isnt an attack on the series, and like i said they do have some diversity with their cast and having a more masculine and independent female character as a protagonist is more inclusive than alot of shows in 2006!

i’m tempted to write a ohshc fanfic sort of making the characters grow and become better or just……. rewrite the whole 8th episode, because it’s short enough and the show has this sort of routine with it’s plots thus far

anyways! please share your thoughts with me if you see this~~!! sorry the section on my writing is so short :( it’s mostly to vent my frustrations, and please dont take this as a sort of intelligent and intuitive take on ohshc,,,,,,,,,cause it isnt lol. bye!

PS - i still like kyoya.......just please i want to ignore this episode

#ohshc #ouran host club #ouran high school host club #ohshc episode 8 #kyoya #ohshc kyoya #ohshc tamaki #tamaki suoh #text post #fandom

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michaelmilkers · 7 years

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hi! i'm cishet and an aspiring author and i was just wondering if you could give me advice on writing LGBT characters without being offensive or disrespectful, and how i can let the reader know the character is LGBT without making it their entire character. would you have any tips on that?

ok, first and foremost: youre not gonna please everyone. theres always gonna be some people (lgbt or otherwise) telling you you did it wrong, but please dont let that stop you. the fact that youre asking an lgbt person how to do it respectfully means youre trying your very best and thats all that matters.

couple things to avoid: having the ‘token gay character’ or ‘token trans character.’ gay people hang out with other gay people. that doesn’t mean that you have to have a cast of entirely lgbt characters, but having one single (openly) gay person in a group of straight people is pretty unrealistic. a huge chunk of my irl friends at school are gay, bi, or pan, including my best friend who is bi. i didnt know that when i started hanging out with her. i dont necessarily become friends with people BECAUSE theyre gay, i just make friends and then they happen to be lgbt??? idk we flock together its weird. in terms of trans people its a lot less common for us to have a friend group of trans people unless they all met at an lgbt or trans specific event because it’s a little more dangerous for us to be out (even within the lgbt community) so its harder to find other trans people. having one or even two trans/non-binary characters would be really fucking swell tbh

another thing, please dont make it a caricature of an lgbt person. i’m 100% here for feminine gay men and butch lesbians however “gay character” doesnt mean “every single stereotype i can think of slapped onto a single person”

a lot of people will tell you to just bring it up very very casually because it’s just one more thing about a person like having blonde hair and brown eyes, which is true to an extent, however if i’m in a situation where it’s safe for me to do so i LOVE to talk about being gay/trans with other gay/trans people. not even in a “haha were better than cishets” way, its more just like relatable experiences and whatnot. we are constantly told that we should be ashamed of who we are so openly talking about it is very freeing. so dont do the “girl mentions she has a girlfriend once and then never again” type thing. their identity as lgbt is more important to some lgbt people than others, but its really unrealistic that if they are in a non-homophobic environment a gay person would only ever off-handedly mention being gay like once. ESPECIALLY if you have a scene where an lgbt character finds out another character is lgbt. theres gonna be a lot of happy chatter for a little while. so, basically, yes being lgbt isnt their entire character, but no you shouldnt downplay it to all fucking hell to drill that point into your readers heads.

in terms of making it known, an idea for a trans/non-binary character is that they bring up a time before they transitioned or during their transition and that plays into the story theyre telling somehow, and the person theyre talking to is like “you’re transgender” if they didnt already know and the trans person is like “yeah” OR for trans men mentioning binders is always a good giveaway! im not a trans woman so im not super sure abt them, any of my trans fem followers contributing some tips would be very much appreciated

as for gay/bi/pan people, there are lots and lots of options, and tbh part of developing this character would be deciding how important them being gay is to them. do they outright say that they’re gay when the subject of relationships comes up, or do they just talk about dating someone of the same gender without explaining it because they dont feel like it? an lgbt character getting a crush on someone is always a p straight-forward indicator.

part of the characters backstory could be dealing with homophobia/transphobia, like a non-accepting family, however please for the love of christ dont make their entire character arc surround the world being shitty to them for being lgbt. i absolutely love seeing lgbt characters, and every lgbt person goes through some sort of struggle to find themselves at one point or another, but having an lgbt character and then just seeing the fact that theyre lgbt used to create conflict over and over is really frustrating.

these are just ideas, like this isnt the How To Write LGBT Characters Correctly bible. a lot of these things depend on what kind of story youre writing and what kind of characters they are. i think googling how to write lgbt characters and getting perspective of some other people would also help, but hopefully this is a good starting point!

if any of my followers have other suggestions they are welcome

#long post #block of text #Anonymous

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jonghyyn · 7 years

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iyo when you write non-straight characters should you specify their sexuality/gender? I mean I'm personally a very 'not into labels at all' person for my own sexuality but support ppl who do find comfort in labels. but when I write I also tend to go toward the 'he just loves who he loves !!!' that sounded stupid but idk how to explain it.. so... like I was wondering why you feel strongly about explicitly stating someone's queerness instead of it being implied (at least u come off as that sorta)

i do definitely feel like that so!! i happen to have a lot of feelings about this so get ready for a Long Ramble. this is a precaution before ive even started typing i just know im gonna write a lot

i think before we start saying anything, we’ve got to acknowledge the difference between people who say that they dont like labels, and writing characters who Don’t Like Labels™. pointing out the problems of the latter is not a condemnation of the former. if someone rly doesnt feel like labeling their sexuality or gender, thats totally alright. the difference between these two is the person is a nuanced, multifaceted human being who may have lots of personal reasons for feeling that way, while the second is a fictional character that is Created and informed by cultural views of the creator. a person is not “created” by one single author and characters arent like…real living agents that have their Own Free Will, they are what their creators make of them. anyway i just feel like this is a rly important distinction that gets lost often!! i’m also more willing to look favorably on someone who self describes that way writing characters based on their own experiences, bc this perspective is inherently different from a straight person writing these sorts of characters. but moving on.

whats also important to understand, beyond writing characters, is how being openly not straight is shunned. queer people are not allowed to Exist as openly queer and they have not been allowed historically. even these days among people who consider themselves progressive, you’ll often hear that “its alright if someone is gay but do they have to shove it in my face all the time.” this attitude isnt somehow formed in vacuum, but created in a society that treats been openly queer as a taboo. we aren’t allowed to be open about our sexualities the way straight people are. we can’t acknowledge that we’re queer lest someone tells us to Stop Shoving It In Their Face (not missing the irony as we’re surrounded by 400 billboards of hetero couples everywhere). i dont wan’t to delve into other aspects of discrimination and get too off track here, i just want to focus on how being Openly queer is treated as a taboo, particularly among people who still want to call themselves ‘accepting.’ the only way society allows queer people to exist is if they never remind anyone, Ever that they are not straight.

this is Integral to understanding why the i Don’t Like Labels characters are so frustrating. the unwillingness to Explicitly talk about queer people carries over quite handily to media. the same faux progressive people that demand queer people never talk about being queer bc its Too Much Information, will praise queer coded characters that hint at their sexuality but never confirm it. the reason these characters are written is not to genuinely explore why someone might feel uncomfortable with applying labels to themselves, but to appease people who will accept queerness as long as they never have to acknowledge it. this way, u can court queer people interested in representation And people who might like the story but will be uncomfortable with explicit queerness. its an attempt for writers to cash in on peoples desires for interesting queer characters without ever actually fully committing to representing them. you dont get to claim to support queer people if ur also out there providing comfort for peoples homophobia. you cant have a foot in both doors.

describing queer experiences without calling them queer means that youre okay with this story as long as u dont acknowledge it as something Explicitly not straight and like…why?? why is it suddenly not okay when u take that bundle of experiences and use the word that theyre defining?? theres Weight behind using words like bi, gay, lesbian and if u reject them are u Really okay with lgbtq people? or are you okay with them Despite the fact that theyre lgbtq and not because you take into account theyre lgbtq. acceptance is not tolerating people Despite something, its acknowledging it and validating it as an okay thing to be. especially when it is something that historically Not been validated as okay. dismantling structural systems of queerphobia does not go about by ignoring queerphobia…shit this doesnt just fade away by chance, it takes active work. and part of this active work is Acknowledging Peoples Queerness As Something that is okay Out In The Open. the You in this isnt directed at you anon, just people who have these sentiments.

throwing vague statements like ‘they just love who they love’ Also creates this level of ambiguity. you might say “well why do u need the certainty when ur describing what is at the very least, something obviously very not straight” and to that i say youd be fucking surprised at how goddamn hard straight people will try to erase the queerness out of a character. like i’m going to use a game called life is strange as a example. i’ll give some background: in the game, the main character max can romance both chloe and warren. note that max is not one of those blank state wholly customisable bioware-esque player characters, she has a personality outside of the choices u make. anyway, the conclusion that is Logically drawn from this is that she is most likely bisexual. or at the very least in some way, not straight. and Yet i have seen discussions that say “she doesnt have a set sexuality it just depends on the playthrough so shes not rly a Queer Character.” even more than that, ive seen people that saw “well even in the chloe one shes not necessarily gay or bi maybe shes just Making an Exception for chloe bc their relationship transcends sexuality” and like ??? Why??? why cant she just be bi?? even when given a queer romance, why do u try and interpret it in a way that sets her up as straight?? ive seen people say “its not a romance its just something that Transcends Words” as if this is… mutually exclusive from being a romance. like… Why doesnt this happen when hetero relationships are depicted?? ive literally never seen someone say “u know, maybe hes not attracted to women and just Making an Exception so hes not straight” why dont u see people try to erase the romance aspect out of hetero romances by claiming their relationship is “Beyond Words.” this treatment is 1000% only ever afforded to queer characters. this attempt to play off romance as not rly romantic is only done to queer characters, even if its done subconsciously. people will Refuse to accept a character is queer as fuck if you dodge around it, because heteronormativity is so ingrained in every interaction that even obviously queer characters get filtered through this lens. the problem with this isnt necessarily apparent until u look at it within historical context, where queer people are repeatedly not allowed to be openly queer. these arent isolated incidents, but manifestations of the idea that queer people shouldnt ever be open about their sexuality. youve got to tackle the discomfort that people have with words like gay/lesbian/bi/etc

i think this particular character trope wouldnt bother me so much if it wasnt like… the only narrative ever present. time and time again, i have to see characters proclaim that they dont like labels while never once even hearing people breathe the word bisexual. if it existed alongside characters who were explicitly queer it would be less frustrating But its literally one of the few ways (semi positive attempts at least) queer characters are ever portrayed. this is particularly true for bisexual characters lmao like… yes…theres people who dont like labels…but theres also millions of bi people that just wanna see a fucking bi character Talk about being bi and all we ever get is a vague “i dont like labels” (that is often never explored further than that and treated as a throwaway line anyway). is creating characters who say that a genuine attempt to characterize someones struggles with labels or is it just a way to avoid saying the word Bisexual.

same with queer romance in media. its only ever Okay if u just hint at it- see dumbledore being gay. see- the korrasami thing (though i dont fault the writers for this bc they pushed hard for what they got, its issues with the network). why are queer people relegated to drawn out stares that May imply something while straight characters are allowed to get into explicit relationships. when u create ambiguous characters that May be interpreted as straight (even if youve really gotta stretch) ur prefer to maintain the negative “neutral” of the heteronormative status quo and allow homophobes to live with their views unchallenged more than u care about addressing queerness in characters.

its not a coincidence that we dont do this to straight romance or straight characters. this is particularly important for queer kids!! its good to see queer characters out there being openly queer. while me and u can often pick up on queer themes and narratives, a 8 year old is not going to get that. especially when theyve been conditioned to see straight romance as the only feasible choice. they wont realize the character youre writing is gay or bi or whatever Because they havent been exposed to the connotations we associate w certain phrases. its so important for queer kids to see queer characters Owning that theyre queer. its especially importantly to normalize words like gay or bi or pan. being gay is often Extremely hypersexualized (which is why so many people will tell u they dont care what u do in the bedroom bc they can only picture queerness is a sexual context) so when u Dont treat these words as things only adults can say, u help get rid of the stigma surrounding them. u help remove the idea that being queer is inappropriate for kids to hear about and that the only possible aspect to being queer is sexual.

anyway this has been Quite the Ramble but the point is that yes, we need to write more characters who are absolutely explicit about their sexuality and move away from the expectation that queer people need to create euphemisms to comfort homophobes desires to never hear about queerness.

#LONG POST #VERY LONG POST #man...u rly got me going #theres a lot of reasons why labels are important in the first place but man this is truly long enough as this is #i hope i didnt get too rambly and my point still stands i try to stop myself from going off on tangents #anon #ask

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